WEBVTT - Ask Uncut - My Partner Does Drugs on Special Occasions 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.800 Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands 0:00:03.840 --> 0:00:04.640 were never seated. 0:00:05.000 --> 0:00:07.600 We pay our respects to their elders past and present. 0:00:07.560 --> 0:00:20.680 Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. Hi, guys, and 0:00:20.760 --> 0:00:22.800 welcome back to another episode of Live One Cut. 0:00:22.840 --> 0:00:25.600 I'm Laura, and I produced a Keisha. 0:00:25.560 --> 0:00:27.720 And Laura, look, you don't sound fabulous. 0:00:27.760 --> 0:00:31.840 If I'm shut up, don't draw more attention to. 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:35.960 How's bally Barali is great? 0:00:36.159 --> 0:00:39.000 Except I am a little bit sick and I am 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:43.199 a little bit hungover because mom's gone wild. No, we 0:00:43.200 --> 0:00:45.879 didn't go wild. We just my sister and I. On 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:47.840 our very first night here, it was like the night 0:00:47.880 --> 0:00:50.640 after we did our record on Tuesday. We went out 0:00:50.680 --> 0:00:53.479 for dinner and then dinner turned into Lachi my teenies, 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:56.280 and then I convinced her to go to a night club. 0:00:56.680 --> 0:00:59.360 And I don't know what happened. Actually it's a lie. 0:00:59.400 --> 0:01:01.320 I do know what happened. I just woke up the 0:01:01.360 --> 0:01:02.720 next day and I was like, this is not a 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:06.479 productive use of my time. So I have the deep regrets, 0:01:06.760 --> 0:01:08.280 the deep deep regrets right now. 0:01:08.400 --> 0:01:11.039 The lychim tities get you when they're so sweet and 0:01:11.160 --> 0:01:14.440 so nice. Cocktails can fuck you because you're just like, oh, 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:17.200 fruit juice, woo woo woo, and then it's actually not 0:01:17.319 --> 0:01:21.320 fruit juice, and then you're slut dropping at lafavella one 0:01:21.360 --> 0:01:24.520 in the morning on a Monday. 0:01:26.360 --> 0:01:27.640 A very schools of you. 0:01:28.000 --> 0:01:29.000 It wasn't even that. 0:01:29.640 --> 0:01:31.840 I don't know, I think because I said this on Tuesday. 0:01:31.840 --> 0:01:33.520 But like my sister and I, we never ever ever 0:01:33.560 --> 0:01:37.040 get to just spend time together without the kids and 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:39.959 just have grown up conversation, and so we did the 0:01:40.000 --> 0:01:43.640 complete opposite. We regress to our eighteen year old selves. 0:01:43.959 --> 0:01:46.279 But no, look, it was one night, and we're allowed 0:01:46.319 --> 0:01:48.360 to have one night. And now we're back at work, 0:01:48.400 --> 0:01:50.840 we're back in workstations. We're just sorry for it. That's 0:01:50.840 --> 0:01:51.280 what we are. 0:01:51.720 --> 0:01:53.680 I think you get too excited when you don't do 0:01:53.760 --> 0:01:56.400 it often, like you just get a little bit too excited, 0:01:56.440 --> 0:01:58.520 you go a little too hard, and then you're reminded 0:01:58.640 --> 0:02:01.880 of exactly why you stopped doing that, like you're reminded. 0:02:01.440 --> 0:02:04.720 Of why you completely stop drinking genuinely. 0:02:04.760 --> 0:02:08.480 But also, I can't remember the last time I had 0:02:08.480 --> 0:02:09.440 a hangover, Like I don't. 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:09.760 I don't. 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:12.760 It's not something that is common in my life at all. Anymore, 0:02:13.240 --> 0:02:16.000 which is interesting because we have a conversation to talk 0:02:16.040 --> 0:02:17.240 about today about partying. 0:02:17.240 --> 0:02:19.079 I haven't even been to a nightclub in like over 0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:19.640 two years. 0:02:19.880 --> 0:02:22.760 I actually can remember my last hangover, and it was 0:02:22.840 --> 0:02:25.160 because it happened at your house. It was after my 0:02:25.240 --> 0:02:28.560 thirtieth birthday, and it was one of the most regrettable 0:02:28.600 --> 0:02:30.600 times I've ever had. And I had to be at 0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:33.880 your house for this really beautiful lunch and the food 0:02:33.960 --> 0:02:36.160 was so good. But this is the thing that I've 0:02:36.240 --> 0:02:39.280 learned about hangovers. It makes you hate everything about your 0:02:39.320 --> 0:02:42.640 life the next day and you can't enjoy anything, and 0:02:42.680 --> 0:02:44.160 that food was so good. 0:02:45.360 --> 0:02:48.040 We don't condone any of this. Okay, this is not us. 0:02:48.080 --> 0:02:50.440 This is us saying that every so often you think 0:02:50.520 --> 0:02:52.000 you have a handle on it and then. 0:02:51.919 --> 0:02:54.040 Things go a bit pear shaped. And for you, key, 0:02:54.040 --> 0:02:55.040 sure it was your thirtieth. 0:02:55.160 --> 0:02:58.640 Also, be careful if there's cocktails, because that's what got me. Okay, 0:02:58.680 --> 0:03:01.959 it was the cocktail juice that sent me to another place. 0:03:02.080 --> 0:03:03.960 So Law's you're in Bali at the moment, but we 0:03:04.000 --> 0:03:06.160 had our shit together and we recorded the questions for 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:09.840 this episode before you went to Bali. Because you know 0:03:10.080 --> 0:03:12.040 now that we're doing the youtubes, we've got to have 0:03:12.560 --> 0:03:17.080 the good filmed content to come up there. And this episode, 0:03:17.200 --> 0:03:18.920 the questions are really long, so we're gonna keep this 0:03:18.960 --> 0:03:19.919 really short in the intro. 0:03:20.360 --> 0:03:21.720 But you and I disagreed on. 0:03:21.760 --> 0:03:23.880 A lot in this particular episode. 0:03:24.000 --> 0:03:24.840 Well, I think it was good. 0:03:24.880 --> 0:03:27.680 I think it came from like balanced perspectives, because sometimes 0:03:27.680 --> 0:03:30.000 it's hard to always come to a place of resolution, 0:03:30.200 --> 0:03:33.120 especially if you show up with a different set of 0:03:33.160 --> 0:03:35.520 standards or we're in a different place in life together. 0:03:35.600 --> 0:03:37.840 But some of these questions are a little bit spicier 0:03:37.880 --> 0:03:40.120 than what we would normally answer, and some of them 0:03:40.160 --> 0:03:42.440 took a lot of consideration to try and get to 0:03:42.480 --> 0:03:45.560 a really needed place of what could be a good 0:03:45.640 --> 0:03:48.800 resolution for you. But also if you are watching along 0:03:49.000 --> 0:03:51.080 on YouTube. The reason why we kind of mentioned that 0:03:51.120 --> 0:03:53.440 we're in two different places that we did the questions 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:56.080 in Sydney and then the start of this episode whilst 0:03:56.080 --> 0:03:59.000 we're away twofold One is because obviously the video is 0:03:59.000 --> 0:04:01.040 going to look different. I am in my trashed hotel 0:04:01.120 --> 0:04:03.360 room right now. And two, it's because we wanted to 0:04:03.440 --> 0:04:05.760 keep things as current as possible with brit being away 0:04:05.800 --> 0:04:08.280 and in the Jungle just in case anything happened that 0:04:08.320 --> 0:04:11.120 we would need to reflect for you guys. But unfortunately, 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:14.320 over here in Bali you can't access ten plays. You 0:04:14.360 --> 0:04:15.880 have to get a VPN for it. You've got to 0:04:15.920 --> 0:04:19.799 bypass like your location, and I am not technology inclined 0:04:19.880 --> 0:04:22.000 enough to have figured that out. So Kish's been keeping 0:04:22.000 --> 0:04:25.039 me updated on where things are at and how Brit 0:04:25.120 --> 0:04:26.680 in the Jungle has been playing out so far. 0:04:26.960 --> 0:04:29.040 So last night my boyfriend and I were watching I'm 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:31.000 Aslab Get Me out of Here while we were eating dinner, 0:04:31.440 --> 0:04:34.640 and my recommendation is that you don't do that because 0:04:34.920 --> 0:04:36.760 I actually had to stop because they were eating like 0:04:36.880 --> 0:04:39.640 rattails and stuff. But the voting, to me is a 0:04:39.680 --> 0:04:41.839 little bit strange, and I think a few people in 0:04:41.839 --> 0:04:44.000 the Facebook group mentioned this. So you can vote ten 0:04:44.080 --> 0:04:47.360 times per day, and you can vote separately for the 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:49.320 trial and to keep. 0:04:49.160 --> 0:04:50.560 Brit from being eliminated. 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:53.320 So we'll be posting links on our socials and also 0:04:53.320 --> 0:04:55.680 on brit socials if you just want to like follow 0:04:55.760 --> 0:04:57.440 the link because it's a little bit easier. You can 0:04:57.520 --> 0:05:00.080 vote on the tenplay website. But the thing that this 0:05:00.160 --> 0:05:02.400 is kind of weird, and to be honest, like not 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:04.440 to shit on Imusleb, but I don't like the way 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:07.560 that they do this personally. You can vote ten times, 0:05:07.600 --> 0:05:10.039 but you have to like actually vote ten times. You 0:05:10.080 --> 0:05:12.760 can't just put all your votes in at once for 0:05:12.839 --> 0:05:14.320 the ten that you want to tally. 0:05:14.600 --> 0:05:15.320 So annoying. 0:05:15.520 --> 0:05:16.440 Yeah, that's a bit weird. 0:05:16.600 --> 0:05:19.120 But also there's no part of this that surprises me. 0:05:19.200 --> 0:05:21.440 That Channel ten's set up for voting is kind of 0:05:21.520 --> 0:05:22.400 more aimed at. 0:05:22.480 --> 0:05:24.520 Maybe slightly an older generation. 0:05:24.200 --> 0:05:27.680 Who might use phones traditionally rather than the Internet. 0:05:27.839 --> 0:05:28.839 That doesn't surprise me. 0:05:29.160 --> 0:05:31.400 But I do want to say I think at the start, 0:05:31.520 --> 0:05:33.640 Brick would have felt like it was to her benefit 0:05:33.680 --> 0:05:35.480 to not be in the trials, because no one wants 0:05:35.480 --> 0:05:36.080 to do the trials. 0:05:36.120 --> 0:05:37.640 The trials are scary and they grows. 0:05:37.920 --> 0:05:40.400 But at this point in the TV show, we need 0:05:40.440 --> 0:05:42.239 to be voting for her to do the trials because 0:05:42.279 --> 0:05:45.560 it's allowing her to participate in those activities is what 0:05:45.680 --> 0:05:47.960 shows what she's really like. And so if you've been 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:51.400 avoiding like boarding her up as tribute so far, don't 0:05:51.520 --> 0:05:53.719 like vote for her for trials, vote for her to stay, 0:05:54.200 --> 0:05:56.280 vote for her for everything, because that's the only way 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:57.680 that we're going to be able to keep her in 0:05:57.720 --> 0:05:59.760 the jungle is if she's able to show more of 0:05:59.800 --> 0:06:01.800 the person that she is. So yeah, So I'll be 0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:03.960 going and putting my ten votes in as soon as 0:06:03.960 --> 0:06:06.920 I finish this. The last thing I wanted to say 0:06:06.920 --> 0:06:10.120 before we get into our vibes and unsubscribes and Keisha, 0:06:10.160 --> 0:06:12.200 this will come as absolutely no surprise to you because 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:16.360 it's more an admission of my own stupidity. So, traveling internationally, 0:06:16.920 --> 0:06:20.440 I have become so immune to never taking anything with me, 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:21.960 Like I don't take a wallet anywhere. 0:06:22.080 --> 0:06:23.000 Who needs a wallet? 0:06:23.240 --> 0:06:25.560 I only take my phone because all my cards are 0:06:25.600 --> 0:06:28.080 linked to my phone. So here I am in another 0:06:28.120 --> 0:06:30.760 country with nothing but a phone to try and pay 0:06:30.800 --> 0:06:33.520 for stuff. Not a single credit card, didn't bring one, 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:38.599 just my phone. But the audacity to rock up to 0:06:38.720 --> 0:06:42.279 a country with nothing to pay for nothing. 0:06:42.720 --> 0:06:44.880 No, this is intervention stage. 0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:47.640 I walked down the door with my passport on my phone, 0:06:47.760 --> 0:06:49.560 like I was, like, who needs anything else? 0:06:49.760 --> 0:06:50.520 The confidence? 0:06:51.000 --> 0:06:54.960 This is unhinged behavior. We spoke on Tuesday's episode about 0:06:54.960 --> 0:06:57.839 how neither of us are planners, but like, that's a 0:06:57.920 --> 0:06:58.960 whole other level. 0:06:59.400 --> 0:07:01.080 It's also kind of smart. 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:03.200 If you don't want to pay for anything though, like 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:06.960 if you're traveling with someone who you know can afford it, 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:08.480 maybe not the worst idea. 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:11.480 I just I've taken it so deeply for granted. How 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:14.160 convenient our life is, you know, in Australia, how much 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:16.240 we can just pay pass for things. You don't need 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.440 anything on you, Your license is on you, your cards 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:21.120 are on you, and off you go. It doesn't work 0:07:21.120 --> 0:07:23.520 the same here, and I shouldn't be shocked. 0:07:23.720 --> 0:07:25.520 This is especially for people who live in New South 0:07:25.560 --> 0:07:28.200 Wales because our driver's license can be digital. 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:30.080 It's not like that in every other state. I really 0:07:30.080 --> 0:07:33.280 think Victoria's either brought it in or is bringing it in. 0:07:33.640 --> 0:07:35.840 Let's get into our vibes and unsubscribe to you guys today. 0:07:35.920 --> 0:07:37.080 I want to hit it off because I have a 0:07:37.160 --> 0:07:39.560 vibe from someone who we love across the podcast. Her 0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:41.760 name's Britney Saunders. We've done an interview with her in 0:07:41.760 --> 0:07:44.600 the past if you haven't listened to it. She is 0:07:44.680 --> 0:07:47.120 one of the OG influencers from back in the day. 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:50.200 She's got over six hundred thousand followers now. But the 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:52.440 thing that's very cool about Brittany is not the fact 0:07:52.480 --> 0:07:54.760 that she is an influencer by any means. It's the 0:07:54.760 --> 0:07:57.480 fact that she's an incredible business woman. She owns a 0:07:57.600 --> 0:08:01.560 clothing label called Fate Fate. The lay her acumen for 0:08:01.600 --> 0:08:04.840 business and the way that she approaches business is really 0:08:04.880 --> 0:08:07.960 really remarkable. And I say this because she's not someone 0:08:08.040 --> 0:08:10.480 who has done all the marketing courses and shows up 0:08:10.520 --> 0:08:14.280 to with the marketing jargon. She actually has tried so 0:08:14.560 --> 0:08:17.400 many different businesses, so many of them have failed, but 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:20.000 she's learned the lessons along the way, and now with 0:08:20.080 --> 0:08:23.480 Fate the label, she makes over eight figures in a year, 0:08:23.640 --> 0:08:25.840 so she's in the tens of millions. 0:08:25.880 --> 0:08:27.200 No one knows exactly what that looks like. 0:08:27.280 --> 0:08:29.320 Could be eighty million, could be ten million, but at 0:08:29.360 --> 0:08:32.160 the same time, it is an incredible achievement. Now she 0:08:32.200 --> 0:08:34.679 has just started a podcast. It's called Big Business. I 0:08:34.720 --> 0:08:37.480 listened to the first episode and I loved it because 0:08:37.480 --> 0:08:40.280 I think that there's very few podcasts that are out 0:08:40.280 --> 0:08:43.560 there that are circle around business as the topic, but 0:08:43.640 --> 0:08:46.319 they are more aimed for women. I think a lot 0:08:46.320 --> 0:08:49.280 of business podcasts are done by men, and they're four men, 0:08:49.440 --> 0:08:51.760 and in the language and in the way that they 0:08:51.800 --> 0:08:55.040 speak about the types of businesses that they focus on 0:08:55.280 --> 0:08:57.240 it can be quite isolating to the type of work 0:08:57.240 --> 0:09:00.280 and businesses that women find interesting. Episode one, it was 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:02.680 brilliant and I think you, guys, if you own a 0:09:02.720 --> 0:09:06.000 small business, if you're thinking about starting a business, wherever 0:09:06.040 --> 0:09:08.560 you are in that journey of entrepreneurship, I think that 0:09:08.600 --> 0:09:10.480 this could be an incredible podcast to listen to. 0:09:10.640 --> 0:09:12.720 So I'm subscribed and I'm on for the ride. 0:09:13.320 --> 0:09:15.920 I also love that Britt is so grounded, like she 0:09:16.160 --> 0:09:17.200 just gets it, you know. 0:09:17.679 --> 0:09:18.280 I feel a. 0:09:18.240 --> 0:09:19.800 Personal connection to her because we were in the same 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:20.960 mirror at school. We're both from. 0:09:20.840 --> 0:09:25.280 Newcastles and seeing her success but her not change at 0:09:25.280 --> 0:09:29.240 all in her personality, Like she's just so real, and 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:32.480 I think she has a really unique way of being 0:09:32.480 --> 0:09:35.240 able to have these really high end business conversations but 0:09:35.360 --> 0:09:37.800 also able to just shoot the shit with her mates, 0:09:37.800 --> 0:09:39.199 and like, I think she's unreal. 0:09:39.280 --> 0:09:40.920 I really am really keen to listen to that. 0:09:41.000 --> 0:09:45.360 Actually, and Kisha, what is your vibe or unsubscribe. 0:09:45.080 --> 0:09:46.199 My vibe for this week? 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:48.520 Do you ever feel as though there's like a celebrity. 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:50.520 I think it happens a lot with TV shows and 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:52.920 maybe even books and stuff, But for me, this week 0:09:52.960 --> 0:09:55.080 it was a celebrity that I feel really late to 0:09:55.160 --> 0:09:55.960 the party of. 0:09:56.360 --> 0:09:57.640 And it's Trevor Noah. 0:09:57.760 --> 0:10:00.760 I've known who Trevor Noah is for years, but to 0:10:00.840 --> 0:10:02.679 be honest, like I couldn't have really told. 0:10:02.559 --> 0:10:04.920 You much about him other than the very obvious things. 0:10:05.040 --> 0:10:07.960 He's a South African comedian, but he hosted The Daily Show, 0:10:08.000 --> 0:10:10.400 which is that American late night It kind of crosses 0:10:10.440 --> 0:10:14.040 over between like satirical news and comedy. He hosted that 0:10:14.160 --> 0:10:19.520 until twenty twenty two and I started listening to his podcast. 0:10:19.600 --> 0:10:20.640 So his podcast is. 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:23.719 Called What Now with Trevor Noah, and it kind of 0:10:23.840 --> 0:10:25.720 led me down a bit of a rabbit hole. And 0:10:25.760 --> 0:10:28.720 I watched this sixty minutes episode from twenty twenty two 0:10:28.720 --> 0:10:32.240 that he did with Leslie Stahl, and his backstory is 0:10:32.360 --> 0:10:36.199 just so incredible. He's apparently written a book which I'm 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:38.640 going to read after. You know, I've got a couple 0:10:38.679 --> 0:10:41.319 of books in my list, and that one's now been 0:10:41.360 --> 0:10:45.000 added to it. His story is really really fascinating. So 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:45.719 he was born in. 0:10:45.679 --> 0:10:47.920 South Africa, but his dad was Swiss. 0:10:47.640 --> 0:10:49.640 German and his mom was black. And this is during 0:10:49.679 --> 0:10:53.240 the time where apartheid was happening and it was illegal 0:10:53.280 --> 0:10:56.840 for their relationship to exist, and so he went to 0:10:56.880 --> 0:11:00.439 live with his mom because he was colored. Kind of 0:11:00.480 --> 0:11:02.400 talks about the fact that he never really felt as 0:11:02.400 --> 0:11:04.960 though we fit into either category, because he also had 0:11:05.000 --> 0:11:07.600 to be hidden in the car when they were driving 0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:10.080 and they would run into police officers otherwise, you know, 0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:12.240 he was fearful that he was going to be taken 0:11:12.280 --> 0:11:13.319 into an orphanage. 0:11:13.720 --> 0:11:14.960 Anyway, So he has a podcast. 0:11:14.960 --> 0:11:17.560 They release an episode per week, and he is joined 0:11:17.600 --> 0:11:18.560 by all different people. 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:20.320 A lot of them are just his friends, and they 0:11:20.440 --> 0:11:22.240 kind of have that really. 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:26.240 Interesting crossover between politics and comedy where they talk about 0:11:26.280 --> 0:11:29.640 things that are happening in the political space, but it's funny, 0:11:29.840 --> 0:11:31.080 like it's not to me. 0:11:31.360 --> 0:11:32.800 I find it really interesting. 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:35.040 I don't find it like a draw, even though some 0:11:35.080 --> 0:11:38.240 of the points that they make are very politically charged. 0:11:38.679 --> 0:11:41.200 So yeah, a couple of things. Basically, my vibe of 0:11:41.200 --> 0:11:43.679 this week is just I really like Trevor Noah and 0:11:43.720 --> 0:11:47.400 I'm going to listen to his podcast more regularly. I'm 0:11:47.440 --> 0:11:49.920 also going to you know, read his book, and I 0:11:49.920 --> 0:11:52.320 will also link the sixty minutes episode that I watch. 0:11:52.360 --> 0:11:55.040 It's only thirteen minutes long, which is ironic because it 0:11:55.080 --> 0:11:58.400 was on sixty minutes. I'll link that in the show 0:11:58.440 --> 0:12:00.800 notes as well, because I found it really really interest Kisha. 0:12:00.840 --> 0:12:03.040 I know nothing about who this person is because I 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:05.400 when it comes to celebrities, I don't know if you 0:12:05.400 --> 0:12:07.160 guys know this about me, but unless I'm looking at 0:12:07.160 --> 0:12:09.960 a photo of a celebrity, I am so name blank 0:12:10.040 --> 0:12:12.520 with who a person is. Is there a specific episode 0:12:12.559 --> 0:12:14.280 from the podcast that you would recommend or one that 0:12:14.320 --> 0:12:16.400 you've listened to that you thought from a topic from 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:18.400 a political perspective was the most interesting. 0:12:18.640 --> 0:12:20.320 So there was a particular episode that they did. 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:21.960 I think it was about two weeks ago, and it 0:12:22.080 --> 0:12:25.559 was about there's bills being passed in America about potentially 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:29.120 banning TikTok because it's got a Chinese owner. And I've 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:31.120 read a lot of articles about this, and I've also 0:12:31.280 --> 0:12:33.360 listened to a couple of podcasts and heard other social 0:12:33.360 --> 0:12:36.640 commentators talk about it. But I found their perspective very 0:12:36.679 --> 0:12:39.679 different to what the other perspectives that I've heard on 0:12:39.720 --> 0:12:42.200 the particular topic were, which I think is kind of 0:12:42.200 --> 0:12:45.240 why I'm really like, I'm gravitating towards this pod and 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:46.920 I want to listen to it more is because I 0:12:46.960 --> 0:12:49.400 feel as though they give me a bit to think about. 0:12:49.480 --> 0:12:51.680 But it's also not draining because they do it in 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:54.000 a funny way. So I really like that type of 0:12:54.080 --> 0:12:57.000 like engagement in content where it doesn't feel as though 0:12:57.040 --> 0:12:59.240 it's really heavy and I've got to really pay attention, 0:12:59.360 --> 0:13:02.520 you know. So Tremonoh's pod it is called what Now. 0:13:03.160 --> 0:13:04.680 As for all of our vibes, will. 0:13:04.559 --> 0:13:05.480 Link them in the shre notes. 0:13:07.040 --> 0:13:09.360 Question number one. I've been with my boyfriend for two 0:13:09.400 --> 0:13:11.240 and a half years. We are twenty four. We lived 0:13:11.240 --> 0:13:13.400 together and we share a pet. We've had lots of 0:13:13.520 --> 0:13:18.240 ups and downs. I'm a hyper romantic and extrovert. He's 0:13:18.280 --> 0:13:21.440 pretty negative and modest at times and doesn't like to 0:13:21.440 --> 0:13:24.040 show his affection unless he's drunk or we're alone. 0:13:24.640 --> 0:13:26.240 That's fucking weird. 0:13:26.520 --> 0:13:28.960 Over the past year, our sex life has gone from 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:32.520 weekly to one to two times a month. I love 0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:35.560 him so much, and despite our arguments, I want this 0:13:35.640 --> 0:13:38.160 to work. When I question him as to why we 0:13:38.200 --> 0:13:40.960 aren't having more sex, he says, you nag me about 0:13:41.000 --> 0:13:43.880 it too much, and it seems like you're forcing the seductiveness. 0:13:44.960 --> 0:13:47.800 I pulled back any attempt to be overly sexual or touchy, 0:13:47.800 --> 0:13:51.040 and nothing has changed. I even put on lingerie, wore 0:13:51.080 --> 0:13:54.040 his favorite perfume and lick candles, and he still said no, 0:13:54.080 --> 0:13:57.360 he didn't feel like it. I understand, but I'm so lost. 0:13:57.440 --> 0:13:59.840 I'm so young to be in this position because I 0:13:59.880 --> 0:14:01.880 know that nothing's going to change now, but. 0:14:01.880 --> 0:14:03.160 I don't know what else to do. 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:05.480 I listen to the podcast every day, and I read 0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:07.800 all the Facebook posts, and I know most people would say, 0:14:07.960 --> 0:14:10.480 just dump him, but it's so hard when you're basing 0:14:10.480 --> 0:14:13.240 the reason for the breakup on his negative persona and 0:14:13.280 --> 0:14:16.240 the lack of intimacy. How do I start again after 0:14:16.320 --> 0:14:19.400 three years of this? Because I'm scared. I feel sorry 0:14:19.400 --> 0:14:23.120 for you, because we love you. Firstly, I actually. 0:14:22.760 --> 0:14:26.080 Think this is a bit more of a broader societal thing. 0:14:26.440 --> 0:14:28.240 I listened to a podcast a couple of weeks ago 0:14:28.440 --> 0:14:31.800 with a sex and relationship expert, and they actually found 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:36.600 that the most optimum frequency for having sex is a 0:14:36.640 --> 0:14:39.440 lot lower than what I think we have been led 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:43.720 to believe. They found that three times a month is 0:14:43.880 --> 0:14:45.080 the most optimum. 0:14:45.600 --> 0:14:48.120 It's still like once every week and a half. These 0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:50.760 guys are having sex once a month, one to two 0:14:50.800 --> 0:14:51.560 times a month. 0:14:51.720 --> 0:14:54.280 Do you know why I actually feel quite differently about this. 0:14:54.840 --> 0:14:58.400 If that works for you, that's fine. If having sex 0:14:58.480 --> 0:15:02.400 once every six months is what you and your partner desire, 0:15:03.080 --> 0:15:05.120 play on, who am I to tell you any different? 0:15:05.200 --> 0:15:07.640 Like sex drive, it's going to ebb and flow, it's 0:15:07.680 --> 0:15:09.720 going to go up and down throughout different stages of 0:15:09.760 --> 0:15:10.560 your relationship. 0:15:10.760 --> 0:15:12.000 But if you are the type of. 0:15:11.880 --> 0:15:15.400 Person who doesn't want to have sex that frequently, that's 0:15:15.400 --> 0:15:16.240 actually okay. 0:15:16.440 --> 0:15:18.720 Yeah, But I think in this instance, it's not just 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:22.160 about sex. It is said he's pretty negative and modest 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:24.680 at times and doesn't like to show his affection unless 0:15:24.680 --> 0:15:25.960 he's drunk or we're alone. 0:15:26.040 --> 0:15:27.480 Do you know what I think the bigger problem in 0:15:27.520 --> 0:15:29.760 this situation is is that it sounds to me as 0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:33.320 though your love language is physical touch, and it sounds 0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:37.640 as though he either doesn't understand or doesn't care how 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:39.600 to show you love in the way that you actually 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:40.200 are going. 0:15:40.040 --> 0:15:41.840 To totally loved totally. 0:15:41.920 --> 0:15:46.440 And also, I mean, it's really hard being with someone 0:15:46.520 --> 0:15:50.200 who you love who is negative and isn't showing you 0:15:50.280 --> 0:15:52.560 affection or love and the only time they're doing it 0:15:52.600 --> 0:15:56.560 is when they're absolutely fucking blind or no one's around, 0:15:56.640 --> 0:16:00.320 so you feel like, Oh, you embarrassed by me, you 0:16:00.760 --> 0:16:03.120 ashamed of me? Like, why do I have to try 0:16:03.160 --> 0:16:06.360 so hard? The thing, I have a lot of feelings 0:16:06.360 --> 0:16:08.040 about this. Firstly, I want to say I'm so sorry 0:16:08.040 --> 0:16:09.680 that you're going through this because I think at the 0:16:09.760 --> 0:16:12.800 three year mark, when you're like, I love this person 0:16:13.040 --> 0:16:17.080 so much and I'm trying so hard, this isn't about 0:16:17.160 --> 0:16:20.800 you trying. This is about are they trying? Are they 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:23.560 putting an effort? Because you can only make a relationship 0:16:23.640 --> 0:16:26.680 work if you're both showing up to that relationship equally, 0:16:26.720 --> 0:16:29.240 and you're both putting the effort in because you both 0:16:29.280 --> 0:16:31.320 want to be there. And when you say you know 0:16:31.440 --> 0:16:34.720 I've bought lingerie, I'm trying to do these things to 0:16:34.840 --> 0:16:38.720 spark the romance, he needs to also be coming to 0:16:38.760 --> 0:16:41.440 the table to want those things and to want you 0:16:41.560 --> 0:16:43.840 and to want the relationship and to want to put 0:16:43.840 --> 0:16:46.360 the effort in. It's the lack of trying on his 0:16:46.440 --> 0:16:49.560 part that's making you feel defeated. It's also the sense 0:16:49.600 --> 0:16:52.880 of rejection totally, like you're being rejected by the person 0:16:52.960 --> 0:16:55.680 that you think loves you the most and that you 0:16:55.720 --> 0:16:59.200 are kind of innately meant to be sexual with so 0:16:59.280 --> 0:17:01.520 those needs are not being met and that I know 0:17:01.600 --> 0:17:03.720 that you've said, like, I want to make this work, 0:17:04.800 --> 0:17:08.840 but if you are with someone it's very normal to 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:10.880 be in a relationship with someone who has a different 0:17:10.920 --> 0:17:13.919 love language to you. But it's not normal to be 0:17:13.960 --> 0:17:17.159 in a relationship with someone who knows how you feel 0:17:17.200 --> 0:17:22.320 loved and appreciated and isn't willing to attempt to fulfill 0:17:22.400 --> 0:17:24.840 that need for you. So, like, it's really clear to 0:17:24.840 --> 0:17:26.959