Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 2: Hi guys, Adam, welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 2: on CANT. I'm Laura and I'm Britney and this is
Speaker 2: ask gun can't out down and dirty sexy, little saucy number?
Speaker 1: Will we answer? You're deep, You're dark, and you're burning questions?
Speaker 1: How funny is it when ten so this morning? You
Speaker 1: know we're mid morning now, but I got up early,
Speaker 1: went for a walk run with Delilah down to the park.
Speaker 1: I got a coffee. You know, I hadn't brushed my
Speaker 1: hair yet, didn't put any makeup on. You know, one
Speaker 1: of those days you're like, let's just get up and
Speaker 1: get up and at them. Oh yeah, yeah, it's just
Speaker 1: essentially what I know what's coming. Yeah yeah. So essentially
Speaker 1: what I'm saying is those days where you're like, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna let my natural best self, my natural beauty
Speaker 1: shine through. I'm just gonna be I'm gonna be okay
Speaker 1: with waking up, makeup lers, walking out of the house
Speaker 1: and being one with how I actually look in the world. Yeah,
Speaker 1: like who I really am. And then I was in
Speaker 1: the home office waiting for Laura and Produce a Kesha
Speaker 1: to come over and still hadn't got changed or anything
Speaker 1: stim actual where it didn't put any makeup on, still
Speaker 1: hadn't brush my hair, and Laura walks in and she's like,
Speaker 1: oh babe, are you all right? And I was like,
Speaker 1: what do you mean. She's like, you don't look great,
Speaker 1: like you've been crying. Like this looks like what's been
Speaker 1: going on? And I just had that moment where I
Speaker 1: was like, Wow, this is just what I look like.
Speaker 1: This is me with no smoking mirrors, no natural light,
Speaker 1: no makeup, no hair, and it's like it reminded me
Speaker 1: when one time, ever, one time to work, I didn't
Speaker 1: wear makeup at all. I was like, I'm going to
Speaker 1: be all natural. I was in the hospital and I
Speaker 1: remember walking in I reckon ten people that day said
Speaker 1: to me, are you sick? Are you unwell? And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh my god, I just bok.
Speaker 2: No, I'm sorry. In my defense, that is not what happened.
Speaker 2: I said, are you okay? You look like you had
Speaker 2: been crying because you had super red eyes. Had nothing
Speaker 2: to do with the makeup, had nothing to do with
Speaker 2: fresh skin. We're all here for it. It was because
Speaker 2: your eyes were red, and you said, yeah, actually, I've
Speaker 2: been feeling really unwell. I don't know what's wrong with me,
Speaker 2: but I think feeling great.
Speaker 1: No, yes, but that was a cover up because great,
Speaker 1: I feel like.
Speaker 2: You're like, oh yeah, I feel actually no, yeah, I
Speaker 2: must feel like shit because I look like shit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally. I have miss sleeping. Well. Do you know
Speaker 1: what the problem with you?
Speaker 2: Brewt is that you do always wear makeup like you're
Speaker 2: You're always very well put together. And that's not the
Speaker 2: problem with you, like that, you're great, but you're always
Speaker 2: put together.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: The difference is I never am I never really ever
Speaker 2: wear makeup. So anytime I do wear makeup, people like
Speaker 2: you look amazing today, But no one ever really says
Speaker 2: to my face that you shit because I don't want
Speaker 2: ninety nine point nine percent of the time because you
Speaker 2: cannot wear makeup.
Speaker 1: You are a natural beauty. I am not shut up anyway.
Speaker 1: That was our start to the day. We're finally sitting
Speaker 1: down in front of each other, a couple of coffees deep,
Speaker 1: and we're getting to your question. No, do you know
Speaker 1: what I want to get to you first? So something
Speaker 1: that came out in an intimacy challenger.
Speaker 2: Yeah, look, the intimacy challenges. It's been challenging. Put it
Speaker 2: that way, Matt. We kind of stopped talking about it,
Speaker 2: didn't we. It's been not really many updates recently.
Speaker 1: I don't think I mean, correct me if I'm wrong.
Speaker 1: I don't think you have many updates.
Speaker 2: We know we have been intimate. Do you know what
Speaker 2: Matt and I had a fight in last night? We
Speaker 2: went for dinner and I tried to hold his hand.
Speaker 2: I was like being I was like being nice, I
Speaker 2: was like being a loving partner, and I.
Speaker 1: Don't know I to hold his hand.
Speaker 2: Well, has anyone else experienced this? Like you've gone out
Speaker 2: for dinner, or you've done something with your part maybe
Speaker 2: you've been to a party, whatever it is, and you
Speaker 2: feel like you have been particularly cuddly and and like affectionate,
Speaker 2: and then they just haven't met you with that affection
Speaker 2: because maybe they didn't notice, or they kind of weren't
Speaker 2: in the remood for whatever the reason is. So then
Speaker 2: I progressively got more annoyed at him. So then I
Speaker 2: started playing a game where I was like, oh, now
Speaker 2: I'll try and hold his hand. If he doesn't hold
Speaker 2: my hand, I'll just get angrier on the inside.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you're almost to the point where you're like,
Speaker 1: I want to get angry now, so you do one
Speaker 1: more thing, yes, doing one more thing to siss me.
Speaker 2: Then I tried to give him a kiss and he
Speaker 2: pulled away from me, and I was like, oh, oh, well,
Speaker 2: we'll have a fight when we get home.
Speaker 1: He pulled away and we did. Why did he pull away?
Speaker 2: Just wasn't into it, didn't want to kiss me. He's
Speaker 2: in the middle of his vindaloo, I.
Speaker 1: Gues, does he not understand how the intimacy challenge works?
Speaker 1: Maybe he's just sick of being intimate now he's like
Speaker 1: I've had enough naked store. Okay, So that is your
Speaker 1: update on the intimacy challenge.
Speaker 2: Okay, but that wasn't what I wanted to talk to
Speaker 2: you about. There's been something that came out. It was
Speaker 2: last week, so we're a bit old on the news front.
Speaker 2: But it's important to my life and well not that
Speaker 2: important to your life, but I want to talk about
Speaker 2: it anyway. The Bachelor you might have seen if you've
Speaker 2: been following along the rag trade, The Bachelor has been
Speaker 2: postponed and till next year. And now we kind of
Speaker 2: have been having these conversations for the past few months.
Speaker 1: We assumed this was coming because.
Speaker 2: So my five year anniversary with Matt was three weeks ago,
Speaker 2: which means that it was the final episode of our season.
Speaker 2: It would have aired three or four weeks ago. So
Speaker 2: that's how far behind this year's season of Bachelor is, Like,
Speaker 2: it's come, it's gone. The time period for it to
Speaker 2: be on TV is well untoly passed, except we all
Speaker 2: know that they did all this pre publicity and pre
Speaker 2: promotion for The Bachelor back in like what was it
Speaker 2: April or May or something, and we've got three Bachelors
Speaker 2: this year. It's a new format. It was filmed in
Speaker 2: Queensland and then radio silence crickets, absolute crickets. So I've
Speaker 2: been thinking about things and I have a few feelings
Speaker 2: either the Bachelor's filming, like this season was so monumentally
Speaker 2: shit that they've decided to shift it into next year
Speaker 2: or can it all together? But obviously what's happened? So
Speaker 2: the Love Boat, it's this new reality TV show, dating
Speaker 2: show that Channel ten is putting on.
Speaker 1: Go on a boat, You go on a boat.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's a weird cross between like Love
Speaker 2: Island and Below Deck.
Speaker 1: They've just tried to hybrid the show. Yeah, or just like,
Speaker 1: what are those giant cruise ships? Princess the Princess? What's
Speaker 1: the giant cruise ships? You're telling the story. I've been
Speaker 1: on a docks in Sydney, the biggest guys come on. Okay,
Speaker 1: scrap back.
Speaker 2: What they must have done is they've obviously looked at
Speaker 2: the edits because they're not going to run two romance
Speaker 2: shows back to back. They've obviously looked at the cutdowns
Speaker 2: at the show itself and been like, the love Boat
Speaker 2: has more potential. The love Boat, we think is going
Speaker 2: to rate better than The Bachelor, because if they thought
Speaker 2: The Bachelor was going to be a fucking huge success
Speaker 2: this year, there's no way that they would have parked
Speaker 2: it to an indefinite date in twenty twenty three.
Speaker 1: I also have a lot of feelings come at me.
Speaker 2: I feel like this year, I don't wait when you
Speaker 2: were like, I have a lot of fear feelings. I
Speaker 2: thought you're gonna say no one gives a fuck, and
Speaker 2: I actually think no one does.
Speaker 1: No I care to the point that I want to
Speaker 1: discuss it. This is not keeping me up at night,
Speaker 1: but I think, and it's a big call, but this year,
Speaker 1: I think the Bachelor and the Bachelorette and the Bachelor
Speaker 1: has I think it should have been rested. I think
Speaker 1: this year we needed to have a break from it
Speaker 1: for just one year, twelve months, and then move forward
Speaker 1: into next year with something maybe a little bit fresher
Speaker 1: and new vibe. But I think it was very obvious
Speaker 1: with what was happening in the media, people's reactions, it
Speaker 1: needed to be rested. And turns out it didn't need
Speaker 1: to be wrested because they have decided to rest it.
Speaker 1: The problem is they filmed it, they've shot it, they've
Speaker 1: put the money in, they put months of people's time in.
Speaker 1: There are hopefully three relationships out there now because there's
Speaker 1: three suitors, the three male bachelors this year. Three relationships
Speaker 1: out there now that are supposed to what survive the
Speaker 1: next A twelve month period, potentially a twelve month period
Speaker 1: of a secret relationship. I don't think that is going
Speaker 1: to be possible, So I understand why they're doing it.
Speaker 1: They've decided that, Okay, this is probably not going to
Speaker 1: be received that well this year. Great, I don't think
Speaker 1: it would have been either. Let's put this new love
Speaker 1: show on. Australians love new shows. We love new reality
Speaker 1: TV shows. I love new reality TV shows. Hey, I'm
Speaker 1: on one soon. I think that this sholl be received
Speaker 1: very well. But you've shot yourself in the foot. What
Speaker 1: should have happened is we probably should have waited the
Speaker 1: twelve months and just filmed it next year, because now
Speaker 1: the excitement's gone a little bit. These three bachelors have
Speaker 1: been released way too early. Their relationships are not big call,
Speaker 1: They're not gonna last. I would be so surprised if
Speaker 1: in twelve months time, when it is, any of those
Speaker 1: relationships are still going strong. Because you can't live in secrecy.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean so for anyone who doesn't kind of know,
Speaker 2: and if you if you've been listening to the podcasts
Speaker 2: for a while, you might already know this kind of
Speaker 2: how the setup of the Bachelor works. But Matt and
Speaker 2: I had to keep our relationship secret for about five
Speaker 2: and a half months before filming had started. And it's
Speaker 2: really challenging because it's not so much just keeping your
Speaker 2: relationship secret. It's not like you can sneak across to
Speaker 2: each other's houses because the bachelors have been announced, so
Speaker 2: paparazzi know exactly who the bachelors are.
Speaker 1: So they won't do you like a whok.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and so they're not anonymous anymore. They're not to
Speaker 2: just live their lives in secrecy. So you are literally
Speaker 2: doing six months or five and a half months of
Speaker 2: long distance. That's what Matt and I did. We got
Speaker 2: to see each other a couple of times, but it
Speaker 2: was all organized through Channel ten. There was security guards there.
Speaker 2: It was in a blacked out room. We got driven
Speaker 2: in wigs and coats and like costumes, basically in disguises.
Speaker 2: We got driven out to an airbnb in Richmond. We
Speaker 2: got to stay there for like one night or two nights,
Speaker 2: and it was fully security guarded up. They had all
Speaker 2: the windows blacked out so that no one could take
Speaker 2: photos into the house. And that's how Matt and I
Speaker 2: got to see each other during that five and a
Speaker 2: half month period. Had they made us do a year
Speaker 2: of that situation, I think that the stress, and I'm
Speaker 2: not saying that we wouldn't have worked out, that stress
Speaker 2: and that secrecy would have had a real toll on
Speaker 2: our ability to have a healthy and great relationship. And
Speaker 2: I think that they have as much as The Bachelor,
Speaker 2: because like unlike Maths and some of the other reality
Speaker 2: TV shows, they really care about having the success love
Speaker 2: story at the end of it. But the thing is
Speaker 2: is that they've shot themselves in the foot. They now
Speaker 2: have three suitors, they have an entire season, and the
Speaker 2: likelihood of having any successful relationships off the back of
Speaker 2: it is almost moot.
Speaker 1: I do think that they will still air it, though.
Speaker 1: This is what I don't think they're gonna can it completely.
Speaker 1: When you think of how much when are they gonna
Speaker 1: play it?
Speaker 2: They're going to play it alongside Mass like the Juggernaut.
Speaker 2: Are they gonna Mass starts in January? It's not going
Speaker 2: to go up against Mass. No, it's not going to
Speaker 2: be early in the year, So it'll.
Speaker 1: Be midyear or then it's Lego Masters. No, it'll be
Speaker 1: probably when it usually Yeah, and that's the number one
Speaker 1: chal It'll be what it usually is, which I just think.
Speaker 1: I just don't think they're not going to air it
Speaker 1: at all, because that would be such a huge waste
Speaker 1: of money that let's be real, people in Australian TV,
Speaker 1: they don't have the money to throw away anymore. So
Speaker 1: if they've invested this and all they think of how
Speaker 1: much it would have cost for the production, three months
Speaker 1: worth of everyone that works on it behind the scenes,
Speaker 1: the post processing, the talent, everything like this is a
Speaker 1: very large amount of money.
Speaker 2: So I can't wait to watch The Bachelor at four
Speaker 2: pm in June next year.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be great streaming. The other thing is I
Speaker 1: don't know if you saw this, and I don't know
Speaker 1: if I believe it or not, but one of the
Speaker 1: Bachelor guys was seen online dating. Oh I believe it.
Speaker 1: Recently he got caught out saying well, here's your dating profile.
Speaker 1: Obviously didn't work out, and he then went and said, no, no,
Speaker 1: that's old from before I filmed. I just forgot to
Speaker 1: delete it. But I I think I'm calling their bluff.
Speaker 2: That old chestnut, that's the that's the exact same excuse
Speaker 2: makes boyfriend used to use, yeah, same twenty five times
Speaker 2: it's an old profile. I swear it's dormant. Yes, right,
Speaker 2: well we've all heard that before.
Speaker 1: You know it has active five minutes ago on it.
Speaker 2: Right, All right, let's get into the questions from you guys.
Speaker 2: Thanks everybody who's written in questions today. We have some
Speaker 2: real doozies and a couple that a cad on tricky
Speaker 2: to answer.
Speaker 1: Actually, we're going to give it our best shot. Okay.
Speaker 1: I am going to kick start with last weekend. I
Speaker 1: finally got back into the dating scene after exiting a
Speaker 1: toxic relationship four months ago. Get it, Get it girl.
Speaker 1: The date went pretty well. It was our first time
Speaker 1: meeting after matching on Bumble, and safe to say he
Speaker 1: checked a lot of boxes for a first date. Kind
Speaker 1: good chat, gentlemen, you get my drift. After a few
Speaker 1: drinks together, we made our way back to my house.
Speaker 1: All was going very well. Now I hate to say it,
Speaker 1: but the sex was super, super disappointing, even in the
Speaker 1: morning when we were sober. So we can't even blame
Speaker 1: the fact that we had had some drinks. It just
Speaker 1: felt like a dead starfish was laying on top of
Speaker 1: me and he didn't seem to know the first thing
Speaker 1: about female orgasm. My question is, can you teach someone
Speaker 1: to be good at sex? And is it worth the effort.
Speaker 1: He's twenty eight and I'm twenty five. I just feel
Speaker 1: like he should probably know by now. Hey, maybe he
Speaker 1: was trump. Maybe he nailed it. Maybe he was going
Speaker 1: for the starfish technique and we nailed it. I don't
Speaker 1: think anyone enjoys that, though. Why would you be going
Speaker 1: for that.
Speaker 2: Maybe he okay, yes, you may have been sober after
Speaker 2: the night out. Maybe he wasn't like, maybe he wasn't
Speaker 2: at peak perform It's maybe he can do better.
Speaker 1: I think give him another chance. She did. She said
Speaker 1: in the morning they had sober sex.
Speaker 2: But like it was maybe he wasn't sober. Maybe she
Speaker 2: was feeling sober and he was still really tired. And
Speaker 2: it'd been like, no, we're not throwing him a bone.
Speaker 1: It was just I think.
Speaker 2: I think, if you really like him, and he's great
Speaker 2: in all other aspects, and he is a great, great guy,
Speaker 2: just give it another chance. And if the sex is
Speaker 2: monumentally so bad, because there's only so much that you
Speaker 2: can teach, right, you can't. You can take an eight
Speaker 2: to a ten, and you can take a five to
Speaker 2: a seven. But I don't think you can take a
Speaker 2: five to a ten.
Speaker 1: If the starfish is already deceased, you cannot bring that
Speaker 1: back to life. I can't resuscitate a dead starfish. No, look,
Speaker 1: I'm all jokes aside. You definitely can teach someone sex,
Speaker 1: You can teach someone intimacy. You can teach someone the
Speaker 1: way you like it. And that's the thing. It's it's
Speaker 1: actually not that common to go and have like a
Speaker 1: one night stand or meet someone for the first time
Speaker 1: and it to be explosive, amazing, perfect, perfect fit. You
Speaker 1: both like the same things like that is pretty rare.
Speaker 1: The whole idea is when you meet someone is you'll
Speaker 1: have your moves. Everyone has their key moves, everyone has
Speaker 1: their signature moves. You know what you like. It's different,
Speaker 1: but you need to find the compatibility. You need to
Speaker 1: work together to work out what works well. So I
Speaker 1: one hundred pcent would be giving this guy another go.
Speaker 1: If he was amazing and a gentleman and the chat
Speaker 1: was there and you got along and you actually liked
Speaker 1: him as a human being, go for it again. Let's
Speaker 1: give the guy the benefit of the doubt. Let's think
Speaker 1: that he can do better. Let's think that he can learn.
Speaker 1: And so I think maybe next time you need to
Speaker 1: take the lead. He Maybe don't just let let the
Speaker 1: dead staffish lay on you and crush you to a
Speaker 1: slow death. Take the lead, get up on top. We'll
Speaker 1: do anything. Just try and jazz it up. If you
Speaker 1: put the effort in and you're really trying and he's
Speaker 1: not picking up the signals and he's not doing anything,
Speaker 1: he's not bringing anything to the table. You guys are sober,
Speaker 1: then yeah, maybe this isn't your person. But the question
Speaker 1: is can you teach someone sex? Yes, you can one
Speaker 1: hundred percent get better in a relationship or in friends
Speaker 1: with benefits or whatever. You can one hundred percent get better.
Speaker 1: I do agree.
Speaker 2: I think sex gepts better and better the more you
Speaker 2: know someone and the more you know what they like
Speaker 2: and like how to kind of get them off quickly
Speaker 2: as well, Like you know, you can kind of get
Speaker 2: in the early days you're kind of still sussing each
Speaker 2: other out. And also what a lot of people do
Speaker 2: is they use the moves that they think they're ex liked,
Speaker 2: do you know what I mean? Like they're doing sex
Speaker 2: in a way that has worked for them in the past,
Speaker 2: and maybe that isn't the way that it works for you,
Speaker 2: and that's totally fine. We're all different, we all enjoy
Speaker 2: different things. I think exactly. I agree one hundred percent
Speaker 2: give him another go, and I do think that you
Speaker 2: can improve someone's sexual prowess. However, here's my question, brit
Speaker 2: have you ever had a monumentally dud route that you
Speaker 2: have been able to get them to attend? Like, I
Speaker 2: just don't think I've ever had a situation in my
Speaker 2: life where sex has been so bad and then it's
Speaker 2: gone to a place where it's incredible.
Speaker 1: I have never had it from I haven't had it
Speaker 1: from a dud to a tend, but I've had it
Speaker 1: from not great to a ten. Yeah, one hundred yeah.
Speaker 1: I've dated people like that before, Like you know what,
Speaker 1: You've did it for a couple of months and because
Speaker 1: they just don't get I mean they don't. They have
Speaker 1: to learn what you like and what your groove is
Speaker 1: and once I've one hundred percent done that. But like you,
Speaker 1: guys have to commit and.
Speaker 2: You really like a project. That's what I get. It
Speaker 2: loves the people project. She's like likes to leave men
Speaker 2: better than the way she found them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that the next person that finds them has
Speaker 1: like the fucking most amazing relationship ever. Yeah, you are
Speaker 1: welcome everyone out there that is dating my exers.
Speaker 2: Okay, I think yes, Look, give it another go. Don't
Speaker 2: like throw in the towel straight away, have sex a
Speaker 2: few more times.
Speaker 1: Be very verbal.
Speaker 2: Like that's the other thing as well, right, Like, sometimes
Speaker 2: we don't want to ask.
Speaker 1: For what we want in the bedroom because we.
Speaker 2: Feel bitter, uncomfortable or awkward, and we try and do
Speaker 2: more subtle things or try and we try and suggest
Speaker 2: that we want something, but we try and do it
Speaker 2: in a really subtle way, and sometimes subtlety just doesn't work.
Speaker 2: Ask for what you want. If you want them to
Speaker 2: put their hand there, tell them to put their hand there.
Speaker 2: If you want them to put their mouth there, tell
Speaker 2: them to put their mouth there.
Speaker 1: But I understand, and I'm going to say this, there's
Speaker 1: a lot of people out there that don't have the
Speaker 1: confidence to say that even in a relationship yet, let
Speaker 1: alone the early days. So if you don't have the
Speaker 1: confidence to verbally say do this to me, do that
Speaker 1: to me, you can show them without the verbal dialogue.
Speaker 1: You can roll over, or you could just say, let's
Speaker 1: do rollover. Just roll over. You can do the prone staffish.
Speaker 1: You can up super and staffish, prone staffish, sideway stuffish.
Speaker 1: At the end of the day, don't give up on
Speaker 1: this guy. He seems like a nice guy and a gentleman,
Speaker 1: and I think we need to Everyone deserves a benefit
Speaker 1: of the doubt. Hey, do you know what He might
Speaker 1: have gone back to his friends and said the same thing.
Speaker 1: He might have said, oh, she was no good in
Speaker 1: the bedroom, because maybe he thought he was doing a
Speaker 1: good job and he thought you won't come to the table.
Speaker 1: You don't know, so let's definitely give this another world,
Speaker 1: all right.
Speaker 2: I've been seeing a guy for a few months now.
Speaker 2: I've recently learned that he has a few rather unique kicks,
Speaker 2: which is so fine, no shame here. But last night,
Speaker 2: while we were doing the deed, he whispered to me
Speaker 2: my chubby little whore, and then ask me whether I
Speaker 2: mind when he grabs my tummy because he likes it.
Speaker 2: I mean, go off, cis you do you? But I
Speaker 2: don't know if I feel comfortable with this, and I
Speaker 2: kind of feel offended.
Speaker 1: I don't think I'm a.
Speaker 2: Big girl, but I do have a bit of chubb
Speaker 2: so it's fair. But what do I make of this?
Speaker 2: And how do I get past this? Sincerely a non
Speaker 2: kink shaming but kind of self conscious gal, oh I.
Speaker 1: Have there are so many layers to this that I
Speaker 1: want to appeel off the first I don't even know
Speaker 1: if it's the first and foremost. They're all first and foremost.
Speaker 1: When you just said my chubby little hare, you just said,
Speaker 1: but I do have a little bit of chub so
Speaker 1: it's fair. That to me is such an untrue and
Speaker 1: unnecessary statement. To say that you have a little bit
Speaker 1: chubbed so you should be called a chubby wore is
Speaker 1: so far from the truth. Like fair, he wants to
Speaker 1: call me chubby? No, that is absolutely not fair. In
Speaker 1: my books, I want to start by saying that, secondly,
Speaker 1: you don't have to be called anything you don't want
Speaker 1: to be called. In the bedroom. I understand that kinks,
Speaker 1: you're two way street people have different things. Get them off.
Speaker 1: That is totally totally fine. But this just has to
Speaker 1: come down to a conversation. This has to come down
Speaker 1: to an adult conversation where you say, I don't like
Speaker 1: it when you call me this, So maybe he gets
Speaker 1: off by calling you different things or different names. Maybe
Speaker 1: there's some other way, Maybe he just likes to verbally
Speaker 1: speak to you. There can be something, some sort of
Speaker 1: agreement between the two of you that you can reach
Speaker 1: where he can call you something or a statement or
Speaker 1: say whatever that you are actually happy with. But you're
Speaker 1: going to dry up real quick if he's saying things
Speaker 1: to you in the bedroom like this that make you
Speaker 1: feel uncomfortable and turned off and self conscious. Like at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, this is bad for everybody involved.
Speaker 1: So you just need to be very very vocal with saying, hey,
Speaker 1: I actually don't really like it when you like say
Speaker 1: that to me. It doesn't he turn me on, it's
Speaker 1: not getting me wet, it's not getting me horny, Like
Speaker 1: I actually want to stop having sex with you right now. Okay.
Speaker 2: The big thing about this, and I think this is
Speaker 2: quite interesting, is like what part of it is the
Speaker 2: offensive part. Is it the fact that he's calling you
Speaker 2: a whore? Or is it the fact that he's calling
Speaker 2: you chubby? Or is it both? Is it the whole thing?
Speaker 2: Because like, are you someone who really likes dirty talk?
Speaker 2: Do you like being called a little hare like some
Speaker 2: people do? And that's totally cool.
Speaker 1: I think it's a chubby part because she then says
Speaker 1: he grabs her tummy when he says it, So he
Speaker 1: says the chubby part and grabs her tummy totally.
Speaker 2: And I guess the big thing in this is that
Speaker 2: there's so many layers to this part of me. My
Speaker 2: very first, my very first thing that I think is, like,
Speaker 2: why is being chubby so offensive? Like why do we
Speaker 2: think of that as being such an offensive thing to
Speaker 2: be called? Which obviously, like he gets off on it.
Speaker 2: He doesn't think it's something that should be found offensive.
Speaker 2: It's something he's super sexually aroused by. So like in
Speaker 2: saying that, he means it as a compliment. Society tells
Speaker 2: us that being called chubby is not a compliment. And
Speaker 2: I totally get that. I totally get that that feels
Speaker 2: degrading and it feels offensive. I do think that there's
Speaker 2: like a bigger thing to unpack here around fat phobia,
Speaker 2: and like why we see that as being such a
Speaker 2: problem when it truly fucking isn't And everybody has has
Speaker 2: fat on them, we all should have well I shouldn't
Speaker 2: say we should, but like we all do have fat
Speaker 2: on us, and There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2: When it comes back down to kinks, and it comes
Speaker 2: back down to what you're comfortable with, kinks are a
Speaker 2: conversation first. It's never just in the bedroom you whip
Speaker 2: out what you want and then hope that the other
Speaker 2: person's okay with it. It should be an out of
Speaker 2: bedroom conversation about where your boundaries lie and where their
Speaker 2: boundaries lie. Because his kinks are not more important than
Speaker 2: what makes you feel self conscious or what you are
Speaker 2: okay with. And I think that that's the bigger question
Speaker 2: and the bigger conversation there. You're not shaming him by
Speaker 2: saying that you don't like something that he likes. That's
Speaker 2: not a shameful But at the same time, he's putting
Speaker 2: you in a situation that makes you feel uncomfortable. And
Speaker 2: I think ultimately, when it comes down to sex, nobody
Speaker 2: should ever be doing something that makes them feel uncomfortable,
Speaker 2: that makes them feel more self conscious, just to please
Speaker 2: another person.
Speaker 1: Also, to be honest, he sounds like he's done the
Speaker 1: right thing. He sounds pretty great. He said to you,
Speaker 1: do you mind when I grab you your tummy like this?
Speaker 1: Like he has asked you the question, And I feel
Speaker 1: like maybe you're in a position where you felt like
Speaker 1: you almost had to do that because she wanted him
Speaker 1: to get off. And then you've tried it, which is amazing,
Speaker 1: you realize you don't like it. That's it so, and
Speaker 1: he's asked you really openly if it's okay. I'm sure
Speaker 1: he's going to be very open to the conversation. In reverse.
Speaker 1: If you then come back and say I'm actually not
Speaker 1: happy with that, He's gonna be okay because he's polied
Speaker 1: enough to ask you in the first place, and respectful
Speaker 1: enough to ask you if that was okay totally.
Speaker 2: And my big bet is that a lot of people
Speaker 2: are not okay with it. A lot of people would
Speaker 2: feel super uncomfortable being called that.
Speaker 1: And you are allowed to change your mind. You said yes,
Speaker 1: you are now allowed to say no. That yes doesn't
Speaker 1: commit to the rest of eternity because one time he
Speaker 1: said it was okay to do it all right.
Speaker 2: Sitting next to my brother in law of nearly twenty
Speaker 2: years in the car a couple of days ago, I
Speaker 2: caught a glimpse of a Snapchat conversation he was having
Speaker 2: with someone that is not my sister, And I know
Speaker 2: for sure that it wasn't her.
Speaker 1: She was driving at the time.
Speaker 2: I didn't see the whole conversation, but I clearly saw
Speaker 2: a message from the other person that said I love you.
Speaker 2: I think the person name on Snapchat was Ali or
Speaker 2: something similar, and there is no one in our family
Speaker 2: or his life by that name. I'm also confident it's
Speaker 2: not his mum or sister because they have never been
Speaker 2: affectionate like that before. I'm not sure what to do.
Speaker 2: Do I ignore it, who knows what I actually saw?
Speaker 2: Do I confront him or flagger with my sister first.
Speaker 2: I think part of my concern is the preconceived idea
Speaker 2: that hiding things in Snapchat is really easy because it
Speaker 2: obviously disappears any advice appreciated. So you think you saw something,
Speaker 2: You think you saw a name, not one hundred percent?
Speaker 1: Could he be cheating? What does it mean? This is
Speaker 1: hard because you're not sure what you saw. You could
Speaker 1: fuck a lot of stuff up by not being sure. Okay,
Speaker 1: And the way I'm thinking right is, what you thought
Speaker 1: you saw was a name that you're not sure about.
Speaker 1: It could have been Ali, could have been Alid, could
Speaker 1: have been Alexander, could have been a friend, could have
Speaker 1: been a lot of things, but also could have been
Speaker 1: Cali Press, I love coffee too, Calie Press. Would Ali
Speaker 1: be just like she miss Misconsac stretch Land.
Speaker 2: There's a coffe shop down the road, cock Catty Press,
Speaker 2: and it is very good you are.
Speaker 1: That is a stretch of events. But the other thing
Speaker 1: that that gets me here is when you said I
Speaker 1: think I saw love you or something similar. I think
Speaker 1: to my friends all the time. I would say that
Speaker 1: to a lot of people in terms of not saying,
Speaker 1: oh my god, I love you, But if I was
Speaker 1: having a banter situation or someone sent me a funny
Speaker 1: gear for they reminded me of something, I would say
Speaker 1: something like, oh my god, I bloody love you. You
Speaker 1: know in that term, like we called our boss that
Speaker 1: we loved him this morning, which spoke we did our
Speaker 1: boss and he says and we were like, fuck, I
Speaker 1: love you. I think we need to clarify this hang
Speaker 1: on just for like for Radio World and there's no
Speaker 1: other weird relationship going on. It was like it was
Speaker 1: a funny thing and we're like, bloody love you. Do
Speaker 1: you know what?
Speaker 2: Richie helped me secure a really exciting thing for us,
Speaker 2: secure a really exciting thing for our live show. It's
Speaker 2: a surprise. And when that all happened, I said, I
Speaker 2: love you. Yeah, And if Matt's all that, and when
Speaker 2: he didn't have any context, he would have been like,
Speaker 2: why are you telling your boss that you love him?
Speaker 1: But A, yes, it's very exciting. Your life shows amazing.
Speaker 1: Come buy some tickets if you haven't, or there's still
Speaker 1: a couple left. But secondly, that's my point. The word
Speaker 1: love you now can be thrown around and use in
Speaker 1: so many different ways. If you don't know the context,
Speaker 1: you're not going to understand. So A, you don't know
Speaker 1: the context. B you don't know the person's name for sure.
Speaker 1: See you don't for sure know that it was love
Speaker 1: you because you're unsure it's just what you thought you saw.
Speaker 1: There is a lot going on here now. On the
Speaker 1: other hand, yes, there is a high chance he could
Speaker 1: be cheating because it's Snapchat. That's what it's designed for.
Speaker 1: It's designed so that you can do whatever you want,
Speaker 1: say whatever you want. And it disappears you're in a
Speaker 1: bit of a predicament because obviously you're close to your sister.
Speaker 1: You've seen something. Your question is do you just bring
Speaker 1: it up with your sister, or do you go to
Speaker 1: him first? I am unsure. This could be playing with
Speaker 1: a lot of fire if there is no proof, is
Speaker 1: there relationship sound? Is it amazing? In every other aspect?
Speaker 1: Have they had queries in the past of infidelity? Do
Speaker 1: they argue a lot? Has there? Is it long term
Speaker 1: and secure? Like? What are the levels here? Is this
Speaker 1: gonna be something that's really out of the blue, Like
Speaker 1: you think this guy is the best guy ever there
Speaker 1: together forever, and you're like, this is very, very unusual
Speaker 1: for him. But I would go to him before her.
Speaker 2: Oh see, nope, Nah, I would get her, okay, but
Speaker 2: then you got here. That's a lot to go to so.
Speaker 2: But I would go to her and be like very casual. Hey,
Speaker 2: I do not know what I saw, but I think
Speaker 2: I saw this on SO and So's snapchat. I don't
Speaker 2: know if you have an open phone policy in your relationship.
Speaker 2: I don't know if this is something you can bring
Speaker 2: up with him. I don't know if it's something that
Speaker 2: you can ask to see his snapchat. It made me
Speaker 2: feel uncomfortable, and I want to tell you because I
Speaker 2: don't want to keep secrets. I'm not accusing him of anything,
Speaker 2: but I want you to know what I know so far.
Speaker 2: If this was my sister and I'm thinking about my
Speaker 2: sister and her relationship and their marriage. If I saw
Speaker 2: something on Mikey that's her husband's phone, and I wasn't
Speaker 2: sure and I felt it made me feel that uncomfortable
Speaker 2: that I needed to write into a podcast to get advice,
Speaker 2: I would just go and have a conversation with her first.
Speaker 2: But I also would very much want to be like,
Speaker 2: I am not accusing. I'm not saying that he has
Speaker 2: done something wrong. I'm just saying whatever I saw made
Speaker 2: me feel uncomfortable. Do you know what it could be?
Speaker 1: Well, this is interesting because for the first time, ladies
Speaker 1: and gentlemen, Laura and I have whole opposite answers. I think, like,
Speaker 1: what you said is fine, but I would go to
Speaker 1: the guy purely because I would ask the same thing
Speaker 1: of him. I feel like this is actually pretty funny.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm a good judge of character lol.
Speaker 1: But yeah, not when it comes to any but you
Speaker 1: know people character and also people's reactions. If you put
Speaker 1: him on the spot and you say to him, hey,
Speaker 1: I saw something on your phone from Ali saying that
Speaker 1: you love him, like what's that about. He has no
Speaker 1: time to think about that, he has no time to
Speaker 1: try and come up with a lot. I just say,
Speaker 1: I don't know what you're talking about it there's nothing there. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but you will read straight away there'll be a moment
Speaker 1: of panic on his face, or you will get a
Speaker 1: vibe this is what I think, right, And then he's
Speaker 1: gonna come and say whatever he's gonna say, he's gonna
Speaker 1: make it up. Oh that was a friend about this
Speaker 1: that you're gonna get a vibe. But I think before
Speaker 1: you go and explode a whole relationship with her, with
Speaker 1: your sister, I would think it through because you're actually
Speaker 1: not sure of anything, which is why it's really hard,
Speaker 1: because you don't want to start planting seeds and doubt
Speaker 1: in our relationship when there is nothing to base it on.
Speaker 1: So I would be just getting a little feel from him,
Speaker 1: just a little feel, and then you can go to her.
Speaker 1: But I would my first stop would be him. You
Speaker 1: might decide that you're going to go to her regardless
Speaker 1: in the end, but you just want to see what
Speaker 1: he says first. I'm not saying, get the vibe from him,
Speaker 1: and then decide to go to her. But you're going
Speaker 1: to get a feel and you're gonna be able to
Speaker 1: go in with a bit more confidence.
Speaker 2: Okay, So if you saw something in Matt's phone, you
Speaker 2: would go to Matt first before you would say anything
Speaker 2: to me.
Speaker 1: If I saw on Matt's phone, if I ever saw
Speaker 1: his shoulder texting a girl and he said love you, yes,
Speaker 1: I'd probably ask him. Okay.
Speaker 2: So I guess my feeling about that is because I
Speaker 2: do have such an open phone policy with Matt, where
Speaker 2: if you came to me and said, hey, I saw
Speaker 2: something that I don't know what I saw, I would
Speaker 2: be so fine and confident to go to Matt and say, hey,
Speaker 2: this is a really weird conversation.
Speaker 1: Britt has told me this what's going on?
Speaker 2: And he would say, here's my phone, here's my Instagram,
Speaker 2: here's my snapchat. Have a look, like I feel like,
Speaker 2: because our relationship is open around especially around phones and
Speaker 2: communication like that, he would be like, here, have a look,
Speaker 2: and then that would put my mind to ease. But
Speaker 2: I don't think Matt would say, here, Britt, have a
Speaker 2: look to put your mind to ease. So I think,
Speaker 2: like I guess in what I'm saying is is that
Speaker 2: I had that open communication with my partner, and so
Speaker 2: it feels like that's the conversation I would want to
Speaker 2: navigate with them, as opposed to somebody else trying to
Speaker 2: do it.
Speaker 1: For me, Well, I wouldn't navigate. I would still go
Speaker 1: to her. I'm not navigating it, but I just because
Speaker 1: you're so unsure, I feel like speaking to him and
Speaker 1: getting a reaction from him and an explanation is going
Speaker 1: to make you a bit more sure one way or
Speaker 1: the other. Like you're gonna get a bit more confidence
Speaker 1: to be like, yeah, nah, this this isn't right. And
Speaker 1: then you can go to her and say, hey, I
Speaker 1: saw this. I just did see this, and I asked
Speaker 1: him and it was a bit his answer was a
Speaker 1: bit fucking weird, you know, like, I'm not sure about that.
Speaker 1: I don't know if you guys want to check that out,
Speaker 1: but that's what i'd be doing. But it's difficult. There's
Speaker 1: no right or wrong answer here at all, and you
Speaker 1: don't know. So for you, Laura, amazing. You guys have
Speaker 1: a very open relationship with your phones. Not everyone has that,
Speaker 1: so you don't know what's going to go down in
Speaker 1: that relationship. If she goes and demands to see his phone.
Speaker 1: It could start something over nothing, who knows, So I
Speaker 1: would be putting the feelers out with him, gauging his reaction.
Speaker 1: But again, Laura and I have different answers on this one.
Speaker 1: So I think it's like, you know the situation better
Speaker 1: than us, and you know what they're like as individuals
Speaker 1: and their relationship better than us.
Speaker 2: But I also think, like you nailed it, there is
Speaker 2: no right and wrong answer. There is no perfect way
Speaker 2: to navigate this. Even if you decided to not say
Speaker 2: anything at all in this situation, that wouldn't be the
Speaker 2: wrong thing to do, like, because you don't have all
Speaker 2: the tools, you don't have all the information. If you said, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm actually just gonna not do or say anything, that
Speaker 2: would be a perfectly fine response as well, because you
Speaker 2: are potentially blowing up a lot of shit without a
Speaker 2: lot of proof, and that's a pretty big thing to
Speaker 2: go into this conversation with as well.
Speaker 1: But on the back of that, guys, we want to
Speaker 1: do another update of Ask gun Cut. We want your
Speaker 1: answers if you have ever written into us or your
Speaker 1: friend has written into us, and we've answered your question
Speaker 1: and there's something that has come out of that. We
Speaker 1: want to know what it was. So this is a
Speaker 1: prime example, like I probably am going to lose sleep
Speaker 1: over knowing if this girl goes and tells her sister,
Speaker 1: or just.
Speaker 2: Take his phone and go through it. When he's gone
Speaker 2: to the toilet or something. Go through his phone, go
Speaker 2: through Snapchat.
Speaker 1: What's gone?
Speaker 2: It disappears, but you can't you see Okay, wait, I
Speaker 2: mean the wrong person. I don't have some I don't
Speaker 2: have Snapchat. Does it not say like that? You you
Speaker 2: can see that there was a message and then it's disappeared,
Speaker 2: or you just there's no trace of anything.
Speaker 1: Well, I think if you wanted to, you could just
Speaker 1: delete the whole trace.
Speaker 2: There's no trace of anything. Oh oh so you can
Speaker 2: see that stuff? Okay, produce kiy. She's giving us the update,
Speaker 2: she's giving us the night the before one one. So
Speaker 2: you get like this message was sent, Go through his phone,
Speaker 2: stalk his phone. I'm fine with that. Fucking go through it.
Speaker 2: Don't check your partner's phone. Just check your sister's partner's phone.
Speaker 1: It's what I'm saying, is we want to do and
Speaker 1: ask gun cut after math again. We want to update
Speaker 1: you guys on this but I would personally love an
Speaker 1: update on this. I want to know what happened. Did
Speaker 1: you go to your sister? Did you go to him?
Speaker 1: Did you pretend it didn't happen? What did you do?
Speaker 1: Do you steal his phone? Did you stalk him? Did
Speaker 1: you stay outside his house for five weeks straight to
Speaker 1: see if you did anything wrong? We want to know
Speaker 1: the answer. So if we've ever answered any of your
Speaker 1: questions or your friends questions, please write into the DMS
Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast on Instagram. And you know that's where
Speaker 1: you send your questions just say ask Guncut, but it's
Speaker 1: also where you send your ask gun Cut aftermaths.
Speaker 2: It is also less than a week until We Love Love,
Speaker 2: the book that Britt and I both wrote is out,
Speaker 2: So if you haven't gotten yourself a pre order copy yet,
Speaker 2: jump onto Life Uncut Podcast. That's our website. You can
Speaker 2: find the link on there to get yourself a book.
Speaker 2: And the reason for that is because it may be
Speaker 2: sold out in some places before it even comes out.
Speaker 1: Well that's what we hope. Yes, please cross anyway, guys,
Speaker 1: that is it from us, and you know the drill.
Speaker 1: Don't forget to tell your mum, te Dad, Tea Doug
Speaker 1: to your friends and share the love because we love love.
Speaker 1: Don't welcome BA Birday. We go BA