WEBVTT - Depression & Anxiety - Breaking the stigma 0:00:15.440 --> 0:00:18.640 Welcome back to two Dotting Dads. I'm Mattie Jay and 0:00:18.760 --> 0:00:22.040 I'm As. This is a podcast that is all about parenting. 0:00:22.079 --> 0:00:24.520 It's the good, the bad, and the relatable. 0:00:24.720 --> 0:00:27.400 And as we always say, if you've come here hoping 0:00:27.440 --> 0:00:31.400 to find any kind of advice, unfortunately. 0:00:31.040 --> 0:00:33.720 None not from maybe today. 0:00:33.960 --> 0:00:37.760 Well, I mean we have to say it, but deep 0:00:37.840 --> 0:00:38.960 down we. 0:00:38.800 --> 0:00:40.559 Know that we can't use another lawsuit. 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:45.640 Hey, this is a bonus episode. It is yes, which 0:00:45.640 --> 0:00:47.400 is very exciting. We do want to say a big 0:00:47.400 --> 0:00:49.880 shout out to Lulu Lemon, yep, friend of the show. 0:00:50.080 --> 0:00:52.760 And this month is also November, Matthew. 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:55.080 One of my favorite months of the year, Ash absolutely 0:00:55.160 --> 0:00:58.520 where it's shedding a light on mental health, both mental 0:00:58.600 --> 0:01:01.120 and physical, and we are all for that. And if 0:01:01.160 --> 0:01:03.680 you did want to gear up for November, there has 0:01:03.760 --> 0:01:06.600 never been a bit of collaboration between lou Lemon and 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:10.640 the charity. You can buy November specific appara, both men's 0:01:10.680 --> 0:01:14.280 and women's, and five dollars from every sale will be donated. 0:01:14.280 --> 0:01:16.160 You can look at our socials. Ash and I both 0:01:16.160 --> 0:01:19.119 wearing the November from Them Lululemon T shirts. 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:21.680 Of course they're very comfortable. 0:01:21.440 --> 0:01:24.400 Although I have to say people may be confused not 0:01:24.440 --> 0:01:27.280 being able to identify who was Ash who was Matt 0:01:27.520 --> 0:01:30.760 because we both have mustaches. Yes, I may say this 0:01:31.080 --> 0:01:36.720 might come across as arrogant. They're on parte. Ash is 0:01:36.720 --> 0:01:38.440 wearing the hat. I am wearing no hat. 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:39.839 Yes, I am wearing the hat. 0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:43.480 So normally this podcast is all about us just being 0:01:43.680 --> 0:01:48.480 idiots and parents. That's it, and we only ever wanted 0:01:48.520 --> 0:01:50.520 to just be a bit of comedic relief. But this 0:01:50.560 --> 0:01:52.680 episode is going to be a little bit different. Off 0:01:52.680 --> 0:01:56.400 the back of November where we are hearing men's Health, 0:01:56.800 --> 0:01:58.840 we thought it was a great opportunity where we can 0:01:58.840 --> 0:02:01.040 talk about a mental health health journeys. Yes, and I 0:02:01.440 --> 0:02:04.200 think one of the biggest surprises with you Ash, and 0:02:04.240 --> 0:02:06.600 we've only known each other. It's not being that long 0:02:06.840 --> 0:02:10.480 year November, not even twelve months, I would say twelve months, 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:14.080 but round up hanging out with you, you seem like 0:02:14.240 --> 0:02:15.079 someone who. 0:02:14.960 --> 0:02:18.440 Is extrata together. Yeah. 0:02:18.520 --> 0:02:21.360 Yeah, But when I first found out that mental health 0:02:21.440 --> 0:02:24.640 was something that you struggled with, I was quite surprised. 0:02:25.000 --> 0:02:27.080 Hmmm, and so thank you. 0:02:29.480 --> 0:02:33.240 I'm keen to know when did you first realize that 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:36.040 your own mental health was something that you needed help with. 0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:39.959 Uh for me, Like before having kids, I always joke 0:02:40.000 --> 0:02:42.000 about and that's the thing as well. I hide a 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:45.359 lot behind humor and one line stupid jokes that I 0:02:45.480 --> 0:02:46.720 whip out because. 0:02:46.840 --> 0:02:49.160 You've always I'm assuming you've always been the funny guy. 0:02:49.760 --> 0:02:52.640 Yeah, I think like my dad's very similar to me 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:55.480 as well. Like real, I don't know, I just had 0:02:55.480 --> 0:02:57.720 to be the funny guy, class clown sort of thing. Yeah, 0:02:57.720 --> 0:03:00.160 I definitely have had to always been like that, and 0:03:00.200 --> 0:03:02.000 I always joke about that. I don't remember what I 0:03:02.040 --> 0:03:06.160 was like before having kids, because I legitimately don't really remember, 0:03:06.320 --> 0:03:09.040 just because I mean, they just take up so much 0:03:09.120 --> 0:03:11.720 of your life. So like before I kind of just 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:13.760 thought I was a normal guy. Like I never really 0:03:13.840 --> 0:03:17.320 thought anything of the head noise that I would have 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:18.680 had or anything like that. 0:03:18.919 --> 0:03:21.600 Were there any moments, this is before kids, where you thought, 0:03:21.919 --> 0:03:26.320 hang on a second, you know, this doesn't feel quite right. Yeah. 0:03:26.680 --> 0:03:28.560 When I was a teenager, there was a couple of 0:03:28.560 --> 0:03:33.080 instances where I did think that, Like I know, I 0:03:33.200 --> 0:03:35.520 just you know, might have felt a little bit sad 0:03:35.560 --> 0:03:38.000 and didn't know why. And then I just sort of 0:03:38.000 --> 0:03:41.720 put it down to nothing really, And I mean as teenager, 0:03:41.720 --> 0:03:42.680 you sort of get on with it. 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:45.160 You're still kind of regulating your emotions. Yeah. 0:03:45.200 --> 0:03:47.520 Yeah, and it wasn't I mean, the mental health conversation 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:50.360 wasn't so prominent. Now it's so it's really prominent, which 0:03:50.360 --> 0:03:53.760 is great, so much better because yeah, like I think 0:03:53.800 --> 0:03:56.760 maybe then maybe I would have I don't know, maybe 0:03:56.760 --> 0:03:59.280 I would have thought something's not right if I don't know, 0:03:59.320 --> 0:04:01.040 and it was such a thing, But I didn't really 0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:03.400 know it was such a thing till after. 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:05.720 Having Yeah, I don't think going through high. 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:08.280 School the last thing I'm thinking about totally. I don't 0:04:08.280 --> 0:04:09.360 think it about chicks. 0:04:11.840 --> 0:04:14.760 I don't think I could say there was anyone that 0:04:14.800 --> 0:04:17.480 I knew who had depression. It wasn't really a word that. 0:04:17.480 --> 0:04:19.760 Was that you really knew that you would have known. 0:04:21.480 --> 0:04:23.840 I mean that's part of the problem, right, it's the stigma. 0:04:23.960 --> 0:04:24.200 Yeah. 0:04:24.920 --> 0:04:27.120 So yeah, before kids, I just thought I was a 0:04:27.120 --> 0:04:29.960 normal guy and just going along my normal life. I think, 0:04:30.000 --> 0:04:32.960 like as maybe closer to when I was getting married, 0:04:33.000 --> 0:04:35.480 I had a few moments where I was like maybe 0:04:35.520 --> 0:04:37.560 a little bit maybe a little bit, yeah, a little 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:40.200 bit sad boy, But I just again, I just thought 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:41.000 that was who I. 0:04:41.080 --> 0:04:42.960 Was when you found yourself in those moments where you 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:45.839 were sad or upset. Was it off the back of 0:04:45.880 --> 0:04:48.080 anything that had happened. Was there a trigger for that 0:04:48.200 --> 0:04:50.320 or was it just waking up one day and feeling 0:04:50.520 --> 0:04:52.239 not that I can recall. 0:04:52.640 --> 0:04:54.920 Yeah, I felt like sometimes if I was missing out 0:04:54.920 --> 0:04:57.000 on something, then maybe I was a little bit more 0:04:57.040 --> 0:04:59.320 down in the dumps. But I just thought it was 0:04:59.360 --> 0:05:03.160 normal thought that I never thought really anything of it. 0:05:03.440 --> 0:05:07.240 So then when you had Oscar and the situation you 0:05:07.320 --> 0:05:10.159 found yourself in that moment with your mental health, was 0:05:10.160 --> 0:05:12.400 that more severe than what you'd experienced previously. 0:05:12.680 --> 0:05:16.880 Yeah, so like really started when having Oscar is such 0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:19.480 like a big change in your life. Right for everyone, 0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:22.640 it's obviously good. You know, you've made the decision to 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:26.760 have a child, and well, I'm very excited as you do. 0:05:26.839 --> 0:05:28.880 But like, it's such a big impact on your life. 0:05:28.880 --> 0:05:30.920 And I always say to people that are expecting their 0:05:30.920 --> 0:05:34.080 first kid, like, you can never be prepared. No matter 0:05:34.120 --> 0:05:36.680 how prepared you think you are, you're not. You just 0:05:36.680 --> 0:05:38.760 don't know what you're going to get totally. There's so 0:05:38.800 --> 0:05:40.599 many different variables, but. 0:05:40.760 --> 0:05:44.679 Every kid is is wildly different. I look at Marley, 0:05:44.760 --> 0:05:47.680 I look at Lola and they had just worlds apart. 0:05:48.080 --> 0:05:50.679 Oh yeah, and like the first you know, the first 0:05:50.720 --> 0:05:54.240 six twelve months was completely different too. So I think 0:05:54.279 --> 0:05:57.600 like when we had Oscar, even from the delivery suite 0:05:57.960 --> 0:05:59.840 where things didn't really go to plan. It was sort 0:05:59.880 --> 0:06:03.120 of he was such a grumpy, grouchy baby. 0:06:03.360 --> 0:06:05.880 If anyone who doesn't know, we've spoken about before, but 0:06:06.160 --> 0:06:07.040 it was a sea section. 0:06:07.480 --> 0:06:10.279 It was ended up being an emergency sea section after 0:06:10.360 --> 0:06:13.560 like twenty four hours of labor. I think, like now 0:06:13.600 --> 0:06:17.240 I look back where actually some of the mental stuff 0:06:17.279 --> 0:06:20.919 sort to shine through was even in the even in 0:06:20.960 --> 0:06:23.000 the recovery suites when we're you know, a couple of 0:06:23.040 --> 0:06:27.120 days in the hospital and me trying to change oscars, 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:29.440 n happy and not being happy with my performance. Like 0:06:29.480 --> 0:06:31.440 I was like, holy shit, Like that's where like the 0:06:31.520 --> 0:06:35.080 underlending standards, Like I expected myself to be able to 0:06:35.360 --> 0:06:37.880 calm that baby and be able to you know, change 0:06:37.880 --> 0:06:40.159 that baby like immediately, even though I was like, hand, 0:06:40.400 --> 0:06:42.880 that's like my first fucking day on the job, but 0:06:43.120 --> 0:06:45.200 I didn't think anything of it. Then I just would 0:06:45.240 --> 0:06:50.200 get frustrated, so frustrated like immediately, and then yeah, we 0:06:50.240 --> 0:06:53.599 sort of you know, we packed up, went home, did 0:06:53.600 --> 0:06:56.120 that forty k and hour home because you're like just 0:06:56.160 --> 0:06:58.760 thing in the back of the car as every dad 0:06:58.800 --> 0:07:02.080 would do, where you just like so fragile, am I 0:07:02.080 --> 0:07:04.160 strapped in the car correctly, all that sort of stuff. 0:07:04.520 --> 0:07:07.360 And then we got home, and yeah, he was quite 0:07:07.400 --> 0:07:12.160 a cranky baby. He was really uncomfortable. We sort of 0:07:12.440 --> 0:07:14.320 a little bit later found out that he had silent 0:07:14.360 --> 0:07:17.400 reflux and he had dairy intolerance. 0:07:16.920 --> 0:07:19.880 Which is so tough. 0:07:20.440 --> 0:07:23.040 Yeah, so and for anyone who don't really know, he 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:26.680 would be like asleep for forty minutes the first sleep window, 0:07:27.440 --> 0:07:31.080 and then obviously he would be burning in his esophacus, 0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:33.200 and like we didn't know any of that, and like 0:07:33.360 --> 0:07:35.040 you know, like. 0:07:34.400 --> 0:07:36.520 Like I said, isn't he loving me? Why doesn't he 0:07:36.600 --> 0:07:36.920 love me? 0:07:37.320 --> 0:07:39.239 But like he wouldn't sleep, And then it was caused 0:07:39.240 --> 0:07:41.840 me and April blaming each other for why he can't 0:07:41.880 --> 0:07:44.720 sleep and all that sort of shit, and like, you know, 0:07:44.840 --> 0:07:47.360 as two people in the household, three people in the 0:07:47.360 --> 0:07:51.160 household now just tied all the time, it was really 0:07:51.160 --> 0:07:54.600 taking a toll on April, who's got a feed We're 0:07:54.600 --> 0:07:58.280 not knowing what's wrong. And then I go back to work, 0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:02.240 and I think, did you have off? Initially I had 0:08:02.240 --> 0:08:03.080 two weeks off. 0:08:03.280 --> 0:08:04.000 Oh that was it? 0:08:04.160 --> 0:08:06.600 That was it? Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, And then I was. 0:08:06.800 --> 0:08:08.560 Did you have matt leeb for yourself? 0:08:08.640 --> 0:08:12.000 Is that no I had? I can't quite recall. 0:08:12.080 --> 0:08:12.880 Yeah, that's quick. 0:08:13.040 --> 0:08:15.840 It was only two weeks. And then I went back 0:08:15.880 --> 0:08:18.600 to work for two weeks. And during those two weeks 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:21.480 it was really really tough coming home to see my 0:08:21.520 --> 0:08:23.640 shell of a wife that I had, because this kid 0:08:23.720 --> 0:08:28.320 had absolutely taken it all day and it was like 0:08:28.480 --> 0:08:32.160 really taking its toll. On April, and after two weeks, 0:08:32.160 --> 0:08:33.600 I've said to my work, I'm going to have to 0:08:33.640 --> 0:08:36.680 take more time off to try and help support. And 0:08:37.040 --> 0:08:39.559 again we still didn't know that Oscar had silent reflux 0:08:39.600 --> 0:08:41.000 and a dairy intolerance. 0:08:41.559 --> 0:08:45.440 You have little brief moments, because Lola was similar where 0:08:45.480 --> 0:08:48.880 she was just didn't sleep, didn't eat, and you have 0:08:49.000 --> 0:08:51.280 little moments where you're like, oh, this is nice, she 0:08:51.400 --> 0:08:54.000 just gave me a smile, and this is yeah, I 0:08:54.000 --> 0:08:56.600 guess that little like spark that I was looking for 0:08:56.640 --> 0:08:59.240 when I was thinking about becoming a new parent. But 0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:03.000 then bulk of it is just screams, screams. 0:09:03.200 --> 0:09:06.160 Yeah, I recall taking a photo of me and Oscar 0:09:06.480 --> 0:09:09.120 when he was so young, and I think a captions 0:09:09.120 --> 0:09:12.880 are in between screams, and people were like, holy shit, 0:09:12.960 --> 0:09:15.439 that hit me hard because they're like, that's so true. 0:09:15.840 --> 0:09:18.240 Those moments in between you got to try and find 0:09:18.800 --> 0:09:21.040 but we weren't finding any, and like it was so 0:09:21.200 --> 0:09:24.840 early days that like, yeah, I've said and thankfully the 0:09:25.000 --> 0:09:27.040 job I had at the time, they were like, yeah, 0:09:27.200 --> 0:09:29.240 take as much time as you need, which is really great. 0:09:29.640 --> 0:09:31.600 They sort of understood that was. 0:09:31.520 --> 0:09:33.720 It a case. And I guess there is this expectation 0:09:33.880 --> 0:09:36.600 of like, all throughout pregnancy, everyone's just like, this is 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:38.680 going to be the most amazing moment of your life 0:09:38.720 --> 0:09:41.480 and build it up year totally. Like the bar is 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:45.000 of expectation is so incredibly high, and then when it 0:09:45.400 --> 0:09:47.800 doesn't match that, all of a sudden, you're like, well, 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:49.319 I'm failing as a family. 0:09:49.520 --> 0:09:51.160 That's kind of what I felt like, Yeah, And it 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:54.240 also felt like people were always like asking me, oh, 0:09:54.240 --> 0:09:56.560 how's the sleep. Just shut the fuck up and stop 0:09:56.600 --> 0:09:59.520 asking me that fucking question because it's obviously not good. 0:09:59.600 --> 0:10:03.679 Look eggs on my eyes. I'm off work again. Oscar 0:10:03.800 --> 0:10:07.959 was just absolutely draining us to the point where like 0:10:08.440 --> 0:10:11.680 I resented him, which sucks for him. And that's as 0:10:11.720 --> 0:10:13.760 hard as it is for people to hear that I 0:10:13.880 --> 0:10:17.160 fucking hated him. Look, we build a bridge, thankfully, but. 0:10:17.120 --> 0:10:19.800 Like I guess it's like for anyone listening, he maybe 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:24.080 doesn't have kids. It is a really interesting situation to 0:10:24.160 --> 0:10:27.320 be in where like, at its core, obviously love your child. 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:29.920 Yeah you know, it's almost like I love that will 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:32.800 never be broken. But at the same time, it's this 0:10:32.960 --> 0:10:39.480 juxtaposition where this child that you love like unconditionally is 0:10:39.520 --> 0:10:42.440 also the cause of so many problems, so many problems, 0:10:42.960 --> 0:10:47.160 and it's really really strange, and nothing eats you up 0:10:47.280 --> 0:10:50.880 more than those moments of frustration that are directed towards 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:51.440 your baby. 0:10:51.640 --> 0:10:53.959 Oh yeah, because then you feel guilty about it afterwards 0:10:54.000 --> 0:10:56.720 because it's like, I don't know anyway. So, like it 0:10:56.800 --> 0:10:59.080 was just getting really, really really bad, to the point 0:10:59.120 --> 0:11:03.720 where it was really affecting April's mental health. She was, 0:11:04.640 --> 0:11:08.560 you know, leaving the house and not coming back, and 0:11:08.600 --> 0:11:11.800 we were having to seek help because she was depressed, 0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:16.200 she hated everything. She was obviously suffering from depression. So 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:18.920 my first initial thought there is to make sure she 0:11:18.960 --> 0:11:22.120 has help and we did that. We did what we 0:11:22.200 --> 0:11:24.760 needed to do, went saw the GP, and the GP 0:11:24.880 --> 0:11:27.760 said it was really really bad and recommending us this 0:11:27.800 --> 0:11:30.720 place called Sin John of God, which was out at Burwood, 0:11:30.920 --> 0:11:33.960 which April's in denial about that doesn't want to do it. 0:11:34.040 --> 0:11:37.000 They have a really great mother and child program out there. 0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:39.160 And it was like, do we need to do that? 0:11:39.320 --> 0:11:42.280 Is it that bad? And we tried to help ourselves 0:11:42.360 --> 0:11:44.480 before we had to get to that point. I remember 0:11:44.679 --> 0:11:46.840 there was this one day Abe went for a physio appointment, 0:11:47.280 --> 0:11:50.319 like a postpart of physio appointment, and she just didn't 0:11:50.320 --> 0:11:54.000 come back, and I was like, what the Fuck's going 0:11:54.000 --> 0:11:56.360 on here? She didn't come back, and then eventually she 0:11:56.440 --> 0:11:59.280 did and she said I just drove around the block, 0:12:00.120 --> 0:12:03.520 not wanting to come in because I just hated the situation. Wow, 0:12:03.679 --> 0:12:05.960 which was real tough, And at that point, I've made 0:12:05.960 --> 0:12:07.600 the call that we've got to go. 0:12:08.280 --> 0:12:08.480 Yeah. 0:12:08.720 --> 0:12:10.400 When we rang and said you know we're coming in, 0:12:10.400 --> 0:12:12.599 they said, okay, cool, no worries. We went in and 0:12:12.640 --> 0:12:16.000 we checked in like two days later to this mental hospital. 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:18.760 They were really great and it was a beautiful facility 0:12:18.800 --> 0:12:20.360 and stuff, but essentially I had to drop my wife 0:12:20.400 --> 0:12:23.839 and kid off there left him for eight weeks, which 0:12:24.120 --> 0:12:25.760 I was allowed to visit. I was allowed to stay. 0:12:25.800 --> 0:12:28.520 They were really good. It was really tough. Like I said, like, 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:30.720 they had great facilities, and I've got this really good 0:12:30.840 --> 0:12:33.840 mother and child program which the child goes in with 0:12:33.960 --> 0:12:37.160 you when you first get there, they obviously know that 0:12:37.240 --> 0:12:40.640 you're fucking exhausted. Essentially, the baby sleeps in the nursery. 0:12:41.400 --> 0:12:43.120 I can't remember how old he was at this point, 0:12:43.200 --> 0:12:45.880 like five or six weeks. He might have been a 0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:49.280 little bit older. But they do all this group stuff 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:53.319 and they see psychologists and try and they give them 0:12:53.320 --> 0:12:55.360 the tools to really work with it, which is really 0:12:55.360 --> 0:12:56.600 really great. And got to see that. 0:12:57.480 --> 0:13:00.640 So at this point, how was your mental health? Because 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:04.360 April had been diagnosed and she was seeking help. 0:13:04.720 --> 0:13:06.680 At this point, I had to completely put myself to 0:13:06.679 --> 0:13:09.439 the side. I was like, it is not about me, 0:13:09.760 --> 0:13:12.360 it's about them. It was great for me to get 0:13:12.400 --> 0:13:15.080 some rest as well, to sort of start to see 0:13:15.160 --> 0:13:17.720 things in a bit more light. But yeah, I was 0:13:17.760 --> 0:13:20.880 going back and forth for that whole time. Yeah, I 0:13:21.000 --> 0:13:23.320 was sort of got closer to the end of that time, 0:13:23.360 --> 0:13:25.319 and I remember I had a conversation with my sister, 0:13:25.360 --> 0:13:27.199 and she was like, oh, it's all you know, great 0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:29.920 that she's getting better. She was just like, what about you? 0:13:30.000 --> 0:13:33.079 And I was like, I'd never really and like we 0:13:33.120 --> 0:13:34.760 spoke about the other day, I was like, you know, 0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:36.560 it's kind of like when you're in an aeroplane and 0:13:36.600 --> 0:13:39.000 the oxygen mask dropped down, you got to put yourself 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:40.800 on before you start to help others. And she was like, 0:13:40.880 --> 0:13:42.120 do you not ever think about that? 0:13:42.400 --> 0:13:43.000 Yeah? 0:13:43.040 --> 0:13:44.959 And I was kind of like shit, and it sort 0:13:45.000 --> 0:13:47.960 of planted a seed for me. I remember there was 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:49.719 like a couple of weeks to go, and they were like, look, 0:13:49.720 --> 0:13:51.720 we're going to allow April to have like a home visit. 0:13:52.200 --> 0:13:53.920 Can't come home for the night. I was going to 0:13:54.000 --> 0:13:56.480 come home too, just for the night and see how 0:13:56.520 --> 0:13:58.640 it goes. It went pretty well, Like it was a 0:13:58.679 --> 0:14:01.040 little bit rocky because obviously know when it's like even now, 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:03.280 when your kids sleep in a different environment, it's it's 0:14:03.320 --> 0:14:06.480 never great, so you know, but it was really good 0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:09.720 to have them home and eventually they discharged her and 0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:11.520 came home and we were in a much better play. 0:14:11.640 --> 0:14:13.560 Best thing we ever did, like now I look back, 0:14:13.679 --> 0:14:15.800 the best thing we ever did was take up on 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:19.280 that program and thankfully we were covered under insurances and 0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:22.280 stuff like that, which I know that some people don't 0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:24.680 have that don't have that same thing, and look, there 0:14:24.720 --> 0:14:27.240 should be more of it and more accessible for families. 0:14:27.280 --> 0:14:30.400 But yeah, like they came home and you know, we 0:14:30.720 --> 0:14:33.960 sort of were better equipped and had more knowledge, and 0:14:34.800 --> 0:14:38.280 like it wasn't perfect. We were still going through the 0:14:38.720 --> 0:14:40.760 Now April, we have to look at Okay, she can't 0:14:40.800 --> 0:14:42.560 eat dairy, Oh yeah. 0:14:42.400 --> 0:14:44.680 Of course because then the milk that she's producing. 0:14:44.800 --> 0:14:49.080 Yeah. Yeah, so then we had to manage the silent 0:14:49.120 --> 0:14:51.400 reflux and stuff. So there were still its challenges, but 0:14:51.440 --> 0:14:54.400 it was you know, chalk and cheese so much better 0:14:54.440 --> 0:14:56.560 because we're you know, well and more equipped, but. 0:14:56.520 --> 0:14:59.280 We're aware of yeah issues, and April. 0:14:59.080 --> 0:15:01.920 Was on the man really well, like she was, you know, 0:15:02.000 --> 0:15:04.640 starting to be more positive and starting to find She 0:15:04.680 --> 0:15:07.520 definitely said that she started to love him much more 0:15:07.760 --> 0:15:10.680 and have those moments and I wasn't having them yet, 0:15:10.720 --> 0:15:13.480 which you know, I accepted because they you know, they 0:15:13.520 --> 0:15:14.840 were living together in a facility. 0:15:14.960 --> 0:15:19.840 Yeah, it's so hard, even though deep down you love 0:15:19.880 --> 0:15:24.000 your child to express that love when you're completely overrun 0:15:24.040 --> 0:15:28.480 with that frustration, the relationship with Marley, it was very instant. 0:15:28.520 --> 0:15:31.960 She was a dream child. Yeah, she slept anywhere, she ate, 0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:36.280 she fed beautifully. Yeah, fucking life was easy. And then 0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:39.600 with Lola, that affection was kind of like masked. 0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:42.360 Yeah, it was masked by the frustration of why aren't 0:15:42.360 --> 0:15:43.080 you like that one? 0:15:43.520 --> 0:15:43.880 Yeah? 0:15:44.360 --> 0:15:48.800 Yeah, totally, Like I was happy that everyone was home 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:51.120 and happy that you know, we're on the end, and 0:15:51.360 --> 0:15:54.640 I think, like it wasn't obvious to me, but it 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:57.760 was obvious to April that I was getting worse. She 0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:00.320 just said to me that you're different, said something about 0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:04.880 you is different. She said, you're frustrated, You're angry. I 0:16:04.920 --> 0:16:07.280 can see it. I can see it in your eyes 0:16:07.320 --> 0:16:10.560 that you're just not something's not rare and for me, 0:16:10.760 --> 0:16:14.000 and like, deep down for me, I was essentially without 0:16:14.080 --> 0:16:18.520 me knowing, planning my escape from the situation. Still even 0:16:18.560 --> 0:16:20.160 what do you mean by that? I just didn't want 0:16:20.160 --> 0:16:24.440 to be there anymore. I just there was conversations that 0:16:24.440 --> 0:16:26.080 I had had with April saying that I don't love 0:16:26.120 --> 0:16:29.240 this kid, and it was like, that's to say it now. 0:16:29.240 --> 0:16:32.560 It is heartbreaking, but it was like that was the 0:16:32.600 --> 0:16:36.240 situation that I didn't want to be there anymore. Didn't 0:16:36.280 --> 0:16:38.160 mean self harm. It just means I just wanted to 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:40.840 move on from this. And when they were in a position, 0:16:41.080 --> 0:16:44.720 my honest thoughts at the time were, once they're in 0:16:44.720 --> 0:16:48.640 a position where they're comfortable, I'm going to leave, which 0:16:48.760 --> 0:16:52.600 now it fucking breaks my heart to say that, but 0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:55.000 that was the god honest truth. And I remember April 0:16:55.040 --> 0:16:58.400 saying to me, you know we're getting better, you're getting worse. 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:00.200 And she kept saying that to me, she said, you 0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:01.120 need to sort this out. 0:17:01.640 --> 0:17:04.399 At that point, did you agree with her? Were you 0:17:04.440 --> 0:17:08.080 thinking maybe I could have something wrong with my mental health? 0:17:08.119 --> 0:17:11.280 Yeah, when she was blunt to me and said that, 0:17:11.359 --> 0:17:12.800 you know, we need to have a look at this. 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:17.040 Because you helped us, we need to help you. And like, 0:17:17.119 --> 0:17:19.760 thankfully we had built like a bit of a rapport 0:17:19.800 --> 0:17:22.879 with our GP over all of everything that happened with April. 0:17:22.920 --> 0:17:26.040 And as soon as I booked that appointment and sat 0:17:26.080 --> 0:17:28.560 in her office, she knew straight away and I was 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:32.960 just a fucking mess, and she was just like, holy shito. 0:17:33.359 --> 0:17:36.240 She was just like, you guys have forgotten. You guys 0:17:36.280 --> 0:17:39.960 get forgotten so much because it is all about mum 0:17:40.000 --> 0:17:43.320 and the baby, as it should be because she's providing life, 0:17:43.400 --> 0:17:48.680 she's nurturing, she's you know, feeding. She's like I always 0:17:48.720 --> 0:17:51.760 say that that first big moment, you know distances there 0:17:51.600 --> 0:17:53.679 are newborn is that you could be any old blob, 0:17:53.720 --> 0:17:55.520 but you won't be mum, you know what I mean. 0:17:56.200 --> 0:17:59.439 But it's also a teamwork between mom and dad, and 0:17:59.480 --> 0:18:02.480 obviously there is a big difference between she's. 0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:07.000 The team captain totally. But yeah, I remember when I, like, 0:18:07.040 --> 0:18:09.439 I said, I saw the GP and she was just like, 0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:12.320 you know, we did all the testing to like how 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:14.639 I'm actually feeling, and she was like, we need to 0:18:14.840 --> 0:18:15.520 sort this out. 0:18:16.600 --> 0:18:18.240 So what's the steps from that moment? 0:18:18.400 --> 0:18:20.320 For the steps from that moment is you come up 0:18:20.359 --> 0:18:22.240 with a mental health plan with your GP, which is 0:18:22.320 --> 0:18:25.560 really important, just to sit down and talk about, you know, 0:18:25.640 --> 0:18:29.000 what the plan is, what resources are available, and how 0:18:29.080 --> 0:18:31.360 you want to tackle it, and what you're comfortable with 0:18:31.640 --> 0:18:36.040 as well, which you know, she was saying to me, 0:18:36.160 --> 0:18:38.480 I get a lot more women than men, and she 0:18:38.680 --> 0:18:40.679 was very honest about that, and she was like, but 0:18:41.280 --> 0:18:43.200 she she said, I would love to see more men 0:18:43.280 --> 0:18:45.320 because so many couple sit in here and I can 0:18:45.359 --> 0:18:48.159 see it that maybe I don't know. Something is not 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:51.040 right and she was like, you're at a point where 0:18:51.200 --> 0:18:53.040 you've made the decision to be here, which is the 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:56.760 best decision you've made? And it was. And we went 0:18:56.760 --> 0:18:59.680 from there in terms of referrals to who would benefit 0:18:59.720 --> 0:19:03.280 me the most in the area? Is there some resources online? 0:19:03.560 --> 0:19:06.720 How far did I was? I willing to go to 0:19:06.800 --> 0:19:11.000 make myself feel better? Made it really easy, So you know, 0:19:11.000 --> 0:19:15.520 I made the decision at that point to see someone professionally, 0:19:16.440 --> 0:19:18.960 and April was like, whatever it costs, whatever it takes. 0:19:19.040 --> 0:19:20.080