WEBVTT - MINI: Michelle Mitchell chats resilience building in kids 💪

0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:02.360
<v Speaker 1>So yesterday on the show, I was talking about how

0:00:02.520 --> 0:00:05.800
<v Speaker 1>the other day Maley, she's my oldest she's five years old.

0:00:06.040 --> 0:00:08.479
<v Speaker 1>We were at the pool and she'd made some new

0:00:08.520 --> 0:00:11.400
<v Speaker 1>friends because she's a very social little thing, and she

0:00:11.480 --> 0:00:12.080
<v Speaker 1>was off there.

0:00:11.920 --> 0:00:12.920
<v Speaker 2>Playing with these kids.

0:00:12.960 --> 0:00:15.480
<v Speaker 1>And then we saw them and we thought that they

0:00:15.480 --> 0:00:17.279
<v Speaker 1>were all getting along fine. But then I heard the

0:00:17.320 --> 0:00:20.279
<v Speaker 1>oldest girl turn around and say, does anyone even like

0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:23.320
<v Speaker 1>this kid? Should we just run away from her? And

0:00:23.360 --> 0:00:26.040
<v Speaker 1>it was so as a parent, it was so heartbreaking,

0:00:26.120 --> 0:00:28.600
<v Speaker 1>Like I could see how this was going to unfold,

0:00:29.120 --> 0:00:31.880
<v Speaker 1>and it was one of those moments where I was

0:00:32.240 --> 0:00:35.000
<v Speaker 1>unsure whether or not to step in and to try

0:00:35.000 --> 0:00:37.599
<v Speaker 1>and fix the problem. Like Maley was not picking up

0:00:37.600 --> 0:00:39.720
<v Speaker 1>on the social cues that these kids didn't want to

0:00:39.760 --> 0:00:42.040
<v Speaker 1>play with her, and I could see her self esteem

0:00:42.120 --> 0:00:44.280
<v Speaker 1>just getting crushed by the fact that they were swimming

0:00:44.280 --> 0:00:45.559
<v Speaker 1>away and running away from her.

0:00:45.680 --> 0:00:48.520
<v Speaker 3>I think the biggest thing here was Laura came to us, Mitch,

0:00:49.440 --> 0:00:52.000
<v Speaker 3>to people that don't have kids to ask us our

0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:54.320
<v Speaker 3>advice on what we should do. And the answer is,

0:00:54.600 --> 0:00:56.040
<v Speaker 3>we don't have kids and we don't know.

0:00:56.120 --> 0:00:58.200
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, you guys provided no good advice to me, but no,

0:00:58.360 --> 0:01:00.120
<v Speaker 1>we did have the bigger question, which is how do

0:01:00.200 --> 0:01:02.240
<v Speaker 1>you how do you build resilience in children?

0:01:02.320 --> 0:01:02.440
<v Speaker 4>Right?

0:01:02.440 --> 0:01:04.480
<v Speaker 1>And I think that that's the question that most parents

0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:07.039
<v Speaker 1>ask themselves, like are you doing a good job? And

0:01:07.080 --> 0:01:09.080
<v Speaker 1>how do you build good resilience in kids?

0:01:09.480 --> 0:01:09.760
<v Speaker 2>Now?

0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:12.640
<v Speaker 1>That question has definitely been loving the last day. And

0:01:12.720 --> 0:01:14.480
<v Speaker 1>we have someone on the phone. Her name is Michelle

0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:17.000
<v Speaker 1>Mitchell and she's a specialist in this field and she's

0:01:17.000 --> 0:01:20.480
<v Speaker 1>written an incredible book which is called Everyday Resilience Journal,

0:01:20.760 --> 0:01:23.160
<v Speaker 1>and it's four parents who have been asking this very

0:01:23.240 --> 0:01:24.120
<v Speaker 1>question themselves.

0:01:24.360 --> 0:01:29.240
<v Speaker 2>Hi Michelle, Hi Michelle. Hello, Hi Michelle, Hi Michelle. How

0:01:29.319 --> 0:01:29.640
<v Speaker 2>are you.

0:01:31.080 --> 0:01:31.560
<v Speaker 5>So? I need you?

0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:33.360
<v Speaker 2>What do we do in this situation?

0:01:33.959 --> 0:01:36.240
<v Speaker 5>I've got this blanket rule, Laura, tell me what you

0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:40.200
<v Speaker 5>think about this. I say nothing with friendship issues for

0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:43.080
<v Speaker 5>forty eight hours. And there's a reason for that. I

0:01:43.120 --> 0:01:46.400
<v Speaker 5>think it gives our kids a chance for their intuition

0:01:46.560 --> 0:01:48.760
<v Speaker 5>to kick in because they can take a little bit

0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:51.880
<v Speaker 5>of time to notice what's going on, and if it's

0:01:51.920 --> 0:01:55.080
<v Speaker 5>not an issue for them, then it's not an issue.

0:01:55.240 --> 0:01:57.160
<v Speaker 5>And it sort of gives us a chance to come

0:01:57.160 --> 0:01:58.920
<v Speaker 5>off the boil a little bit as well, so we

0:01:59.040 --> 0:02:01.480
<v Speaker 5>might reframe we're approaching it.

0:02:02.080 --> 0:02:05.240
<v Speaker 1>I love that because you also sometimes you impose your

0:02:05.280 --> 0:02:07.600
<v Speaker 1>adult thoughts and then she's five years old, she's like

0:02:07.680 --> 0:02:09.239
<v Speaker 1>half the time, she's got no idea what's going.

0:02:09.120 --> 0:02:10.440
<v Speaker 2>On, And I work it out of self.

0:02:10.680 --> 0:02:13.920
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, and if I don't care, it doesn't matter in

0:02:13.919 --> 0:02:16.000
<v Speaker 5>the sense that if it doesn't matter in their world.

0:02:16.080 --> 0:02:19.320
<v Speaker 5>Like sometimes we, like Laura said, we impose what we're

0:02:19.400 --> 0:02:23.160
<v Speaker 5>feeling on them. And by the time we've imposed that

0:02:23.320 --> 0:02:26.000
<v Speaker 5>and they've sort of absorbed what we're feeling in our

0:02:26.040 --> 0:02:28.720
<v Speaker 5>rejection and our pain and our trauma from when we

0:02:28.720 --> 0:02:31.800
<v Speaker 5>were five, you know, their whole social life has just

0:02:31.880 --> 0:02:35.239
<v Speaker 5>moved on and no one in their social scene cares

0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:36.280
<v Speaker 5>about the issue anymore.

0:02:36.360 --> 0:02:36.560
<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

0:02:36.560 --> 0:02:38.320
<v Speaker 3>And I think a really good example of this is,

0:02:38.320 --> 0:02:40.600
<v Speaker 3>like you see all these memes and videos going viral

0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:44.400
<v Speaker 3>online of a kid falling down and hurting themselves and

0:02:44.440 --> 0:02:46.320
<v Speaker 3>looking at their parents straight away to see how they

0:02:46.320 --> 0:02:46.959
<v Speaker 3>should react.

0:02:47.000 --> 0:02:48.160
<v Speaker 2>They look to the parent, They're.

0:02:47.960 --> 0:02:49.919
<v Speaker 3>Like, is the parents scared, concerned and worried?

0:02:50.480 --> 0:02:51.720
<v Speaker 2>Should I be concerned? Yeah?

0:02:51.720 --> 0:02:53.240
<v Speaker 3>So I think that we see that all the time,

0:02:53.280 --> 0:02:55.520
<v Speaker 3>where they look for you to learn how to react.

0:02:55.520 --> 0:02:57.440
<v Speaker 3>So if you just play it down and don't make

0:02:57.480 --> 0:02:58.480
<v Speaker 3>a deal about it.

0:02:58.480 --> 0:02:59.079
<v Speaker 5>It's probably not.

0:02:59.000 --> 0:03:01.200
<v Speaker 4>Going to be the into a ceiling fan when I

0:03:01.240 --> 0:03:04.359
<v Speaker 4>was six months old by Harper and I think you can.

0:03:04.200 --> 0:03:06.519
<v Speaker 2>Tell now, but no one cared. No one cares. I

0:03:06.600 --> 0:03:08.440
<v Speaker 2>asked Parta the other day. He's like, did I He

0:03:08.440 --> 0:03:11.080
<v Speaker 2>doesn't even remember? Yeah? See, and no trauma from that,

0:03:11.160 --> 0:03:15.440
<v Speaker 2>Well you still remember? You're talking about now coming back, Michelle.

0:03:15.440 --> 0:03:17.840
<v Speaker 1>I have a big question though, because it is it

0:03:17.960 --> 0:03:19.880
<v Speaker 1>is something that so many people come back to, and

0:03:19.880 --> 0:03:21.880
<v Speaker 1>it's how do you build resilience in your kids.

0:03:22.600 --> 0:03:24.400
<v Speaker 5>I think what they've got to do is fail, but

0:03:24.520 --> 0:03:28.040
<v Speaker 5>within their fails, they've got to actually see themselves succeeding.

0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:31.679
<v Speaker 5>I think that's so important, and I think that's got

0:03:31.800 --> 0:03:35.600
<v Speaker 5>so much to do with us helping and getting beside

0:03:35.640 --> 0:03:39.400
<v Speaker 5>them and actually helping them feel their success and feel

0:03:39.440 --> 0:03:42.080
<v Speaker 5>their strength. But one thing I'd like to say, yes

0:03:42.240 --> 0:03:45.000
<v Speaker 5>is making sure I keep having enough backup friends. And

0:03:45.040 --> 0:03:47.960
<v Speaker 5>you wouldn't use that word with a five year old, Michelle.

0:03:48.000 --> 0:03:50.400
<v Speaker 3>I have got barely any friends, let alone backup friends.

0:03:50.400 --> 0:03:52.560
<v Speaker 2>No one play with the backup friend. Your cousin's over there.

0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:54.440
<v Speaker 2>If Mitch and Laura busy, I'm like, what do I do?

0:03:55.440 --> 0:03:58.240
<v Speaker 5>If you said like and that the kids like, shall

0:03:58.280 --> 0:04:00.920
<v Speaker 5>I tell them that they're my backup? You know?

0:04:01.080 --> 0:04:01.920
<v Speaker 2>Answer?

0:04:02.160 --> 0:04:05.320
<v Speaker 5>Yeah, I don't think they've got to have friends outside

0:04:05.360 --> 0:04:07.960
<v Speaker 5>of school. They've got to have friends in different places.

0:04:08.240 --> 0:04:10.160
<v Speaker 3>Look, I don't want to brag, Michelle, but I gave

0:04:10.240 --> 0:04:13.480
<v Speaker 3>that exactly Fi Laura. I literally said, let her fail,

0:04:13.600 --> 0:04:15.560
<v Speaker 3>let alone, let her learn the social cues.

0:04:15.880 --> 0:04:17.359
<v Speaker 2>It was like, leave her on the curb, you'll have

0:04:17.400 --> 0:04:18.320
<v Speaker 2>you get more sleep at night.

0:04:18.440 --> 0:04:20.120
<v Speaker 4>I do want to remind the audience that Britt said

0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:23.520
<v Speaker 4>that this is why children have allergies now because they

0:04:23.600 --> 0:04:25.000
<v Speaker 4>are not parented correctly.

0:04:25.080 --> 0:04:28.479
<v Speaker 2>And that is on record. If you want some facts.

0:04:28.520 --> 0:04:31.640
<v Speaker 4>Michelle Mitchell a brilliant author Everyday Resilience Journal. You can

0:04:31.680 --> 0:04:33.359
<v Speaker 4>go buy it now. And thank you so much for

0:04:33.440 --> 0:04:34.279
<v Speaker 4>joining us on the pickup.

0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:35.159
<v Speaker 2>Thanks so much, Michelle.

0:04:35.240 --> 0:04:36.280
<v Speaker 5>Are you going to awesome?

0:04:36.440 --> 0:04:39.040
<v Speaker 2>I want to get some backup friends. You need them?

0:04:39.080 --> 0:04:40.600
<v Speaker 2>All right, We're done, Will and what are up next?

0:04:40.600 --> 0:04:41.160
<v Speaker 2>To drive your home