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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent who just

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Speaker 2: wants answers.

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Speaker 1: Now today the podcast not really that excited about our topic.

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Speaker 1: I'm so sorry. How's that for a great open up?

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Speaker 1: Maybe you should take the top of this. I've been

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Speaker 1: getting a lot of media requests for this one. I've

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Speaker 1: spoken on a range of radio stations and in newspapers

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Speaker 1: for this one. But Kylie, I'm just not that excited. Nevertheless,

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Speaker 1: it's one of those topics, isn't it. But do we

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Speaker 1: need to cover off?

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Speaker 2: You're just being a teaser right now. You're really not

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Speaker 2: into the Halloween spirit, are you.

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Speaker 1: I think it was last year. Was it last year

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Speaker 1: or maybe the year before when we just moved into

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Speaker 1: this house and we did Halloween because ours is the

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Speaker 1: Halloween house in the neighborhood.

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Speaker 2: Well it was before we moved into it.

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Speaker 1: Well we did it that first year, and it really

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Speaker 1: turned me off Halloween because you've just got all these

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Speaker 1: random people who show up bang on your door and

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Speaker 1: say I want some lollies. You got kids coming in

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Speaker 1: and out of your yard, and I know all you

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Speaker 1: do is chuck sugar at people, and then it's over

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Speaker 1: a couple of hours later, when you run out of

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Speaker 1: lollies and you put a sign up saying don't knock

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Speaker 1: on my door anymore. I've run out that kind of big.

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Speaker 2: The neighborhood grench. I didn't think you'd become that.

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Speaker 1: But seriously, I'm feeling I'm not feeling the Halloween vibes,

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Speaker 1: and I'm listening to myself as I'm speaking. I'm thinking

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Speaker 1: I do something.

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Speaker 2: Like things a Halloween Grench.

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Speaker 1: I think they might be I sound like a bit

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Speaker 1: of a grump. You are. We need to talk about it, though,

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Speaker 1: because they're not all about you.

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Speaker 2: There are lots of families out there that absolutely love this.

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Speaker 2: They look forward to it all year round.

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Speaker 1: You're making me feel so bad.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, today we're going to talk about a handful

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Speaker 2: of things. Yeah, how parents can balance children's desires for

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Speaker 2: independence but maintaining a sense of safety.

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Speaker 1: It's really hard keep them safe when they say I

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Speaker 1: want to go and knock every door in the neighborhood

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Speaker 1: and I don't want you to come with me.

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Speaker 2: We'll explore some alternative ways to celebrate Halloween that feels

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Speaker 2: good for everybody.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, absolutely, And we'll.

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Speaker 2: Also look at how Halloween can help us to foster

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Speaker 2: a sense of community and be a positive social experience

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Speaker 2: for our kids, which is.

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Speaker 1: The one thing that I really do like about Halloween.

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Speaker 1: I'm just not that into it, and doing it a

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Speaker 1: couple of years ago highlighted that for me.

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Speaker 2: But our kids were younger. Yeah, we'd never done Halloween.

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Speaker 1: No, we waited years.

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Speaker 2: But we had friends who opened up their backyard and

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Speaker 2: invited all of our friends to come along and do

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Speaker 2: a trunk or treat.

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Speaker 1: These were friends with a very big backyard.

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Speaker 2: I had never experienced anything like it, and it was

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Speaker 2: so much fun.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. So, for the uninitiated, trunk or treat basically means

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Speaker 1: you drive your cars to a place and you decorate

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Speaker 1: the boot of the car or the trunk of the

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Speaker 1: car if you're from America, decorate the boot of the

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Speaker 1: car with Halloween stuff and then everyone just sort of

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Speaker 1: walks from car boot to car boot and it says

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Speaker 1: trick Ordrey, and you play the games or you give

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Speaker 1: away the lollies and the sugar.

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Speaker 2: And as the friends that we did it with, they

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Speaker 2: were so creative, it was amazing. One friend had a

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Speaker 2: van and she completely blacked out all the windows and

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Speaker 2: created like a haunted house inside the van. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, we had several friends. Like it sounds kind of

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Speaker 1: lame the way that I said I had that little

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Speaker 1: snarky tone in my voice when I said it, But

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Speaker 1: they were really great events and we did them several

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Speaker 1: years in a row, which kind of changed my tune

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Speaker 1: on Halloween. I think, do you know what I think

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Speaker 1: really is at the heart of it, I've just got

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Speaker 1: a lot on at.

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Speaker 2: The moment, And I was about to say the same,

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Speaker 2: I've got to be in the head. We feel very

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Speaker 2: time poor at the moment, and the idea of doing

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Speaker 2: another thing on top of our list right now feels

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Speaker 2: a lot. So I'm with you in that. But I

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Speaker 2: think that there's so much positive we can talk about.

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Speaker 1: All right, let's dive into this. I want to answer

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Speaker 1: the question that most media outlets have been asking me first,

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Speaker 1: which is, how are we supposed to let the kids

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Speaker 1: kind of go crazy in the neighborhood and have lots

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Speaker 1: of fun while keeping them safe.

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Speaker 2: So I kind of feel like this is a really

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Speaker 2: easy one, and I think it's a bit of a

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Speaker 2: no brain.

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Speaker 1: Oh okay, we'll go for a Missus Perrying expert Missus.

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Speaker 2: Message something here that what we're going to say, Well,

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Speaker 2: this is about community, right, So first things first, I

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Speaker 2: think that it if our kids are at an age

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Speaker 2: where we would allow them to go to the shops,

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Speaker 2: for instance, with a handful of friends, then it doesn't

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Speaker 2: make sense that it would be an issue for them

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Speaker 2: to walk around the street.

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Speaker 1: Precisely with a handful of friends, which is what I've

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Speaker 1: said in the media. This is all about age. So

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Speaker 1: if the children are old enough to go to the

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Speaker 1: park or go to the shops on their own, which

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Speaker 1: I would say is sort of ten plus, if they've

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Speaker 1: got a couple of friends that they can go with,

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Speaker 1: go for it. Kids, And so long as they've got

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Speaker 1: good manners, and so long as they not beating up

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Speaker 1: other kids for their lollies on the street corner before

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Speaker 1: they go to their next house, so long as they're

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Speaker 1: behaving themselves and not being any social this is a

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Speaker 1: really fun opportunity for them to spread their wings. It's

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Speaker 1: the younger kids that I'm probably a bit more nervous about.

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Speaker 2: So for younger kids, I've watched parents do it, and

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Speaker 2: I think it's great. Parents down on the curb, they

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Speaker 2: watch their kids and they let them walk to the

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Speaker 2: door and knock on the door by themselves. It's just

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Speaker 2: little steps that you're taking so that your kids feel

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Speaker 2: like they're actually doing it on their own.

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Speaker 1: Have you been eavesdropping on my media interviews, because that's

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Speaker 1: pretty much what I said.

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Speaker 2: Oh sorry, no, I don't listen to the media.

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Speaker 1: Let me take this a little bit. You listen to

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Speaker 1: me when I'm having a conversation anyway in the office.

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Speaker 1: Further discussion around this, I think for regardless of the

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Speaker 1: age of your child, you probably do want to have

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Speaker 1: a quick boundary stting conversation. Which streets are okay, which

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Speaker 1: streets are not okay? How far are you allowed to

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Speaker 1: roam from home? How late can you stay out, especially

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Speaker 1: if the kids are going to go out independently. Rules

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Speaker 1: about not entering somebody's house, that's number one. Yeah, no matter,

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Speaker 1: come on in. I've got a special treat for you. No,

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Speaker 1: You're never into somebody's house under any circumstances.

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Speaker 2: But what I've also noticed, especially in our neighborhood, is

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Speaker 2: that people only do it from about five till seven,

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Speaker 2: once it starts to get dark. Yeah, all of the

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Speaker 2: kids have gone home totally.

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Speaker 1: It is a really, really short window a couple of hours.

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Speaker 1: It's intense in our neighborhood, at least for that a

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Speaker 1: couple of hours.

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Speaker 2: That's because we brought the Halloween.

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Speaker 1: Now do you think that we should do it tonight?

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Speaker 1: I'm just starting to think I'm starting to get in

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Speaker 1: the mood for it. I'm really starting to feel the vibe.

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Speaker 1: The second key discussion point that I thought was worth

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Speaker 1: bringing up is a lot of families aren't that into

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Speaker 1: Halloween either for personal reasons. I still talk to a

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Speaker 1: lot of people who, for religious reasons, don't want to

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Speaker 1: celebrate Halloween. Some people just don't like the emphasis. Especially

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Speaker 1: in Australia, we get very much into the blood and

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Speaker 1: gore and the ghouls and goblins and the skeletons and

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Speaker 1: that sort of stuff.

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Speaker 2: It's interesting because I talk to all of my American friends,

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Speaker 2: and we have a lot of friends in the States,

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Speaker 2: and they just say, it's not like that.

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Speaker 1: It's just dress up nights. They have so much mister

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Speaker 1: Incredible or as a Smurf or whatever, like it's just

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Speaker 1: fun getting dressed up, and it doesn't have the bloodthirsty

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Speaker 1: elements that we seem to have emphasized and accentuated in Australia.

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Speaker 2: No, and I think that they go back to the

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Speaker 2: grassroots of what Halloween is all about. And I just yeah,

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Speaker 2: we've taken it to the extreme. I think.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, So let's say you want to promote community, but

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Speaker 1: you're not so keen on that obviously. Well, I mean,

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Speaker 1: we're doing this on Halloween, so it's a bit late.

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Speaker 1: But being creative with your costumes and staying away from

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Speaker 1: the blood and guards is completely appropriate. And just find

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Speaker 1: you mentioned the trunk or treat events that we used

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Speaker 1: to do for next year, folks put this in your

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Speaker 1: diary a month out and organized something early around a

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Speaker 1: trunk or treat. It really is a delightful way to

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Speaker 1: create the community and maybe have a Halloween celebration that's

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Speaker 1: more aligned with where you sit because you can bring

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Speaker 1: people along on your page.

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Speaker 2: Well, another thing that we did recently was friends of ours,

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Speaker 2: though actually new friends. We met them pretty much for

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Speaker 2: the first time going to their place for Halloween. They

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Speaker 2: just invited us and we went over and we had

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Speaker 2: dinner and she'd done these crazy Halloween themed meals. We

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Speaker 2: had brains and it looked amazing. It wasn't really brains,

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Speaker 2: it just it was like It was so much fun though,

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Speaker 2: and she'd kind of set up stations for the kids

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Speaker 2: throughout the house that they could have activities and have

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Speaker 2: fun that Halloween theme, but it was completely controlled within

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Speaker 2: her own space and the kids could go and have

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Speaker 2: a ball.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's what I was going to say. When

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Speaker 1: you want to create a sense of community and want

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Speaker 1: to do it in a way that really prioritizes safety,

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Speaker 1: the keyword that you're focusing on is having a controlled environment. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that does it, and you can still create the community

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Speaker 1: with your friends. There's just less focus on knocking on

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Speaker 1: doors and taking lollies off strangers. I mean, we spend

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Speaker 1: our lives raising our children and saying, whatever you do,

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Speaker 1: don't take lollies from strangers, and then on Halloween it's like,

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Speaker 1: change their minds. Take as many lollies off the strangers

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Speaker 1: as you possibly can fill the bucket.

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Speaker 2: Another idea that a handful of our friends have done

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Speaker 2: in the past is they've actually picked trusted neighbors or

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Speaker 2: friends and dropped off trees and asked if they would

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Speaker 2: participate so their kids can go on their own independently

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Speaker 2: knock on some doors because they know them, and it

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Speaker 2: just means that neighbors can be involved without having to

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Speaker 2: go to any effort.

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Speaker 1: Okay, one last discussion point around Halloween and community and

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Speaker 1: fostering that spirit of connection and so on. We've kind

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Speaker 1: of dipped in and out of this, but I want

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Speaker 1: to get really explicit about it. Explicit is that the

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Speaker 1: right word here. I want to be really really clear

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Speaker 1: and emphasize a couple of things that can absolutely work.

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Speaker 1: I think Halloween can be a great excuse to get

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Speaker 1: to know your neighbors. So whether you're decorating your house,

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Speaker 1: which does take effort, and we certainly have not put

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Speaker 1: in the ft this year, handing out lollies, creating a

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Speaker 1: festive atmosphere. Some neighborhoods organized block parties. We live in

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Speaker 1: a cul de sac, and there has been talk for

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Speaker 1: Christmas that we might block off the street and get

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Speaker 1: everyone together. I just think it's really fun for families

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Speaker 1: to connect. We're increasingly isolated, We're increasingly focused on our

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Speaker 1: screens and on our busyness. We've all just got so

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Speaker 1: much to do. I think it's a chance to break

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Speaker 1: down barriers, build relationships with people that you might not

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Speaker 1: otherwise interact with. I know that I'm a bit grinchy

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Speaker 1: this Halloween because we have so much on but it

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Speaker 1: really is a fun and festive occasion and.

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Speaker 2: You can't change chair halfway through.

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Speaker 1: I know I already agreed with you at the start.

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Speaker 1: It's okay. I'm just wondering whether or not if we

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Speaker 1: pop down to the supermarket I'll be able to pick

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Speaker 1: up enough treats to keep people happy tonight. I still

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Speaker 1: feel like they need to work for it. I got

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Speaker 1: in trouble two years ago when we did this because

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Speaker 1: I was making kids try to throw stuff into a bucket,

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Speaker 1: and if they couldn't get it in the bucket, they

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Speaker 1: didn't get the treat, and I got in trouble for that.

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Speaker 1: But I think that was the right deal. Rather than

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Speaker 1: just handing out the candy. I think that they've got

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Speaker 1: the candy. I've just become American handing out the lollies,

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Speaker 1: the chocolate whatever. I think they need to work for it.

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Speaker 2: You're hush, you don't agree with me. I don't think

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Speaker 2: it's about working for it. I think it's about enjoying

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Speaker 2: being in the space together.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, A couple of other positives that I want

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Speaker 1: to highlight here. This is a great opportunity for us

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Speaker 1: to teach our children's social skills manners interacting with other people.

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Speaker 1: When you can sort of be anonymized because people can't

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Speaker 1: see your face, it can also be a confidence booster

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Speaker 1: for shy and anxious kids. For families, I think that

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Speaker 1: it's an opportunity to create traditions and memories. And I'm

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Speaker 1: talking myself further and further into this the more we

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Speaker 1: go into it. I just think that the idea here

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Speaker 1: is that as parents, if we can help our kids

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Speaker 1: to learn how to be safe, learn how to engage

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Speaker 1: with other people, learn how to navigate the neighborhood, learn

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Speaker 1: how to experience different scenarios. I just think this is

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Speaker 1: really healthy for them.

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Speaker 2: Well, I am telling you that if you could get

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Speaker 2: yourself together in the next few hours, you would make

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Speaker 2: Best out of the Year award with Emily.

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Speaker 1: Oh gosh, the pressure is right on now, just saying Okay,

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Speaker 1: let's do it Halloween at our place. We're going to

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Speaker 1: be the Halloween house again this year. I can't believe

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Speaker 1: you've talked me into it. I might have to tell

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Speaker 1: the team that I need to take half the day

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Speaker 1: off work. What do you think got to be something

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Speaker 1: in it for me. The Happy Family's podcast is produced

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Speaker 1: by Justin Rulan from Bridge Media. Happy Halloween. We hope

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Speaker 1: that you have a wonderful Halloween experience. Hopefully there's been

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Speaker 1: a couple of ideas here that are helpful, and we're

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Speaker 1: back tomorrow with old Do Better Tomorrow on The Happy

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Speaker 1: Families Podcast