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Speaker 1: Well, well, well, well, look who's going to buy this

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Speaker 1: episode out today?

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Speaker 2: It's us and our guest today fresh from the Jungle,

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Speaker 2: It's the Queen of Gosford, herself, Julia Morris.

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Speaker 3: Lady Julia Morris.

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Speaker 1: She is a seasoned Ossie comedian who I've loved for

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Speaker 1: a very long time.

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Speaker 3: Ash.

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Speaker 1: She has one heart as a beloved co host of

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Speaker 1: the Australian version of I'm a Celebrity, Get Me out

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Speaker 1: of Here and Matt.

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Speaker 2: She's also a doting mother of two young ladies in

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Speaker 2: their teens, Ruby and Sophie.

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Speaker 1: And as I think it's safe to say that we

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Speaker 1: had no idea what we're getting ourselves into.

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Speaker 2: Julia takes us on a journey from her recent divorce

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Speaker 2: to experiencing a miscarriage mid flight and dealing with the

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Speaker 2: chaos of menopause during live TV.

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Speaker 1: But Ash, we kept up with her every step of

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Speaker 1: the way somehow. Enjoy Welcome back to two doting dads

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Speaker 1: and one doting mum.

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Speaker 4: I am Maddie, Jay, I'm Ash and I'm Lady Julia

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Speaker 4: Morris of Gosford.

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Speaker 1: This is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,

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Speaker 1: it is.

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Speaker 3: The bad, and the relatable and.

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Speaker 1: Normally we do not give any advice, none whatsoever. But Julia,

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Speaker 1: maybe I feel like you were bursting at the seams

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Speaker 1: with advice to get you.

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Speaker 3: She came in with the books. Is like advice, advice, advice.

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Speaker 4: I'm always full of news. I've got a suggestion at

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Speaker 4: every turn of the weird rolodex in my head that

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Speaker 4: just keeps squirting forward sentences and not every sentence makes it.

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Speaker 1: We will be sponges that you keep squirting. Hopefully by

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Speaker 1: the end we'll be coming out of this a lot

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Speaker 1: wiser than before. And I do have to say, looking

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Speaker 1: divine and mustard so.

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Speaker 4: Much or mota as we say, France has made that up.

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Speaker 3: I'll just stick with mustards.

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Speaker 4: I think it's best.

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Speaker 3: It's nice, it's a nice it's a lovely hint of yellow.

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Speaker 1: It is. It's really I think.

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Speaker 2: I took my green jump Rock becsuse. I thought we

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Speaker 2: might look up the whiggels too much.

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Speaker 3: In colors. I was like, oh fuck, I just put

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Speaker 3: my shirt, leave a white shirt.

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Speaker 4: It looks perfect. I popped in this morning to get

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Speaker 4: a higher car with a non spawn high car company,

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Speaker 4: and I was in the company colors photo of myself,

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Speaker 4: but because I was waiting. They're like, sorry to keep

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Speaker 4: you waiting. I'm like, no, you're not keeping me waiting.

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Speaker 4: I'm in the company colors. Everybody turns around to look

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Speaker 4: at this maniac is now yelling from the back of

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Speaker 4: the non spot.

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Speaker 1: Were people being just returning to my keys are much?

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Speaker 4: Why is that elderly lady.

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Speaker 3: Julia.

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Speaker 1: If we go back, let's go back to the beginning.

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Speaker 1: I want to know if a young Julia are much

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Speaker 1: younger Julia. Even if Julia, let's say, in a teenage years,

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Speaker 1: was she similar to how Julie is now.

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Speaker 4: I'd say exactly the same, but now with the confidence

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Speaker 4: to let some of those ideas out of the head

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Speaker 4: rather than just keeping them to myself. But I definitely

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Speaker 4: knew I was going to be a parent. I never

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Speaker 4: really thought about how I wouldn't. That wasn't talked about

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Speaker 4: when I was in growing up. Sort of within the

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Speaker 4: seventies and the eighties, no one ever talked about the

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Speaker 4: option of not being a parent, So I just knew

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Speaker 4: it had happened at some time, and so by the

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Speaker 4: time I met my partner in my early thirties, we

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Speaker 4: didn't have our babies till I was thirty eight and

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Speaker 4: forty for my second one. Okay, so that was quite

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Speaker 4: late for well for gossip, no judgment, that was that.

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Speaker 4: Oh yeah, we picked it up and put it there.

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Speaker 3: We did.

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Speaker 4: That's too far, but we'll get in the right protection

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Speaker 4: exactly protection and did lots of babysitting. And I always

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Speaker 4: enjoyed that. So yes, I didn't. I thought that. I

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Speaker 4: thought that I would be a really chill, amazing ready mum,

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Speaker 4: when did you get.

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Speaker 3: Your first taste of tea?

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Speaker 4: Oh? At seventeen, I was at Santa Sabina and Strathfield

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Speaker 4: at school doing the HSC and I snuck away from

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Speaker 4: school and did an audition for New Faces. Yeah, because

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Speaker 4: I thought I could sing. I never had a lesson.

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Speaker 4: I'd never sung in front of anybody, did a lot

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Speaker 4: of you know, mirror time obviously in my own private

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Speaker 4: or anywhere any locations A lift?

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Speaker 1: What was the song you sang?

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Speaker 4: Holding out for a Hero?

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Speaker 1: I wish we had that audio it.

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Speaker 4: Was here, it would have been I mean you'll hear it.

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Speaker 4: It's on the world wide Interweb.

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Speaker 1: Oh hope you've got it.

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Speaker 3: Julia Barros from your South Wales.

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Speaker 4: Look love, please make a open Okay, what you're looking

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Speaker 4: at here is I borrowed that top from my mum's

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Speaker 4: friend Margot because I had sparkles on it. We were

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Speaker 4: to show this family and I've got my mother's graduation

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Speaker 4: black jets on whenever gone to brag where are the

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Speaker 4: good maga? And where I was growing out? What looks

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Speaker 4: like the exact hair doo I've got Now it's a

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Speaker 4: full Bob seventeen.

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Speaker 1: She's lifting at.

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Speaker 3: A really good singer.

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Speaker 4: I mean, you're very good. When I when I when

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Speaker 4: the letter came from Channel nine to say you're in

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Speaker 4: the show, my mother was like, what is this because

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Speaker 4: she'd open the letter, So what is that?

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Speaker 1: They didn't know you auditioned?

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Speaker 4: No, So I literally snuck out from school and went

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Speaker 4: and did the audition in my kilt in my school

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Speaker 4: killed and we had a bowler hat. Jesus was a

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Speaker 4: good look.

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Speaker 3: It's hot on the side, hot.

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Speaker 4: On the station. Actually sometimes you're stand on streftfoot stratfield

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Speaker 4: station and you could be kilt someone if you did

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Speaker 4: the right run up and got the little clip on

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Speaker 4: the side loose to school. So mean I was kilted.

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Speaker 3: I was standing and that's how my first child was.

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Speaker 4: But also standing in a stocking sock. You know, I'm

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Speaker 4: a non all town station or somewhere like that. I

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Speaker 4: was like, no, it's not ideal.

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Speaker 1: And so did you confide in anyone did you look

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Speaker 1: for you know, your friends and say I'm thinking about

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Speaker 1: doing this audition. Do you think I should should not?

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Speaker 1: Or did you just run with it?

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Speaker 4: I don't think so. Like I have got a as

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Speaker 4: a massive people pleaser, I also have a really odd

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Speaker 4: sense of self Like I just wake up happy most days,

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Speaker 4: just going I'm unreal, Like I genuinely feel like that.

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Speaker 4: Obviously you see a photo and you're like, wow, I

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Speaker 4: wonder who that strange fat boys in my dress? But

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Speaker 4: do you know what I mean? Like, just don't know

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Speaker 4: the photos? I think is the is the key there?

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Speaker 4: But I have it's like a it must be a mental.

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Speaker 3: Health condition self confidence.

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Speaker 4: Yes, And I wonder if that is having a childhood

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Speaker 4: where I was from a family where there wasn't flowery

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Speaker 4: compliments in those days, the parenting was done in an

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Speaker 4: entirely different way, and it was sort of perfunctory.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 4: The idea was to get the children busy so that

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Speaker 4: you could have some time, which I mean hasn't changed

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Speaker 4: much better. A lot of that time, as long as

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Speaker 4: the children were away, that was parenting. As long as

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Speaker 4: there's their silence was successful parenting back in those days.

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Speaker 4: So you know, it wasn't the how do you feel

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Speaker 4: of these of these days which are important times? How

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Speaker 4: do you feel as important?

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Speaker 1: So how did your parents respond to you being on TV?

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Speaker 4: They were kind of like, well, they did not say

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Speaker 4: can you even sing? But they were like, well, I don't.

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Speaker 1: Know they musically inclined.

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Speaker 4: No, no, My dad was track manager at Gosford Race Club,

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Speaker 4: but my mom worked as a secretary for Re Surger. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: not like I'm going to go on showbiz. We had

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Speaker 4: to fly down. We didn't have much money growing up.

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Speaker 4: There was enough to survive and trailer lah, but so

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Speaker 4: my mum had to get the Channeline got me a

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Speaker 4: flight to go down because I was seventeen to shoot

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Speaker 4: the show in Melbourne. But we couldn't afford for my

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Speaker 4: mum to get the big fancy ticket of anset off

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Speaker 4: Thrilling Airlines. She had to do this what we called

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Speaker 4: back in the day a mail run where you get

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Speaker 4: on the plane in Sydney, then you stop in you know, Golban.

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Speaker 4: You stop at Wogga, then you stop in west Wind

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Speaker 4: do that, yeah, and then you and then she was

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Speaker 4: delivered at a similar time to me in Melbourne. That's

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Speaker 4: how we time those flights.

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Speaker 3: Four weeks.

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Speaker 4: She just had to get a twelve and I was like,

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Speaker 4: I'll be up the front if you need me, so

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Speaker 4: and then we were in Melbourne. It was so exciting.

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Speaker 4: I've never been on a plane before and came down

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Speaker 4: and did the show and got a tie. First. You

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Speaker 4: killed No, it's very d Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Full disclosure. We listened to we watched that before. You

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Speaker 2: can all stuck in our heads and like we need

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Speaker 2: to get it there.

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Speaker 4: Says if you can't get a song out of your head,

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Speaker 4: give it a big finish.

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Speaker 1: We really need.

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Speaker 3: Out for Hurrah. It's definitely gone.

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Speaker 1: Now help with with boys coming off the back of

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Speaker 1: that performance.

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Speaker 4: No, because I was loud. I was loud, and what

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Speaker 4: I now suspect maybe ADHD, which I know every young

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Speaker 4: person is kind of like, well, yeah, just have a

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Speaker 4: look at you and listen.

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Speaker 3: To the rhythm sentence.

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Speaker 4: But I feel like in looking into that over the

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Speaker 4: last couple of years, I'm kind of not for me.

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Speaker 4: But I've been looking into it for me, but as

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Speaker 4: I started to read all the research, I'm like, oh

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Speaker 4: my god, that's my daily We.

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Speaker 2: Were talking about TikTok before and I watched one ADHD

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Speaker 2: video because I'm very suspect to myself, and then it's

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Speaker 2: just like, you must love this shit.

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Speaker 3: I'm just like I have that I.

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Speaker 4: But then those with diagnosis get super cross with the

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Speaker 4: US who just assume I don't be rude. But for

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Speaker 4: the moment, I just don't want to drop the two

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Speaker 4: grand on the test.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, ASH did do an online test like a

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Speaker 1: disco find questions the website.

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Speaker 2: You need help so as a business, so you decided

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Speaker 2: to use the money out of the business to make sure.

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Speaker 4: Well, what's interesting is the A and ADHD actually stands

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Speaker 4: for Ash, and that's what I know about this whole scene.

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Speaker 1: Has it ever been a battle between wanting to be

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Speaker 1: in showbiz and then wanting to be a mum.

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Speaker 4: Because she's a great question. No, because in my life

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Speaker 4: growing up, they ran alongside, they wrapped. My mother always worked,

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Speaker 4: so that was absolutely modeled behavior for me, and I

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Speaker 4: knew say if I was away for Let's use the

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Speaker 4: jungle as an example where I'm away for six weeks,

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Speaker 4: and I knew that the children were with my husband

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Speaker 4: in their home, in their schedule, doing their things. And

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Speaker 4: there's one thing, of course, part of my brain thinks

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Speaker 4: everyone wants to come to Africa. They can just hang

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Speaker 4: away till I've finished work and then we can walk

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Speaker 4: around whatever. No, because the kids have got no business

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Speaker 4: with it. Certainly, I feel like for the first nearly

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Speaker 4: ten years, all they want is that routine so they

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Speaker 4: know where they're up to. But it's my brain that goes,

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Speaker 4: we need a holiday, should we do something? But the kids,

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Speaker 4: even my teenagers, have just recently let me know we

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Speaker 4: don't want to go away any for the rest of

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Speaker 4: the year with you.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to pry too much into the split,

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Speaker 1: but I am intrigued to know, at what point do

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Speaker 1: you look at the relationship and go, do you know what,

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Speaker 1: it's just best if we go our separate ways.

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Speaker 4: I reckon I felt that way. I saw it back

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Speaker 4: in previous interviews for nearly ten years well, and after

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Speaker 4: we broke up. My agent said to me at the time,

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Speaker 4: the agent that I had at the time has remained

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Speaker 4: a great friend, she said, you said ten years ago

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Speaker 4: how is this. I don't even remember this. You said

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Speaker 4: ten years ago, I would leave him, but he would

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Speaker 4: get the kids. I was like, I don't remember saying that.

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Speaker 4: I remember feeling like that, but I don't remember saying

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Speaker 4: that out loud to another human. Because when you're married,

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Speaker 4: it's just you two doing that sort of chap back

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Speaker 4: and forth until you work it out in your head.

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Speaker 4: And you know, if you are lucky enough to have

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Speaker 4: the window into a psychologist that you trust, and you

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Speaker 4: definitely get to sort out your own mats in your

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Speaker 4: own head. But I was like, wow, I mean that

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Speaker 4: was well now longer, like twelve years ago.

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Speaker 2: So looking back at that, do you remember why you

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Speaker 2: would have potentially said that?

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Speaker 3: Do you know?

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Speaker 4: I think we were in a smart ass pattern, as in,

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Speaker 4: like we would saw if we had any issues with

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Speaker 4: each other, it'd be sorted out in a smart ass fashion.

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Speaker 3: Yes, so looking back my wife's but a lot.

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Speaker 4: Of that time, I think in those first ten years,

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Speaker 4: you're just trying to hold on and get through the day,

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Speaker 4: and you cannot believe you'd never been so busy in

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Speaker 4: the whole of your life. And I get so tired

264
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Speaker 4: in the whole of your life. I liken it too.

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Speaker 4: I'm working on the Jungle. It's six weeks. It's a

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Speaker 4: brutality that knows no bounds. It's like six days a week,

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Speaker 4: fourteen hour days. It's hardcore, right, And by the end

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Speaker 4: of the shoot and we're in South Africa and we're

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Speaker 4: having the best time, but all you want to do

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Speaker 4: is go home. And it's not that you want to

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Speaker 4: go home, it's that you want to break from the relentlessness.

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Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, So.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, no, I'd rather I'm happy to stay in

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Speaker 4: South Africa and then do some more work maybe at

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Speaker 4: the end of next week. But so I think parenting

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Speaker 4: feels like that, you actually just want this nightmare of

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Speaker 4: everything to calm.

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Speaker 3: Down, just for a moment, just to calm down.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, So you're in the cycle of smart assles.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, so smarter. So then we then we'd make up

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Speaker 4: and we would have a lovely time, and then I

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Speaker 4: guess the pattern of the smart ass would start again,

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Speaker 4: and then a bit of meanness and then the sweetness again.

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Speaker 4: So you know, and I think, if if I do

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Speaker 4: have ADHD, I might not have noticed all of those

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Speaker 4: things happening, because then we just get to a nice

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Speaker 4: bit again, Oh I got my husband back.

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Speaker 1: When it came to the separation, At what point did

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Speaker 1: you decide that it was the right time to tell

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Speaker 1: all the kids?

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Speaker 3: Oh?

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Speaker 4: Well, we had we actually had a very nice experience

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Speaker 4: for the breakup moment because I had been to the psychologist.

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Speaker 4: I was just like, I cannot be back here again,

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Speaker 4: because I kept going back to the psychologist going is

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Speaker 4: this over? And then somehow I'd just be like, oh well,

297
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Speaker 4: but just the basic maths of the breakup, I'm like,

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Speaker 4: I don't even know how to unweb that web. I

299
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Speaker 4: just not that I was staying in a dangerous situation,

300
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Speaker 4: neither with my children. Let's speak definitely about that. But

301
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Speaker 4: I was just likeing it was literally too hard admin

302
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Speaker 4: wise to leave because because when we would have fights,

303
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Speaker 4: I'd say, hey, listen, that's the door, so that's got

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Speaker 4: a handle on it.

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Speaker 3: It's not that easy.

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Speaker 4: If this is all not working out for you, how

307
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Speaker 4: about your head on your way because we will survive beautifully.

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Speaker 4: So that threat I reckon I did every year for

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Speaker 4: ten years.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 4: But I know now that you know, threats within relationships

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Speaker 4: are bs. They're just a stupid move to get whatever

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Speaker 4: reaction it is that you need, or you know, whatever

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Speaker 4: nurturing or response that you need. So it was a

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Speaker 4: Saturday morning and I stayed in bed because I was

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Speaker 4: doing my like I just can't speaking to a mold

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Speaker 4: a stone bed for hours. And then I called him

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Speaker 4: up and I just said, hey, hey, listen, do you

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Speaker 4: know what. You're not happy and I'm not happy and

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Speaker 4: this is not really a way for us to live.

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Speaker 4: So I think we should consider separation. And I didn't

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Speaker 4: know how he would react. I didn't know if you're

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Speaker 4: going to get super angry. Is he going to laugh,

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Speaker 4: is he going to I don't know. I didn't know

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Speaker 4: what he was going to do.

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Speaker 2: Did you have to build the courage up to have

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Speaker 2: that conversation? We just at a point you were ready

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Speaker 2: for that conversation.

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Speaker 4: But it was the culmination of all my flight and

330
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Speaker 4: fight and people all that, and so I was pretty

331
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Speaker 4: calm about it. And he said, oh, thank god, because

332
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Speaker 4: I feel the same way.

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Speaker 1: I was like.

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Speaker 4: And then we sat on the bed together and because

335
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Speaker 4: we decided we'd heard this thing called nesting, where you

336
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:15,000
Speaker 4: can if you are in the luxurious position enough to

337
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Speaker 4: be able to afford even one bedroom apartment. I mean

338
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Speaker 4: as if anybody can afford a second place, but you're

339
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:24,320
Speaker 4: going to have to getting a divorce. So we used

340
00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:27,840
Speaker 4: that each parent would change and we let me left

341
00:16:27,840 --> 00:16:30,200
Speaker 4: it looking like a service department with our little bits

342
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,840
Speaker 4: and pieces in it, and then week on, week off,

343
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Speaker 4: so the children stayed in the house and we would

344
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Speaker 4: move and then I would pack our bags and we

345
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Speaker 4: would go.

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Speaker 1: Kids were informed. They weren't just like where.

347
00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:48,320
Speaker 4: Answer to your question? We told them the next day,

348
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Speaker 4: Wow that quick, Well we just everything was about it?

349
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Speaker 3: Or did you just get around the table?

350
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Speaker 2: The reason I asked that, yes, my wife her parents

351
00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:02,440
Speaker 2: got to they're great. They're great friends now, which is great.

352
00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:07,199
Speaker 2: But they were on a cruise ship and and April

353
00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:07,880
Speaker 2: was sorry.

354
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:12,119
Speaker 3: April were telling this story. By the way, April's mom announced.

355
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Speaker 4: It at the captain's table.

356
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,560
Speaker 3: But I picture the announcements.

357
00:17:17,880 --> 00:17:21,760
Speaker 1: Speaker, ladies and gentlemen, me and.

358
00:17:21,640 --> 00:17:23,080
Speaker 3: Your father are getting divorced.

359
00:17:23,880 --> 00:17:25,760
Speaker 4: After many years of tennis.

360
00:17:28,400 --> 00:17:30,840
Speaker 3: This will be the last ship. We said. They were.

361
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Speaker 4: They were kind of interesting because they were they were

362
00:17:34,359 --> 00:17:38,600
Speaker 4: thirteen and fifteen as Abril. They kind of took it

363
00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:42,360
Speaker 4: in and then they had a little cry, and then

364
00:17:42,359 --> 00:17:44,840
Speaker 4: they popped upstairs because that was kind of their sanctuary,

365
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:48,879
Speaker 4: their own bedrooms were where they you know, felt I

366
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:53,080
Speaker 4: guess safest in life, as we all do. And then

367
00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:57,359
Speaker 4: they have told me since many times we were just

368
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:58,640
Speaker 4: like it was a matter of time.

369
00:17:58,840 --> 00:18:02,320
Speaker 2: After you've made the decision, You've told the kids, it's

370
00:18:02,359 --> 00:18:03,680
Speaker 2: all out there with the family.

371
00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,560
Speaker 3: Did you feel a sense of relief.

372
00:18:05,520 --> 00:18:10,040
Speaker 4: Because you asked? You go through a similar to getting married,

373
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:13,560
Speaker 4: you go through a honeymoon period. So you're just like

374
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:15,600
Speaker 4: you are, I just want the best for you, love

375
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,960
Speaker 4: and because there was no there was no cheating or

376
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:20,960
Speaker 4: spookiness or whatever.

377
00:18:21,520 --> 00:18:22,679
Speaker 1: It was just run its course.

378
00:18:23,119 --> 00:18:26,239
Speaker 4: Yeah, and probably did a long time before that.

379
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,800
Speaker 1: It as a honeymoon period. Yes, post breakup.

380
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:32,439
Speaker 3: So this slagh period, well.

381
00:18:32,640 --> 00:18:35,320
Speaker 4: I think what happens is one partner usually goes out

382
00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:37,960
Speaker 4: and has a role around with literally everybody, and then

383
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:39,800
Speaker 4: the other one, I don't know, does the cleanup. I

384
00:18:39,840 --> 00:18:40,560
Speaker 4: don't know what goes on.

385
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,480
Speaker 1: Were you were you the cleanup or were you the.

386
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:46,280
Speaker 4: I was very I was very busy in my twenties

387
00:18:46,320 --> 00:18:49,439
Speaker 4: and my early thirties. I feel like I had my

388
00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:53,080
Speaker 4: ration of roots and so.

389
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:54,840
Speaker 3: Who says you need a Russian roots?

390
00:18:55,640 --> 00:18:58,400
Speaker 4: I mean everyone ration roots these days, you know we're

391
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,719
Speaker 4: in difficult times.

392
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:02,240
Speaker 3: Yeah, great depression.

393
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:04,800
Speaker 4: I did not feel that at all. I was just like,

394
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,359
Speaker 4: all of a sudden, I had to learn how to

395
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,879
Speaker 4: do the maths. Like I hadn't done any of the

396
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:14,800
Speaker 4: bookwork in twenty years. I hadn't put a tax return

397
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:18,080
Speaker 4: in my you know, my company did all that. So

398
00:19:18,119 --> 00:19:20,520
Speaker 4: instead of having a bookkeeper, my ex did all of that.

399
00:19:20,720 --> 00:19:24,160
Speaker 4: So I all of a sudden had to learn who

400
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,880
Speaker 4: we bank with. And I know there's lots of people

401
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,800
Speaker 4: who are like these days, you're like, never ever lose

402
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:31,840
Speaker 4: your own bank account. You must always keep your own

403
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:35,720
Speaker 4: bank account. But like we were together for twenty years,

404
00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:40,520
Speaker 4: we just all goes in and I don't know, that's

405
00:19:40,520 --> 00:19:42,360
Speaker 4: just how it was sort of easier for us. So

406
00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:46,920
Speaker 4: just getting all of that separated, I reckon when I

407
00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:49,960
Speaker 4: say honeymoon period, I didn't quite realize that the admin

408
00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:51,520
Speaker 4: avalanche was coming.

409
00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:54,240
Speaker 2: We chat about like the responsibilities that we have in

410
00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:56,080
Speaker 2: the house. So Matt, for example, when it comes to

411
00:19:56,119 --> 00:19:59,480
Speaker 2: the cars registration, getting them service.

412
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:01,240
Speaker 1: Laura has no fucking clue.

413
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:03,600
Speaker 3: Imagine all these things you have.

414
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:05,159
Speaker 4: I mean, it's everything.

415
00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:07,040
Speaker 2: I kind of want them sacking an employee were you

416
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:08,919
Speaker 2: working and they're like, oh, you've got to do their

417
00:20:08,960 --> 00:20:09,320
Speaker 2: work now.

418
00:20:09,720 --> 00:20:12,280
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I feel like I might have let go one

419
00:20:12,280 --> 00:20:19,359
Speaker 4: of the best executive assistants. So the other thing is

420
00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:23,399
Speaker 4: it's very difficult to know how to parent through that moment,

421
00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:24,040
Speaker 4: I think.

422
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:27,040
Speaker 1: Because you're like, who was your reference point for how

423
00:20:27,040 --> 00:20:27,600
Speaker 1: to do that right?

424
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:30,000
Speaker 4: I don't know how you do it right. Nobody knows

425
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:32,160
Speaker 4: how they're doing it right. Even the experts will tell

426
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:34,560
Speaker 4: you what to do right, even they're not sure because

427
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:35,359
Speaker 4: only you know your.

428
00:20:35,320 --> 00:20:38,439
Speaker 3: Kids and what works for you. Guys to absolutely, and

429
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:41,000
Speaker 3: you mentioned earlier, it sort of helped you build this

430
00:20:41,119 --> 00:20:43,200
Speaker 3: really good relationship now with your daughters.

431
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,199
Speaker 4: With the teenagers all of a sudden, I oh no,

432
00:20:46,320 --> 00:20:48,320
Speaker 4: this is going to sound bizarre, but they sort of

433
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:52,239
Speaker 4: became my partner the time and effort and conversation, and

434
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,280
Speaker 4: so just as soon as they've registered.

435
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:04,960
Speaker 3: My car, register insurance, they so instead.

436
00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,840
Speaker 4: Of sitting on the couch what by myself watching a

437
00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,919
Speaker 4: movie good times, I'll duck up and be like, do

438
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,920
Speaker 4: you want those the things? You know? Like, so I

439
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:13,880
Speaker 4: sort of become actually the reversal of roles. I've become

440
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 4: their pa. I become their loving PA. But I have

441
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:25,120
Speaker 4: been definitely putting much more loving farer time into them

442
00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:31,360
Speaker 4: because so that entire section of your life that does

443
00:21:31,400 --> 00:21:33,119
Speaker 4: take up time that you want it to take up,

444
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:34,720
Speaker 4: time you want to step out and update nights, you

445
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:36,520
Speaker 4: want to be That's all I wanted to do was

446
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:41,440
Speaker 4: just faster, hang and be together. So you know, yeah,

447
00:21:42,119 --> 00:21:46,080
Speaker 4: putting that time now into the children and teenagers are fantastic,

448
00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:48,919
Speaker 4: I think with boundaries so they'll be like, you can

449
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:49,439
Speaker 4: leave the room.

450
00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:52,120
Speaker 1: I was going to ask, do they welcome that? Yes?

451
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:56,040
Speaker 4: Enough if I get like I take take a twenty

452
00:21:56,080 --> 00:21:59,360
Speaker 4: second travel tax hard if they cross my path, I see,

453
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:02,679
Speaker 4: I'm literally the only way, the only way you can

454
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:06,000
Speaker 4: get your hands on like teenagers literally, oh my god.

455
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:09,040
Speaker 4: Please let's think about that sentence. What I mean is,

456
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:13,720
Speaker 4: of course, I had one of my teenagers tell me

457
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,479
Speaker 4: this is big two years ago when all the upheoval

458
00:22:16,560 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 4: was going on, and she said, I would like to

459
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:23,600
Speaker 4: be asked permission for hugs, And I was like sure

460
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:31,360
Speaker 4: at the time, excuse me, And there is And we

461
00:22:31,359 --> 00:22:33,920
Speaker 4: were definitely raised by parents who had that sense of ownership.

462
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:37,840
Speaker 4: Us think so and it makes sense, like you know,

463
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,679
Speaker 4: I have created every living moment for your life for

464
00:22:41,720 --> 00:22:42,800
Speaker 4: the last however long.

465
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:44,760
Speaker 1: I will get a fucking hug whenever I want.

466
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:47,879
Speaker 4: I'll be stepping up anyway, of course I can. You

467
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,000
Speaker 4: can hear all of that as I'm saying it now,

468
00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:52,480
Speaker 4: So then I'm like, hang on, you, I couldn't just

469
00:22:52,520 --> 00:22:54,000
Speaker 4: walk up to someone on the street and have a.

470
00:22:54,040 --> 00:22:55,280
Speaker 3: Hug, so why you can?

471
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:58,720
Speaker 4: So I'm definitely in that age group of one foot

472
00:22:58,760 --> 00:23:00,680
Speaker 4: in the how very dare you will hug me when

473
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:04,240
Speaker 4: I want? And the age group of you are absolutely

474
00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:06,080
Speaker 4: entired to put your boundaries in it. If you don't

475
00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:10,159
Speaker 4: feel like being bear hugged by big old Mama, then

476
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:15,119
Speaker 4: absolutely so they have been able to teach me lots

477
00:23:15,160 --> 00:23:18,440
Speaker 4: of new ways, to be sure. And but Sophie is

478
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,719
Speaker 4: mad for a hug. So she gets the twenty she

479
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,080
Speaker 4: gets the twenty second travel tax hug, and then Ruby

480
00:23:23,119 --> 00:23:25,040
Speaker 4: when she's ready, she likes she.

481
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:26,399
Speaker 3: Shows a lot of maturity.

482
00:23:26,600 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 4: Yeah, well she'll stepped forward. Oh my god, Ruby's like

483
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 4: the guru. Ruby is like a full guru. So I'm

484
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,280
Speaker 4: speaking to her in the jungle a couple of weeks

485
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:36,920
Speaker 4: ago because they were a home with a sleepover nannie.

486
00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:39,320
Speaker 4: That's the one thing about having older children. You don't

487
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:41,399
Speaker 4: need a nanny, but you do need an adult in

488
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:43,399
Speaker 4: the house. So they don't want to be told what

489
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:45,199
Speaker 4: to do. They don't want to bed time. They you know,

490
00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:48,119
Speaker 4: they're happy to prepare their own dinner and potter and

491
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,320
Speaker 4: do their own well it's they do their own washing.

492
00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:52,639
Speaker 4: But I came under thirty one lads of washing. Thirty

493
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:56,080
Speaker 4: one lades of washing. That thirty one I can't stop.

494
00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:58,160
Speaker 4: Oh mind you I did. I got it to ground

495
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:02,280
Speaker 4: zero and no tom and four days non stop, day

496
00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:02,800
Speaker 4: and night.

497
00:24:04,600 --> 00:24:05,000
Speaker 3: Lockdown.

498
00:24:05,119 --> 00:24:07,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, it's not ideal Anyway. When I rang Redy,

499
00:24:07,480 --> 00:24:09,760
Speaker 4: you had these phone calls where we start and how

500
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,159
Speaker 4: are you? And did it and having a chat and

501
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:15,400
Speaker 4: then all of a sudden like seriously, but love, can

502
00:24:15,400 --> 00:24:17,760
Speaker 4: we do or if that bin doesn't go out, it's

503
00:24:17,760 --> 00:24:20,720
Speaker 4: gonna stink after two weeks or whatever. The pedestrian conversation

504
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:23,240
Speaker 4: was that we were having and she said, hey, mom,

505
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:27,439
Speaker 4: when you call when you're away, I reckon focus on

506
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:28,280
Speaker 4: the things we're doing.

507
00:24:28,359 --> 00:24:32,440
Speaker 1: Right, Gosh, she's good school, just good.

508
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:36,720
Speaker 4: So then you're like, I got off the phone from that.

509
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,680
Speaker 4: So when I was married and years ago, I would

510
00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:41,800
Speaker 4: have been like, don't speak to me like that. Excuse me.

511
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:44,760
Speaker 4: I think you'll find like all of that. But since

512
00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 4: that big shift, I'm kind of like, you're absolutely right.

513
00:24:49,080 --> 00:24:51,040
Speaker 4: But I went away and thought about it and thought,

514
00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:54,080
Speaker 4: I do that all the time. Are the bins out

515
00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:56,920
Speaker 4: did it? Double checking the fifty lists of already left

516
00:24:56,960 --> 00:24:59,920
Speaker 4: for them? They've already done it. They don't do it

517
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:02,679
Speaker 4: when I'm at home because they're slow, and I'll do

518
00:25:02,800 --> 00:25:05,439
Speaker 4: that and try to, I guess, but they kind of

519
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:07,800
Speaker 4: turn into the you know, they kind of turn into

520
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:09,280
Speaker 4: their flatmates. Yeah.

521
00:25:09,280 --> 00:25:12,000
Speaker 3: Absolutely, If I don't do it, no one's going to

522
00:25:12,040 --> 00:25:12,280
Speaker 3: do it.

523
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 4: But it's a very interesting window into parenting actually for

524
00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:18,680
Speaker 4: children at any age. So instead of like, don't don't

525
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:20,280
Speaker 4: swing on that because you're going to fall off and

526
00:25:20,359 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 4: hit your head, and a little like we do is

527
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,919
Speaker 4: just to go because the swing goes high, you're to

528
00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:27,679
Speaker 4: be a great job of it. Are you feeling secure

529
00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,439
Speaker 4: on it? Unreal and allowing them to be part of

530
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 4: the decision process because I think.

531
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:33,440
Speaker 3: And then figure it out.

532
00:25:33,480 --> 00:25:36,359
Speaker 4: I mean for fifteen and beyond years as parents, we

533
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:39,120
Speaker 4: take so many of their decisions away from them. They're

534
00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:41,199
Speaker 4: simply not allowed. When they're little, you can just pick it,

535
00:25:41,280 --> 00:25:43,880
Speaker 4: pick them up, and remove them from that situation.

536
00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 3: I love the power.

537
00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:49,119
Speaker 4: But then guess what every I think it is like

538
00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:51,800
Speaker 4: terrible twos. But if you don't deal with your terrible

539
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,719
Speaker 4: twos three, stand by for ten three, and then if

540
00:25:54,720 --> 00:25:57,400
Speaker 4: you haven't dealt with them for ten, stand by seventeen,

541
00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:00,080
Speaker 4: and then if you're still haven't dealt with it by See,

542
00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:03,240
Speaker 4: they knew it's someone who loves to get off their

543
00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:07,119
Speaker 4: nut in their twenties, be on their capabilities so that

544
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:11,520
Speaker 4: the learning to say no to children kindly and properly.

545
00:26:12,320 --> 00:26:15,560
Speaker 4: I think it goes a long way to helping some

546
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:18,320
Speaker 4: of those stages, because they literally just turn again. You're like, oh,

547
00:26:18,320 --> 00:26:20,520
Speaker 4: we're back to baby, throw yourself on the floor package

548
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:22,200
Speaker 4: practically yeah.

549
00:26:22,320 --> 00:26:24,320
Speaker 2: I said to my five or nearly five year old,

550
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:25,320
Speaker 2: I was like, are we going to have to get

551
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:25,840
Speaker 2: you a cot?

552
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,119
Speaker 3: And he whatever he was doing, he stopped it immediately.

553
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:33,159
Speaker 3: Such baby. I was like, little sisters and a you're

554
00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:34,440
Speaker 3: on a swap and she can have a big bed.

555
00:26:37,480 --> 00:26:39,520
Speaker 1: Can I ask if we go back to when the

556
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,159
Speaker 1: kids are a bit younger, and I do. It's a

557
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,359
Speaker 1: very cliche term, and everyone throws it out all the time,

558
00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,119
Speaker 1: and I'm going to do it, so I apologize in advance.

559
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:51,200
Speaker 1: But the juggling act of being a parent, for you,

560
00:26:51,280 --> 00:26:54,200
Speaker 1: it was a bit more full on because you've always

561
00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:57,320
Speaker 1: worked incredibly hard. Yeah, and you've had periods where you've

562
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 1: been in the States, you have period where you've been

563
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:02,359
Speaker 1: in the UK. What was it like trying to juggle

564
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:06,960
Speaker 1: all that whilst also trying to raise two girls until.

565
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:10,040
Speaker 4: They're five that you I was under the impression they

566
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 4: just come with you, we just go together.

567
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:14,200
Speaker 3: So you just took them everywhere pretty much. Wow.

568
00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:17,720
Speaker 4: But what I think that did now looking back, mental

569
00:27:17,760 --> 00:27:21,400
Speaker 4: health wise, is that that gave them too many changes.

570
00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,400
Speaker 4: They'd make friends, and we'd move countries. Then they'd make

571
00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:28,160
Speaker 4: friends and we'd move countries. And so if I had

572
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:32,120
Speaker 4: my time over, I'm not sure I would have pursued

573
00:27:33,000 --> 00:27:35,920
Speaker 4: more global stuff at that time. I think I would

574
00:27:36,040 --> 00:27:39,360
Speaker 4: rather have now, be hindsight, I would have just gone

575
00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:42,359
Speaker 4: into one place and stayed there and started that safe

576
00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:45,959
Speaker 4: nurturing earlier of like, everything's fine, nothing's going to change.

577
00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:47,680
Speaker 4: We got to the point where we'd moved house, so

578
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:49,840
Speaker 4: houses so many times that when we would move house,

579
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:53,080
Speaker 4: the girls would get beside themselves thinking some of their

580
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:55,159
Speaker 4: stuff would go missing, because in the early days we

581
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 4: were thought we were clever, we'd get rid of all

582
00:27:56,600 --> 00:28:00,320
Speaker 4: this shit we didn't like in the movies to the

583
00:28:00,320 --> 00:28:02,760
Speaker 4: movie and then we'll be like, I don't know where

584
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:06,480
Speaker 4: the you know, the Turlember, the seven foot turtle went.

585
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:08,720
Speaker 3: I remember the most random ship.

586
00:28:08,960 --> 00:28:11,520
Speaker 4: And also then they start to get worried that their

587
00:28:11,520 --> 00:28:13,439
Speaker 4: stuff is going to go missing because there's just no

588
00:28:13,680 --> 00:28:17,320
Speaker 4: reason for it. So that's it, you know, all those

589
00:28:17,359 --> 00:28:18,800
Speaker 4: tricks that we think we do, like if you don't

590
00:28:18,840 --> 00:28:20,880
Speaker 4: go to school, the police are going to come, all

591
00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 4: of that sort of stuff. It just I'm telling you

592
00:28:24,119 --> 00:28:25,280
Speaker 4: it's coming back to buy.

593
00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 3: Your That's clever, because we did.

594
00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:29,439
Speaker 2: We did talk about that and people are like, no, no,

595
00:28:29,480 --> 00:28:31,360
Speaker 2: you need to make sure that they that they look

596
00:28:31,400 --> 00:28:32,119
Speaker 2: at the police like.

597
00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:33,359
Speaker 3: They're there to protect you.

598
00:28:33,480 --> 00:28:35,679
Speaker 2: Yeah, scared, And I was like, what if we're going

599
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:38,720
Speaker 2: to threaten them with And also, to be.

600
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 4: Fair, a lot of that parenting between what two and

601
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:44,800
Speaker 4: five is kind of threats, bribes and maybe a little

602
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:49,280
Speaker 4: bit of reasoning. So but but I also think the

603
00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 4: continued jumping all over subjects. There's no way off IDHD.

604
00:28:56,520 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 4: We're all because I got that there. You know, I've

605
00:28:59,320 --> 00:29:01,840
Speaker 4: been very present in my parenting, but I think moving

606
00:29:01,880 --> 00:29:04,920
Speaker 4: all over the place, I'm not sure was one of

607
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:07,600
Speaker 4: the better decisions that we made.

608
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:10,200
Speaker 1: Well. One thing that I struggle with as a parent

609
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:14,040
Speaker 1: is on Thursdays, I've got both girls and it's it's

610
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:16,320
Speaker 1: our daddy day, and it's one day of the week

611
00:29:16,360 --> 00:29:20,480
Speaker 1: where I can. Laura's at work, and so it's easier

612
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:22,160
Speaker 1: for me to give them attention, for them to want

613
00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:24,600
Speaker 1: the attention from me when no one else around. But

614
00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:29,520
Speaker 1: I struggle with the fact that because I'm working Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday,

615
00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 1: work just kind of spills over and I'll be trying

616
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:35,160
Speaker 1: to play like a picnic with the kids, but I'm

617
00:29:35,160 --> 00:29:37,960
Speaker 1: trying to check my emails or I've got When.

618
00:29:37,840 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 4: You're running your own business like that, huh do you ever?

619
00:29:40,320 --> 00:29:42,200
Speaker 1: Did you ever struggle with that type of guilt when

620
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:44,280
Speaker 1: you're you've got a big show coming up and you're

621
00:29:44,320 --> 00:29:46,120
Speaker 1: trying to play with the girls, but at the same

622
00:29:46,120 --> 00:29:47,960
Speaker 1: time you're worrying about, oh fuck, I've got a huge

623
00:29:47,960 --> 00:29:49,240
Speaker 1: stand up gig where I'm opening it.

624
00:29:49,520 --> 00:29:51,720
Speaker 4: You would just you just do your parenting, because that's

625
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:53,480
Speaker 4: that job that you just do. And then I go

626
00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:55,360
Speaker 4: to the shows at night. I always knew if the

627
00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 4: family came to if I was doing a comedy festival,

628
00:29:57,840 --> 00:29:59,120
Speaker 4: for example, I knew it was going to be a

629
00:29:59,160 --> 00:30:02,600
Speaker 4: punish because every other comic sort of can have a

630
00:30:02,600 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 4: little sleep in or if you know, you can step

631
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 4: out after the show. Whereas when you're family at home,

632
00:30:07,440 --> 00:30:10,120
Speaker 4: guess what, those kids up early, so you can't know.

633
00:30:10,200 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 4: I can't get into bed later than you get all the.

634
00:30:12,360 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 3: People performing at night too, Then you, yeah, chinighed too.

635
00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:18,160
Speaker 4: Late for your maximum level of energy at between nine

636
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:22,840
Speaker 4: thirty and ten thirty. Fuck, I know, I know. And

637
00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:24,640
Speaker 4: then and then oh, let's go to the park.

638
00:30:24,720 --> 00:30:26,640
Speaker 1: I like to see.

639
00:30:26,920 --> 00:30:31,320
Speaker 4: I'm going to get on that film. And then I

640
00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 4: joined in the gig. I'll be so wingy. That's the

641
00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:35,440
Speaker 4: other thing. When you do have a partner, I think,

642
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:41,360
Speaker 4: I think you just get really wingy. I'm so so wingy,

643
00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:45,719
Speaker 4: so getting anything just like this guy today, you shouldn't

644
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:46,760
Speaker 4: have said that, or the girl.

645
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:51,800
Speaker 1: There's one particular story when you talk about you've got work,

646
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,040
Speaker 1: you just got to show up, get it done, move on.

647
00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:58,080
Speaker 1: There's one particular story that I heard about. It was

648
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:01,840
Speaker 1: a long time ago, but you're on a flight by.

649
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:02,840
Speaker 4: The South Africa flight.

650
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:04,960
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it wasn't.

651
00:31:04,720 --> 00:31:07,400
Speaker 4: For I'm a celebrity. It was okay. So Dan and

652
00:31:07,440 --> 00:31:10,680
Speaker 4: I were not married. We were engaged to be married,

653
00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 4: and then I fell pregnant and I had to go

654
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:16,160
Speaker 4: to do the Cape Town Comedy Festival.

655
00:31:16,760 --> 00:31:18,320
Speaker 1: So it's just pregnancy number one.

656
00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:23,480
Speaker 4: Yeah, and so the Cape Town Comedy festivals for six weeks.

657
00:31:23,760 --> 00:31:26,200
Speaker 4: So I didn't want to, you know, annoy them by

658
00:31:26,200 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 4: telling them, but I was still looking after myself and

659
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:30,360
Speaker 4: doing that, so, you know, having it's all, well, this

660
00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 4: is exciting. We knew we were going to get married anyway,

661
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:34,320
Speaker 4: so this, you like, is just a different order. No

662
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:37,920
Speaker 4: one cares. So six weeks in Cape Town meant that

663
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:41,480
Speaker 4: we were just in you know, phone contact. London had

664
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:46,600
Speaker 4: been that big bombing the buses and the normal line,

665
00:31:46,640 --> 00:31:49,560
Speaker 4: and so I went to fly home after the six weeks.

666
00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:51,720
Speaker 4: The comedy festival was a great success, and I was

667
00:31:51,760 --> 00:31:55,920
Speaker 4: tickety boo and I got onto the flight and I

668
00:31:55,960 --> 00:31:59,240
Speaker 4: realized that I thought, oh, I'm bleeding. As I was

669
00:31:59,280 --> 00:32:02,560
Speaker 4: getting on the flight. Nothing with me, no preparation, no, nothing,

670
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,720
Speaker 4: and it's a nine and a half hour flight, right.

671
00:32:04,840 --> 00:32:05,040
Speaker 1: Yeah.

672
00:32:05,320 --> 00:32:07,840
Speaker 4: So for some reason I went to the bathroom and

673
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:10,560
Speaker 4: I was like, oh okay. So I was in the

674
00:32:10,560 --> 00:32:12,720
Speaker 4: bathroom of age and I'm like, okay, this is happening.

675
00:32:13,760 --> 00:32:14,880
Speaker 4: That's okay, this is happening.

676
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:18,520
Speaker 1: So did you think instantly like this isn't good or

677
00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:19,320
Speaker 1: this is I.

678
00:32:19,240 --> 00:32:21,959
Speaker 4: Just assumed if you're bleeding, it's not good. And we

679
00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:25,480
Speaker 4: hears you do hear lots of success stories as well

680
00:32:25,520 --> 00:32:27,520
Speaker 4: where there was bleeding and then you know twins have

681
00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:30,800
Speaker 4: been born or whatever. So yeah, definitely you can definitely

682
00:32:30,880 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 4: have the presence.

683
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 3: Someone with two kids. I'm very green on this subject.

684
00:32:35,520 --> 00:32:37,920
Speaker 4: So I was sitting next to the comedian Andrew Maxwell,

685
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 4: who is very funny Irish comedian, and I came back

686
00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:44,600
Speaker 4: from the bathroom and he goes, how long was the

687
00:32:44,640 --> 00:32:50,560
Speaker 4: pooh that you had? But you were in the bathroom. Sorry, sorry,

688
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:53,120
Speaker 4: we do have a little bit of gallows humor in

689
00:32:53,160 --> 00:32:55,280
Speaker 4: comedy world. And I just thought of I was, but

690
00:32:55,360 --> 00:32:58,080
Speaker 4: I was so totally forgiven for the Joe. I had

691
00:32:58,120 --> 00:33:01,880
Speaker 4: no idea and I just said a miscarriage and he

692
00:33:01,960 --> 00:33:05,080
Speaker 4: had a child, he already had he was a partner

693
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:08,280
Speaker 4: and a child, so he was just like, Okay, what

694
00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,320
Speaker 4: do we doing sort of swung into action. Do you

695
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,000
Speaker 4: want me to go? And what do I need to find?

696
00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:12,840
Speaker 1: Do you want to get off.

697
00:33:14,600 --> 00:33:17,640
Speaker 4: A pad or something. He was just this glorious human

698
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 4: who got it.

699
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:20,000
Speaker 3: I think turned into a paramedic.

700
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,400
Speaker 4: You've got a child. Every man who has a child,

701
00:33:23,440 --> 00:33:25,280
Speaker 4: who's been there for the birth, you kind of are

702
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 4: a paramedic.

703
00:33:27,520 --> 00:33:32,120
Speaker 3: So I wasn't there for mine.

704
00:33:32,360 --> 00:33:33,720
Speaker 1: You're you're in the air.

705
00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I know it's eight and a half hours

706
00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:39,400
Speaker 4: to go. And then the pain started, like the proper

707
00:33:39,400 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 4: period pain weirdness where you think the bottom of your

708
00:33:41,600 --> 00:33:42,680
Speaker 4: pelvis is going to fall off.

709
00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:44,480
Speaker 1: So there was really take your word for it.

710
00:33:44,560 --> 00:33:46,840
Speaker 4: I kind of just had to sit there and that

711
00:33:46,920 --> 00:33:49,280
Speaker 4: long yeah, And I was sort of I did. I

712
00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:51,160
Speaker 4: guess I was sitting there along as kind of the

713
00:33:51,200 --> 00:33:55,080
Speaker 4: sadness of oh, but I also knew we'd try again.

714
00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 4: I got home from that big tour and I was

715
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:00,200
Speaker 4: tired anyway, and a little bit like I am now

716
00:34:00,200 --> 00:34:02,120
Speaker 4: I've just finished the jungle, and you're so kind of

717
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:08,120
Speaker 4: erratic and chatty and whatever, and I just Andrew Maxwell

718
00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:10,440
Speaker 4: and his partner picked me up at the airport and

719
00:34:10,680 --> 00:34:13,560
Speaker 4: drove me straight to the hospital, and my partner met

720
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:16,680
Speaker 4: me there. So then you just do all the grown

721
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:18,560
Speaker 4: up stuff at the hospital and you kind of go

722
00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:22,600
Speaker 4: home and just think, well, this is shit. Yeah.

723
00:34:22,680 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 3: Do you remember that feeling? Yeah?

724
00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:27,560
Speaker 4: I I also as buoyed by the thought I'm just

725
00:34:27,600 --> 00:34:30,759
Speaker 4: going to get back on it, like I just I

726
00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 4: would like to be pregnant. I was thirty eight, and

727
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:36,759
Speaker 4: then I started to think, which again, fertility wasn't talked

728
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:38,719
Speaker 4: about as much as that. This is you know what,

729
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:41,439
Speaker 4: I'm my fifty six, it's just eighteen years ago.

730
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:47,280
Speaker 3: Your math is outstanding. That's ridiculous. This was great.

731
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:48,160
Speaker 1: I even got at maths.

732
00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:53,640
Speaker 4: So that's not ideal. That's what I'm doing the accounting guys. Yeah,

733
00:34:53,840 --> 00:34:56,600
Speaker 4: and so yes, kind of, I don't know. I think

734
00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 4: I took, however, many weeks on the couch to just

735
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:02,680
Speaker 4: you know, feel sad and sorry and have a dry

736
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:07,080
Speaker 4: glass of dry white wine, and I think, yeah, I

737
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:09,080
Speaker 4: think I was just like, oh my god, my body's

738
00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:11,759
Speaker 4: not working. I hope this is not how it's going

739
00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:12,080
Speaker 4: to be.

740
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:13,000
Speaker 3: Yeah.

741
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, But I'm also like the roller deck just keeps rolling.

742
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:17,560
Speaker 4: In my head, So I'm kind of like, I actually

743
00:35:17,640 --> 00:35:19,880
Speaker 4: just want to feel better, but it's weeks of sitting

744
00:35:19,880 --> 00:35:21,080
Speaker 4: there feeling sad and sorry.

745
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:25,799
Speaker 1: Laura has had two miscarriages and I went through a

746
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:28,759
Speaker 1: period where I was sounds really weird and if anyone

747
00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:32,040
Speaker 1: who has experienced it may not understand, But I mourned

748
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:36,080
Speaker 1: my child, which was you know, when we lost it

749
00:35:36,120 --> 00:35:38,600
Speaker 1: was it was very very early in the stages of pregnancy.

750
00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:41,959
Speaker 1: But did you feel like you had to mourn this child.

751
00:35:41,719 --> 00:35:46,800
Speaker 4: That I I don't. I don't think that I felt.

752
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:50,560
Speaker 4: I did feel that sadness of loss, so I can't

753
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:56,200
Speaker 4: of course that's morning, but I don't know. I feel

754
00:35:56,239 --> 00:35:59,200
Speaker 4: like I was, like anything in my life that I

755
00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:01,880
Speaker 4: haven't done well or that I haven't been able to succeed,

756
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 4: that I was just keen to try again. Yeah, okay,

757
00:36:04,760 --> 00:36:07,959
Speaker 4: So I don't think I had it because it was

758
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,600
Speaker 4: it was. Yeah, I'm just not sure that I had

759
00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:17,200
Speaker 4: fully absorbed the idea of it into my life yet

760
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:20,279
Speaker 4: because of the don't tell anyone for twelve weeks. I mean,

761
00:36:20,320 --> 00:36:23,400
Speaker 4: I literally just hit the twelve week no moment.

762
00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:26,960
Speaker 1: So no one your really close friends that they didn't know,

763
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:28,600
Speaker 1: so on the Mouth of the South.

764
00:36:28,680 --> 00:36:31,439
Speaker 4: I told everyone no, but then you've got to bring

765
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:32,839
Speaker 4: around and tell everybody there.

766
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 1: I reckon that's better. I reckon. People say don't tell

767
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:40,240
Speaker 1: anyone to twelve weeks, I say, shut up, tell everyone,

768
00:36:40,280 --> 00:36:43,920
Speaker 1: because otherwise people don't know what you're going through and say,

769
00:36:43,960 --> 00:36:45,439
Speaker 1: why is Laura in a mood this week?

770
00:36:45,560 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 4: Is not calling me that?

771
00:36:47,239 --> 00:36:48,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, because we.

772
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,760
Speaker 4: Just lost the I think when you're actually going through stuff,

773
00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 4: I find I'm very talkative about all sorts of issues

774
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,520
Speaker 4: in my life, which is when I'm actually going through it,

775
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:59,840
Speaker 4: it's like it's a you know, media shutout. It's like

776
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:03,400
Speaker 4: a full lockdown. I just don't really talk about it everywhere.

777
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,440
Speaker 4: And I'm not really a person who would pick up

778
00:37:06,480 --> 00:37:10,000
Speaker 4: the phone and just go I'm not doing well. Would

779
00:37:10,040 --> 00:37:13,000
Speaker 4: you come around? So I don't reach out like that.

780
00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:15,840
Speaker 4: I kind of self source. I think I know that

781
00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:17,920
Speaker 4: hyperindependence is for a reason.

782
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 3: Back on Matt's point, where it's like that for those

783
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:23,000
Speaker 3: first twelve weeks where you're you know, both mum and

784
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:24,680
Speaker 3: dad or whatever the situation, you're like.

785
00:37:24,600 --> 00:37:26,960
Speaker 4: Don't buy clothes, don't buy clothes like you're doing. All

786
00:37:27,000 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 4: that was just so excited because you know, we wanted

787
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:31,440
Speaker 4: it so much.

788
00:37:31,880 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 2: I feel like it should be way more spoken about

789
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 2: those times, the conversations you have with your friends about

790
00:37:38,200 --> 00:37:41,520
Speaker 2: what's happening, what's happening now, what's coming up, what you're doing,

791
00:37:41,600 --> 00:37:42,280
Speaker 2: how you're feeling.

792
00:37:42,280 --> 00:37:43,520
Speaker 3: It should be should be.

793
00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:48,120
Speaker 2: I remember April being like, don't tell anyone, and at

794
00:37:48,120 --> 00:37:50,879
Speaker 2: the time you're like, yeah, that makes sense. But now

795
00:37:50,920 --> 00:37:53,440
Speaker 2: in hindsight, looking back and some of the struggles to

796
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:55,600
Speaker 2: see people go through, and especially doing this podcast now

797
00:37:55,600 --> 00:37:57,080
Speaker 2: where we get to meet people that you have had

798
00:37:57,080 --> 00:37:59,640
Speaker 2: this and I've never had that situation, I think it

799
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:03,920
Speaker 2: should be like, celebrate your ins, talk out your loss.

800
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:05,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely.

801
00:38:05,520 --> 00:38:08,760
Speaker 1: Whoever made that rule of twelve weeks don't say anything?

802
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:09,760
Speaker 1: Fuck you?

803
00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:14,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's that old fashioned. So that I mean, maybe

804
00:38:14,239 --> 00:38:16,800
Speaker 4: the twelve weeks gives women a chance not to be fired.

805
00:38:18,480 --> 00:38:20,040
Speaker 3: Maybe, but that's also illegal.

806
00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:26,120
Speaker 4: No, I spoke the words, so I didn't see it,

807
00:38:26,160 --> 00:38:29,080
Speaker 4: so we don't have to pay for it. Yeah, but

808
00:38:30,239 --> 00:38:36,160
Speaker 4: I think within twelve months we've had Ruby. But the

809
00:38:36,160 --> 00:38:39,359
Speaker 4: thing is, I would love people to speak about it

810
00:38:39,400 --> 00:38:41,520
Speaker 4: more because what it will give us is a proper

811
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:47,520
Speaker 4: spectrum windows snap, whatever is the expression into the many

812
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:50,680
Speaker 4: different feelings you can have about it. So like you say,

813
00:38:51,200 --> 00:38:53,560
Speaker 4: when you're talking about the morning, the loss of what

814
00:38:53,680 --> 00:38:56,279
Speaker 4: could have been within our family, whereas I was in

815
00:38:56,320 --> 00:38:58,040
Speaker 4: a different headspace of I just want to get on

816
00:38:58,040 --> 00:39:00,239
Speaker 4: with trying again because I want that sad us to

817
00:39:00,239 --> 00:39:02,920
Speaker 4: go away, because that sadness will be replenished by the happiness.

818
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:04,840
Speaker 2: I think a lot of young couples are shocked with

819
00:39:05,840 --> 00:39:07,000
Speaker 2: the amount of variation.

820
00:39:09,080 --> 00:39:11,080
Speaker 4: It's one in four pregnancy exactly right.

821
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:14,200
Speaker 2: And it's kind of like you were saying, people need

822
00:39:14,239 --> 00:39:16,320
Speaker 2: to talk about it way more, which is so true,

823
00:39:16,360 --> 00:39:18,120
Speaker 2: so that you kind of know and you have your

824
00:39:18,160 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 2: expectations are there, like for me and I hate being

825
00:39:22,000 --> 00:39:24,560
Speaker 2: that guy where it's like, you know, we had two

826
00:39:24,600 --> 00:39:26,200
Speaker 2: successful pregnancy.

827
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,319
Speaker 1: Fuck you sorry, how dare you?

828
00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:33,799
Speaker 3: I wouldn't I didn't know any different. I didn't know.

829
00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:36,520
Speaker 3: I didn't know that there could be in all these variations.

830
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:38,719
Speaker 2: And it's like now that you know, as a young

831
00:39:38,760 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 2: couple going into it, if you don't know that and

832
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:42,040
Speaker 2: then all of a sudden, it's.

833
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:44,560
Speaker 3: A big shock when it happens. Kind Of like I think,

834
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:46,080
Speaker 3: if you're talking about it more than you know what

835
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:48,440
Speaker 3: the expectation is and that it could happen.

836
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:51,520
Speaker 4: All of that knowledge is helpful. I mean that doesn't

837
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:53,239
Speaker 4: stop the hurd or the moment or any of that

838
00:39:53,280 --> 00:39:57,920
Speaker 4: sort of stuff. But you know, if if when you

839
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:00,719
Speaker 4: get the pregnancy test, you already know you I've sort

840
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:03,279
Speaker 4: of got twelve weeks that may or may not. I know,

841
00:40:03,360 --> 00:40:05,360
Speaker 4: that's so harsh as I say it out loud, I

842
00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 4: think because I am long on the other side of it.

843
00:40:08,040 --> 00:40:14,000
Speaker 4: But you know, I yeah, it's so individual, and it's

844
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:19,880
Speaker 4: you know, each couple. Sometimes within the couple, one person

845
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:23,439
Speaker 4: is grieving a lot harder than the other. So you've

846
00:40:23,480 --> 00:40:25,080
Speaker 4: sort of got to look after yourself a little bit

847
00:40:25,120 --> 00:40:28,719
Speaker 4: at that time too, because yeah, no one knows how

848
00:40:28,719 --> 00:40:31,000
Speaker 4: hardcore it is except inside your head.

849
00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:31,439
Speaker 3: For sure.

850
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:33,600
Speaker 1: Did it impact how anxious you felt then when you

851
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 1: feel pregnant.

852
00:40:34,200 --> 00:40:36,560
Speaker 4: Again, definitely, because I didn't believe it. So I'm like,

853
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:37,960
Speaker 4: this is not going to last. I was in that

854
00:40:38,000 --> 00:40:40,239
Speaker 4: head space, this is definitely not going to last. It's

855
00:40:40,239 --> 00:40:42,480
Speaker 4: not going to last. It's not going to last. And

856
00:40:42,520 --> 00:40:45,919
Speaker 4: then you know, all of those correct targets started to go,

857
00:40:46,120 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 4: and every doctor's appointment, every moment, every you know, even

858
00:40:50,200 --> 00:40:52,000
Speaker 4: if there's you know, sometimes when you get a fluffy

859
00:40:52,040 --> 00:40:53,879
Speaker 4: that moves around your stomach, that's trying to find where

860
00:40:53,880 --> 00:41:00,879
Speaker 4: the bottom is, any movement, any movement, Like I said,

861
00:41:01,080 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 4: what's happening? So it definitely Yeah, it took six months

862
00:41:06,120 --> 00:41:07,040
Speaker 4: in to believe it was.

863
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:09,759
Speaker 3: Is that something I mean?

864
00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:18,360
Speaker 4: I think I am. Anyway, it's a fluffy on the moon, Julie.

865
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:21,920
Speaker 1: This may come as a surprise to you, but the

866
00:41:21,920 --> 00:41:25,279
Speaker 1: topic of menopause is one that Ash and myself don't

867
00:41:25,320 --> 00:41:26,640
Speaker 1: have a lot of experience with.

868
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,799
Speaker 3: The word itself. Men are pause and we have no

869
00:41:29,880 --> 00:41:30,319
Speaker 3: idea what.

870
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,839
Speaker 4: No one ever wants to pause a man because I've

871
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:34,000
Speaker 4: got so much good stuff.

872
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:38,000
Speaker 2: To say, thank you, I've always said that, correct.

873
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:42,240
Speaker 4: Look, I feel like there's a lot of chat about

874
00:41:42,239 --> 00:41:46,520
Speaker 4: it more and more, which is fantastic. I think when

875
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:48,759
Speaker 4: it happened for me, I was forty five, which is

876
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:49,319
Speaker 4: very yack.

877
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:51,960
Speaker 1: When it starts to happen, what are the first symptoms?

878
00:41:51,960 --> 00:41:54,320
Speaker 4: Okay, so what happens is basically it's the body slowing

879
00:41:54,320 --> 00:41:56,960
Speaker 4: down because obviously no no longer needs to make a baby, right,

880
00:41:57,040 --> 00:41:59,560
Speaker 4: so all of those areas go. You know, it's time

881
00:41:59,560 --> 00:42:02,400
Speaker 4: for us to come shut up shop. So in shutting

882
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:04,680
Speaker 4: up shop. The body's like, no, I'm not letting go.

883
00:42:05,360 --> 00:42:08,040
Speaker 4: I'm not letting go. In a turmoil, yeah, it's like no, no, no, no,

884
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:10,360
Speaker 4: I'm not letting go of my youth. So then it

885
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:14,839
Speaker 4: sends these surges of hormones through your body going not

886
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:16,840
Speaker 4: letting go. I'm not letting go. And every time one

887
00:42:16,880 --> 00:42:20,080
Speaker 4: of those surges happen, you're like, get your clothes off,

888
00:42:21,000 --> 00:42:23,600
Speaker 4: get your clothes, and you feel like you've run a marathon.

889
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:30,960
Speaker 4: And also it has this skate it's crazy. And that's

890
00:42:31,080 --> 00:42:35,200
Speaker 4: when the aggression can not for everybody. The aggression can

891
00:42:35,239 --> 00:42:41,239
Speaker 4: start then where you've got absolutely zero patients. That's when

892
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:44,320
Speaker 4: I started to see a psychologist because I thought I

893
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:46,759
Speaker 4: am going to bash someone to death in the street.

894
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:49,560
Speaker 4: That's how that's the term my inner turmoil. That's how

895
00:42:49,560 --> 00:42:51,320
Speaker 4: I felt. I'm like, I'm gonna I'm going to fucking

896
00:42:51,360 --> 00:42:53,800
Speaker 4: take someone out, excuse my language. So I went to

897
00:42:53,800 --> 00:42:55,640
Speaker 4: see the psychologists and she's kind of like, have you

898
00:42:55,680 --> 00:42:58,480
Speaker 4: seen the GP about And I'm like, now, I'm forty five,

899
00:42:59,239 --> 00:43:01,520
Speaker 4: and she's not okay. So what happens is these are

900
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:04,160
Speaker 4: the stages you've got perimenopause, and that's when your body

901
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:06,480
Speaker 4: goes I'm thinking of shutting up shop soon. That can

902
00:43:06,520 --> 00:43:09,960
Speaker 4: take I mean, perimenopause can take anything up to two

903
00:43:10,080 --> 00:43:16,680
Speaker 4: or three years of just the solid ad intensity. And

904
00:43:17,840 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 4: I feel like you've reached this professional apex where you're

905
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:23,120
Speaker 4: this dreamboat of an employee for all of your life,

906
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:25,960
Speaker 4: and you hit that moment of perimenopause and you just

907
00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:28,920
Speaker 4: turn into the absolute antithesis of everything you've worked for.

908
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:34,200
Speaker 4: I was nasty, how dare you? But like be impatient

909
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:37,200
Speaker 4: and it's an OMG. And then every time one of

910
00:43:37,239 --> 00:43:39,600
Speaker 4: those surges happens, I feel like it surges up a

911
00:43:39,600 --> 00:43:40,960
Speaker 4: little bit of aggression as well.

912
00:43:41,080 --> 00:43:43,240
Speaker 1: It's pretty hard, it's lovely.

913
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:45,520
Speaker 4: Then your periods decide that they may or may not come.

914
00:43:45,719 --> 00:43:47,920
Speaker 4: I might, I might be here this month or not

915
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:48,719
Speaker 4: hit next month.

916
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:49,720
Speaker 1: Now, what's a period?

917
00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:54,720
Speaker 3: So they're like a really untrustworthy friend.

918
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:58,600
Speaker 4: Ah, never turning up, turns up when you least expect. Oh,

919
00:43:58,640 --> 00:44:01,160
Speaker 4: absolutely so. Then and once you are clear of the

920
00:44:01,160 --> 00:44:04,880
Speaker 4: period for twelve months, that's when you are in menopause.

921
00:44:05,320 --> 00:44:07,480
Speaker 4: But the thing, the question I still cannot answer you

922
00:44:07,600 --> 00:44:10,200
Speaker 4: is I don't know when you're meant to go on

923
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:13,280
Speaker 4: hormone replacement therapy in all of that because I didn't

924
00:44:13,320 --> 00:44:15,520
Speaker 4: know that. I didn't think to question that, and so

925
00:44:15,600 --> 00:44:17,799
Speaker 4: I just went through the fury for I reckon about

926
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 4: seven years.

927
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:21,839
Speaker 1: On hormone replacement.

928
00:44:21,600 --> 00:44:24,120
Speaker 4: So that is an option for people, and then I

929
00:44:24,160 --> 00:44:28,200
Speaker 4: think there was I when what that does is it

930
00:44:28,239 --> 00:44:31,560
Speaker 4: evens out those surges, so the body just goes, Okay,

931
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:34,839
Speaker 4: I need some estrogen or whatever it's lacking. I think

932
00:44:34,880 --> 00:44:39,719
Speaker 4: the hormone replacement therapy stuff literally just evens you and

933
00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:42,759
Speaker 4: makes you a bit more smooth. Some women will say

934
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 4: you can't because it's bad for you. Some women will

935
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:50,080
Speaker 4: say I didn't. I didn't know I was menopausal and

936
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:53,000
Speaker 4: I never had the hormone replacement therapy, But I have

937
00:44:53,080 --> 00:44:55,120
Speaker 4: lots of friends who didn't know. Like, how did you

938
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:56,719
Speaker 4: get through it without going on that?

939
00:44:56,920 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 3: So crazy? Yeah?

940
00:45:00,120 --> 00:45:01,000
Speaker 4: You turn nuts?

941
00:45:01,560 --> 00:45:02,239
Speaker 3: I can't wait?

942
00:45:02,400 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 1: And are you trying to like you got a job right?

943
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 1: Are you working through this period?

944
00:45:07,480 --> 00:45:09,160
Speaker 4: Oh? Yeah, no, I could have been on camera and

945
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:09,960
Speaker 4: those heat surgeress.

946
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:10,920
Speaker 3: Are you doing stand up?

947
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:14,560
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you're on you're on camera. Oh yeah, TV

948
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:16,200
Speaker 1: and you're getting a hot search.

949
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:19,719
Speaker 3: Through the room.

950
00:45:20,719 --> 00:45:23,719
Speaker 4: You're just kind of like, oh, there's one. Oh, that's

951
00:45:23,719 --> 00:45:24,200
Speaker 4: a big one.

952
00:45:24,400 --> 00:45:24,879
Speaker 3: How do you.

953
00:45:26,719 --> 00:45:29,640
Speaker 4: And also, like you know, sometimes when I'm getting through

954
00:45:29,680 --> 00:45:31,680
Speaker 4: subjects and I forget the sentence that I'm going through,

955
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 4: it definitely gives you a lot of that.

956
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:33,719
Speaker 3: Yeah.

957
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:37,279
Speaker 4: Right, So as we move into and I'm I'm fifty six,

958
00:45:37,320 --> 00:45:39,719
Speaker 4: as i moved closer to say, a dementia age, I'm

959
00:45:39,719 --> 00:45:41,640
Speaker 4: not going to be able to tell some of the

960
00:45:41,640 --> 00:45:44,880
Speaker 4: differences because I'm already the brain's already left the building nearly.

961
00:45:45,680 --> 00:45:46,400
Speaker 1: So what do you do?

962
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:48,160
Speaker 4: How good are the stages of life?

963
00:45:48,680 --> 00:45:52,400
Speaker 2: It's crazy, Like we talk about, like, I mean, how

964
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:55,520
Speaker 2: amazing women are, like they be able to give birth.

965
00:45:55,560 --> 00:45:58,840
Speaker 3: We stub our toe and we were like, I'm like

966
00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:00,440
Speaker 3: ten ten days recover.

967
00:46:01,040 --> 00:46:03,680
Speaker 2: You go through childbirth, and you go through having to

968
00:46:04,320 --> 00:46:06,600
Speaker 2: raise a child, feed a child, and then all of

969
00:46:06,640 --> 00:46:09,759
Speaker 2: a sudden, it's like after you know the kid through

970
00:46:09,880 --> 00:46:11,600
Speaker 2: all the kids grown up, and you know yours are

971
00:46:11,600 --> 00:46:13,160
Speaker 2: teenagers now, and then all of a sudden, it's like,

972
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:14,840
Speaker 2: here's something else.

973
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:17,160
Speaker 4: It's amazing, it's amazing.

974
00:46:17,280 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 3: I'm blown away.

975
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:25,400
Speaker 4: Oh it's such a journey. Look, I'm telling you it's

976
00:46:25,400 --> 00:46:26,279
Speaker 4: about the destination.

977
00:46:28,000 --> 00:46:30,920
Speaker 1: Let's not forget that men do get bad needs we

978
00:46:31,000 --> 00:46:33,240
Speaker 1: do get so it's an even.

979
00:46:33,640 --> 00:46:36,480
Speaker 4: No, that's true. It can get tricky of that partly,

980
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:39,719
Speaker 4: you guys have been so unwell do.

981
00:46:39,719 --> 00:46:42,560
Speaker 1: You come out the other end of menopause? Is it

982
00:46:42,680 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 1: like you know, yes, you're different?

983
00:46:44,760 --> 00:46:45,320
Speaker 4: Is it? Yes?

984
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:46,719
Speaker 3: But do you actually come out?

985
00:46:47,400 --> 00:46:47,640
Speaker 4: Yes?

986
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:49,120
Speaker 3: In what way?

987
00:46:49,160 --> 00:46:49,760
Speaker 1: Are you different?

988
00:46:50,120 --> 00:46:50,880
Speaker 3: So lost?

989
00:46:51,400 --> 00:46:54,840
Speaker 4: So that once you've had no period for the twelve

990
00:46:54,880 --> 00:46:58,440
Speaker 4: months and you are metopausal in theory, it all starts to.

991
00:47:00,200 --> 00:47:01,879
Speaker 3: Identify as No.

992
00:47:02,120 --> 00:47:04,280
Speaker 4: Well, I think you just kind of think just crossed.

993
00:47:05,320 --> 00:47:07,719
Speaker 4: It's yellow brick roadship. You've got to get to the

994
00:47:08,120 --> 00:47:09,759
Speaker 4: it's got to get to the other side. But what

995
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:13,600
Speaker 4: then happens is the clarity returns, and what seems to

996
00:47:13,719 --> 00:47:16,879
Speaker 4: be the trend is that a swathe of women then

997
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:19,600
Speaker 4: from their fifties and beyond, well, we'll go back and study,

998
00:47:20,120 --> 00:47:25,120
Speaker 4: they'll go upskill, they will find other ways to let

999
00:47:25,160 --> 00:47:28,080
Speaker 4: their brains, you know, have a little run. So it

1000
00:47:28,320 --> 00:47:31,600
Speaker 4: actually then becomes quite a prolific time for women after

1001
00:47:31,680 --> 00:47:32,720
Speaker 4: going through that monster.

1002
00:47:32,840 --> 00:47:34,840
Speaker 1: Where is that path going to lead you? Then, Julia,

1003
00:47:35,760 --> 00:47:36,880
Speaker 1: I don't know where's it going.

1004
00:47:36,960 --> 00:47:40,680
Speaker 4: I'm going to Betty White that ship, Yeah, I'm just ship. No, No,

1005
00:47:40,560 --> 00:47:42,400
Speaker 4: I'm just going to work until I'm in the clogs

1006
00:47:42,400 --> 00:47:43,160
Speaker 4: and in the ground.

1007
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:45,960
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, planning on doing more stand up? Do you think?

1008
00:47:46,160 --> 00:47:48,360
Speaker 4: Or every two years I do a big tour, so

1009
00:47:48,880 --> 00:47:50,719
Speaker 4: because I like the audience to replenish, and I like

1010
00:47:50,760 --> 00:47:53,160
Speaker 4: the material to replenish, because it's got to be brand

1011
00:47:53,160 --> 00:47:55,880
Speaker 4: new every two years. And then in the in the

1012
00:47:55,920 --> 00:47:59,400
Speaker 4: intram years, I will then do like loads of corporate gigs.

1013
00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:02,759
Speaker 4: But and then, you know, please God, the jungle still

1014
00:48:02,840 --> 00:48:06,520
Speaker 4: keeps rolling. With my new beloved Rob.

1015
00:48:07,200 --> 00:48:10,239
Speaker 3: He's great, Oh my god, really grown into.

1016
00:48:11,719 --> 00:48:13,879
Speaker 1: It was amazing a red hot series, by the way,

1017
00:48:14,560 --> 00:48:15,800
Speaker 1: not just a pasta ego.

1018
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:17,239
Speaker 3: No, I love it.

1019
00:48:17,280 --> 00:48:18,320
Speaker 1: I thought it was fantastical.

1020
00:48:18,320 --> 00:48:20,600
Speaker 4: We had an absolute ball. I think all of the

1021
00:48:20,920 --> 00:48:23,640
Speaker 4: iness was leaking through the screen. We had such a

1022
00:48:23,640 --> 00:48:26,800
Speaker 4: good time, So you know that's you know, that's always

1023
00:48:26,800 --> 00:48:28,640
Speaker 4: hard work, so it might as well be super fun.

1024
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:32,600
Speaker 1: I've always asked my mom, who is now seventy two,

1025
00:48:32,760 --> 00:48:35,120
Speaker 1: I've always said, do you think you're going to start

1026
00:48:35,239 --> 00:48:37,720
Speaker 1: dating again? Like, do you think it'll happen?

1027
00:48:38,320 --> 00:48:42,640
Speaker 3: Is? What do you mean your mom? That's going to

1028
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:45,359
Speaker 3: be a really bad I always like.

1029
00:48:45,520 --> 00:48:49,319
Speaker 1: Us kids, us kids, Juliet would always want mom to

1030
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:53,279
Speaker 1: have someone do your kids say mom, like you are,

1031
00:48:53,320 --> 00:48:54,480
Speaker 1: We're going.

1032
00:48:53,600 --> 00:48:54,840
Speaker 4: To myself younger.

1033
00:48:56,560 --> 00:48:57,600
Speaker 1: Going through a hot flash for.

1034
00:48:59,480 --> 00:49:04,319
Speaker 4: Ages? How very dare I'm just trying to get a

1035
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:05,280
Speaker 4: podcast done.

1036
00:49:05,520 --> 00:49:10,279
Speaker 1: No are you girls saying mom, let's jump back on

1037
00:49:10,280 --> 00:49:10,800
Speaker 1: that horse.

1038
00:49:11,040 --> 00:49:14,600
Speaker 4: Not at all, No way. So I literally I was

1039
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:17,400
Speaker 4: getting a coffee yesterday and this woman came out to me.

1040
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:19,320
Speaker 4: I know, she goes you, there's a whole lot of

1041
00:49:19,360 --> 00:49:23,000
Speaker 4: people around you look amazing. I said, do you want

1042
00:49:23,000 --> 00:49:24,360
Speaker 4: to know why I'm not married?

1043
00:49:27,680 --> 00:49:28,320
Speaker 3: That's school.

1044
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:33,080
Speaker 4: I got so many laughs on that coffee line. I'm like, oh,

1045
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:34,920
Speaker 4: hear your brother, that's a silent sleeping.

1046
00:49:35,160 --> 00:49:35,920
Speaker 1: Time to stand up.

1047
00:49:36,880 --> 00:49:40,680
Speaker 4: Silent sleeping is everything showmanship. I think. Also, I'm worried

1048
00:49:40,760 --> 00:49:43,479
Speaker 4: now that at fifty six, am I not moving into

1049
00:49:43,480 --> 00:49:46,720
Speaker 4: the sick years. I'm not taking care of somebody else's ass.

1050
00:49:47,200 --> 00:49:49,040
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, you don't want to get you don't want

1051
00:49:49,040 --> 00:49:50,240
Speaker 2: to go into a late relationship.

1052
00:49:50,320 --> 00:49:52,280
Speaker 3: And then they're like, oh, by the way, I can't

1053
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:53,719
Speaker 3: whip you know what.

1054
00:49:53,920 --> 00:49:57,080
Speaker 4: It's not that I'm closed to it and I'm always scanning.

1055
00:49:59,280 --> 00:50:02,200
Speaker 4: That's an old habit. You can't, you know, the snow

1056
00:50:02,280 --> 00:50:08,719
Speaker 4: leopard can only be asleep it can never really, But

1057
00:50:09,960 --> 00:50:12,279
Speaker 4: I don't even understand how I will get to the

1058
00:50:12,320 --> 00:50:13,720
Speaker 4: bit of the pash.

1059
00:50:14,360 --> 00:50:16,880
Speaker 3: Just go for it, I say, But like, first of all,

1060
00:50:16,880 --> 00:50:17,400
Speaker 3: I got.

1061
00:50:17,200 --> 00:50:20,319
Speaker 4: To fucking talk to someone. Excuse my language. First of all,

1062
00:50:20,320 --> 00:50:22,480
Speaker 4: I got to talk to someone, do you know what

1063
00:50:22,520 --> 00:50:23,879
Speaker 4: I mean? And then I'll be like.

1064
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:26,440
Speaker 3: Pretend to be interested.

1065
00:50:27,440 --> 00:50:30,080
Speaker 1: I say. I feel like the talking part may not

1066
00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:31,080
Speaker 1: be a struggle.

1067
00:50:30,719 --> 00:50:32,879
Speaker 4: For I think all I will be doing is looking

1068
00:50:32,880 --> 00:50:33,719
Speaker 4: for red flags.

1069
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:37,520
Speaker 2: Yeah, my auntie, after the divorce, she started dating a bike.

1070
00:50:38,160 --> 00:50:41,359
Speaker 4: Did she YEA she would have told you it's by

1071
00:50:41,480 --> 00:50:43,920
Speaker 4: her a bike.

1072
00:50:42,320 --> 00:50:49,200
Speaker 3: He was disgusting, was he? He came to Christmas once here.

1073
00:50:49,280 --> 00:50:51,399
Speaker 1: Let's just say that if any bike is listening, we.

1074
00:50:53,480 --> 00:50:53,680
Speaker 3: Look.

1075
00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:55,839
Speaker 4: I mean, I've got a lengthy biking story, but it's

1076
00:50:55,880 --> 00:50:56,359
Speaker 4: not for now.

1077
00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:57,239
Speaker 3: It's time.

1078
00:50:57,400 --> 00:51:01,239
Speaker 4: It's a backstage story. But do you know, just ride

1079
00:51:01,280 --> 00:51:05,800
Speaker 4: those roads and little one to the top one of

1080
00:51:05,840 --> 00:51:07,520
Speaker 4: the bottom, because I thank you as you go past,

1081
00:51:07,680 --> 00:51:08,600
Speaker 4: and everyone's happy.

1082
00:51:09,000 --> 00:51:11,000
Speaker 1: Julia, I have to say, and I'm not just saying

1083
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:12,440
Speaker 1: this because you're sitting in front of me and I'm

1084
00:51:12,480 --> 00:51:14,640
Speaker 1: trying to be polite. I've been a huge fan of

1085
00:51:14,680 --> 00:51:17,359
Speaker 1: yours for a very long time. Thank you, and we

1086
00:51:17,440 --> 00:51:19,200
Speaker 1: have tried to get you on the podcast for a

1087
00:51:19,200 --> 00:51:22,760
Speaker 1: little while and I'm so bloody happy that it's happened.

1088
00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 1: But you're here, so thank you very much, so much.

1089
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:28,160
Speaker 3: Pleasure, love until next time.

1090
00:51:32,400 --> 00:51:35,200
Speaker 1: Do I dare say Ash that that was my favorite

1091
00:51:35,239 --> 00:51:37,319
Speaker 1: record so far? Do I dare say?

1092
00:51:37,360 --> 00:51:39,719
Speaker 3: I dare say? Are you? Dare I dare we? All?

1093
00:51:39,840 --> 00:51:43,799
Speaker 1: I've done it? If you think this is our best episode, hey,

1094
00:51:44,120 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 1: why don't you just an idea, just a suggestion?

1095
00:51:46,800 --> 00:51:47,720
Speaker 3: You could leave a review?

1096
00:51:47,920 --> 00:51:50,880
Speaker 1: You could five stars, a couple of comments us, some

1097
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:54,680
Speaker 1: nice words about me Ash or Julia Julia.

1098
00:51:54,760 --> 00:51:56,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, we will take them as our own.

1099
00:51:56,320 --> 00:51:58,040
Speaker 1: We've got We've got a number now, so we'll be

1100
00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 1: in contact. Any other suggestions guests that you would like

1101
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Speaker 1: us to interview on the podcast, please send them our

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Speaker 1: way and we'll see you next week. Hei Two Doting

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Speaker 1: Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia

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Speaker 1: and the connections to land, see and community.

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Speaker 3: We pay our respects to their elders past and present

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Speaker 3: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Island

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Speaker 3: the people's today. This episode was recorded on gadagle Land.