Speaker 1: Lassie and futurist Dom Price was given some pretty bad
Speaker 1: advice right before he became a father. A well intentioned
Speaker 1: friend told him never to share pictures of his overseas
Speaker 1: work trips with his partner because it might make her jealous.
Speaker 1: On his first few long distance work trips after becoming
Speaker 1: a dad, Dom didn't want to tell his partner that
Speaker 1: he was having a good time in case it made
Speaker 1: her time home alone with their twins feel even more
Speaker 1: challenging by comparison. But Dom quickly discovered the opposite was true.
Speaker 1: So how did Dom and his partner change the way
Speaker 1: they communicate after becoming parents of twins? And why do
Speaker 1: they pay particular attention to when and why they're feeling
Speaker 1: guilty as parents and as partners. My name is doctor
Speaker 1: amanthe Immer. I'm an organizational psychologist and the founder of
Speaker 1: behavioral science consultancy Inventium, And this is how I work
Speaker 1: a show about how to help you do your best work.
Speaker 1: On today's quick Win episode, we go back to an
Speaker 1: interview from the past and I pick out a quick
Speaker 1: win that you can apply today. In today's show, I
Speaker 1: speak with Don Price about how he and his partner
Speaker 1: transformed the way they communicate with each other after they
Speaker 1: became parents too twins.
Speaker 2: I remember the first time I actually physically went back
Speaker 2: into the office for a day's work and I had
Speaker 2: some meetings. I was like, I'm going in today. And
Speaker 2: then I remember getting into the office and I got
Speaker 2: so much done that day. I bumped into people, I
Speaker 2: had adult conversation. It was great. And then and then
Speaker 2: I got a picture from a girlfriend popway to the day.
Speaker 2: She's out with the kids doing stuff, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: you're a bad dad. It's not what she intended. She
Speaker 2: sent to me a picture to remind me of like
Speaker 2: they were fine. She was fine, they're having fun. But
Speaker 2: I was like, you're a bad dad. You're not there
Speaker 2: to help with feed You're not that all the change.
Speaker 2: You're like, what are you so you're having all this fun.
Speaker 2: You know, you're having lunch, You're relaxing. You're not going
Speaker 2: to carry in the world. I did have a car,
Speaker 2: I had meetings and work to do. But to go
Speaker 2: into that adult mode and be wholly focused on that
Speaker 2: is very different from my work from home mode. My
Speaker 2: work from home mode is a lot of context switching.
Speaker 2: It's I'll do a meeting, I'll do a workshop, I'll
Speaker 2: do a zoom call. And then I'm like, I got
Speaker 2: a half hour break. What can I do in that
Speaker 2: half hour? I'm not getting ahead with work. I'm like,
Speaker 2: I can help for Echo something, i can put some
Speaker 2: laundry on, i can cook some food, nip the seed,
Speaker 2: mike or whatever. Because I'm playing two roles at the
Speaker 2: same time, and I like that duality. I'm fine with it.
Speaker 2: Like it's actually quite modal and it works. I'm like
Speaker 2: spike of work. You know. I start early in the
Speaker 2: morning seven am, us calls brilliant hold of stuff, and
Speaker 2: I'm like, right, I'm going to the supermarket. I can't
Speaker 2: do a supercowers to come back decent more meetings, decent
Speaker 2: war works, and I'm like, right, I'm going to cook
Speaker 2: some food. My brains trust, I'll cook some food, do
Speaker 2: some more stuff, bath the kids, and I'm like, I've
Speaker 2: got an hour's worth of working, meright. I'm going to
Speaker 2: get so so that modular works. But there's no guilt
Speaker 2: with it when it's modulo, because I get a little
Speaker 2: bit sprinter on the day when it's binary. When it's
Speaker 2: Dad walks out the door and leaves and I'm sat there,
Speaker 2: even though my commuter works fourteen minutes, for those fourteen
Speaker 2: minutes might as well be a million miles because I'm like,
Speaker 2: I can't help if something goes wrong, right, and if
Speaker 2: you need me if one kid's done something to the
Speaker 2: nappy and the other one needs to feel if something
Speaker 2: happens and you've got one set of hands and two kids,
Speaker 2: I'm not there to help. And that just filled me
Speaker 2: with guilt. So I was like, Okay, is that feels normal?
Speaker 2: Like in a natural response. So I talked to my
Speaker 2: girlfriend about it. I'm like, here's how I feel like,
Speaker 2: and it's weird because I want to do more time
Speaker 2: at home, but I need to. And she's like, you
Speaker 2: are the primary earner. You keep a roof overhead. Part
Speaker 2: of your role as dad is to maintain that job
Speaker 2: and that's part of your job. Don't feel guilty. So
Speaker 2: then it's like, okay, cool, how do we handle this?
Speaker 2: So the way we handle it is early warnings. So
Speaker 2: I'm like, I communicated with work, with my team, my
Speaker 2: extended team at work, and I'm like, if you want
Speaker 2: me to travel for work, I need at least six
Speaker 2: weeks notice. So like, why I was like, because that's
Speaker 2: the only fair thing to do right. The only fair
Speaker 2: thing for Beckery is to go right. In six weeks,
Speaker 2: I'm going to Nashville. I'm going to be away for
Speaker 2: a week. Let's plan for that, knowing that we can't
Speaker 2: plan for it because stuff's going to happen, that's out
Speaker 2: of our control. But what are the things we need
Speaker 2: to get in place so you're comfortable for that week
Speaker 2: And I'm comfortable and not feeling guilty because if I
Speaker 2: go to Nashville, but my head's still in Sydney, because
Speaker 2: I feel guilty that I'm doing need the job well.
Speaker 2: So when I'm in Nashville, I have to immerse. I
Speaker 2: have to be unapologetic. And so it was fascinating. I
Speaker 2: got some really bad advice from a friend, which was
Speaker 2: when you're traveling, don't tell your partner how much fun
Speaker 2: you're having, which which kind of makes sense, right, you
Speaker 2: don't want to rub it in. But then with one trip,
Speaker 2: I like I was down playing. It was like, you're
Speaker 2: not enjoying it. I was like, I'm actually having a
Speaker 2: really good time and I'm getting a lot done. She's like, good,
Speaker 2: that's why you're there, Like, do that and I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 2: why am I pretending that it's rubbish when it's not.
Speaker 2: And so again we've been unapologetically honest with each other.
Speaker 2: She's unapologetically honest if she's struggling or if he's going
Speaker 2: really well, and vice versa, right, And so that that
Speaker 2: candor and openness has really helped, and then the forward planning, right,
Speaker 2: and then just knowing what is that ritual? So we
Speaker 2: have a silly ritual. I do all the cooking in
Speaker 2: the house. I love cooking my relaxation, and.
Speaker 1: You take lots of photos of it as well, which
Speaker 1: I appreciate. Yea.
Speaker 2: So the rule is is before I go on a trip,
Speaker 2: I cook all the meals. So the other week I
Speaker 2: was in Portugal for an event with one of Alassian's
Speaker 2: life customers. Flew out on a Sunday Saturday afternoon, went
Speaker 2: to the suedmarket, filled the trolley and had a great time.
Speaker 2: I cooked four different meals for Becker. Her old housemate
Speaker 2: moved in for the week. She's like, if you're cooking
Speaker 2: that food, I want to come and hang out. And
Speaker 2: I put all the meals for the kids, which was great.
Speaker 2: That was my therapy, right, I genuinely enjoy it. But
Speaker 2: cooking all that that takes the guilt away, takes the
Speaker 2: pressure off the freezer. The fridge is full, so there's
Speaker 2: one less thing to worry about. I know you're going
Speaker 2: to be fed. Anything else we can work out afterwards, right,
Speaker 2: So it's little tips and tricks of how we bounce
Speaker 2: it to front load back end stuff and then just
Speaker 2: communicate about it.
Speaker 1: I hope you enjoyed this little quick win episode today.
Speaker 1: If you would like to listen to the full interview,
Speaker 1: you can find a link to that in the show notes.
Speaker 1: If you're looking for more tips to improve the way
Speaker 1: that you work, I write a short fortnightly newsletter that
Speaker 1: contains three cool things that I've discovered that helped me
Speaker 1: work better, ranging from software and gadgets that I'm loving
Speaker 1: throughly interesting research finding. You can sign up for that
Speaker 1: at Howiwork dot com. That's how I Work dot co.
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing part of your day with me
Speaker 1: by listening to How I Work. If you're keen for
Speaker 1: more tips on how to work better, connect with me
Speaker 1: via LinkedIn or Instagram. I'm very easy to find. Just
Speaker 1: search for Amantha Imba. How I Work was recorded on
Speaker 1: the traditional land of the Warrangery people, part of the
Speaker 1: Koln nation. I am so grateful for being able to
Speaker 1: work and live on this beautiful land, and I want
Speaker 1: to pay my respects to elders, past, present and emerging.
Speaker 1: How I Work is produced by Inventium and hosted by
Speaker 1: me Amantha Imba, and a big thank you to Martin
Speaker 1: Imba who did the audio mix and makes everything sound
Speaker 1: better than it would have otherwise.