Speaker 1: Well, well, well, well, look who's going to buy this
Speaker 1: episode out today?
Speaker 2: It's us and our guest today fresh from the Jungle,
Speaker 2: It's the Queen of Gosford, herself, Julia Morris.
Speaker 3: Lady Julia Morris.
Speaker 1: She is a seasoned Ossie comedian who I've loved for
Speaker 1: a very long time.
Speaker 3: Ash.
Speaker 1: She has one heart as a beloved co host of
Speaker 1: the Australian version of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me out
Speaker 1: of Here and Matt.
Speaker 2: She's also a doting mother of two young ladies in
Speaker 2: their teens, Ruby and Sophie.
Speaker 1: And as I think it's safe to say that we
Speaker 1: had no idea what we're getting ourselves into.
Speaker 2: Julia takes us on a journey from her recent divorce
Speaker 2: to experiencing a miscarriage mid flight and dealing with the
Speaker 2: chaos of menopause during live TV.
Speaker 1: But Ash, we kept up with her every step of
Speaker 1: the way somehow. Enjoy Welcome back to two doting dads
Speaker 1: and one doting mum.
Speaker 4: I am Maddie, Jay, I'm Ash and I'm Lady Julia
Speaker 4: Morris of Gosford.
Speaker 1: This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,
Speaker 1: it is.
Speaker 3: The bad, and the relatable and.
Speaker 1: Normally we do not give any advice, none whatsoever. But Julia,
Speaker 1: maybe I feel like you were bursting at the seams
Speaker 1: with advice to get you.
Speaker 3: She came in with the books. Is like advice, advice, advice.
Speaker 4: I'm always full of news. I've got a suggestion at
Speaker 4: every turn of the weird rolodex in my head that
Speaker 4: just keeps squirting forward sentences and not every sentence makes it.
Speaker 1: We will be sponges that you keep squirting. Hopefully by
Speaker 1: the end we'll be coming out of this a lot
Speaker 1: wiser than before. And I do have to say, looking
Speaker 1: divine and mustard so.
Speaker 4: Much or mota as we say, France has made that up.
Speaker 3: I'll just stick with mustards.
Speaker 4: I think it's best.
Speaker 3: It's nice, it's a nice it's a lovely hint of yellow.
Speaker 1: It is. It's really I think.
Speaker 2: I took my green jump Rock becsuse. I thought we
Speaker 2: might look up the whiggels too much.
Speaker 3: In colors. I was like, oh fuck, I just put
Speaker 3: my shirt, leave a white shirt.
Speaker 4: It looks perfect. I popped in this morning to get
Speaker 4: a higher car with a non spawn high car company,
Speaker 4: and I was in the company colors photo of myself,
Speaker 4: but because I was waiting. They're like, sorry to keep
Speaker 4: you waiting. I'm like, no, you're not keeping me waiting.
Speaker 4: I'm in the company colors. Everybody turns around to look
Speaker 4: at this maniac is now yelling from the back of
Speaker 4: the non spot.
Speaker 1: Were people being just returning to my keys are much?
Speaker 4: Why is that elderly lady.
Speaker 3: Julia.
Speaker 1: If we go back, let's go back to the beginning.
Speaker 1: I want to know if a young Julia are much
Speaker 1: younger Julia. Even if Julia, let's say, in a teenage years,
Speaker 1: was she similar to how Julie is now.
Speaker 4: I'd say exactly the same, but now with the confidence
Speaker 4: to let some of those ideas out of the head
Speaker 4: rather than just keeping them to myself. But I definitely
Speaker 4: knew I was going to be a parent. I never
Speaker 4: really thought about how I wouldn't. That wasn't talked about
Speaker 4: when I was in growing up. Sort of within the
Speaker 4: seventies and the eighties, no one ever talked about the
Speaker 4: option of not being a parent, So I just knew
Speaker 4: it had happened at some time, and so by the
Speaker 4: time I met my partner in my early thirties, we
Speaker 4: didn't have our babies till I was thirty eight and
Speaker 4: forty for my second one. Okay, so that was quite
Speaker 4: late for well for gossip, no judgment, that was that.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, we picked it up and put it there.
Speaker 3: We did.
Speaker 4: That's too far, but we'll get in the right protection
Speaker 4: exactly protection and did lots of babysitting. And I always
Speaker 4: enjoyed that. So yes, I didn't. I thought that. I
Speaker 4: thought that I would be a really chill, amazing ready mum,
Speaker 4: when did you get.
Speaker 3: Your first taste of tea?
Speaker 4: Oh? At seventeen, I was at Santa Sabina and Strathfield
Speaker 4: at school doing the HSC and I snuck away from
Speaker 4: school and did an audition for New Faces. Yeah, because
Speaker 4: I thought I could sing. I never had a lesson.
Speaker 4: I'd never sung in front of anybody, did a lot
Speaker 4: of you know, mirror time obviously in my own private
Speaker 4: or anywhere any locations A lift?
Speaker 1: What was the song you sang?
Speaker 4: Holding out for a Hero?
Speaker 1: I wish we had that audio it.
Speaker 4: Was here, it would have been I mean you'll hear it.
Speaker 4: It's on the world wide Interweb.
Speaker 1: Oh hope you've got it.
Speaker 3: Julia Barros from your South Wales.
Speaker 4: Look love, please make a open Okay, what you're looking
Speaker 4: at here is I borrowed that top from my mum's
Speaker 4: friend Margot because I had sparkles on it. We were
Speaker 4: to show this family and I've got my mother's graduation
Speaker 4: black jets on whenever gone to brag where are the
Speaker 4: good maga? And where I was growing out? What looks
Speaker 4: like the exact hair doo I've got Now it's a
Speaker 4: full Bob seventeen.
Speaker 1: She's lifting at.
Speaker 3: A really good singer.
Speaker 4: I mean, you're very good. When I when I when
Speaker 4: the letter came from Channel nine to say you're in
Speaker 4: the show, my mother was like, what is this because
Speaker 4: she'd open the letter, So what is that?
Speaker 1: They didn't know you auditioned?
Speaker 4: No, So I literally snuck out from school and went
Speaker 4: and did the audition in my kilt in my school
Speaker 4: killed and we had a bowler hat. Jesus was a
Speaker 4: good look.
Speaker 3: It's hot on the side, hot.
Speaker 4: On the station. Actually sometimes you're stand on streftfoot stratfield
Speaker 4: station and you could be kilt someone if you did
Speaker 4: the right run up and got the little clip on
Speaker 4: the side loose to school. So mean I was kilted.
Speaker 3: I was standing and that's how my first child was.
Speaker 4: But also standing in a stocking sock. You know, I'm
Speaker 4: a non all town station or somewhere like that. I
Speaker 4: was like, no, it's not ideal.
Speaker 1: And so did you confide in anyone did you look
Speaker 1: for you know, your friends and say I'm thinking about
Speaker 1: doing this audition. Do you think I should should not?
Speaker 1: Or did you just run with it?
Speaker 4: I don't think so. Like I have got a as
Speaker 4: a massive people pleaser, I also have a really odd
Speaker 4: sense of self Like I just wake up happy most days,
Speaker 4: just going I'm unreal, Like I genuinely feel like that.
Speaker 4: Obviously you see a photo and you're like, wow, I
Speaker 4: wonder who that strange fat boys in my dress? But
Speaker 4: do you know what I mean? Like, just don't know
Speaker 4: the photos? I think is the is the key there?
Speaker 4: But I have it's like a it must be a mental.
Speaker 3: Health condition self confidence.
Speaker 4: Yes, And I wonder if that is having a childhood
Speaker 4: where I was from a family where there wasn't flowery
Speaker 4: compliments in those days, the parenting was done in an
Speaker 4: entirely different way, and it was sort of perfunctory.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 4: The idea was to get the children busy so that
Speaker 4: you could have some time, which I mean hasn't changed
Speaker 4: much better. A lot of that time, as long as
Speaker 4: the children were away, that was parenting. As long as
Speaker 4: there's their silence was successful parenting back in those days.
Speaker 4: So you know, it wasn't the how do you feel
Speaker 4: of these of these days which are important times? How
Speaker 4: do you feel as important?
Speaker 1: So how did your parents respond to you being on TV?
Speaker 4: They were kind of like, well, they did not say
Speaker 4: can you even sing? But they were like, well, I don't.
Speaker 1: Know they musically inclined.
Speaker 4: No, no, My dad was track manager at Gosford Race Club,
Speaker 4: but my mom worked as a secretary for Re Surger. Yeah,
Speaker 4: not like I'm going to go on showbiz. We had
Speaker 4: to fly down. We didn't have much money growing up.
Speaker 4: There was enough to survive and trailer lah, but so
Speaker 4: my mum had to get the Channeline got me a
Speaker 4: flight to go down because I was seventeen to shoot
Speaker 4: the show in Melbourne. But we couldn't afford for my
Speaker 4: mum to get the big fancy ticket of anset off
Speaker 4: Thrilling Airlines. She had to do this what we called
Speaker 4: back in the day a mail run where you get
Speaker 4: on the plane in Sydney, then you stop in you know, Golban.
Speaker 4: You stop at Wogga, then you stop in west Wind
Speaker 4: do that, yeah, and then you and then she was
Speaker 4: delivered at a similar time to me in Melbourne. That's
Speaker 4: how we time those flights.
Speaker 3: Four weeks.
Speaker 4: She just had to get a twelve and I was like,
Speaker 4: I'll be up the front if you need me, so
Speaker 4: and then we were in Melbourne. It was so exciting.
Speaker 4: I've never been on a plane before and came down
Speaker 4: and did the show and got a tie. First. You
Speaker 4: killed No, it's very d Yeah.
Speaker 2: Full disclosure. We listened to we watched that before. You
Speaker 2: can all stuck in our heads and like we need
Speaker 2: to get it there.
Speaker 4: Says if you can't get a song out of your head,
Speaker 4: give it a big finish.
Speaker 1: We really need.
Speaker 3: Out for Hurrah. It's definitely gone.
Speaker 1: Now help with with boys coming off the back of
Speaker 1: that performance.
Speaker 4: No, because I was loud. I was loud, and what
Speaker 4: I now suspect maybe ADHD, which I know every young
Speaker 4: person is kind of like, well, yeah, just have a
Speaker 4: look at you and listen.
Speaker 3: To the rhythm sentence.
Speaker 4: But I feel like in looking into that over the
Speaker 4: last couple of years, I'm kind of not for me.
Speaker 4: But I've been looking into it for me, but as
Speaker 4: I started to read all the research, I'm like, oh
Speaker 4: my god, that's my daily We.
Speaker 2: Were talking about TikTok before and I watched one ADHD
Speaker 2: video because I'm very suspect to myself, and then it's
Speaker 2: just like, you must love this shit.
Speaker 3: I'm just like I have that I.
Speaker 4: But then those with diagnosis get super cross with the
Speaker 4: US who just assume I don't be rude. But for
Speaker 4: the moment, I just don't want to drop the two
Speaker 4: grand on the test.
Speaker 1: Yes, yes, ASH did do an online test like a
Speaker 1: disco find questions the website.
Speaker 2: You need help so as a business, so you decided
Speaker 2: to use the money out of the business to make sure.
Speaker 4: Well, what's interesting is the A and ADHD actually stands
Speaker 4: for Ash, and that's what I know about this whole scene.
Speaker 1: Has it ever been a battle between wanting to be
Speaker 1: in showbiz and then wanting to be a mum.
Speaker 4: Because she's a great question. No, because in my life
Speaker 4: growing up, they ran alongside, they wrapped. My mother always worked,
Speaker 4: so that was absolutely modeled behavior for me, and I
Speaker 4: knew say if I was away for Let's use the
Speaker 4: jungle as an example where I'm away for six weeks,
Speaker 4: and I knew that the children were with my husband
Speaker 4: in their home, in their schedule, doing their things. And
Speaker 4: there's one thing, of course, part of my brain thinks
Speaker 4: everyone wants to come to Africa. They can just hang
Speaker 4: away till I've finished work and then we can walk
Speaker 4: around whatever. No, because the kids have got no business
Speaker 4: with it. Certainly, I feel like for the first nearly
Speaker 4: ten years, all they want is that routine so they
Speaker 4: know where they're up to. But it's my brain that goes,
Speaker 4: we need a holiday, should we do something? But the kids,
Speaker 4: even my teenagers, have just recently let me know we
Speaker 4: don't want to go away any for the rest of
Speaker 4: the year with you.
Speaker 1: I don't want to pry too much into the split,
Speaker 1: but I am intrigued to know, at what point do
Speaker 1: you look at the relationship and go, do you know what,
Speaker 1: it's just best if we go our separate ways.
Speaker 4: I reckon I felt that way. I saw it back
Speaker 4: in previous interviews for nearly ten years well, and after
Speaker 4: we broke up. My agent said to me at the time,
Speaker 4: the agent that I had at the time has remained
Speaker 4: a great friend, she said, you said ten years ago
Speaker 4: how is this. I don't even remember this. You said
Speaker 4: ten years ago, I would leave him, but he would
Speaker 4: get the kids. I was like, I don't remember saying that.
Speaker 4: I remember feeling like that, but I don't remember saying
Speaker 4: that out loud to another human. Because when you're married,
Speaker 4: it's just you two doing that sort of chap back
Speaker 4: and forth until you work it out in your head.
Speaker 4: And you know, if you are lucky enough to have
Speaker 4: the window into a psychologist that you trust, and you
Speaker 4: definitely get to sort out your own mats in your
Speaker 4: own head. But I was like, wow, I mean that
Speaker 4: was well now longer, like twelve years ago.
Speaker 2: So looking back at that, do you remember why you
Speaker 2: would have potentially said that?
Speaker 3: Do you know?
Speaker 4: I think we were in a smart ass pattern, as in,
Speaker 4: like we would saw if we had any issues with
Speaker 4: each other, it'd be sorted out in a smart ass fashion.
Speaker 3: Yes, so looking back my wife's but a lot.
Speaker 4: Of that time, I think in those first ten years,
Speaker 4: you're just trying to hold on and get through the day,
Speaker 4: and you cannot believe you'd never been so busy in
Speaker 4: the whole of your life. And I get so tired
Speaker 4: in the whole of your life. I liken it too.
Speaker 4: I'm working on the Jungle. It's six weeks. It's a
Speaker 4: brutality that knows no bounds. It's like six days a week,
Speaker 4: fourteen hour days. It's hardcore, right, And by the end
Speaker 4: of the shoot and we're in South Africa and we're
Speaker 4: having the best time, but all you want to do
Speaker 4: is go home. And it's not that you want to
Speaker 4: go home, it's that you want to break from the relentlessness.
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, So.
Speaker 4: I'm like, no, I'd rather I'm happy to stay in
Speaker 4: South Africa and then do some more work maybe at
Speaker 4: the end of next week. But so I think parenting
Speaker 4: feels like that, you actually just want this nightmare of
Speaker 4: everything to calm.
Speaker 3: Down, just for a moment, just to calm down.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, So you're in the cycle of smart assles.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so smarter. So then we then we'd make up
Speaker 4: and we would have a lovely time, and then I
Speaker 4: guess the pattern of the smart ass would start again,
Speaker 4: and then a bit of meanness and then the sweetness again.
Speaker 4: So you know, and I think, if if I do
Speaker 4: have ADHD, I might not have noticed all of those
Speaker 4: things happening, because then we just get to a nice
Speaker 4: bit again, Oh I got my husband back.
Speaker 1: When it came to the separation, At what point did
Speaker 1: you decide that it was the right time to tell
Speaker 1: all the kids?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 4: Well, we had we actually had a very nice experience
Speaker 4: for the breakup moment because I had been to the psychologist.
Speaker 4: I was just like, I cannot be back here again,
Speaker 4: because I kept going back to the psychologist going is
Speaker 4: this over? And then somehow I'd just be like, oh well,
Speaker 4: but just the basic maths of the breakup, I'm like,
Speaker 4: I don't even know how to unweb that web. I
Speaker 4: just not that I was staying in a dangerous situation,
Speaker 4: neither with my children. Let's speak definitely about that. But
Speaker 4: I was just likeing it was literally too hard admin
Speaker 4: wise to leave because because when we would have fights,
Speaker 4: I'd say, hey, listen, that's the door, so that's got
Speaker 4: a handle on it.
Speaker 3: It's not that easy.
Speaker 4: If this is all not working out for you, how
Speaker 4: about your head on your way because we will survive beautifully.
Speaker 4: So that threat I reckon I did every year for
Speaker 4: ten years.
Speaker 1: Wow.
Speaker 4: But I know now that you know, threats within relationships
Speaker 4: are bs. They're just a stupid move to get whatever
Speaker 4: reaction it is that you need, or you know, whatever
Speaker 4: nurturing or response that you need. So it was a
Speaker 4: Saturday morning and I stayed in bed because I was
Speaker 4: doing my like I just can't speaking to a mold
Speaker 4: a stone bed for hours. And then I called him
Speaker 4: up and I just said, hey, hey, listen, do you
Speaker 4: know what. You're not happy and I'm not happy and
Speaker 4: this is not really a way for us to live.
Speaker 4: So I think we should consider separation. And I didn't
Speaker 4: know how he would react. I didn't know if you're
Speaker 4: going to get super angry. Is he going to laugh,
Speaker 4: is he going to I don't know. I didn't know
Speaker 4: what he was going to do.
Speaker 2: Did you have to build the courage up to have
Speaker 2: that conversation? We just at a point you were ready
Speaker 2: for that conversation.
Speaker 4: But it was the culmination of all my flight and
Speaker 4: fight and people all that, and so I was pretty
Speaker 4: calm about it. And he said, oh, thank god, because
Speaker 4: I feel the same way.
Speaker 1: I was like.
Speaker 4: And then we sat on the bed together and because
Speaker 4: we decided we'd heard this thing called nesting, where you
Speaker 4: can if you are in the luxurious position enough to
Speaker 4: be able to afford even one bedroom apartment. I mean
Speaker 4: as if anybody can afford a second place, but you're
Speaker 4: going to have to getting a divorce. So we used
Speaker 4: that each parent would change and we let me left
Speaker 4: it looking like a service department with our little bits
Speaker 4: and pieces in it, and then week on, week off,
Speaker 4: so the children stayed in the house and we would
Speaker 4: move and then I would pack our bags and we
Speaker 4: would go.
Speaker 1: Kids were informed. They weren't just like where.
Speaker 4: Answer to your question? We told them the next day,
Speaker 4: Wow that quick, Well we just everything was about it?
Speaker 3: Or did you just get around the table?
Speaker 2: The reason I asked that, yes, my wife her parents
Speaker 2: got to they're great. They're great friends now, which is great.
Speaker 2: But they were on a cruise ship and and April
Speaker 2: was sorry.
Speaker 3: April were telling this story. By the way, April's mom announced.
Speaker 4: It at the captain's table.
Speaker 3: But I picture the announcements.
Speaker 1: Speaker, ladies and gentlemen, me and.
Speaker 3: Your father are getting divorced.
Speaker 4: After many years of tennis.
Speaker 3: This will be the last ship. We said. They were.
Speaker 4: They were kind of interesting because they were they were
Speaker 4: thirteen and fifteen as Abril. They kind of took it
Speaker 4: in and then they had a little cry, and then
Speaker 4: they popped upstairs because that was kind of their sanctuary,
Speaker 4: their own bedrooms were where they you know, felt I
Speaker 4: guess safest in life, as we all do. And then
Speaker 4: they have told me since many times we were just
Speaker 4: like it was a matter of time.
Speaker 2: After you've made the decision, You've told the kids, it's
Speaker 2: all out there with the family.
Speaker 3: Did you feel a sense of relief.
Speaker 4: Because you asked? You go through a similar to getting married,
Speaker 4: you go through a honeymoon period. So you're just like
Speaker 4: you are, I just want the best for you, love
Speaker 4: and because there was no there was no cheating or
Speaker 4: spookiness or whatever.
Speaker 1: It was just run its course.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and probably did a long time before that.
Speaker 1: It as a honeymoon period. Yes, post breakup.
Speaker 3: So this slagh period, well.
Speaker 4: I think what happens is one partner usually goes out
Speaker 4: and has a role around with literally everybody, and then
Speaker 4: the other one, I don't know, does the cleanup. I
Speaker 4: don't know what goes on.
Speaker 1: Were you were you the cleanup or were you the.
Speaker 4: I was very I was very busy in my twenties
Speaker 4: and my early thirties. I feel like I had my
Speaker 4: ration of roots and so.
Speaker 3: Who says you need a Russian roots?
Speaker 4: I mean everyone ration roots these days, you know we're
Speaker 4: in difficult times.
Speaker 3: Yeah, great depression.
Speaker 4: I did not feel that at all. I was just like,
Speaker 4: all of a sudden, I had to learn how to
Speaker 4: do the maths. Like I hadn't done any of the
Speaker 4: bookwork in twenty years. I hadn't put a tax return
Speaker 4: in my you know, my company did all that. So
Speaker 4: instead of having a bookkeeper, my ex did all of that.
Speaker 4: So I all of a sudden had to learn who
Speaker 4: we bank with. And I know there's lots of people
Speaker 4: who are like these days, you're like, never ever lose
Speaker 4: your own bank account. You must always keep your own
Speaker 4: bank account. But like we were together for twenty years,
Speaker 4: we just all goes in and I don't know, that's
Speaker 4: just how it was sort of easier for us. So
Speaker 4: just getting all of that separated, I reckon when I
Speaker 4: say honeymoon period, I didn't quite realize that the admin
Speaker 4: avalanche was coming.
Speaker 2: We chat about like the responsibilities that we have in
Speaker 2: the house. So Matt, for example, when it comes to
Speaker 2: the cars registration, getting them service.
Speaker 1: Laura has no fucking clue.
Speaker 3: Imagine all these things you have.
Speaker 4: I mean, it's everything.
Speaker 2: I kind of want them sacking an employee were you
Speaker 2: working and they're like, oh, you've got to do their
Speaker 2: work now.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I feel like I might have let go one
Speaker 4: of the best executive assistants. So the other thing is
Speaker 4: it's very difficult to know how to parent through that moment,
Speaker 4: I think.
Speaker 1: Because you're like, who was your reference point for how
Speaker 1: to do that right?
Speaker 4: I don't know how you do it right. Nobody knows
Speaker 4: how they're doing it right. Even the experts will tell
Speaker 4: you what to do right, even they're not sure because
Speaker 4: only you know your.
Speaker 3: Kids and what works for you. Guys to absolutely, and
Speaker 3: you mentioned earlier, it sort of helped you build this
Speaker 3: really good relationship now with your daughters.
Speaker 4: With the teenagers all of a sudden, I oh no,
Speaker 4: this is going to sound bizarre, but they sort of
Speaker 4: became my partner the time and effort and conversation, and
Speaker 4: so just as soon as they've registered.
Speaker 3: My car, register insurance, they so instead.
Speaker 4: Of sitting on the couch what by myself watching a
Speaker 4: movie good times, I'll duck up and be like, do
Speaker 4: you want those the things? You know? Like, so I
Speaker 4: sort of become actually the reversal of roles. I've become
Speaker 4: their pa. I become their loving PA. But I have
Speaker 4: been definitely putting much more loving farer time into them
Speaker 4: because so that entire section of your life that does
Speaker 4: take up time that you want it to take up,
Speaker 4: time you want to step out and update nights, you
Speaker 4: want to be That's all I wanted to do was
Speaker 4: just faster, hang and be together. So you know, yeah,
Speaker 4: putting that time now into the children and teenagers are fantastic,
Speaker 4: I think with boundaries so they'll be like, you can
Speaker 4: leave the room.
Speaker 1: I was going to ask, do they welcome that? Yes?
Speaker 4: Enough if I get like I take take a twenty
Speaker 4: second travel tax hard if they cross my path, I see,
Speaker 4: I'm literally the only way, the only way you can
Speaker 4: get your hands on like teenagers literally, oh my god.
Speaker 4: Please let's think about that sentence. What I mean is,
Speaker 4: of course, I had one of my teenagers tell me
Speaker 4: this is big two years ago when all the upheoval
Speaker 4: was going on, and she said, I would like to
Speaker 4: be asked permission for hugs, And I was like sure
Speaker 4: at the time, excuse me, And there is And we
Speaker 4: were definitely raised by parents who had that sense of ownership.
Speaker 4: Us think so and it makes sense, like you know,
Speaker 4: I have created every living moment for your life for
Speaker 4: the last however long.
Speaker 1: I will get a fucking hug whenever I want.
Speaker 4: I'll be stepping up anyway, of course I can. You
Speaker 4: can hear all of that as I'm saying it now,
Speaker 4: So then I'm like, hang on, you, I couldn't just
Speaker 4: walk up to someone on the street and have a.
Speaker 3: Hug, so why you can?
Speaker 4: So I'm definitely in that age group of one foot
Speaker 4: in the how very dare you will hug me when
Speaker 4: I want? And the age group of you are absolutely
Speaker 4: entired to put your boundaries in it. If you don't
Speaker 4: feel like being bear hugged by big old Mama, then
Speaker 4: absolutely so they have been able to teach me lots
Speaker 4: of new ways, to be sure. And but Sophie is
Speaker 4: mad for a hug. So she gets the twenty she
Speaker 4: gets the twenty second travel tax hug, and then Ruby
Speaker 4: when she's ready, she likes she.
Speaker 3: Shows a lot of maturity.
Speaker 4: Yeah, well she'll stepped forward. Oh my god, Ruby's like
Speaker 4: the guru. Ruby is like a full guru. So I'm
Speaker 4: speaking to her in the jungle a couple of weeks
Speaker 4: ago because they were a home with a sleepover nannie.
Speaker 4: That's the one thing about having older children. You don't
Speaker 4: need a nanny, but you do need an adult in
Speaker 4: the house. So they don't want to be told what
Speaker 4: to do. They don't want to bed time. They you know,
Speaker 4: they're happy to prepare their own dinner and potter and
Speaker 4: do their own well it's they do their own washing.
Speaker 4: But I came under thirty one lads of washing. Thirty
Speaker 4: one lades of washing. That thirty one I can't stop.
Speaker 4: Oh mind you I did. I got it to ground
Speaker 4: zero and no tom and four days non stop, day
Speaker 4: and night.
Speaker 3: Lockdown.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it's not ideal Anyway. When I rang Redy,
Speaker 4: you had these phone calls where we start and how
Speaker 4: are you? And did it and having a chat and
Speaker 4: then all of a sudden like seriously, but love, can
Speaker 4: we do or if that bin doesn't go out, it's
Speaker 4: gonna stink after two weeks or whatever. The pedestrian conversation
Speaker 4: was that we were having and she said, hey, mom,
Speaker 4: when you call when you're away, I reckon focus on
Speaker 4: the things we're doing.
Speaker 1: Right, Gosh, she's good school, just good.
Speaker 4: So then you're like, I got off the phone from that.
Speaker 4: So when I was married and years ago, I would
Speaker 4: have been like, don't speak to me like that. Excuse me.
Speaker 4: I think you'll find like all of that. But since
Speaker 4: that big shift, I'm kind of like, you're absolutely right.
Speaker 4: But I went away and thought about it and thought,
Speaker 4: I do that all the time. Are the bins out
Speaker 4: did it? Double checking the fifty lists of already left
Speaker 4: for them? They've already done it. They don't do it
Speaker 4: when I'm at home because they're slow, and I'll do
Speaker 4: that and try to, I guess, but they kind of
Speaker 4: turn into the you know, they kind of turn into
Speaker 4: their flatmates. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, If I don't do it, no one's going to
Speaker 3: do it.
Speaker 4: But it's a very interesting window into parenting actually for
Speaker 4: children at any age. So instead of like, don't don't
Speaker 4: swing on that because you're going to fall off and
Speaker 4: hit your head, and a little like we do is
Speaker 4: just to go because the swing goes high, you're to
Speaker 4: be a great job of it. Are you feeling secure
Speaker 4: on it? Unreal and allowing them to be part of
Speaker 4: the decision process because I think.
Speaker 3: And then figure it out.
Speaker 4: I mean for fifteen and beyond years as parents, we
Speaker 4: take so many of their decisions away from them. They're
Speaker 4: simply not allowed. When they're little, you can just pick it,
Speaker 4: pick them up, and remove them from that situation.
Speaker 3: I love the power.
Speaker 4: But then guess what every I think it is like
Speaker 4: terrible twos. But if you don't deal with your terrible
Speaker 4: twos three, stand by for ten three, and then if
Speaker 4: you haven't dealt with them for ten, stand by seventeen,
Speaker 4: and then if you're still haven't dealt with it by See,
Speaker 4: they knew it's someone who loves to get off their
Speaker 4: nut in their twenties, be on their capabilities so that
Speaker 4: the learning to say no to children kindly and properly.
Speaker 4: I think it goes a long way to helping some
Speaker 4: of those stages, because they literally just turn again. You're like, oh,
Speaker 4: we're back to baby, throw yourself on the floor package
Speaker 4: practically yeah.
Speaker 2: I said to my five or nearly five year old,
Speaker 2: I was like, are we going to have to get
Speaker 2: you a cot?
Speaker 3: And he whatever he was doing, he stopped it immediately.
Speaker 3: Such baby. I was like, little sisters and a you're
Speaker 3: on a swap and she can have a big bed.
Speaker 1: Can I ask if we go back to when the
Speaker 1: kids are a bit younger, and I do. It's a
Speaker 1: very cliche term, and everyone throws it out all the time,
Speaker 1: and I'm going to do it, so I apologize in advance.
Speaker 1: But the juggling act of being a parent, for you,
Speaker 1: it was a bit more full on because you've always
Speaker 1: worked incredibly hard. Yeah, and you've had periods where you've
Speaker 1: been in the States, you have period where you've been
Speaker 1: in the UK. What was it like trying to juggle
Speaker 1: all that whilst also trying to raise two girls until.
Speaker 4: They're five that you I was under the impression they
Speaker 4: just come with you, we just go together.
Speaker 3: So you just took them everywhere pretty much. Wow.
Speaker 4: But what I think that did now looking back, mental
Speaker 4: health wise, is that that gave them too many changes.
Speaker 4: They'd make friends, and we'd move countries. Then they'd make
Speaker 4: friends and we'd move countries. And so if I had
Speaker 4: my time over, I'm not sure I would have pursued
Speaker 4: more global stuff at that time. I think I would
Speaker 4: rather have now, be hindsight, I would have just gone
Speaker 4: into one place and stayed there and started that safe
Speaker 4: nurturing earlier of like, everything's fine, nothing's going to change.
Speaker 4: We got to the point where we'd moved house, so
Speaker 4: houses so many times that when we would move house,
Speaker 4: the girls would get beside themselves thinking some of their
Speaker 4: stuff would go missing, because in the early days we
Speaker 4: were thought we were clever, we'd get rid of all
Speaker 4: this shit we didn't like in the movies to the
Speaker 4: movie and then we'll be like, I don't know where
Speaker 4: the you know, the Turlember, the seven foot turtle went.
Speaker 3: I remember the most random ship.
Speaker 4: And also then they start to get worried that their
Speaker 4: stuff is going to go missing because there's just no
Speaker 4: reason for it. So that's it, you know, all those
Speaker 4: tricks that we think we do, like if you don't
Speaker 4: go to school, the police are going to come, all
Speaker 4: of that sort of stuff. It just I'm telling you
Speaker 4: it's coming back to buy.
Speaker 3: Your That's clever, because we did.
Speaker 2: We did talk about that and people are like, no, no,
Speaker 2: you need to make sure that they that they look
Speaker 2: at the police like.
Speaker 3: They're there to protect you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, scared, And I was like, what if we're going
Speaker 2: to threaten them with And also, to be.
Speaker 4: Fair, a lot of that parenting between what two and
Speaker 4: five is kind of threats, bribes and maybe a little
Speaker 4: bit of reasoning. So but but I also think the
Speaker 4: continued jumping all over subjects. There's no way off IDHD.
Speaker 4: We're all because I got that there. You know, I've
Speaker 4: been very present in my parenting, but I think moving
Speaker 4: all over the place, I'm not sure was one of
Speaker 4: the better decisions that we made.
Speaker 1: Well. One thing that I struggle with as a parent
Speaker 1: is on Thursdays, I've got both girls and it's it's
Speaker 1: our daddy day, and it's one day of the week
Speaker 1: where I can. Laura's at work, and so it's easier
Speaker 1: for me to give them attention, for them to want
Speaker 1: the attention from me when no one else around. But
Speaker 1: I struggle with the fact that because I'm working Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,
Speaker 1: work just kind of spills over and I'll be trying
Speaker 1: to play like a picnic with the kids, but I'm
Speaker 1: trying to check my emails or I've got When.
Speaker 4: You're running your own business like that, huh do you ever?
Speaker 1: Did you ever struggle with that type of guilt when
Speaker 1: you're you've got a big show coming up and you're
Speaker 1: trying to play with the girls, but at the same
Speaker 1: time you're worrying about, oh fuck, I've got a huge
Speaker 1: stand up gig where I'm opening it.
Speaker 4: You would just you just do your parenting, because that's
Speaker 4: that job that you just do. And then I go
Speaker 4: to the shows at night. I always knew if the
Speaker 4: family came to if I was doing a comedy festival,
Speaker 4: for example, I knew it was going to be a
Speaker 4: punish because every other comic sort of can have a
Speaker 4: little sleep in or if you know, you can step
Speaker 4: out after the show. Whereas when you're family at home,
Speaker 4: guess what, those kids up early, so you can't know.
Speaker 4: I can't get into bed later than you get all the.
Speaker 3: People performing at night too, Then you, yeah, chinighed too.
Speaker 4: Late for your maximum level of energy at between nine
Speaker 4: thirty and ten thirty. Fuck, I know, I know. And
Speaker 4: then and then oh, let's go to the park.
Speaker 1: I like to see.
Speaker 4: I'm going to get on that film. And then I
Speaker 4: joined in the gig. I'll be so wingy. That's the
Speaker 4: other thing. When you do have a partner, I think,
Speaker 4: I think you just get really wingy. I'm so so wingy,
Speaker 4: so getting anything just like this guy today, you shouldn't
Speaker 4: have said that, or the girl.
Speaker 1: There's one particular story when you talk about you've got work,
Speaker 1: you just got to show up, get it done, move on.
Speaker 1: There's one particular story that I heard about. It was
Speaker 1: a long time ago, but you're on a flight by.
Speaker 4: The South Africa flight.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't.
Speaker 4: For I'm a celebrity. It was okay. So Dan and
Speaker 4: I were not married. We were engaged to be married,
Speaker 4: and then I fell pregnant and I had to go
Speaker 4: to do the Cape Town Comedy Festival.
Speaker 1: So it's just pregnancy number one.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and so the Cape Town Comedy festivals for six weeks.
Speaker 4: So I didn't want to, you know, annoy them by
Speaker 4: telling them, but I was still looking after myself and
Speaker 4: doing that, so, you know, having it's all, well, this
Speaker 4: is exciting. We knew we were going to get married anyway,
Speaker 4: so this, you like, is just a different order. No
Speaker 4: one cares. So six weeks in Cape Town meant that
Speaker 4: we were just in you know, phone contact. London had
Speaker 4: been that big bombing the buses and the normal line,
Speaker 4: and so I went to fly home after the six weeks.
Speaker 4: The comedy festival was a great success, and I was
Speaker 4: tickety boo and I got onto the flight and I
Speaker 4: realized that I thought, oh, I'm bleeding. As I was
Speaker 4: getting on the flight. Nothing with me, no preparation, no, nothing,
Speaker 4: and it's a nine and a half hour flight, right.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So for some reason I went to the bathroom and
Speaker 4: I was like, oh okay. So I was in the
Speaker 4: bathroom of age and I'm like, okay, this is happening.
Speaker 4: That's okay, this is happening.
Speaker 1: So did you think instantly like this isn't good or
Speaker 1: this is I.
Speaker 4: Just assumed if you're bleeding, it's not good. And we
Speaker 4: hears you do hear lots of success stories as well
Speaker 4: where there was bleeding and then you know twins have
Speaker 4: been born or whatever. So yeah, definitely you can definitely
Speaker 4: have the presence.
Speaker 3: Someone with two kids. I'm very green on this subject.
Speaker 4: So I was sitting next to the comedian Andrew Maxwell,
Speaker 4: who is very funny Irish comedian, and I came back
Speaker 4: from the bathroom and he goes, how long was the
Speaker 4: pooh that you had? But you were in the bathroom. Sorry, sorry,
Speaker 4: we do have a little bit of gallows humor in
Speaker 4: comedy world. And I just thought of I was, but
Speaker 4: I was so totally forgiven for the Joe. I had
Speaker 4: no idea and I just said a miscarriage and he
Speaker 4: had a child, he already had he was a partner
Speaker 4: and a child, so he was just like, Okay, what
Speaker 4: do we doing sort of swung into action. Do you
Speaker 4: want me to go? And what do I need to find?
Speaker 1: Do you want to get off.
Speaker 4: A pad or something. He was just this glorious human
Speaker 4: who got it.
Speaker 3: I think turned into a paramedic.
Speaker 4: You've got a child. Every man who has a child,
Speaker 4: who's been there for the birth, you kind of are
Speaker 4: a paramedic.
Speaker 3: So I wasn't there for mine.
Speaker 1: You're you're in the air.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I know it's eight and a half hours
Speaker 4: to go. And then the pain started, like the proper
Speaker 4: period pain weirdness where you think the bottom of your
Speaker 4: pelvis is going to fall off.
Speaker 1: So there was really take your word for it.
Speaker 4: I kind of just had to sit there and that
Speaker 4: long yeah, And I was sort of I did. I
Speaker 4: guess I was sitting there along as kind of the
Speaker 4: sadness of oh, but I also knew we'd try again.
Speaker 4: I got home from that big tour and I was
Speaker 4: tired anyway, and a little bit like I am now
Speaker 4: I've just finished the jungle, and you're so kind of
Speaker 4: erratic and chatty and whatever, and I just Andrew Maxwell
Speaker 4: and his partner picked me up at the airport and
Speaker 4: drove me straight to the hospital, and my partner met
Speaker 4: me there. So then you just do all the grown
Speaker 4: up stuff at the hospital and you kind of go
Speaker 4: home and just think, well, this is shit. Yeah.
Speaker 3: Do you remember that feeling? Yeah?
Speaker 4: I I also as buoyed by the thought I'm just
Speaker 4: going to get back on it, like I just I
Speaker 4: would like to be pregnant. I was thirty eight, and
Speaker 4: then I started to think, which again, fertility wasn't talked
Speaker 4: about as much as that. This is you know what,
Speaker 4: I'm my fifty six, it's just eighteen years ago.
Speaker 3: Your math is outstanding. That's ridiculous. This was great.
Speaker 1: I even got at maths.
Speaker 4: So that's not ideal. That's what I'm doing the accounting guys. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and so yes, kind of, I don't know. I think
Speaker 4: I took, however, many weeks on the couch to just
Speaker 4: you know, feel sad and sorry and have a dry
Speaker 4: glass of dry white wine, and I think, yeah, I
Speaker 4: think I was just like, oh my god, my body's
Speaker 4: not working. I hope this is not how it's going
Speaker 4: to be.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, But I'm also like the roller deck just keeps rolling.
Speaker 4: In my head, So I'm kind of like, I actually
Speaker 4: just want to feel better, but it's weeks of sitting
Speaker 4: there feeling sad and sorry.
Speaker 1: Laura has had two miscarriages and I went through a
Speaker 1: period where I was sounds really weird and if anyone
Speaker 1: who has experienced it may not understand, But I mourned
Speaker 1: my child, which was you know, when we lost it
Speaker 1: was it was very very early in the stages of pregnancy.
Speaker 1: But did you feel like you had to mourn this child.
Speaker 4: That I I don't. I don't think that I felt.
Speaker 4: I did feel that sadness of loss, so I can't
Speaker 4: of course that's morning, but I don't know. I feel
Speaker 4: like I was, like anything in my life that I
Speaker 4: haven't done well or that I haven't been able to succeed,
Speaker 4: that I was just keen to try again. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 4: So I don't think I had it because it was
Speaker 4: it was. Yeah, I'm just not sure that I had
Speaker 4: fully absorbed the idea of it into my life yet
Speaker 4: because of the don't tell anyone for twelve weeks. I mean,
Speaker 4: I literally just hit the twelve week no moment.
Speaker 1: So no one your really close friends that they didn't know,
Speaker 1: so on the Mouth of the South.
Speaker 4: I told everyone no, but then you've got to bring
Speaker 4: around and tell everybody there.
Speaker 1: I reckon that's better. I reckon. People say don't tell
Speaker 1: anyone to twelve weeks, I say, shut up, tell everyone,
Speaker 1: because otherwise people don't know what you're going through and say,
Speaker 1: why is Laura in a mood this week?
Speaker 4: Is not calling me that?
Speaker 1: Yeah, because we.
Speaker 4: Just lost the I think when you're actually going through stuff,
Speaker 4: I find I'm very talkative about all sorts of issues
Speaker 4: in my life, which is when I'm actually going through it,
Speaker 4: it's like it's a you know, media shutout. It's like
Speaker 4: a full lockdown. I just don't really talk about it everywhere.
Speaker 4: And I'm not really a person who would pick up
Speaker 4: the phone and just go I'm not doing well. Would
Speaker 4: you come around? So I don't reach out like that.
Speaker 4: I kind of self source. I think I know that
Speaker 4: hyperindependence is for a reason.
Speaker 3: Back on Matt's point, where it's like that for those
Speaker 3: first twelve weeks where you're you know, both mum and
Speaker 3: dad or whatever the situation, you're like.
Speaker 4: Don't buy clothes, don't buy clothes like you're doing. All
Speaker 4: that was just so excited because you know, we wanted
Speaker 4: it so much.
Speaker 2: I feel like it should be way more spoken about
Speaker 2: those times, the conversations you have with your friends about
Speaker 2: what's happening, what's happening now, what's coming up, what you're doing,
Speaker 2: how you're feeling.
Speaker 3: It should be should be.
Speaker 2: I remember April being like, don't tell anyone, and at
Speaker 2: the time you're like, yeah, that makes sense. But now
Speaker 2: in hindsight, looking back and some of the struggles to
Speaker 2: see people go through, and especially doing this podcast now
Speaker 2: where we get to meet people that you have had
Speaker 2: this and I've never had that situation, I think it
Speaker 2: should be like, celebrate your ins, talk out your loss.
Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely.
Speaker 1: Whoever made that rule of twelve weeks don't say anything?
Speaker 1: Fuck you?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's that old fashioned. So that I mean, maybe
Speaker 4: the twelve weeks gives women a chance not to be fired.
Speaker 3: Maybe, but that's also illegal.
Speaker 4: No, I spoke the words, so I didn't see it,
Speaker 4: so we don't have to pay for it. Yeah, but
Speaker 4: I think within twelve months we've had Ruby. But the
Speaker 4: thing is, I would love people to speak about it
Speaker 4: more because what it will give us is a proper
Speaker 4: spectrum windows snap, whatever is the expression into the many
Speaker 4: different feelings you can have about it. So like you say,
Speaker 4: when you're talking about the morning, the loss of what
Speaker 4: could have been within our family, whereas I was in
Speaker 4: a different headspace of I just want to get on
Speaker 4: with trying again because I want that sad us to
Speaker 4: go away, because that sadness will be replenished by the happiness.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of young couples are shocked with
Speaker 2: the amount of variation.
Speaker 4: It's one in four pregnancy exactly right.
Speaker 2: And it's kind of like you were saying, people need
Speaker 2: to talk about it way more, which is so true,
Speaker 2: so that you kind of know and you have your
Speaker 2: expectations are there, like for me and I hate being
Speaker 2: that guy where it's like, you know, we had two
Speaker 2: successful pregnancy.
Speaker 1: Fuck you sorry, how dare you?
Speaker 3: I wouldn't I didn't know any different. I didn't know.
Speaker 3: I didn't know that there could be in all these variations.
Speaker 2: And it's like now that you know, as a young
Speaker 2: couple going into it, if you don't know that and
Speaker 2: then all of a sudden, it's.
Speaker 3: A big shock when it happens. Kind Of like I think,
Speaker 3: if you're talking about it more than you know what
Speaker 3: the expectation is and that it could happen.
Speaker 4: All of that knowledge is helpful. I mean that doesn't
Speaker 4: stop the hurd or the moment or any of that
Speaker 4: sort of stuff. But you know, if if when you
Speaker 4: get the pregnancy test, you already know you I've sort
Speaker 4: of got twelve weeks that may or may not. I know,
Speaker 4: that's so harsh as I say it out loud, I
Speaker 4: think because I am long on the other side of it.
Speaker 4: But you know, I yeah, it's so individual, and it's
Speaker 4: you know, each couple. Sometimes within the couple, one person
Speaker 4: is grieving a lot harder than the other. So you've
Speaker 4: sort of got to look after yourself a little bit
Speaker 4: at that time too, because yeah, no one knows how
Speaker 4: hardcore it is except inside your head.
Speaker 3: For sure.
Speaker 1: Did it impact how anxious you felt then when you
Speaker 1: feel pregnant.
Speaker 4: Again, definitely, because I didn't believe it. So I'm like,
Speaker 4: this is not going to last. I was in that
Speaker 4: head space, this is definitely not going to last. It's
Speaker 4: not going to last. It's not going to last. And
Speaker 4: then you know, all of those correct targets started to go,
Speaker 4: and every doctor's appointment, every moment, every you know, even
Speaker 4: if there's you know, sometimes when you get a fluffy
Speaker 4: that moves around your stomach, that's trying to find where
Speaker 4: the bottom is, any movement, any movement, Like I said,
Speaker 4: what's happening? So it definitely Yeah, it took six months
Speaker 4: in to believe it was.
Speaker 3: Is that something I mean?
Speaker 4: I think I am. Anyway, it's a fluffy on the moon, Julie.
Speaker 1: This may come as a surprise to you, but the
Speaker 1: topic of menopause is one that Ash and myself don't
Speaker 1: have a lot of experience with.
Speaker 3: The word itself. Men are pause and we have no
Speaker 3: idea what.
Speaker 4: No one ever wants to pause a man because I've
Speaker 4: got so much good stuff.
Speaker 2: To say, thank you, I've always said that, correct.
Speaker 4: Look, I feel like there's a lot of chat about
Speaker 4: it more and more, which is fantastic. I think when
Speaker 4: it happened for me, I was forty five, which is
Speaker 4: very yack.
Speaker 1: When it starts to happen, what are the first symptoms?
Speaker 4: Okay, so what happens is basically it's the body slowing
Speaker 4: down because obviously no no longer needs to make a baby, right,
Speaker 4: so all of those areas go. You know, it's time
Speaker 4: for us to come shut up shop. So in shutting
Speaker 4: up shop. The body's like, no, I'm not letting go.
Speaker 4: I'm not letting go. In a turmoil, yeah, it's like no, no, no, no,
Speaker 4: I'm not letting go of my youth. So then it
Speaker 4: sends these surges of hormones through your body going not
Speaker 4: letting go. I'm not letting go. And every time one
Speaker 4: of those surges happen, you're like, get your clothes off,
Speaker 4: get your clothes, and you feel like you've run a marathon.
Speaker 4: And also it has this skate it's crazy. And that's
Speaker 4: when the aggression can not for everybody. The aggression can
Speaker 4: start then where you've got absolutely zero patients. That's when
Speaker 4: I started to see a psychologist because I thought I
Speaker 4: am going to bash someone to death in the street.
Speaker 4: That's how that's the term my inner turmoil. That's how
Speaker 4: I felt. I'm like, I'm gonna I'm going to fucking
Speaker 4: take someone out, excuse my language. So I went to
Speaker 4: see the psychologists and she's kind of like, have you
Speaker 4: seen the GP about And I'm like, now, I'm forty five,
Speaker 4: and she's not okay. So what happens is these are
Speaker 4: the stages you've got perimenopause, and that's when your body
Speaker 4: goes I'm thinking of shutting up shop soon. That can
Speaker 4: take I mean, perimenopause can take anything up to two
Speaker 4: or three years of just the solid ad intensity. And
Speaker 4: I feel like you've reached this professional apex where you're
Speaker 4: this dreamboat of an employee for all of your life,
Speaker 4: and you hit that moment of perimenopause and you just
Speaker 4: turn into the absolute antithesis of everything you've worked for.
Speaker 4: I was nasty, how dare you? But like be impatient
Speaker 4: and it's an OMG. And then every time one of
Speaker 4: those surges happens, I feel like it surges up a
Speaker 4: little bit of aggression as well.
Speaker 1: It's pretty hard, it's lovely.
Speaker 4: Then your periods decide that they may or may not come.
Speaker 4: I might, I might be here this month or not
Speaker 4: hit next month.
Speaker 1: Now, what's a period?
Speaker 3: So they're like a really untrustworthy friend.
Speaker 4: Ah, never turning up, turns up when you least expect. Oh,
Speaker 4: absolutely so. Then and once you are clear of the
Speaker 4: period for twelve months, that's when you are in menopause.
Speaker 4: But the thing, the question I still cannot answer you
Speaker 4: is I don't know when you're meant to go on
Speaker 4: hormone replacement therapy in all of that because I didn't
Speaker 4: know that. I didn't think to question that, and so
Speaker 4: I just went through the fury for I reckon about
Speaker 4: seven years.
Speaker 1: On hormone replacement.
Speaker 4: So that is an option for people, and then I
Speaker 4: think there was I when what that does is it
Speaker 4: evens out those surges, so the body just goes, Okay,
Speaker 4: I need some estrogen or whatever it's lacking. I think
Speaker 4: the hormone replacement therapy stuff literally just evens you and
Speaker 4: makes you a bit more smooth. Some women will say
Speaker 4: you can't because it's bad for you. Some women will
Speaker 4: say I didn't. I didn't know I was menopausal and
Speaker 4: I never had the hormone replacement therapy, But I have
Speaker 4: lots of friends who didn't know. Like, how did you
Speaker 4: get through it without going on that?
Speaker 3: So crazy? Yeah?
Speaker 4: You turn nuts?
Speaker 3: I can't wait?
Speaker 1: And are you trying to like you got a job right?
Speaker 1: Are you working through this period?
Speaker 4: Oh? Yeah, no, I could have been on camera and
Speaker 4: those heat surgeress.
Speaker 3: Are you doing stand up?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you're on you're on camera. Oh yeah, TV
Speaker 1: and you're getting a hot search.
Speaker 3: Through the room.
Speaker 4: You're just kind of like, oh, there's one. Oh, that's
Speaker 4: a big one.
Speaker 3: How do you.
Speaker 4: And also, like you know, sometimes when I'm getting through
Speaker 4: subjects and I forget the sentence that I'm going through,
Speaker 4: it definitely gives you a lot of that.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Right, So as we move into and I'm I'm fifty six,
Speaker 4: as i moved closer to say, a dementia age, I'm
Speaker 4: not going to be able to tell some of the
Speaker 4: differences because I'm already the brain's already left the building nearly.
Speaker 1: So what do you do?
Speaker 4: How good are the stages of life?
Speaker 2: It's crazy, Like we talk about, like, I mean, how
Speaker 2: amazing women are, like they be able to give birth.
Speaker 3: We stub our toe and we were like, I'm like
Speaker 3: ten ten days recover.
Speaker 2: You go through childbirth, and you go through having to
Speaker 2: raise a child, feed a child, and then all of
Speaker 2: a sudden, it's like after you know the kid through
Speaker 2: all the kids grown up, and you know yours are
Speaker 2: teenagers now, and then all of a sudden, it's like,
Speaker 2: here's something else.
Speaker 4: It's amazing, it's amazing.
Speaker 3: I'm blown away.
Speaker 4: Oh it's such a journey. Look, I'm telling you it's
Speaker 4: about the destination.
Speaker 1: Let's not forget that men do get bad needs we
Speaker 1: do get so it's an even.
Speaker 4: No, that's true. It can get tricky of that partly,
Speaker 4: you guys have been so unwell do.
Speaker 1: You come out the other end of menopause? Is it
Speaker 1: like you know, yes, you're different?
Speaker 4: Is it? Yes?
Speaker 3: But do you actually come out?
Speaker 4: Yes?
Speaker 3: In what way?
Speaker 1: Are you different?
Speaker 3: So lost?
Speaker 4: So that once you've had no period for the twelve
Speaker 4: months and you are metopausal in theory, it all starts to.
Speaker 3: Identify as No.
Speaker 4: Well, I think you just kind of think just crossed.
Speaker 4: It's yellow brick roadship. You've got to get to the
Speaker 4: it's got to get to the other side. But what
Speaker 4: then happens is the clarity returns, and what seems to
Speaker 4: be the trend is that a swathe of women then
Speaker 4: from their fifties and beyond, well, we'll go back and study,
Speaker 4: they'll go upskill, they will find other ways to let
Speaker 4: their brains, you know, have a little run. So it
Speaker 4: actually then becomes quite a prolific time for women after
Speaker 4: going through that monster.
Speaker 1: Where is that path going to lead you? Then, Julia,
Speaker 1: I don't know where's it going.
Speaker 4: I'm going to Betty White that ship, Yeah, I'm just ship. No, No,
Speaker 4: I'm just going to work until I'm in the clogs
Speaker 4: and in the ground.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, planning on doing more stand up? Do you think?
Speaker 4: Or every two years I do a big tour, so
Speaker 4: because I like the audience to replenish, and I like
Speaker 4: the material to replenish, because it's got to be brand
Speaker 4: new every two years. And then in the in the
Speaker 4: intram years, I will then do like loads of corporate gigs.
Speaker 4: But and then, you know, please God, the jungle still
Speaker 4: keeps rolling. With my new beloved Rob.
Speaker 3: He's great, Oh my god, really grown into.
Speaker 1: It was amazing a red hot series, by the way,
Speaker 1: not just a pasta ego.
Speaker 3: No, I love it.
Speaker 1: I thought it was fantastical.
Speaker 4: We had an absolute ball. I think all of the
Speaker 4: iness was leaking through the screen. We had such a
Speaker 4: good time, So you know that's you know, that's always
Speaker 4: hard work, so it might as well be super fun.
Speaker 1: I've always asked my mom, who is now seventy two,
Speaker 1: I've always said, do you think you're going to start
Speaker 1: dating again? Like, do you think it'll happen?
Speaker 3: Is? What do you mean your mom? That's going to
Speaker 3: be a really bad I always like.
Speaker 1: Us kids, us kids, Juliet would always want mom to
Speaker 1: have someone do your kids say mom, like you are,
Speaker 1: We're going.
Speaker 4: To myself younger.
Speaker 1: Going through a hot flash for.
Speaker 4: Ages? How very dare I'm just trying to get a
Speaker 4: podcast done.
Speaker 1: No are you girls saying mom, let's jump back on
Speaker 1: that horse.
Speaker 4: Not at all, No way. So I literally I was
Speaker 4: getting a coffee yesterday and this woman came out to me.
Speaker 4: I know, she goes you, there's a whole lot of
Speaker 4: people around you look amazing. I said, do you want
Speaker 4: to know why I'm not married?
Speaker 3: That's school.
Speaker 4: I got so many laughs on that coffee line. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 4: hear your brother, that's a silent sleeping.
Speaker 1: Time to stand up.
Speaker 4: Silent sleeping is everything showmanship. I think. Also, I'm worried
Speaker 4: now that at fifty six, am I not moving into
Speaker 4: the sick years. I'm not taking care of somebody else's ass.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you don't want to get you don't want
Speaker 2: to go into a late relationship.
Speaker 3: And then they're like, oh, by the way, I can't
Speaker 3: whip you know what.
Speaker 4: It's not that I'm closed to it and I'm always scanning.
Speaker 4: That's an old habit. You can't, you know, the snow
Speaker 4: leopard can only be asleep it can never really, But
Speaker 4: I don't even understand how I will get to the
Speaker 4: bit of the pash.
Speaker 3: Just go for it, I say, But like, first of all,
Speaker 3: I got.
Speaker 4: To fucking talk to someone. Excuse my language. First of all,
Speaker 4: I got to talk to someone, do you know what
Speaker 4: I mean? And then I'll be like.
Speaker 3: Pretend to be interested.
Speaker 1: I say. I feel like the talking part may not
Speaker 1: be a struggle.
Speaker 4: For I think all I will be doing is looking
Speaker 4: for red flags.
Speaker 2: Yeah, my auntie, after the divorce, she started dating a bike.
Speaker 4: Did she YEA she would have told you it's by
Speaker 4: her a bike.
Speaker 3: He was disgusting, was he? He came to Christmas once here.
Speaker 1: Let's just say that if any bike is listening, we.
Speaker 3: Look.
Speaker 4: I mean, I've got a lengthy biking story, but it's
Speaker 4: not for now.
Speaker 3: It's time.
Speaker 4: It's a backstage story. But do you know, just ride
Speaker 4: those roads and little one to the top one of
Speaker 4: the bottom, because I thank you as you go past,
Speaker 4: and everyone's happy.
Speaker 1: Julia, I have to say, and I'm not just saying
Speaker 1: this because you're sitting in front of me and I'm
Speaker 1: trying to be polite. I've been a huge fan of
Speaker 1: yours for a very long time. Thank you, and we
Speaker 1: have tried to get you on the podcast for a
Speaker 1: little while and I'm so bloody happy that it's happened.
Speaker 1: But you're here, so thank you very much, so much.
Speaker 3: Pleasure, love until next time.
Speaker 1: Do I dare say Ash that that was my favorite
Speaker 1: record so far? Do I dare say?
Speaker 3: I dare say? Are you? Dare I dare we? All?
Speaker 1: I've done it? If you think this is our best episode, hey,
Speaker 1: why don't you just an idea, just a suggestion?
Speaker 3: You could leave a review?
Speaker 1: You could five stars, a couple of comments us, some
Speaker 1: nice words about me Ash or Julia Julia.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we will take them as our own.
Speaker 1: We've got We've got a number now, so we'll be
Speaker 1: in contact. Any other suggestions guests that you would like
Speaker 1: us to interview on the podcast, please send them our
Speaker 1: way and we'll see you next week. Hei Two Doting
Speaker 1: Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia
Speaker 1: and the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Island
Speaker 3: the people's today. This episode was recorded on gadagle Land.