Speaker 1: I'm always always.
Speaker 2: Be careful.
Speaker 3: Love those umboo.
Speaker 1: Let We'll use your head. They will tear you lack
Speaker 1: a purple talk.
Speaker 2: Oh no, no no, yeah, yeah yeah yeah, oh no
Speaker 2: no no. Hi, I'm Amanda and I'm Rumby.
Speaker 1: Welcome to its lay it.
Speaker 2: We're in a long distance friendship that started over twenty
Speaker 2: years ago when we were in high school.
Speaker 4: We'll be talking about all things life, love, family, anything
Speaker 4: and everything else under the sun.
Speaker 2: Delve deeper with us because in life, you know.
Speaker 1: My layers. Oh no, no, no, yeah, yeah yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Oh no, no, no, welcome everybody. Welcome to season what Amanda?
Speaker 1: Or season start? Oh my lord, I know, Like where
Speaker 1: have the seasons come and gone?
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're halfway to ten. Yeah that's crazy. I don't
Speaker 2: know if we'll make it to ten guys, But to
Speaker 2: be fair, like this is insane that we're in.
Speaker 1: Five of as a milestone. Five is a milestone?
Speaker 2: Did you did you think we would get to like
Speaker 2: season five?
Speaker 4: Like when we start a girl, I was still surprised
Speaker 4: in season one, so I'm still stuck there, like where
Speaker 4: did we get to five seasons and a special?
Speaker 1: Like it's just insane.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah. So I mean, we've been gone
Speaker 2: a while. It's not like it's been a minute. What's
Speaker 2: been happening in your life the way I would like
Speaker 2: to make it seem like things happened, But now thinks
Speaker 2: I've just been life taking a day at a time.
Speaker 2: They say a day at a time positivity.
Speaker 4: I mean, obviously I'm back at work now I'm trying
Speaker 4: to leave is a distant memory. So that's pro of
Speaker 4: the biggest change I've been trying to go from staying
Speaker 4: home mom to work full time work mom.
Speaker 2: Yeah, how was that adjustment? Right?
Speaker 4: Like, can we take a moment of silence for all
Speaker 4: our queens out there who are balancing this thing? Like
Speaker 4: someone asked me the other day, they were like, you
Speaker 4: love Jerome, He's amazing, But do you regret, like I said,
Speaker 4: you know, like yeah, I think and yeah, in some
Speaker 4: of those moments, I'm like, you really should think this trip.
Speaker 2: Before you before. And that's why I think our parents
Speaker 2: get pissed when we piss them off, because they're like, yeah,
Speaker 2: this child all the second time, I don't sacrifice everything
Speaker 2: that don't done for you, and you want to piss me.
Speaker 1: Off, Like I mean, I feel like that with a
Speaker 1: one year old.
Speaker 4: So now I can imagine if you're thirteen, fourteen, fifteen,
Speaker 4: giving me.
Speaker 2: Attitude, giving me attitude, being like I don't want to.
Speaker 4: I absolutely love being a mom, but there's sometimes when
Speaker 4: I'm like, this is truly the ghetto.
Speaker 2: The ghetto, which reminds me. You were actually on Pumi's podcast,
Speaker 2: My Love Good podcast, So if you haven't checked that out,
Speaker 2: I love check out Amanda chatting to Money about motherhood
Speaker 2: and everything that happens, and also check out Boomy's podcast.
Speaker 2: If your mom having a mom going through motherhood. You
Speaker 2: are not alone, so not alone.
Speaker 1: Note what have you been up to?
Speaker 2: Oh girl, I've been lifing like life has been living.
Speaker 2: As you see I cut my horror that.
Speaker 1: I guess you look gorgeous.
Speaker 4: Guys, yeah, not everyone has their head for a short look.
Speaker 4: You look amazing, your check, your cheek.
Speaker 2: I mean if I honestly, I didn't know. When I
Speaker 2: was in the chair, I was just like I wanted off,
Speaker 2: and then when I was sitting in the chair getting
Speaker 2: it cut, I was like, you know, I never thought
Speaker 2: about what if it doesn't work out?
Speaker 4: You know, Yeah, I don't want to make this a
Speaker 4: therapy moment, but what brought you to that decision.
Speaker 1: You know what I mean? I want to act like
Speaker 1: you can act like blass, but we're not hair and
Speaker 1: it's about hair.
Speaker 4: Yeah, episode a couple of seasons ago. But hair is
Speaker 4: such a culture as women and our gender. So what
Speaker 4: made you cut your hair?
Speaker 1: I think?
Speaker 2: I you know, I've been blessed to have good hair
Speaker 2: and knock on wood all my life and people were like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: so beautiful. You have such beautiful hair. And anytime I
Speaker 2: wanted to change my hair, it was often like, don't
Speaker 2: do that. So when I was younger, I was like, okay,
Speaker 2: I wanted to put color in my hair. And then
Speaker 2: my mom rightfully so because you don't know how much
Speaker 2: damage you'll do, she was like, oh, I don't think
Speaker 2: that's a good idea. We went to a boarding school
Speaker 2: where there were restrictions on our head, and then of
Speaker 2: course I joined the natural hair movement as I got older,
Speaker 2: and I was like, your hair.
Speaker 1: Is so beautiful.
Speaker 2: You have such a big afro, like you can don't
Speaker 2: cut it. Don't cut it, and so I didn't, and
Speaker 2: then I changed it to locks before I moved here
Speaker 2: for maintenance ease of my feet. But I got tired,
Speaker 2: Like I got tired of the logs, and they were great,
Speaker 2: they served their time and their purpose. But I just
Speaker 2: was like, what if I just cut my hair without
Speaker 2: asking anyone's permission, without doing it for anyone else, but
Speaker 2: just doing it for me as I want to.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was a big Remember you were saying that
Speaker 4: it was a style I remember obviously when you spoke
Speaker 4: about this apart from the podcast, you were saying it
Speaker 4: was a style you've never had done as well, like
Speaker 4: having your hair this short, having your hair running shower,
Speaker 4: stepping in the shower. I'm feeling it on your scalp.
Speaker 4: You know, it's absolutely because I's liberating.
Speaker 2: It's very liberating. When I started my locks, I thought
Speaker 2: I would like start short hair, but the timeframe wasn't
Speaker 2: long enough for me to do that. Yeah, so I
Speaker 2: just was like start afresh and then like I can
Speaker 2: decide what I want to do. So, yeah, I've cut
Speaker 2: it short. Now I'll see like if I'll keep it
Speaker 2: short or if I'll start growing it out. But definitely
Speaker 2: the best decision, especially in the summer. You just dive
Speaker 2: in the water like it's been great on holiday, just
Speaker 2: don't even think of twice and you wash your hair.
Speaker 2: You could just step in the shower full head, not
Speaker 2: you know, the dodging as black women, or the shower cap.
Speaker 1: Or the shower even.
Speaker 2: Dodging.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, So you know those rainwater shower hair
Speaker 1: you like, they look nice yesthetically, but yeah, I'll be
Speaker 1: breaking my neck.
Speaker 2: Break your neck. Come on, break your neck, come on.
Speaker 4: Try to what's been the feedback from the male gaze,
Speaker 4: like in terms of having short hair.
Speaker 2: So quite interesting. My barber, one of his colleagues, was like,
Speaker 2: I think he didn't. He retouched my locks a while
Speaker 2: ago prior and then he was like, oh, I see
Speaker 2: you cut your hair, and he was like, you know,
Speaker 2: the locks are nice, but this really suits you. It
Speaker 2: really does. Same with my husband. Initially he was like,
Speaker 2: don't cut your hair, baby, don't cut and then now
Speaker 2: he loves and he's like, I love it. You can
Speaker 2: keep it like this. Then. Of course some people have
Speaker 2: the idea of oh, dark black girl cuts her hair.
Speaker 2: Of course white men like that, and so on and
Speaker 2: so forth. But it's been interesting some people. Someone was like,
Speaker 2: you look like a singer or some musician or some
Speaker 2: you know, I guess it's a very distinct look. So
Speaker 2: I think people are kind of like, you have to
Speaker 2: be someone quote unquote special or to be able.
Speaker 1: To pull it off, to carry the look. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: have to carry the look.
Speaker 2: But I explained to people, especially hear my white counterparts,
Speaker 2: that back home, it's normal to see women with short hair,
Speaker 2: long hair hair with like we don't think because here
Speaker 2: they don't people who cut their hair really short. It's
Speaker 2: like a statement or rebellion or you know, kind of
Speaker 2: out of necessity, sometimes through things like cancer. But for us,
Speaker 2: it's like a choice. So I think that's been interesting
Speaker 2: to to educate them on. I've been challenged also, like
Speaker 2: conversations with some actually some friends of mine who are like,
Speaker 2: how do you feel about your femininity? So they're part
Speaker 2: of the LGBTQ community, and spoke about their own perception
Speaker 2: of having shorter hair, and like how that they they
Speaker 2: perceived perceive you've done kind of like, okay, doesn't make
Speaker 2: me seem more masculine or feminine, I feel like, and
Speaker 2: they felt that they needed to have long hair to
Speaker 2: be more sort of like in their truth. And I
Speaker 2: was like, you know what, it's quite true. Like sometimes
Speaker 2: people are like, oh, you know, why don't you wear earrings.
Speaker 2: I've been told many times you should wear ear rings,
Speaker 2: or like some days I don't want to put on
Speaker 2: makeup and makeup, Oh then do I look like a boy?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's always been the language, right, Like if you
Speaker 4: have short hair, then you have to do everything else.
Speaker 1: You have to have nice eyebrows, nice makeup because people
Speaker 1: really then look at your your face.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, So it's been it's been a lot of
Speaker 2: like me being like it's okay, or just being like,
Speaker 2: what would I do on an average And on an
Speaker 2: average day, I probably would do my eyebrows an eyeliner
Speaker 2: and then I can do that or maybe a lip
Speaker 2: and I can do that still, but seeing myself in
Speaker 2: the mirror and seeing my face, I feel like I've
Speaker 2: seen myself truly in a weird way for the first time,
Speaker 2: like really having like it you and your face, only
Speaker 2: you're not hiding behind anything. So it's been yeah, yeah, Well,
Speaker 2: we're so glad to be back for this season. And
Speaker 2: we thought we'd actually just touched on Actually we spoke
Speaker 2: a little bit about friendship, but talk about a topic
Speaker 2: that was proposed to us by a listener, And what's
Speaker 2: that Amanda tell us a.
Speaker 4: Little more platonic friendships.
Speaker 2: Okay, And what's the diffinition of platonic because it sounds
Speaker 2: like a big word. It's like, it sounds like.
Speaker 4: Sounds like you know, well, I guess it's and I
Speaker 4: guess it's going to be told through a heterosexual female lens,
Speaker 4: because it's like that friendship that you would have with
Speaker 4: the opposite sex, and this isn't our case would be male. Yeah,
Speaker 4: that's got nothing to do with any flirty business, any
Speaker 4: I want you business. Literally, it's two friends. It so
Speaker 4: happens to be we're opposite genders. Yes, that's the definition
Speaker 4: of platonic to me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, what about you? I agree. I think if
Speaker 2: anyone has watched on Netflix Survival of the Thickest, we
Speaker 2: see Mavis and her friend she has a platonic friendship.
Speaker 2: And even I listened to an interview subsequently of them
Speaker 2: talking about the show and how she was told by people, Oh,
Speaker 2: they're going to sleep together, and she's like, it's a
Speaker 2: platonic friendship, Like.
Speaker 1: Why do they have to Yeah, that does he have
Speaker 1: to be gay?
Speaker 4: Because that's the whole thing with a gay best friend
Speaker 4: came from that exactly.
Speaker 2: So yeah, I think it's really having a mutual respect
Speaker 2: for each other and understanding that you're in each other's
Speaker 2: lives to hold each other up, I guess, and support
Speaker 2: each other in a way that is just a friendship
Speaker 2: with no sort of no strings, no strings essentially, you're
Speaker 2: not trying to hop into each other's pants. To put
Speaker 2: it bluntly, Do.
Speaker 1: You have more girlfriends than guy friends?
Speaker 2: I think so. I think I definitely have like a
Speaker 2: squad of girlfriends that serve different purposes, and I think
Speaker 2: that's the whole point of friendship. You have friends who
Speaker 2: do different things. So I think that's why people have
Speaker 2: platonic friendship, because a male perspective, you know, can give
Speaker 2: you a different you know what I mean, give you.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: Do you think it was like in why like do
Speaker 4: you think why more girls and boys that just so
Speaker 4: happened to work?
Speaker 2: Because I went to boarding school and you know, we
Speaker 2: used to live like ladies all the time. I think
Speaker 2: I've just always had an easier relationship with women compared
Speaker 2: to men. And we've spoken about, you know, our history
Speaker 2: and background and all that. So I think it's just
Speaker 2: I feel I felt safe in relationship with women. I
Speaker 2: don't know, and you what's your dynamic bind like do
Speaker 2: you feel your girlfriends?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I definitely have more guy friends.
Speaker 4: I mean I'm someone who's sociable, So I suppose friends
Speaker 4: is a loose word right when it comes to like
Speaker 4: closer friends ride or dies. As they say, I probably
Speaker 4: have more male than female, and I think it's just
Speaker 4: again I suppose opposite of you. I felt also more
Speaker 4: secure with males. I have all brothers, so I guess
Speaker 4: I never didn't have a sister, So I guess it's
Speaker 4: like you just grow up with that energy, like that
Speaker 4: male masculine energy, and that's what I kind of relate to.
Speaker 1: So I suppose that.
Speaker 4: And that's why even my dad sent me to Peters
Speaker 4: because you was like it, brih, you need to be
Speaker 4: around the ladies, around the la. You can't be a
Speaker 4: tomboy your whole life. You can't be climbing pleas and
Speaker 4: getting you know, with these boys like and I guess
Speaker 4: also with boys there's a bit of competitiveness. I suppose
Speaker 4: you probably saw that in me, like that energy and
Speaker 4: you want to like level the playing fields. I'm really
Speaker 4: appreciative and I love That's why I loved going to
Speaker 4: my high school because I was really at a at
Speaker 4: a good time, I think to balance things and make
Speaker 4: me a bit of Yeah, yeah, I think it's just
Speaker 4: it's just it's so happened to be. I don't consciously
Speaker 4: look out for it, but I just find those are
Speaker 4: the energies. It's more like, and I suppose that you
Speaker 4: brought up the lgbt QI community, and it's more like,
Speaker 4: sometimes you can just fall in love with someone and
Speaker 4: not the genet doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: So for me, it so happened. It feels like it
Speaker 1: so happened. It wasn't on purpose.
Speaker 2: I get you, I get you. That makes sense. Do
Speaker 2: you believe? So? The ultimate question that everyone always asks
Speaker 2: is do you believe that male and females can just
Speaker 2: be friends? Is it possible?
Speaker 1: Well, I guess, given mind your case, I have to
Speaker 1: say I think yes.
Speaker 2: Do you think? But I think do you think lines
Speaker 2: ever get like you have to go through a period
Speaker 2: of flurred lines, like or different.
Speaker 1: I was just about to say, I think yes if
Speaker 1: it started that way.
Speaker 4: Do you know what I mean that you know, you
Speaker 4: meet someone and you're like you almost like box them immediately,
Speaker 4: like yeah, you know, he my brother here, my brother here,
Speaker 4: he my real dog, like you don't even think of
Speaker 4: them that way. I've had a few situations which you'll
Speaker 4: get into later on in the episode. Obviously, when you
Speaker 4: meet someone and you are physically attracted to them and
Speaker 4: then you end up being friends. So then maybe those
Speaker 4: ones you can't just be friends. But there's some people
Speaker 4: you meet and you're not or like your play cousins, right,
Speaker 4: and we have this a modern especially if you go
Speaker 4: to the same church, or if you grow up in
Speaker 4: the same road, go to the same junior school, where
Speaker 4: you're like, Brah, I've seen you like in your diapers,
Speaker 4: like I've seen you doing everything, Like I don't look
Speaker 4: at you attractive, so yeah, yeah, like someone else, I
Speaker 4: think you're fly, but I certainly don't.
Speaker 2: Like Yeah, it's like that.
Speaker 1: So it just depends where the root of the friendship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: what do you think I think it's.
Speaker 2: It's I really think it's an individual thing because I
Speaker 2: don't think there's such a blanket thing of saying like
Speaker 2: everyone can be friends like male and female and it
Speaker 2: just be platonic or they can't. And I think, especially
Speaker 2: coming from a religious upbringing, it was very much like
Speaker 2: you can't be friends or like, once you're married, you
Speaker 2: cannot have male friends, do you know what I mean? Like, yeah,
Speaker 2: definitely depends on how you So I come from that history.
Speaker 2: A lot of the time, I've been fortunate to gain
Speaker 2: male friends along the way in terms of being able
Speaker 2: to not even consider certain do you get what I mean?
Speaker 2: I find though, I'm very conscious and also very respectful,
Speaker 2: So I always like, especially if they have a partner
Speaker 2: or a wife or something, I'm very conscious to also
Speaker 2: be like greetings to you know you do you understand
Speaker 2: what I'm saying? Like I do. I think that's a
Speaker 2: little bit of that kind of thing, like make sure
Speaker 2: you make sure the line is separate. But the line
Speaker 2: was separate anyway, but like very conscious to be like,
Speaker 2: oh say hi to x x Y your wife or
Speaker 2: you know, type of things.
Speaker 1: It's okay.
Speaker 2: The influence I was just thinking about it, like how
Speaker 2: that has influenced how I engage or talk to you know,
Speaker 2: certain certain friends. Yeah it's crazy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 4: Have you ever crossed the line with any of your
Speaker 4: guy friends feelings, actions, or you made the first move?
Speaker 2: No, I don't think so, No, not no, No, I
Speaker 2: mean I have made extensive but I'm like, I don't yeah, no, no.
Speaker 4: Like, well, child, given our romantic life in high school,
Speaker 4: I don't think this is a yeah, it's not really applicable.
Speaker 2: I don't think yeah, yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 3: Maybe for you, like you can go back to our
Speaker 3: dating episode, yeah, or non dating life exactly.
Speaker 2: I think in some regard, like there could have been
Speaker 2: a bit of like hmm, what could or could not
Speaker 2: be there, but in the end it was not there.
Speaker 2: That's what I was saying, like going through a stage
Speaker 2: of like what like you're saying, like depends how you
Speaker 2: meet and then what context and kind of like oh
Speaker 2: could this or could and then I friend zone was
Speaker 2: a big thing. I just friend zoned a lot of people.
Speaker 2: Apparently I was wrong to friend zone a lot of
Speaker 2: people in high school, to be fair, but I just
Speaker 2: read it as that and then I kept pushing if
Speaker 2: that makes sense.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I think I think, yeah, I'm
Speaker 4: similar to you, Like before the line could even be crossed,
Speaker 4: the friend zone was in my zone my phone. Yeah,
Speaker 4: so like I didn't probably get the chance of opportunity
Speaker 4: to really cross the line because yeah, because it wasn't
Speaker 4: presented that way.
Speaker 1: It was just like oh yeah, we're just homies.
Speaker 2: Yes about another girl or you see that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, And the thing is with them barbweans especially naturally
Speaker 4: as the people were very witty, we're very joky, so
Speaker 4: like I'm charming.
Speaker 1: So then like when someone's.
Speaker 4: Flirting what people would call flirting, you just like it's
Speaker 4: just joking, you know, you don't take it like they
Speaker 4: have to be very blatant. Yeah exactly, and oh okay,
Speaker 4: and you.
Speaker 2: Know clear unless it's like you're for this person and
Speaker 2: you're left in this gray.
Speaker 1: So I never really and I think I'm one of
Speaker 1: those people.
Speaker 4: I would I'm very like decisive about my feelings about someone,
Speaker 4: so like I think I wouldn't really even allow myself
Speaker 4: because I'm just like, no.
Speaker 1: We're friends, you know.
Speaker 4: So then it's like, even if you found them attractive,
Speaker 4: it would have to they would have to follow through
Speaker 4: with the action that if they don't, then it's like, oh, yes,
Speaker 4: I think that's.
Speaker 2: Just that's so true. It's like, if you're not gonna
Speaker 2: make any move or anything for me, I'm like, I'm
Speaker 2: not trying to also ruin the friendship that has developed
Speaker 2: and also not just be out there like put because
Speaker 2: we didn't grow up in the era of like put
Speaker 2: yourself out there that was this is a very modern
Speaker 2: I make it sound like we're but you know it's
Speaker 2: a very modern also a society. It's like you don't
Speaker 2: put yourself out there and say, ao, I be feeling
Speaker 2: you or I not be feeling you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 4: What do you find you appreciate the most about your
Speaker 4: friendships with the opposite sex?
Speaker 1: Though?
Speaker 2: It's easy. It's like so easy, no hard feelings. You
Speaker 2: can just jokey, jokey joke, No, you pick your left
Speaker 2: off like I have read, like I won't talk to
Speaker 2: them like in or whatever. But then like we just
Speaker 2: keep it moving. And yeah, it's like not complicated, it's
Speaker 2: just like honest no bs no, because I think guys,
Speaker 2: I'm obviously talking about heterosexual men don't sweach too much
Speaker 2: the nitty gritty, so it's like stuff. But then that
Speaker 2: time when you didn't add a smiley face, it yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: like goes over their heads. Yeah yeah, it goes absolutely.
Speaker 2: So I think it's easy and I think it's a
Speaker 2: good perspective. It gives a good perspective on how the
Speaker 2: other half sees the world. And yeah, I feel like
Speaker 2: it's very genuine too. They support you. There's no like
Speaker 2: I support you, but I'm see I'm jealous.
Speaker 1: Yeah I'm also competing with you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, none of that. It's just like simple I don't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think so too.
Speaker 4: And I like in my friendships, especially the closer ones
Speaker 4: two brothers really because it's like it becomes a protective mode.
Speaker 4: This is a I'm protected like a sibling. I'm just
Speaker 4: as protective of them as they are of me. And
Speaker 4: I think I do like the pick it up where
Speaker 4: you left off, especially now as a new mom when
Speaker 4: time is really poor. It's sad that right now in
Speaker 4: my life, I just don't have enough to give to everyone,
Speaker 4: you know. So it's like and including myself. So it's like, okay,
Speaker 4: I need friendships that are easy as you said, that
Speaker 4: are pick up where you left off, that are what's
Speaker 4: going on and you just carry on.
Speaker 1: It's not like, oh, you didn't come to my branch.
Speaker 4: Last week and there it's just like simple and easy
Speaker 4: and you know you do want to hang out, yes, no,
Speaker 4: And there's no like complicated language as well. It's just
Speaker 4: like yeah, I'm kind of it's kind of over an hour. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 4: do you want to watch the so car? Do you
Speaker 4: want to watch the It's not like it's doesn't come
Speaker 4: with the heaviness. I think that women we put upon
Speaker 4: ourselves the expectations I suppose that women put on friendships.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think too it balances you know, even
Speaker 2: as women we have feminine energy and masculine energy and
Speaker 2: like balance right in life. I don't know, like.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, and what it does give perspective when you're
Speaker 4: fighting with your hobby or something, You're like, Brah.
Speaker 1: Didn't they remind you how men think? You're like, oh yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: as girls, we encourage time.
Speaker 4: I will be like, ah, like what you're talking about,
Speaker 4: feminine masculine energy, we think the same.
Speaker 1: Then you're not going to find many.
Speaker 4: Girls who are going to give you a different perspective
Speaker 4: because they would act the same as you are.
Speaker 1: It's nice to have that person to be like, what
Speaker 1: do you think and see it in a different way?
Speaker 2: What do you appreciate least about male friendships?
Speaker 4: I think I think like you brought up partners. I
Speaker 4: think that's what I probably, which sounds like I'm women bashing,
Speaker 4: but like it's it's just me that delicate balance of
Speaker 4: I think, out of all the types of friendships, platonic
Speaker 4: friendships are misunderstood by those who don't have them.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 4: So if they don't have a real dog who's a
Speaker 4: male that they didn't meet sexually and want to be
Speaker 4: in their parts blah blah, then it's hard for them
Speaker 4: to appreciate that when they see that in their partner
Speaker 4: with another girl. Yes, yeah, for sure, you know, I
Speaker 4: find the the Then that becomes delicate because then it's
Speaker 4: like you have to first explain the whole philosophy behind
Speaker 4: platonic friendships.
Speaker 1: There's nothing here. I don't want your man. He doesn't
Speaker 1: want me think of me as a man as well.
Speaker 4: Pretty much i'm his boy, like you know, is that bad?
Speaker 4: Like he does not look at me he's sexually and
Speaker 4: not look at him, you know, And I don't look
Speaker 4: at him that way too. But because so it comes
Speaker 4: with a lot of like if I want to hang
Speaker 4: out with you room to check, I don't have to
Speaker 4: check in with Tom as much, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: But if I want to hang out with a male friend,
Speaker 4: I can't. As you said yourself, when you're like messaging
Speaker 4: your male friends you always say greetings to, but you
Speaker 4: wouldn't do that to me, essentially like a chat and
Speaker 4: you cannot say say hi to myself and that's fine,
Speaker 4: but with you, you're.
Speaker 1: Saying you consciously do it for lunch.
Speaker 4: So it's like, I think it's that because people don't
Speaker 4: understand it. So when you find true platonic friendships, you
Speaker 4: almost have to have people who also understand platonic friendship.
Speaker 2: But don't you think it's also media, right, because we
Speaker 2: watch all these promcorms where it's like, oh, we're just
Speaker 2: for it. I think there was recently I watched the
Speaker 2: one with Reese with a Spoon and Ashs on Netflix.
Speaker 2: It's not a great watch, but I mean, okay, but
Speaker 2: like literally that storyline of like they've been friends for
Speaker 2: like ages and if you think of movies like Love
Speaker 2: and Basketball, you know what I mean?
Speaker 4: And yeah, yeah, but do you say how in those,
Speaker 4: even Love and Basketball or the those, the root of
Speaker 4: how they met usually had some sort of sexual encounter
Speaker 4: and then it grew and then it's like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 4: let's circle back. But like true platonic you'll be like brah,
Speaker 4: I literally yeah want you.
Speaker 2: But by the way, we don't differentiate people just know
Speaker 2: as like it's the only way to go. It's true.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So it's like the language around it, the support
Speaker 4: system around them, because then a lot of times people
Speaker 4: will be like, by my wife is not comfortable. So
Speaker 4: that's that the friendship just and also men, as you said,
Speaker 4: they're very directing their communication so that when they say that,
Speaker 4: then what do you You can't be like fight for me,
Speaker 4: I'm your friend, like it's just like okay, And then
Speaker 4: the friendship the syntig you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: And like, so how would those how would you in
Speaker 2: that sense navigate a situation where you understand you and
Speaker 2: your friend, your male friend understand that it's plutonic maybe
Speaker 2: a partner partner doesn't necessary how to navigate that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, well give us.
Speaker 4: I think for me what's helped is also trying to
Speaker 4: befriend the partner, right, so I then not don't become
Speaker 4: just your friend, that become you know, both of your friends,
Speaker 4: you know, but then that you also have to have
Speaker 4: your allegiance because but when they argue, you have to
Speaker 4: know Markey, what has Basically I fox with you but
Speaker 4: not that much. Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, just like I
Speaker 4: hang with you but all right or that, yeah, I
Speaker 4: do for your husband. So it's like I think they
Speaker 4: have to get to know you.
Speaker 1: It does help that I'm in a relationship. Obviously. When
Speaker 1: I was a single woman, it was a whole.
Speaker 4: Thing because it was like especially single woman and going
Speaker 4: out because then if the boys are going out, like oh, come, let's.
Speaker 1: Go out, and then you're there the only girl there.
Speaker 1: It's just the optics with your bad.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I've actually been in situations where they were girlfriends.
Speaker 2: I was single at the time. Then the little boyfriends.
Speaker 2: I tried hanging with the girls.
Speaker 1: It was so hard for me.
Speaker 2: Like also, women were not very inclusive. Let's be honest.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's very much like you you can't click energy me.
Speaker 2: I was like, you know, I'm actually more homies with
Speaker 2: the dudes, like where you hang with you like, let
Speaker 2: me go hang with the dudes by the sand, you know. Yeah,
Speaker 2: then the girls get touched now and then now they
Speaker 2: so I'm like, if you're not welcoming, I don't know
Speaker 2: what you want me to do to just say, look
Speaker 2: like boo boo the fool when I.
Speaker 1: Have right and listen to your stories.
Speaker 2: Yeah, very tough, like when you when you have to
Speaker 2: kind of and be like, no, I'm not checking for them,
Speaker 2: but like also I prefer this conversation, but like calm down,
Speaker 2: but like you know.
Speaker 1: It's so sunny.
Speaker 4: You bring that up because that's such a typical Zimbabewe
Speaker 4: and set up like you go for a bride or
Speaker 4: you go for for.
Speaker 1: Those who don't know what a bride is, by season five,
Speaker 1: a barbecue.
Speaker 4: And then like you know, the men would be outside
Speaker 4: with the typically with the beers and with the with
Speaker 4: the meat, and the ladies are doing the sides in
Speaker 4: the kitchen and then you all congregate when the.
Speaker 1: Food is ready to eat. But it's like you're you
Speaker 1: walk in and you go to your separate way.
Speaker 4: So when you're not homies with the girls, it's like
Speaker 4: oh hiy, the never look at you up and down.
Speaker 4: Yeah that girl who's friends with money.
Speaker 2: Yeah absolutely, or like checking out what you're wearing. But
Speaker 2: even if you think about it from a family, because
Speaker 2: we likened friendship to like a brother, a cousin or ever,
Speaker 2: if I think of family events, sometimes I just want
Speaker 2: to hang out with my god cousins, Like it's right,
Speaker 2: do you understand?
Speaker 1: Like so if you think of it.
Speaker 2: In that context, it makes sense, but people don't always
Speaker 2: read it in the same language. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean to be fair.
Speaker 4: Also, when you go out with guys who are your friends,
Speaker 4: they can block you as well. It ain't gonna always
Speaker 4: be rosy because it looks like you must you're you're
Speaker 4: rolling five deep.
Speaker 3: You must have one of them. I don't know them,
Speaker 3: must be your man, you know so. But our guys
Speaker 3: good are they good guys?
Speaker 2: Good wingmen?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 1: No, are terrible. I tell you, came with the guy
Speaker 1: was the happliest guy in the club.
Speaker 4: We're good, we're good wing women for them, and they're
Speaker 4: horrible wingmen for.
Speaker 2: And then they get this protected big brother and relax.
Speaker 4: I want to want you help me enter and they're like,
Speaker 4: don't come and now give your don't wait, I must say.
Speaker 2: They get protected like that big brother energy, and you're like,
Speaker 2: what I signed up for?
Speaker 4: Like, actually, yeah, I found that the relationships with my
Speaker 4: friends male friends that have gone well with people I
Speaker 4: was dating, and people I dated were guys I met separately.
Speaker 1: Then I bought them into the fold meeting at the
Speaker 1: same time. And the guy and then my friends.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, no, no, like literally blocked one of us.
Speaker 2: Let's go, and you're like, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: That dude you never put his arm around you, like,
Speaker 1: you know, my guy's opting.
Speaker 2: So that's just warnering if you want paternally friendships and
Speaker 2: you single trying to you know, sometimes coup blocks like
Speaker 2: the interfere.
Speaker 1: With the plan.
Speaker 4: Meanwhile, we'd be working hard to waming for them, yes
Speaker 4: and being nice.
Speaker 1: And like, oh you look so pretty, Oh you look
Speaker 1: so pretty, Like yeah, have you met my hommie?
Speaker 2: Like, you know, my friend putting in a good word,
Speaker 2: and guys love, they love to be like he's putting
Speaker 2: a good word. Who's your homie? Can you er for me?
Speaker 1: Meanwhile?
Speaker 4: Mean block talking about that, Do you think it's okay
Speaker 4: for your partner to have lots of friends of the
Speaker 4: opposite sex?
Speaker 2: What lots of friends? It's all like subjective, right.
Speaker 4: Like yeah, I guess, I guess an amount that maybe
Speaker 4: you have, like more than when you would have whatever
Speaker 4: that whatever that would be, or like you know, you
Speaker 4: brought up may this spile of the thickest she obviously,
Speaker 4: but they were besties and then he then got into
Speaker 4: a relationship. Yeah, and she we didn't see her life
Speaker 4: but let's just say she didn't have any male nor friends. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and then she sees but my man and my new
Speaker 4: man has a bestie who's a female.
Speaker 1: Like that energy? What are you saying?
Speaker 2: I just it depends on what energy you're getting from
Speaker 2: that person, because sometimes people become protective of their friend, right,
Speaker 2: and it's kind of like who's in the relationship here
Speaker 2: like me, and then more like it gets tricky. I
Speaker 2: think I would like to say, if he did have
Speaker 2: a lot of more female friends, I would like to
Speaker 2: think that he still confides in me too. Like I
Speaker 2: think what hurts a lot of people is where it's
Speaker 2: like you go tell them everything and I'm just like
Speaker 2: on the I'm just your.
Speaker 1: Outskirts on the out periphery. But that happens with female
Speaker 1: female that's friendships.
Speaker 2: That's true.
Speaker 1: So we like doing a double standard.
Speaker 2: But it's a double standard because like men don't get
Speaker 2: certain things about a female friend. Like we laugh and
Speaker 2: joke about this, Like me, I'm always if anything happens
Speaker 2: black golden girls we live together, don't we'll find the house.
Speaker 1: I buy a house with you, Yeah.
Speaker 2: Exactly, Like because it's just like you understand the world
Speaker 2: differently and the things I share with you, most of
Speaker 2: the I share with my husband, you know, but his
Speaker 2: perspective sometimes just like I was looking for a bit
Speaker 2: more energy on this topic.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I can me dialve into Yeah, when they're.
Speaker 2: Not very practical, they just like, I mean, just don't
Speaker 2: talk to her, and you're like, yeah, but like it
Speaker 2: hurt me, you know what type of thing. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: So the space is different when it's a male friendship
Speaker 2: than a female one. So there's kind of that. And
Speaker 2: also like you know, if he makes your priority, that's dope,
Speaker 2: but when they're now don't make you a priority, then
Speaker 2: I don't know that that's yeah, I don't know how
Speaker 2: you see it.
Speaker 1: I think it's so.
Speaker 4: It depends its case by case for me, because it
Speaker 4: also depends if your man is up in the streets
Speaker 4: and you want to be chilling at home and then
Speaker 4: he goes out and he so happens to have a
Speaker 4: lot of female friends and they're getting drunk together and
Speaker 4: they're getting and we all know you do silly things
Speaker 4: when alcohol is involved.
Speaker 1: And if it's repeatedly, like every Friday.
Speaker 4: So it's like it just depends on the energy on
Speaker 4: the situations I tend luckily obviously with my husband attract
Speaker 4: men who don't have lots of girlfriends. I've never really
Speaker 4: had that one on one experience of it. But I
Speaker 4: also it also depends for me on the friends the
Speaker 4: girlfriend's intentions, you know, like if they think they're waiting
Speaker 4: in line, thinking I wait by the sidelines one day
Speaker 4: it'll be over with this chick, and you get that energy,
Speaker 4: then it be hard.
Speaker 1: But if they have pure.
Speaker 4: Stands for our friendship for love, then okay, then I
Speaker 4: actually feel like, okay, I got an inside man in
Speaker 4: a way, you know. So it really depends and and
Speaker 4: people think they're good at hiding these kinds of things,
Speaker 4: but we know, yeah, no, we know a girl who's
Speaker 4: after your man very and we not a girl who's just.
Speaker 1: There to be a friend. We know the difference.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so when you get the vibes, that's when the
Speaker 4: reactions they are differently For me for sure, Yeah.
Speaker 2: I have three one thousand percent like it. It's really
Speaker 2: so I think that's the thing. It's like, what does
Speaker 2: it mean? And and similar to you, you know, my
Speaker 2: husband doesn't have a lot of like female friends, like
Speaker 2: so I can't really say like, but I was just
Speaker 2: like befriend them, like you said, like hopefully they can
Speaker 2: hold enough space for us to be friends too, like
Speaker 2: to be in it. And so I'm so it's.
Speaker 1: Layered, young, it's a layered one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's totally lay Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I think, yeah,
Speaker 2: I think we touched on some of the benefit. What
Speaker 2: are the benefits of your partner having more girlfriends than.
Speaker 1: I guess you know what to give you child?
Speaker 2: That's true sometimes.
Speaker 4: Sure, if she's not a okay, we're assuming the friend
Speaker 4: is of sound mind, sound mine, and there's a stand
Speaker 4: of your laf Obviously she's like having, as I said,
Speaker 4: an inside man. So that would be good, even inside
Speaker 4: man to his thoughts because maybe coming from a fellow
Speaker 4: depends on how you say it. Obviously it might be
Speaker 4: nice to get out. Maybe he's thinking this in a
Speaker 4: gentle way, not not enough. He told me this, and
Speaker 4: he told me that, And that also then creates a
Speaker 4: divide because it's like, oh, he tells you all these things.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: For me, the drawbacks are what you said, like not
Speaker 4: having a community, sense of community, because boys don't really
Speaker 4: roll like that. They're more I mean, you have your
Speaker 4: group of friends, but it's not like the way it
Speaker 4: feels like ladies with branch or going to the spa,
Speaker 4: or we're very communal women and men are more like
Speaker 4: lone wolfish, you know. So I think for me, obviously,
Speaker 4: being a female, I do appreciate I also like having
Speaker 4: my girls around me and that support. Like things like
Speaker 4: planning a wedding or planning a baby with a male friend.
Speaker 2: They'll be like, you want me to go?
Speaker 4: What they'll be like and even just a mental load
Speaker 4: before the event, talking about a color scheme. They'll be
Speaker 4: like my guy Canada. This is obviously mainly a generalization
Speaker 4: on sexual men. They will be like, just choose. You know,
Speaker 4: you want to delve into.
Speaker 1: Salmon things, can equity, you know you want to go
Speaker 1: into all the things I think happen.
Speaker 2: When when the groom himself is just like you choose,
Speaker 2: I mean yeah, like b it's not yeah, it's not even.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so I feel like you need a balance.
Speaker 2: Yeah I can't imagine being colourways like I mean, okay, totally.
Speaker 1: Well, they'll be like what you got to be explaining everything.
Speaker 2: Unless they're into that, like unless they have that Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: we're generalizing you. Sorry, you don't get offended.
Speaker 4: But we're just saying, yeah, please don't get offended if
Speaker 4: you think you don't know what colourways? Do you think though,
Speaker 4: that platonic friendships also depend on personality type or your
Speaker 4: own experiences and therefore, like if you've had a friend
Speaker 4: that crossed the line with you, then that's why you're
Speaker 4: a bit suspicious of them, Like you know, do you
Speaker 4: think it's as a result of that how your platonic
Speaker 4: friendships go.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. I think everything we do is from experience and
Speaker 2: from how we've seen things happen in our lives. How
Speaker 2: we feel, do we feel safe, do we feel we
Speaker 2: can trust? Do we feel And I think I will
Speaker 2: say this, I think it's okay for people to realize
Speaker 2: it's okay if platonic friendships are not for you. Just
Speaker 2: like I don't know how to explain it, like it's
Speaker 2: it's it doesn't mean you're less of a woman. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but I think people feel like, oh, if I'm a
Speaker 2: balanced person, I need to have X Y. But I
Speaker 2: think everything is influenced from your upbringing. So if you
Speaker 2: feel safe, like I was saying, like, I just have
Speaker 2: always felt safer with women in terms of my inner
Speaker 2: intimate circle. But that's by virtue of my own personal experiences.
Speaker 2: I do think it definitely depends if you feel like
Speaker 2: you are able to engage just purely on the basis
Speaker 2: of like there's the homie and there's nothing there. I think,
Speaker 2: as Amanda already said, how you met, how you came
Speaker 2: to be friends and their levels to friendship. Hey, there's friendship.
Speaker 2: Like you know, we talk often and we unpack like
Speaker 2: life's meaning in this friendships of life, Brah, let's go,
Speaker 2: let's go, hang, let's go, you know, the common interest
Speaker 2: common So they're definitely different layers. What I will say though,
Speaker 2: where I kind of say it's questionable if you, as
Speaker 2: a female are not able to have female friends. That's
Speaker 2: how I feel.
Speaker 4: But like versa, if I met do you didn't have
Speaker 4: any male friends and all of them girls, I would also.
Speaker 2: Be That's why I think it's because it's it's it's
Speaker 2: it's it's kind of saying, how do you perceive even
Speaker 2: yourself in a way, And there's a whole we could
Speaker 2: go on a whole tangent of that, but in terms
Speaker 2: of platonic friendship, definitely personality type and what you want
Speaker 2: and what you need and sometimes you don't need that
Speaker 2: male perspective or maybe.
Speaker 4: And what's available to you, you know, like if you're
Speaker 4: not around a lot of people love a certain gender,
Speaker 4: male or female, then maybe that it's going to be
Speaker 4: as a product of you know.
Speaker 1: So it also defends the spaces you're occupying.
Speaker 2: For sure.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's such a I mean, friendships.
Speaker 4: Is always a late thing, and I think people always
Speaker 4: concentrate on romance so much, like even you know, you
Speaker 4: were talking about all these movies that I've come up
Speaker 4: rom coms, and but I feel like friendships are the
Speaker 4: things that sustain us from like when we were so young,
Speaker 4: when we're so old, and the journey of friendships, you know.
Speaker 1: So it's so funny, Like it's just.
Speaker 4: I guess we just want to do one for the
Speaker 4: Fellers to be like, Yeah, obviously we've talked about sisterhood
Speaker 4: a lot, and we're keen on this season to talk
Speaker 4: about sisterhood, but we're also like we do recognize there
Speaker 4: are some.
Speaker 1: Good men out there.
Speaker 4: We're also holding their sisters up, you know, and giving
Speaker 4: them support and giving them perspective and hopefully gaining the
Speaker 4: same back.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and I think that that's what makes good platonic friendships?
Speaker 2: Are you an ally? Are you supporting? Are you willing
Speaker 2: to learn? Are you you know? Those things? And we
Speaker 2: need it because sometimes when you say a woman to
Speaker 2: a man, like don't do that because it's disrespect me
Speaker 2: as a woman, or ever, they don't hear it, but
Speaker 2: hearing it from another day, like, oh, you shouldn't do
Speaker 2: that because like women, you know, do you understand what
Speaker 2: I'm saying? Like, yeah, definitely beneficial for standing in the gap,
Speaker 2: but yeah, I haven't you guys like enjoyed us kind
Speaker 2: of trying to break it down and you know, coming
Speaker 2: back to this podcast life, Yes, exactly. So what can
Speaker 2: we expect for season? I wan's say season two season.
Speaker 1: Girl, We're done done? Season two.
Speaker 4: Type of five I'm losing track can explain. We can
Speaker 4: expect a lot of celebration of black women, specifically black
Speaker 4: Zimbabwean women. Brimby and I both watch the Bobby movie
Speaker 4: and say what you want to say, but we were
Speaker 4: in our fields about you know, about sisterhood, fellow our
Speaker 4: fellow Bobby's out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know there was President Bobby, like.
Speaker 4: You know, so like it's just I love that it
Speaker 4: celebrates us, all those individuals and all our different ways,
Speaker 4: and this season we're really taking a moment. You know,
Speaker 4: even if you see our logos pink pink, Bobby Future pink,
Speaker 4: and it's like.
Speaker 1: Yays Era, just we don't get.
Speaker 4: It's such a layered gender and it's be beautiful that
Speaker 4: this season will get to spotlight our own thoughts on
Speaker 4: things as black women, but also spotlight some very exciting
Speaker 4: guests for our beautiful season.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. Yeah. Every time I hear buy, I want to
Speaker 2: say Bartie, but that's yeah, that's what's her name, Cardi.
Speaker 1: B Right's Cardi B I think Bobby.
Speaker 3: Ni.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's true, that's true. I do like the remix
Speaker 2: to Bobby Girl.
Speaker 1: No no, no, no, yeah I do. I do like
Speaker 1: it too.
Speaker 4: And even there's even that sad song with Billie Eilish like,
Speaker 4: yeah I heard it.
Speaker 1: What have I made for or something?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Anyway, what's that zim shower room bee for today?
Speaker 2: Well, actually thinking about women, but it's in your hood,
Speaker 2: somebody in your hood, your territory. Our shout out is
Speaker 2: routend or M. I actually don't know what the M
Speaker 2: stands for. She was on Master Chef of Australia and
Speaker 2: she won the Source Challenge. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: She had to have a source in like a in
Speaker 1: a grocery, a major grocery called Calls.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, nationwide Barbarus sauce. It was really cool that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know what, you know, as black people, we like flavor.
Speaker 2: So she's just like.
Speaker 1: She was like the name because like, I've been doing
Speaker 1: this since I started cooking, what do you mean?
Speaker 4: So yeah, it's nice to see a fellow and you know,
Speaker 4: just her journey obviously becoming and I think she was
Speaker 4: like if she was not in, she was in the
Speaker 4: top ten for sure.
Speaker 1: I remember at which point she got eliminated.
Speaker 4: But her, I mean, such a big consolation prize, right
Speaker 4: to have your source sold nationwide people.
Speaker 1: I bought like six bottles. I started gifting the people
Speaker 1: at work.
Speaker 2: Because I was like, yes, let them know. Let them know.
Speaker 4: So shout out to Route. Her instagram is at routendome
Speaker 4: no M.
Speaker 2: Yeah are you you e t N d O M.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think she calls us half rue like the kangaroo, yes.
Speaker 2: Because Australian people don't know how to ruh or you know,
Speaker 2: I get that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, So shout out to her. Yeah, well then, and.
Speaker 2: Thank you guys for joining us season five. I know
Speaker 2: some people are like when you're coming back back back
Speaker 2: as always, as I say it, like a bad rush.
Speaker 1: We don't like it, but we accept.
Speaker 2: Who don't stop me now? You can't help me now,
Speaker 2: but I won't start now sometimes Season five, y'all now,
Speaker 2: just yeah exactly. I just want my diddy energy.
Speaker 4: I wish I had that man, no question dances that
Speaker 4: didn't shake. You can hate me, but I won't stand
Speaker 4: up time.
Speaker 2: But like, but who're gonna tell him to stop?
Speaker 1: Gonna tell the We're gonna tell nobody exactly.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. As always, you can hit us up.
Speaker 2: We are on Instagram, it's layered on x It's layered
Speaker 2: pod on TikTok, It's laid pod. Email us, it's lead
Speaker 2: pod at gmail dot com. We love you guys. Thank
Speaker 2: you so much for always writing with us. They do
Speaker 2: need to die, but we keep writing. I'll see you
Speaker 2: guys on the next.
Speaker 1: Hope you enjoyed this season.
Speaker 2: Bye, yes bye no no no, yeah yeah yeah yeah