Speaker 1: Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: One Cut.
Speaker 2: I'm Brittany and I'm Laura, and we are mixing it
Speaker 2: up this week.
Speaker 1: This is Tuesday, but we are bringing you our Thursday
Speaker 1: episode of Ask Uncut.
Speaker 3: Now, we do have a good reason.
Speaker 2: It's a little bit confusing.
Speaker 4: I know, I know, but you know, at work has
Speaker 4: just been very, very all consuming in.
Speaker 2: The last couple of days.
Speaker 4: I have a lot happening with Tony Bay and then
Speaker 4: it's also been Father's Day, and our Tuesday episode is
Speaker 4: the episode that requires a lot more research and preparation,
Speaker 4: and so we decided that instead of just slapping something
Speaker 4: together half asked and half.
Speaker 3: Bay, because we are not about that I'm.
Speaker 2: Gonna slap guys.
Speaker 4: We wouldn't do that to you, which bullhole all the time.
Speaker 4: So we're just gonna mix things out. We're going to
Speaker 4: do our Thursday's episode today, which is our Asking Cut episode.
Speaker 2: Answer your deep, dark and dirty questions.
Speaker 3: A la la la la, yeh, there she is.
Speaker 2: There's that's been It's been a little while.
Speaker 1: It's been a little while since I've done that sound,
Speaker 1: and I didn't want you to think it's completely gone away.
Speaker 3: I'm not opposed to it going away.
Speaker 1: Well, there's going to be someone out there who likes it.
Speaker 1: Maybe one person we don't know.
Speaker 4: But yeah, So Thursday's episode, we're going to be talking
Speaker 4: just to give you a little taste test so you
Speaker 4: know what's coming. We're going to be talking about dating
Speaker 4: someone who has narcissistic personality disorder, which if you've ever dated.
Speaker 2: Someone you will know it's great, real fun.
Speaker 3: That's a lie. It's not.
Speaker 2: It's like burning and the floor is lava and everything's
Speaker 2: on fire and you're dying. But before we get.
Speaker 3: Into that, how was Father's Day?
Speaker 1: Oh? Well, it didn't get mad at present, but I
Speaker 1: did it. But I did a lot of acts of service,
Speaker 1: right mate.
Speaker 2: Let's slow down. We're only two minutes in. Again, that
Speaker 2: might be a new record.
Speaker 1: And we had sex, but that wasn't the acts service
Speaker 1: that I was talking about. I like cook, I cleaned.
Speaker 3: I you should stop the list there.
Speaker 2: I just did. I took care of Marley's that he
Speaker 2: could go to the gym.
Speaker 4: And I think it's really interesting because I think when
Speaker 4: it's Mother's Day, if you ask any mum what they
Speaker 4: want for Mother's Day, they'll say, I just want some
Speaker 4: time to myself. I want to go for a massage,
Speaker 4: or I want to go away from you and the
Speaker 4: kids and everyone, and I want to spend some time
Speaker 4: to myself. If you ask father's what they want for
Speaker 4: Father's Day, they're like, I just want to spend time
Speaker 4: with my family.
Speaker 1: Oh that's cute, though, but that's because the mom spends
Speaker 1: the majority of the time anyway. So it's just like,
Speaker 1: please give me some peace and quiet. You always want
Speaker 1: what you don't have on the rag, right, Oh my god.
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 4: So we had a really cute morning together. We did breakfast,
Speaker 4: Matt went to the gym, I cleaned, and I cooked,
Speaker 4: and I cleaned some more, and I got my real
Speaker 4: housewife on and then we had a in the afternoon
Speaker 4: and it was cute.
Speaker 2: We just had a real aussy Father's Day. And you
Speaker 2: went to Port Macquarie. Yeah. Look I saw in the truck,
Speaker 2: went up the coast, saw big tones. He was doing
Speaker 2: really well. Shout out. No.
Speaker 3: Dad is our biggest fan.
Speaker 1: Anyone that listens to this knows that he, or anyone
Speaker 1: on the Instagram page. Dad's very He's very proactive there
Speaker 1: way even their life uncut flag. We've got plenty of
Speaker 1: time for it, but he had his own accidentally unfiltered,
Speaker 1: so I'm I'm gonna tell you, and he was like
Speaker 1: super excited to tell me too, because he's like, a
Speaker 1: why he's like an accidentally unfiltered So basically, he went
Speaker 1: to get his hair cut. Okay, he just went to
Speaker 1: get a trim. He went in there and it was
Speaker 1: a lady sitting down. There was only one person, so
Speaker 1: she was already cutting Sal's hair. So she turns around
Speaker 1: and she's like, hey, look it's gonna be a little while.
Speaker 3: Why don't you crawl across.
Speaker 1: To the pub and have a drink or something or
Speaker 1: come back. Like anyone that knows my dad knows, he's
Speaker 1: not really a pub person, like he would run. He
Speaker 1: would probably go for a half hour run then go
Speaker 1: to the pub. But she's like, go have a across
Speaker 1: the pub, have a drink, come back, and I'll do
Speaker 1: your hair then. And there was a lady standing next
Speaker 1: to him who was the mother of the girl getting
Speaker 1: a haircut.
Speaker 3: Dad recognizes are as this woman.
Speaker 1: From a coffee shop. So she's like, go and have
Speaker 1: a beer. And the woman next to Dad is like, oh,
Speaker 1: doesn't sound like a bad idea, and Dad's like, well,
Speaker 1: come on over to the like, come on over and
Speaker 1: I'll buy you a drink while we wait, and she's like,
Speaker 1: all right, fuck it, let's go have a drink at
Speaker 1: the pub. So Dad and his in inverted brackets Comma's
Speaker 1: friend went across to the pub for a beer.
Speaker 2: Dad bought her a drink. They're having a yard and
Speaker 2: Dad's like, how's are the pups the dogs?
Speaker 1: And the lady hesitated for a second and she's like,
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, they're.
Speaker 2: Good, They're fine.
Speaker 1: And Dad's like that's good, good, and he's like he's
Speaker 1: like it was a bit of a weird answer, like
Speaker 1: she was a bit stand offish. And then he's like,
Speaker 1: what about the coffee shop? Because this woman that dad
Speaker 1: was weir it owns a coffee shop. What about the
Speaker 1: coffee shop? How's coffee shop? Have you been going in
Speaker 1: COVID and everything? And the lady was like, oh, I
Speaker 1: mean yeah, a bit quite for a little while, but
Speaker 1: we're doing okay.
Speaker 3: And Dad was like she was really weird, Like she
Speaker 3: just real standoffish.
Speaker 2: I feel like I know where this is going. I
Speaker 2: already feels so uncomfortable for your dad.
Speaker 1: So they had this like they had this whole date.
Speaker 1: My dad's been married forty two years and he went
Speaker 1: on a date here to know. So they go back
Speaker 1: to the hairdresser and they end up getting a haircut
Speaker 1: and he says he's goodbyes. The next day, he goes
Speaker 1: to the coffee shop, because he's a regularly coffee shop.
Speaker 3: He goes to the coffee shop.
Speaker 1: He looked at the lady behind the counter that he
Speaker 1: thought he bought a drink the night before, and he's like,
Speaker 1: holy shit, who the hell.
Speaker 3: Did I take on a date last night?
Speaker 2: Because this is not you.
Speaker 1: I'm not the lady that I was bought a drink
Speaker 1: for last night. Dad like, Dad's at a loss. He
Speaker 1: goes home to Nikki, my mom. He's like, Nick, I'd
Speaker 1: be honest, I've accidentally gone on a date a month.
Speaker 2: Thought was hilarious. But then it gets worse. Did he
Speaker 2: like you're his number or something?
Speaker 1: No, So it turns out a few days later, Dane,
Speaker 1: who's my brother. This is so convoluted and this is
Speaker 1: Port McQuary for you. The lady has said to Dane,
Speaker 1: this the lady that Dad did take on a day
Speaker 1: He's like, look, I saw you walk past the other
Speaker 1: day with your dad, and I'm pretty sure he took
Speaker 1: me on a date thinking it was someone else and
Speaker 1: was like this big convoluted story. Came back, got back
Speaker 1: to dad. Dad went back to do and he's like, look,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that that happened. Like I thought you
Speaker 1: were someone else, and I thought you were a friend
Speaker 1: and I'm married for four jers, was all.
Speaker 2: This big fuck up. Wow.
Speaker 1: Anyway, welcome to Port mcray. It's a small, insular little town.
Speaker 1: Four dad first date he's been on in like forty
Speaker 1: five years, and he didn't even know he was on one.
Speaker 2: Even he's out there picking up people. He's looking at
Speaker 2: for that I'm picking up.
Speaker 1: Well. Coming off the back of your actually unfiltered stories,
Speaker 1: I figured we should just instead of going completely rogue
Speaker 1: on this episode and it all feeling very unfamiliar territory
Speaker 1: to you, I thought I would read you out and
Speaker 1: accidentally unfiltered the story they.
Speaker 4: Came in just before because it gave me a good giggle.
Speaker 4: So you know that this is our favorite part of
Speaker 4: the episode. So I was like, I'll throw one in
Speaker 4: for you, okay, go okay. So me and my partner
Speaker 4: are relatively new into our relationship and exploring in the
Speaker 4: bedroom if you're catching what I'm throwing anyway, So a
Speaker 4: bit of butt stuff never hurt anybody, right, No.
Speaker 2: And I'd probably have that statement is incorrect. I think
Speaker 2: a few people don't enjoy the but stuff, but some
Speaker 2: people do. You know, different strokes for different folks.
Speaker 1: So I'm sure you're getting where I'm going and putting
Speaker 1: two and two together. So yes, we get to the
Speaker 1: end of the session as such, we're like, wait, where
Speaker 1: is the vibrator. I can hear it buzzing away. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, please tell me it's under the bed.
Speaker 2: It's nowhere to be seen.
Speaker 4: It's at this point that we both realize that the
Speaker 4: vibrator is stuck in my butt.
Speaker 2: It was horrified and immediately started freaking out.
Speaker 1: I ran into the bathroom through fits of tears, and
Speaker 1: had to poop out the tiny vibrator. My partner then
Speaker 1: weirdly reassures me by saying, don't worry, babe, the exact
Speaker 1: same thing happened to me in the past.
Speaker 2: Ah ye, good need too. Good thing. Good news is
Speaker 2: the vibrator was retrieved. It's safe and sound.
Speaker 1: The thing that I'm most concerned about is the fact
Speaker 1: that this isn't like a new vibrator that the two
Speaker 1: of you have bought together to use.
Speaker 2: This is something that he's had before and has been
Speaker 2: stuck in his own butt and didn't feel the need
Speaker 2: to tell you that.
Speaker 3: I'm more concerned. We have a few concerns. I love
Speaker 3: that you guys are going for it. Love that in
Speaker 3: my industry, I see a lot of things up people's butts.
Speaker 3: It's my job. I have to find them, like we
Speaker 3: do the imaging. We go to the operating theaters.
Speaker 2: When I have to go out foa for an object anal.
Speaker 1: I have seen a lot of stuff up, But I
Speaker 1: think it's funny that she doesn't realize how close she
Speaker 1: came to a really embarrassing hospital trip.
Speaker 2: All usually poop out.
Speaker 4: Okay, all right, so pretty just took that and made
Speaker 4: it really medical. Thanks for shitting on that story.
Speaker 2: Anyway. Let's get into the ask gun cuts guys.
Speaker 4: All right, have you got one first? Start hot off
Speaker 4: the ranks? Yes, I do, and it is very relative
Speaker 4: to what we just discussed. Ladies, My boyfriend is really
Speaker 4: into butt stuff.
Speaker 2: Me not so much.
Speaker 4: I find it very uncomfortable and it really hurts. But
Speaker 4: he is very persistent that he wants to try it
Speaker 4: in the bedroom.
Speaker 2: What should I do? I just thought, since we were
Speaker 2: on the tame, Yeah, I like.
Speaker 3: I like it's a smooth transition.
Speaker 2: I think this is easy.
Speaker 1: I think anything can go down in the bedroom, anything
Speaker 1: you want, as long as you're both on board with it,
Speaker 1: you both feel comfortable with it, You've discussed it, and
Speaker 1: it's a safe, open, comfortable environment. The second one person
Speaker 1: in the relationship doesn't want to do something, you don't
Speaker 1: have to do it. And if you try to do
Speaker 1: it to make your partner happy, it's never ever going
Speaker 1: to end well, not healthy in the relationship to be
Speaker 1: doing something simply to please your partner. I mean, look,
Speaker 1: we all make sacrifices and do things in life. We
Speaker 1: don't want to do blowjobs, your acts.
Speaker 2: Of service on Father's Day nailed neck.
Speaker 1: No, But like, sometimes you've got to make those sacrifices
Speaker 1: for the ones you love.
Speaker 2: But that doesn't mean that you have to do butt stuff.
Speaker 3: No, No, it doesn't.
Speaker 1: And the thing is what I'm saying is like, yeah,
Speaker 1: you do have to meet halfway, sometimes meet in the middle,
Speaker 1: but you don't have to meet in the butt. No.
Speaker 3: Seriously, though, you don't. You do not have to do it.
Speaker 1: You can just have a conversation. And so I'm not
Speaker 1: comfortable with it. I don't really want to do it.
Speaker 1: Maybe we could try something else, or you can throw
Speaker 1: some suggestions out there yourself, but don't feel pressured.
Speaker 4: Look, I am fully there with you, Britt, I think.
Speaker 4: I mean, obviously some people are super into it, that's great.
Speaker 4: I am definitely one of the women who are of
Speaker 4: the thoughts that there's a perfectly good hole in.
Speaker 1: The front, and that the one in the back is
Speaker 1: a one way. It's got to stop signed right at
Speaker 1: the front door. And I honestly think that there are
Speaker 1: guys out there who who think that every single girl
Speaker 1: can do it, and that every single girl will enjoy
Speaker 1: it if they give it a go. I disagree, Okay, Like, yes,
Speaker 1: there are some girls out there who have done it
Speaker 1: and they have grown to like it and they enjoy it.
Speaker 1: But you know what, there are other people out there
Speaker 1: who consistently don't enjoy it. It's painful, it's uncomfortable, and
Speaker 1: you don't have to bend what your boundaries are to
Speaker 1: make somebody else happy. Like, you know what, if that's
Speaker 1: a deal breaker for him in the bedroom.
Speaker 4: If he absolutely has to do that and that's one
Speaker 4: of his number one fetishes, then maybe you guys are
Speaker 4: not sexually compatible. However, if he respects you and loves
Speaker 4: you and really cherishes the relationship, he's not going to
Speaker 4: push something that makes you uncomfortable, that makes you upset.
Speaker 4: You know, he can get his rocks off other ways.
Speaker 4: It can't be the only thing that gets him off.
Speaker 1: There's a lot of relationships where one person in the
Speaker 1: relationship do want certain things and do have certain fetishes,
Speaker 1: But that doesn't have to mean that the relationships over.
Speaker 1: It doesn't have to mean you're not sexually compatible. It
Speaker 1: just has to mean that you meet halfway.
Speaker 3: But this is easy for me.
Speaker 1: It's just like, it's just explaining that it's not what
Speaker 1: you're into, and if you guys love each other, you'll
Speaker 1: just move on and it won't be it won't come
Speaker 1: up in topic again.
Speaker 4: Yeah, But that's the thing I think is can be
Speaker 4: sometimes a bit confusing or a bit aggravating or disappointing
Speaker 4: in this type of conversation is that often you do
Speaker 4: have the conversation with a guy and say you're not interested,
Speaker 4: and then they bring it up again and then they
Speaker 4: you know, it just seems they do. They're like whoops,
Speaker 4: oh yeah, or just try just give it a crack,
Speaker 4: you know. But like, I think that there are some
Speaker 4: men that are very persistent and don't take no or
Speaker 4: don't take that you're uncomfortable as like a hard no.
Speaker 4: I mean, that's that's a whole nother topic of conversation,
Speaker 4: isn't it men in general who don't see Noah's and no,
Speaker 4: they see Noah's and maybe. But I think if he
Speaker 4: respects you enough and you have explained why, and you
Speaker 4: know for whatever reason that why is, that should be
Speaker 4: enough in your relationship for him to respect it and
Speaker 4: drop it. And unless you bring it up again in
Speaker 4: the future because you've decided that you want to try it,
Speaker 4: it shouldn't be a conversation that you keep having every
Speaker 4: single time you have sex, because that's just almost like
Speaker 4: being badgered into.
Speaker 1: Doing something that you don't want to do. So stand
Speaker 1: you ground, girlfriend, Yeah, stay away from the butt.
Speaker 2: Question number two. Okay, this is a bit more serious.
Speaker 3: Fast is no? I think we're going uphill now? That
Speaker 3: was down. Okay.
Speaker 1: I've been with my boyfriend for five years. Since we're eighteen,
Speaker 1: I moved away from the country to study at UNI,
Speaker 1: and eventually he followed. I have two years of my
Speaker 1: degree left, and he has told me that he wants
Speaker 1: to move back home to the country because he doesn't
Speaker 1: like his job and the city lifestyle. We had previously
Speaker 1: discussed that we would both move when I finish UNI.
Speaker 1: Is it fair that I feel really hurt by this?
Speaker 1: I feel like that I'm not enough for him to
Speaker 1: just stick it out and find another job up here
Speaker 1: until I finish. I'm almost certain that long distance wouldn't work,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to miss out on these fun
Speaker 1: young years together being five hours apart all the time.
Speaker 3: What are your thoughts on this?
Speaker 4: I actually have some pretty strong thoughts on this, because
Speaker 4: I feel like I was in this exact situation when
Speaker 4: I was when I finished UNI. So I studied in
Speaker 4: Wollongong and I met a guy who has had moved
Speaker 4: to Lismore and he was studying up there. So as
Speaker 4: soon as I finished my degree in Woollongong, I moved
Speaker 4: to Lismore to be with him, and he had two
Speaker 4: years left of his degree. We'd kind of done like
Speaker 4: about eight months long distance at the start of our relationship,
Speaker 4: and I did a year in Lismore and Lizmore's very
Speaker 4: country for anyone who doesn't know, it's like the Northern
Speaker 4: Rivers region. It's about forty five minutes inland from Byron,
Speaker 4: So you know, I just felt really displaced there.
Speaker 2: I didn't have any friends.
Speaker 4: I didn't really I didn't really get a good job,
Speaker 4: Like I was working in a job that wasn't very
Speaker 4: inspiring for me, especially when I just finished my UNI degree,
Speaker 4: and I found it really really difficult. And after a
Speaker 4: year I chose to move home. And I feel like
Speaker 4: we were in a very similar situation this, but in
Speaker 4: the reverse almost. I guess, like my thoughts on this
Speaker 4: is kind of trying to see it from the guy's
Speaker 4: perspective and play a bit of the devil's advocate. I
Speaker 4: think it's really hard to expect someone to put their
Speaker 4: life on hold for two years. To having two years
Speaker 4: left of your unique degree is a really, really long
Speaker 4: time if your partner is really really unhappy being where
Speaker 4: he is. And I don't think that one person and
Speaker 4: your relationship is enough of a source of happiness to
Speaker 4: make someone stay somewhere where everything else doesn't align with
Speaker 4: their sense of purpose, because two years is a long
Speaker 4: time to feel like you don't have purpose outside of
Speaker 4: a relationship.
Speaker 2: I know that that's probably not what you want to.
Speaker 4: Hear, because it's pretty heartbreaking when you think that you're
Speaker 4: not enough. But yeah, my relationship wasn't enough, and I
Speaker 4: ended up moving back. It didn't like we still did
Speaker 4: long distance, Like we made that work for a couple
Speaker 4: of years after that, and we ended up, you know,
Speaker 4: living together again in Sydney after he'd finished his degree.
Speaker 2: But I don't know.
Speaker 4: I just think I understand what it's like to be
Speaker 4: somewhere and feel like you don't belong there.
Speaker 3: Where do I start?
Speaker 1: You're like controversial because we don't agree. No, look, I agree,
Speaker 1: I do agree with what you just said for sure,
Speaker 1: and I can see that. But I think this might
Speaker 1: be the first time you and I might actually disagree.
Speaker 4: We did talk about this topic a little bit before
Speaker 4: we started recording, and we could not We couldn't get
Speaker 4: to you same like, we couldn't get to the same place.
Speaker 1: And it's funny that's never happened. Ever, It's never happened
Speaker 1: in a history of life uncut. We pretty much end
Speaker 1: up even if it's in a roundabout way we usually
Speaker 1: end up agreeing. Now, I'm I'm not straight out disagree
Speaker 1: with you at all, because I do I agree with
Speaker 1: what you said that like, if someone is inherently unhappy
Speaker 1: where they are, they shouldn't have to be there. But
Speaker 1: what I also think that means, and this is again, guys,
Speaker 1: this is just two people's opinions that have both been
Speaker 1: in this situation. What I think that does mean is
Speaker 1: that maybe it's not maybe it's not the person and
Speaker 1: for you forever. I'm of the belief controversial, but I'm
Speaker 1: of the belief that at different points in your life
Speaker 1: are going to have to do some things, make some compromises,
Speaker 1: settle just a little bit for your partner, because your
Speaker 1: partner's going to be at a point in their life
Speaker 1: where they're gonna need you and they're going to have
Speaker 1: to do something for them and that is one hundred
Speaker 1: percent going to be reciprocated. There's going to be a
Speaker 1: time when they're then going to have to go and
Speaker 1: follow their dream or do their thing. It's going to
Speaker 1: be a different timeline and you'll have to meet them halfway.
Speaker 3: For that as well.
Speaker 1: You're going to have to make compromises as well, because
Speaker 1: relationships and life, it's literally the foundation is compromise. You're
Speaker 1: never going to meet two people. They're going to go
Speaker 1: through life and be at the exact same point in life,
Speaker 1: what the exact same things, have, the exact same things
Speaker 1: drive them, make them happy, feel their soul like that
Speaker 1: is almost unheard of that two people will go on.
Speaker 3: That journey at identical times.
Speaker 1: I think that personally, I would feel what you're feeling
Speaker 1: if my partner said I don't want.
Speaker 3: To be here and support you at this time.
Speaker 1: If it's different, if he's going back now you haven't
Speaker 1: specified this, it's different. If he's going back because his
Speaker 1: Uni degree is there or his dream job has come up,
Speaker 1: this is completely different. If he's going back to do
Speaker 1: the same thing and just do life somewhere else without
Speaker 1: you at the same pace, I think that that's indicative
Speaker 1: that maybe he's not willing to make a sacrifice for
Speaker 1: a short term. Now, does this mean your relationships over No.
Speaker 1: Does it mean you can't do long distance? No, you
Speaker 1: absolutely can do long distance. I am going to say
Speaker 1: that your feelings are warranted, and I feel like from
Speaker 1: just from the information you've given me that I think
Speaker 1: he should have stuck it out with you for the
Speaker 1: rest of the time, knowing full well that you said,
Speaker 1: as soon as you're done, you'll go back to the country,
Speaker 1: to the place that makes him happy. Like you guys
Speaker 1: have said you're going back to that place. Yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: we will get to the same place, Brie, maybe we
Speaker 1: will do like a good spiel, it was a good spill.
Speaker 2: But like I'm not fully like.
Speaker 4: That's the thing that I want to add to this
Speaker 4: is like you guys are young, Like by the sounds
Speaker 4: of things, like you're at university, you're still trying to
Speaker 4: figure stuff out for your own lives and like where
Speaker 4: you want to be and what you want to do
Speaker 4: with yourselves. And there was a part of your question
Speaker 4: where you said, you know we are young, we shouldn't
Speaker 4: be enjoying this time together, you know, having fun and
Speaker 4: not doing long distance. I guess, seeing things from his
Speaker 4: perspective a little bit, he is young, and he probably
Speaker 4: feels like he doesn't want to waste those young years
Speaker 4: being somewhere where he's not happy as well, So there
Speaker 4: are two sides to this, I guess, Like the big
Speaker 4: thing is is no matter what's happening, in relationship. Like, yes, relationships,
Speaker 4: there are sacrifices that have to be made, but if
Speaker 4: somebody doesn't want to make those sacrifices, you can't force
Speaker 4: them to do that because that's what will make you happy.
Speaker 4: And you're absolutely entitled to feel sad or to feel lost,
Speaker 4: or to feel like you've been robbed of a decision
Speaker 4: that you made together because he has essentially changed his mind.
Speaker 4: But you can't really hold it against someone if they
Speaker 4: want to go and do something that's gonna make them happy,
Speaker 4: that's just him living his life as well. And unfortunately
Speaker 4: that's just the shitty ups and downs of relationships and
Speaker 4: trying to figure it out and make it work and
Speaker 4: figure out whether this guy's you're Penquin or not.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think all you can do in this situation
Speaker 1: is be really honest with him, ask him to be
Speaker 1: honest with you. All you can say is I don't
Speaker 1: want you to go. I want you to stay. I
Speaker 1: want you to be here and support me. I don't
Speaker 1: want to live my life without you, but I want
Speaker 1: you to be happy. So make your decision based on
Speaker 1: what's going to make you absolutely happy.
Speaker 3: And then if he.
Speaker 1: Decides that he still wants to go. You've got to
Speaker 1: let him go. There's nothing you can do. You can
Speaker 1: still try and still try the relationship, but then be
Speaker 1: true to yourself, be honest yourself. If you're not happy,
Speaker 1: then doing long distance, if it's putting strain on it,
Speaker 1: then you're gonna have to reassess and have another conversation.
Speaker 1: But I remember when I was with my partner for
Speaker 1: five years, same as this girl said, I moved away
Speaker 1: to UNI and done.
Speaker 3: He didn't want to move.
Speaker 1: He had a great job, really high paying job. He
Speaker 1: was surfed every weekend, and he was competing. He was
Speaker 1: he had his whole life where he was, and it
Speaker 1: wasn't even a question for him. He packed up everything
Speaker 1: to move with me. And I even said to him like,
Speaker 1: if you're not, you know, you don't have to, even
Speaker 1: though like that was a rhetorical like I wanted him
Speaker 1: to be like you have to.
Speaker 2: I was just trying to be the good girlfriend.
Speaker 1: I was like, don't anything I won't do. But then
Speaker 1: if he said Noel would be like, well, the actual
Speaker 1: fuck no.
Speaker 3: But he was like why wouldn't. He's like it's three years. Brittany.
Speaker 1: In the scheme of things, like I don't want to
Speaker 1: spend three years without you. So he moved and took
Speaker 1: a lower paying job and he didn't love his life.
Speaker 1: But I was there, and so I guess that's me
Speaker 1: looking back at my like at my own experience in
Speaker 1: my relationship, and I just think, for the person that
Speaker 1: I love, and I can say this, I would move
Speaker 1: anywhere if it was the person that I love more
Speaker 1: than anything, and I thought that was my soulmate, my penguin,
Speaker 1: I would just move.
Speaker 4: But that's the question, right, Like, maybe maybe the way
Speaker 4: that you view the relationship and what you want out
Speaker 4: of the relationship is essentially different to the way he
Speaker 4: views it. And I think that like people's actions and
Speaker 4: people's actions speak very loudly about their priorities, and right
Speaker 4: now his priorities. That he's saying that he's not happy
Speaker 4: being there, and that you know, as much as like
Speaker 4: he may love being with you and being in the relationship,
Speaker 4: the relationship itself is not big enough to satisfy all
Speaker 4: the other parts of his personality that make him happy.
Speaker 4: And so that's why he's doing this part for himself.
Speaker 4: And you're absolutely entitled to be sad and to feel
Speaker 4: the way that you feel about it, but that doesn't
Speaker 4: mean that you can control him or make him do
Speaker 4: something that he doesn't want to do. Basically, so I
Speaker 4: think that the only thing that you can do right
Speaker 4: now is just wait and see what decision he makes
Speaker 4: and then make your decisions based off that.
Speaker 3: After telling him what you want, or have the combo.
Speaker 4: Have the combo open channels of communication. I reckon we've
Speaker 4: covered that as much as we can. We're probably not
Speaker 4: going to get No, you are in the same spot.
Speaker 2: Just had this.
Speaker 1: Both have had the experience, so we both felt really
Speaker 1: strongly about it.
Speaker 2: But also from the opposite spectrum.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Okay, let's move on to the last question,
Speaker 1: question number three. Girls, My partner has a fairly significant
Speaker 1: gambling problem. He has been on again, off again with
Speaker 1: his habit for quite some time. Things start to get
Speaker 1: back on track, he gets back into saving money and
Speaker 1: staying away from the gambling, etc. Things are really good.
Speaker 1: Then something happens and he gets angry, frustrated. It just
Speaker 1: switches and he gambles it all away again. He's stealing
Speaker 1: the process now of paying back gambling debts. I feel
Speaker 1: in some ways he's holding me back from living the
Speaker 1: life that I want obviously I really love him, or
Speaker 1: I wouldn't still be with him. However, I guess what
Speaker 1: I'm asking is, do you think people are capable of change?
Speaker 1: I'm torn as to whether I believe he will ever
Speaker 1: truly kick this habit, and I suppose that makes me
Speaker 1: afraid to have a future with him, as I don't
Speaker 1: want to put myself into a really shitty financial position
Speaker 1: if this.
Speaker 3: Continues to happen.
Speaker 1: I understand this is hard, but any advice.
Speaker 3: Would be appreciated.
Speaker 4: There's this such a hard one. I mean, I haven't
Speaker 4: had any experience with somebody like I've never dated a
Speaker 4: guy who has a gambling addiction. I definitely dated people
Speaker 4: who have other significant addictions in their life. And I
Speaker 4: think that maybe it's the same sentiment that kind of
Speaker 4: runs across all addictive personalities. If he doesn't want to change,
Speaker 4: if he doesn't genuinely, deeply want to change his behavior,
Speaker 4: he's never going to. And there's no amount of you,
Speaker 4: you know, trying to persuade him with your love and
Speaker 4: affection and care for him that's going to make him change.
Speaker 4: And I think sometimes there is that saying that people
Speaker 4: need to hit rock bottom before they actually really really
Speaker 4: want to make a difference in their life. I really
Speaker 4: think you have to have such a significant and honest
Speaker 4: conversation with him about it, and you need to instead
Speaker 4: of maybe putting parameters in place for him and his gamble,
Speaker 4: that obviously like goes without saying, but putting some parameters
Speaker 4: in place and some boundaries in place for yourself so
Speaker 4: that if he keeps crossing those boundaries and he does
Speaker 4: do this again another time, like that's it. Like you know,
Speaker 4: you can't keep saying, oh, I'm you know, this time
Speaker 4: it's going to be different, and this time it's going
Speaker 4: to be different. And then each time the goalpost keeps
Speaker 4: moving and you just keep getting further down the rabbit
Speaker 4: hole and nothing changes.
Speaker 3: This is a super hard one. Again.
Speaker 1: I also, like Laura, I have never dated somebody with
Speaker 1: a gambling addiction. Have dated people with addictions, but not gambling.
Speaker 1: But like Laura just said, I think it all goes
Speaker 1: hand in hand with addictions. He has to want to
Speaker 1: change himself and he has to be at a point
Speaker 1: where he's open to help. You can offer all the
Speaker 1: help you want. You can wave it in his face
Speaker 1: like a hot piece of fresh bacon. If he's not hungry,
Speaker 1: he's not gonna eat it.
Speaker 4: When things come to a head and you're like, I'm
Speaker 4: leaving for a very like reactional and quick band aid
Speaker 4: fix for someone to try and say, oh, I don't
Speaker 4: you know, I'm gonna not do it anymore. I'm gonna
Speaker 4: make sure you know, and then as soon as things
Speaker 4: go back to normal in your relationship, those promises all
Speaker 4: fall by the wayside pretty quickly. I think if genuinely,
Speaker 4: if this is something that's going to stop, like, he
Speaker 4: needs to be making significant actions in his day to
Speaker 4: day life, not just when when you're threatening to leave.
Speaker 4: He needs to be going and speaking to someone, going
Speaker 4: and speaking to a therapist or a counselor or somebody
Speaker 4: who can work through addiction problems with gambling, like there
Speaker 4: are there are support groups that are specifically dedicated to
Speaker 4: people who have gambling addictions. And I think that if
Speaker 4: this is something that is significantly affecting both of your
Speaker 4: lives and he is saying that he's committed to change,
Speaker 4: then his action really needs to show that he is
Speaker 4: committed to change and he needs to be implementing this stuff,
Speaker 4: and you know, if he does fall off the bandwagon,
Speaker 4: then there's consequences for that, and potentially those consequences are
Speaker 4: that the relationship is no longer is no longer there.
Speaker 4: Otherwise you will find yourself down the track in five
Speaker 4: years or ten years time, and you won't have the
Speaker 4: life that you want because you'll still be dealing with
Speaker 4: someone who hasn't made the changes that they kept promising
Speaker 4: all this time.
Speaker 1: The answer your question, like, your feelings are so warranted,
Speaker 1: and the fact of the matter is, gambling does ruin
Speaker 1: a lot of relationships. There are a lot of marriages
Speaker 1: that have broken down from gambling addictions, a lot of
Speaker 1: relationships that have not progressed because of this. Can people
Speaker 1: change absolutely? Can people recover? Absolutely? They can only when
Speaker 1: they're ready and only with the right help. So I'm
Speaker 1: not going to tell you to leave. I'm not going
Speaker 1: to tell you to do anything. What I am going
Speaker 1: to say is if this is a recurring theme and
Speaker 1: he's not seeking help, then yes, if I were you,
Speaker 1: I would be thinking very very seriously about if this
Speaker 1: is the life I want.
Speaker 4: I guess, like, the one thing I want to add
Speaker 4: to this conversation is that, like when you're dealing with
Speaker 4: somebody who has when you're in a relationship with somebody
Speaker 4: who has a gambling addiction or any sort of addiction.
Speaker 2: The issue isn't just.
Speaker 4: The fact that they have that they have a weakness,
Speaker 4: or that they are gambling. The issues that come with
Speaker 4: it is the inherent lying that goes with gambling. Because
Speaker 4: I'm sure that your partner is saying that he's not
Speaker 4: doing it. I'm sure he's saying that he's, you know,
Speaker 4: working towards getting better or like that, you know the
Speaker 4: money's not being spent, and then you find out or
Speaker 4: it's uncovered that you know money's being blown, and you
Speaker 4: feel like you've been deceived. So there's so many more
Speaker 4: layers to it than just the actual gambling itself and
Speaker 4: the spending of money. There's this feeling of betrayal that
Speaker 4: comes when you're the partner of someone who has a
Speaker 4: gambling addiction. I mean, just to reiterate, I think that
Speaker 4: the most important thing that you can do is to
Speaker 4: really encourage him to get help and to take this seriously.
Speaker 4: And then you know, secondly, I know BRIT's saying that
Speaker 4: she's not going to tell you to leave him, and
Speaker 4: I'm definitely not going to do that either. But I
Speaker 4: think it is really important for you to assess whether
Speaker 4: you actually think that any change has been happening or
Speaker 4: whether there's been a whole lot of empty promises. Because
Speaker 4: I really like this saying that when someone shows you
Speaker 4: who they are, believe them the first time. Don't believe
Speaker 4: them on what they say they're going to do, don't
Speaker 4: believe them on what they promise you. You really have
Speaker 4: to take people at face value. And if this has
Speaker 4: been going on for months or years throughout your entire relationship,
Speaker 4: then unless something significantly changes in his actions, yes, this
Speaker 4: will be something that will continue throughout your whole relationship.
Speaker 1: Especially because the big problem with gambling is it brings
Speaker 1: problems into your work, relationship, to friends and other family members,
Speaker 1: and all of a sudden, it's not just where's my money,
Speaker 1: where's our money? It's all these other issues that get
Speaker 1: brought into your household, into your relationship, and that's what
Speaker 1: it implodes. So it's not just that he's gone and
Speaker 1: spent whatever amount of money. It's that all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: he's lost his job. So that's going to put straight
Speaker 1: on your relationship.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it also means that you don't you can't
Speaker 4: plan for anything like a normal stable couple are able to.
Speaker 4: You can't plan for a mortgage, you can't plan for
Speaker 4: a holiday, you can't plan for being financially able and
Speaker 4: the future, because you'd never really have a good idea
Speaker 4: or grasp over what your finances are going to be.
Speaker 4: And I think you know, everybody knows that finances and
Speaker 4: money are a huge tipping point in relationships. That the
Speaker 4: longer you've been with someone and the more responsibilities you have,
Speaker 4: like children and dependence, the more that money becomes a
Speaker 4: really significant part of your relationship and a part that
Speaker 4: a lot of people fight about. So if you don't
Speaker 4: have children, and this is something that's already a huge
Speaker 4: issue in your relationship, I really do think that that's
Speaker 4: another thing that you have to consider and assess and
Speaker 4: have conversations around, because how is this going to affect
Speaker 4: you when you have a family, How is this going
Speaker 4: to affect you when you need to buy a house?
Speaker 4: It is it's such a serious question to end on.
Speaker 4: But I do think that the only advice that we
Speaker 4: can give you from two people who haven't been in
Speaker 4: this situation, you know, our most thoughtful but yet unqualified
Speaker 4: advice is that he needs to be making very significant
Speaker 4: action going and seeking help for this. You need to
Speaker 4: be able to feel confident that he's not gonna slip
Speaker 4: off the vandwagon and that you're not just getting empty promises.
Speaker 3: And I did have a look at this.
Speaker 1: There are there are plenty of support groups and helplines
Speaker 1: that you can go to. Lifeline does have You can
Speaker 1: just call the generic Lifeline. You can call a specific
Speaker 1: gambling helpline, that is, you can call that through Lifeline.
Speaker 1: So these numbers are all on the Lifeline website. And
Speaker 1: there's also a Gambler's Anonymous website. So these are some
Speaker 1: things that you could present to someone if they if
Speaker 1: they're in your life and they have this problem, tell
Speaker 1: him you'll go with him. Tell him he can call
Speaker 1: on his own. You can go and visit the website
Speaker 1: together and navigate the website together. And then the only
Speaker 1: way you're gonna be able to make any decisions about
Speaker 1: your future is seeing how he reacts to this information
Speaker 1: that's been given to him. If he's going to put
Speaker 1: in the hard yards and say, yes, let's do this,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna do this brilliant. If he shows zero interest, reconsider.
Speaker 4: Thinking back on when I used to work in nightclubs
Speaker 4: and bars and whatnot, like we obviously you have RSA
Speaker 4: and you have like your gambling RSA. I can't even
Speaker 4: remember what the equivalent of that is called these days,
Speaker 4: but basically, we would have a list of people who
Speaker 4: had gone through different gambling workshops and they had put
Speaker 4: themselves in a non subscribe list. So we had photos
Speaker 4: at the clubs of people who were not allowed to
Speaker 4: come in and use our poker machines or gamble in
Speaker 4: our venues, and the club or the venue itself would
Speaker 4: actually be fined if you had allowed somebody who had
Speaker 4: a gambling addiction to come and be inside your venue.
Speaker 4: And now this takes a lot of self preservation as
Speaker 4: a person who has a gambling addiction to put themselves
Speaker 4: on one of these lists, but they're the people who
Speaker 4: actually want to enact change. So if your partner really
Speaker 4: seriously wants to be different, he can ban himself self,
Speaker 4: ban himself from all of the clubs and bars that
Speaker 4: are around the area from the gambling room, not just
Speaker 4: from the venue, but from the room. You can also
Speaker 4: go on and you can ban the credit cards from
Speaker 4: all of the online gambling distribut as well. So that
Speaker 4: he can't just go on and play, you know, online
Speaker 4: poker or whatever it is that he's playing. But these
Speaker 4: are actions of someone who is absolutely serious about kicking
Speaker 4: their gambling habit. The actions of someone who talks about
Speaker 4: stopping and then dips back in whenever they've had a
Speaker 4: hard day is really the actions of someone who's just
Speaker 4: telling you what you want to hear and not really
Speaker 4: making any changes or difference in their life. So I
Speaker 4: think be very wary of that conversation because it can
Speaker 4: be it can become a very cyclical conversation where you
Speaker 4: get promised the world and then you know, they say
Speaker 4: all the right things because they know that that's what
Speaker 4: you want to hear, and then as soon as they've
Speaker 4: placated your anger or your hurt or that situation has
Speaker 4: died down, you know, if they do it again.
Speaker 1: There's probably a support group for you as well. There
Speaker 1: are there'd be other people that want there are groups
Speaker 1: that want to talk about the problems they're facing as
Speaker 1: the spouse of someone with a gambling problem. So if
Speaker 1: you need help as well, don't don't you be scared
Speaker 1: to reach out and have the conversation too.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent is our episode.
Speaker 4: Guys, We're so sorry to have like done like a
Speaker 4: bait and switch with you today for today's episode.
Speaker 2: That we do promise.
Speaker 4: We just we did this because we didn't want to
Speaker 4: miss an episode. We didn't want to not give you,
Speaker 4: you know what you come.
Speaker 2: For, the tea Day, the Tuesday's Thursdays. You know that
Speaker 2: we're human goods. It's a tea day. I never thought
Speaker 2: of it like that, so laugh on cart was due.
Speaker 4: We didn't want to miss an episode, which is why
Speaker 4: we are recording this literally at eleven o'clock on Monday
Speaker 4: night when it needs to be out tomorrow morning. I know, Lol,
Speaker 4: it's ridiculous, but like, we're so dedicated to bringing you
Speaker 4: these episodes, and we will have our normal Tuesday's episode
Speaker 4: coming to you on Thursday, which is all about you know,
Speaker 4: living and dating someone who is a narcissist. I think
Speaker 4: it's gonna be a really interesting one to unpack. It'd
Speaker 4: be relatable to a lot of people. Actually, Yeah, and
Speaker 4: for anyone who hasn't been in a relationship with somebody
Speaker 4: who is narcissistic. You know, I'm sure you know someone
Speaker 4: And this term gets like thrown around so often and
Speaker 4: maybe it's a friend who's in a relationship that seems
Speaker 4: really tox or maybe you know, maybe you have experienced
Speaker 4: it with a friendship or with a work colleague. So
Speaker 4: there's definitely going to be parallels and things that you'll
Speaker 4: be able to get out of this as well. It's
Speaker 4: going to be a good episode. See then, Nah, that's
Speaker 4: not the sign off. Okay, before we go, I want
Speaker 4: to say one more thing to all of our Facebook
Speaker 4: group as well. We have set up a brand new
Speaker 4: secondary group because honestly, things are just getting a bit
Speaker 4: out of control on the main group. So Life on
Speaker 4: Cut podcast is our main group, but I've also set
Speaker 4: up another one for everybody who has been talking about
Speaker 4: doing meetups.
Speaker 3: Not even talking, they're being meeting up guys.
Speaker 2: It's crazy.
Speaker 4: So like we've had Brisbane meetups already, there's people in
Speaker 4: Sydney who are talking about creating a meetup group and
Speaker 4: it's just like having a book club, but a book
Speaker 4: club for Life on Cut where you can come together
Speaker 4: with like minded people, discuss the episodes, discuss the topics
Speaker 4: that we talk about, and unpack the parts of it
Speaker 4: that you agree with that we've touched on, or maybe
Speaker 4: there's parts that you don't agree with us, which is
Speaker 4: totally fine.
Speaker 2: Em I guess so.
Speaker 4: But yeah, so then you guys can talk about your
Speaker 4: feelings about it as well, and like it's just such
Speaker 4: an awesome community. If you haven't joined the Facebook groups yet,
Speaker 4: please jump on and do that. Also, the instagram is
Speaker 4: life on cut podcast if you want to just join the.
Speaker 2: Lolls and guys.
Speaker 1: I think there are actually some Melbourneites shout out to you, guys.
Speaker 1: I'm I'm so sorry that you guys are in lockdown.
Speaker 1: I think I feel like sometimes we almost forget up
Speaker 1: here because bond Eye is just sort of like normal
Speaker 1: but just rub it in, Brittany. No, but what I
Speaker 1: loved is a few of you have been trying to
Speaker 1: do your own meetups but virtual, so you're organizing like
Speaker 1: zoom meetups, which I think is amazing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's been so incredible to see.
Speaker 1: So if you are feeling like a little bit isolated
Speaker 1: and just like you want to reach out to some
Speaker 1: people who are like minded and obviously dig the same
Speaker 1: podcasts and are into the same shit that you're into,
Speaker 1: then do jump on those meetup groups. Because yeah, like
Speaker 1: brit said, even Melbourne has a zoom meet up at
Speaker 1: the moment, which is just the most new age twenty
Speaker 1: twenty thing and I'm here for it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love it.
Speaker 2: Anyway, guys, you know the drill.
Speaker 4: Tell your mom, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell sister,
Speaker 4: tell your brother, tea, friends, just tell everyone and share
Speaker 4: the love because we love love.
Speaker 3: What the hell was that? Say that again?
Speaker 2: Now we love love.