Speaker 1: The Flex and Rooms Daily Podcast brought Ah, that is
Speaker 1: the sound of me unwinding. We're sitting on these chairs
Speaker 1: and my ass is so fucking numb stiff. Queen's me too,
Speaker 1: literally my bum it's like her to feel the bones
Speaker 1: hitting the like. What's it called? Is this a ball
Speaker 1: chade chair? Boukley? Bou clay? Is how you pronounce it? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I'm into bookclay chairs kind of
Speaker 1: remumd me of like a tweed jacket, yeah, mix with
Speaker 1: the sheep. Okay, that's got matted hair anyway.
Speaker 2: Talking about how you avoid the therapist zone and a friendship,
Speaker 2: it starts off being really flattering.
Speaker 1: And validating and exciting.
Speaker 2: Because how can you amazing person need my advice in
Speaker 2: this really unique situation, And eventually you find that whenever
Speaker 2: they call you it's to vent and tarant and when
Speaker 2: to the lasting we had a conversation about something fun
Speaker 2: or even about you and what you're going through, and
Speaker 2: then before you know it, you've in a weird place
Speaker 2: because to say that you don't want to help out
Speaker 2: anymore seems incredibly self and then to ask for, you know,
Speaker 2: to be seen or to be heard seems incredibly weird
Speaker 2: and needy, and they probably just end up like distancing
Speaker 2: yourself from your friend and that's not fun at all.
Speaker 2: So we'll not discussed our experiences of being the therapist
Speaker 2: and the friend who is in need of a therapist,
Speaker 2: and then our solutions to get out of that zone.
Speaker 1: And I do want to make sure flex that we
Speaker 1: don't become the what's it called the therapist? You know,
Speaker 1: we get hand calling in and saying, my boyfriend did
Speaker 1: a big chin, took a photo and send it to me.
Speaker 1: Do we really want to be helping out those kind
Speaker 1: of heathens.
Speaker 2: That's why I keep it light and facetious. Now, there
Speaker 2: was a time in the intent I took it really
Speaker 2: seriously and before you know, I'm giving away three hours
Speaker 2: of my night helping some random person some random issue
Speaker 2: that I don't care about really in my heart of hearts.
Speaker 2: But I feel like I've got a responsibility to not
Speaker 2: do it anymore. Yeah, everything's a life.
Speaker 1: Keep the dms. Unless it's a meme, I'm just gonna
Speaker 1: double tap the meme. Yeah, anything knowledge, Nah, But I
Speaker 1: honestly do send us some content to talk about.
Speaker 2: Before we jump into the episode. Someone sent me a message,
Speaker 2: and they were like, oh, it was broadly about like
Speaker 2: I have a friend and like they've done something that
Speaker 2: could be perceived as racist, but I don't know, and
Speaker 2: I really want you and Frooms to talk about it.
Speaker 2: And I was like, I don't talk to non black
Speaker 2: people about race anymore. But ask Rooms. Did they ask you?
Speaker 1: Yes?
Speaker 2: Did you reply?
Speaker 1: Will you double taptom? I read it?
Speaker 2: No, I read it.
Speaker 1: I read it, I read it acknowledged. But it's not
Speaker 1: my business right now. I got to get out of
Speaker 1: jail free card. Not interested at the minute. There'll be
Speaker 1: a time. But yeah, I can definitely come from her
Speaker 1: point of view, but I'm not sure if I want
Speaker 1: to embroil myself on that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and on me, I'm like, I'm not everyone's I
Speaker 2: can't be the internet's token black friend. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2: I like, it cannot extend to you. Figure it out. Also,
Speaker 2: get in the trenches a little bit, make a few blunders,
Speaker 2: you know, try something out, see how it lands, and then,
Speaker 2: if you know, learn from your mistakes.
Speaker 1: I'm definitely in that camp.
Speaker 2: Anyway, let's get into it, flex and I have some
Speaker 2: information for you that's going to change your life. And
Speaker 2: I found this because I was on korra. Have you
Speaker 2: used core? Obsessed with quor you post questions to the
Speaker 2: broader community and they answer it for you. And this
Speaker 2: particular was what's one thing you could learn today that
Speaker 2: could change your life positively instantly? And this was in
Speaker 2: the thread all the way down in the dregs, and
Speaker 2: it was how to get people to do stuff for you?
Speaker 2: Which I thought you'd just ask, but apparently that's not.
Speaker 2: That doesn't work very often. I can't relate. But here
Speaker 2: are three tips, and I want you to tell me
Speaker 2: if these would work on you. The first thing to
Speaker 2: do is to nod as you ask. Our brains of
Speaker 2: what are called mirror neutrons, which activate to make us
Speaker 2: mimic other people's actions. Sometimes they will also start to nod,
Speaker 2: which then makes them then agree with you. This person
Speaker 2: learned the mirror neurons part in cych class. Then the
Speaker 2: nodding part worked when they've worked in sales.
Speaker 1: It's legit. So how would you do that without it?
Speaker 2: Sounds so I'd be like, I'm really thirsty, do you
Speaker 2: want to get some drinks later?
Speaker 1: On? Not?
Speaker 2: No, no, not not not not not not very Now
Speaker 2: you're nodding yeah, yeah, yeah, okay. This is the next one.
Speaker 2: If you have a big favor to ask someone, start
Speaker 2: by asking smaller ones ahead of time. This will take
Speaker 2: some planning, and if you're like me, I'm only recently
Speaker 2: learning how to ask people for stuff, don't know it
Speaker 2: for the last two years. It's very painful, but I'm
Speaker 2: getting used to it. This is called the foot in
Speaker 2: the door phenomenon. If you ask for small things then
Speaker 2: work up to big things, people are more likely to
Speaker 2: say yes than if you start off with a huge favor.
Speaker 2: So like, can you like pass me that iPad?
Speaker 1: Do that?
Speaker 2: Do you want to go? I mean it kind of
Speaker 2: works out right because you create this mutual space of
Speaker 2: rapport where it's like, oh, we were friends, we do
Speaker 2: stuff for each other, like oh, do you have flip bombki?
Speaker 1: I borrow it?
Speaker 2: Yeah, of course, thank you.
Speaker 1: You're more primed for the bigger question.
Speaker 2: And priming is a real thing as well. Do you
Speaker 2: know about priming? And the third thing is if you're
Speaker 2: asking for a small favor but still know that they'll
Speaker 2: probably say no, start by asking for a huge favor.
Speaker 2: Then when they say no, ask for the smaller one.
Speaker 2: They're more likely to say.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, classic sales technique and classic negotiation technique. Is
Speaker 1: it really?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: You, when you're like negotiating with somebody, you ask for
Speaker 1: the most amount of money. Oh, yes, so you know
Speaker 1: that's gonna give you. Classic For example, I'm about to
Speaker 1: buy a chair.
Speaker 2: You're gonna buy the chair.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna buy the chair for me.
Speaker 2: Told me about this chair that she's been eyeing off
Speaker 2: four years and years, five years and five years. And
Speaker 2: it's this blue velvet chair with blue fringing hanging off it.
Speaker 2: I won't say hanging. It's like drape delicately, delicately and beautifully.
Speaker 2: It's really ornate and lovely, and it's very expensive.
Speaker 1: Very extensive. I go into the shop, I said, I'll
Speaker 1: give you X amount of money, and he said, I'll
Speaker 1: give it to you for this less amount of money.
Speaker 1: And then I think, shit, should have I asked for
Speaker 1: even less. And that's the negotiation trick. Always asked for
Speaker 1: the bare minimum. They might laugh at you, but just
Speaker 1: cop the shame that you feel. It works for most
Speaker 1: flex and frooms. I'm just gonna cut straight to the chase.
Speaker 1: I want a chihuahua.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and one one's so literally no, we can't change
Speaker 2: our lifestyles.
Speaker 1: Though, right, because something that I don't realize when I
Speaker 1: look at the chua wars online is that they pooh,
Speaker 1: they eat, they do, and they need to go outside
Speaker 1: for walks and they have to be trained.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you get an old one, you'd hope that
Speaker 2: the last person's on that a number on them, but
Speaker 2: you can never know.
Speaker 1: They can be misleading the ad So I started putting
Speaker 1: chuahas on my Instagram story, trying to manifest them, making
Speaker 1: clear that I want them, trying to get people to
Speaker 1: send in like where to find dogs. I put it
Speaker 1: on my story saying I really want a Chuaba. There's
Speaker 1: this girl in Melbourne called Spy Spicy Taco Bell on TikTok.
Speaker 1: She's really cool and she has this chiuaha called Fletcher.
Speaker 1: I'm absolutely obsessed. He looks like the perfect dog. And
Speaker 1: so I put on my story guys, I really want
Speaker 1: to Fletcher, and this man dms me saying dogs, you
Speaker 1: need to adopt a dog. Dogs are not a fashion statement,
Speaker 1: to which I said nothing because what am I going
Speaker 1: to reply to that? But then I wrote my story.
Speaker 1: You know, Fletcher was actually adopted. So the dog Spice
Speaker 1: tager Bell has Fletcher. He was found on gum tree
Speaker 1: and something that I think people should know. Also, you
Speaker 1: shouldn't have to adopt a dog because the minute the
Speaker 1: dogs are born, someone's gonna buy them. That's essentially adopting
Speaker 1: it for a high fee, you know. Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: want to be dog shamed. No, you can get dogs
Speaker 1: on gum tree. I'm sussed on that, but yeah, but
Speaker 1: if you want to get a reputable dog, you can
Speaker 1: get a dog from dogs online. That's with a Z
Speaker 1: dot com dot a U. They have puppies, they have
Speaker 1: dogs for adoption and more mature dogs and they're all
Speaker 1: vet like what's it called. They got the chick of approval. Great, yeah,
Speaker 1: like there approved reputable Will you get one for sure?
Speaker 1: I'm still looking so as everyone knows, I'm going to
Speaker 1: Europe in September. After that I will look into it
Speaker 1: further to.
Speaker 2: Like scale of one to ten, ten being I'm definitely
Speaker 2: getting a dog.
Speaker 1: Five. Yeah, so sad. This is flex and frooms on cater.
Speaker 2: Most of I could say most have aspirations or fantasies
Speaker 2: of moving away to a new city, a far away
Speaker 2: land and starting off fresh. Would you take ten k
Speaker 2: to move somewhere else. Before you answer that, listen to this.
Speaker 2: So we all know that the pandemic broadly caused like
Speaker 2: this remote work exodus, where a bunch of people recognize
Speaker 2: that living in a major city had less appeal where
Speaker 2: you couldn't leave the house and do stuff, and because
Speaker 2: a lot of work was being done online, it meant
Speaker 2: that you could do it from anywhere really, so it
Speaker 2: was out of the major cities and into regional or
Speaker 2: remote areas for like a change of pace, the change
Speaker 2: of scenery. And I've thought about it. Do you think
Speaker 2: about it?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I fully thought about it, brought a house
Speaker 2: in Hobart, and then when lockdown ended, I was like,
Speaker 2: I'm not ready to go. No, no, I don't think
Speaker 2: I can't handle the pressure. I can't go right now.
Speaker 2: So it happened. But in America in particular, there are
Speaker 2: these online marketplaces now offering incentive programs to lure remote
Speaker 2: workers into their cities. In particular, there's this website called
Speaker 2: make My Move. So basically what it does is any
Speaker 2: kind of state, Let's say tulsa major city for example,
Speaker 2: is that Oklahoma? For example, it was only of the
Speaker 2: major cities that had issues of people leaving in favor
Speaker 2: of going to quieter places for a quieter and less
Speaker 2: expensive life. Now they started offering cash incentives of ten
Speaker 2: thousand dollars to anybody who would move there and start
Speaker 2: doing remote work there. Stimately the economy get people buying
Speaker 2: coffees and croissant at local bakeries, you know, to avoid
Speaker 2: the city looking looking like a ghost town. And they
Speaker 2: also said that they had since twenty nineteen, in particular,
Speaker 2: they've managed to get eighteen hundred people to move to
Speaker 2: the city. And that's less than five percent of all
Speaker 2: the applicants. So this is not like a really rare thing.
Speaker 2: I mean rare in contrast with the population size, but
Speaker 2: enough people like this incentive is pretty good. Now. As
Speaker 2: for me, ten k to move to a whole new city,
Speaker 2: I don't want to cover the movie and you get
Speaker 2: there same stuff now just in a foreign place.
Speaker 1: That can be exciting if you're a bit stuck, you know,
Speaker 1: shake up your kids' lives, get them out of primary school,
Speaker 1: because that's always good.
Speaker 2: Ten K to move the whole family, get out of here.
Speaker 2: How much would you take to move somewhere else in
Speaker 2: Sydney that's not Melbourne because I know you want to.
Speaker 1: Go back, but somewhere else, like in New South Wales. No, No, in.
Speaker 2: Australia, how much money would it take minimum. Someone's like,
Speaker 2: here's a free twenty k move to Brisbane.
Speaker 1: I don't think it'd be Brisbane. No, No, probably like
Speaker 1: Byron twenty k yeah tomorrow. No, I wouldn't know. I
Speaker 1: think like the money, as you said, it's barely going
Speaker 1: to cover the costs.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's not going to scratch the sides, that's for sure.
Speaker 1: If you really want to move somewhere, you're going to
Speaker 1: move there because you want to go there. I don't
Speaker 1: think you can take a money incentive because as we know,
Speaker 1: the money goes away straight away, even if you don't
Speaker 1: use it on real location costs. And I'm sus anyone
Speaker 1: that's offering money. It's like people who would say when
Speaker 1: you're in primary school, I'll buy you like a Teddy
Speaker 1: bear if you come and hang out with me on Saturday.
Speaker 1: I was robbed like once I was friend for hire.
Speaker 2: Literally, I would definitely bribe my friends, like, oh my god,
Speaker 2: come to the library after school. I we need to study.
Speaker 1: I'll get you macas. Yes, us people should just want
Speaker 1: to hang.
Speaker 2: So it's not hanging though.
Speaker 1: We needed to study.
Speaker 2: But on that point, I don't know if you recall,
Speaker 2: but a couple of years ago there was a bunch
Speaker 2: of press about a city in Italy offering one dollar houses,
Speaker 2: so you could buy a house in Italy for a dollar,
Speaker 2: and there was this big thing. I was like, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna be a minute's an amazing But the catch was
Speaker 2: that you had to commit to spending a minimum amount
Speaker 2: on renovations to restore the property. And these were not
Speaker 2: decrepit in any way, but just not livable as they stood.
Speaker 2: You couldn't just go in chuck in a suitcase a
Speaker 2: few bedding things.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no.
Speaker 2: It definitely needed to be like, you know, toe up
Speaker 2: from the flower. I don't think enough people did it,
Speaker 2: but I liked the idea of it. I think it
Speaker 2: was like a dollar for the actual house than fifteen
Speaker 2: k minimum in renovations. But also so not in the city,
Speaker 2: in regional areas where if you don't speak the language
Speaker 2: and you're not used to a lifestyle, it'd be a downgrade.
Speaker 1: Things you don't consider when you're seeing that Tuscany lifestyle.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent, this is flex and froomes on CATA.
Speaker 2: It's not often we talk about friendships or friendship advice,
Speaker 2: and we should because that is the most juicy advice
Speaker 2: to give and to take. Listen to this. I found
Speaker 2: it on the subreddit friendship advice. They say, how do
Speaker 2: you avoid the therapist zone in a friendship? Which is
Speaker 2: a big question that needs a big answer. They say,
Speaker 2: I see it all starts when you let yourself be
Speaker 2: someone's crying shoulder. They begin to see you almost like
Speaker 2: a charger to refill their battery or a hype man
Speaker 2: who helps maintain their confidence.
Speaker 1: What is the solution, though?
Speaker 2: Do you consistently redirect the conversation to yourself so things
Speaker 2: don't become one sided, Throw in sarcastic remarks to prevent
Speaker 2: coming off too emotionally supportive, limit personal conversations in general,
Speaker 2: any tips and experiences would be appreciated, first of all
Speaker 2: through me. What would you say is the therapist's zone?
Speaker 1: So the therapist zone. I've been on both ends. I
Speaker 1: think most people have. I definitely relate to the whole
Speaker 1: getting your whole confidence or like hyping from one person.
Speaker 1: It's a really attractive thing to do, especially when you're
Speaker 1: anxious or need a lot of positive affirmation, especially if
Speaker 1: you've got a friend who you think is cool or
Speaker 1: really smart, it's really tempting to go to them for reassurance.
Speaker 2: And so would you say the therapist's zone is what
Speaker 2: happens in any friendship that you show that you care
Speaker 2: or is it definitely a place where you like everybody
Speaker 2: has to be and eventually is it a friendship without
Speaker 2: the therapist zone?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it definitely can be. I think certain
Speaker 1: people are more prone to being one and like talking
Speaker 1: a lot about themselves, so it becomes that dynamic. Like
Speaker 1: I think if you're someone who does it often, you'd
Speaker 1: probably do it with more than one person and therefore
Speaker 1: thrust them into the therapist's role when they're not equipped
Speaker 1: and can't actually be bothered with it. Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 2: So the question is how does one get out of
Speaker 2: the therapist zone in a friendship? And I thought about
Speaker 2: this maybe for like two days now after reading this
Speaker 2: post on Reddit, because I think that one of the
Speaker 2: hardest things to do is give earnest advice when you
Speaker 2: don't know who's at the end, who's the recipient of it,
Speaker 2: Like if you were asking me earnestly about this. I
Speaker 2: would be there and I would sit there and think
Speaker 2: about it, be like, yeah, yeah, this is how you
Speaker 2: do it. But for an internet person, I'm not really
Speaker 2: that thoughtful. So I decided I would be the first
Speaker 2: important thing. And it's the trickiest thing to do is
Speaker 2: you stop giving unsolicited advice because a therapist's friendy is
Speaker 2: always like yeah, babe, but like have you ever thought
Speaker 2: about doing this? Or here's what I would do, or
Speaker 2: like why won't you try this? And like I read
Speaker 2: a really great thing and it's just you should do this,
Speaker 2: and like this is what happens when you get anxious
Speaker 2: and all of a sudden you set yourself up to
Speaker 2: be the archetype of caregiver. Before you've even committed to it.
Speaker 2: You just might be thinking of like, oh, let's wear
Speaker 2: abstract concepts and share ideas, and they're like, oh great,
Speaker 2: I can rely on this person to help me outside
Speaker 2: of what I'm feeling, to share new perspectives with me,
Speaker 2: to be a safe place for me to land. This
Speaker 2: is all very exciting. I also don't recognize a lot
Speaker 2: of the time when I'm giving advice how high the
Speaker 2: stakes are for the other person. Because if someone's coming
Speaker 2: to you in their distressed state and saying like, hey,
Speaker 2: I really need not even I need help, but like
Speaker 2: I'm going through something and you're like, oh great, let
Speaker 2: me help you out. It feels really validating to be
Speaker 2: the recipient of someone needing your help. Then I'm like, shit,
Speaker 2: like you needed my help and I provided it to you,
Speaker 2: which is fine, But we've created a new standard where
Speaker 2: it's like I'm someone you're trusting with your deepest, darkest
Speaker 2: wounds and stuff, and I was just doing chit chats.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a lot of responsibility you can just necessarily
Speaker 1: sign up for.
Speaker 2: Do you think you're more often the therapist or the
Speaker 2: friend who requires a therapist.
Speaker 1: I'm probably more requiring a therapist. I've always been someone
Speaker 1: who needs reassurance, like from first from parents and then
Speaker 1: from friends. I'm growing out of it quite a bit,
Speaker 1: but I think especially because we work in the creative field,
Speaker 1: my whole thing is writing or making videos. Especially with writing,
Speaker 1: I find it very hard to put something out there
Speaker 1: without first getting someone to proofread it a for mistakes
Speaker 1: and b for tone. I don't really do it anymore so,
Speaker 1: for example, like with my newsletter, I used to get
Speaker 1: send them to my two friends, Madison Analyza. They're both writers,
Speaker 1: and that was really helpful and fun because they often
Speaker 1: send me their work. But then if it's been a
Speaker 1: few months where they haven't shared any work, then I
Speaker 1: don't share work because they've been instances. For example, with Madison,
Speaker 1: I used to she was I'd fall on her a
Speaker 1: lot when I'm feeling not very confident, and we'd have
Speaker 1: big chats. We don't really do that much anymore on
Speaker 1: a day to day level, but every month we'll have
Speaker 1: a catch up and a check in where we both
Speaker 1: say how we're feeling. And because we've known each other
Speaker 1: for a long time, the dynamic has been in place
Speaker 1: since we were younger. But of course you go through
Speaker 1: periods where you're really lost and you're counting on people,
Speaker 1: and I think it's it takes a lot of self
Speaker 1: awareness to realize, oh this this is interesting for me,
Speaker 1: but it's probably not very interesting for them, you know.
Speaker 1: So I think any conversation about like energy vampires, for example,
Speaker 1: is helpful to recognize it within yourself.
Speaker 2: For sure, what about you, I've definitely been more of
Speaker 2: the therapist friend, but I chalk it up to a
Speaker 2: few things like number one, I think that I was
Speaker 2: just late to like other life experiences than my other friends,
Speaker 2: but less embarrassed about that fact. So I feel as
Speaker 2: though I was always a very candid speaker, like speaking
Speaker 2: about what I'm feeling, home, thinking or whatever. And because
Speaker 2: my friends I was the youngest in my friend group,
Speaker 2: well I still am. I felt like I was getting
Speaker 2: to things later, and so they would be like, I
Speaker 2: just did this cool new thing, Like what do you
Speaker 2: think was it really embarrassing? Was it cool? And they
Speaker 2: would tell me about it, and I'm like, well, I
Speaker 2: have no reference point, but I'll google and I'll research
Speaker 2: and I'll help you. This is so exciting, Like I'm
Speaker 2: getting access into the real world. And it's little things
Speaker 2: like being the youngest of my friends to turn eighteen wachment,
Speaker 2: I was the youngest to club, youngest to drink, youngest
Speaker 2: to do whatever. But I was absorbing information that I
Speaker 2: was like, I don't have lived experience, but I have
Speaker 2: this conceptual experience, and this is exciting for me. That
Speaker 2: was one thing. The second thing was like I hated
Speaker 2: this idea of asking for help, and I hated asking
Speaker 2: people who needed my help for help because I'm like,
Speaker 2: you can't help yourself, how can how are you to
Speaker 2: help me put your life? We're both useless in this instance.
Speaker 2: So then I became the friend that people would ask
Speaker 2: for help, and then I had to rely on the
Speaker 2: Internet to give me my help. So it's like that
Speaker 2: chain of command where it's like they were getting help
Speaker 2: from me, I was getting.
Speaker 1: Help from them, and someone's gone on khor yeah.
Speaker 2: And someone's got me or I read it. I'm like,
Speaker 2: have you googled that? I'll do it for you. But
Speaker 2: so the last two years I've been trying to learn
Speaker 2: how to ask for help or just lean on people,
Speaker 2: because I'm like, bitch, you are all responsible for me
Speaker 2: as I am for you, So I'm gonna start cashing
Speaker 2: in on that responsibility.
Speaker 1: I don't think you've ever leaned on me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I just don't need to yet. But if
Speaker 2: the time will come, I'll cash in because I'm also
Speaker 2: I have this thing and I learned it in therapy,
Speaker 2: this thing about value. I think that a lot of
Speaker 2: people aren't aware of the value they extract from a
Speaker 2: space before they give to it. And I hate that
Speaker 2: because people just walk in, take, take, take and leave
Speaker 2: and I'm like, you've provided no humor, no vibes, like,
Speaker 2: no chit chat, no small talk, no story, no gifts,
Speaker 2: no food, no snacks, and then you just take it
Speaker 2: and go like that shit is so scary in the
Speaker 2: drinks fringe fringe it came out so before I'm like,
Speaker 2: before I lean on someone, I'm like, I just need
Speaker 2: to make sure that I've created an environment where like
Speaker 2: you've been allowed to lean on me as well, or
Speaker 2: or I've opened myself up to that when I'm like, hey,
Speaker 2: teets some advice, it's solicited and fair and understanding. But
Speaker 2: yet therapistone is really tricky because I have some friends
Speaker 2: that stay in the therapist soone as a projection mechanic,
Speaker 2: Like they are so scared to be seen as flawed
Speaker 2: that they're presenting themselves as like I am always fine
Speaker 2: and over extending themselves, like you should know how to
Speaker 2: budget and you should do.
Speaker 1: This, and like you seem really anxious, like have you
Speaker 1: done this before? Like you should definitely do this and
Speaker 1: have you read that book?
Speaker 2: And all you know is like they're distracting you from
Speaker 2: them being as unstable as you are, but doing it
Speaker 2: in a way that it's like really self serving, like
Speaker 2: maybe we're all messy.
Speaker 1: That's a that's deep and I fully get that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, once you see it, you can't un see it.
Speaker 2: I think you can see it in certain people, though
Speaker 2: not everyone unless you know that. But I'm like, wait
Speaker 2: a second, I.
Speaker 1: Get quite scared of people that don't project but also
Speaker 1: don't chow weakness. Yeah, whereas the people that you're talking
Speaker 1: about seem to project it in a way that's obvious.
Speaker 2: Yeah, or in a way that kind of puts you
Speaker 2: in like this inferior position. If I'm telling you something like, oh,
Speaker 2: like I'm a pickI eater, Like I really don't know
Speaker 2: what I want to eat. It's so embarrassing. That is
Speaker 2: me creating, like making it normal.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 2: But then that kind of friend will be like, oh,
Speaker 2: that's really sad, Like have you ever thought of this?
Speaker 2: And maybe you should do this. I'm like, wait a seconder,
Speaker 2: I know what I am want to change anyway, So yeah,
Speaker 2: how do you avoid the friendship zone? I mean, I
Speaker 2: don't think it's like avoiding the zone. I think it
Speaker 2: is about being specific about who you allow yourself to
Speaker 2: be that person for yes, let it be mutual or not.
Speaker 1: At all, totally agree. We don't want vampires.
Speaker 2: No, oh, and hold on, we don't want energy vampires.
Speaker 1: That's it, not at all. You're listening to flex and
Speaker 1: Frooms on Kita. Let's see. I write a newsletter you
Speaker 1: sure do, usually weekly. It's on a website called Substack.
Speaker 1: The newsletter is called Frooms World. So if you just
Speaker 1: type in fruits old newsletter, you can enter the Fumi verse.
Speaker 2: It's really great and I would recommend, especially if you
Speaker 2: don't read. I feel like it's a nice entry level.
Speaker 2: A couple hundred words, get into it, find out some
Speaker 2: cute recommendations, fact snacks, chats that you've.
Speaker 1: Been featured on it.
Speaker 2: I'm a fan many moods ago fan first, so second,
Speaker 2: professional third.
Speaker 1: That's that's how we are. There is a newsletter on
Speaker 1: there called not Pretty not Rich. These newsletters I can't
Speaker 1: get substacked on substack. I can't get over substack. The
Speaker 1: people that write on substack any kind of niche you
Speaker 1: can figure out. Like specific newsletters on AI technology are
Speaker 1: the ones about children in school and how to make
Speaker 1: them more comfortable. I follow quite a few of them.
Speaker 1: Many aren't my interests, but I'm just trying to keep
Speaker 1: abreast of what everyone.
Speaker 2: Else, so it's the best way to approach knowledge curation.
Speaker 1: Thank you well. Not Pretty, Not Rich is written by
Speaker 1: a guy called Sam Becker. It started off as a
Speaker 1: money and finance newsletter, but he's broadened it broaden the
Speaker 1: scope to be business, entrepreneurialship investing. Sounds like this is
Speaker 1: you on toast. So this newsletter is called Corporations are
Speaker 1: people my friend? So become one? And basically it's about
Speaker 1: how businesses say that we're family and we're like all
Speaker 1: this together, and with that in mind, employees are then
Speaker 1: made to feel like, oh, I'm like they're my dad,
Speaker 1: Like I'm gonna be nice to them. But then you
Speaker 1: got to think, oh, I'm a company too in that instance,
Speaker 1: because if we're if we're a family and you're a company,
Speaker 1: then I can be a company in the family too. Yes,
Speaker 1: And apparently a story in Business Insider was about how
Speaker 1: it's a good one.
Speaker 2: Two.
Speaker 1: Yeah, employees working for companies are outsourcing their workload. So
Speaker 1: let's say they're doing coding. It's cheaper for them to
Speaker 1: then go to a third party and say, hey, can
Speaker 1: you do this coding for me? They keep their wage
Speaker 1: take away, you know, thirty percent and they're doing shit
Speaker 1: all it's so genius.
Speaker 2: But I'm not brave enough for that. Why Well, I
Speaker 2: think it's because I was definitely socialized in the environment
Speaker 2: of you know, like the world isn't going to be
Speaker 2: a fair place for you. You have to prove that,
Speaker 2: you prove your worth. If things go wrong, they'll double
Speaker 2: down harder on you, you know, et cetera, et cetera,
Speaker 2: et cetera. So then I come into work and I'm like, no,
Speaker 2: I'll accept all the facilia. I'll do it all myself.
Speaker 2: I'll stay in I'll come earlier, la la lah. The
Speaker 2: idea of somebody else potentially being responsible for what I'm
Speaker 2: doing and then doing it poorly freaks me out.
Speaker 1: We don't want the reflection on someone we can't necessarily control.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but this I feel like, for what is happening
Speaker 2: in a lot of corporate working environment, it feels like
Speaker 2: the most fair approach for the employee. I mean, if
Speaker 2: you're not getting raisors and a rising with the cost
Speaker 2: of inflation and the cost of living, if you're not
Speaker 2: feeling being treated fairly, if you're not being respected as
Speaker 2: an employee, you gotta take manners into your own hands.
Speaker 1: So true. The other part of the story, he says
Speaker 1: that most people don't think of themselves as businesses. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when maybe you should because if you're a business, you
Speaker 1: can have certain tax right offs, you can keep yourself employed,
Speaker 1: you can have one like one client that you work with,
Speaker 1: get all your home expenses done, do X, y Z,
Speaker 1: have freedom. So it's something to consider as I don't know,
Speaker 1: I think that's a trap. Why because then you don't
Speaker 1: get holidays and stuff. No.
Speaker 2: I just think most people don't understand the extent of
Speaker 2: what it takes to run a business. If they were
Speaker 2: to absorb the liabilities, the responsibilities, the costs of running
Speaker 2: a business, then I think they would be like, I'll
Speaker 2: just be an employee, like knowing that you know, if
Speaker 2: you're an employee in Australia, somebody else is paying your
Speaker 2: tax and your super. Can you afford to take out
Speaker 2: twenty percent of your earnings every week and put that
Speaker 2: away into your tax and super proactively? Probably not. You
Speaker 2: wouldn't want to do that. And then you gotta lodge
Speaker 2: your bass and you know, charge GST. If you're making
Speaker 2: over seventy five k and you work in goods and services,
Speaker 2: like it all becomes too much even before you've had
Speaker 2: fun with it. You know, this is facts, but you know,
Speaker 2: not financial advice, advice just thought you what you want,
Speaker 2: but fascinating. I love that. I always wonder what these
Speaker 2: articles would sound like if they're written by Australians from
Speaker 2: an Australian lens perspective, because yeah, I think broadly speaking,
Speaker 2: the way that we perceive corporations and the experience of
Speaker 2: an employee is like pretty universal. Yeah, but I think
Speaker 2: there are some differences cultural differences in Australia that would
Speaker 2: make this conversation a little different.
Speaker 1: Compared to America eacually.
Speaker 2: Yeah, to be discussed eventually, but bring more of that.
Speaker 2: I love that not pretty not rich, not pretty.
Speaker 1: Not rich by a guy really interesting stuff he does,
Speaker 1: like roundups of links you should read as well, So
Speaker 1: I love that.
Speaker 2: Yes, and also Firms World. By listening to Firm's price,
Speaker 2: real name, not government, I mean whatever, You've been listening
Speaker 2: to the Flex and Firms Daily podcast. For more, Tune
Speaker 2: in Decater on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.