1 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:06,560 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the 2 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:09,560 Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers. 3 00:00:09,640 --> 00:00:12,360 Speaker 2: Now, So a goal is really something where if you 4 00:00:12,600 --> 00:00:14,880 Speaker 2: do it, you can tell that it's being done. 5 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:18,400 Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mom 6 00:00:18,440 --> 00:00:18,840 Speaker 1: and dad. 7 00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 2: Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson, the author of six 8 00:00:21,040 --> 00:00:23,599 Speaker 2: books about raising happy families. And I'm here with my 9 00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 2: wife Clive, you miss Happy Families, mum to our six daughters. 10 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,920 Speaker 3: You know, I don't know what it is really about 11 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:34,640 Speaker 3: the new year and this idea of setting goals and 12 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:35,920 Speaker 3: New Year's resolutions. 13 00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:39,479 Speaker 2: But fresh slate, clean slate, whatever it is, fire up 14 00:00:39,560 --> 00:00:40,239 Speaker 2: that that is. 15 00:00:40,760 --> 00:00:41,839 Speaker 4: Do you get excited by that? 16 00:00:41,920 --> 00:00:42,680 Speaker 5: I actually do. 17 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:45,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, And I sit down and I, you know, map 18 00:00:45,320 --> 00:00:46,040 Speaker 3: out how I want the. 19 00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,279 Speaker 4: Year to look in I'm going to be so much better. 20 00:00:48,720 --> 00:00:52,519 Speaker 5: So much better, And it does. It's literally like it is. 21 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:56,280 Speaker 3: It's this fresh page, and I get to decide what 22 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:56,760 Speaker 3: it looks like. 23 00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:57,920 Speaker 4: You've got a brand new calendar. 24 00:00:58,280 --> 00:00:59,240 Speaker 5: I do have a brand. 25 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:02,440 Speaker 3: New calendar and diary and I'm rearing and ready to go. 26 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 3: And so I've sat down and I've written down the 27 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:06,080 Speaker 3: things that i want to. 28 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:09,479 Speaker 5: Achieve this year. Awesome but the problem is that usually 29 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 5: what happens. 30 00:01:11,040 --> 00:01:14,200 Speaker 2: By Anuary the fourth. How are you going, by the way, 31 00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,000 Speaker 2: I mean, we're almost at the end of January. How 32 00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 2: are you going with your New Year's resolutions? 33 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:21,040 Speaker 5: I have kicked butt with a couple of them, and 34 00:01:21,120 --> 00:01:23,399 Speaker 5: I have completely missed the mark with some of them. 35 00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:23,679 Speaker 4: Wow. 36 00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:27,240 Speaker 2: Okay, so let's do this podcast about how we can 37 00:01:27,319 --> 00:01:30,040 Speaker 2: actually make our New Year's resolutions work. Let's talk about 38 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,560 Speaker 2: how we can have the psychological secrets to having the 39 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:33,240 Speaker 2: best year ever. 40 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:34,640 Speaker 5: That sounds awesome. 41 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:37,200 Speaker 3: I have got friends who love setting goals, and I've 42 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:38,880 Speaker 3: got friends that absolutely hate it. 43 00:01:39,680 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 5: I think the problem is understanding what a goal is. 44 00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 2: A goal is a form of self regulation that we 45 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:51,040 Speaker 2: adopt to achieve a specific outcome and ideally, So let 46 00:01:51,040 --> 00:01:53,000 Speaker 2: me go over that very carefully. First of all, goals 47 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 2: require self regulation because we're working towards something that we're 48 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,280 Speaker 2: currently not And that's why a lot of people don't 49 00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:58,720 Speaker 2: like goals, by the way, because if you're setting a goal, 50 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 2: it means I'm not enough as I am. I don't 51 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:02,280 Speaker 2: have a problem with that. I think we should always 52 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:04,680 Speaker 2: be reaching for more, trying to be better. I'm cool 53 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:10,440 Speaker 2: with that. But it's a specific aim that we're working towards. 54 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:11,799 Speaker 2: And this is where a lot of people fall down 55 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:14,079 Speaker 2: with the goals. So they say, I want to have 56 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:17,560 Speaker 2: a goal of being healthy, but there's nothing specific about 57 00:02:17,600 --> 00:02:20,320 Speaker 2: being healthy, like health exists on a continuum, so we 58 00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:22,120 Speaker 2: need to work out what it is to be healthy. 59 00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,840 Speaker 5: So I have a goal that I want to attend 60 00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:25,960 Speaker 5: the gym three times a week. 61 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 2: Okay, so that's really specific. That's absolutely specific, it's completely measurable. 62 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:33,600 Speaker 2: So a goal is really something where if you do it, 63 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,600 Speaker 2: you can tell that it's been done. 64 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:37,239 Speaker 5: So I have to wait till the end of the 65 00:02:37,320 --> 00:02:38,560 Speaker 5: year to say have achieved that goal. 66 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 2: Well, if you've said I want to achieve I want 67 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 2: to go to the gym every day, oh sorry, three 68 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:44,959 Speaker 2: times a week until the end of the year, then yes, 69 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:46,360 Speaker 2: you have to wait until the end of the year. 70 00:02:46,639 --> 00:02:48,280 Speaker 4: So it depends on the timeframe that you want to 71 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:48,560 Speaker 4: put on it. 72 00:02:48,600 --> 00:02:49,919 Speaker 2: Whereas if you say I want to set a goal 73 00:02:49,919 --> 00:02:52,720 Speaker 2: to be healthy, there's nothing specific about that. There's nothing 74 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,959 Speaker 2: time bound about it. There's nothing specifically measurable about it 75 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:59,280 Speaker 2: healthy in relation to what so a goal is saying 76 00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:02,720 Speaker 2: I'm going to regular my behavior towards a specific end 77 00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,440 Speaker 2: at a particular time. 78 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:06,320 Speaker 4: That's really what we're talking about with goals. 79 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:07,959 Speaker 2: So the goal, I'm going to go to the gym 80 00:03:08,000 --> 00:03:09,919 Speaker 2: three times a week, that's a goal. 81 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,920 Speaker 5: So I want to complete my certificate three. 82 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,880 Speaker 2: Ah, Yes, that's right, because today's the day. Today is 83 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:19,640 Speaker 2: the day heading off to tape for the first time 84 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:23,160 Speaker 2: in something a couple of decades. Yeah, so you want 85 00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,959 Speaker 2: to okay, and you'll have a time that's allocated. 86 00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:28,000 Speaker 3: You want to get it six month course, so I 87 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:29,680 Speaker 3: want to finish it in six months time. 88 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,560 Speaker 4: Right, So that's a specific goal. 89 00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:34,880 Speaker 2: It's measurable, you'll know when you've done it, and you've 90 00:03:34,880 --> 00:03:36,840 Speaker 2: got a time associated with it. 91 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:38,720 Speaker 4: Okay, So that's what a goal is. 92 00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:46,760 Speaker 3: So I want to do my morning devotional time. 93 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,200 Speaker 5: That's something that I struggle with. 94 00:03:48,280 --> 00:03:50,680 Speaker 3: I do it on and off, and sometimes I'm awesome 95 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:53,720 Speaker 3: at it and sometimes I'm not. So that includes my affirmations, 96 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:58,080 Speaker 3: includes you know, some self development reading, it. 97 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 4: Includes spiritual practice. 98 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:03,480 Speaker 2: And so what you're saying there is that a goal. Yes, 99 00:04:04,040 --> 00:04:06,160 Speaker 2: Well it could be or it might not be. So 100 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:07,400 Speaker 2: if you were to say, I want to set a 101 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 2: goal that I want to do this thing every single 102 00:04:10,760 --> 00:04:14,080 Speaker 2: day for the next three months, or the next twelve months, 103 00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,400 Speaker 2: or for the rest of my life. Then yes, that 104 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:19,440 Speaker 2: can be a goal, but it's kind of non specific. Yes, 105 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,280 Speaker 2: you can tell that you've done it. You either tick 106 00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:24,680 Speaker 2: the box or you don't. And yes, it is measurable 107 00:04:24,680 --> 00:04:28,320 Speaker 2: in that you've got that clear indication that it's either 108 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:31,000 Speaker 2: being completed or not. But it's not really time bound. 109 00:04:31,360 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 2: Because what we're really talking about here is there's an 110 00:04:34,240 --> 00:04:36,960 Speaker 2: intersection between goals and habits. So habits are something that 111 00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,640 Speaker 2: their behavior that we repeat automatically. We're in a certain 112 00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:43,880 Speaker 2: situation and we simply do something almost without thinking, in fact, 113 00:04:43,920 --> 00:04:46,359 Speaker 2: often without thinking because it's become a habit. 114 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:49,400 Speaker 5: So when we create new habits, they start off as goals. 115 00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:52,880 Speaker 2: Well sometimes sometimes they start off because we're not thinking 116 00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 2: about anything at all, and it just becomes our habitual 117 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:57,599 Speaker 2: way of responding. So let's say you've got the habit 118 00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:01,440 Speaker 2: of snapping every time you're part asks you to take 119 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:04,920 Speaker 2: the bin out, or getting cranky every time your partner 120 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:07,120 Speaker 2: leaves the towel on the floor in the bathroom. 121 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:08,359 Speaker 4: That just becomes a habit. 122 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,080 Speaker 2: You roll your eyes and say, oh, for goodness sakes, 123 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,159 Speaker 2: I can't believe they've done it again. And that's just 124 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 2: your habitual response, which compounds over time. So a goal 125 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,320 Speaker 2: has to be specifically chosen. A habit doesn't have to 126 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:22,960 Speaker 2: be specifically chosen. A habit's just what we do automatically. 127 00:05:23,120 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 2: But you can set a goal to create better habits. 128 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,159 Speaker 2: So have you got any habits that you want to 129 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:33,000 Speaker 2: kick off this year? Well, my routine, your routine, That 130 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,039 Speaker 2: morning routine is everything. 131 00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,560 Speaker 3: I really noticed that my day goes better when I 132 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,040 Speaker 3: spend that time on me the first thing in the morning. 133 00:05:39,520 --> 00:05:41,960 Speaker 3: But I often get caught up in the fact that 134 00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,039 Speaker 3: that's the best time for me to do the other 135 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:44,880 Speaker 3: things in my life. 136 00:05:44,960 --> 00:05:47,320 Speaker 4: Late mornings are the best. Yes, so many things that 137 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:49,719 Speaker 4: you want to get done more morning. That's right. 138 00:05:50,279 --> 00:05:52,880 Speaker 2: It's tricky, isn't it. And then, of course you've got goals. 139 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 2: So there's a handful of things that get in the 140 00:05:54,720 --> 00:05:58,680 Speaker 2: way of being successful with either our habits or our goals. 141 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:01,440 Speaker 2: Now that we know the difference between the two. There's 142 00:06:01,600 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 2: three Well, there's a whole lot of things, but I 143 00:06:03,360 --> 00:06:05,240 Speaker 2: reckon it's worth focusing on three things. 144 00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:07,080 Speaker 4: I actually talk to you twelve students about this. 145 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:11,320 Speaker 2: Three things that get in the way of achieving success 146 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,599 Speaker 2: in laying down effective habits and achieving goals. 147 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:15,479 Speaker 4: Let's talk about. 148 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,840 Speaker 2: Those three d's that devastate and destroy our habits and goals. 149 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:22,040 Speaker 1: Right after break, it's the Happy Families Podcast. 150 00:06:22,480 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 3: For a happier family, Try a Happy Families membership because 151 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,239 Speaker 3: a happy family doesn't just happen. 152 00:06:28,520 --> 00:06:31,600 Speaker 4: Details at happy families dot com dot au. 153 00:06:32,040 --> 00:06:34,680 Speaker 3: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time 154 00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 3: poor parent who just wants answers now. And we are 155 00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:39,280 Speaker 3: talking about how to create the best year ever. 156 00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:40,800 Speaker 4: Yeah, goals and habits. 157 00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:43,320 Speaker 2: And before the break, I was talking about three things 158 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,159 Speaker 2: that can really devastate our ability to achieve our goals 159 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:50,680 Speaker 2: and set up three three ds. So doubt. Doubt is 160 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:53,599 Speaker 2: the first one. Doubt what well, you've got a goal 161 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 2: to finish TAFE for example, you said you want to 162 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:58,600 Speaker 2: get that certificate three this year in Florestry. You've got 163 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:01,160 Speaker 2: six months to do it. But doubt is one of 164 00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,120 Speaker 2: the really big scary things. And a lot of people'll 165 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,320 Speaker 2: set a goal. They know exactly what it is that 166 00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:08,040 Speaker 2: they want to achieve. It's specific and you know when 167 00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:09,520 Speaker 2: you've got it done. They know it's got to be 168 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,400 Speaker 2: done by this time. But then doubt creeps in. I'm 169 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:14,760 Speaker 2: not good enough. I've done that one before, I've tried before, 170 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,640 Speaker 2: and it's just I'm not that good. Maybe it's a 171 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 2: goal to get your mornings right. Maybe it's a goal 172 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:21,160 Speaker 2: to stop yelling at the kids. It's always burted by 173 00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,120 Speaker 2: the way. To set your goals in the positive, not 174 00:07:23,160 --> 00:07:25,680 Speaker 2: the negative. So stop yelling at the kids. That's a negative. 175 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:27,560 Speaker 2: Don't set a goal to stop yelling. Set a goal 176 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:31,240 Speaker 2: to always be calm with the kids. But when we 177 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:35,400 Speaker 2: set these goals, we sometimes doubt. And you know the 178 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,280 Speaker 2: best way to overcome doubt, it's with another word starting 179 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:39,160 Speaker 2: with D of. 180 00:07:39,120 --> 00:07:40,960 Speaker 5: Course, it is because you love alliteration. 181 00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:43,640 Speaker 4: You've got to decide. Just decide. 182 00:07:44,160 --> 00:07:46,000 Speaker 2: It's like, oh should I sign up for the course, 183 00:07:46,120 --> 00:07:47,880 Speaker 2: or oh should I get my kids to do this, 184 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:52,160 Speaker 2: or just decide decision. There's so much power in just 185 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:54,760 Speaker 2: making a decision. Once you make the decision, once you 186 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:58,160 Speaker 2: hand over your credit card, you committed, and it's amazing 187 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:01,800 Speaker 2: what you achieve when you finally make that decision to commit. 188 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,360 Speaker 3: So doing this course is actually has been a really 189 00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:09,040 Speaker 3: big turning point for me because I have doubted my 190 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,320 Speaker 3: capacity to be able to do it in light of 191 00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:13,000 Speaker 3: everything else that needs to be done in my life. 192 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:14,840 Speaker 4: There you go, you're living into the psychology without even 193 00:08:14,920 --> 00:08:15,280 Speaker 4: knowing it. 194 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:18,440 Speaker 3: Yes, so I made a decision and I jumped on 195 00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:19,240 Speaker 3: the bandwagon. 196 00:08:19,440 --> 00:08:22,559 Speaker 2: Okay, So I mean we're talking about you here, honey, 197 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:26,000 Speaker 2: But I mean this is really applicable to any anyone 198 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:28,400 Speaker 2: in any situation. If you want to improve your life, 199 00:08:28,440 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 2: if you want to improve your family, you set a goal, 200 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,160 Speaker 2: but recognize that doubt will creep in. And the best 201 00:08:34,160 --> 00:08:35,880 Speaker 2: way to have come doubt is with a decision. 202 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:36,920 Speaker 4: Just commit. 203 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:39,920 Speaker 2: And by the way, if you do absolutely commit and 204 00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:43,280 Speaker 2: then you fail, pick yourself up and get on with 205 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:45,320 Speaker 2: it the next day. Don't fail two days in a row. 206 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 2: It's like that goal to exercise three times a week 207 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,079 Speaker 2: at the gym. If you miss and only get two 208 00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 2: this week, then make up for it next week. You 209 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:55,800 Speaker 2: don't have to do a fourth day. Just get back 210 00:08:55,800 --> 00:08:57,680 Speaker 2: on the horse and make sure you get three next week. 211 00:08:57,880 --> 00:09:01,320 Speaker 2: Don't fail multiple days multiple weeks in a row. So 212 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:04,440 Speaker 2: the second D is the d of distraction. Okay, the 213 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:05,800 Speaker 2: other thing that gets in the way of our habits 214 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:06,840 Speaker 2: and goals is distraction. 215 00:09:07,360 --> 00:09:09,160 Speaker 3: So this is a big one for me, especially we 216 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,080 Speaker 3: talked about the morning routine. 217 00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,880 Speaker 4: Is we have six kids for crying out loud and Netflix. 218 00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,360 Speaker 3: If I haven't been great the night before and the 219 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 3: house is a bit disarrayed, When I get up first 220 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,920 Speaker 3: thing in the morning and the house is calm, it's 221 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 3: the perfect time for me to get out quickly and 222 00:09:24,520 --> 00:09:28,680 Speaker 3: create order before the chaos walks out the bedroom doors. 223 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:30,479 Speaker 5: And so all of a sudden. 224 00:09:30,360 --> 00:09:32,839 Speaker 2: Bwelling our kids chaos before the chaos walks out of 225 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:33,439 Speaker 2: the bedroom. 226 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:34,800 Speaker 4: I can't believe you said that. 227 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:40,280 Speaker 3: Sorry, And so all of a sudden that becomes more 228 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:48,800 Speaker 3: important than what I actually know, creates you groundedness and 229 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:52,640 Speaker 3: the ability to kind of, you know, focus more intently 230 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:55,400 Speaker 3: on the things that are important by doing that morning routine. 231 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:58,160 Speaker 2: Well, in the same way that we overcome doubt with 232 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:03,040 Speaker 2: the decision, we overcome the lemma of distraction. I can't 233 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:05,599 Speaker 2: help myself with discipline. 234 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:08,160 Speaker 3: So you're saying I'm not disciplined if I decide that 235 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:10,720 Speaker 3: your dishes need to be done much first. 236 00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 2: Well, the dishes should have been done the night before, 237 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 2: let's face it. But yeah, it really comes down to 238 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,520 Speaker 2: discipline when you make that commitment when you make that decision, 239 00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:19,240 Speaker 2: you've got to be disciplined enough to stick with it. 240 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:20,719 Speaker 2: But there are things that you can do to make 241 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:24,200 Speaker 2: it easier to be disciplined. Okay, like what, well, let's 242 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:25,960 Speaker 2: say it's the gym. You make sure that you've got 243 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,200 Speaker 2: your gym clothes out, or you make sure that your 244 00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:28,760 Speaker 2: schedule is. 245 00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:30,880 Speaker 5: I get into my gym clothes, I'm. 246 00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:33,880 Speaker 2: Wearing them, or you make sure that you do everything 247 00:10:33,880 --> 00:10:35,840 Speaker 2: that you can to set yourself up to be successful, 248 00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:38,640 Speaker 2: because that requires less discipline. If you do the work 249 00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:43,200 Speaker 2: ahead of time and remove the friction, it's easier to 250 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:46,640 Speaker 2: step in and follow through to actually move towards that goal, 251 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:49,360 Speaker 2: towards that habit being completed. 252 00:10:49,600 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 5: So you know how much I hate having things on 253 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:52,720 Speaker 5: my bedside table. 254 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:53,480 Speaker 4: Yeah? 255 00:10:53,559 --> 00:10:56,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, that my bedside table is now stacked up with 256 00:10:56,559 --> 00:10:59,160 Speaker 3: the things that I would use for my morning routine. 257 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:02,360 Speaker 3: So literally open my eyes and they're. 258 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:03,240 Speaker 4: All right there. 259 00:11:03,520 --> 00:11:06,680 Speaker 2: So you've removed all friction. It's right in front of you. 260 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:08,000 Speaker 2: All you have to do a switch on the light, 261 00:11:08,120 --> 00:11:10,200 Speaker 2: reach out, pick up the first thing, and you're away. 262 00:11:10,600 --> 00:11:12,840 Speaker 2: And that's what I'm talking about, because the more you 263 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:15,440 Speaker 2: have to rely on discipline and willpower, the less likely 264 00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:17,280 Speaker 2: it is that you'll be successful because. 265 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:18,920 Speaker 3: Not to actually olse. What else I did that was 266 00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:21,520 Speaker 3: really cool? I brought this elastic band. I don't even 267 00:11:21,520 --> 00:11:23,760 Speaker 3: know what you call them, but it goes around all 268 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,920 Speaker 3: of my books and holds them all in one, keeps. 269 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:28,520 Speaker 4: Them neat and tidy. That's right. 270 00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:30,679 Speaker 2: But the idea here is you just don't want to 271 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:33,000 Speaker 2: rely on willpower if you can avoid it, because willpower 272 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:33,400 Speaker 2: is lousy. 273 00:11:33,400 --> 00:11:34,959 Speaker 4: You know, let's say you're trying to get off chocolate. 274 00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:37,079 Speaker 5: Let's not talk about chocolate. 275 00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:40,880 Speaker 2: Having it in the kitchen is really really you're relying 276 00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,960 Speaker 2: on willpower. You're going to fail at about three thirty 277 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,320 Speaker 2: in the afternoon or two thirty in the afternoon. But 278 00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:46,800 Speaker 2: if you don't have it there, you don't have to 279 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:47,560 Speaker 2: rely on willpower. 280 00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:48,839 Speaker 5: Are you in the kitchen at three thirty? 281 00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:52,120 Speaker 2: I'm just saying, Okay, So we've got two d's doubt 282 00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:53,160 Speaker 2: and distraction. 283 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:53,920 Speaker 5: You said there were three. 284 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:57,520 Speaker 2: You overcome them with, you know, such hard work. You 285 00:11:57,640 --> 00:12:01,600 Speaker 2: overcome them with decision and discipline. But I think that 286 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:04,280 Speaker 2: the third D is one of the most challenging ones, 287 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:05,719 Speaker 2: and that is when we're trying to set a new 288 00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:08,920 Speaker 2: goal or create new habits. We kind of get caught 289 00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:11,000 Speaker 2: up in the drudgery of it, like eventually it's just 290 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:14,720 Speaker 2: hard work. We're really inspired and motivated at the beginning, 291 00:12:15,240 --> 00:12:17,960 Speaker 2: and then we get to what some psychologists have called 292 00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:23,199 Speaker 2: the messy middle, where it's just plain hard work. Committed 293 00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,080 Speaker 2: to go to the gym three times a week for 294 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:25,960 Speaker 2: the rest of the year. 295 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,520 Speaker 4: I'll hang on. I've got eleven months to go. 296 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:30,120 Speaker 2: It was really inspiring for the first three days, but 297 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,480 Speaker 2: now my body hurts and I'm tired, and I've got 298 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,960 Speaker 2: a new course that I've signed up for, and my 299 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:38,439 Speaker 2: husband's sick, husband's traveling, kids were sick, They've got to 300 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:39,040 Speaker 2: get to school. 301 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:39,760 Speaker 4: How am I going to do it? 302 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,760 Speaker 2: It's all too hard, and we get into the messy 303 00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:45,880 Speaker 2: middle of it and it's just drudgery, simply challenging. And 304 00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:50,040 Speaker 2: so the way we overcome that is we really work 305 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,040 Speaker 2: on intentional deep work. 306 00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:53,600 Speaker 4: That's the answer. 307 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 2: You get really committed to it and you say, well, 308 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,800 Speaker 2: from this point to this point, I'm going to be 309 00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,320 Speaker 2: fully invested. I'm going to work deeply. This is where 310 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,680 Speaker 2: I'm going to spend my time, and that deep work, 311 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,840 Speaker 2: whether it's keeping the house clean, or whether it's doing 312 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:10,080 Speaker 2: the deep inner work of learning how to calm your 313 00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:13,240 Speaker 2: farm and keep your temper in check, or whether it's 314 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:17,880 Speaker 2: doing the deep work that's necessary to get to wherever 315 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:18,120 Speaker 2: it is. 316 00:13:18,559 --> 00:13:20,080 Speaker 4: It doesn't really matter what it is that you're trying 317 00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:20,360 Speaker 4: to do. 318 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:23,880 Speaker 2: It's that deep work, it's that discipline and that decision. Ultimately, 319 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,680 Speaker 2: it's the decision that gets you there towards those goals 320 00:13:26,679 --> 00:13:27,720 Speaker 2: to create those habits. 321 00:13:28,160 --> 00:13:29,000 Speaker 4: You're feeling inspired. 322 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:30,760 Speaker 5: Do you know what my word is? 323 00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:31,160 Speaker 3: This shift? 324 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:33,839 Speaker 4: Intention? Yeah? 325 00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:35,839 Speaker 5: You slipped that in there, didn't you? 326 00:13:35,880 --> 00:13:36,200 Speaker 4: I did? 327 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:36,839 Speaker 5: You did? 328 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:37,920 Speaker 4: Yeah? Because I'm good like that? 329 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:42,840 Speaker 5: No, I am. I'm feeling great. I think that number one. 330 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 3: Understanding what a goal is as opposed to a habit 331 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:48,360 Speaker 3: or a routine is really important. And now that I 332 00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:50,720 Speaker 3: have a really clear picture of what my goals are 333 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:54,240 Speaker 3: and what my habits are will really help moving forward. 334 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:54,960 Speaker 5: I'm excited. 335 00:13:55,080 --> 00:13:57,240 Speaker 2: Okay now, No, I know it's sort of like January 336 00:13:57,320 --> 00:13:58,800 Speaker 2: and some people have already given up on their goals, 337 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,960 Speaker 2: but it's not too late to start again. And just 338 00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:03,920 Speaker 2: you're never going to rise above your systems, your habits. 339 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 2: So it's one thing to set a goal, but if 340 00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:08,040 Speaker 2: you've got lousy habits underpinning the goal, you're never going 341 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:10,240 Speaker 2: to get there. You've got to create the habits, and 342 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:12,880 Speaker 2: that's really where the answer lies. 343 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:14,960 Speaker 4: So good luck, set some new goals. Create. 344 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:16,800 Speaker 2: By the way, don't have more than two or three goals. 345 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:18,520 Speaker 2: Your brain just can't hang on twenty more than that, 346 00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:19,840 Speaker 2: it's simply too much. 347 00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,960 Speaker 3: Thanks for that coaching session, honey, I'm going to have 348 00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:25,080 Speaker 3: an awesome there result of that. 349 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:25,760 Speaker 1: Well. 350 00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,000 Speaker 4: I hope you enjoyed the podcast. 351 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 2: If you do enjoy it, please visit Apple Podcasts and 352 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:30,760 Speaker 2: leave a rating and review. It's the reviews that help 353 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,320 Speaker 2: people to find the podcast and have happier families. The 354 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:36,480 Speaker 2: Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruhlan and our 355 00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,920 Speaker 2: executive producer is Craig Bruce. For more information about making 356 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:43,160 Speaker 2: your family flourish, visit happy families dot com dot au.