1 00:00:06,120 --> 00:00:09,000 Speaker 1: Before we start today's podcast, I've got to do a 2 00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:12,880 Speaker 1: huge plug for this Monday night's episode number three of 3 00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:15,840 Speaker 1: Parental Guidance. I know we've been talking about Parental Guidance NonStop. 4 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:20,479 Speaker 1: There's been so much discussion, but Monday coming episode three 5 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 1: is going to be the best Parental Guidance episode that 6 00:00:23,800 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: we have ever seen on TV. I'm absolutely pumped for it. 7 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:32,280 Speaker 1: We confront two generation's worrying obsession. 8 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:35,000 Speaker 2: At school needs to be riding on the walls about 9 00:00:35,080 --> 00:00:35,720 Speaker 2: mummy's leg. 10 00:00:36,440 --> 00:00:40,640 Speaker 1: This is, for me, an area that requires immediate intervention, 11 00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,520 Speaker 1: and we are parents with the tools to navigate their 12 00:00:44,560 --> 00:00:45,200 Speaker 1: way through. 13 00:00:46,159 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 2: The other day, I was actually talking with a grandma 14 00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:51,920 Speaker 2: who mentioned that she had watched the show so far 15 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:55,240 Speaker 2: and was loving it, but when she mentioned it to 16 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:57,760 Speaker 2: her daughter, her daughter was like, I don't want to 17 00:00:57,760 --> 00:00:59,200 Speaker 2: watch that. I don't want to be judged. 18 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:01,520 Speaker 1: That's how it works. 19 00:01:01,840 --> 00:01:04,040 Speaker 2: And I just thought it was really interesting and I 20 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,840 Speaker 2: wanted to highlight if you're out there and you're not 21 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 2: wanting to watch the show because you think that that's 22 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:13,120 Speaker 2: what it's about, please just give it a go, because 23 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 2: it's not about judgment. What I love about the show 24 00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:20,240 Speaker 2: is the conversation starters that the result. 25 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,399 Speaker 1: That's the whole thing. It's about conversation. 26 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:25,480 Speaker 2: From being able to watch this and be given These 27 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:28,720 Speaker 2: are tricky conversations and so many families struggle to have them, 28 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 2: and so being able to actually have something that you 29 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:36,160 Speaker 2: can both see together and then have a conversation around, Yeah, 30 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:37,160 Speaker 2: it's so powerful. 31 00:01:37,280 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 1: Sit there and watch it with the kids, have the conversations. 32 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:41,080 Speaker 1: So many people are telling me that they're doing it 33 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,840 Speaker 1: and I just absolutely love it. We should introduce ourselves, 34 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:47,160 Speaker 1: but just before we do, Monday Night, episode three, seven 35 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 1: point thirty on nine and nine. Now it's going to 36 00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:53,000 Speaker 1: blow your world. This is the best episode we have 37 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: ever done in three seasons. I'm stoked for it. Okay, 38 00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,600 Speaker 1: So this is the Happy Famili's podcast, Real Pairing Solutions 39 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,480 Speaker 1: every Day, Australia's most down load of parenting podcast. I'm justin, 40 00:02:02,040 --> 00:02:04,920 Speaker 1: You're Kylie and we are the Colsons. Oh I should 41 00:02:04,920 --> 00:02:07,840 Speaker 1: also just mention as well. I've spoken to a number 42 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:10,840 Speaker 1: of people who have said, watching from season one, I 43 00:02:10,960 --> 00:02:12,880 Speaker 1: didn't even know that the show existed, But I've watched 44 00:02:12,880 --> 00:02:14,519 Speaker 1: season one and now not to season two, and I 45 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:17,720 Speaker 1: can't wait to watch season three so much fun. Every 46 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:19,320 Speaker 1: Friday on the pod, we talk about the things that 47 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:20,959 Speaker 1: we've done right all the things we've done wrong. It's 48 00:02:20,960 --> 00:02:23,400 Speaker 1: called I'll do better Tomorrow, and the idea is that 49 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:25,440 Speaker 1: we're supposed to give you some inspo, either through our 50 00:02:25,560 --> 00:02:27,760 Speaker 1: errors of mistakes or through the things that we're nailing, 51 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:30,320 Speaker 1: so that you can make family life happier and better. 52 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:31,880 Speaker 1: I'm going to go first today, Kylie. 53 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,240 Speaker 2: Oh, I thought I was going first. 54 00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:35,920 Speaker 1: No, My one's a really quick one, okay, And I 55 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:38,480 Speaker 1: just this is my opportunity to virtue signal, to show 56 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:43,000 Speaker 1: everyone how awesome I am. I just got there's something 57 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:44,320 Speaker 1: that's happening as I'm getting older. 58 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:45,919 Speaker 2: I just need to ask, are you real? 59 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:48,840 Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, this is not AI, this is legit good. 60 00:02:48,880 --> 00:02:49,960 Speaker 1: I've been getting that question a lot. 61 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,519 Speaker 2: You have everywhere we go. 62 00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:55,880 Speaker 1: Last weekend, we're walking through the markets and some guy goes, hey, Justin, 63 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:57,760 Speaker 1: and I had no idea who he was. I'm like hi, 64 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:02,800 Speaker 1: and he goes, are you AI? It's happening constantly. Okay, 65 00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,920 Speaker 1: So today's old a better tomorrow from me. I'm going 66 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:07,080 Speaker 1: to show off a bit. This is a bit that 67 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 1: I absolutely got right. But I want to put it 68 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,600 Speaker 1: in some context here. Years and years and years ago, 69 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:15,639 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have done what I'm doing now. As I've 70 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:19,360 Speaker 1: gotten older. I don't know if my heart has gotten bigger. 71 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:21,920 Speaker 1: I don't know how I've changed or how to describe 72 00:03:21,960 --> 00:03:27,840 Speaker 1: what's happened. But I feel compelled to describe my appreciation 73 00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:30,840 Speaker 1: and my love for you and the kids in ways 74 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,920 Speaker 1: much more overt ways than I probably have a decade 75 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:37,720 Speaker 1: ago or two decades ago. I really want you and 76 00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:39,600 Speaker 1: the kids to know how grateful I am for you, 77 00:03:39,640 --> 00:03:41,960 Speaker 1: how much I love you. So the phone rings while 78 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:44,640 Speaker 1: I'm driving the other day and it's how Elders daughter, Chanell. 79 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 1: She's twenty. I'm not allowed to say how old she's 80 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,960 Speaker 1: anymore because she's a full grown woman with a baby 81 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,880 Speaker 1: and husband and all that sort of stuff. But she's 82 00:03:50,880 --> 00:03:53,640 Speaker 1: in the mid twenties. And I picked up the phone 83 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:57,000 Speaker 1: and said hello, Chanel, And then before she had the 84 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:59,040 Speaker 1: opportunity to talk, I said, I know you've called for 85 00:03:59,080 --> 00:04:01,720 Speaker 1: a purpose, even if it's just a chat, but before 86 00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 1: you tell me why you're ringing, I just need you 87 00:04:04,240 --> 00:04:07,240 Speaker 1: to know I love you so much. I'm so grateful 88 00:04:07,240 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 1: for you. You are such a delight in my life, 89 00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,800 Speaker 1: and if I don't tell you that often enough, I 90 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,880 Speaker 1: want you to know it right now. And just I 91 00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,000 Speaker 1: don't know. There's something about looking at the kids as 92 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:20,400 Speaker 1: I walk down the corridor and saying I think the 93 00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,440 Speaker 1: world of you, or grabbing one of them into a 94 00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 1: great big hug in the kitchen for no reason and 95 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:28,480 Speaker 1: just whispering you mean everything to me. I feel as 96 00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:31,359 Speaker 1: though these and obviously you've got to back it up 97 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:32,800 Speaker 1: in the way that you act with them and the 98 00:04:32,839 --> 00:04:34,839 Speaker 1: way that you talk with them, and the conversations and 99 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:37,920 Speaker 1: the even the correction and direction that you give. It's 100 00:04:37,920 --> 00:04:39,640 Speaker 1: got to be backed up in support all the way through. 101 00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:43,080 Speaker 1: But Kyl, that's my older better tomorrow. Really simple expressions 102 00:04:43,080 --> 00:04:46,840 Speaker 1: of love, expressions of gratitude, expressions of connection. I think 103 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:49,800 Speaker 1: they make a difference. And it felt really great to 104 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:54,520 Speaker 1: say that to one of the children unexpectedly the other day, And. 105 00:04:54,440 --> 00:04:57,279 Speaker 2: I think that that is actually the key. It's not 106 00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:00,000 Speaker 2: about waiting for the right moment. It's not about waiting 107 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,560 Speaker 2: for a special occasion. It's actually taking the time to 108 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:07,600 Speaker 2: just stop and recognize the people in your lives who 109 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:08,239 Speaker 2: make a difference. 110 00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:11,120 Speaker 1: Just blurted out like she had stuff to talk to 111 00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:12,920 Speaker 1: me about. But I wanted to make sure she knew 112 00:05:12,960 --> 00:05:14,960 Speaker 1: that before she told me I love it. I wonder 113 00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:16,960 Speaker 1: if it changed the conversation. Mate, she might have been 114 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:19,279 Speaker 1: calling to get mad at me, don't know, but she 115 00:05:19,320 --> 00:05:20,200 Speaker 1: certainly was nice to me. 116 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:21,680 Speaker 2: Up really didn't after that. 117 00:05:21,680 --> 00:05:31,440 Speaker 1: That's exactly right, all right, Kylie. Let's hear your Older 118 00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:32,080 Speaker 1: Better Tomorrow. 119 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 2: A couple of weeks ago, we talked specifically about routine 120 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:41,880 Speaker 2: and structure around bedtimes with our youngest Emily, who is eleven. 121 00:05:41,520 --> 00:05:42,600 Speaker 1: And who just hates bedtime. 122 00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:46,080 Speaker 2: She hates it. She actually thinks it's the bane of 123 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 2: her existence. Yeah, unnecessary, unwanted. 124 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:51,760 Speaker 1: In her words, in her words, I don't think I 125 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,440 Speaker 1: should have to go to bed. And we talked about 126 00:05:54,760 --> 00:05:57,280 Speaker 1: so this was in an Older Better Tomorrow episode, I 127 00:05:57,320 --> 00:05:59,960 Speaker 1: think two weeks ago, and you sat down, had an 128 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:03,839 Speaker 1: with her and put together a schedule including what was 129 00:06:03,880 --> 00:06:05,800 Speaker 1: it like massage? I think that there were. 130 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:08,520 Speaker 2: You're so funny, no, that there definitely was a bubble bath. 131 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:12,160 Speaker 1: I knew there was something like that, some sort of pampering. 132 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:13,920 Speaker 2: Rubbing some oils on her. 133 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:16,479 Speaker 1: That's right, Yeah, Yeah, You've got the whole love the 134 00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:18,400 Speaker 1: lavender stuff going up the nose or whatever. 135 00:06:18,760 --> 00:06:20,480 Speaker 2: And so I thought today i'd report on how we've 136 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:23,360 Speaker 2: done because we hadn't actually done anything about it. We've 137 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:24,200 Speaker 2: just created us. 138 00:06:24,560 --> 00:06:26,839 Speaker 1: So this is a bad story then because it hasn't worked. 139 00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 2: You're so terrible. I'm actually really really happy with how 140 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:34,159 Speaker 2: well she responded. 141 00:06:34,279 --> 00:06:39,839 Speaker 1: Your perception is so different to mine. Hell well, I 142 00:06:39,839 --> 00:06:41,920 Speaker 1: don't think that we're doing it. Are we doing? Are 143 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,400 Speaker 1: we actually doing the routine? You're going to try and 144 00:06:43,400 --> 00:06:45,480 Speaker 1: tell me that we're doing the routine a little bit, 145 00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,520 Speaker 1: sometimes one hundred percent, fifty percent. 146 00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 2: You're hilarious. You're saying that like you're actually here all 147 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:51,960 Speaker 2: the time. 148 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,240 Speaker 1: I can't believe you're giving me a hard time about 149 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:56,200 Speaker 1: I've got to travel, I've got to put money in 150 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,520 Speaker 1: the bank so that we can pay for the mortgage. 151 00:06:59,120 --> 00:07:02,880 Speaker 2: But in full train experience, consistency is a challenge. 152 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,360 Speaker 1: Yes, okay, all right, okay, So it hasn't. 153 00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:10,400 Speaker 2: Happened every night, no, But what has happened is whenever 154 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:17,200 Speaker 2: we have done the routine, it has revolutionized bedtime that evening. Yeah, 155 00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:21,480 Speaker 2: like literally changed the dynamics in the house. And what 156 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:26,000 Speaker 2: I love about it is just how calm Emily is 157 00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:31,040 Speaker 2: so before we started this new routine, it's not like 158 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:32,960 Speaker 2: she was bouncing off the walls. It's not like she 159 00:07:33,040 --> 00:07:37,200 Speaker 2: was causing trouble. It's like she just was. 160 00:07:37,120 --> 00:07:40,280 Speaker 1: Engaged, coloring in her a lego until like ten o'clock 161 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,160 Speaker 1: at night or something ridiculous like that. 162 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,160 Speaker 2: She was just engaged and whatever it is that she 163 00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 2: was doing. But now, with a bath and some oils, 164 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 2: she goes to bed before the bedtime that we stipulated, 165 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:56,000 Speaker 2: and she will She'll lie in bed and she'll wait 166 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:58,120 Speaker 2: for me. I'll come and I'll rub some oils on her. 167 00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,960 Speaker 2: I'll ask her to share the things that she's great 168 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 2: before the day, we'll say a little prayer together, and 169 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:07,960 Speaker 2: she's just sleepy, like she's sleepy, and she just wants 170 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:12,760 Speaker 2: to snuggle. And I just love that, in spite of 171 00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 2: the fact that she's eleven, she's almost a teenager, that 172 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:23,760 Speaker 2: she craves that time together. And I'm really grateful that 173 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,440 Speaker 2: I've been reminded of just how important it is to 174 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:30,560 Speaker 2: slow that nighttime routine down and be able to reconnect 175 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,720 Speaker 2: with our children one on one in that sleepy space. 176 00:08:34,800 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 1: Okay, so the take home message is, yes, consistency can 177 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:42,320 Speaker 1: improve but having the structure, it really has calmed. Again, 178 00:08:42,400 --> 00:08:45,200 Speaker 1: calming wasn't really the issue. It's created. 179 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:48,439 Speaker 2: A calm has been The calm has happened as a 180 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:51,240 Speaker 2: result of the lack of tension and cand. 181 00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:54,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, let's fight's over, but I don't want to. 182 00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:57,240 Speaker 2: Yeah. So if you wanted to change the word, it 183 00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 2: would be compliance. 184 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:01,680 Speaker 1: Yeah, but it's about It's about Emily saying there's a sequence, 185 00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,199 Speaker 1: and we're operationalizing the sequence, and I know what I've 186 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:05,680 Speaker 1: got to do now, and then the next thing and 187 00:09:05,720 --> 00:09:09,480 Speaker 1: the next thing. And she's in like she's enjoying the 188 00:09:09,480 --> 00:09:11,720 Speaker 1: sequence because the sequence is full of things that she 189 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:12,720 Speaker 1: likes to do as well. 190 00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,480 Speaker 2: After the first night, when she woke up the next morning, 191 00:09:15,559 --> 00:09:17,880 Speaker 2: she came in and gave me a big hug, and 192 00:09:17,920 --> 00:09:19,360 Speaker 2: I looked at her and I said, you look like 193 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:21,960 Speaker 2: you've had a really good sleep. I said, I think 194 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:26,160 Speaker 2: that nighttime routine really worked, and she said, yeah, me too, 195 00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:30,160 Speaker 2: like she just loved it. And so, yes, we could 196 00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:35,760 Speaker 2: be more consistent, but I love that we've got this 197 00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:39,800 Speaker 2: structure in place, and I love that she recognizes that 198 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:40,640 Speaker 2: it makes a difference. 199 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,960 Speaker 1: Structure builds competence. Competence is a basic psychological need. When 200 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:45,560 Speaker 1: kids feel like they know what they're supposed to be doing, 201 00:09:45,559 --> 00:09:46,960 Speaker 1: when they're supposed to be doing it, and how to 202 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:50,080 Speaker 1: do it, they just feel better about life and relationships improved. 203 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:55,480 Speaker 1: Plast they tend to do it autonomously. Basic psychological need tick, happiness, 204 00:09:55,480 --> 00:10:00,640 Speaker 1: well being, motivation, Everything changes for the better. Come message 205 00:10:00,679 --> 00:10:03,760 Speaker 1: strong ideas. A quick reminder again Episode three on Monday 206 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:05,559 Speaker 1: Night of Parental Guidance. This is going to be the 207 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,000 Speaker 1: big one. It's the best episode that I've ever seen 208 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:11,360 Speaker 1: on the Telly for this series, So hopefully you can 209 00:10:11,440 --> 00:10:14,720 Speaker 1: join us on nine and nine now seven point thirty Monday. 210 00:10:14,880 --> 00:10:17,599 Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin rule On 211 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,840 Speaker 1: from Bridge Media. Mim Hammonds takes care of admin's support 212 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 1: and research. If you think that your family would be 213 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,920 Speaker 1: happier because of the stuff that we share in this podcast, 214 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:29,600 Speaker 1: that means that other people's families will be happier as well. 215 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:32,520 Speaker 1: So we invite you to share the podcast with others. 216 00:10:32,600 --> 00:10:34,960 Speaker 1: Just click a couple of buttons. That's really easy to 217 00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:38,199 Speaker 1: share it. It takes a few seconds and pass it along. 218 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 1: And if you do love the pod and you're not 219 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:42,840 Speaker 1: a regular listener, just click the subscribe button so that 220 00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,640 Speaker 1: you can get it in your feed daily. If you'd 221 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:47,400 Speaker 1: like more information and more resources about making your family happier, 222 00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:49,480 Speaker 1: you'll find them at happy families dot com, dot you