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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for.

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Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 3: Now, if you've been listening to the Happy Families podcast

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Speaker 3: for any length of time at all, you will know

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Speaker 3: that maybe we overshare a bit.

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Speaker 1: We share our lives quite a lot. Would you say

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Speaker 1: that's fair?

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Speaker 2: Well, people meet us on the street, and they do

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Speaker 2: and we don't know them.

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Speaker 1: They think we know.

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Speaker 2: Them because they know all about that.

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Speaker 1: Somebody who walked up to.

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Speaker 3: Us just the other day and said, I so badly

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Speaker 3: want to tell you so many things about my life,

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Speaker 3: but I've realized you don't know me. But I feel

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Speaker 3: like I know so much about you because I listened

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Speaker 3: to the podcast and I want to ask you so

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Speaker 3: many questions.

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Speaker 1: And it's actually, it's really delightful.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it's really wonderful to be able to share

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Speaker 3: so many warm experiences with people.

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Speaker 2: I was standing next to somebody the other day and

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Speaker 2: we kind of got talking. I had no idea who

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Speaker 2: she was, and halfway through she collicked that I was

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Speaker 2: Kylie Coulson. And she looked at me and she said,

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Speaker 2: I've been listening to your voice the whole time, thinking

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Speaker 2: why do you sound so familiar I ever met.

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Speaker 1: Isn't that funny? I love that. I usually just get

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Speaker 1: people saying I thought you'd be taller.

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Speaker 3: Oh, anyway, we are going to share something from our

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Speaker 3: lives that we think is worth sharing, and we're kind

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Speaker 3: of excited to tell you about it. It starts Saturday.

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Speaker 3: Just over a week ago, we received a call. It's

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Speaker 3: eight point thirty at night. Your phone starts ringing. But

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Speaker 3: it's not a regular phone call. This is an eight

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Speaker 3: thirty pm FaceTime call.

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Speaker 2: It was our son in law, which is even weirderking

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Speaker 2: for this call.

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Speaker 1: Our son in law never uses face time to calls.

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Speaker 2: He never used his face time. And I started crying

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Speaker 2: before I even picked the phone up.

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Speaker 3: And as soon as you started trying, I jumped on

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Speaker 3: the bed and hugged you and started crying as well.

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Speaker 2: And we push connect and there was our brand new

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Speaker 2: granddaughter with grandparents.

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Speaker 3: Folks, this is the official announcement we're allowed to tell

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Speaker 3: everybody we have become grandpa.

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Speaker 1: Actually we're not Grandpa and Grandma.

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Speaker 3: Thanks to Karen Young from Hay Sigmund who gave us

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Speaker 3: the idea we are lolly.

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Speaker 2: And Pops, So we're lollipops.

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Speaker 3: Well, you're Lolly and I pops. Let's not confuse that.

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Speaker 3: So we just wanted to share that with you. We

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Speaker 3: thought it was wonderfully exciting news and for everyone who

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Speaker 3: is I don't know, getting their day ready and heading

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Speaker 3: back to school today, if you've got children in Queensland

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Speaker 3: or if you're in Victoria, school holidays are over and

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Speaker 3: it's back into the grind, back into the routine. We

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Speaker 3: thought this might be a nice bit of news to

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Speaker 3: lift your spirits. I want to share something else about

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Speaker 3: what happened that night, so we facetimed and just it

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Speaker 3: was so beautiful to have the call. But then we said,

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Speaker 3: can we come and visit please, And they checked with

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Speaker 3: the midwives and the midwives said visiting ours are well

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Speaker 3: and truly over. And we said, oh, but we've got

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Speaker 3: we had some stuff to do the next day, and

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Speaker 3: we just literally we were out of town.

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Speaker 1: We couldn't we couldn't see the baby.

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Speaker 3: And they explained it to the midwives and they said,

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Speaker 3: maybe why don't you come in and we'll see if

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Speaker 3: we can sneak you in.

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Speaker 1: So we went into stealth monkey.

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Speaker 3: We jumped into the car, we drove to the hospital

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Speaker 3: park and then we went all top.

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Speaker 2: How hard it is to navigate a hospital after ours.

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Speaker 2: You can't get in all of the different doors. We

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Speaker 2: had no idea where we're going. We've never been to

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Speaker 2: this hospital before.

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Speaker 1: It was all a bit tricky.

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Speaker 3: Anyway, we got in there and we got to hold

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Speaker 3: our brand new baby grand girl.

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Speaker 1: We should we should mention her name? Is it okay

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Speaker 1: to tell her name? Are we allowed to do that?

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Speaker 1: Of course? Yeah?

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Speaker 2: Indiana's Sky.

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Speaker 1: So she's going to be Indie Indie Indiana Sky. Isn't

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Speaker 1: that gorgeous?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? I asked them. I asked them where the name

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Speaker 2: came from, and she I really liked Indy, but they

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Speaker 2: didn't want that to be her whole name, and so

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Speaker 2: they talked about Indigo, didn't like Indigo, and then they

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Speaker 2: ended up with Indiana, and they really just they both

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Speaker 2: fell in love with it. But Jared has been sitting

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Speaker 2: outside on the deck every day watching the beautiful coastal

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Speaker 2: views of the beach and the sky, and Sky just

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Speaker 2: kind of seemed like a really peaceful option to add

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Speaker 2: to Indy.

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Speaker 3: So Indiana Sky, Indiana Sky is the newest member of

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Speaker 3: the family. But I just thought, isn't birth extraordinary? Isn't

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Speaker 3: birth such a powerful experience, transcendent no words. You had

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Speaker 3: a bit of a bit of a challenge around this

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Speaker 3: because initially you were invited along. Our daughter said, Mum,

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Speaker 3: I'd like you to be present in the birth. I'd

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Speaker 3: like you to be like the second support person. I

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Speaker 3: want my husband, I want Jared to be their number one,

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Speaker 3: but I think i'd like you to be there.

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Speaker 1: And then she changed her mind.

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Speaker 2: So when she asked me way back, she was only

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Speaker 2: about three or four months pregnant, and she said, Mom,

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Speaker 2: I want you to be in there. I said, that's beautiful.

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Speaker 2: I'm really excited to be there and I would love

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Speaker 2: to be there, but I need you to understand that

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Speaker 2: as you grow, and as your baby grows, things might change.

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Speaker 2: You might have a different mindset around this. And I said,

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Speaker 2: and when that time comes, I just needed to know

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Speaker 2: that you can come and tell me that you don't

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Speaker 2: want me anymore.

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Speaker 1: And so she did, and so she did.

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Speaker 2: And it was a really hard conversation for me because

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Speaker 2: up until she talked to me about going in, I

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Speaker 2: would never have imagined or dreamed that I would be

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Speaker 2: going in. But then there was this lifeline of yes,

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Speaker 2: you can go in and I was so excited to

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Speaker 2: be there for her and to have the experience, and

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Speaker 2: so nervous and anxious about watching her go through that process.

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Speaker 2: There was just so many different emotions. But when I

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Speaker 2: finally was kind of told that I wasn't needed anymore,

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Speaker 2: that was really hard. It was really hard to sit

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Speaker 2: in that place of trying to work out what my

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Speaker 2: role was then, because up until that point I kind

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Speaker 2: of had a clear view of what I was what

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Speaker 2: I needed to do. My role was to support both

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Speaker 2: of them and let Jared do the work. But to

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Speaker 2: just be there to hold their hand, I guess, and

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Speaker 2: to be told that they didn't need my hand anymore

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Speaker 2: was really hard. It was hard to take.

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Speaker 3: So all day long, we knew that she was in labor,

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Speaker 3: we knew that the contractions were kicking on, we knew

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Speaker 3: that the baby was coming, and that.

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Speaker 1: Was really, really really hard for you.

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Speaker 3: But I said to you something that I think really

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Speaker 3: matters here, and that was we had the experiences that

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Speaker 3: we had together, and those experiences as I supported you

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Speaker 3: through six baby births, those experiences bound us together in

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Speaker 3: ways that had someone else been present, we wouldn't have

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Speaker 3: had the shared experience that made what we share in

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Speaker 3: our relationship so special.

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Speaker 1: And they needed to have this experience, and.

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Speaker 2: I agreed with you wholeheart.

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Speaker 1: Doesn't make it any easy, though, it was so hard.

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Speaker 2: I've spent nine months with her ringing me every time

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Speaker 2: there's a tiny little change or there's a little rash.

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Speaker 3: I have to quote you here. I have to quote

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Speaker 3: you because as you were explaining this to your sister,

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Speaker 3: you said, she calls me to tell me about the

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Speaker 3: color of her poop, and now I'm not in the

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Speaker 3: labor room.

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Speaker 1: No, it wasn't it.

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Speaker 2: I'm not allowed in.

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Speaker 1: There was zero communication why you wanted to know there's

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Speaker 1: another contraction. There's another contractions there a part of what's happening.

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Speaker 1: So it was so tricky.

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Speaker 3: Now this brings up a really important conversation point, though,

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Speaker 3: and that is being grandparents boundaries.

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Speaker 1: What kind of grandparents are we going to be? How

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Speaker 1: are we going to navigate this?

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Speaker 3: I think this is relevant for everybody who's listening, because

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Speaker 3: everyone's generally dealing with grandparents that are either too intrusive

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Speaker 3: or not there enough, or have In fact, I just

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Speaker 3: remembered a story. Somebody very close to us was talking

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Speaker 3: to me about what kind of grandparents were going to be,

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Speaker 3: and he told me that this has happened in his family.

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Speaker 3: So we've got our friend. We'll call him Ben, and

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Speaker 3: he has a sister, we'll call her Kate. Okay, so

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Speaker 3: Ben and Kate brother and sister, growing up together. They

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Speaker 3: both get married, they both start their families. Kate, when

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Speaker 3: she has her first baby, Mum is there and she says,

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Speaker 3: I'm here. Whatever support you need, I'll give it to you.

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Speaker 3: If you want to go back to work, I'll look

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Speaker 3: after the kids full time. I'm here. I can't wait

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Speaker 3: to be an involved grandma. And Kate says, amazing, fantastic,

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Speaker 3: I'm so excited, thank you. But then when Ben has

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Speaker 3: his first baby, mom says, well, I'm going to just

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Speaker 3: stay out because a mom's duty is to her daughter.

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Speaker 3: And so Ben, your wife has a mum and it's

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Speaker 3: up to her how she supports you and your family.

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Speaker 3: And I heard that and I was like, well that

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Speaker 3: sounds I mean, I can't actually get the logic, but

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Speaker 3: I don't think I like the logic at all. And

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Speaker 3: I asked him what the long term impact of that is.

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Speaker 3: So he's got kids who are our adults and He

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Speaker 3: just said, they don't have a relationship with my mom.

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Speaker 3: They don't have a relationship with their paternal grandmother because

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Speaker 3: she was always there for the cousins, but she was

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Speaker 3: never there for them. When he said that, I thought, that,

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Speaker 3: to me is a cautionary tale.

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Speaker 2: I can see the challenge that you have with in

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Speaker 2: law relationships, you know, and being the in law to

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Speaker 2: the daughter. Being an in law makes it tricky because

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Speaker 2: you don't want to step on her mum's toes. I

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Speaker 2: can see that. But the mentality that it's her mum's

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Speaker 2: job and that you won't have anything to do, you

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Speaker 2: can see the outcomes. It was really damaging to the

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Speaker 2: relationships that she could have had with her grandchildren. I

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Speaker 2: don't think that's going to be ours.

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Speaker 1: I don't think so either, But we are going to

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Speaker 1: be hands on.

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Speaker 3: I'm telling you, we've got all girls, so we're responsible

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Speaker 3: for them all. I can't wait to take this little

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Speaker 3: girl down to the beach and teach to surf and

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Speaker 3: to ride bikes to school or take them on holidays.

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Speaker 3: I'm so excited. I mean, I know we're still raising

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Speaker 3: our own. We've still got three who are very much

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Speaker 3: dependent on us. Our youngest three are what nine and

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Speaker 3: thirteen and sixteen. I'm teaching daughter and im before to

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Speaker 3: drive right now, but hands on, hands on, which I

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Speaker 3: guess brings up another question, and that is visiting rights.

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Speaker 3: Do you know when you're visiting too much? Like we

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Speaker 3: have really juggled and struggled with this over the last

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Speaker 3: week or so since the baby came into our world,

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Speaker 3: because we kind of want to live at our grandchild's house.

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Speaker 1: Now it's the grandchild's house. Is that's right.

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Speaker 3: It's not our daughter and son in law's place, it's

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Speaker 3: our grandchild's place.

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Speaker 1: I kind of I just want to live there. Do

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean?

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Speaker 2: Well, I've emptied my calendar. I've made myself completely and

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Speaker 2: utterly available. But from the time our daughter could speak,

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Speaker 2: we knew that we had this fiercely, fiercely independent kid

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Speaker 2: and she just is. She has just taken the role

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Speaker 2: of motherhood with both hands, and it was so beautiful.

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Speaker 2: She sent me a message the first night they were

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Speaker 2: home from the hospital and baby and her were skinned

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Speaker 2: to skin and bed and she said, this is what

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Speaker 2: heaven must be like. Honestly, Is that now I know

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Speaker 2: why you just kept going back and doing it again

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Speaker 2: and again and again. This is perfection.

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Speaker 3: Does that mean we get to have another grand baby?

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Speaker 3: I can't Befulley, she's saying that already so good.

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Speaker 2: Well it all went downhill from there because baby didn't

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Speaker 2: sleep all night.

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Speaker 1: She's like, this is harder than I thought.

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Speaker 2: But I just I've watched these kids, and I think

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Speaker 2: part of that process of her wanting me in the

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Speaker 2: labor room to start with was she didn't know if

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Speaker 2: her husband had the capacity to be all she needed

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Speaker 2: him to be. And as the pregnancy continued, she watched

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Speaker 2: and she saw this guy who she's chosen to spend

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Speaker 2: her entire life with just magnify. He stopped up and

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Speaker 2: so I'm.

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Speaker 3: Going to take some credit for this. I took him

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Speaker 3: out for breakfast. I said, hey, ask me anything, ask

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Speaker 3: me anything. And he didn't know what to ask me.

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Speaker 3: And I said, okay, why don't you ask me what

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Speaker 3: I wish that I knew when I first became a

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Speaker 3: dad that I didn't know? And he said, oh, that's

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Speaker 3: a good question. What do you wish you knew? I

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Speaker 3: was like, let me tell you, and we I just

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Speaker 3: he has stepped up. I'm in jest. I'm taking credit

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Speaker 3: he has stepped up, and what a wonderful thing to

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Speaker 3: see and.

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Speaker 2: What that did for their relationship. I just loved, as

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Speaker 2: hard as it was to sit on the outside, when

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Speaker 2: we walked in that room and met our granddaughter for

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Speaker 2: the very first time, it was like these two kids,

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Speaker 2: because they're still so young, that these two kids had

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Speaker 2: just grown four inches taller, like they were just completely

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Speaker 2: and utterly united in a way they haven't experienced before.

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Speaker 2: And it was so beautiful to watch.

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Speaker 3: But this is everyone's story if we're doing it right.

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Speaker 3: This is everyone's story, right. Anyone who's listening to this,

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Speaker 3: they've been through it. They've got their kids and they've

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Speaker 3: had that moment where they were in the delivery room.

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Speaker 1: They're in the labor room, the birthing.

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Speaker 3: Suite, and hopefully hopefully dad or the second parent has

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Speaker 3: been absolutely there stepping up and just being that support person.

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Speaker 3: And mum as she used to live, this baby has

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Speaker 3: done the impossible. I mean, I just don't know how

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Speaker 3: mums do it. It brings back so much for me,

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Speaker 3: such a great experience to reflect on and talk about it.

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Speaker 2: When I was talking to Jared's mum, she said, she said,

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Speaker 2: I am I'm absolutely blown away at how Jared did

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Speaker 2: what he did, she said, because for his entire life,

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Speaker 2: he sees a little bit of blood and he goes

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Speaker 2: weak at the knees. So she's like, I don't actually

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Speaker 2: know how he got through this, but you know, from

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Speaker 2: all of the retelling, there's just an acknowledgment that he

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Speaker 2: was Channell's rock the whole way through.

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Speaker 1: And what it's about.

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Speaker 2: I just love it.

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Speaker 1: I love it as well. Hey, thank you so much

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Speaker 1: for listening today.

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Speaker 3: We are so grateful to be able to share this

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Speaker 3: part of our lives with you. We can't wait to

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Speaker 3: talk to you about all our grandparents' stories, but we

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Speaker 3: will continue with the regular parenting stuff because my goodness,

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Speaker 3: we are still doing that. Oh hey, this Friday, and

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Speaker 3: I'll do better tomorrow. We've got some more earth shattering

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Speaker 3: news to tell you. Like I think it's going to

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Speaker 3: rock well, it's rocking our worlds. It is absolutely blowing

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Speaker 3: us way. We can't we don't know how much it's rocking.

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Speaker 2: Your world, but it's definitely rocking mind.

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Speaker 3: I'm just putting a big teas in, that's all. I'm

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Speaker 3: just saying big teas for Friday. For I'll be better tomorrow.

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Speaker 3: If there's one other episode that you listen to this weekend,

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Speaker 3: it's got to be that one.

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Speaker 1: Oh, we've got so much fun tomorrow.

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Speaker 3: We're talking tomorrow about building hoping kids on Thursday book Club.

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Speaker 3: We haven't done that for a couple of months. We've

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Speaker 3: got so many books to tell you about. It's all happening.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much again for listening to the Happy

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Speaker 1: Families podcast, produced by Justin Roland from Bridge Media. Craig

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Speaker 1: Bruce is our executive producer.

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Speaker 3: If you'd like more info about how to make your

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Speaker 3: family happy and join us at happy families dot com

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Speaker 3: dot au