Speaker 1: Let me tell you, Joe, this better be good. Okay.
Speaker 1: Maddie and Ash walking down the street. Okay, Ash spots
Speaker 1: a dog. Yep, the dog's on the side of the
Speaker 1: road lock and it's nuts and I go I turned
Speaker 1: him out and I said, wish I could do that.
Speaker 2: And you look at me and you go, you should
Speaker 2: probably pad him first.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Toy Guards. I am Maddie Jay and
Speaker 1: I'm Ash.
Speaker 3: And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is
Speaker 3: the good, it is the bad, and we don't give advice.
Speaker 3: We do, however, tell terrible jokes.
Speaker 1: Was dreadful. That's one of my best. Actually, I thought,
Speaker 1: I thought, really you would like the switch up. It's
Speaker 1: very good. Thank you. Hey, Can I tell you something crazy?
Speaker 4: Of course?
Speaker 3: Ken you know, I've got to go to Erskineville right
Speaker 3: this afternoon.
Speaker 1: I did over here for one conversations.
Speaker 3: The trip that takes twenty seven minutes from where I
Speaker 3: am right now. Laura is halfway to Erskineville in Paddington,
Speaker 3: and I said, Babe, I'm going to get a taxi
Speaker 3: to you and we'll drive together to Erskineville. She wants
Speaker 3: forty five minutes.
Speaker 1: From where she is or from here where she is.
Speaker 3: She wants a forty five minute allowance.
Speaker 1: Is she pregnant? She is very pregnant. Okay, well then
Speaker 1: you should just get you mash up. Then, yes, forty
Speaker 1: five minutes. Just got to do what she says, mate,
Speaker 1: I'm just going to have to suck it up and
Speaker 1: for the rest of your life, just do.
Speaker 3: She says, I need to have you on speed dial.
Speaker 3: You do every situation where I want to fight back,
Speaker 3: I need to call you first before putting my gloves on.
Speaker 1: Correct. This is metaphoric speaking, I'd hope. So for the record,
Speaker 1: now go on.
Speaker 3: It's a special little boy's birthday. I've been wondering.
Speaker 1: You got me for my birthday. You got me a flashlight,
Speaker 1: and this is what it looks like when you got
Speaker 1: it for me. This is what it looks like. Now,
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. I wouldn't do that to the poor listeners.
Speaker 1: But I was racking my brain thinking what do I
Speaker 1: get this guy? What do I get a guy that
Speaker 1: has everything? I was like, maybe I'll get him a
Speaker 1: third kid, But Laura's already given you that. I'm nervous,
Speaker 1: actually nervous about this. I'm nervous you know.
Speaker 3: I honestly, I am just I am over the moon
Speaker 3: that you've even remember.
Speaker 1: I didn't think you would. I always remember. I remember
Speaker 1: everyone's birthday, even Justice in the last minute. Yes, also
Speaker 1: just quick nod happy birthday. Yes, Jess is back in
Speaker 1: the room. Yes, another trip, the trip in the books.
Speaker 1: When's the next one? I don't want to know, but
Speaker 1: happy birthday to Jet. But yeah, I'm nervous, nervous, so
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm never gonna judge you. I'm going to
Speaker 1: get your birthday present now because it's it's in the
Speaker 1: room with us. Oh my god. Yes, okay, so if
Speaker 1: you just bear with me. I don't do well with surprises.
Speaker 1: Ashes just getting.
Speaker 3: Fuck up.
Speaker 1: What I'd like to explain? What are you what? What
Speaker 1: do you mean?
Speaker 3: Ash has just ripped his shirt off. He's currently naked
Speaker 3: in my living room. So you just revealed to me?
Speaker 1: That is that real?
Speaker 4: It is real?
Speaker 3: When did this idea happen? Have you spoken to April
Speaker 3: about this?
Speaker 1: No? She had no idea. No she does, yeah she does.
Speaker 1: It was funny because I was like, I'm going down
Speaker 1: to get tattooed tomorrow. I was like, I'm got to
Speaker 1: get mad something for his birthday, I'm going to get tattooed.
Speaker 1: So it just like worked out that way, and then
Speaker 1: I messaged my tatoos. I'm like oh, because he was like,
Speaker 1: what do you want to get done? And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I just needed to fill in this spot here, but
Speaker 1: there needs to be this and told him. And then
Speaker 1: when I got there, he had that drawn up ready
Speaker 1: to go. Wow, a happy birthday. Like fuck, there's only
Speaker 1: a few people I've got tatooed on me, name wise, Wow,
Speaker 1: my kids. It's gonna be so awkward.
Speaker 3: We break up and that'll never happen.
Speaker 1: We get canceled and like your haple's only got initials
Speaker 1: and I've got the foot it's big. Yeah, that's what
Speaker 1: she said. Anyway, happy birthday. Wow, there you go.
Speaker 3: And can I just for a second and I please
Speaker 3: don't think for a second that I'm trying to poop
Speaker 3: you all my wife because I love her dearly.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But yesterday, okay, I was talking about.
Speaker 3: Hey, maybe we should organize I don't know, at dinner,
Speaker 3: and I didn't want to kind of say like explicitly
Speaker 3: because it's my birthday. And Laura goes, oh, his week's
Speaker 3: a shocker. I don't think we'll have time for date
Speaker 3: night this week at all. Maybe like in school holidays
Speaker 3: we'll do something. And I was like, oh, you don't
Speaker 3: have time for my birthday? And she was like, oh
Speaker 3: my god. The cameras like did you just sit there
Speaker 3: like this?
Speaker 1: Just like no reaction whatsoever.
Speaker 4: And then now I'm going to be like, guess what, I.
Speaker 1: Booked just a dinner too for your birthday. It's me
Speaker 1: and you.
Speaker 3: No, there is no greater honor, I think, in this
Speaker 3: world than having a permanent tattoo to resemble what is
Speaker 3: a beautiful friendship.
Speaker 1: Well said, it's gonna be awkward, and I'm going to
Speaker 1: get it covered up.
Speaker 4: Anyway.
Speaker 1: Do you like it? I wouldn't have got it if
Speaker 1: I didn't very high pitch. I wouldn't have got it
Speaker 1: if I didn't like it.
Speaker 4: Wow, do I have regret? No?
Speaker 1: I this is wild. It is poor. Nana is upstairs
Speaker 1: probably thinking what you're now? You're a permanent part of me?
Speaker 1: How does that feel? Jesus is April jealous? Be honest,
Speaker 1: I don't think so. She thought it was cute, Well she.
Speaker 3: Will be when she sees this video.
Speaker 4: Stay on your side.
Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, there you go. So, yes, I
Speaker 1: hope you had an amazing birthday because this would have
Speaker 1: been this would be out by then. Yeah, and you
Speaker 1: will be another year older. You're another year wiser. Thirty
Speaker 1: eight for those playing at home. Yeah, I thought you
Speaker 1: skipped a year before and you said that.
Speaker 3: I thought I was turning thirty nine for a while, lie,
Speaker 3: I thought you turned thirty seven. Let me check the record.
Speaker 3: Eighty eight, eighty seven, eighty seven. Okay, well there go,
Speaker 3: I'm wrong. So yeah, you're right. Wow, it's there's been
Speaker 3: a lot of birthdays.
Speaker 1: It is a very heavy June is like a big
Speaker 1: heavy bird. It's a cluster. It is well said, we
Speaker 1: have got you, Jess Marley Oscar. Yeah, it's all happening.
Speaker 1: It's like four.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's all I got my life, that's all I need.
Speaker 3: We had Marley's birthday on the weekend. I did see
Speaker 3: that on Sunday. Sunday we decided to have at home,
Speaker 3: which was a decision.
Speaker 1: That I was regretting. The flying Yoga Noga.
Speaker 3: It's so expensive. It was so expensive and we didn't
Speaker 3: know enough people. You can't pay for the class, you
Speaker 3: don't pay per head.
Speaker 1: Oh you got to book the whole class. It was.
Speaker 1: It was like nuts, okay, if you aren't, excuse me,
Speaker 1: if you're going to book the whole class out. How
Speaker 1: much was we talking?
Speaker 3: Like, I think I don't want to shit on them
Speaker 3: as a business, but I think it was like five
Speaker 3: hundred bucks.
Speaker 1: Jesus, I know.
Speaker 3: I was like, ill, I love my child, but not
Speaker 3: that much. So we had it at home and it
Speaker 3: was nice. Great numbers. Great numbers actually kind of limited
Speaker 3: it to about about ten and I finally at this
Speaker 3: age now Marley turned six, and it's a it's an
Speaker 3: age where there's a bit of segregation between the boys
Speaker 3: and the girls.
Speaker 1: Oh yes, so there's.
Speaker 3: A couple of boys came. They were a little bit like, what.
Speaker 1: The hell is this? This is a girl's party.
Speaker 3: We had a fairy and we had ribbons and like
Speaker 3: she did, like play the music everyone with the ribbons, and.
Speaker 1: Were there any boys suspiciously into it?
Speaker 3: Why would try to coax the boys off the couch
Speaker 3: and be like, come on, fellas, let's do it. And
Speaker 3: they were like this sucks. And I kind of said
Speaker 3: to Laura, like maybe next year we just make it.
Speaker 3: You can make it all girls. Fine, it's a tricky
Speaker 3: one unless it's flying yoga, because then the boys will be.
Speaker 1: Into it, real into it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but the most stressful part ash most stressful part pinnadas.
Speaker 1: Yeah, are you a pinarda family? No, I don't think
Speaker 1: we've ever voluntarily had one.
Speaker 3: It's very confusing for kids when you're trying to explain
Speaker 3: to them, you know, violence is bad, aggression is also bad.
Speaker 3: And then all of a sudden there's a one little window.
Speaker 1: It's like the purge.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's very it's weird, like we're like, it's like
Speaker 3: you're gonna like hang someone. I'm like hoisting up this
Speaker 3: unicorn that's hanging from the neck. And then I also
Speaker 3: realized that I was like, I don't have I don't
Speaker 3: have a bat, nothing to like, I have no weapon.
Speaker 1: They got to hit with something. I don't imagine hitting
Speaker 1: this because I called you when I was at the park.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you're looking for sticks, scouring for sticks. So
Speaker 1: it was just at the park by myself, like going
Speaker 1: through bushes. So I found the stick, brought it back
Speaker 1: hoisted up by the neck. The unicorn is hanging right there. Actually,
Speaker 1: I love how we hoist up something they love and
Speaker 1: then get them to hit it with the stick so weird.
Speaker 4: I'm like, everyone line up right now, and.
Speaker 3: They're like, where is it. They've just been like dancing
Speaker 3: with the ribbons and I'm like, now we will kill
Speaker 3: an animal.
Speaker 4: And they're like, what not only an animal? Your favorite animal.
Speaker 3: Mom has been there stuffing it in the asshole with
Speaker 3: chocolate and lollies.
Speaker 1: Poor make it, make it and this is the most
Speaker 1: horrible day of it's life. Let me out of my misery.
Speaker 1: And then there's so pathetic and hitting it too. The
Speaker 1: unicorns like make it quick. The kids are like death
Speaker 1: by a thousand cuts or whatever. It's like, we'll get
Speaker 1: there in the end. It'll really dive.
Speaker 4: Starve Asian.
Speaker 1: Brutal.
Speaker 3: The hardest thing is crowd control for a pinard, especially
Speaker 3: with a stick, and we're blindfold. We didn't go blindfold smart,
Speaker 3: thank you, Health and Safety didn't allow for it, so
Speaker 3: we had to. I was holding back the kids, It's
Speaker 3: like stay back, and then we allowed two hits per person,
Speaker 3: a double hit, and then they're like, give me it all.
Speaker 3: And then we had like one of the boys was
Speaker 3: like fucking knocked the ship out of this fucking unicorn
Speaker 3: and we're like, all right, Timmy not too hard, Yeah,
Speaker 3: tendency that kid. Luckily Timmy's is a worry. Yeah, got
Speaker 3: through one round, two hits each beautiful.
Speaker 1: It's also encouraging animal cruelty. It's it's absurd, such mixed messaging.
Speaker 1: Once you're doing it.
Speaker 3: Culdfully and then we love it, it's oh yeah, look
Speaker 3: it's it's a weird anticipation. You know, for good five
Speaker 3: minutes you just cheer it, cheering on the kids to
Speaker 3: slaughter the unicorn.
Speaker 1: Let me ask you this, how was What are you
Speaker 1: like with lots of kids in your house and cleaning up?
Speaker 1: Are you do you get anxious about the cleanup or
Speaker 1: do you just let it all happen and clean up later.
Speaker 3: Weirdly, I was pretty chill. Do you know who was anxious?
Speaker 1: Nana Marley? Oh really, yeah, that's good.
Speaker 3: We gave them a treat each if they cleaned their room.
Speaker 3: They cleaned the room. Room was spotless. Actually a really
Speaker 3: good job. If anyone needs to clean up, Marley and
Speaker 3: Lola definitely recommend them. And the room was spotless. People came,
Speaker 3: and you know, kids come. After a little while, they
Speaker 3: kind of split up. A few of them went into
Speaker 3: Marley's room, and outside. Marley was like, hey, that's a
Speaker 3: bit of a problem. And I said, what's the problem.
Speaker 3: What's going on?
Speaker 1: She goes on, kids are in my room.
Speaker 3: Making it so messy right now. She's like it's going
Speaker 3: to be a nightmare to clean up. Shit's everywhere. And
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, that's okay, don't worry about it.
Speaker 3: And she was like, ah, I just just cleaned it
Speaker 3: as well. Yeah, can we get them out of there?
Speaker 3: And it's such an inconvenience really.
Speaker 1: She's like the thing I got onto the costume is
Speaker 1: du blow on the floor. She's like, can we just.
Speaker 4: Made an absolute mess? Animals?
Speaker 1: It's like where's the unicorn?
Speaker 3: So Marley was the one not into it, and I
Speaker 3: was like, I was like, relaxed, it's cool, people having
Speaker 3: a good time.
Speaker 1: We can clean up later when they've left.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And she was like, I just I just want
Speaker 3: to get the place clean again.
Speaker 1: It's like I'm like her, man, it's like me, I can't.
Speaker 1: I can't let it go. And I'm like if it's like,
Speaker 1: we've got just it's not a party. So we've got
Speaker 1: people having a bunch of kids in my house and
Speaker 1: they make an absolute mess, which they usually do not
Speaker 1: blaming anyone's kids, in particular, if you're watching listening Timmy
Speaker 1: Mike's kids like two reckon Balls Rice or it's like
Speaker 1: and then like I'm just so anxious that I need
Speaker 1: to clean up all the time, and it's like I
Speaker 1: don't really need to, I could just do it later.
Speaker 3: The downside now is that we've got a mountain of
Speaker 3: cardboard behind the house.
Speaker 1: That's the worst.
Speaker 3: Like we've got we need to get a bigger bin
Speaker 3: for the blue cardboard. Like even on the street, every
Speaker 3: time on there's a blue bin da, everyone is full
Speaker 3: to the brim.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say, there's too much cardboard in the world,
Speaker 1: way too much. It's ridiculous, Like I can't, I can't
Speaker 1: beat it's beating me.
Speaker 3: I was watching Maley like unwrap the Presence and one
Speaker 3: was like a Barbie toy and I was like, more cardboard,
Speaker 3: I know.
Speaker 1: And it's like, I suppose we can just burn it'll
Speaker 1: be back the environment.
Speaker 3: But then I have the guilt I feel putting it
Speaker 3: in the red bin.
Speaker 1: I can't. I know it myself, I know it's fucked.
Speaker 1: My sister said it yesterday pretty bluntly. She was like, oh,
Speaker 1: rubbish in our house is Ryan's full time job. Now
Speaker 1: it's like because you're like you have to be on
Speaker 1: it all the time because if you let it, it's
Speaker 1: like washing. If you miss the day washing, you've got
Speaker 1: like sixty five loves, you'll take over. You'll take over.
Speaker 1: The house is a majority cardboard.
Speaker 3: Next thing you're in a current affair and like the
Speaker 3: wad house.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was like, oh, maybe I'll get the kids
Speaker 1: to build something out of the boxes. That just made
Speaker 1: it worse. Now I've got a big structure because you
Speaker 1: can't move that. I'm not allowed to move. I've like
Speaker 1: I've made it worse. I've brought the rubbish back indoors
Speaker 1: for them to build something, and now I can't even
Speaker 1: get rid of it. It's like part of the family.
Speaker 1: I'm over it. Anyway.
Speaker 3: We did though, for the party. We announced it to
Speaker 3: the parents and said, hey, it's a drop and go.
Speaker 3: You are game if you want, Like we were like
Speaker 3: that's cool and like it was interesting. Some people came
Speaker 3: drop the kid off and they're like, they're like, oh,
Speaker 3: stay for a bit, and I said, you want to
Speaker 3: drink and go? Yeah, I'd love a drink, And they
Speaker 3: ended up staying two party shots. I was like, she
Speaker 3: had like a tray of tequila. But then like another
Speaker 3: dad would come in and he'd be.
Speaker 1: Like, h so this is a drop and go And
Speaker 1: I was like, yeah, you go sweet see it. I
Speaker 1: got like a puff of smoke.
Speaker 3: Straight out of that.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But successful, successful, successful? Is it Sunday party? Again?
Speaker 3: Not to attack Lauri here, I just want to just
Speaker 3: put that out there, make everyone aware. I'm not criticizing
Speaker 3: my wife.
Speaker 1: What do you call it? Then, I'm just making an observation. Yes,
Speaker 1: I like it. I'm with you.
Speaker 3: So sometimes when Laura is making plans, she'll suggest something.
Speaker 3: I don't listen properly. I just agree to it, and
Speaker 3: then when it comes closer to the moment, I then go,
Speaker 3: hang on a second, Oh yeah.
Speaker 1: Why is it like this? Yeah, don't be that guy.
Speaker 3: Here's a question for you. Okay, here's a question for you. Okay,
Speaker 3: I won't tell you the time of the party. Yeah,
Speaker 3: what is the perfect time for a kid's party?
Speaker 1: Two thirty pm? What? Yeah, it's too late?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 4: Too late?
Speaker 1: Why two thirty? Because I feel like between twelve and
Speaker 1: two you can be like, oh, kids, we're gonna have
Speaker 1: a bit of downtime because we're going to be launching
Speaker 1: this afternoon for this party. And I also use that
Speaker 1: to be like, if you don't have a bit of downtime,
Speaker 1: then we can't have the party. And they'll be like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, you know, and then two thirty hour and
Speaker 1: a half, everyone's out by four four point thirty sea later,
Speaker 1: and then I can clean up.
Speaker 3: Why don't you have it first thing in the morning
Speaker 3: at ten o'clock.
Speaker 1: Because I want to have a beer. I feel like
Speaker 1: it's more appropriate to have a beer at two thirty
Speaker 1: this afternoon, especially if it's a Saturday. You know, if
Speaker 1: Laura and I have a breakup, and if you're in
Speaker 1: april of a breakup, you should marry Laura. Don't you
Speaker 1: dare put your hands anywhere near my wife.
Speaker 3: I'm not saying I'm inviting you, you're inviting me.
Speaker 1: I don't have other of them both.
Speaker 4: That's fine.
Speaker 3: Laura said two to four, and I was like, that's
Speaker 3: pretty late on a Sunday. It's pretty late.
Speaker 1: I'm getting. I'm getting. I'm coming to think that me
Speaker 1: and Laura a pretty compatible. I get the same thing, Laura.
Speaker 1: If you're have a single day, don't be silly don't
Speaker 1: be silly. I'm sure.
Speaker 3: I think I think a ten to twelve party is
Speaker 3: perfect because you kind of miss lunch, you don't to
Speaker 3: feed them that much. And then like they're not going
Speaker 3: to hang around because four o'clock people want to stay
Speaker 3: for dinner.
Speaker 1: Not in my house, they don't, it's freezing. I think
Speaker 1: it's good to like too four because it's also you
Speaker 1: can be like you're not gonna do I'm gonna hop
Speaker 1: these little shits up on sugar and send them home
Speaker 1: and be someone else's problem. But also like morning, I
Speaker 1: get it, get it out of the way, like some
Speaker 1: people like a good morning party, but yeah, I'm all
Speaker 1: about the afternoon. Here's a question for you. Actually, he
Speaker 1: is gonna rock your world. I'm ready to be right.
Speaker 1: My niece got invited to a party. Birthday parties just three,
Speaker 1: so I'm assuming it's a four year old's party because
Speaker 1: it's the same age. It was one pm. I guess
Speaker 1: what day? Saturday? Monday? What? Sorry? Right, did you just
Speaker 1: say it was Aday Monday for a birthday party? Yeah?
Speaker 1: She doesn't go to daycare this kid. I'm not sure
Speaker 1: why I'm not. They might have their reasons, but I'm
Speaker 1: not sure the parents work. I don't know the details,
Speaker 1: but I was just so rattled by that.
Speaker 3: I was like, I was like, no, although, is that
Speaker 3: the smartest move that we've seen from a parent so far.
Speaker 1: I think it might be you're like, you instantly dwindle
Speaker 1: your numbers down.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's good culling.
Speaker 1: But then it's sad for the child. But how old
Speaker 1: are they? Three?
Speaker 3: Four?
Speaker 1: I don't remember anything.
Speaker 3: They don't have a conscience until they're like six, That
Speaker 3: is the right word, conscience.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't. They just give me in crimes and
Speaker 1: stuff and just sleeping perfectly self aware here they are, Well,
Speaker 1: they don't how many friends they have. If they go
Speaker 1: to a birthday party on a weekend and there's like
Speaker 1: twenty kids there, and then they have a birthday party
Speaker 1: on a Monday and there's like four kids, that is
Speaker 1: an interesting time, I know. And like I said, I
Speaker 1: don't know the reasoning behind it, but well, I was shocked.
Speaker 1: I was in shock. I'm stilling shot.
Speaker 3: We're not we're not here to judge, but like, but
Speaker 3: I don't know, surely sure, maybe they're going away, Maybe
Speaker 3: maybe they work on the weekend. Maybe it was the
Speaker 3: day of the birthday. Some people are very strict and
Speaker 3: wanting to celebrate on the day.
Speaker 1: Maybe, I don't know. Can we find out call April
Speaker 1: call it it wasn't April. I don't know. I just
Speaker 1: wanted to call April. I I caught Oscar trying to
Speaker 1: impress the local mums. I saw you did see that.
Speaker 1: He's got a good one handed push up on him.
Speaker 1: Who's taught him that?
Speaker 5: Not me?
Speaker 1: Because well I can't do it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we tried to get you to do one handed.
Speaker 3: You just he would be like like a potatoes.
Speaker 1: Yes, thank you for pointing that out. I appreciate it,
Speaker 1: working on it, but he he One day I was like,
Speaker 1: you got to warm up for this whatever we were doing,
Speaker 1: like it's like a joke, and he just got started
Speaker 1: doing push ups. I was like, he's like the karate kid. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he's like a monkey. This kid like he's like like
Speaker 1: if he get if he grabs hold of you, he's
Speaker 1: not letting go. And then he's so strong for how
Speaker 1: small he can kids do? Is that is that normally
Speaker 1: get him checked out? You think he's an aspert. I
Speaker 1: don't know.
Speaker 3: Doctors are like, I think something's wrong with the kid.
Speaker 3: One how to push up.
Speaker 1: Yeah, dyslexic, but he's definitely going to be dyslexic. But yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like, good on your kid, and all the
Speaker 1: girls were very impressed.
Speaker 3: How did can I just ask and if anyone wants
Speaker 3: to see the video, it is on two doting dads
Speaker 3: and jam pikelets as well. How did that situation get
Speaker 3: to the point where he was then in front of
Speaker 3: the women doing the one handed push ups.
Speaker 1: I just think they were just all the kids were
Speaker 1: showing off and Oscar's like, you think that's impressive, step aside,
Speaker 1: step aside, kids that are real men through ball. Then
Speaker 1: the reaction from the mums impressed, some of them are pregnant.
Speaker 1: Did he did he react?
Speaker 3: Well? Because I'd love my niece Millie. She played netball
Speaker 3: on the weekend, got her first goal. People cheered because
Speaker 3: she got a very first goal ever in netball. Congratulations,
Speaker 3: she ran off right off the court.
Speaker 4: She was like be barrassed.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it was Oscar like did he was he
Speaker 1: thriving in that environment? Ah? He got a bit shy once,
Speaker 1: like he realized that everyone was like, look, did him go?
Speaker 1: He was kind of like, I'm like that's a fair response. Man,
Speaker 1: if I'm doing push ups and people are.
Speaker 4: Like, look at this, go and go.
Speaker 1: I can't do it and run so but he was, yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like he's a little party trick. I guess there's
Speaker 1: certain moments, you know.
Speaker 3: I think like if your child graduates university, high school,
Speaker 3: getting married, one.
Speaker 1: Had push up, one had to push up up.
Speaker 3: There it's on the list.
Speaker 1: I would say, it's top two. Like you do have
Speaker 1: a level of arrogance. I staunched in his Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was like, Jesu, it's like your kids want
Speaker 3: a gold medal or something.
Speaker 1: He might do one day. You don't know. We could
Speaker 1: look back and go, hang on a minute, remember that
Speaker 1: time you did it one? Make sure he doesn't peak
Speaker 1: too early. He will he's impatient, Matthew. It is time.
Speaker 1: It is time to let something off our listener's chest.
Speaker 1: And that is perant.
Speaker 4: You don't mostly regression.
Speaker 2: You don't.
Speaker 1: Just tell me what a parent do you want my
Speaker 1: grandpa at the shop?
Speaker 3: You don't want advice from strangers, Go and tell.
Speaker 4: Me what is your parent?
Speaker 3: Thank you, Ash.
Speaker 1: I have a few here.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna start with now. This is a longer one.
Speaker 3: This is maybe the longest parent.
Speaker 1: That we've ever had. Wow from Okay, beautiful Sarah, Sarah
Speaker 1: Sarah ant Sarah.
Speaker 3: No, she did post this in the Facebook group, and look,
Speaker 3: I will I will have to just preface this with
Speaker 3: an apology that you and I are both guilty of. Okay, yeah,
Speaker 3: let me start with the rent. Sarah says, I have
Speaker 3: one child, one, one beautiful ten year old daughter, and
Speaker 3: for the past ten years, all people have asked me
Speaker 3: is if I'm having another, she will be spoilt. If
Speaker 3: she's an only child, she will be lonely, she will
Speaker 3: grow up weird looking at you, Maddie Nash. Again, apologies
Speaker 3: there it is. I just smile and laugh and say
Speaker 3: I'm one and done and happy, which I am. I
Speaker 3: know people mean well, but maybe there is an underlying
Speaker 3: issue as to why people only have one. Maybe we
Speaker 3: had a miscarriage, Maybe we wanted a second one and
Speaker 3: it just wasn't on the cards of medically possible high risk.
Speaker 3: You know what, Sarah, You are absolutely one hundred percent correct.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I feel bad now because, yeah, look, we sort
Speaker 1: of rattle off sometimes, we joke.
Speaker 3: We joke, we joke, and we will be more conscious.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like that was all directed at us.
Speaker 3: I mean, like pretty much, it does say our name
Speaker 3: specifically here in the rant.
Speaker 1: Yeah that wasn't the just permitting factor, Yeah, definitely. But
Speaker 1: I seem to think that maybe it has something to
Speaker 1: do with us.
Speaker 3: And you know what, I think it's great that we're
Speaker 3: here as a community on two doting dads. We're allowed
Speaker 3: to listen to our listeners. They can vent, we can change,
Speaker 3: we can apologize, we're growing, we're learning change.
Speaker 1: This is this is all great. This is great, this
Speaker 1: is a good stuff.
Speaker 3: It's a good thing. Has Sarah stopped listening?
Speaker 1: Probably she's probably listening, but if.
Speaker 3: She's here right now, Sarah, we apologize and we thank
Speaker 3: you for your parent.
Speaker 1: And we're happy that we're happy that you just have
Speaker 1: one child. We're happy, more than happy. Wait no, okay,
Speaker 1: we have another one. Matthew from Ebony. Okay, this is
Speaker 1: also a lengthy one. Gee there really really want to
Speaker 1: get this stuff off of their chance. My husband has
Speaker 1: been working away a lot and I was just so
Speaker 1: done with parenting and hearing the word mum. They're totally fair,
Speaker 1: Like I heard you the last five and fifty two times,
Speaker 1: So both of you please shut the fuck up already.
Speaker 1: I fully understand any parent gets that. Look, guys, I
Speaker 1: really don't want to hear the word mum anymore for
Speaker 1: a bit. Okay, fair call, fair call, Florence. My three
Speaker 1: year old looks me dead in the eyes. But Ebony,
Speaker 1: you are the mum. Gotcha got she got your technicality,
Speaker 1: that's for sure. I had no response and took everything
Speaker 1: in meat not to laugh because if you laugh, they're
Speaker 1: going to do it again. Right, Yeah, we know that.
Speaker 1: Sometimes I swear she's thirteen in a three year old's body. Look,
Speaker 1: I feel you, and I did send you, Matthew. That
Speaker 1: video of that woman who was taking count of how
Speaker 1: many times her kid would say mum between the hours
Speaker 1: of like what did she get up? It was like
Speaker 1: two hundred and twenty seven times over the course.
Speaker 3: Of that's beautiful your kids want you, but then nice
Speaker 3: to be needed.
Speaker 1: But then she times by the days of the year,
Speaker 1: and it was like diabolical.
Speaker 4: As shut up.
Speaker 3: This one here, ash is anonymous, and it's directed at
Speaker 3: water bottle at nighttime. A beautiful touch, making sure the
Speaker 3: children are hydrated late at night.
Speaker 1: Why did this just remind me of that hack the
Speaker 1: person had of like the guinea big water bottle.
Speaker 3: Yeah, someone had literally got like when did you put
Speaker 3: in a guinea pig cage and tied it to the
Speaker 3: side of the bed. Yeah, it's great, but issue with
Speaker 3: water bottles at nighttime. They make my child piss the
Speaker 3: bed all the time.
Speaker 4: Oh yes, it's damn you water bottles.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and we keep having the argument where I think
Speaker 1: Oscar's doing it now so we can get up to
Speaker 1: we April was a few times I'd be like, stop
Speaker 1: drinking so much water, right, like when you're in bed.
Speaker 3: Like he's like, yeah, is this there's always been the case.
Speaker 3: I don't remember growing up with the water bottle next
Speaker 3: to my bed.
Speaker 1: No, I didn't do it. There's a different generation, but
Speaker 1: we care about the kids now. It's very different. Okay,
Speaker 1: this one's from me because I'm a bit over it.
Speaker 1: It's I like to get up and out of the
Speaker 1: house immediately. I'm like, I'm so impatient. I'm like, we're
Speaker 1: going somewhere, let's fucking do it. And I've already got
Speaker 1: a for April to get ready, and that takes forever.
Speaker 1: Then I've got to get kids ready and that takes forever.
Speaker 4: And then I were like go and Wii and They're
Speaker 4: both like, I don't need to.
Speaker 1: I don't care. I will squeeze it out of you.
Speaker 1: Couldn't give a ship because then as soon as we
Speaker 1: leave the fucking house, all of a sudden, it's I
Speaker 1: need to wi it's a surprise.
Speaker 4: We it's not.
Speaker 1: No, that's what you say to your kids, so relaxed.
Speaker 4: I gotta get it off.
Speaker 1: So I say to the kids, you got a surprise
Speaker 1: we in there. It'll get you.
Speaker 3: It'll get you, however, and they're like.
Speaker 1: Oh god, because I'm in the car already waiting because
Speaker 1: I'm over it. I'm like, I'm not having this argument
Speaker 1: with you. Every time April staunch on it.
Speaker 3: Whenever I'm like, go on to sit on the toilet.
Speaker 3: Most of the time they end up doing like a
Speaker 3: massive ship.
Speaker 1: Say what was in there? Why are you fighting that?
Speaker 1: Don't you feel better now? Amaze? The other day, I
Speaker 1: was like, just please do a Wii for me, Do
Speaker 1: it for me, Come on, do it for me, Go
Speaker 1: and do a week and she's like, okay, went anyway.
Speaker 1: She did it on the potty overflowed.
Speaker 4: That's how much we she had it. And I was like,
Speaker 4: why are you resisting this? Just get it? Done.
Speaker 1: You need a bigger potty. There was a huge Wii.
Speaker 3: And if you, as a parent, need to get anything
Speaker 3: off your chest, that's why we give you parents. And
Speaker 3: today's segment was brought to you.
Speaker 1: By Just Low Prices. Every day aldi good different. All right, Matthew,
Speaker 1: it is It is that time of the week where
Speaker 1: we get questions from our listeners. We love them, We
Speaker 1: love the questions. Would you like to go first? Or
Speaker 1: would I like to go first? Let's kick it off.
Speaker 3: This is one that we've brought back again because it's
Speaker 3: just such a delicious topic.
Speaker 1: Oh people love it. I think because it strikes a chord.
Speaker 1: That's all's the trigger. If you will, I will help absolutely.
Speaker 1: This is things you shouldn't say to a parent. Volume three.
Speaker 1: All right, I'll start, Matthew. Someone says to you, mainly
Speaker 1: in public, oh gosh, you got your hands full. No shit,
Speaker 1: I know, Captain obvious.
Speaker 4: It's like and it won't help me. Yeah, help me
Speaker 4: with your hands, not your mouth.
Speaker 3: Unless it's like if you crash your car and someone's like,
Speaker 3: that's a pretty big, pretty big crash.
Speaker 1: You got your I think you've crashed it and.
Speaker 3: You're like, no shit, Oh thanks, I didn't realize.
Speaker 1: I thought I was killing it. Yeah.
Speaker 3: I don't know if anyone said this to you, go on,
Speaker 3: ooh gosh, aren't your kids a bit young to be
Speaker 3: in daycare?
Speaker 1: Not to me personally. I think I've thought about it
Speaker 1: about other people.
Speaker 4: I thought about it.
Speaker 3: Sure, I don't say that.
Speaker 1: I don't know. You keep that's one you keep into
Speaker 1: because you don't know people's circumstances. They might have to work.
Speaker 3: We want And again I would never say this, but
Speaker 3: we went and checked out a daycare because with a
Speaker 3: baby coming in September. I don't know if anyone knows that.
Speaker 3: And guess how old they take the kids from six
Speaker 3: weeks eight? That was closed, very close but still and
Speaker 3: I would hey, sorry, sorry, well no, move on, No, look,
Speaker 3: that's a great age.
Speaker 1: Quickly quick. The next one, when you're pregnant you announce
Speaker 1: the sex of your child and it's a girl, and
Speaker 1: they respond, will you try for a boy next time?
Speaker 1: I'm still pregnant. I haven't been trying for this life.
Speaker 1: What is wrong with people? I have? I've got that
Speaker 1: a bit. Yeah you would, Oh my god, the C section?
Speaker 3: Well, it's not really giving birth, is it. R I
Speaker 3: p to anyone who says this publicly.
Speaker 1: I'm not even laughing. I'm just who was said? Who
Speaker 1: would have said that to someone? And if you said
Speaker 1: that to someone.
Speaker 3: You've thought about saying that to someone, have a good look.
Speaker 1: In the mirror. I would say, okay, next time. All
Speaker 1: this is another one. I don't believe in bottle feeding.
Speaker 1: I don't care what you believe in. Shut your fucking
Speaker 1: mouth too. They're diabolical. I would say they're unforgivable. I
Speaker 1: think I may have said that. I think we've no
Speaker 1: one's perfect. I think you've spoken. We've spoken about it
Speaker 1: before that you've said that. Look at me like that
Speaker 1: your high horse. I'm trying to remember it, but I
Speaker 1: think you were just saying it in your situa someone
Speaker 1: thank you. Don't say that to someone else.
Speaker 3: Last one, Oh gosh, I don't know what's wrong with
Speaker 3: your kid, but my kid sleeps through the whole night.
Speaker 1: They're fighting words. That is the most offensive thing you
Speaker 1: can say to a tired p you are, that's that's
Speaker 1: a fight ready to happen. I'm punching you out. I
Speaker 1: am straight up punching you out.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: If you've had something someone has said to you as
Speaker 1: a parent, please write in.
Speaker 3: Let us we're educating the people of the world.
Speaker 1: Yeah, there'd be people out there going away saying I
Speaker 1: can't say that. No, you can't say that.
Speaker 3: Hey, as you asked a question on the Facebook group
Speaker 3: which got an astounding response, and I couldn't tell if
Speaker 3: it was a serious one or not.
Speaker 1: Was it genuine? Yeah it was?
Speaker 3: It was okay for anyone who didn't see the question
Speaker 3: on the Facebook group. First of all, joined the Facebook
Speaker 3: group three thousand members.
Speaker 1: What's up? Question off the back of it really is
Speaker 1: how many days can I repack a sandwich for kids lunch? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Because how many days? Did you? It was a Wednesday? Yeah,
Speaker 1: he took it the same sandwich three days. What can
Speaker 1: I just tell me? Just vegimie. It was hamd wasn't it? No,
Speaker 1: it was chicken, it was it was vegimie. It's the
Speaker 1: same sandwich every time. So I thought, Eh, he's getting
Speaker 1: it again because I'm sick of making it. And then
Speaker 1: I put it out to see. I just wanted to
Speaker 1: not feel judged. I came thick and fast.
Speaker 3: I think I think, I mean, I think I recall
Speaker 3: a second day taking it to school and we're talking
Speaker 3: about like a veggiemine or a jam here, but then
Speaker 3: a third, a third visit to school.
Speaker 1: Come on, man, it's done a lot of cakes. That sandwich.
Speaker 1: It's clocking him up. It's just a nice lunch, but
Speaker 1: it's not just in a plastic bag in his bag
Speaker 1: school bag. Make him a freshy.
Speaker 3: Come on, man, come on.
Speaker 1: I just got the shits about it. I really got
Speaker 1: the shits about it. And then I said on that,
Speaker 1: I said, gee, I feel really judged, and someone just
Speaker 1: wanted to say that's the correct feeling.
Speaker 4: Look, I can handle it, god, I think.
Speaker 3: But I knew how to go with me about giving
Speaker 3: peanut butter and a sandwich, and you're like, ho, everyone,
Speaker 3: I've I've got the sandwich that's now mommified because it's
Speaker 3: three years old.
Speaker 1: Can I still give it to oscoo for breakfast the
Speaker 1: next day? Yes? The answer is it was like, there's
Speaker 1: no such thing as a dumb question. I think there
Speaker 1: were some good responses, like April took a hack off
Speaker 1: the back of it, which was like I won't let
Speaker 1: them eat anything when they get home until they finish
Speaker 1: their lunchbox, like when they get home very good, which
Speaker 1: is okay, that's fine, but.
Speaker 4: Like, ah, hey, we have to stop. I'm not going
Speaker 4: to stop what I'm doing.
Speaker 1: We're going to move right along. We have a new segment.
Speaker 1: We have a new segment, Matt called Parenting Wins. Parenting
Speaker 1: Wins brought to you by Vicks vapor ub now available
Speaker 1: in new lavendercent And I think it's important to celebrate
Speaker 1: all winds. Yeah, you can rant and then win.
Speaker 3: And I'm not talking about your kid doing one handed
Speaker 3: push ups. I'm talking about anything at all. It's the
Speaker 3: little wins that we need to celebrate to keep us going.
Speaker 3: Put the wind back into our sales.
Speaker 1: Oh well said all right, I'm going to go first
Speaker 1: because we didn't have a heap of people write in.
Speaker 1: Because people, it's best we celebrate those wins. I agree.
Speaker 1: This is from Sarah says, I have a sixteen and
Speaker 1: a thirteen year old. They are alive. Does that count?
Speaker 4: You're a great job, doing a fantastic job. Rub it
Speaker 4: in wherever you can.
Speaker 1: This is from Ashley.
Speaker 3: Finally got my nineteen month old to stop saying oh
Speaker 3: shit when she drop something. Now she just says, oh dear.
Speaker 4: Oh win rub it in.
Speaker 1: This one's from Hannah. I put the robot vacuum on
Speaker 1: when the kids go to bed, so it forces them.
Speaker 4: To stay in their room and someone scaring vacuum.
Speaker 1: That is a win. That is an absolute win.
Speaker 3: Oh God, we're good parents and Josh, they.
Speaker 1: Were, they're friends of mine.
Speaker 3: Their eight year old makes them delivers their coffee every morning.
Speaker 4: We trained her.
Speaker 1: Well, wow, that is child labored.
Speaker 4: So it's a win.
Speaker 1: This is from Carissa. I ate lunch the first time.
Speaker 1: I hated it up.
Speaker 3: Today and that's the type of stuff you need to celebrate.
Speaker 1: I know it's like to do the coffee. You got
Speaker 1: to keep eating that up. Call me crazy.
Speaker 3: I like it when he goes cold ash. This one
Speaker 3: is a voice message. It is sent from Frankie hor Photography.
Speaker 5: My son has a whole toy box full of just
Speaker 5: absolute shit. But he totally loves it. But I think
Speaker 5: at some point he actually took a piece in it.
Speaker 5: His four I got so sea girls, I was disgusting,
Speaker 5: like I put a job up on air tasker for
Speaker 5: a hundred bucks, chucked it out on the curve. He
Speaker 5: cracked it obviously. I told him he could have any
Speaker 5: toy that he wants if we get rid of his
Speaker 5: whole toy box and he was like, okay, cool, so win.
Speaker 4: Win, that's all. It took one toy pretty pissed in it.
Speaker 4: What's not a freak wants to buy a piece of
Speaker 4: toy box?
Speaker 1: You wouldn't say. You wouldn't put that on the description though,
Speaker 1: would you be like, free toy box, more toys for
Speaker 1: kids or these kids be like great, what's that smell?
Speaker 1: Just brave?
Speaker 4: It's a wind.
Speaker 1: Wind is a win And if you want to rub
Speaker 1: that in here on the podcast, we welcome that absolutely.
Speaker 1: I'm all for it. And that was Parenting Winds, brought
Speaker 1: to you by vix vapor Rub. For the ultimate parenting
Speaker 1: hack this winter, try vix vapor Ub, now available in
Speaker 1: a new lavender scent.
Speaker 3: It provides cough and cold relief ash for a peaceful sleep,
Speaker 3: because when they sleep, you sleep. Shop the Vix Lavender
Speaker 3: range in store.
Speaker 1: Or online at chemist Warehouse. Always read the label and
Speaker 1: follow the directions from use ash.
Speaker 3: I have some devastating news. Oh no, that's the end
Speaker 3: of this episode. Not enough, But if you would like
Speaker 3: to reach out to us, you can do that. You
Speaker 3: can speak to us in the form of a review
Speaker 3: in either on Apple Podcasts or on Spotify. Hey, whilst
Speaker 3: you're at it, give us a couple of stars. We're
Speaker 3: a four point nine on Spotify right now.
Speaker 1: Love that. You can also reach us on any social
Speaker 1: media platform that exists, Instagram, TikTok.
Speaker 3: Don't quote us on that. I'm sorry about.
Speaker 4: I just went for I went for it.
Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads across all those that I mentioned in
Speaker 1: the world, TikTok, Instagram.
Speaker 4: And anywhere else in the world.
Speaker 1: That's us. Bye see, you get bye, Okay, We'll go,
Speaker 1: I'll hang up Okay.
Speaker 3: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country
Speaker 3: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 1: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 1: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
Speaker 1: peoples today