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Speaker 1: Oh no, Well, well I'll just ship myself.

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Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure I can't tell you joking or I'm

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Speaker 2: not joking. Do you want to stop recording? You want

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Speaker 2: to do? You want to let me check.

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Speaker 1: I'll be right back.

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Speaker 2: Welcome back to Two Going Dads. I'm Mattie Jay and

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Speaker 2: I'm This is a podcast that happens to be all

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Speaker 2: about parenting, the good.

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Speaker 1: The bad, and the relatable.

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Speaker 2: And if you've come for advice, I'm really sorry to

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Speaker 2: say that you should stop listening right now because none

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Speaker 2: will be given.

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Speaker 1: Zero, not intentionally.

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Speaker 2: You don't know what that fuck you're doing. But we're

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Speaker 2: trying hard.

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Speaker 1: Yes, that's really what parenting is all about. It's just

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Speaker 1: trying hard, try your very best. It probably won't be

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Speaker 1: good enough, but try anyway.

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Speaker 2: But when you get nice, a nice guy in there

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Speaker 2: somewhere deep deep down, whenever it comes up, I can

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Speaker 2: just see you, like forcing it back down, get back

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Speaker 2: down there.

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Speaker 1: Do not show anybody that you're a nice person whatsoever.

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Speaker 2: Before we get into the episode, we do have to

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Speaker 2: mention there is a little exciting competition on right now

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Speaker 2: with better beer.

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Speaker 1: Yes, Matthew, it is to win a bitcoin.

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Speaker 2: Well, there's two bit coins.

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Speaker 1: There are two bitcoin At the.

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Speaker 2: Time of recording, they have not been found.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, correct, as far as I know. And look, if

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Speaker 1: you want clues, please follow the Better Beer and the

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Speaker 1: two Doting Dads Instagram.

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Speaker 2: They gave one about Lord of the Rings. Don't have

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Speaker 2: any idea with that. Did you hear there's a guy

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Speaker 2: who bought nineteen cases from a bottleshelp. His name was Ashton.

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Speaker 1: Wis joke's on you because I didn't buy them. Yes,

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Speaker 1: so there's two bit coins. Okay, make sure you follow

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Speaker 1: Better Beer because on this story they do give out

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Speaker 1: little hints. It's only for the low calorie zero car beer,

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Speaker 1: which is the original Better Beer. I have one here

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Speaker 1: today which will open and check. Hopefully. One thing is crime.

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Speaker 1: We don't know exactly, especially mark case. It'll say on

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Speaker 1: there and you'll see that has a QR COD for

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Speaker 1: more information and t's and c's, etc.

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Speaker 2: We don't know how you know that you've won, but

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Speaker 2: what they have said is that it's of you all know.

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Speaker 2: It's obvious. So where I mean? The prices for bitcoin

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Speaker 2: fluctoids all the time, but ballpark, you're looking at forty

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Speaker 2: five k per bitcoin.

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Speaker 1: At the moment.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a lot of money.

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Speaker 1: You never know, you never know what's going to happen.

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Speaker 1: Check the website better be dot com dot a U.

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Speaker 2: The states who aren't in the running.

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Speaker 1: Are South Australia, Northern Territory and and the ac T.

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Speaker 1: Look at you, Nanny States baby information.

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Speaker 2: For more information, head to better Beer dot com dot

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Speaker 2: you should.

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Speaker 1: I see if there's one in this one mate, please Okay,

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Speaker 1: So I'll tired. Everybody body make rain just beer and

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Speaker 1: you're on the zero out again because Matt is doing

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Speaker 1: dry July. I'm doing the complete opposite of that, where

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Speaker 1: it's monsoon or July. Matthew, Before we get started, I

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Speaker 1: do have a question for you. Go shoot, has Marla

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Speaker 1: Loola ever been bullied? You know of.

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Speaker 2: A little bit.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't just like harmless. I wouldn't get that age like.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like the level of bullying is always just like, yeah,

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Speaker 2: one of the kids has a toy. I know, the

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Speaker 2: kid comes over, maybe a little argie bargie, bit of

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Speaker 2: a push, but that's as far as it has gone.

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Speaker 1: I think no wedges or name calling, like like with

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Speaker 1: any substance, no correct at this stage. So like saying

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Speaker 1: like Oscar being four. I mean, you don't have any boys. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: it's a bit different with boys. They're sort of a

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Speaker 1: bit more rough and tumble, but it's quite a it's

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Speaker 1: quite a de good boy would say. He's you know,

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Speaker 1: he's careful, very careful, gets that from mum. Mum's really

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Speaker 1: careful to get of the motion. And yeah, every now

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Speaker 1: and then he's like, you know this boy, let's just

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Speaker 1: call him Sam. It's not Sam for Sam's dad. Who's listening,

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Speaker 1: Like he who was meaning to me, pushed me over

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Speaker 1: or something like that. Boy's been Yeah, daycare. Sometimes they

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Speaker 1: run into each other at the park, or it could

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Speaker 1: be another kid, you know, which it's fine. We say look,

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Speaker 1: you just say stop it. I don't like her, walk away,

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Speaker 1: go play with someone else. You try and do the

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Speaker 1: right thing. But I've sprung April. She didn't know I

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Speaker 1: was listening. And those of you who know my wife

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Speaker 1: or don't know my wife's she's not like an aggressive person.

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Speaker 2: She's a sweeter. She's like a beautiful little sunflower.

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Speaker 1: Okay, that's my wife. So he came home from KINDI

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Speaker 1: one day and we're all upstairs. I'm in the other

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Speaker 1: room with Macy and Oscar sort of telling this story

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Speaker 1: as kids, just like, oh, you know, he was mean,

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Speaker 1: he pushed me over. There's no real substance to it.

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Speaker 1: It's nothing to really alarm. It's not like they shaming

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Speaker 1: him or whatever. And April goes, oh, that's okay. All

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Speaker 1: you do, okay is say beat it, Sam or I'll

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Speaker 1: beat you yes, And I was like, whoa, since when

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Speaker 1: are we teaching violence in this house? Coming out of

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Speaker 1: my five foot four, blonde, tiny wife.

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Speaker 2: Is this I will fuck you up, Sam, take this

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Speaker 2: kitchen and if he fucks with you again, just shank him.

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Speaker 1: What you do is you get all the kids that

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Speaker 1: you like and know and surround him and shank him.

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Speaker 1: That's pretty much what she's saying.

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Speaker 2: What did you say? Because it was like.

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Speaker 1: A First of all, I kept my mouth shut because

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Speaker 1: there's enough things that come out of Oscar's mouth that shouldn't.

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Speaker 1: Like this morning he called me a dickhead? Where does

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Speaker 1: he get that from?

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Speaker 2: Facts?

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Speaker 1: Fact, he's just spitting facts at me because the other

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Speaker 1: day he was doing something wrong and I said, you

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Speaker 1: let made yourself look like a dickhead, And now he's

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Speaker 1: called me.

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Speaker 2: I do think, yeah, you know, call me crazy? I

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Speaker 2: would have thought that type of advice would have come

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Speaker 2: from you. No, not to say that, you know you're

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Speaker 2: condoning violence, Ash, But she seems like such a peaceful woman. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: you look like someone who likes to throw fists.

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Speaker 1: Nah. No, I've only ever been in like one or

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Speaker 1: two fights in my life like you.

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Speaker 2: If anyone is not familiar with what Ash looks like,

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Speaker 2: he's got tats, I look, he's scary. Scary.

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Speaker 1: You saw my Did you see my Mexican game?

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, Jesus. It took me about a month of

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Speaker 2: hanging out with you before I was finally no longer

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Speaker 2: nervous being in a.

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Speaker 1: Room alone just because I shanked you.

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Speaker 2: I was always just holding onto my wallet, prison Ash.

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Speaker 1: They caught me prison Ash around here. I would usually

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Speaker 1: say to Oscar something along the lines of just hit

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Speaker 1: him back.

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Speaker 2: But I thought you were going to say, like, just

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Speaker 2: walk away.

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Speaker 1: No, No, I would we really encouraged to stop it.

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Speaker 1: I don't like it. Macy doesn't understand that, So I

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Speaker 1: was like, you're bigger. So I didn't say anything, and

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Speaker 1: then I left it. And then when April and I

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Speaker 1: were downstairs without the kids, I said, didn't know he

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Speaker 1: had such a violent side, and she was like.

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Speaker 2: Shut the fuck up, like.

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Speaker 1: I just got to be the knife she was. I

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Speaker 1: was like, what do you mean. I was like, I

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Speaker 1: heard you say beat it or I'll beat you. And

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Speaker 1: she was like sound advice. And I was like, okay,

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Speaker 1: so if my kid beats your kid, my wife is

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Speaker 1: a wonderblank wasn't me because Oscar couldn't beat his way

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Speaker 1: out of a wet paper bag. So I worry too much.

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Speaker 1: But I like to think that the more sensible way

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Speaker 1: is to follow the kid home and burn his house down.

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Speaker 2: For any of your listeners right now, welcome to the podcast. Yeah, welcome. Hey,

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Speaker 2: I do have to just pull us up on a

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Speaker 2: few mistakes that we made ash in the past.

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Speaker 1: I've told you this. I'm not always right neither, I'm

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Speaker 1: never wrong.

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Speaker 2: No, we're not perfect, and we don't try and be perfect,

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Speaker 2: but we have had a few mistakes so far.

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Speaker 1: So I'm going to just sounds really serious. It's well like, I.

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Speaker 2: Mean, I wasn't even going to pull us up on this,

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Speaker 2: but I thought, you know, what.

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Speaker 1: Are you reprimanding me?

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Speaker 2: No? Both of us?

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Speaker 1: Oh, okay, we both so we've collectively fucked up.

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Speaker 2: Correct? Correct? You've got one, I've got one, and I

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Speaker 2: you know, I thought to myself, I want to be

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Speaker 2: treated as a really serious publication, if you can call

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Speaker 2: us that.

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Speaker 1: We just said don't. First of all, we start the

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Speaker 1: episode we don't don't take any advice that's not very

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Speaker 1: serious too. We also talked about burning kids' houses down

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Speaker 1: and beating kids.

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Speaker 2: But now now you want to pull out on something

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Speaker 2: we fucked up on, go one eighty and be like,

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Speaker 2: we want to be serious. So the first mistake that

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Speaker 2: I made. Do you remember a few episodes ago, we

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Speaker 2: did the question of how did you find out that

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Speaker 2: you were pregnant? Do you remember you told the story

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Speaker 2: you were overseas? Oh, yes, yes, I told the story

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Speaker 2: of how I made the salmon dish for Laura and

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Speaker 2: she didn't like it, and yes, there he is. And

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Speaker 2: I came home and you Laura goes, how was the podcast?

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Speaker 2: And I always say it was incredible, had such a

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Speaker 2: great time with Ash, And she goes, what did you

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Speaker 2: talk about? And I said, well, I spoke about how

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Speaker 2: you found out that you were pregnant for the first time.

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Speaker 2: And she's like, oh, yeah, what did you say? And

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Speaker 2: I told the story and she looked at me like

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Speaker 2: a weird look in her face, and she goes, that

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Speaker 2: never happened?

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Speaker 1: What?

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Speaker 2: And I was like, what do you mean? She's like,

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Speaker 2: I don't know what you were talking about. But there

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Speaker 2: was no salmon dish. There was no like that. Never,

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Speaker 2: that was never a thing. I've just made it up.

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Speaker 1: Just my memory is just you've made that up.

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Speaker 2: Well I thought that's how I remember how it happened,

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Speaker 2: vividly but completely wrong. Apparently we were out to breakfast

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Speaker 2: with some friends and she ate porridge dish. But yeah,

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Speaker 2: so I have to say that I'm sorry. I've lied

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Speaker 2: to the listeners.

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Speaker 1: So where did this story come from? Then? So you

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Speaker 1: lied to me?

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Speaker 2: Motah, hey, and I'm coming clean.

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Speaker 1: Well maybe maybe you're out to dinner, I mean breakfast,

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Speaker 1: No salmon benedict, and you thought what's wrong with that?

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Speaker 1: Just having hang on a second, who goes to a

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Speaker 1: restaurant and buys porridge? Poor people eat porridge?

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Speaker 2: That's yeah, I don't know. So I love porridge. But

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Speaker 2: so I just want to say apologies for getting those

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Speaker 2: facts wrong. There was no salmon dish. My mistake, So

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Speaker 2: your mistake ash the one that you made. I think

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Speaker 2: there might have been the same.

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Speaker 1: Can't be a bigger deal than a bigger deal than that.

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Speaker 2: No, it's medical based. It might have been the same episode,

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Speaker 2: but we talked about the pregnancy. Well it was the

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Speaker 2: same episode.

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Speaker 1: I said, you dip it in eight reel pulled me

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Speaker 1: up and she was like, who's dipping it in? And

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Speaker 1: I was like, I just thought you dipped it into

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Speaker 1: the toilet. Wouldn't you get the same result?

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Speaker 2: Well apparently not. Apparently not. And I'm just saying, oh,

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Speaker 2: we were fucking way off the mark for anyone, if

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Speaker 2: anyone out there who doesn't know how the pregnancy test works.

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Speaker 1: Your pee on the stick, But I thought you could

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Speaker 1: either pee on the stick or dip it into the

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Speaker 1: toilet paper, not dip it into your vagina.

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Speaker 2: It needs to be a heavier stream. So, just if

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Speaker 2: I may ash, most tests allow you to either place

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Speaker 2: the absorbent tip in your urine stream, usually for five seconds,

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Speaker 2: or dip the tip in a collected hang on, hang

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Speaker 2: on and a collected urine sample, so you'd have to

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Speaker 2: like in a cup. So I'm not wrong, no, because

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Speaker 2: you were saying dip it in the toil. Oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: like that's it's going to be a contaminated tomato. So anyway,

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Speaker 2: so we got we got it wrong. We got it wrong.

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Speaker 1: Yours is worse than mine.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't even remember how mine was.

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Speaker 1: Just using my I call mine, using my imagination, dip

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Speaker 1: it in. Yeah, yeah, I mean, there's so many ways

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Speaker 1: you can skin a cat, Matthew.

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Speaker 2: So we have a few people. When we get things wrong,

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Speaker 2: they tell us, and I appreciate that they love to

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Speaker 2: tell us, and I'll always correct us in the future.

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Speaker 1: No fuck them, Okay, okay, okay, I'm just going to

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Speaker 1: loosely tell people what I think and if you if

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Speaker 1: you have a problem.

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Speaker 2: With that, that's on you.

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Speaker 1: Take it up with someone who cares, which which is me,

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Speaker 1: which is Matthew. Okay, well, I'm glad that you brought

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Speaker 1: those mistakes up. Now I've just learned something because April

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Speaker 1: already said to me, she was like the facts deeping

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Speaker 1: it in.

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Speaker 2: I was like, gad sense to me.

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Speaker 1: That's what we did say. After that, we were like,

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Speaker 1: we don't know because we've got no idea, so that

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Speaker 1: theoretically get to solve the hook.

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Speaker 2: I do like though, how it took me thirty six

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Speaker 2: years to understand how pregnancy tests with your aunt actually works,

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Speaker 2: And now I know sok about how many men listening

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Speaker 2: right now are learning this for the very first time.

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Speaker 2: And to them, you're welcome.

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Speaker 1: You are welcome. So some say you don't learn anything

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Speaker 1: from us, bullshit, you do. Now, I wanted to talk

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Speaker 1: to you ort to bring back ups of a snake

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Speaker 1: maybe other people's mistakes. So we had a laugh about

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Speaker 1: how we don't understand how people can listen to us

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Speaker 1: while they exercise such a fucking weird concepts.

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Speaker 2: So strange. Except everyone I see now running with a

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Speaker 2: phone in their hand, I think, are they listening to

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Speaker 2: a podcast right now?

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Speaker 1: They're listening to us. We had a lovely listener writing

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Speaker 1: and by the name of Jessica. Jess she was listening

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Speaker 1: to us, and she laughed uncontrollably to the point where

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Speaker 1: she fell over on a main road. Now she says, here,

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Speaker 1: I fell over on a main road in front of

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Speaker 1: about one hundred people, out the front of a dog

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Speaker 1: park slash skatepark slash soccer field and playground. She said

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Speaker 1: she might have to start listening to my running playlist instead,

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Speaker 1: And she sent us a photo of her bruised hip.

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Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's solid.

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Speaker 1: That's a solid bruise. So there you go.

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Speaker 2: It's dan Like, what how was she laughing so much

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Speaker 2: that she could no longer find the ability to run?

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Speaker 1: I don't know. I know it's crazy. And I also

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Speaker 1: had a mate that said to me, oh, I listened

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Speaker 1: to all of your podcasts, like back to back, and

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Speaker 1: he said, I went at night. I went for run

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Speaker 1: in like a bush whatever.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: It was dark and he had his Blue Shieth headphones

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Speaker 1: in obviously, and he was running and he said his

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Speaker 1: phone flung out of his pocket. It's pitch black, and

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Speaker 1: he said, all like, could hear it was your nasally

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Speaker 1: annoying voice while I'm searching around the bush for twenty

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Speaker 1: minutes trying to find my phone.

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Speaker 2: Who are these people exercising? That's what you get. But

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Speaker 2: that bruise you just showed me, that reminds me of

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Speaker 2: an injury that I'm currently carrying.

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Speaker 1: Oh, sex related injury?

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Speaker 2: You wish this is my story from Fiji? Oh ash

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Speaker 2: I didn't tell this one. I didn't think it was

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Speaker 2: I didn't think there was anything, partly because it was

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Speaker 2: just really fucking embarrassing.

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Speaker 1: But they're the ones I want to hear the listeners

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Speaker 1: want to hear Maddie j Australia's favorite bachelor, completely embarrassing

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Speaker 1: himself in another country. There's nothing more entertaining than that.

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Speaker 2: Well, this is perfect. So I used to be quite

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Speaker 2: a good athlete, ash. I was hib the first fifteen

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Speaker 2: in high school.

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Speaker 1: In high school, there's a long time ago. Yeah, twenty.

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Speaker 1: It's like saying you were you were the crew trainer

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Speaker 1: at McDonald's. Oh, how embarrassing.

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Speaker 2: I do really like my football. I like my footing,

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Speaker 2: and I like to think that I've still got it.

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Speaker 1: Oh we all. Any man in their thirties thinks they

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Speaker 1: still have.

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Speaker 2: It, still have it? I look in the mirror and.

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Speaker 1: Why we wear jerseys just in case we get subbed

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Speaker 1: in getting the call up.

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Speaker 2: We went to the cafe this morning before the podcast recording.

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Speaker 2: There was a dad with a footing in his hand.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, he was doing the he was goose stepping, he

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Speaker 1: was he was just standing there. He was dummying to

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Speaker 1: no one, like the way of water pass.

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Speaker 2: As soon as you see a football being thrown around,

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Speaker 2: it's just that triggers. Yeah, it's like a dog whistle,

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Speaker 2: literally is. We were sitting by the resort there was

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Speaker 2: like the main pool and everyone's sitting there chilling out.

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Speaker 2: And in the distance I saw some of the Fijian

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Speaker 2: boys and they're the ones that look after the water

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Speaker 2: sports and they're like the activity.

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Speaker 1: Guys, and it was just the Fiji sevens off season.

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Speaker 1: They're just down there.

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Speaker 2: Passing the football. And I saw him one day and

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Speaker 2: I didn't want to get involved. I just I clocked

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Speaker 2: it and I was like, no, no, no, I'm going.

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Speaker 1: To You had to resist your primal urges to be

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Speaker 1: like football football. That's a perfect spiral.

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Speaker 2: But then I walked over the next day and I

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Speaker 2: was like, you know, hands up, have you hear fell?

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Speaker 1: I was just like, okay, white boy, do you know

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Speaker 1: how to catch?

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Speaker 2: I'm like half the size of such a little, a

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Speaker 2: little dweeb. They're big boys as well. We had a

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Speaker 2: few passes and then they said, why don't we play

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Speaker 2: a game? I thought, I full contact wish what I say?

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Speaker 2: I thought you'd never asked. You were like, just start ejaculated.

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Speaker 1: He was like, I don't actually want to play this one.

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Speaker 2: As you ask me to play, start walking back.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, that was needed that.

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Speaker 2: We start having a little game. And it's been a

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Speaker 2: while since i've I've actually played in a touch of tag,

357
00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:02,919
Speaker 2: so I was a little bit rusty. And I found

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Speaker 2: out later on that these boys actually on the island.

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Speaker 2: They're part of the sevens team, so they play.

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Speaker 1: Well, they are part of the islands.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, they're not like, you know, pro, but they

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Speaker 2: you know, they're decent.

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Speaker 1: Like, hey, we've got like suburbs, they just got islands.

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Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah yeah.

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Speaker 2: And at the start, you don't know what level to take.

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Speaker 2: You don't want to come out all guns blake.

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Speaker 1: You don't want to be that guy, right and you know,

368
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Speaker 1: just like why didn't you look.

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Speaker 2: And put on hits? But we started, we started pretty

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Speaker 2: easy and then they were really a lot better than

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Speaker 2: I am. That may surprise you, ash, but we started

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00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,679
Speaker 2: a bit serious. There was there was me, another New

373
00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:45,359
Speaker 2: Zealand dad came along, and then these Fijian boys is

374
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Speaker 2: four on four and we were down a few tries

375
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Speaker 2: and you know, the underdogs here and we you know,

376
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,560
Speaker 2: we've been playing for a little while, and we kind

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Speaker 2: of we all collectively said, hey, next try wins it

378
00:18:57,359 --> 00:19:00,080
Speaker 2: all right, and then we can we'll go back to pack.

379
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,920
Speaker 1: Up to walk away without pride. I get to tell

380
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Speaker 1: my wife how much of an athlete I am, and

381
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Speaker 1: you don't have to tell her how much I'm not.

382
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:09,880
Speaker 1: That's the most important part.

383
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:13,800
Speaker 2: Because we're playing right in front of everybody, you know,

384
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,280
Speaker 2: great feats of athleticism. A few people came over and

385
00:19:17,320 --> 00:19:20,800
Speaker 2: started to watch, you know, no, like Marley came down

386
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,639
Speaker 2: to me, like dad's playing with the boys, and she

387
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:29,160
Speaker 2: knows she's watching her dad. You know, why is daddy crying?

388
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:33,280
Speaker 2: So they kicked off and one of the Fijian guys

389
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,920
Speaker 2: on my team got the ball, puts on a step,

390
00:19:36,480 --> 00:19:40,520
Speaker 2: makes a break and he's you know, we're probably about

391
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,680
Speaker 2: thirty meters away from the tryline, but there's.

392
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Speaker 1: No Biggs's field.

393
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,240
Speaker 2: Oh it was big. It was big, and so he's

394
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Speaker 2: now it's one on one right, and I'm there in

395
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Speaker 2: the open.

396
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:52,680
Speaker 1: Like an overlap. You've got the overlap.

397
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Speaker 2: No one in front of me except the tryline, just

398
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:57,399
Speaker 2: me and the tryline, and I'm just going to be sweet,

399
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:59,080
Speaker 2: and I'm also trying to keep up with Fijian so

400
00:19:59,119 --> 00:20:02,360
Speaker 2: I'm full help, like full stripe like it z out

401
00:20:03,119 --> 00:20:04,240
Speaker 2: through the soft sound.

402
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:05,320
Speaker 1: Just calling what was his name?

403
00:20:05,960 --> 00:20:06,760
Speaker 2: I can't remember.

404
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:13,880
Speaker 1: You were just like my man.

405
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,560
Speaker 2: And He looks at me because I'm yelling at my

406
00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,040
Speaker 2: hands out, and he kind of looks a bit nervous,

407
00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:19,879
Speaker 2: and I'm like, just past the ball. And then I

408
00:20:20,040 --> 00:20:26,280
Speaker 2: look up and there was the fucking volleyball. It's time

409
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,240
Speaker 2: to one indo a tree. The other is a pole

410
00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:33,080
Speaker 2: in a tire that's filled with concrete. And I look

411
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:37,000
Speaker 2: at it just moments before I make impact and it

412
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:43,080
Speaker 2: hits me like you taken out by the volleyball. My

413
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:50,000
Speaker 2: arms like wrap around it, and it was like, oh

414
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Speaker 2: my god. And everyone watching on the sidelines is like gasp.

415
00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:59,920
Speaker 1: Is he gonna be okay? And you lost the game?

416
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:01,760
Speaker 1: They took an into zepped and you lost the game.

417
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,120
Speaker 2: That's great, like a U okay, yeah yeah, yeah, yeah,

418
00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:08,960
Speaker 2: I'm find out about me. Boys, I'm used to it.

419
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:12,240
Speaker 2: I'm like, literally I couldn't.

420
00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 1: You know when you winded, I'm good.

421
00:21:18,960 --> 00:21:21,040
Speaker 2: You know when you try and walk it off, Yeah,

422
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,720
Speaker 2: as soon as you put any pressure on that limb,

423
00:21:24,040 --> 00:21:24,640
Speaker 2: it gives.

424
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,879
Speaker 1: Away and you just like try and walk normal to

425
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,040
Speaker 1: you're out of start and you're.

426
00:21:27,920 --> 00:21:33,520
Speaker 2: Like to Laura, I'm like, just give you the room.

427
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:37,879
Speaker 1: Keep to have ice in the room, please.

428
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,760
Speaker 2: Anyway, I'm not fucking playing footy for a while.

429
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:41,480
Speaker 1: How's the bruise?

430
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:44,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's pretty good. I'd show you, but it's like right.

431
00:21:44,119 --> 00:21:50,840
Speaker 1: On my dick. That's right on your ego. Like I said,

432
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:56,080
Speaker 1: there's nothing funnier than a terroist making complete dick of

433
00:21:56,119 --> 00:21:59,320
Speaker 1: themselves in another country. And I really really wish someone

434
00:21:59,359 --> 00:21:59,960
Speaker 1: had that on camp.

435
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,359
Speaker 2: I know, I know it would be fucking hilarious. And

436
00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:04,320
Speaker 2: every morning the Fijian.

437
00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:06,680
Speaker 1: Boys it's made funny snickering.

438
00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:26,080
Speaker 3: There's that guy, tell me loud, tell me.

439
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:26,280
Speaker 1: So, Matthew. This segment here where we get the lovely listeners,

440
00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:30,120
Speaker 1: the parents to send us in their lies, what they

441
00:22:30,160 --> 00:22:32,720
Speaker 1: tell their kids just to get by, just to.

442
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,639
Speaker 2: Help minimize any tantrums.

443
00:22:35,080 --> 00:22:37,840
Speaker 1: And we're collectively sharing it. So if you are picking

444
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,879
Speaker 1: up on new lies, now, technically we are giving parenting advice,

445
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:43,560
Speaker 1: but it's not from us someone else.

446
00:22:43,560 --> 00:22:46,159
Speaker 2: We are the parents for some reason. I used to

447
00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,159
Speaker 2: have all these lies. I've kind of run dry on

448
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,679
Speaker 2: lies because I was on holiday. Did I mention I

449
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:51,480
Speaker 2: was on holiday? Ash?

450
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:54,280
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I liked your way through Fiji.

451
00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:56,159
Speaker 2: But we do get lots of great lives submitted. We

452
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,200
Speaker 2: pick out ones. Do you want to go first.

453
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've actually picked one that is from He is

454
00:23:02,359 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 1: still a listener, but he's actually a friend of mine

455
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 1: who had a little chuckle to himself because he's not

456
00:23:07,600 --> 00:23:09,480
Speaker 1: a parent himself, but he loves to listen because he

457
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,880
Speaker 1: just loves to hear the sound of my voice.

458
00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:15,159
Speaker 2: Who's he lying to? So just shut up.

459
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:18,280
Speaker 1: So he was on a plane and there was a

460
00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 1: young family behind him and the two kids were just

461
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:26,400
Speaker 1: obviously not doing what was asked of them at that stage,

462
00:23:26,680 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 1: and the dad leans over and it says, well, that's it.

463
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:33,760
Speaker 1: The police are coming. And the kids were like, what

464
00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:35,680
Speaker 1: what do you mean. He's like, well, I told you.

465
00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:38,240
Speaker 1: If you don't stop what you're doing and do what

466
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:42,840
Speaker 1: I asked, and the police are coming, he called the

467
00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:46,040
Speaker 1: police on them. It made me think, like, that's great.

468
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:47,000
Speaker 2: I haven't never done that.

469
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 1: You'd never been like you're going to get locked up? No,

470
00:23:50,680 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 1: I think it's a classic. I've heard it before. I

471
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,560
Speaker 1: actually haven't. I can't recall if I used it, but

472
00:23:55,600 --> 00:23:58,760
Speaker 1: I think it's great. Like threatening your children with any

473
00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:02,560
Speaker 1: law enforcement is top tier parenting if you ask me.

474
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:05,879
Speaker 1: My parenting result is what I like to call threat

475
00:24:06,880 --> 00:24:10,119
Speaker 1: threatened parenting and it's for those of you listening to

476
00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:13,520
Speaker 1: this thinking what a dickhead. It's completely fucking true.

477
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:15,679
Speaker 2: Do you ever though, have to do you have to

478
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,480
Speaker 2: follow through with a threat? Oh?

479
00:24:17,640 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 1: Man, when I get the opportunity to throw that toy

480
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,320
Speaker 1: in the bin, I fucking slam dunk it like a

481
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:26,119
Speaker 1: Michael Jordan, don't jumping across the fucking couch and just

482
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:29,840
Speaker 1: like boom in the bin. And then I stand over

483
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:33,600
Speaker 1: the bin and the screaming child like I've just won

484
00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:35,480
Speaker 1: a fucking trophy.

485
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:37,840
Speaker 2: How's the tantrument afterwards?

486
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:40,720
Speaker 1: I don't know, man, I'm too busy wrapped up.

487
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:46,040
Speaker 2: Because I've always done that, like you've got you've got

488
00:24:46,040 --> 00:24:48,840
Speaker 2: three seconds one Zoe.

489
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:50,920
Speaker 1: I feel like I spend most of my day counting

490
00:24:50,960 --> 00:24:53,480
Speaker 1: to I can count to three like a professional.

491
00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 2: It's funny, isn't it? How like kids? I'm not sure

492
00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:00,120
Speaker 2: if Marley understands what police do, like I don't know

493
00:25:00,119 --> 00:25:01,920
Speaker 2: if she would. If she would, I.

494
00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:05,080
Speaker 1: Think you need to like educate her.

495
00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:09,159
Speaker 2: So maybe if I see it, like with Siren, I

496
00:25:09,160 --> 00:25:12,719
Speaker 2: would just go straight to Laura in order, just like

497
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:14,119
Speaker 2: you sit there and listening to.

498
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 1: See that guy looks very happy, does he.

499
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,919
Speaker 2: Who's that rig on Lauren order the guy who's like

500
00:25:22,440 --> 00:25:24,160
Speaker 2: just handsome? What's his name?

501
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:30,640
Speaker 1: Tea? You know I really like from CSI Miami, Horatio,

502
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:34,120
Speaker 1: what do you pull the glass? Well, looks like we've

503
00:25:34,119 --> 00:25:37,840
Speaker 1: got our man. I could be like Oscar, see that.

504
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:41,040
Speaker 2: Watch out Horatios.

505
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,600
Speaker 1: If a redheaded guy with those glasses comes to the door. Yeah. Fuck,

506
00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:48,840
Speaker 1: Actually just reminded me of something else that I lie about.

507
00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,119
Speaker 1: Go on, well, we've got time in terms of punishing,

508
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:56,199
Speaker 1: punishing your children instead of like I used to do

509
00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:59,400
Speaker 1: this thing where we've got a separate laundry upstairs. And

510
00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:04,879
Speaker 1: I had made Oscar afraid of the washing machine strategically

511
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:06,719
Speaker 1: because I'm going to help it.

512
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:09,480
Speaker 2: It fucking annoys me so much when the washing machine's

513
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:13,159
Speaker 2: got ten minutes to go and the girls will always

514
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:14,480
Speaker 2: start pushing buttons and.

515
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,520
Speaker 1: No no, I've just made him afraid of it flat out.

516
00:26:17,760 --> 00:26:18,720
Speaker 2: So what reason?

517
00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:21,119
Speaker 1: So then when he's misbehaving, I said, I'll lock you

518
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:24,800
Speaker 1: in the laundry with the washing machine, you.

519
00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:26,560
Speaker 2: Fucking asshole.

520
00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:29,560
Speaker 1: Works because.

521
00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:32,560
Speaker 2: Because it's on the spin cycle, it's like.

522
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:37,520
Speaker 1: It's like he eats kids. So I had made him

523
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,080
Speaker 1: and he said, like I locked my kid in the

524
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 1: laundry and he just he loved it. I was like,

525
00:26:42,640 --> 00:26:47,040
Speaker 1: that's because you haven't made him afraid enough of the

526
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:50,400
Speaker 1: washer and or dryer. You make them afraid of that,

527
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:52,080
Speaker 1: and then you say, I'm going to lock you in

528
00:26:52,119 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 1: the room that that's in.

529
00:26:54,920 --> 00:26:57,560
Speaker 2: You're under something, asking just having panic attacks whenever you

530
00:26:57,600 --> 00:26:58,600
Speaker 2: guys do a load of washing.

531
00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,680
Speaker 1: Oh it's a mess. We don't do washing when he's home.

532
00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:05,679
Speaker 1: She's just like shaking between the dog being scared of

533
00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,359
Speaker 1: rain and Oscar being scared of the washing machine. Everyone's

534
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 1: just vibrating in my house.

535
00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:13,960
Speaker 2: A psychologist when Oscar's like in his late twenties, trying

536
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:17,560
Speaker 2: to understand and unpack why he's so petrified of washing machines.

537
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:19,480
Speaker 1: Yeah, Dad lied to me and said that the washing

538
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:20,399
Speaker 1: machine needs children.

539
00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,000
Speaker 2: Okay, I've gotta lie here. Ash and one of our

540
00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 2: lovely listeners. I won't say her full name, maybe she

541
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:29,520
Speaker 2: wants to be anonymous. I'll say that it's from Kathy. Okay,

542
00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:30,960
Speaker 2: tell me what you think of this one. It's called

543
00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:34,680
Speaker 2: the Birdie Lie trick. And you can use this if

544
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,480
Speaker 2: you're trying to get your child to go to daycare

545
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 2: and they don't want to go, which is pretty much

546
00:27:38,920 --> 00:27:42,600
Speaker 2: every day morning. So if that's the case, Ash, if

547
00:27:42,640 --> 00:27:43,640
Speaker 2: you're struggling.

548
00:27:43,240 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 1: With I get the kid. Like it's like when someone's

549
00:27:45,119 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 1: when I did have a job, it was like you

550
00:27:46,240 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 1: got to go to work, so I was like, oh god,

551
00:27:50,320 --> 00:27:50,800
Speaker 1: I get it.

552
00:27:50,840 --> 00:27:53,920
Speaker 2: I get it. So if you're struggling, you can say

553
00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:57,720
Speaker 2: to your child, hey, guess what, there's a baby bird

554
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:00,480
Speaker 2: at daycare, and quick we better get there so you

555
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:02,600
Speaker 2: can have a hold and make sure you get your

556
00:28:02,640 --> 00:28:04,399
Speaker 2: hands ready so you can get them to scoop their

557
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:06,520
Speaker 2: hands together like they're ready to hold a little birdie.

558
00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:09,879
Speaker 2: And then when you get the deca, you can go, oh,

559
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:13,640
Speaker 2: so sorry you took too long. The birdie is now

560
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:17,520
Speaker 2: flown away, maybe tomorrow. And then once they start to

561
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:20,680
Speaker 2: clue onto the birdie, they said here, you can then

562
00:28:20,760 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 2: change up the animal, so maybe one day it's a

563
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:25,000
Speaker 2: possum and then it can go to a puppy or

564
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,600
Speaker 2: maybe a kitten. It works every time.

565
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,480
Speaker 1: She says kids are so dumb, aren't they?

566
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:34,439
Speaker 2: She also says, yeah, as well, love the podcast. You

567
00:28:34,520 --> 00:28:36,000
Speaker 2: boys are hilarious.

568
00:28:36,240 --> 00:28:40,760
Speaker 1: Oh there you go, lovely. Look that's very creative. I've

569
00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:45,000
Speaker 1: never heard that before. And I thought you were going

570
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:46,640
Speaker 1: to say the birdie died.

571
00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 2: No, no, no, you just it flew away. I don't

572
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:53,280
Speaker 2: think to traumatized or Lola has the attention span.

573
00:28:54,680 --> 00:28:56,120
Speaker 1: I thought you were going to say, you put your

574
00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:59,480
Speaker 1: hands together and you rope around, timing them back in

575
00:28:59,520 --> 00:28:59,800
Speaker 1: the car.

576
00:29:00,080 --> 00:29:02,160
Speaker 2: Get the yeah.

577
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:04,760
Speaker 1: Look, I don't know. I think I scold figure that out.

578
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,200
Speaker 1: I like where they're headed, though, like there's something there

579
00:29:08,280 --> 00:29:08,840
Speaker 1: for them.

580
00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:13,440
Speaker 2: To Yes, yes, creative. Let's go on to some listening questions.

581
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:16,800
Speaker 1: Before we do, I just want to say, continue to

582
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,760
Speaker 1: send the lies in. Yes, we get a lot, hopefully

583
00:29:19,800 --> 00:29:23,240
Speaker 1: get to read yours, submit them, and matt will respond

584
00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:23,960
Speaker 1: to them on the DM.

585
00:29:24,240 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 2: I will respond. I'll be there. I'm always there waiting

586
00:29:26,840 --> 00:29:27,840
Speaker 2: for the listeners to write down.

587
00:29:27,840 --> 00:29:34,400
Speaker 1: I'll be watching anyway. Let's go into some questions, Matthew

588
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:38,080
Speaker 1: question from our listener, what is the grossest food combo

589
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 1: that your children have eaten or tried to eat?

590
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:44,640
Speaker 2: So it's not really a far I guess it's it's

591
00:29:44,680 --> 00:29:47,800
Speaker 2: a form of food, but it's not really like no

592
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 2: one's serving this up. But what both my kids have

593
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:54,640
Speaker 2: started doing recently, and it's fucking disgusting. It really is.

594
00:29:54,800 --> 00:29:57,520
Speaker 2: If I watch them do this, I start dry reaching

595
00:29:58,240 --> 00:29:59,800
Speaker 2: and I don't know how to get them to stop

596
00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:01,680
Speaker 2: doing this. You know, Marley, We've spoken before about the

597
00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:04,120
Speaker 2: fact that Marley likes to suck her thumb and rub

598
00:30:04,120 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 2: her nose. It's like a comfort thing. And now she's.

599
00:30:08,200 --> 00:30:09,520
Speaker 1: Coming handy when she's older.

600
00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:16,880
Speaker 2: I'm going to leave just so people know how much

601
00:30:16,920 --> 00:30:19,880
Speaker 2: of an absolutely disgusting human being.

602
00:30:20,400 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 1: I'm sorry once you no no, no, no, no, no no.

603
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:27,920
Speaker 2: It's staying in there. And see how once people realize

604
00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:29,000
Speaker 2: who you really.

605
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 1: Are, I love me, they don't bring that guy out.

606
00:30:33,000 --> 00:30:35,640
Speaker 2: They love like this the edited version of but this

607
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 2: is who he really is.

608
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:40,320
Speaker 1: A complete disgusting Yeah. Sorry.

609
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,440
Speaker 2: Now Marley and Lola have started to eat their boogets

610
00:30:43,640 --> 00:30:44,920
Speaker 2: their boat.

611
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:47,320
Speaker 1: We call I called Oscar doing that yesterday.

612
00:30:46,960 --> 00:30:50,440
Speaker 2: Like have you have you you know what it tastes like?

613
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:52,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, it tastes like me.

614
00:30:56,520 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 2: Salty, right salty? Mm hmm yeah, are you into it?

615
00:31:01,560 --> 00:31:06,320
Speaker 1: It's much nicer than ear wax. I've had a dabble.

616
00:31:08,720 --> 00:31:11,960
Speaker 2: Really when like we're talking, he.

617
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:19,120
Speaker 1: Actually somewhere between seamen and obviously when I was a kid,

618
00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:22,240
Speaker 1: I obviously didn't go back there. Like, but I've caught

619
00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,040
Speaker 1: Oscar picking his nose and eating it.

620
00:31:24,520 --> 00:31:28,080
Speaker 2: Oh man, it's just I've seen Marley's had these like huge,

621
00:31:28,200 --> 00:31:30,480
Speaker 2: like this string of snot and she like rubs it

622
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 2: between her fingers and looks at it, and I'm like,

623
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:33,560
Speaker 2: don't you dare.

624
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:37,560
Speaker 1: She's just like, yeah, look, I don't think it's a

625
00:31:37,560 --> 00:31:40,680
Speaker 1: big deal. Unless they start to do that. We'll smear

626
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:43,640
Speaker 1: it onto a jat and they start eating it has

627
00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:48,440
Speaker 1: a bit more psychotic like yeah, look yeah, it's not

628
00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,520
Speaker 1: really a combo, but it's gross. I'm trying to think

629
00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 1: of what combos my kids have either eaten or try

630
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:59,160
Speaker 1: to Makesy loves to eat toothpaste. What the mint or

631
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,440
Speaker 1: the to dine? She's got the strongest teeth.

632
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,200
Speaker 2: Anyway, my kids fucking I have to give them like

633
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:10,120
Speaker 2: the real mellow like berry flavors with.

634
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 1: Up there with a Q tip you try and take

635
00:32:16,360 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 1: it off.

636
00:32:16,640 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 2: She's like, yeah, what an animal.

637
00:32:18,920 --> 00:32:25,160
Speaker 1: She's an animals. She's got a fresh breath. What was

638
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 1: the Oh yeah, I've got a question. Is it a

639
00:32:28,440 --> 00:32:29,800
Speaker 1: listening question as the matter.

640
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:35,520
Speaker 2: Question comes from me, Maddie J. Question is ash what

641
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 2: is your routine? And also April's routine when it comes

642
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:44,040
Speaker 2: to showering during the day, in particular nighttime pre bed.

643
00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:46,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, so April gets up, goes to the gym, come home, shower.

644
00:32:47,400 --> 00:32:51,040
Speaker 1: She's my wife's very routine on the routine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

645
00:32:51,280 --> 00:32:55,880
Speaker 1: And then what she'll do is after the kids have

646
00:32:56,000 --> 00:32:59,360
Speaker 1: bathed and Macy's gone to bed, she'll jump in the

647
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 1: shower there and which usually she'll lead her into the

648
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:08,040
Speaker 1: bed reading a book, blights out. That's pretty much it

649
00:33:08,320 --> 00:33:12,280
Speaker 1: for me. Sometimes I'll shower in the morning, not all

650
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:14,520
Speaker 1: the time. In summer, I'll get up, have a cold

651
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:16,120
Speaker 1: shower because I'm a health freak.

652
00:33:16,320 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're an athlete.

653
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you'll always shower before bed to be a

654
00:33:20,640 --> 00:33:21,480
Speaker 1: field athlete.

655
00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:22,440
Speaker 2: Yeah.

656
00:33:22,560 --> 00:33:27,720
Speaker 1: Unless I'm like absolutely legless, I'm just straight onto the couch.

657
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:31,160
Speaker 1: I'm not allowed in the bed sometimes if i know

658
00:33:31,200 --> 00:33:35,360
Speaker 1: we're changing the sheets next hour, just sneaking there, dirty

659
00:33:35,360 --> 00:33:40,200
Speaker 1: issues on, Hey, well give us a kiss. But yeah, look,

660
00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:42,920
Speaker 1: otherwise I'll go shower bed, yeah.

661
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 2: Because it's fucking disgusting hopping into bed when you've been

662
00:33:47,480 --> 00:33:48,240
Speaker 2: up all day.

663
00:33:48,880 --> 00:33:52,080
Speaker 1: You'd be walking about, sweat and sway other people on you.

664
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:57,280
Speaker 2: Laura does this thing. She's always done it, and I'm

665
00:33:57,280 --> 00:33:58,520
Speaker 2: going to call her out here.

666
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:00,520
Speaker 1: Perfect.

667
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:05,520
Speaker 2: Only people knew what she'd really like behind closed doors

668
00:34:05,560 --> 00:34:08,759
Speaker 2: is a fucking grub and I'm about to reveal the

669
00:34:08,880 --> 00:34:09,799
Speaker 2: true Laura.

670
00:34:09,800 --> 00:34:14,520
Speaker 1: That Daily Mail. Are you listening? You are cool, Let's go, let's.

671
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:18,040
Speaker 2: Go to do it. She only showers in the morning,

672
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:19,759
Speaker 2: always in the morning.

673
00:34:19,480 --> 00:34:22,840
Speaker 1: When she's dirty from the day before, so she's dirty

674
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:24,439
Speaker 1: up the bed. Then she's like, I'm gonna be nice

675
00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:26,399
Speaker 1: and clean, so get dirty for the rest of the day.

676
00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:29,480
Speaker 2: If she does wash, but before she gets into bed,

677
00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 2: she only washes her hands and her feet, her odds

678
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:35,640
Speaker 2: and sods and the sink. So she'll literally stand there

679
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,840
Speaker 2: put like like a hobo bath, like literally, yeah, it

680
00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:39,719
Speaker 2: puts her feet in the sink.

681
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:41,200
Speaker 1: She puts her feet in the scene.

682
00:34:41,280 --> 00:34:42,240
Speaker 2: She washes her feet.

683
00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:43,680
Speaker 1: How does she get a feet into the scene.

684
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:46,680
Speaker 2: She's sitting up there on the just one like a

685
00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:49,120
Speaker 2: bird bath exactly, and you're one foot at a time,

686
00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:51,279
Speaker 2: washes that, one brings it out, other one goes in

687
00:34:51,400 --> 00:34:53,719
Speaker 2: washes that foot, and then she washes both feet and

688
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:55,920
Speaker 2: then she's done and she shoves into bed and then

689
00:34:55,960 --> 00:34:57,520
Speaker 2: she's like, look down the snuggle and I'm like, you

690
00:34:57,680 --> 00:34:59,400
Speaker 2: fucking yuh, I'm clean.

691
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:01,920
Speaker 1: Why I just pictured her. You know how when you're

692
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:04,080
Speaker 1: washing your hands and you rub your hands together like that.

693
00:35:04,360 --> 00:35:06,799
Speaker 1: I just pictured her standing on her hands with her

694
00:35:06,840 --> 00:35:08,400
Speaker 1: feet over, just rubbing her feet together.

695
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:13,120
Speaker 2: What's weird, isn't it? And I asked her because I

696
00:35:13,160 --> 00:35:16,239
Speaker 2: wanted to give her the opportunity to defend herself, of course,

697
00:35:16,239 --> 00:35:18,120
Speaker 2: because I don't want to attack her on the podcast

698
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,920
Speaker 2: and not give her the chance for rebuttal, okay, so

699
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 2: I'll just she's going to explain herself here. So just

700
00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:27,080
Speaker 2: listen to this, Ash Laura. I just would like you

701
00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:30,239
Speaker 2: to justify why you think it's okay to only wash

702
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:31,560
Speaker 2: your feet when you come to bed.

703
00:35:32,280 --> 00:35:34,560
Speaker 1: Because I'm really tired and sometimes I have to work

704
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,640
Speaker 1: really late and it's really really cold, and I don't

705
00:35:37,640 --> 00:35:40,040
Speaker 1: want to wash my whole body, but I just know

706
00:35:40,120 --> 00:35:41,279
Speaker 1: that my feet needs to be clean.

707
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,320
Speaker 2: I washed my feet in my face top and bottom,

708
00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 2: a top and tail it. But you've been out in

709
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:50,319
Speaker 2: the open, yeah, But the rest of my body has

710
00:35:50,360 --> 00:35:53,600
Speaker 2: been encased in clothes and it's cold, so I haven't swept.

711
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:57,359
Speaker 1: So technically it's like I've been covered in a protective layer,

712
00:35:58,200 --> 00:35:59,080
Speaker 1: but my feet need.

713
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,080
Speaker 2: To be washed. Don't you feel like it's open? Do

714
00:36:02,160 --> 00:36:03,600
Speaker 2: you feel like it's really grossy when you hop in

715
00:36:03,600 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 2: a bed and you feel sticky.

716
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:08,440
Speaker 1: I don't feel sticky because I'm not obsessed with running

717
00:36:08,440 --> 00:36:09,560
Speaker 1: half marathons every day.

718
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:15,240
Speaker 2: I'm completely clean and dry. Okay, did you shower this morning? Yes?

719
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:19,320
Speaker 2: Will you shower tonight? I won't shower tonight.

720
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:22,080
Speaker 1: Oh how do you sleep next to that?

721
00:36:23,320 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 2: Yeah?

722
00:36:24,600 --> 00:36:26,040
Speaker 1: She's like, she's a lovely lady.

723
00:36:26,120 --> 00:36:27,120
Speaker 2: I know.

724
00:36:27,160 --> 00:36:29,640
Speaker 1: Otherwise you'd be like, get the fuck out, hobo.

725
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:31,200
Speaker 2: It's weird, right, it's weird.

726
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:34,080
Speaker 1: It's weird because strange, because like.

727
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:36,600
Speaker 2: If you've got a shower, shower at nighttime because you're

728
00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:39,200
Speaker 2: not going to get dirty sleeping seven eight hours in

729
00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:39,720
Speaker 2: the bed.

730
00:36:40,719 --> 00:36:42,839
Speaker 1: Doesn't your ass sweat in between the cracks? Well?

731
00:36:42,880 --> 00:36:44,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're doing shits during the day.

732
00:36:45,080 --> 00:36:48,960
Speaker 1: How thorough is she and she's wiping? She must have changed.

733
00:36:49,040 --> 00:36:50,960
Speaker 2: No, I don't check up, I know that much, but

734
00:36:51,040 --> 00:36:51,680
Speaker 2: I should.

735
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:56,319
Speaker 1: Need to now does she least was huh? At least

736
00:36:56,440 --> 00:36:58,600
Speaker 1: wash your under arms around the bat wings?

737
00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,800
Speaker 2: So I like she washes her feet and face and

738
00:37:02,960 --> 00:37:04,919
Speaker 2: hands with obviously kind.

739
00:37:04,800 --> 00:37:09,440
Speaker 1: Of hang on, does she wash her hands before her feet.

740
00:37:11,040 --> 00:37:12,560
Speaker 2: I think it's just like and washes.

741
00:37:12,320 --> 00:37:15,120
Speaker 1: Her hands and was just like what I need to know, residual.

742
00:37:15,360 --> 00:37:17,880
Speaker 2: It's residual soap from the foot wash. I think the

743
00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:19,879
Speaker 2: hands don't even get like a separate look and it's

744
00:37:19,960 --> 00:37:23,279
Speaker 2: just hands and feet together. Oh maybe maybe she does

745
00:37:23,360 --> 00:37:25,719
Speaker 2: face first. Anyway, Anyway, that's the true Laura. And I'm

746
00:37:25,760 --> 00:37:26,880
Speaker 2: sorry if anyone.

747
00:37:26,719 --> 00:37:28,080
Speaker 1: She's gonna get a hand, foot in mouth.

748
00:37:30,960 --> 00:37:33,080
Speaker 2: If anyone right now has a has a perfect image

749
00:37:33,080 --> 00:37:36,480
Speaker 2: of Laura in their mind, and I'm sorry to destroy that.

750
00:37:36,760 --> 00:37:40,920
Speaker 1: Well you have for me. I don't know if I'm

751
00:37:40,920 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 1: going to be able to look at it the same. Ever, Again,

752
00:37:43,600 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 1: don't make it awkward. I will. Don't make it all

753
00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:48,719
Speaker 1: my plan too. I'm going to ask her someone going

754
00:37:48,760 --> 00:37:53,080
Speaker 1: to be like someone stinks he showed today. You stink

755
00:37:53,920 --> 00:37:58,320
Speaker 1: that's not enough showering the human body. It stinks.

756
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:01,960
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, you're like you and shooting yourself before.

757
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:08,280
Speaker 1: That was my biggest turn on is me shooting myself?

758
00:38:09,680 --> 00:38:10,720
Speaker 1: It's just her steak.

759
00:38:10,960 --> 00:38:13,479
Speaker 2: Is when Laura's come out of the shower and she's

760
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:15,520
Speaker 2: like just freshly.

761
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:16,920
Speaker 1: Clean the steam from behind it.

762
00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:21,200
Speaker 2: Ah, and whenever she does that. I'm always like, where

763
00:38:21,239 --> 00:38:23,040
Speaker 2: do you think you're going? And she's like, I'm off

764
00:38:23,080 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 2: to work. I'm fucking late.

765
00:38:25,000 --> 00:38:26,920
Speaker 1: Come And then she comes out of the shower and

766
00:38:27,080 --> 00:38:28,839
Speaker 1: I have the bathroom at night. It's just her hands

767
00:38:28,840 --> 00:38:31,120
Speaker 1: and stuff are really clean. It's like, hey, baby, let

768
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:32,080
Speaker 1: me off.

769
00:38:32,040 --> 00:38:33,600
Speaker 2: But I'll take it. I'll take it.

770
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:37,279
Speaker 1: We better get out of here, mate, we better get

771
00:38:37,280 --> 00:38:39,320
Speaker 1: out of here. So it's a busy day, it's.

772
00:38:39,320 --> 00:38:43,600
Speaker 2: It's run out making a podcast. It's hard work.

773
00:38:43,520 --> 00:38:45,880
Speaker 1: Work, well tough for me because I do all the setup,

774
00:38:45,960 --> 00:38:49,080
Speaker 1: like the apprentice, ops manager.

775
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:50,120
Speaker 2: What am I?

776
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 1: You're just the face on the admin, bitch, sure the admin.

777
00:38:54,840 --> 00:38:56,520
Speaker 1: Let's get let's get out of here. Thank you guys

778
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:56,920
Speaker 1: for listening.

779
00:38:57,200 --> 00:38:59,640
Speaker 2: If you've enjoyed listening to this episode, but any episode,

780
00:38:59,760 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 2: and hey, if you're a new listener, go back listen

781
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 2: to the start. I had. Someone actually said they listened

782
00:39:04,120 --> 00:39:07,319
Speaker 2: to all episodes. I think there's fourteen two days.

783
00:39:07,480 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 1: Get a laugh.

784
00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:14,080
Speaker 2: Yeah no, no, But if you have enjoyed any episode,

785
00:39:14,360 --> 00:39:16,640
Speaker 2: we would absolutely love it if you gave us a

786
00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,560
Speaker 2: little review five stars, and of course give us a

787
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:22,719
Speaker 2: follow subscribe whenever they call it the podcast world and

788
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:24,719
Speaker 2: on that note, we'll see you guys next week, See

789
00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:36,279
Speaker 2: you later. Two. Doting Dad's podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians

790
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,560
Speaker 2: of country throughout Australia and the connections to land, see

791
00:39:39,760 --> 00:39:40,440
Speaker 2: and community.

792
00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:43,240
Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present

793
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:46,400
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander

794
00:39:46,440 --> 00:39:50,080
Speaker 1: people's today. This episode was recorded on gadagle Land