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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, the strength of your family depends so much on

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Speaker 2: the strength of your couple's relationship.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 2: Hello, this is Doped Justin Coulson and here with Kylie,

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Speaker 2: my wife, mum to our six daughters. I've written a

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Speaker 2: bunch of books about happy families and we are saw today.

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Speaker 3: Just a little bit.

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Speaker 2: So on Saturday, a couple of events have created a

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Speaker 2: bit of stiffness and soreness for you and I. We

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Speaker 2: were trying to be active and healthy. You've joined the gym.

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Speaker 2: You've been on a bit of a health kick for

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Speaker 2: the last couple of months. Everyone's heard about that with

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Speaker 2: your box jumps and things if there've been longtime listeners

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Speaker 2: of the podcast. And our health journey continued on Saturday

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Speaker 2: when the gym put on a kind of a family

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Speaker 2: fun run. Yeah, sure, down to the park. The kids

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Speaker 2: didn't want to get up because it was cold. You

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Speaker 2: and I headed down to the park so that we

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Speaker 2: could run what was it like a six k run

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Speaker 2: through the Daisy Hill State Forest in the southern suburbs

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Speaker 2: of Brisbane.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, so this is not a flat run. This was

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Speaker 3: up and down hills on mountain bike terrain.

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Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, like there's there're fire trails and walking tracks

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Speaker 2: and that sort of thing.

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Speaker 3: And I haven't done a run for a very very

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Speaker 3: long time. But to complicate things, they decided to feme

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Speaker 3: it and so they asked us to come dressed in

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Speaker 3: eighties style.

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Speaker 2: So I reckon we should post the picture that I

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Speaker 2: don't think we should. I think that we should post

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Speaker 2: the picture that we took a view at the fun

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Speaker 2: run because to go eighties, we don't have anything eighties.

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Speaker 2: But you put on a pair of your my swimmers

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Speaker 2: where you put your swimmers on over the top, and

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Speaker 2: then you had your leggings on and they were they

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Speaker 2: like Dalmatians, right light with black spots.

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Speaker 3: And then I didn't have any legwarmers, so I just

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Speaker 3: used some big bulky boot socks right to kind of

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Speaker 3: bunch up around my ankles.

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Speaker 2: And it actually looked kind of eighties.

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Speaker 3: Well it kind of did.

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Speaker 2: You had the head band on.

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Speaker 3: But you know, I learned a really really valuable lesson,

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Speaker 3: and it seems like everybody else knew this lesson. Except me. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: you don't wear lycra on lycra.

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Speaker 2: I wear licra when I ride my bike all the time.

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Speaker 3: No, you just don't.

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Speaker 2: What do you mean?

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Speaker 3: Well, I ended up with a front wedgie and a

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Speaker 3: backwedgie and it was not pretty. And the whole time

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Speaker 3: I was running, all I could think about was, I

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Speaker 3: don't know what's worse watching someone run with a weggie

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Speaker 3: that's not supposed to be there or watching someone pick

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Speaker 3: out the wedgie that shouldn't be there.

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Speaker 2: It was terrible. So, oh gosh, that's I thought that

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Speaker 2: you were sore because of the running, but you saw

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Speaker 2: from the wedgies.

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Speaker 3: I think we're just given them way too much information.

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Speaker 3: But you know you're laughing at me. But I'd like

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Speaker 3: to know why you're so sore, because clearly doing a

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Speaker 3: six k run is nothing for you.

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Speaker 2: No, well, I didn't just do the six k's. I

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Speaker 2: sort of ran and showing off, ran back to get you,

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Speaker 2: and then I ran ahead again and I think I

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Speaker 2: did about eight and a half or nine caps.

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Speaker 3: I have to shout out to little Olive, my seven

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Speaker 3: year old time pacer. She was amazing. I don't think

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Speaker 3: I ever would have made it because your idea of

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Speaker 3: motivation is, honey, come on, and then you just leave

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Speaker 3: me in the dust. But little olive mate, she was

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Speaker 3: a trooper. She just keept running and I had to

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Speaker 3: keep up with her, so she wasn't on her own.

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Speaker 2: So the backt story of that is there's this guy

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Speaker 2: who's there with a couple of his kids, and his

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Speaker 2: seven year old wanted to run, and he wasn't fit

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Speaker 2: enough to keep up with her. So you ended up

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Speaker 2: kind of being run around the course by a seven

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Speaker 2: year old and you had to keep up with her

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Speaker 2: or she was just going to keep going into the

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Speaker 2: bush somewhere, and.

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Speaker 3: She did awesome, and as a result I did. I'm

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Speaker 3: giving myself a pattern on the back, But I really

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Speaker 3: want to know why your thought.

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Speaker 2: Were you.

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Speaker 3: Well, I know why yourself, but I think everybody else would.

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Speaker 2: Really like to know why You're so gosh, I really

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Speaker 2: don't want to tell this story. So we come back

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Speaker 2: from the fun run, and I decided that I wanted to.

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Speaker 2: I've just had my blower because I don't like leaves,

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Speaker 2: and I've had the blower service and.

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Speaker 3: He doesn't like leaves. But we live in the bush.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we've got trees all around us, and they drop

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Speaker 2: a lot of leaves, and so the blower has been serviced,

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Speaker 2: and I decided that I needed to get out and

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Speaker 2: clean up the leaves. So I've got the blower on,

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Speaker 2: and it's been a while since I've blown the roof.

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Speaker 2: So I got up on the roof so that I

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Speaker 2: could blow all the leaves off the roof. And I

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Speaker 2: did what I normally do. But then there's a part

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Speaker 2: of the.

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Speaker 3: Roof I don't know. You didn't do it you normally?

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Speaker 2: No, No, I did. But then there's a part of the

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Speaker 2: roof that I don't normally do. That's right, And it's

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Speaker 2: very hard to get up onto that part of the roof.

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Speaker 2: And it's not like a regular slope roof that everyone

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Speaker 2: else has. It's one of those color bond steel dome

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Speaker 2: style like it starts flat and then it just slopes

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Speaker 2: down into a steeper and steeper slope down til you

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Speaker 2: get the guttering basically. And so what I did was

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Speaker 2: I sat on my backside, and it's pretty slippery up there,

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Speaker 2: and it's really high, and I knew that I couldn't

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Speaker 2: reach the gutter with the blower unless I was further

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Speaker 2: down the slope. Than I could be by standing. So

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Speaker 2: I sat on my bum and I got my feet

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Speaker 2: and put my toes of my shoes against the roofing screws.

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Speaker 3: So I'm just going to put it out there that

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Speaker 3: if a woman was up there, she would look at

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Speaker 3: that and go, we can't do this. What did you do?

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Speaker 2: Well? I put my feet against the roofing screws and

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Speaker 2: used the roofing screws as my brak, and I started

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Speaker 2: blowing the gutter from about.

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Speaker 3: Three roofing screws like what they're like, I don't know

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Speaker 3: five mil.

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Speaker 2: No, they're not quite five MILLI They're probably closer to three.

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Speaker 2: And I'm very big at all, but there were enough

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Speaker 2: to hold me in place until until what. So I

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Speaker 2: needed to just move the position because I knew that

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Speaker 2: I was not in a safe spot, and I lifted

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Speaker 2: up my right foot so that I could shuffle my

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Speaker 2: way to a safer position. But as I lifted my

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Speaker 2: right foot, my left foot kind of lost its grip

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Speaker 2: on the roofing screw.

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Speaker 3: But the three mil.

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Speaker 2: Against and I started a slide. And I realized very

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Speaker 2: very quickly that when you're slide down a roof that

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Speaker 2: gets steeper and steeper the further you go, like color bond,

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Speaker 2: there's nothing to grab hold off. And so I started

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Speaker 2: sliding towards the gutter and became very very well aware

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Speaker 2: that I was going to slide off the roof. So

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Speaker 2: I threw the blower, which was still running, and I'm

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Speaker 2: not quite sure where that went, and I slid off

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Speaker 2: the roof. I tried to grab the gutter, but.

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Speaker 3: I slid You make it sound like it was planned.

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Speaker 3: What happened. You actually fell.

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Speaker 2: Off the roof, but I slid off the roof.

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Speaker 3: So when you finally came to me, because you're on

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Speaker 3: the far side of the house, so I didn't even

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Speaker 3: hear you on the roof, let alone here you fall

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Speaker 3: off the roof.

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Speaker 2: Well, I didn't make a lot of noise when I fell.

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Speaker 2: I kind of went, oh no. And then I slid

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Speaker 2: off the roof. You keep saying I fell. I slid

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Speaker 2: off the roof.

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Speaker 3: You slid off the roof in such a way that

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Speaker 3: the neighbor who just happened to be out on their

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Speaker 3: verandah scaled the fence, our almost sixty year old neighbor.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, he did. He scaled the fence because he was

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Speaker 2: worried about me, and it was just a miracle from heaven.

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Speaker 2: I landed in between all the dangerous things and literally

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Speaker 2: landed on my feet. My ankles and knees did what

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Speaker 2: they should and they took most of the shock, and

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Speaker 2: I kind of crumpled a bit and fell down on

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Speaker 2: my back. I didn't even hit my head hard. I

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Speaker 2: hit it hard enough to lose my brand new headphones.

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Speaker 2: I can't find them in the garden anywhere. But I

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Speaker 2: I laid there on the ground for about a minute

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Speaker 2: and realized that I could still move everything, and then

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Speaker 2: the neighbor helped me up and I twisted and turned.

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Speaker 2: And I'm pretty sore through my back and through my

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Speaker 2: neck and my shoulders, but no damage done. I've been

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Speaker 2: for a bike ride, i have spent time with the kids.

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Speaker 2: But that's why I'm sore.

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Speaker 3: You know, we talk about this whole idea of this

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Speaker 3: is the podcast for the time poor parent who just

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Speaker 3: wants answers now. So I'd really like to know what

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Speaker 3: you learned from that experience.

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Speaker 2: Oh, you're going to put me through that publicly, yes, Well,

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Speaker 2: I learned that I needed a new blower as a

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Speaker 2: result of that experience.

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Speaker 3: You did need a new blower. And what did you

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Speaker 3: come home if I.

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Speaker 2: Came home with the granddaddy of blowers. This one's a ripper.

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Speaker 2: I'm so they didn't even want to.

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Speaker 3: Sell it to you because it's an industrial grade blower.

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Speaker 3: But you were like, I can't get to that roof

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Speaker 3: ever again. I need something that's gonna blow for miles.

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Speaker 1: Yet.

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Speaker 2: What I learned is next time, I've got to stand

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Speaker 2: further up the roof where the slope's not as strong,

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Speaker 2: So I need a stronger blower. No, no, I mean

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Speaker 2: I probably won't go up there again. We'll probably have

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Speaker 2: to get some professionals in and put some gutter guard

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Speaker 2: over that gutter so that I never have to go

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Speaker 2: near it again. That's enough fluing for one day. I'm

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Speaker 2: a slow learner, but I just little bit by bit.

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Speaker 2: What did you want me to learn?

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Speaker 3: I want you to learn that number one two is

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Speaker 3: better than one.

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Speaker 2: Two is better than one.

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Speaker 3: Yes, makes you have someone for starters if you're going

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Speaker 3: to do something silly.

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Speaker 2: Well, I had my phone.

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Speaker 3: Your phone wasn't very much helpful.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 3: When you took me out there, it looked like I

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Speaker 3: was going to a crime scene. I could literally see

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Speaker 3: the shape of your body in my garden.

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Speaker 2: So for those of you who are wondering how far

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Speaker 2: it was, it was pretty much two stories, right.

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Speaker 3: Gosh, yes it was. Hence why you have a desk job?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Well, yeah, I'm not the handiest guy in the

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Speaker 2: World's let's face it anyway, that's not what This has

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Speaker 2: been a long introduction to a podcast that's about how

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Speaker 2: much we love each other. And all that's happened is

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Speaker 2: that I've mocked you for your front and back wedgies

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Speaker 2: and you've given me a hard time for falling off

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Speaker 2: the roof.

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Speaker 3: Well maybe after the break we might be able to

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Speaker 3: give people something substantial to work with.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. The purpose of this podcast today is to help

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Speaker 2: you to make your partnership, your marriage, the relationship with

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Speaker 2: your significant other better, and we'll talk to you about

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Speaker 2: how you can do that.

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Speaker 1: Next, it's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 4: Our Screens Creating Tension at Home, tweens, teens and Screens

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Speaker 4: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe superscreen solutions.

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Speaker 4: Bye today at happy families dot com dot au slash shop.

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Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families podcast. The podcast for the time

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Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now, and today we're

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Speaker 3: supposed to be talking about.

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Speaker 2: Today, we're winging about how sore we are after a

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Speaker 2: really hard weekend. Now I'm going to gently turn myself

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Speaker 2: in my chair so that I look at the computer screen.

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Speaker 3: Now you're just milking it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe a little bit. We got an email the

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Speaker 2: other day from somebody who noticed that we're putting on

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Speaker 2: a workshop, a very very exclusive workshop that we can

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Speaker 2: only fit fifty people into, and it's happening next weekend.

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Speaker 2: All the details Fought Better Together are available at Happy

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Speaker 2: Families dot com dot IU, and we'll tell you more

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Speaker 2: about the workshop soon. But somebody saw our first email

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Speaker 2: newsletter about it and they sent us an email that

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Speaker 2: I think is probably worth talking about in light of

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Speaker 2: what the presentations about. Let's make our way through it.

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Speaker 2: We will keep the person anonymous and we won't read

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Speaker 2: the entire newsletter, but there's just a couple of things

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Speaker 2: that we want to touch on because I think that

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Speaker 2: if you're a parent, the strength of your family depends

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Speaker 2: so much on the strength of your couple's relations and ship.

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Speaker 2: And that's why we're doing this workshop, because we know

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Speaker 2: how important is to get the relationship right, So we

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Speaker 2: did and I'll do Better Tomorrow podcast, and the person

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Speaker 2: emailed us about what was in that podcast where I

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Speaker 2: was basically saying, love's hard when you're a dad and

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Speaker 2: you're traveling a lot and you don't have the time

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Speaker 2: to be emotionally available to your kids because you're actually

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Speaker 2: not there.

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Speaker 3: She said, your podcast last week, were you so openly

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Speaker 3: and honestly talked about having a long week away from

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Speaker 3: the family, left me with many questions which I hope

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Speaker 3: could be addressed in this Better Together webinar.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so we will talk about how it's hard because

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Speaker 2: people are busy. You don't have to have time away

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Speaker 2: from the family to be busy and feel disconnected. Sometimes

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Speaker 2: you can be in the same house and feel disconnected.

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Speaker 2: So we'll definitely be talking about that in our workshop

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Speaker 2: when we do that next Saturday. By the way, that's

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Speaker 2: the nineteenth in case people are not listening on the

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Speaker 2: day that the podcast drops.

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Speaker 3: She said, I want to give you a brief context.

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Speaker 3: My husband and I really reached a critical point in

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Speaker 3: our marriage this year. He runs his own business, works

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Speaker 3: long hours, and is constantly under pressure.

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Speaker 2: Like someone else we know.

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Speaker 3: To cope with the stress, he is a long distance

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Speaker 3: road cyclist.

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Speaker 2: Sounds like someone else.

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Speaker 3: Maybe she's talking about you.

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Speaker 2: She's not married to me. Did you send this email?

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Speaker 2: Is that what's going on here?

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Speaker 3: This is you, it's not me. Okay, this leaves a

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Speaker 3: very very little left over for the family, all the marriage.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Well, watching one of your webinars, his comment was, it's

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Speaker 3: okay for Justin he's a professional parent.

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Speaker 2: Okay, have you over been called? That got to stop

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Speaker 2: right there. I need to clarify for this person and

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Speaker 2: her husband. I'm not a professional parent. Like I've got

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Speaker 2: a PhD in psychology and I've focused on parenting for

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Speaker 2: the last twenty years of my life, both personally and professionally.

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Speaker 2: But in fact, I'm just thinking about this email. This

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Speaker 2: other dad, he runs his own business, he works long hours,

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Speaker 2: and he's constantly under pressure. And literally I read that,

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Speaker 2: and I reckon almost every dad, whether they run their

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Speaker 2: own business or not, would say, yeah, that's me. That's me.

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Speaker 2: Long hours, constantly under pressure, and I'm trying to have

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Speaker 2: a little bit of a life outside of that by

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Speaker 2: being a cyclist or a surfer or a mountain climber

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Speaker 2: or whatever it is that dad's like to do. To

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Speaker 2: have that outlet, but there's that feeling of I've just

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Speaker 2: got nothing left for the family, and when I get home,

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Speaker 2: it's like, oh, I'm wrecked.

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Speaker 3: I think one of the best things that this woman

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Speaker 3: could do for a husband was actually get him to

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Speaker 3: listen to our I'll do Better Tomorrow episodes. Yeah, because

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Speaker 3: we share all of it. We've got the good and

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Speaker 3: the bad in there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: But I'm not a professional parent. I'm just a guy

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Speaker 2: who writes about how the parent better. I just need

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Speaker 2: to clarify that anyway. So this dad's complaining that it's

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Speaker 2: okay for me because I'm a professional parent. What else

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Speaker 2: did he say about me?

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Speaker 3: You just said I have other problems and stresses every

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Speaker 3: day and simply don't have the energy for the family

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Speaker 3: when I get home.

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Speaker 2: Wow.

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Speaker 3: He also noted that his father never had the pressure

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Speaker 3: to be the perfect father. He was the bread winner

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Speaker 3: and his wife did the rest. He has often said

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Speaker 3: to me, I'm expected to do it all, earn all

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Speaker 3: the money, plus be the ideal family man. This causes

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Speaker 3: resentment on both sides. The resentment leads to him being

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Speaker 3: more and more disengaged, making the divide wider.

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Speaker 2: Wow. Well, I reckon if you're living in a relationship

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Speaker 2: where any of those kinds of feelings are there, or

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Speaker 2: even if you just want to be stronger in your relationship.

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Speaker 2: Are Better Together workshop next Saturday during the nineteenth will

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Speaker 2: be exactly what you're looking for. What are you going

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Speaker 2: to talk about? What do you think is one of

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Speaker 2: the most important things that might even be helpful for

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Speaker 2: this particular emailer podcasts at happy families dot com dot

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Speaker 2: I you to hear that we're going to cover off

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Speaker 2: in a lot more detail next Saturday.

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Speaker 3: Well, I've got a few things that I would suggest,

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Speaker 3: But when I read this email, this is us.

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Speaker 2: Well, I think this is most couples. I don't think

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Speaker 2: that people are living particularly unique lives. There's pressure, there's stress,

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Speaker 2: there's business or job issues, there's personal preferences for how

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Speaker 2: we spend our leisure time. I agree with you, it's

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Speaker 2: us and it's everyone.

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Speaker 3: And I think one of the things that has made

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Speaker 3: so much difference to our relationship is that every day

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Speaker 3: we choose each other.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, we do every single day, and without overdisclosing, we've

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Speaker 2: got a few different things that we say to each

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Speaker 2: other every day to highlight the fact that that is

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Speaker 2: the choice that we've made. We really want to emphasize that.

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Speaker 2: Something else that we're going to talk about in Better

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Speaker 2: Together next Saturday is just the power of gratitude. Looking

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Speaker 2: for opportunities, literally, looking for opportunities to say thank you

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Speaker 2: in the same way or in different ways every single day.

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Speaker 2: Expressions of appreciation mean that we're considering the other person

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Speaker 2: and recognizing what they do so that we can have

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Speaker 2: what we have. There's nothing more ugly than somebody who's entitled,

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Speaker 2: somebody who thinks, well, because I do this, you are

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Speaker 2: expected to do that. We need to move beyond that

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Speaker 2: and appreciate one another, not expect things from one another.

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Speaker 2: And there's so much research that shows what a powerful

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Speaker 2: impact gratitude can have on a relationship.

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Speaker 3: I think the reality is that none of us are

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Speaker 3: expecting a perfect spouse. But we want to feel like

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Speaker 3: we're part of a team.

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Speaker 2: Yeah we want connection. Yeah yeah, to be seen, heard

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Speaker 2: and valued. We talk about that all the time. So

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Speaker 2: Better Together will help to answer the questions that have

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Speaker 2: been raised via that person's email. Podcasts. By the way,

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Speaker 2: podcasts at Happy Families dot com do au if you

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Speaker 2: want to get in touch with us, and we would

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Speaker 2: love to see you in our Better Together workshop on Saturday,

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Speaker 2: June nineteen. Only fifty couples are going to be in

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Speaker 2: because we want it to be interactive. We want to

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Speaker 2: be able to spend time with you and we want

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Speaker 2: to give you the opportunity to work through stuff and

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Speaker 2: ask us questions. You can get all the details at

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Speaker 2: happy families dot com dot au. What's the takeo message

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Speaker 2: from our podcast today, Kylie? About being better together or

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Speaker 2: about looking after ourselves?

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Speaker 3: Stay off the roof. That's the take home message, the whole.

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Speaker 2: Thing you got out off the roof, because you're going

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Speaker 2: to be better together if you stay off the roof.

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Speaker 3: Yes, I need you to come home to me every night.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm grateful to you say that, and I really

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Speaker 2: appreciate you expressing how committed you are to choose me.

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Speaker 2: That's really nice to hear. The Happy Families podcast is

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Speaker 2: produced by Justin Ruland from Bridge Media. We really appreciate

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Speaker 2: Craig Bruce, our executive producer, and the ideas and the

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Speaker 2: way that he helps us to shape and mold the podcast.

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Speaker 2: If you would like more information about making your family happier,

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Speaker 2: and especially if you'd like more and fo about getting

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Speaker 2: involved in Better Together, our webinar that is selling out fast.

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Speaker 2: You can join us for the workshop on the nineteenth

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Speaker 2: of June. Everything you need to know is at Happy

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Speaker 2: families dot com dot a U. Just click on the

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Speaker 2: shop