Speaker 1: Are you ready? The pickup with Britt Hockley and Laura Burn.
Speaker 2: Radio work Our windows down, my world risen the dust
Speaker 2: only good zabzugle down.
Speaker 1: I've done much, but yeah I'm not. I'll big get
Speaker 1: and what I want. It doesn't matter where.
Speaker 2: This is the pick up.
Speaker 3: It's the pickup with Britt Hackley and Laura Burn.
Speaker 1: Hi, guys, Hi, guys. What is this question you have
Speaker 1: for me?
Speaker 3: No?
Speaker 2: I've just been thinking about this all week because there's
Speaker 2: so much I don't know about, like what it's like
Speaker 2: to have kids, because I surprisingly.
Speaker 1: Don't have kids. You I know, but you went to
Speaker 1: South Africa last.
Speaker 2: Week and you flew alone with the kids on like
Speaker 2: a thirty hour flight.
Speaker 3: Well it was twenty two, but I like the exaggeration.
Speaker 3: It felt like thirty with the.
Speaker 2: Time that you traveled to the airport three hours earlier. Yeah, stuff,
Speaker 2: it's thirty hours. It's a big time and you were alone,
Speaker 2: single parenting. I couldn't get my head around. Are you
Speaker 2: allowed to sleep as a parent on a plane if.
Speaker 1: You've got two kids with you that are asleep, because
Speaker 1: I imagine you would have been so exhausted. But if you
Speaker 1: go to sleep and wake up and they're just not there.
Speaker 1: Like what happens.
Speaker 3: It's very hard to sleep when they're not asleep. Like,
Speaker 3: so the problem is is one of them will fall asleep,
Speaker 3: but the other ones not asleep, so you're kind of
Speaker 3: like tagged teeming their sleep. But there was this one
Speaker 3: point when Lola, my youngest who's four, was asleep and
Speaker 3: Marley was watching a movie and I was just kind
Speaker 3: of like half bug eyed and kind of falling asleep
Speaker 3: in my chair and Molly turns around.
Speaker 1: She strokes my face, and she goes, I mean, it's okay,
Speaker 1: you can just have a sleep. She goes, you should
Speaker 1: just I won't even talk to you. You just have
Speaker 1: a sleep now. But do they know not get up
Speaker 1: and walk around and stuff. Oh yeah, they're not gonna
Speaker 1: get up and walk around.
Speaker 3: Maybe some other people's kids might, but my kids don't
Speaker 3: really want to be far away from where I am.
Speaker 1: They want to be with me. So I napped.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I napped with the permission of my daughter, who
Speaker 3: stroked my face to my five year old tugged me,
Speaker 3: and I was so wrecked.
Speaker 1: Well, guys, we do have a big show today.
Speaker 2: We got to ask on cut coming up with one
Speaker 2: of our listeners who doesn't know what to do with
Speaker 2: some big feelings that she has for a boss. You
Speaker 2: know what I say to that, don't coop where you eat,
Speaker 2: don't do it bang him?
Speaker 3: No, actually I wouldn't. I'm thinking about our bosses and
Speaker 3: I'll stop anyway.
Speaker 1: Okay, Look they also listen to this and now they're offenders. Sorry, bosses.
Speaker 1: I'm a happy married woman.
Speaker 3: It is time being that it is a Thursday for
Speaker 3: something we do every Thursday. We also do it on
Speaker 3: our Life Uncut podcast, and that is ask Guncut.
Speaker 1: Will you guys call up.
Speaker 3: With your biggest, your deepest, darkest dilemma and we do
Speaker 3: our absolute best to answer them, even though we are
Speaker 3: technically very unqualified to do something.
Speaker 1: Stop telling people that I don't call anymore. But we
Speaker 1: give good advice. Though we are qualified.
Speaker 3: We give good advice because we've lived through some pretty wild,
Speaker 3: terrible relationships. I would say, but anyway, here it is okay, Alex.
Speaker 3: She's giving us a call because she's got some very
Speaker 3: strong feelings for her boss. Alex.
Speaker 1: Are you there, Hi? Yeah?
Speaker 4: And I'm hoping you guys can give me some good advice.
Speaker 1: What is going on?
Speaker 4: I've been working at this company for a couple of
Speaker 4: years now, and I've got a crush on my boss.
Speaker 3: It's the type of company and or don't tell me
Speaker 3: where you work, but like what kind of industry you
Speaker 3: your location? And also is there a big age discrepancy
Speaker 3: with your boss or is it discrepancy age disparity?
Speaker 4: Well, look, is it chilly to say, like I assume
Speaker 4: he's in his like late thirties.
Speaker 1: Oh he's young, young boss. How old are you are?
Speaker 1: How old are you?
Speaker 4: I'm in my mid twenties.
Speaker 1: How big is the company?
Speaker 2: Do you work really closely with him or do you
Speaker 2: just like have to brush past him and smell his
Speaker 2: clone in the hallway?
Speaker 4: So to explain it, it's like we work on an
Speaker 4: office floor, so like there's heaps of people around, but
Speaker 4: with my position, me and him talk a lot.
Speaker 3: Has he given you any indication? Is there any flirting?
Speaker 3: Do you get the vibe that there is something there
Speaker 3: or is it just a kind of feeling a bit
Speaker 3: one sided?
Speaker 4: I feel like I'm blushing talking about this.
Speaker 1: I don't.
Speaker 4: Yeah, of course we're like always flirty. And there was
Speaker 4: this one time when we went out for work drinks,
Speaker 4: like conversation was flowing and stuff, and we like almost
Speaker 4: kiss but like didn't.
Speaker 1: Sounds like a movie.
Speaker 4: So I definitely feel like the vibes are reciprocated, but
Speaker 4: like I totally get the whole, like it's inappropriate because
Speaker 4: I'm in his employee, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Now, I used to feel that, but I don't anymore.
Speaker 1: I used to in some instances. I still do britch.
Speaker 2: I used to say, don't poop where you eat, and
Speaker 2: it's you know, there's a power play here and all
Speaker 2: this stuff and all of that is true. But what
Speaker 2: I do want to say is if this could be
Speaker 2: your penguin and you think that this could be the
Speaker 2: love of your life, you can't not try just because
Speaker 2: it's your boss.
Speaker 1: You might be jobless. You cannot try because it's your boss. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but then you can sue him. They can't fight you.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, is the word vibe? No, it's not.
Speaker 2: If you think it's reciprocated and there are proper feelings there,
Speaker 2: there are definitely ways around it, and it depends on
Speaker 2: what your industry is and what the company's set up is,
Speaker 2: and if you have to go and let them know
Speaker 2: you're dating.
Speaker 1: People date at work all the time.
Speaker 2: It just has to make you just have to make
Speaker 2: sure that no one's been taken advantage of, it's all
Speaker 2: on board, it's all consensual, and then I think go
Speaker 2: for it.
Speaker 1: Also you might get a pay rise, Alex.
Speaker 3: I think be careful because it depends on multiple things.
Speaker 1: One is is like how much you actually.
Speaker 3: Really like your job and where you work, because the
Speaker 3: relationship dynamic could change if you've read things wrong. And
Speaker 3: also you definitely don't want to be in a situation
Speaker 3: where he feels uncomfortable because I think, you know, think
Speaker 3: about it. On the flip side, if you were made
Speaker 3: to feel uncomfortable because someone in your workplace was making
Speaker 3: advances at you like, that would be a whole different situation.
Speaker 3: So I mean, could you ask him out for a
Speaker 3: drink or something and see what his response to that
Speaker 3: would be and gauge that.
Speaker 1: She's gauged it.
Speaker 2: You're just still giving it the same one hand, just
Speaker 2: saying don't do it. The next one you're like, ask
Speaker 2: him for a drick. You're the one giving conflicted advice.
Speaker 2: I just think only go there if you think it's
Speaker 2: going to be something remotely or relatively serious. If you're
Speaker 2: just looking for a hookup or something, and it's absolutely
Speaker 2: not worth making this chaos.
Speaker 1: In your work environment. Like, on a serious note, don't
Speaker 1: touch it. Do you even know if he's single.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's definitely single, and like he is flirty, Like
Speaker 4: he likes to ask me what I'm up to on
Speaker 4: the weekends and stuff. It just never like eventuates in
Speaker 4: the conversation, you know what I mean. So maybe he's
Speaker 4: also feeling the same thing, like he doesn't want to
Speaker 4: be inappropriate and take the wrong step.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's keen. Is it keen? Just because someone asks
Speaker 1: you what you're doing on the weekend? Is that flirting?
Speaker 1: These days? They kissed? Unless that was fake and you
Speaker 1: imagined it? How did you almost kiss but then didn't kiss?
Speaker 1: Like what happened?
Speaker 4: It was like a goodbye sort of situation. We were
Speaker 4: both lingering and I could see he was looking at
Speaker 4: my lips like total signs that he was going to
Speaker 4: kiss me. And then and then so we're waiting for
Speaker 4: a taxi and somebody just came out and kind of
Speaker 4: like interrupted it type of thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is a movie that's devastating. Maybe next Christmas.
Speaker 4: Party, I don't know if I can wait that long.
Speaker 2: No, I hang out in a weekend. But I think
Speaker 2: it must probably have to come from you because it
Speaker 2: probably can't come from him.
Speaker 1: He'll get fired. But if it comes from your end,
Speaker 1: it might.
Speaker 4: Be all right, okay?
Speaker 3: Or is he into like fitness stuff? Could you go
Speaker 3: for a run or go and do it like a
Speaker 3: big walking for a run of them pash, sweaty pash
Speaker 3: at the end.
Speaker 1: I don't know. Guy's been a long time since I've
Speaker 1: dated me.
Speaker 4: I think that's not a bad idea. A hot girl
Speaker 4: walk is always an option.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you could be like, I've found this really great cafe.
Speaker 1: I'm into my walking now. I've never got to walk.
Speaker 1: You're never going to kiss on a walk. I have
Speaker 1: tried every date in history.
Speaker 2: I've done it, breakfast, brunch, lunch swims, hot girl walks, saunas,
Speaker 2: dinner dates, full degastations. I've done it all. You ain't
Speaker 2: passionate at the end of a hot girl walk. What's
Speaker 2: a guaranteed pash dinner in the dark. You can't even
Speaker 2: do daylight savings. Got to be like the sun start, yeah,
Speaker 2: because you're not going to like mack on out in
Speaker 2: the daylight, right, alex Well you heard it here first,
Speaker 2: let us.
Speaker 1: Know how it goes. I genuinely want to know if
Speaker 1: this eventuates.
Speaker 4: Okay, I will, I will take good guys.
Speaker 1: Thanks, so they call Alex.
Speaker 3: Now, we had something really exciting that happened today on
Speaker 3: Life onun Cut podcast. And you and I have been
Speaker 3: doing the pod for the last.
Speaker 2: Six years, and like nearly eight hundred episodes or some
Speaker 2: booth years of our life have been dedicated.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, you've been dedicated to having like really amazing conversations,
Speaker 3: some of them very silly, some of them very You know,
Speaker 3: we've learnt so much over the years in what we've done.
Speaker 3: The reason why what I'm about to tell you is
Speaker 3: so exciting is because we've branched out from just doing
Speaker 3: Life on Cut. We've created Life un Cut Productions. And
Speaker 3: as of that, we have our very first ten part
Speaker 3: mini series that has.
Speaker 1: Launched and is called Cloud Now.
Speaker 3: The person behind that mini series is our incredible executive
Speaker 3: producer of Life on Cut, Keisha Pettitt, who, for anyone
Speaker 3: who's a listener of the pod will already be familiar
Speaker 3: with Keisha's voice. Keisha, welcome to the pick up, and
Speaker 3: I'd love to talk a little bit with you about
Speaker 3: Cloud and why this project was so important to you
Speaker 3: in creating Thank You. I've just realized that I think
Speaker 3: this is my first time on your radio show, which
Speaker 3: I can't quite believe, which is weird because You've been
Speaker 3: does now for four years pretty much, I've in a
Speaker 3: long term relationship.
Speaker 5: But what Cloud is we created essentially, I mean, I'm
Speaker 5: sure there's a lot of conversation at the moment. There's
Speaker 5: a lot of social media at the moment about the
Speaker 5: fact that everyone's being diagnosed with ADHD, and particularly there
Speaker 5: seems to be this set of women who, like myself,
Speaker 5: find out much later in life, and we call that
Speaker 5: late age diagnosis. And so for a lot of us,
Speaker 5: there's been this thing that's kind of existed for our
Speaker 5: whole lives and we haven't really known what it was
Speaker 5: and why we felt a little bit different and maybe
Speaker 5: why our brains were wired slightly differently. And now we
Speaker 5: have that moment kind.
Speaker 1: Of that revelation of oh, that's what it is.
Speaker 5: And I found that a lot of the conversation that
Speaker 5: exists already are podcasts or maybe like YouTube series or
Speaker 5: social media content about this is what ADHD is, or
Speaker 5: this is how you could recognize it in a loved
Speaker 5: one and how you can kind of adapt to it.
Speaker 5: And where I kind of realized that there was this
Speaker 5: gap was after I got my diagnosis and I kind
Speaker 5: of learnt about what caused ADHD and some of the
Speaker 5: behavioral symptoms or characteristics. I was kind of a bit like, Okay,
Speaker 5: but what now, Like we have the information about what
Speaker 5: it is and how we might be different, but how
Speaker 5: am I able to kind of take that information and
Speaker 5: make it help myself? Like how am I able to
Speaker 5: give myself a more fulfilled life?
Speaker 3: Yeah? And the interesting thing is, I mean we've talked
Speaker 3: about it a bit before, but there are so many
Speaker 3: celebrities at the moment who have come out speaking about ADHD.
Speaker 3: Celeste Barber, Julia Morris just talked about it on I'm
Speaker 3: a celebrity, like which two years ago or five years
Speaker 3: ago that was never being discussed. Mea Friedman who has
Speaker 3: mum and mea when the examples that we have in
Speaker 3: media are all these incredibly successful women. I think it
Speaker 3: shows just one dynamic of what that looks like.
Speaker 2: And you've got some really incredible guests you're talking to
Speaker 2: along the series, who are some of those people.
Speaker 5: We spoke with people like Mark Manson, who is the
Speaker 5: author of The Subtle Art of Not.
Speaker 1: Giving a Pew New York Times bestselling author.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we spoke with that, Johann Hari who wrote Stole
Speaker 5: and Focus. We spoke with neuroscientist TJ.
Speaker 1: Power.
Speaker 5: We have a psychiatrist named doctor Keren Kennedy during the podcast,
Speaker 5: and a bunch of relationship experts and other late age
Speaker 5: diagnosed women in Australia.
Speaker 3: Kish, Why do you think it's the case that so
Speaker 3: many women are diagnosed so late?
Speaker 5: A couple of reasons, but the main one is the
Speaker 5: fact that our understandings of ADHD have evolved a lot,
Speaker 5: particularly if you fall into the inattentive side. So that
Speaker 5: was kind of off with the fairies rather than the
Speaker 5: boisterous like I'm going to be crazy kid. Yeah yeah,
Speaker 5: And so that has increased a lot, and with that
Speaker 5: is a bit of exposure. But I think also just
Speaker 5: the fact that so many more women in particular are
Speaker 5: coming out and speaking about it in the sense where
Speaker 5: they're like, I felt so burnt out and I was
Speaker 5: so overwhelmed, and I was so exhausted, and now that
Speaker 5: I've realized what it is, and I'm able to kind
Speaker 5: of help myself. I'm able to lift myself out of
Speaker 5: that place. And I truly actually think that that's probably
Speaker 5: why there's so many people relating to it, connecting to
Speaker 5: it and going I want to feel better. It's a
Speaker 5: genetic condition, so it's existed for a very long time,
Speaker 5: and I just wonder whether if I had lived through
Speaker 5: a time where there was an exposure of this. I
Speaker 5: was twenty nine when I found out.
Speaker 1: You would have never known that's what it was.
Speaker 5: How much older could I have been, and you know,
Speaker 5: my life could have been a lot easier. I guess
Speaker 5: that's why I'm so stoked that this gets to go
Speaker 5: out in the world now, because I hope it helps
Speaker 5: people realize that you don't necessarily have to be living
Speaker 5: with that fog, and whether that's through medication or through
Speaker 5: lifestyle changes, there is like a lot of light on
Speaker 5: the other side of it.
Speaker 4: Well.
Speaker 3: It is such an incredible podcast series, and like I said,
Speaker 3: it's only a ten parts a mini series. It is
Speaker 3: called Cloud and episode one and two were out today.
Speaker 3: So wherever you listen to your podcast, go and have
Speaker 3: a listen to it. If you yourself have ADHD. If
Speaker 3: you've seen the stuff on social media and thought, hey,
Speaker 3: maybe that's me, or you've got a love one or
Speaker 3: someone in your life who has ADHD, I think it'll
Speaker 3: be such a valuable tool to listen to.
Speaker 2: Okay, there's something I want to discuss that is really
Speaker 2: setting me off from Maps, Like, I'm quite angry about it.
Speaker 1: Shocked. I feel like you're always angry about Maths.
Speaker 2: I really am, and I realized why I never really
Speaker 2: enjoyed watching it.
Speaker 3: Updates her status on Facebook angry about Maths.
Speaker 1: Facebook, MSN Messenger.
Speaker 2: Well, if you haven't watched Maths, they do this one
Speaker 2: thing every season. It's like the photo ranking challenge. And
Speaker 2: if you did listen to us last week, we did
Speaker 2: speak to the relationship professional John Aiken. He came on
Speaker 2: the show and we spoke about this exact thing, the
Speaker 2: ranking of your partners. So basically, every groom in the
Speaker 2: show has to rank their bride where they think they
Speaker 2: are in like level of attractiveness.
Speaker 1: It's pretty cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and every bride ranks their groom. It's a staple
Speaker 3: of the show. It's a fan favorite.
Speaker 2: But the bride's are usually nicer like this seems to
Speaker 2: be a trend that the grooms are doing. And I
Speaker 2: don't want to say the brides are never nasty, but
Speaker 2: it seems to be very skewed to the men being I.
Speaker 3: Think it's because this is probably a very blanket stereotypical statement.
Speaker 3: So I'm sorry to all the men in the car,
Speaker 3: but I think that women have a more of a
Speaker 3: tendency to want to people please, and we have a
Speaker 3: bit of a higher eq. So even if we don't
Speaker 3: think that our partners are the hottest, we'll just do
Speaker 3: it because we know that that's gonna save a lot
Speaker 3: of arguments and a lot of hurt feelings.
Speaker 2: Well, in a nutshell, what I want to talk about
Speaker 2: is this idea of honesty being weaponized. So what they're
Speaker 2: saying is they're using honesty. I'm just speaking my truth.
Speaker 2: I'm just telling you how I feel like I should
Speaker 2: be allowed to do that. They're using that as an
Speaker 2: excuse to be a holes. This is what I think,
Speaker 2: And it comes down to this question of the worst
Speaker 2: thing that used to happen in a relationship was lying,
Speaker 2: right Like, you hated if your partner lied to me,
Speaker 2: and you always said, just tell me the truth.
Speaker 1: But I think there needs to be a level to that, because.
Speaker 2: Now these men are like, yeah, I put my bride's seventh,
Speaker 2: I'm not attracted to you.
Speaker 1: I would much prefer that bride. Hey, I'm just speaking
Speaker 1: my truth.
Speaker 3: I think it is a pretty juvenile think to think
Speaker 3: that honesty is the most important thing. And absolutely you
Speaker 3: want your partner to be honest, but you don't want
Speaker 3: your partner to be honest to you at the expense.
Speaker 1: Of just being cruel and mean.
Speaker 3: And I say this because when I was in my
Speaker 3: very first long term relationship, like we met when I
Speaker 3: was like eighteen years old, he struggled with quite a few.
Speaker 1: Of his own demons.
Speaker 3: So I don't want to just completely villainize the guy,
Speaker 3: because he is a good guy, but he would be
Speaker 3: so mean. He would tell me that I was annoying.
Speaker 3: He would tell me that I was too loud, that
Speaker 3: he didn't want to He would come home some days
Speaker 3: from work and we lived together.
Speaker 1: We were together for six years.
Speaker 3: He wouldn't speak to me, and he would tell me
Speaker 3: it was because he couldn't be bothered to speak to me.
Speaker 3: And I accepted all of that because he would then
Speaker 3: turn around and be like, I'm just being honest, you
Speaker 3: can't be angry at me because I'm speaking my truth.
Speaker 3: And this idea of speaking your truth regardless of the
Speaker 3: impact it has on the person that you're speaking it to,
Speaker 3: I think it's just a really cruel way to treat
Speaker 3: someone that you love. But at the time, I was like,
Speaker 3: I can't be mad at him. He's told me how
Speaker 3: he feels, and I need to support this. Maybe I
Speaker 3: am being annoying, and so I would try, and I
Speaker 3: was like walking on eggshells in my own home. I
Speaker 3: would come home and I would cook him dinner, and
Speaker 3: I would try and be quiet, and I'd try and
Speaker 3: be the version of this person that he wanted me
Speaker 3: to do, because him telling his truth just meant that
Speaker 3: I wasn't right for him, I wasn't good enough for him.
Speaker 1: But it's also a manipulation tact. One hundred percent. You
Speaker 1: couldn't have been that annoying. He stayed for six years,
Speaker 1: but what he did, guess mean to me he did get.
Speaker 2: A more subdued partner than cooked for him and wanted
Speaker 2: to do everything for him.
Speaker 1: So it just really frustrates me. I don't know if
Speaker 1: you can hear angry in my voice. I hope he's
Speaker 1: not listening. I don't think he cares. Who cares? He
Speaker 1: was a dick. Honesty is not always the best policy.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: I know that that is the saying that it was
Speaker 2: probably Gandhi or something. But I know that's saying, like, honestly,
Speaker 2: the best policy always be open. It's not true, like
Speaker 2: sometimes a white lie is what you need. And if
Speaker 2: you're not socially aware enough to think that the ranking
Speaker 2: the last is not going to be an issue, then
Speaker 2: you probably don't deserve to be in a relationship at all.
Speaker 3: There's a Taylor Swift lyric that is this and so
Speaker 3: this is not a new concept. She said, so casually
Speaker 3: cruel in the name of being honest.
Speaker 1: Ah, she's brilliant. So it was gandy, Taylor's Gandy. It
Speaker 1: basically first rue.
Speaker 3: So casually cruel in the sake of being honest, in
Speaker 3: the name of being honest.
Speaker 1: Whatever I got it wrong, I don't care.
Speaker 3: I remember listening to that song when I was like
Speaker 3: in my early thirties, and I thought about that relationship
Speaker 3: straight away, like that's how much that's the impact it
Speaker 3: had on me. Thanks Taylor Swift, had a great time
Speaker 3: of your concert.
Speaker 1: You know she's not listening to the figure. I think
Speaker 1: that we should be the professionals on math. Sorry, John Aacan.
Speaker 1: I think you and I would be really good.
Speaker 3: John Akan's actually a psychiatrist, and we have done a
Speaker 3: whole heap of podcasts.
Speaker 1: I have a science degree, Laura, you're a radiographer. Brit
Speaker 1: I have a medical radiation science degree. I don't I
Speaker 1: can talk about radiation science. Let's go home.