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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, conning room for yeah, yeah, yeah, conning room.

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Speaker 2: Are you ready for? Well?

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Speaker 3: What's on the cutting room for today? You all right?

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Speaker 2: Is sounding like a gravel voiced ogre.

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Speaker 3: No, sorry I was. I was just adjusting my chair.

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Speaker 2: Are you ready now?

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Speaker 3: I was mid.

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Speaker 2: I love to hear you mid.

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Speaker 3: Think about the cutting room. Four's Lucy Magoosey.

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Speaker 4: Here's the story we didn't get around to talking about today.

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Speaker 4: I'm just going to read it as it is done,

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Speaker 4: roted okay. Dorothy Dawson has filed for divorce after finding

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Speaker 4: out that her eighty four year old husband, Barry, was

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Speaker 4: not deaf, which he pretended to be for years so

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Speaker 4: as not to listen to her. According to the divorce papers,

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Speaker 4: Barry hasn't said a word in ten years of marriage.

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Speaker 4: To communicate with her husband, missus Dawson learned sign language

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Speaker 4: and the White Says for two whole years.

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Speaker 2: She learned that language.

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Speaker 4: As soon as I started succeeding and communicating with him

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Speaker 4: in sign language, she said, Barry started having vision problems

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Speaker 4: and signaled to me that he didn't see.

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Speaker 2: Well. Someone undneath has written this man is a legend.

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Speaker 3: I'm getting a vibe that he's just not that into you.

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Speaker 3: Do you think I'm getting that vibe?

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Speaker 2: Isn't funny?

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Speaker 4: People are so tight with their money that he thinks,

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Speaker 4: rather than breaking up and allowing her to have a

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Speaker 4: life separate to this grumpy old prick, he's holding on

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Speaker 4: and trying to make life easier for himself at home

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Speaker 4: by withdrawing emotions. I'd have a couple that broke up

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Speaker 4: and both great, interesting, successful, attractive people. He was a

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Speaker 4: really good dad, all that stuff. But she said he

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Speaker 4: just wasn't emotionally available. And a lot of the guys

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Speaker 4: are saying, oh god, we've got to be that now,

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Speaker 4: as well as all the women say no, I get it.

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Speaker 4: I get it that these are the things that hold

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Speaker 4: a relationship together. If you're not emotionally available, you're just

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Speaker 4: going through the motion.

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Speaker 3: I guess.

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Speaker 1: So the marriages are by the largest strange sort of concept.

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Speaker 2: They said, well, it.

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Speaker 4: Is, but you don't want to be in the position

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Speaker 4: that these people are, where he obviously can't tolerate having

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Speaker 4: a conversation with her, and she makes all that effort

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Speaker 4: and he's just mocking at all, and he's obviously going

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Speaker 4: out and having a life somewhere else, go to the pub,

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Speaker 4: whatever it is, getting out of the house so we

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Speaker 4: can speak and look, and you know how hurtful to her.

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Speaker 4: He made none of that effort at home.

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Speaker 1: I often speak to couples who have divorced and I

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Speaker 1: just a question, I said, so what happened? Because I

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Speaker 1: haven't think. For example, I remember years ago this young

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Speaker 1: couple that I knew. They got married, they had a

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Speaker 1: three year old child, and then just on the eve

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Speaker 1: of the child's fourth birthday, they split up. And I thought, well,

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Speaker 1: why did you split up? And they just said, well,

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Speaker 1: we just didn't it wasn't working. And I went and

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Speaker 1: then the reasons that they cited they weren't that bad.

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Speaker 3: That was interesting.

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Speaker 1: And then I thought, am I a very tolerant person

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Speaker 1: in my own marriage? You just go along and just accept.

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Speaker 1: And I think I've got a pretty happy marriage.

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Speaker 3: And I often think this about Helen. I wonder if

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Speaker 3: she looks at me and just goes it's just easy

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Speaker 3: to stay together.

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Speaker 4: Well, she has been deaf for eighteen years and even

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Speaker 4: and I spoke about this on the podcast.

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Speaker 3: This is Another Friend Chatter.

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Speaker 2: Double a Chattery.

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Speaker 4: We spoke about the nature of quitting and at what

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Speaker 4: point we started small. Do you quit a book, do

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Speaker 4: you quit a series you're watching? Talk about do you

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Speaker 4: quit a relationship? And her, because she's a psychologist, her

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Speaker 4: advice was very interesting. She said, if you're thinking of

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Speaker 4: breaking up a relationship and something is irritating you enormously today,

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Speaker 4: give yourself a time frame, say six months. If I

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Speaker 4: still have these feelings in six months, then maybe we

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Speaker 4: move towards breaking up. But make sure you're clear headed,

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Speaker 4: that you have seen the pattern of where you are

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Speaker 4: going and how it feels. That you're not making that

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Speaker 4: decision in the moment, because it makes a lot of

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Speaker 4: sense to end something once you've looked at why you're

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Speaker 4: actually ending at something important like a relationship.

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Speaker 2: Why good advice, isn't it.

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Speaker 3: A lot of times?

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Speaker 1: And you know, whenever we have trouble a fire out

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Speaker 1: for something, it never lasts. You know, in six months time,

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Speaker 1: I know that it would be okay. I would say

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Speaker 1: in about two days time, it will be okay.

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Speaker 4: Well, once you've been in a long term relationship, you

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Speaker 4: know the nature of riding the wave. But then there

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Speaker 4: are people who stay in relationships where you're riding a

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Speaker 4: wave of unhappiness. The whole time, and there's no point

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Speaker 4: to that either.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and the silent treatment, I can never do that.

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Speaker 1: Do you do the silent treatment?

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Speaker 4: No, But I'm because Harley can do this silent treatment.

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Speaker 4: I'm the one who's concertated.

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Speaker 2: Have I upset? You have I upset? You have I

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Speaker 2: upset you.

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Speaker 3: It's exhausting.

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Speaker 2: Rather than just letting him sit in his own stink.

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Speaker 3: You always do the boomerang apology.

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Speaker 2: You're the one who articulated what I do.

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Speaker 4: So I say something quite rational and reasonable, and then

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Speaker 4: I go home and think I shouldn't have spoken honestly

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Speaker 4: and freely, but while being rational and reasonable.

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Speaker 2: So then you wait, and you know I'll come back

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Speaker 2: and apology. Joys for it.

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Speaker 3: Well, I don't usually get the boomerang apology from you.

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Speaker 3: It seems to work for everyone else. My boomerang. I'm

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Speaker 3: still waiting for it to come back. For yours was

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Speaker 3: just a stick. My boomerang won't come back on that.

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Speaker 3: I think that's it.

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Speaker 2: I think that's it.

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Speaker 3: Well, take take that to the back.

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Speaker 2: Okay, kids, that's it for today.

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Speaker 1: Come back tomorrow from Marrow Jonesy and Amanda's cutting room

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Speaker 1: for