Speaker 1: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 1: I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. Hi Brittany, how's your week? Bed?
Speaker 1: I don't know why, I swear to God every time
Speaker 1: we get in a room together, we just start laughing hysterically,
Speaker 1: and I'm not actually sure what we're laughing at. Nothing
Speaker 1: has happened. No, that's nothing in my week, nothing funny,
Speaker 1: And here we are yet again, like groundhog Day. I'm
Speaker 1: gonna be honest. I have had a really funny week?
Speaker 1: Is it a sad week? Actually? I did have someone
Speaker 1: say something funny. Oh, I do have something funny. Actually,
Speaker 1: thank you. I only just thought now it was like, okay,
Speaker 1: I jumped back onto the online dating world. Guys, Holy shit,
Speaker 1: let the girl out the gate, hold her back. Well,
Speaker 1: you gotta kind of keep got to get back into it.
Speaker 1: Gouta be in it to win it. The get back
Speaker 1: on that horse I've been out of it for a
Speaker 1: long time, or the bull because the bulls are the
Speaker 1: ones that go for red flag flag. Yeah, get back up,
Speaker 1: get back on some sort of wild animal. So I
Speaker 1: was just talking to this guy and he'd been he'd
Speaker 1: wanted to meet up a few times. Can I just
Speaker 1: say I was so excited for you that I'm back
Speaker 1: on the horse slash bull slash animal. Really, just because
Speaker 1: you're back on something, you've got no choice. You have
Speaker 1: to you have to be online now because a the
Speaker 1: generation we live in, people don't approach each other to
Speaker 1: ask each other out anymore, as we already know, like
Speaker 1: the very very rare time that happens in the wild,
Speaker 1: most people just jump on it and say yes, like yeah,
Speaker 1: let's go on a date, even if they don't like them,
Speaker 1: because they're like, it just doesn't happen. It's like a
Speaker 1: unicorn finding a unicorn. B covid is really really limiting
Speaker 1: the limited number of opportunities that already existed. And it's
Speaker 1: scrammy jam, isn't it. How over I feel like online
Speaker 1: is the only way to do it. But I had
Speaker 1: been talking to this guy and he was trying to
Speaker 1: catch up a few times, and classic Brittany just works
Speaker 1: every single night until two am, so I don't have
Speaker 1: a lot of free time. And he sent me this
Speaker 1: message and he said, hey, it'd be good to catch
Speaker 1: up this weekend, but just so you know, my weekend's
Speaker 1: filling up fast. So you better get in quick. I'm
Speaker 1: not kidding, Like that's why I wish you're like, all right,
Speaker 1: book me in for two pm, then thank you. It
Speaker 1: was like it was almost like he was trying to
Speaker 1: be like I'm super popular like now andever, and I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, well, you sound busy, like I won't.
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna bother you. But also filling up with
Speaker 1: what is what I want to know? Like filling up
Speaker 1: with other dates, filling up because he's got to go
Speaker 1: see his mom, Like, what's it filling up with? I
Speaker 1: don't know. My weekend is filling up quickly, so you
Speaker 1: better get in quick. It's always good to feel like
Speaker 1: you're a priority in someone's life. I was like, wowie,
Speaker 1: what would have been a better thing to say is hey,
Speaker 1: I got a super busy weekend. Would to see so
Speaker 1: I'll make time to me when you're friend? So how's
Speaker 1: the dating world going? How how did that end? Are
Speaker 1: we happy to be back?
Speaker 2: Oh? Git?
Speaker 1: It's like, oh it's it's I forgot what the world
Speaker 1: was like. I forgot what the online dating world was like.
Speaker 1: But do you know what is funny? Actually, oh my god,
Speaker 1: I said I didn't have a funny week, but I did.
Speaker 3: This is it.
Speaker 1: I'm so happy that you're back. This is the old Brittany. Guys,
Speaker 1: if you've been listening to this podcast from the get go,
Speaker 1: then you will remember back when there was meat Raffle
Speaker 1: and sit on my face guy. Those are the golden
Speaker 1: days of life on Cut, when Brittany could bring her
Speaker 1: dating stories to the podcast. And she's back and I'm
Speaker 1: so happy. Actually, a really quick update on meat Raffle,
Speaker 1: not like an actual update, but that we had a
Speaker 1: mutual friend right, and I was with the mutual friend.
Speaker 1: I haven't seen her thought of meat Raffle in a
Speaker 1: long time, Like I'm basically a veacon. I don't think
Speaker 1: of meat Raffles. And I was with this mutual friend
Speaker 1: and there must have been a photo up on his story,
Speaker 1: and meet Raffle texted the friend and said, tell britt
Speaker 1: I miss her way to try and cut your grass.
Speaker 1: But also then he said, so my friend's like, oh,
Speaker 1: meet Raffles and he misses you. Oh to tell you that?
Speaker 1: And I said, he can tell me himself, and he
Speaker 1: wrote that back. She said tell herself, and he wrote,
Speaker 1: I can't. She blocked me because what you guys did
Speaker 1: in here is that meat Raffle ended up being not
Speaker 1: so nice a guy. Nah he was Nah, he was rogue.
Speaker 1: We they kicked him to the curve.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: But what was funny is so I jumped back online
Speaker 1: only like a few days ago and match with a
Speaker 1: few people like you know, in the first day. But
Speaker 1: all of them started to say the same thing did
Speaker 1: you match with? Like did you match with like a
Speaker 1: dating bot? All of them know, all of them started
Speaker 1: to say the same on the same sort of like wavelength,
Speaker 1: So things like ah, third time, lucky, maybe we're like
Speaker 1: meet this time. Another one, oh, you disappeared on me
Speaker 1: and I was like, I was like, hang on a minute.
Speaker 1: Then another one the same sort of thing. You know,
Speaker 1: when are we finally going to meet? This time you
Speaker 1: kept pulling the pin last minute sort of thing, and
Speaker 1: I was like, what is going on? I smell a
Speaker 1: rat anyway. Actually, one of our listeners had had screamed, okay,
Speaker 1: get this, I come without I've told you one of
Speaker 1: our listeners. I'm like in shock right now why this happened. Also,
Speaker 1: I just loved it. I was like, mah, I got
Speaker 1: nothing to say. I know that was very misleading because
Speaker 1: like you live a single life. There's lots of things
Speaker 1: happening in your life. Nothing happens in my life. So
Speaker 1: when I say nothing's happened, I mean it. And when
Speaker 1: you say it, you're like, oh, actually sorry, I don't
Speaker 1: want to stand last night with the hottest guy ever
Speaker 1: here it is no. So one of our listeners wrote
Speaker 1: me and she was like, hey, like, heads up, I
Speaker 1: just want to let you know, like I was seeing
Speaker 1: a guy and she's like, I don't know. I was
Speaker 1: seeing him for quite a while, like he's my boyfriend.
Speaker 1: And she's like, I don't know why he's sent me this.
Speaker 1: I don't know if he's I think it was he
Speaker 1: was trying to throw something back in my face and
Speaker 1: be like, well, look I've moved on. But he screenshot
Speaker 1: This is her ex boyfriend. His screenshot a conversation online
Speaker 1: dating between Brittany and himself, Brittany being me, and it
Speaker 1: was my profile and he sent this conversation and my
Speaker 1: profile to her, being like, look I'm talking to Brittany anyway,
Speaker 1: so like I'm done with your type thing? Is she
Speaker 1: sent that to me? She's like, just so you know,
Speaker 1: he's like showing people your guys conversation and I was like,
Speaker 1: that's not me. It's like I was. I was like,
Speaker 1: that is actually not me. Oh my god, there's been
Speaker 1: a fake profile of you circulated. So there is a
Speaker 1: fake prefle on me that is just going to town
Speaker 1: on all these conversations. I don't know. Obviously they've not
Speaker 1: met up with anyone because it's not me. But God
Speaker 1: only knows what they've been saying. So but I wrote
Speaker 1: back to her and I was like, I read what
Speaker 1: the conversation was. I was like, I can one hundred
Speaker 1: percent confirm that is not me because Brittany fake Brittany
Speaker 1: opened up with So you know, you wouldn't even know
Speaker 1: this on Bumble you only get twenty four hours to
Speaker 1: start the conversation. Well, I remember this. I us Bumble
Speaker 1: premat days and that was the that was the thing
Speaker 1: back then. It was like the chicks have to introduce.
Speaker 1: I just felt like that was Roman times for you.
Speaker 1: So I'm wasn't sure if your Facebook wasn't even around. No, okay,
Speaker 1: So we were still using dial up connection. We called
Speaker 1: each other on the telephone that was connected to the
Speaker 1: wall with a piece of string where it's like asl So, yeah,
Speaker 1: you get this twenty four hours, right to start the conversation.
Speaker 1: And if you don't start it, they expire or he extended.
Speaker 1: The guy can extend the conversation. That's right. If the
Speaker 1: girl hasn't spoken to the guy, the guy can be like,
Speaker 1: please give me another twenty four hours. So he has
Speaker 1: done that, he's obviously we've matched. I haven't spoken. He's
Speaker 1: extended the twenty four hours. And then my opening line was,
Speaker 1: thank god you extended the match. I would have hated
Speaker 1: to have let someone like you slip me by. And
Speaker 1: I was like, real, he would never say that, fake Brittany,
Speaker 1: your shit together. If you're going to be out there
Speaker 1: impersonating me, let me be cool, like, let me play
Speaker 1: it cool. I just love Okay, I'm sure hopefully this
Speaker 1: listener is listening to this and she just hears her
Speaker 1: ex boyfriend just got railed. But apart from that, I
Speaker 1: just love that whoever's created this fake profile for you
Speaker 1: has actually really committed to it and gone through and
Speaker 1: talked to people like I mean, you see loads of
Speaker 1: fake profiles, but usually it's like some Nigerian guy trying
Speaker 1: to scam someone, not just like out there to have
Speaker 1: a chit chat. Has your day, and and I had
Speaker 1: to say to this one guy and then I had
Speaker 1: like a little online fight with him. It wasn't his fault,
Speaker 1: but I said to him, Oh, look, I'm in complete transparency.
Speaker 1: I don't think no, I don't think we've ever matched.
Speaker 1: Because he was one that was like third time lucky.
Speaker 1: I was like like, I don't think we've ever matched,
Speaker 1: because he's quite cute. I was like, I don't think
Speaker 1: we've ever matched. I'm gonna just be honest. There's actually
Speaker 1: a fake prof like there's a catfish. So I have
Speaker 1: a that you've probably been speaking to fake me and
Speaker 1: no one's gonna believe you. Bretton, I know. And then
Speaker 1: he goes, oh, well, how do I know it's real
Speaker 1: you now? And I don't really here's a photo of
Speaker 1: my boobs.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: I got so defensive. I was just like, you know what,
Speaker 1: I don't have the energy for this. I was like,
Speaker 1: I was like, it's on trust. If you don't want
Speaker 1: to speak to me because don't think it's me, that's fine,
Speaker 1: have a great day. That's what I said that it
Speaker 1: was so uncalled for, but I was just really like,
Speaker 1: I don't have the energy to go back finally I'm
Speaker 1: back online, and now I've had all these conversations with people,
Speaker 1: and I just don't have the energy to be like
Speaker 1: defending myself to someone I don't know, saying I promise
Speaker 1: it's me, Like, no, I'm not gonna do that. So
Speaker 1: I just said to him, look, it's me. If you
Speaker 1: want to, if you want to believe that, we can
Speaker 1: keep talking, but I'm not gonna try and prove my
Speaker 1: point to you. Does that mean that there is still
Speaker 1: a profile that's circulating or do you think that one
Speaker 1: is now no longer there? Or are you simultaneously online
Speaker 1: dating and talking to a shit ton of guys? I
Speaker 1: reckon there's two of us. And also, maybe this person's
Speaker 1: put in some good groundwork for you, because clearly you've
Speaker 1: just rematched with everyone anyway. So they weren't super offensive
Speaker 1: or anything, but imagine if they've just said yes to everyone,
Speaker 1: they're probably not even looking and just swiping right on
Speaker 1: every like a guy. But one thing I can say
Speaker 1: about fake Brittany is they did they did pick some
Speaker 1: solid photos, like from my Instagram, so like I was
Speaker 1: happy with what my profile looked like. Good, I'm glad.
Speaker 1: I'm glad that they put their best foot forward for you,
Speaker 1: you know, and then you know what, You've just had
Speaker 1: like a little soft entry back into the dating world anyway,
Speaker 1: So that's what's happening. So it's not it's not gonna
Speaker 1: be easy. I feel like I have an uphill battle
Speaker 1: on my hands. Well, I am, for one, and I'm
Speaker 1: going to speak on behalf of every single person who
Speaker 1: listens to this podcast. I'm so happy you're back. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I know all of you evil people that were hoping
Speaker 1: that I would come back single just so you could
Speaker 1: live vicariously. Guys, I want a boyfriend like you have
Speaker 1: to put your good vibes out there for me. Now
Speaker 1: we're all putting good vibes out there, but we still
Speaker 1: want stories in between. Now, when that happens, we want
Speaker 1: to like monopolize as much as possible. But today, for
Speaker 1: today's episode, guys, we have I might say it every week,
Speaker 1: but a very special episode and that's because we have
Speaker 1: a guest for today's episode. We did tease it a
Speaker 1: little bit last week. We have Juliet Allen, who is
Speaker 1: one of Australia's leading sexologists on the podcast today and
Speaker 1: she's going to be answering all your deep, dark and
Speaker 1: dirty questions, all the questions that we haven't been able
Speaker 1: to answer that have come across on Ask Guncut. So
Speaker 1: we thought after having a dating and relationship podcast for
Speaker 1: a year, it was probably the time that we answered
Speaker 1: a few sex questions. But I also think it's a
Speaker 1: sort of topic that should be done with a professional.
Speaker 1: I think it should be done with someone that's actually trained,
Speaker 1: and Juliette has really putting the hard jat She's a
Speaker 1: psychologist before she became a sex therapist, so she already
Speaker 1: knows the shit that's going on in your head. She's
Speaker 1: done the theoretical and the practical application. She's done a
Speaker 1: dedicated degree. And what I will say about Juliet she
Speaker 1: was a surprise little package, wasn't she. Laura, She's a
Speaker 1: firecracker guy, so please hang in for that part of
Speaker 1: the episode. Also be a little bit forgiving, guys, because
Speaker 1: we have recorded this interview remotely, so we've done our
Speaker 1: absolute best to meet the audio as amazing possible, but
Speaker 1: obviously the fact that like we're in separate places, there
Speaker 1: is a tiny bit of difference between the quality of
Speaker 1: the recordings to what you're usually used to, so we
Speaker 1: just want to, like, you know, make you aware of that,
Speaker 1: and hang in there for the chat because the chat
Speaker 1: is really great and you will have a couple of
Speaker 1: good giggles in there as well. We're still in crazy times,
Speaker 1: we're still in COVID precautions, so we're still trying to
Speaker 1: do our best to give you really, really great quality
Speaker 1: episodes every single week. We knew Juliette would be worth it.
Speaker 1: We did want to speak to her, but unfortunately we
Speaker 1: just had to do it remotely. So we're doing the
Speaker 1: best we can, So hang in there anyway, Brittany. Now
Speaker 1: it is time for our favorite part of the episode,
Speaker 1: Dun Dun dud, a bit that we drink wine. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's that, but it's also time for accidentally unfiltered. And
Speaker 1: for anybody who hasn't listened to an episode and doesn't
Speaker 1: know what accidentally unfiltered is because we didn't do it
Speaker 1: in last week's episode, that is basically where we tell
Speaker 1: you your most embarrassing stories and we all laugh together
Speaker 1: at your misfortune. Those moments, you know, I'm just thinking,
Speaker 1: I've had so many of these. It's just those moments
Speaker 1: you just wish you could sink into the ground. And
Speaker 1: bury yourself. There the moments we love, There the moments
Speaker 1: you rite us, and there the moments we read to you.
Speaker 1: So I have a cracker lacker coming right up, all right, girlfriend,
Speaker 1: and bring it. Yeay, this one's actually so innocent. I
Speaker 1: think the innocent ones are the best ones. A few
Speaker 1: years ago, I was nearly single and at a party
Speaker 1: at a friend's house, someone I had only met a
Speaker 1: few times, and lots of people there that I did
Speaker 1: not know. I was trying to get out of my
Speaker 1: comfort zone and joining conversations in the room, just trying
Speaker 1: to be cool and make friends, you know. I overheard
Speaker 1: two girls near me chouting away and I heard them
Speaker 1: mention their bullet. I thought, Aha, something I can relate to.
Speaker 1: So I casually decided to join the conversation and I
Speaker 1: turned to them as I had a ninja bullet too.
Speaker 1: I'd only recently bought mine, so I felt like I
Speaker 1: could contribute. So I casually decided to join the conversation
Speaker 1: and I turned to them to start up. To start
Speaker 1: up a chat, I asked how powerful theirs were, because
Speaker 1: I know you can get different to power. One of
Speaker 1: the girls, we have a ninja bullet. It's what you
Speaker 1: put your food process? Yeah, make soups out of it,
Speaker 1: all right, Okay? I was like one of girls were
Speaker 1: saying how much she loved hers, and I said, I
Speaker 1: love mine too, and I use it every single day,
Speaker 1: sometimes twice a day. We all kept chatting, and then
Speaker 1: I said that I love to make smoothies in mine.
Speaker 1: They both looked at me blankly and laughed. I had
Speaker 1: no idea why until they told me they were indeed
Speaker 1: referring to their bullet vibrator, not a Ninja bullet blender.
Speaker 1: Feel like I made friends that night. Can you imagine
Speaker 1: just being ah, well, mine's a bit more nutritional. It
Speaker 1: makes fantastic soups and smoothies, but like yourself really good too.
Speaker 1: It's like turning the vibrator on and throwing it into
Speaker 1: like a glass with stuff in it to mix up
Speaker 1: with smoothie. Like the girls would have been like, you
Speaker 1: use yours to make smoothies? Like what how do you
Speaker 1: do that? You just use it like a mallet and
Speaker 1: just mash it with holy purpose. Oh my god, I
Speaker 1: don't know how confidently she would have been saying it too.
Speaker 1: She's like, and what power is yours?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Sometimes two three times a day. I would have
Speaker 1: been like, you're a bloody animal. I like, she use
Speaker 1: at a breakfast and also at dinner time, and take
Speaker 1: it to work. It's so graty in the ki you
Speaker 1: can transport it everywhere. This reminds me. This reminds me
Speaker 1: of the time when I was I was working in
Speaker 1: an office many many moons ago, and a girlfriend of
Speaker 1: mine at the time, this is back when, you know,
Speaker 1: this is back when the days when you're in your
Speaker 1: early twenties and people are being a little bit naughty.
Speaker 1: And one of my girlfriends was like, oh, do you
Speaker 1: think I should get a bag tonight? And I was like,
Speaker 1: what do you mean? And she was like, do you
Speaker 1: think I should buy a bag? She's like and I
Speaker 1: was like, well, how much is a bag? And she
Speaker 1: was like, well, it's three hundred dollars. And I was like,
Speaker 1: but is it a leather bag? And she looked at
Speaker 1: me like I was an so idiot. And I was like, well,
Speaker 1: if it's a leather three hundred dollars bag, that seems
Speaker 1: like it's totally suitable. And I know there's gonna be
Speaker 1: a few people who know what I'm talking about right now,
Speaker 1: and I felt very, very dumb when I realized she
Speaker 1: was not talking about a leather bag, and it was
Speaker 1: a Saturday night. It was a different bag that is
Speaker 1: definitely not worth three hundred dollars, mind you, waste of money.
Speaker 1: But exact same thing happened literally like two weeks ago
Speaker 1: to my sister Sherry. That was a big group of
Speaker 1: us chatting and I just know show like the back
Speaker 1: of my hand, and they were talking about some person
Speaker 1: and they were like, yeah, he probably just got paid
Speaker 1: in bags. I could see Sharon's face and she was, Oh,
Speaker 1: I'd like to be paid a designer bag. Yeah, she
Speaker 1: was like like plentie. I looked at him and I
Speaker 1: was like, not that kind of bag, Sherry. She's like,
Speaker 1: lookind a bag and I'm like, this is I love you.
Speaker 1: This the innocence. The innocence is just bloody hell. Have
Speaker 1: you got something to give me? Okay, I don't have
Speaker 1: an accidentally unfiltered story for you today, I know, much
Speaker 1: to probably everyone's sadness, since it's the best part of
Speaker 1: the episode. But we had started another section which was
Speaker 1: I can't believe they said that. And today I put
Speaker 1: up a thing on our Facebook page which was about
Speaker 1: the strangest thing that you've been asked to do during sex,
Speaker 1: and like, this isn't to King shame anyone, but this
Speaker 1: is just like, you know, the most outrageous thing that
Speaker 1: you've been asked to do in the bedroom. It's not
Speaker 1: even King shame me either. It's just like, it's just
Speaker 1: there are so many different people out there, so many
Speaker 1: different situations, and it's a whole other world, and I
Speaker 1: think it's great to learn about it. Ab so fuckolutely.
Speaker 1: So I was reading through them today and there was
Speaker 1: one that just made me actually stop and burst out
Speaker 1: laughing because I was thinking, we've all been there? Have
Speaker 1: we all been there? I will be the judge of this.
Speaker 1: So one listener wrote in and she wrote, this guy
Speaker 1: couldn't get it up, and we were halfway through and
Speaker 1: he was just like, oh, for fuck's sake, just put
Speaker 1: it in anyway, like a marshmallow.
Speaker 2: Oh.
Speaker 1: So this just reminded me when I was young and
Speaker 1: I remember asking my mom why why does a guy
Speaker 1: have to have an erection in order to have sex?
Speaker 1: And my mom was like, well, Laura, just imagine trying
Speaker 1: to shove a marshmallow into a money box, and that
Speaker 1: visual has stuck with me my entire fucking life. It's
Speaker 1: like putting into a cheese crater. But then I mentioned
Speaker 1: putting it into a cheese grade just in terms of
Speaker 1: like the diameter of the slot. I was like, I
Speaker 1: feel like it's very different from trying to shove it
Speaker 1: into a cheese I don't think any guy is gonna
Speaker 1: be up for that. But I said this to Matt,
Speaker 1: it read it to mad. Matt was like, yeah, because
Speaker 1: then like maybe if he got it in there, he'd
Speaker 1: get an erection. I was like, how, No, how like
Speaker 1: little of a turn on? Is that going to be shoving? Stuffing?
Speaker 1: You can't even shove it in there. You've got to
Speaker 1: stuff the flaccid pen of this inside of you and
Speaker 1: not move. They get hard not move because you can't move. Nah.
Speaker 1: I Yeah, I'm with you. I think probably most people
Speaker 1: have been there. We've all been there, We've all tried it.
Speaker 1: It doesn't work. Look, there's a reason why men are
Speaker 1: supposed to have an erection in order to have sex.
Speaker 1: So fine, some guys can't. There's other ways around it.
Speaker 1: But I don't think the solution to the problem is
Speaker 1: stuffing it inside. It's probably not to yell at her
Speaker 1: and say just put it in and you fold it
Speaker 1: in half and shove it in. Oh bless. Anyway, have
Speaker 1: you got one for me? No? Just like straight up.
Speaker 1: I don't know why, because I knew today was a
Speaker 1: really long EP, so I was like, I feel like,
Speaker 1: no one wants to hear us talk for that long,
Speaker 1: So I thought we should just shorten the intro. But
Speaker 1: but then I just told you like twenty of my
Speaker 1: stories anyway. No, So we pre recorded this interview with Juliet. Guys,
Speaker 1: we really hope that you enjoy it. We both had
Speaker 1: such an awesome time recording this and such an awesome
Speaker 1: time listening to her stories and also listening to her
Speaker 1: views and her answers on a lot of these questions
Speaker 1: that we put out there and asked her about sex,
Speaker 1: about orgasms, about libido, all the questions that we've had
Speaker 1: come in that we've been sitting on for a little while.
Speaker 1: So we're going to get into the interview now, and
Speaker 1: we're really excited to hear your thoughts on this one. Juliet.
Speaker 1: We're so excited to have you on for today's episode. Welcome,
Speaker 1: thank you, thanks for having me.
Speaker 2: I'm actually really excited to chat to you, lovely ladies today.
Speaker 1: We're excited because you are a sexologist extraordinary. I've labeled
Speaker 1: you that. I think you're a was just extraordinair. So
Speaker 1: what makes you a sexologist? Like, what do you have
Speaker 1: to study? We had so many questions when we put
Speaker 1: out our questions to our listeners, and one of the
Speaker 1: biggest ones was what is a sexologist?
Speaker 3: Good question?
Speaker 2: Okay, I'll give you a brief background of how I
Speaker 2: got to where I am today.
Speaker 1: What makes you qualified to be talking about sex other
Speaker 1: than you just love it?
Speaker 2: Well, I was gonna say that aside from just loving sex,
Speaker 2: I studied psychology when I was a lot younger.
Speaker 3: Straight out of school. I hated psychology.
Speaker 2: I found it really difficult and I found it really clinical.
Speaker 2: So I studied psychology. I finished the degree, and then
Speaker 2: I traveled he and then I became a mom. Then
Speaker 2: I became a yoga teacher, and I was teaching yoga
Speaker 2: and for a couple of years, and I towards the
Speaker 2: end of teaching, I just got really bored of like
Speaker 2: number staying at the end of class and.
Speaker 1: Number can't stay here forever.
Speaker 2: It just felt Yeah, I was just like oh, no,
Speaker 2: another numbers, and I was working heaps of women, and
Speaker 2: women were always coming to me asking me about sex
Speaker 2: and talking about their sex lives, and it was I
Speaker 2: was always that person in my friendship circle who people
Speaker 2: always came to and disclosed stuff, and so I found
Speaker 2: it really easy to talk about And back to the yoga,
Speaker 2: I just felt like there was something more to my
Speaker 2: career than just teaching yoga. So I mentioned to a friend,
Speaker 2: you know, how can I make a living out of
Speaker 2: sex but not become a sex worker. Yeah. We found
Speaker 2: out that there was a master's in sexology in Australia.
Speaker 2: It's the only degree in the Southern hemisphere that does
Speaker 2: sexology as a degree. So I enrolled and within like
Speaker 2: a month, I was studying sexology at UNI. And as
Speaker 2: soon as I started, I just knew this was for me.
Speaker 2: And now that I look back on it, when I
Speaker 2: used to with my therapist when I was like early
Speaker 2: twenties and single and sleeping around, and I felt like
Speaker 2: I was a bit of a sex addict but I wasn't.
Speaker 2: But I went to therapy being like, I think maybe
Speaker 2: I'm addicted, and she.
Speaker 3: Was like this, You're not addicted. It's just one day.
Speaker 2: You're going to make a career out of this somehow,
Speaker 2: because it's really a really big part of you. And
Speaker 2: so I look back and you know, I had this
Speaker 2: therapy session so many years ago, and then I finally,
Speaker 2: you know, found that career.
Speaker 1: So can I ask a few things? A how long
Speaker 1: is a sexology degree? And B how old were you
Speaker 1: when you started it? Like when you really were like,
Speaker 1: this is a career change. I'm not happy with what
Speaker 1: I'm doing. Because I think a lot of women also
Speaker 1: hit that point where they're like, is this me forever?
Speaker 1: Am I going to number? Stay here forever?
Speaker 2: I'm thirty eight now, so I was about thirty when
Speaker 2: I decided to do the career change.
Speaker 3: So I've been going for about eight years.
Speaker 1: I love that because because like I just said, we
Speaker 1: get a lot of people right into saying that they're
Speaker 1: not happy with their life and how do you change
Speaker 1: your career in such a drastic direction? And I love
Speaker 1: that you were like, simple, I'm not happy. What do
Speaker 1: I love? I love sex? How can I do it?
Speaker 1: And then you went and did it. I think most
Speaker 1: of them who are like I love sex and aren't
Speaker 1: like I'm going to go read about sex. I'm going
Speaker 1: to go learn about sex. They're just more like I'm
Speaker 1: going to do the sex. It's a very you took
Speaker 1: a very theoretical application to something that's usually a very
Speaker 1: practical course.
Speaker 3: Well, it was very practical for me too.
Speaker 2: I had a really good excuse when I was studying
Speaker 2: to do multiple case studies, and I even would joke
Speaker 2: with friends and be like, this is a great case.
Speaker 1: Study business market research.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of research gone on behind
Speaker 2: the scenes. Did you ever slide into anyone, like anyone
Speaker 2: famous or like just someone that's really really hot and
Speaker 2: be like, look, I'm doing an assignment for UNI, I
Speaker 2: need to have sex.
Speaker 3: Kind of.
Speaker 2: I guess I kind of took advantage of the fact
Speaker 2: I was studying sex. And you know, when when the
Speaker 2: conversation when people hear that I'm a sexologist, or when
Speaker 2: they heard I was studying it, it always opens up
Speaker 2: really interesting conversations with people. So it was a good
Speaker 2: doorway into you know, lots of case studies.
Speaker 1: Like looking back now, because you've said you've got a partner, now,
Speaker 1: did you find it was more detrimental to you or
Speaker 1: more of an advantage when you were sort of dating
Speaker 1: and telling people. Were there more people that were like, Oh,
Speaker 1: I can't go there because this is too intimidating, or
Speaker 1: were there more guys that were like, hell's yeah.
Speaker 3: I never saw it as a disadvantage.
Speaker 2: I think it actually just I attracted in men and
Speaker 2: women because I was in a relationship with a woman
Speaker 2: when I started studying sexology, and then you know, I
Speaker 2: just just go back and forward.
Speaker 3: But I'm more into guys.
Speaker 2: But I think I just attracted in really quality lovers,
Speaker 2: to be honest, who like were prepared to step up
Speaker 2: and be like, Okay, she's a sexologist, just you know,
Speaker 2: this is what she does. And it's like it's the
Speaker 2: caliber went up because everyone who's too scared or doesn't
Speaker 2: have the confidence didn't want to approach.
Speaker 1: We've been so excited to do this episode because we
Speaker 1: do so every week. We have a second episode that
Speaker 1: we do on Thursdays, which is our Ask Uncut. And
Speaker 1: I guess there's been like so many times where we've
Speaker 1: been asked questions around sex or very sexually specific questions
Speaker 1: where like we don't have the experience to be able
Speaker 1: to comment on it, or we haven't felt comfortable commenting
Speaker 1: on it. For fear of it ending up in the
Speaker 1: daily mail. So we are like so excited to have
Speaker 1: somebody who has this experience and who also has a
Speaker 1: better understanding of human connection of how to like approach
Speaker 1: these conversations with their partner. And so we have put
Speaker 1: together a whole list of questions that have come from
Speaker 1: the listeners that we want to throw at you and
Speaker 1: have your experience and your expectees to answer them. The
Speaker 1: absolute number one question that we received and that we
Speaker 1: continuously receive it revolves around libido and having mismatched libidos
Speaker 1: with your partner. What is it that you think affects
Speaker 1: someone's libido?
Speaker 2: Firstly, low libido is I feel like an epidemic in
Speaker 2: the world. So many people are suffering from a lo lobido.
Speaker 1: I like that we're suffering from a pandemic. And you're like,
Speaker 1: but the real epidemic here is people aren't having at Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So firstly, for those who asked it, you know you're
Speaker 2: not alone. If you're if you don't have the confidence
Speaker 2: to talk to friends or family about it, just know
Speaker 2: if you're listening to this that you are not the
Speaker 2: only one who is experiencing lo lovito. Or who has
Speaker 2: a partner who experiences lo libido. So some of the
Speaker 2: main causes of lolobido are really basic things that we're
Speaker 2: not taught about.
Speaker 3: We're not educated about what affects a.
Speaker 2: Libido at all. So stress is a huge one that
Speaker 2: affects us. And that could be like work stress, so overworking.
Speaker 3: Feeling tired. So you know, for new mums that can
Speaker 3: be really.
Speaker 1: Challenged, guilty as charged.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, like you probably relate to the feeling
Speaker 2: type thing, and so do as a mother. And so
Speaker 2: when we have lack of sleep, both for women and men,
Speaker 2: it can definitely affect albedo. If we're eating really bad food,
Speaker 2: you know, we're just eating takeaway all the time, our
Speaker 2: body isn't taking in good nutrients that create the hormones
Speaker 2: that make us want to have sex. And this goes
Speaker 2: for men and women. So what happens when our body's
Speaker 2: under stress is it naturally decommissions our sex drive. So
Speaker 2: it goes into this mode of like, Okay, my basic
Speaker 2: needs aren't being met, I'm not sleeping enough, I'm not
Speaker 2: getting the nutrition I need, my body's not moving. What
Speaker 2: else it could come down to, like thought patterns that
Speaker 2: are happening, you know, negative thoughts and it goes, all right,
Speaker 2: I'm shutting down the sex drive in your body, so
Speaker 2: that to preserve energy.
Speaker 3: So that's something.
Speaker 2: That people really need to be aware of, and that's
Speaker 2: one of the biggest causes of low libido. And then
Speaker 2: another one would be in relationships, conflict and lack of communication, disrespect,
Speaker 2: all sorts of things, cheating, you know, death in the family,
Speaker 2: like life events, loss of a job. So at the moment,
Speaker 2: with what's going on in the world, there's like so
Speaker 2: many people who are experiencing really low libido because of
Speaker 2: the craziness that's unfolding around the globe.
Speaker 3: So I've had a lot of people.
Speaker 2: Come to me with libido challenges at the moment more
Speaker 2: than usual.
Speaker 1: I love that you said straightaway, if you have low libido,
Speaker 1: you're not alone, because I can't tell you. For all
Speaker 1: the listeners, it was the number one question. We get
Speaker 1: it all the time, and each person that writes in
Speaker 1: sort of sort of says it like they feel like
Speaker 1: they're the only one. So I love that we can
Speaker 1: tell everyone that you are not alone. And it's nice
Speaker 1: to know that you've just said there are so many
Speaker 1: little things just like looking after your body that you
Speaker 1: can do to try and get back on track.
Speaker 2: You know, we need to accept that throughout our lifetime,
Speaker 2: our libido is going to go up and down. So
Speaker 2: for people who are finding low libido or challenge, sometimes
Speaker 2: the best thing to do is just to accept right now,
Speaker 2: I don't feel like sex. This is like, I just
Speaker 2: need to accept this about myself. And so for clients
Speaker 2: of mine, when they just accept it, it's like they
Speaker 2: can just relax and take the pressure off. So's and
Speaker 2: that's what I do because I think naturally I have
Speaker 2: a higher lobido than most people, but I do go
Speaker 2: through stages where I'm just like, I don't really feel
Speaker 2: like it, and instead of putting pressure on, like well
Speaker 2: I should, you know, I should feel like it, I
Speaker 2: should feel like having sex, I'm just like, well, obviously
Speaker 2: right now my body doesn't want it. I don't feel
Speaker 2: like it, and that's okay, And so acceptance is really key.
Speaker 1: I do have one more thing that I wonder if
Speaker 1: you can shed some light on. I don't know if
Speaker 1: it's a myth or if it's true, but generally speaking,
Speaker 1: do you think contraception like being on the pill? Do
Speaker 1: you think that affects people's libido.
Speaker 2: I think it can definitely have that effect on some women.
Speaker 3: In general, everyone's unique.
Speaker 2: So for one woman, her libido may drop, she may
Speaker 2: put on weight, she may get you know, all these
Speaker 2: different side effects of the pill, and then for others,
Speaker 2: the libido can actually increase.
Speaker 3: So it's not something that I.
Speaker 2: Can say in general, and I haven't seen the latest
Speaker 2: stats around it as to what women are experiencing, but guaranteed,
Speaker 2: you know, it's a synthetic product that we're putting in
Speaker 2: our body to alter the hormones and trick the body,
Speaker 2: and it's going to have effects. So for me, I
Speaker 2: was on it when I was about twenty for only
Speaker 2: a few months. That's the only time I've been on it,
Speaker 2: and I did experience really bad side effects of like
Speaker 2: really altered moods, feeling grumpy all the time, which led
Speaker 2: to me not wanting sex, which led to more conflict
Speaker 2: with my then partner.
Speaker 3: So that's my personal experience of the pill. Everybody's different.
Speaker 1: Also, just like taking back to what you were saying
Speaker 1: before about like this idea of how stress and how
Speaker 1: at different points in your life you're going to fluctuate
Speaker 1: in your libido. Like, I love that you've touched on that,
Speaker 1: and I think that that's so important because, like I mean,
Speaker 1: we talk pretty openly on the podcast about the fact
Speaker 1: that me having a one year old kid, Uh yeah,
Speaker 1: my sex life isn't what it used to be. But
Speaker 1: I to put it lightly, just put it out there,
Speaker 1: and like, I don't have any shame in telling about that,
Speaker 1: because I know that that's not going to be the
Speaker 1: normal forever. I just know that right now, in this
Speaker 1: period of our life, it's a really difficult thing to juggle,
Speaker 1: and like I kind of feel like you have a
Speaker 1: love cup and sometimes when so much of it is
Speaker 1: taken up by tending to your children, or to your baby,
Speaker 1: or to whatever else in your life that takes so
Speaker 1: much of you, there's only so much that you have
Speaker 1: left to then kind of give to your partner as well.
Speaker 1: And I know that that's not that that is not
Speaker 1: sustainable over the long term, because obviously, like you need
Speaker 1: to prioritize your relationship in order for that to maintain
Speaker 1: and be healthy. But I think there are times in
Speaker 1: life where you have this fluctuation and that has to
Speaker 1: be Okay.
Speaker 2: I agree, definitely, there's that that's saying for new mums
Speaker 2: that you can feel like touched out or because you're
Speaker 2: always being touched. You know, you're holding your child, breastfeeding
Speaker 2: if you choose to breastfeed, and you just I know,
Speaker 2: by the end of the day, when my girl was
Speaker 2: the age of your child, I was just like.
Speaker 3: Do not touch me, Like I'm done.
Speaker 1: I have never heard anyone call it touched out before,
Speaker 1: but it's that's exactly what it is like when you
Speaker 1: have a kid hanging off your boob all day and
Speaker 1: then your partner comes along and they're like, hey, let me,
Speaker 1: this is not a flirtatious asset anymore. This is a
Speaker 1: very different purpose.
Speaker 3: Now, yes, definitely, I totally relate.
Speaker 2: And so with so many moms listening, so many moms,
Speaker 2: so yeah, we can touch on that later if you want,
Speaker 2: Like how do how do you navigate that as a mother?
Speaker 1: All right, Juliette, I'm going to get into the big one.
Speaker 1: And by the big one, you know, I mean the
Speaker 1: big big. We had so many questions on all types
Speaker 1: of like subcategories of the orgasm, like clteral orgasms, vaginal orgasms,
Speaker 1: the different types, but also the fact that some people
Speaker 1: just can't orgasm. So we had a lot of people say,
Speaker 1: I've never had an orgasm. I don't think I've ever
Speaker 1: had an orgasm. Am I doing something wrong? What can
Speaker 1: I do to fix that?
Speaker 2: So?
Speaker 1: Yeah, can we just like jump on into that one?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 3: I love this topic definitely. What do you want to know?
Speaker 3: Where should we start?
Speaker 1: Well? I think yeah, I think like with the questions
Speaker 1: that came in, like there was a lot of guilt
Speaker 1: attached to it, and I think that meant there's maybe
Speaker 1: this misconception. Like one of the questions that I found
Speaker 1: really interesting is that a lot of listeners were asking
Speaker 1: they can't orgasm from like having sex, they can only
Speaker 1: orgasm from clatorial stimulation or from other ways. And there
Speaker 1: was almost like this feeling of is there something wrong
Speaker 1: with me that I can't orgasm from just having sex?
Speaker 1: And I think that maybe there's a misconception that we're
Speaker 1: supposed to orgasm from just having sex.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think there's a lot of pressure put on us
Speaker 3: and there is a.
Speaker 2: Misconception that we should just stick something inside us, whether
Speaker 2: it's a penis or a hand.
Speaker 3: Or a dildo or whatever.
Speaker 2: It is, and suddenly be having explosive orgasms.
Speaker 3: And it in and I just shove it in. And
Speaker 3: I mean, let we have a lot.
Speaker 2: Of porn to blame for that, because you know, women
Speaker 2: are just going for it and then suddenly have a
Speaker 2: fake orgasm in most porn, and then we get this
Speaker 2: idea of like, oh, you know, that's how it is.
Speaker 2: Nothing else really happened, and suddenly she's having an orgasm.
Speaker 3: So stop putting the pressure on yourself.
Speaker 2: A lot of women don't have orgasms just from internal
Speaker 2: stimulation from penetrative sex at all, and most women do
Speaker 2: enjoy having their clip touched. And you know, there was
Speaker 2: this big movement a few years ago of like click shaming,
Speaker 2: and even I even admit that a part of me
Speaker 2: did click shame a bit around like stop to your
Speaker 2: clit women. And I do think that if we stop
Speaker 2: touching our clit, we do have more of just for
Speaker 2: a bit, is to have more of a tendency to
Speaker 2: experience other orgasms. But I also think let's stop shaming
Speaker 2: women for the way they're experiencing pleasure and just acknowledge
Speaker 2: that we're all unique and that we're all going to
Speaker 2: experience different things, and yes, we all can experience orgasms.
Speaker 2: So if you're listening and you have never had an
Speaker 2: orgasm or what you think is an orgasm, there's hope yet, like,
Speaker 2: don't lose hope.
Speaker 3: You you know you will experience it.
Speaker 1: Is it true that some people, I feel like I've
Speaker 1: read this probably Dolly Magazine when I was twelve. I
Speaker 1: feel like it's true that some people, some women physically
Speaker 1: will never be able to have an orgasm, like a
Speaker 1: small percentage of the population. Is that true? Do you
Speaker 1: think or do you think there's a way for everyone
Speaker 1: to get there?
Speaker 3: In the end, I think there's a way for everyone,
Speaker 3: I really do.
Speaker 2: I think that what can block us from experiencing pleasure
Speaker 2: in our body is trauma. Trauma from childhood, trauma from adulthood.
Speaker 3: It doesn't necessarily have to be like sexual trauma.
Speaker 2: It could just be that, I don't know, we were
Speaker 2: shamed by a parent for masturbating at a young age,
Speaker 2: and then from that moment onward, we just shut down
Speaker 2: everything to do with sex, and it's carried on into
Speaker 2: our twenties and thirties. So women who feel like they
Speaker 2: can't orgasm often come to me as a coach, and
Speaker 2: once we unpack what's happened in their childhood, what's happened
Speaker 2: as an adult, what happened with their first boyfriend or girlfriend, whatever.
Speaker 2: Suddenly all this pleasure begins to like an orgasmic energy
Speaker 2: begins to move in their body because they've unblocked all
Speaker 2: the emotions that were blocking the energy from being able
Speaker 2: to move. Because orgasm is energy moving through our body, That's.
Speaker 3: What it is.
Speaker 1: I think back to when I was in my early
Speaker 1: twenties and like, you know, when I had my first
Speaker 1: sexual experience, and then like sex was like for me
Speaker 1: in my twenties, verse what it's like for me now
Speaker 1: and now that I know what I like and now
Speaker 1: that I know my body. I used to think sex
Speaker 1: was all about the end goal for him, Like so
Speaker 1: long as he had come, then I had done a
Speaker 1: good job at having sex. And I guess you know,
Speaker 1: if you're if you're new to it, or you're not
Speaker 1: as experienced, or you know, you haven't experienced an orgasm,
Speaker 1: or you haven't been with someone who's about pleasuring you,
Speaker 1: then you may still have this perception that sex is
Speaker 1: really about the guy. And you you know, it comes
Speaker 1: down to actually realizing, oh, I enjoyed this experience, I
Speaker 1: know what I like and I know what to ask for.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that comes down to being able to have
Speaker 2: that knowledge and about yourself as a woman. Comes down
Speaker 2: to being able to self pleasure or masturbate, whatever you
Speaker 2: want to call it. But normalizing masturbation is really important
Speaker 2: because when we self pleasure, we get to know our
Speaker 2: own body and then we can take that into relationship
Speaker 2: or you know, with a one night stand, whoever it is,
Speaker 2: and tell that person like, this is how if you
Speaker 2: touch me this way, this is what's gonna I'll be
Speaker 2: able to come or touching yourself while you're being simulated
Speaker 2: and having the confidence to do that because you understand
Speaker 2: your body so well.
Speaker 1: I think it also comes down to when you just
Speaker 1: feel so comfortable with a partner. So when you finally
Speaker 1: get to someone that you trust and you're comfortable in
Speaker 1: your own skin and you're so open and comfortable with them,
Speaker 1: think I think that makes a huge difference in the bedroom.
Speaker 1: If you're self conscious or you think that your partner's
Speaker 1: judging you, maybe you're only new in the relationship, I
Speaker 1: think that can really really affect what happens in the bedroom.
Speaker 2: I agree, and that's why it's so important that we
Speaker 2: choose to be with lovers, whether it's a one night
Speaker 2: stand or something that turns into a long term relationship.
Speaker 2: Lovers that we feel really comfortable with and who respect
Speaker 2: us and who we also respect them. And myral has
Speaker 2: been from a young age that I'll only sleep with
Speaker 2: people who would actually want to be so like, I
Speaker 2: put myself with the shoes of a potential lover, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, would I want.
Speaker 3: To walk in their shoes? And like do they inspire me?
Speaker 3: Like do they.
Speaker 2: Inspire me with what they're doing in the world, with
Speaker 2: how they listen to me with eye contact?
Speaker 3: You know, are they on purpose or are they just floating?
Speaker 2: There's nothing wrong with just floating through life, but like,
Speaker 2: do they inspire me in more than just are they hot?
Speaker 2: I mean, when I was early twenties, I was definitely
Speaker 2: going for the like he's hot, I want to f him,
Speaker 2: But you know, I soon realized that that was short
Speaker 2: lived and not that satisfying.
Speaker 1: I actually love that explanation. I've never heard anyone say that, Like,
Speaker 1: look at a partner and say, what I want to
Speaker 1: be the person you are? What I want to live
Speaker 1: your life. I think that's really nice because I'm thinking
Speaker 1: about some people I've dated. I've definitely not ever wanted
Speaker 1: to walk in their shoes. But also I think about
Speaker 1: that as well, and I'm like, it's just so obvious,
Speaker 1: like how different it is for a man and for
Speaker 1: a woman. Like I think like we are as women,
Speaker 1: we are stimulated by so much more than just like
Speaker 1: what is visual. Like I think a guy can be like,
Speaker 1: come home, you look hot, take your clothes off, like
Speaker 1: let's get straight down to sex, and then they're straight
Speaker 1: in there and that's great for them, But like, obviously
Speaker 1: there's so much more that a woman needs in order
Speaker 1: to get themselves to a place where they're able to orgasm.
Speaker 1: And part of that is like maybe some conversation through
Speaker 1: the day that kind of leads into the foreplay, that
Speaker 1: leads into a bit of dirty talk.
Speaker 3: Like there's just.
Speaker 1: More steps and more layers to actually get to a
Speaker 1: point when you're having sex or when you're you know,
Speaker 1: feeling comfortable that leads into that big O moment.
Speaker 3: Definitely, are we very different. Men and women are very different,
Speaker 3: And I'm glad you brought that up. Women need more
Speaker 3: so need their.
Speaker 2: Heart opened before they and open their legs.
Speaker 1: You love it, you come out with his brilliant white
Speaker 1: and then open your legs. Ladies. It's the one liners
Speaker 1: that you say so seriously. Then I'm trying not to
Speaker 1: giggle because I'm like, that was brilliant. I heard one
Speaker 1: before and it was conversation is a lubrication, and I
Speaker 1: was like, I love this.
Speaker 3: That's actually great because it really is.
Speaker 2: It really it's like a form of foreplay for women,
Speaker 2: like send us a few texts, you know, like tell
Speaker 2: us how amazing we are, how beautiful we are, how
Speaker 2: much you know you think we're amazing, and that's you're
Speaker 2: halfway there. But don't just expect to just come, you know,
Speaker 2: walk in and take your work clothes off and just
Speaker 2: bend us over, because you know, I mean, occasionally that's
Speaker 2: some fine, but yeah, let's be honest.
Speaker 3: Let's be honest.
Speaker 2: But you know, i'd say seventy percent of the time
Speaker 2: we want to, and especially in long term relationship, because
Speaker 2: once that initial spark, the honeymoon period subsides, we definitely
Speaker 2: can start to we need more to inspire us, I think,
Speaker 2: And so for a woman it's.
Speaker 3: Opening her heart.
Speaker 1: I mean, I know they say, well I think they
Speaker 1: say it. I say it that your brain is your
Speaker 1: biggest sexual organ in your body. And I know for
Speaker 1: me it may sound silly, like, yes, I want to
Speaker 1: cannetrate my mind. No, but I want you to be
Speaker 1: sexy and ripped and tanned and beautiful and everything. But
Speaker 1: there's nothing sexier to me than intelligence and having a
Speaker 1: really good conversation with somebody. If a man can carry
Speaker 1: a conversation, if you can teach me something, if you
Speaker 1: can inspire me something. For me, you're halfway there. Make
Speaker 1: me laugh. You're ninety percent there, and make sure you
Speaker 1: have a good deck, and then you one hundred percent,
Speaker 1: and then the other ten percent is just like just
Speaker 1: fis Tom, I'm pretty Yeah, But no, I think people
Speaker 1: underestimate the power of just like a really really good conversation.
Speaker 3: I agree, intelligence is a big one for me.
Speaker 2: That's what initially attracted me to my partner is his
Speaker 2: intelligence and his ability to, like, oh, I guess our
Speaker 2: ability to have really great conversations and alternative ways of
Speaker 2: thinking to about life like, that's really attractive to me.
Speaker 1: I was with the hottest guy right years ago. I'll
Speaker 1: tell you who after Okay, great, he was like a
Speaker 1: famous model and he was beautiful full Yeah, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I actually couldn't see him anymore because he couldn't shtring
Speaker 1: a sentence together. And I was like, you are I
Speaker 1: can't believe I'm going to say this because you're so
Speaker 1: good looking. But I'm like, I can't. I can't do
Speaker 1: it because I got zero from it. But also, I mean,
Speaker 1: there's only so long that you can do that for
Speaker 1: Like I mean, I'm just gonna sit on your face
Speaker 1: and you'll stop talking now, Laura.
Speaker 3: I have said that so many times.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just say, you know, like I've definitely gone
Speaker 2: had that and thought, you know, he's so hot, like
Speaker 2: he's amazing, and he's you know, a pro surf for
Speaker 2: all whoever he is, and I just want to basically
Speaker 2: just sit on his face. But then they open them,
Speaker 2: when they open their mouth, I'm just like, I need
Speaker 2: a paper bag and some gaffe tape. The amount of
Speaker 2: times I've said, if only I had to roll a
Speaker 2: gaffe tape and he shut up, then you know, then
Speaker 2: I'll sleep.
Speaker 3: With it like this.
Speaker 1: Juliett, what is your what is your opinion on faking
Speaker 1: an orgasm? I mean, we've all done it, britt Have
Speaker 1: you done it? Have we all known it, mate. Now
Speaker 1: we've all done it. We've done it. Come on, let's
Speaker 1: be honest. At one point or another, I can't have
Speaker 1: all faked an orgasm. I can't imagine there is a
Speaker 1: woman out there anywhere that hasn't done it at least once. Okay, Britt,
Speaker 1: why have you faked an orgasm? I'm pretty proud to
Speaker 1: say that I don't do it often. I haven't done often,
Speaker 1: but there have been times where, for whatever reason, like
Speaker 1: I might have just been exhausted, you just know what's
Speaker 1: not going to happen, and you just want it to
Speaker 1: end because you just want to sleep. So like you
Speaker 1: just know physically in yourself that you exhausted, your stress,
Speaker 1: whatever reason, you just know your body. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: let's just wrap this up. But then, like it kind
Speaker 1: of feeds into this whole original thing where I was
Speaker 1: saying that, like the end goal is about getting him
Speaker 1: to come. Like you could always just say I'm not
Speaker 1: going to get there, let's just call it a night.
Speaker 1: But by faking an orgasm, you're almost like telling them
Speaker 1: that they're doing a good job. You're like reinforcing really
Speaker 1: bad behavior. Like I remember when I was in my twenties,
Speaker 1: and I was dating this guy and he was like
Speaker 1: a Jack Camus and it was the worst sex I've
Speaker 1: ever had in my entire life. He was just I
Speaker 1: tell you, it was horrible, and I was like, well,
Speaker 1: the only way to make this finish faster is to
Speaker 1: fake an orgasm. And now, obviously in my thirties, I
Speaker 1: would never do that because I would just tell them
Speaker 1: it's not good. Well he would think that that is
Speaker 1: then what you like? Yeah, and I'm sure he went on,
Speaker 1: and I'm sure I did a disservice to the next
Speaker 1: woman and he probably went on a Jackhammit or. But Julia,
Speaker 1: what's your opinion on faking an orgasm?
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I agree that most women would have done it.
Speaker 2: I've only done it maybe one or two times in
Speaker 2: my life, so I must be a very small percentage
Speaker 2: of women because I haven't done it often lucky women.
Speaker 1: Yeah, But the thing is you're leaving the men better
Speaker 1: than when you find them, that's for sure. No.
Speaker 2: But the thing is that, yeah, I agree with you,
Speaker 2: I am, is that I don't necessarily always need to
Speaker 2: have a really big, explosive orgasm to really enjoy sex.
Speaker 2: In fact, sometimes I don't want to have let's go
Speaker 2: for the clitteral because clitteral orgasms are one of the
Speaker 2: most common ones that women are having, They're the most
Speaker 2: accessible in a way like that, it's probably the easiest
Speaker 2: way for a lot of women.
Speaker 3: I sometimes choose not to.
Speaker 2: Experience that type of orgasm because I want to feel
Speaker 2: I don't want to just be focusing on the end goal.
Speaker 2: And that's what I teach is like, if we can
Speaker 2: take out that end goal of orgasm and not have
Speaker 2: it be about the orgasm, then that's when we connect deeper,
Speaker 2: which is ultimately what we want to be doing when
Speaker 2: we're having sex, is like connecting as humans in a
Speaker 2: really beautiful way. And So my opinion on faking orgasms is,
Speaker 2: if you're listening and you're doing it heaps, try to
Speaker 2: back off faking because you're just ripping yourself off basically, Yeah, be.
Speaker 3: More honest, and then you can.
Speaker 2: Work on experiencing a really authentic orgasm.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I actually find it so interesting that you talk about
Speaker 1: how having platoral orgasm is the easiest and most successible,
Speaker 1: because I think that there would be a lot of
Speaker 1: girls out there who only have that. I mean, like,
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure I only have that because, like you said,
Speaker 1: it's like I know exactly what to do to make
Speaker 1: that happen. That one way, that one road, it's tried,
Speaker 1: it's tested.
Speaker 2: There's like a one spot, one spot, one millimeter spot,
Speaker 2: and one way to rub and that's it, and you
Speaker 2: just know that that's guaranteed.
Speaker 1: I know it'll take me two minutes and thirty five seconds.
Speaker 1: That's all I need and I'm going to get there.
Speaker 1: But I think it's so interesting because when you said
Speaker 1: that there was like a movement a few years back
Speaker 1: about click shaming. I mean, obviously when not in your industry,
Speaker 1: this is not something that I would have ever heard
Speaker 1: of or even known that that was a thing that
Speaker 1: there was like a movement to try and encourage people
Speaker 1: to have orgasms in a different way. So I think
Speaker 1: that there would be so many women out there who
Speaker 1: were like, oh well, I thought that this was the
Speaker 1: normal way of doing it as well. It's just surprises
Speaker 1: me that there's so many different ways to feel pleasure
Speaker 1: or to get to that end goal if that's obviously
Speaker 1: what you want.
Speaker 2: Yeah, definitely, And you know, for people who want to
Speaker 2: explore more, there's Tantra is another feel that I'm extensively
Speaker 2: trained in and I've actually weaved the teachings of Tantra
Speaker 2: into my study of sexology, so I'm way more holistic
Speaker 2: than say a traditional sexologist. But in I guess when
Speaker 2: I was talking about clip shaming, I was actually referring
Speaker 2: more to the world of like sacred sexuality in Tantra,
Speaker 2: because in those worlds and communities, there is a lot
Speaker 2: of like, don't touch you clip, just you know, you
Speaker 2: can have more expansive orgasms, and you can, and I've
Speaker 2: experienced them, like three hour orgasms, no clip, just rolling,
Speaker 2: just like epic experiences.
Speaker 3: So it's really possible.
Speaker 2: It's I mean, that's a rarity, but it's really possible.
Speaker 3: But yeah, so maybe I was referring more to that community.
Speaker 1: I mean, fifty is amazed by that, and fifty percent
Speaker 1: of me feels so tired that I want to go
Speaker 1: have a nap.
Speaker 3: Honestly, I was so tired.
Speaker 1: Yes, it's like running a marathon. I give me ten
Speaker 1: minutes and I'm done and I'm ready to go to bed.
Speaker 3: Time is money.
Speaker 1: When you got a one year old, I didn't even
Speaker 1: know a three hour orgasm was a thing.
Speaker 3: Neither did I. It's more like an energetic thing.
Speaker 1: Juliet, This is a bit of a roague question, but
Speaker 1: it did come in quite a bit, and it's actually
Speaker 1: something that I genuinely don't know the answer to. So
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm gonna ask this, what is female
Speaker 1: ejaculation or squatting? Like, what is that? All Right?
Speaker 2: It basically what it is, and I'm not actually an
Speaker 2: expert in this area, but I'm gonna tell you what
Speaker 2: I know and what I've observed. It's a big mystery,
Speaker 2: so that we don't know exactly what the fluid is.
Speaker 3: But a lot of women do squirt. A lot of
Speaker 3: women don't.
Speaker 2: I would say the high percentage would be not. But
Speaker 2: it is really normal and natural. So if women are
Speaker 2: listening and they're like, oh my gosh, that's what it is,
Speaker 2: it's I haven't squatted, so I don't know the feeling,
Speaker 2: but apparently it feels like you're winging yourself or it's
Speaker 2: just like for some women, it's like actually squirting out
Speaker 2: and it's like a warm liquid. Scientists have done the studies.
Speaker 2: They don't know what it is. They don't know what
Speaker 2: the liquid is or where it comes from.
Speaker 3: So in the tantra.
Speaker 2: World, it's like called like the sacred waters, and it's
Speaker 2: very mysterious and sacred and in tantra in the communities,
Speaker 2: it's thought to be like a sacred elixa you know that,
Speaker 2: and it's a blessing. It's thought to be a blessing
Speaker 2: if a woman squirts on you, So you.
Speaker 1: Got is so wow? That is like so wild and
Speaker 1: not what I was expecting. It's like, you're welcome. You
Speaker 1: should be grateful that I squirted on you. That's an
Speaker 1: indication you're doing a good job.
Speaker 3: How I've seen men line up to be squirted.
Speaker 1: Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on.
Speaker 1: Life is so wild, it is so for It's not anymore.
Speaker 3: This is like single life.
Speaker 2: Now I'm just like nestled into relationship, which I actually love.
Speaker 3: It's you know, probably a lot more rewarding these days.
Speaker 1: Where does one see a square? Where's one line up
Speaker 1: to be squirted on?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: Where would you even go for that? While what.
Speaker 2: That was in like a temple, a temple evening, which
Speaker 2: is converts to a like kind of like an orgy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, where right?
Speaker 1: So there are like nights for this and there are
Speaker 1: workshops and things like that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's there's actually beautiful communities all around the world
Speaker 2: who run workshops.
Speaker 3: In this more the more alternative area of sex.
Speaker 2: I've been in a squirting workshop where it was called
Speaker 2: the Sacred Squirting Workshop.
Speaker 1: I was a.
Speaker 2: Participant and there was a lady from Europe somewhere and
Speaker 2: that was her jam, just teaching women to squirt, and
Speaker 2: it was all it was just for women.
Speaker 3: And I was about thirty women in this tiny little room,
Speaker 3: a bit too tiny. We're all clammed in, oh squirted
Speaker 3: on and she.
Speaker 2: Did a demo and she actually squirted on the girl
Speaker 2: in the front row.
Speaker 3: Glad it wasn't me.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. Yeah, I just like blowing my mind
Speaker 1: today this.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then we.
Speaker 2: All just got to it like and did what she said. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we had gloves, so like it was like, no, it
Speaker 2: was gloves if you were doing it to another woman
Speaker 2: in a non sexual way. So we first did it
Speaker 2: to ourselves to see if we could. Lots of women
Speaker 2: squatted for the first time. I couldn't get it. So
Speaker 2: I got one of my best friends who was with me,
Speaker 2: and I was like, hey, can you try, Like we're
Speaker 2: very close, and she was like sure.
Speaker 3: So she's just like the.
Speaker 2: Protocol was you had to wear a glove just for
Speaker 2: you know, hygiene like and all that, and she just
Speaker 2: had to go. But yeah, if you for women who
Speaker 2: do want to, you know, try and see. Basically, if
Speaker 2: you enter your fingers into your vagina, say you're lying down,
Speaker 2: so you're entering them in and up towards your g spot,
Speaker 2: there's a spongy area towards so up towards your tummy,
Speaker 2: not down towards your anus. If you feel it's approximately
Speaker 2: about everyone will say different, but three centimeters and it's
Speaker 2: like a spongy area you'll feel and if you push
Speaker 2: on there. That's how I was taught. If you you know,
Speaker 2: you're going to touch in all different ways because everyone's
Speaker 2: vagina is different, but you can explore by pushing on there.
Speaker 2: You don't necessarily have to have an orgasm when you squirt,
Speaker 2: so you can actually squirt without the orgasm to accompany it,
Speaker 2: or it could come with an orgasm.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. And I think one of the things like
Speaker 1: that I kind of take from that is literally sex
Speaker 1: is a learned thing, Like you get better at it
Speaker 1: the more you learn, the more that you expose yourself,
Speaker 1: the more that you kind of like as you've done
Speaker 1: research and learn about what your body can do and
Speaker 1: what you like, and if you're having bad sex or
Speaker 1: if you're having sex it's not what you want, like
Speaker 1: you can learn otherwise.
Speaker 2: Definitely, there's so many ways to have sex and experience it,
Speaker 2: and it's just ending. Like I know, for me, I'll
Speaker 2: be exploring this till, you know, till I'm really old.
Speaker 2: Like it's I'm never going to stop learning in this
Speaker 2: era of my life, just like any other area.
Speaker 1: So tell you what you are a surprise little package. Julianne.
Speaker 1: You I've just like every single thing that's come out
Speaker 1: of your mouth. I'm like, say what.
Speaker 2: I forget about all these stories and experiences until I
Speaker 2: talked to you know, people like you, and then I'm like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: that happened.
Speaker 1: This is a question that I think is really interesting
Speaker 1: and I think it really applies to probably younger listeners
Speaker 1: and people who don't have as much experience with sex
Speaker 1: or also maybe they're new with their partner. But how
Speaker 1: do you explain to a partner just say, like you're
Speaker 1: not necessarily enjoying the sex, maybe the sex is a
Speaker 1: bit vanilla, Maybe you want to try something new say,
Speaker 1: whether it's dirty talk that gets you off, or you
Speaker 1: want your guy or girl to spank you, whatever it is,
Speaker 1: how do you approach those conversations Because I think that
Speaker 1: there is a lot of people out there who feel
Speaker 1: a bit embarrassed to bring up the topic of trying
Speaker 1: new things, or they think that they're going to get
Speaker 1: shamed a little bit, or feel guilty about maybe their
Speaker 1: partner's going to think that they're not doing a good job.
Speaker 1: Who knows, but I do think that some people are
Speaker 1: very fearful about having conversations around sex. So what are
Speaker 1: your opinions on how to approach these conversations.
Speaker 2: Lots of people will be their ears will pick up
Speaker 2: on this one. I think because we've all been in
Speaker 2: that situation. We're like, hmm, I wouldn't mind him like
Speaker 2: ramping things up a bit, but he's being way too
Speaker 2: nice to me.
Speaker 3: So women fear that if they ask and they're going to.
Speaker 2: Be perceived as like a quote unquote slut or you know,
Speaker 2: like that the man's going to be like scared off.
Speaker 3: So how do you approach it? What I would do.
Speaker 2: Would be say I really want to chat to you.
Speaker 2: I'd be really informal, but I'd be like, I really
Speaker 2: want to chat to you about something that's really like
Speaker 2: important to me and something I've been wanting to talk
Speaker 2: to you about for a while now, when it's a
Speaker 2: good time to chat to you. So I wouldn't just
Speaker 2: spring it on my partner or on a new lover.
Speaker 2: I would I'd more like wait for the right moment
Speaker 2: and don't wait for months, because you know, in those
Speaker 2: months you could be getting choked every day if you know,
Speaker 2: play your cards right. But I would say, you know,
Speaker 2: I want to chat to you about something, and then
Speaker 2: if he's like, yeah, you know, what is it, I'd say, first,
Speaker 2: what I'd do is the sandwich rule, which.
Speaker 1: Is like you give a shit sandwich compliment shit, and
Speaker 1: then follow up with a compliment, serve it on a
Speaker 1: piece of dry white bread.
Speaker 2: Yeah, or like organic rye that would be more more.
Speaker 1: Delicious, free gloom free, gluten metax.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I would say, you know, I really am enjoying our
Speaker 2: sex life, like I love love the connection that we have,
Speaker 2: and I love that we're having sex all the time,
Speaker 2: and you know, I feel like there's so much more
Speaker 2: to explore.
Speaker 3: I was There's one thing I'd love to explore with you.
Speaker 2: I'm not sure whether you're open to it, but I
Speaker 2: just want to be really open and honest with you
Speaker 2: about what I'm desiring, because I you know, I want
Speaker 2: to be transparent with you about like my desires, and
Speaker 2: you know, hopefully you get a good reception from your partner,
Speaker 2: and if you have a great partner, I feel like
Speaker 2: most most guys would be really open to this, or
Speaker 2: women if you're a woman in relationship with a woman listening,
Speaker 2: But and then just say like, I actually, as much
Speaker 2: as I love making love and I love like feeling
Speaker 2: really soft and open and receptive, I also love a
Speaker 2: bit of rough sex.
Speaker 3: So is that something you're open to exploring?
Speaker 2: So then just ask the question and wait and listen
Speaker 2: and see what happens, and let your partner talk.
Speaker 3: So don't keep interrupting because you're nervous.
Speaker 2: Just see what they say, and they might be instantly
Speaker 2: turned on and be like, oh my god, I was
Speaker 2: thinking the same thing, but I didn't know whether you
Speaker 2: think I was weird or you know, or they might
Speaker 2: be like, oh, I don't know, that sounds.
Speaker 3: A bit strange.
Speaker 2: And that's when you can be like, Okay, what's strange
Speaker 2: about it, So just keep asking questions.
Speaker 1: But we always say every episode that the number one
Speaker 1: thing in a relationship is communication, just to be open.
Speaker 1: But for this specific question, would you not recommend? So,
Speaker 1: for example, Lauris lord Broke brought up choking, would you
Speaker 1: not recommend like maybe next time you're having sex to
Speaker 1: sort of just like try and improv and like maybe
Speaker 1: grab their hand and put on your throat and show
Speaker 1: them like would you not recommend that? Would you ever
Speaker 1: just try and do that? Or would you just go
Speaker 1: straight to the combo?
Speaker 3: It depends on what type of person you're with or
Speaker 3: what type of person.
Speaker 2: You are, because if there's really great sexual energy there,
Speaker 2: I've personally found that these conversations don't even need to
Speaker 2: be had.
Speaker 3: It's like you meet and somehow your energies just collide.
Speaker 2: And you you're you're meant to be in this relationship somehow,
Speaker 2: and it all just unfolds in the bedroom without words.
Speaker 3: It's like, you know, it's I think lots.
Speaker 2: Of people test the waters in a way, like he
Speaker 2: may just put his hand, you know, near your throat,
Speaker 2: like just to see how you react, and someone would
Speaker 2: you know, will coil in So if the guy's really
Speaker 2: tuned in, he'll be like, oh, she's not into that.
Speaker 2: Other women will get the hand like I would get
Speaker 2: the hand and just really like shove it there and
Speaker 2: be like, go.
Speaker 1: Let's do this. Yeah, come on, come happy. But it's
Speaker 1: also dependent on whether you feel safe and comfortable with
Speaker 1: that person as well. Like you know, obviously there'll probably
Speaker 1: be a few people who listen to this who are like, no,
Speaker 1: I really don't like that. It doesn't make me feel
Speaker 1: comfortable at all. And that's a totally a personal preference.
Speaker 1: But I guess like the one thing that you maybe
Speaker 1: run the risk of if you have these conversations in
Speaker 1: the heat of the moment, depending on how complex the
Speaker 1: conversation is. Like if you want a bit of dirty talk,
Speaker 1: you could start off by you know, asking a question
Speaker 1: or leading into a bit of dirty talk. But if
Speaker 1: you really want to bring something in that's completely foreign,
Speaker 1: like I don't know, role play or something, I do
Speaker 1: think that that conversation probably should happen outside of the bedroom,
Speaker 1: not just springing it on them. Necessarily.
Speaker 2: Communication is key, you know, it's key to anything, and
Speaker 2: it's really key to great sex. So yeah, I have
Speaker 2: the conversations but also sometimes things just reveal themselves in
Speaker 2: the bedroom and it all happens organically, and that's ultimately
Speaker 2: the way you w it to be, because you're if
Speaker 2: you're choosing to be with someone who you really trusts
Speaker 2: and you feel super comfortable with, then then I think
Speaker 2: it happens more organically.
Speaker 1: We just got this. I'm trying not to first out
Speaker 1: the laughter because when when you just said, Laura, I
Speaker 1: just tried to hold that in that whole time, when
Speaker 1: you said for having a time on to yourself over
Speaker 1: there bread, when Laura was like, you know, you can't
Speaker 1: just spring role play on them, I just had this
Speaker 1: image of like the guy coming home and you'll dress
Speaker 1: up something and he's like, what the fuck what are
Speaker 1: you doing? And you're like just trying to improve role
Speaker 1: play and he just doesn't get it. I just me
Speaker 1: just dressed as a potato and he's like, I'm not
Speaker 1: an right now, Like I've forgotten how to have sex.
Speaker 1: I don't fucking know. I don't think you can improve
Speaker 1: role play unless your partner is super, super, super in
Speaker 1: tune with what's going on. Yeah, but that's what I mean.
Speaker 1: I think that that's sometimes, like, you know, we want
Speaker 1: to try different things. Especially, This isn't just for new relationships.
Speaker 1: This can be for long term and like you know,
Speaker 1: existing relationships where things have gotten a little bit monotonous
Speaker 1: and you're just having missionary sex. Everything's very vanilla, and
Speaker 1: of you isn't feeling like they're satisfied anymore or does
Speaker 1: want to actually try something a bit different in the bedroom.
Speaker 1: But I also think it comes down a little bit
Speaker 1: too confidence and being confident in yourself and having a
Speaker 1: bit of body confidence as well. I think there's a
Speaker 1: lot of women and men out there who aren't having
Speaker 1: the type of sex that they want because they're insecure
Speaker 1: about either how they look or their performance or whether
Speaker 1: they're doing the right thing and their partners enjoying it
Speaker 1: and vice versa. So what would be your advice that
Speaker 1: you would give to someone who's really lacking in sexual confidence.
Speaker 2: I would recommend that you begin by perhaps doing some research,
Speaker 2: like by buying books that inspire you about sex, or
Speaker 2: finding like an online course or something a podcast, something
Speaker 2: that you can do for yourself, not for your partner,
Speaker 2: just for yourself to increase your sexual confidence. So begin
Speaker 2: learning about it more, begin doing some you know, per
Speaker 2: personal self inquiry into why you're not feeling confident.
Speaker 3: And then taking it to the next level.
Speaker 2: I'd recommend finding someone who you can work with, So
Speaker 2: whether it's like a sex therapist or just a regular
Speaker 2: therapist or a coach, whatever, someone who you resonate with,
Speaker 2: who you could do some one on one sessions with
Speaker 2: and just chat to about how you're feeling. And you know,
Speaker 2: where does that lack of confidence stem from? What role
Speaker 2: models did you have in your life as a child
Speaker 2: who were role modeling intimacy. And we've all had role
Speaker 2: models that role modeling intimacy, whether we like it or not.
Speaker 3: It could be in a negative or positive way.
Speaker 2: But once we begin to understand understand ourselves more deeply
Speaker 2: as an individual, then we can kind of unpack why
Speaker 2: we're feeling the way we are. You know, lots of
Speaker 2: us have been brought up in religious households that completely
Speaker 2: shame us and we.
Speaker 3: Feel a lot of guilt.
Speaker 2: Or I luckily wasn't brought up in a religious household,
Speaker 2: but I know a lot of people have been, and
Speaker 2: there's just so much guilt and shame surrounding sex. So
Speaker 2: once we're able to talk about it and get support
Speaker 2: and professional support, or just listen to like sometimes just
Speaker 2: one podcast episode. Some people will inbox me and be like,
Speaker 2: I listened to one episode about blah blah, and you know,
Speaker 2: all the pieces of the puzzle fell in together, and
Speaker 2: I realize I've been harboring all this shame and I've
Speaker 2: now let it go, and suddenly, you know, my sex
Speaker 2: life is great.
Speaker 1: You're if you're perpetually having like with your partner, if
Speaker 1: you're not happy with the sex that you're having, that
Speaker 1: there is a personal responsibility there to change that like
Speaker 1: is then it doesn't just fall on the partner who's
Speaker 1: not necessarily doing the right thing. The responsibility falls on
Speaker 1: you to be able to better communicate to your partner,
Speaker 1: like what you like, how to do things differently, because
Speaker 1: maybe they had an ex girlfriend who liked what they're
Speaker 1: doing and they think they're doing the right job like
Speaker 1: they you know, in the past it's worked, or maybe
Speaker 1: in the past she fake an orgasm. Who knows. But
Speaker 1: do you think that that responsibility kind of falls on
Speaker 1: us to be able to have the type of sex
Speaker 1: that we want to be having.
Speaker 2: Definitely, I think you've hit them on the head. I
Speaker 2: think it does fall on us and you know, if
Speaker 2: we can firstly pleasure ourselves and really like prioritize pleasure
Speaker 2: in our lives. And that doesn't mean we're masturbating all day,
Speaker 2: maybe just that we're enjoying a really nice bar.
Speaker 1: I mean we are. We are kind of in lockdown
Speaker 1: in isolation. What else is there to do, guys, I mean,
Speaker 1: I still work. It's masturbating work here.
Speaker 3: It's been a busy day.
Speaker 2: I genuinely think there's been a masturbation frenzy going on
Speaker 2: in lockdown because sales of the pleasure woms that I sell,
Speaker 2: I sell like these crystal Pleasure ones have literally quadrupled
Speaker 2: since COVID hit, and I reckon it's because so many
Speaker 2: women are in isolation and they're either separated from their
Speaker 2: partner or they're just like I can't even get on
Speaker 2: Tinder anymore.
Speaker 3: I may as well just you know, satisfy myself.
Speaker 1: And I think this is amazing as well, because I
Speaker 1: do honestly think that like the perception around masturbation for
Speaker 1: women has changed because I know, like growing up and
Speaker 1: like when I was in my twenties and you knew
Speaker 1: that guys masturbated. It was something that you talked to
Speaker 1: about like all that was, you know, mentioned in school,
Speaker 1: like that was just seemed to be like a very
Speaker 1: normal thing and it was okay that men did it,
Speaker 1: but there was never a conversation around the fact that
Speaker 1: women did it. And that kind of leads me into
Speaker 1: a question that I find really interesting, and it's in
Speaker 1: regards to like sex education and like what we're exposed
Speaker 1: to in schools and how there seems to be this
Speaker 1: mismatch in that when we get given an education, especially
Speaker 1: as women, it's all around the function of sex, like physically,
Speaker 1: how it works. Penis goes in vagina, this is how
Speaker 1: you get fertilized, this is how not to have babies.
Speaker 1: It's very mechanical. But there's no conversation ever that happens
Speaker 1: around pleasure. Like I don't even think some guys come
Speaker 1: out of their first or second or god maybe even
Speaker 1: they're in their forties and they don't know like where
Speaker 1: the clit is. There's people who don't know. I mean,
Speaker 1: we did this thing on the podcast a few weeks back,
Speaker 1: where we asked Matt, my partner, but we also put
Speaker 1: it out there for all of our listeners to ask
Speaker 1: their boyfriends and their husbands and the men in their
Speaker 1: life how many holes a woman have? And the answers
Speaker 1: that we got were out of fucking control. No one knew,
Speaker 1: No one knew, men had no idea. Some guys were like, oh,
Speaker 1: you've got two holes. You've got a hole for your period,
Speaker 1: a hole for the babies, a hole to poo out of,
Speaker 1: and a hole to we out of. Like it was insane,
Speaker 1: And I think, yeah, there's just a.
Speaker 3: Lack of education. And it's not even the guy's fault.
Speaker 3: It's because we, like.
Speaker 2: You said, there's a really like there's a lack of
Speaker 2: holistic sex education in schools in Australia and globally, I
Speaker 2: could say mostly, and it's just not being prioritized at all,
Speaker 2: except for some lucky kids who have a really great
Speaker 2: principle who were like, Okay, this is really important. But
Speaker 2: most schools are just teaching kids, here's how to put
Speaker 2: a condom on a banana, don't get pregnant, don't get
Speaker 2: sti's here's some horror pictures and of like, you know herpes,
Speaker 2: don't get this, and so there's a there's then there's
Speaker 2: like stigma around any of that one and three people
Speaker 2: have herpes.
Speaker 3: It's actually really high.
Speaker 2: Like it's a normal, pretty normal now to have, but.
Speaker 3: We're stigmatizing it. We're shaming them, we're scaring them.
Speaker 2: And like you said, we're not talking to children about
Speaker 2: you know, the sex feels good. It's supposed to feel good,
Speaker 2: and we're not talking to them about consent. You know,
Speaker 2: like you don't have to have sex if you don't
Speaker 2: want to. It's okay to say no, or you know,
Speaker 2: before you do have sex with somebody, you need to
Speaker 2: ask them, or before you touch their breasts. It's important
Speaker 2: that you ask before you kiss. Someone asks them can
Speaker 2: I kiss you? You know, all these things kids aren't
Speaker 2: being taught. And yeah, you can tell I'm super passionate
Speaker 2: about this because it's actually.
Speaker 3: My background is in youth work.
Speaker 2: I was working with young at risk mums who are
Speaker 2: like thirteen and pregnant, and I was educating them around
Speaker 2: this too late because at a young age they were
Speaker 2: going through.
Speaker 3: All sorts of stuff. And I also have a fourteen
Speaker 3: year old daughter, so this.
Speaker 2: Is something I've always felt passionate about because I want
Speaker 2: her to receive really great sex ed so that she's
Speaker 2: not you know, it doesn't get to the age I
Speaker 2: did where I was just having sex because I thought
Speaker 2: that's what you do.
Speaker 1: I think you completely hit the nail on the head
Speaker 1: with her. I still like, I still think about like
Speaker 1: my own experiences and the fact that like I don't
Speaker 1: actually think I really got to a point where I
Speaker 1: was enjoying having sex and actually having sex that I
Speaker 1: wanted to have sex until I was in my late
Speaker 1: twenties when I better understood this is what it's meant
Speaker 1: to be, like, like, it doesn't have to be like that.
Speaker 1: And I guess as well, like if you're if your
Speaker 1: libido is low and maybe you're not having like not
Speaker 1: wanting to have sex, I guess there's also the question of, like,
Speaker 1: have you ever had sex in a way that is
Speaker 1: actually genuinely pleasurable to you? Because there would still be
Speaker 1: people out there who maybe haven't had a great sexual
Speaker 1: partner or had a great sexual experience and they're like, well,
Speaker 1: I can take it or leave it, because it's actually
Speaker 1: not all that's chopped up to be.
Speaker 3: That's really that's a really good point.
Speaker 2: It's lots of women, I mean, and men aren't experiencing
Speaker 2: really great sex and you know, their full potential in
Speaker 2: the bedroom basically and so yeah, they don't really want
Speaker 2: to have it because they're just like, it's not even
Speaker 2: that fun. So that's where education comes into it. That's
Speaker 2: where reading books and doing courses and learning about sex
Speaker 2: can help, because then it opens our eyes to what
Speaker 2: we're missing out on or what's possible. And then even
Speaker 2: just planting the seed in their consciousness is there's sometimes
Speaker 2: all we need for it to begin happening in our life.
Speaker 2: The actually, the other thing I just wanted to mention
Speaker 2: really briefly with sex said in schools is the other
Speaker 2: big thing that's not happening is inclusivity of young children
Speaker 2: who are questioning their gender or their sexual identity.
Speaker 3: So, you know, there's so many young young people who
Speaker 3: have more.
Speaker 2: Of an attraction to the same sex, you know, the
Speaker 2: same gender as them, and we're assuming as teachers or
Speaker 2: educators or parents that our kid is going to be
Speaker 2: with opposite gender, but a lot of the time it's
Speaker 2: not the case. And so I really think there's a
Speaker 2: need for us to be way more inclusive with our
Speaker 2: language and not just assume that boys and girls should
Speaker 2: be together, but be inclusive of the kids who are
Speaker 2: feeling confused perhaps about the sexuality or you know, their
Speaker 2: attraction to the same gender.
Speaker 1: As them, absolutely so much room for a vision exactly
Speaker 1: what you said. I feel pretty pasionate about that too,
Speaker 1: because I know I have a lot of friends that
Speaker 1: I gay. I have a lot of homo sexual friends,
Speaker 1: and they've al said the same thing that they really
Speaker 1: felt like they were drowning at school because they knew
Speaker 1: who they were, but it wasn't spoken about and it
Speaker 1: was almost like you were doing the wrong thing for
Speaker 1: having those feelings. It's hard because like the and I guess,
Speaker 1: like you know, we don't have to go too far
Speaker 1: into like the schooling system or anything, but like the
Speaker 1: buck shouldn't end there, Like it shouldn't be fully the
Speaker 1: school's responsibility to teach students or to teach anyone about
Speaker 1: sex and pleasure like that really should fall into a
Speaker 1: parental role. But unfortunately a lot of people grow up
Speaker 1: in families with parents who are very traditional and don't
Speaker 1: feel comfortable talking about sex, and so there is this
Speaker 1: massive gap where you become an adult and you've never
Speaker 1: had somebody else who's had that experience to be able
Speaker 1: to impart it or to explain to you in more
Speaker 1: than just a very functional way, or almost as like
Speaker 1: a scare tactic way, what sex is and what it
Speaker 1: can do. Something else you touched on which I kind
Speaker 1: of would love for you to elaborate, is the conversation
Speaker 1: around STIs and how they are very stigmatized still, but
Speaker 1: how they are very common and with management. It's something
Speaker 1: that you can be in a relationship with somebody who
Speaker 1: has herpes or you know, if you get committy or
Speaker 1: it's not as big a deal as what it may
Speaker 1: feel like because that's what you've been told from such
Speaker 1: a young age. There's ways to manage this stuff.
Speaker 2: There's a lot of stigma around STIs. Like you say,
Speaker 2: reality is STIs. It's a lot of them are a
Speaker 2: virus that just like we catch a virus at the
Speaker 2: supermarket from the person who coughs on us and suddenly
Speaker 2: we have the flu. Or like I had a head
Speaker 2: cold recently. You know, I'm sure I caught it off someone.
Speaker 2: It's like, it's just a head cold. It's the same
Speaker 2: with a lot of STIs.
Speaker 3: You know this.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying go out and don't protect yourself, but
Speaker 2: if you do end up contracting an SDI, it's.
Speaker 3: Not the end of the world.
Speaker 2: You're not weird, you're not strange, you're not a sicico whatever.
Speaker 2: You're just a human being who's having a human experience
Speaker 2: who's called a virus. And like you say, with CHLAMYTHEA,
Speaker 2: it's like you take the medication, it goes away. And
Speaker 2: with herpes it is something that you can live with
Speaker 2: and you don't.
Speaker 3: Have to have outbreaks all the time.
Speaker 2: There's so many different ways of managing sdis that, you know,
Speaker 2: you just you can be a normal human being and
Speaker 2: not be have all the stigma.
Speaker 1: Want people to know that if that does happen to you,
Speaker 1: there's okay, it's manageable and you can deal with it.
Speaker 1: We still are very big on putting the message out
Speaker 1: that prevention is still key. We still highly encourage using protection. Yeah. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: but I think it's really important to realize that there
Speaker 1: are people who use protection who still end up getting
Speaker 1: STIs and then there is a lot of shame and
Speaker 1: a lot of guilt loaded into it because they feel
Speaker 1: like they're dirty or they feel like they've done something wrong,
Speaker 1: and it's unfortunately, sometimes it's just luck of the draw
Speaker 1: and it's what happens. Maybe you've been with someone who
Speaker 1: didn't realize that they were asymptomatic and they had something
Speaker 1: and they passed it on to you. And I mean
Speaker 1: I remember growing up. This is going back many years
Speaker 1: ago and a friend of mine, she had had her
Speaker 1: first sexual experience and she'd ended up with herpes, and
Speaker 1: she felt so awful afterwards because she was like, well,
Speaker 1: how's anyone going to love me? How am I going
Speaker 1: to end up in a relationship? Do I have to
Speaker 1: explain this to every partner that I have now? And
Speaker 1: there was just so much stigma loaded into it. And
Speaker 1: because we didn't know anything about it, we also couldn't
Speaker 1: give advice or couldn't really explain to her or tell
Speaker 1: her that it was going to be okay. And her
Speaker 1: life is incredibly normal. She has an amazing husband, she's
Speaker 1: never had an outbreak, she's got three kids now. Like
Speaker 1: I just think, like, as much as you can protect yourself,
Speaker 1: if something does happen, it's not the end of your life.
Speaker 1: And that's important for the young listeners to know.
Speaker 2: Definitely, Like I get so many people you know, in
Speaker 2: boxing me saying like what do I do? I've got herpees?
Speaker 2: And I feel so much shame, and I feel like
Speaker 2: I'm never going to be able to have sex again
Speaker 2: and no one's going to want me. And the advice
Speaker 2: I give, like, I give a lot of advice on it,
Speaker 2: but is like, the first step is just accepting this
Speaker 2: about yourself and loving, loving like yourself with herpes or
Speaker 2: with whatever you've got, and doing that self work so
Speaker 2: that you can come into this deep self acceptance.
Speaker 3: And then when you have that.
Speaker 2: You're naturally going to attract in people who are also
Speaker 2: going to accept you. And as you said, you can, Yeah,
Speaker 2: your friend lived with it and hasn't had outbreaks and
Speaker 2: you know, has a normal life.
Speaker 3: And it's yeah, it's not a big deal. And I
Speaker 3: agree with you, Britt what you said.
Speaker 2: You know, I do want to advocate for using con
Speaker 2: noms and protecting yourself, but also you can still get
Speaker 2: herpes while using condoms, so it's it's just not one
Speaker 2: hundred percent bullet proof and it's just.
Speaker 3: Part of life.
Speaker 1: I'm glad we covered that because I think that was
Speaker 1: an important topic. I'm going to quickly change the direction. Girlfriend,
Speaker 1: We're going to go Yeah, I know you get excited,
Speaker 1: and we're going to go into the world of three.
Speaker 1: I guess I want to know because we get a
Speaker 1: lot of these questions too. I guess I want to
Speaker 1: know do you think that a couple are in a
Speaker 1: solid relationship? You know, I think things can get a
Speaker 1: bit stale and then one of the couple say, let's
Speaker 1: try something new, Maybe we can introduce someone to the bedroom.
Speaker 1: Do you think you can successfully in a couple have
Speaker 1: threesomes bring someone else into your life and into that relationship,
Speaker 1: and not can you do it successfully so that it
Speaker 1: doesn't cause problems in your relationship?
Speaker 2: I think some couples can definitely do it successfully and
Speaker 2: others it isn't a success.
Speaker 3: And really it's like the luck of the draw.
Speaker 2: It's a bit of the risk you're taking because it's
Speaker 2: the unknown. So if you are a couple who are thinking,
Speaker 2: or maybe we could open it, or maybe we could
Speaker 2: just invite someone in just for one night, there's no
Speaker 2: guarantees what's going to happen when you do invite that
Speaker 2: person in.
Speaker 3: But what you can do to.
Speaker 2: Create a safe container that's a bit of a tantric word,
Speaker 2: but you know, create like a space where everyone feels
Speaker 2: understood and safe is to talk about what the expectations
Speaker 2: are like, what's what the boundaries are, so say a couple,
Speaker 2: a married couple want to invite another woman in. That's
Speaker 2: a really common one. So would say that it's like
Speaker 2: sitting down before you have sex and say, okay, like,
Speaker 2: what are the expectations.
Speaker 3: Well, if if that's what.
Speaker 2: I were to do personally, I'd want to invite someone
Speaker 2: into my relationship who has deep respect for my partner
Speaker 2: and I and who like is just a really amazing
Speaker 2: person number one and who yeah, respects us and respects
Speaker 2: the love that we share and knows that that's the
Speaker 2: number one priority really for us. And then say I'd
Speaker 2: have a conversation with them with everyone present, just saying
Speaker 2: like what the boundaries are, so you know whether that's
Speaker 2: like the boundary is that no anal or no penetrative sex,
Speaker 2: but he can go down on.
Speaker 3: You or whatever.
Speaker 2: So that you create like a space where everyone knows
Speaker 2: what they're allowed to touch, what they're not, you know,
Speaker 2: because then everyone can relax more. And when there's communication
Speaker 2: and you're having it with someone amazing, then they know
Speaker 2: what The third party also knows what they're in for.
Speaker 2: They're not just like suddenly they fall in love with
Speaker 2: your husband and you're Lutch.
Speaker 3: They're like but i't know, and.
Speaker 1: You're like, fuck, Like it's the back of a bitch.
Speaker 1: So you think that it's really important to just not
Speaker 1: have the conversation in your relationship, but have it with
Speaker 1: everyone present. So with the third.
Speaker 2: Party, definitely, yes, definitely because they need to know too,
Speaker 2: Like if you have respect for that third person, you
Speaker 2: want them to understand. Hey, like, this is not about
Speaker 2: now us all having a relationship.
Speaker 3: Well, for me, it wouldn't be. It'd be like, this is.
Speaker 2: Just about we'd love to connect with you in this way,
Speaker 2: but we don't wish to suddenly have a polyamorous, open relationship.
Speaker 2: That's not our intentions. So it's like setting the intentions
Speaker 2: for the connection. And I think for some couples it
Speaker 2: can work really great and for others it's a disaster.
Speaker 3: And you know, I've experienced both and it you know,
Speaker 3: you live and learn.
Speaker 1: I guess you don't know how you're going to feel,
Speaker 1: do you Until you do it. You might say I'm
Speaker 1: going to be so fine with this. I love my partner,
Speaker 1: I trust them, But then you get in there and
Speaker 1: all of a sudden you're jealous. You can't get the
Speaker 1: image out of your head. I guess You're not actually
Speaker 1: going to know those feelings until you're in there, so
Speaker 1: it's definitely a risk. So because we get it a lot,
Speaker 1: we get the question a lot, and I think it's
Speaker 1: really important people know that ultimately, you could be as
Speaker 1: prepared as you want, but you just don't know what
Speaker 1: you're going to feel until you're there.
Speaker 3: Until you see that penis going to another.
Speaker 1: Woman's vada and you're just like, that was my penis.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're back.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's why I reckon you've just got to
Speaker 2: choose really cool people, because what you can do in
Speaker 2: the moment is be like, actually, guys, I'm feeling really
Speaker 2: sick right now, Like I feel uncomfortable. Can we stop
Speaker 2: and just cuddle for a bit because I don't, like,
Speaker 2: I feel really upset, Like you want to be with someone.
Speaker 3: You know who can hold space for that. And I
Speaker 3: understand that.
Speaker 1: I love that you're the one asking the threesome questions. Brett. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't even have a one some to bring a
Speaker 1: threesome in one step at a time. Yeah, I said this.
Speaker 1: I said this to Laura before. I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm going to ask about the threesome because we get
Speaker 1: that a lot. She's like, you want to know for yourself.
Speaker 1: I was like, we don't even get kept questions about threesomes.
Speaker 1: This is for you, Brett. She was like, I'm fing
Speaker 1: asking it anyway. I was like, Babe, the question is
Speaker 1: hardly for me. I can't even get one boyfriend a
Speaker 1: one too. But no, I think I think that's a
Speaker 1: really and it's an interesting chat because a lot of
Speaker 1: people explore in their relationship.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I do think a lot of people have tried, or
Speaker 1: at LEAs thought of or fantasized about three sims. But
Speaker 1: I do think that there is a difference between having
Speaker 1: a fantasy and then actually putting something into real life
Speaker 1: application with a partner who you love. I think that,
Speaker 1: you know, maybe different if it's just like friends and
Speaker 1: you're all figuring stuff out and you have a threesome
Speaker 1: on a wild one night stand, But like, it is
Speaker 1: different to bring somebody into your solid relationship. It changes
Speaker 1: the dynamic completely. So, Juliette, could I ask you you
Speaker 1: just said that you had one like successful threesome, one
Speaker 1: not so six successful. What do you think Can you
Speaker 1: put your finger on why the unsuccessful one was unsuccessful
Speaker 1: or do you think it was just just the wrong.
Speaker 2: People because boundaries weren't set, so there was nothing said
Speaker 2: about what you can and can't do, and so all
Speaker 2: of a sudden things were happening and I was like, WHOA,
Speaker 2: I did not give permission for that to happen, and
Speaker 2: I just stopped it. This was a this was a
Speaker 2: long time ago. Now, I'm not interested in having threeesomes
Speaker 2: with my partner, Like, we're in a monogamous relationship. We
Speaker 2: have a great sex life and I'm just so happy
Speaker 2: just with him and I actually, to be honest, don't
Speaker 2: think I could cope seeing him him be with someone else.
Speaker 1: What's your thought on porn and like, do you think
Speaker 1: porn can be detrimental to someone's sex life.
Speaker 3: I'm not pro or against porn.
Speaker 2: I'm quite neutral with porn, So I think it can
Speaker 2: be detrimental if it's an addiction, so there's like a
Speaker 2: porn addiction happening, or if people are watching porn either
Speaker 2: by themselves or together and they're left feeling really guilty,
Speaker 2: They're left feeling like gross, they feel they're.
Speaker 3: Hiding it from their partner.
Speaker 2: I think that's when things can go a little skew
Speaker 2: with as my Mum would say, I think, you know,
Speaker 2: there's actually some great porn being produced now by female producers.
Speaker 3: Erica Lust is one of them.
Speaker 2: She's from Spain and she's producing really realistic, ethical porn.
Speaker 2: She's someone who I send people to if they're interested
Speaker 2: in watching porn. But then you know, it can be
Speaker 2: really detrimental, and I think for our young people often
Speaker 2: now it's the first exposure that.
Speaker 3: They have to sex.
Speaker 2: So that's really sad, and it's a conversation we need
Speaker 2: to have with our kids. Is like, porn is not real.
Speaker 2: Often it's just actors with makeup even on their vagina
Speaker 2: and their penis and they're having sex and it's not
Speaker 2: real and it's like out of the movies. And you know,
Speaker 2: like we need to have these conversations with our kids too.
Speaker 1: Don't have those expectations because you will fail dramatically.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 1: Also, I asked this as well because like my I
Speaker 1: had a long term partner of six years and we
Speaker 1: went through a period where he was watching so much
Speaker 1: porn and like very like very male orientated porn, like
Speaker 1: like not stuff like just just you know, you know
Speaker 1: what I'm talking about. It the pawny porn like you know,
Speaker 1: coming on people's faces, very graphic, not really stuff. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's stuff that like I would want to do
Speaker 1: in a bedroom, and that was then his benchmark for
Speaker 1: what got him off. And he had stopped wanting to
Speaker 1: have sex because he was not working at the time
Speaker 1: and he was just at home masturbating, watching porn basically,
Speaker 1: And we got to a point in our relationship where
Speaker 1: I was like, this is a problem, and I guess
Speaker 1: I ask it because from my own experience, like I've
Speaker 1: had a bad experience with somebody who watched too much porn,
Speaker 1: and it really changed the way and set the precedent
Speaker 1: for how he wanted to have sex, and that wasn't
Speaker 1: inclusive of how I wanted to have sex at all.
Speaker 2: That's really common and it can be really detrimental to relationships.
Speaker 2: So it just all comes back down to communication and
Speaker 2: talking about, like, you know, the fact that you are
Speaker 2: watching it or you'd like to watch it together, and
Speaker 2: negotiating what you both feel comfortable with and or having
Speaker 2: the boundary that it's like, no, I don't want this
Speaker 2: to be part.
Speaker 3: Of our lives.
Speaker 2: And if they continue to do it, then it's as
Speaker 2: an individual you have to ask yourself, like is this
Speaker 2: the right person for me?
Speaker 1: When you're young, you and if you don't have a
Speaker 1: lot of experience, then you put up with stuff that
Speaker 1: you wouldn't put up with otherwise because you don't know
Speaker 1: any better.
Speaker 3: I agree, Yeah, definitely. We kind of live and learn,
Speaker 3: don't we.
Speaker 1: Absolutely well, Juliette, you have a school and it's called
Speaker 1: the Pleasure School. Can you tell us about it? Because
Speaker 1: it sounds like a brick to damn good school. I know,
Speaker 1: it sounds like the best school ever, like better than
Speaker 1: Harry Potter.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I'd rather go to Pleasure School than
Speaker 3: Harry Potter School. But Harry Potter would be fun too.
Speaker 1: I mean he's got a wand as well. Yeah, he's
Speaker 1: got his own one, that wizard.
Speaker 2: That wizard's got some sub of magic forms that he
Speaker 2: could do things anyway. So Pleasure School I launched it
Speaker 2: last year and it's an online school. And what I
Speaker 2: wanted to do was I've spent years and years traveling
Speaker 2: teaching workshops in person workshops, and I wanted to bring
Speaker 2: all my lessons and workshops that I run online because
Speaker 2: I you know, I have my audiences from all over
Speaker 2: the world and everyone was asking me like, come to
Speaker 2: the States, come here, and I just actually at this
Speaker 2: time my life and really enjoying feeling grounded at home
Speaker 2: and you know, close to my daughter. And so my
Speaker 2: intention with it was to create a school a twelve
Speaker 2: month experience.
Speaker 3: So it's like a whole twelve months.
Speaker 2: Every two weeks, you get a new lesson that drops
Speaker 2: into school, and you get guided home study that accompanies
Speaker 2: the lessons, and you get guided meditations, and it's very holistic,
Speaker 2: and it's for men and women. It's for couples, singles,
Speaker 2: So I wanted to include everybody, and it's also LGBTQI
Speaker 2: inclusive because I'm always very you know, very aware of
Speaker 2: that community and wanting to include.
Speaker 1: Who could come and do your school.
Speaker 2: I'd say anybody who's interested in learning more about sex
Speaker 2: and having an even better sex life. So if you're
Speaker 2: a beginner and you're just like, oh my gosh, I've
Speaker 2: never even had sex, it would be perfect for you.
Speaker 3: But also if you're in a relationship and you're having quite.
Speaker 2: A good sex life, but as a couple or by yourself, you.
Speaker 3: Want to learn more and.
Speaker 2: Grow and expand in that era of your life, then
Speaker 2: it's for you. And so in the school there's different
Speaker 2: different parts of the school. There's like all lessons just
Speaker 2: for men, and then there's lessons just for women, and
Speaker 2: then there's lessons for couples, lessons for singles. So it's
Speaker 2: really it includes everybody at all different stages.
Speaker 3: And it also.
Speaker 2: Weaves in a lot of the teachings of Tantra which
Speaker 2: bring in like more of a sacred sexuality aspect to sex,
Speaker 2: not just like here's a position, do it, here's the
Speaker 2: g spot, this is how to hit it. It's way
Speaker 2: more holistic than that, you know, It's like, how can
Speaker 2: what I want people to experience from it is feeling
Speaker 2: turned on in everyday life and not just sexually turned on,
Speaker 2: but really enjoying your job and feeling like you know
Speaker 2: that you come home feeling turned on for life, not
Speaker 2: just feeling turned on to have sex and then go
Speaker 2: back to your shitty job.
Speaker 3: So it's like very holistic.
Speaker 2: It's looking at life as you know, feeling turned on
Speaker 2: in life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that you've created a space, a safe
Speaker 1: space for people, because I feel like there is still
Speaker 1: it shouldn't be, but there's still some sort of this
Speaker 1: shame attached to a woman wanting to go out and
Speaker 1: seek lessons on things like this. But I love that
Speaker 1: you've created a space where anyone at all can sit
Speaker 1: at home and actually get really really good education in
Speaker 1: a place they feel comfortable.
Speaker 3: It's a good point.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: Lots of people want to learn more, but they're really
Speaker 2: scared to go to a workshop and like buy a
Speaker 2: ticket and travel there and come and have to meet
Speaker 2: me or.
Speaker 3: Meet another teacher or whoever.
Speaker 2: So this gives people access to something that you can
Speaker 2: just sit in your lounge room.
Speaker 3: No one knows you're doing it. And it's not just
Speaker 3: me teaching.
Speaker 2: There's other amazing like teachers from around the globe who
Speaker 2: are on their teaching.
Speaker 1: It's like when I read when I read Fifty Shades
Speaker 1: of Gray, and I only read it on a kindle,
Speaker 1: so no one could see what the title of the
Speaker 1: book was g rated as well. No, but you know
Speaker 1: when it came out years ago, there was this but
Speaker 1: that like, no, you don't want anyone to know on
Speaker 1: the train that you're reading a sex book, so you'd like,
Speaker 1: I'd just put in the kindles and no on a note.
Speaker 1: It's the same thing. Some people just want to have
Speaker 1: that in private. They don't want to show the world.
Speaker 1: Just leave your truth bread. It's so fine. I've read
Speaker 1: that book Crise. Okay, I have I have one more
Speaker 1: question before I'm going to let you go. How the
Speaker 1: fuck did you have a three hour orgasm? I mean
Speaker 1: what everyone wants to ask.
Speaker 3: The whole time, haven't you You're just like nah, I
Speaker 3: can't let this one go.
Speaker 1: Ladies, if you're listening, take notes.
Speaker 3: Without going into too much detail.
Speaker 2: Actually out of respect for my current partner, because I
Speaker 2: don't really talk keats about publicly about like past.
Speaker 3: You know, experiences, because I want to respect him.
Speaker 2: But it was in a training that I was running,
Speaker 2: like a tantra training, and it was actually.
Speaker 3: This is gonna you're gonna love this. It was a demo.
Speaker 1: My god, stop, look I got among on. What do
Speaker 1: you mean my demo?
Speaker 2: It was an in person workshop in Byron and and
Speaker 2: so one of the facilitators was demonstrating we're going to
Speaker 2: do a practice, so that there was a lot of
Speaker 2: like really physical practices where you partner up and do stuff.
Speaker 2: And so he was demonstrating how to have more of
Speaker 2: an energetic orgasm, So how to activate a woman's body
Speaker 2: and activate the sexual energy which resides at the base
Speaker 2: of our body.
Speaker 3: So you may have heard it, like it's called Kundalini energy.
Speaker 2: Activate that and move it up and instead of touching
Speaker 2: your clip, actually just feel the energy moving up through
Speaker 2: your body, up up out of your crown. So if
Speaker 2: you're familiar with the chakra system, it moves through the
Speaker 2: chakras and it's like it's very different to any other
Speaker 2: type of orgasm.
Speaker 3: But it was a demo. There was thirty people in
Speaker 3: the room. I was in the middle.
Speaker 1: But I'm a mind I mean, you were blown. I'm
Speaker 1: mind blown. I'm fucking blown. I'm blowing right now. That
Speaker 1: is out of control. Yeah, it's really like best storyhands
Speaker 1: down you Like, I'd like this to stop now. This
Speaker 1: is very public. People are like, is she finished? She's
Speaker 1: gonna go get a tea break. Can we get for lunch?
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: The funny thing is that after it, I got up
Speaker 2: and I was exhausted, and then I just took I
Speaker 2: left the retreat.
Speaker 3: I snuck out and I went off to like a.
Speaker 2: Big basically orgy, and it was like a.
Speaker 1: This gets better, better way to the end of the
Speaker 1: chat for this, give me it. I want to hear, and.
Speaker 2: I just I got there and after about half an hour,
Speaker 2: I was like, I can't do this, go to bed,
Speaker 2: like I'm done for the day.
Speaker 1: You have just made my week. Like this is hands
Speaker 1: down the best story we've had on this podcast. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I think everyone wants to know, like what a
Speaker 1: what are the details of this man? How can someone
Speaker 1: find that this man? If you want to just put
Speaker 1: his number down, We'll put it in the details on
Speaker 1: this podcast. But also, Juliet, we when we were talking
Speaker 1: before always sarted recording this, you mentioned that you might
Speaker 1: have an accidentally unfiltered story and I forgot to ask
Speaker 1: you at the beginning, but I really want to know
Speaker 1: what was it.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I listened to one of your other podcasts and
Speaker 2: I loved those accidentally unfiltered and I thought, oh my god,
Speaker 2: I've got so many for them, but this is one
Speaker 2: that stood out and it was a friend. And it
Speaker 2: actually was a friend. It's not me just clarifying.
Speaker 1: I'm that's what they all say, and I say this
Speaker 1: every week it's not me, But then I really shout myself, so.
Speaker 3: I know, this actually is a friend and.
Speaker 2: She was.
Speaker 3: It's actually not that I rated she was in the bath.
Speaker 2: I were in the bath together and her partner, and
Speaker 2: he was going down on her in the bath, and
Speaker 2: she farted and the bubbles just went straight up into
Speaker 2: his face.
Speaker 3: And that's it.
Speaker 1: Also, Actually, how do you go down on someone in
Speaker 1: the under Well, maybe you'd like I thought, because you
Speaker 1: could do two things with that. Well, I just got
Speaker 1: out of hand and I'm here for it, but you could.
Speaker 2: I've got another one, but I'll tell you off because
Speaker 2: it might be a bit too I rated.
Speaker 3: I'll tell you when we stopping.
Speaker 1: Oh no, I rate, and I'll take it out. But
Speaker 1: I'm here for it, alrighty.
Speaker 3: So this is another friend, and it actually is another friend.
Speaker 2: I've got some wild friends seemed to attract in really
Speaker 2: funny friends who have these experiences.
Speaker 1: Some crazy people at those orgies.
Speaker 2: She wanted she had a lover, and he wanted her
Speaker 2: to put a bottle of full cream milk inside her
Speaker 2: and then.
Speaker 1: Wait, are we talking one leader or two later?
Speaker 2: I don't know, let's say two just for capacity full
Speaker 2: capacity full cream.
Speaker 1: That's a lot. That's like giving birth to your baby.
Speaker 3: Like siphon it into her.
Speaker 2: And then he wanted to have sex and like so
Speaker 2: that it all splashed out onto him.
Speaker 1: That's not even r rated. That's just hilarious, that is,
Speaker 1: And did she do it?
Speaker 2: Yep?
Speaker 1: Okay, he has some weird dairy fetish, maybe relying to
Speaker 1: the whole idea of like a milk bath, like if
Speaker 1: you heard of the clear patch of milk bath, it's
Speaker 1: meant to be very good for aging. He has the
Speaker 1: youngest looking dick around.
Speaker 3: Totally.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my god, I feel like we could talk to
Speaker 1: you for an hour about accidentally unfiltered. But also I
Speaker 1: love it, like I love the fact and maybe we
Speaker 1: should have touched all this earlier as well. But like,
Speaker 1: there is no normal when it comes to sex. So
Speaker 1: long as like you're okay with what's going down, as
Speaker 1: long as you're comfortable your partner's comfortable, you can do
Speaker 1: some weird and fucking wacky things. Tolerant, lacktosing, tolerant. Julie,
Speaker 1: you have been an absolute delight. Thank you so much
Speaker 1: for answer. Would you say she's been a pleasure? Oh
Speaker 1: my god, you've been an absolute pleasure.
Speaker 2: I wanted to mention I actually have a podcast myself
Speaker 2: called author Tick Sex, and there's like over one hundred
Speaker 2: episodes of like just playing sex, talk of me talking
Speaker 2: to all different people, heaps of Q and a's So
Speaker 2: for people listening who want to listen to more of
Speaker 2: you know, me talking about weird stuff, then they can
Speaker 2: listen to that alongside your lovely podcast.
Speaker 1: Guys, you can get on that podcast and you can
Speaker 1: write it into the sunset. That's what we're here for.
Speaker 1: I have actually listened to a few. I really enjoyed it.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for answering the questions that we
Speaker 1: don't have the experience to answer, and to be able
Speaker 1: to bring your expertise and your insight and talk about
Speaker 1: sex because I think it's a topic that I mean,
Speaker 1: for us who have a dating relationship podcast, we have
Speaker 1: managed to not talk about sex for a year, for
Speaker 1: an entire year, but that's when I was well and
Speaker 1: truly overdue. Also, that's just not our realm. Like we
Speaker 1: just don't. I think we said at the beginning, we
Speaker 1: don't feel comfortable saying those things about our personal lives
Speaker 1: and that, but we realize that there is a real
Speaker 1: need for it and a real desire for it, and
Speaker 1: our audience wants it. We thought, who better than you?
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I'll come back anytime. This has been so
Speaker 2: much fun. Maybe I can be like the resident uncut
Speaker 2: sex ologist who comes so down.
Speaker 1: We'll definitely have you back, as long as you bring
Speaker 1: some more of these in milk pots. Yeah, I've got
Speaker 1: plenty of last sleep, all right, Juliette. We never finished
Speaker 1: an episode without doing Our Suck and Our Sweet, which
Speaker 1: is basically, if you don't know, it's got nothing to
Speaker 1: do with sex, or though it kind of sounds like it,
Speaker 1: it is our highlight and our low light of the week,
Speaker 1: and you get to kick it off because you're our guest.
Speaker 1: What was your suck?
Speaker 2: Okay, the suck is that we just currently were traveling
Speaker 2: around Australia and my partner and I and my daughter
Speaker 2: and we just were in the Flinders Ranges in South
Speaker 2: Australia and it was really dry and really cold, but
Speaker 2: really beautiful. We only left a couple of days ago,
Speaker 2: and then on the news this morning, suddenly, overnight there's
Speaker 2: been this random snowfall.
Speaker 3: In the middle of the desert exactly.
Speaker 2: Where we were, and I reckon that sucks because it
Speaker 2: would have been so much fun to be in the
Speaker 2: snow in the middle of the desert.
Speaker 3: So that sucks because we just left.
Speaker 1: There, but also a bit of a sweet because you
Speaker 1: just went on holiday, so like, I mean that's a
Speaker 1: double edge saw with their girlfriend.
Speaker 3: Yeah, true, true, that's true, and you're sweet. Oh, just that.
Speaker 2: I've just been like spending heaps of time in bedding.
Speaker 1: Sleeping, sexy and.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I just like, I actually, how's this?
Speaker 2: I've been watching Bachelor and Paradise reruns from your season, Britt.
Speaker 1: So hey, how did I come off in the end?
Speaker 1: Did you have any words of advice for me?
Speaker 3: Or don't get me started? You're actually my favorite.
Speaker 2: But I've actually been guiltily and secretly watching Bachelor and
Speaker 2: Paradise in bed so that's kind of been really great
Speaker 2: for me because it's just been like there is to
Speaker 2: lay embedded with the heating on in the day, under
Speaker 2: the covers.
Speaker 1: Just watching amazing people on TV, just watching watching the
Speaker 1: Kram Deer Cram of Australian TV. That's what it is,
Speaker 1: the production that goes into that high quality viewing amazing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I love.
Speaker 3: That about you guys.
Speaker 1: All right, my sar could be. I moved into a house,
Speaker 1: a new unit in Bonday a couple of months ago,
Speaker 1: and it's this, It's beautiful, it's on the beach. But
Speaker 1: it's old, and every single window in the whole house
Speaker 1: none of them closed. Probably they've all got a few
Speaker 1: meals to move. And it's been really windy lately, and
Speaker 1: my whole house I can't sleep. The whole house shutters
Speaker 1: like constantly, like a volcano is eruping. It's just like
Speaker 1: all night. That's my suck. You need to get some
Speaker 1: some styrofoam. I've told you I had to wedge some
Speaker 1: ship between that ship. I've got socks under his clothes, styrofoam,
Speaker 1: I've got cardboard, I have everything you could have wedged in,
Speaker 1: and somehow the wind still finds away in there. So
Speaker 1: that's my stuck at the moment. Okay, And what is
Speaker 1: your sweet? My sweet, I'm gonna have to have two
Speaker 1: One Bachelor in Paradise finished airing. So I'm just so
Speaker 1: relieved that my life would got back on track, because
Speaker 1: it's like a year that I have just you know,
Speaker 1: lived a lie b. The stories you just told me
Speaker 1: about the tree howl orgasm in front of people, then
Speaker 1: the woman putting milk in her vagina so that she
Speaker 1: could have sex with a partner, and the farting under
Speaker 1: the bath that just took that, that just took the cake.
Speaker 1: Those were like three of the best stories. It truly
Speaker 1: makes me feel like I've lived quite a vanilla life.
Speaker 1: When I hear it's like this, I'm like, fuck, I'm boring.
Speaker 1: I'm like, Laura, do we don't think I have an
Speaker 1: augy somewhere? Like you have a three? Wait, madam, I
Speaker 1: was gonna say, Madam, been to it? He probably isn't. Okay,
Speaker 1: what was my suck? Okay, my suck for the week.
Speaker 1: I told a story a couple of weeks back about
Speaker 1: how Molly had proved in the bath, and then ever
Speaker 1: since I told that story, now she just likes Toko
Speaker 1: in the bath all the time. This has become like
Speaker 1: a running theme now. So I'm gonna put that down
Speaker 1: as a solid suck. It's a suck, but like you know, Oh,
Speaker 1: and also she's like cutting her second front tooth, so
Speaker 1: she's been a little bit feral today. My sweet is
Speaker 1: that not only do we get to record this interview,
Speaker 1: but also in order to record this interview, it meant
Speaker 1: that Matt had to take Molly away for a two
Speaker 1: hour little trip in the car. It's raining outside, and
Speaker 1: he was like, what am I gonna do for two hours?
Speaker 1: And I was like, go for a drive. So but
Speaker 1: you can figure it out. I'm not saying that my
Speaker 1: sweet is that my daughter's gone away with my sweet
Speaker 1: is that my daughter's gone away. No speak of them,
Speaker 1: they've just walked back in the room. Is that Matt
Speaker 1: has been incredibly supportive and he is a wonderful partner,
Speaker 1: She's say, they're just saying that she's standing over the
Speaker 1: top of me. No, Juliet, thank you so much. Honestly,
Speaker 1: you have been such a pleasure, No pun intended, all
Speaker 1: the puns intended. Actually you've been amazing. We've loved having
Speaker 1: you and we would just love to have you back
Speaker 1: on some time. But just quickly tell everyone where they
Speaker 1: can find you, like your Instagram, your podcast.
Speaker 2: Yeah, sure, Well you can find me on Instagram and
Speaker 2: it's at Juliette j U l I E T Underscore
Speaker 2: Alan able l e N. And my website is www
Speaker 2: dot Juliette Hyphenalan dot com. And on my website you'll
Speaker 2: find Pleasure School. But everything's on Instagram. I'm quite active
Speaker 2: on Instagram, so jump on over and you'll find me there.
Speaker 2: And my podcast, yeah, it's called Authentic Sex with Juliet
Speaker 2: Allan and it's on all the podcast channels so it's
Speaker 2: easy to search authentic sex and you'll find me.
Speaker 1: Juliet, thank you so much again. And guys, if you
Speaker 1: have enjoyed listening to this episode then you know the drill,
Speaker 1: go and leave us a cheeky review. And if you
Speaker 1: haven't already signed up to our Facebook group, it's Life
Speaker 1: Uncut Podcast. It's the same handle for Instagram as well.
Speaker 1: And tell your mom please dad, tell your friends or
Speaker 1: your dog, tell your grand tell everyone and shared a
Speaker 1: love because we love love. That's that's that's fine, off,
Speaker 1: ju we do every single fucking episode.
Speaker 3: That's great. I love that