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Speaker 1: Ma'm always always said be careful, love those alumbles a

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Speaker 1: little well, use your head. They will tear you up

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Speaker 1: like a paper too.

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Speaker 2: Oh no no no yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah yeah, oh no no no.

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Speaker 1: Then the knowledge you darling. Anyway, it's a recal thoughts

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Speaker 1: that'll bring you down, shring to get your tipsy like

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Speaker 1: God drinks love drunk girls.

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Speaker 4: Oh hi, I'm Amanda and I'm Rumby.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to.

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Speaker 2: It's it's layered.

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Speaker 3: We're in a long distance friendship that started nearly twenty

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Speaker 3: years ago when we were in high school.

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Speaker 1: We'll be talking about all things life, love, family, anything

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Speaker 1: and everything else under the sun.

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Speaker 2: Delve deeper with us because in life, you know, Jinnaire

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Speaker 2: layer layers so many. It's not level up, it's just

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Speaker 2: laid up.

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Speaker 1: How long, my love? Since we last spoke?

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Speaker 3: As I sip on my ginger lemon tea, I am good, you.

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Speaker 2: Rebo, what's happened now?

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Speaker 1: I'm also having ginger lemon tea.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm good.

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Speaker 1: I was Yeah, definitely, I'm good. I was just chatting

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Speaker 1: to family and it made me think, whoo, family is

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Speaker 1: definitely something we can delve deeper around, so deep, so

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Speaker 1: so deep.

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Speaker 4: For sure.

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Speaker 2: I think where do you even begin.

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Speaker 3: I think universally anyone who's from Zimbabwe will know that

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Speaker 3: the topic of family is just so complex, you know,

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Speaker 3: from conversations with so many friends and like other family

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Speaker 3: it's just so multifaceted, and so we just wanted to

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Speaker 3: bring like those different perspectives or like yeah around family, man.

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Speaker 1: Like, it's a lot, definitely, and especially coming from a big,

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Speaker 1: big family, so it's like it's quite big for us

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Speaker 1: being from African cultures that we are very it's not

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Speaker 1: so small, it's very extended. So you see so many

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Speaker 1: different perspectives and so many different types. So what would

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Speaker 1: you say is the typical Zimbabwean household.

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Speaker 4: I think you hit the nail on the head with

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Speaker 4: the whole.

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Speaker 3: We're huge and family is family, your family, there's no separation.

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Speaker 3: But definitely I think patriarchy where men are superior, they

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Speaker 3: are the discerning voice, they have the say, and patriarchy

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Speaker 3: has been I feel upheld over generations. And it's not

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Speaker 3: only like the men who kind of instill this, it's

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Speaker 3: also women within families uphold patriarchy, patriarchal mindset that you know,

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Speaker 3: you need to be able to listen to the head

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Speaker 3: of the house, which is a man or you know,

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Speaker 3: when you eventually have your family, you know, the man,

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Speaker 3: you have to cater to the man, the man, the

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Speaker 3: man type of thing.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, you're completely right because then like a lot

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Speaker 1: of mothers hold it down in families as well as

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Speaker 1: much as the spatriarchy. It all falls to like the

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Speaker 1: mother because like musham Kazi right, So yes, the direction,

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Speaker 1: but you still know because almost like the man is

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Speaker 1: their head and the woman is the next. So she

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Speaker 1: tells you which and what you do. And yes, they're

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Speaker 1: expected to you know, you're instantly expected to know how

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Speaker 1: to like run a household and support the households. And

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Speaker 1: mothers are very very important that even people who do

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Speaker 1: come from single, single parent homes a lot of it.

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Speaker 1: A lot of moms were holding it down for sure.

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Speaker 3: And definitely there's a requirement like you need to respect

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Speaker 3: your elders at all times, even if you don't necessarily.

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Speaker 2: Agree with what they're saying or you have opposing views.

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Speaker 3: It's like as a child, you need to know when

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Speaker 3: to be quiet, you need to know when to like,

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Speaker 3: you know, just listen to your elders, even if you

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Speaker 3: don't agree.

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Speaker 4: You just let them and I think that's very typical,

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Speaker 4: you know, like definitely and you can't.

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Speaker 1: And then because of that, it then allows like no

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Speaker 1: openness when it comes to discussions, like how can you discuss?

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Speaker 1: So you're not allowed to talk, but like it's like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: if you have any problems happening in the family, When

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Speaker 1: you just get told, you're not like oh, so what

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Speaker 1: do you guys think the way it's working? In fact,

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Speaker 1: maybe sometimes or even get told, you just start to

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Speaker 1: realize this is something that changed. Yeah, where was this tip?

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Speaker 1: Now like there's no Yeah, that's so if people do

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Speaker 1: do you family discussions, please let us know, yeah, break

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Speaker 1: your families, because typically it doesn't happen.

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Speaker 3: And how open those discussions are, you know, because there's.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes a limit to that.

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Speaker 3: And speaking of openness, I think it also filters through

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Speaker 3: to affection. Like I'll never forget the first time when

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Speaker 3: I was young, when I saw my parents' kids, I

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Speaker 3: was like, what, like you know what I mean? But

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Speaker 3: you know, and I think my parents.

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Speaker 4: Were a bit more progressive. But yeah, affection is you know,

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Speaker 4: it's it's.

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Speaker 2: Not really seen the requirements.

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Speaker 3: It's not yeah, it's not really required, And I don't

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Speaker 3: know what it is. Is it showing that you're soft?

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Speaker 3: I don't know what it is, but like affection and

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Speaker 3: zim households is just not.

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Speaker 2: A big thing.

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Speaker 1: So yeah, I remember like even for me, I'm similar

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Speaker 1: to you, My dad is to travel a lot for

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Speaker 1: work when you're younger, and like that's when I'll see

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Speaker 1: them kids at the airport, I'll be like what I'd

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Speaker 1: be like, oh my god, you know, like and then

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Speaker 1: when they came back with the kids again, I'm like

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Speaker 1: what is this? Yeah, but like it's it's definitely affection

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Speaker 1: is such a and I remember like I was always

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Speaker 1: seen as soft because I'd always like forced my mom

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Speaker 1: come tuck me in teeth parents, kids, I'm like, I

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Speaker 1: want some of that. But like typically, and as you said,

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Speaker 1: I think that depends on how progressive your parents were

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Speaker 1: and they also were trying to now adapt to Western culture.

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Speaker 1: But typically affection is not not no no no, but

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Speaker 1: but it works hand in hand with like you just

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Speaker 1: expect to work hard, yeah, be a demic achiever, and

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Speaker 1: to take care of So it's like, okay, are you

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Speaker 1: going to be a doctor, a lawyer? That's like an engineer.

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Speaker 1: That's like pretty much it like and I think a

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Speaker 1: lot of people, there's a generation that a lot would

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Speaker 1: just like nurses for the women or teachers, because those

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Speaker 1: are like the jobs that would to be acceptable. The

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Speaker 1: people went for yes, for sure, for sure.

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Speaker 2: So it's like, yeah, focus on the school, focus on

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Speaker 2: the book.

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Speaker 4: Everything else.

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Speaker 2: You're being too.

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Speaker 1: Soft in your field because people people like us wanting

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Speaker 1: to be creatives. Like you know, you spoke on a

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Speaker 1: previous episode about what your love for music that would

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Speaker 1: be like I want to do band, Like no, no,

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Speaker 1: not about that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, and then ultimately too, there's also the pressure that

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Speaker 3: family comes first. So no matter what you do, it's

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Speaker 3: like you do it for the family, and like, don't

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Speaker 3: support the family, don't let the family down. Family takes

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Speaker 3: precedence and everything before you know friends, and I know,

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Speaker 3: there's a thing blood.

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Speaker 2: Is thicker than water. I really felt.

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Speaker 4: I really feel like in the Zim culture we've really

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Speaker 4: upheld that like.

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Speaker 3: Other level, whether it's a family member who is like

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Speaker 3: causing stress for everyone else in the family, but that

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Speaker 3: person is still like family first, like you support that,

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Speaker 3: you know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: So definitely definitely, and I mean Africa as a whole,

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Speaker 1: I think has this whole notion of a boontu. You know,

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Speaker 1: for us, Shauna, we say ooh, and like it's because

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Speaker 1: your parents are your parents and your family is your family,

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Speaker 1: but everyone else can also pitch in and tell you

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Speaker 1: what to do. And like I see kids over here

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Speaker 1: on the train, on the tram being silly and being goofy,

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Speaker 1: and like if that was at home, one look would

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Speaker 1: set you strength from some anti rum and you just

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Speaker 1: have to look at you and you would be like

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Speaker 1: what you know, So like everyone can shift in. You know,

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Speaker 1: it's not up to just it's not just up to

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Speaker 1: your family. It's anyone who's your elder, anyone who's expected

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Speaker 1: in the community can have a say in your life,

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Speaker 1: like everyday life like bad.

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Speaker 3: I have the exact same feeling when I see like kids,

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Speaker 3: you know, young teens, like smoking, like close to their

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Speaker 3: school building, and I'm just like, whoa that would like

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Speaker 3: never fly where I come from. You know, some auntie

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Speaker 3: will come and show you what time it is, okay.

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Speaker 1: And then tell your parents, yes, snitch.

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Speaker 2: On you, mm hmm exactly.

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Speaker 4: So they appeared to be upset because they're like, you've

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Speaker 4: done embarrassed.

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Speaker 2: That's in front of the people.

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Speaker 1: So yes, exactly, and the whole notion as well just

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Speaker 1: ties into like so if someone tells you what to do,

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Speaker 1: you better listen. Like there's no space for discussion, There's

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Speaker 1: no you know, it's like almost ages in a way.

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Speaker 1: If you're older the and someone you have stay over

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Speaker 1: the younger one. Absolutely imagine the right, you have.

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Speaker 2: A right about their life.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, exactly how close were you to your family?

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Speaker 1: How would you say how close you are?

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Speaker 3: I think it evolves different seasons of my life, different

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Speaker 3: ages it evolved, and also as being in boarding school

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Speaker 3: and then going to study abroad. I think definitely has

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Speaker 3: its effect on, you know, the relationships. So I think

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Speaker 3: it was seasonal sometimes you know I was closer or

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Speaker 3: like in need of their approval or if it's an

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Speaker 3: extended family. We saw each other so much when we

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Speaker 3: were young kids. We'd go sleep at my grandma's house.

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Speaker 3: We used to do things together.

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Speaker 2: But now it's kind of with the changing times that

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Speaker 2: all has fizzled out, if that makes sense. So it's

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Speaker 2: not the same anymore.

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Speaker 3: You look back nostalgically like, oh, remember I needs to

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Speaker 3: go Quamboya and I said Guru and like or Quamboia

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Speaker 3: together mud like bathing in a dish and that was

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Speaker 3: exciting for me.

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Speaker 2: But like now it's literally like everyone is everywhere. But yeah,

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Speaker 2: and for you, how close are you to your life?

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Speaker 1: I'm exactly the same. Like with my extended family. Growing up,

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Speaker 1: we were we were close, I would say super close,

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Speaker 1: but we always, like Christmas stuff, all those big holidays

201
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Speaker 1: were like automatically family holidays and like we would do

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Speaker 1: the same as you Goku Musha. That's like the rural

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Speaker 1: areas and then you'd all like share from the same

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Speaker 1: plate and yeah yeah, yeah, like but those things were

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Speaker 1: like so they bonded us. I feel like now we

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Speaker 1: don't have that. We don't have to have that. That's

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Speaker 1: not only just because of my family, but I think

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Speaker 1: also people living abroad, as you said, and people are

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Speaker 1: having their own lives. Unfortunately, we don't have that. Like

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Speaker 1: even my dad talks about their generation they had that throughout,

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Speaker 1: so the closeness remained, whereas I think for us it

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Speaker 1: almost got cut off when you went to college or

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Speaker 1: union had to leave Zimbabwe, which is so sad. Yes, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but generally my family and I like nuclear the closer

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Speaker 1: ones we're not. We're not super close, like were all

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Speaker 1: born and will like chat when we need to, but

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Speaker 1: it's not like we're checking in on each other all

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Speaker 1: the time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I get you.

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Speaker 1: I get you.

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Speaker 2: That makes sense.

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Speaker 3: And with your siblings, so you have a two brothers, yes,

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Speaker 3: how often do you chat to them?

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Speaker 1: I think for me it's similar to you where it's

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Speaker 1: like I have so many cousins that I if I

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Speaker 1: don't call them brothers, they probably be very upset with me. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: and I'd be like, so like, yeah, my family doesn't

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Speaker 1: really respect them. Ahle you're a blood brother.

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Speaker 4: N sister.

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Speaker 1: It's like we all grew up together. Like my dad

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Speaker 1: was very always had family over. Yeah, I had like

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Speaker 1: cousins stay over with us. So I feel like I

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Speaker 1: have I even have because some cousins who are probably

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Speaker 1: closer to me than like but probably people's like a sibling.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and yeah we are close.

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Speaker 1: But I think because I'm in Australia and I'm in

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Speaker 1: a different time zone for most people, when I wake up,

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Speaker 1: it's like, you know, they're any sleeping. It's always messed up. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I feel like we when we do catch up and

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Speaker 1: make a plan to catch up, it's good, but we

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Speaker 1: don't necessarily like do the every day. Yes, I grew

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Speaker 1: up with a lot of boys around. Yeahs to be

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Speaker 1: in high school where I got to get my like

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Speaker 1: doses of girls. Yes, it's like a lot of boys,

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Speaker 1: a lot.

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Speaker 3: Of I'm with you, I'm with you, I get you,

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Speaker 3: and I think for me, it's like I said, over time,

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Speaker 3: it's changed, but definitely with for example, my sister, we

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Speaker 3: chat every day like without fail, like if it's texting,

250
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Speaker 3: phone calls or whatever, without fail. With my brother it's

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Speaker 3: you know, when he's willing to no, like we chat. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: I think boys that we're just different girls. We require

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Speaker 3: we need the you know, communication and things.

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Speaker 2: But yeah, and then with parents, like how often do

255
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:18,720
Speaker 2: you chat to parents?

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Speaker 1: And like, well, my my mom did pass away when

257
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Speaker 1: I was a teenager. You obviously would know, but people

258
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Speaker 1: on the podcast would not know. So my dad is

259
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Speaker 1: quite bad with comms. He's always been typical not a

260
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Speaker 1: typical African father. But like it's just yeah, we will

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00:14:39,440 --> 00:14:41,240
Speaker 1: like make a plan to chat and then old chat.

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Speaker 1: But not like I don't check up on him all

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Speaker 1: the time. No, probably say like once a week we

264
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:50,240
Speaker 1: will have a few like a text relay and then

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Speaker 1: that would be it. Then my brother is so good,

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Speaker 1: like my oldest brother, he always has like a big

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Speaker 1: We have a big group phone call, a conference call

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Speaker 1: once a month, and everyone do so I feel like

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Speaker 1: because we do that, people just kind of like shout

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Speaker 1: whatever they need to talk about less unless it's like,

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Speaker 1: you know, but I'm a girl, you know, I'm a

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Speaker 1: dad's girl, So I like checking up on him and

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Speaker 1: finding out if he's okay. But generally I wouldn't say, like,

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Speaker 1: we could go a week and you wouldn't even blink

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Speaker 1: if I didn't.

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Speaker 2: Talk to you.

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Speaker 1: Oh right, I'm sure if my mom was around, it

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00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:27,040
Speaker 1: would have been different. But yeah, again, as we talked

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Speaker 1: about mothers at the plug right into the family. So

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Speaker 1: you know, my stepmom is pretty good. She does talk

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Speaker 1: to me, you know, she tries to check up on me,

282
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Speaker 1: but like I think, I've also now just used to

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Speaker 1: not talking to them, so once a week it's fine.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I get you. Same, It's the same for me.

285
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Speaker 3: I think with me, my mom tries to communicate more frequently,

286
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Speaker 3: and I know when I communicate something to her, it's

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Speaker 3: going to go to my dad anyway, type of thing.

288
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Speaker 4: My dad.

289
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Speaker 2: I literally I.

290
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Speaker 3: Think we can go literally like two three weeks without

291
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:07,160
Speaker 3: like texting each other directly, but or there's family group chats,

292
00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,560
Speaker 3: like there will be messages there about what's happening.

293
00:16:09,520 --> 00:16:10,400
Speaker 2: WhatsApp.

294
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Speaker 1: Can we really have an episode about what's happened? Because yeah?

295
00:16:18,320 --> 00:16:20,800
Speaker 4: And also fake news, fake news and what's happened in

296
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Speaker 4: the zoom community.

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Speaker 1: I just oh my god.

298
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:27,880
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah that's a that's.

299
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,600
Speaker 2: An episode for another day. But it's similarly.

300
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Speaker 3: And then with my extended family, just depends on cousins

301
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:37,880
Speaker 3: and like relatives when as and when those who I

302
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:42,120
Speaker 3: communicate with birthdays stuff like that.

303
00:16:43,320 --> 00:16:43,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

304
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Speaker 3: So yeah, it's it's really like it depends, right. There's

305
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Speaker 3: no like oh totally all the time.

306
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:52,640
Speaker 1: No, no, no, yeah, there's not like regular check. Can

307
00:16:52,720 --> 00:16:56,800
Speaker 1: you think it's it's very ad hoc as yeah, I

308
00:16:56,880 --> 00:16:59,040
Speaker 1: think with what's happen as well, Like for me with

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Speaker 1: the extended family, we have a big family check yes,

310
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Speaker 1: with everyone, and my dad keeps adding me in if

311
00:17:06,040 --> 00:17:11,240
Speaker 1: I ever decide to leave. Also, and also that group

312
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:15,600
Speaker 1: has little nuclear groups like the branches, but the big one.

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Speaker 1: It's kind of nice because once in a while you

314
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:20,080
Speaker 1: can just kind of find out how everyone's doing without

315
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:23,760
Speaker 1: really being like and obviously if there's a major emergency

316
00:17:24,160 --> 00:17:27,520
Speaker 1: or major good news as well, it's like quicker to

317
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:31,159
Speaker 1: broadcast in that in that chat. But generally for me,

318
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Speaker 1: I don't really comment because a lot of them are

319
00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:35,919
Speaker 1: my aunts and uncles and just let them have their space.

320
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,879
Speaker 1: My cousins we don't really have that like we have.

321
00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:42,679
Speaker 1: I have a few, but I'll talk to them one

322
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:44,159
Speaker 1: on one as opposed.

323
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Speaker 2: To definitely, yeah, it sounds like I'm.

324
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Speaker 1: Not that close to my family.

325
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,359
Speaker 3: It does, but I think I really think it's how

326
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,400
Speaker 3: we've all been separated in a big way.

327
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Speaker 2: I think that plays a part.

328
00:17:58,400 --> 00:18:02,800
Speaker 3: Like all that it hasn't influence, you know, on communication,

329
00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:06,880
Speaker 3: I definitely feel, But yeah, which of your.

330
00:18:06,840 --> 00:18:08,000
Speaker 2: Parents are you most like?

331
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Speaker 3: If people were to be like try and engage because

332
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,560
Speaker 3: you know, like I think people always want to know

333
00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:15,760
Speaker 3: like who do you take after?

334
00:18:16,119 --> 00:18:18,960
Speaker 2: Who you know? Type of thing, it's interesting. I also

335
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:21,200
Speaker 2: find it interesting too well.

336
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:23,880
Speaker 1: Growing up, people used to always say like I look

337
00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:27,960
Speaker 1: like my grandma, which I hated. Yeah it sounds so bad.

338
00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:30,920
Speaker 1: I love it now that I'm of age and I'm like, wow,

339
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,120
Speaker 1: she's such a wise woman. But when I was young,

340
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:36,760
Speaker 1: I was like, I ain't a granny like yeah, yeah, yeah,

341
00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:39,800
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I don't want to be told I

342
00:18:39,880 --> 00:18:41,560
Speaker 1: look like an old person, like you know, it just

343
00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:46,720
Speaker 1: wasn't part of mine. Yeah, But then like personality wise,

344
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,800
Speaker 1: sometimes probably you should ask my husband. You'd probably tell

345
00:18:50,880 --> 00:18:53,800
Speaker 1: you like better than I can. But I think I'm

346
00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:56,320
Speaker 1: as stubborn as my dad. My dad is very stubborn.

347
00:18:56,880 --> 00:19:00,159
Speaker 1: He thinks he knows everything and expert so to me,

348
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,719
Speaker 1: so like in some ways he does. He's very wise.

349
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:08,879
Speaker 1: So I feel like I take after him in that respect,

350
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,960
Speaker 1: and it's very confident. I like that, you know, like

351
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:16,320
Speaker 1: he he achieved a lot in his life, especially from

352
00:19:16,320 --> 00:19:18,200
Speaker 1: where he started from to where he is now. So

353
00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:22,240
Speaker 1: I feel like I respect that hustle, you know. I

354
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,359
Speaker 1: feel like he had the hustle before we knew what

355
00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:28,879
Speaker 1: hustle was. So I think I take after him in

356
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:33,439
Speaker 1: that respect. I'm not afraid to try things, keep the needle.

357
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,000
Speaker 1: But in a lot of ways, I'm just like, who

358
00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:40,840
Speaker 1: are these people? Why am I part of the sermily?

359
00:19:40,960 --> 00:19:46,240
Speaker 1: Because I don't think I vibe. I don't think I'm

360
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:47,479
Speaker 1: gonna lie to any of them.

361
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,600
Speaker 3: I've literally had moments where I'm like, was I adopted

362
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,760
Speaker 3: and you guys never told me like it's happened.

363
00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:58,800
Speaker 1: Do you think because you were creatives and then they're not?

364
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,240
Speaker 3: Do you think that we just But for instance, my

365
00:20:01,400 --> 00:20:05,359
Speaker 3: mom was a creative so like beautiful, Yeah, so my

366
00:20:05,520 --> 00:20:08,920
Speaker 3: mom when we lived so my families lived like different places,

367
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,439
Speaker 3: but we lived in Ghana and my mom was her

368
00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,800
Speaker 3: housewife at the time, and then she did like a

369
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:17,320
Speaker 3: course in Batique tie dye material.

370
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,480
Speaker 2: At the time, I was like, oh my goodness, Mom,

371
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:20,360
Speaker 2: I just want.

372
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 1: Like jeans and like, you know, embarrassing me.

373
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, but now I'm like, wow, she had visions. So

374
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:29,400
Speaker 3: she used to make material and sew like African clothing

375
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:32,280
Speaker 3: and sell that. And she was very creative in that way.

376
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:36,400
Speaker 3: So but I think it wasn't like it was just fun,

377
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,360
Speaker 3: you know what I mean. So it's like I obviously

378
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:41,520
Speaker 3: took that from it. And like my dad, for instance,

379
00:20:41,560 --> 00:20:44,000
Speaker 3: at home, we have a lot of like African artifacts.

380
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:47,360
Speaker 2: He would I remember, you would always place things on walls,

381
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:50,800
Speaker 2: set things up just right, like they have a good eye,

382
00:20:51,040 --> 00:20:51,680
Speaker 2: you know what I mean.

383
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,920
Speaker 4: So they have, but I think they just deny it,

384
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:55,639
Speaker 4: you know what I mean.

385
00:20:55,640 --> 00:20:57,320
Speaker 3: It's just like, yeah, this is just the house, but

386
00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:03,200
Speaker 3: like they maybe they Yes, yeah, totally totally.

387
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:05,000
Speaker 2: So it's funny.

388
00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:08,480
Speaker 1: But do you think your closeness to them has changed

389
00:21:08,520 --> 00:21:09,640
Speaker 1: since you left Zimbabwe?

390
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:14,080
Speaker 2: Uh? Definitely in some ways. Yes, for sure.

391
00:21:15,119 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 4: Obviously because of you're just getting on with life.

392
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:19,560
Speaker 3: I think we need to have an episode on this

393
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:24,200
Speaker 3: and like them like living in the diaspora and trying

394
00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:27,960
Speaker 3: to like get settled and all that, like it just

395
00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:31,560
Speaker 3: takes a lot of effort and time and you can't

396
00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,760
Speaker 3: always communicate the in between random things, right as opposed

397
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:40,000
Speaker 3: to But yeah, it's definitely changed. I think I think

398
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,720
Speaker 3: to my parents sort of appreciate me a bit more

399
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,080
Speaker 3: that I've left, yeah.

400
00:21:45,480 --> 00:21:47,360
Speaker 2: Than when I was home before I came here.

401
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:52,440
Speaker 1: So yeah, so I think it's it's weird, right yeah,

402
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 1: because even for me, like when I left, I left

403
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:59,080
Speaker 1: when I was like eighteen, so I feel like they're

404
00:21:59,119 --> 00:22:02,800
Speaker 1: still view me as an eighteen year old. I mean

405
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:07,639
Speaker 1: it's fun, but but then a part of it is

406
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:12,440
Speaker 1: just like, yeah, yeah, like when I come home and

407
00:22:12,520 --> 00:22:17,640
Speaker 1: I'm making big money move decisions, they get you know what. Yeah,

408
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:22,040
Speaker 1: Like if you you grow you grow away from them, right,

409
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,879
Speaker 1: and they still remember you as that young man you know,

410
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,000
Speaker 1: and it's like you always have to kind of constantly

411
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:32,040
Speaker 1: remind them that, like you're not eighteen anymore, and you

412
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:36,240
Speaker 1: pay your taxes, you pay your bills, you you're adult,

413
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 1: your adulted And as you said, hopefully we'll have another

414
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,520
Speaker 1: episode where we'll discuss all of that, you know, settling

415
00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:46,880
Speaker 1: into a different society, different world with no support network,

416
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:49,920
Speaker 1: because I feel like with our parents, obviously they always

417
00:22:50,359 --> 00:22:52,639
Speaker 1: also had their parents to lean on a little bit,

418
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:55,679
Speaker 1: maybe not so much financially, but even just the emotional

419
00:22:56,600 --> 00:23:00,160
Speaker 1: psychological support. For us, it's like, I can't.

420
00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:00,920
Speaker 2: You're are at home.

421
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:05,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, There's so many little things that happen that you're

422
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:07,960
Speaker 1: like and that make you grow that you might not

423
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:11,639
Speaker 1: always get to tell them, you know, and like sometimes

424
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:15,480
Speaker 1: I just it's it's a bittersweet, yeah, because a part

425
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:18,359
Speaker 1: of me is like Zimbabwe had been flourishing and everything

426
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:20,720
Speaker 1: had been normal, I would have just had my probably

427
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,840
Speaker 1: gone to UNI there and you know, continued on and

428
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,360
Speaker 1: would have had that. And at the same time, it's

429
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:28,600
Speaker 1: like there's an aspect of your life that they know

430
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:32,320
Speaker 1: nothing about and then come usy and even then it's

431
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:38,800
Speaker 1: only like even then, Yeah, yeah, definitely the dynamic changes

432
00:23:38,880 --> 00:23:41,680
Speaker 1: when you leave ZIM and you can be high.

433
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:44,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, no, for sure.

434
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:45,679
Speaker 1: I agree.

435
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,520
Speaker 2: It shifts the gears.

436
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:52,639
Speaker 3: In a way and it's sad and it makes you

437
00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:56,639
Speaker 3: emotional that like you've been separated, like that conversation around.

438
00:23:57,080 --> 00:24:00,840
Speaker 3: If ZIM had been the same, you wouldn't in this place.

439
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 3: And I feel like it definitely shifts things a lot.

440
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:08,200
Speaker 3: And also speaking of personality, so my mom is very

441
00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 3: like she likes to be in constant communication. She's you know,

442
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:15,800
Speaker 3: more emotional. So I took the emotional from my mom.

443
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:18,880
Speaker 3: I'm especially when I was young, I just cry at anything,

444
00:24:19,280 --> 00:24:23,520
Speaker 3: like over anything was a problem. And she's very so

445
00:24:23,640 --> 00:24:25,560
Speaker 3: she needs that time to connect.

446
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:27,160
Speaker 2: She likes to be in touch.

447
00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,000
Speaker 3: And then I've kind of grown into this person like

448
00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:33,840
Speaker 3: with my family, if I don't communicate with you doesn't

449
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:35,560
Speaker 3: mean I hate you, It just means like I have

450
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:36,560
Speaker 3: other things going on.

451
00:24:37,119 --> 00:24:38,960
Speaker 2: And I think she struggles with that. But my dad

452
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:40,040
Speaker 2: and I get each other in.

453
00:24:40,080 --> 00:24:42,400
Speaker 3: That way like it's like it's fine, like be fine,

454
00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:46,760
Speaker 3: but she's good. Yeah yeah, And so I'm a lot

455
00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,159
Speaker 3: like my dad too in that way. I'm just like

456
00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:53,119
Speaker 3: really kind of independent, kind of like let's get on

457
00:24:53,240 --> 00:24:57,359
Speaker 3: with it. He's very driven, similar to your dad, and

458
00:24:57,440 --> 00:25:02,000
Speaker 3: I think a lot of some parents of parents generation

459
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:05,719
Speaker 3: like did a lot to change the trajectory of their

460
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 3: family's livelihoods. So very driven, very like focused, and also

461
00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:17,320
Speaker 3: very analytical and like curious. I think might get that

462
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,520
Speaker 3: from my dad, and then sort of the emotional side

463
00:25:20,560 --> 00:25:23,600
Speaker 3: from my mom, the creative side from my mom, the style,

464
00:25:24,000 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 3: and then my mom's older sister who passed away. I

465
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:29,240
Speaker 3: think when I was a year old, I want to

466
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 3: I'd like to believe. Yeah, apparently I remind my mom

467
00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:36,560
Speaker 3: of her because of my like my love for things.

468
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:38,240
Speaker 2: She says she used to like things.

469
00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:39,199
Speaker 4: I'm like, what does that mean?

470
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:46,080
Speaker 3: And my grandma, my grandma's sisters, my grandaunts, you would

471
00:25:46,080 --> 00:25:49,240
Speaker 3: call them Anambuya would always be like call me by

472
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,159
Speaker 3: her name, and I'm like, who are they calling? And

473
00:25:51,240 --> 00:25:52,879
Speaker 3: then my mom was like, oh, no, they're calling you

474
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:55,439
Speaker 3: because like you look like her or you remind them

475
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:55,800
Speaker 3: of her.

476
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:59,040
Speaker 2: So I have like this like web of different things.

477
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:01,879
Speaker 3: I'm a bit of a perfectionists like my dad, but

478
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,600
Speaker 3: I also love to host people. I love to take

479
00:26:04,640 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 3: care of people, like my mom. My mom has like

480
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:11,760
Speaker 3: a good for people, like to be around her. So yeah,

481
00:26:11,880 --> 00:26:14,120
Speaker 3: it's it's quite interesting. So I think that has all

482
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:18,959
Speaker 3: been affected by the distance as well of the us

483
00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:22,200
Speaker 3: being separated. And it's like literally, like you say, I

484
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:24,399
Speaker 3: think they'll be surprised when they see me when I

485
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,760
Speaker 3: go home next it's like, oh, this will be now

486
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:27,480
Speaker 3: type of things.

487
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:30,159
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean it's so funny you say that,

488
00:26:30,320 --> 00:26:32,800
Speaker 1: like about your mom loving to host, So I think

489
00:26:32,880 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 1: should have loved my mom because I remembers kids. You

490
00:26:35,560 --> 00:26:40,959
Speaker 1: always have people over, yeahs and always like gathering people together,

491
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,960
Speaker 1: always at the house. Yeah, and it's not then you'll

492
00:26:45,000 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 1: be visiting them, like yeah, you know. I feel like

493
00:26:49,480 --> 00:26:51,640
Speaker 1: I'm kind of like that as well. I love having

494
00:26:51,720 --> 00:26:56,399
Speaker 1: my friends over. I love space, I love hosting. I

495
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 1: love also like just keeping in touch with people and

496
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:02,280
Speaker 1: finding how they are, not in an every day like

497
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 1: how you're doing way, but just in a keeping tabs

498
00:27:05,160 --> 00:27:08,520
Speaker 1: almost and like that connect. You know, when people want

499
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,400
Speaker 1: to know how someone else is doing, they can ask

500
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,240
Speaker 1: you almost like that very much. So in the fact,

501
00:27:13,520 --> 00:27:16,760
Speaker 1: you know, when she did pass away and then it

502
00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:19,720
Speaker 1: also happened to be that's also around the time Zimbabwe

503
00:27:19,760 --> 00:27:25,200
Speaker 1: in two thousand and two, Zimbabwe was turning both things

504
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:28,399
Speaker 1: then just pushed, you know, people to be further and

505
00:27:28,520 --> 00:27:31,200
Speaker 1: further away from each other. It was almost like, I

506
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:34,440
Speaker 1: wonder how she would have survived in this new Zimbabwe.

507
00:27:36,320 --> 00:27:40,919
Speaker 1: It was very different from the they we enjoyed as kids,

508
00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:45,480
Speaker 1: and I just wonder how people would have adapted adapted

509
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:48,920
Speaker 1: to it. Yeah, yeah, it's crazy, right, You just think

510
00:27:49,760 --> 00:27:51,399
Speaker 1: you look at like I look at people here and

511
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:55,680
Speaker 1: there's so every Sunday thing, family, all of that, and

512
00:27:55,840 --> 00:27:58,560
Speaker 1: a part of me it's like, oh, I don't like that,

513
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:03,000
Speaker 1: and please people let us know if you feel the

514
00:28:03,119 --> 00:28:07,720
Speaker 1: same family, if you didn't move a family, what it's

515
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:11,480
Speaker 1: been like since you've left, and not only that, how

516
00:28:11,560 --> 00:28:14,640
Speaker 1: you've adapted as a family, whether it's good or bad.

517
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:16,639
Speaker 1: Or are you always homesick?

518
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:16,960
Speaker 2: Yeah?

519
00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:19,680
Speaker 1: I have lots of friends who are like I'm always that.

520
00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:23,200
Speaker 1: They want to go home every opportunity they get, Eastern

521
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 1: their home, Christmas, their home, every time, their home, you know,

522
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:29,639
Speaker 1: because they have to. And whereas have other friends who

523
00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:31,080
Speaker 1: are like, nah, I'll go them.

524
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:31,320
Speaker 4: Good.

525
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:33,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, you also let.

526
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:36,280
Speaker 1: Us know where you land and what your thoughts are

527
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:38,400
Speaker 1: own family totally totally.

528
00:28:38,520 --> 00:28:41,120
Speaker 2: And yeah that concludes the first part of this.

529
00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:44,520
Speaker 3: But thank you so much for as always tuning in

530
00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:48,960
Speaker 3: and you know, we share these because we you know,

531
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 3: we haven't seen people like us, you know, or haven't

532
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,720
Speaker 3: seen these conversations happening on platforms, so that's why we

533
00:28:55,920 --> 00:28:58,920
Speaker 3: do it. We definitely want to hear from you how

534
00:28:59,000 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 3: it's different for you, how it's been the same, So

535
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 3: you can hit us up on our Instagram.

536
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,640
Speaker 2: It's layered so I T s l A y e

537
00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:13,880
Speaker 2: r e D. That's our handle and our email is

538
00:29:14,840 --> 00:29:18,160
Speaker 2: it's layered pod. I T s l A y E

539
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:21,520
Speaker 2: r e D p O D at gmail dot com.

540
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 2: So let us know anything, if you resonate, if something

541
00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:29,800
Speaker 2: was different for you, we are here for it, totally,

542
00:29:30,000 --> 00:29:31,120
Speaker 2: yes for it all.

543
00:29:31,680 --> 00:29:35,120
Speaker 3: Yeah awesome, So thank you so much and we'll see

544
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:36,400
Speaker 3: you the next episode.

545
00:29:37,400 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 1: Bye bye. I'm always always be careful