1 00:00:01,520 --> 00:00:05,000 Speaker 1: Welcome out to the podcast. I'm excited to say woods 2 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:11,160 Speaker 1: that today's question is not from a scandalous, curious card. 3 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:14,520 Speaker 1: This this is a this is one of you guys 4 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:15,680 Speaker 1: asking us this question. 5 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:21,239 Speaker 2: Specifically Michael Big. Hello to Michael, who is an avid 6 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:22,279 Speaker 2: podcast listener. 7 00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:24,320 Speaker 1: I haven't heard this yet. 8 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:27,960 Speaker 2: No, Michael was a huge fan of the short lived 9 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:31,520 Speaker 2: podcast that we used to do called dilf Dilemmas to 10 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,559 Speaker 2: really pull the curtain down, guys. But we're doing this 11 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,760 Speaker 2: thing where we were solving parenting issues and stuff from. 12 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 1: A dad's perspective, which we were like, great, idea, Wow, 13 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:41,400 Speaker 1: this hasn't really mean done astray yet. 14 00:00:41,479 --> 00:00:45,720 Speaker 2: And then a very very funny, brilliant, awesome guy did 15 00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:50,880 Speaker 2: a dad podcast that was brilliant and I wasn't really 16 00:00:50,880 --> 00:00:53,000 Speaker 2: getting the clicks, and we're just kind of accept we 17 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:54,360 Speaker 2: flew the white flag and we were. 18 00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:57,000 Speaker 1: I think I think. 19 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,120 Speaker 2: We're not saying he copied it, by the way, he 20 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:03,160 Speaker 2: was definitely recorded enough for it's just a shocking timing. 21 00:01:02,960 --> 00:01:06,560 Speaker 1: Total coincidence on the same I mean, great minds think alike. 22 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:08,160 Speaker 1: I mean, if anything, I'm going to say it's a 23 00:01:08,200 --> 00:01:09,959 Speaker 1: compliment for us because we were like this is a 24 00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:12,560 Speaker 1: great idea, two young guys talking about dad issues. We're 25 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:15,920 Speaker 1: both young dads. And then I think it, Yeah, I 26 00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:19,520 Speaker 1: think there was a news story about the fact that 27 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:22,440 Speaker 1: Hamish Blake had made a podcast called How Other Dad's Dad? 28 00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:25,000 Speaker 1: I've listened to all, but it's brilliant, it's really it's 29 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:26,959 Speaker 1: really good, really high profile guests. 30 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,759 Speaker 2: Not to say ours wasn't great, but much better than ours, 31 00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,120 Speaker 2: like so much better than ours. 32 00:01:32,200 --> 00:01:34,800 Speaker 1: And I think, yeah, I don't think we even thought it. 33 00:01:34,800 --> 00:01:37,320 Speaker 1: We were just like we saw the story like just 34 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:42,040 Speaker 1: delete all, you know what. We think we had a 35 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:44,600 Speaker 1: better name though. That's the one thing I saw that, 36 00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:46,600 Speaker 1: the one thing we had him on the name, which 37 00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:47,840 Speaker 1: was dilf dilemmas we should. 38 00:01:47,840 --> 00:01:48,640 Speaker 3: I've got his number. 39 00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:52,680 Speaker 2: He haven't really interacted with it, but so I do 40 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:54,360 Speaker 2: feel like I should send him a text and just 41 00:01:54,400 --> 00:01:58,520 Speaker 2: go mate, how you listen? Listen give him any just 42 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:00,680 Speaker 2: don't give any You know what I'm talking about when 43 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:02,639 Speaker 2: I say that you won the but you you definitely 44 00:02:02,680 --> 00:02:03,279 Speaker 2: won the battle. 45 00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:06,160 Speaker 3: But we had a better name regards This is Woody 46 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:06,600 Speaker 3: by the way. 47 00:02:07,360 --> 00:02:11,680 Speaker 2: All the rest we have met now he knows anyway 48 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:15,519 Speaker 2: you think so, yeah, definitely with with We've had chats, 49 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 2: We've we've had like like I always get. 50 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:20,120 Speaker 1: The vibe with him though that like whenever you like 51 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:24,200 Speaker 1: he's almost he's so like out there like you and 52 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 1: I often just go silent around him anyway, So he just. 53 00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:29,760 Speaker 3: Talks, but I go because I just like, I just 54 00:02:29,760 --> 00:02:32,400 Speaker 3: want to hear him. Why would I waste time with. 55 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,800 Speaker 1: Talking? And he goes, yeah, yeah, So I think he 56 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:40,640 Speaker 1: gets a bit sick of that. But anyway, maybe he's like, 57 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,880 Speaker 1: oh my god, those guys we had a beach interaction. 58 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:44,640 Speaker 3: We've had a beach interaction. 59 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:47,480 Speaker 1: That's right, that's right where we got papped. 60 00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:48,800 Speaker 3: Yeah, we got got paped together. 61 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:50,919 Speaker 2: And it was just like Hamish blank talking to friends 62 00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,840 Speaker 2: and I was like, guys, I'm also in the industry 63 00:02:54,360 --> 00:03:00,240 Speaker 2: talking okay, so okay. A guy called Michael sorry back 64 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:03,040 Speaker 2: on track here. He was a fan of DILF celemmas 65 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,320 Speaker 2: and he yeah, so he just said I'd love to 66 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:07,880 Speaker 2: hear some more parenting stuff, and he asked a specific question. 67 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:13,079 Speaker 2: He says, looking back on your parenting experience so far, 68 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,639 Speaker 2: is there anything now, in hindsight you wish you could 69 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:17,520 Speaker 2: have done differently? 70 00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:19,919 Speaker 1: Oh wow, that's a tricky one. 71 00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:23,720 Speaker 2: Tricky I don't necessarily agree with like regret, and I 72 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,880 Speaker 2: don't I think regret is a waste of time. 73 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,560 Speaker 1: But unless you're learning from it. 74 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, but they're not regretting it because if you've learned 75 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:35,440 Speaker 2: from it, then it's good that it happened, very good. 76 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:39,320 Speaker 2: But in hindsight, okay, a few things for me. Have 77 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:43,600 Speaker 2: you showered with Max before, like holding her? Yeah, okay, 78 00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,960 Speaker 2: this does seem obvious, but I just did not think 79 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:50,000 Speaker 2: of this. But like if you, if you sudd someone up, 80 00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 2: babies have very smooth skin, like this is untouched skin, 81 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:55,960 Speaker 2: you know what I mean, Like, no sun has touched 82 00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,040 Speaker 2: that skin, so they're very smooth. 83 00:03:58,520 --> 00:04:06,160 Speaker 1: Sounding a bit sick, Buffalo Bill, it's sounding of its sick. 84 00:04:06,160 --> 00:04:08,200 Speaker 3: Okay, I apologize, but it's important for the story. 85 00:04:08,280 --> 00:04:10,600 Speaker 1: Yeah, so I was, that's why you have the expression 86 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:12,600 Speaker 1: smooth as a baby's but as a baby bottom. 87 00:04:12,640 --> 00:04:14,119 Speaker 3: That's just what I should That's what I should have said. 88 00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,280 Speaker 2: I was Sudds and Remy up in the shower and 89 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:17,840 Speaker 2: it's like. 90 00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:18,480 Speaker 1: Why do you studs? 91 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,039 Speaker 2: I just wanted to clean it. I just wanted to 92 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:22,080 Speaker 2: like put soap, body wash all over. 93 00:04:22,320 --> 00:04:24,080 Speaker 1: I was like, so I'm going to put on her 94 00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,240 Speaker 1: like the Lynx Africa or something. Yeah, you just put 95 00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 1: on your You just put on your standard shower gels, 96 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:31,919 Speaker 1: like your male shower gel on your chart. 97 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 3: So I have good shower jels. 98 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:34,760 Speaker 1: This was like it was like a Souk and you 99 00:04:34,800 --> 00:04:37,560 Speaker 1: know the son Sultan the supermarket. Now I know what 100 00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:37,840 Speaker 1: it is. 101 00:04:38,680 --> 00:04:39,440 Speaker 3: Superin's good stuff. 102 00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 1: I thought I woudn't say it's gat stuff. It actually 103 00:04:41,120 --> 00:04:43,760 Speaker 1: went bankrupt recently, but really yeah, yeah, I thought I 104 00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 1: was keeping him a float ship. 105 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:47,239 Speaker 2: I buy suping all the time, so I was suking 106 00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:47,720 Speaker 2: in her up. 107 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:49,480 Speaker 1: I thought it was sucking, which is what it was. 108 00:04:50,640 --> 00:04:51,400 Speaker 2: I was. 109 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:57,400 Speaker 1: Now, so I'm I don't think you're allowed to know. 110 00:04:57,680 --> 00:04:59,960 Speaker 1: The reason I brought that up is sim put her 111 00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:02,000 Speaker 1: pulled me out big time for using any sort of 112 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:06,800 Speaker 1: adult products on Max. Yeah, well she might being very 113 00:05:06,839 --> 00:05:07,599 Speaker 1: sensitive about. 114 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:10,440 Speaker 3: It as well. That that feels a little bit nanny state. Yeah, 115 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,200 Speaker 3: but I was. I was using Souk and SuDS in 116 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 3: her up. Anyway. Think of what's the slip. What's the 117 00:05:15,839 --> 00:05:18,920 Speaker 3: most slippery thing in the world. What's the slipperiest. 118 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:19,200 Speaker 1: Bar of sope? 119 00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 3: Okay, we're already there. 120 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:24,320 Speaker 2: Ten times more slippery than that a child, like when 121 00:05:24,320 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 2: you're a rod. 122 00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:27,279 Speaker 1: Cut rock covered in wet moss on an angle. 123 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:32,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, pretty sippy, so moist, wet, and like I'm so 124 00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:33,839 Speaker 3: like once I'd sud stuck Remy. 125 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:37,360 Speaker 2: It was like she just kept slipping and slipping, and 126 00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 2: it was just like I can't because then the harder 127 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,720 Speaker 2: you squeeze a hold, the further they slip. It's like 128 00:05:42,760 --> 00:05:44,960 Speaker 2: pushing a calippo out of an you know what I mean. 129 00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:49,200 Speaker 3: Like I was like, she's reversed calipo. 130 00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:52,080 Speaker 2: And then we just both went down because you just 131 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 2: had to get to the floor. So I was like, 132 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,440 Speaker 2: I've got to hit deck now. 133 00:05:54,520 --> 00:05:56,760 Speaker 1: But then she was just like a hockey puck on 134 00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:57,320 Speaker 1: the ice. 135 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:04,360 Speaker 3: Like pinball. Was just like, so that is so hectic. 136 00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:08,440 Speaker 2: I wouldn't I wish I knew before, Like don't hold 137 00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:11,520 Speaker 2: your child in the shower and SuDS them up right, 138 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,320 Speaker 2: because you just won't be able to hold them and 139 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:14,400 Speaker 2: they could end. 140 00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:17,159 Speaker 3: It could have ended really badly. Wow, Luckily we both 141 00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 3: went down. 142 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:19,120 Speaker 1: That was that's so good that you just had to 143 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,240 Speaker 1: like squat, you just had to get to a lot 144 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:23,479 Speaker 1: as low to the ground as possible, so that oh 145 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:23,960 Speaker 1: my god. 146 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:26,479 Speaker 2: And then we were both just lying on the shower 147 00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:30,160 Speaker 2: floor and she's coping shower in the face. 148 00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:30,679 Speaker 1: And it was bad. 149 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 3: Never doesn't doesn't love sharing with me anymore, No surprise. 150 00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:41,400 Speaker 2: Anything that you would have done differently, I regret. 151 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,719 Speaker 1: Before we get to that, can we hear from out. 152 00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:52,600 Speaker 3: Perfect could be sucin, could be sucing wasn't so can 153 00:06:53,839 --> 00:06:57,719 Speaker 3: sucking wasn't suing? Or second so. 154 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,880 Speaker 1: Things that that I regret I was just one of 155 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,640 Speaker 1: my stories involved. Do you think I can tell that 156 00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 1: you've said it now? Right? Not sure? A couple of flags, 157 00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:13,560 Speaker 1: A couple of flags I reckon that might A couple 158 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,720 Speaker 1: of flags that was beeped for a reason. 159 00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 2: Guys. 160 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 1: So the next one, yeah, yeah, the next one. So 161 00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:38,200 Speaker 1: I don't know how to like this one is kind 162 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:41,960 Speaker 1: of layered. So I'll try and I'll try and explain 163 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,760 Speaker 1: this as best I can, and it's really hard. I 164 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 1: don't think I regret it, although it is kind of 165 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 1: biting me in the ass now. So I think that 166 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:54,560 Speaker 1: one of my least favorite qualities in or like least 167 00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:58,280 Speaker 1: my least favorite relationship to watch between a child and 168 00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:04,360 Speaker 1: their parent is when I see a child think about 169 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:09,560 Speaker 1: varukas salt in Charlie and the chocolate factory, which again, 170 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:13,200 Speaker 1: I want the goose, Daddy, Oh yeah, sure, yeah, I ungrateful, 171 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 1: demand much for the goose, like yeah, exactly demanding, but 172 00:08:16,640 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 1: then demanding to the point where where as the father figure, 173 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:23,400 Speaker 1: you go and it's largely Dad's you go, I'll give 174 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 1: you what you want, yes, because you're my little bit, 175 00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:28,640 Speaker 1: your daddy's little girl. 176 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:30,960 Speaker 3: That's what it is. I'm wrapped around your little. 177 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:32,280 Speaker 1: And the reason I don't think I like that is 178 00:08:32,320 --> 00:08:37,120 Speaker 1: because I feel like I grew up a lot around 179 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,439 Speaker 1: a lot of daddy's little girls, and they sucked, like 180 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,840 Speaker 1: just in the circle that I was hanging out when 181 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:47,600 Speaker 1: I was a young teenager. Sure, and I didn't want 182 00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:49,480 Speaker 1: to do that. I didn't want to become that at all. 183 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:53,959 Speaker 1: And then what happened is and I don't think this 184 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:57,600 Speaker 1: is I think this is quite common now and I'm 185 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,199 Speaker 1: kind of buoyed by that. But basically what happened is 186 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:03,319 Speaker 1: in what has happened in my relationship. I'll just I'll 187 00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:04,840 Speaker 1: talk about it from my relationship, and if you can 188 00:09:04,880 --> 00:09:07,120 Speaker 1: empathize as a guy or a woman, then let me know. 189 00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,880 Speaker 3: But your relationship with your partner or your daughter with 190 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:10,360 Speaker 3: my daughter. 191 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:15,160 Speaker 1: Sam is currently stay at home mumming and I'm working, right, 192 00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:18,000 Speaker 1: So that's how we've divided things up. So naturally Sam 193 00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:20,920 Speaker 1: has more time with her. So when I get home, 194 00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 1: what I try and do is I try and compromise 195 00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:29,079 Speaker 1: for being away, which means that I'm just like I'll 196 00:09:29,160 --> 00:09:30,920 Speaker 1: just I'll just let herself throw it. I just like 197 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,520 Speaker 1: I'll throw myself at her. I'm like, what do you 198 00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:33,960 Speaker 1: want to do. I'm happy to do whatever you want 199 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,120 Speaker 1: to do. A drawing outside, we can go play it. 200 00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:38,679 Speaker 1: You can paint me off and I get painted. I'm 201 00:09:38,720 --> 00:09:40,560 Speaker 1: just like, paint me like one of your friendship. She does. 202 00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:43,679 Speaker 1: She coves me. She loves painting me, not like no, 203 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:46,280 Speaker 1: it doesn't do a painting of me. She's not picassa. 204 00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:46,880 Speaker 1: I know. 205 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,120 Speaker 3: She just covers me in paint to come over and. 206 00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:53,400 Speaker 2: The nude portraits of you, and I was like, well, 207 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:55,040 Speaker 2: I think you're going to cut the naked? 208 00:09:58,480 --> 00:09:59,720 Speaker 3: Am I wearing tonight? Max? 209 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:05,240 Speaker 1: No? So literally anything, And I'm like I am up 210 00:10:05,280 --> 00:10:06,960 Speaker 1: for it. And then when I have time with her, 211 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:13,439 Speaker 1: I overcompensate for not being there by being more yes man, 212 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:17,480 Speaker 1: emotionally available yes, and which makes me yes man and 213 00:10:17,559 --> 00:10:24,480 Speaker 1: all these things, and ironically that has turned me, has 214 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,960 Speaker 1: turned me into one of the guys who gives their 215 00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,480 Speaker 1: little girls all they want. And it's a really, really 216 00:10:30,640 --> 00:10:33,880 Speaker 1: hard line for me to tread because I only realized 217 00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,880 Speaker 1: this recently when we were on We've had a couple 218 00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:39,120 Speaker 1: of weeks off recently, and I was at home all 219 00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,920 Speaker 1: the time, and I was playing, you know, because I've 220 00:10:41,960 --> 00:10:44,040 Speaker 1: built this role. That is the role that I've built, 221 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:47,040 Speaker 1: that is the relationship I've built with her. And because 222 00:10:47,040 --> 00:10:49,800 Speaker 1: I was around her all the time, I wasn't walking 223 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:53,960 Speaker 1: away from her. So and for the longest time, Sam 224 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 1: has been saying to me, you need to give her 225 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:58,640 Speaker 1: more boundaries, you need to give her more boundaries. And 226 00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:00,480 Speaker 1: I'm going no, no, no, it's fine, it's fine, it's fine. 227 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,600 Speaker 1: But that's because I get time away. I get ton 228 00:11:02,720 --> 00:11:05,800 Speaker 1: to breathe, I get time to go, oh yeah, I'm fine. 229 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:08,079 Speaker 1: She just painted me and you know, covered me. I 230 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:09,360 Speaker 1: just have to have a shower now. But that's cool 231 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:11,040 Speaker 1: because I get to go away for the next ten hours. 232 00:11:11,240 --> 00:11:13,959 Speaker 1: Whereas if you're with her all the time and you 233 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,440 Speaker 1: say yes to her all the time, it's always going 234 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:18,199 Speaker 1: to get to a tipping point where you go, oh, 235 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 1: my god. So it's funny. I look at those old 236 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,000 Speaker 1: relationships between dads and their little girls and or their 237 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:25,640 Speaker 1: little boys, and I think to themselves, Oh, that's indicative 238 00:11:25,679 --> 00:11:28,959 Speaker 1: of a spoilt relationship. But in fact, it's indicative of 239 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:31,960 Speaker 1: a dad compensating for the fact that he's not there 240 00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:34,680 Speaker 1: as much as he wants to be. But the irony 241 00:11:34,880 --> 00:11:39,400 Speaker 1: is in trying to compensate for that, you create an 242 00:11:39,559 --> 00:11:42,559 Speaker 1: unhealthy relationship with your child. And it only got to 243 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:46,040 Speaker 1: the point recently where Max is nearly two. Yeah, she's 244 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:49,040 Speaker 1: nearly two, very very nearly two, and she just started 245 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:53,559 Speaker 1: chucking tantrums. And her first tantrum happened because she went 246 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:56,160 Speaker 1: to Sem for something. Sam has very strong boundaries with her. 247 00:11:56,200 --> 00:11:58,599 Speaker 1: Sim was like, no, that's not happening, don't come with me. 248 00:11:58,720 --> 00:12:00,920 Speaker 1: That she went to me for it, and for the 249 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:05,040 Speaker 1: first time, I was like no, and she flipped, yeah, 250 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:08,000 Speaker 1: like proper. She hasn't had a tantrum yet, not like 251 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:13,960 Speaker 1: this coppop a toddler tantrum, like stamping, like throwing yourself 252 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:17,360 Speaker 1: on the floor, screaming inconsolably, And I was like, what 253 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,559 Speaker 1: have I done? And Sam was like, this is literally 254 00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,640 Speaker 1: the first time that you're going I'm not giving you 255 00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:27,200 Speaker 1: what you want, and I need you to like hold 256 00:12:27,360 --> 00:12:31,480 Speaker 1: fast here, because if you go over there now and 257 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:33,920 Speaker 1: you say whoa, whoa, whoah, it's okay, I'm giving you 258 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:38,319 Speaker 1: back what you want, You're going to this will perpetuate forever. 259 00:12:38,600 --> 00:12:40,280 Speaker 2: It makes it harder for her, by the way, because 260 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 2: she's obviously set these boundaries for a good reason. Frustration 261 00:12:43,840 --> 00:12:47,679 Speaker 2: from her, you're undermining the constantly you're going, yeah, that 262 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 2: actually is allowed. 263 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:51,599 Speaker 1: Yeah, so yeah, So I think sorry, just I was 264 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:56,800 Speaker 1: just saying that my regret is probably not And I 265 00:12:56,880 --> 00:12:59,080 Speaker 1: think this is maybe something I could say about parenting 266 00:12:59,160 --> 00:13:04,120 Speaker 1: in general, is it may be educating myself a bit 267 00:13:04,160 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 1: more around that, because I think that I was just 268 00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:09,840 Speaker 1: so obsessed with the idea of being the best father 269 00:13:09,920 --> 00:13:11,680 Speaker 1: I could be by giving her everything that she wanted 270 00:13:11,720 --> 00:13:13,880 Speaker 1: because that's what I thought would be cool. And then 271 00:13:14,240 --> 00:13:16,680 Speaker 1: you know, not learning that you know naturally, like everything 272 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:18,480 Speaker 1: in the world, there's such a thing as too much 273 00:13:18,520 --> 00:13:19,560 Speaker 1: of a good thing. Hmmm. 274 00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:22,079 Speaker 2: Someone I don't know who said this, but I think 275 00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,960 Speaker 2: they are a very very intelligent and well educated person. 276 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:28,440 Speaker 2: But they said, with parenting there's a big difference between 277 00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,880 Speaker 2: being an empathetic parent and a compassionate parent, and the 278 00:13:31,960 --> 00:13:34,520 Speaker 2: way that they defined it was an empathetic parent is 279 00:13:34,559 --> 00:13:37,640 Speaker 2: someone who really takes on all the emotion of their child. 280 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:41,040 Speaker 2: So they're the kind of people that go tantrum, I'm 281 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,599 Speaker 2: taking all that emotion on it. 282 00:13:42,720 --> 00:13:45,240 Speaker 3: I will do anything to get you out of that space. 283 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:48,560 Speaker 2: But a compassionate parent is one that goes, I'm doing 284 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:50,880 Speaker 2: the best thing for you, and right now, the best 285 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:53,520 Speaker 2: thing for me to do for you is to not 286 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:55,559 Speaker 2: pander to your tantrum, and I'm just going to like 287 00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:56,360 Speaker 2: you have an at tantrum. 288 00:13:56,840 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 3: The best thing for you right now. It's minute to engage. Yeah, 289 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:02,400 Speaker 3: it's really hard though, Yeah, it's really hard. 290 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:06,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, And I yeah, I do think I regret that. 291 00:14:06,480 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 1: I regret that I regret that that was in that. 292 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:10,520 Speaker 1: I mean, like todd you know, she's a toddler. She's 293 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 1: always gonna have at tendru about something like it's inevitable. 294 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:16,280 Speaker 1: But I regret not learning more about that and not 295 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:18,000 Speaker 1: listening to say more about it at the time as well. 296 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:19,840 Speaker 1: So you set really annoyed her and I'm like, she's 297 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:21,880 Speaker 1: my daughter, she can have whatever she wants, I'm going 298 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,640 Speaker 1: to do whatever I can, you know, and I'm not 299 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:25,800 Speaker 1: spoiling her deliberately, but it'll just be like I'll do 300 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:26,640 Speaker 1: whatever she wants me to do. 301 00:14:27,120 --> 00:14:28,760 Speaker 3: Yeah, and we often don't see because of it. 302 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:33,160 Speaker 2: Well, we both still work at foolish time, like we 303 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:37,160 Speaker 2: wear our way more. You often don't see the consequences 304 00:14:37,200 --> 00:14:40,280 Speaker 2: of your actions. Like no any it has learnt to 305 00:14:40,640 --> 00:14:42,280 Speaker 2: every time she's around water, she spits now. 306 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:45,480 Speaker 1: And I taught her that, and to spit in water. 307 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:47,680 Speaker 2: I thought it was funny. I thought it was classic. 308 00:14:47,760 --> 00:14:49,360 Speaker 2: We just had an afternoon where we were just getting 309 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,880 Speaker 2: water and then spitting each other's faces, and she loved it, 310 00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:55,800 Speaker 2: laughing her head off right, and so me and her 311 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,800 Speaker 2: literally did it for two hours. It was very great afternoon. 312 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:01,120 Speaker 2: But then again it's me being like, oh, how good 313 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,560 Speaker 2: am I? This is just great quality time. And that's 314 00:15:03,640 --> 00:15:06,240 Speaker 2: like every time you cant down from three, she spits, 315 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,360 Speaker 2: so you go three, two, why and she goes and 316 00:15:09,480 --> 00:15:12,840 Speaker 2: it's like, oh no, that's me and Nim's just like, 317 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:15,680 Speaker 2: come on, I'm trying to teach her how to count, 318 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:17,000 Speaker 2: but now I can't get to three. 319 00:15:16,880 --> 00:15:17,680 Speaker 3: Because she spits. 320 00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,680 Speaker 2: She also taps my ass when I thought I didn't 321 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:27,280 Speaker 2: teach you that one, but she puts her hand over 322 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 2: she goes her hand over her mouth and then taps 323 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:32,680 Speaker 2: my ass, and I was like, nah, I don't think 324 00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:34,880 Speaker 2: I taught you that, but I've definitely laughed and condoned 325 00:15:34,920 --> 00:15:37,600 Speaker 2: in the behavior. I'm scared someone's going to fight in 326 00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:39,080 Speaker 2: public and she's gonna tap him on the asse. 327 00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:49,200 Speaker 1: Ah, very good, All right, do you have a question. Yeah, 328 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,920 Speaker 1: I really want it. Thanks job, I really I do 329 00:15:53,120 --> 00:15:54,840 Speaker 1: really want to stress though I don't want to. I 330 00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:57,560 Speaker 1: said to you beforehand, and I'm happy to solicit for 331 00:15:57,680 --> 00:16:00,320 Speaker 1: you guys to give us questions. But like, don't see 332 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,200 Speaker 1: this as the We're not We're not the all and 333 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:04,040 Speaker 1: powerful oz. 334 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:05,720 Speaker 3: No, we're not. 335 00:16:05,960 --> 00:16:09,600 Speaker 1: We're not answering your questions with any sort of judicial 336 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 1: authority like this is we are. We are ask the 337 00:16:13,880 --> 00:16:16,480 Speaker 1: question to confound us. Ask us a question that you've 338 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:20,560 Speaker 1: been stumped by. Yeah, you know, and see if it's 339 00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 1: relatable for us. I really don't want to try and 340 00:16:22,920 --> 00:16:26,840 Speaker 1: put us out there as any sort of authority on anything. 341 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,920 Speaker 1: We'll give it an uneducated take unless it's the rise 342 00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:34,320 Speaker 1: of the guaman dang Nationalist Party from the mid twentieth 343 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:37,360 Speaker 1: century China. Oh, guys, which I specialized in university? 344 00:16:37,520 --> 00:16:40,200 Speaker 3: Did you otherwise get that going? Get someone suggest that 345 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:41,040 Speaker 3: we'll see tomorrow.