WEBVTT - #67 Doting Mum Julia Morris On Divorce, Miscarriage And Menopause 0:00:00.720 --> 0:00:03.680 Well, well, well, well, look who's going to buy this 0:00:03.760 --> 0:00:04.640 episode out today? 0:00:04.760 --> 0:00:07.840 It's us and our guest today fresh from the Jungle, 0:00:07.880 --> 0:00:11.200 It's the Queen of Gosford, herself, Julia Morris. 0:00:11.280 --> 0:00:12.600 Lady Julia Morris. 0:00:12.680 --> 0:00:15.920 She is a seasoned Ossie comedian who I've loved for 0:00:15.960 --> 0:00:17.000 a very long time. 0:00:17.079 --> 0:00:17.360 Ash. 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:19.800 She has one heart as a beloved co host of 0:00:19.880 --> 0:00:23.560 the Australian version of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me out 0:00:23.560 --> 0:00:24.640 of Here and Matt. 0:00:24.640 --> 0:00:27.880 She's also a doting mother of two young ladies in 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:29.920 their teens, Ruby and Sophie. 0:00:29.960 --> 0:00:31.680 And as I think it's safe to say that we 0:00:31.800 --> 0:00:34.760 had no idea what we're getting ourselves into. 0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:37.800 Julia takes us on a journey from her recent divorce 0:00:37.840 --> 0:00:41.199 to experiencing a miscarriage mid flight and dealing with the 0:00:41.280 --> 0:00:43.560 chaos of menopause during live TV. 0:00:43.920 --> 0:00:47.400 But Ash, we kept up with her every step of 0:00:47.440 --> 0:01:06.880 the way somehow. Enjoy Welcome back to two doting dads 0:01:06.959 --> 0:01:08.080 and one doting mum. 0:01:08.240 --> 0:01:10.680 I am Maddie, Jay, I'm Ash and I'm Lady Julia 0:01:10.720 --> 0:01:11.560 Morris of Gosford. 0:01:13.720 --> 0:01:16.479 This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good, 0:01:16.760 --> 0:01:17.119 it is. 0:01:17.080 --> 0:01:19.160 The bad, and the relatable and. 0:01:19.360 --> 0:01:23.560 Normally we do not give any advice, none whatsoever. But Julia, 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:26.440 maybe I feel like you were bursting at the seams 0:01:26.440 --> 0:01:27.320 with advice to get you. 0:01:27.400 --> 0:01:29.720 She came in with the books. Is like advice, advice, advice. 0:01:30.480 --> 0:01:33.160 I'm always full of news. I've got a suggestion at 0:01:33.200 --> 0:01:35.480 every turn of the weird rolodex in my head that 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:38.800 just keeps squirting forward sentences and not every sentence makes it. 0:01:38.800 --> 0:01:43.319 We will be sponges that you keep squirting. Hopefully by 0:01:43.360 --> 0:01:45.640 the end we'll be coming out of this a lot 0:01:45.680 --> 0:01:48.600 wiser than before. And I do have to say, looking 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:51.000 divine and mustard so. 0:01:51.120 --> 0:01:55.520 Much or mota as we say, France has made that up. 0:01:58.160 --> 0:01:59.280 I'll just stick with mustards. 0:01:59.360 --> 0:01:59.920 I think it's best. 0:02:00.080 --> 0:02:02.840 It's nice, it's a nice it's a lovely hint of yellow. 0:02:02.880 --> 0:02:04.480 It is. It's really I think. 0:02:04.520 --> 0:02:06.880 I took my green jump Rock becsuse. I thought we 0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:08.359 might look up the whiggels too much. 0:02:09.760 --> 0:02:11.919 In colors. I was like, oh fuck, I just put 0:02:11.919 --> 0:02:13.200 my shirt, leave a white shirt. 0:02:13.360 --> 0:02:15.160 It looks perfect. I popped in this morning to get 0:02:15.160 --> 0:02:18.200 a higher car with a non spawn high car company, 0:02:18.240 --> 0:02:21.480 and I was in the company colors photo of myself, 0:02:21.480 --> 0:02:23.120 but because I was waiting. They're like, sorry to keep 0:02:23.160 --> 0:02:25.360 you waiting. I'm like, no, you're not keeping me waiting. 0:02:25.360 --> 0:02:27.800 I'm in the company colors. Everybody turns around to look 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:30.120 at this maniac is now yelling from the back of 0:02:30.160 --> 0:02:30.920 the non spot. 0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:34.720 Were people being just returning to my keys are much? 0:02:35.000 --> 0:02:37.000 Why is that elderly lady. 0:02:38.440 --> 0:02:38.720 Julia. 0:02:39.560 --> 0:02:42.760 If we go back, let's go back to the beginning. 0:02:42.800 --> 0:02:45.720 I want to know if a young Julia are much 0:02:45.800 --> 0:02:49.320 younger Julia. Even if Julia, let's say, in a teenage years, 0:02:50.000 --> 0:02:52.400 was she similar to how Julie is now. 0:02:52.720 --> 0:02:56.119 I'd say exactly the same, but now with the confidence 0:02:56.280 --> 0:02:59.600 to let some of those ideas out of the head 0:02:59.680 --> 0:03:03.600 rather than just keeping them to myself. But I definitely 0:03:03.720 --> 0:03:06.080 knew I was going to be a parent. I never 0:03:06.120 --> 0:03:08.560 really thought about how I wouldn't. That wasn't talked about 0:03:08.600 --> 0:03:10.920 when I was in growing up. Sort of within the 0:03:10.960 --> 0:03:13.760 seventies and the eighties, no one ever talked about the 0:03:13.800 --> 0:03:17.359 option of not being a parent, So I just knew 0:03:17.360 --> 0:03:18.960 it had happened at some time, and so by the 0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:22.800 time I met my partner in my early thirties, we 0:03:22.800 --> 0:03:25.799 didn't have our babies till I was thirty eight and 0:03:26.000 --> 0:03:28.720 forty for my second one. Okay, so that was quite 0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:37.280 late for well for gossip, no judgment, that was that. 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:40.680 Oh yeah, we picked it up and put it there. 0:03:41.120 --> 0:03:41.440 We did. 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:43.880 That's too far, but we'll get in the right protection 0:03:44.040 --> 0:03:48.120 exactly protection and did lots of babysitting. And I always 0:03:48.320 --> 0:03:52.960 enjoyed that. So yes, I didn't. I thought that. I 0:03:52.960 --> 0:03:57.080 thought that I would be a really chill, amazing ready mum, 0:03:57.840 --> 0:03:58.680 when did you get. 0:03:58.520 --> 0:03:59.880 Your first taste of tea? 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:05.760 Oh? At seventeen, I was at Santa Sabina and Strathfield 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:10.440 at school doing the HSC and I snuck away from 0:04:10.480 --> 0:04:13.760 school and did an audition for New Faces. Yeah, because 0:04:13.800 --> 0:04:15.640 I thought I could sing. I never had a lesson. 0:04:15.680 --> 0:04:18.240 I'd never sung in front of anybody, did a lot 0:04:18.279 --> 0:04:20.760 of you know, mirror time obviously in my own private 0:04:22.360 --> 0:04:24.599 or anywhere any locations A lift? 0:04:25.040 --> 0:04:26.320 What was the song you sang? 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:28.360 Holding out for a Hero? 0:04:29.120 --> 0:04:32.000 I wish we had that audio it. 0:04:32.040 --> 0:04:35.479 Was here, it would have been I mean you'll hear it. 0:04:35.480 --> 0:04:36.760 It's on the world wide Interweb. 0:04:36.920 --> 0:04:39.440 Oh hope you've got it. 0:04:40.200 --> 0:04:41.640 Julia Barros from your South Wales. 0:04:41.880 --> 0:04:47.159 Look love, please make a open Okay, what you're looking 0:04:47.160 --> 0:04:50.320 at here is I borrowed that top from my mum's 0:04:50.320 --> 0:04:52.200 friend Margot because I had sparkles on it. We were 0:04:52.320 --> 0:04:55.520 to show this family and I've got my mother's graduation 0:04:55.640 --> 0:04:58.600 black jets on whenever gone to brag where are the 0:04:58.800 --> 0:05:04.239 good maga? And where I was growing out? What looks 0:05:04.320 --> 0:05:09.120 like the exact hair doo I've got Now it's a 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:10.440 full Bob seventeen. 0:05:11.800 --> 0:05:13.599 She's lifting at. 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:14.560 A really good singer. 0:05:14.760 --> 0:05:17.320 I mean, you're very good. When I when I when 0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:19.680 the letter came from Channel nine to say you're in 0:05:19.720 --> 0:05:21.880 the show, my mother was like, what is this because 0:05:21.920 --> 0:05:24.400 she'd open the letter, So what is that? 0:05:24.600 --> 0:05:26.160 They didn't know you auditioned? 0:05:26.480 --> 0:05:30.039 No, So I literally snuck out from school and went 0:05:30.080 --> 0:05:33.360 and did the audition in my kilt in my school 0:05:33.400 --> 0:05:35.320 killed and we had a bowler hat. Jesus was a 0:05:35.320 --> 0:05:35.719 good look. 0:05:35.760 --> 0:05:37.320 It's hot on the side, hot. 0:05:37.200 --> 0:05:39.840 On the station. Actually sometimes you're stand on streftfoot stratfield 0:05:39.880 --> 0:05:43.840 station and you could be kilt someone if you did 0:05:43.920 --> 0:05:46.680 the right run up and got the little clip on 0:05:46.720 --> 0:05:50.320 the side loose to school. So mean I was kilted. 0:05:51.560 --> 0:05:53.479 I was standing and that's how my first child was. 0:05:54.640 --> 0:05:57.840 But also standing in a stocking sock. You know, I'm 0:05:57.880 --> 0:05:59.800 a non all town station or somewhere like that. I 0:05:59.880 --> 0:06:01.719 was like, no, it's not ideal. 0:06:01.960 --> 0:06:05.039 And so did you confide in anyone did you look 0:06:05.080 --> 0:06:07.159 for you know, your friends and say I'm thinking about 0:06:07.160 --> 0:06:09.600 doing this audition. Do you think I should should not? 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:10.760 Or did you just run with it? 0:06:10.880 --> 0:06:13.560 I don't think so. Like I have got a as 0:06:13.600 --> 0:06:17.680 a massive people pleaser, I also have a really odd 0:06:19.400 --> 0:06:24.760 sense of self Like I just wake up happy most days, 0:06:24.800 --> 0:06:27.640 just going I'm unreal, Like I genuinely feel like that. 0:06:27.800 --> 0:06:29.520 Obviously you see a photo and you're like, wow, I 0:06:29.600 --> 0:06:31.800 wonder who that strange fat boys in my dress? But 0:06:33.000 --> 0:06:35.680 do you know what I mean? Like, just don't know 0:06:35.760 --> 0:06:37.640 the photos? I think is the is the key there? 0:06:37.680 --> 0:06:40.640 But I have it's like a it must be a mental. 0:06:40.400 --> 0:06:42.320 Health condition self confidence. 0:06:42.760 --> 0:06:46.120 Yes, And I wonder if that is having a childhood 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:50.360 where I was from a family where there wasn't flowery 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:53.200 compliments in those days, the parenting was done in an 0:06:53.320 --> 0:06:56.880 entirely different way, and it was sort of perfunctory. 0:06:56.880 --> 0:06:57.039 You know. 0:06:57.120 --> 0:06:59.560 The idea was to get the children busy so that 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:02.039 you could have some time, which I mean hasn't changed 0:07:02.120 --> 0:07:05.040 much better. A lot of that time, as long as 0:07:05.080 --> 0:07:08.520 the children were away, that was parenting. As long as 0:07:08.520 --> 0:07:11.960 there's their silence was successful parenting back in those days. 0:07:12.080 --> 0:07:14.560 So you know, it wasn't the how do you feel 0:07:15.000 --> 0:07:18.080 of these of these days which are important times? How 0:07:18.120 --> 0:07:19.200 do you feel as important? 0:07:19.240 --> 0:07:22.040 So how did your parents respond to you being on TV? 0:07:22.240 --> 0:07:26.760 They were kind of like, well, they did not say 0:07:26.760 --> 0:07:29.360 can you even sing? But they were like, well, I don't. 0:07:29.120 --> 0:07:31.239 Know they musically inclined. 0:07:31.280 --> 0:07:37.280 No, no, My dad was track manager at Gosford Race Club, 0:07:37.280 --> 0:07:41.400 but my mom worked as a secretary for Re Surger. Yeah, 0:07:41.720 --> 0:07:43.920 not like I'm going to go on showbiz. We had 0:07:43.920 --> 0:07:46.400 to fly down. We didn't have much money growing up. 0:07:46.440 --> 0:07:48.720 There was enough to survive and trailer lah, but so 0:07:48.880 --> 0:07:51.760 my mum had to get the Channeline got me a 0:07:51.800 --> 0:07:53.880 flight to go down because I was seventeen to shoot 0:07:53.880 --> 0:07:56.240 the show in Melbourne. But we couldn't afford for my 0:07:56.320 --> 0:07:58.520 mum to get the big fancy ticket of anset off 0:07:58.560 --> 0:08:01.320 Thrilling Airlines. She had to do this what we called 0:08:01.320 --> 0:08:03.480 back in the day a mail run where you get 0:08:03.480 --> 0:08:07.240 on the plane in Sydney, then you stop in you know, Golban. 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:10.080 You stop at Wogga, then you stop in west Wind 0:08:10.400 --> 0:08:12.800 do that, yeah, and then you and then she was 0:08:12.840 --> 0:08:15.520 delivered at a similar time to me in Melbourne. That's 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:17.400 how we time those flights. 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:17.920 Four weeks. 0:08:19.400 --> 0:08:23.720 She just had to get a twelve and I was like, 0:08:24.040 --> 0:08:27.400 I'll be up the front if you need me, so 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:30.240 and then we were in Melbourne. It was so exciting. 0:08:30.720 --> 0:08:33.320 I've never been on a plane before and came down 0:08:33.320 --> 0:08:36.559 and did the show and got a tie. First. You 0:08:36.760 --> 0:08:40.440 killed No, it's very d Yeah. 0:08:40.320 --> 0:08:42.600 Full disclosure. We listened to we watched that before. You 0:08:42.600 --> 0:08:45.080 can all stuck in our heads and like we need 0:08:45.120 --> 0:08:45.720 to get it there. 0:08:48.120 --> 0:08:49.520 Says if you can't get a song out of your head, 0:08:49.520 --> 0:08:50.320 give it a big finish. 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:51.960 We really need. 0:08:53.640 --> 0:08:57.200 Out for Hurrah. It's definitely gone. 0:08:57.280 --> 0:09:03.160 Now help with with boys coming off the back of 0:09:03.160 --> 0:09:04.440 that performance. 0:09:05.480 --> 0:09:08.760 No, because I was loud. I was loud, and what 0:09:08.880 --> 0:09:12.880 I now suspect maybe ADHD, which I know every young 0:09:12.920 --> 0:09:15.080 person is kind of like, well, yeah, just have a 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:16.000 look at you and listen. 0:09:15.760 --> 0:09:17.240 To the rhythm sentence. 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:20.880 But I feel like in looking into that over the 0:09:20.920 --> 0:09:24.280 last couple of years, I'm kind of not for me. 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:26.920 But I've been looking into it for me, but as 0:09:26.920 --> 0:09:28.840 I started to read all the research, I'm like, oh 0:09:28.880 --> 0:09:31.520 my god, that's my daily We. 0:09:31.400 --> 0:09:34.160 Were talking about TikTok before and I watched one ADHD 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:37.360 video because I'm very suspect to myself, and then it's 0:09:37.400 --> 0:09:38.840 just like, you must love this shit. 0:09:39.320 --> 0:09:40.840 I'm just like I have that I. 0:09:42.559 --> 0:09:45.760 But then those with diagnosis get super cross with the 0:09:46.160 --> 0:09:51.320 US who just assume I don't be rude. But for 0:09:51.360 --> 0:09:52.880 the moment, I just don't want to drop the two 0:09:52.920 --> 0:09:53.839 grand on the test. 0:09:54.040 --> 0:09:58.120 Yes, yes, ASH did do an online test like a 0:09:58.120 --> 0:10:00.600 disco find questions the website. 0:10:02.040 --> 0:10:06.920 You need help so as a business, so you decided 0:10:06.960 --> 0:10:08.959 to use the money out of the business to make sure. 0:10:09.480 --> 0:10:12.400 Well, what's interesting is the A and ADHD actually stands 0:10:12.400 --> 0:10:17.160 for Ash, and that's what I know about this whole scene. 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:22.480 Has it ever been a battle between wanting to be 0:10:22.520 --> 0:10:28.880 in showbiz and then wanting to be a mum. 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:30.040 Because she's a great question. No, because in my life 0:10:30.040 --> 0:10:34.240 growing up, they ran alongside, they wrapped. My mother always worked, 0:10:34.320 --> 0:10:39.720 so that was absolutely modeled behavior for me, and I 0:10:39.840 --> 0:10:42.480 knew say if I was away for Let's use the 0:10:42.559 --> 0:10:44.720 jungle as an example where I'm away for six weeks, 0:10:45.320 --> 0:10:48.800 and I knew that the children were with my husband 0:10:48.880 --> 0:10:51.400 in their home, in their schedule, doing their things. And 0:10:51.440 --> 0:10:54.040 there's one thing, of course, part of my brain thinks 0:10:54.280 --> 0:10:56.640 everyone wants to come to Africa. They can just hang 0:10:56.679 --> 0:10:59.720 away till I've finished work and then we can walk 0:10:59.760 --> 0:11:03.040 around whatever. No, because the kids have got no business 0:11:03.040 --> 0:11:05.559 with it. Certainly, I feel like for the first nearly 0:11:05.640 --> 0:11:08.480 ten years, all they want is that routine so they 0:11:08.559 --> 0:11:11.280 know where they're up to. But it's my brain that goes, 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:15.880 we need a holiday, should we do something? But the kids, 0:11:15.920 --> 0:11:18.360 even my teenagers, have just recently let me know we 0:11:18.400 --> 0:11:20.440 don't want to go away any for the rest of 0:11:20.480 --> 0:11:21.160 the year with you. 0:11:23.720 --> 0:11:26.360 I don't want to pry too much into the split, 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:30.960 but I am intrigued to know, at what point do 0:11:31.040 --> 0:11:32.800 you look at the relationship and go, do you know what, 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:35.400 it's just best if we go our separate ways. 0:11:35.679 --> 0:11:38.680 I reckon I felt that way. I saw it back 0:11:38.720 --> 0:11:43.720 in previous interviews for nearly ten years well, and after 0:11:43.760 --> 0:11:48.160 we broke up. My agent said to me at the time, 0:11:48.200 --> 0:11:49.760 the agent that I had at the time has remained 0:11:49.760 --> 0:11:52.959 a great friend, she said, you said ten years ago 0:11:53.160 --> 0:11:55.360 how is this. I don't even remember this. You said 0:11:55.400 --> 0:11:58.200 ten years ago, I would leave him, but he would 0:11:58.200 --> 0:12:02.080 get the kids. I was like, I don't remember saying that. 0:12:02.160 --> 0:12:04.760 I remember feeling like that, but I don't remember saying 0:12:04.760 --> 0:12:07.319 that out loud to another human. Because when you're married, 0:12:07.360 --> 0:12:09.520 it's just you two doing that sort of chap back 0:12:09.520 --> 0:12:10.960 and forth until you work it out in your head. 0:12:11.000 --> 0:12:12.600 And you know, if you are lucky enough to have 0:12:12.640 --> 0:12:14.880 the window into a psychologist that you trust, and you 0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:16.679 definitely get to sort out your own mats in your 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:20.320 own head. But I was like, wow, I mean that 0:12:20.440 --> 0:12:23.000 was well now longer, like twelve years ago. 0:12:23.200 --> 0:12:25.040 So looking back at that, do you remember why you 0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:26.240 would have potentially said that? 0:12:26.320 --> 0:12:26.640 Do you know? 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:31.120 I think we were in a smart ass pattern, as in, 0:12:31.480 --> 0:12:33.719 like we would saw if we had any issues with 0:12:33.800 --> 0:12:36.079 each other, it'd be sorted out in a smart ass fashion. 0:12:36.160 --> 0:12:44.120 Yes, so looking back my wife's but a lot. 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:46.360 Of that time, I think in those first ten years, 0:12:46.320 --> 0:12:48.719 you're just trying to hold on and get through the day, 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:50.720 and you cannot believe you'd never been so busy in 0:12:50.720 --> 0:12:52.120 the whole of your life. And I get so tired 0:12:52.160 --> 0:12:53.880 in the whole of your life. I liken it too. 0:12:54.040 --> 0:12:56.920 I'm working on the Jungle. It's six weeks. It's a 0:12:56.960 --> 0:13:00.560 brutality that knows no bounds. It's like six days a week, 0:13:00.600 --> 0:13:04.000 fourteen hour days. It's hardcore, right, And by the end 0:13:04.040 --> 0:13:06.000 of the shoot and we're in South Africa and we're 0:13:06.000 --> 0:13:07.440 having the best time, but all you want to do 0:13:07.559 --> 0:13:09.920 is go home. And it's not that you want to 0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:12.400 go home, it's that you want to break from the relentlessness. 0:13:12.480 --> 0:13:13.280 Yeah yeah, So. 0:13:13.240 --> 0:13:15.120 I'm like, no, I'd rather I'm happy to stay in 0:13:15.160 --> 0:13:17.440 South Africa and then do some more work maybe at 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:20.120 the end of next week. But so I think parenting 0:13:20.120 --> 0:13:23.720 feels like that, you actually just want this nightmare of 0:13:24.280 --> 0:13:26.119 everything to calm. 0:13:25.920 --> 0:13:28.200 Down, just for a moment, just to calm down. 0:13:28.240 --> 0:13:31.200 Absolutely, So you're in the cycle of smart assles. 0:13:31.280 --> 0:13:33.400 Yeah, so smarter. So then we then we'd make up 0:13:33.440 --> 0:13:37.280 and we would have a lovely time, and then I 0:13:37.320 --> 0:13:39.480 guess the pattern of the smart ass would start again, 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:44.920 and then a bit of meanness and then the sweetness again. 0:13:45.120 --> 0:13:48.760 So you know, and I think, if if I do 0:13:48.880 --> 0:13:51.640 have ADHD, I might not have noticed all of those 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:53.280 things happening, because then we just get to a nice 0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:55.520 bit again, Oh I got my husband back. 0:13:55.600 --> 0:13:57.960 When it came to the separation, At what point did 0:13:58.000 --> 0:14:00.160 you decide that it was the right time to tell 0:14:00.000 --> 0:14:00.600 all the kids? 0:14:01.360 --> 0:14:01.680 Oh? 0:14:01.800 --> 0:14:05.520 Well, we had we actually had a very nice experience 0:14:06.440 --> 0:14:09.920 for the breakup moment because I had been to the psychologist. 0:14:10.000 --> 0:14:12.040 I was just like, I cannot be back here again, 0:14:12.720 --> 0:14:14.880 because I kept going back to the psychologist going is 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:17.079 this over? And then somehow I'd just be like, oh well, 0:14:17.400 --> 0:14:20.600 but just the basic maths of the breakup, I'm like, 0:14:20.720 --> 0:14:23.400 I don't even know how to unweb that web. I 0:14:23.560 --> 0:14:26.800 just not that I was staying in a dangerous situation, 0:14:27.000 --> 0:14:30.320 neither with my children. Let's speak definitely about that. But 0:14:31.120 --> 0:14:35.320 I was just likeing it was literally too hard admin 0:14:36.160 --> 0:14:39.120 wise to leave because because when we would have fights, 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:43.200 I'd say, hey, listen, that's the door, so that's got 0:14:43.200 --> 0:14:44.800 a handle on it. 0:14:44.800 --> 0:14:47.520 It's not that easy. 0:14:47.920 --> 0:14:50.120 If this is all not working out for you, how 0:14:50.120 --> 0:14:54.720 about your head on your way because we will survive beautifully. 0:14:55.000 --> 0:14:58.480 So that threat I reckon I did every year for 0:14:58.560 --> 0:14:59.280 ten years. 0:14:59.440 --> 0:14:59.760 Wow. 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:04.440 But I know now that you know, threats within relationships 0:15:04.480 --> 0:15:07.880 are bs. They're just a stupid move to get whatever 0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:10.560 reaction it is that you need, or you know, whatever 0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:13.600 nurturing or response that you need. So it was a 0:15:13.600 --> 0:15:15.640 Saturday morning and I stayed in bed because I was 0:15:15.720 --> 0:15:17.960 doing my like I just can't speaking to a mold 0:15:17.960 --> 0:15:20.880 a stone bed for hours. And then I called him 0:15:20.960 --> 0:15:23.680 up and I just said, hey, hey, listen, do you 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:26.520 know what. You're not happy and I'm not happy and 0:15:26.560 --> 0:15:29.040 this is not really a way for us to live. 0:15:29.800 --> 0:15:34.920 So I think we should consider separation. And I didn't 0:15:34.960 --> 0:15:36.280 know how he would react. I didn't know if you're 0:15:36.280 --> 0:15:40.440 going to get super angry. Is he going to laugh, 0:15:40.600 --> 0:15:41.520 is he going to I don't know. I didn't know 0:15:41.560 --> 0:15:42.160 what he was going to do. 0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:43.560 Did you have to build the courage up to have 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:46.400 that conversation? We just at a point you were ready 0:15:46.400 --> 0:15:47.440 for that conversation. 0:15:49.840 --> 0:15:52.040 But it was the culmination of all my flight and 0:15:52.040 --> 0:15:57.520 fight and people all that, and so I was pretty 0:15:57.520 --> 0:16:00.560 calm about it. And he said, oh, thank god, because 0:16:00.560 --> 0:16:01.800 I feel the same way. 0:16:03.200 --> 0:16:03.560 I was like. 0:16:05.840 --> 0:16:08.320 And then we sat on the bed together and because 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:12.360 we decided we'd heard this thing called nesting, where you 0:16:12.400 --> 0:16:15.000 can if you are in the luxurious position enough to 0:16:15.040 --> 0:16:18.040 be able to afford even one bedroom apartment. I mean 0:16:18.080 --> 0:16:21.280 as if anybody can afford a second place, but you're 0:16:21.280 --> 0:16:24.320 going to have to getting a divorce. So we used 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:27.840 that each parent would change and we let me left 0:16:27.840 --> 0:16:30.200 it looking like a service department with our little bits 0:16:30.200 --> 0:16:32.840 and pieces in it, and then week on, week off, 0:16:32.880 --> 0:16:35.360 so the children stayed in the house and we would 0:16:35.400 --> 0:16:38.200 move and then I would pack our bags and we 0:16:38.200 --> 0:16:38.600 would go. 0:16:39.200 --> 0:16:41.400 Kids were informed. They weren't just like where. 0:16:43.800 --> 0:16:48.320 Answer to your question? We told them the next day, 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:52.440 Wow that quick, Well we just everything was about it? 0:16:53.000 --> 0:16:54.440 Or did you just get around the table? 0:16:56.320 --> 0:16:59.640 The reason I asked that, yes, my wife her parents 0:16:59.640 --> 0:17:02.440 got to they're great. They're great friends now, which is great. 0:17:02.800 --> 0:17:07.199 But they were on a cruise ship and and April 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:07.880 was sorry. 0:17:07.920 --> 0:17:12.119 April were telling this story. By the way, April's mom announced. 0:17:11.480 --> 0:17:14.000 It at the captain's table. 0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:17.560 But I picture the announcements. 0:17:17.880 --> 0:17:21.760 Speaker, ladies and gentlemen, me and. 0:17:21.640 --> 0:17:23.080 Your father are getting divorced. 0:17:23.880 --> 0:17:25.760 After many years of tennis. 0:17:28.400 --> 0:17:30.840 This will be the last ship. We said. They were. 0:17:31.359 --> 0:17:33.680 They were kind of interesting because they were they were 0:17:34.359 --> 0:17:38.600 thirteen and fifteen as Abril. They kind of took it 0:17:38.640 --> 0:17:42.360 in and then they had a little cry, and then 0:17:42.359 --> 0:17:44.840 they popped upstairs because that was kind of their sanctuary, 0:17:44.880 --> 0:17:48.879 their own bedrooms were where they you know, felt I 0:17:48.880 --> 0:17:53.080 guess safest in life, as we all do. And then 0:17:53.600 --> 0:17:57.359 they have told me since many times we were just 0:17:57.440 --> 0:17:58.640 like it was a matter of time. 0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:02.320 After you've made the decision, You've told the kids, it's 0:18:02.359 --> 0:18:03.680 all out there with the family. 0:18:03.960 --> 0:18:05.560 Did you feel a sense of relief. 0:18:05.520 --> 0:18:10.040 Because you asked? You go through a similar to getting married, 0:18:10.240 --> 0:18:13.560 you go through a honeymoon period. So you're just like 0:18:13.720 --> 0:18:15.600 you are, I just want the best for you, love 0:18:15.760 --> 0:18:18.960 and because there was no there was no cheating or 0:18:19.600 --> 0:18:20.960 spookiness or whatever. 0:18:21.520 --> 0:18:22.679 It was just run its course. 0:18:23.119 --> 0:18:26.239 Yeah, and probably did a long time before that. 0:18:26.840 --> 0:18:29.800 It as a honeymoon period. Yes, post breakup. 0:18:30.160 --> 0:18:32.439 So this slagh period, well. 0:18:32.640 --> 0:18:35.320 I think what happens is one partner usually goes out 0:18:35.359 --> 0:18:37.960 and has a role around with literally everybody, and then 0:18:38.000 --> 0:18:39.800 the other one, I don't know, does the cleanup. I 0:18:39.840 --> 0:18:40.560 don't know what goes on. 0:18:40.640 --> 0:18:42.480 Were you were you the cleanup or were you the. 0:18:43.240 --> 0:18:46.280 I was very I was very busy in my twenties 0:18:46.320 --> 0:18:49.439 and my early thirties. I feel like I had my 0:18:49.640 --> 0:18:53.080 ration of roots and so. 0:18:53.440 --> 0:18:54.840 Who says you need a Russian roots? 0:18:55.640 --> 0:18:58.400 I mean everyone ration roots these days, you know we're 0:18:58.440 --> 0:19:00.719 in difficult times. 0:19:01.080 --> 0:19:02.240 Yeah, great depression. 0:19:02.480 --> 0:19:04.800 I did not feel that at all. I was just like, 0:19:05.880 --> 0:19:08.359 all of a sudden, I had to learn how to 0:19:08.480 --> 0:19:10.879 do the maths. Like I hadn't done any of the 0:19:10.880 --> 0:19:14.800 bookwork in twenty years. I hadn't put a tax return 0:19:14.920 --> 0:19:18.080 in my you know, my company did all that. So 0:19:18.119 --> 0:19:20.520 instead of having a bookkeeper, my ex did all of that. 0:19:20.720 --> 0:19:24.160 So I all of a sudden had to learn who 0:19:24.240 --> 0:19:26.880 we bank with. And I know there's lots of people 0:19:26.920 --> 0:19:29.800