WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT: "My husband has been cheating on me for 5 years... do I stay?"

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<v Speaker 1>Hihart podcasts, hear more Kiss podcast playlist and listen live

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<v Speaker 1>on the Free iHeart app. Now, being that it is Thursday,

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<v Speaker 1>we have asked on cut, where you guys call up.

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<v Speaker 1>We answer your deepest, darkest burning questions and we do

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<v Speaker 1>our absolute best to answer them. Now, we've never had

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<v Speaker 1>a question quite like this one. We've got Gabrielle on

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<v Speaker 1>the line and she has just found out very recently

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<v Speaker 1>that her husband has been cheating on her or having

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<v Speaker 1>an affair. Gabrielle, Welcome to the show.

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<v Speaker 2>Hello, what's been going on?

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<v Speaker 3>How long have you been with your husband? And how

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<v Speaker 3>long have you found out he's cheating on you?

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<v Speaker 4>Okay, so we've been together relationship for twenty nine years, wow,

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<v Speaker 4>married three years, two kids, and apparently he has been

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<v Speaker 4>having an affair for five years.

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<v Speaker 5>How did you find that out? Well?

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<v Speaker 4>On story short, normally his phone has been attached to

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<v Speaker 4>him consistently. He happened to leave it in the kitchen

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<v Speaker 4>one night and I heard a ding go off, so

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<v Speaker 4>naturally I just picked it up, thinking nothing of it,

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<v Speaker 4>went to hand it to him and obviously discovered a

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<v Speaker 4>lovely naked woman on his phone.

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<v Speaker 5>Oh my god, Gabrielle. So, is it been a five

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<v Speaker 5>year affair with the same woman? Yes? Wow? How long

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<v Speaker 5>ago did you find out all this information?

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<v Speaker 4>Probably about four months ago.

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<v Speaker 1>So you're still probably really in the thick of all

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<v Speaker 1>of it. Have you made any decisions? Are you wanting

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<v Speaker 1>to stay? Are you unsure? Like what is happening for you?

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<v Speaker 4>Well, we are still living together, obviously. He claimed that

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<v Speaker 4>they haven't actually been intimate together, which is my burning question.

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<v Speaker 4>Do I believe that?

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<v Speaker 5>No?

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<v Speaker 4>And each morning I wake up, I guess and I

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<v Speaker 4>go I'd love to talk to her. Also, is that

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<v Speaker 4>the other question? I really have this craving to talk

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<v Speaker 4>to this woman, which is nautil strange.

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<v Speaker 2>No, that's not I don't think that's strange at all.

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<v Speaker 3>Like this is someone that has infiltrated your life directly

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<v Speaker 3>and indirectly for five years.

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, look, there are people who definitely have come

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<v Speaker 1>back from infidelity in relationships, but only if their partner

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<v Speaker 1>is really truthful and forthcoming about it all, Like if

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<v Speaker 1>you if you are actually feeling like, Okay, I know

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<v Speaker 1>I've got the information.

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<v Speaker 5>Now we can go to therapy together.

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<v Speaker 1>Things have changed, Like if there's no action in changing anything,

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<v Speaker 1>then you're just and you're left with so many unanswered questions.

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<v Speaker 1>And also when you are seeking answers to those questions,

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<v Speaker 1>if you're being shut down or you're not getting closure

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<v Speaker 1>or any of this, like you can't heal because you're

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<v Speaker 1>expected to just believe what's being told to you from

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<v Speaker 1>the person who's been lying to you for five years

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<v Speaker 1>about something correct.

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<v Speaker 5>So is he still talking to her? Has he blocked her? Like?

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<v Speaker 5>How is how where are things at now?

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<v Speaker 4>Well, apparently it's all been blocked. We haven't heard from

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<v Speaker 4>her obviously. I think that the wall that blocks me

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<v Speaker 4>now is he does still get quite defensive if you

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<v Speaker 4>go to ask a question or talk about it and

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<v Speaker 4>sort of says you should not be over it, but

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<v Speaker 4>kind of be over it.

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<v Speaker 2>If that main No, that is rubbish, And.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm thinking the time frame for me is my biggest thing.

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<v Speaker 4>It hasn't just been a couple of months. It's actually

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<v Speaker 4>been five years. And yeah, we've been married, I've had

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<v Speaker 4>a baby.

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<v Speaker 1>He was doing this at the same time that you

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<v Speaker 1>were getting married, that you were walking down the aisle,

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<v Speaker 1>or that you were choosing to have a baby together.

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<v Speaker 3>But also he doesn't get to do this to you

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<v Speaker 3>and then tell you to get over it and move

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<v Speaker 3>on like sorry, that's not how this works. He either

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<v Speaker 3>has to be open and it's this goes now how

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<v Speaker 3>you want it to go. If you want access to

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<v Speaker 3>his phone and he wants to save the relationship, he

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<v Speaker 3>gives it to you if you want to contact her

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<v Speaker 3>and ask her if you want to know anything about

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<v Speaker 3>that situation. He has to be willing to be completed

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<v Speaker 3>open with you. He doesn't get to gaslight you and

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<v Speaker 3>now say you should be over this by now.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, look I agree with this woman.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, with children and thinking that my soul.

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<v Speaker 5>Yeah, GARYL I think I just yeah, yeah, I think.

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<v Speaker 1>You're totally in your right if you want to to

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<v Speaker 1>reach out to this other woman to find out more

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<v Speaker 1>of the truth, if you think that you might get

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<v Speaker 1>more of the truth from her and that might give

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<v Speaker 1>you some sort of lidity enclosure, you are absolutely in

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<v Speaker 1>your right to do that. And I also don't think

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<v Speaker 1>that you're breaching anything in the relationship by doing so,

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<v Speaker 1>because at the moment, it sounds like one of the

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<v Speaker 1>big things that you can't get your head around is

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<v Speaker 1>whether you're being lied to as to whether or not

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<v Speaker 1>something physical happened or didn't happen, or whether it was

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<v Speaker 1>just text messages.

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<v Speaker 5>You are not alone.

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<v Speaker 1>I think anyone who's in their car is listening to

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<v Speaker 1>this right now would absolutely be saying, Okay. If that

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<v Speaker 1>messaging has been going on back and forth, nude messages

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<v Speaker 1>for five years, it's probably unlikely that nothing more happened.

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<v Speaker 1>But you know what, even if nothing more did happen,

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<v Speaker 1>that's still such a huge infidelity that's happened in your

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<v Speaker 1>relationship for five years that you're allowed to navigate this

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<v Speaker 1>how is best for you.

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<v Speaker 5>I think it's.

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<v Speaker 4>Been eating at me and I'm like, should I shouldn't

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<v Speaker 4>I because.

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<v Speaker 5>I think I would call guys in this situation. What

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<v Speaker 5>would you do, Britt?

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<v Speaker 2>I mean I have been in that situation.

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<v Speaker 3>I'm not married with kids, but you know, I was

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<v Speaker 3>with someone for six years that had had a double life,

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<v Speaker 3>and I did contact her and we spoke for hours

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<v Speaker 3>and I got all the information. The difference was she

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<v Speaker 3>didn't know I existed either, so we were both sort

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<v Speaker 3>of in silo.

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<v Speaker 2>So this woman might not want to talk to you.

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<v Speaker 3>I think if you're going to go down that track,

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<v Speaker 3>I would take a really gentle approach with her and

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<v Speaker 3>just say, look, I just want to know.

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not going to have a go at you. There's

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<v Speaker 2>nothing that's going to happen. I just want the information, like.

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<v Speaker 4>No, what's done is done at the end of the day. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>it still eates at me. Is he really like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 4>he's got a lot to lose, Gabrielle.

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<v Speaker 1>If you do speak to her, though, please give us

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<v Speaker 1>a call and let us know what happens, because honestly,

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<v Speaker 1>if I was in your situation, I would be calling.

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<v Speaker 5>That's where I would be at.

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<v Speaker 2>And you don't even need to tell your husband you're calling.

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<v Speaker 2>To be honest, just just do it.

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<v Speaker 5>Just do it.

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<v Speaker 4>Yeah, I definitely wouldn't devolve information.

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<v Speaker 2>That's yeah, Please let us know how it goes.

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<v Speaker 1>We're all thank you very much. We're so sorry you're

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<v Speaker 1>in this situation.