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Speaker 1: Welcome to The Christian o conall Show podcast.

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Speaker 2: Hey, thanks for downloading the pod. This is Jack and

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Speaker 2: I'm here to tell you about today's episode, where we

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Speaker 2: are going to celebrate all the best moments of the

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Speaker 2: Queen of Werriby and the Queen of our show, Patsy.

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Speaker 2: You might notice sometimes we talk about Patsy like she's

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Speaker 2: not in the room, and that's because she actually isn't

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Speaker 2: how the studio has configured is Christian and I don't

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Speaker 2: hardly have any eyelinder. Patsy's inner special news booth across

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Speaker 2: a hallway, and we could, you know, if we crane

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Speaker 2: our next we can just see her in there. But

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Speaker 2: it doesn't make her any less part of the show.

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Speaker 2: Of course, personally, she is my favorite member of the show,

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Speaker 2: as are these many unhinged moments from Patsy.

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Speaker 1: The Christian O'Connell Show Podcast.

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Speaker 3: Patsy sent me a message last night. She needs some advice, Patsy,

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Speaker 3: how can I?

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Speaker 4: Audie has her very first mobile phone.

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Speaker 3: That must be frightening for your freedom's She.

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Speaker 2: Can contact the outside world the supports, sir.

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Speaker 4: It's a step of trepidation.

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Speaker 5: We didn't want to get it for another twelve months

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Speaker 5: till she was sort of nearly year seven. But there

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Speaker 5: was an incident last week. The buses couldn't get to

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Speaker 5: their normal stop, so sort of last minute they were

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Speaker 5: re routed. And we knew this, like the school sent

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Speaker 5: out a text alert. But she was panicking thinking we

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Speaker 5: didn't know, so she borrowed a girlfriend's phone to ring us.

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Speaker 5: So clever and immature. But then Chris said, you know

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Speaker 5: what I think it's I think we're going to have

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Speaker 5: to get to the point that she needs a phone.

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Speaker 5: I said, yeah, all right, but what do I do Christian?

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Speaker 5: What rules do we have to You're.

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Speaker 3: Really heading into it now. That is the phone usage

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Speaker 3: and stuff like that. People have written books on it, Patsy.

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Speaker 3: It is a constant battle at times.

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Speaker 2: Here's an idea, could you go for one of those

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Speaker 2: old Nokia thirty two tens so she can't go apps, Yeah,

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Speaker 2: she can't go on TikTok.

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Speaker 3: Thought about that. But then what they do, Perats is

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Speaker 3: they go, I'm the only one in the y. You

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Speaker 3: don't want to be to be lonely, missing up, hard

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Speaker 3: to invite and her work clubs. I know, I know,

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Speaker 3: go to the homework, must get you the most expensive phone.

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Speaker 3: I can work clubs, we studies and prayer groups. You

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Speaker 3: said a prayer app. I don't get it now it's

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Speaker 3: called TikTok. Is it like as churchline?

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Speaker 5: No, well, she's already we got her just a cheap

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Speaker 5: you know, outright, little folk.

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Speaker 4: It was under one hundred bucks. It was like forty

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Speaker 4: nine bucks.

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Speaker 2: A phonus.

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Speaker 3: I mean, who are you calling on that? She's not

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Speaker 3: getting You get cartons and a piece of street.

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Speaker 4: She's eleven.

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Speaker 3: If you need to get hold of an emergency that

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Speaker 3: that phone isn't calling is?

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Speaker 2: Where did you even get something so cheap?

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Speaker 4: Guess where it was on sale?

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Speaker 6: Yes?

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Speaker 3: Is it a toy one though?

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Speaker 4: You know it's real?

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Speaker 3: Is that like wheels are the bottom and.

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Speaker 2: Gumballs inside it?

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Speaker 5: It's a smart phone and the first thing smart.

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Speaker 3: All the new technology in an iPhone you don't get

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Speaker 3: at that cheat. They cost so much money.

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Speaker 2: Little phone, Apple, Samsung, Google, they all course over one

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Speaker 2: thousand dollars. Hours came out.

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Speaker 3: Now she's now going to become that kid in the

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Speaker 3: class and go, already get your phone out. Your mommy

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Speaker 3: got your phone's take it back.

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Speaker 4: It's fine, that's it.

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Speaker 3: We just jumped online to have a look at that

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Speaker 3: little phone. I'm looking at the spill featuring high definition

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Speaker 3: voice calls. Wait, I can call using my voice speak

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Speaker 3: to another Wednesday, it's been available for only fifty bucks

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Speaker 3: high definition voice calls. Wow, what a reason to buy this.

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Speaker 3: She must be the only people in town offering me

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Speaker 3: high definition voice call.

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Speaker 2: I think I'm still using standard deaf calls.

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Speaker 5: When she shows us over twelve months that she can

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Speaker 5: be responsible with it and not abuse it and not

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Speaker 5: lose it, she can maybe get an upgrade.

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Speaker 2: Actually shocked, that's actually a good idea. For forty nine bucks,

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Speaker 2: you can get a smartphone.

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Speaker 4: The first thing she did was download the Netflix up.

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Speaker 2: This eight bits.

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Speaker 3: It's quite like to be like a stick man that

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Speaker 3: little book used to flip through to see someone running

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Speaker 3: or stuff like that. It's got Netflix on that. It's

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Speaker 3: about third of the resolution of an iPhone. It actually

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Speaker 3: is a good idea, Patsy. But I'm going to bet you.

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Speaker 3: I'll bet you ten bucks. Now, within three months, you're

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Speaker 3: stepping out to an iPhone.

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Speaker 5: No, no, no, she's not getting an iPhone yet.

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Speaker 4: She might get one of my old ones.

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Speaker 3: But see, already you're crumbling honestly, because you'll have this,

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Speaker 3: especially when she goes into the next school year. Everyone

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Speaker 3: else has got them. They've got all the apps. I'm

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Speaker 3: missing out. And also it's just like they pitched to you,

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Speaker 3: and it is true, we didn't have any of this

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Speaker 3: and we were goods. They do talk to each other.

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Speaker 3: The way they talk to each other is on snapchat.

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Speaker 6: Right.

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Speaker 3: They don't use texts. They think old people use text messages.

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Speaker 3: I don't realize it's just old and boring using text messages.

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Speaker 3: I went, wait, you still text people? And they're like

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Speaker 3: looking like, yes, square me time traveler from the past

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Speaker 3: with my SMS because it's just easier and it works.

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Speaker 3: And I actually I use WhatsApp. It's encrypted. No what

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Speaker 3: you what you what you do? What you will need

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Speaker 3: now that is whatever phone you get, you need to

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Speaker 3: have something where you can control what they're having access to.

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Speaker 2: That is the thing.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it is, And that's why I mean, I'm sure

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Speaker 3: all phones do this on this know, with the iPhone

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Speaker 3: you can set parental controls over where you can limit

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Speaker 3: the usage. I don't know if that fifty bucks toy

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Speaker 3: phone has controls other than volume.

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Speaker 2: It probably can't get on the internet, so you're safe.

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Speaker 3: For now, walks you to the local library to get

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Speaker 3: the reference books and what you're looking.

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Speaker 1: At the Christian Connell Show podcast.

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Speaker 3: Patsy, you had an extraordinary meeting yesterday with your school

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Speaker 3: about the chat that your daughter already will be having

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Speaker 3: about the birds and the bees.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, it's that time.

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Speaker 5: So Audrey's grade five and they're broaching the subject of

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Speaker 5: sex education this year, which I think is brilliant that

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Speaker 5: they introduced it in primary school.

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Speaker 4: Did your girls have a similar sort.

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Speaker 3: Of Yeah, and do you know what? It changes everything,

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Speaker 3: especially as a father to daughters, and there's be the

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Speaker 3: same for Chris as well. They it changes because up

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Speaker 3: until that moment, you're just some magic unicorn and then

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Speaker 3: when they know what you did. I remember when we

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Speaker 3: had to speak to Ruby, our eldest daughter, so she'd

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Speaker 3: be the first one to have that up the chat

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Speaker 3: with us and say my wife went to say to say, hey,

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Speaker 3: you know your dad and I want to have a

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Speaker 3: chat with you about sort of the birds and the

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Speaker 3: bees something like that. She sort of went, okay, didn't

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Speaker 3: quite know what was that different. Well, okay, well, why

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Speaker 3: can't we just do it now? What's it got to

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Speaker 3: do with dad. You're going to go spoiler alert, Wait,

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Speaker 3: do you get a load of what dad did?

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Speaker 5: Chris was sitting in on this hour long session and

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Speaker 5: I'd look over at him.

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Speaker 3: An hour it was an hour about for an hour.

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Speaker 4: Well, just how to talk about it with your kids?

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Speaker 5: What is the best approach to, you know, making it

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Speaker 5: as less awkward as possible. But he was like breaking

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Speaker 5: out in the sweat and also in denial of.

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Speaker 3: Like arousing him. Going tend to get that at the

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Speaker 3: slide back, Chris, stop that where they get those photos

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Speaker 3: that use it so much more high death than on had.

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Speaker 5: Just I think that realization, like the realization that his

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Speaker 5: little girl is growing up and that there's going to

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Speaker 5: be interesting in you know, in boys or girls or

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Speaker 5: whatever he takes advance.

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Speaker 3: It's just happening, you know.

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Speaker 4: So it was good though it was informative, but we

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Speaker 4: went he got.

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Speaker 3: To school and actually giving and are actually doing it

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Speaker 3: the right way because so many of us it's a

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Speaker 3: fumbled half conversation from your parents. I remember a friend

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Speaker 3: of mine, good friend of mine, right, this was the eighties.

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Speaker 3: His dad was a local vicar, and here's dand just

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Speaker 3: shoved a book under or put it on his bed

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Speaker 3: and he'd staple together. Any of the pages had new dphotos.

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Speaker 7: Already.

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Speaker 3: There's a strange so much sort of awe with it.

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Speaker 3: Shouldn't be about our bodies and so which is we're

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Speaker 3: all here because of that beautiful actunion.

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Speaker 2: I remember the awkward questionnaire they sent home with us

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Speaker 2: at school to ask our parents, and we had to

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Speaker 2: return it the next day. What do you mean like

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Speaker 2: a Q and a Yeah, so have questions like when

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Speaker 2: did you start to notice changes in your body? When

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Speaker 2: did you notice.

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Speaker 3: Hair changes in your body? Suddenly you're thirteen again, you're

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Speaker 3: giggling at the back of the class.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but you know that you have to go home

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Speaker 2: and ask mom and dad. So sitting at the kid honestly,

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Speaker 2: at the kitchen table before dinner and going so, when

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Speaker 2: did you notice hair in new places? Okay, thirteen, forget.

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Speaker 3: That, so hang on you much.

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Speaker 2: You interviewing, You had to interview your mom and dad.

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Speaker 8: Way younger kid wants to talk about let them do

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Speaker 8: it at a press conference, so perhapsly when how are

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Speaker 8: they going to be doing it?

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Speaker 3: How do people do it? Now? We had to buy

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Speaker 3: a book.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, I've got lots of books. But you know,

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Speaker 5: we had we had the lady talk, right. I sort

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Speaker 5: of broached that subject late last year.

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Speaker 3: So when you when you work, because we were sort

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Speaker 3: of similar age, perhaps were you? Was it the same

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Speaker 3: thing as it was in my school right in the

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Speaker 3: eighties where the boys were siphoned off into the gym.

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Speaker 9: You guys love this, nothing bad happening here in the

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Speaker 9: gym because we're dudes, right, And then suddenly the old

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Speaker 9: overhead projector comes out that there's a picture of basically

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Speaker 9: a six foot and everyone's laughing, and I remember.

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Speaker 3: The teacher going, anyone laughing and we're turning the pictures off.

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Speaker 5: No, we had one lesson with our solcience teacher, mister Smith.

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Speaker 3: He had a logical one of those meter sticks banging,

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Speaker 3: just a gorse the rest of it. If we're invading somewhere,

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Speaker 3: I'm here.

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Speaker 5: The north arose involved was a banana and something else.

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Speaker 3: They're not still going with the bana.

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Speaker 5: No No, And it's boysing with girls, which I think

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Speaker 5: is brilliant because it's important that both sides understand what's

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Speaker 5: going on.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's great.

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Speaker 2: And so when how long till you have to have

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Speaker 2: the chat with Well, it's.

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Speaker 4: A progressive thing, Jack. They say to do little bit.

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Speaker 3: Start with the breast and then downstairs. That's enough for

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Speaker 3: this month. When we move on to the plumbers next month.

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Speaker 1: This is the Christian O'Connell show podcast.

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Speaker 3: We work with a superhero, a super heroine. Her earth

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Speaker 3: name Patrina Jones. Yesterday she did a superhero.

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Speaker 4: Act I did. Do you know what, Jack?

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Speaker 5: I came home yesterday, pulled into the driveway and Lovely

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Speaker 5: Ken and Barb.

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Speaker 4: They're an elderly couple in the corner.

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Speaker 3: Where perhaps introduces various random people like we know who

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Speaker 3: they are, you know, Lovely Ken and Barb.

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Speaker 2: They're not really called Kenn Barbie, Lovely Ken Barb.

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Speaker 3: That's actually their name in their passports, Lovely Ken, Lovely Barb.

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Speaker 4: We call them Ken and Barbie.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and do they live in Barbie's dream house? Next door?

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Speaker 5: It is, Oh, I just lost my headphones. It is

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Speaker 5: quite a pretty little house. It's quite a quaint little house.

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Speaker 5: But they were pulling out. They're in their late eighties.

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Speaker 5: They're just the best couple. They You know, when our

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Speaker 5: packages come from oz Post, can all keep them there

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Speaker 5: till we get home, which.

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Speaker 3: Is so nice. Everyone needs that in an idol word

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Speaker 3: or stream. That's strange, sort of cold sat don't you strangers?

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Speaker 3: I reckon Ken's gone. He's on a rocking chair and

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Speaker 3: with a shot leave the package thereby.

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Speaker 4: And he takes the bins in and out.

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Speaker 3: And has a rummigh through the and stuff like that.

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Speaker 5: Anyway, they were taking off in the car yesterday and

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Speaker 5: I noticed that Bob's handbag was on the top of

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Speaker 5: the car. You couldn't miss it. It was like a

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Speaker 5: Merry Popin's size bag.

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Speaker 4: It was enormous.

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Speaker 5: I don't know what she carries in there, this bright

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Speaker 5: red bag. And obviously they didn't realize that her bag

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Speaker 5: was on top of the car. I thought, oh, no, everything,

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Speaker 5: all this stuff's probably in there.

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Speaker 3: Hobos the person there stick the end of a stick

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Speaker 3: like a brindle. All their stuff is in.

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Speaker 5: There, and a walking stick was sticking out at the

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Speaker 5: top of it. And they've probably got their medication in there.

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Speaker 4: They're in there like you can't fit.

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Speaker 3: A walking stick.

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Speaker 4: She had her walking stick sticking out at the top

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Speaker 4: of it.

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Speaker 3: Like nunchuks or collapsible sort god.

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Speaker 5: So, anyway, I took off because he drives it quite

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Speaker 5: a pace ken so the times.

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Speaker 3: They've only got two Way too quick, Granddad, way too slow?

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Speaker 3: Can we DiPT the difference?

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Speaker 4: She was like lead foot around the corner.

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Speaker 2: So are you are you chasing them on foot? Terminal pursuit?

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Speaker 3: Car mirror from the colder is running us down.

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Speaker 4: I did think.

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Speaker 5: I thought, no, I haven't got time to I'm going

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Speaker 5: to have to get in the car. It was like

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Speaker 5: a high speed pursuit along our street.

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Speaker 3: Follow those old timers, this lovely can and lovely bar.

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Speaker 5: And I'm turning the horn and flashing the lights. Unfortunately

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Speaker 5: pulled their eighties.

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Speaker 3: You could really distress them. Old can keen over into.

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Speaker 2: Something that he does one of those fishtail maneuvers in

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Speaker 2: the front of and she's got her own stingers.

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Speaker 3: What those things they put out across cars.

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Speaker 5: The spikes, spike, road spikes, it's got some of those

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Speaker 5: in the book.

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Speaker 4: Anyway, I pulled them over and can sid was over.

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Speaker 3: She got that megaphone.

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Speaker 4: I said, can your handbags on top of the car?

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Speaker 5: He goes, oh, so I rescue the handbag and I

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Speaker 5: saved the day.

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Speaker 4: Thank you, Patsy.

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Speaker 3: What a superhero.

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Speaker 1: The Christian O'Connell Show podcast.

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Speaker 3: So Patsy is fifty on Monday. We're not going to

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Speaker 3: be here. We're on the break, So we thought long

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Speaker 3: and hard about a present for her. Patsy loves Camart,

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Speaker 3: so we're going to be sending her live in a limousine.

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Speaker 3: There's going to be a red carpet there outside. Came on,

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Speaker 3: She's going to go down the red carpet. Then she's

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Speaker 3: going to be given a trolley. Everything she can cram

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Speaker 3: into the troney in sixty seconds is hers? Trust me,

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Speaker 3: this is a dream for Patsy. Patsy, you in position.

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Speaker 10: I'm in position. I've got the cart rio. Are you

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Speaker 10: on standby?

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Speaker 11: I'm terrified. Patsy has looked me dead in the eye.

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Speaker 11: She goes, you better not. I won't use the language,

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Speaker 11: but to stop this up for me. She is exactly

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Speaker 11: where it goes when we walk through the entrance like

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Speaker 11: a kmart. Savant goes op kitchen over you and I.

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Speaker 7: Walk through all these as to get the kitchen. How

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Speaker 7: did you know?

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Speaker 1: Woreo?

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Speaker 3: It feels like it's like a formula one. So she's

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Speaker 3: at the starting grid, isn't she?

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Speaker 7: Yes?

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Speaker 10: She was probably like it's a pram. For some reason,

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Speaker 10: I don't.

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Speaker 7: Know why you go.

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Speaker 3: So, Patsy, you're going to get sixty seconds on the cloth? Yes, yes,

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Speaker 3: cram as much stuck, just grab as much as you can.

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Speaker 3: It's all yours. Everything you get in sixty seconds, Yeah,

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Speaker 3: that is yours. That's your fiftieth right, So again you're

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Speaker 3: heading to the charcuterie boards.

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Speaker 10: I'm standing right outside them right now. There's a faster

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Speaker 10: ray and I'm really overwhelmed.

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Speaker 3: And then where you're going? Where are you going from there?

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Speaker 3: Have you worked out a roof that you're going to take?

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Speaker 10: Yeah, so just a few holes up on the less

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Speaker 10: of the appliances. I need a new toaster. We've still

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Speaker 10: got the toaster we had from our weddings twenty three

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Speaker 10: years ago and it's just about to carcket. So toaster

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Speaker 10: is second. And then if we've still got time, you

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Speaker 10: might tick a laundry, which is right at the back

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Speaker 10: of the toasters.

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Speaker 2: Real well, hope you still got time after one securary boarding.

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Speaker 3: All right, Patsy, are you ready?

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Speaker 10: One question I have to ask? What about breakages? Is

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Speaker 10: through the boss covering any breaking?

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Speaker 3: Don't worry about that, don't worry, okay, just grab smash whatever,

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Speaker 3: you need to go through whatever just I would be

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Speaker 3: grabbing everything.

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Speaker 10: Yeah yeah.

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Speaker 3: And who's Rio as well? He's going to be running alongside.

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Speaker 3: Get him to grab stuff as well.

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Speaker 10: Okay, don't be worried about that.

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Speaker 3: All right, Dynamic Duo? Are you ready at kmart?

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Speaker 6: Ready?

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Speaker 3: Jackie boy? You ready to put sixty seconds on the clock.

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Speaker 2: I'm ready?

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Speaker 6: All right?

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Speaker 3: Three? Two, one go?

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Speaker 1: Go? Oh my god?

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Speaker 10: Yes the yep. I have a pricey fucky containers canst

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Speaker 10: of containers.

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Speaker 3: She's got a water bottle orange Jack on TV.

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Speaker 10: There, I just go straight kettles, grab a kettle drop one.

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Speaker 6: That's right.

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Speaker 3: You think she's going to be made to pay for

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Speaker 3: at the end, she left her phone behind. Patsy.

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Speaker 2: We've lost you there, we've lost.

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Speaker 7: Pats Yeah, I'm there.

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Speaker 11: Came with lost pat We've got an espresso machine which

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Speaker 11: we're now gitting in towards the rugs and blankets.

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Speaker 7: She's about to run up with a trolley.

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Speaker 10: Watch air.

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Speaker 7: They stopped twenty seconds ago. But there' stuff overflowing from

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Speaker 7: the troll She stills the trolley up.

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Speaker 11: I'm now going to have to become the trolleys grabbing towers.

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Speaker 7: We've got mirrors we've got.

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Speaker 2: You've got a bonus ten seconds, she said, stopping.

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Speaker 7: It's on the City of double the Troy. The trolley

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Speaker 7: is higher than her at.

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Speaker 10: This point, toil that won't need to on that.

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Speaker 7: Okay, okay, stop, Oh.

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Speaker 3: My goodness, oh my gosh, all right, tell us what

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Speaker 3: is in the trolley. Now we've lost pats We've lost Patsy.

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Speaker 3: She's gone rogue.

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Speaker 7: All right, Patty, we've we've lost you. But I'll come

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Speaker 7: start up you next year.

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Speaker 6: We have okay, four at least, all right. We've got

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Speaker 6: a food on dick spath mats, fake plans and orchids, get.

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Speaker 2: Anything and with classic containers.

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Speaker 7: And you got three drink bottles. We've also got a

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Speaker 7: had a massive drink bottle.

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Speaker 10: It was just a blurt.

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Speaker 7: It was like I could I couldn't keep up. It

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Speaker 7: was like watching someone looting or shopping. It was truly terrifying.

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Speaker 7: The super the trolley story was overflowing. It was literally

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Speaker 7: above her head. She had one hand on top of

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Speaker 7: the top of the trolley and wheeling it with the

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Speaker 7: other hand, and she like careers into all the different shells.

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Speaker 6: It was chaos.

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Speaker 3: Oh my, Patsy, well done and happy birthday from all

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Speaker 3: of us. Patsy, we'll see you back here soon well.

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Speaker 1: Christian know Connell's Show podcast