1
00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:07,120
Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the

2
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:11,119
Speaker 1: time poor parent who just on answers. Now, Welcome to

3
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:13,840
Speaker 1: the Happy Families Podcast. My name is doctor Justin Colson.

4
00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:16,520
Speaker 1: Every Tuesday on the podcast, I answer your questions about

5
00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:19,560
Speaker 1: making your family happier. Just a bit of question. Go

6
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,560
Speaker 1: to happy families dot com dot you click on the

7
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:25,200
Speaker 1: podcast link and then push the record button. It's that simple.

8
00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:26,600
Speaker 1: Here's our first question.

9
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,680
Speaker 2: Hi, Justin and Kylie, I would love to hear your

10
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:33,320
Speaker 2: opinion on regional schools versus urban schools, the pros and

11
00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:37,360
Speaker 2: cons of less rushing community and family time versus better

12
00:00:37,400 --> 00:00:41,360
Speaker 2: facilities and opportunities in the city schools. We live in

13
00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:45,160
Speaker 2: a remote tourism town in Wa. The residential populations about

14
00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:48,760
Speaker 2: three thy five hundred. We have one school offering KINDI

15
00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:52,159
Speaker 2: to year twelve, with some subjects taught through distance education

16
00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:55,760
Speaker 2: in year eleven and twelve. The discussion float around the

17
00:00:55,800 --> 00:00:58,120
Speaker 2: parents of my son's year six class at the moment

18
00:00:58,480 --> 00:01:01,240
Speaker 2: is whether we plan to stay for school, send our

19
00:01:01,320 --> 00:01:04,080
Speaker 2: kids to board in school, or move to Perth or

20
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:08,200
Speaker 2: elsewhere for a better education. It just feels like such

21
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,520
Speaker 2: a big decision and we don't want to get it wrong.

22
00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:11,479
Speaker 2: Thanks guys.

23
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:13,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I love the way that you've said for

24
00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:16,800
Speaker 1: a quote unquote better education. This is the big question,

25
00:01:16,959 --> 00:01:18,600
Speaker 1: and it's such a tricky one. Kylie and I have

26
00:01:18,959 --> 00:01:20,679
Speaker 1: had our kids in pretty much every school you can

27
00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:23,240
Speaker 1: think of. There's been homeschool, there's been private school, there's

28
00:01:23,240 --> 00:01:25,960
Speaker 1: been public school, there's been Christian school. And we've had

29
00:01:26,080 --> 00:01:29,319
Speaker 1: mixed experiences with all of the above, which tells me

30
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,160
Speaker 1: that there cannot be a blanket answer. In fact, when

31
00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,840
Speaker 1: we look at the research around this, there simply isn't

32
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:36,920
Speaker 1: a blanket answer, even looking at kids that come from

33
00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:41,040
Speaker 1: regional versus city schools. Once again, there's so much variability,

34
00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:45,120
Speaker 1: stability of family, stability of life, the subjects that they choose,

35
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:48,080
Speaker 1: the friends that they choose. Sometimes it's not really that

36
00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:50,560
Speaker 1: much about the school as it is about the teachers.

37
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:54,520
Speaker 1: Here's the way I look at it. When choosing a school,

38
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:59,440
Speaker 1: I'm much more inclined to avoid focusing too heavily on resources, results,

39
00:01:59,440 --> 00:02:02,720
Speaker 1: and reputation, and instead I want to focus on fun,

40
00:02:02,880 --> 00:02:05,960
Speaker 1: fit friends, and philosophy. Well, philosophy a bit mad, because

41
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,440
Speaker 1: not every school actually does what they say they're going

42
00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:10,040
Speaker 1: to do. Philosophically, so that one's a bit of a

43
00:02:10,040 --> 00:02:11,959
Speaker 1: funny one. But I want to make sure that my

44
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,600
Speaker 1: kids are in a school environment where they're having fun,

45
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:17,720
Speaker 1: they're with people that they like. Research shows that if

46
00:02:17,760 --> 00:02:19,239
Speaker 1: you can get those two, well, if they're with people

47
00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:20,600
Speaker 1: that they like, they're going to have more fun. If

48
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:21,799
Speaker 1: they have more fun, they're going to be happy to

49
00:02:21,840 --> 00:02:23,799
Speaker 1: be school. If they're happy to bit school, they're much

50
00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,480
Speaker 1: more likely to feel like they fit and the learning

51
00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:28,560
Speaker 1: is going to be that much better. Now, are these

52
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:32,480
Speaker 1: two categories or categorizations mutually exclusive, No, they're not. You

53
00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:35,239
Speaker 1: can have kids that are in a school with wonderful results, reputation,

54
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,400
Speaker 1: and resources, who also happen to have all their friends

55
00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,040
Speaker 1: there and have a lot of fun and really feel

56
00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:43,880
Speaker 1: like they fit. But if it's a compare and contrast

57
00:02:43,919 --> 00:02:45,600
Speaker 1: and you have to choose one over the other, I'm

58
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:48,560
Speaker 1: usually going to steer in the direction of friends and

59
00:02:48,720 --> 00:02:52,080
Speaker 1: fun and fit. For me, that is going to make

60
00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:56,000
Speaker 1: a bigger difference in your child's overall participation, in engagement

61
00:02:56,080 --> 00:03:00,560
Speaker 1: with and success at school. There are a few other

62
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,840
Speaker 1: things to consider, especially when you're looking at the regional

63
00:03:02,960 --> 00:03:08,079
Speaker 1: versus urban or city landscape. And here's what I mean there,

64
00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,840
Speaker 1: if you're already well established and settled where you are,

65
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:15,280
Speaker 1: the fact that you're going to have to destabilize the

66
00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:19,760
Speaker 1: family find somewhere new, develop new friendships, new relationships, find

67
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,799
Speaker 1: a new school, try to fit in bind the right

68
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:23,799
Speaker 1: post code, or send the kids to a private school.

69
00:03:24,240 --> 00:03:26,120
Speaker 1: And when that happens, of course the kids are not

70
00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:29,040
Speaker 1: attending school in places where all of their friends are,

71
00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:30,960
Speaker 1: so they don't go out and play in the neighborhood

72
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:32,960
Speaker 1: down at the local park because their friends just aren't there.

73
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,560
Speaker 1: Makes a lot more tricky. The upheaval for the family

74
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:40,080
Speaker 1: is substantial, and I mean, let's face it, it's kind

75
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,000
Speaker 1: of hard on the parents as well. Have to really

76
00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:44,720
Speaker 1: renegotiate everything. Kylie and I have done that several times

77
00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,720
Speaker 1: in our lives. I don't recommend it, I really don't.

78
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,400
Speaker 1: One of the great challenges as I look back on

79
00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:54,320
Speaker 1: the life that we've lived is it's hard to reconcile

80
00:03:54,440 --> 00:03:56,240
Speaker 1: the moves that we've made with the well being of

81
00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,960
Speaker 1: our children. We've done those moves with the very best

82
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:01,320
Speaker 1: interests of our family heart, but that doesn't mean it's

83
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:03,400
Speaker 1: always been in our family's best interest. I think that

84
00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:05,080
Speaker 1: it would have been better for us to have stability.

85
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:09,120
Speaker 1: That's being really candid and frank. Now, if you are

86
00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:13,600
Speaker 1: in an urban area, it's also worth highlighting network and

87
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:17,000
Speaker 1: population lead to very different outcomes when you're in a

88
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:20,479
Speaker 1: small town, when you're a small regional center, you just

89
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:23,400
Speaker 1: don't have the same network. It's harder to develop the

90
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:25,600
Speaker 1: relationships that can take you somewhere in your life if

91
00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:28,599
Speaker 1: you're trying to get somewhere. In particular, I'm thinking about

92
00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:31,520
Speaker 1: simple things like sport. Kids are going to do better

93
00:04:31,520 --> 00:04:33,880
Speaker 1: when they come from a population center that is large

94
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:37,080
Speaker 1: enough to have a reasonable level of competition, a reasonable

95
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,240
Speaker 1: level where you're going to get pushed harder. And if

96
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:42,240
Speaker 1: I can share an experience from my early career prior

97
00:04:42,279 --> 00:04:44,280
Speaker 1: to doing what I do now, I was a radio announcer.

98
00:04:44,680 --> 00:04:47,080
Speaker 1: I worked in matt Isser, I worked in Rockampton, I

99
00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:50,760
Speaker 1: worked in Warnabulle and Tyraalgon, Newcastle and finally Brisbane. And

100
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:54,000
Speaker 1: I can tell you this much, my improvement in the

101
00:04:54,080 --> 00:04:58,400
Speaker 1: capital city or the major markets was exponential compared to

102
00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:01,000
Speaker 1: my improvement in the regional center. I had to do

103
00:05:01,040 --> 00:05:03,560
Speaker 1: the hard yards to get into the capital city, but

104
00:05:03,600 --> 00:05:08,000
Speaker 1: once I got there, it absolutely skyrocketed. It changed everything

105
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,279
Speaker 1: about who I presented why because I was around the

106
00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:12,800
Speaker 1: people who were at the top of their game. When

107
00:05:12,839 --> 00:05:15,560
Speaker 1: I decided to leave radio, I had one last blast.

108
00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,720
Speaker 1: After I left Brisbane's B one five, one of the

109
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,240
Speaker 1: biggest radio stations in the country at the time, I

110
00:05:20,279 --> 00:05:24,240
Speaker 1: picked up some casual work on the Gold Coast at GOLDFM.

111
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:27,360
Speaker 1: The level of energy, the level of input, the level

112
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:31,920
Speaker 1: of engagement, the level of anything at GOLDFM compared to

113
00:05:31,960 --> 00:05:35,000
Speaker 1: B one O five, it was like zero versus one hundred.

114
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:37,719
Speaker 1: Nobody really well, I shouldn't say this this, I don't

115
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:39,280
Speaker 1: want to denigrate the people who were working there at

116
00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:41,880
Speaker 1: the time, but the care factor, the level of engagement

117
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,719
Speaker 1: was just it was vastly lower. I mean, I walked

118
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,960
Speaker 1: into the building and it didn't even feel like I

119
00:05:46,960 --> 00:05:48,960
Speaker 1: was still in the radio industry compared to what I'd

120
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,799
Speaker 1: experienced at the top. And so what I would say

121
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:54,960
Speaker 1: is that there are some really big perks to being

122
00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,560
Speaker 1: in the big smoke. You've got the population, you've got

123
00:05:57,560 --> 00:06:00,159
Speaker 1: the networks, you've got the energy, you've got the opportunity

124
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:04,640
Speaker 1: that doesn't always exist in the regional centers. However, stay

125
00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:08,240
Speaker 1: in put gives your stability, it gives you security, it

126
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:11,360
Speaker 1: avoids the upheaval, and if your child's doing well there,

127
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:14,200
Speaker 1: then they're probably going to do it well anywhere and

128
00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:16,680
Speaker 1: at the right time for them, perhaps they can move

129
00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:20,360
Speaker 1: away and pursue their fortune, chase their dreams, look for

130
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,080
Speaker 1: the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Ultimately,

131
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:27,240
Speaker 1: this is a values call. I can't make it for you.

132
00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:33,880
Speaker 1: What I can say is that your kid's stability, especially

133
00:06:33,880 --> 00:06:36,760
Speaker 1: in the early years, is going to be paramount. Once

134
00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:39,640
Speaker 1: they get into high school, it still matters a great deal,

135
00:06:39,839 --> 00:06:42,240
Speaker 1: and it's a really tough fall. I don't envy the

136
00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:48,200
Speaker 1: decision that you've got to make. Good luck with question

137
00:06:48,279 --> 00:06:50,599
Speaker 1: number two. This one comes from Carol, who says, my

138
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:53,200
Speaker 1: father in law was diagnosed with cancer last year and

139
00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:57,400
Speaker 1: had treatment up until Christmas and was doing well. In January,

140
00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,719
Speaker 1: things took a turn and they found a brain tumor

141
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:03,240
Speaker 1: who's receiving treatment. He has been in hospital pretty much

142
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:05,640
Speaker 1: since January. I have a six year old, a four

143
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,560
Speaker 1: year old, and a two year old, and up until

144
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:09,960
Speaker 1: now we've just said that Granddad isn't well and he's

145
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:12,800
Speaker 1: in hospital for tests and medicine to get better. My

146
00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,960
Speaker 1: four year old is quite close to Granddad and has

147
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,840
Speaker 1: now started to miss him and wants him to come home.

148
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:19,840
Speaker 1: While we talk to him on the phone when he's

149
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,160
Speaker 1: feeling okay, I have no idea when or even if

150
00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:25,280
Speaker 1: he will come home. While I'm staying positive, I also

151
00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:27,360
Speaker 1: want to be prepared for the worst. How do I

152
00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:29,600
Speaker 1: frame this for my four year old that he may

153
00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:32,080
Speaker 1: not come home at all and possibly might pass away.

154
00:07:32,440 --> 00:07:35,360
Speaker 1: I'm reluctant to take her to hospital to see him

155
00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:38,960
Speaker 1: because of all the tubes in him and his lucidity

156
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:43,840
Speaker 1: changes on a daily basis. Thanks for your help, Carol. Oh, Carol,

157
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:46,400
Speaker 1: this is such a horrible situation to be in, and

158
00:07:46,520 --> 00:07:49,200
Speaker 1: yet at the same time, this is what life demands

159
00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:51,640
Speaker 1: of us, isn't it. And it's really interesting when I

160
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,880
Speaker 1: look at how we approach death in twenty twenty four,

161
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:57,320
Speaker 1: we've become a completely death phobic society. We're so sanitized.

162
00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,440
Speaker 1: He go back one hundred two hundred years and death

163
00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:02,480
Speaker 1: was part of the fabric of life. Now we keep

164
00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:05,480
Speaker 1: death very much separated from us, and it has an

165
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:07,880
Speaker 1: impact on the way that our children engage with death

166
00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:10,680
Speaker 1: and everything associated with it. Now I'm going all the

167
00:08:10,680 --> 00:08:12,400
Speaker 1: way to grief and death right now. I know that

168
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:14,600
Speaker 1: we're not there, so I apologize. But my sense is

169
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,840
Speaker 1: that you're trying to prepare a four year old and

170
00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:21,640
Speaker 1: a six year old for what is eventually inevitable. Hopefully

171
00:08:21,720 --> 00:08:25,560
Speaker 1: not yet, but eventually inevitable. Here are a couple of

172
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:28,120
Speaker 1: things that are going to be helpful. First off, children

173
00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:30,720
Speaker 1: who are between the ages of two and seven, which

174
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,160
Speaker 1: is all three of your kids right now, are written

175
00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:38,400
Speaker 1: what Jean Pierge called pre operational thinking. What this means

176
00:08:38,440 --> 00:08:40,960
Speaker 1: is that kids are really living in the here and now.

177
00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,599
Speaker 1: They don't have a great concept of the past or

178
00:08:43,640 --> 00:08:46,400
Speaker 1: the future. They do have some concept of it, but

179
00:08:46,480 --> 00:08:48,480
Speaker 1: it's quite limited compared to what it will be as

180
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:52,160
Speaker 1: they get older, and they're still discovering things like object permanence,

181
00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:56,959
Speaker 1: that is, something can be present before you and they're

182
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,400
Speaker 1: not in front of you, but still exist and then

183
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:03,199
Speaker 1: come back to you. They have limited abstraction, and death

184
00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:07,280
Speaker 1: is especially for a kiddo. It's a really abstract construct

185
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:11,080
Speaker 1: or idea. In the nineteen forties, around about the same time,

186
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:14,920
Speaker 1: maybe a little bit after that, wonderful Swiss psychologist Champiage

187
00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:19,280
Speaker 1: was developing his ideas. Another psychologist called Maria Magny was

188
00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:22,679
Speaker 1: looking at death and children the way that they conceived

189
00:09:22,679 --> 00:09:24,959
Speaker 1: of it, and she said that when kids are between

190
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,520
Speaker 1: the ages of three and five, which is again right

191
00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:29,600
Speaker 1: in that sweet spot of where your kids are, they

192
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:32,440
Speaker 1: really do see death as a journey with an expectation

193
00:09:32,559 --> 00:09:35,360
Speaker 1: that a person who dies will eventually return. That's how

194
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:39,120
Speaker 1: they make sense of death, and that's perfectly fine, perfectly healthy,

195
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:42,079
Speaker 1: perfectly natural. We don't need to convince them that they're wrong.

196
00:09:42,480 --> 00:09:44,880
Speaker 1: They kind of see death as a journey with an

197
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:49,600
Speaker 1: expectation that their loved one will eventually return. We don't

198
00:09:49,679 --> 00:09:52,160
Speaker 1: need to convince them that they're wrong. And it's fine

199
00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:56,200
Speaker 1: to let them believe that, although I wouldn't encourage facilitating

200
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:58,280
Speaker 1: that belief either. I just let them believe it in

201
00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:00,559
Speaker 1: the same way that the big man in the red suit.

202
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,160
Speaker 1: We let them believe it until they're old enough to

203
00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:05,840
Speaker 1: start asking more questions, and that abstraction starts to shift

204
00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,720
Speaker 1: and they become familiar with what these ideas really mean.

205
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:12,080
Speaker 1: What Maria and Nagne found is kids from five to

206
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:15,520
Speaker 1: nine see that death is final, but they really strive

207
00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:17,640
Speaker 1: to keep it at a distance. They don't seem to

208
00:10:17,679 --> 00:10:20,280
Speaker 1: emotionally engage with it as much, and from about the

209
00:10:20,280 --> 00:10:22,560
Speaker 1: age of ten they really get it. What does all

210
00:10:22,600 --> 00:10:25,719
Speaker 1: of this mean for you? Well, I think that there

211
00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:28,200
Speaker 1: are just a couple of hints and tips that I

212
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,400
Speaker 1: would give that I think will be helpful here. Number one,

213
00:10:30,840 --> 00:10:33,199
Speaker 1: it's incumbent upon parents to tell their kids the truth

214
00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:37,600
Speaker 1: around death, but in an age appropriate way. So we

215
00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,560
Speaker 1: want to use concrete language. We don't want to use

216
00:10:39,559 --> 00:10:43,480
Speaker 1: any sort of cliches. We don't want to sort of pretend,

217
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:46,320
Speaker 1: pretend that everything's going to be okay and that Nanny

218
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:49,080
Speaker 1: or Poppy or whoever it is, is going to come back.

219
00:10:49,360 --> 00:10:53,320
Speaker 1: We don't want to tell them miss truths. If you

220
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:56,439
Speaker 1: have a faith background, this can be a wonderful opportunity

221
00:10:56,520 --> 00:11:02,440
Speaker 1: to deepen that by talking about how grandma or Grandpa

222
00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:06,000
Speaker 1: has gone to heaven or is going to heaven. That

223
00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:08,360
Speaker 1: kind of thing gives them a sense that there is

224
00:11:08,440 --> 00:11:11,160
Speaker 1: a journey, which fits with the pre operational thinking, it

225
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:14,559
Speaker 1: fits with that three to five year age response to death.

226
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:18,520
Speaker 1: But it also helps them to feel like that person

227
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:22,160
Speaker 1: really can still be with them. It's a wonderful comfort

228
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:25,000
Speaker 1: for them. So tell the truth and developmentally appropriate ways.

229
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:27,560
Speaker 1: If you have a faith background, then that would be

230
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:31,200
Speaker 1: included in that. The other thing that I would say

231
00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:34,160
Speaker 1: outside of that is to really find ways to soak

232
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,479
Speaker 1: up the time and embrace it. Don't sanitize this experience.

233
00:11:37,559 --> 00:11:40,640
Speaker 1: Take your kids to see Grandpa in the hospital, even

234
00:11:40,679 --> 00:11:42,920
Speaker 1: with the tubes and even when he's not quite lucid.

235
00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:46,640
Speaker 1: Let them see the deterioration. Let them see his body

236
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:52,400
Speaker 1: slowly but surely atrophying and gently passing away. This is

237
00:11:52,640 --> 00:11:56,640
Speaker 1: something that helps you to have more supportive conversations. You

238
00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:59,480
Speaker 1: can say something like, sweetheart, Usually people die when they're

239
00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:03,000
Speaker 1: very very or very very sick, or their bodies are

240
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,080
Speaker 1: so injury that the doctors and hospitals can't help and

241
00:12:05,080 --> 00:12:08,480
Speaker 1: their body stops working. Like that's a really concrete way

242
00:12:08,480 --> 00:12:12,080
Speaker 1: of saying Grandpa is going to die. Whereas if we

243
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:15,720
Speaker 1: tell our kids that Grandpa has gone on a long journey,

244
00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:19,559
Speaker 1: then your kids might say, well, when's grandpa coming back,

245
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:23,559
Speaker 1: or why didn't he say goodbye? And the last point

246
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,600
Speaker 1: that I'd make is just soak up this time, embrace

247
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:30,880
Speaker 1: this time, get the kids involved. This will be precious.

248
00:12:31,880 --> 00:12:33,880
Speaker 1: We're not supposed to be sanitizing this for the kids.

249
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,360
Speaker 1: And here's what else I would say for your father

250
00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:40,040
Speaker 1: in law. For Grandpa while he's in the hospital and struggling,

251
00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:42,960
Speaker 1: he needs the light that the kids will bring. He

252
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:45,520
Speaker 1: needs to engage with them. If he's well enough to

253
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,280
Speaker 1: tell and retell his stories, that will make a difference

254
00:12:48,280 --> 00:12:51,400
Speaker 1: for him. I think that it's a really really sacred

255
00:12:51,880 --> 00:12:54,680
Speaker 1: experience that our kids can have. They can learn to

256
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:57,200
Speaker 1: value life in different ways, and they can grow up

257
00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:00,280
Speaker 1: in profound ways. There's so much there. Life is so

258
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:03,319
Speaker 1: precious and it's due to the relationship quality that we share.

259
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,040
Speaker 1: Don't deprive your father in law of the relationships, and

260
00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:10,559
Speaker 1: don't deprive your kids of the relationship either. It's so important.

261
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:18,040
Speaker 1: Grief is a natural byproduct of love. You can't really

262
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:21,800
Speaker 1: truly love someone and not grieve when they die. The

263
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,440
Speaker 1: only way to avoid the grief is to not experience

264
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:27,280
Speaker 1: the love. And it's the love that gives life the

265
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:30,920
Speaker 1: richness and the meaning. And that's why I would say,

266
00:13:31,080 --> 00:13:34,800
Speaker 1: help your kids to soak up grandpa, and help Grandpa

267
00:13:34,920 --> 00:13:37,959
Speaker 1: to soak up those kids. Really appreciate your questions. Thank

268
00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,400
Speaker 1: you so much for asking them. Happy Families dot com

269
00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:42,719
Speaker 1: dot A you click on the podcast link and then

270
00:13:42,760 --> 00:13:45,520
Speaker 1: push the record button. We love getting your questions and

271
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:48,080
Speaker 1: answering them here at the Happy Families Podcast. The Happy

272
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:51,000
Speaker 1: Families Podcast is produced by Justin Rawland from Bridge Media.

273
00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:53,559
Speaker 1: Craig Bruce is our executive producer. If you'd like more

274
00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:56,120
Speaker 1: information about making your family happier, you'll find it all

275
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:57,840
Speaker 1: happy families dot com, dot a