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Speaker 1: Ma'm always always said be careful, love those alumbles.

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Speaker 2: A little well, use your head.

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Speaker 3: They will tear you up like a paper too. Oh

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Speaker 3: no no no, yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah, oh no no no, then the knowledge

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Speaker 1: you darling. Any way, it's a recal thoughts that'll bring

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Speaker 1: you down shring to get your tipsy like God drinks

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Speaker 1: love drunk girls. Oh hi, I'm.

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Speaker 4: Amanda and I'm Rumby. Welcome to It's It's Layers.

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Speaker 3: We're in a long distance friendship that started nearly twenty

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Speaker 3: years ago when we were in high school.

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Speaker 5: We'll be talking about all things life, love, family, anything

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Speaker 5: and everything else under the sun.

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Speaker 3: Delve deeper with us because in life, you know, Jeanaim

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Speaker 3: Layer Layers.

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Speaker 4: Hello, so welcome back.

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Speaker 5: We were discussing family and we obviously thought it might

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Speaker 5: get too long. So definitely have to do this in stages,

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Speaker 5: in layers, because Layers so Ruby, Let's just go straight

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Speaker 5: right back into it.

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Speaker 4: Does your family understand you?

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Speaker 2: Hey, I feel you just went in for the juggil

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Speaker 2: That's a I think that has been one of.

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Speaker 3: The struggles of my life, is feeling misunderstood by my family,

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Speaker 3: whether it's extended or nuclear. I feel like my parents

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Speaker 3: and get a portion of me in some way like that,

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Speaker 3: you know, I was the loud, the creative, the one

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Speaker 3: who would sing, the one. You know. They get certain

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Speaker 3: aspects of me, which I think family is supposed to,

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Speaker 3: but other things I've always just been like, really, like,

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Speaker 3: am I from this family? Y'all don't get this? Like

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Speaker 3: why don't you understand that? And I think one of

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Speaker 3: the things that my family struggles with it's probably how

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Speaker 3: I like to communicate. I want to say, I want

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Speaker 3: us to talk and I want us to be honest.

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Speaker 3: But as we spoke about in the previous episode, like

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Speaker 3: with ZIM families, you know, there's not always room for discussion.

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Speaker 3: And I'm not someone who does very well with do

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Speaker 3: this because I said so, it doesn't really work very

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Speaker 3: well with me.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, it's uh touch and go.

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Speaker 3: There often felt misunderstood, But that's just in general, not

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Speaker 3: even just with the family.

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Speaker 2: I think with friends, like in society.

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Speaker 3: Like that's been like the bane of my existence, to

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Speaker 3: be honest and for you, do you think your family

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Speaker 3: understands you?

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Speaker 4: I feel like everyone but my family understand me.

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Speaker 5: I don't feel misunderstood, like, but my family definitely misunderstand me.

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Speaker 5: Like like I just feel like, Okay, sorry, I gotta

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Speaker 5: get it together to get a girl.

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Speaker 4: Personally, it's like.

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Speaker 5: I'm not usually overly emotional, but I feel like I can't.

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Speaker 3: I don't.

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Speaker 5: I know, I'm conscious that in a zoo household, I

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Speaker 5: don't have a voice, right, so I feel stifled. And

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Speaker 5: then when I stifled, everything is like bubbling under the surface,

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Speaker 5: so if you pook it, it just like comes out.

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Speaker 5: And then when it comes out, I seem emotional. I see,

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Speaker 5: so I seem like I'm just a crier. But it's

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Speaker 5: also it's also tied into my love language. And I'm

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Speaker 5: sure we'll go into this and other episodes of our

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Speaker 5: love languages, but like for me, it's words, so like

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Speaker 5: because we don't communicate because we're told not to communicate

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Speaker 5: because we don't have a voice, it's like working against

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Speaker 5: me every day, every day everything. That's why I feel

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Speaker 5: like and I think once my dad even said in

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Speaker 5: a statement, like when we're in our discussions and he's like,

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Speaker 5: I feel like you're you're better off with one.

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Speaker 4: You know, foreigners people were not in the family, because I.

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Speaker 5: Think he thought I come across as closer to everyone

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Speaker 5: else but family which in a sad way is probably true.

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Speaker 4: But that's because they let me speak, you know.

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Speaker 5: They let me be, they let me communicate, they let

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Speaker 5: me and because of the way it is, it's like

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Speaker 5: and also I feel like my family probably think I

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Speaker 5: do the most.

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Speaker 4: I think they just think, why can't you just be normal?

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Speaker 3: Like calm down, take a seat.

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Speaker 5: Even in doing this podcasts, I'm pretty sure a lot

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Speaker 5: of them are like gearing up to just ask me why,

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Speaker 5: like not in a it's almost like I feel personally,

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Speaker 5: it's almost like a put down, like Apple, like they

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Speaker 5: do these things at this level that's.

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Speaker 4: Not for you. You know, they.

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Speaker 5: Put these boundaries and I'm constantly breaking through them. And

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Speaker 5: because I am, then I seem weird. Why why are

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Speaker 5: you doing this? Why are you?

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Speaker 4: And then also yes, I think because I don't.

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Speaker 5: Conform, then I am very misunderstood.

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Speaker 4: So you know I've appiercing on my face.

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Speaker 5: My tatters always like that, like what are you doing

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Speaker 5: to your beautiful face?

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Speaker 4: You know, you know what I'm expressing myself?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly, that's so funny.

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Speaker 4: Wow, Yeah, it's just weird. Is your family with your endeavors?

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Speaker 4: You know what you're talking about?

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Speaker 3: The podcast My family is supportive of endeavors that they

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Speaker 3: deem to look good to them, like our family will

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Speaker 3: look good and to society and their friends, and you

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Speaker 3: know how they want.

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Speaker 2: To be portrayed.

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Speaker 3: So they will support anything I do as long as

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Speaker 3: it looks like what I feel they feel I'm supposed

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Speaker 3: to be doing. That being said, I don't things. That

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Speaker 3: being said, when I do things that are on the

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Speaker 3: other end of what they think I should be doing,

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Speaker 3: it's very problematic. And I feel maybe something that's common

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Speaker 3: in ZIM families is I don't know, maybe maybe not.

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Speaker 3: It's controlled to be like this is what you're supposed

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Speaker 3: to do. You need to like this, not like you

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Speaker 3: know what you're doing.

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Speaker 2: So it's and.

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Speaker 3: I think if you're going to get good grades, you're

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Speaker 3: going to get a good job, do which you're supposed

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Speaker 3: to then one hundred percent if it's according to the

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Speaker 3: timeline structure they want, totally fine. But anything outside side

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Speaker 3: of those bounds, And unfortunately, I'm kind of like, you know,

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Speaker 3: like you, I have big ideas, I have things I

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Speaker 3: want to do, I want to you know, I'm just

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Speaker 3: really in my own kind of world and similar to

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Speaker 3: be misunderstood a lot of those endeavors are misunderstood, and

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Speaker 3: it's problematic because family triggers a lot similar to you,

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Speaker 3: like you become emotional, Like normally, I'm a rational person.

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Speaker 3: I can deal with them. I'm cool, I can even

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Speaker 3: But family has a button that they know how to press. Yes,

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Speaker 3: and that button is pressed, it's like really really hard

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Speaker 3: and frustrating.

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Speaker 2: So yeah, so in a nutshell, it.

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Speaker 3: Depends on how it looks for them or if it's

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Speaker 3: according to what they want me to do. Yeah, and

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Speaker 3: what about you?

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Speaker 2: Do you feel like I call.

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Speaker 4: Signed, I'm right there with you.

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Speaker 5: Maybe that's why we get each other because you as

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Speaker 5: that we come from the same You get me, but like.

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Speaker 4: It's just crazy for me because I feel like my

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Speaker 4: family is quite religious, very religious.

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Speaker 5: Like even the I think I spoke about the WhatsApp

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Speaker 5: group that we have in the previous episode with the

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Speaker 5: whole sended family as many people in that group as

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Speaker 5: as WhatsApp can handle. And it's called some one three three,

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Speaker 5: you know, So that's that's that's.

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Speaker 3: The name of the that's the name of the that's

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Speaker 3: the name of the group.

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Speaker 5: So it just shows you the level of you know,

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Speaker 5: and I and I love that because sometimes I feel

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Speaker 5: like I'm a prayer warriors behind me. You know, I'm

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Speaker 5: standing on the shoulders of people who were on their

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Speaker 5: knees great, you know, to get to where I am,

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Speaker 5: and I understand that. I see that. I love that,

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Speaker 5: you know, even when I want to come to Australia. Initially, Zim,

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Speaker 5: as we keep talking about, economically, was just not the

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Speaker 5: best place to.

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Speaker 2: Try out and dream.

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Speaker 4: But you know a lot of my aunts.

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Speaker 5: Were like, Tokunamachi, I will pray for you, and you know,

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Speaker 5: I believe in that.

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Speaker 3: I do.

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Speaker 5: But at the same time, now when I want to

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Speaker 5: do my indefens I feel like they have to come

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Speaker 5: under that church umbrella.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 5: So if I was like, I want to be a

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Speaker 5: prison and worship singer in the church, I want to

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Speaker 5: do the Bible versus I want to collect, that would

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Speaker 5: be like.

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Speaker 3: Look for her.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 5: If I'm married a pasta, there would have been like,

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Speaker 5: look like that's just yeah, Whereas my life is completely

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Speaker 5: not that. Not that I don't I love to sing,

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Speaker 5: I love places of worship in the church and all that,

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Speaker 5: but I also don't necessarily feel the need to front

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Speaker 5: runner with a lot of you events happening.

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Speaker 4: I used to participate.

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Speaker 5: Obviously every Sunday, it's quite Saturday, depending on your church background,

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Speaker 5: was quite the norm.

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Speaker 4: But I used to go, of course, you have no choice,

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Speaker 4: you know.

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Speaker 5: But then like I feel like, because my davors don't

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Speaker 5: align with that so similar to you, then it's like

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Speaker 5: anything else I'm doing, they're not really going to be

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Speaker 5: there for.

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Speaker 3: It unless it ties.

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Speaker 4: In what they want. So it's almost like I did today,

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Speaker 4: Why don't you do this? Why that's great to do this,

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Speaker 4: but it's like, no, I don't want to do that.

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Speaker 4: I'm doing this.

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Speaker 5: So to say they're supportive, I don't even know they're

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Speaker 5: listening to this podcast. So that's probably a big answer that, uh,

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Speaker 5: you know, and it's.

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Speaker 2: Okay, It's okay.

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Speaker 5: You can't be there for everything. I'm also not to

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Speaker 5: some people. I also choose the stuff I'm interested in.

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Speaker 5: So my cousins are really into fashion, so obviously we

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Speaker 5: talk a lot about that, so we don't, you know,

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Speaker 5: So it just depends on also what your interests are. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: generally not if they don't align.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I'm with you, definitely. Do you think you

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Speaker 3: tell them your dreams like or plans? Or things you

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Speaker 3: want to do for yourself, like before you started your

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Speaker 3: business or you know, is that something you share with

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Speaker 3: your family.

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Speaker 5: I used to, probably with my dad when I was younger,

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Speaker 5: but I don't know if I was doing that to seek.

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Speaker 4: A backbone or like a support.

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Speaker 5: System, not necessarily like advice advice, like just like so

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Speaker 5: you know, but then also like so you know, and

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Speaker 5: I can also like have a bit of permission from you,

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Speaker 5: because at that age I felt like I had to

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Speaker 5: have their support. But now as you live away from

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Speaker 5: home and you do more and more things on your.

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Speaker 4: Own, so to see, I don't.

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Speaker 5: Seek that from them, so I tend not to really,

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Speaker 5: I'll tell them after the plans being done, Like when.

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Speaker 4: The podcast was done, I said, yeah.

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Speaker 5: The podcast, guys have a listen, but as not as

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Speaker 5: if I went to them before it and said, do

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Speaker 5: you think And because again my dreams, my plans, a

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Speaker 5: lot of them don't align.

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Speaker 2: Yes, it's it's there.

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Speaker 5: Like what I mean people who say, when you're launching

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Speaker 5: a business or whatever, you need to look for mentor

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Speaker 5: you need to look for someone aligns with.

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Speaker 4: What you're doing.

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Speaker 5: And because I don't have that ininsily in my family

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Speaker 5: then there was never really a need to delve deeper

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Speaker 5: into what I'm doing.

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Speaker 3: Yes, I'm with you, I'm with you, and look you.

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Speaker 3: I think for me, I struggled with learning not to

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Speaker 3: have to share initially. I think because in an African home,

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Speaker 3: especially as a daughter, it's kind of like you belong

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Speaker 3: to your parents until you belong to your husband, and

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Speaker 3: feeling a need to always report back and you're told

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Speaker 3: you answer to your parents. So I would, and then I,

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Speaker 3: you know, got heartbroken a couple of times. So then

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Speaker 3: I just was like, maybe maybe maybe I don't have it, yeah,

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Speaker 3: exactly as an adult. So I've learned to kind of

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Speaker 3: hold back and kind of share when it was necessary

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Speaker 3: or the point of that change, similar to you. So

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Speaker 3: over time it's become like, okay, I'll share when I've

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Speaker 3: done something or you know, it's it's kind of been

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Speaker 3: planned out.

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Speaker 4: But yeah, so do you don't feel like you lean

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Speaker 4: to them for advice?

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Speaker 3: Not anymore? Yeah, because I think, like you said earlier,

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Speaker 3: like we said that, I think I see the world

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Speaker 3: differently to some of my family, Like it's just like,

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Speaker 3: are we like on the same page and a lot

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Speaker 3: of things we're just not do we just don't see.

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Speaker 3: I do definitely lean on like my sister, Like we're

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Speaker 3: very close and we see things similarly bit different too,

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Speaker 3: so her perspective always brings something new, So I definitely

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Speaker 3: mean on her. But like talking about like my parents

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Speaker 3: and other family, I just think we have different viewpoints

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Speaker 3: and so it's like you'd have to convince them of

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Speaker 3: your viewpoint and then convince them of like the thing

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Speaker 3: you want to do, and nobody's got energy to do

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Speaker 3: that when you're trying to figure out something you want

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Speaker 3: to do for yourself, if that makes sense.

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Speaker 4: Do you find permissions?

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, but do you find like you go to

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Speaker 3: them for any advice, like if it's about something you

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Speaker 3: endeavor to do or kind of just like it depends.

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Speaker 4: It really does depend. I think.

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Speaker 5: Also because I left ZIM at the turn of becoming

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Speaker 5: an adult, it's also like initially I did very much

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Speaker 5: so when I was in UNI, when I was starting UNI,

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Speaker 5: I kind of did because and when I finished UNI,

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Speaker 5: because I found like I also was trying to figure

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Speaker 5: it out. So it was like the more voices I

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Speaker 5: had in my head. But now as I've gained my confidence,

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Speaker 5: gained my voice more and more it's less and less so,

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Speaker 5: especially because they don't live in Australia, so it's not

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Speaker 5: like they know, like if I wanted to get it come.

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Speaker 3: Out, they.

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Speaker 5: Could only tell you generally, but they can't go into

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Speaker 5: the deep dives. And sometimes some of these things you

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Speaker 5: need a deep dive. So again I then think, you know,

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Speaker 5: I'll just tell them generally, this is what I'm planning,

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Speaker 5: is what I'm doing, but it's not necessarily for advice.

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Speaker 4: But then a couple of times, you know.

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Speaker 5: When everyone else's voices were really loud, Like when I

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Speaker 5: was trying to leave Perth to come to Melbourne, whether

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Speaker 5: or not that was going to be a good idea for.

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Speaker 4: Me, I reached out to my brother, you know, and I.

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Speaker 5: Was like, I don't know Perth, you don't know Melbourne,

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Speaker 5: but you know me, so like, can you help me

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Speaker 5: navigate this?

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Speaker 4: What do you think I should do? Should I stay?

292
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Speaker 4: Should I go?

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Speaker 5: Hugh Brandy and me, sorry, I know my friends, but

294
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Speaker 5: like it's just like that. So that was good to

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Speaker 5: have him because then that was the opposite right everyone,

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Speaker 5: I think, And then he was now telling me what

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Speaker 5: he sees. So and then also when I had my breakup,

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Speaker 5: and I talked about this in the previous dating episode.

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Speaker 5: It was good to lean on family because I also

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Speaker 5: felt like I want to go into a fetal position.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, just be like, coud on me and talk to

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Speaker 2: me and tell me, reassure me.

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Speaker 5: They were the best people to do that because they're

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Speaker 5: not mutual friends with my ex.

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Speaker 4: They're for me. They stand for me. Yeah, it's like pockets.

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Speaker 4: I feel like now I know when to and when

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Speaker 4: not to, and that distinction is important.

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Speaker 3: It comes to Yeah, no, it comes with age and

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Speaker 3: kinds of like getting wiser and kind of for sure.

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Speaker 5: How important is it to you though that you can

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Speaker 5: lean or cannot lean on them?

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Speaker 3: I think maybe I'm just in a phase where I

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Speaker 3: need to learn to lean on me, like to be

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Speaker 3: confident in me. So at present, it's not.

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Speaker 2: Playing that big of a deal.

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Speaker 3: I think definitely when I go in to the different

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Speaker 3: stages of my life, like you know, whether it's you know,

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Speaker 3: marriage or parenting, I'll definitely lean on them more in

319
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Speaker 3: that way because I've never done it before. But I

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Speaker 3: think for me, it's okay, it's okay for me to

321
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Speaker 3: have this space. I'm definitely at that place. I'm like

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Speaker 3: it's okay to have this space because I think I

323
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Speaker 3: spent so much of my life always thinking like what

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Speaker 3: will they say?

325
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Speaker 2: What will they think?

326
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Speaker 3: Is this okay?

327
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Speaker 2: Is it okay?

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Speaker 3: And I cheated myself of a lot of time in

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Speaker 3: that way. So now I'm like, it's okay, it's fine.

330
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Speaker 3: And yeah, I know I'm going to lean on them

331
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Speaker 3: for other things or I know they definitely thinks that

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Speaker 3: I lean on them about, like if I want to

333
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Speaker 3: learn more about like our family, our history, like I

334
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Speaker 3: did our family tree once and definitely, you know, talk

335
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Speaker 3: to them, do you know what I mean? Or understanding

336
00:18:17,160 --> 00:18:22,640
Speaker 3: cultural things or yeah, definitely, Yeah, if there's if there

337
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:26,640
Speaker 3: was one thing that you would never want to change

338
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Speaker 3: about your family, because I think the whole precept, like

339
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Speaker 3: the concept of family is it's just complex. That's that's

340
00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:36,920
Speaker 3: what family is. It's layered, right, it's never really straightforward.

341
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Speaker 3: What would be the one thing that you would never

342
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:43,320
Speaker 3: want to change that is so beautiful or so like

343
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Speaker 3: integral to who your family is that you love them most?

344
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Speaker 2: Like what would you say that?

345
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Speaker 5: I think the connection to God being godly and I think,

346
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Speaker 5: you know, as much as our seemingly seeming like I'm

347
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Speaker 5: bashing it.

348
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Speaker 4: I I love that.

349
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Speaker 5: I love that we can come together, and like that

350
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,959
Speaker 5: support in that way is there, Like the prayers when

351
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Speaker 5: they say I'm praying.

352
00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:13,679
Speaker 4: For you, it's leg it's legit.

353
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Speaker 3: It's not just.

354
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Speaker 5: Yeah, a prayer full family. I feel like I would

355
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Speaker 5: not change that. Some some people might think, oh, you know,

356
00:19:24,200 --> 00:19:27,719
Speaker 5: this can be inconvenient or buzz kill or but like

357
00:19:28,600 --> 00:19:34,400
Speaker 5: for me, it's it makes me feel at peace really,

358
00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:38,480
Speaker 5: you know, despite the complexities, despite everything, and the heart

359
00:19:38,520 --> 00:19:40,480
Speaker 5: of it, at the core of it, we have those

360
00:19:40,560 --> 00:19:46,119
Speaker 5: Christian values that seemingly holds us together, you know. So

361
00:19:46,320 --> 00:19:48,399
Speaker 5: like I feel like I feel like without that, it

362
00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:50,560
Speaker 5: will just be scatter scatter, like.

363
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Speaker 4: Everyone will just do whatever they want.

364
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Speaker 2: But bring rains everyone in, like rains everyone in.

365
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Speaker 4: And like even you know, I leaned a lot on

366
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Speaker 4: that similar toy.

367
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Speaker 5: You're talking about culture and everything, so I don't know,

368
00:20:07,119 --> 00:20:10,360
Speaker 5: I need a guidance. Yeah, and then also them being

369
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,359
Speaker 5: level headed because Roora, when we go into Rora, we'll

370
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Speaker 5: talk about this one more.

371
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Speaker 4: Some people actually end up shouting at each other.

372
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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, for sure, breaking up.

373
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Speaker 5: That day, you know, because families just won't see eye

374
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:25,959
Speaker 5: to eye. But I think they're prayerful. They always are

375
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:27,800
Speaker 5: coming from a good space. You know.

376
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Speaker 4: The execution might.

377
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:32,360
Speaker 5: Be not what I exactly what I want, but it's

378
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:35,280
Speaker 5: always coming from uh. They're trying to make it work.

379
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,760
Speaker 5: They're trying to let God's will be done. So I

380
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:41,719
Speaker 5: feel like it helps. It helps kind of leaders when

381
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Speaker 5: you go astray, which.

382
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Speaker 3: Is yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm with you.

383
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:47,560
Speaker 4: For me, that's the biggest thing.

384
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Speaker 2: I'm so beautiful.

385
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:53,679
Speaker 3: I think I have like two which sounds weird. The

386
00:20:53,760 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 3: first thing that came to my mind was like laughter,

387
00:20:57,359 --> 00:21:01,240
Speaker 3: And it sounds a bit random, but like when I

388
00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:03,720
Speaker 3: think of like family gatherings, I just think of laughter,

389
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,119
Speaker 3: and especially on my mom's side, they all have like

390
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:10,080
Speaker 3: this loud billy laugh, like you know, and when we're

391
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:13,200
Speaker 3: together and just like how everyone just key keys. And

392
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:16,680
Speaker 3: I think that's it because at the end of the day,

393
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,600
Speaker 3: after all you go through as family, it's like to

394
00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:23,400
Speaker 3: be able to laugh and just like talk to each

395
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,240
Speaker 3: other and have that there's something really comforting. And it

396
00:21:26,320 --> 00:21:29,119
Speaker 3: reminds me of being home, reminds me of Christmas, reminds

397
00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:32,480
Speaker 3: me of like family. I think that's probably like that's

398
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,560
Speaker 3: the first thing that instinctively came to my mind because I.

399
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,960
Speaker 2: Think through it all you have to laugh because family.

400
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:40,680
Speaker 3: Goes through a whole myriad of things and you've got

401
00:21:40,680 --> 00:21:44,760
Speaker 3: to you know. And then the second thing I chose

402
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:49,720
Speaker 3: one how to fail this comprehension test.

403
00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:52,400
Speaker 2: Out of failm like.

404
00:21:52,560 --> 00:21:53,879
Speaker 4: Do you understand the question?

405
00:21:55,520 --> 00:21:58,400
Speaker 2: But I think a bit of the global perspective.

406
00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:03,440
Speaker 3: I think I think our parents have a global view,

407
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,520
Speaker 3: but they rein it in because of where they are,

408
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:10,359
Speaker 3: Like the zim like zim like zim is very like

409
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:15,320
Speaker 3: holding down really like suppresses a lot. I feel like

410
00:22:15,359 --> 00:22:17,320
Speaker 3: our parents have a global view, but they have to

411
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 3: like rein it in for the context of where they are.

412
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,400
Speaker 2: But ultimately, like you.

413
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:25,200
Speaker 3: Know, if I look at my father and how he

414
00:22:25,320 --> 00:22:28,199
Speaker 3: moved our family around for work, that really opened my

415
00:22:28,359 --> 00:22:31,200
Speaker 3: mind up and has been instrumental to who I am.

416
00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:36,480
Speaker 3: Him studying like you know, my parents, studying abroad through

417
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:40,640
Speaker 3: scholarships and just like things like that and even extended family.

418
00:22:40,720 --> 00:22:43,280
Speaker 3: I think it's just really gave me an appreciation of

419
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:47,200
Speaker 3: like the world is not where you are, it's what

420
00:22:47,240 --> 00:22:49,080
Speaker 3: you make of it. I don't know how to explain it,

421
00:22:49,280 --> 00:22:52,159
Speaker 3: so yeah, yeah, and what about you?

422
00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:55,640
Speaker 2: What if there's one thing you could change ooh.

423
00:22:55,880 --> 00:23:02,440
Speaker 5: Girl, one, okay, no one, I'll stick to one because fail.

424
00:23:04,080 --> 00:23:10,040
Speaker 5: If there's one thing, I would probably say open communication,

425
00:23:11,359 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 5: but I feel like then that stems into everything else.

426
00:23:14,840 --> 00:23:18,000
Speaker 5: If you're open to communicate, then you would show up

427
00:23:18,040 --> 00:23:23,240
Speaker 5: for events, you would if adequate advice, you would like

428
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,879
Speaker 5: just because sometimes I think things just happen in the

429
00:23:25,920 --> 00:23:28,440
Speaker 5: family and it's like, oh, okay, okay, that's what we're

430
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:31,600
Speaker 5: doing now, okay, okay, oh get married now, Oh okay,

431
00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:32,320
Speaker 5: she's pregnant.

432
00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:33,359
Speaker 4: Oh she's like.

433
00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:33,800
Speaker 3: You just.

434
00:23:35,560 --> 00:23:40,000
Speaker 4: Roll with It's of my family because things are happening.

435
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:40,760
Speaker 4: Just roll with it.

436
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:45,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, you never really get a chance to like express

437
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:49,640
Speaker 5: your feelings whether they're happy, I mean happy once people

438
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 5: are always eager to hear. But when they're not so happy,

439
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:55,359
Speaker 5: people are like And then when it's something that's not

440
00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:57,359
Speaker 5: so happy, I feel like that's the times when we

441
00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:01,080
Speaker 5: need to communicate. Then that's the times and we actually don't.

442
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:04,800
Speaker 5: You know, people are just talk this happened with uncle. Oh,

443
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:06,600
Speaker 5: just what's happening. Oh that's his new wife.

444
00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:08,200
Speaker 2: Oh that's okay, And you're.

445
00:24:08,000 --> 00:24:10,000
Speaker 3: Like, whoa, that's a lot of information to take.

446
00:24:09,840 --> 00:24:13,679
Speaker 5: It, that is, and especially for me, because it's almost

447
00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 5: like because I'm far away, then they might not maybe

448
00:24:17,480 --> 00:24:19,879
Speaker 5: they do communicate, and I just don't get kept in

449
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,520
Speaker 5: the loop. And then when I go home, it's almost

450
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:26,760
Speaker 5: expected that I should have known, like this happens with data,

451
00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:29,480
Speaker 5: you know, a long time ago, you know, and it's like, well,

452
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:31,959
Speaker 5: no one told me. How am I meant to know?

453
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 5: And it's like breeds a lot of secrecy, breeds a

454
00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:39,000
Speaker 5: lot of like shame almost, So it's just like we

455
00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:42,920
Speaker 5: don't need that, you know, we we actually just openly talked.

456
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:46,120
Speaker 4: WHOA, Okay, that's that's what happened.

457
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:50,800
Speaker 5: That's weird, Like I feel, I don't know, maybe I'm

458
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,120
Speaker 5: too new aged with it. Was again, it plays into

459
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:56,040
Speaker 5: the patriarchal thing. You know, you can't be just do

460
00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:56,960
Speaker 5: what you're told.

461
00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,520
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, you.

462
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:02,040
Speaker 5: Can't be talking about your uncles and a bad parents.

463
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:07,480
Speaker 5: It plays against all those typical things about when you

464
00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:10,959
Speaker 5: say you want open communication, because then they have to

465
00:25:11,040 --> 00:25:14,320
Speaker 5: take on or at least hear what you've gotta say

466
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:15,320
Speaker 5: and then.

467
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 3: Here for it.

468
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:17,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, then here for that.

469
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:21,080
Speaker 3: So you feel do you feel it's influenced even like

470
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:26,520
Speaker 3: how you've approached your own family now being married and

471
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:29,080
Speaker 3: like do you get what I mean like being like okay,

472
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:31,120
Speaker 3: now I want I need to make sure I have.

473
00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:34,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, oh no, definitely, Like I feel like at the

474
00:25:34,560 --> 00:25:38,000
Speaker 5: stage my husband and I definitely have a lot of

475
00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:39,040
Speaker 5: open communication.

476
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:41,679
Speaker 4: I wouldn't want it to change.

477
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,200
Speaker 5: And I feel like, yeah, if I said that bar there,

478
00:25:45,359 --> 00:25:47,480
Speaker 5: then we just keep hopefully we just keep it there.

479
00:25:48,000 --> 00:25:50,159
Speaker 5: And I feel like with my family it's almost like

480
00:25:50,359 --> 00:25:53,400
Speaker 5: I should we don't talk about it. Yes, So it's

481
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:56,680
Speaker 5: like there's always that sense of And I don't think

482
00:25:56,720 --> 00:25:58,520
Speaker 5: that's only pertaining to my family.

483
00:25:58,760 --> 00:26:02,879
Speaker 4: I think that's a lot Zimbabwean family. Things just happen

484
00:26:03,240 --> 00:26:05,400
Speaker 4: and this is all with it.

485
00:26:05,880 --> 00:26:07,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't know where to.

486
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:12,160
Speaker 5: And dissect and break it down. Just if you're told,

487
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,120
Speaker 5: you're told. If you're not, you just find out soon.

488
00:26:14,160 --> 00:26:17,040
Speaker 3: In us totally, I think I'm similar to you. I

489
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:19,399
Speaker 3: think my parents, so my parents were the ones who

490
00:26:19,520 --> 00:26:22,200
Speaker 3: we would have family meetings. We even had a family

491
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:25,800
Speaker 3: what was it like a motto that we had and things,

492
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 3: so they tried to have the communication. But I think

493
00:26:29,400 --> 00:26:33,720
Speaker 3: it was only too like the doors only slightly open

494
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:36,239
Speaker 3: if that makes it and one side it you know.

495
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:39,280
Speaker 2: So I also would like open communication.

496
00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:43,439
Speaker 3: But understanding and let's listen to understand. And I feel

497
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,240
Speaker 3: like it's not always the case. It's always like I

498
00:26:46,280 --> 00:26:48,800
Speaker 3: want to put my point across. I want to be

499
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,159
Speaker 3: in the right I want and for me, that's what

500
00:26:51,520 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 3: I would kind of change because honestly, and we know

501
00:26:54,840 --> 00:26:58,040
Speaker 3: pretty much all the problems in the world often stem

502
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:02,760
Speaker 3: from not communicating or not being willing to communicate understand.

503
00:27:04,320 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 3: So yeah, I'm totally with it.

504
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,359
Speaker 4: When did you learn about marriage from your parents?

505
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:20,240
Speaker 5: Okay, apart from lovely meetings, I don't know.

506
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:26,520
Speaker 3: I think I think I learned that marriage is definitely

507
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,919
Speaker 3: not like what it is in the movies from my

508
00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:30,760
Speaker 3: parents one and ten percent.

509
00:27:31,119 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 2: I really learned that it really really.

510
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 3: Is a commitment that you have to think about, you know,

511
00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:45,240
Speaker 3: because it's lifelong or hopefully. And also I learned that

512
00:27:45,560 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 3: a lot of things I didn't want for myself through

513
00:27:48,440 --> 00:27:52,240
Speaker 3: my parents, which is sad, but it's the truth and

514
00:27:52,320 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 3: the reality of like seeing things. I think speaking on communication,

515
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,800
Speaker 3: it's just like it's just certain things I want to

516
00:27:59,800 --> 00:28:04,280
Speaker 3: do differently, you know. And I mean they probably felt

517
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,720
Speaker 3: the same about their parents, right about certain things they

518
00:28:06,760 --> 00:28:09,160
Speaker 3: did like I want to do it differently, I want

519
00:28:09,160 --> 00:28:11,919
Speaker 3: to do so I learned a lot of that and

520
00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 3: even with my extended family, learning like what I don't

521
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:16,680
Speaker 3: want And at some point I was like, I don't

522
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:18,680
Speaker 3: I don't know if I believe in marriage like I

523
00:28:19,119 --> 00:28:23,879
Speaker 3: was at that point because I feel like the Zim

524
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:28,720
Speaker 3: love story is a painful one. It's like marriage often

525
00:28:28,720 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 3: equates to pain and hardship and you've got to power through,

526
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:36,159
Speaker 3: and you gotta and I get that you have to

527
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:41,720
Speaker 3: work through things. And like anything in life, whether it's work, friendships,

528
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,600
Speaker 3: whether it's whatever, it's going to take some work. There

529
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:48,480
Speaker 3: will be difficulty. But it felt just like is this joy?

530
00:28:48,640 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 3: Like I like, is their joy? Is it painful? So

531
00:28:51,680 --> 00:28:57,800
Speaker 3: I definitely learned that. And I also learned like self sacrifice,

532
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 3: like you know, like do it for the team. You

533
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:04,120
Speaker 3: do things for the Team's are always about you in marriage,

534
00:29:04,800 --> 00:29:07,800
Speaker 3: and you commit to the family goal as opposed to

535
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:11,400
Speaker 3: the personal goal. So yeah, it's it's intense. What did

536
00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:13,239
Speaker 3: you what do you think you learned me?

537
00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:19,520
Speaker 5: I've seen my dad in two marriages. Yeah, so I

538
00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:25,800
Speaker 5: guess for me with my mom, I what I learned

539
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:31,160
Speaker 5: was that it can be fun my parents love to travel.

540
00:29:31,720 --> 00:29:35,640
Speaker 5: They love to have people over, like travel when we're

541
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:40,320
Speaker 5: kids in in the Zimbabwe, especially, which I now really

542
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 5: hold dear because I feel like.

543
00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 4: I'm getting that opportunity.

544
00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:46,880
Speaker 5: You know, we went, we used to go to vic

545
00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 5: fours as if it's just like sometimes yeah, sometimes I

546
00:29:50,920 --> 00:29:53,400
Speaker 5: think when I meet someone who's never been in the Zimbabwe,

547
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:57,200
Speaker 5: and I'm like what because me so. But then now

548
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,480
Speaker 5: I'm only realizing now how much of a privilege that was.

549
00:30:00,520 --> 00:30:03,280
Speaker 5: That they made it a priority that we work hard,

550
00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:07,560
Speaker 5: but they hard, so like you know, when on holidays came,

551
00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:09,200
Speaker 5: he always had something that we were up to.

552
00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:10,200
Speaker 4: You always had something.

553
00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:12,440
Speaker 5: We were never we were like busy bodies, and I

554
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:14,800
Speaker 5: think that's adark life.

555
00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 4: I'm always up to something.

556
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:21,480
Speaker 5: So I liked seeing that, and like they were like

557
00:30:21,640 --> 00:30:25,960
Speaker 5: high school sweethearts. So I guess that story is like, oh,

558
00:30:26,520 --> 00:30:27,960
Speaker 5: you know that actually can happen.

559
00:30:28,280 --> 00:30:29,840
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah.

560
00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:35,560
Speaker 5: To see that and then obviously and now in his marriage,

561
00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:39,160
Speaker 5: now I think what I'm learning is that it's not

562
00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:44,400
Speaker 5: always hot passionate fire, you know when it comes to marriage.

563
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:50,600
Speaker 5: That companionship yes, a long way along longe, Like I

564
00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:53,520
Speaker 5: don't get that vibe that is like, you know, oh

565
00:30:53,520 --> 00:30:57,640
Speaker 5: my gosh, sparks flying everyway. But I get that happy

566
00:30:57,800 --> 00:31:02,320
Speaker 5: and content with the life. And yeah, they get up

567
00:31:02,320 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 5: to you, you know, and there for their church meetings.

568
00:31:05,480 --> 00:31:08,240
Speaker 4: And meeting up with their church buddies. Like I feel

569
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:09,880
Speaker 4: like they just think they're.

570
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 5: I kind of like that. I think to you what

571
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:18,880
Speaker 5: you see on the TV screens and be like, you know,

572
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,720
Speaker 5: ripping each other's clothes off and like, oh my god,

573
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:25,840
Speaker 5: you're the best thing the same yeah, big, big, big, right,

574
00:31:26,120 --> 00:31:29,960
Speaker 5: And with them it's small, like a quiet content like

575
00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:33,640
Speaker 5: this is my friend, you know, and that kind of

576
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:37,239
Speaker 5: respect that I repect that because I'm like, wow, you know,

577
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:40,640
Speaker 5: it's it's not just about the fireworks.

578
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:44,000
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, it's not about the turning up and fireworks.

579
00:31:44,600 --> 00:31:44,880
Speaker 6: Yeah.

580
00:31:45,320 --> 00:31:48,800
Speaker 5: So I think I'm I've seen both from him. And

581
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 5: maybe some of it also has to do with age

582
00:31:51,520 --> 00:31:54,400
Speaker 5: when he was younger and then now he's older. Maybe

583
00:31:54,920 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 5: that's why.

584
00:31:55,760 --> 00:31:58,760
Speaker 3: Yeahs to takeaways.

585
00:31:58,160 --> 00:31:59,880
Speaker 4: For me anyway, take it.

586
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,720
Speaker 5: When it comes to physical affection, you're not talking about

587
00:32:03,800 --> 00:32:06,760
Speaker 5: ripping clothes offs.

588
00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:08,520
Speaker 4: What did you learn from.

589
00:32:10,320 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 3: I think I learned like they started like as we

590
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 3: got older, they would peck each other on the lipside

591
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 3: where my dad was going to work.

592
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:21,080
Speaker 2: Like that was like, okay, you picked before. That's about it. Girls,

593
00:32:21,280 --> 00:32:22,800
Speaker 2: Like there's not much.

594
00:32:24,840 --> 00:32:27,920
Speaker 3: You know what I mean, I don't know, like yeah

595
00:32:28,120 --> 00:32:31,720
Speaker 3: what Like literally I usual to be that person like

596
00:32:31,720 --> 00:32:32,800
Speaker 3: like why are you touching me?

597
00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:37,080
Speaker 2: Type of person like you know, like yeah, but I

598
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:38,560
Speaker 2: don't know. I don't know.

599
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,440
Speaker 3: I didn't learn much like and you did you learn

600
00:32:41,800 --> 00:32:42,600
Speaker 3: time exactly?

601
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:44,960
Speaker 4: I learned nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing.

602
00:32:45,440 --> 00:32:47,320
Speaker 5: I think when it came to the birds and the

603
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:53,240
Speaker 5: bees and sex and all that, God, yeah that's where

604
00:32:53,280 --> 00:33:00,320
Speaker 5: you learned, liken't protect. That was my parents and even

605
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:02,560
Speaker 5: now when I see them being affectionate, it's just like

606
00:33:03,160 --> 00:33:04,000
Speaker 5: what is going on?

607
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:06,920
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, you know.

608
00:33:07,240 --> 00:33:10,520
Speaker 4: So definitely did not learn anything in that space. I

609
00:33:10,560 --> 00:33:14,320
Speaker 4: mean my dad will like hug me like yeah every

610
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:16,240
Speaker 4: once in a while, it's like a moment.

611
00:33:16,480 --> 00:33:19,040
Speaker 5: You know, it's like a field naturally, it feels like

612
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:22,880
Speaker 5: a moment when he does it. So definitely, like I

613
00:33:23,080 --> 00:33:25,600
Speaker 5: just think as Africans, it's.

614
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:26,440
Speaker 2: Not really our thing.

615
00:33:27,080 --> 00:33:29,560
Speaker 3: And I think I think my mom is quite affectionate,

616
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,760
Speaker 3: like she hugs with her whole like self, like I

617
00:33:32,800 --> 00:33:36,120
Speaker 3: don't know how to And I remember sometimes when we're young,

618
00:33:36,240 --> 00:33:38,960
Speaker 3: like my sister sitting on her lap or like sitting

619
00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:40,960
Speaker 3: next to her and like sometimes she would stroke me,

620
00:33:41,040 --> 00:33:43,160
Speaker 3: but that was like a special moment, Like you remember

621
00:33:43,240 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 3: that because it didn't happen.

622
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:48,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, a thing, but like, yeah, I'm with you, Like

623
00:33:49,360 --> 00:33:51,120
Speaker 2: physical affections is a skip.

624
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:57,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, So what have you noticed is becoming more

625
00:33:57,720 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 3: common in ZIM families? Like what is the trend? Because

626
00:34:02,040 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 3: I mean, I think back maybe our grandparents' era, it

627
00:34:05,360 --> 00:34:08,480
Speaker 3: was common to have a lot of children and like

628
00:34:08,600 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 3: your children being raised by other family, does that make sense?

629
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:13,840
Speaker 3: Like it was very common at least how I've seen it,

630
00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:17,319
Speaker 3: or like the older sibling taking care of the younger

631
00:34:17,400 --> 00:34:20,320
Speaker 3: sibling and putting them to people, Like how do you

632
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:22,800
Speaker 3: think what are some of the ways you feel like

633
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:27,319
Speaker 3: family is evolving or what I feel like that.

634
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:31,480
Speaker 5: Still happens, that's still a common thread where you take

635
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:34,719
Speaker 5: all the sibling, younger sibling, you take care of each old. Yeah,

636
00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,520
Speaker 5: financially all of that stuff. But then I also feel

637
00:34:38,560 --> 00:34:42,640
Speaker 5: like materialism is becoming quite common families.

638
00:34:43,440 --> 00:34:44,759
Speaker 4: And then I don't know, and I.

639
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 5: Am very optimistic, and I just blame that on the

640
00:34:48,600 --> 00:34:53,279
Speaker 5: situation in zimmeters economics because I feel like now it's

641
00:34:53,320 --> 00:34:57,160
Speaker 5: all about being seen having their money doing this that

642
00:34:57,480 --> 00:35:00,600
Speaker 5: more so, like I just feel like there's a big drive.

643
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:02,239
Speaker 5: And that's why when we're talking, when we touched a

644
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 5: little bit on or before, people then conflict, it's because

645
00:35:06,880 --> 00:35:07,879
Speaker 5: they think they need.

646
00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:12,200
Speaker 4: More money, they need more this. Yeah, becoming that too,

647
00:35:12,280 --> 00:35:12,880
Speaker 4: boon too we.

648
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:17,480
Speaker 5: Talked about in the first episode is like getting lost

649
00:35:17,520 --> 00:35:20,680
Speaker 5: a little bit because now people are seeking personal gain

650
00:35:21,080 --> 00:35:25,840
Speaker 5: absolutely time and like just like we never used to,

651
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:30,080
Speaker 5: like like even saying that plastic and the mot it

652
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:33,399
Speaker 5: holds true, but now I feel like these days it's

653
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:33,799
Speaker 5: more like.

654
00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 4: A you know, it's just you don't have to be

655
00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:38,400
Speaker 4: like I don't know.

656
00:35:39,040 --> 00:35:43,279
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, we're becoming more almost maybe more western and

657
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:47,800
Speaker 5: more instead of keep upholding that.

658
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:51,080
Speaker 3: And that's definitely that's definitely a ZIM thing. It's like

659
00:35:51,239 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 3: it's a reflection of the current state of the country economically,

660
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:58,640
Speaker 3: especially but I definitely get a strong sense of I'm good,

661
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,799
Speaker 3: I don't care if you are now and I'm gonna

662
00:36:01,840 --> 00:36:04,000
Speaker 3: do I'm gonna make sure I'm okay and take care

663
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:04,680
Speaker 3: of me and.

664
00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:06,000
Speaker 2: That kind of thing.

665
00:36:06,080 --> 00:36:10,400
Speaker 3: And that's definitely shifted in a big way too, like

666
00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 3: how families operate.

667
00:36:13,320 --> 00:36:16,320
Speaker 2: And I think obviously something we which has become so

668
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:19,040
Speaker 2: evident is.

669
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:25,160
Speaker 3: Families being like split apart, like you know, that's become

670
00:36:25,239 --> 00:36:29,680
Speaker 3: a trend. Like, you know, I was fortunate that my

671
00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:30,680
Speaker 3: family was.

672
00:36:30,719 --> 00:36:33,080
Speaker 2: Able to stand them together. We live together.

673
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:35,320
Speaker 3: But a lot of families you hear someone like the

674
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:39,719
Speaker 3: mom's working overseas and you know they're here in them,

675
00:36:39,800 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 3: she's sending money over and it's just like literally families

676
00:36:44,120 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 3: being separated and torn apart, and it's just like, really,

677
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:52,000
Speaker 3: it's a mind, like imagine as a child, like because

678
00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:55,160
Speaker 3: of this, it's like a mind if it's like whoa,

679
00:36:55,400 --> 00:36:58,399
Speaker 3: like why do we need to? Yeah, I think that's

680
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:02,800
Speaker 3: another thing. That's how you've shifted a lot. And also

681
00:37:04,360 --> 00:37:07,640
Speaker 3: I feel like we don't get together as much anymore.

682
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:08,520
Speaker 2: It's not a thing.

683
00:37:08,640 --> 00:37:10,200
Speaker 3: And I and I don't know if it's because people

684
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 3: are just busy trying to survive or you know, we

685
00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 3: can't afford so now, funerals and weddings are the gathering,

686
00:37:18,400 --> 00:37:20,960
Speaker 3: the meeting point, that's when people meet and catch up.

687
00:37:21,480 --> 00:37:21,759
Speaker 2: It's that.

688
00:37:22,600 --> 00:37:27,600
Speaker 7: Yeah, so it's crazy, Yeah, it's so crazy, Like it's

689
00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:31,480
Speaker 7: it's so sad actually that we're pulled apart by something

690
00:37:31,560 --> 00:37:34,120
Speaker 7: that wasn't incessarily our choice, you know.

691
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:37,400
Speaker 4: But then it's like it is shaping society.

692
00:37:38,560 --> 00:37:41,120
Speaker 5: So like now I feel like even with me living

693
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:43,759
Speaker 5: in the sporta, they probably just see you as like

694
00:37:43,840 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 5: an ATM, you know, someone not really find out how

695
00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 5: I'm doing. Just becoming very common and I think on

696
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:54,239
Speaker 5: the esport I can probably relate to this, and I

697
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 5: understand it. I understand it. I have to feed my kids.

698
00:37:58,200 --> 00:38:03,320
Speaker 5: I'm going to try every single avenue available to me,

699
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:06,959
Speaker 5: of course. But then the other side of that coin

700
00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:09,000
Speaker 5: is that then you're like, this is meant to be

701
00:38:09,080 --> 00:38:11,280
Speaker 5: my family, someone I can reach out to and charge,

702
00:38:12,080 --> 00:38:15,600
Speaker 5: not necessarily talk about sending money, you know, not necessarily

703
00:38:15,680 --> 00:38:18,680
Speaker 5: talk about supporting, not necessarily someone you're meant to just

704
00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:19,480
Speaker 5: have a laugh.

705
00:38:19,400 --> 00:38:23,360
Speaker 4: With and enjoy their company. But that's changing. It's almost

706
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:26,520
Speaker 4: like there's a black tax, you know, you have you.

707
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 5: Left, you have to pay back to the people who

708
00:38:31,280 --> 00:38:36,279
Speaker 5: said back having so prevalent not only in Zimbabwe, in pretty.

709
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:37,000
Speaker 4: Much the all of Africa.

710
00:38:37,120 --> 00:38:39,400
Speaker 5: You know, a lot of it is how that remittance,

711
00:38:39,560 --> 00:38:45,640
Speaker 5: you know, and the u Kurus like everything because that's

712
00:38:45,640 --> 00:38:47,440
Speaker 5: the only way they can survive. But I feel like

713
00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:51,560
Speaker 5: it's it's stemming even deeper into how the families even

714
00:38:51,800 --> 00:38:54,839
Speaker 5: connect with each other, because I only hear.

715
00:38:54,800 --> 00:38:58,560
Speaker 4: From when you want money, then are we really family?

716
00:38:58,840 --> 00:39:07,399
Speaker 3: That's it's become transactional, very transactional. Yeah, yeah, that's deep.

717
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,239
Speaker 2: That's so yeah, I know, I'm with you.

718
00:39:11,040 --> 00:39:13,480
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I think like the economy is well like

719
00:39:13,920 --> 00:39:17,239
Speaker 5: going into it even deeper, dolving deeper is like the

720
00:39:17,360 --> 00:39:22,279
Speaker 5: rise of small houses and to those who don't know

721
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:24,600
Speaker 5: what a small house is, it's pretty much a mistress

722
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:27,200
Speaker 5: and then you set up a whole the family.

723
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:28,799
Speaker 2: Yeah, less us as well.

724
00:39:28,920 --> 00:39:29,440
Speaker 4: So these are like.

725
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:32,240
Speaker 5: Pretty much sugar daddy is. Yeah, they pretty much support

726
00:39:32,280 --> 00:39:36,200
Speaker 5: you financially. Again, because of the economic situations, is becoming

727
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:38,680
Speaker 5: more prevalent and more accepted.

728
00:39:38,840 --> 00:39:41,279
Speaker 4: Like I remember when we're kids, people never talk about it.

729
00:39:41,840 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 2: Yeah you know, yea.

730
00:39:44,760 --> 00:39:45,080
Speaker 3: Happened.

731
00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:47,760
Speaker 4: But now it's like, ah, you know, this just happened,

732
00:39:47,800 --> 00:39:49,960
Speaker 4: Like that's what it is.

733
00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:53,160
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like at the funeral of the dad, maybe the

734
00:39:53,239 --> 00:39:56,120
Speaker 5: other family would just all of a sudden appear, But

735
00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:58,200
Speaker 5: now it's like it doesn't even need to take the

736
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:03,200
Speaker 5: funeral you're gonna before the funeral. All of a sudden,

737
00:40:03,239 --> 00:40:06,000
Speaker 5: you got siblings everywhere that you never came about.

738
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:09,960
Speaker 6: Yeah, but I think I think a lot of a

739
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:14,239
Speaker 6: lot of not just Zim, but African children would not

740
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:17,759
Speaker 6: be surprised at a like finding out, oh, by the way,

741
00:40:18,000 --> 00:40:21,239
Speaker 6: you have this, And it used to be like you said, rightly,

742
00:40:21,440 --> 00:40:21,959
Speaker 6: so at.

743
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 3: Funerals where it's be like, oh there's another family, Like

744
00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:28,439
Speaker 3: I don't think anyone will be truly shocked anymore, which

745
00:40:28,560 --> 00:40:32,040
Speaker 3: is like sad, But now it's become they get integrated

746
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:34,440
Speaker 3: into the family, maybe when the kid is young or

747
00:40:34,520 --> 00:40:38,000
Speaker 3: a little old, like now it's like integration. So there's

748
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:43,160
Speaker 3: definitely blended families in the African context, which is just

749
00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:45,840
Speaker 3: like you know, yeah, I set up my own little

750
00:40:45,960 --> 00:40:49,160
Speaker 3: something on the side, and it's accepted.

751
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:53,080
Speaker 2: Him describe why are you upset? Why why are you baddle?

752
00:40:53,400 --> 00:40:54,200
Speaker 3: Why are you mad?

753
00:40:54,600 --> 00:40:58,000
Speaker 2: Like yeah, it's it's a big I think it's a big,

754
00:40:58,120 --> 00:40:58,600
Speaker 2: big thing.

755
00:40:58,800 --> 00:41:02,759
Speaker 3: And almost because of the financial often where the man

756
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:06,279
Speaker 3: has a financial power in the relationship, the woman has

757
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:09,000
Speaker 3: no recourse and just has to like sit and deal

758
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:11,719
Speaker 3: with it. And even where family comes to the point

759
00:41:11,719 --> 00:41:13,440
Speaker 3: of saying ah, but he's taking care of you.

760
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:14,320
Speaker 2: I don't know who change it.

761
00:41:14,560 --> 00:41:16,880
Speaker 3: Why you'm mad, like he's taking care of you, and

762
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:22,040
Speaker 3: so kind of like losing any sort of like kind

763
00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:23,239
Speaker 3: of recurse or.

764
00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:24,399
Speaker 4: Be like no, that ain't right.

765
00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:28,040
Speaker 5: And then yeah, exactly, you don't have rights when it

766
00:41:28,120 --> 00:41:31,320
Speaker 5: comes to like you just accept, accept or you know,

767
00:41:31,600 --> 00:41:32,359
Speaker 5: adapt or die.

768
00:41:32,440 --> 00:41:34,120
Speaker 4: That's literally what it is.

769
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:37,440
Speaker 3: And I think for me, I don't know if it's

770
00:41:37,520 --> 00:41:41,880
Speaker 3: an evolution, but something that is. There is also like

771
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:46,279
Speaker 3: a lot of domestic violence. I feel like that's also

772
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:50,920
Speaker 3: a thing in Zim families and African families, and and

773
00:41:52,160 --> 00:41:58,799
Speaker 3: often stemming from financial pressures, often stemming from like alcohol

774
00:41:59,360 --> 00:42:03,200
Speaker 3: issues and the patriarchy we've spoken about. And that also

775
00:42:03,360 --> 00:42:06,880
Speaker 3: all comes in because of the state of our country,

776
00:42:07,080 --> 00:42:09,279
Speaker 3: the state of like how we've been raised. And I

777
00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:14,600
Speaker 3: feel like even young people in young marriages experiencing violence,

778
00:42:14,719 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 3: domestic violence and also women paying back. Now that's also

779
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:21,160
Speaker 3: becoming a thing where you read it the woman castrated

780
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:25,040
Speaker 3: her man because he was tired, or women cheating more.

781
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:26,880
Speaker 3: It's becoming more of a thing that's.

782
00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:28,800
Speaker 4: Happening, especially the financial standing.

783
00:42:30,080 --> 00:42:34,120
Speaker 3: Yeah exactly, So it's like it's like it's now getting

784
00:42:34,239 --> 00:42:37,200
Speaker 3: like to each his own I feel I think people

785
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:39,120
Speaker 3: are fed up and I think also.

786
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's a tension. It's a highest strung.

787
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:46,160
Speaker 3: Environment, so people are highly strung and like so they

788
00:42:46,200 --> 00:42:48,719
Speaker 3: will do whatever they want. I don't know if you. Yeah,

789
00:42:48,719 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 3: I feel like where it's also going, yeah, a little

790
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:53,480
Speaker 3: bit that.

791
00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:56,200
Speaker 4: We all need therapy. We all need our country fixed.

792
00:42:56,320 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 3: First of all, everybody, everybody we.

793
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:05,040
Speaker 4: Have changed and morphed into again, tying back into the boontuo.

794
00:43:05,080 --> 00:43:10,080
Speaker 2: That's not to boon too, for sure, not so.

795
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:17,080
Speaker 5: Like, it's very it's very complex layers, layers because everyone's

796
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:19,600
Speaker 5: just trying to survive, and then it's just tying into

797
00:43:19,719 --> 00:43:22,040
Speaker 5: the way families are represented.

798
00:43:22,160 --> 00:43:26,040
Speaker 4: And you talk boken, you know, mothers going overseas.

799
00:43:25,560 --> 00:43:27,879
Speaker 5: Maybe to look for a better life, and then when

800
00:43:27,880 --> 00:43:31,399
Speaker 5: they leave, maybe their husbands setting up another family. Yeah,

801
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:35,040
Speaker 5: maybe when they get there they find someone else.

802
00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:37,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, just become And.

803
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:41,200
Speaker 5: Because we don't have open communication within our families, it's

804
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:43,040
Speaker 5: like people are just hurting.

805
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:44,840
Speaker 4: It's like we're all walking around with our.

806
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:47,120
Speaker 3: Own normals and whatnot.

807
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 4: Yeah, for sure, we need a lot of work to happen.

808
00:43:51,680 --> 00:43:58,640
Speaker 3: But it's yeah, and I think it's also translated just similarly,

809
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:01,960
Speaker 3: how it's like, just get on deal. Adapt We've had

810
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:03,840
Speaker 3: to because of the state of our nation, and so

811
00:44:04,360 --> 00:44:07,279
Speaker 3: diaspora has become a very real thing. And the separation,

812
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:10,960
Speaker 3: you know, you know also now with us as young

813
00:44:11,560 --> 00:44:14,520
Speaker 3: as young adults or the children of our parents, like

814
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:17,960
Speaker 3: being displaced and being separated as a result has become

815
00:44:18,640 --> 00:44:21,160
Speaker 3: I think a lot of us know someone or have

816
00:44:21,320 --> 00:44:26,279
Speaker 3: family members who are abroad and family kind of uh,

817
00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:31,640
Speaker 3: you know, set apart because of circumstance, and I think

818
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:33,480
Speaker 3: for me, the saddest thing is for that to be

819
00:44:33,640 --> 00:44:37,839
Speaker 3: normalized is a very sad thing, because you know, when

820
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:41,759
Speaker 3: COVID hits, I think when you're in the diaspora, it

821
00:44:41,840 --> 00:44:44,120
Speaker 3: hits you even harder because you don't even have like, oh,

822
00:44:44,160 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 3: I'm just going to run home to you know, be

823
00:44:46,160 --> 00:44:48,759
Speaker 3: with my family and quarantine with them. It's like, yeah,

824
00:44:49,120 --> 00:44:49,800
Speaker 3: am I alone?

825
00:44:50,000 --> 00:44:54,959
Speaker 4: Like like yeah, so that's your friends if your friends

826
00:44:55,000 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 4: are family of their.

827
00:44:55,960 --> 00:44:59,560
Speaker 3: Own, yeah yeah, And now you're like, oh I am

828
00:44:59,600 --> 00:44:59,800
Speaker 3: an a.

829
00:45:01,800 --> 00:45:02,879
Speaker 2: It really hits your heart.

830
00:45:03,239 --> 00:45:07,040
Speaker 5: And not only that, the jobs, you know, don't jobs

831
00:45:07,120 --> 00:45:09,319
Speaker 5: during COVID, and you need those jobs so you can

832
00:45:09,440 --> 00:45:10,680
Speaker 5: keep yourself.

833
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:12,279
Speaker 2: And also your family sustained.

834
00:45:12,560 --> 00:45:15,760
Speaker 5: So all of this is just like a big domino,

835
00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:19,279
Speaker 5: and we definitely want to hear from people on this

836
00:45:20,120 --> 00:45:25,319
Speaker 5: topic and what they think because it's it's complex malayers. Yeah,

837
00:45:25,640 --> 00:45:28,600
Speaker 5: and yeah, everyone has their own version of normal in

838
00:45:28,840 --> 00:45:33,279
Speaker 5: this complexity. They just make it work and try, you know,

839
00:45:34,600 --> 00:45:37,360
Speaker 5: try survive and try you know, be happy at the

840
00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:40,359
Speaker 5: end of the day with whatever their families are going through.

841
00:45:41,239 --> 00:45:46,320
Speaker 3: Interesting, definitely, I think we've been now groomed to survive.

842
00:45:46,480 --> 00:45:48,400
Speaker 3: Survival is the name of the game, and you do

843
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:50,719
Speaker 3: it at all costs and it's unfortunate.

844
00:45:50,880 --> 00:45:53,120
Speaker 2: But yeah, please share some of your like.

845
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:59,440
Speaker 3: Learnings, what you've experienced. Talk to us about family, how

846
00:45:59,520 --> 00:46:02,600
Speaker 3: that's like anything, you know, We really just want to

847
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:05,320
Speaker 3: hear about that. And how do you think the future

848
00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:07,319
Speaker 3: of Zimbabwean families is gonna look?

849
00:46:07,560 --> 00:46:12,000
Speaker 5: Like wow, like yeah, that's yeah, because I mean, and

850
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,920
Speaker 5: that's a big thing we need to probably revisit. Is

851
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:18,880
Speaker 5: as much as we are now separated, we're also now

852
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:22,400
Speaker 5: starting families with people from US culture. Yeah, so ho

853
00:46:22,440 --> 00:46:25,759
Speaker 5: are we going to lose our Zimbabwe and more are

854
00:46:25,840 --> 00:46:27,480
Speaker 5: we you know, where are we headed?

855
00:46:27,560 --> 00:46:30,200
Speaker 4: What do people think and what people think of that?

856
00:46:30,840 --> 00:46:32,759
Speaker 5: So they see a lot of people have kids, like

857
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:35,200
Speaker 5: in the UK of our cousins with kids there that

858
00:46:35,320 --> 00:46:38,360
Speaker 5: don't speak Shana. They don't they have sha names, but

859
00:46:38,400 --> 00:46:40,240
Speaker 5: they don't even know how to pronounce their own names.

860
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 4: And if I think this, how does this all tie in?

861
00:46:45,160 --> 00:46:48,520
Speaker 3: It's our culture becoming obsolete. Or I was talking to

862
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:50,719
Speaker 3: some of the day and I was like, or maybe

863
00:46:50,800 --> 00:46:54,319
Speaker 3: we get stuck in the idea that culture is stagnant

864
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:58,880
Speaker 3: or that it's static, where rather it's dynamic. But what

865
00:46:59,080 --> 00:46:59,840
Speaker 3: is that going to look like?

866
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:02,840
Speaker 2: M hmm, okay, okay with.

867
00:47:02,960 --> 00:47:05,200
Speaker 3: Some I cu I see you go down.

868
00:47:09,600 --> 00:47:11,520
Speaker 2: Wow, awesome, So thank.

869
00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:14,480
Speaker 3: You so much for tuning in. As always, let us

870
00:47:14,520 --> 00:47:18,080
Speaker 3: know your thoughts and comments. We are on Instagram. It's

871
00:47:18,280 --> 00:47:21,800
Speaker 3: layered as our handle I T s l A y

872
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:25,839
Speaker 3: e r e D and our email it's layered con

873
00:47:26,560 --> 00:47:29,120
Speaker 3: I T s l A y e r e D

874
00:47:29,440 --> 00:47:32,040
Speaker 3: p O D at gmail dot com.

875
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:35,560
Speaker 2: So hit us up, let us know and we will

876
00:47:35,640 --> 00:47:35,960
Speaker 2: see you.

877
00:47:37,480 --> 00:47:40,239
Speaker 4: Let's time we want to hear from you.

878
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:41,840
Speaker 3: Bye bye.

879
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:48,359
Speaker 4: I'm always sir.

880
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:50,840
Speaker 3: Be careful