WEBVTT - Love me MORE and the need to please! Unpacking Codependency 0:00:19.440 --> 0:00:22.520 Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life 0:00:22.560 --> 0:00:23.000 on Cut. 0:00:23.040 --> 0:00:24.959 I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and. 0:00:24.920 --> 0:00:28.600 We're inching each day one step closer to Christmas. 0:00:28.640 --> 0:00:30.040 Oh, they're going to say to a breakdown. 0:00:30.640 --> 0:00:33.640 Yeah, twenty twenty one has its way with us before 0:00:33.680 --> 0:00:35.639 the end of the year. Yeah, that's definitely where we're 0:00:35.640 --> 0:00:38.839 going to be. But this weekend, Brittany, I was going 0:00:38.920 --> 0:00:40.160 to put up the Christmas tree. 0:00:41.080 --> 0:00:43.920 Let me guess you didn't. I didn't. I didn't see 0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:45.960 that one coming. Laura, Well, did I realize? 0:00:46.000 --> 0:00:48.600 Okay, there's also no Christmas tree in your house. We're 0:00:48.600 --> 0:00:50.080 recording in your lound room. 0:00:50.720 --> 0:00:54.120 Where in this jungle that is my loundroom? Would you 0:00:54.280 --> 0:00:56.040 like me to put a Christmas tree? Actually what I 0:00:56.040 --> 0:00:58.920 was thinking of do so just so people know my loundroom. 0:00:59.040 --> 0:01:02.280 It's not human, but there's a lot of greenery. Like 0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:04.160 you walk in here and it's like you're in a florist. 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:06.120 Yeah, but you could just put some tinsel around that 0:01:06.160 --> 0:01:07.759 there fiddle fig, I reckon, it. 0:01:07.760 --> 0:01:09.280 Is a really healthy fiddle fig. It's actually what I 0:01:09.360 --> 0:01:11.160 was thinking of doing. I was thinking of wrapping some 0:01:11.240 --> 0:01:13.040 tinsel down the tree and calling it a day. 0:01:13.200 --> 0:01:15.880 Can I just say how arrogant you are you had 0:01:15.880 --> 0:01:18.280 to put in there. It's a really healthy fiddlefig purely, 0:01:18.319 --> 0:01:21.960 but everybody who doesn't have a healthy fiddle fig, fuck you, Brittany. Okay, 0:01:21.959 --> 0:01:25.120 we felt that in our soul. It is so hard, 0:01:25.480 --> 0:01:28.240 we know to keep these bad boys alive. I know 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:31.880 keeping your children alive is easier than keeping a fiddle 0:01:31.880 --> 0:01:34.000 fig alive. If you move that fucker out of one 0:01:34.080 --> 0:01:36.720 corner and put it outside for five minutes, it does. 0:01:36.840 --> 0:01:37.080 Bro. 0:01:37.200 --> 0:01:41.280 If you rotate that fiddle one centimeter, it has an aneurysm, 0:01:41.360 --> 0:01:42.160 and it's like, I'm done. 0:01:42.280 --> 0:01:44.280 You cannot look at it, touch it, move it. You 0:01:44.319 --> 0:01:46.280 can't talk to it, you cannot play it. Don't look 0:01:46.280 --> 0:01:48.600 at it's too loud. You cannot do not show that 0:01:48.640 --> 0:01:51.800 fiddle any level of attention or the thing will die. 0:01:51.880 --> 0:01:54.120 It's so true. But anyway, okay, back to the whole 0:01:54.160 --> 0:01:58.400 Christmas thing. So like small sidetrack the whole weekend to 0:01:58.440 --> 0:02:00.400 the kids. I mean, this is where you really set 0:02:00.400 --> 0:02:02.320 your children up for disappointment. The whole weekend. I was like, 0:02:02.320 --> 0:02:04.280 we're gonna do the Christmas tree. We're gonna do the 0:02:04.360 --> 0:02:06.360 Christmas tree. If you have your nap, we can do 0:02:06.400 --> 0:02:08.160 the Christmas tree. If you eat your greens, we can 0:02:08.200 --> 0:02:10.160 do the Christmas tree. If you stop pooping in the bath, 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:12.079 we can do the Christmas tree. And then I got 0:02:12.080 --> 0:02:13.880 to Sunday night and I was like, I can't be 0:02:13.919 --> 0:02:16.160 fucking bothered to do the Christmas tree. And I realized 0:02:16.400 --> 0:02:19.160 I'm that person. I love Christmas, I love it, but 0:02:19.240 --> 0:02:21.880 I need somebody else to do Christmas for me. There's 0:02:21.919 --> 0:02:24.840 always one person in the family who puts the tree up, 0:02:24.840 --> 0:02:28.200 who gets everyone excited, who plays Mariah Kerrey, And it's 0:02:28.240 --> 0:02:29.799 not me, and it's not Matt. 0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:34.680 Do you know the only good thing about this is 0:02:34.720 --> 0:02:37.640 that I'm going to assume your two year old and 0:02:37.680 --> 0:02:41.160 seven month old don't quite have the concept yet of 0:02:41.200 --> 0:02:43.640 what a weekend is, so they don't know that the 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:45.880 weekend is only two days. They don't know the weekend's over. 0:02:46.000 --> 0:02:48.119 So if you just keep saying we'll do it over 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:50.840 the weekend, that could go on for the next few weeks. 0:02:50.919 --> 0:02:53.079 So I should just keep lying to them, let them 0:02:53.120 --> 0:02:54.560 think a weekend is a month. 0:02:54.680 --> 0:02:55.000 Good. 0:02:55.200 --> 0:02:58.040 I like your thinking failure, but it's like, don't you 0:02:58.040 --> 0:02:58.840 think it's so true? 0:02:58.840 --> 0:03:02.200 Like every family has that one person who is the 0:03:02.280 --> 0:03:05.800 Christmas driver. They're the person that gets everything ready, that 0:03:05.919 --> 0:03:08.200 like get all the family together. They're the ones who 0:03:08.240 --> 0:03:10.480 always want to have Christmas lunch at their house. They're 0:03:10.520 --> 0:03:12.520 the jolly person. And then the rest of us just 0:03:12.600 --> 0:03:14.639 kind of go along with it and get excited that 0:03:14.680 --> 0:03:18.560 somebody else did it. Okay, So spoiler, it's not me either. 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:21.840 I can tell in my family it is I've got 0:03:21.960 --> 0:03:23.639 there's four kids in my family, obviously my mum and 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:24.400 dad four kids. 0:03:25.280 --> 0:03:26.040 It is Sheridan. 0:03:26.120 --> 0:03:28.119 It is my sister. I know she's listening to this now. 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:31.440 As a prime example, we are all going to Queensland 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:35.640 for Christmas at Sherry's house. She has already bought all 0:03:35.680 --> 0:03:38.840 the food, all the drinks, all the ingredients for everything. 0:03:38.880 --> 0:03:41.240 She's set the tree up, She's already sent the list 0:03:41.280 --> 0:03:43.520 to us of what everybody owes and has to contribute. 0:03:43.560 --> 0:03:46.000 She's done the Chris Kringle like, she's done the drawer 0:03:46.000 --> 0:03:48.440 for the presence. She is so organized. 0:03:48.520 --> 0:03:50.360 I literally just said to her, I was like, I'm 0:03:50.400 --> 0:03:52.400 going to show up two days in advance. Just tell 0:03:52.400 --> 0:03:54.120 me if I need to bring something, but don't text 0:03:54.120 --> 0:03:56.040 it to me until the day before because I will 0:03:56.040 --> 0:03:58.280 lose that. I will not be organized enough to do it. 0:03:58.280 --> 0:04:00.320 It is one hundred percent hers. She's got the Christmas Carol, 0:04:00.440 --> 0:04:01.480 She's got everything. 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:03.880 If she has already got all your food organized, I 0:04:03.960 --> 0:04:05.200 really hope it's all preserved. 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:07.040 I hope it's not prawns. 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:11.640 Because Sherry, I am tapping out. No, we do always 0:04:11.680 --> 0:04:12.400 have seafood lunch. 0:04:12.440 --> 0:04:13.840 So she would have organized that as well, But she 0:04:13.880 --> 0:04:15.600 would have already just like she would have already pre 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:16.040 ordered it. 0:04:16.080 --> 0:04:17.159 That's how organized is. 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:19.400 You got to do the pre order. But I feel 0:04:19.400 --> 0:04:21.760 sorry for my future kids because they're gonna have a 0:04:21.800 --> 0:04:22.560 miserable Christmas. 0:04:22.600 --> 0:04:24.320 Like my children, well, they're gonna spend every holiday at 0:04:24.320 --> 0:04:25.159 Annie Sherry's house. 0:04:26.360 --> 0:04:29.520 I don't plan on looking after them anyway. 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:32.279 Guys, we have some big things to talk about on 0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:35.240 today's episode before we jump into let's get to the 0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:37.240 main thing and then we'll work our way back. On 0:04:37.240 --> 0:04:41.880 this episode, we're talking about codependency. We've spoken about codependency 0:04:42.000 --> 0:04:46.320 multiple times before, mostly because I am a reformed codependent addict. 0:04:46.720 --> 0:04:49.520 I'm going to talk about how much Lauren needs me. Yeah, 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:51.600 I mean, and here I am showing up at her 0:04:51.600 --> 0:04:53.720 house all the time. I say it's work, but really 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:55.719 it's because I don't like to be alone. Surprised this 0:04:55.800 --> 0:04:58.159 is a therapy session. But so many of us display 0:04:58.200 --> 0:05:01.320 different characteristics of codependence. For a lot of us, we 0:05:01.440 --> 0:05:03.520 can be codependent in our relationships, but it can show 0:05:03.600 --> 0:05:05.280 up in so many different ways. It can show up 0:05:05.279 --> 0:05:07.599 in our relationships with our children, it can show up 0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:09.559 in a relation to how we get on with people 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:13.800 at work. It's such a big and interesting thing to unpack. 0:05:13.880 --> 0:05:16.400 It's also something that we can kind of ebb in 0:05:16.440 --> 0:05:18.200 and out of at different times in our life. We 0:05:18.279 --> 0:05:22.159 might have some codependent characteristics and they may become more 0:05:22.200 --> 0:05:24.960 inflamed or more noticeable depending on the relationships that we're in. 0:05:24.960 --> 0:05:28.320 So we're gonna unpack codependency on this episode, but before 0:05:28.400 --> 0:05:30.719 we do, we always like to talk about a couple 0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:31.240 other things. 0:05:31.279 --> 0:05:31.599 First. 0:05:31.880 --> 0:05:34.560 It was a very big week in the world of 0:05:34.600 --> 0:05:39.040 reality TV. Firstly, just some happy news. Martha and Michael 0:05:39.040 --> 0:05:42.719 from Mass got engaged. I mean they're already married, right. 0:05:42.520 --> 0:05:43.840 Well, yeah, like they got married with you. 0:05:43.960 --> 0:05:45.960 But it isn't it nice to see like reality TV 0:05:46.160 --> 0:05:47.040 actually work out? 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:48.440 It's actually success story. 0:05:48.520 --> 0:05:50.920 So in Australia, I don't know if anyone actually knows this, 0:05:51.000 --> 0:05:52.960 but the Australian married at first sight. It is not 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:56.200 a legally binding marriage. It's just classified as an experiment. 0:05:56.240 --> 0:05:57.840 But you don't even have to get a divorce if 0:05:57.839 --> 0:06:01.240 it doesn't work out. So years later, I think it 0:06:01.279 --> 0:06:03.080 is they've been together for three years and they just 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:05.359 got officially engaged. 0:06:05.480 --> 0:06:05.600 Now. 0:06:05.640 --> 0:06:07.480 I see them around all the time in Bondi. 0:06:07.600 --> 0:06:09.880 They're very in love and it's really nice to see 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:11.400 a success story from reality TV. 0:06:11.640 --> 0:06:14.839 I also love, actually, okay, I love Martha and Michael 0:06:14.880 --> 0:06:16.960 together because I feel like when their show finished and 0:06:17.000 --> 0:06:18.960 when they first came out into the Big Bad world, 0:06:19.279 --> 0:06:20.960 they had a target on their back that they weren't 0:06:20.960 --> 0:06:23.400 going to work out. Media wanted to say that they 0:06:23.440 --> 0:06:26.880 were a pr stunt. So many people were so negative 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:29.280 on their relationship about how it wasn't going to end 0:06:29.360 --> 0:06:31.760 up in anything. And that was also because Martha was 0:06:31.800 --> 0:06:34.120 a little bit embroiled in the drama with Jess on 0:06:34.160 --> 0:06:36.039 her season. There was a lot going on there. But 0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:39.040 over the years they have proved time and time again 0:06:39.120 --> 0:06:41.480 that they are not only a real relationship, but they 0:06:41.480 --> 0:06:44.960 are a thriving real relationship out of reality TV. They're 0:06:44.960 --> 0:06:47.480 happy and they're getting married, and she got a big 0:06:47.960 --> 0:06:48.880 whopping ring. 0:06:49.000 --> 0:06:50.080 Oh so beautiful. 0:06:50.360 --> 0:06:53.279 It has so much envy, so big, like so big. 0:06:53.400 --> 0:06:54.120 I'm sure we're. 0:06:54.000 --> 0:06:55.919 Going to see a very beautiful, big Greek wedding and 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:57.200 I absolutely can't wait to see it. 0:06:57.240 --> 0:06:58.520 So congratulations to those two. 0:06:58.640 --> 0:07:00.919 There is a part of reality tea though, that the 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:03.160 public don't always want the couples to work out. And 0:07:03.200 --> 0:07:05.440 I remember even Laura, when you and Matt you had 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:07.480 your happy ending you were together, you were like, whoo, 0:07:07.839 --> 0:07:10.280 we're out in the public. There were so many people 0:07:10.360 --> 0:07:11.880 hating for you. It's not gonna work. 0:07:11.920 --> 0:07:12.400 It's fake. 0:07:12.920 --> 0:07:15.040 He should have chosen someone else, Like there's always this 0:07:15.120 --> 0:07:16.920 idea for some reason, there are always these people that 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:18.280 made me happy for you. But there is a big 0:07:18.400 --> 0:07:20.760 chunk of people that don't want that happy ending from 0:07:20.800 --> 0:07:23.520 reality TV. They want to believe from the bottom of 0:07:23.560 --> 0:07:26.040 their heart that reality TV cannot work. 0:07:26.080 --> 0:07:28.280 And you know what, the really, really nice thing about 0:07:28.320 --> 0:07:30.800 that whole experience is is that they don't mind telling 0:07:30.840 --> 0:07:33.760 you because they've seen you on the TV and they think, oh, 0:07:33.760 --> 0:07:35.760 you're a public figure. I'm going to tell you that 0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:37.720 I think your relationship isn't going to work out. The 0:07:37.760 --> 0:07:42.240 amount of messages the matten I received pre me falling pregnant. Actually, 0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:44.080 do you know what, even once I was pregnant with Marley, 0:07:44.440 --> 0:07:47.680 messages like, Oh, he's never going to marry her, she's 0:07:47.760 --> 0:07:51.640 just pregnant, Pista, still a pista, Like this relationship is 0:07:51.680 --> 0:07:53.480 never going to work out. How about we check in 0:07:53.640 --> 0:07:56.080 five years time and see if they're still together. People 0:07:56.240 --> 0:07:58.840 write that shit to you, and so, you know, it's 0:07:58.920 --> 0:08:01.600 really nice when you can go through this huge experience 0:08:01.600 --> 0:08:04.840 because reality TV is a very galvanizing experience. You either 0:08:05.240 --> 0:08:07.200 hit the ground running and you make it as a 0:08:07.200 --> 0:08:10.120 couple or it goes down in a burning glory. But 0:08:10.280 --> 0:08:13.160 it's really one of those experiences that either it makes 0:08:13.240 --> 0:08:15.040 or breaks you as a couple, and it happens very 0:08:15.120 --> 0:08:15.680 very quickly. 0:08:16.280 --> 0:08:18.400 Now that is a perfect segue to what we want 0:08:18.440 --> 0:08:20.360 to talk about, because we are going to talk about 0:08:20.400 --> 0:08:24.920 another reality TV relationship, and that is Abby Chatfield and Brooklyn. 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:29.480 So this is I mean, unfortunately, this is the relationship 0:08:29.520 --> 0:08:31.200 that has taken over the media in the last couple 0:08:31.240 --> 0:08:33.880 of weeks. There's been so much conversation around it. The 0:08:33.920 --> 0:08:36.520 Facebook group has been going off brook who is this 0:08:36.600 --> 0:08:40.520 year's bachelorette. She is the very first ever indigenous bisexual 0:08:40.640 --> 0:08:44.240 member of the LGBTQR community, and that is worldwide. We've 0:08:44.280 --> 0:08:46.880 never had that in Australia, but they've never had a lead, 0:08:47.000 --> 0:08:49.360 a bachelor or bachelorette lead who's been a member of 0:08:49.400 --> 0:08:54.000 the LGBTQR community. Absolutely huge, huge moment. And now Brooklyn 0:08:54.400 --> 0:08:57.400 has or was very very good friends with Abbi Chatfield. 0:08:57.440 --> 0:08:59.680 Abby Chatfield who was from The Bachelor, She's Season seven, 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:02.400 Matt agnew season. If you're somebody who listens to the 0:09:02.440 --> 0:09:06.320 podcast but doesn't follow Australian bachelor or bachelorette. Now, the 0:09:06.320 --> 0:09:08.360 reason why this has come into such the spotlight and 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:11.480 this was causing so much conversation the Facebook group. That 0:09:11.559 --> 0:09:13.000 is the reason why Britain and I wanted to have 0:09:13.040 --> 0:09:16.040 a conversation about it on the podcast is because Abby 0:09:16.080 --> 0:09:19.800 Chatfield hard launched her relationship with Conrad and Conrad was 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:22.640 one of the contestants on Brooks season and it has 0:09:22.720 --> 0:09:27.080 caused quite the stir. It's so convoluted and hard to 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:29.760 talk about that we're going to try. Conrad was a 0:09:29.800 --> 0:09:32.439 favorite on the season of brook season. Everyone loved him, 0:09:32.440 --> 0:09:34.880 The public loved him. Abby had said on her podcast 0:09:34.920 --> 0:09:37.680 that she loved him. Abby appeared in the final of 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:40.840 Brooks season as a friend as a confidante to help 0:09:40.880 --> 0:09:43.680 her through that. But on the day before Brooks finale, 0:09:43.760 --> 0:09:47.880 Abby decided to hard launch her relationship with Conrad. And 0:09:47.920 --> 0:09:50.800 this has just caused so much confusion, so much tension, 0:09:51.160 --> 0:09:53.800 so much divide in the public and against two people 0:09:53.840 --> 0:09:56.840 that were originally friends. Because it's so talked about in 0:09:56.960 --> 0:09:59.080 the Facebook group and it has been everywhere. We wanted 0:09:59.080 --> 0:09:59.880 to just give a bit of an. 0:09:59.840 --> 0:10:02.360 In sit into I guess because we've been in the 0:10:02.400 --> 0:10:04.560 Bachelor old we know what it's like to go to 0:10:04.640 --> 0:10:06.160 the whole thing, to be there at the end, to 0:10:06.200 --> 0:10:08.319 be at the finale. One thing that I want to 0:10:08.320 --> 0:10:11.840 point out straight away, and I think this was something 0:10:11.840 --> 0:10:16.480 that really pushed this divide, is that Abby had said previously. 0:10:16.400 --> 0:10:19.600 That she will never speak about her relationships publicly. She 0:10:19.640 --> 0:10:23.320 has made that very clear. She also said when she 0:10:23.440 --> 0:10:26.840 did hard launch this relationship with Conrad, she also said 0:10:26.840 --> 0:10:29.480 that she went against pr advice. She said she had 0:10:29.520 --> 0:10:30.439 pr advice. 0:10:30.240 --> 0:10:32.160 To not launch it. It wasn't the right time, and 0:10:32.200 --> 0:10:35.600 she said she ignored that and did it anyway. This 0:10:35.760 --> 0:10:37.880 was what started the divide. This is what started the 0:10:37.880 --> 0:10:42.160 conversation because people sort of saying, well, was the day 0:10:42.280 --> 0:10:46.400 before your really good friends finale the right time to 0:10:46.480 --> 0:10:49.000 launch a relationship knowing how much of a public figure 0:10:49.000 --> 0:10:51.040 you are. Because Abby is a really big public figure, 0:10:51.240 --> 0:10:52.840 she knows that what she's going to do is going 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:53.840 to gain a lot of attention. 0:10:54.400 --> 0:10:56.040 Yeah, and I think you know, the big part of 0:10:56.040 --> 0:10:58.160 this is that the reason why people are so divided 0:10:58.280 --> 0:11:01.400 is because everybody's ships Abbey and Conrad together as a couple, 0:11:01.520 --> 0:11:03.960 and that became such the huge focus of the media 0:11:03.960 --> 0:11:06.880 attention is that everyone was so excited that Abby Chatfield 0:11:06.960 --> 0:11:09.360 is in a relationship with Conrad, both of them being 0:11:09.440 --> 0:11:12.760 so hugely loved. And I guess at the time Brooke 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:14.880 had been very silent on the matter, even to the 0:11:14.880 --> 0:11:17.440 fact that Pedestrian brought out an article which was to 0:11:17.480 --> 0:11:20.200 the effect of, if Brooke doesn't have a problem with 0:11:20.240 --> 0:11:22.199 the fact that Abby and Conrad are together, then why 0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:24.040 does anybody else have a problem with it? Who were 0:11:24.080 --> 0:11:24.760 we to comment? 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:27.040 Which is fair. I'm actually on board with that, and 0:11:27.080 --> 0:11:29.240 I thought the same thing. I had my own opinions 0:11:29.240 --> 0:11:31.080 of it. But the reason we never spoke about it 0:11:31.120 --> 0:11:32.680 was because we were not, you know what this is 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:35.160 between them really, and if Brook doesn't have a problem, 0:11:35.200 --> 0:11:36.199 then we can't. 0:11:36.360 --> 0:11:39.320 As this was all unfolding, Britt and I both sort 0:11:39.320 --> 0:11:41.240 of sat back and we were like, Oh, this is 0:11:41.240 --> 0:11:43.240 a little bit fishy and there is definitely more to 0:11:43.280 --> 0:11:46.120 the story here. But until one of them came forward 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:48.040 and actually gave a bit more context around it, we 0:11:48.080 --> 0:11:50.600 were like, we don't want to get dragged down into 0:11:50.679 --> 0:11:54.040 hypothesizing how anyone feels. But Brooke made it very clear 0:11:54.080 --> 0:11:56.520 this week exactly how she feels. Brooke put out this 0:11:56.559 --> 0:11:59.520 statement on her Instagram stories the other day and it reads, 0:11:59.679 --> 0:12:01.880 I hate to bring it up, but personally and mentally 0:12:01.920 --> 0:12:03.960 I have been disrupted by all the crap that came 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:06.400 with the finale week we both have. I'm not a 0:12:06.400 --> 0:12:09.440 hostile person and literally do not have hate in my heart. 0:12:09.760 --> 0:12:12.120 Everyone who watched the show or was on the show 0:12:12.200 --> 0:12:14.720 cast or working as crew will know that I put 0:12:14.760 --> 0:12:16.440 my heart and soul into it and it meant a 0:12:16.440 --> 0:12:19.040 lot for me to open myself up so vulnerably like that. 0:12:19.480 --> 0:12:21.480 Not only that, but for what it meant for the 0:12:21.640 --> 0:12:25.360 lgbt QIA plus and First Nations community to have that 0:12:25.440 --> 0:12:28.600 display of representation, which moves me on to my new point, 0:12:28.720 --> 0:12:31.560 the hardest point. For that to be tainted once again 0:12:31.880 --> 0:12:34.400 by one to what I thought was a close friend, 0:12:34.559 --> 0:12:38.200 by two another white woman displaying what white privilege looks like, 0:12:38.520 --> 0:12:42.280 and three a very clear display of narcissism hurts me, 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:45.080 literally paints me. I've reached out to this person to 0:12:45.120 --> 0:12:48.240 resolve this conflict, which in fact classic naive me, adult 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:51.160 me went to this person to communicate openly about the 0:12:51.240 --> 0:12:54.760 layers of the complexity that this person's actions show and 0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:57.240 take away from not only me, but what it meant 0:12:57.280 --> 0:12:59.599 for a queer woman of color. If this wasn't me, 0:12:59.720 --> 0:13:02.080 I think still have this stance. You guys ask for 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:04.840 my comment there it is now go give them more airtime, 0:13:04.880 --> 0:13:06.920 which is exactly what this is about. 0:13:07.320 --> 0:13:09.120 Woof Now, this is a. 0:13:09.000 --> 0:13:12.040 Really powerful statement, and I think it came from the heart. 0:13:12.160 --> 0:13:14.080 I think it was very well thought out. She definitely 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:16.719 didn't jump into this without thinking. This is something she's 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:18.679 sad on and she's in a place of her She's 0:13:18.720 --> 0:13:20.880 had a lot of personal issues. Everybody knows that as well, 0:13:20.920 --> 0:13:23.360 and I can't imagine what she's been going through. She 0:13:23.440 --> 0:13:25.360 did go on to say that this, in fact was 0:13:25.360 --> 0:13:28.320 about Abby, So we do know that there's a part 0:13:28.360 --> 0:13:30.880 of me that's glad that Brooks spoke up, because I 0:13:30.880 --> 0:13:32.880 think it's important that if she really felt hurt by 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:34.920 this situation, she did bring it up. 0:13:34.920 --> 0:13:36.120 She's completely entitled to that. 0:13:36.720 --> 0:13:39.440 When I sat back and watched this all unravel, I 0:13:39.440 --> 0:13:43.640 would never have commented until everybody else involved had my 0:13:43.840 --> 0:13:47.560 initial thought one hundred percent after have been someone in 0:13:47.600 --> 0:13:52.000 that position in a finale, knowing how it works. I thought, 0:13:52.440 --> 0:13:54.800 just one more day. You could have just waited one 0:13:54.840 --> 0:13:57.719 more day. That's what I thought. There was absolutely no 0:13:57.880 --> 0:14:00.800 reason that it couldn't have waited one more day. And 0:14:01.440 --> 0:14:04.040 I know that Abby knows that as well. We've all 0:14:04.080 --> 0:14:05.920 been in this situation. You can't have gone through what 0:14:05.960 --> 0:14:07.480 Abby has gone through, what I went through, what you 0:14:07.520 --> 0:14:09.000 went through. You can't have gone through a finale on 0:14:09.040 --> 0:14:12.160 the Bachelor and not know how it works. She's so popular, 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:14.240 she really is. She has a lot of pool. She 0:14:14.320 --> 0:14:17.680 knows that launching a relationship, finally finding love, everyone wants 0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:20.000 her to find love, like everybody wants her to be happy, 0:14:20.160 --> 0:14:23.320 So knowing that she's finally found love, she's finally happy 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:26.200 with somebody that was on brook season and somebody that 0:14:26.280 --> 0:14:29.880 was really popular. Abby must have known deep down that 0:14:29.880 --> 0:14:31.200 that was going to cause a lot of attention. 0:14:31.600 --> 0:14:33.480 I don't think that there's any debate that that's a 0:14:33.480 --> 0:14:35.240 true and hard fact of this. I think that there 0:14:35.320 --> 0:14:38.880 is a bigger conversation that's kind of developed this idea, 0:14:38.960 --> 0:14:40.920 and especially it played out in the Facebook group, which 0:14:40.920 --> 0:14:43.160 is why we wanted to kind of address it. This 0:14:43.240 --> 0:14:46.120 conversation around what Brook has said is white privilege. And 0:14:46.160 --> 0:14:48.440 I saw so many comments in our Facebook group. I 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:50.880 saw so many comments on Instagram. If you go to 0:14:50.920 --> 0:14:53.760 Abby's apology post, which we'll get into, surely, there's literally 0:14:53.840 --> 0:14:56.720 thousands of comments where people are debating around whether this 0:14:56.840 --> 0:15:00.120 ease or isn't white privilege. Now, the conversation here and 0:14:59.840 --> 0:15:02.200 the and I think that it's the big one is 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:05.600 that the reason why it plays into white privilege is 0:15:05.640 --> 0:15:08.479 that this was such a huge momentous time in media 0:15:08.600 --> 0:15:10.840 to have an indigenous person be the lead on The 0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:14.440 Bachelor was huge. And when you go for your final 0:15:14.480 --> 0:15:16.800 exit interviews, like you sit down with Carl and Jackie O, 0:15:17.120 --> 0:15:18.960 you sit down with Who magazine, you sit down with 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:21.520 all of the massive publications. This was a real time 0:15:21.520 --> 0:15:23.160 for Brook to be able to sit there and say 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:26.440 what it meant for the Indigenous community, to answer conversations 0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:29.840 around why this season was different. But instead of her 0:15:29.880 --> 0:15:33.240 being asked questions around the contribution that this has to 0:15:33.320 --> 0:15:36.080 her community, the questions that she was being asked was 0:15:36.160 --> 0:15:40.120 around Abby and Conrad's relationship, and it completely overshadowed a 0:15:40.160 --> 0:15:42.800 time that puts so much light on something that was 0:15:42.840 --> 0:15:46.640 so important to be overshadowed by somebody else's relationship. And 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:48.440 that's where the white privilege comes into play. 0:15:48.800 --> 0:15:49.520 Yeah, and there's. 0:15:49.320 --> 0:15:52.400 Obviously an aspect of saying, who are we if we 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:53.960 were not a person of color, if we're not a 0:15:54.000 --> 0:15:56.800 person of color, how can we say that this has 0:15:56.840 --> 0:15:58.560 nothing to do with white privilege. The fact of the 0:15:58.600 --> 0:15:59.160 matter is. 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:01.360 A person of color that has been affected by this 0:16:01.840 --> 0:16:04.440 is telling us that this is what it has to 0:16:04.440 --> 0:16:06.160 do with and that this is how it has affected her, 0:16:06.160 --> 0:16:07.680 and we need to listen to that. We need to 0:16:07.720 --> 0:16:10.160 hear what Brooke is saying. And we saw how important 0:16:10.200 --> 0:16:11.640 this was to Brook and how. 0:16:11.520 --> 0:16:14.120 Momentous this moment was around Australia and how much she 0:16:14.240 --> 0:16:17.040 brought in her culture to this show. She was so 0:16:17.120 --> 0:16:19.360 proud of it, as she should have been, and I 0:16:19.400 --> 0:16:22.200 can only imagine how she felt like that was taken 0:16:22.200 --> 0:16:25.520 away from her at the end by Abby announcing her relationship. Yeah, 0:16:25.520 --> 0:16:27.440 and I guess like it was an interesting one for us, 0:16:27.520 --> 0:16:29.240 like for Britt and I and what you said earlier, Bert, 0:16:29.400 --> 0:16:32.320 like we've been through the Bachelor wheelhouse, like we know 0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:35.520 how it works, we know how much it is drummed 0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:37.880 into you, especially when you're that person at the end. 0:16:38.000 --> 0:16:40.960 So Abby Chatford being someone who made it to finale, 0:16:41.080 --> 0:16:42.840 we've all made it to finale. There's not that many 0:16:42.880 --> 0:16:45.120 people that have made it to the finale. And once 0:16:45.160 --> 0:16:48.440 you have experienced that, no, but it's once you've experienced that, 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:50.720 you know that there's a very different set of rules 0:16:50.760 --> 0:16:53.760 that are forced into you by production, that are forced 0:16:53.800 --> 0:16:57.440 into you by your PR team, and your condition to 0:16:57.480 --> 0:17:00.280 know what isn't isn't acceptable. And I think that that's why, 0:17:00.560 --> 0:17:03.080 unfortunately for Abby she's been held to a higher set 0:17:03.080 --> 0:17:06.280