Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 2: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2: I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, And do you know what
Speaker 2: I've been dealing with all day?
Speaker 3: Flatulence?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 3: Is this a trick question?
Speaker 2: Do you notice something that you never you just never
Speaker 2: wear it on the day today?
Speaker 3: A stick on bra? You do have your hand down.
Speaker 1: Look why do you have that? Because you've got like
Speaker 1: a little razorbackshirt on.
Speaker 3: I've got it. Yeah, I decided to wear a stick
Speaker 3: on bra.
Speaker 2: But like you know, these things are like pretty much
Speaker 2: a one use only situation.
Speaker 3: Has been used. I saw it on Lola's face the
Speaker 3: other day.
Speaker 2: I've been running this stick on bra for like three
Speaker 2: oh god, maybe three months now. I'll even work to
Speaker 2: the wedding. Got super sweaty and it has not been
Speaker 2: stuck to my breast all day. It's been hanging about
Speaker 2: three centimeters below my breath. Every time I've been down,
Speaker 2: one just goes and.
Speaker 1: Those stick on bras was still a think like to people, still,
Speaker 1: where do you even get that?
Speaker 3: From? David Jones? So it's the thing. I have so
Speaker 3: many of them, like why are you holding in your
Speaker 3: hands showing.
Speaker 2: Like and look even Lawla's like unpeeled some of the
Speaker 2: sticky from the inside of it.
Speaker 3: This looks like it's five years old. Could be. It's disgusting.
Speaker 3: Should I Now?
Speaker 2: I'm gonna sit here and do the rest of the
Speaker 2: record with my nipples.
Speaker 3: The nipples are big right now.
Speaker 2: Oh thank you. I'm getting my stick on bra back
Speaker 2: on lucking me anyway, we have a great episode planned
Speaker 2: for you, guys. You have a bit of a story
Speaker 2: that you, for some reason won't share with me until
Speaker 2: we turn the MIC's on, So better be bloody good.
Speaker 3: I had to just have a.
Speaker 1: Line just this morning this happened. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you guys have noticed. You haven't said anything, so I
Speaker 1: don't think you've noticed that my hair has been looking
Speaker 1: a little bit different, like it's quite lush.
Speaker 2: No, but you always have extension, No, it's quite shiny though.
Speaker 3: No, No, okay.
Speaker 2: Well, I feel like your hair goes through so many
Speaker 2: different variations of who it wants to be that when
Speaker 2: we have a change, it's kind of like when you
Speaker 2: go through a bad breakup. Most people cut a fringe. Yeah,
Speaker 2: just every two weeks change the hair like blonde, short,
Speaker 2: long stension.
Speaker 3: No.
Speaker 1: I have noticed myself this week, right, I thought my
Speaker 1: hair was looking really shiny.
Speaker 3: But I have been taking some hair tablets, so I was.
Speaker 2: Like healthy, shiny, yeah for hair, And.
Speaker 1: It's been smelling really good. But I don't know why
Speaker 1: it's been smelling because you know, in my hair, I
Speaker 1: haven't been doing anything different. I realized that I've been
Speaker 1: using a different shampoo and conditioner. I'm one of those people.
Speaker 1: You know, you don't throw anything it gets almost empty, right,
Speaker 1: Shampoo conditioning ge is almost empty, so you don't throw
Speaker 1: it out. You just get a new one, and then
Speaker 1: you just accumulate like fifteen bottles in the bottom of
Speaker 1: your shower.
Speaker 2: Also lightly moldy. If you've all seen the inside of
Speaker 2: your shower britting hot, what.
Speaker 3: Was inside of yours?
Speaker 1: So yes, I said, there's like twenty bottles of different
Speaker 1: shit in my shower, and I realized this morning I've
Speaker 1: been using the shampoo conditioner, and I was like, it
Speaker 1: just smells so good. Which one have I been using?
Speaker 1: Because I want to obviously no one replace it. So
Speaker 1: I pick up the bottle, which is a beautiful ones.
Speaker 1: The shampoos in this beautiful yellow bottle, the conditioners in
Speaker 1: a beautiful white bottle, very small niche.
Speaker 3: Riting across the front. And I had a look and
Speaker 3: I said dog shampoo. I knew dog.
Speaker 1: I knew exactly where this was going, but I didn't
Speaker 1: want to take your punch one and you don't.
Speaker 3: Been using Delilah's shampoo and conditioner.
Speaker 2: It's lemon, myrtle, It's perfect for your coat, It's beautiful.
Speaker 3: I feel like my man is really shiny and my
Speaker 3: coat's very healthy.
Speaker 2: But I've been using it for I reckon about eight
Speaker 2: days before I looked, so, do you think that it's
Speaker 2: worth reinvesting in a second lot of it and just continue?
Speaker 1: No one's going to shame you for using dog shampoo.
Speaker 1: First on, I'm going to blame my cleaner. I think
Speaker 1: my cleaner put it in the shower. I think they
Speaker 1: also didn't know so because I have it in the
Speaker 1: bath in my second bathroom because that's where I often
Speaker 1: will wash delight.
Speaker 2: So how empty were these bottles that you decided? Were
Speaker 2: they full bottles?
Speaker 3: No, they're full ones, Okay.
Speaker 2: Right, because I was gonna say, surely unless you're not
Speaker 2: the one who ever washed your dog, Like surely you
Speaker 2: would have been like, oh, these look very similar to
Speaker 2: the bottles.
Speaker 3: Now they were a new one that hadn't bought, that
Speaker 3: hadn't used on Delilah yet. So I've been using lemon myrtle,
Speaker 3: but like.
Speaker 1: It's very Sydney like you would not know there's no
Speaker 1: picture of a dog on there, because I know people
Speaker 1: at home and thinking, do you not remember when I
Speaker 1: fed my nephew dog treats, not knowing that they were
Speaker 1: like these organic It was not intentional, but they were
Speaker 1: like these beautiful organic like farmer market.
Speaker 2: They were sent along with human food. There was like
Speaker 2: a little packet of trial dog treats in there, and
Speaker 2: they were like doughnut shaped and I just assumed they
Speaker 2: were cookies and I gave them to my nephew and
Speaker 2: they were really bougie Eastern Suburbs dog treats.
Speaker 3: Yes, And I remember we had a listener. That must
Speaker 3: have been a year or two ago.
Speaker 1: But they wrote in they lived in Japan and they
Speaker 1: couldn't read They couldnt speak the langage yet, and they
Speaker 1: couldn't read what they were buying. So they were buying
Speaker 1: like dog and cat treats because it was like real
Speaker 1: bougie packaging. And they didn't know until one of their
Speaker 1: local friends came over and literally saw them eating the thing,
Speaker 1: and they're like, what are you doing?
Speaker 3: She had no idea.
Speaker 1: She's like, I thought these were delicious snacks. She was
Speaker 1: like putting them out for her friends in everything.
Speaker 3: Do you know what?
Speaker 2: I think it goes to show more so than us
Speaker 2: just being revolting and not able to read the packaging.
Speaker 2: Maybe the standard is now too high for our pets.
Speaker 1: I feel like you're speaking to me when you say
Speaker 1: that Delilah does eat air fried salmon like human grade salmon.
Speaker 3: But apart from that, she like meatballs in there as well.
Speaker 1: Now she needing really well, I did give her okay,
Speaker 1: I learned one I had made a grave error.
Speaker 2: I gave her tie. You're going to kill her and
Speaker 2: you cannot give a dog's tie.
Speaker 3: Well, I a dog's tie.
Speaker 2: You can't get dogs, spices, garlic. It's a terrible it
Speaker 2: went straight through off.
Speaker 1: I think that's what happened. You know how I had
Speaker 1: to throw my rug out because she shat on it.
Speaker 1: I think that was from the tie. What kind of
Speaker 1: tie were you giving the dog? It was just the
Speaker 1: chicken out of the tie, right. I would never give
Speaker 1: her the onion and stuff. I know she can't have.
Speaker 1: What I gave her was what I thought she could eat.
Speaker 1: I'm not irresponsible, but I think I gave it to
Speaker 1: with some rice as well. I think the sauces must
Speaker 1: have just been coating the chicken still too much?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, oh that's afused. Oh explosive diarrhea, Ti fice spice.
Speaker 1: That's when I usually hand her over to Quisha and
Speaker 1: I'm like, Keisha, I need some dogs in.
Speaker 3: Sorry.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know if you're going to start a
Speaker 2: trend with this one, brit I don't know if people
Speaker 2: are going to start taking on using dog shampoo. It is,
Speaker 2: despite how luminous and luxurious your hair.
Speaker 3: Lo No, it's beautiful and it's all natural and orgunny
Speaker 3: because it's good for the dogs. So it's good for
Speaker 3: the dogs, good for me.
Speaker 2: I think, all right, well, something else that's probably better
Speaker 2: for humans is our sponsor on today's episode, and that
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Speaker 2: if you are wanting to incorporate more collagen into your
Speaker 2: life for healthier skin and healthier hair, than marine collagen
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Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Now, this is really great if you're the kind of
Speaker 1: person that doesn't like tablets or powders, which I'm not
Speaker 1: a huge fan.
Speaker 3: Of tablets, but I will do it.
Speaker 1: This is the answer because it is This is like
Speaker 1: a little concentrated shot. You don't have to go on
Speaker 1: pile up the tablets, so it's absolutely perfect.
Speaker 3: Do you know what I do? I mix my tablets
Speaker 3: in with honey. I used to do that too, but
Speaker 3: I was like a child.
Speaker 2: Yeah okay, I'll still do it like a grown five
Speaker 2: year old. Before we get into what today's episode is about,
Speaker 2: we are talking to well, actually I'm not speaking to
Speaker 2: logan Ury today. Brittany and Keisha did an interview recently
Speaker 2: with relationship expert logan Uri.
Speaker 3: She's from him, she's their coach. She's amazing.
Speaker 1: We've had her on the podcast before, but we did this.
Speaker 1: There was only one time that Logan was available. It
Speaker 1: was about a week or two ago, but it was
Speaker 1: when Laura got married.
Speaker 2: The reason why having Kish fill in on this interview
Speaker 2: there was so perfect timing is because this conversation is
Speaker 2: all around fuck boys. Sorry, Keisha, not that you're only
Speaker 2: attracted to five boys, but like why are we attracted
Speaker 2: to fuck boys? And that Keisha and Brittany and the
Speaker 2: other part of this is around the sunk cost fallacy. Now,
Speaker 2: something that we've touched on on this podcast before is
Speaker 2: this idea that if you're in a relationship it's safe,
Speaker 2: you kind of know what you know and you know
Speaker 2: what you're getting, that it's easier and better to stay
Speaker 2: in it than it is to risk that relationship for
Speaker 2: something better when you're not happy. It's like people who
Speaker 2: stay in relationships long past they're used by date just
Speaker 2: because the fear of starting again is so great.
Speaker 1: And Logan, she's an author, she's a behavioral scientist, she
Speaker 1: does work for Hinge as a dating coach. She knows
Speaker 1: her stuff, so she's the most perfect person to talk
Speaker 1: to about this.
Speaker 2: But anyway, something I want to speak about before we
Speaker 2: get into the interview with Logan Uri is something that
Speaker 2: I'm sure so many of you have seen in the
Speaker 2: news and across social media in the last couple of days,
Speaker 2: and that is a Lenciaga and their wildly controversial campaigns
Speaker 2: that have come to light in the last.
Speaker 3: Week, or as I like to think of it, they're
Speaker 3: what the actual fuck campaign? What the actual fuck? What
Speaker 3: the actual fuck will Balenciaga thinking now?
Speaker 2: So for anyone who doesn't know what we're talking about,
Speaker 2: basically this all started last week. There was a campaign
Speaker 2: that was launched and it was a Teddybear BDSM style
Speaker 2: Teddybear that was modeled by a child, a little girl
Speaker 2: standing in different areas within a room that was kind
Speaker 2: of like a lound room, and surrounding her were empty
Speaker 2: wine glasses and also other objects that could pertain to
Speaker 2: being sex toys.
Speaker 3: Now, it has.
Speaker 2: Been very widely criticized, and there's also been a secondary
Speaker 2: campaign that's come to light.
Speaker 1: Now.
Speaker 2: This has come to light in the last week as well.
Speaker 2: And this is a picture of the co lab that
Speaker 2: was done between Valenciaga and Addedas And it's a flat
Speaker 2: late image of a handbag and court documents like paperwork.
Speaker 2: It's obviously taken in what's meant to be like a
Speaker 2: lawyer's office on the desk.
Speaker 1: Yah, it looks very busy, like very important, this really
Speaker 1: nice designer handbag with someone that's you know, got.
Speaker 3: A lot to do.
Speaker 2: And one of the pieces of paperwork that's brought out
Speaker 2: on the desk is actually a court document from the
Speaker 2: two thousand and eight Supreme Court ruling on child pornography. Now,
Speaker 2: when you layer these things together, when you look at
Speaker 2: the images around the BDSM Teddy Bear that features this
Speaker 2: little child, and then you look at this separate campaign
Speaker 2: that has court ruling documents around child pornography, it really
Speaker 2: is hard to kind of argue the case that this
Speaker 2: isn't trying to sexualize children.
Speaker 3: Well, it's not.
Speaker 1: Even one child, Laura, it's there's a few different girls
Speaker 1: in this campaign.
Speaker 3: Shoot.
Speaker 1: It's not even just one. Like they've gone out of
Speaker 1: their way. They've got multiple little models and they put
Speaker 1: them in multiple different compromising positions. It's discussing and it's
Speaker 1: hard to look at For me. This doesn't take an
Speaker 1: eagle eyed sleuth to discover this, to unpack it. You
Speaker 1: look at the photo, there's only one real piece of
Speaker 1: information you can read in the photo, like all these
Speaker 1: pages that are scattered everywhere, and there's this one piece
Speaker 1: of information. They're not dumb. They're one of the biggest
Speaker 1: brands in the world. They know someone's going to say,
Speaker 1: wonder what that is.
Speaker 3: That's what people do. For some reason, unbeknownst to me
Speaker 3: or anyone in the world.
Speaker 1: We cannot figure it out. They have wanted to hone
Speaker 1: in on this. I don't even know what to call it.
Speaker 1: I don't know whether to call it a topic. But
Speaker 1: they've decided to go down this track of involving children,
Speaker 1: and I can't work out why. It's almost like we
Speaker 1: had a discussion about this, you and I, Laura, not
Speaker 1: that long ago, in regards to this new Jeffrey Dahmer
Speaker 1: Netflix show that book The World by Storm, We had
Speaker 1: a discussion about.
Speaker 3: Is it too far? Is it too much?
Speaker 1: Because they are hollywoodizing the idea of true crime and
Speaker 1: it's gone to the next level.
Speaker 3: It's so real, it's so it made it look so glamorous.
Speaker 3: It was so over the top, and.
Speaker 1: I think they're doing the same now with this campaign
Speaker 1: with blens Yaga. It's almost like they need to keep
Speaker 1: pushing the extremes to be spoken about. And I just
Speaker 1: think this one has gone too far, Like where do
Speaker 1: we draw the line if for a fashion brand, the
Speaker 1: only thing that they can think of is I have
Speaker 1: a brilliant idea.
Speaker 3: Let's get a three year old or multiple three year.
Speaker 1: Olds and put bondage bears and court documents relating to
Speaker 1: like child yeah, child exploitation. Who in their right mind
Speaker 1: approved that? And this is the thing, right, there's a
Speaker 1: lot of blame shifting brands that are this big. There's
Speaker 1: not one person that sits back and says, I have
Speaker 1: an idea, I'll call a photographer, let's pressico. This goes
Speaker 1: through so many people for approval.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think the thing that's really important about
Speaker 2: this is not only I guess like it's one thing
Speaker 2: for a brand to claim ignorance. And when you say
Speaker 2: blame shifting, brit there's been a lot that's happened in
Speaker 2: the last couple of days where Balenciaga as a brand
Speaker 2: is suing the creative directing agency. So there's an agency
Speaker 2: called North six and they're the ones that were responsible
Speaker 2: with coming up with the creative direction of this campaign.
Speaker 2: Balenciaga has opened a twenty five million dollar core case
Speaker 2: against them to try and sue for damages. But as
Speaker 2: a brand, when your brand has been built on pushing
Speaker 2: the social norms, Balenciaga's brand has been built on controversy
Speaker 2: in the last couple of years, and the amount of
Speaker 2: pr that they get from creating incredibly controversial content, this
Speaker 2: to me is not It's not an accidental Oh, we
Speaker 2: didn't know that this was going to be included. Maybe
Speaker 2: Balenciaga wasn't aware that that specific piece of paper, that
Speaker 2: specific court document was going to be included. But the
Speaker 2: issue is is that this conversation hasn't come up because
Speaker 2: there was one image that pertained to child sexual assault.
Speaker 2: The reason why this has become so huge is because
Speaker 2: when you put BDSM bear together and you put together
Speaker 2: the flat lay image, it was their overall intention to
Speaker 2: be shocking. And the question is is, obviously, has this
Speaker 2: gone too far? I think in the court of public opinion,
Speaker 2: the answer is absolutely yes.
Speaker 1: Okay, this is what frustrates me and where I want
Speaker 1: to call bullshit is that I do there's like a
Speaker 1: lot of blame shifting, But this is what Balanciaga came
Speaker 1: out with their statement and said, we take this matter
Speaker 1: very seriously and are taking legal action against the parties
Speaker 1: responsible for creating the set and including unapproved items for
Speaker 1: our Spring twenty three campaign photoshoot. We strongly condemn abuse
Speaker 1: of children in any form. We stand for children safety
Speaker 1: and wellbeing. Now, the thing that I'm calling bullshit on
Speaker 1: is that's all well and good, right. What they're saying
Speaker 1: is there were unapproved items that we you know, so
Speaker 1: we didn't sign off on it.
Speaker 3: Someone's taken creative control and done it. That's fine.
Speaker 1: There is no way Balanciaga releases that campaign without then
Speaker 1: reviewing the images and saying, yes, it doesn't happen. It
Speaker 1: will never in a million years happened. So even if
Speaker 1: someone has gone, I've got this brilliant idea. All this
Speaker 1: shit wasn't supposed to be in there, let's put it
Speaker 1: in there, it still goes back to Blooneiaga. They still
Speaker 1: tick it off and say brilliant, that's what we wanted
Speaker 1: to Thank you, here's your money, let's go live.
Speaker 2: Well. Absolutely, and I think also on top of that,
Speaker 2: for all of these high fashion designer creative concept campaigns,
Speaker 2: there are so many cooks, there are so many eyes
Speaker 2: on this creative because nothing walks out of the door
Speaker 2: of a high end fashion brand that hasn't been scrutinized over.
Speaker 2: There's so many millions of dollars that go into creating
Speaker 2: these ad campaigns, so I think to try and shift
Speaker 2: the blame is a way of trying to save face.
Speaker 2: I also thought it was very interesting not only is
Speaker 2: Balenciaga trying to shift blame and say that you know
Speaker 2: that they weren't aware that there was items that they
Speaker 2: didn't have full insight or overview over that were included
Speaker 2: in their campaigns. The thing is they're only trying to
Speaker 2: sue North six for that one image, for that one
Speaker 2: document that was included. Nothing has been said about the
Speaker 2: BDSM bear and the inclusion of children, because obviously they
Speaker 2: were completely across that campaign, so that has not a
Speaker 2: leg to stand on for them to be able to
Speaker 2: sue in that. Now, this comes back to what we
Speaker 2: just spoke about in terms of high end fashion brands
Speaker 2: really pushing controversial concepts as part of their ad campaigns
Speaker 2: as a way of generating pr I guess the thing
Speaker 2: that I think is really interesting is that fashion has
Speaker 2: a long history of sexualizing children, not in such obvious ways,
Speaker 2: but in terms of like using very prepubescent young girls
Speaker 2: to model what should be for an adult. Now, obviously
Speaker 2: this is well and truly gone far past that because
Speaker 2: it is a toddler modeling something that has been created
Speaker 2: for an adult. But it's blurring the line between what
Speaker 2: is for a child and what is something that we
Speaker 2: see as being very sexualized.
Speaker 1: They did do a homeless Range, and I'm using that
Speaker 1: inverted commas Blenciaga in conjunction with Kanye West, that was
Speaker 1: inspired by, for want of better word, homelessness, which is
Speaker 1: absolutely wild and so out of touch. You think of
Speaker 1: the people that are collaborating and making Range. A billionaire's
Speaker 1: like a billionaire company, a billionaire individual that have come
Speaker 1: together and.
Speaker 3: Said, what I feel like is, let's take the piss
Speaker 3: a little bit here.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't think it's taking the piss. I think
Speaker 2: the reason is dusting. Yeah, but the reason is to
Speaker 2: make people angry, and by making people angry, it generates
Speaker 2: this huge pr machine.
Speaker 1: I don't think it's to make yeah, mayb people angry,
Speaker 1: not about the issue at heart, though, just to spark conversation,
Speaker 1: like look at this shoe, Laura, I don't know if
Speaker 1: you've ever seen.
Speaker 3: Their homeless range. That shoe is made to just look
Speaker 3: like somebody had and how much do they sell it? For?
Speaker 3: Thousands of dollars? Yeah, it's crazy.
Speaker 1: It's made to look like somebody has not been able
Speaker 1: to afford shoes for ten years, and I have worn
Speaker 1: the same pair of shoes everywhere they've gone.
Speaker 2: You know, I think we'll put the picture of these
Speaker 2: shoes up on our social media. We're not going to
Speaker 2: put up the picture of the child with the teddy.
Speaker 2: If you guys want to look at it, you can
Speaker 2: go and google it yourselves, because I don't want to
Speaker 2: be responsible for further disseminating that sort of images. But
Speaker 2: I think like the big part of this as well
Speaker 2: is is that it's core to Balenciaga's actual strategy around
Speaker 2: growing their brands. So in twenty fifteen they on a
Speaker 2: new director called Demna Versalia. Now Demna Versalia has been
Speaker 2: responsible for them taking a far more controversial slant in
Speaker 2: how they create their content. And interestingly, since Demna has
Speaker 2: come on board, the sales for Balenciaga has quadrupled. Like
Speaker 2: the concept of making shocking fashion has definitely been beneficial
Speaker 2: up until this point. A quote I found really interesting
Speaker 2: that came in September twenty twenty two from Vogue. Now,
Speaker 2: Demnah said fashion should not please. The most important quality
Speaker 2: is the lack of fear, because fear blocks creativity, and
Speaker 2: if you're trying to please, then you're never going to
Speaker 2: make it. You should instead not please. Now, I think
Speaker 2: we can all agree that Demna has well and truly
Speaker 2: achieved the objective of creating a campaign that was to
Speaker 2: displease enough people. The amount of pr that this has
Speaker 2: generated for all the wrong reasons is truly unbelievable.
Speaker 1: I think we can all agree that Demnah is a dickhead.
Speaker 1: Demna our mate, Demna is done.
Speaker 2: I don't know, like, when do cancel culture come into this.
Speaker 2: Do we think that Balenciaga will bounce back?
Speaker 1: Because there are a lot of tweets going arounds from
Speaker 1: high profile people saying Blenciaga's canceled.
Speaker 3: In my eyes, you know they're on that train.
Speaker 1: But then the world was waiting with baited breath for
Speaker 1: Kim Kardashian to release a statement because Kim's brand is
Speaker 1: very much aligned with Blenciaga. Kim and Kanye were always
Speaker 1: huge Balenciaga fans, ambassadors. They had very tight ties to
Speaker 1: the brand.
Speaker 2: Which also just means that she makes a fuckload of
Speaker 2: money from the brand.
Speaker 1: But she has been quiet up until literally today, which
Speaker 1: is Monday, so that's quite a few days. And everyone
Speaker 1: has been sort of saying where you at, like on
Speaker 1: her comments, whyn't you commenting? And she came out and
Speaker 1: said this. I have been quiet for the past few days,
Speaker 1: not because I haven't been shocked and outraged by the
Speaker 1: recent Balenciaga campaigns, but because I wanted an opportunity to
Speaker 1: speak to their team to understand for myself how this
Speaker 1: could have happened. As a mother of four, I have
Speaker 1: been shaken by those disturbing images. The safety of children
Speaker 1: must be held with the highest regard, and anything against
Speaker 1: it should have no place in our society period. I
Speaker 1: appreciate Balenciaga's removal of the campaign and apology. In speaking
Speaker 1: with them, I believe they understand the seriousness of the
Speaker 1: issue and will take the necessary measures for this to
Speaker 1: never happen again. Now, to me, this reads I'm a mother.
Speaker 1: I am not happy with this, but they pay me
Speaker 1: too much, so I'm not going to be stepping away
Speaker 1: from the brand. This is how I took it, which
Speaker 1: I think is pretty obvious to say. You know, they
Speaker 1: said they're sorry and they won't happen again.
Speaker 3: And we said it before.
Speaker 1: The brand, in our eyes, as a consumer, as someone
Speaker 1: that's sitting back taking a back seat, watching the brand,
Speaker 1: is to blame. I can't see how there is a
Speaker 1: way around that. I know there's pointing fingers, but lord,
Speaker 1: you I mean on a much smaller scale, but you
Speaker 1: do shoots.
Speaker 3: You're a brand, you do much much smaller Yeah, but you.
Speaker 3: But I guess the idea is, you know how they work.
Speaker 1: Is it at all possible that this has somehow slipped
Speaker 1: through a company's fingers of this level?
Speaker 2: I reckon Ultimately, in this every single player, every single
Speaker 2: person who was in those photo shoots played a commonsing
Speaker 2: part in what the outcome was. But the buck stops
Speaker 2: with Balenciaga because there and as we said, their entire
Speaker 2: brand recently has been based on trying to be controversial,
Speaker 2: in towing that line where fashion meets social issues, where
Speaker 2: it really questions, but not only questions, it really pushes
Speaker 2: the boundaries on what isn't isn't acceptable within society, and
Speaker 2: I think Balenciaga very much in this instance, has taken
Speaker 2: it so far that it's going to be at the
Speaker 2: detriment of the brand being canceled. Because there's a difference
Speaker 2: when you talk about adult concepts and you use children,
Speaker 2: who we are so fiercely protective of because they are
Speaker 2: the most vulnerable people of our society. It's just not
Speaker 2: something that is open for interpretation.
Speaker 3: The very last thing I want to add is that
Speaker 3: I do find interesting, but they they're covering it very well.
Speaker 3: Is Balenciaga have wiped their entire Instagram. But they have
Speaker 3: done that before.
Speaker 1: They've done it since twenty twenty one, but usually from
Speaker 1: what we can see, they do it before.
Speaker 3: A campaign is coming out. You know a lot of
Speaker 3: people do that for hype.
Speaker 1: They have done it now, but it looks like they've
Speaker 1: done and after the fact they saying this is something
Speaker 1: we always do, which is very convenient around probably the
Speaker 1: biggest controversy they've ever had.
Speaker 3: But I just find that an interesting move.
Speaker 2: What do you think do you think this is going
Speaker 2: to be the end of Blenciaga.
Speaker 1: No, I don't, It'll be possibly, but I think they
Speaker 1: will do some amazing pr it'll be something really positive.
Speaker 1: They'll do a very safe campaign. It'll be swept under
Speaker 1: the rug, they'll make a huge apology, they'll point the finger,
Speaker 1: and Blenciaga will be back on track.
Speaker 3: In a month. I think it's just a little tiny
Speaker 3: speed bump.
Speaker 2: And I honestly think that this will in the future,
Speaker 2: not now, obviously, because this is terribly negative pr that
Speaker 2: they're receiving, but I actually think, and especially from what
Speaker 2: we've already seen in terms of them quadrupling their sales figures,
Speaker 2: I think controversy for brands that seem untouchable, that have
Speaker 2: people like Kim Kardashian at the helm, this will in
Speaker 2: the future result in them actually increasing their sales. Not
Speaker 2: because people want to lean into the exploitation of children,
Speaker 2: but there are people who like the exclusivity that comes
Speaker 2: with it being so controversial.
Speaker 3: Well, let's get into our favorite heart accidentally unfiltered. All right,
Speaker 3: you can kick.
Speaker 2: It off beer, because I have one that's just real
Speaker 2: fucking gross.
Speaker 3: Oh there's always one, isn't it. Okay?
Speaker 1: So this literally just happened to me and rip I
Speaker 1: met work with my boss and I've just gone to
Speaker 1: google something on my phone I've opened up Safari, and
Speaker 1: as my boss is looking over my shoulder at my
Speaker 1: phone with me very professional, the screen that pulls up
Speaker 1: is juliet Allen's sex toy shop. Last night, I was
Speaker 1: making the most of her twenty self back Friday sailed,
Speaker 1: so my page was full of beautiful crystal dildos and
Speaker 1: all sorts of toys. I panicked, I thought, this is
Speaker 1: me done. My boss went really quiet, then she said, well,
Speaker 1: those are pretty.
Speaker 2: They are very pretty dildos. They crystal dildos. What do
Speaker 2: you do with a crystal dildo? Do you leave it out.
Speaker 3: Under the moonlight to cleanse? It's alla?
Speaker 1: Well, then she goes, I blame you, guys, because Juliette
Speaker 1: was a guest on one of your earlier shows, and
Speaker 1: that's how I got into her crystal dildos. So we'll
Speaker 1: take responsibility. If you want to send your boss our way,
Speaker 1: that is absolutely fine. But I think she probably went
Speaker 1: home and ordered her own by the sounds of it.
Speaker 3: Do you know what I think?
Speaker 2: I want a crystal dildo, just like I mean, what
Speaker 2: do you do with it?
Speaker 1: Though?
Speaker 2: When you're not do you hide that under your bed?
Speaker 2: Or is it so pretty that you put it out
Speaker 2: on display.
Speaker 1: Doesn't put like a good juju in your vaginant, like
Speaker 1: but for your vagina.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Like do you think it's like it's better for
Speaker 3: you than plastic whatever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we highly recommend the rose Quarts one for anyone
Speaker 2: who has a latex allergy.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, it's so funny.
Speaker 1: So my cleaner, I've only just recently gotten a cleaner,
Speaker 1: so I'm still not thinking about it. I'm just a grot, right,
Speaker 1: Like I forget that they're coming because it's new, and
Speaker 1: I've got my vizil line out, like you know, like
Speaker 1: I haven't even put it away. I just take it
Speaker 1: out of the morning put on my side table because
Speaker 1: no one's over here. All these little things like that.
Speaker 1: But then I forgot. I came home and my house
Speaker 1: was immaculate. But then because I had a box of
Speaker 1: sex toys under the bed, they were all neatly put
Speaker 1: together and off and.
Speaker 2: I was like, no, they didn't go under your bed
Speaker 2: and put the sex toys.
Speaker 3: Cleaned under the entire bed, And I'm like, that's not no.
Speaker 3: He's very thorough clean.
Speaker 2: That is like out of bounds through cleanup. Things that
Speaker 2: are under the bed are there because the cleaner is
Speaker 2: not allowed to touch two.
Speaker 3: If there, it's probably great. It's probably full of dust.
Speaker 3: I mean even the doner's probably full of dust.
Speaker 2: I haven't used it in a while, but he's just
Speaker 2: there dusting the kye jelly and all of it.
Speaker 3: We like cleaning them up.
Speaker 1: No, but he had put them all in a nice
Speaker 1: little box in the corner, which was great.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, look, this accidentally unfiltered is actually one that
Speaker 2: I I worries me because I feel like a few
Speaker 2: people are going to relate to it. I'm get to
Speaker 2: paraphrase it. That's why we love these. They were like, well,
Speaker 2: I feel like a lot of people have done this.
Speaker 2: I actually wouldn't mind knowing how many people have done this.
Speaker 3: They hit me.
Speaker 2: Okay, hey, girls, So the other week I had my period,
Speaker 2: which you know, yes that's relatable. No big, no big
Speaker 2: exciting story there. Anyway, I was on day six of
Speaker 2: my period and I thought, ah, you know, it'd been
Speaker 2: leaving it a little bit long, and thought it was
Speaker 2: time to change my tampon.
Speaker 3: As you do.
Speaker 2: I go to the bathroom and I thought it just
Speaker 2: doesn't quite smell right. Maybe maybe I bacterial that genosis
Speaker 2: we've all been there. So I pull out a tampon
Speaker 2: only to find that there was a second tampon sitting inside.
Speaker 3: Oh, I don't know.
Speaker 2: If this is relatable, and I absolutely have no idea
Speaker 2: how long it has been there for well, you.
Speaker 3: Could probably tell by the level of cell if it
Speaker 3: was like a skung.
Speaker 2: I think this is relatable. I think there are so
Speaker 2: many people who have accidentally done this. And I mentioned
Speaker 2: it and produced a key should put a hand up.
Speaker 1: I think that there are people out there that have
Speaker 1: done this. Yes, the double tampon, but I don't think
Speaker 1: it's common. I don't think it's a common occurring. What
Speaker 1: if you're really tired and you're like you get up
Speaker 1: in the middle.
Speaker 2: I think you're taking it out and then you or
Speaker 2: you're a bit drunk, Like, what if you're drunk changing
Speaker 2: a tampon.
Speaker 1: I have never but I am now and I know
Speaker 1: you're against Laura, but you haven't given it a crack.
Speaker 1: I am so pro this Diva moon cup, like this
Speaker 1: puir cup.
Speaker 3: They are just so good.
Speaker 1: If anyone out there, I know you guys are out there,
Speaker 1: if you've used them, you're like preaching to me right now.
Speaker 1: They're like, yes, it's amazing. It's super hard to convert someone.
Speaker 3: I try.
Speaker 2: Okay, So I went to the Chemist and I bought
Speaker 2: a version of the Diva. It was like an orange one.
Speaker 2: It kind of looks like a ball us ball. And
Speaker 2: I woke up in the middle of the night with pain.
Speaker 2: I felt like I had a tumor.
Speaker 3: It's not right. I was dying.
Speaker 2: I was like, what is this.
Speaker 3: It's so big.
Speaker 2: It was like putting a tennis ball inside my vagina.
Speaker 1: So, Mike, you got you would have got like the
Speaker 1: really post pregnancy one.
Speaker 2: No, I just got the one for women who have
Speaker 2: had two children, and I was like, it's not that wide.
Speaker 1: Hey, well, don't brag that you're tighter than others. So
Speaker 1: my sister Sherry was trying to get me to use
Speaker 1: the moon cup. She'd been using it and my close
Speaker 1: friends had been using it for years before I use it.
Speaker 3: Now I've been using it for a year, so they've
Speaker 3: been using it a long time.
Speaker 1: They would try and try and try, and I didn't
Speaker 1: want to do it because I didn't get it. I
Speaker 1: thought it was gross, couldn't understand it. I finally said, fine,
Speaker 1: I'll try it. So I did exactly what you did.
Speaker 1: And I accidentally got the post pregnancy one because I
Speaker 1: said to my sister, this is awful. Could barely get
Speaker 1: it in, can't get it out.
Speaker 3: What are you talking about? And she's like, what size
Speaker 3: did you get?
Speaker 1: And so I didn't know there were sizeses. I just
Speaker 1: thought that one size fits all. I went back and
Speaker 1: looked and I got like the real post pregnancy one,
Speaker 1: which that's probably what you got, which is why it
Speaker 1: feels uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: It was literally like putting it.
Speaker 2: I was like cutting a tennis ball in half, rolling
Speaker 2: it up and popping it inside me. I could feel everything.
Speaker 3: Well if if, and I want you to try again.
Speaker 2: Brittany has her moon cup and she like flings it around.
Speaker 2: It's like always in her handbag. One day I walked
Speaker 2: in Delilah had it in her mouth, like that mooncup
Speaker 2: is just fucking floating around me. She'll put it, She'll
Speaker 2: pull it out at lunch and just pop it on
Speaker 2: the table. I have never seen someone flap a mooncup
Speaker 2: around more.
Speaker 3: Delilah did it one of my moon cups. It became
Speaker 3: one of her favorite toys. That's a whole.
Speaker 2: Not only did Delilah eat it it then just became
Speaker 2: her dog toy, like you'd walk into the house and
Speaker 2: just have a mooncup on the ground.
Speaker 3: Oh, she loved it. I'm not taken from her. Okay,
Speaker 3: this is going to let's get into the chat with Logan.
Speaker 1: Logan Uri is a behavioral scientist turned dating coach. She's
Speaker 1: the author of best selling book How Not to Die Alone,
Speaker 1: which I probably need to order multiple copies of, and
Speaker 1: having every single room in my house. She also works
Speaker 1: as the director of Relationship Science at Hinge. Logan joined
Speaker 1: the podcast a bit of a year ago now for
Speaker 1: an episode called How Not to Die Alone. You can
Speaker 1: go back and have a look at that if you
Speaker 1: haven't heard Logan, welcome again to Life uncut.
Speaker 3: Yay, so happy to be here. Now.
Speaker 1: You did do an accidentally unfiltered last year when you
Speaker 1: did it, and it was bloody brilliant, and you've just
Speaker 1: now said to us, I don't think I can. The
Speaker 1: only ones you've got are like really really really bad.
Speaker 1: So you don't want to redrop another accidentally unfiltered?
Speaker 3: Is that right? That's true?
Speaker 4: Yeah? I feel like I really gave you my best
Speaker 4: story last time.
Speaker 3: Today, Logan, we would love to talk to you.
Speaker 5: I mean, it's very fitting for the episode that I'm
Speaker 5: feeling in for Laura on because Britt and I are
Speaker 5: both single, we're both unhinged, and we're both navigating the
Speaker 5: dating world. And today we want to talk to you
Speaker 5: all about the sunk cost fallacy, fuck boys and how
Speaker 5: to get off fuck boy Island.
Speaker 1: I have been on fat boy Island, logan, I have
Speaker 1: been stranded on this island.
Speaker 5: We've got passports, we've got citizenship on it, We've got
Speaker 5: every single type of thing that you could need to.
Speaker 3: Stay on ful.
Speaker 1: I feel like I was on a boat that sunk
Speaker 1: and then I had to like swim to save myself
Speaker 1: in the only place I could swim to was fuck
Speaker 1: boy Island, and no one's come to save me.
Speaker 4: That's so true.
Speaker 3: And let's start with what is a fuck boy?
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's an interesting one because sometimes people are like, oh, like,
Speaker 4: I'm just having casual sex with somebody, Like, is that
Speaker 4: a fuck boy? And I'm like, no, it's not just
Speaker 4: about what you're doing. It's about the expectations and if
Speaker 4: they're leading you on. And so I would say a
Speaker 4: fuck boy is somebody who shows you enough interest to
Speaker 4: string you along, but then isn't actually willing to show
Speaker 4: up and be in a relationship with you. And I
Speaker 4: do want to say from the beginning, you know, we're
Speaker 4: saying fuck boy, and it has boy at the end,
Speaker 4: but it could really be anyone. It's not a certain gender.
Speaker 4: It's just a great term to kind of describe that
Speaker 4: person who's leading you on, but it makes it seem
Speaker 4: like they're interested but doesn't want to be in a
Speaker 4: relationship with you.
Speaker 1: I'm glad you said that because you can definitely have
Speaker 1: fuck girls too, I reckon at some stage I have
Speaker 1: done that when you If you said to me, have
Speaker 1: you ever been a fuck girl? I would have said no,
Speaker 1: as it like, I'm an amazing person. I'm so nice
Speaker 1: to everybody, but when you probable not so much. I
Speaker 1: really care about people's feelings generally speaking, but when you
Speaker 1: break it down like you just said, and you're like,
Speaker 1: you know, it's just that person that I sort of
Speaker 1: keep someone around but they're not ready.
Speaker 3: I've definitely done that before.
Speaker 1: I was emotionally unavailable for a very long time, but
Speaker 1: I still liked people's attention, so I was like, I'll
Speaker 1: just like hang out with you sometimes knowing it wasn't
Speaker 1: going to go anywhere. So I think that women can
Speaker 1: definitely do that as well. But why is it You've
Speaker 1: been talking a little bit recently about this whole idea
Speaker 1: of a fuck boy. Is this just having a real
Speaker 1: moment at the moment.
Speaker 4: I do this work as a dating coach. I do
Speaker 4: a lot of research where I'm talking to people about dating,
Speaker 4: and I just feel like fuck boys are this obstacle
Speaker 4: that are really getting in people's way because they feel like, oh,
Speaker 4: a little bit of attention is better than nothing. And
Speaker 4: if I date this fuck boy, it's not going to
Speaker 4: prevent me from finding somebody who does want to date me,
Speaker 4: or I'm going to change this person. And I'm like,
Speaker 4: if I could just get rid of all these fuck boys,
Speaker 4: remove them from the dating ecosystem, like so many more
Speaker 4: people would find love because when you actually are really
Speaker 4: single and nobody's coming over and keeping you warm in
Speaker 4: your bed, that's the motivation you need to go out
Speaker 4: and find somebody who actually wants to date you. And
Speaker 4: so I think people think these fuck boys are annoying
Speaker 4: or frustrating or mostly harmless. But I'm really trying to
Speaker 4: say to people, here's why they're a problem. Here's why
Speaker 4: you're addicted to them, and then here's how to get
Speaker 4: over them. And I'm also talking to people about if
Speaker 4: you're a fuck boy, here's why, and here's what to
Speaker 4: do about it. So, yeah, I've really gone down the
Speaker 4: deep dive into fuck boys and it's been super interesting.
Speaker 1: I want to get into that soon too. What you
Speaker 1: were just saying about when you sort of hang on
Speaker 1: to someone for too long or keeps on your life
Speaker 1: for too long, that it's detrimental to your future dating.
Speaker 1: We're gonna get into that because that's a real problem
Speaker 1: someone in this room has that's not me. Before we
Speaker 1: do that, how can we identify the difference, like in
Speaker 1: the early stages of a relationship between a fuck boy
Speaker 1: or fuck girl or someone that just wants to have
Speaker 1: sex and hang out, because that is okay.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a great question because you could say, like
Speaker 4: it's early stages of a relationship, they don't owe me anything,
Speaker 4: like couldn't this just be somebody that takes a longer
Speaker 4: time to warm up. So a couple things that I
Speaker 4: would keep in mind when you're saying, is this a
Speaker 4: fuck boy? So one of them is that their actions
Speaker 4: and the words often don't match, and so fuck boys,
Speaker 4: you know, can do a lot of that love bombing
Speaker 4: behavior where they're like your worth, Thea's in February, my
Speaker 4: birthday's in February, like we have to throw a party together,
Speaker 4: or my roommates are going to love to meet you,
Speaker 4: and so they're promising you the world. They're talking about
Speaker 4: the future, but then their actions don't actually match it,
Speaker 4: and they often cancel dates or just do not show up.
Speaker 4: Another thing that's a red flag for fuck boys is
Speaker 4: that the relationship feels like it's always happening on their terms.
Speaker 4: So it's like you ask them to do plans and
Speaker 4: they'll say, oh, you know, I'm busy, but like maybe
Speaker 4: later that night, or they send you the you up
Speaker 4: text at ten pm, and so it's like they'll see
Speaker 4: you when it's convenient for them. But they're definitely not
Speaker 4: willing to put in the effort to mold their lives
Speaker 4: to incorporate you. And then the last two I would say,
Speaker 4: are you know they don't want to put a label
Speaker 4: on it. They're very you know, allergic to labels, allergic
Speaker 4: to exclusivity, something like that, and they're not introducing you
Speaker 4: to their friends and family. I think that's a big one.
Speaker 4: And it's like, you know, they're happy to see you
Speaker 4: at night, or they're happy to spend time with you,
Speaker 4: but they're not really incorporating you into their social life
Speaker 4: or having you meet the people who are important to them.
Speaker 1: What do you think about kash And I was having
Speaker 1: this discussion we might go to INDP, but what do
Speaker 1: you think about someone that just takes like twenty four
Speaker 1: hours to thirty hours to respond to a message when
Speaker 1: like the messages are just you just generally texting, It
Speaker 1: shouldn't take that long, and I know a lot of
Speaker 1: people are busy. Do you just think that that's a like,
Speaker 1: I don't really give a fuck Avalue.
Speaker 4: It's interesting, Like you might be surprised by the number
Speaker 4: of coaching clients I've had who talk about texting and
Speaker 4: how they're bad textures and they worry that people are
Speaker 4: going to think they're not interested. So I've had this
Speaker 4: with guys who are just like I don't like texting.
Speaker 4: I think it's boring. I like to put my phone
Speaker 4: away and concentrate on work, and I really just want
Speaker 4: to meet up and talk on the phone. I also
Speaker 4: have had people that are doctors or nurses where they
Speaker 4: literally can't have their phone out all day because it's
Speaker 4: not hygienic. And so sometimes there's just people where like
Speaker 4: they are dating despite their bad days skills, and they
Speaker 4: do it with everyone in their life. It's not personal
Speaker 4: to you. And so for those people, I'm like, tell
Speaker 4: the person from the beginning, I know I suck at texting,
Speaker 4: it's not personal. I'm going to do my best. But
Speaker 4: when this inevitably happens, don't jump to conclusion. So just
Speaker 4: want to say that there is that group of people.
Speaker 4: I think when it becomes a problem is when they
Speaker 4: do it in a way where you feel like you're
Speaker 4: waiting for them. So you know, you say like, hey,
Speaker 4: like do you want to go down on Saturday? And
Speaker 4: they say yes, and then like Saturday comes and goes
Speaker 4: and they don't respond to you. And so I'd say
Speaker 4: there is a group of people who's just pretty bad
Speaker 4: at texting, and you shouldn't read into it. But in general,
Speaker 4: if you're somebody who wants to be with a good communicator,
Speaker 4: that text back right away, like that's something that you
Speaker 4: can filter for and either give the person feedback and
Speaker 4: see if they'll adjust or say this person doesn't meet
Speaker 4: my minimum threshold for how much of a texting response
Speaker 4: I need.
Speaker 3: And ligan, what about you Know.
Speaker 5: Something I think I've experienced, and I think every single
Speaker 5: person in the history of existence has experienced, is like,
Speaker 5: let's say you a texting with someone and everything's going great,
Speaker 5: and like, yeah, life can be busy and sometimes they
Speaker 5: might take a couple of hours to reply or whatever.
Speaker 5: But I feel as though there's this real pivotal moment
Speaker 5: and you can feel it in your gut, but it's
Speaker 5: not necessarily obvious to the eye. Like I know that
Speaker 5: I've had these things where I've gone to Britain. I've
Speaker 5: been like, I just don't think this guy's into me anymore,
Speaker 5: Like you know, he's he sent this message and BRIT's
Speaker 5: like that message is fine, Like what are you talking about?
Speaker 2: And I'm like, nobody took like an extra.
Speaker 5: Ten hours to respond to what he normally would like
Speaker 5: there's just these slight changes in behavior that you go, oh,
Speaker 5: I think something has shifted. I think he's not as
Speaker 5: into me anymore. Like what's your advice about those types
Speaker 5: of situations?
Speaker 3: It should you always go with your gut? Is it
Speaker 3: always accurate or do you think it's over thinking of
Speaker 3: things like lots of people do.
Speaker 4: Yeah, those situations are so hard. Like I feel like,
Speaker 4: even though I'm married, that's definitely something I think about
Speaker 4: in my social life or my work life. Like, for example,
Speaker 4: the other day, I pass one of my housemates and
Speaker 4: she gave me what I thought was a dirty look,
Speaker 4: and then I started freaking out, like, oh, she's mad
Speaker 4: at me, and just like went into a super spiral.
Speaker 4: And I talked to one of our other housemates and
Speaker 4: he was like, these are all the things that have
Speaker 4: happened to her in the last few weeks. Her look
Speaker 4: had nothing to.
Speaker 2: Do with you.
Speaker 4: And I was like, I wish that we could all
Speaker 4: wear a post it note on our head that said
Speaker 4: this has nothing to do to you, this has to
Speaker 4: do with me, And like it was just such a
Speaker 4: helpful reminder because I was really spiraling. And so my
Speaker 4: overall feeling is just in general, I think we can
Speaker 4: be very sensitive and we can read into stuff and
Speaker 4: we have you know, there's this thing called the fundamental
Speaker 4: attribution error. So it's a thing where let's say I
Speaker 4: am going to a date and I'm late. I know
Speaker 4: all the reasons.
Speaker 3: I'm late.
Speaker 4: I'm late because the bus didn't show up. I'm late
Speaker 4: because there was traffic. I'm late because my boss ran
Speaker 4: by my desk at the end of the day and
Speaker 4: asked me for a favor. Right, So I think I'm
Speaker 4: late because of these external reasons. But when somebody else
Speaker 4: is late, I just think, Oh, they're late because they're selfish,
Speaker 4: they're late because they're a jerk, and we just start
Speaker 4: assigning these qualities to them, not thinking about the external circumstances.
Speaker 4: And so for the question you asked, it's like if
Speaker 4: you didn't respond for a while, you'd be like, this
Speaker 4: was the craziest day the podcast broke. I had to rerecord,
Speaker 4: like you would know the reasons. But for the guy,
Speaker 4: you're like, it's a sign he's not interested. He got
Speaker 4: back together with his ex, right, and so you just
Speaker 4: think about like that his feelings have changed. And so
Speaker 4: sometimes your intuition is right. But before you jump to conclusions,
Speaker 4: I would give the person a break and see, like,
Speaker 4: does it go back to the way it was? Was
Speaker 4: there maybe an external factor? And before being too upset
Speaker 4: about it, I might call out and say, like, hey,
Speaker 4: it seems like you've been really busy lately, like is
Speaker 4: there anything going on? And I think giving them a
Speaker 4: non aggressive question so that they can answer and let
Speaker 4: you know, like that helps you make sure that you
Speaker 4: don't lose a good guy who's interested but just doesn't
Speaker 4: want to be attacked with a question like that. It's
Speaker 4: such a good example of how I feel like we
Speaker 4: want people to be mind readers, and we want people
Speaker 4: to express themselves like exactly how we want and like,
Speaker 4: trust me, I do this all the time with my husband.
Speaker 4: But I've just learned to like, if I'm more clear
Speaker 4: from the beginning, even if it feels like a tiny
Speaker 4: bit embarrassing or I'm like, oh, I wish I didn't
Speaker 4: have to say this, You're more likely to get what
Speaker 4: you want if you're more clear, and like, obviously you
Speaker 4: can do it in like a playful, humorous way. And
Speaker 4: so the reason why this comes up to me is
Speaker 4: I was coaching somebody last week and she is like
Speaker 4: so specific about dates. So she lives in San Francisco.
Speaker 4: She's interested in this guy who lives in LA and
Speaker 4: she's like, okay, so I'm going to be in La
Speaker 4: on you know, November twenty first, November twenty eighth, December fifth,
Speaker 4: December seventh, Which of those dates can you hang out?
Speaker 4: Like really intense, intense energy? And he just wrote back
Speaker 4: and he was like responded to something she said about
Speaker 4: like a movie, but didn't respond about the dates. And
Speaker 4: when she was saying like should I follow up, I'm like,
Speaker 4: you were so clear about the dates. If you wanted
Speaker 4: to see you, he would have followed up with one
Speaker 4: of those dates or an alternative thing. So it's like
Speaker 4: you're still putting the ball in his court. He has
Speaker 4: to make the date, but you're letting him.
Speaker 3: Know, do you think?
Speaker 1: And I think this is something that everyone, I mean
Speaker 1: a lot of people dating and single people go through,
Speaker 1: probably not people in a relationship.
Speaker 3: Is dating what we're gonna call a fuck boy?
Speaker 1: I feel like we're saying the F words so many
Speaker 1: times in this episode.
Speaker 3: Is dating?
Speaker 1: We need to put a sense of warning at the
Speaker 1: start of this. Is dating a fuck boy better than
Speaker 1: not dating at all? And what I mean by that
Speaker 1: is if you know you're seeing one of these people,
Speaker 1: if you know that he or she we're gonnaways just
Speaker 1: saying he at the moment because we're referring, but if
Speaker 1: you know that he is being a bit of a dick.
Speaker 1: You know, he doesn't really want anything. You know, he's
Speaker 1: messing around. But you're obviously both allowed to date other people.
Speaker 1: Do you think that that is beneficial because you're like, well,
Speaker 1: you know what, Like, I'm getting sex sometimes I have
Speaker 1: someone to talk to. Dating is like a muscle, like
Speaker 1: you know, you go to the gym to train the muscles. Yeah,
Speaker 1: do you think that that is better? Or do you
Speaker 1: think that is wasting your time? Because this is something
Speaker 1: Keisha and I always have discussions about. We get a
Speaker 1: lot of questions written in do you think it's better
Speaker 1: to be like do you know what? Yes, you have
Speaker 1: two out of ten things you can give me right now,
Speaker 1: but you're actually taking away five out of ten things
Speaker 1: that I'm looking Yeah.
Speaker 4: I love this question because it's something that I've studied
Speaker 4: a lot, and I've studied it really with like why
Speaker 4: you shouldn't keep your X in your orbit, But the
Speaker 4: same thing is true with the fuck boy. So basically,
Speaker 4: we have this idea that even if we are still
Speaker 4: talking to our ex or might get back together with them,
Speaker 4: it won't inhibit us from meeting someone new right where
Speaker 4: like those are totally two different things, two different lanes.
Speaker 4: But that is not what I found. And basically there's
Speaker 4: this idea called optionality where you think, if that's still
Speaker 4: an option, then I'm not going to be as serious
Speaker 4: about the other options or I'm not really going to
Speaker 4: commit to the other things. And so it's like people
Speaker 4: think it's harmless, but it's not. And so with fuck boys, yes,
Speaker 4: you're getting some attention, and you said, like dating is
Speaker 4: a muscle, and you're working out that muscle, but I
Speaker 4: would argue you're working out the muscle wrong and you're
Speaker 4: going to get injured. You're actually like doing reps in
Speaker 4: the wrong way and building the wrong habit, the wrong pattern.
Speaker 4: And so what I would say is like, sure, you
Speaker 4: technically could still be going on dates while having sex
Speaker 4: with your fuck boy, but when you feel lonely, instead
Speaker 4: of being like that's a motivator, I'm going to put
Speaker 4: more effort in, you just go back to them. And so, really,
Speaker 4: fuck boys take time, they take energy, they're frustrating, they
Speaker 4: play games, they say mixed messages, and so I like
Speaker 4: to compare it to walking on a treadmill. It's like, sure,
Speaker 4: dating a fuck boy gives you something to do, but
Speaker 4: after all that effort, you really don't get anywhere.
Speaker 1: This is I mean, I think this is something that
Speaker 1: Keisha you do often. Keisha has this really bad habit
Speaker 1: and it's it's what we talk about all the time
Speaker 1: of like everyone that she dates, seriously, dates casually sleeps with.
Speaker 1: You're like, I just genuinely think they're a really great person.
Speaker 1: I'm going to keep them in my life, and you do.
Speaker 1: Every single person. I've never met anyone that keeps more
Speaker 1: fuck boys, ex's, whoever in their line.
Speaker 5: Just because they're not my person doesn't mean that they
Speaker 5: don't bring other elements of things to my life, and
Speaker 5: some of them have become good friends.
Speaker 1: But banw Logan's saying that this is it's like an
Speaker 1: opportunity cost, right, You're taking away ten opportunity.
Speaker 5: Yeah, And I think that's something that if I'm being
Speaker 5: completely transparent, is that by keeping them around in my life,
Speaker 5: I also do think like, oh, you know, maybe the
Speaker 5: timing just wasn't right for us then, but maybe it
Speaker 5: will be right in the future. And if I kind
Speaker 5: of like get rid of that person completely from my life,
Speaker 5: then that option might be taken away from me in
Speaker 5: the future.
Speaker 1: What are your thoughts logan on timing. Do you believe
Speaker 1: that there is a right person, wrong time, or do
Speaker 1: you think if it's the wrong time, it's the wrong person.
Speaker 4: So first of all, just want to respond to the
Speaker 4: thing about seeing the best in people like that is
Speaker 4: an amazing quality and I feel like it probably just
Speaker 4: makes your life better. Like there's tons of research right
Speaker 4: that people who are optimists often like see opportunity more
Speaker 4: than other people and then have good things happen to them.
Speaker 4: You probably assume people will be nice and that they'll
Speaker 4: like you, and then in response, they are nice and
Speaker 4: they like you and you like them back. So this
Speaker 4: is overall a great quality that's probably serving you in
Speaker 4: life in general. I would say, though, you know, don't
Speaker 4: fall in love with potential. I think oftentimes when you
Speaker 4: are that type of person, you're like like, well they
Speaker 4: did this, but you know they were having a hard day,
Speaker 4: or but if they you know, if they got a
Speaker 4: different job than it would work. And in that case,
Speaker 4: I would just say, like, if you're looking for monogamy
Speaker 4: and you can only date one person, I really don't
Speaker 4: want you to waste time with someone who can't really
Speaker 4: give you what you need. And so embrace that quality,
Speaker 4: but I would say, don't allow it to have you
Speaker 4: make excuses for other people. And I was coaching this
Speaker 4: guy the other day. He was so sweet, like fell
Speaker 4: in love with his personality, but he definitely had this trait.
Speaker 4: And so what I gave him as an exercise was
Speaker 4: thinking about a person he loved, which in his case
Speaker 4: was his younger sister. And I was like, imagine that
Speaker 4: your younger sister described the person she was dating, and
Speaker 4: what she was saying was, what's happening to you with
Speaker 4: the girl that you're dating, Like how would you feel
Speaker 4: about somebody treating your sister like that? And he's like,
Speaker 4: I would be enraged, Like nobody should treat my sister
Speaker 4: that way. I'm like, well, you should at least hold
Speaker 4: yourself to the standard of how you should be treated
Speaker 4: that you have for your sister. And so for you,
Speaker 4: you can really think about, like this person may be lovely,
Speaker 4: I appreciate them. All these things are going on. That
Speaker 4: being said, I don't necessarily need to put up with
Speaker 4: this behavior. And so that's my little rant about, you know,
Speaker 4: having high enough standards while still understanding that people are
Speaker 4: doing the best they.
Speaker 3: Can now for the timing question, Oh yeah, the time.
Speaker 3: You know, this is a hard one.
Speaker 4: I don't feel like I have like a scalding hot
Speaker 4: take on this one. What I've heard people say is
Speaker 4: even if it's the right person, if they're not willing
Speaker 4: to date you, now, it's can't be like right person,
Speaker 4: wrong time, because the wrong time thing inherently makes them
Speaker 4: the wrong person. That being said, I do have some
Speaker 4: stories like I had a friend who she met this
Speaker 4: woman on Okaycupid. She asked her out, the woman said yes,
Speaker 4: and then later was like, I'm going to need to
Speaker 4: take a rain check. And a year later my friend
Speaker 4: reached out and was like, how about that raincheck? And
Speaker 4: now they're married and have a baby, And so that
Speaker 4: story is just so cute because it's like it genuinely
Speaker 4: was the wrong time for that person. My friend remembered
Speaker 4: her and reached out and like it did work out.
Speaker 4: But I feel like that story's memorable because it's the exception,
Speaker 4: not the rule. And so in general, I would say
Speaker 4: most people are willing to make time for you if
Speaker 4: they feel like you're the right match, and so there's
Speaker 4: something going on if they feel like they can't make
Speaker 4: that moment work, and so I would say, like, value
Speaker 4: your time, feel urgency around this, and if somebody can't
Speaker 4: be with you right now, find somebody who both wants
Speaker 4: to date you, is willing to make you a priority,
Speaker 4: and isn't giving you a date in the future.
Speaker 5: Now loan something that one of my childhood best friends
Speaker 5: said to me a couple of years ago, and I
Speaker 5: have never forgotten it because it was one of the
Speaker 5: best bits of advice I've ever heard. Both of us
Speaker 5: were kind of like dating people, and she was finding
Speaker 5: that she was and brit I know that you've experienced
Speaker 5: this too, the person before the person.
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, of course, you know the person.
Speaker 1: That they would date I call the one before the one.
Speaker 1: Find the one before the one.
Speaker 3: Yea, yeah, the one before the one.
Speaker 5: Anyway, she realized that she was kind of in a
Speaker 5: lot of these situations where she thought that she was
Speaker 5: seeing someone and then, as it turns out, they were
Speaker 5: seeing her and also seeing a couple of other people,
Speaker 5: and then they would pick from that group. So something
Speaker 5: she ended up asking pretty early on which is pretty
Speaker 5: full on, but she would say, Hey, is there anyone
Speaker 5: that thinks they are dating you right now? Like, is
Speaker 5: there anyone that in their mind they think that they're
Speaker 5: seeing you, because I want to know about that before
Speaker 5: I invest more of.
Speaker 1: My time, you mean, just trying to find out like
Speaker 1: if yeah, a nice way to say are we exclusive
Speaker 1: or not?
Speaker 5: More so like not so exclusive, it's more so like
Speaker 5: this would be she would ask upon like the first
Speaker 5: or second date where she would kind of want to
Speaker 5: gauge of, like it's okay if you're dating other people,
Speaker 5: but is there anyone that thinks that they are in
Speaker 5: an exclusive relationship with you or working towards that? What
Speaker 5: is a way to ask that question in a maybe
Speaker 5: less a long way way? But I think it's brilliant.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it reminds me. There's a famous quote. It's from
Speaker 4: a famous comedian and I forget who's from. But it's like,
Speaker 4: I don't have a girlfriend, but I know a woman
Speaker 4: who would be angry to hear me say that. Yes,
Speaker 4: Like it's definitely the same essence. And I've honestly been
Speaker 4: thinking about that.
Speaker 3: A lot lately.
Speaker 4: So what's horrid about what your friend's question is that
Speaker 4: I feel like it comes across as very cynical and
Speaker 4: really like man, dating has burned me and I'm having
Speaker 4: a hard time, and like, you better not fuck with
Speaker 4: me the way other people did.
Speaker 2: Right, Like, I.
Speaker 4: Totally understand where she's coming from. She's trying to protect herself,
Speaker 4: but I really worry that saying something like that could
Speaker 4: be a huge turn off because what it's gonna lead
Speaker 4: to in the guy's head is alarm bells are gonna
Speaker 4: go off. It's like she's super skeptical, she's cynical, like
Speaker 4: she's been around the box block and she's been burned.
Speaker 4: She's always gonna question me, and so like, even though
Speaker 4: I have so much empathy for why she's asking it,
Speaker 4: I feel like the phrasing of that question could get
Speaker 4: her in trouble and could turn off a guy who's
Speaker 4: otherwise like very honest, has done nothing wrong, but just
Speaker 4: feels almost like guilty and so proven innocent. And so
Speaker 4: let's see if we can come up with another way
Speaker 4: for her to ask that. So there's one way of
Speaker 4: doing it, which is just saying, are you seeing anyone
Speaker 4: else right now? Another thing is that maybe she doesn't
Speaker 4: need to know in the beginning, but it's more that
Speaker 4: once she and the guy really start hitting it off,
Speaker 4: she should be more upfront about having the dtr that
Speaker 4: define the relationship conversation or the woo woo, what's up
Speaker 4: with us? And so like, what about if you know
Speaker 4: when things are going well, Let's say, like after a month,
Speaker 4: she says something like, I'm really enjoying hanging out. I'm
Speaker 4: going to delete the apps. I don't really feel like
Speaker 4: I need to meet somebody else right now?
Speaker 3: What about you?
Speaker 4: How are you feeling? And by sharing what's going on
Speaker 4: for her and mirroring the type of honesty she wants
Speaker 4: to have, she's letting the guy say something so he
Speaker 4: could say, I'm.
Speaker 3: Happy to hear you say that.
Speaker 4: You know, I did get out of a relationship pretty recently,
Speaker 4: and so I want to play the field.
Speaker 3: A little bit more.
Speaker 4: I'm not ready to do that, or oh, I already
Speaker 4: deleted the apps, like I didn't mention it. Like I
Speaker 4: think just creating more opportunities to have hard conversations with
Speaker 4: people and feeling bold because we often don't bring things
Speaker 4: up because we're afraid of the answer that we might get.
Speaker 4: And so instead I would really think about, you know,
Speaker 4: what could she do to feel more empowered to have
Speaker 4: that conversation sooner, a.
Speaker 3: Discussion that we have a lot.
Speaker 1: A lot of questions that come in is around when
Speaker 1: is the right time to say what you want in
Speaker 1: a relationship or what you're looking for when you start dating.
Speaker 1: Do you put it straight on your dating profile? Do
Speaker 1: you do it day one? On the first day, you're
Speaker 1: having dinner, you say, hey, look.
Speaker 3: What are you looking for? Are you relationship? Kids just
Speaker 3: want to have sex casual?
Speaker 1: Because for women, as we get older, a lot of
Speaker 1: women are looking for a relationship.
Speaker 3: It's what they want.
Speaker 1: But there is this idea of well, if I go
Speaker 1: and say that too soon, it might scare them off,
Speaker 1: or they might think I'm too serious, even though the
Speaker 1: guy might want the same thing. There's this idea that
Speaker 1: if you directly go and say what you want.
Speaker 3: They're going to run for the hills.
Speaker 1: I was on a date this week and the first
Speaker 1: date and he said to me, we're having dinner and
Speaker 1: he said to me, what are you looking for in
Speaker 1: a relationship? And I mean, I have a dating podcast?
Speaker 3: And I freaked out. In my head. My internal monologue was,
Speaker 3: holy fuck, do you tell him what you actually want,
Speaker 3: which is like looking for dress? I was like, and
Speaker 3: I did.
Speaker 1: The most I found about answer where I like touched
Speaker 1: on both. I was like, well, you know, I'm thirty five,
Speaker 1: so yeah, I'm looking for the right person. I want
Speaker 1: to share my life with someone, so I would like
Speaker 1: a relationship.
Speaker 3: Having said that, I'm also.
Speaker 1: Open to just cruising for a little bit and having
Speaker 1: fun and seeing if something goes somewhere. And I just
Speaker 1: did this stupid answer that like covered every single base possible,
Speaker 1: because in my head, I'm like, if you just tell
Speaker 1: him you're ready for a relationship.
Speaker 3: He's going to run a mile.
Speaker 1: How early on do you think you need to have
Speaker 1: those conversations or it's okay to have those conversations.
Speaker 4: It's such a good question, and I think a lot
Speaker 4: of people worry about this or like I really know
Speaker 4: what I want, but I don't want to scare the
Speaker 4: person off. And so I have done some research on
Speaker 4: this at Hinge, and so we ran this really cool
Speaker 4: experiment where we had a couple different marked up profiles
Speaker 4: and under what are you looking for? Some people just
Speaker 4: had something more generic like somebody to laugh with and
Speaker 4: have a great time with, and other people were much
Speaker 4: more explicit about like looking for a long term relationship,
Speaker 4: looking to get married and have kids, and what we
Speaker 4: found was that it all depended on what the person
Speaker 4: who looked at the profile was looking for. So when
Speaker 4: somebody who's looking for a relationship sees on your profile
Speaker 4: that you're looking for a relationship, they're much more likely
Speaker 4: to message you. And so already putting it on your
Speaker 4: profile basically as soon as you're meeting the person is
Speaker 4: great because you're really getting more messages from people that
Speaker 4: are what we call intentioned users, people looking for a relationship.
Speaker 4: But perhaps the even better news is that somebody who's
Speaker 4: not looking for a relationship, when they see that, they
Speaker 4: are eleven percent less likely to send you a message,
Speaker 4: and so it saves you time. You're basically taking those
Speaker 4: fuck boys and saying no fuck boys allowed, and then
Speaker 4: they self censor and remove themselves from the pool. And
Speaker 4: so if you're thinking about all the places that you
Speaker 4: could say it, you could say it on your profile,
Speaker 4: you could say it in your first message, you could
Speaker 4: say it on your first date, you could say it
Speaker 4: in your second date. To me, this is evidence that
Speaker 4: saying it as early as possible is great because instead
Speaker 4: of wasting your time with someone who's not looking for
Speaker 4: the same thing, you're saying it from the beginning, and
Speaker 4: somebody who's going to be scared away by that is
Speaker 4: probably somebody who's not looking for a relationship. And so
Speaker 4: I really feel strongly that there's nothing to be embarrassed
Speaker 4: about if you just own your story and you say, hey,
Speaker 4: i've been dating for a while, I've learned so much
Speaker 4: about myself. I've had some good times, I've had some
Speaker 4: bad times, but I know I'm really looking to be
Speaker 4: in a relationship.
Speaker 3: What about you.
Speaker 4: You're basically doing what I said before. You're sharing in
Speaker 4: an authentic and vulnerable way. You're modeling the honesty that
Speaker 4: you want them to have, and then you're allowing them
Speaker 4: to share, and you're making sure that there's no right answer.
Speaker 3: That's wording, don't go in crazy and hall.
Speaker 5: Now, Logan, you have a phenomenal newsletter. I am signed
Speaker 5: up to it for anyone who isn't. You can grab
Speaker 5: it from Logan's website. I'll put a note in the
Speaker 5: show notes for it. And a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 5: your newsletter wrote about this thing called the sunk cost fallacy.
Speaker 3: Yes, CF, I just made that office ESCF. What is
Speaker 3: the sunk cost fallacy?
Speaker 4: Well, thank you for being a newsletter subscribe the Sun
Speaker 4: costs fallacy. My husband always says it as throwing good
Speaker 4: money after bad. It's basically this idea that once you've
Speaker 4: invested in something, you have to see it through. And
Speaker 4: so the example I gave in the newsletter is that
Speaker 4: I went to the movies and I knew fifteen minutes
Speaker 4: into it that I didn't like it. And so the
Speaker 4: old me would be like, Okay, I'm going to stay
Speaker 4: because I've already spent the twenty dollars in the movies.
Speaker 4: But now that I know about this, the way I
Speaker 4: think about it is whether I stay or I leave.
Speaker 4: Either way, I've paid twenty dollars, but at least if
Speaker 4: I leave, I get my time back. And there's this
Speaker 4: feeling of well, I can go call a friend, I
Speaker 4: can go listen to a podcast, I can go shopping,
Speaker 4: I can have a delicious lunch, whatever it is. And
Speaker 4: so really understanding that just because you spent money on
Speaker 4: something doesn't mean that you should also spend your time
Speaker 4: on it. Just because you've worked hard on a project
Speaker 4: but the project isn't going anywhere, it doesn't mean you
Speaker 4: should continue.
Speaker 3: So it's giving you.
Speaker 4: This understanding that despite the fact that you've spent your
Speaker 4: time on something, it doesn't mean you need to keep
Speaker 4: spending more time on it. And so how it's relevant
Speaker 4: to relationships is that sometimes I meet people who have
Speaker 4: been in a relationship for two years and they've actually
Speaker 4: been unhappy for eighteen months, but they keep staying because
Speaker 4: they feel like, well, I've already invested this time, I
Speaker 4: have to keep going. And so how it relates to
Speaker 4: fuck boys is that you're already entangled with them and
Speaker 4: you think I should keep going or I'm going to
Speaker 4: change them, I'm going to fix them. But I would
Speaker 4: much rather that you call it, identify what it was,
Speaker 4: which was a situationship with the fuck boy, and then
Speaker 4: move forward and find somebody else, instead of saying, well,
Speaker 4: I've spent this much time with them, I might as
Speaker 4: well stick around.
Speaker 3: I think this happens a lot.
Speaker 1: I've had a lot of friends I've even been in
Speaker 1: the situation, but a lot of friends that are like
Speaker 1: I've just you know, we've been going for six months now,
Speaker 1: like i feel like I've put so much time and
Speaker 1: engine to him that I'll just hang around another six
Speaker 1: months and see what happens. Whereas exactly what you just
Speaker 1: said all you're doing is stopping yourself from going and
Speaker 1: getting opportunity in the next six months. I would be
Speaker 1: the person now like you, I would walk out of
Speaker 1: the movie now because I value my time so much more.
Speaker 4: Yes, take back your time.
Speaker 1: Yeah, time is invaluable. I think it's such a hot
Speaker 1: commodity that people don't have enough of. And you don't
Speaker 1: want to be giving your time to people that aren't
Speaker 1: well adding anything back to your life. And I think
Speaker 1: there's something a lot of people need to think about
Speaker 1: right now. If you're in this situation, if you are
Speaker 1: literally in a situation now where you're with a fuck boy,
Speaker 1: a fuck girl, or someone that you think is wasting
Speaker 1: the time, ask yourself, what are they adding to this
Speaker 1: situation other than maybe maybe sporadically semi good sex.
Speaker 4: I totally agree with all of that, And like, isn't
Speaker 4: that just a message that you would want to spread
Speaker 4: to like your audience, your friends, your family, which is
Speaker 4: just value your time more. Like, think about like what
Speaker 4: you could do if you weren't scrolling on Instagram, or
Speaker 4: you weren't feeling bad about a fuck boy, or you
Speaker 4: weren't wondering, you know, is this person going to text
Speaker 4: me back and really just being like, if you think
Speaker 4: about a role model that you have, or like somebody
Speaker 4: who's super accomplished, like they're not wasting their time on
Speaker 4: those things. They're achieving their goal, learning, becoming better, investing
Speaker 4: in their relationships. And so really like I wish that
Speaker 4: we would all and I totally include myself in this
Speaker 4: take our own time more seriously.
Speaker 5: Like we've been speaking about it in the terms of
Speaker 5: like dating and the earliest stages of dating, but does
Speaker 5: this apply to people in long term relationships as well?
Speaker 3: Like, I mean, I know.
Speaker 5: That for my parents, my mum had been with my
Speaker 5: dad since she was fifteen, and I know that she
Speaker 5: got to her mid forties and she was kind of like,
Speaker 5: we haven't been in love for a really long time,
Speaker 5: but we've spent all of this time together. We've built
Speaker 5: this house together, we've got this family, you know, we've
Speaker 5: got this life together. Does the sun cost fallacy apply
Speaker 5: to people like that that have been in really long
Speaker 5: term relationships?
Speaker 4: Yeah, So I'll just start by saying, you know, I've
Speaker 4: been married for two years, so I don't want to
Speaker 4: speak on behalf of somebody who's been married. Let's say,
Speaker 4: for thirty years with kids in a house and a
Speaker 4: mortgage and all that. So I think there is a
Speaker 4: lot of nuance there, and there are complications, but yes,
Speaker 4: this applies to many areas of our lives. It's why
Speaker 4: we put up with friendships that have probably reached their
Speaker 4: expiration date. But we're just sort of like, well, I
Speaker 4: guess I'll keep them around. And sometimes it's a good thing.
Speaker 4: Like sometimes you've built a life with someone and even
Speaker 4: if the romantic or sexual part has faded, they're still
Speaker 4: your partner and you want to continue living with them.
Speaker 4: And so just because you know some of that early
Speaker 4: chemistry or honeymoon period has faded, certainly isn't a reason
Speaker 4: to break up. But yes, I would say I see
Speaker 4: this all the time. And in my book I talk
Speaker 4: about two types of people, hitchers and ditchers, and so
Speaker 4: ditchers are people that stay in relationships too short, maybe
Speaker 4: after three months or six months. They're like, oh, you know,
Speaker 4: the love has faded. It's not as fun as the
Speaker 4: falling in love. I'm going to move on to the
Speaker 4: next person. They don't understand that with every relationship there's
Speaker 4: naturally a transition, and falling in love isn't the same
Speaker 4: as being in love, but for some cost fallacy hitchers
Speaker 4: is absolutely relevant because hitchers stay in relationships too long
Speaker 4: because they've already put that time in. And so that
Speaker 4: goes back to the example I gave of the coaching
Speaker 4: client who had been the woman for two years, had
Speaker 4: not enjoyed it for the last eighteen months, but was like,
Speaker 4: the first six months were so great, and I've already
Speaker 4: invested the time, And so for someone like him, I
Speaker 4: would just say, you know, you can't stick around for
Speaker 4: what was there at the beginning. And so yes, absolutely
Speaker 4: applies to longer term relationships, but more complicated because of
Speaker 4: course you've built a life together.
Speaker 5: How do we identify if we are the fuck boy
Speaker 5: or fuck girl in this situation? Like, what are some
Speaker 5: of the signs that maybe we need to check ourselves
Speaker 5: and have a bit of a look in the mirror
Speaker 5: as to whether way of bringing that to the dating world.
Speaker 4: I worked on a podcast for the last few years
Speaker 4: called This is Dating, and one of the people that
Speaker 4: I was coaching, he was so lovely, but he was
Speaker 4: a very typical love bomber, and I would also say
Speaker 4: fuck boy, And it was so interesting because I felt
Speaker 4: like he was even doing some of it to me,
Speaker 4: Like after one of our coaching sessions, he wrote me
Speaker 4: this like really intense poem about how I had helped him,
Speaker 4: And every time I logged on too Zoom, he would
Speaker 4: tell me how beautiful I looked, and I was like,
Speaker 4: oh my god, like I'm being loved bombed by my client.
Speaker 4: And it was just really interesting because he was truly
Speaker 4: a lovely person. I don't think he was doing anything malicious,
Speaker 4: but there was obviously something inside of him that had
Speaker 4: this need to flur, to seduce and to please, and
Speaker 4: so I've really thought a lot about that psychology. And
Speaker 4: so one of the things that I noticed with him,
Speaker 4: and that I think is true with a lot of
Speaker 4: fuck boys, is that it's kind of like all these
Speaker 4: interactions are a game that you can win by getting
Speaker 4: somebody to like you. And so as opposed to thinking
Speaker 4: like you and me are a team, baby, and it's
Speaker 4: like us against the world, it's like you versus me,
Speaker 4: and how can I win by really seducing you? And
Speaker 4: so if you think about dating as a game that
Speaker 4: you can win, that might be a sign that you're
Speaker 4: a fuck boy. And so even though we generally want
Speaker 4: to be liked and that's like a healthy part of
Speaker 4: survival and being in a group and this and that
Speaker 4: these people have an excessive need to get validation. And
Speaker 4: it's something that I would encourage them to look at,
Speaker 4: which is what hole are you trying to fill? Why
Speaker 4: do you feel like everyone you need to date? You
Speaker 4: need to get them to not just like you as
Speaker 4: a person, but to fall for you? And like why
Speaker 4: is the setup this feeling of like can I get them?
Speaker 4: And for them it's so much about the like can
Speaker 4: I get you to like me? Is it the chase?
Speaker 4: And you're not realizing that there's a real person on
Speaker 4: the other end whose feelings are at stake, who thinks
Speaker 4: that you genuinely like them. Well, what you really like
Speaker 4: is the feeling of getting somebody else to fall for you,
Speaker 4: And so really it's that extreme need to win people over.
Speaker 4: The other thing goes back to what I said about
Speaker 4: the beginning, which is where their actions don't match their words,
Speaker 4: and so they make a lot of promises, so for example,
Speaker 4: things like oh we can date when things get less
Speaker 4: busy at work, or they give a lot of compliments
Speaker 4: like I'm so into you, and they know in their
Speaker 4: heart they don't mean it, and so it's like they
Speaker 4: have a skill of saying what does that person want
Speaker 4: and delivering it, But what they should move towards is
Speaker 4: only saying it when they mean it. And then the
Speaker 4: last thing I would say is getting involved with people
Speaker 4: who you know want commitment even though you don't, and
Speaker 4: can you move towards a world where you let the
Speaker 4: person know that you don't want commitment and if that's
Speaker 4: the only thing they're looking for, then you move on
Speaker 4: instead of kind of lying to yourself and being like, sure,
Speaker 4: maybe I would date her one day when in your
Speaker 4: heart you're like, no, that's not the person I want
Speaker 4: to be in a relationship with.
Speaker 1: Well, I think it would be very silly of us
Speaker 1: to have a behavioral scientist and a dating coach from
Speaker 1: Hingeon and not talk about dating profiles and how all
Speaker 1: those single people out there can make sure they've got
Speaker 1: the absolute best profile. What are your top tips for
Speaker 1: making like the bomb profile?
Speaker 4: Yes, and we've done a ton of research on this
Speaker 4: at Hinge. So first thing I would say is think
Speaker 4: about your profile is telling a story. So often we're like, okay,
Speaker 4: well this picture plus this prompt think about it altogether.
Speaker 4: So I like to say to people, what are the
Speaker 4: three things that you want to communicate on your profile?
Speaker 4: So it might be you know, I love this sports team,
Speaker 4: I'm super close to my family, and I love to cook.
Speaker 4: And then you want to have a profile that really
Speaker 4: gets those things across. So you don't need three pictures
Speaker 4: of you cooking, but you might want to have a combination.
Speaker 4: And then you don't want all of your answers to
Speaker 4: say the same thing. You really want varieties. So that's
Speaker 4: number one. The next thing is that your first profile
Speaker 4: photo should be a clear headshot, no filters, no sunglasses,
Speaker 4: no dark shadows, just like, this is what I look like.
Speaker 4: Because people don't want to play a guessing game, and
Speaker 4: they're not going to be like, well, let me see
Speaker 4: her other photos. They're just gonna be like, Nope, can't
Speaker 4: tell what she looks like. You also want to include
Speaker 4: photos of you doing an activity that you love, a
Speaker 4: full body shot, and at least one photo with friends
Speaker 4: and family, but not something where they have to guess
Speaker 4: which one of your siblings you are or which one
Speaker 4: of the bachelorette girls.
Speaker 3: You are waits Wally.
Speaker 5: That's literally the case for me because my photos are
Speaker 5: with girls who will own the bachelor.
Speaker 4: Ignore the bride'smaids, Ignore the bachelorettes. You don't want to
Speaker 4: play Where's Wally? And then when it comes to your prompts,
Speaker 4: you want to have a mixture of humor and vulnerability.
Speaker 4: So show us your dad joke, show us your puns,
Speaker 4: whatever is your sense of humor. But you also want
Speaker 4: to have some earnest ones. Like I worked with this
Speaker 4: guy who was really nerdy and sweet and loved reading,
Speaker 4: and so we wanted to say that he wanted a
Speaker 4: long term relationship, but we wanted to do it in
Speaker 4: a sweet way.
Speaker 3: So we wrote.
Speaker 4: Looking for somebody to combine my bookshelves with cute.
Speaker 3: That's a good one.
Speaker 4: I just thought it was so cute because it's like
Speaker 4: I'm looking for something serious. I love reading, but like
Speaker 4: I'm in it for a good time and a long time.
Speaker 1: Well, I put a photo up of myself and my dog,
Speaker 1: Delilaho's Everyone that knows me knows she's my obsession, and
Speaker 1: I just wrote, like package deal. That's so cute, this
Speaker 1: long term deal, this is what we come as. But
Speaker 1: Keisha has this problem and we always say that you
Speaker 1: really need to work on your prompts. Be great, give
Speaker 1: people something to talk about. I'm a big advocate for
Speaker 1: that as well. And when I write to someone first,
Speaker 1: I like to comment on something that they've gone to
Speaker 1: the effort of something on their profile.
Speaker 3: But Keisha's quite extreme.
Speaker 1: If somebody writes to Keisha and just says hi or hi,
Speaker 1: how are you, she won't write back because she's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: fuck you, you put no effort in where it's like, I
Speaker 1: think that's a bit extreme, because sometimes boring, I'm kind of.
Speaker 3: Like, you don't care how I am. You don't know me. Also,
Speaker 3: what am I gonna reply to that? Good? How are you? Like?
Speaker 1: Sometimes at the end I think of myself. Sometimes at
Speaker 1: the end of a really long day, I might want
Speaker 1: to start a conversation with some because I'm interested in them,
Speaker 1: but I do not have the energy to go through
Speaker 1: and think of something funny to say. So sometimes even
Speaker 1: I and my advice to everyone is be creative, But
Speaker 1: sometimes I'm like, hey, how are you?
Speaker 3: That's what I do?
Speaker 1: So do you think that that's too cash? Is too
Speaker 1: extreme to not respond to a Hey how I.
Speaker 4: You know, I've thought about this a lot, and also
Speaker 4: you know, I've been following this trend of beige flags,
Speaker 4: you know, beage flags is this idea that red flags
Speaker 4: are run away, green flags are a go, and beige
Speaker 4: flags are like a sign that the person might be boring.
Speaker 4: And one of the things that came up is just
Speaker 4: saying the hey, how are you? And I used to
Speaker 4: be like, come on, people are busy, it's no big deal.
Speaker 4: But at this point, I'm like, put some effort in,
Speaker 4: like comment on something in my profile, say something like
Speaker 4: what you're up to, and then ask a question. And
Speaker 4: so in this stage where a lot of people are
Speaker 4: burned out and we're all just trying to make it through,
Speaker 4: I would say that I think that's an okay filter.
Speaker 4: And my really advice for everyone would be put more
Speaker 4: effort into your messages because amazing people like Kisha are
Speaker 4: filtering you out. If you just say hey, how are you.
Speaker 3: Like, it's stop flirting with me. I know, I'm just trying.
Speaker 3: I'm a lot love vombing you.
Speaker 1: There's also amazing people like me, and sometimes I get
Speaker 1: on the dating slote and I'm like, I don't have
Speaker 1: anything left in me. I don't have one more creative thing.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to be like Hey, lacky glasses, how
Speaker 1: are you?
Speaker 3: That's it?
Speaker 5: Maybe you shouldn't be messaging at that time, then maybe
Speaker 5: you should come back.
Speaker 3: To the apps like at a time.
Speaker 1: I'm doing my best here.
Speaker 3: It's so hard.
Speaker 4: It's like I write all these creative messages and nobody
Speaker 4: writes back, So what's my motivation? But I would still
Speaker 4: say that putting an effort into that early stage is
Speaker 4: a sign that you're willing to put an effort into
Speaker 4: dating and the relationship. And so I would still say,
Speaker 4: like worth it to write nice comments. They tend to
Speaker 4: get more responses than just to like. And I feel
Speaker 4: okay with you ignoring the people who write hi, how
Speaker 4: are you, unless, of course you think they have a
Speaker 4: really great profile and you know you want to make
Speaker 4: an exception.
Speaker 1: Look, at the end of the day, I think that dating,
Speaker 1: I mean not dating, coach. I think dating should be fun.
Speaker 1: And I think that if you're getting really exhausted by it,
Speaker 1: or you're hating it, or you're having down moment and
Speaker 1: you're not enjoying it anymore, I think you can take
Speaker 1: a break. I think maybe it's time to get off
Speaker 1: the app for a couple of weeks, just hang out
Speaker 1: with some friends go out and try and meet people.
Speaker 1: But I would hate for anyone out there to be
Speaker 1: so down and out about dating because they're going through
Speaker 1: dating fatigue situation. So the question is for people that
Speaker 1: are experiencing dating fatigue, is the right thing to do
Speaker 1: what I do and just like shut down for a
Speaker 1: couple of weeks and just go out and join their
Speaker 1: friends and then try and go back on. Because what
Speaker 1: happens too is I've been single for the best part
Speaker 1: of ten years. A lot of people out there, they
Speaker 1: live in the same suburb, right, So when you're online
Speaker 1: dating for that long and you live in the same
Speaker 1: area or the same city, you're seeing a lot of
Speaker 1: the same people, you're having a lot of the same conversations.
Speaker 3: It does you do get a lot of fatigue. So
Speaker 3: what's your advice to those people?
Speaker 4: Yeah, I definitely understand where you're coming from. And this
Speaker 4: is something I hear about a lot. So there's a
Speaker 4: couple of things you can do. So WAN is just
Speaker 4: taking a break and recharging and whatever that means for you.
Speaker 4: So whether it's like spending a lot of time with friends,
Speaker 4: just being at home and reading a book and drinking tea,
Speaker 4: like if you feel like you just want to recharge.
Speaker 4: That's great. I would generally say it would be good
Speaker 4: to have a date in mind that you're going to
Speaker 4: come back, because what I see is sometimes people say
Speaker 4: they're going to take a short break and then they
Speaker 4: don't come back for a long time, and then I
Speaker 4: worry that they're being a hesitator and you know, spending
Speaker 4: too long waiting and not enough time dating. So that's
Speaker 4: one thing I would say. Something else is what is
Speaker 4: making dating feeling like burnout for you? And so one
Speaker 4: of the common things that I see is that people
Speaker 4: are having the same conversations over and over in their chats.
Speaker 4: And so, for example, I had a client who was
Speaker 4: into trap pees and so she had this really cool
Speaker 4: photo of her doing trap peez wearing this leotard, and
Speaker 4: so people would always comment.
Speaker 3: Oh my god, so cool. How long have you been
Speaker 3: doing trapeze?
Speaker 4: And even though she was proud of it, she got
Speaker 4: so this conversation. So we switched up her profile, new pictures,
Speaker 4: new prompts, and then she got into entirely different conversation
Speaker 4: and so i'd really break down, where am I getting tired?
Speaker 4: Is it that I'm going on too many days a week.
Speaker 4: Is it that I'm having the same type of conversations?
Speaker 4: Is it that I'm not sleeping enough? And so really
Speaker 4: trying to diagnose what's making you feel burned out and
Speaker 4: then addressing that I think is better than just like
Speaker 4: the download, delete, download delete cycle that can get really tiring.
Speaker 1: Well like, and I think we'll cover it a lot
Speaker 1: of ground today. We so much grown, we go it
Speaker 1: so much ground. Thank you so much for coming on
Speaker 1: the podcast again. We absolutely love having you.
Speaker 3: Can you tell.
Speaker 1: Everyone where they can find you, where they can.
Speaker 3: Get you a book?
Speaker 4: Absolutely?
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: So my book is called how to Not Dialan and
Speaker 4: you can find it in both bookstores. I read the
Speaker 4: audiobooks so you could get the audio version. You can
Speaker 4: take my three Dating Tendencies quiz at my website loganuri
Speaker 4: dot com slash quiz, and you can follow me on
Speaker 4: Instagram at logan Uri.
Speaker 5: And I actually really suggest signing up to Logan's news
Speaker 5: because I always find them really really interesting.
Speaker 3: Yours and Mark Manson's newsletter are my two favorite newsletters.
Speaker 3: That is such a.
Speaker 4: Great compliment, Thank you and amazing.
Speaker 3: What's coming up in the next newsletter? Have you written
Speaker 3: it yet?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 4: I love that. Yeah, So this week and next week
Speaker 4: we're talking about emotional vulnerability, basically how people are looking
Speaker 4: for it, what it means, how to be emotionally vulnerable
Speaker 4: without sharing too much information. And yeah, we have some
Speaker 4: other fun ones coming up with lots of dating advice
Speaker 4: and psychology terms and all of that stuff.
Speaker 1: Well, I hope everyone listening puts their floaties on and
Speaker 1: swims the fuck off.
Speaker 3: Fuck Boy Island. Thank you, sor.
Speaker 4: Yay, okay, amazing to chat with you. Thanks for having
Speaker 4: me on again until next time.
Speaker 2: You know that we never finished an episode with that.
Speaker 2: Our suck and our sweet, our highlight and our lowlight
Speaker 2: of each and every week. And Brittany Hockley, you can
Speaker 2: kick it off.
Speaker 1: I got scammed this week. Hell, in order not buy something,
Speaker 1: you want to be scammed. This was how crucial thing?
Speaker 3: How much money did you get scammed by? About one
Speaker 3: hundred and twenty dollars? Oh that's yeah, I'd be fucking dirty.
Speaker 3: Yeah I'm dirty and they're not paying it back. Did scared?
Speaker 1: So Dolilah got a period, as we know, she's on
Speaker 1: heat and a heat last up to four weeks because
Speaker 1: I googled that, because I'm like, when is this going
Speaker 1: to end? So I tried to get her some dog nappies.
Speaker 1: It's a heat nappy, right, It's literally just a nappy.
Speaker 1: Put your bra back and you're.
Speaker 3: Waving that bra around. Can I stick it to your
Speaker 3: forehead for the rest of the record. I don't want
Speaker 3: to boob sweat on my forehead.
Speaker 1: So I quickly tried to get these dog nappies, and
Speaker 1: the pet store in Bondi, like the local one, didn't
Speaker 1: have any. They were sold out, so I had to
Speaker 1: get them online, which said next day delivery, so great.
Speaker 1: So whilst I was on there, you spend a bit
Speaker 1: more for free delivery, right, So I was like, oh'll
Speaker 1: throw some toys in. I was like, oh, it's some
Speaker 1: big you know.
Speaker 3: I ended up spending about a hundred and fifty bucks.
Speaker 2: I was going to say, one hundred and fifty dollars
Speaker 2: for nappies is pretty fucking no.
Speaker 1: So I got the big dog food and like, actually
Speaker 1: the toys in because I was like, I don't ever
Speaker 1: want to have.
Speaker 3: Just count baby Friday, let's go for it.
Speaker 1: I don't like to leave the house, so they just
Speaker 1: never came. Then they started to ask me about my
Speaker 1: bank details.
Speaker 3: And I was like, hang on a minute.
Speaker 2: Wait, where did you order this through Amazon?
Speaker 3: No, it was like some pet circle thing, like an
Speaker 3: actual website on my Yes, that came recommended. They were like,
Speaker 3: you need to verify it's you so we can send
Speaker 3: it out. But they took the money and I was like,
Speaker 3: I'm not giving you any verification of my just send
Speaker 3: the product. And then I was like, hang on a minute.
Speaker 1: Then they kept sending me these automated things and I
Speaker 1: was like, just give me the money back. Then didn't
Speaker 1: get the money back, didn't get a product.
Speaker 2: And have you called the company because you know that
Speaker 2: that's exactly what happened. When we bought the roadcasters, they
Speaker 2: wouldn't send them to me, and I had to verify
Speaker 2: that the credit because that's not a scam. You need
Speaker 2: to just verify they're a real company. That's a real thing.
Speaker 3: Why are you no? Because I even sent it to
Speaker 3: Keisha and she said that's dodgy. No, no, no, that's
Speaker 3: like a very it's a very real thing. A lot
Speaker 3: of companies.
Speaker 2: We do it with Tony May if we can't because
Speaker 2: for example.
Speaker 3: I hated you just send me the product, because.
Speaker 2: So when you buy something in Shopify or through like
Speaker 2: a you know, any sort of web portal for some reason.
Speaker 2: Sometimes maybe your IP address doesn't match where your credit
Speaker 2: card is whatever it is. If there's something that's suspicious
Speaker 2: about your purchase, it fly on their end that your
Speaker 2: order looks suspicious and so therefore you need to prove
Speaker 2: more identity. You should just have to send across like
Speaker 2: a copy of your license or something that should.
Speaker 3: They asked for my bank statement.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, to prove that the credit card is
Speaker 2: linked to that. Yeah, yeah, it's fine, I think.
Speaker 1: Oh, just send me my pole company sold you hard basket.
Speaker 1: The reason I shop online is I want to sit
Speaker 1: there press by and it turns up to my hands.
Speaker 1: I don't want to go and make a phone call.
Speaker 1: I don't want to go to my bank and story
Speaker 1: shot and send.
Speaker 3: Them ship like yours.
Speaker 2: Suck is more so that you don't want to spend
Speaker 2: time to prove your identity rather than getting scared.
Speaker 3: Okay, it appears that way.
Speaker 1: You didn't get skipped all that I am because they
Speaker 1: haven't responded. They won't give me my money back, so
Speaker 1: they're just pretending now that I'm not here.
Speaker 3: We'll talk about this off qua what's your sweet for
Speaker 3: the week. My suite for the week is I'm still
Speaker 3: no crushing. I'm already No, I'm crushing hard. No, look,
Speaker 3: I'm feeling my breasts.
Speaker 2: Okay, I am going to tell you that this is
Speaker 2: a disaster waiting to happen.
Speaker 3: Brittany. You always you know me, yep, and I'm.
Speaker 1: Always correct this may I need some support every noight again, Laura, there.
Speaker 2: Has been some that I've been supported, this new one.
Speaker 2: This is a bad idea, Brittany Hockley.
Speaker 3: And you know it. Look in my face now.
Speaker 2: I cannot believe that we have a dating relationship podcast
Speaker 2: and after three years you are still entertaining this relationship.
Speaker 1: Firstly, firstly, you know I have an attraction to people
Speaker 1: that aren't here.
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I'm commitment fo I know I would a
Speaker 3: red flag because I know it.
Speaker 2: I also want to make this very plea to everybody
Speaker 2: listening to this. This is I'm not being the hard
Speaker 2: ass best friend. If you knew all the details around this,
Speaker 2: which you don't, but if you did, you would come
Speaker 2: and smack Brittany and say you are being such a
Speaker 2: naughty little girl.
Speaker 3: Do not try and entertain this day.
Speaker 2: What's the detail you don't like that he doesn't live
Speaker 2: in this country, to turn on that he's physically not here,
Speaker 2: turn on that you only knew him for two days,
Speaker 2: and now you're in love with him.
Speaker 3: Not in love with him, I'm in lust with him.
Speaker 1: It was three days and we've been speaking for a
Speaker 1: long time now.
Speaker 3: Of course on social media. I can't guys. Okay, okay.
Speaker 2: My SLFE for the week is that Britney never learns.
Speaker 3: She never learns from her mistakes.
Speaker 1: And I'm so tired three years of being the responsible one.
Speaker 3: It's too much. You're tired. But let's be real. I'm
Speaker 3: giving you content. That's all I need, and I'm learning slowly.
Speaker 3: It's just so hot to me. He's very attractive. It's
Speaker 3: the whole situation's hot.
Speaker 1: Like oh, there's so many red flags, like do you
Speaker 1: know what someone just says, I'm not here that I
Speaker 1: want to talk to you.
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, yes.
Speaker 2: I'm not available. I can't commit to you. And I also.
Speaker 1: To drop a crucial piece of information Laura that just delete,
Speaker 1: delete that out.
Speaker 3: Fucking delete. Yes, I know, but maybe this is the no.
Speaker 1: But maybe you and I need to have a talk
Speaker 1: about maybe what's right for sum sorrow for others. And
Speaker 1: maybe I'm never going to be the person because I'm
Speaker 1: so fucked up that needs someone in my space all
Speaker 1: the time. Maybe I can't deal with that and I
Speaker 1: go into a shell of myself. I don't know, because
Speaker 1: I haven't had it. But there's definitely something to me
Speaker 1: that loves the idea of being in love and having
Speaker 1: a relationship where you do only see each other sporadically, but.
Speaker 3: Then they cheat.
Speaker 1: You still have to deal with the heartbreak, and that
Speaker 1: means so do we.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but that's cute for you. Yeah, one of my
Speaker 3: best friends forever.
Speaker 1: To be fair, I love you're dealing with. My heartbreak
Speaker 1: was pretty tough love. It was pretty fucking get back
Speaker 1: out there, please do not out of band. No, absolutely
Speaker 1: it was not.
Speaker 2: Yeah, look, Britt, I want you to be happy. I
Speaker 2: just don't want you to date fuck boys. And after
Speaker 2: this episodisode of talking about dating fuck boys.
Speaker 3: Now I know I've also said this before, but I
Speaker 3: don't think he is all right. What's your or is
Speaker 3: it that late? If I'm talking? What is your suck?
Speaker 3: So my suck for the week. No, you're not my suck.
Speaker 2: I love you, and I do appreciate the content, but
Speaker 2: holy dick. Sometimes I'm like, holy dick, Holy dick. My
Speaker 2: stuck for the week is that Matt had the man
Speaker 2: flew over the weekend, which meant he spent the whole
Speaker 2: time in bed, which you know, it hits him hard.
Speaker 2: He had to stay in bed and watch TikTok for you,
Speaker 2: to be fair, though, he was actually really he was
Speaker 2: really genuinely sick. And I take the piss because he's
Speaker 2: normally he's usually so hands on with the kids, He's
Speaker 2: so hands on with everything.
Speaker 3: Around the house.
Speaker 2: Actually he was like flawed on Saturday, couldn't get out
Speaker 2: of bed until three or four pm. And then come
Speaker 2: Sunday he was pretty good. But like we were testing
Speaker 2: for COVID all weekend and no no COVID.
Speaker 3: Just the flu. Okay.
Speaker 2: My sweet for the week is that last week was
Speaker 2: Tony May Black Friday sales and it was like busy.
Speaker 2: This week I think we've ever had it was bananas.
Speaker 2: It's so sometimes it's this weird thing to me that
Speaker 2: I had this whole other life, like my Tony May
Speaker 2: life is just this completely separate business and real job.
Speaker 1: So what I what I'm hearing in that was I'm
Speaker 1: going to get a really good Christmas present, or like
Speaker 1: I'm healing diamond, Thank you bait.
Speaker 3: Really, it genuinely is.
Speaker 2: It's just like every so often we have like career
Speaker 2: goal kicking wins over that side of things.
Speaker 1: I'm just like, oh, that's and it is great because
Speaker 1: you do have a double life.
Speaker 3: I do like all of my past relationship jewelry.
Speaker 2: Designed by day, podcasted by every other hour, any spare hour.
Speaker 1: Guys, that is it from us. We hope you love
Speaker 1: the episode. If you did and you haven't, please leave
Speaker 1: us a little review.
Speaker 3: Maybe sneaky little sausage.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe you could hit five stars, whatever your fancy,
Speaker 1: and don't forget to ton your mum, tell your dad,
Speaker 1: toy dog tear.
Speaker 3: Friends and share the love because we.
Speaker 2: Love love
Speaker 5: The company and the Vacuta as the Bay, the BA