Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 2: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 2: on Cut. I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and we have someone
Speaker 2: very special joining us for the start of this episode.
Speaker 2: It is producer.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry for all of you that were like
Speaker 1: so excited being like, oh, who's.
Speaker 2: Special and under why is Stillila's attention? Just want you
Speaker 2: to pack.
Speaker 1: We saw you on the project last night saying that
Speaker 1: you didn't like puppies and we knew who you were
Speaker 1: talking about.
Speaker 2: Delilah. All puppies, not Delilah. Delia's not a puppy anymore.
Speaker 2: She's one. She's past the threshold of puppiness.
Speaker 1: She's eighteen months.
Speaker 2: She no longer like tries to jump on me when
Speaker 2: I walk in. She no longer tries to piss on things.
Speaker 2: She no longer tries to eat things. Like she's kind
Speaker 2: of calmer, and yeah, I appreciate.
Speaker 1: That's an update on Delilah, because we did have a
Speaker 1: lot of people write in that were interested in her
Speaker 1: heat and what was happening in her life.
Speaker 2: Also a lot of people who were angry at me. Okay,
Speaker 2: don't worry, guys, didn't go unnoticed. People annoyed at me
Speaker 2: that I didn't fully get amongst caring about Delilah's heat.
Speaker 2: And I'm sorry, Britt that I didn't give you more Delilah.
Speaker 2: And I felt that tell me more about Delilah's in
Speaker 2: gorge nipples.
Speaker 1: So for a juicecation, I were talking about Delilah today.
Speaker 1: Something different. Dyla is eighteen months now, she's had her
Speaker 1: first heat. She's just finished, and she's a different dog.
Speaker 1: And you used to say everyone'sed to say to me
Speaker 1: when we're at the park, and I was like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, she's chaos.
Speaker 2: She's absolute k And I walked in today and she
Speaker 2: was using a knife and walk at the table, So
Speaker 2: she's incredibly.
Speaker 1: They're every grown up, but everything's to say, wait till
Speaker 1: I gets to eighteen months, And I thought, yeah, right. Anyway, Literally,
Speaker 1: it was almost like to the day she's just a
Speaker 1: different dog. She's chill, she's cute, mainly listens to me.
Speaker 1: She's been a bit moody, and she was going no heat.
Speaker 1: I was like, the I forget it.
Speaker 2: Oh no, it's like hormonal.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a proper period, right, It's actually amazing to
Speaker 1: watch they get the same effects as humans get.
Speaker 2: So they get it's.
Speaker 1: Amazing to watch a phoenix evolving from the ashes. It's
Speaker 1: because because it is actually they go through the same thing.
Speaker 1: So they suggest you get hot water bottles for their
Speaker 1: tummy and stuff because it's a period.
Speaker 2: I'm going to side with Laura.
Speaker 1: Now, I have been on board the Delilah heat chat,
Speaker 1: but I think we have reached the threshold. Well I
Speaker 1: did put the heat pack in there, and she ripped
Speaker 1: it shreds, but I did do it.
Speaker 2: The thing that I find like quite relatable about this
Speaker 2: is you say that people had said to you've just
Speaker 2: got to get to the eighteen month threshold. It's literally
Speaker 2: the same threshold for children, Like the first eighteen months
Speaker 2: is so hard, and then they hid eighteen months and
Speaker 2: you're like, oh, we're in the clearing. Doesn't hard getting better?
Speaker 1: Well, I mean a two's then the Terrible Earth threes.
Speaker 2: I think it depends. I think for me, like having
Speaker 2: a newborn baby and having like a baby that can't
Speaker 2: interact with you because they can't like verbalize what it wants.
Speaker 2: That to me was way harder than having a toddler.
Speaker 2: But everybody's you know, everyone is different, Everyone experiences things differently.
Speaker 1: Guys. I want to tell you about something that I've
Speaker 1: tried and tested. I've done an experiment, okay, science experimental. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you'd be very proud of me collecting data. Okay,
Speaker 1: my personal life.
Speaker 2: I mean, don't let anyone tell you that we don't
Speaker 2: do the research. Here at Life on Car.
Speaker 1: There was a TikTok bar from a girl named Alex
Speaker 1: Weetzman that sparked my fancy over the weekend, and it
Speaker 1: was basically all about a new way to encourage your
Speaker 1: crush to slide into your DMS, how to get them
Speaker 1: to slide.
Speaker 2: Into yours, like baiting someone to reply to you, so
Speaker 2: not sending your dog into their DMS to come into you.
Speaker 2: That was very twenty twenty of you, though, I feel
Speaker 2: like we've got stuck in the past, Laura, move on
Speaker 2: and upwards. Okay, what have we got cash. What's the
Speaker 2: newest latest fad? Do you know what?
Speaker 1: Baiting is actually the perfect word for this. So what
Speaker 1: she said was that, you know the new feature, it's
Speaker 1: called a note that you can do in Instagram.
Speaker 2: No, because a startus update. I haven't updated my Instagram
Speaker 2: in like five years. It's still in black and white.
Speaker 2: Literally just has a auto update. Now all Instagram has
Speaker 2: to me is like that little wig filter you know
Speaker 2: back in the day when you used to form like
Speaker 2: a polaroid picture around all your picture. Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 2: I'm still the.
Speaker 1: Posting pictures of sunsets and food only. Okay. So the
Speaker 1: way that it works for anyone who is updated, who
Speaker 1: is in twenty twenty two is that when you go
Speaker 1: into the message part of your Instagram dms up, the
Speaker 1: top will have people's little sticker, like you know, their
Speaker 1: profile picture, and you can add what they are calling
Speaker 1: a note. It's basically a very short status update.
Speaker 2: But you were saying it only lasts like twenty four hours.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so it kind of works like a story, but
Speaker 1: instead of a picture, it's just like a couple of words.
Speaker 1: I can't keep up. So what she has said is
Speaker 1: that when you post a note. You can actually post
Speaker 1: it to your close friends, but as opposed to when
Speaker 1: you post on your story as a close friends, they
Speaker 1: can't tell that it's only to your close friends. Ah,
Speaker 1: so you could post it to one person but they
Speaker 1: don't know it. Yes, so you can individualize the status
Speaker 1: update if you want. But I wanted to test.
Speaker 2: This out and see whether this was a way.
Speaker 1: To encourage DM slide ins. Let me tell you how
Speaker 1: fucking successful this was.
Speaker 2: And what did you post?
Speaker 1: As some of you may or may not know, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm really into my sport. I used to work on
Speaker 1: a sports radio show and most of the people that
Speaker 1: I tend to like find myself attracted you are also
Speaker 1: into sports. Then last night was the World Cup. So
Speaker 1: between France and Argentina, of those two teams, I don't
Speaker 1: really have an allegiance to any of them, but I
Speaker 1: really like my time that I've spent in France. So
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, I think that between the two teams,
Speaker 1: I would probably side with France. I want France to win, right,
Speaker 1: So I just updated my Instagram note to have three
Speaker 1: French flags because I was like, this will be interesting.
Speaker 1: Most of the guys that I'm into will be watching
Speaker 1: the World Cup? Like, will this spark a bit of conversation,
Speaker 1: a bit of like bance between us? Oh my god,
Speaker 1: my whole afternoon yesterday was spent replying. But do you
Speaker 1: think that's just because the World Cup's the biggest thing
Speaker 1: in the whole world. I think you need to try
Speaker 1: and test this on like an average Saturday night.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't wonder if. I mean obviously, like the
Speaker 2: World Cup is something that's a very obvious and easy
Speaker 2: thing for people to reply to, but like, what would
Speaker 2: be your note for a Saturday night pointed at a
Speaker 2: very specific man.
Speaker 1: Well, I think that it needs to be timely, Like
Speaker 1: you know this this Saturday night is going to be
Speaker 1: Christmas Eve, so maybe you know what, I can test
Speaker 1: it again if you like, maybe I'll be asking people
Speaker 1: if they'd be naughty or nice? Why don't you direct it? Why? Yeah?
Speaker 3: Nice?
Speaker 1: Why don't you try the I'm just intrigued now, because
Speaker 1: you can set for just one person to see it, right,
Speaker 1: So why don't you pick the person in your head
Speaker 1: and then literally put a cocktail emoji and a question mark.
Speaker 2: Oh that's brilliant.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And because they think it's like to anyone that's
Speaker 1: out there that wants to say yes or no. And
Speaker 1: then if that way, if you know that they see
Speaker 1: it and they don't respond, they don't want to have
Speaker 1: drink with you. Do you know?
Speaker 2: I feel like I am so I'm such a boomer
Speaker 2: in this conversation. I am so confused by what's going on.
Speaker 2: I really feel like I need to update my Instagram app.
Speaker 2: But I also have no need to send subliminal signals
Speaker 2: to a man.
Speaker 1: And you can just make Matt your close friend and
Speaker 1: put a picture of the baby and die for with vacuum.
Speaker 2: I will literally just put some spray and white bottles
Speaker 2: and a fucking mop. Okay, well, this is my calling
Speaker 2: to everybody. If you're out there, if you've got crushes
Speaker 2: in your in your Instagram and you want to see
Speaker 2: if they can slide on in, update your notes and
Speaker 2: I want to know I will know the outcome. Tell
Speaker 2: us what you did, tell us what they're applied with,
Speaker 2: and tell me if this works for you someone else?
Speaker 1: Can you also try the naughty or nice thing? Let
Speaker 1: me know it could be a little too thir say
Speaker 1: you've got a twenty four hours to try this. You
Speaker 1: can you could try different on every day.
Speaker 2: Okay, well let's get into talking about what today's episode
Speaker 2: is actually about. But the reason why keish just jumping
Speaker 2: on this episode is because it is our last episode
Speaker 2: of twenty twenty two.
Speaker 1: That's actually our second last episode.
Speaker 2: Well it's our I mean, we're doing one which is
Speaker 2: going to be like a walk down memory Lane and
Speaker 2: a rehash on the year that was. But this is
Speaker 2: our last proper Tuesday episode and we thought we would
Speaker 2: get on here as a little team. We've got some
Speaker 2: funny bands, but we also have a really sentimental episode
Speaker 2: which we hope is going to get you guys through
Speaker 2: the Christmas period. Yeah, this episode.
Speaker 1: Actually came off the back of something that someone posted
Speaker 1: in our Facebook group, in the Life and Cut discussion group,
Speaker 1: about going into this period of the year, and they
Speaker 1: were saying how they were feeling quite lonely. They were
Speaker 1: single and they didn't have their family around them, and
Speaker 1: so we kind of started a conversation between ourselves. I
Speaker 1: guess the idea of how we're supposed to be very merry,
Speaker 1: you know, merry Christmas and happy New Years, and maybe
Speaker 1: you don't actually feel that merry at this time. Maybe
Speaker 1: it brings up some complex emotions. Maybe you're happy and
Speaker 1: you feel a lot of anxiety about this period of
Speaker 1: time because you've got to spend time.
Speaker 2: With family members that you don't like, or you're experiencing.
Speaker 1: Grief and an expectation that you should be going into
Speaker 1: this period really happy, ticking all your boxes off, wrapping
Speaker 1: up the year in a nice little parcel.
Speaker 2: And it's not like that for everyone.
Speaker 1: Actually, do you know today I said to Mitchchury, who
Speaker 1: we do radio with, I said, I've just had a
Speaker 1: realization that I am not excited for Christmas. Not one
Speaker 1: part of me was excited for Christmas. Why, well, I
Speaker 1: think it's been a tough time lately.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It's the same old thought of Okay, I'm going to
Speaker 1: Christmas again alone, which is like not the end of
Speaker 1: the world, but it's that with all these other things
Speaker 1: that are happening in life, I don't feel like Christmas
Speaker 1: is even here, Like I don't feel like it is
Speaker 1: a week away, you know, or less. Everything has been
Speaker 1: so intense that the magic is not there for me
Speaker 1: this year. And I know it'll be different when I
Speaker 1: get there and my family's there, but at the moment,
Speaker 1: there's no part of me that is excited for Christmas
Speaker 1: and that it was a really sad realization, and I
Speaker 1: thought there must be a lot of other people that
Speaker 1: have these feelings too, for multitude of different reasons.
Speaker 2: It's something that we spoke about last year, and it's
Speaker 2: kind of a topic that comes up this time every year.
Speaker 2: Is that for a lot of people, As you guys
Speaker 2: both just said, if you're not feeling merry all the
Speaker 2: way that you should, it almost amplifies it because it
Speaker 2: shines a spotlight on not just on how you are
Speaker 2: feeling now, but on the huge caveat to where you're
Speaker 2: supposed to be. That's kind of what Christmas brings up.
Speaker 2: But something that you just said then, Britt, about how
Speaker 2: you're not feeling it and how maybe you will feel
Speaker 2: it when you get home, and it is actually Christmas
Speaker 2: something that I think I have realized this year, and
Speaker 2: it's because you know, now I have my own nucleus
Speaker 2: family with the kids and with Matt, and I've realized
Speaker 2: that the responsibility now falls on me and also on Matt,
Speaker 2: but it falls on us to create that excitement around Christmas.
Speaker 2: And then, you know, even the other day Matt and
Speaker 2: I were like, God, it doesn't really feel like Christmas.
Speaker 2: And it dawned on me and I was like, well,
Speaker 2: that's because we haven't done anything to make it feel
Speaker 2: that way. And as kids, and when you're growing up
Speaker 2: and you're in your teens or whatever it is, it's
Speaker 2: your parents' responsibility. They're the ones who kind of like
Speaker 2: get everyone together. They're the ones who decorate the house.
Speaker 2: They're the ones who put in the effort into making
Speaker 2: the memories. And I think we're all going through this
Speaker 2: really weird shifting time period in our lives where it's
Speaker 2: gone from other people used to be the memory makers
Speaker 2: for us, and now we are turning into the adults
Speaker 2: who were responsible to be the memory makers, not just
Speaker 2: for ourselves, but for other people as well.
Speaker 3: I also think that there's a societal shift.
Speaker 1: A lot of us now statistically are turning away from religion,
Speaker 1: and Christmas is supposed to be a religious holiday. I mean,
Speaker 1: we spoke the other day about how my family used
Speaker 1: to go caroling caroly And now if someone turned up
Speaker 1: to my door with like twenty people singing me aside,
Speaker 1: can you just tell me so?
Speaker 2: Did we just go and knock on someone's door like
Speaker 2: a complete random strange danger and then they open it
Speaker 2: and as a child, you just start singing. You burst
Speaker 2: out into the joy of songs.
Speaker 1: There was like twenty to thirty of us that would
Speaker 1: see a fucking Christmas.
Speaker 2: I girl would fucking love that. If a hole, we
Speaker 2: would be so cute. I'll be like, oh please, it's
Speaker 2: a flash mob. You don't know what you're supposed to do.
Speaker 1: I remember them just standing in the door and they
Speaker 1: would smile like three and a half minutes.
Speaker 2: I don't know if you give money after, like you know,
Speaker 2: no money, just the joy of giving just thanks by
Speaker 2: move to the next house. No, no, no, Well.
Speaker 1: It's pretty funny. It's pretty much feels different, you know.
Speaker 1: I think it feels different for a lot of different reasons.
Speaker 1: And like you said, we're the ones that are now
Speaker 1: making the traditions. Samish Flake says, traditions are not that
Speaker 1: old in a lot of families, but you're creating like
Speaker 1: new ones, and maybe we're not creating as many as
Speaker 1: what we used to. That's the thing, right, Like I
Speaker 1: live alone. I've got no one to decorate my house for,
Speaker 1: and I can be bold to decorating for myself, so
Speaker 1: I don't have one I had one little piece of
Speaker 1: tinsel that I put on my fiddle leave three.
Speaker 2: And then I just took it down. So because your
Speaker 2: poor fiddle lift fig will have a real tanty if
Speaker 2: you try and decorate it. The other thing of this, though,
Speaker 2: and it's something we touched on last year's episode, Britt
Speaker 2: and you know you mentioned it again. I think that
Speaker 2: sometimes we can focus on single, like you know, being
Speaker 2: single at Christmas time and how difficult that can be,
Speaker 2: and that was very much the focus of last year's conversation.
Speaker 2: But I had a really interesting conversation with someone recently
Speaker 2: and it's really shone a light that it's not just
Speaker 2: about being single, but something that I think a lot
Speaker 2: of people and it can drag up feelings for is
Speaker 2: if you're in a relationship but you're not happy, if
Speaker 2: you're not kicking the goals in your relationship of where
Speaker 2: you expected it to be, because Christmas can be this
Speaker 2: fucking weird time that almost turns into like a purgatory
Speaker 2: because you're like, well, I don't want to break up
Speaker 2: with someone because I have Christmas plans. I'm not sure
Speaker 2: what I'm doing. They're supposed to be coming to my
Speaker 2: house for Christmas. We had a Christmas holiday planned, so
Speaker 2: a lot of people almost feel like if they're not
Speaker 2: happy in their relationship, they almost feel like they have
Speaker 2: to try and get through the Christmas period in order
Speaker 2: to make some big life decisions in the new year.
Speaker 2: So I think the reason why we wanted to do
Speaker 2: this episode this is not for us to be scroogers.
Speaker 2: Like we all collectively fucking love what Christmas can bring
Speaker 2: and what this period can bring. And there are going
Speaker 2: to be so many of you who are die hard
Speaker 2: Christmas caroling, living your best life, taking your kids to
Speaker 2: the carols, just like truly enjoying what this time brings.
Speaker 2: But we wanted to also have this episode to reflect
Speaker 2: for those people who haven't been feeling that supported and say, hey,
Speaker 2: you know what, a lot of us feel the same.
Speaker 1: You know what, It's not just the single thing. There
Speaker 1: are a multitude of reasons that we do discuss, but
Speaker 1: there are Maybe it's the feesh year going into this
Speaker 1: season with a level of grief, someone in your life
Speaker 1: is missing, or there's a piece of your life that's missing.
Speaker 1: Maybe it's not even the first year you going to that,
Speaker 1: maybe it's a few years deep. It doesn't matter. There
Speaker 1: are so many different reasons that people feel a level
Speaker 1: of overwhelm, and overwhelm itself is a reason in itself
Speaker 1: a level of overwhelm at this time of year. Yeah,
Speaker 1: So we do get into a big conversation with doctor
Speaker 1: Hannah Coral. She is a neuropsychologist and she really speaks
Speaker 1: so much about how our brains are functioning at this time,
Speaker 1: which I liked. She really brought the science to the table.
Speaker 1: That's something that we didn't go into conversation with with
Speaker 1: her that I have been thinking a lot about, and
Speaker 1: this was from the Facebook post that I mentioned before,
Speaker 1: was how much diet culture really rears its head at
Speaker 1: this time of the year. Because for as long as
Speaker 1: I can remember, my news resolution like almost up until now,
Speaker 1: have all been related to and like I would put
Speaker 1: it under the banner or the umbrella of being like
Speaker 1: getting back into shape or it's a load of shit.
Speaker 1: It was all diet culture based. It was all about
Speaker 1: losing weight, and it was all about fitting into the
Speaker 1: expectation of what I wanted my summer beach bod to
Speaker 1: look like.
Speaker 2: And you know, the interesting thing of that is that
Speaker 2: it usually comes off the back of the guilt that
Speaker 2: you have because of Christmas, where you know, may have
Speaker 2: overindulged or just fucking not even over and just enjoyed yourself,
Speaker 2: just ate like a normal human having a fucking good time.
Speaker 1: Or a whole toddler and cheesecake, which is what I do.
Speaker 2: But then you're made to feel guilty about it because
Speaker 2: that's what we do to ourselves. And like, I'm so
Speaker 2: glad that you brought that up, because I think that
Speaker 2: that is something that so many people will resonate with
Speaker 2: because I know for so many years I did the
Speaker 2: same thing, like, oh my news, resolution, let's get in shape.
Speaker 2: I don't know. I think that the thing I've struggled
Speaker 2: with over the years is that getting in shape has
Speaker 2: never actually been until recently, has never actually been about health.
Speaker 2: It's been about size, and it's been about the way
Speaker 2: that I look, which I think, you know, if you
Speaker 2: have been having those thoughts, or even if you go
Speaker 2: into New Year's this year thinking I'm gonna get in shape,
Speaker 2: really check yourself about what is the motivating factor behind that?
Speaker 1: On top of that law is it's not even just
Speaker 1: I think our own internal thoughts. I worked in a
Speaker 1: gym when I was in high school, and I know
Speaker 1: that a lot of the marketing around anything related with
Speaker 1: health focus on New Year's resolutions. They focus on losing
Speaker 1: that Christmas kilos and all that kind of bullshit. And
Speaker 1: I think we're about to go into New Year, every
Speaker 1: single fitness center is going to have some type of
Speaker 1: sale to get January is by far the most popular
Speaker 1: month for every single gym. The only other day that
Speaker 1: was more popular in the gym then the first day
Speaker 1: that the gym opened on the year was the day
Speaker 1: after the Victoria's Secret Fashion Parade.
Speaker 2: That is messed up.
Speaker 1: So this is a real thing that they will target
Speaker 1: you for. And all I'm saying this on the podcast
Speaker 1: for is just be aware of it.
Speaker 2: But we're going to get into the rest of it
Speaker 2: with doctor Hannah very very shortly. I also had a
Speaker 2: cry on this episode. Sorry, sorry about that. In Events Tarry,
Speaker 2: But before we do speak to doctor Hannah, there is
Speaker 2: something else that we wanted to talk about. Akisha. You
Speaker 2: came across a very interesting article this week.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna read the headline, top positions for quiet
Speaker 1: sex that offer maximum pleasure over Christmas period while you're
Speaker 1: visiting family.
Speaker 2: I love that it's not even.
Speaker 1: Just quite sex, but it's quite sex for maximum pleasure,
Speaker 1: Like this is what you get in most bang for
Speaker 1: your buck with zero noise?
Speaker 2: Is this? Could you think that a lot of people
Speaker 2: have to think about this, Like you're gonna go and
Speaker 2: stay at the in law's house and you wanna still
Speaker 2: have sex, but you're gonna like, surely you just have
Speaker 2: normal sex and you just do it quiet, Like why
Speaker 2: do we need to know the specific sex position?
Speaker 1: Sadly for Britain, and it has been a while since
Speaker 1: we've had to think about yeah's amen?
Speaker 2: Can I tell you a secret?
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean it's not a secret if you
Speaker 1: tell the whole podcast, but yes.
Speaker 2: Okay, So speaking of having quiet sex, because you're staying
Speaker 2: at your parents' house a very long time ago, I'm
Speaker 2: talking over a decade. I once had sex extremely quietly,
Speaker 2: like zero noise. My boyfriend at the time's dad was
Speaker 2: asleep in the same room.
Speaker 1: In the same room.
Speaker 2: How big was your room?
Speaker 3: That's gross.
Speaker 2: We lived in a studio apartment and studio to literally
Speaker 2: it was a bed and then he was sleeping in
Speaker 2: our bed and we were asleep on the couch. But
Speaker 2: he was staying with us for three and a half weeks.
Speaker 1: So what's more outrageous staying with some of for three
Speaker 1: and a half weeks. We're having sex with.
Speaker 2: His father in law. It was my father in law.
Speaker 3: We went back.
Speaker 2: He snored so loud. It was unbelieved he had a
Speaker 2: seapap machine, so it was so loud. So we knew
Speaker 2: he was asleep and we were so quiet.
Speaker 1: So he let me get this straight. He asked to
Speaker 1: come to your house for three weeks, seapap machine in
Speaker 1: your bed. You slept at his feet, You were having
Speaker 1: sex at his feet. I was picturing like you pounding
Speaker 1: along to the rhythm of the dark ves.
Speaker 2: No, it was very quiet. It was missionary. Well, no,
Speaker 2: it was the one on the side. What's that call sleep?
Speaker 1: His sides extsides sex, Zero.
Speaker 2: Noise, I'm talking is zero noise, not a single moan, nothing,
Speaker 2: And it was even hard breathing.
Speaker 1: I guess I see pat machine. Yeah, you're like to
Speaker 1: doing timing machines.
Speaker 2: It's so funny. Did he ever find out, No, because
Speaker 2: he was asleep.
Speaker 1: But you know that's what you think exactly what he
Speaker 1: was getting a show of his life and pretending.
Speaker 2: No, No, that's disgusting, don't be rid discus have sex.
Speaker 2: It was completely dark. I was very young. It was
Speaker 2: about fifteen.
Speaker 1: Any nothing, not even like nothing nothing or did you
Speaker 1: hold your breath?
Speaker 2: Turns out that I can have silent sex. You had
Speaker 2: a silent orgasmic. So what I want to say to everyone,
Speaker 2: just stop. What I want to say to everyone is
Speaker 2: that if you have to have sex, you're in law's house.
Speaker 2: We're going to tell you some positions. But trust me,
Speaker 2: it's very doable. They don't need to know about Okay,
Speaker 2: So I feel like this was the sex with your guy.
Speaker 2: It was okay, Oh my word, Okay.
Speaker 1: They listed six other positions that you can have quiet,
Speaker 1: and I'm quoting that quiet six to the first one
Speaker 1: that they listed. One of my favorites, lotus position.
Speaker 2: What is the lotus.
Speaker 1: One person is sitting on the bottom and then the
Speaker 1: other person is sitting on top of them, like facing them,
Speaker 1: kind of embracing them. Yeah, it's very sensual, okay, But
Speaker 1: also like, surely none of these positions actually make a
Speaker 1: difference about being quiet.
Speaker 2: It comes to down to the person probably the level.
Speaker 1: Of rocking and movement and stuff.
Speaker 2: It also comes down to how loose the springs are
Speaker 2: on your bed.
Speaker 1: No, you've also got a thing like doggie can be
Speaker 1: louder like for example, it can, and so could if
Speaker 1: you're especially missionary. But I guess if you're like doing
Speaker 1: the loadus and it's sensual, there's not a lot of
Speaker 1: like yeah, because the person on the bottom isn't moving. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I think that that helps with the rocking of
Speaker 1: the bed.
Speaker 2: Also, no testicles slapping alongside. That's usually what happens. That's
Speaker 2: the thock sound right, Yeah, sideway sixty nine, that's what
Speaker 2: I did. Oh no, that's not what I know.
Speaker 1: You w upside down.
Speaker 2: We're facing the same way.
Speaker 1: People doing that. I feel like it's pretty awkward aside. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but then you usually wouldn't you just go for the
Speaker 1: normal sixty nine where you're on top of each other
Speaker 1: the side.
Speaker 2: Do they do the sideways? Yeah, the sideway sixty nine,
Speaker 2: just like you just have your leg bent like so
Speaker 2: it's like what you lay on your side, you have
Speaker 2: one leg bent up and you're kind of like in
Speaker 2: each other. I wish that this was a video. You
Speaker 2: kind of like, I have to hold onto their leg
Speaker 2: a bit. Anyway you do that one not recently but have.
Speaker 1: Do you do lazy sideway sixty nine?
Speaker 3: I have done it, It's not on.
Speaker 1: My regular repertoire, but you're the loader may add to it.
Speaker 2: Definitely a quieter one, I would say, But I would
Speaker 2: also say that it's as quiet as doing a normal
Speaker 2: sixty nine. I wouldn't say that there's like a specifically
Speaker 2: quieter difference.
Speaker 1: Maybe if you have to hold yourself up more on that.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I'm trying to think about it. I've always said that
Speaker 1: I reckon it would be so loud in bed, so
Speaker 1: I don't think that. I don't know why I have
Speaker 1: that perception, like I've never heard you have sex when
Speaker 1: I just I don't know what.
Speaker 2: Maybe it's a laugh that, Like.
Speaker 1: I just.
Speaker 2: Why do you think britt lives on her own?
Speaker 1: Yeah, there's a reason, but brittle lives on her own
Speaker 1: and doesn't have sex.
Speaker 2: That's a problem, all right, bring it on home. What
Speaker 2: is the last one?
Speaker 1: So the other two that we have already mentioned, missionary
Speaker 1: and spooning, they also have listed slow doggie. Yes, it
Speaker 1: has to be slow, but then is it do you
Speaker 1: want to even do it? Then? I think people do
Speaker 1: doggie to be slow and sensual. It's not a sensual
Speaker 1: positions or Sideway sixty nine. When you nuzzled on in there,
Speaker 1: it's like, I don't know, I don't think doggie is
Speaker 1: very sensual.
Speaker 2: Look, I'm going to just say this. If you are
Speaker 2: planning on having sex at the in law's house, is
Speaker 2: you just put your face in a pillow and go
Speaker 2: for it. Let's move on. Oh my god. Okay, let's
Speaker 2: get into our favorite part of every episode, and that
Speaker 2: is accidentally unfiltered. Now I have an accident unfiltered, which
Speaker 2: my girlfriend told me this weekend. And there was some
Speaker 2: very very good ones written in by you guys, but
Speaker 2: this story had me absolutely fucking flowed. Okay, So my
Speaker 2: friend went and stayed at a beautiful hotel this weekend
Speaker 2: with her boyfriend, just you know, to go and have
Speaker 2: some quality time together, to be together and enjoy each
Speaker 2: other's company. And she did a panning video of the
Speaker 2: hotel suite that she was staying at. So she walked
Speaker 2: into the room and the panning video is panning of
Speaker 2: like the like the mini bar and the wall and
Speaker 2: the artwork, and then it goes out to this incredible
Speaker 2: view over Sydney Harbor and that's the video that she
Speaker 2: sent to her family chat. And when I say family chat,
Speaker 2: I mean her partner's family chat with in law mom
Speaker 2: and the dad and the siblings. And she sent that anyway,
Speaker 2: it turns out that she also took a second video,
Speaker 2: and that second video was of a beautiful pan of
Speaker 2: the mini bar and of the artworks and of the view.
Speaker 2: But then she panned a little bit further around to
Speaker 2: the bed where her boyfriend was laying there with his
Speaker 2: legs up in the air pretending to finger himself. No,
Speaker 2: no she did, That's why she said. And she sent
Speaker 2: that to his mum.
Speaker 1: And what did his mom say? Nothing?
Speaker 2: Nothing. I didn't realize this, But when it comes to
Speaker 2: what's that messaging? No, you can delete a message, right,
Speaker 2: so you can say like delete for everyone. If the
Speaker 2: person hasn't updated their app to have that feature, then
Speaker 2: that message does not delete for everyone.
Speaker 1: So he did not delete for everybody. I didn't know
Speaker 1: that was a thing.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So unless the person has updated their app, they
Speaker 2: will still receive that message.
Speaker 1: So there's a hot tip for everybody. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm mad about. Remember a little while ago, Apple release
Speaker 1: a thing that said that when you send an eye message.
Speaker 1: Now if it's in three minutes, you can unsend it.
Speaker 1: It's not true. It's not true. Well, Marne can't do it,
Speaker 1: neither can mine. I wondered if maybe I just didn't
Speaker 1: know how to do it properly and I don't.
Speaker 2: Get it, because that could have come in every handy if.
Speaker 1: I can tell you, I'm like, oh shitay it's not true.
Speaker 2: We'll get into what is your actually unfiltered?
Speaker 1: Okay, this literally just happened. Well, so I use my
Speaker 1: electric toothbrush as a vibrator. I know it sounds strange,
Speaker 1: but I do know I'm not the only one. It's
Speaker 1: way better than any vibrator I've ever tried.
Speaker 2: I feel like it would be really like it would
Speaker 2: blast your glitterius off.
Speaker 1: As someone who reads our DMS, unfortunately she's not a lot.
Speaker 1: Wait with what I usually do is have a go
Speaker 1: in the shower after I've brushed my teeth. Yeah wait, anyway,
Speaker 1: I've just had a shower, masturbated and had a really
Speaker 1: great orgasm. Afterwards, though my vage was super minty, tingling
Speaker 1: and burning. I realized I forgot to brush my teeth
Speaker 1: and I masturbated with the truthpaste that's so right for
Speaker 1: using the same toothbrush to do both, and then she
Speaker 1: goes to still worth it. Though, I'm sorry, but surely
Speaker 1: you know what you masturbate with whatever you want, Like
Speaker 1: I'm here for this, but surely you get a second one,
Speaker 1: Like you get a like the insertion and the clear
Speaker 1: and whatever you want for one toothbrush. But I don't
Speaker 1: think you need to use the same one. I could
Speaker 1: be wrong.
Speaker 2: I mean, you use the same mouth to eat your food,
Speaker 2: to brush your teeth, and to go down on people.
Speaker 2: So like, I think I'd just get.
Speaker 1: Two, though I just keep one in the masturbating one
Speaker 1: in the shower. I hate how hypercritical it is that
Speaker 1: I care about this, because, like Laurie, you're right.
Speaker 2: We use the same mouth. To be fair, I will
Speaker 2: replace my toothbrush if it falls on the floor. So yeah, okay, Well,
Speaker 2: with all of that out of the way, let's get
Speaker 2: into the chat with doctor Hannah. By this time of
Speaker 2: the year, most of us are crawling to the finish
Speaker 2: line and in survival mode to make it through the
Speaker 2: working year. With things like Christmas and New Year's we
Speaker 2: tend to have an added layer of pressure to just
Speaker 2: be very jolly and cheerful when it might be the
Speaker 2: last thing that we actually really feel. So we wanted
Speaker 2: to do a whole episode on getting it through the
Speaker 2: holiday period when things aren't just the best that they've
Speaker 2: ever been in your life and joining us to give
Speaker 2: us some advice is our friend, our resident neuropsychologist, Doctor
Speaker 2: Hannah Corral, Doctor Hannah, Welcome back to Life on Card. Hello,
Speaker 2: thank you so much for having me, guys, doctor Hannah.
Speaker 1: I love a I love the fact that we've got
Speaker 1: a resident neuropsychologist. That makes it sound really cool and
Speaker 1: all that cool, but I.
Speaker 2: Drop it in all my friendship groups. Yeah, but anybody
Speaker 2: who maybe hasn't heard you on the podcast before, can
Speaker 2: you give us a quick overview on what a neuropsychologist is.
Speaker 3: So we're like a brain detective. So we figure out
Speaker 3: where your brain is going well and where it's not
Speaker 3: going so well using pen and paper tests, right, So
Speaker 3: we do the IQ score. We do things like diagnosing autism, ADHD, dementia.
Speaker 3: So we are, yeah, like a brain detective. We figure
Speaker 3: out what's going on in your history, what's happened in
Speaker 3: the past. We spend hours and hours and hours with
Speaker 3: people to figure out, get all the pieces of the
Speaker 3: puzzle and figure out what might be happening for your brain.
Speaker 1: Well, this is the third time we've had you on.
Speaker 1: We do love you here. You're very knowledgeable and you
Speaker 1: give some really great advice. Why do people at this
Speaker 1: time feel like everything is intensified by ten mmmmmmm because.
Speaker 2: It is.
Speaker 3: Yet done. No, you're not imagining it right, like you
Speaker 3: are not imagining that it is a tough time of year.
Speaker 3: It's valid. It's a valid feeling. Don't self gas light
Speaker 3: that you're imagining because you're not. Two things I think
Speaker 3: are recurring. One is neurological and one is psychological. So
Speaker 3: the neurological is your cognitive cup, so your cognitive abilities.
Speaker 3: You imagine your brain is like a cup and it
Speaker 3: can only hold so much emotional load, cognitive load, administrative load,
Speaker 3: all of the things, the bandwidth that you have to
Speaker 3: do life, to do work, to do personal life. It's
Speaker 3: all stimuli, right, And it's not a fallacy that at
Speaker 3: the end of the year that's when all the deadlines are.
Speaker 3: It's the end of twenty twenty two. You have to
Speaker 3: get all your shit done before the end of the year.
Speaker 3: You also have to jam in extra deadlines of when
Speaker 3: to get presents, when to wrap presence, what to buy
Speaker 3: for people, when to schedule parties, when to go to
Speaker 3: other parties, when to drink all the outcoholm be hungover
Speaker 3: all of this additional stress that you're adding, so orologically speaking,
Speaker 3: your cognitive carp is getting fuller and you don't have
Speaker 3: as much bandwidth, you don't have as much cognitive reserve,
Speaker 3: and you're cognitively overloaded.
Speaker 2: Do you think as well? And I mean, I think
Speaker 2: it's probably a bit of a sweeping statement to say
Speaker 2: that every single person that this year is stressed out,
Speaker 2: because I don't think every single person is. I think
Speaker 2: there are a lot of people who do go into
Speaker 2: the Christmas period with joy, feeling all the things that
Speaker 2: we're told we're supposed to feel, right, I'm sure that
Speaker 2: there are lots of people who have that. But then
Speaker 2: there are also a lot of people who go in
Speaker 2: with almost like a feeling of guilt because they don't
Speaker 2: feel the way that they think they're supposed to feel.
Speaker 2: Do you think that there is a psychological reason why
Speaker 2: there's like a magnifying glass on us during especially what
Speaker 2: is Christmas in New Years?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: My gosh, yes, well that's you know number two. Reason
Speaker 3: two is the psychological side of things. And I will say, Laura, like,
Speaker 3: I think our understanding of emotion is sometimes very uni.
Speaker 3: You know, one emotion, but you can actually have more
Speaker 3: than one emotion at one time. So you can be
Speaker 3: super super stressed but also love Christmas and be absolutely overwhelmed,
Speaker 3: but at the same time looking forward to Christmas. So
Speaker 3: you can exist in two places at the same time.
Speaker 3: You can have this two didactically opposed feelings at the
Speaker 3: same time. So I hate this time of year. I
Speaker 3: love this time of year. You can feel the two
Speaker 3: things at once, which you know, It's something that we
Speaker 3: talk about in relationships all the time. We always say, like,
Speaker 3: you know, it's possible, and even in friendships, you know,
Speaker 3: it's possible to be happy for your friend and to
Speaker 3: be sad that you're missing out on something like those
Speaker 3: feelings don't have to be mutually exclusive. But I think
Speaker 3: sometimes when our feelings aren't concurrent with how.
Speaker 2: We think we should feel, it's even worse.
Speaker 3: Oh exactly. And if we add that extra layer of
Speaker 3: guilt you mentioned before, that extra layer of guilt that
Speaker 3: why don't I feel happier. Why am I anxious? Why
Speaker 3: am I in this place again? And you mentioned before
Speaker 3: about this expectation of where we should be at a
Speaker 3: certain time of the year. And I think it's no
Speaker 3: secret that at the end of the year it's review time,
Speaker 3: isn't it. It's like, personally, it's your personal review time.
Speaker 3: That's a stressful time of year. We're about to go
Speaker 3: into New Years, We're about to end twenty twenty two,
Speaker 3: we're all probably about to enter the year of another
Speaker 3: year older. This is the time of review, and I
Speaker 3: think it ultimately comes down to expectations that you set
Speaker 3: up for yourself. Such an interesting way of putting it,
Speaker 3: like I had never thought of it before, as in,
Speaker 3: like I mean, when I think about it, it is
Speaker 3: exactly what we all do. We kind of assess where
Speaker 3: our lives are come December, especially come New Years, where
Speaker 3: we're all setting news resolutions. It's almost like that's the
Speaker 3: benchmark that we kind of level ourselves up against verse
Speaker 3: where we were at the year prior. And for some
Speaker 3: people that might be a place where they're really happy
Speaker 3: with the progress that they've made, and for others they
Speaker 3: might feel like they've failed themselves. So they've failed the
Speaker 3: expectations that they placed for themselves the year before, and
Speaker 3: it ultimately comes. This is one of the reasons why
Speaker 3: I love neurosyite, because I've learnt so much about every
Speaker 3: form of the spectrum of neurotypical to neurodiverse. But there
Speaker 3: is something called your own personal rule book in your head.
Speaker 3: We all have our own logic book in our head
Speaker 3: about what the rules are for, what the rules are
Speaker 3: for Laura, what the rules are for Hannah, and in
Speaker 3: our heads all of us, every single one of us,
Speaker 3: and all three of us were, you know, talking about
Speaker 3: those rules just earlier before we started this podcast, of
Speaker 3: all our expectations. I've got the rules in my head.
Speaker 3: I was supposed to be in this place by this age.
Speaker 3: I was supposed to have this by this age. I
Speaker 3: was supposed to be doing this by this age. And
Speaker 3: that's my personal rule book. Hannah was supposed to be
Speaker 3: in this spot at this time, and this was not
Speaker 3: what I expected. So when I'm doing something that's incongruent
Speaker 3: with my rule of where I should be, my body panics,
Speaker 3: and my body gives me a whole heap of stress hormones,
Speaker 3: very visceral stress hormones that make me feel panic, sheer panic,
Speaker 3: and it's like, I can't be in my own skin
Speaker 3: because I'm living a life that's incongruent with my rules,
Speaker 3: and then I panic. And what do high functioning people
Speaker 3: do when they panic? They intellectualize or they distract.
Speaker 2: So can you give me an example of what intellectualizing
Speaker 2: is verse distracting? Like, how does that play out in
Speaker 2: someone's behavior? Oh my god?
Speaker 1: Yes, okay again, how much time do you have?
Speaker 3: Let me give you a scenario. All right, So it's
Speaker 3: one in the morning and you're laying in bed and
Speaker 3: your brain is telling you all of the different scenarios
Speaker 3: and thinking through all the different scenarios of why this happened,
Speaker 3: when that happened, What did they mean by this? What
Speaker 3: should I be doing if they do this? When will
Speaker 3: I do this? When will I say this? What if
Speaker 3: this happens? What does this mean? And doing that loop
Speaker 3: around and around and around.
Speaker 2: We've all done that loop.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been doing it the last three nights.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 3: We all do that loop, like, and that's your brain
Speaker 3: because it's worked in the past, when you're younger, when
Speaker 3: you're a little kid, when you're a teenager. You've thought
Speaker 3: your way out of problems and it works. It works.
Speaker 3: You think your way out of problems, and it reinforces
Speaker 3: that behavior to intellectualize, and your brain compartmentalizes and goes,
Speaker 3: this is the scenario. So what's the solution. If this happens,
Speaker 3: I'll do A. If this happens, I'll do BE, and
Speaker 3: if this happens, I'll do C. But the problem is
Speaker 3: you can never predict exactly what's going to happen. The
Speaker 3: world is a constantly shifting, moving feast, and I don't
Speaker 3: know what you're going to say next to what you're
Speaker 3: going to do next. You can never predict it. So
Speaker 3: your brain's going to keep throwing scenarios at you. Well,
Speaker 3: what if scenario A one happens? What if scenario B
Speaker 3: one happens? And see one and A point one two
Speaker 3: and B point one two. You know, you'll keep generating
Speaker 3: more and more scenarios, and you'll keep going in that
Speaker 3: loop of thinking and thinking.
Speaker 2: We call it ruminating.
Speaker 3: We're going around and around and round often.
Speaker 2: I think as well as something that we do is
Speaker 2: when we are in that spiral of like trying to
Speaker 2: forecast how things are going to play out. We often
Speaker 2: are so negatively geared that we go to the worst
Speaker 2: possible situation and things are never ever as bad as
Speaker 2: what you think they are, but you always think about
Speaker 2: what that worst outcoming is and then work your way back, so.
Speaker 3: You are hardwired to think of all the possible bad
Speaker 3: things that could go wrong and just statistically probability wise,
Speaker 3: we're moving into December, you have probably way more social
Speaker 3: things happening. You have more people you're about to interact with,
Speaker 3: you have more conversations you're about to have. You're going
Speaker 3: to see people you haven't seen in a long time,
Speaker 3: and people you know. You have confrontations and grievances with
Speaker 3: family members where you know she's hit the fan before
Speaker 3: you're about to statistically enter a mind field of many
Speaker 3: more interactions, and your brain is telling you all the
Speaker 3: possible things that can go wrong because it's trying to
Speaker 3: protect you. It's trying to keep you safe. It loves you,
Speaker 3: and it wants you to survive.
Speaker 2: Can you go back a bit for me as well, Hannah,
Speaker 2: because I jumped in with my thought as you were talking,
Speaker 2: and then I realized we only covered what we do
Speaker 2: when we intellectualize a problem, But not what the second
Speaker 2: option was distracting, distracting, Yes, okay, all right, so this
Speaker 2: is when we get okay, scenario.
Speaker 3: Let me tell you the next scenario. So you're laying
Speaker 3: in bed. You've intellectualized your thought, and you've thought, and
Speaker 3: you've thought, and you've thought and your thought and you've
Speaker 3: like lying in bed a husk of a human being,
Speaker 3: rocking gently back and forth as we were. What you're
Speaker 3: talking about me right now? So the next thing we do?
Speaker 2: What do we do?
Speaker 3: I've got to get some sleep. I've just oh, for
Speaker 3: God's sake, you just have to go to sleep. So
Speaker 3: what do we do? We reach out to our phones.
Speaker 3: We pick up our phones. We might scroll through Instagram,
Speaker 3: we might scroll through an app. I know, for me,
Speaker 3: I'm a big fiend for putting on an audiobook to
Speaker 3: try to distract myself. Put on Harry Potter, a little
Speaker 3: bit of HP to play, because we're distracting. And you
Speaker 3: might distract with needing a hug from someone and needing
Speaker 3: someone else to self regulate by hugging you and giving
Speaker 3: you advice. So you're constantly calling other friends to get
Speaker 3: advice or get that hug. It might be that you
Speaker 3: distract with a partner. It might be that you distract
Speaker 3: with substances like alcohol or other things to numb the pain.
Speaker 3: It might be that you distract by totally throwing yourself
Speaker 3: into work, anything to take your mind off that feeling
Speaker 3: of anxiety that you're experiencing, and sitting with that feeling
Speaker 3: of anxiety and just accepting that it's okay to be
Speaker 3: anxious instead of anything but feeling anxious. I need to
Speaker 3: think my way out of this or distract myself from
Speaker 3: this anxiety.
Speaker 2: I mean, we've talked about having this like almost litmus
Speaker 2: test for yourself at the end of the year. For
Speaker 2: anybody who is in a situation where they don't feel
Speaker 2: like they've leveled up to the expectations that they set
Speaker 2: for themselves, what is the advice to just be upset.
Speaker 3: And down and you are dealing with a lot. My
Speaker 3: best advice would be lifting the veil and just realizing,
Speaker 3: oh my god, there's so much going on for me.
Speaker 3: I'm a big fan of terms like neurostress, neuro anxiety,
Speaker 3: neurosadness rather than just saying stress, anxiety, sadness. I think
Speaker 3: is very validating to hear somebody say no babe, there's
Speaker 3: a pathway in your brain that is letting off a
Speaker 3: lot of anxiety, a lot of stress hormones, a lot
Speaker 3: of very real, valid feelings that don't require much stimuli
Speaker 3: now to kick off for you. So mind only take
Speaker 3: a little little trigger to get a big reaction in
Speaker 3: your body, okay, because you've got that pathway well Torodden
Speaker 3: path and you've got that quick, conditioned response in your body.
Speaker 3: So you get a huge panic feeling for a little
Speaker 3: little message from your mum on Christmas, okay, And that's
Speaker 3: your brain trying to keep you safe because something bad
Speaker 3: has happened in the past and your body has learned
Speaker 3: I need lots of adrenaline to get through what's about
Speaker 3: to happen or what might be about to happen. So
Speaker 3: I think that's why I like using in terms like
Speaker 3: neuro anxiety, because it validates that experience that you're not
Speaker 3: imagining this. Don't self gas lights, You're not imagining the
Speaker 3: feeling of anxiety.
Speaker 4: It's physical, it's visceral, it's physiological, it's neurological, and it's
Speaker 4: really quite hard sometimes to separate ourselves from that feeling
Speaker 4: and look in on ourselves and go oh, this is
Speaker 4: a conditioned response that my body's going through.
Speaker 3: I am not my feelings, I am not my thoughts.
Speaker 3: I can look in on this and know that the
Speaker 3: panic I'm feeling isn't necessarily real, and I'm not in
Speaker 3: danger right now. I am okay right now.
Speaker 1: I mean you spoke before about distraction. Some people are
Speaker 1: about distraction their phones or a friend or a text
Speaker 1: message or something to get you away from the situation.
Speaker 1: I assume this is advice you're going to give people
Speaker 1: going into this season if they're having these feelings. What
Speaker 1: about the people that might go into this that feel
Speaker 1: overwhelmed in a different way. I myself, I actually don't
Speaker 1: use distraction at all. I get rid of everything, I
Speaker 1: don't want anyone around me, and I just sit on
Speaker 1: my own in silence. I actually don't know why, because
Speaker 1: you sit in your thoughts. More so, what about the
Speaker 1: people that are probably more introverted, I guess would be
Speaker 1: the word that don't want to surround themselves with people.
Speaker 1: What advice can you give those people going into this
Speaker 1: season that have those feelings of anxiety, loneliness, stress, worry.
Speaker 3: Basically, what you're doing by doing that is reducing the
Speaker 3: stimuli around you, So giving your cognitive cup a little
Speaker 3: bit more bandwidth because you have less stimuli around you,
Speaker 3: less social less, light less, sound less, movement less crowds,
Speaker 3: and it's reducing the stimuli to give you more emotional bandwidth.
Speaker 3: So if that's what you need to do, then that's okay.
Speaker 3: I just say with a grain of salt, like isolating withdrawing,
Speaker 3: those are all they can be signs of depression. So
Speaker 3: it's a little bit like cost benefit. You know, is
Speaker 3: it adding cognitive load? But is it at the cost
Speaker 3: that I'm isolating? So I think people should just be
Speaker 3: mindful of that. If you haven't already contacted perhaps a
Speaker 3: psychologist for support or a friend for support, I would
Speaker 3: say that that might be a good plan. But also
Speaker 3: setting up some real tangible and being countable for that,
Speaker 3: Like I know it's so how easy for us. I
Speaker 3: always say, like total to GP and touch base with
Speaker 3: your GP and get a mental health care plan and
Speaker 3: all this other stuff. Come and get some accountability now,
Speaker 3: Like is it a tough time? Do you know that
Speaker 3: you're going into a tough time and maybe you distract
Speaker 3: and you do some unhealthy behaviors and you isolate, or
Speaker 3: you draw on substances, or you do something that you
Speaker 3: know is not helping you in the long run. This
Speaker 3: is the red flag. This is me saying, yeah, now
Speaker 3: might be the time that you need to get a
Speaker 3: little bit more support, with this formalized support to deal
Speaker 3: with what's going on for you.
Speaker 2: Which kind of leads me on to my next question.
Speaker 2: How important do you think it is to have boundaries
Speaker 2: at this time of year? Because I think so many
Speaker 2: of us can compromise our boundaries because we don't want
Speaker 2: to offend our family, We don't want to offend our
Speaker 2: parents or whatever it looks like in laws, whatever your
Speaker 2: family structure looks like. We all know that families are
Speaker 2: incredibly complex and a lot of people have a lot
Speaker 2: of trauma from their family connections. How important is it
Speaker 2: to put boundaries in place? Oh my gosh, like the ultimate?
Speaker 2: They're ultimate thousand times yes.
Speaker 3: Like I literally made an app called a Search Yourself,
Speaker 3: which is all about asserting yourself, asserting yourself. And I'm
Speaker 3: not well versed asserting myself. I need to hear it
Speaker 3: every day too, and I need to practice it too.
Speaker 3: Just take it one day at a time, you know,
Speaker 3: it's really easy to go, Oh my god, on the
Speaker 3: twenty fifth, this is going to happen. I'm supposed to
Speaker 3: go on this holiday with this person, and this is
Speaker 3: going to happen. And that's going to happen, and this
Speaker 3: has happening, and.
Speaker 1: You overload yourself with all.
Speaker 3: Of these requirements that we've put on ourselves, like I
Speaker 3: have to give them this much notice, and I have
Speaker 3: to tell them this, and I have to I have
Speaker 3: to have this conversation. You can actually just take it
Speaker 3: one day at a time. You are allowed to back
Speaker 3: out of things. You are allowed to say no to things.
Speaker 3: You're allowed to say no at the absolute last minute.
Speaker 3: You're allowed to say, nah, I'm not doing this, don't
Speaker 3: feel comfortable with this. And if that happens on the day,
Speaker 3: that's okay too. All right, don't try and solve it
Speaker 3: all right now, don't worry today about the twenty fifth
Speaker 3: of December, the twenty sixth, the twenty seventh, the first
Speaker 3: of January. You just get through today, get through tomorrow,
Speaker 3: figure it out as it comes. Because if we're talking
Speaker 3: about assertedness and boundaries, it's probably because you're dealing with
Speaker 3: someone who's pushing your boundaries. Right, and sometimes it is
Speaker 3: a day at a time. I think we get stuck
Speaker 3: in the minutia of going what.
Speaker 2: Are they doing, what did they do?
Speaker 3: Why did they do this? And trying to explain their
Speaker 3: behavior away we lose ourselves in that.
Speaker 2: This is a conversation I've had with a couple of
Speaker 2: people recently, with several of my girlfriends who have complicated
Speaker 2: relationships with their parents. Whether they're the product of divorce
Speaker 2: that sounds like such a weir way putting it, the
Speaker 2: product of they have divorced parents, or they have parents
Speaker 2: who have very overbearing understandings of what Christmas should be
Speaker 2: because maybe their parents are holding on too hard to
Speaker 2: the way that it was when they were kids. And
Speaker 2: you know, where we all have our own nucleus families
Speaker 2: now where where adults, you know, we've got our own children,
Speaker 2: there can be this almost like expectation from parents that
Speaker 2: you behave and do a certain thing because that is
Speaker 2: what's expected of you. One sort of thing that comes
Speaker 2: to mind is one of my friends isn't going to
Speaker 2: be with her family, her parents for Christmas this year,
Speaker 2: and there's been a lot of guilt that's been placed
Speaker 2: on her because she's chosen to do something that's different,
Speaker 2: but she also has a bit of a stress relationship
Speaker 2: with her parents anyway, and she's decided she just wants
Speaker 2: to spend it with her new nucleus family, with her
Speaker 2: husband and her children. And I think that like the
Speaker 2: added guilt of that, the added feeling when you are
Speaker 2: the child and you're disappointing your parents, even though you're
Speaker 2: a grown ass adult, that feeling of guilt never leaves
Speaker 2: you that feeling of like, fuck, my parents are angry
Speaker 2: at me. They can be the hardest people to assert boundaries.
Speaker 3: With, Oh my gosh, activating that rule book again, the rules.
Speaker 3: There's a rule book in your mind, I should be this.
Speaker 1: Way, I have to do this for somebody else. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they expect me to do it.
Speaker 2: It's like further perpetuated by your parents as well in
Speaker 2: terms of, like, you know.
Speaker 1: Not even intentionally sometimes the level of like you feel
Speaker 1: like you need to show up sometimes.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we are in a lot of ways a condition
Speaker 2: of our upbringing, right, Like if your parents have placed
Speaker 2: a lot of expectations on you in terms of the
Speaker 2: way that you should behave all the way that you
Speaker 2: should show up to family events, and you decide that
Speaker 2: that doesn't serve you because it brings you anxiety, or
Speaker 2: because it's all your fucking aren't always behaves badly and
Speaker 2: it stresses you out. But there's still this expectation that
Speaker 2: you go. This time of year really shines a spotlight
Speaker 2: on the things that aren't great in our family structures
Speaker 2: at home. Yeah, because we compare to other people who
Speaker 2: have great families and have amazing connections with their parents
Speaker 2: and with their siblings. And if that's something that you
Speaker 2: don't have in your household, even that can add a
Speaker 2: whole another layer of stress.
Speaker 3: Home life, childhood, upbringing, that's where we learnt the rules.
Speaker 3: That's where we learned the inverted commas, the rules of
Speaker 3: life of how you are supposed to be. And it's
Speaker 3: often hard to break the flow on the momentum of
Speaker 3: the way the family interacts. That's where we've learnt. Mum
Speaker 3: always gets away with speaking to me like this. My
Speaker 3: brother always speaks to me in this way. When I'm
Speaker 3: with my family, it's very toxic and we talk to
Speaker 3: each other in this way, and it's so well ingrained,
Speaker 3: and it's been happening for such a long time that
Speaker 3: it suddenly feels like Mount Everest to say no, that's
Speaker 3: not okay, that you spoke to me like this, and
Speaker 3: their reaction might be so full on. Whenever you've tried
Speaker 3: to rein it in and whenever you've attempted to assert
Speaker 3: yourself that it's conditioned you to not say any don't
Speaker 3: rock the boat, don't make a scene. It's easier to
Speaker 3: just let it go. And that's kind of why I
Speaker 3: tap into we're just getting through one day at a
Speaker 3: time instead of seeing that the top of Mount Everest
Speaker 3: and where I want to be, and it seems so impossible,
Speaker 3: so difficult, so hard. It's so well ingrained now with
Speaker 3: a family, friend, lover, partner, whatever the toxic behavior you
Speaker 3: might be so used to it's been having for such
Speaker 3: a long time, it feels impossible to undo it. Okay,
Speaker 3: But that's where we talk about, well, how do you
Speaker 3: climb Mount Everest? It is just one step at a time.
Speaker 3: So let's just take it today and let's just call
Speaker 3: out whatever happens in this moment. If you're feeling getting
Speaker 3: back in touch with how you're feeling, how are you
Speaker 3: feeling today? Are you happy? Did you enjoy that? Are
Speaker 3: you having fun or do you feel sick? Do you
Speaker 3: feel ashamed? Do you feel humiliated? Do you feel embarrassed?
Speaker 3: Do you have the ick in your heart? That tight feeling?
Speaker 3: And you know something that just happened was not okay
Speaker 3: with me. So I'm going to take this moment. It's
Speaker 3: okay for me to back out of this. It's okay
Speaker 3: for me to say no, It's okay for me to leave.
Speaker 3: It's okay for me to make a scene by departing.
Speaker 2: Okay, toxic behavior, Bye, I am unsubscribing from this family.
Speaker 3: Toxic behavior is like I think we confuse in our heads.
Speaker 3: We try so hard, and this is something I've had
Speaker 3: to learn how to healthily have an argument. Like when
Speaker 3: you've grown up and you believe that any argument is
Speaker 3: toxic and bad, we can swing like a pendulum to
Speaker 3: the other direction of never standing up to ourselves because
Speaker 3: we see any argument or confrontation as bad and being toxic.
Speaker 3: But actually it's toxic when you get into the tit
Speaker 3: for tat, name calling, down and dirty, back and forth.
Speaker 3: So I think we get into a pattern of thinking
Speaker 3: things are toxic because we're so used to that that
Speaker 3: we're aversive to anything we perceive as confrontational, but it's
Speaker 3: actually not confrontational, not toxic for you to acknowledge that
Speaker 3: something was inappropriate for you and say in a very calm,
Speaker 3: clear voice, this is not okay. I'm not comfortable. I'm leaving.
Speaker 2: You know, We've had a lot of questions we put
Speaker 2: this out to the Facebook community, and it's something that
Speaker 2: we've spoken about on I mean, the last three years
Speaker 2: of doing this podcast. At Christmas time, we tend to
Speaker 2: end up having a conversation around how our feelings and
Speaker 2: expectations don't always match up to where we think we
Speaker 2: should be. Brit has spoken about it before in terms
Speaker 2: of being a single person and feeling like it's a
Speaker 2: really hard time for people who are single, because it
Speaker 2: really makes you so fucking aware that other people are
Speaker 2: happy and partnered up. But I also think and when
Speaker 2: we put this out to the group, one of the
Speaker 2: big questions came in was what about for people who
Speaker 2: are experiencing grief, as in, they've lost a person this
Speaker 2: year and this is the first time that they're going
Speaker 2: into Christmas without somebody who had been a huge part
Speaker 2: of their Christmas time, but not.
Speaker 1: Actually on top of that, not even just the first
Speaker 1: time they're going into it without someone every year, every
Speaker 1: year for a long time. This could have been your
Speaker 1: tenth year without someone that's important in your life. And
Speaker 1: like we said at start of the episode, this is
Speaker 1: the time of year that feelings get it up again.
Speaker 3: My understanding with grief is, you know, it's a little
Speaker 3: bit like it's whole, the full shape of your heart
Speaker 3: and the full size of your heart, and it's deep,
Speaker 3: and it's painful, and it hurts, and you grow around
Speaker 3: the grief. You get bigger around the grief because you
Speaker 3: went on another day, maybe cry and another day.
Speaker 2: I know. This is the whole point of this episode.
Speaker 2: This is what's happening.
Speaker 1: This is the time of year that things are intensified,
Speaker 1: and emotions and feelings and everything's brought to the surface.
Speaker 1: And it's not a bad thing to have. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: cry looking at you. It's not a bad thing to
Speaker 1: have these feelings come to the surface. I mean, correct
Speaker 1: me if I'm wrong. How many other professional I feel
Speaker 1: like it's not a bad thing to let them come
Speaker 1: to the surface if you acknowledge what they are and
Speaker 1: know what to do with it, and don't let it
Speaker 1: put you in a place that's worse.
Speaker 2: It's just I think that for a lot of people
Speaker 2: as you get older, like Christmas looks very different to
Speaker 2: what it used to look. I'll go to an add
Speaker 2: is that's a right.
Speaker 3: The intensity of that feeling that I mean that's grief
Speaker 3: is it's that intense. It's like there's like something hits it,
Speaker 3: and it's intense as the very first day, and we
Speaker 3: grow around it. It's like it's always there and it's
Speaker 3: always that intense. But you have day two and day
Speaker 3: three and day four, you get bigger around the feeling.
Speaker 3: But some days something's gonna hit that feeling and it's
Speaker 3: gonna hit you like a ton of bricks like it
Speaker 3: was the first day.
Speaker 2: And I think for me as well at the moment, Sorry,
Speaker 2: sorry to have a cry. Everyone like my papa, he
Speaker 2: was my my grandfather, but he also was my complete
Speaker 2: father figure. And I think for me at the moment,
Speaker 2: and the reason why I'm extra sensitive is because I
Speaker 2: always expected that he would walk me down the aisle
Speaker 2: of my wedding. I always expected that he would be there,
Speaker 2: and my friends and my sister have done an amazing
Speaker 2: job of like really making him be present in my life. Recently,
Speaker 2: Like my sister of my wedding, I told you guys,
Speaker 2: like she got a little lockett made and it was
Speaker 2: attached to my bouquet of flowers of my grandparents. And
Speaker 2: then my other very good friend kaya As, she had
Speaker 2: a portrait made. It was the photo that I posted
Speaker 2: on Instagram of the wedding, but it was a watercolor painting.
Speaker 2: But I had my grandparents in the picture. It was
Speaker 2: really beautiful. And so for me, they're super front of mine.
Speaker 2: But this year, I think, you know, I have my
Speaker 2: whole family coming into Christmas. This year, we've got all
Speaker 2: Matt's family, We've got all my side of the family,
Speaker 2: Like we are hosting Christmas, and he won't be there,
Speaker 2: and that for me is just something that I'm like, fuck,
Speaker 2: that's unfair, Like I really wanted him to see my
Speaker 2: family and that doesn't get to happen. Mine is mild
Speaker 2: in comparison. He lived a wonderful long life. I get it.
Speaker 2: I'm selfish. I want him more, you know, but he
Speaker 2: lived until he's nineties, So that's it's crazy to think
Speaker 2: that there could be any more beyond that. But you know,
Speaker 2: there's people who are going into Christmas without their mum,
Speaker 2: without their dad, without their children, you know, without their
Speaker 2: best friend. There's so many versions of what that looks like.
Speaker 2: And it doesn't have to just be death. It could
Speaker 2: be the more mild diversion going in straight out of
Speaker 2: a breakup. And I think that this is the reason
Speaker 2: why we wanted to talk about this is because it
Speaker 2: really does just bring it all to the surface and
Speaker 2: it almost makes it worse because you're told just supposed
Speaker 2: to be happy.
Speaker 3: That rule book again turning on I'm supposed to be sparkly,
Speaker 3: I'm supposed to be happy. I'm supposed to be grateful
Speaker 3: to what you've got. And if I'm not grateful, then
Speaker 3: I'm what? And if you're ungrateful, then what does that
Speaker 3: mean about you?
Speaker 2: I know this is a riddle. I'm trying what does
Speaker 2: it mean? But what do you mean?
Speaker 3: If you're not grateful, then you're ungrateful? And if you're ungrateful,
Speaker 3: then you're what? What kind of person is an ungry?
Speaker 1: Selfish? Selfish?
Speaker 3: Selfish? So we are activating a rule book in our head.
Speaker 3: If I feel any sadness, I'm ungrateful. If I'm ungrateful,
Speaker 3: I'm selfish. I'm bad. And you can see that. It's
Speaker 3: almost like an algorithm. Your computer is an algorithm, and
Speaker 3: somewhere along the lines, you got programmed with this algorithm
Speaker 3: of when this code runs and I feel sad, I
Speaker 3: feel guilty that I feel sad, I must be a
Speaker 3: bad person.
Speaker 2: And around and around we go.
Speaker 3: I feel worse because now I'm telling myself I feel
Speaker 3: guilty for feeling guilty. And around and around and around
Speaker 3: we go, and we think about it, we intellectualize it
Speaker 3: until the point we're so exhausted that we distract. There
Speaker 3: is a third option, which is to sit with the feeling.
Speaker 3: To sit with it if I can really quickly, like
Speaker 3: just go into you know, social experiments and social stuff.
Speaker 3: You guys have heard of Pavlov's dogs. You know pavlov
Speaker 3: dogs experiments.
Speaker 2: Let's tell me about this the other day. Actually, yeah,
Speaker 2: let's pretend like I know all about it, and you
Speaker 2: can tell the listeners who don't know.
Speaker 3: So I want you to think of like conditioned responses.
Speaker 3: And when I say conditioned, I don't mean like her conditioner.
Speaker 3: I mean like conditioned. I don't mean the pantin condition.
Speaker 3: I mean we have conditioned responses where X happens, Why
Speaker 3: response occurs. Okay, So Pavlov's Dogs is this great experiment
Speaker 3: that highlights this. This guy called Pavlov is an interesting
Speaker 3: experimenter from many, many years ago who noticed that when
Speaker 3: his assistant came out and put food down for the doggies,
Speaker 3: that the doggies would salivate for the food. But even
Speaker 3: when they just saw the assistant, they would start salivating.
Speaker 3: And he went, that's interesting. Why they salivated for the
Speaker 3: assistant and not the food. That's interesting. So he paired
Speaker 3: the food with a bell dingerlingling, and he bring the
Speaker 3: food out and go dingerlingling, and the dog salivated food,
Speaker 3: dinglingling salivate food, ding alingling, salivate food, dinglingling salivate.
Speaker 1: Oh, I feel like you're just talking about me at home.
Speaker 3: And then what he did was he just did the
Speaker 3: bell dingle lingling, and what do you think the dogs did?
Speaker 2: Salivate? Correct?
Speaker 3: Correct?
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And so what we've got there is a conditioned response.
Speaker 3: Do you see an unconditioned stimulus became a conditioned stimulus,
Speaker 3: and we had a conditioned response, which was salivation, a
Speaker 3: physical reaction in response to a stimuli. Okay, you are
Speaker 3: your code turning on in your head, You've got this
Speaker 3: algorithms computer that's operating, and then a stimuli comes in,
Speaker 3: which is you're alone this Christmas. Or a stimuli comes in,
Speaker 3: which is he's not there this Christmas. Or a stimuli
Speaker 3: comes in, which is so much shit to do this
Speaker 3: Christmas and I'm not going to get it all done.
Speaker 3: And we activate our conditioned response, which is panic, which
Speaker 3: is guilt, which is fear, and it's so pervasive and controlling.
Speaker 3: It's like somebody. I don't know about your anxiety, Laura,
Speaker 3: but for me, it's like somebody has taken a massive
Speaker 3: syringe and injected poison into my muscles, and I feel
Speaker 3: it in all of my muscles, and it's a sick,
Speaker 3: tight feeling where every cell in my body screams at
Speaker 3: me to stop, to get it to stop, to do
Speaker 3: anything to get it to stop, And that might be
Speaker 3: to people, please, to agree to do things I don't
Speaker 3: want to do, to push it away and throw myself
Speaker 3: into work, to go and call someone who I know
Speaker 3: is not good for me, and spend time with them
Speaker 3: even though I know they hurt me. Because you don't
Speaker 3: want to be alone, because I don't want to be alone.
Speaker 1: This is a great little Segway question. Do you think
Speaker 1: that this is something that we actually do come this
Speaker 1: time of year? And I'm going to say we let's go.
Speaker 1: We haven't really talked about the single people going and
Speaker 1: the feelings of the single people have yet. Do you
Speaker 1: think this is something that people do is go back
Speaker 1: to somewhere they shouldn't a toxic X someone in the past,
Speaker 1: a message just purely for comfort. So when you get
Speaker 1: some validation to be like, oh, there is someone you
Speaker 1: know that's thinking about me today.
Speaker 3: I mean, whatever the feeling of anxiety is for you,
Speaker 3: it's that biological every cell in your body screaming you
Speaker 3: to get it to stop, get that feeling to stop.
Speaker 3: And yeah, that might be running into the arms of
Speaker 3: someone who's not good for you, because that immediate oxytotion,
Speaker 3: that immediate calming of that your central nervous system, that
Speaker 3: immediate reaction in your body to calm, to be calm
Speaker 3: and to be okay again, anything to make it stop.
Speaker 3: And this is where I say that third option. What's
Speaker 3: the third option here from an intellectualizing and distracting which
Speaker 3: is to learn to sit with the feeling and what
Speaker 3: that does the power of that is to decondition, the
Speaker 3: condition response. Okay, so something is turning on the code
Speaker 3: in your brain, the false belief, the brain washing that
Speaker 3: you have in your brain that you're not good enough,
Speaker 3: that you're too old, that you're alone forever. Oh, you know,
Speaker 3: whatever it is. We have to take the power away
Speaker 3: from that false belief. We have to take the power
Speaker 3: out of it. And the power is the feeling, which
Speaker 3: is I'm panicking when this thing turns on in my brain.
Speaker 3: So if we can learn to sit with it, I
Speaker 3: know you're always going to be there, always in the
Speaker 3: back of my mind. I'm always going to be hard
Speaker 3: on myself, but it doesn't have to have so much
Speaker 3: power over me. And if we keep running away from
Speaker 3: this scary thought every time it turns on, if we
Speaker 3: keep hiding from it, intellectualizing, distracting from it, it holds
Speaker 3: the power over us. But if we sit with it
Speaker 3: and we just okay, let's just sit with this. I
Speaker 3: feel like shit, I feel awful, I feel anxious. I'm
Speaker 3: just gonna sit with it. And today it might be
Speaker 3: that you get to one breath before you intellectualize or distract,
Speaker 3: and maybe a month from now you can actually sit
Speaker 3: with that turning on for a whole five minutes before
Speaker 3: it activates something in you. We're taking the power away.
Speaker 3: You cannot control the feelings of yourself or people. We
Speaker 3: feel what we feel, and if we try to control it,
Speaker 3: that's when we start to feel guilty about feeling guilty,
Speaker 3: feeling sad about feeling sad, feeling anxious about feeling bad,
Speaker 3: and we get meta anxiety. I'm anxious about being anxious.
Speaker 3: You know, we get in a thought loop, we get
Speaker 3: in a feeling loop. Now there is hope, behavior and actions.
Speaker 3: Assuming you're medically well and you're not affected by substances,
Speaker 3: you're in your right mind. You can choose to pick
Speaker 3: up the water bottle. You can choose to go for
Speaker 3: a walk. You can choose to go to the gym.
Speaker 3: You can choose to have the cuddle. You can choose
Speaker 3: to see your psychologists. You can choose to do all
Speaker 3: of those things. You are in control of your behavior.
Speaker 3: Feelings and thoughts come from behavior. If we stay in bed,
Speaker 3: if we have a big night, if we do the
Speaker 3: thing that we know is not going to help us.
Speaker 3: If we don't put the clothes on and we don't
Speaker 3: wash our face, we don't eat the food. Yeah, probably
Speaker 3: by the end of the day, you're gonna feel twenty
Speaker 3: percent worse. You're gonna think worse things about yourself, and
Speaker 3: you're gonna feel worse about yourself if instead you wake
Speaker 3: up and you go I don't feel like it, and
Speaker 3: I think I'm a piece of crap, but I just don't.
Speaker 3: I'm not feeling it. But I'm still going to get
Speaker 3: out of bed. I'm still going to wash my face.
Speaker 3: I'm still going to put a clean piece of clothing on.
Speaker 3: I'm still going to care for my body and eat
Speaker 3: some food. I'm still going to do the thing that
Speaker 3: makes me sit in the sun for a minute and
Speaker 3: take a deep breath. Then by the end of the day,
Speaker 3: maybe you're not one hundred percent better, but you might
Speaker 3: feel five percent better. And it's those little small things
Speaker 3: that add up over time, predict the trajectory of thoughts
Speaker 3: and feelings and one day grow a new core belief,
Speaker 3: a new algorithm and in your brain that we can activate,
Speaker 3: which is I know there's that algorithm that says I'm
Speaker 3: not good enough, but I've grown a new one that
Speaker 3: challenges that and says I have anxiety, And I know
Speaker 3: that I'm a worthwhile human being.
Speaker 2: Dotor Hannah, thank you so much for coming, for sharing
Speaker 2: your wisdom, and also just for I mean, it's so
Speaker 2: interesting to us to hear this side of things from
Speaker 2: not just how we feel, but also from what's physically
Speaker 2: going on insideus as well. And you're a wealth of
Speaker 2: knowledge and we love having you on the podcast. Please
Speaker 2: tell everyone where they can find you, and also reminder
Speaker 2: about the app.
Speaker 3: Ah, thank you for having me. I feel like if
Speaker 3: we can get this trending of this idea of neuro stress,
Speaker 3: neuro anxiety, neuro depression, you know there is so much
Speaker 3: more to this. I don't want people to feel guilty
Speaker 3: for feeling what they feel. Come find me on insta.
Speaker 3: I'm no bullsych. I would love to hear from people,
Speaker 3: connect with people. My app is called Assert Yourself. It's
Speaker 3: got a few nifty little meditations and things you can
Speaker 3: use if you're struggling.
Speaker 1: With something that we probably need to download right now,
Speaker 1: download Assert Yourself.
Speaker 2: Doctor Hannah. Thank you so much.
Speaker 1: Thanks guys, thank you.
Speaker 2: You know that we never finished an episode without our
Speaker 2: suck and our sweet, our very last suck and sweet
Speaker 2: for the week of the U Kish do us the honors,
Speaker 2: you can start. What has been your suck for the week.
Speaker 1: Well, my suck is somewhat related to my sweet. So
Speaker 1: the suck is that the weather has been freezing cold.
Speaker 1: And the reason, and that was really sucky for me
Speaker 1: is because my sweet was that two of my girlfriends
Speaker 1: from the UK, they're both from Life London, flew over.
Speaker 1: They flew in on Thursday night and they stayed with
Speaker 1: me for a couple of days.
Speaker 2: They're up like in.
Speaker 1: North Queensland at the moment, traveling Australia, getting some sun,
Speaker 1: getting some sun. Well actually I was raining up there too.
Speaker 1: Over then come for an Australian summer to get out
Speaker 1: of winter. And they came from minus five. It was
Speaker 1: literally snowing in London when they left, which is also
Speaker 1: quite rare for over there. It doesn't snow that often.
Speaker 2: And so they've flown.
Speaker 1: In and I just had to keep on repeating myself,
Speaker 1: being like, guys, I swear it's been the best weather
Speaker 1: for at least they felt at home.
Speaker 2: They got here and they were like, wow, it really
Speaker 2: is quite comparable, wasn't it Still got sunburn?
Speaker 1: They swim and Bronchie bars blessed them. It was freezing
Speaker 1: and the water was so rough, but they just wanted
Speaker 1: to do, like, you know, the Sphere Australian. They wanted
Speaker 1: to do the coastal Walk, and they wanted to do
Speaker 1: the swim thing.
Speaker 2: And then they came home and.
Speaker 1: They literally were sunburn, which I found hilarious because there
Speaker 1: was not an ounce of blue sky. Yeah.
Speaker 3: So my sweet is that it was so nice to
Speaker 3: have them here.
Speaker 1: It's been so many years since they were They came
Speaker 1: here and left Australia the week before COVID kicked off,
Speaker 1: so like it's been a long time between drinks, and
Speaker 1: it was just so good to see him again.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean like sometimes we like over emphasize almost
Speaker 2: how important the weather is, especially when it's like this
Speaker 2: time of year, when it means that you get to
Speaker 2: see people that you haven't seen for forever, that COVID
Speaker 2: is the tyranny of COVID has kept you apart. I
Speaker 2: think that that's a really nice suite. My suck for
Speaker 2: the week is that, And I know I've said this
Speaker 2: suck a couple of weeks ago, but it really really
Speaker 2: hit me this week. Work has been really full on,
Speaker 2: especially coming out of retail Christmas with Tony May and
Speaker 2: also just like all the other little projects and bits
Speaker 2: and pieces, and I have not had quality time with
Speaker 2: the girls. I did get to. I took them too
Speaker 2: the Wiggles concert on Saturday, and that's actually my suite.
Speaker 2: But I had this real moment last night where I
Speaker 2: got into bed with Mary after coming home from work
Speaker 2: and she's asleep. And I do it almost every night
Speaker 2: at the moment, where like I'll get in bed and
Speaker 2: spend like an hour just laying in bed, like patting
Speaker 2: her head, just wondering she's asleep, just wondering whether she
Speaker 2: knows that I'm there. It's almost like trying to claw
Speaker 2: back extra time with your kids, with your unconscious child,
Speaker 2: with your unconscious child, because you didn't get to have
Speaker 2: that time during the day.
Speaker 1: And I think I think she would feel that. I
Speaker 1: feel like you'd know that there's like a comfort to
Speaker 1: know that you're there.
Speaker 2: Maybe you know. I know that this is something that
Speaker 2: a lot of working moms have to juggle, this feeling
Speaker 2: of like I have to work and I want to
Speaker 2: prioritize my career, but I also want to be a
Speaker 2: really good mum, And every so often that juggle feels
Speaker 2: really out of balance. And I think for me, it's
Speaker 2: been a particular week where I have struggled with my priorities,
Speaker 2: really really struggle with them, and I really miss my
Speaker 2: girls so fucking cannot wait for this break, to be honest.
Speaker 2: But then my sweep of the week, like I said,
Speaker 2: I went to the Wiggles concert. It's so dumb. It
Speaker 2: is the dumbest thing to go to a kid's concert
Speaker 2: and stand there with your two kids and be like,
Speaker 2: hop tend hop ten. But it's fucking the best thing
Speaker 2: in the world. It's so cute.
Speaker 1: Think that's dumb.
Speaker 2: I think, I think when I say it's dumb, what
Speaker 2: I mean is is it's dumb how happy I get,
Speaker 2: Like I love going and being and taking to these things.
Speaker 2: And it was like the place out in Home Bush.
Speaker 2: It was like a full on day out concert like
Speaker 2: what I used to I went there to go and
Speaker 2: see prints, and now I'm going there to go and
Speaker 2: see the Wiggles. So the terms of tables and now, Britt,
Speaker 2: I know that this week has been absolutely terrible. You know,
Speaker 2: I don't think you need to go into what you're
Speaker 2: suck on your sweet as if you don't want to.
Speaker 1: No, I think it's been a really bad week. It's
Speaker 1: been a really dark week. I'm not going to highlight
Speaker 1: anything good from it or anything bad from it, but
Speaker 1: I have read all your messages, are good and the bad,
Speaker 1: and I have learned a lot. No, we said that
Speaker 1: this would be our very last episode for the year,
Speaker 1: but we do have one more coming on Tuesday, a
Speaker 1: year in review. Next week going to be our favorite moments,
Speaker 1: our highlights from different parts that of our discussions and
Speaker 1: interviews with amazing people we've had on and we just
Speaker 1: thought to be a really nice way to wrap it up,
Speaker 1: sum it up, and give you guys one last episode
Speaker 1: to listen to.
Speaker 2: And it's just been, like I mean, being able to
Speaker 2: do the live show, being able to meet so many
Speaker 2: of you, having the book come out, the amount of
Speaker 2: you who have reached out and spoken to us about
Speaker 2: your stories, about the different parts of different episodes that
Speaker 2: have affected your life or have meant something to you
Speaker 2: or have helped you in some way. It truly means
Speaker 2: everything to us. And we honestly can't tell you how
Speaker 2: much we love creating this podcast, how much we love
Speaker 2: the community that you guys all contribute to. It's an
Speaker 2: absolute privilege. If you have loved any episodes this year,
Speaker 2: please jump on to Apple Podcast, leave a review, share
Speaker 2: it with a friend, and you guys know the drill.
Speaker 1: Soorry Mum, to you, Dad, tell you dog, tell you friends,
Speaker 1: and share the love because
Speaker 2: We love live