Speaker 1: Tippy tapping, make the juice confused.
Speaker 2: This isn't right. Let yay? Have you Friday?
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm ready to go home.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna lie.
Speaker 3: It's okay, it's giving three pm.
Speaker 2: Why don't you start lying? It's always I'm not gonna lie,
Speaker 2: not gonna lie. Why don't you start Why don't you commit?
Speaker 2: Do I say that? I? Yeah, see, like, not gonna lie,
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie. Lie.
Speaker 3: I don't realize like we need to call each other
Speaker 3: out on what we say all the time.
Speaker 2: No, but I like them. Yeah, yeah, it's how I know.
Speaker 2: My biggest fear is that if one day I was
Speaker 2: body snatched. So someone came in and said, we're using
Speaker 2: your body as a host's body and we're implanting somebody
Speaker 2: else into it, how would you know it's happened? Like,
Speaker 2: what weird thing could I say or do? They'd be like, no,
Speaker 2: something's off with this girl.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2: I say that was my fault. We have to know
Speaker 2: because the odds of that happening are not small. We
Speaker 2: need to know what the signs are. Everybody, go to
Speaker 2: your local and get your fact straight. Sorry, that was.
Speaker 3: Honestly anyway, we're also gonna be talking about you would.
Speaker 2: Think you would sooner think I had depression if I said, you, like,
Speaker 2: what is going on?
Speaker 3: Literally anyway, I'm gonna give you the rules for blanking
Speaker 3: on plants, not gonna lie. I kind of dissociated while
Speaker 3: we did this break, so I don't really know what's happening.
Speaker 3: Just like, this is a good case and point for
Speaker 3: if you're a UNI studying and paying attention your flex
Speaker 3: and firms say, this is flex and firms.
Speaker 2: We don't often talk about like dynamics between parents and children,
Speaker 2: not because there isn't heaps of content, but I guess
Speaker 2: what better time than the present?
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 2: Recently The New Yorker came out with this article entitled
Speaker 2: do I still have to be a good daughter? Even
Speaker 2: though my mum is selfish? And I said, this is
Speaker 2: a controversial headline, and basically what this section of the
Speaker 2: site is is a classic advice column. You ask a question,
Speaker 2: post the specific context, and then the person the author sorry,
Speaker 2: will respond And I think this is very controversial and
Speaker 2: there's some good stuff in here. And I read I'm
Speaker 2: in a situation with my mom who's in her late seventies.
Speaker 2: I'm in a situationship with my mom, who's in her
Speaker 2: late seventies, and I appreciate your help. We used to
Speaker 2: be semi close, but since I've had kids, she is
Speaker 2: checked out of being a person I can count on.
Speaker 2: She's barely able to be a grandmother and does not
Speaker 2: make an effort to get to know my kids. She
Speaker 2: seems very selfish.
Speaker 1: She's crazy.
Speaker 2: Maybe she was always like this and I've never noticed
Speaker 2: until I became a mum. She's not an addict or abusive,
Speaker 2: just self centered and immature. She never asks me about myself,
Speaker 2: and when I do talk about myself, she mostly reacts
Speaker 2: by being anxious or confused. I don't know how she
Speaker 2: functions in the world, but I'm done making an effort
Speaker 2: to spend time with her only to be disappointed. I
Speaker 2: don't see why I should call her every week and
Speaker 2: fly across and fly across the country to visit her
Speaker 2: if our relationship is going to be totally one sided.
Speaker 2: My brother, however, disagrees with me and thinks I'm being
Speaker 2: too hard on her. He wants the family to all
Speaker 2: get along together and doesn't see my side of things.
Speaker 2: Do I have a duty to be a good daughter
Speaker 2: or can I follow my gut. This is from c. Brooklyn. Now,
Speaker 2: the advice given I think is super interesting, and I'm
Speaker 2: wondering if we should read out this advice on air
Speaker 2: and talk about our feelings on the podcast.
Speaker 1: I think that's a fantastic choice.
Speaker 2: We can at least read a little bit this author says.
Speaker 2: And this is a New York magazine author who will
Speaker 2: not be named because they haven't left the name. Yes,
Speaker 2: I tend to think about our relationship with our parents
Speaker 2: as having two phases, the one you have with them
Speaker 2: when they are alive and the one you have with
Speaker 2: them when they're dead. My god, what anything can happen
Speaker 2: While they're alive. You can say things that will surprise
Speaker 2: them and vice versa. Incredible the way we're able to
Speaker 2: keep surprising each other even after we've written each other off.
Speaker 2: When they're dead, all you can do is live with
Speaker 2: what you did and didn't say. Now, that is one
Speaker 2: paragraph of a five paragraph response that I think will
Speaker 2: be better served on our podcast. Frames anywhere you get
Speaker 2: good podcasts, I really recommend four point nine stars, rated
Speaker 2: by thousands. It's a cult favorite. Unintended.
Speaker 3: I love to learn, especially about things that feel good
Speaker 3: on my body. Now. I think I've spoken about this
Speaker 3: probably three times on the show, but it's never too
Speaker 3: late to hear more of this. I love my ears.
Speaker 2: We'll stop it there. I'm happy to stop at that.
Speaker 3: I love my ears being touched, okay.
Speaker 2: Outside, inside, both. So I've never gone for your ears before,
Speaker 2: and I give you massage just quite frequently.
Speaker 3: Honey, on the way home if I drive you, can
Speaker 3: you do a little touch.
Speaker 2: It's very dangerous to be doing that on the roads, babe,
Speaker 2: don't worry, like, oh yeah, actually, given what you're about
Speaker 2: to discuss, we.
Speaker 1: Won't do that.
Speaker 3: But essentially I have learned because I was curious, since
Speaker 3: I am a big fan, what this is all about,
Speaker 3: and so I found an explanation that I'll get right now.
Speaker 3: Just one moment, Caitlyn, I apologize. So if you do
Speaker 3: you like when people touch your ears or do you
Speaker 3: like cleaning your own ear out?
Speaker 1: Do I like it?
Speaker 2: I prefer like my four arms delicately grace.
Speaker 1: Oh that's fantastic too.
Speaker 3: Well, it turns out if you're someone like me who
Speaker 3: likes their ears being touched, it's because there's a whole
Speaker 3: lot of nerve and inside your ear and it's connected
Speaker 3: to the vadger's nerve, not to be confused vagus nerve.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, damn.
Speaker 2: Because.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I always thought of it as you know, related
Speaker 3: to you the other ve.
Speaker 2: I do like the cleaning my ear feeling.
Speaker 3: It does, well, you know what, stimulating them with a
Speaker 3: cotton bud, which we shouldn't be doing. Oh, I'll get
Speaker 3: to that, babe, is all sort of visceral pleasure and
Speaker 3: what dermatologists refer to as the each scratch cycle. So
Speaker 3: once you start it circle to stop. That's a bit
Speaker 3: of me. And they say that they've referred sensations from
Speaker 3: other parts of the body.
Speaker 1: So like a.
Speaker 3: Classic example is that people have something in their ear
Speaker 3: and it feels like something in your throat because I
Speaker 3: never realized this until I learned what an ear, nose
Speaker 3: and throat doctor is. But the person that does the ear,
Speaker 3: the nose, in the throat, tell me why he's doing
Speaker 3: all of them? Oh, she's doing all of them. They
Speaker 3: because they're all one connect. Okay, So this is why
Speaker 3: you shouldn't put an ear button your ear. I think
Speaker 3: we're all across why, but still some of us I
Speaker 3: like to hear it. I get addicted. You know what
Speaker 3: I do sometimes, which is I do not endorse on air,
Speaker 3: is you know the like pinple picker, like rods, the
Speaker 3: really thing I've been known to like get in the
Speaker 3: ear with one of them, which is the worst you
Speaker 3: could ever do. But you've got to be super careful
Speaker 3: because your ear drum is really thin and if you
Speaker 3: break that, you can do irreparable damage.
Speaker 1: So get the stuff.
Speaker 2: You take the risk every time.
Speaker 3: I mean, no, no, it's only when I'm I find myself.
Speaker 3: It's like when you want to pick at your skin.
Speaker 3: You have some people like just want to go to
Speaker 3: tilent their skin. Same sensation, very self destructive, almost almost
Speaker 3: in the hurting yourself realms. Do not stick a cue
Speaker 3: tip in your ear because it's like putting a plunge
Speaker 3: in the toilet.
Speaker 1: Oh and that's what I say, you know, pushing the
Speaker 1: pood down.
Speaker 2: I didn't know was that traumatic.
Speaker 3: And you can also hurt your hearing bones, which I
Speaker 3: didn't know. Infection, bleeding, dah dah. The last thing that
Speaker 3: I want.
Speaker 2: To people hoping to give us this information. I know, right,
Speaker 2: why why why would you create fear mongering for good reason?
Speaker 2: And yet we don't know.
Speaker 3: Oh so, I'm gonna be honest, why did they create
Speaker 3: the earbuds? If truly them in That feels like self sabotage.
Speaker 2: That feels like quite sinister if you think about it,
Speaker 2: Why would you put this tool in every store for
Speaker 2: a nominal fee of.
Speaker 3: A couple bucks that anyone could anyone could get now,
Speaker 3: flaking on plans? We are all guilty of it from
Speaker 3: time to time. I don't think I know anyone with
Speaker 3: a one hundred percent strike rate in terms of showing up,
Speaker 3: being there getting the plans done.
Speaker 2: I not since high school. But even then, YEA even
Speaker 2: said I can't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, sorry exactly, you're a little excuse.
Speaker 3: So I have decided that there are some limits to
Speaker 3: when you can on cannot flake. Of course, we have
Speaker 3: little tiny four y bulls in our lives. We're feeling
Speaker 3: really bad, we are coming down with a sickness like
Speaker 3: there's definitely real reasons why you can flake.
Speaker 1: But here's what I think. I recently flaked on a
Speaker 1: plan with.
Speaker 3: A friend due to benign Are you who's this?
Speaker 1: This is me?
Speaker 3: Oh okay, So I recently flaked on a plan with
Speaker 3: a friend due to benign extreme tiredness.
Speaker 2: I wrote this a while ago.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure what I meant.
Speaker 3: I just remember I had been in bed all day.
Speaker 3: I'd gone out the night before. It had turned into
Speaker 3: a very late evening, so the next day I'd spent
Speaker 3: all day in bed watching after Sun. It was a
Speaker 3: horrible experience. I had to hate chessp as well, and
Speaker 3: a vanilla slice was horrible.
Speaker 2: You're really going through it.
Speaker 3: Man, I was going through it so hard, babes.
Speaker 1: But I had my mum. This was a beautiful experience.
Speaker 3: Essentially, what I did to give myself some time because
Speaker 3: sometimes I get decision paralysis when I'm really tired. And
Speaker 3: my friend said to me, come over, sleep over down
Speaker 3: the coast with me. It's a one hour drive. I thought,
Speaker 3: I'm probably not in the right state to drive, so
Speaker 3: I said, give me fifteen minutes to come back to you.
Speaker 2: That was going to be a no no.
Speaker 3: But you never know because I kept good being on
Speaker 3: the fence, and sometimes I do believe you were on
Speaker 3: the fence about plans because I knew it's going to do.
Speaker 2: What was your consideration in this moment.
Speaker 3: My consideration was it's an hour away in the car.
Speaker 3: I'm driving my mum's car. It's not my cast added
Speaker 3: element of you know danger, I'm not going to be
Speaker 3: a great hang when I get there because I'm so tired.
Speaker 3: But the other ones are. I haven't seen my friend
Speaker 3: in a long time. She has a sauna. Another one
Speaker 3: of our mutual friends was there for.
Speaker 2: Sydney, like he has a sauna. You might open to me,
Speaker 2: please thank you?
Speaker 3: Any other in any other.
Speaker 1: Time?
Speaker 2: Was this what day? Was this a Saturday?
Speaker 3: It was a Sunday, Sunday? No, no, no, it was
Speaker 3: a Saturday night. Anyway, all I say, ise give yourself
Speaker 3: the fifteen minute window. Say give me fifteen minutes. Do
Speaker 3: you know some people say, oh maybe I'll come mayor won't.
Speaker 3: You got to tell people I might come, I might not.
Speaker 3: I will give you the definitive answer in the X
Speaker 3: amount of time. So it goes to the same with parties.
Speaker 3: If you know two weeks out you might not be
Speaker 3: able to make it, say I might not be able
Speaker 3: to make it, but i'll tell you when I'm going
Speaker 3: to decide.
Speaker 2: That gives you a window, or even a one week window,
Speaker 2: seems to make a lot of sense. The fifteen minute window.
Speaker 2: So if I was asking you to hang out through me,
Speaker 2: and you said give me fifteen minutes. What I would
Speaker 2: assume is that you are figuring out other plans to
Speaker 2: bail on because you double booked.
Speaker 3: Potentially, which has been done to me before.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, so that you haven't told us how to
Speaker 2: flake though.
Speaker 1: Well I'm telling you the other one.
Speaker 3: Okay, Well no that's how Well then yeah, you say hey, sorry,
Speaker 3: actually no, confirming I will not be coming.
Speaker 2: So how you you agree to plans, and then moments
Speaker 2: before you're due to be at those plans, you reach
Speaker 2: back out and say, I've had second thoughts. Give me
Speaker 2: fifteen minutes to reconsider.
Speaker 3: No, let's say the hang is in a week's time, right, No,
Speaker 3: let's say the hang is tomorrow and it's a loose plan.
Speaker 3: You on the day before say hey, I might not
Speaker 3: be able to make it, but give me fifteen anyway,
Speaker 3: whatever effect feel. Okay, the last limit.
Speaker 1: But you need to know your limits.
Speaker 3: So if you have an incompatible star with someone like
Speaker 3: they're a constant flaker and you need plans to be planned,
Speaker 3: you need to decide how much.
Speaker 1: Energy you want to give them in your life full stop.
Speaker 1: Does that make sense?
Speaker 2: Yes, it does. I recently made a new friend and
Speaker 2: I didn't really know what kind of friends we would be,
Speaker 2: because you know, when you meet someone new, you're not
Speaker 2: anticipating a lifelong friendship with them.
Speaker 1: No way.
Speaker 2: And so every time we'd make plans, he'd flake. But
Speaker 2: I kind of knew his vibe, like he's a bit
Speaker 2: of like a melancholy depressiana. So I was like, you know,
Speaker 2: you got a lot of going on, I'm not stressed.
Speaker 2: It got to the point where every time we'd make plans,
Speaker 2: they would flake, or he would flake, right, So then
Speaker 2: I wouldn't make any plans with him, and then he'd
Speaker 2: be really insistent that we catch up. And then he
Speaker 2: stopped being flaky, and then I became flaky in response
Speaker 2: to his flakiness. So initially he might say let's do
Speaker 2: dinner on a Saturday, and Saturday would come and he flake.
Speaker 2: And so in response, now when he'd say let's do
Speaker 2: dinner on a Saturday, I would double book because I'm like,
Speaker 2: well he's gonna flake.
Speaker 1: Then he doesn't flake precisely precisely, I'm confused.
Speaker 2: So I said this aught to say, be mindful of
Speaker 2: how your behavior is impacting other people's behavior. Because I
Speaker 2: created a whole flake proof personality to accommodate for his flakiness.
Speaker 2: And now look look at where we are. Look at
Speaker 2: where we are in his flex and rooms on caterer.
Speaker 2: I've noticed something in pop culture everyone, I'm doing that
Speaker 2: thing where I'm realizing art celebrities using their fans as
Speaker 2: tmz are celebrities using their fans as media outlets to
Speaker 2: push narratives that need to come across as casual, incidental
Speaker 2: in the moment, and not prescriptive paparazzi setup shots.
Speaker 1: Yikes.
Speaker 2: I say this because it was recently revealed that Timothy
Speaker 2: Schalla May and Kylie Jenner are in fact, in a
Speaker 2: real relationship. I say real relationship because it's not unusual
Speaker 2: that in the celebrity sphere people pretend to be dating
Speaker 2: for various reasons. It reflects on them positively. They want
Speaker 2: to promote a movie, and they know we love talking
Speaker 2: about dating a bunch of different reasons. Now, Timmy and
Speaker 2: Kylie have been rumored to be together for about seven
Speaker 2: months now, a long time, and we saw or we
Speaker 2: heard that they went to Coachella together, but I don't
Speaker 2: think we saw any pictures, and they presumably got tacos
Speaker 2: or something before Coachella, and then a couple months after,
Speaker 2: we saw what could have been an AI photo of
Speaker 2: Kylie meeting Timothy's family, but the quality was so blurry
Speaker 2: that it felt like it wasn't a real photo. Literally,
Speaker 2: And so had the Kardashians and the Chalomays been trying
Speaker 2: to plant this story that they are in fact a
Speaker 2: real couple. It wasn't landing with us because we couldn't
Speaker 2: trust the information. Lo and Behold. Beyonce, for her Renaissance tour,
Speaker 2: has a birthday event because it was her birthday. She's
Speaker 2: a virgo, to which she invited all of these celebrities
Speaker 2: to vip, from Michelle Obama to Zendaya, to Tom Holland
Speaker 2: to Kylie Jenna and Timothy Shallam. And what we saw
Speaker 2: on the Internet were copious amounts of viral videos of
Speaker 2: Timothy Chalomagne and Kylie Jenner kissing. He's groping her, they're giggling,
Speaker 2: they're cackling. And it was in that moment the Internet said,
Speaker 2: we have no choice but to believe this, because what
Speaker 2: is more verifiable than a regular person documenting secretly this
Speaker 2: couple being intimate. They're not. Long after, people went on
Speaker 2: to say well, is it really secret though? I mean
Speaker 2: he's looking right at the camera constantly. They're not trying
Speaker 2: to be hidden. Look, it's been seven months of hiding
Speaker 2: yourselves and planting these fake intimate moments in the media,
Speaker 2: and now you're here, dressed to the nines looking directly
Speaker 2: in a fans camera. This is multiple angles, mind you,
Speaker 2: multiple angles. Now they're upstairs, now they're downstairs, or directly
Speaker 2: in frame of fans. And so then I said, this
Speaker 2: must be a tactic because if celebrities can no longer
Speaker 2: plant stories in the traditional spaces, because we are distrustful
Speaker 2: of those spaces, right, we don't want to hear a source, Sen, No,
Speaker 2: I don't want to hear a source, Sen. They have
Speaker 2: to figure out how to get the information to us
Speaker 2: in a way that we think is verifiable. A random
Speaker 2: person with no relation showing us this information. Nobody believed
Speaker 2: that Taylor Swift was dating Maddy Healy until fans got
Speaker 2: images of them at restaurants, and then it was believable.
Speaker 2: So I reckon there is a strategy in seft launching
Speaker 2: or hard launching in an environment where you know you
Speaker 2: will be documented and letting fans break the stories because
Speaker 2: you get way more oppressed than if you just like
Speaker 2: planted it in Vogue or whatever. Right, clearly it was working.
Speaker 2: We're talking about it.
Speaker 3: It's pretty like it was a very exciting concert for Beyonce,
Speaker 3: Like it was a cultural reset.
Speaker 2: Some would say, absolutely got you got an ext President
Speaker 2: oh sitting in VIP.
Speaker 1: Yeah you do.
Speaker 2: Beyonce is the celebrity. Beyonce is the celebrity for celebrities. Agreed,
Speaker 2: And there aren't they very many. Prince was it was, Yeah,
Speaker 2: there are very few celebrities whose celebrities are like, I
Speaker 2: love you Gaga.
Speaker 3: Maybe definitely, definitely our girl Beyonce.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Anyway, you've heard it here first, you've.
Speaker 1: Been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast.
Speaker 2: For more, Tune Indicator on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.