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Speaker 1: Get a.

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Speaker 2: I'm Lola Berry, nutritionist, author, actor, TV presenter, and professional oversharer.

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Speaker 2: This podcast is all about celebrating failure because I believe

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Speaker 2: it's a chance for us to learn, grow and face

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Speaker 2: our blind spots. Each week, I'll interview a different guest

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Speaker 2: about their highs as well as their lows, all in

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Speaker 2: a bid to inspire us to furiously fail. Today on

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Speaker 2: the pod, we have Kemy Neck for pill. Now get

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Speaker 2: ready because you'll be laughing, giggling, or at least grinning

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Speaker 2: from me to ear because I was interviewing this incredible

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Speaker 2: human being. We've known each other for I think it's

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Speaker 2: over ten years now. We used to tour around at

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Speaker 2: the good food and wine shows back in the day

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Speaker 2: and both cook up storms on the help and wellness stage,

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Speaker 2: and it was funny. All the big chefs would be

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Speaker 2: on the main stage living a less healthy lifestyle and

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Speaker 2: partying after the events and stuff, and we'd be getting

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Speaker 2: up early in the Morning's gone for runs making smoothies.

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Speaker 2: Kemmy be making us for energy balls backstage. Anyway, she's

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Speaker 2: a really cool human being. We are doing this episode

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Speaker 2: to celebrate her brand new book, Power, A Woman's Guide

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Speaker 2: to Living and leading without apology. Kemy is a total

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Speaker 2: force and you can feel that just in the way

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Speaker 2: she speaks and the value system and everything she's about.

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Speaker 2: I think you'll be really inspired. There's also been a

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Speaker 2: massive kind of like a lot of people DM me

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Speaker 2: going Whenning and Eat came on, Whenning and Eat Kemy on,

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Speaker 2: So there's been a big calling for Kemmy and you spoke,

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Speaker 2: I listened. So here she is the wonderful Kemmy. And

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Speaker 2: like I said, get ready to laugh Kemmy. I feel

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Speaker 2: like I'm having an old mate on this podcast.

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Speaker 1: Well, because we are old mates.

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Speaker 2: We haven't known it. Striving straight in forget the pod

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Speaker 2: questions for a second. We've known each other for over

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Speaker 2: a decade.

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Speaker 1: Do you know that No, I knew it was close.

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Speaker 1: I did not know its over a decade.

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Speaker 2: Well, we toured in twenty twelve good food and wine

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Speaker 2: shows together, That's what it was.

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Speaker 1: Wow, and we're too so probably just a deck just

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Speaker 1: a decade. That's special. Oh, so Spech, we've been through

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Speaker 1: many lifetimes since I memory.

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Speaker 2: Do you know there was something that I learned off

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Speaker 2: your on the stage because I was always the MC

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Speaker 2: and I hated it.

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Speaker 1: Do you know that I did it. I think I did.

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Speaker 2: I was better at my own set, yes, But then

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Speaker 2: when i'd have to g up an audience and get

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Speaker 2: like wrangle people, I was like, oh, this is really hard. Anyway.

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Speaker 2: You'd come on and you'd all want your recipe that

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Speaker 2: you'd always make was a raw apricop ball, right, Oh

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Speaker 2: my god, I low energy ball, right, And you'd always

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Speaker 2: say to the audience without fail, every person there is

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Speaker 2: in this audience is a different recipe. Ball ball recipe.

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Speaker 2: And I was like, shit, that's great. I'm going to

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Speaker 2: use that every time I'd have to make a ball recipe.

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Speaker 2: Because I was a nutritius, I'd have to make like

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Speaker 2: lemon pie balls. As my mate Kemy taught me that

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Speaker 2: for every one of you in this room, is it difficult?

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Speaker 2: Someone might want to add a bit of like cinnamon

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Speaker 2: to one and chilly to the other.

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Speaker 1: There you go, You've got to open it up.

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Speaker 2: But we haven't seen each other in real life for

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Speaker 2: a very long time.

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Speaker 1: Very long time, yeah, five years.

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Speaker 2: So I really tried hard to figure this out. In preparation,

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Speaker 2: I went to see you speak at the convent, the

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Speaker 2: Collingwood Children's Farm that where that crime is a convent

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Speaker 2: you were speaking about.

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Speaker 1: Was it one of my events? Was it a flourish event?

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Speaker 2: Yes, it was a flourish event.

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Speaker 1: So howpened would that be? Two thousand and seventeen maybe? So, yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's like five.

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Speaker 2: Years wowsers considering we were like touring together. You, me

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Speaker 2: and Toby Patty could go for our runs.

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Speaker 1: In there and it was just us, wasn't it, Because

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Speaker 1: we kind of we only had each other really, so

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Speaker 1: we were very much side by side every day going

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Speaker 1: through that tour.

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Speaker 2: And for the people listening to this, we would do

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Speaker 2: the Good Food and Wine Show together, which was great.

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Speaker 2: It was we made fun money, We had fun. We traveled,

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Speaker 2: but like on the main stage, we were in the

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Speaker 2: Macro like health buttoned stage on the main stage was

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Speaker 2: all like the master Chef rockstars.

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Speaker 1: You, Colum Baris and Manu.

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Speaker 2: But they were that healthy and so we get up early,

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Speaker 2: have our apple side shops. We get up, but Toby

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Speaker 2: Partick would always come and do the health stuff with

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Speaker 2: you and ye okay, okay, I just wanted to touch

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Speaker 2: on our reminisce.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, bit of reminiscing and we had the same agent.

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Speaker 1: That's how we actually mesa yeah, Lisa, Oh my goodness,

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 2: Okay, okay, okay, so many I'm totally going off topic here. Okay,

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Speaker 2: first of all, can I just say one thing. I

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Speaker 2: did not know you had three citizenships until I started

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Speaker 2: listening to you. Yeah, that's a pretty mean feat.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm doing my best. I'm gonna try and get

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Speaker 1: onto my fourth. I haven't chosen which country yet.

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Speaker 2: Oh, I'm going to Americana.

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Speaker 1: So you know, between us we've got four. Yeah, I

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Speaker 1: have well, I have two citizenships, which is Australian and English,

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Speaker 1: but I have a Nigerian passport but that has lapsed

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Speaker 1: now how like, But I've still got them. I'd like

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Speaker 1: to just carry them around, just go to cools with them,

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Speaker 1: just splash them. I don't use I just show all

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Speaker 1: my passports.

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Speaker 2: Love it, love it now, I want it. I do

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Speaker 2: want it. And I know you've probably actually not probably,

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Speaker 2: I definitely know you shared a lot of your youth

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Speaker 2: on pods and even interviews. But I just love the

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Speaker 2: way you share your story and in so many different

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Speaker 2: colors and lights and shades. So you grew up in

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Speaker 2: rural England.

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Speaker 1: I did. I grew up in Kent in England's country Golden.

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Speaker 2: Since the stunning accent, We've got going on, five different foster.

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Speaker 1: Homes, five different foster families, families and my primary family,

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Speaker 1: so six different primary cares growing up.

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Speaker 2: And can you explain to people listening that it was

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Speaker 2: actually a good thing to be put into a foster family,

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Speaker 2: like it was seen as like giving you a child

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Speaker 2: a really great kickstart life wise.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I'm really happy to explain that because I realize

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Speaker 1: over time that if I don't explain the context, people

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Speaker 1: kind of just make up in their head what it is.

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Speaker 1: I had a really good friend for about eight years

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Speaker 1: and we were chatting one day and she goes, God,

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Speaker 1: must have been really hard, you know, with your parents

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Speaker 1: being crack addicts. And I was like what what? She goes, Oh,

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Speaker 1: you a foster.

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Speaker 2: Was like, No, there was no crack what we're talking about.

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Speaker 1: Yep. So, in the nineteen sixties and seventies in Nigeria,

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Speaker 1: many middle class families fostered their children out to England

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Speaker 1: because the belief was because of colonization and because parents

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Speaker 1: want to make the best decisions what they think of

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Speaker 1: the best decisions for their kids. There were tens of

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Speaker 1: foul of Nigeria and children that were fostered in the

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Speaker 1: nineteen sixties and seventies to white families all over England

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Speaker 1: with the idea that we would go back to Nigeria

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Speaker 1: and become the doctors and the lawyers. Now I'm a

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Speaker 1: bit of a disappointment. I didn't become a doctor or

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Speaker 1: a lawyer, but I did marry a lawyer. Moms find

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Speaker 1: me that. She's like, yeah, you're still a part of

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Speaker 1: the family. At least we've got one lawyer in so

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Speaker 1: she's happy.

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Speaker 2: I've heard you said there's a documentary. Your sister sent

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Speaker 2: you the trailer or something.

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Speaker 1: How do you remember that? I just deep dived all

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Speaker 1: these different So it's called Farming. And actually it took

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Speaker 1: me a long time to watch it. I watched it

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Speaker 1: actually in the last two years while I was writing

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Speaker 1: my book, because and it was interesting to watch. It

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Speaker 1: wasn't quite as confronting as I thought it was going

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Speaker 1: to be, but it reminded me of some of those

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Speaker 1: situations that I found myself in as a young black

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Speaker 1: kid navigating white spaces all my life. It's an incredible

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Speaker 1: film if people want to check it out, and I

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Speaker 1: wish I remember the directors.

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Speaker 2: Don't worry. I'm going to find the trailer and put

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Speaker 2: it in the show notes as well, because I've I've

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Speaker 2: heard you talk about on another podcast. I was like,

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Speaker 2: I need it. I need to see this because one

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Speaker 2: we've been friends for a long time. I didn't even

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Speaker 2: know you'd been fostered, mate, Like.

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Speaker 1: I have not me.

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Speaker 2: No idea whether we talked about it. I thought, I

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Speaker 2: think you and I are friends for a huge part

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Speaker 2: of my eating disorder years, and so I think I

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Speaker 2: was very trouble you.

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Speaker 1: Were in your world, Yeah.

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Speaker 2: For sure, and you actually taught me something and I

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Speaker 2: remember you taught me in the most gentle way. And

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Speaker 2: I hope, I really hope that I articulate this properly.

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Speaker 2: But I remember I said you, I really want to

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Speaker 2: go to America. I really want to get my Green card,

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Speaker 2: and I've had three rejections and You're like, you're white,

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Speaker 2: You'll be fine.

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Speaker 1: Did I say that?

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Speaker 2: But I and I got approved eventually. Like, sure, there

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Speaker 2: were there were hurdles. They were hoops that I had

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Speaker 2: to jump through and still up. But that's also I

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Speaker 2: think a creative career is just having hurdles. You would

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Speaker 2: know that with being an author and whatnot, but you,

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Speaker 2: and when you said that to me, it was like

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Speaker 2: a penny drop moment because I was so ignorant to

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Speaker 2: my own privilege. And I've heard you talk about privilege

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Speaker 2: before from your own perspective. Can you share a little

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Speaker 2: bit about what you mean when you say because you said,

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Speaker 2: you've said when I get up on stage, you acknowledge

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Speaker 2: your own privilege. And people's mouths kind of dropped right.

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Speaker 1: Because although I do not have the privilege of gender,

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Speaker 1: and I don't have the privilege of race in a

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Speaker 1: world that was built for whiteness, I do have economic privilege,

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Speaker 1: and I do have education privilege. I don't have higher

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Speaker 1: educational privilege. University was not an option for me, but

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Speaker 1: I know that I have certain privileges. I get up

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Speaker 1: on stage and I know that me being there shows

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Speaker 1: other people of color or other people that don't identify

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Speaker 1: with the majority that they get to be there as well.

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Speaker 1: I work with a lot of people where some when

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Speaker 1: we first start working together, have a kind of guilt

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Speaker 1: around their pres My thing is like, use it, use it,

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Speaker 1: use it. We cannot help our privileges. That is the

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Speaker 1: point of it. You are born with it. It is

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Speaker 1: something that no one else can have, and so use it.

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Speaker 1: You know, I find guilt, privileged gilt really boring. It's

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Speaker 1: really boring.

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Speaker 2: Do you know who you would love?

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Speaker 1: Who?

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Speaker 2: Debralee Finesse? Do you know who I'm talking about? So,

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Speaker 2: Hugh Jackman's I was in an acting class where she

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Speaker 2: was running it on zoom when we're in lockdown, and

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Speaker 2: someone who was probably fifty years old put her hand

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Speaker 2: up and asked a fear that I have right, And

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Speaker 2: this this fifty year old actress said, oh what if

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Speaker 2: I'm too old and deborly Vanescas. What a boring topic,

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Speaker 2: What a boring topic. She's like, one, get over it

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Speaker 2: and start working, like, get to it. And then at

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Speaker 2: the end of the class Hugh Jackman just like bombed

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Speaker 2: in and was like, hey, guys, Okay, today's made, this

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Speaker 2: week's made.

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Speaker 1: That's right. I'm good.

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Speaker 2: But I just think that's a very like I like

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Speaker 2: that you described privilege and having a guilt about you.

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Speaker 1: We can choose to see our privilege as a burden,

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Speaker 1: or we can choose to see it as an opportunity.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'm completely digressing off topic here, but that's

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Speaker 2: just because I feel very safe to do.

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Speaker 1: That with you.

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Speaker 2: I have been loving your podcast Shift is that what

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Speaker 2: was called the series? Right? And I listened to a

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Speaker 2: recent episode around expectation because I've done shit dons of

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Speaker 2: work around expectation with my therapist. I'm one of those

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Speaker 2: people that was like as soon as I got my

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Speaker 2: green card, I said to my friend, right, we're going

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Speaker 2: to move to America. And he's like, whoa, that's your

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Speaker 2: dream and you're going to give me a paddic attack

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Speaker 2: right now. And I was like, I've got I had

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Speaker 2: five days before. Basically there's a lot of paperwork and

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Speaker 2: I had five days before. My lawyers like, if you're

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Speaker 2: going to add your partner, I just walk down and

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Speaker 2: get married so that you're married. I was like, let's

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Speaker 2: just run down nine or no, and he was had

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Speaker 2: a pang attack in front of me.

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Speaker 1: Is that a no?

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Speaker 2: Then we don't live in each other three months before

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Speaker 2: and I was like, yeah, this is a great opportunity.

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Speaker 2: Let's just run out at me was like my parents

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Speaker 2: aldy told me this is not going to happen, right,

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Speaker 2: And you know, different lives, different cultures, different brought up

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Speaker 2: in different ways. Anyway, I had to really face my

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Speaker 2: own expectation of well, I've got a really cool dream,

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Speaker 2: don't you just want to join in?

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Speaker 1: Yes?

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Speaker 2: And he's like, that's great, and I love your dream,

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Speaker 2: but that's your dream, Lola. And I love the way

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Speaker 2: you spoke about expectation you were coaching someone because you're

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Speaker 2: a phenomenal coach as well around their expectation, around and

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Speaker 2: imploy and employed, like yeah, a colleague, colleague, thank you

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Speaker 2: colleague of this. Yeah, what's your take on expectation because

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Speaker 2: I cannot wait to hear it.

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Speaker 1: I think, in some ways, thinking of the title of

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Speaker 1: this podcast, that's probably where I have failed the most

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Speaker 1: in terms of my expectations for others. So the first

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Speaker 1: story that comes to mind is when my husband and

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Speaker 1: I were together and I had what Rene Brown called

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Speaker 1: stealth expectations. So it's where you have an expectation of

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Speaker 1: someone and they have no idea that you have expectation

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Speaker 1: of them. So I did not. So example, one of

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Speaker 1: my foster dads is an amazing handy man, right, he

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Speaker 1: taught me dihy and painting and I love all of

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Speaker 1: that stuff. I remember when I married my husband, who

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Speaker 1: is you know, he's a barrister, he's in his head right.

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Speaker 1: And I remember one day, I think I was in

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Speaker 1: the garden. I was doing something and I wanted to

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Speaker 1: put something up, and I said, oh, babe, can you

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Speaker 1: something something? He just kind of looked at me, sort

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Speaker 1: of scratching his head. And I remember this kind of

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Speaker 1: fury building up in me, of like, come and help,

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Speaker 1: like get the hammer, you know, stealth like a man,

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Speaker 1: and come and help me do this thing. So I

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Speaker 1: did not realize that I have my own internal stealth expectation,

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Speaker 1: which is that as a man, you should be willing

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Speaker 1: and wanting to do this sort of thing. And I

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Speaker 1: realized because of this expectation of him, he always felt

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Speaker 1: like he was a disappointment, and I felt like he

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Speaker 1: was actually more that I felt, well, your disappointment. If

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Speaker 1: you can't put up a shelf, what's the point, you know.

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Speaker 1: So it was when I sort of realized, oh, you

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Speaker 1: have an unknown expectation that he should be able to

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Speaker 1: do these things for you. And so once I let

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Speaker 1: go of it, expectations of what he should he should

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Speaker 1: know when to vacuum the floor, he should know when

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Speaker 1: to this, He should know that I'm upset, he should

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Speaker 1: know that, and that's my you know, the second book,

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Speaker 1: The Gift of Asking, that our expectations of other people

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Speaker 1: sets us up for disappointment and sets them up for

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Speaker 1: a sense of failure, and it's not fair on either person.

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Speaker 2: Totally stealth expectations.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes we don't even know we have them until they're

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Speaker 1: not met, you know. So there's the expectations that we

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Speaker 1: have that we think other people should know, kind of

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Speaker 1: as if their mind readers, and then there's the expectations

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Speaker 1: that we don't even know that we have until they're

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Speaker 1: not met.

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Speaker 2: Totally Oh so sneaky. Yeah, we all ol spreeing. Is

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Speaker 2: it though, when you let go.

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Speaker 1: Of expectation, especially for the other person, Yeah, totally.

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Speaker 2: So when I said to Matt, I was like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I've done all this a ground dropping expectations, so you

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Speaker 2: don't need to come to America. And he goes, oh

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Speaker 2: my god, I can breathe. And he goes, and I'm

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Speaker 2: so excited for you, and I'll come, but just when

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Speaker 2: I'm when I'm ready, And it was just more than

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Speaker 2: even freedom. It feels like, I don't know, it's not

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Speaker 2: even acceptance, it's almost just like cool, Like this layer

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Speaker 2: of shit's just gone Yeah.

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Speaker 1: I think there's a generosity in it as well, because

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Speaker 1: I know I'm not a perfectionist. That's not something I've

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Speaker 1: ever It's not been something that I've had to work

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Speaker 1: through myself. I have my other things, but perfectionism isn't

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Speaker 1: one of them. But I do remember that the expectations

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Speaker 1: that I had of myself I would put onto other people.

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Speaker 1: Got it, do you know what I mean? So I

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Speaker 1: am someone that does honor and respect punctuality for example.

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Speaker 1: So somebody, you were out.

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Speaker 2: The front three minutes, I was three minutes silly and

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Speaker 2: fucking my car and you're laughing at getting caught in

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Speaker 2: the bush three minutes Lola.

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Speaker 1: Lola had parked her car like Nini on two trees

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Speaker 1: and then had to kind of do a bit of

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Speaker 1: a steverwin through the bushes.

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Speaker 2: My tear. Yeah, it's his birthday to day as we

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Speaker 2: record this, that feels special.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I know how much he means to you.

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Speaker 2: Oh so don't I'll start crying in mid part. He's

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Speaker 2: the best thing. Yeah, But I also and speaking of like,

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Speaker 2: what I like about him is his passion. And I

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Speaker 2: cannot tell you you're one of the most requested people

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Speaker 2: to be on this podcast. Do you know that?

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Speaker 1: No? You just you just told me no.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. But honestly, like the amount of like get Kemy

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Speaker 2: on the podcast, why have you? I know, your friends with.

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Speaker 1: The expectation No, no, no.

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Speaker 2: But I mean it's that same. I look, the word

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Speaker 2: authenticity does get bandied around a lot, but it's this

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Speaker 2: authentic passion that I love and I know that you

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Speaker 2: have that and no matter what, like it's just within,

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Speaker 2: it's like it's in your veins, right I do.

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Speaker 1: I you know, I am someone that's had a portfolio

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Speaker 1: career before it was kind of the core thing to

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Speaker 1: have a portfolio career. And someone said to me the

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Speaker 1: other day, what was the thing that linked all of

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Speaker 1: these buried careers together? I said, I have always done

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Speaker 1: what I've loved. Yeah, always never questioned it, just felt

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Speaker 1: it and thought. And that's where I'm going now. And

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Speaker 1: that's where I'm going now.

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Speaker 2: And I've heard you say whatever you do, you're like

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Speaker 2: one hundred and ten percent.

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Speaker 1: Oh I'm a hundred yeah, yeah, I don't. It's interesting

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Speaker 1: because people will say to me, oh, I know, you're

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Speaker 1: so busy, and you're so busy and you do a

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Speaker 1: lot and I'm like, no, I don't. I'm not busy.

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Speaker 1: I'm an anti busy advocate. I do not in any

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Speaker 1: way advocate business. I think it's a way for us

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Speaker 1: to cover up what's actually going on for us. And

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Speaker 1: I think it's an external motivation around worthiness and being

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Speaker 1: enough and doing enough. And you know there's something in

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Speaker 1: I know obviously. You know we also have done yoga

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Speaker 1: together and I trained you did twenty five years ago as.

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Speaker 2: A yoga teacher India.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And one of the hardest things for us to

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Speaker 1: do in this day and age is to be present.

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Speaker 1: And so for me, I know that I have to

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Speaker 1: be present to myself so I can work out what

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Speaker 1: I am passionate about, not what people think I should

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Speaker 1: be passionate about, not what I think I should be

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Speaker 1: passionate about, but what am I passionate about. So then

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Speaker 1: for me, if I'm not passionate about something, I don't

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Speaker 1: do it. Life is so short.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's but I feel like that's been your

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Speaker 2: journey is like I love this thing. I am going

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Speaker 2: to bake, I am going to learn it, I am

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Speaker 2: going to bakee. I love it. It's phenomenal. And then

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Speaker 2: it's like but there's another passion here and I'm going

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Speaker 2: to I am going to have and i am going

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Speaker 2: to give it my old and I'm going to put

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Speaker 2: my hand up every single chance I get. And I

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Speaker 2: think that that's amazing. And I think that you're I

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Speaker 2: don't know if that's saying where you break the ceiling

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Speaker 2: you have they say you break the glass ceiling. What

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Speaker 2: people think, Well, you do this one thing, you work

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Speaker 2: nine to five. You kind of fit this mold. And

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Speaker 2: I'm like, well, why do I have to fit a mold?

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Speaker 2: Like why do we have to fit a mole? We

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Speaker 2: don't have to fit a mold.

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Speaker 1: We don't. And I think that's the thing now is

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Speaker 1: that gone are the days when at eighteen you're expected

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Speaker 1: to choose your career and at the end you've got

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Speaker 1: to watch, you know, I mean, could you imagine that

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Speaker 1: you'd be like that would need to be some really great.

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Speaker 2: Watch for.

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Speaker 1: Me to commit sixty years of my life. That's got

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Speaker 1: to be a really.

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Speaker 2: Good what I even forgot that was a theme.

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Speaker 1: That was the thing, you know, because company is really

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Speaker 1: banked on people's loyalty and scarcity. You know that if

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Speaker 1: I leave this job, what have I got and that

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Speaker 1: whole thing around genders and men have to provide and women.

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Speaker 1: So if women wanted to come out of the home,

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Speaker 1: there's a scarcity of who do you think you are?

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Speaker 1: And if men wanted to step back from the workspace,

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Speaker 1: well who do you think you are? You're not a

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Speaker 1: man and you're not a woman. And there's a sphere

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Speaker 1: around that I need to fit into these molds of

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Speaker 1: what it is to be within this particular gender. So

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Speaker 1: this is one thing I love. You know, I've got

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Speaker 1: teenagers now, I've got an eighteen year old and a

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Speaker 1: nearly sixteen year old, and my youngest identifies as are

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Speaker 1: they them? And the friends that they bring? Hard Like

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Speaker 1: it actually makes me emotion or to think of it,

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Speaker 1: because the freedom these young people have in being able

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Speaker 1: to identify who they are and we just didn't have

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Speaker 1: the language then. And I just love that I'm exposed

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Speaker 1: to this generation, you know, these fifteen sixteen year olds,

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Speaker 1: And one of the things I know now Lota to

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Speaker 1: ask him is like, what are your pronoun identifies? It's

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Speaker 1: a really big thing to this generation and they always

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Speaker 1: say thanks so much for asking. You know.

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Speaker 2: First thing happened at acting school because I started acting

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Speaker 2: late at thirty thirty two. Sorry, so four years ago.

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Speaker 2: We sat in a circle my first day and they

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Speaker 2: said what are your pronouns? And I was like, what

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Speaker 2: the fuck's a pronoun? Honestly, I had no clue. I

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Speaker 2: was the oldest one in the room because everything in

437
00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:22,119
Speaker 2: the twenties, so it gets around and and I'm like,

438
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:26,280
Speaker 2: oh shit, So I obviously just blurred out like she her.

439
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:28,640
Speaker 2: But I was like, hang on, Lola, like how about

440
00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,880
Speaker 2: you sit with that for a sec like an actually,

441
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:33,879
Speaker 2: and like take the time. And now, having trained in

442
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:39,600
Speaker 2: LA for so long, I am the minority being a cist,

443
00:20:39,680 --> 00:20:44,400
Speaker 2: gender straight, heterosex woman. And I went to a stand

444
00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:48,320
Speaker 2: up show in LA four months ago, five months ago,

445
00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:54,800
Speaker 2: and an amazing confronting comedian got up and started to

446
00:20:55,080 --> 00:20:58,439
Speaker 2: berate the audience who were CIS gendered straight, so that

447
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:02,119
Speaker 2: we could feel a tiny bit for five minutes what

448
00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:05,640
Speaker 2: she's probably felt her entire or they felt their entire existence. Yes,

449
00:21:06,680 --> 00:21:09,119
Speaker 2: And I was it was so confronting. It was so

450
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:13,760
Speaker 2: like I was sitting there going, oh, Lola, don't put

451
00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:16,080
Speaker 2: your hand up. Don't it to be straight. You're gonna

452
00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:17,800
Speaker 2: get burded right there, like it's.

453
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:19,879
Speaker 1: You're trying to kind of just give some lesbian vibes of.

454
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:25,840
Speaker 2: It was it was but in and that's why I'm

455
00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:28,960
Speaker 2: so wrapped to hear that that's the young I'm going

456
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:30,879
Speaker 2: to send you an episode with someone I spoke to,

457
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:34,840
Speaker 2: an incredible trans from binary actor called Zoe to Racket.

458
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:38,480
Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, I've actually seen her their work. Yeah.

459
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:41,879
Speaker 2: They I burst into tears mid I was getting teary

460
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:47,119
Speaker 2: mid interview because I was like, it's so nervous to

461
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:48,960
Speaker 2: get about the interview.

462
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,240
Speaker 1: And you know, it's so interesting as well, because it

463
00:21:50,280 --> 00:21:52,720
Speaker 1: took my husband, Nauha, to get the pronouns right because

464
00:21:52,800 --> 00:21:55,360
Speaker 1: for fifteen years, you know, that was not the pronoun

465
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:58,520
Speaker 1: And I have friends, you know, that have kids that

466
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,560
Speaker 1: are now having these conversations they want to change their

467
00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,240
Speaker 1: pronouns whatever. Friends are saying, oh, it's so hard and

468
00:22:02,240 --> 00:22:04,879
Speaker 1: it's difficult. I said, yeah, it's difficult, it's challenging. But

469
00:22:05,400 --> 00:22:06,960
Speaker 1: and they're like, do you think it really matters? You know?

470
00:22:07,280 --> 00:22:10,280
Speaker 1: And I said do What matters is that the people

471
00:22:10,320 --> 00:22:13,880
Speaker 1: that we love know that we love them, and if

472
00:22:13,920 --> 00:22:16,960
Speaker 1: that means that we have to get it wrong sometimes,

473
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,400
Speaker 1: what is important to me is that you respect someone

474
00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 1: enough to give it a go and to keep getting

475
00:22:21,680 --> 00:22:23,400
Speaker 1: even if you keep getting it wrong, that you are

476
00:22:23,480 --> 00:22:25,439
Speaker 1: giving it a go. That is the most important thing.

477
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,480
Speaker 1: But to stay quiet and to not acknowledge it is

478
00:22:28,560 --> 00:22:31,240
Speaker 1: more harmful than getting it right.

479
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:35,080
Speaker 2: After I interviewed Zoey, I re educated my entire family. Yeah,

480
00:22:35,119 --> 00:22:38,920
Speaker 2: there you go, and everyone is open and everyone it's

481
00:22:39,000 --> 00:22:40,760
Speaker 2: so it's exciting.

482
00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:43,119
Speaker 1: And my thing is that this generation is creating the

483
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,359
Speaker 1: language for the world that most of us want to

484
00:22:45,359 --> 00:22:48,920
Speaker 1: live in. Most of us want to live in an

485
00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:51,400
Speaker 1: inclusive world where people get to show up as who

486
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,879
Speaker 1: they are, and that that brings, you know, just I

487
00:22:54,920 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 1: don't know, connection to everyone totally and truth and truth rare. Yeah.

488
00:23:00,920 --> 00:23:03,000
Speaker 2: I have to talk to you about being an actor

489
00:23:03,280 --> 00:23:07,160
Speaker 2: because this is I've been training NonStop for four years now,

490
00:23:07,760 --> 00:23:11,280
Speaker 2: and it is scary. It is confronting. It forces you

491
00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 2: to face yourself and forces you to feel And I

492
00:23:16,119 --> 00:23:19,960
Speaker 2: had no idea, like i'd known you'd been an actor

493
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:23,399
Speaker 2: in a really successful soapy London Bridge, Yeah, London Bridge,

494
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:25,119
Speaker 2: And that was three and a half years and I

495
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:26,800
Speaker 2: knew that when I met you, and I'm like, well,

496
00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:28,479
Speaker 2: that's cool. That's why she's such an act. And then

497
00:23:28,520 --> 00:23:31,960
Speaker 2: I went back and I watched these videos that you

498
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:33,879
Speaker 2: and I did from behind the scenes at the Good

499
00:23:33,920 --> 00:23:36,240
Speaker 2: Food and Wine Show, and I was like, shit, can

500
00:23:36,320 --> 00:23:39,120
Speaker 2: he's a natural? I am awkward as fuck, Like, oh,

501
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:42,080
Speaker 2: I welcome to Good Food and Wine Show. Like not natural,

502
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,640
Speaker 2: clearly not connected to whoever I was as a human then,

503
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:46,960
Speaker 2: and You're just like, yeah, we're just gonna you just

504
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,280
Speaker 2: like off the car for you and topes just like,

505
00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 2: h I'm going to make a bit of this. And

506
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:53,320
Speaker 2: Toby's like I'm gonna have I'm gonna be doing meet

507
00:23:53,320 --> 00:23:55,480
Speaker 2: and You're like, not me mate, Like it was this

508
00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,639
Speaker 2: funny and I'm like this the most awkward person that

509
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,600
Speaker 2: has got no obviously no training, but thought I did

510
00:24:02,600 --> 00:24:05,160
Speaker 2: and you and makes sense now that you've got this

511
00:24:05,320 --> 00:24:09,480
Speaker 2: beautiful skill set that you build through passion. But I

512
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:12,359
Speaker 2: had noney about Royal Shakespeare Company. You've got to talk

513
00:24:12,440 --> 00:24:14,040
Speaker 2: me through this part of your life.

514
00:24:14,080 --> 00:24:16,679
Speaker 1: Okay. So when I arrived with my last set of

515
00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:20,000
Speaker 1: foster parents, I was thirteen years old and my fostermum

516
00:24:20,040 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 1: was a careers teacher. So she said to me, no,

517
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:23,159
Speaker 1: what is it, what is it you want to do?

518
00:24:23,200 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 1: It's the first time that anyone had really asked me

519
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,040
Speaker 1: what I wanted to do in my life. The stories

520
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:31,960
Speaker 1: very good stories. There you go, she literally, she shared

521
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,959
Speaker 1: up so for people that are listening. So what happened

522
00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:37,320
Speaker 1: was that I arrived at this final foster family with

523
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:41,320
Speaker 1: two plastic bags of belongings because I had been homeless

524
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:43,800
Speaker 1: for six months before arriving there. So I always like

525
00:24:43,840 --> 00:24:45,520
Speaker 1: to say I wasn't on the streets, but I was

526
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:48,480
Speaker 1: sleeping on you know, friends sofas whose parents were willing

527
00:24:48,480 --> 00:24:50,760
Speaker 1: to let me stay there. So I arrived with my

528
00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:53,119
Speaker 1: new social worker and my plastic bags of belongings. And

529
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,440
Speaker 1: the next morning my fostermum took me out shopping because

530
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:57,760
Speaker 1: I needed things. I didn't have stuff, and she said,

531
00:24:57,920 --> 00:24:59,719
Speaker 1: which underwear do you want? We're at Marks and Spencer's

532
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,040
Speaker 1: favorite places in the world. Do you think you can

533
00:25:02,080 --> 00:25:05,119
Speaker 1: get on to sponsor the podcast? Then we'd like have

534
00:25:05,240 --> 00:25:11,320
Speaker 1: underway Fever and yes. Sue asked me what color underwear

535
00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:13,760
Speaker 1: do you want? And I actually couldn't answer her for

536
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:15,280
Speaker 1: quite a while. She had to answer ask me the

537
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:19,320
Speaker 1: question a few times because I just cognitively couldn't understand

538
00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:23,359
Speaker 1: why or what she was asking me, and then I realized,

539
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:28,760
Speaker 1: she wants me to choose. She's asking me to choose something,

540
00:25:29,400 --> 00:25:32,600
Speaker 1: and for me, that was an incredible moment of empowerment.

541
00:25:32,920 --> 00:25:35,240
Speaker 1: And if this is what it feels like to take

542
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 1: ownership of my life and what it is that I

543
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:40,080
Speaker 1: need and want, then I'm going to hold onto this forever.

544
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:41,200
Speaker 2: Cool.

545
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:43,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, so cool. That was a life changing moment.

546
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:46,119
Speaker 2: I love it. I've listened to that story a couple

547
00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:47,720
Speaker 2: of times. I was like, oh, I know she told

548
00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:49,359
Speaker 2: it a few times. I've got to get it though,

549
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,480
Speaker 2: because it's so cool. And did you pick pink or multicolor?

550
00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,680
Speaker 1: And I didn't choose pink? Of course, I didn't chose Pinknickers,

551
00:25:55,680 --> 00:25:57,879
Speaker 1: do I appear like a pink knicker kind of a person?

552
00:25:58,400 --> 00:25:59,000
Speaker 1: I love you?

553
00:25:59,040 --> 00:25:59,879
Speaker 2: Say nickers to.

554
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:04,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm holding on to do they and yogurt?

555
00:26:06,840 --> 00:26:12,040
Speaker 2: Yogurt and nickers, Yeah, yogurt, nickers, keep it, keep it.

556
00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:15,159
Speaker 1: But I have dropped the tea from water. I know that.

557
00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:16,840
Speaker 1: I was recording something the other day and I said

558
00:26:16,840 --> 00:26:18,680
Speaker 1: to my producer, I said, we need to do that again.

559
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:21,240
Speaker 1: I said, water, it's got a tea.

560
00:26:21,840 --> 00:26:23,600
Speaker 2: Joh and you go to America. They don't understand you

561
00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:25,680
Speaker 2: when you say water, You've got to say water like.

562
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:31,040
Speaker 1: You've got to water water. We continue the rest accent.

563
00:26:31,520 --> 00:26:32,199
Speaker 2: You'll be able to do it.

564
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:37,240
Speaker 1: No, I can. Actually my favorite, yeah it's West Country England.

565
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:39,199
Speaker 1: But I remember when I had my agent she said, Ken,

566
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:43,479
Speaker 1: you're not going to get any Cursten as West Country farmer.

567
00:26:44,200 --> 00:26:51,520
Speaker 2: My favorite is like like Brooklyn, like that ca real aggressively.

568
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,240
Speaker 2: I did a rosodonal monologue recently and it was like, hey,

569
00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,240
Speaker 2: you're both fucking insane. Okay, you want to want your problems,

570
00:26:58,520 --> 00:26:58,960
Speaker 2: you know.

571
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,359
Speaker 1: What the problem is. I'm some like the neural and

572
00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,159
Speaker 1: taxi driver.

573
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,359
Speaker 2: I'll take it. So okay. So that's saying so that

574
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,680
Speaker 2: same Foster mum that was a careers Yeah, she was

575
00:27:10,720 --> 00:27:11,280
Speaker 2: a careers teacher.

576
00:27:11,280 --> 00:27:12,480
Speaker 1: She said, what do you want to do? So that

577
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 1: was kind of that Nickers Store was kind of the

578
00:27:13,960 --> 00:27:15,560
Speaker 1: beginning of choice. And she's like, now you get to

579
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:17,160
Speaker 1: choose what you do with your life. I'm like what,

580
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:18,959
Speaker 1: And I said, Oh, if I get to choose, I'll

581
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 1: be a fashion designer, I will look after children, i

582
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:23,679
Speaker 1: will be an artist, I will be an actor, I

583
00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:25,120
Speaker 1: will be a baker, and I will be a chef,

584
00:27:25,640 --> 00:27:27,280
Speaker 1: and she's like, okay, I think this choosing thing is

585
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,439
Speaker 1: kind a little bit crazy. And luckily she was a

586
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,360
Speaker 1: careers teacher because she said, look, these are the industries

587
00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 1: that are really hard to get into, fashion, design and acting,

588
00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:37,080
Speaker 1: so how about you get a trade behind you first.

589
00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:40,000
Speaker 1: And I chose baking. So my train is a baker

590
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 1: and was Hovis Bread Baker of the Year for anyone

591
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:46,840
Speaker 1: that you know knows about bread and Hovis. And then

592
00:27:47,080 --> 00:27:49,639
Speaker 1: move from that to acting school, but for a year

593
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,959
Speaker 1: long kind of pre acting acting school, yes, so that

594
00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:55,600
Speaker 1: you could you be really prepared and well auditioned, because

595
00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,239
Speaker 1: in England at that time, for every one place at

596
00:27:58,320 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 1: drama school, there were two thousand applicants. So I did

597
00:28:01,359 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 1: this year and I ended up getting into five top

598
00:28:04,200 --> 00:28:08,800
Speaker 1: drama schools and chose Arts Educational because it was a

599
00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:09,919
Speaker 1: method acting school.

600
00:28:10,040 --> 00:28:11,639
Speaker 2: So when I heard you say it's my mind, I

601
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:16,040
Speaker 2: was driving and I was like, Matt, she's at and trained. Yeah,

602
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 2: that is not like oh I do that is like.

603
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:24,240
Speaker 1: Oh it's it's it's a craft, you know, And there

604
00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:28,320
Speaker 1: are rules and boundaries around method acting. You can't use

605
00:28:28,359 --> 00:28:30,320
Speaker 1: as the kind of famous story of Daniel Day Lewis

606
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 1: where he used the death of his father when he

607
00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:35,160
Speaker 1: was playing Hamlet and ended up having a mental health

608
00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,800
Speaker 1: crisis because of that. Because within acting they say, or

609
00:28:37,800 --> 00:28:40,400
Speaker 1: within method acting they say that if you have not

610
00:28:41,680 --> 00:28:44,360
Speaker 1: if you kind of haven't healed from that scenario, you

611
00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:46,400
Speaker 1: shouldn't bring it onto the stage. But there needs to

612
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:47,960
Speaker 1: be a seven year gap. I mean it may have

613
00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 1: changed now, but in my training, it's what we were told.

614
00:28:51,120 --> 00:28:54,600
Speaker 1: And so the idea. I remember one of my acting teachers,

615
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:58,560
Speaker 1: Robert Freed, who was a very very harsh Frenchman who

616
00:28:58,640 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 1: would smoke cigarettes all day long and his hair was

617
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:04,320
Speaker 1: yellow and his teeth was yellow whatever. And he would say,

618
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:08,600
Speaker 1: not about you pretending to be a murderer, what in

619
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:13,560
Speaker 1: you to kill a person? Yeah? Yeah, you know yeah,

620
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:15,600
Speaker 1: And so we had to kind of go deep and

621
00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:17,560
Speaker 1: find out what is it? What it is? What is

622
00:29:17,600 --> 00:29:19,160
Speaker 1: it in me as opposed to oh, here I am

623
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 1: being a murderer. Now, it's what is it in you

624
00:29:22,600 --> 00:29:24,360
Speaker 1: that would have you hurt someone in that way?

625
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:24,760
Speaker 2: Yeah?

626
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 1: And you need to connect with that part of you

627
00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:27,600
Speaker 1: for it to be authentic.

628
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:31,360
Speaker 2: So I've trained in la at Chubbic School, which is deep,

629
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 2: very so there's a lot of similarities and usual a substitution.

630
00:29:34,960 --> 00:29:37,440
Speaker 2: So the way you spoke about Daniel day Lewison's dad,

631
00:29:38,120 --> 00:29:40,960
Speaker 2: the actor, your your scene partner. You're meant to cast

632
00:29:41,040 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 2: them as a substitution from your life, right, and.

633
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 1: So that's what we used to do.

634
00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:48,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it's very psychologically, like if I put on

635
00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:52,400
Speaker 2: a really like taxing scene, you wouldn't I wouldn't sleep

636
00:29:52,400 --> 00:29:56,680
Speaker 2: that night. I was because I'm trained British a very

637
00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:00,320
Speaker 2: much more. That said, you did method training in but

638
00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:02,960
Speaker 2: method is an American style. I'm sure, I'm pretty sure.

639
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:03,640
Speaker 2: I hope I'm wrong.

640
00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 1: Well, I trained in Inger Stanislavsky the original.

641
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, And so for me, I'm like

642
00:30:09,000 --> 00:30:11,640
Speaker 2: clean beat, clean action. No you breath, just be on

643
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:13,480
Speaker 2: breath and that always works for me. And I get

644
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 2: really confronted when I do this more psychologically it is confronting,

645
00:30:18,120 --> 00:30:21,400
Speaker 2: so confronting. And then I've heard you talk about Wak

646
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:22,880
Speaker 2: in Phoenix in Joker.

647
00:30:23,560 --> 00:30:24,760
Speaker 1: What have I said about that.

648
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:30,320
Speaker 2: Method actor? Obviously, but the pain that he would have

649
00:30:30,480 --> 00:30:33,959
Speaker 2: sat is oh yeah, like Dredge it is.

650
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:35,560
Speaker 1: Yeah.

651
00:30:35,600 --> 00:30:37,560
Speaker 2: I mean, there are a lot of heaps of method

652
00:30:37,560 --> 00:30:39,520
Speaker 2: actors in America.

653
00:30:39,320 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 1: But Yeah, I do think he's the ultimate. He definitely

654
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:45,080
Speaker 1: he is aware. I don't obviously, Well maybe I could

655
00:30:45,120 --> 00:30:47,320
Speaker 1: know him, but I don't know him. But I'd imagine

656
00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:51,240
Speaker 1: watching him and his craft that he goes to some

657
00:30:51,360 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 1: very dark places to pull up what he does. Yeah.

658
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:57,280
Speaker 2: Even the way he food restricted so crazy too, like.

659
00:30:57,240 --> 00:30:58,840
Speaker 1: He had emaciated.

660
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 2: That's right level, so fascinating. I just wanted. Yeah, I

661
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:07,880
Speaker 2: just love hearing. I've interviewed actors before, but you are

662
00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:13,239
Speaker 2: now an incredible author, great podcast, life coach, speaks all

663
00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:17,480
Speaker 2: international speaker. How do you feel like you're acting training

664
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:21,480
Speaker 2: in those times being an actor? Tally? Didn't you do

665
00:31:21,520 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 2: a movie with Colin?

666
00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:27,240
Speaker 1: Colin first, I didn Funky Monkey, Spunky and very nice,

667
00:31:27,480 --> 00:31:29,880
Speaker 1: very nice man. We had pile together in the south

668
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:32,600
Speaker 1: of France after we'd finished shooting. Oh, not just me

669
00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:36,800
Speaker 1: and Colin, it was the whole crew, just me and Cole.

670
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:42,560
Speaker 2: But you've done and then you've had Royal Shakespeare and Company,

671
00:31:42,560 --> 00:31:45,240
Speaker 2: and so what can you what would you say, skill

672
00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:47,680
Speaker 2: set wise? What have you learned from that? Because for me,

673
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:50,160
Speaker 2: as an actor, like I feel like you see, you

674
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,800
Speaker 2: have to face a fear and be really comfortable failing

675
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:55,080
Speaker 2: over and over again. I think that's a great skill

676
00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 2: set to have. What have you learned from your time

677
00:31:57,720 --> 00:31:58,400
Speaker 2: being an actor?

678
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:03,320
Speaker 1: Well, one of the reasons I left acting was because

679
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:09,840
Speaker 1: I wanted to spend most of my time being myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah,

680
00:32:09,920 --> 00:32:11,680
Speaker 1: you know, because that is the kind of trade off

681
00:32:11,680 --> 00:32:14,400
Speaker 1: in some ways with acting, is that you have the

682
00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 1: adventure and the joy of being other people. But within that,

683
00:32:18,200 --> 00:32:20,160
Speaker 1: I think I got to a point in my development

684
00:32:20,880 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 1: that I actually knew that I wanted to navigate the

685
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:25,760
Speaker 1: world as myself and what would that mean? And so

686
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:29,440
Speaker 1: when I stand on stage, I'm unapologetically who I am.

687
00:32:29,920 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 1: I also know from acting that as an audience, we

688
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:34,960
Speaker 1: want to connect to the person on stage. So I

689
00:32:35,000 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 1: would watch people with their PowerPoint slides and you know,

690
00:32:37,440 --> 00:32:40,360
Speaker 1: kind of having their perfect presentations, and I think I

691
00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:44,240
Speaker 1: get the craft that goes into to creating a perfect presentation,

692
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:47,560
Speaker 1: but I don't connect with you totally agree. So I

693
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:50,520
Speaker 1: knew that, like you're saying about the failing part, I

694
00:32:50,560 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 1: knew that I could be on stage and I could

695
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 1: fail in front of an audience and it'd be okay,

696
00:32:55,680 --> 00:32:56,920
Speaker 1: because that's the humanity.

697
00:32:57,360 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 2: Oh you connect and as an audience member That's why

698
00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:02,840
Speaker 2: I love Jamie Oliver so much. When he lets his

699
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 2: you'll notice if you watch any of his recipes, he'll

700
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:10,280
Speaker 2: do a blueber or a blunder, or he'll like chop

701
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,800
Speaker 2: something wrong or something won't be right, and he'll keep rolling.

702
00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:16,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the best because the human being, the human

703
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:19,160
Speaker 1: bit exactly. And that's what That's what I learned about

704
00:33:19,240 --> 00:33:24,080
Speaker 1: from acting, is that people want to connect with who

705
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 1: is on stage, and yeah, that there is. You know,

706
00:33:29,280 --> 00:33:31,320
Speaker 1: I had really great friends at drama schools that they're

707
00:33:31,360 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 1: acting just blew me away and I really enjoyed it.

708
00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:38,040
Speaker 1: It was fun for me, but it wasn't a calling

709
00:33:38,160 --> 00:33:41,200
Speaker 1: for me in the way that say, you know, baking was,

710
00:33:41,320 --> 00:33:43,480
Speaker 1: or training as a yoga teacher was, or training to

711
00:33:43,480 --> 00:33:46,760
Speaker 1: be a coach. Acting was fun and it was according

712
00:33:46,760 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 1: off at the time, but then it got to a

713
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:50,320
Speaker 1: point and I was like, Okay, I'm no longer passionate

714
00:33:50,360 --> 00:33:53,520
Speaker 1: about this. What am I passionate about? That's got to

715
00:33:53,520 --> 00:33:55,520
Speaker 1: take courage, though, Oh my gosh, that was one of

716
00:33:55,600 --> 00:33:58,440
Speaker 1: the loneliest eighteen months of my life, going from you know,

717
00:33:58,520 --> 00:33:59,960
Speaker 1: I was in New York with the Rays shakespe become

718
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:03,959
Speaker 1: that is Pittico mat that is you know, that is

719
00:34:04,120 --> 00:34:06,960
Speaker 1: not something to sniff at. And I was you know,

720
00:34:07,000 --> 00:34:08,840
Speaker 1: I was young. I was early twenties, so I was

721
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:12,000
Speaker 1: very much still being pulled into what other people saw

722
00:34:12,000 --> 00:34:14,799
Speaker 1: a success and what I should want. So even though

723
00:34:14,840 --> 00:34:18,040
Speaker 1: I had this deep knowing of this is fun and

724
00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:20,200
Speaker 1: this is a joy to do this, but I don't

725
00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:23,320
Speaker 1: want to do this forever, I was still poured between

726
00:34:23,360 --> 00:34:26,120
Speaker 1: but I should want it, but it should be joys forever.

727
00:34:26,480 --> 00:34:28,920
Speaker 1: Imagine how many other people would want to be doing this.

728
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:31,880
Speaker 1: And so that was a very lonely time for me

729
00:34:32,040 --> 00:34:34,280
Speaker 1: because I was kind of living into what other people

730
00:34:34,400 --> 00:34:39,280
Speaker 1: wanted for me. But it was so beautiful when I eventually,

731
00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,360
Speaker 1: do you know it was interesting when I am. So

732
00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,240
Speaker 1: I did leave acting and I went back to Cheffings.

733
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 1: At that point, i'd got to the point where I

734
00:34:45,719 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 1: was so unhappy. I was in an audition and I

735
00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:50,080
Speaker 1: was being asked questions and I just thought, you don't

736
00:34:50,120 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 1: care about me. I really don't want to be here anymore.

737
00:34:52,719 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 1: And I remember going outside and bursting into tears and thinking,

738
00:34:56,040 --> 00:34:58,399
Speaker 1: you have to make this decision like this is now

739
00:34:58,440 --> 00:35:01,640
Speaker 1: you're really unhappy. It's one from a feeling to now

740
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:04,880
Speaker 1: you're really unhappy. And I remember deciding, I don't know

741
00:35:04,880 --> 00:35:07,239
Speaker 1: what I want to do instead, though, I'll go back

742
00:35:07,239 --> 00:35:09,719
Speaker 1: to being a chef. And I remember the first night

743
00:35:09,760 --> 00:35:13,040
Speaker 1: after Saturday night service, sat at midnight with the chefs

744
00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:16,239
Speaker 1: after we'd serve like two hundred people or whatever in Kensington,

745
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:17,960
Speaker 1: and I remember just sitting on that couch with a

746
00:35:17,960 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 1: bottle of beer. I didn't even drink beer, so I

747
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:23,879
Speaker 1: just and I was just like, yeah, this is it.

748
00:35:24,640 --> 00:35:29,280
Speaker 2: Yeah, And then didn't didn't this this opportunity for Thailand

749
00:35:29,360 --> 00:35:32,200
Speaker 2: come about your lab in a way?

750
00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:35,600
Speaker 1: Well, this is this thing of like speaking dreams into

751
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 1: existence and when you're safe. I don't believe that we

752
00:35:39,520 --> 00:35:42,440
Speaker 1: should share our dreams with anybody at all. I think

753
00:35:42,440 --> 00:35:45,680
Speaker 1: we should share our dreams with people who we feel

754
00:35:45,719 --> 00:35:50,719
Speaker 1: safe enough that can hold them for us. Because there's

755
00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:53,240
Speaker 1: a difference, you know. I have this thing that sometimes

756
00:35:53,280 --> 00:35:55,440
Speaker 1: our dreams don't even get off the kitchen table because

757
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:57,280
Speaker 1: our family and our friends want us to be safe

758
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,640
Speaker 1: and they want to look after us and all those things.

759
00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:01,840
Speaker 1: I think it's important to share our dreams, but with

760
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:04,520
Speaker 1: people that can hold them for us. So my very

761
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:07,640
Speaker 1: good friend Gisella, who's an incredible, very well known photographer.

762
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:09,680
Speaker 1: She was at my flat one night in London and

763
00:36:09,680 --> 00:36:11,400
Speaker 1: she said, you've left acting, you're chefing. What do you

764
00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 1: want to do? And I said, and I must have

765
00:36:13,000 --> 00:36:14,879
Speaker 1: done my yoga teacher training by now, because I said

766
00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:17,840
Speaker 1: to her, So there's no there was no job title

767
00:36:17,880 --> 00:36:20,840
Speaker 1: for this. I just went think I want to be

768
00:36:20,960 --> 00:36:24,359
Speaker 1: a chef and teach yoga and travel the world. I said,

769
00:36:24,360 --> 00:36:26,040
Speaker 1: I think that's what I want to do. She said,

770
00:36:26,040 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 1: oh okay, that was it. We had a great night

771
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:29,439
Speaker 1: off she went. A week later, she comes into where

772
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:32,759
Speaker 1: I was working at London's first organic restaurant. She said,

773
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:35,759
Speaker 1: I've just met this bloke who owns a resort in

774
00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:39,400
Speaker 1: Thailand and he needs a chef, and I think you

775
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,240
Speaker 1: should meet him in the pub tonight. And I said okay.

776
00:36:42,760 --> 00:36:44,799
Speaker 1: So I met him in the pub that night. Within

777
00:36:44,840 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 1: twenty minutes, he'd offered me the job. He said, there's

778
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,839
Speaker 1: no pay, but i'll give you food and accommodation, and

779
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:52,280
Speaker 1: your job is to teach Thai chefs how to cook

780
00:36:52,520 --> 00:36:56,240
Speaker 1: European food to a high standard. And I said, okay,

781
00:36:56,480 --> 00:37:00,359
Speaker 1: that's odd, but if I'm going to do that then

782
00:37:00,360 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 1: I want the Thai chef to teach me Thai food.

783
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:06,400
Speaker 1: Oh all right, great, And that was a deal that

784
00:37:06,440 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 1: I created with New Ork too. Was the head chef

785
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:10,400
Speaker 1: in the kitchen straight away. It was so amazing, and

786
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:12,680
Speaker 1: we worked out that every European dish that I taught

787
00:37:12,719 --> 00:37:15,440
Speaker 1: the team in the in the resort, they had to

788
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:17,399
Speaker 1: teach me two to three Thai dishes because that's how

789
00:37:17,400 --> 00:37:19,120
Speaker 1: long it took, because you know, it's so quick. Thai

790
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 1: food is so quick. And I was there and it

791
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 1: was an incredible adventure and actually my husband, that's where

792
00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:26,600
Speaker 1: I met my husband.

793
00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:27,160
Speaker 2: Over spag bowl.

794
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:29,320
Speaker 1: Over spag bowl, so I would be in the kitchen

795
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:31,839
Speaker 1: cooking this European food and literally being very self right,

796
00:37:31,920 --> 00:37:35,439
Speaker 1: just thinking why would anyone come to Thailand and order

797
00:37:35,520 --> 00:37:40,400
Speaker 1: spaghetti bodonnades? What is wrong with these people? Anyway? So

798
00:37:40,480 --> 00:37:43,239
Speaker 1: then I see this quite handsome guy arrive one day

799
00:37:43,280 --> 00:37:46,919
Speaker 1: and he's staying with these English aristocrats and that night

800
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:51,120
Speaker 1: they ordered spaghetti boonnames and I'm like, oh, here we go. Anyway.

801
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:54,400
Speaker 1: Apparently he then says to the waiting stuff, oh, who's

802
00:37:54,400 --> 00:37:56,040
Speaker 1: the chef. I've got to meet the chef that that

803
00:37:56,080 --> 00:37:58,600
Speaker 1: spaghetti bonnase was better than my mum's. I think anyone

804
00:37:58,600 --> 00:38:02,120
Speaker 1: knows that is that is aye, right, that's like saying

805
00:38:02,360 --> 00:38:03,920
Speaker 1: the roast is better than my mom's.

806
00:38:04,440 --> 00:38:05,080
Speaker 2: Yeah.

807
00:38:05,400 --> 00:38:07,680
Speaker 1: So then he says that I then walked out. And

808
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:09,120
Speaker 1: it's funny because of those that can't see, but I

809
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:11,759
Speaker 1: have a very shaved head now, but I had long extensions,

810
00:38:11,800 --> 00:38:14,960
Speaker 1: like down to my bum at that point. And he

811
00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:16,480
Speaker 1: says that I walked out. He was just like, who

812
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:19,080
Speaker 1: is this a vision or whatever? That was twenty years

813
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:22,080
Speaker 1: ago now, so a very scary time for me in

814
00:38:22,120 --> 00:38:24,120
Speaker 1: my life. But I'm glad I took the leap because

815
00:38:24,440 --> 00:38:28,480
Speaker 1: in meeting in doing that thing that that's it's very

816
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,799
Speaker 1: random to meet a guy, a random guy in a

817
00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:35,440
Speaker 1: pub and say yes to no pay. But I just

818
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:38,279
Speaker 1: knew this is the thing because I've spoken it to

819
00:38:38,320 --> 00:38:40,600
Speaker 1: someone that can hold it for me. She's heard it,

820
00:38:40,719 --> 00:38:42,799
Speaker 1: she's shared it with someone, and here I am. And

821
00:38:42,840 --> 00:38:45,520
Speaker 1: I trusted that he didn't turn out to be a

822
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:48,840
Speaker 1: great guy in the end, you know, wasn't the best boss.

823
00:38:49,360 --> 00:38:53,400
Speaker 1: But that's okay. I met my husband. I'm in Australian.

824
00:38:53,480 --> 00:38:57,359
Speaker 1: You know, life has its has its mapping for.

825
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,840
Speaker 2: Us I don't know if you remember this. You and

826
00:38:59,880 --> 00:39:03,319
Speaker 2: I were touring and you were like, how's nutrition consults going?

827
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:05,000
Speaker 2: And I was like, kenmy, I'd rather poke a fork

828
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:05,440
Speaker 2: in my eye.

829
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:07,600
Speaker 1: I do remember that you were not enjoying them.

830
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:10,680
Speaker 2: I was not enjoying it because I was battling my

831
00:39:10,760 --> 00:39:13,880
Speaker 2: own disorder and I bring in a lot of attracts

832
00:39:14,000 --> 00:39:16,080
Speaker 2: like I'd bring a lot of in disorder cases and

833
00:39:16,120 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 2: it was just triggering for me and probably them as well.

834
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:21,239
Speaker 2: And I was like, I don't really like it, but

835
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:23,840
Speaker 2: like it's my safety net money. I better keep doing it.

836
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:26,560
Speaker 2: And you were like, you do realize that you're taking

837
00:39:26,560 --> 00:39:31,640
Speaker 2: that job away from somebody who would love to do that.

838
00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:34,600
Speaker 2: And I went back to Melbourne and I gave up

839
00:39:34,719 --> 00:39:37,160
Speaker 2: nutrition being a nutritionist. You did that?

840
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:38,400
Speaker 1: There you go.

841
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:40,200
Speaker 2: How cool. But it's the same thing like you were

842
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:43,160
Speaker 2: saying about with your acting. You'd be speaking to actresses

843
00:39:43,160 --> 00:39:45,239
Speaker 2: that were like, oh, my dream is lady m I

844
00:39:45,400 --> 00:39:48,560
Speaker 2: just want to be Lady in Bead and you were like, right, awesome,

845
00:39:49,239 --> 00:39:52,120
Speaker 2: but that's not my dream. And I just think, like

846
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:56,880
Speaker 2: it's so cool. Your courage is something that just seeps

847
00:39:56,920 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 2: out of you and it's give You've impacted me in

848
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:05,920
Speaker 2: the little times that we've hung out, and I just think, ah,

849
00:40:05,960 --> 00:40:06,880
Speaker 2: you're very cool.

850
00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:10,439
Speaker 1: That's last. Look, it's a mutual thing. And I think

851
00:40:10,440 --> 00:40:12,040
Speaker 1: that that's one thing that we've always had in our

852
00:40:12,080 --> 00:40:14,839
Speaker 1: friendship is that we especially when we were touring together,

853
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:16,640
Speaker 1: because you know, we were kind of together every single

854
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:19,160
Speaker 1: day and there were things that you were struggling with

855
00:40:19,280 --> 00:40:20,960
Speaker 1: and there were things that I was struggling with and

856
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:22,879
Speaker 1: we were able to because I remember that was I'd

857
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:26,360
Speaker 1: be like, what's this Instagram thing? And you were like,

858
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:27,880
Speaker 1: I'm going to get you on it. I'm going to

859
00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:30,400
Speaker 1: set you up. I'm your twenty four to seven Instagram

860
00:40:30,440 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 1: hotline you to and I'd be like, lol, I don't

861
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:34,880
Speaker 1: understand why does it work? And I just knew that

862
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:36,279
Speaker 1: I could call you up and just go can you

863
00:40:36,320 --> 00:40:38,200
Speaker 1: taught me through this? I don't know how to do this?

864
00:40:38,280 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 1: How do I use this? Why am I using it?

865
00:40:40,440 --> 00:40:40,520
Speaker 2: So?

866
00:40:40,800 --> 00:40:42,719
Speaker 1: And lots of other ways as well. You know, there

867
00:40:42,719 --> 00:40:45,040
Speaker 1: are ways, I think for us to do that tour

868
00:40:45,080 --> 00:40:47,680
Speaker 1: that was quite you know, whenever you're touring, it takes

869
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:50,880
Speaker 1: something from you, and I think we both appreciated that.

870
00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:52,960
Speaker 1: We both knew that our well being, even though you

871
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 1: had your struggles at that time. We didn't want to

872
00:40:55,440 --> 00:40:57,520
Speaker 1: go out drinking late at night. We were happy to

873
00:40:57,520 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 1: go home. We were happy to go and have a sauna,

874
00:40:59,560 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 1: or go for a walk around the park, or go

875
00:41:01,760 --> 00:41:04,400
Speaker 1: for a run. Or when we'd go to Pirino tomatoes

876
00:41:04,440 --> 00:41:06,880
Speaker 1: they just launched the Prina. I still eat those tomatoes.

877
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:09,399
Speaker 1: I love them. And we'd go and get our two

878
00:41:09,440 --> 00:41:11,520
Speaker 1: punnets each and we go back to our hotel rooms

879
00:41:11,560 --> 00:41:14,960
Speaker 1: and eat them out of teacups. You know, like we

880
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:18,680
Speaker 1: were able to, I think, give each other what we

881
00:41:18,719 --> 00:41:21,719
Speaker 1: needed at that time in various ways. So I acknowledged

882
00:41:21,719 --> 00:41:22,840
Speaker 1: that there were things that I said that made a

883
00:41:22,840 --> 00:41:24,719
Speaker 1: difference for you, but there were also things that you

884
00:41:24,880 --> 00:41:26,240
Speaker 1: did for me that made a difference.

885
00:41:26,360 --> 00:41:28,279
Speaker 2: Oh I love that. I love it. Do you know

886
00:41:28,360 --> 00:41:30,480
Speaker 2: another memory that I have? And this brings me to

887
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 2: what one of the reasons this podcast is here today

888
00:41:35,760 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 2: is that you would always be talking to me about

889
00:41:38,040 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 2: book ideas and you'd be like, I've got this idea

890
00:41:41,360 --> 00:41:43,600
Speaker 2: and it had kind of you have a meeting of

891
00:41:43,640 --> 00:41:46,080
Speaker 2: the publisher and they kind of like, yeah, can you

892
00:41:46,120 --> 00:41:47,799
Speaker 2: make it more this though? And you're like, well, no,

893
00:41:47,840 --> 00:41:50,279
Speaker 2: that's not really me. I don't really want to make

894
00:41:50,320 --> 00:41:54,879
Speaker 2: it what's not me? And and you'd pitch that, you'd

895
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:57,240
Speaker 2: almost tell me your pitch. I'm like, this is sick.

896
00:41:58,239 --> 00:42:00,680
Speaker 2: And I remember you'd hit a few not kind of

897
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:01,799
Speaker 2: like roadblocks, but.

898
00:42:01,760 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 1: It was they did not want what they they wanted

899
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,600
Speaker 1: me to fit into what they wanted, and I'd left

900
00:42:07,640 --> 00:42:11,520
Speaker 1: actings that wasn't going to work for me, right, yeah.

901
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:13,640
Speaker 2: And so you were so you were. I feel like,

902
00:42:13,680 --> 00:42:17,399
Speaker 2: it's just you're so comfortable going thank you, but.

903
00:42:17,440 --> 00:42:20,920
Speaker 1: No I am now. Yeah, And that's the thing I

904
00:42:20,920 --> 00:42:23,400
Speaker 1: would hate for people listening to think that I was

905
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:27,480
Speaker 1: born that. You know, I very much felt in my

906
00:42:27,600 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 1: childhood that I had to be a very good girl.

907
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:32,640
Speaker 1: I think a lot of us women are socialized to

908
00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:34,239
Speaker 1: be good, but I had to be a very good

909
00:42:34,320 --> 00:42:37,759
Speaker 1: black girl. And so what that meant was that I

910
00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:40,200
Speaker 1: had no voice. I kept very quiet. I had to

911
00:42:40,200 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 1: be grateful in the way, not in terms of kind

912
00:42:42,080 --> 00:42:45,359
Speaker 1: of spiritual abundance gratitude, but like be grateful like you

913
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:48,239
Speaker 1: are lucky. So don't you dare mess up this opportunity,

914
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,520
Speaker 1: or you'll go to the next family or the next family.

915
00:42:51,120 --> 00:42:53,840
Speaker 1: And so that made sure that I kept very, very small.

916
00:42:54,320 --> 00:42:57,560
Speaker 1: And I think in terms of my personal development started

917
00:42:57,560 --> 00:42:59,680
Speaker 1: at eighteen, so by the time I was kind of

918
00:42:59,719 --> 00:43:01,920
Speaker 1: in that acting what at twenty two, that's when I got,

919
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:04,000
Speaker 1: oh my god, I'm starting to feel what it is

920
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:07,040
Speaker 1: to be me. Not me being a good black girl,

921
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:10,200
Speaker 1: but me. I wonder what that adventure would look like.

922
00:43:10,360 --> 00:43:12,759
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you know, And that's what I chose. In

923
00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:15,640
Speaker 1: the end. I chose me and not navigating the world

924
00:43:15,640 --> 00:43:17,480
Speaker 1: how I felt I had to to belong.

925
00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:21,640
Speaker 2: I love it. Do you know every time you talk,

926
00:43:21,680 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 2: do you notice I take like a beat. I'm like,

927
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,960
Speaker 2: gotta let this soul sing in. You gotta let it

928
00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:29,160
Speaker 2: sing in. So I do want to talk to you

929
00:43:29,520 --> 00:43:36,000
Speaker 2: about power, a woman's guide to living and leading without apology.

930
00:43:36,719 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 2: And I listened to a really cool pod you did.

931
00:43:39,160 --> 00:43:42,239
Speaker 2: It's called forty Oh yes, Lisa and Sarah.

932
00:43:42,320 --> 00:43:42,960
Speaker 1: Yeah.

933
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:46,040
Speaker 2: And I listened to a lot of that pod. I'm

934
00:43:46,040 --> 00:43:48,600
Speaker 2: in my thirties, but I really get I feel like

935
00:43:48,640 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 2: I'm stealing wisdom or something.

936
00:43:50,280 --> 00:43:52,200
Speaker 1: I love it. You're allowed to listen to it because

937
00:43:52,239 --> 00:43:55,319
Speaker 1: you're not forty yet. Actually, I'm going to email they

938
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:58,359
Speaker 1: must say Oula's not even forty it's just listening. They're

939
00:43:58,360 --> 00:43:59,160
Speaker 1: gonna come get you.

940
00:44:01,800 --> 00:44:07,160
Speaker 2: But you talked a lot about in it, like there

941
00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:10,279
Speaker 2: was a lot around like parenting and guilt when it's

942
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:13,160
Speaker 2: your time, when you need to focus on your passion

943
00:44:13,239 --> 00:44:17,000
Speaker 2: or your purpose, and you were like, no, no, when

944
00:44:17,000 --> 00:44:20,040
Speaker 2: I'm doing my thing, I'm doing my thing. And it

945
00:44:20,080 --> 00:44:24,759
Speaker 2: was like this unapologetic I love what I do, and

946
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,719
Speaker 2: I feel like that is something that is so within you.

947
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:28,640
Speaker 2: Would you agree?

948
00:44:28,760 --> 00:44:31,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, Once again, coming from my origin story, I felt

949
00:44:31,920 --> 00:44:35,640
Speaker 1: like my whole being was an apology, you know, and

950
00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:37,360
Speaker 1: then add on the kind of English thing of we

951
00:44:37,400 --> 00:44:41,480
Speaker 1: say sorry before we speak, you know, just kind of sorry, sorry, sorry,

952
00:44:42,360 --> 00:44:46,719
Speaker 1: And so you know, the living without apology is a

953
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:48,960
Speaker 1: direct correlation because I felt like I was living as

954
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:51,960
Speaker 1: an apology, that I was in a society that's kind

955
00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:54,839
Speaker 1: of like you kind of shouldn't really be. You shouldn't be,

956
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:57,759
Speaker 1: you shouldn't be seen, so therefore just keep it on

957
00:44:57,800 --> 00:44:59,960
Speaker 1: the down low. And I internalized that and believe that.

958
00:45:00,480 --> 00:45:03,880
Speaker 1: So yes, now, especially I'm forty seven. Now, you know,

959
00:45:03,920 --> 00:45:07,239
Speaker 1: it's like if I get forty years more, that would

960
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:10,000
Speaker 1: be incredible. Let's just say I get thirty years. I

961
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:13,839
Speaker 1: don't want to apologize anymore. I don't. I also didn't

962
00:45:13,840 --> 00:45:16,400
Speaker 1: want to raise children that apologetic, which they are so

963
00:45:16,600 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 1: not apologetic, which can be hard to parents sometimes. Let

964
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:22,880
Speaker 1: me just say, for anyone that has children raising independent children,

965
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:24,800
Speaker 1: just let let you know that once they become teenagers,

966
00:45:24,800 --> 00:45:27,200
Speaker 1: they become that and then you still have to live

967
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:31,759
Speaker 1: with them. But also it's incredible. I just knew I

968
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:35,319
Speaker 1: wanted my children to look at it, to see what

969
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:38,680
Speaker 1: it is to live a passionate life. I share with

970
00:45:38,719 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 1: them when things aren't going well. I share with them

971
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:43,640
Speaker 1: when I'm scared, or when I'm about to make a

972
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:47,200
Speaker 1: courageous move, or you know, things didn't turn out quite well,

973
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:49,480
Speaker 1: or you know, I share that with them because then

974
00:45:49,520 --> 00:45:51,560
Speaker 1: they also get to see me that either they brainstorm

975
00:45:51,600 --> 00:45:53,080
Speaker 1: with me, or they get to see a week later

976
00:45:53,120 --> 00:45:54,600
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh, do you know that thing that happened?

977
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:57,080
Speaker 1: This is what I would hate for them to think

978
00:45:57,239 --> 00:45:59,960
Speaker 1: that a passionate life is somehow this kind of smooth

979
00:46:00,080 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 1: linear process.

980
00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:01,319
Speaker 2: It is.

981
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:05,280
Speaker 1: It's in fact, in some ways it has more fear

982
00:46:05,520 --> 00:46:05,759
Speaker 1: in it.

983
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 2: I'll just go back from LA and some days I'd

984
00:46:09,239 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 2: wake up and I'd be like big breathlalla, open the door,

985
00:46:12,239 --> 00:46:15,200
Speaker 2: get out. I'd get into my car to turn the

986
00:46:15,239 --> 00:46:20,000
Speaker 2: car to go to acting school. Battery stolen. I'd go

987
00:46:20,040 --> 00:46:22,680
Speaker 2: to the I'd go to the shop, local shop, buy

988
00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:28,040
Speaker 2: some AVOs, followed home. Oh mate, it was like and

989
00:46:28,080 --> 00:46:30,839
Speaker 2: I said to my therapist, WHOA, I'm in a really

990
00:46:30,960 --> 00:46:34,840
Speaker 2: dangerous place, but I'm chasing like this feeling of opportunity

991
00:46:34,880 --> 00:46:38,400
Speaker 2: and it's so amazing. He said, remember you can fly higher.

992
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 2: When you fly the highest, you're often taking the biggest reach.

993
00:46:42,960 --> 00:46:44,880
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, so it's meant to feel scary.

994
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:45,880
Speaker 2: It's like, yeah, lo.

995
00:46:46,080 --> 00:46:50,880
Speaker 1: What it is scary? It is scary. That is we

996
00:46:50,960 --> 00:46:53,840
Speaker 1: have to be willing to be scared. Ah, we have

997
00:46:53,920 --> 00:46:55,040
Speaker 1: to be scared.

998
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:57,560
Speaker 2: I really want to talk about the new book. Now.

999
00:46:57,560 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 2: We're going to make sure this pod times with around

1000
00:47:00,520 --> 00:47:03,880
Speaker 2: launch time. Okay, so anyone listening, it is officially available

1001
00:47:03,960 --> 00:47:09,000
Speaker 2: right now because we're recording it in advance. Now I am,

1002
00:47:09,160 --> 00:47:10,600
Speaker 2: and I have to admit this to you. I'm a stick.

1003
00:47:10,760 --> 00:47:13,399
Speaker 2: I have to read a hard copy to read because

1004
00:47:13,400 --> 00:47:15,719
Speaker 2: I'm a highlighter. I take my notes. I have to

1005
00:47:16,000 --> 00:47:19,040
Speaker 2: hear Kemmy's voice in my ears as I read. But

1006
00:47:19,160 --> 00:47:21,960
Speaker 2: I have been sent by your wonderful publishers an amazing

1007
00:47:22,000 --> 00:47:25,560
Speaker 2: press release. I've seen a little digital copy, so I'm

1008
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:27,920
Speaker 2: a little bit on top of it, yes, but not

1009
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:30,280
Speaker 2: I'm going to be transparent with you, not one hundred

1010
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:32,200
Speaker 2: percent on top of it, because I'm I'm hanging out

1011
00:47:32,239 --> 00:47:32,480
Speaker 2: for that.

1012
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,640
Speaker 1: How you haven't read the eight chapters about you and it?

1013
00:47:36,640 --> 00:47:39,439
Speaker 2: Sign me up? Sign me up. But what I want

1014
00:47:39,480 --> 00:47:44,280
Speaker 2: to talk to you about is power. Each of the words,

1015
00:47:45,520 --> 00:47:47,880
Speaker 2: and my thing that I want to dive into is like,

1016
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:53,480
Speaker 2: when I hear the word power, it feels masculine, yes,

1017
00:47:55,200 --> 00:48:00,000
Speaker 2: and can you explain what I've just about?

1018
00:47:59,000 --> 00:48:03,600
Speaker 1: It means so hard and it's like yes. So when

1019
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:07,480
Speaker 1: I thought of the word power, it was masculine, and

1020
00:48:07,520 --> 00:48:11,319
Speaker 1: it was male, and it was straight. So this is

1021
00:48:11,360 --> 00:48:14,600
Speaker 1: the book. So when the title power came to me,

1022
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:18,560
Speaker 1: my inner voice said, who the hell do you think

1023
00:48:18,600 --> 00:48:21,040
Speaker 1: you are to write a book about power? Because it

1024
00:48:21,080 --> 00:48:23,520
Speaker 1: went against everything that I had been told about who

1025
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:26,080
Speaker 1: I got to be in the world. And because I've

1026
00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:28,440
Speaker 1: been writing for long enough now, because I've been doing

1027
00:48:28,440 --> 00:48:31,279
Speaker 1: my own personal development, I knew that that was the

1028
00:48:31,320 --> 00:48:34,400
Speaker 1: reason I had to write the book. So the word

1029
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:36,200
Speaker 1: power because I thought, no one can write this book

1030
00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:38,319
Speaker 1: like you, with the experiences that you've had with the

1031
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:41,640
Speaker 1: clients that you work with. And I knew that I

1032
00:48:41,719 --> 00:48:44,520
Speaker 1: had to redefine what power meant because for a lot

1033
00:48:44,520 --> 00:48:46,760
Speaker 1: of women, we don't talk about our relationship with power

1034
00:48:46,880 --> 00:48:48,040
Speaker 1: in the same way a lot of women don't talk

1035
00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:50,000
Speaker 1: about their relationship with money. And there's a whole chapter

1036
00:48:50,080 --> 00:48:53,640
Speaker 1: about the power of money in the book. So power

1037
00:48:53,760 --> 00:48:58,040
Speaker 1: is broken down into five power principles. P is for presents,

1038
00:48:58,440 --> 00:49:02,200
Speaker 1: O is for ownership, W is for wisdom, E is

1039
00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:06,560
Speaker 1: for equality, and R is for responsibility because that is

1040
00:49:06,600 --> 00:49:08,520
Speaker 1: a form of power that we get to build from

1041
00:49:08,520 --> 00:49:10,880
Speaker 1: the inside out. It is not a power that is

1042
00:49:10,920 --> 00:49:13,600
Speaker 1: given to us from the external with a title or

1043
00:49:13,640 --> 00:49:16,520
Speaker 1: where we live, or how many things we have. It

1044
00:49:16,640 --> 00:49:18,960
Speaker 1: is about we can stand within ourselves and say, because

1045
00:49:19,000 --> 00:49:21,440
Speaker 1: I am here, I have power.

1046
00:49:23,239 --> 00:49:28,879
Speaker 2: Straight through the heart. You're right, Yeah, I mean I

1047
00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:33,120
Speaker 2: love it. I love everything you've said, but I yeah,

1048
00:49:33,200 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 2: I love as a female. I love the feeling and

1049
00:49:37,160 --> 00:49:44,600
Speaker 2: feeling powerful, But I've always described myself as a masculine female.

1050
00:49:44,680 --> 00:49:45,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, there you go.

1051
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:50,280
Speaker 2: But it's funny as an actor and someone coming into

1052
00:49:50,400 --> 00:49:54,439
Speaker 2: training like later in life. Technically, even though I'm still

1053
00:49:54,880 --> 00:49:58,960
Speaker 2: sniper skipper with a snapper, I feel like I said

1054
00:49:58,960 --> 00:50:00,800
Speaker 2: with a snipper and then you said riper sip that

1055
00:50:00,880 --> 00:50:02,480
Speaker 2: I realized the word is whipper snapper.

1056
00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:05,239
Speaker 1: Is it snipper? It's aper snipper, isn't it?

1057
00:50:05,280 --> 00:50:06,280
Speaker 2: Is it really a snapper?

1058
00:50:06,280 --> 00:50:12,200
Speaker 1: That would be like a fish? Oh my goodness, people, ms,

1059
00:50:12,480 --> 00:50:15,000
Speaker 1: please let us know.

1060
00:50:15,880 --> 00:50:18,440
Speaker 2: They will be like Matt and I do sometimes do

1061
00:50:18,480 --> 00:50:21,120
Speaker 2: a joint one and they're like Lola, the bing goes

1062
00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:23,279
Speaker 2: out daily, like because I'm like Matt, no goes out

1063
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:26,480
Speaker 2: every two days, and like the amount of hate hate

1064
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:28,720
Speaker 2: people bins out.

1065
00:50:28,600 --> 00:50:30,880
Speaker 1: Daily, Lola bins out dates. I think it's wapper snapper.

1066
00:50:31,000 --> 00:50:31,640
Speaker 1: Let's just go.

1067
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:38,759
Speaker 2: Okay, So I the thing that I feel when I

1068
00:50:38,760 --> 00:50:40,719
Speaker 2: feel most powerful, and I could be going to cly

1069
00:50:40,719 --> 00:50:42,400
Speaker 2: off topic here, but I want to know if this

1070
00:50:42,440 --> 00:50:44,319
Speaker 2: fits in with the book, and it probably hits with

1071
00:50:44,440 --> 00:50:49,120
Speaker 2: the wisdom and presence part. I feel grounded when I

1072
00:50:49,160 --> 00:50:52,080
Speaker 2: feel powerful, and as an actor, I get soaked up

1073
00:50:52,120 --> 00:50:53,360
Speaker 2: in my heads. I'm like, I'm too old, I'm too

1074
00:50:53,400 --> 00:50:56,720
Speaker 2: old for everyone's self doubt blah, imposter syndrome blah blah.

1075
00:50:56,760 --> 00:50:58,680
Speaker 2: But when I came back from l A, I was

1076
00:50:58,719 --> 00:51:01,719
Speaker 2: like ship life is in spanks to a better actor anyway. Yes,

1077
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:04,640
Speaker 2: and so now when I sit in a role or

1078
00:51:04,840 --> 00:51:10,200
Speaker 2: I feel grounded and connected and to me that feels powerful.

1079
00:51:10,880 --> 00:51:12,399
Speaker 2: I don't know why I just said that, but that's

1080
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:12,960
Speaker 2: I just know.

1081
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:15,359
Speaker 1: But that does know because it is. It's looking at

1082
00:51:15,400 --> 00:51:17,160
Speaker 1: and through the book a kind of what I call

1083
00:51:17,280 --> 00:51:20,800
Speaker 1: power processes. They're coaching questions to ask people to tap

1084
00:51:20,880 --> 00:51:24,520
Speaker 1: into what are the processes you have that have you

1085
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:28,399
Speaker 1: be present? Because it is incredibly powerful to be present.

1086
00:51:28,480 --> 00:51:30,880
Speaker 1: Unless we're present, we can't be empathetic to ourselves or

1087
00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:33,799
Speaker 1: to other people. We have to be present enough to

1088
00:51:33,840 --> 00:51:35,759
Speaker 1: know what is working and what is not working in

1089
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:38,640
Speaker 1: our lives. And the reality is that most people fall

1090
00:51:38,640 --> 00:51:40,680
Speaker 1: into the trap of being busy, so we never have

1091
00:51:40,719 --> 00:51:43,280
Speaker 1: to ask the question what am I not being present

1092
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:45,480
Speaker 1: to and why am I not being present to it?

1093
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:47,800
Speaker 1: And what is the impact of me not being present

1094
00:51:47,800 --> 00:51:50,319
Speaker 1: to this area of my life. Once we're present to

1095
00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:52,080
Speaker 1: what is working and not working, we then have the

1096
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:54,360
Speaker 1: power to do something about it. If we're so busy

1097
00:51:54,400 --> 00:51:57,040
Speaker 1: that we can't even look at it, we're powerless. We

1098
00:51:57,080 --> 00:51:59,080
Speaker 1: feel that life is happening to us, and that we

1099
00:51:59,160 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 1: have no control when it comes to wisdom. As I

1100
00:52:02,880 --> 00:52:07,160
Speaker 1: spoke about with my experience with leaving acting, I knew

1101
00:52:07,440 --> 00:52:09,200
Speaker 1: it was not what I wanted to do, but I

1102
00:52:09,239 --> 00:52:12,359
Speaker 1: didn't trust that wisdom for a very very long time

1103
00:52:12,560 --> 00:52:16,120
Speaker 1: until I was so unhappy that I kind of then

1104
00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:18,960
Speaker 1: had to take ownership. I'm unhappy. It doesn't matter what

1105
00:52:19,000 --> 00:52:21,560
Speaker 1: the world tells me successes or what I should want.

1106
00:52:21,800 --> 00:52:23,719
Speaker 1: I have to take ownership that this part of my

1107
00:52:23,840 --> 00:52:27,239
Speaker 1: story is the story that I am not happy, and

1108
00:52:27,280 --> 00:52:30,560
Speaker 1: then to take responsibility the final power principle, which is

1109
00:52:30,760 --> 00:52:32,000
Speaker 1: and what am I going to do about it?

1110
00:52:32,239 --> 00:52:39,480
Speaker 2: Oh? Yeah, run at it right jump?

1111
00:52:39,840 --> 00:52:42,120
Speaker 1: Because that's what And you see that's what I mean.

1112
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:46,240
Speaker 1: It's like, it's not I know that I will lose

1113
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:49,080
Speaker 1: my power again and again and again. And as women,

1114
00:52:49,480 --> 00:52:52,200
Speaker 1: we have our power taken away from us in many

1115
00:52:52,480 --> 00:52:54,400
Speaker 1: many ways. And I know that any female listening to

1116
00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:56,080
Speaker 1: that will know exactly what I mean. There's kind of

1117
00:52:56,080 --> 00:52:57,720
Speaker 1: the high levels of that. And there are the times

1118
00:52:57,760 --> 00:53:01,160
Speaker 1: when we're cutting too or we're spoken over, or where

1119
00:53:01,960 --> 00:53:04,120
Speaker 1: you know, we're ignored for certain things, or the way

1120
00:53:04,120 --> 00:53:08,240
Speaker 1: that we are on our domestic sphere. And also sometimes

1121
00:53:08,280 --> 00:53:11,600
Speaker 1: we give our power away because it's strategic and we

1122
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:13,719
Speaker 1: know for me to have this role off, for me

1123
00:53:13,760 --> 00:53:15,319
Speaker 1: to be okay, or for me to be safe, I'm

1124
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:17,600
Speaker 1: going to give my powaway. I'm going to pretend I

1125
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:19,560
Speaker 1: don't have an opinion. I'm going to pretend I don't

1126
00:53:19,560 --> 00:53:22,399
Speaker 1: have a voice, because I'm smart enough to know that

1127
00:53:22,400 --> 00:53:25,279
Speaker 1: that is what's going to keep me safe. But the

1128
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:27,480
Speaker 1: book is around us those moments when we give it

1129
00:53:27,520 --> 00:53:29,839
Speaker 1: away or when it's taken that we get to keep

1130
00:53:29,880 --> 00:53:31,960
Speaker 1: rebuilding it. You know, I talk in the book at

1131
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:35,279
Speaker 1: this metaphor of like our power comes from a wall

1132
00:53:35,320 --> 00:53:37,600
Speaker 1: that we build. It's like little bricks that we put

1133
00:53:37,600 --> 00:53:39,880
Speaker 1: in place, and sometimes those bricks are going to get

1134
00:53:39,920 --> 00:53:44,040
Speaker 1: knocked off by people by accident, sometimes on purpose. I know,

1135
00:53:44,080 --> 00:53:45,640
Speaker 1: as a black woman walking in you know, I'm in

1136
00:53:45,680 --> 00:53:48,600
Speaker 1: Melbourne in Australia, and the way that Melbourne is at

1137
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:51,239
Speaker 1: the moment is very multicultural. When I first moved here,

1138
00:53:51,560 --> 00:53:53,400
Speaker 1: it was not, especially when it came to kind of

1139
00:53:53,400 --> 00:53:58,799
Speaker 1: black representation, and I could feel powerful in myself and

1140
00:53:58,840 --> 00:54:00,720
Speaker 1: who I was being in the world. Turn the corner

1141
00:54:01,000 --> 00:54:04,319
Speaker 1: and there would be some microaggressional racism, and my power

1142
00:54:04,360 --> 00:54:07,600
Speaker 1: would disappear. I'd literally watch it disappear. So this isn't

1143
00:54:07,640 --> 00:54:09,760
Speaker 1: a book of like twenty one days to being powerful

1144
00:54:09,800 --> 00:54:12,560
Speaker 1: and then that's it. It's a book about we are

1145
00:54:12,640 --> 00:54:16,759
Speaker 1: gonna have a relationship with power. The power comes from

1146
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:17,640
Speaker 1: knowing how to build it.

1147
00:54:18,800 --> 00:54:24,400
Speaker 2: I love love it. What about your coaching? Can it say? So?

1148
00:54:24,440 --> 00:54:27,400
Speaker 2: People say? People go out and buy the book and

1149
00:54:27,440 --> 00:54:30,480
Speaker 2: they're like, gee, kemmy's pretty cool. How do I because

1150
00:54:30,480 --> 00:54:32,120
Speaker 2: I know that you do do coaching, and you've got

1151
00:54:32,160 --> 00:54:33,520
Speaker 2: some of your coaching stories in the book.

1152
00:54:33,560 --> 00:54:36,840
Speaker 1: Correct, Oh yeah, there are there are stories from fourteen

1153
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:40,400
Speaker 1: fourteen points. Yeah, past and present clients. Wow.

1154
00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:42,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, Well that's what I love about the SHIFT. I

1155
00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:44,680
Speaker 2: didn't realize that it's you sharing.

1156
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:47,480
Speaker 1: Well, it's interesting with the SHIFT series, and I kind

1157
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:49,800
Speaker 1: of do say in the podcast so that the podcast

1158
00:54:49,800 --> 00:54:51,200
Speaker 1: is short form as you have. It's like five to

1159
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:54,240
Speaker 1: eight minutes, just a very kind of queasy coaching prod

1160
00:54:54,680 --> 00:54:57,440
Speaker 1: because it's creating that coaching space. I created that podcast

1161
00:54:57,440 --> 00:55:00,480
Speaker 1: because I know that not everyone will have access to coaching.

1162
00:55:00,600 --> 00:55:02,960
Speaker 1: It's just not it's just out of people's you know,

1163
00:55:03,080 --> 00:55:05,880
Speaker 1: financial ability, or they just don't know about it. So

1164
00:55:05,880 --> 00:55:08,400
Speaker 1: it's kind of that little introduction, and the idea is

1165
00:55:08,400 --> 00:55:10,360
Speaker 1: that it creates a space for people to ask themselves

1166
00:55:10,400 --> 00:55:12,759
Speaker 1: their own questions. It's self coaching. It's so powerful. It's

1167
00:55:12,800 --> 00:55:14,480
Speaker 1: taking responsibility, and I love that you do that.

1168
00:55:14,520 --> 00:55:16,560
Speaker 2: At the end, you're like, it's your turn, Yeah, go on,

1169
00:55:16,920 --> 00:55:17,759
Speaker 2: what's your action?

1170
00:55:17,840 --> 00:55:20,879
Speaker 1: What are you going to do? And you know what

1171
00:55:20,920 --> 00:55:23,080
Speaker 1: I can't do, though, is that I don't share real

1172
00:55:23,160 --> 00:55:26,200
Speaker 1: stories of clients. What I do is I've been coaching

1173
00:55:26,280 --> 00:55:29,240
Speaker 1: for near a decade now, but I see reoccurring themes.

1174
00:55:29,719 --> 00:55:31,759
Speaker 1: So then part of me being a writer is I

1175
00:55:31,760 --> 00:55:34,920
Speaker 1: can then take those themes and essences from certain clients

1176
00:55:35,320 --> 00:55:38,640
Speaker 1: and bring them together to give a theme, got a story,

1177
00:55:38,719 --> 00:55:42,040
Speaker 1: you know, because obviously I have confidential you know. Oh

1178
00:55:42,080 --> 00:55:46,120
Speaker 1: and then Barbara did this. But yeah, I see enough

1179
00:55:46,160 --> 00:55:47,760
Speaker 1: themes that I know that I can bring it together

1180
00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:49,520
Speaker 1: in a way that's going to resonate for people.

1181
00:55:50,000 --> 00:55:53,600
Speaker 2: So for people now to get ahold of you, the book.

1182
00:55:53,800 --> 00:55:56,800
Speaker 1: The book pod, definitely the podcast. That's a good introduction.

1183
00:55:56,920 --> 00:55:59,440
Speaker 2: I imagine you've got mega wait list for coaching.

1184
00:56:00,120 --> 00:56:05,319
Speaker 1: I do have, you know, But what people need to

1185
00:56:05,360 --> 00:56:07,560
Speaker 1: do is that they need to, you know, reach out

1186
00:56:07,600 --> 00:56:11,279
Speaker 1: through my website and actually probably my website more than Instagram,

1187
00:56:11,920 --> 00:56:13,480
Speaker 1: and there's you know, there's a form and people can

1188
00:56:13,480 --> 00:56:14,960
Speaker 1: put it in and we can see we'll have a

1189
00:56:14,960 --> 00:56:17,480
Speaker 1: conversation and see how that could work.

1190
00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:20,839
Speaker 2: Kemy, you're wonderful. We've been going nearly an hour. I

1191
00:56:20,840 --> 00:56:24,600
Speaker 2: was like, this will be forty minutes. Thank you. You were

1192
00:56:24,640 --> 00:56:28,120
Speaker 2: so wonderful for people listening. There is going to be

1193
00:56:28,320 --> 00:56:30,800
Speaker 2: a direct link so that you can order the book today.

1194
00:56:31,040 --> 00:56:34,080
Speaker 2: I'll also link Kemy's podcast in the show notes. I'm

1195
00:56:34,120 --> 00:56:37,239
Speaker 2: going to a link to the trailer to farming as well.

1196
00:56:37,360 --> 00:56:42,160
Speaker 2: Is that what the jocko's called? And thank you so much.

1197
00:56:43,480 --> 00:56:45,480
Speaker 2: Such an honor. I was so excited to have you

1198
00:56:45,520 --> 00:56:47,640
Speaker 2: on the pod and you've totally made my day.

1199
00:56:47,760 --> 00:56:49,400
Speaker 1: Oh Lola, it is so nice to be in the

1200
00:56:49,440 --> 00:56:52,040
Speaker 1: same space with you. And can I say, as someone

1201
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:54,920
Speaker 1: that's known you for a while, it has been such

1202
00:56:54,960 --> 00:56:58,200
Speaker 1: a joy to watch your evolution and for you to

1203
00:56:58,360 --> 00:57:02,520
Speaker 1: step into what joy and passion and authenticity is for you.

1204
00:57:02,600 --> 00:57:05,680
Speaker 2: Thank you for having me feelings mutual by the way,

1205
00:57:05,760 --> 00:57:08,880
Speaker 2: I have loved your journey. Okay, okay, I got to

1206
00:57:08,920 --> 00:57:11,640
Speaker 2: end this Otherwise I'll just keep rabbiting on. You're amazing.

1207
00:57:11,760 --> 00:57:13,840
Speaker 2: Can't wait to see this book fly, and I cannot

1208
00:57:13,880 --> 00:57:16,320
Speaker 2: wait to have a hard time. I'm old school mates.

1209
00:57:16,960 --> 00:57:19,200
Speaker 1: Don't worry, it's coming. It's coming to you with some

1210
00:57:19,280 --> 00:57:24,320
Speaker 1: little little things to some merchant stuff.

1211
00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:30,680
Speaker 2: Big love. You're amazing, Thanks Lola. That's a wrap on

1212
00:57:30,800 --> 00:57:36,080
Speaker 2: another episode of Fearlessly Failing. As always, thank you to

1213
00:57:36,160 --> 00:57:40,720
Speaker 2: our guests, and let's continue the conversation on Instagram. I'm

1214
00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:45,640
Speaker 2: at Yamo, Lolla Berry. This potty my word for podcast

1215
00:57:46,200 --> 00:57:50,000
Speaker 2: is available on all streaming platforms. I'd love it if

1216
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:54,000
Speaker 2: you could subscribe, rape and comment, and of course spread

1217
00:57:54,000 --> 00:57:54,360
Speaker 2: the love.