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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just

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Speaker 2: on answers.

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Speaker 1: Now, And I think that as a parent of those

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Speaker 1: young children, you're well within your rights to politely say hey,

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Speaker 1: just before you go on with that particular line of conversation.

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Speaker 1: I know this a bit awkward, but we're not actually

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Speaker 1: into talking about that. And now here's the stars of

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Speaker 1: our show, my mum and dad. We love it when

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Speaker 1: you send us emails via podcasts at happy families dot

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Speaker 1: com and ask us your questions. We can't answer them all,

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Speaker 1: but now and then we get an absolute doozy that

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Speaker 1: we just have to talk about on the podcast. An

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Speaker 1: anonymous emailer has said, I've been listening to your podcasts

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Speaker 1: off and on for a little while, but more regularly lately.

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Speaker 1: I find your advice realistic and therefore is actually helpful

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Speaker 1: rather than make me feel like a failure. How nice

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Speaker 1: is that, Kylie. We're actually helping somebody. Thank goodness for that. Right.

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Speaker 1: This person says, how do we talk to our kids

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Speaker 1: respectfully about family members that have conspiracy theory? School holidays

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Speaker 1: is just around the corner. We're going to spend some

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Speaker 1: time with our family and We have grandparents on my

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Speaker 1: side and an auntie that are deep into conspiracy theories

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Speaker 1: that I won't go into. We do live away from them,

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Speaker 1: which means that usually isn't an issue. However, we're kind

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Speaker 1: of visiting. We're going to be visiting them during the holidays,

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Speaker 1: and I want to know how to handle this, Well,

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Speaker 1: how do I talk openly with my kids about this

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Speaker 1: without them thinking that my family is crazy. I want

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Speaker 1: them to have a respect for relationship with that person

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Speaker 1: without taking their opinions on board. And this is the thing, right,

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Speaker 1: Sometimes the grandparents, or the aunties, or the uncles, sometimes

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Speaker 1: the family members, Kylie, they they kind of dive in

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Speaker 1: and say, kids, I know you're on the eight, but

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Speaker 1: I need to tell you something important about the world.

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Speaker 1: It's messed up, and then they dive into their weird stuff.

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Speaker 1: You and I have had this happen with a couple

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Speaker 1: of our kids, and it gets kind of tricky.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think usually I would be kind of

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Speaker 2: suggesting that whole idea around getting furious and not curious.

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Speaker 1: And sorry, I just need to repeat what you said,

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Speaker 1: because I think you might have gotten back to the front.

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Speaker 1: You said, We've got to get furious not curious. In

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Speaker 1: other words, let's just blow up.

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Speaker 2: I did not you wait curious, not furious.

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Speaker 1: You wait until we hear the replay on this, and

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Speaker 1: you're going to discover that you got around the wrong way.

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Speaker 2: I don't think I did anyway, go.

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Speaker 1: On, I know what you mean. You may get curious,

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Speaker 1: not furious. How funny is it going to be? By

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Speaker 1: the way, if it gets replayed, We're not going to

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Speaker 1: edit this out. If it gets replayed and you're right

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Speaker 1: and I'm wrong, I'm going to apologize.

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Speaker 2: I will be groveling that whole idea around getting furious,

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Speaker 2: not curious, furious not curious.

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Speaker 1: This is kind of aligned with the conversation. This wasn't

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Speaker 1: a setup. But what if your belief is wrong, Kylie?

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Speaker 1: How are you going to respond when you hear that I.

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Speaker 2: Was right, You're not right?

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Speaker 1: How do we get people to take notice, to think again,

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Speaker 1: to change their mind? This is fascinating, isn't. When one

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Speaker 1: person and it fits in so well with the conspiracy

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Speaker 1: theory conversation, You've just created it for us. How do

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Speaker 1: you have the tricky conversation so that they're open to

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Speaker 1: hearing that maybe a different point of view might be helpful. Now.

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Speaker 1: I know conspiracy theorists are also listening to this and

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Speaker 1: saying it's not a conspiracy, and if everyone would just

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Speaker 1: be more open to it, they'd realize that I was right.

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Speaker 1: We're also convinced, aren't we, that our opinions are right? Anyway, Kylie,

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Speaker 1: Let's just focus on the adult side of things for

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Speaker 1: a sec.

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Speaker 2: Okay, we've got I think the reality is we live

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Speaker 2: in a world that is full of different opinions. We're

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Speaker 2: going to come across someone who has a different opinion

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Speaker 2: with us, probably every I don't know, every hour of

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Speaker 2: every day.

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Speaker 1: Well if you're on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, only that every

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Speaker 1: couple of minutes, and what happens is people do get furious,

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Speaker 1: not curious, don't they.

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Speaker 2: They do. So I have a few tips now as

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Speaker 2: we work through this situation.

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, let me recover while you share your tips,

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Speaker 1: and let's see. Let's see how much they coincide with

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Speaker 1: the kinds of things that I would say. I wonder

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Speaker 1: if there's a conspiracy operating right now? What do you reckon?

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Speaker 2: If adults, it's important that when we have a differing

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Speaker 2: opinion that we stay calm.

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Speaker 1: Did you feel like you stayed calm when you said furious,

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Speaker 1: not curious, and I corrected.

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Speaker 2: You I did not so furious.

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Speaker 1: Okay, all right, So staying calm is important, yes, but

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Speaker 1: that didn't answer my question. Did you feel like you

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Speaker 1: stayed calm?

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Speaker 2: Yes? I did.

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Speaker 1: It will be interesting when we play it back to

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Speaker 1: see how calm you stayed as well.

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Speaker 2: The next tip would be to be an active listener.

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Speaker 2: We're so busy talking and we struggle at times when

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Speaker 2: somebody else has a different opinion because we really want

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Speaker 2: them to understand our point of view, but we're not

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Speaker 2: so willing to listen to hear their point of view.

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Speaker 1: Great point. Did you notice how much I was listening

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Speaker 1: to what you had to say?

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Speaker 2: Then you are such a good listener, are I?

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Speaker 1: I I just want to model. I want to be

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Speaker 1: a great example here.

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Speaker 2: Number three would be to respect differing opinions. We're not

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Speaker 2: going to agree all the time. We don't actually have

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Speaker 2: to hate the person, or dislike the person, or get

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Speaker 2: angry at the person because they don't see the world

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Speaker 2: the same way we do. If everybody saw the world

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Speaker 2: the same way I did, it would be a really

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Speaker 2: boring place.

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Speaker 1: Having said that, I mean, so we've got a mutual

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Speaker 1: friend who really does believe that everything that happened on

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Speaker 1: September eleven was a great, big conspiracy theory and that

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Speaker 1: it was all manufactured by the US government to justify

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Speaker 1: war and all that sort of stuff. It can be

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Speaker 1: really hard. And I'm not saying this in a disrespectful way.

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Speaker 1: I just want to make the point. It can be

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Speaker 1: very hard to be respectful when somebody is saying something

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Speaker 1: that seems so outlandish, too so so far fetched, and

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Speaker 1: so inconsistent with all of the all of the seemingly

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Speaker 1: obvious evidence that's in front of us. It's so hard

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Speaker 1: to stay respectful. And yet we're still friends with this person.

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Speaker 1: We think that they're a little bit kooky for believing

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Speaker 1: that particular thing, but it doesn't stop us enjoying a

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Speaker 1: really great relationship, do you know what I mean? And

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Speaker 1: I think that's kind of where they're going here. You

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Speaker 1: can just accept that that's what they believe, but that

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean that everything in their life is nuts and

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Speaker 1: we need to stay away from them. To the contrary,

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Speaker 1: this person is actually a really good guy. His family

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Speaker 1: is wonderful. We just happen to disagree on that particular issue,

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Speaker 1: and so we don't talk about September eleven ever, because

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Speaker 1: it's just a lightning rod.

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Speaker 2: I think that fits in beautifully with tip number four

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Speaker 2: because it's about considering the bigger picture. Yes, our relationship,

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Speaker 2: more times than not, is more important than a lack

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Speaker 2: of congruency in opinions.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, there's an issue, So let the issue be there,

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Speaker 1: but let's focus on the big picture of the relationship.

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Speaker 1: I love that. Anything else that you wanted to highlight

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Speaker 1: in terms of just working through this from an adult

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Speaker 1: to adult perspective before we talk about the kids.

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Speaker 2: Well, the last thing would be just making sure that

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Speaker 2: we create safe boundaries, and that could be any number

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Speaker 2: of things. If you know, we're open to having conversations,

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Speaker 2: but at any point in time we feel like we're

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Speaker 2: threatened by the conversation or it's no longer becoming a

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Speaker 2: conversation that is benefiting anyone, you know, having some boundaries

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Speaker 2: around what you might do in that situation. Can we

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Speaker 2: change the subject. I don't think where this is kind

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Speaker 2: of helping either of us. Maybe we can talk about

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Speaker 2: something different. Distraction is always a really good tool.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, In fact, I'm going to talk about that

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Speaker 1: when we come back after the break. I think there's

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Speaker 1: a useful idea there, but that idea of having that

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Speaker 1: boundary around it. Like I said, the friend of ours

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Speaker 1: who's got those views on September eleven that are not

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Speaker 1: consistent with ours and not consistent with what most people

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Speaker 1: accept is historically accurate. We just don't talk about that

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Speaker 1: topic with them, and we have a great relationship outside

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Speaker 1: of that particular topic. So creating the boundaries makes a

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Speaker 1: big difference after the break. Four or five ideas for

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Speaker 1: how this emailer and you as well, if you've got

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Speaker 1: family members with differing opinions on some of these lightning

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Speaker 1: rod issues, how we can actually talk to our kids

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Speaker 1: about what's going on and how to keep the relationship

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Speaker 1: safe and happy. It's their Happy Families podcasts Our Boys

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Speaker 1: are struggling with friends, mental health, alcohol, drugs, pornography, emotions,

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Speaker 1: and so much more. But science tells us that the

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Speaker 1: most important thing for your son's well being is his

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Speaker 1: connection with you. The Bringing Up Boys Summit is about

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Speaker 1: one thing, taking you into your son's world and helping

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Speaker 1: you connect with him in the way he needs you.

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Speaker 1: To find out more on The Happy Family's webshop and

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Speaker 1: start connecting with your son. Today.

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Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for a time

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Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers. Now, I'm thinking justin

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Speaker 2: I remember a conversation we had with an author, Michael

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Speaker 2: Parker about his book Talk to Your Kids About Things

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Speaker 2: That Matter. Yeah, And as I was thinking about this

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Speaker 2: particular scenario and the acknowledgment that these family members are

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Speaker 2: not in these children's space all the time, and so

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Speaker 2: with the coming up of holidays and the outlook of

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Speaker 2: being able to be together, there's this wonderful opportunity to

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Speaker 2: start to have conversations to prepare you children for the

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Speaker 2: inevitable conversations that might come up at the dinner table.

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Speaker 1: So Michael Parker, we will link to that podcast in

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Speaker 1: our show notes. It's a really great conversation that I

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Speaker 1: think will be helpful for a lot of parents other

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Speaker 1: than working through a book like that and actually doing

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Speaker 1: the philosophical groundwork so that kids are open to different

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Speaker 1: ideas but also know how to interrogate them critically and

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Speaker 1: analyze them for what's healthy and what's a positive way forward.

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Speaker 1: A couple of other ideas that might be helpful I think.

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Speaker 2: That if the relationship is strong enough talking to the

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Speaker 2: adults in question beforehand about your concerns that, you know,

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Speaker 2: the conversations that might come up around the dinner table,

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Speaker 2: conversations that you prefer not to have with the eight

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Speaker 2: and ten year old in the room. Yeah, we would

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Speaker 2: hopefully alleviate any concerns that you have about the children

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Speaker 2: being in those you know, kind of spaces where they're

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Speaker 2: not capable of navigating them adequately at that age.

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Speaker 1: That could be really tricky, but also really helpful, depending,

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Speaker 1: like you said, on the quality of the relationship that

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Speaker 1: you have. And it's not that hard to have that discussion.

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Speaker 1: You simply give the in laws or you give your

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Speaker 1: parents a call and say, hey, you know, we're looking

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Speaker 1: forward to being with you. I just wanted to highlight

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Speaker 1: you and I differ really strongly on that particular issue.

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Speaker 1: Let me just point straight to vaccination because that still

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Speaker 1: is the lightning rod issue of the day right now.

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Speaker 1: We've got really different opinions on vaccination. I know you've

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Speaker 1: decided that you don't want to do it. We've gone

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Speaker 1: the other way and gone with it, really hoping that

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Speaker 1: while we're there we can just not have that conversation,

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Speaker 1: especially in front of the kids, because it just makes

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Speaker 1: everyone feel gross and we have a whole lot of

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Speaker 1: conflict and we won't have a great time with you.

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Speaker 1: Like if you frame it like that, and if your

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Speaker 1: relationship's sturdy enough to have the conversation in the first place,

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Speaker 1: chances are it will go really well. But sometimes it won't.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes it's going to be way too tricky. Sometimes people

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Speaker 1: will be offended. So I think Kylie, it's also helpful

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Speaker 1: to pre warn the kids. If they're old enough, you

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Speaker 1: might say, just before we arrive at Nana Pops, I

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Speaker 1: know we've been on the road for a long time

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Speaker 1: and we're all tired. We're excited to be there, but

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Speaker 1: I just want to give you a quick warning. You

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Speaker 1: know that Nan and Pop feel differently about this particular

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Speaker 1: topic than we do. We're just going to let you

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Speaker 1: know that if they start talking to you about it,

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Speaker 1: you're welcome to listen. It's probably polite too, but you

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Speaker 1: don't have to. You can just say, oh, Mom and

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Speaker 1: Dad said that they didn't really want us to talk

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Speaker 1: about that and leave it with that, and then Nan

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Speaker 1: or Pop can come and have the argument with you

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Speaker 1: as an adult, rather than with the kids, because the

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Speaker 1: kids really shouldn't be involved in it. So just pre

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Speaker 1: warn the kids, let them know what might come up,

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Speaker 1: and they've got your permission, you've got their back. They're

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Speaker 1: allowed to walk away or if they choose not to,

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Speaker 1: you just want them to come and have a chat

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Speaker 1: with you about it afterwards, so that you can do

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Speaker 1: a debrief and help them to interrogate those ideas more effectively.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. I think that's a really important part, because you

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Speaker 2: can't be in your children's space, you know, twenty four

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Speaker 2: to seven, especially when you're in other people's homes, and

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Speaker 2: so helping your children to recognize and know that if

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Speaker 2: they hear things that they're not comfortable with, whether it

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Speaker 2: be in the school playground or in grandma's house or

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Speaker 2: aunties or uncles, that they know that they can come

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Speaker 2: and talk to you about it and debrief and kind

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Speaker 2: of just understand and unpack things in a safe space.

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Speaker 2: It's really important.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, two other really quick ones as well. This one's

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Speaker 1: a bit of an awkward one. But every now and again,

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Speaker 1: you'll be at the barbecue or in the swimming pool

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Speaker 1: or around the dining table, you'll all be together doing

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Speaker 1: something and every now and again, they'll bring something up

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Speaker 1: that you really don't want to have discussed in front

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Speaker 1: of the kids. It might be they've been watching the

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Speaker 1: latest thing on your streaming service and it's a controversial

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Speaker 1: or provocative program that you don't want to be talking

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Speaker 1: about in front of the kids. Or it could be

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Speaker 1: that it's going to be one of those lightning rod issues,

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Speaker 1: and I think that as a parent of those young children,

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Speaker 1: you're well within your rights to politely say hey, just

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Speaker 1: before you go on with that particular line of conversation.

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Speaker 1: I know this is a bit awkward, but we're not

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Speaker 1: actually into talking about that. We just don't feel good

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Speaker 1: about having those conversations, at least when the kids are here.

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Speaker 1: We know that it's real life, we know that it's

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Speaker 1: going on, but we've been teaching the kids something else,

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Speaker 1: and we don't really want to have that discussion now.

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Speaker 1: But directon we could talk about and have something ready

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Speaker 1: to talk about instead. Directly, we could talk about how

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Speaker 1: the kids went at their cross country the other day. Directon,

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Speaker 1: we could talk about how the boys are going with

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Speaker 1: their karate or building that Billy card or their BMX jumping,

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Speaker 1: or how the girls are going with their netball or

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Speaker 1: whatever activity is they're involved in, if you've got something

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Speaker 1: that you can pivot into after that awkward interruption, we're

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Speaker 1: just not into talking about that direct and we could

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Speaker 1: talk about this instead. What you're usually going to find

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Speaker 1: is that everyone in the family, unless they're particularly obnoxious,

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Speaker 1: is going to go, oh, yeah, fair enough, Well, so

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Speaker 1: how did you go at the cross country? And I

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Speaker 1: think that's a really helpful thing to do. Have a

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Speaker 1: topic change ready. That's kind of my little bit of

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Speaker 1: advice that is hopefully going to be helpful for our

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Speaker 1: person who sent us this email, Kylie, anything else to

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Speaker 1: wrap things up? Well, I see.

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Speaker 2: On the other thing I'd suggest is that you know,

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Speaker 2: more times than not, when you're getting together with extended family,

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Speaker 2: there's cousins involved, so there's children, and so if you're

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Speaker 2: really concerned about conversations that might being had around various topics,

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Speaker 2: then maybe just kind of encouraging, you know, there to

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Speaker 2: be a kid's space where the kids can all hang

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Speaker 2: out and they can indulge in their own conspiracy theories

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Speaker 2: about what the adults are talking about. Yeah, so when

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Speaker 2: we go to your parents' house, the adults usually sit

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Speaker 2: at the table inside and the kids have the patio outside,

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Speaker 2: and it just means that, you know, adults are a

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Speaker 2: little bit more free to have conversations. And yes, every

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Speaker 2: now and again a child does walk in, but the

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Speaker 2: chances of them being a full participant of the conversation

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Speaker 2: as opposed to, you know, just a fleeting walk by

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Speaker 2: because they want to fill their plate up again or

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Speaker 2: something is going to be a lot less in your face.

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Speaker 1: I guess we really hope that this is helpful for

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Speaker 1: any of you who are traveling during the holidays and

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Speaker 1: hanging out with some of the other adults in your

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Speaker 1: family who may or may not view the world exactly

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Speaker 1: the way that you do. Thank you so much to

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Speaker 1: our email up podcasts and Happy Families dot au for

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Speaker 1: asking the question. Your questions are always welcome. We will

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Speaker 1: do our best to answer some of them from time

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Speaker 1: to time where we have spots in the podcast routine

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Speaker 1: to get to it. Justin Rulan from Bridge Media is

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Speaker 1: our executive producer. Center Oh, I just promoted him. Sorry, Justin,

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Speaker 1: You're not the EP. That's Craig Bruce. Justin Ruland is

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Speaker 1: our producer. He's from Bridge Media and he makes the

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Speaker 1: podcast sound great. Craig Bruce is the executive producer, and

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Speaker 1: he's the one who helps us decide what to talk about,

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Speaker 1: like conspiracy theories and adults to try to influence our

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Speaker 1: children in ways that we don't like. We hope that

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Speaker 1: it's been a helpful conversation for you. Enjoy the school holidays.

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Speaker 1: We've got one more episode tomorrow, I'll do better tomorrow,

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Speaker 1: and then we're away for a couple of weeks while

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Speaker 1: we try to figure out if we can ever find

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Speaker 1: ourselves a place to live in this never ending move.

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Speaker 1: We look forward to joining you again after the holidays. Oh,

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Speaker 1: by the way, during the holidays, we're going to continue

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Speaker 1: the content. We've got a whole lot of our very

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Speaker 1: best bits snippets from some of our favorite interviews to

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Speaker 1: inspire your parenting throughout the upcoming Easter break. In the meantime,

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Speaker 1: any other info you need about making your family happier

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Speaker 1: is available at Happy families dot com dorite