WEBVTT - Bad Habits We Do, But Hate Seeing In Other People 🤭

0:00:01.560 --> 0:00:04.520
<v Speaker 1>Flex and Frooms, Flex and Frooms. This is the Flex

0:00:04.519 --> 0:00:09.680
<v Speaker 1>and Frooms catch up podcast. Flexi who is the philosopher

0:00:09.680 --> 0:00:12.319
<v Speaker 1>who said an unexamined life is not worth living?

0:00:13.039 --> 0:00:15.600
<v Speaker 2>I couldn't tell you. Do you remember Plato? Socrates is

0:00:15.640 --> 0:00:17.439
<v Speaker 2>one of them. Yeah, one of the boys.

0:00:17.920 --> 0:00:20.520
<v Speaker 1>Never get my utube teacher told me that, and I thought, actually,

0:00:20.560 --> 0:00:22.639
<v Speaker 1>I'd prefer to not think about it, and my life's

0:00:22.640 --> 0:00:25.720
<v Speaker 1>pretty good anyway. I was at a party recently and

0:00:25.760 --> 0:00:28.520
<v Speaker 1>the person who was hosting the party was inviting everyone in.

0:00:28.560 --> 0:00:30.840
<v Speaker 1>It was like a relatively small gathering, so I would

0:00:30.880 --> 0:00:34.600
<v Speaker 1>have assumed that they knew everyone's name. But people were

0:00:34.640 --> 0:00:37.519
<v Speaker 1>coming in who they'd met once or twice, and they

0:00:37.600 --> 0:00:40.519
<v Speaker 1>started doing this thing that I found quite grating. And

0:00:40.600 --> 0:00:42.280
<v Speaker 1>I realized that I found it greating because it's something

0:00:42.280 --> 0:00:44.040
<v Speaker 1>that I do, something that I don't want to do,

0:00:44.120 --> 0:00:45.880
<v Speaker 1>but I can't help myself. And that is you've seen

0:00:45.880 --> 0:00:50.279
<v Speaker 1>in the wild Flexi getting people's name wrong. So I

0:00:50.320 --> 0:00:53.000
<v Speaker 1>struggle with people's names. I hate it because it's the

0:00:53.000 --> 0:00:56.360
<v Speaker 1>most pedestrian bad thing to be bad at, and it

0:00:56.400 --> 0:00:59.120
<v Speaker 1>seemingly has a very obvious cure, which is to pay attention.

0:00:59.480 --> 0:01:01.800
<v Speaker 1>But trust me, I'm paying attention, and I'm definitely like

0:01:02.360 --> 0:01:04.760
<v Speaker 1>when I meet someone i'm thinking about, I'm paying full

0:01:04.800 --> 0:01:07.800
<v Speaker 1>attention to them. I think I am at a party,

0:01:07.840 --> 0:01:09.960
<v Speaker 1>like if I have a conversation, I'm not like looking

0:01:09.959 --> 0:01:12.600
<v Speaker 1>over your shoulder, sorry if I have before my usual

0:01:13.280 --> 0:01:18.200
<v Speaker 1>usual thing. But yeah, this person kept getting everybody's name wrong.

0:01:18.240 --> 0:01:19.399
<v Speaker 1>So they would do a thing where they go for

0:01:19.440 --> 0:01:23.759
<v Speaker 1>the sab and they'd be like Lily, like my name's Lillian.

0:01:23.800 --> 0:01:26.560
<v Speaker 1>They're like, okakay, I mean that's that's close enough, or

0:01:26.600 --> 0:01:29.960
<v Speaker 1>like Lucy and he'd be like, my name's Lillian.

0:01:30.240 --> 0:01:30.600
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:01:31.480 --> 0:01:34.440
<v Speaker 1>And I was watching this unfold, thinking, King, get it together,

0:01:35.120 --> 0:01:37.760
<v Speaker 1>please get it together, like it's not that hard. And

0:01:37.800 --> 0:01:40.720
<v Speaker 1>then I had to. I had like a raven moment,

0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:44.120
<v Speaker 1>so I was like far out, that's me in a man.

0:01:44.840 --> 0:01:47.480
<v Speaker 2>So what about that situation meant that you couldn't like

0:01:47.640 --> 0:01:49.640
<v Speaker 2>sympathize with them because like, oh damn, I do that too,

0:01:49.760 --> 0:01:50.840
<v Speaker 2>Like got you, King?

0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:55.160
<v Speaker 1>I sympathized the first few times, but then I was like, King,

0:01:55.480 --> 0:01:58.040
<v Speaker 1>what I do when I have had this bad of

0:01:58.040 --> 0:02:00.440
<v Speaker 1>a strike, right? Is I just stop with the names?

0:02:00.720 --> 0:02:04.080
<v Speaker 1>We just say hey you hey, you like yeah, which

0:02:04.120 --> 0:02:06.920
<v Speaker 1>is dangerous as well. But I think once you've tried

0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:08.840
<v Speaker 1>one method, you have to accept defeat and be like, yeah,

0:02:08.840 --> 0:02:10.799
<v Speaker 1>I'm gonna have to like hurt some feelings today. Yeah,

0:02:10.840 --> 0:02:13.720
<v Speaker 1>I'd rather than have to someone has to like constantly

0:02:13.760 --> 0:02:14.760
<v Speaker 1>correct you more than once.

0:02:15.000 --> 0:02:17.080
<v Speaker 2>Do you reckon? Do you reckon? This person was just

0:02:17.160 --> 0:02:19.280
<v Speaker 2>like not self aware or just a bit of a

0:02:19.320 --> 0:02:24.359
<v Speaker 2>scatter brain, because I can imagine once you do it

0:02:24.400 --> 0:02:26.919
<v Speaker 2>a couple of times you have to, you would double

0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:28.720
<v Speaker 2>down and be like, I'm just I'm just a person

0:02:28.760 --> 0:02:30.440
<v Speaker 2>who gets names wrong. That's me.

0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:32.480
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, because then you don't want to make it feel

0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:33.799
<v Speaker 1>like you only forget some people's names.

0:02:33.880 --> 0:02:36.280
<v Speaker 2>Yes, exactly, like I do it to anyone. Yeah, yeah,

0:02:36.280 --> 0:02:37.079
<v Speaker 2>I'll do it to you.

0:02:37.760 --> 0:02:40.720
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. I could feel his brain ticking over every time,

0:02:40.800 --> 0:02:44.160
<v Speaker 1>so I think he was trying. But then also he

0:02:44.200 --> 0:02:45.240
<v Speaker 1>wasn't really pulling it off.

0:02:45.520 --> 0:02:47.480
<v Speaker 2>So what's the moral of the story. Don't try unless

0:02:47.480 --> 0:02:48.200
<v Speaker 2>you can get it right.

0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:51.640
<v Speaker 1>The moral of the story is I still want to

0:02:51.720 --> 0:02:54.000
<v Speaker 1>learn to be better at names. But the moral of

0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:56.079
<v Speaker 1>the story also is charisma gets too fast. So if

0:02:56.080 --> 0:02:58.560
<v Speaker 1>you can just play dumb but also like really pay

0:02:58.600 --> 0:02:59.200
<v Speaker 1>someone attention.

0:02:59.240 --> 0:03:01.400
<v Speaker 2>I think it's why charisma playing dumb.

0:03:01.919 --> 0:03:07.000
<v Speaker 1>No, no, no, no, charisma is getting away with playing dark?

0:03:07.040 --> 0:03:10.000
<v Speaker 1>Got charisma? Isn't playing dumb with a little bit of

0:03:10.040 --> 0:03:12.120
<v Speaker 1>a charisma and like looking people in the eye and

0:03:12.160 --> 0:03:14.560
<v Speaker 1>like paying them attention in other ways, Yeah, you can

0:03:14.600 --> 0:03:16.480
<v Speaker 1>get around this very stupid.

0:03:16.560 --> 0:03:18.919
<v Speaker 2>So this guy's biggest flaw was that he wasn't charismatic.

0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:21.720
<v Speaker 1>Don't make me say it trying to do it in

0:03:21.720 --> 0:03:24.640
<v Speaker 1>a polite way. No, I want to know, like an

0:03:24.639 --> 0:03:27.399
<v Speaker 1>example of when you've seen your behavior reflecting in someone

0:03:27.400 --> 0:03:29.480
<v Speaker 1>else and you've made you think twice about how it

0:03:29.480 --> 0:03:30.360
<v Speaker 1>makes other people feel.

0:03:30.440 --> 0:03:32.680
<v Speaker 2>The situation reminds me of a friend that I used

0:03:32.680 --> 0:03:36.600
<v Speaker 2>to have, and she is what I would describe as

0:03:36.600 --> 0:03:40.280
<v Speaker 2>a textbook extravert, like extravert in every circumstance, and back

0:03:40.280 --> 0:03:42.560
<v Speaker 2>in the days, I really used to appreciate that behavior

0:03:42.680 --> 0:03:46.400
<v Speaker 2>because I only looked at it as overwhelmly positive to

0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:49.440
<v Speaker 2>be a person who walks into a room, lights it up,

0:03:49.600 --> 0:03:53.160
<v Speaker 2>gets excited, makes jokes like how could that ever be

0:03:53.200 --> 0:03:57.160
<v Speaker 2>a bad thing? But because we were part of a

0:03:57.200 --> 0:04:00.280
<v Speaker 2>group of friends, she was never my close, close friend,

0:04:00.440 --> 0:04:03.040
<v Speaker 2>but we always hung out a lot, a lot, a lot.

0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:05.680
<v Speaker 2>So after years and years of being her friend and

0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:09.120
<v Speaker 2>recognizing that she wasn't just a textbook extrovert, she was

0:04:09.240 --> 0:04:12.880
<v Speaker 2>just obnoxious. And it took a little second because I

0:04:12.920 --> 0:04:15.240
<v Speaker 2>really like this, This would have been like high school.

0:04:15.240 --> 0:04:17.920
<v Speaker 2>Coming out of high school. I really emulated her behavior

0:04:17.960 --> 0:04:20.919
<v Speaker 2>because I was like, she is so cool, she's so

0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:25.960
<v Speaker 2>like confident and loud, and she says what she wants

0:04:26.040 --> 0:04:30.400
<v Speaker 2>and she'll like talk to anyone. But she just was

0:04:30.440 --> 0:04:33.480
<v Speaker 2>not self aware, so she could never see even if

0:04:33.480 --> 0:04:35.760
<v Speaker 2>it wasn't appropriate, she would do it anyway. We could

0:04:35.800 --> 0:04:39.160
<v Speaker 2>be in a beautiful restaurant. I'm not talking five star dining,

0:04:39.360 --> 0:04:42.279
<v Speaker 2>just a really considered environment where someone's coming up to

0:04:42.279 --> 0:04:44.679
<v Speaker 2>you asking for what you want. She wouldn't stop talking.

0:04:45.560 --> 0:04:49.560
<v Speaker 2>She would like, wouldn't acknowledge anybody around her, would you know,

0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:51.320
<v Speaker 2>point at people across the way and be like, wait,

0:04:51.320 --> 0:04:54.160
<v Speaker 2>I love that outfit, And I just I don't know

0:04:54.200 --> 0:04:59.080
<v Speaker 2>if it's because that transition from high school to you know, adulthood,

0:04:59.160 --> 0:05:01.880
<v Speaker 2>you actually asked to gain a bit of sentience about

0:05:02.120 --> 0:05:06.000
<v Speaker 2>who you are outside of just being a person with friends.

0:05:06.080 --> 0:05:09.120
<v Speaker 2>You're like, wait, who am I when I'm not accountable

0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:10.840
<v Speaker 2>for the people around me? Who am I when I'm

0:05:10.880 --> 0:05:14.279
<v Speaker 2>just myself, and so I really had to challenge the

0:05:14.320 --> 0:05:16.800
<v Speaker 2>part of myself that was like which part of myself

0:05:16.920 --> 0:05:21.120
<v Speaker 2>is extroverted for joy and which part of myself is

0:05:21.160 --> 0:05:25.240
<v Speaker 2>extroverted for like control, because she could not help but

0:05:25.360 --> 0:05:29.000
<v Speaker 2>control every environment that she was in, and it was

0:05:29.040 --> 0:05:31.800
<v Speaker 2>like militant in the way, and she couldn't take any

0:05:31.839 --> 0:05:35.400
<v Speaker 2>feedback and she wouldn't like nothing could pass through. And

0:05:35.480 --> 0:05:37.520
<v Speaker 2>it was interesting though, because I thought I was the

0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:39.880
<v Speaker 2>only one who noticed. And that's the hardest thing about

0:05:39.960 --> 0:05:42.240
<v Speaker 2>when you become self aware about your behavior, You're like,

0:05:42.320 --> 0:05:45.120
<v Speaker 2>surely nobody else knows but me, right, So maybe in

0:05:45.160 --> 0:05:48.279
<v Speaker 2>your situation, you're like, surely nobody knows, or this person's situation,

0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:50.440
<v Speaker 2>I mean, they might have been like, surely nobody knows that.

0:05:50.480 --> 0:05:53.000
<v Speaker 2>I don't remember names, Like surely nobody's clocking this, but

0:05:53.200 --> 0:05:57.279
<v Speaker 2>everybody's clocking it, everybody. And so in this instance, with

0:05:57.360 --> 0:06:00.839
<v Speaker 2>these friends, I never said anything. When that group eventually

0:06:00.920 --> 0:06:03.039
<v Speaker 2>like disbanded, as high school groups do, when you pick

0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:05.640
<v Speaker 2>your little subgroups. That was the thing. Oh, you know,

0:06:05.680 --> 0:06:08.080
<v Speaker 2>she's just so hard to be around. She's not self aware,

0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:11.120
<v Speaker 2>I said. When you have your own insecurities, part of

0:06:11.200 --> 0:06:12.720
<v Speaker 2>you is like, oh my got everybody knows, but other

0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:14.960
<v Speaker 2>part is like nobody knows, it's just me on the inside,

0:06:15.080 --> 0:06:17.279
<v Speaker 2>and affirming that the things that you don't like about

0:06:17.320 --> 0:06:19.800
<v Speaker 2>is off people see. I was like, I need to

0:06:19.800 --> 0:06:22.400
<v Speaker 2>start making sure that the person that I'm presenting is

0:06:22.440 --> 0:06:24.800
<v Speaker 2>the person that I'm comfortable with. And so then I

0:06:24.880 --> 0:06:27.200
<v Speaker 2>had to make sure that like, Okay, I'm going to

0:06:27.240 --> 0:06:29.840
<v Speaker 2>talk to you the same way that i would speak

0:06:29.880 --> 0:06:31.560
<v Speaker 2>to my mum, the same way I'm speaking to a

0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:34.520
<v Speaker 2>boss because I don't want there to be confusion about

0:06:34.520 --> 0:06:36.520
<v Speaker 2>who I am. And to this day, I'm sure that

0:06:36.560 --> 0:06:38.920
<v Speaker 2>girl never really understands like what happened? Like how did

0:06:38.960 --> 0:06:41.560
<v Speaker 2>you all remain friends? And I didn't like, why am

0:06:41.560 --> 0:06:44.360
<v Speaker 2>I on the fringe? And who are we to tell her?

0:06:44.480 --> 0:06:45.160
<v Speaker 2>It's very sad.

0:06:46.200 --> 0:06:49.599
<v Speaker 1>Reflex in Frooms Daily podcast. For more, tune Indicater on

0:06:49.680 --> 0:06:51.800
<v Speaker 1>DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.