Speaker 1: So yesterday on the show, I was talking about how
Speaker 1: the other day Maley, she's my oldest she's five years old.
Speaker 1: We were at the pool and she'd made some new
Speaker 1: friends because she's a very social little thing, and she
Speaker 1: was off there.
Speaker 2: Playing with these kids.
Speaker 1: And then we saw them and we thought that they
Speaker 1: were all getting along fine. But then I heard the
Speaker 1: oldest girl turn around and say, does anyone even like
Speaker 1: this kid? Should we just run away from her? And
Speaker 1: it was so as a parent, it was so heartbreaking,
Speaker 1: Like I could see how this was going to unfold,
Speaker 1: and it was one of those moments where I was
Speaker 1: unsure whether or not to step in and to try
Speaker 1: and fix the problem. Like Maley was not picking up
Speaker 1: on the social cues that these kids didn't want to
Speaker 1: play with her, and I could see her self esteem
Speaker 1: just getting crushed by the fact that they were swimming
Speaker 1: away and running away from her.
Speaker 3: I think the biggest thing here was Laura came to us, Mitch,
Speaker 3: to people that don't have kids to ask us our
Speaker 3: advice on what we should do. And the answer is,
Speaker 3: we don't have kids and we don't know.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you guys provided no good advice to me, but no,
Speaker 1: we did have the bigger question, which is how do
Speaker 1: you how do you build resilience in children?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 1: And I think that that's the question that most parents
Speaker 1: ask themselves, like are you doing a good job? And
Speaker 1: how do you build good resilience in kids?
Speaker 2: Now?
Speaker 1: That question has definitely been loving the last day. And
Speaker 1: we have someone on the phone. Her name is Michelle
Speaker 1: Mitchell and she's a specialist in this field and she's
Speaker 1: written an incredible book which is called Everyday Resilience Journal,
Speaker 1: and it's four parents who have been asking this very
Speaker 1: question themselves.
Speaker 2: Hi Michelle, Hi Michelle. Hello, Hi Michelle, Hi Michelle. How
Speaker 2: are you.
Speaker 5: So? I need you?
Speaker 2: What do we do in this situation?
Speaker 5: I've got this blanket rule, Laura, tell me what you
Speaker 5: think about this. I say nothing with friendship issues for
Speaker 5: forty eight hours. And there's a reason for that. I
Speaker 5: think it gives our kids a chance for their intuition
Speaker 5: to kick in because they can take a little bit
Speaker 5: of time to notice what's going on, and if it's
Speaker 5: not an issue for them, then it's not an issue.
Speaker 5: And it sort of gives us a chance to come
Speaker 5: off the boil a little bit as well, so we
Speaker 5: might reframe we're approaching it.
Speaker 1: I love that because you also sometimes you impose your
Speaker 1: adult thoughts and then she's five years old, she's like
Speaker 1: half the time, she's got no idea what's going.
Speaker 2: On, And I work it out of self.
Speaker 5: Yeah, and if I don't care, it doesn't matter in
Speaker 5: the sense that if it doesn't matter in their world.
Speaker 5: Like sometimes we, like Laura said, we impose what we're
Speaker 5: feeling on them. And by the time we've imposed that
Speaker 5: and they've sort of absorbed what we're feeling in our
Speaker 5: rejection and our pain and our trauma from when we
Speaker 5: were five, you know, their whole social life has just
Speaker 5: moved on and no one in their social scene cares
Speaker 5: about the issue anymore.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: And I think a really good example of this is,
Speaker 3: like you see all these memes and videos going viral
Speaker 3: online of a kid falling down and hurting themselves and
Speaker 3: looking at their parents straight away to see how they
Speaker 3: should react.
Speaker 2: They look to the parent, They're.
Speaker 3: Like, is the parents scared, concerned and worried?
Speaker 2: Should I be concerned? Yeah?
Speaker 3: So I think that we see that all the time,
Speaker 3: where they look for you to learn how to react.
Speaker 3: So if you just play it down and don't make
Speaker 3: a deal about it.
Speaker 5: It's probably not.
Speaker 4: Going to be the into a ceiling fan when I
Speaker 4: was six months old by Harper and I think you can.
Speaker 2: Tell now, but no one cared. No one cares. I
Speaker 2: asked Parta the other day. He's like, did I He
Speaker 2: doesn't even remember? Yeah? See, and no trauma from that,
Speaker 2: Well you still remember? You're talking about now coming back, Michelle.
Speaker 1: I have a big question though, because it is it
Speaker 1: is something that so many people come back to, and
Speaker 1: it's how do you build resilience in your kids.
Speaker 5: I think what they've got to do is fail, but
Speaker 5: within their fails, they've got to actually see themselves succeeding.
Speaker 5: I think that's so important, and I think that's got
Speaker 5: so much to do with us helping and getting beside
Speaker 5: them and actually helping them feel their success and feel
Speaker 5: their strength. But one thing I'd like to say, yes
Speaker 5: is making sure I keep having enough backup friends. And
Speaker 5: you wouldn't use that word with a five year old, Michelle.
Speaker 3: I have got barely any friends, let alone backup friends.
Speaker 2: No one play with the backup friend. Your cousin's over there.
Speaker 2: If Mitch and Laura busy, I'm like, what do I do?
Speaker 5: If you said like and that the kids like, shall
Speaker 5: I tell them that they're my backup? You know?
Speaker 2: Answer?
Speaker 5: Yeah, I don't think they've got to have friends outside
Speaker 5: of school. They've got to have friends in different places.
Speaker 3: Look, I don't want to brag, Michelle, but I gave
Speaker 3: that exactly Fi Laura. I literally said, let her fail,
Speaker 3: let alone, let her learn the social cues.
Speaker 2: It was like, leave her on the curb, you'll have
Speaker 2: you get more sleep at night.
Speaker 4: I do want to remind the audience that Britt said
Speaker 4: that this is why children have allergies now because they
Speaker 4: are not parented correctly.
Speaker 2: And that is on record. If you want some facts.
Speaker 4: Michelle Mitchell a brilliant author Everyday Resilience Journal. You can
Speaker 4: go buy it now. And thank you so much for
Speaker 4: joining us on the pickup.
Speaker 2: Thanks so much, Michelle.
Speaker 5: Are you going to awesome?
Speaker 2: I want to get some backup friends. You need them?
Speaker 2: All right, We're done, Will and what are up next?
Speaker 2: To drive your home