WEBVTT - ASK UNCUT - HELP! I don't like my besties partner 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:22.319 Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life 0:00:22.360 --> 0:00:26.320 on Cut. This is your down and dirty, quick and sexy. 0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:31.280 Well sometimes it's sexy. Well, sometimes it's sexy. Sexy. Yeah, 0:00:31.320 --> 0:00:33.400 I got excited about the word. It's umbled been a 0:00:33.400 --> 0:00:36.479 while since I've had any sexy. I'd like to say that, 0:00:36.520 --> 0:00:39.000 but for one second, say it hasn't been a while, girlfriend, 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:43.040 That's why you're a glower. Anyway, Here we are, guys, 0:00:43.120 --> 0:00:45.680 is that Thursday episode. It is asked on cart It's 0:00:45.720 --> 0:00:48.000 where you guys are writing your questions and we do 0:00:48.120 --> 0:00:51.000 our darndas to answer them. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura, 0:00:51.120 --> 0:00:53.600 and we give you all of our very unqualified but 0:00:53.680 --> 0:00:57.560 extremely enthusiastic advice that comes from many years of very 0:00:57.600 --> 0:01:01.720 poor decision making. What they say is if you can't do, teach, 0:01:02.040 --> 0:01:05.600 and that's exactly what we're doing here. That's exactly right. 0:01:05.880 --> 0:01:09.520 We actually had a very insightful conversation about that very recently, 0:01:09.520 --> 0:01:12.399 and that will be next week's episode. Should we tease 0:01:12.440 --> 0:01:15.240 that now? Yes, of course, don't leave the little carrot hanging. 0:01:15.600 --> 0:01:18.360 We interviewed some of you guys will know this. This 0:01:18.520 --> 0:01:20.800 name might be very familiar to you and some of 0:01:20.840 --> 0:01:23.000 you may not know the name, but you will definitely 0:01:23.040 --> 0:01:26.600 know the book. We interviewed Mark Manson, who is the 0:01:26.720 --> 0:01:29.559 author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck, 0:01:29.760 --> 0:01:31.960 which was the number one best selling book for many 0:01:32.040 --> 0:01:34.320 years still actually is on the list. I think it's 0:01:34.360 --> 0:01:37.399 the longest running New York Times best selling book ever. 0:01:37.560 --> 0:01:39.080 We interviewed him just the other day and that's going 0:01:39.120 --> 0:01:41.640 to be next Tuesday's episode, and honestly, it was such 0:01:41.680 --> 0:01:44.160 a great interview. He has such an interesting and unique 0:01:44.160 --> 0:01:46.600 perspective on the world and I got so much out 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:49.360 of it. So I cannot wait the next Tuesday's episode. 0:01:49.560 --> 0:01:52.240 But let's talk about today's episode right now. What have 0:01:52.280 --> 0:01:54.200 you been doing before we get into the episode. Do 0:01:54.200 --> 0:01:56.880 you have any goss five week old child which you're like, 0:01:56.960 --> 0:01:59.320 let's just get in and get out. Yeah, I have 0:01:59.360 --> 0:02:02.720 a five week odch, which means I do nothing. Literally, 0:02:02.760 --> 0:02:04.919 an event for me these days is leaving the house. 0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:07.400 So to set the scene here, guys, Laura is like, quick, 0:02:07.440 --> 0:02:10.040 I've just breastfed. Get his stats. So I have to 0:02:10.080 --> 0:02:12.560 bring my sister over. So Sherry is actually out in 0:02:12.600 --> 0:02:15.079 the lounge room and she's on babysitting Judies while we're 0:02:15.120 --> 0:02:18.520 hoping Lolla sleeps for hopefully forty minutes or enough time 0:02:18.560 --> 0:02:20.520 for us to bang out this episode, so we're hoping 0:02:20.560 --> 0:02:22.680 we don't get any interruptions. I was like forcing my 0:02:22.680 --> 0:02:24.440 boob into her mouth just to top her up, so 0:02:24.520 --> 0:02:26.480 that I thought I'd get at least squeeze forty five 0:02:26.520 --> 0:02:29.359 minutes out of her. Anyway, we were gonna wish us luck. 0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:32.000 We may get interrupted, but don't worry, we'll be back. Well, 0:02:32.000 --> 0:02:34.320 I have something exciting to share. Tell me, let me 0:02:34.400 --> 0:02:37.120 live vicariously through you. And actually this is a sign 0:02:37.160 --> 0:02:39.560 of the times if I say that this is exciting. 0:02:39.800 --> 0:02:45.520 But I just got the COVID vaccine, which means that 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:48.120 we're one step closer to international travel. What was it like? 0:02:48.160 --> 0:02:49.959 Did it hurt? Is there any more different to a 0:02:50.000 --> 0:02:53.280 normal flu? Jab Like, tell me how you're feeling. Are 0:02:53.320 --> 0:02:55.679 you lightheaded? Woozy? Do you need to lay down on 0:02:55.720 --> 0:02:57.480 a glass of water? What of it? The people that 0:02:57.520 --> 0:02:59.080 have had it so far, everyone has said it's a 0:02:59.080 --> 0:03:02.840 really painful vaccine. So I've had every vaccination obviously, for 0:03:02.880 --> 0:03:04.480 as a healthcare worker, I've always had to or they 0:03:04.520 --> 0:03:07.040 don't let you work in the hospital, especially internationally. But 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:09.799 I was prepared for a painful vaccination because some of 0:03:09.840 --> 0:03:13.040 them are, and it was probably the least painful vaccination 0:03:13.200 --> 0:03:16.040 of any vaccination I have ever had. I barely felt it. 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:18.360 I was like, is that it? She was like, that's done. 0:03:18.440 --> 0:03:19.840 I'd be interested to hear how you feel in the 0:03:19.880 --> 0:03:21.480 next couple of days, because you know how sometimes they 0:03:21.520 --> 0:03:25.079 say with vaccinations that you can maybe feel a bit feverish, 0:03:25.160 --> 0:03:26.880 or you can feel a bit achy, or you can have, 0:03:26.960 --> 0:03:30.160 like you know, some small, very insignificant symptoms after having 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:33.000 a vaccine. I'll keep you posted. We'll talk about it 0:03:33.040 --> 0:03:35.240 next week's episode. I'll say how I felt over the week. 0:03:35.400 --> 0:03:38.520 But there's nothing actually live in it in that sense, 0:03:38.560 --> 0:03:41.040 so no one's getting sick from it. But people are 0:03:41.040 --> 0:03:44.720 getting a lot of like localized repercussions, and I'm talking 0:03:44.800 --> 0:03:47.360 like minimum, I'm talking about a headache, or they might 0:03:47.400 --> 0:03:49.400 feel fatigued, and that's it. And that's just usually for 0:03:49.400 --> 0:03:51.160 a day or two. And I only know this because 0:03:51.200 --> 0:03:53.080 I was asking him and quizzing them when I was 0:03:53.120 --> 0:03:55.560 there today, So that's what they've told me. Right now, 0:03:55.600 --> 0:03:58.600 I feel absolutely fine. My arm isn't even dead yet. 0:03:59.000 --> 0:04:01.280 I have no pain. I have no headache. I have nothing, 0:04:01.400 --> 0:04:03.440 so that could change over the next day or two, 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:05.760 and I will keep you posted. And because Britt works 0:04:05.760 --> 0:04:08.000 in healthcare, she's obviously one of the first people to 0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:10.600 be offered the vaccine. So we have our very own 0:04:10.640 --> 0:04:12.920 guinea pig right here in the studio and back studio, 0:04:13.000 --> 0:04:17.160 I mean my bedroom's actually do you know what is 0:04:17.160 --> 0:04:19.400 is exciting? We're currently sitting next to my bed which 0:04:19.440 --> 0:04:21.000 I had to strip all the sheets off and the 0:04:21.000 --> 0:04:23.719 mattress protector because I breast milk leaked all over my bed. 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:25.600 It's a really interesting time in my life. Guys. No, 0:04:25.680 --> 0:04:29.040 I have something actually exciting. Oh okay, it's way more definitely, 0:04:29.120 --> 0:04:32.160 wasn't it. Hey, it's way more exciting than that. And 0:04:32.160 --> 0:04:34.440 it's way more exciting than a vaccine. The new lover 0:04:34.720 --> 0:04:37.520 Jordan and I Jordan decided to put a bet on 0:04:37.560 --> 0:04:40.640 with me the other day, and the bet was that 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:43.680 if you are just joining us today, Jordan is my 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:46.720 new boyfriend. He's also a tennis player. Greenie has a boyfriend. 0:04:46.800 --> 0:04:50.520 The bet is that he said there is no way 0:04:50.640 --> 0:04:52.800 that I could ever return one of his tennis serves 0:04:52.839 --> 0:04:56.159 like zero way. I I mean like I know that 0:04:56.200 --> 0:04:57.800 I can't, but of course I'm going to disagree with 0:04:57.839 --> 0:04:59.240 him because I always want to be right. And I said, 0:04:59.240 --> 0:05:01.440 I reckon I can, and he's like, I will, I 0:05:01.480 --> 0:05:02.880 will put a bet on. I was like, great, what 0:05:02.880 --> 0:05:04.160 do you want to bet? Let's do this and it 0:05:04.200 --> 0:05:06.839 got quite competitive because we're both very competitive. So he 0:05:06.920 --> 0:05:09.760 has bet me a house. Jordan has said that if 0:05:09.800 --> 0:05:12.840 I can return one of his tennis serves, he will 0:05:12.839 --> 0:05:14.520 buy me a house in Sydney. And this is the 0:05:14.560 --> 0:05:18.800 most bougie, unrelatable af thing I have ever heard. What 0:05:19.040 --> 0:05:20.880 is this man? Where is his money? I know, it's 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:23.440 so ridiculous. What okay? And where does one find one 0:05:23.480 --> 0:05:25.680 of these men on online dating? So please explain all 0:05:25.720 --> 0:05:27.920 of these things. But okay, before we get into it, 0:05:27.960 --> 0:05:32.279 how quick does he serve a ball? He serves about 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:35.599 between two hundred and two hundred and twenty and I 0:05:35.640 --> 0:05:38.400 thought this was feet now, but apparently it's kilometers per hour. 0:05:38.560 --> 0:05:40.480 So if he serves a ball at two hundred and 0:05:40.520 --> 0:05:43.440 twenty kilometers an hour, you're either a going to get 0:05:43.480 --> 0:05:46.000 a house or B you're gonna be dead. So there 0:05:46.040 --> 0:05:50.640 you go. So either way, he probably wins. Sideway al right, guys, 0:05:50.720 --> 0:05:53.239 let's get into your questions. You've sent us in a 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:55.880 absolute shite load because we have five weeks worth of 0:05:55.920 --> 0:05:59.200 backed up questions to answer. But unfortunately, because we do 0:05:59.240 --> 0:06:01.440 have to keep to a time frame, we are answering 0:06:01.480 --> 0:06:05.520 only three questions today and Britney's getna kick it off. Okay. 0:06:05.600 --> 0:06:10.240 Question number one, guys, please help. How do you end 0:06:10.240 --> 0:06:13.520 a relationship when you rationally know it's what needs to 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:15.760 be done? And that is because we're just not on 0:06:15.800 --> 0:06:18.120 the same page anymore for the future. And I'm talking 0:06:18.160 --> 0:06:23.360 about kids, our social life, and even sexually, but emotionally, 0:06:23.640 --> 0:06:25.960 I still love the guy and there are definitely parts 0:06:25.960 --> 0:06:28.880 of the relationship that are amazing in that sense I'm 0:06:28.920 --> 0:06:32.560 talking is a great company. I am stuck, I am confused, 0:06:32.640 --> 0:06:35.600 I am drained. Also, ps, we own a house together 0:06:35.640 --> 0:06:39.440 and a dog. Ah. This is complicated as fuck the 0:06:39.600 --> 0:06:43.120 last sentence. So the first thing I want to say 0:06:43.120 --> 0:06:46.680 to this is that it doesn't matter what type of 0:06:46.760 --> 0:06:51.120 breakup you're having. Breakups are fucking hard, and they are 0:06:51.160 --> 0:06:54.320 hard whether someone has done something wrong, whether someone has 0:06:54.360 --> 0:06:57.400 done nothing wrong. They're even harder when you still are 0:06:57.400 --> 0:06:59.760 in love with the person and there's nothing wrong with 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:02.120 this situation except for the fact that you're not aligned. 0:07:02.160 --> 0:07:04.039 I reckon that these are the hardest breakups to be 0:07:04.040 --> 0:07:07.040 perfectly honest, when when you're like, you know what, on paper, 0:07:07.080 --> 0:07:09.400 this guy is perfect or this girl is perfect, but 0:07:10.240 --> 0:07:12.760 I know in my heart of hearts that this isn't 0:07:12.760 --> 0:07:15.440 the relationship that is right for me. And I guess 0:07:15.520 --> 0:07:17.320 at the end of the day, if you stay in this, 0:07:17.520 --> 0:07:19.840 the longer you stay in this, the longer that you 0:07:20.000 --> 0:07:22.880 kind of settle, because this is the definition of settling, 0:07:23.120 --> 0:07:25.160 the longer that you are robbing yourself of having the 0:07:25.160 --> 0:07:27.240 things that you want in life. I think it's the 0:07:27.320 --> 0:07:30.640 same as any relationship. Unfortunately, you need to sit down 0:07:30.640 --> 0:07:33.240 and have a conversation and really explain to him how 0:07:33.280 --> 0:07:35.600 you're feeling. I think the fact that you can say 0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:38.120 he's a great guy, but you're not sexually compatible either 0:07:38.440 --> 0:07:40.600 kind of lends itself that you've gotten into a situation 0:07:40.680 --> 0:07:44.360 where you are best friends who live together, who had 0:07:44.360 --> 0:07:46.600 the label of being in a relationship and being boyfriend 0:07:46.600 --> 0:07:49.480 and girlfriend, but you know it's not going anywhere, So 0:07:49.520 --> 0:07:52.120 sit down, have a really honest conversation about those things, 0:07:52.480 --> 0:07:56.560 and then, unfortunately, like all relationship breakups. I think the 0:07:56.560 --> 0:07:58.480 most important thing is to have a time of a 0:07:58.520 --> 0:08:01.160 period of no contact, because that's the only way that 0:08:01.200 --> 0:08:03.760 you can really start to one get over it, two 0:08:03.840 --> 0:08:06.600 to compartmentalize it, and three to know whether or not 0:08:06.600 --> 0:08:10.200 you've made the right decision, because if you're constantly in 0:08:10.240 --> 0:08:12.520 each other's space, then you don't have any time to 0:08:12.560 --> 0:08:15.680 process your real thoughts about it. For me, I totally 0:08:15.720 --> 0:08:18.600 agree with what you said. This, unfortunately, is the suckiest 0:08:18.640 --> 0:08:20.960 kind of a breakup when you do still love them 0:08:21.000 --> 0:08:23.640 and you enjoy their company, and you've spent so many 0:08:23.720 --> 0:08:26.680 years with them, you've never been able to picture your 0:08:26.720 --> 0:08:29.840 life without them. But there are all these other roadblocks 0:08:29.840 --> 0:08:31.880 now where your past are going different ways. This is 0:08:31.880 --> 0:08:34.280 the hardest breakup ever, and I have done it. This 0:08:34.440 --> 0:08:37.400 was exactly my relationship with my partner of eight years. 0:08:37.679 --> 0:08:40.240 We loved each other, but we and we had the dogs, 0:08:40.320 --> 0:08:42.760 and this was the roadblock. We were just going different ways. 0:08:43.080 --> 0:08:44.920 But I think when I read this question and I 0:08:45.000 --> 0:08:47.880 really think about it, I think you should ask yourself 0:08:48.120 --> 0:08:50.080 because you did put a sentence at the end saying 0:08:50.080 --> 0:08:51.440 that you know we do have a house and a 0:08:51.440 --> 0:08:54.360 dog together and it's just so hard. Ask yourself, if 0:08:54.360 --> 0:08:56.760 you didn't have the house and you didn't have the dog, 0:08:57.440 --> 0:08:59.880 what would you do. Would it be easier to leave 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:02.520 in that sense? And I think that you'll probably find 0:09:02.520 --> 0:09:05.640 your answer is yes, it wouldn't be as hard. Now 0:09:05.679 --> 0:09:09.400 you need to think, okay, the house and the dog. Yes, 0:09:09.480 --> 0:09:11.480 it makes it more difficult, it makes it a bit 0:09:11.520 --> 0:09:13.959 more sticky, but it's not a reason to stay in 0:09:14.000 --> 0:09:17.360 a relationship that's not made for you. And the biggest 0:09:17.400 --> 0:09:20.040 thing that I also got from this is you said, 0:09:20.200 --> 0:09:23.040 sure you're not compatible sexually in your social life. I 0:09:23.040 --> 0:09:26.319 think it's okay to be introverted and extroverted in a relationship. 0:09:26.360 --> 0:09:28.480 I think that can balance each other out to a point. 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:31.320 But my biggest red flag here is that you're not 0:09:31.360 --> 0:09:33.679 on the same page with kids. For me, that would 0:09:33.679 --> 0:09:35.360 be one of my deal breakers. And I know it's 0:09:35.360 --> 0:09:37.559 a lot of people's deal breakers. I know my brother's 0:09:37.559 --> 0:09:39.360 been in that position before. I know friends that have 0:09:39.440 --> 0:09:42.120 ended relationships because one person wants a child and one 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:45.480 person doesn't. I think that that is a really, really 0:09:45.480 --> 0:09:48.120 big sign for you that you need to reassess why 0:09:48.240 --> 0:09:50.360 you're staying in this relationship because the fact that it's 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:52.880 a nice company. He's a comfort to you because you've 0:09:52.880 --> 0:09:54.720 been with him for so long and that's the life, 0:09:54.720 --> 0:09:57.400 you know. Unfortunately, and this is tough love, but they're 0:09:57.440 --> 0:09:59.719 not reasons to stay totally. I think you know the 0:09:59.840 --> 0:10:02.240 end this as well. I think you're just I think 0:10:02.280 --> 0:10:05.080 you are maybe hoping for some insight a little bit, 0:10:05.120 --> 0:10:06.640 but you know the answer. You don't need to ask 0:10:06.679 --> 0:10:08.440 if you need to leave or stay. You know deep 0:10:08.480 --> 0:10:10.959 down that you were looking for something more and you're 0:10:11.000 --> 0:10:13.400 ready to move on. But it's very, very difficult. But 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:15.280 I mean, in a perfect world, right, and you kind 0:10:15.320 --> 0:10:17.160 of nailed this as well. But in a perfect world, 0:10:17.360 --> 0:10:19.560 we would only break up with people who we don't love, 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:21.040 you know. We would get to a point in a 0:10:21.080 --> 0:10:23.000 relationship where we're like, well, I don't love you anymore, 0:10:23.040 --> 0:10:24.880 so I'm going to leave. But we don't live in 0:10:24.880 --> 0:10:27.079 a perfect world, you know. And I have also been 0:10:27.080 --> 0:10:29.560 in this very similar situation, and I think for me, 0:10:30.440 --> 0:10:32.840 the thing that I loved, I loved him. I definitely 0:10:32.920 --> 0:10:34.800 was not in love with him anymore. We've been together 0:10:34.840 --> 0:10:38.240 for three years, we lived together, we owned everything together, 0:10:38.440 --> 0:10:42.840 and I loved our life. I loved the things we had. 0:10:42.920 --> 0:10:45.680 I loved how comfortable the life that we had was, 0:10:45.720 --> 0:10:47.920 even though we hadn't had sex together in six months. 0:10:48.200 --> 0:10:50.960 But I loved our life, and breaking up with him 0:10:51.280 --> 0:10:53.080 wasn't just breaking up with him. It was breaking up 0:10:53.120 --> 0:10:55.320 with the life. It was breaking up with what was comfortable, 0:10:55.320 --> 0:10:56.720 and it was breaking up with all the things that 0:10:56.760 --> 0:11:01.520 I loved that we owned together. And that is fucking scary. 0:11:01.600 --> 0:11:04.079 It's really scary because you have this moment where you're like, well, 0:11:04.080 --> 0:11:06.520 I have to start again, like who gets the couch, 0:11:06.800 --> 0:11:08.920 who gets the dog? Who gets the bed? Like does 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:11.920 he get everything? Because I'm the one walking away, And like, no, 0:11:12.040 --> 0:11:14.600 he doesn't get everything. Like you guys can sit down 0:11:14.640 --> 0:11:17.640 and work out what's fair and what's even I at 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:20.000 the time kind of thought, because I was the one 0:11:20.040 --> 0:11:21.880 doing the breaking up, that that meant that he got 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:23.880 everything and I walked away with nothing. And I think 0:11:24.000 --> 0:11:25.720 that's a really silly thing to do as well, Like, 0:11:25.840 --> 0:11:27.600 just because you want to break up with someone and 0:11:27.640 --> 0:11:30.080 you're the one doing the hurting, doesn't mean that you 0:11:30.120 --> 0:11:31.920 have to walk away from every single thing that you 0:11:31.960 --> 0:11:34.800 guys have together by staying in a relationship that you're 0:11:34.800 --> 0:11:37.199 not happy in not only are you robbing yourself with 0:11:37.280 --> 0:11:39.600 the type of relationship that you want, you're also robbing 0:11:39.720 --> 0:11:41.960 him of the type of relationship that he deserves as well, 0:11:42.320 --> 0:11:44.199 also having a house and a dog and all these 0:11:44.200 --> 0:11:47.160 other things. I mean, it's slightly more tricky, but it's 0:11:47.200 --> 0:11:48.600 really not the end of the world as long as 0:11:48.640 --> 0:11:51.400 you're both having an adult conversation and you're both acting 0:11:51.440 --> 0:11:53.520 with respect. I know for me and I would just 0:11:53.559 --> 0:11:56.120 be like, oh, brush over it quickly. But with the house, 0:11:56.160 --> 0:11:59.280 we sat down as adults and said, who actually wants 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:01.240 to keep this? Because we weren't renting, we owned it. 0:12:01.280 --> 0:12:02.960 Who actually wants to keep this? What are we going 0:12:03.000 --> 0:12:04.760 to do with it? I looked at my finance, as 0:12:04.800 --> 0:12:06.520 he looked at his. We looked at what we wanted 0:12:06.520 --> 0:12:08.160 in our life, where we were going to be headed. 0:12:08.200 --> 0:12:11.680 And we made a decision. And the decision was I 0:12:11.800 --> 0:12:14.040 decided to let him buy me out of the house. 0:12:14.080 --> 0:12:15.679 So he wanted to stay in it. He wanted to 0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:18.480 renovate it. He was a build up brilliant. I knew 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:20.640 that I wanted to go traveling for years, so I 0:12:20.720 --> 0:12:24.160 made the decision to, Okay, let's do that with the dogs. 0:12:24.160 --> 0:12:26.000 It was the hardest decision of my life, but I 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:27.600 feel like it was split it down the middle. Well, 0:12:27.600 --> 0:12:29.320 we had two dogs and they're best friends, and I 0:12:29.320 --> 0:12:31.439 would never I'm such an animal lover. I like, I 0:12:31.440 --> 0:12:34.000 would never take those dogs apart from each other. Because 0:12:34.040 --> 0:12:35.839 I was moving out and he was keeping the house. 0:12:36.000 --> 0:12:38.600 I was moving into a smaller house, like an apartment, 0:12:38.960 --> 0:12:41.480 and these are working dogs. They were border Collies and lasses. 0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:44.680 He kept our huge house with a backyard that was 0:12:44.720 --> 0:12:47.439 on the beach, literally on the beach. He was like 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:49.840 adventure man, and I had to It was the hardest 0:12:50.040 --> 0:12:52.000 decision of my life. But I made a decision to 0:12:52.440 --> 0:12:54.800 let them stay with him because I knew their life 0:12:55.200 --> 0:12:56.960 would be better. I knew that he could leave him 0:12:56.960 --> 0:12:59.520 at home together, he would exercise them, he would love them, 0:12:59.720 --> 0:13:02.280 was obsessed with them. I was obsessed with them too, 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:04.960 but I couldn't take them to an apartment. The worst, 0:13:05.040 --> 0:13:07.920 hardest decision of my life. But as adults, that's what 0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:09.640 you do. You just have to sit down and look 0:13:09.640 --> 0:13:11.600 at it from an outside perspective and think what's the 0:13:11.640 --> 0:13:14.120 best for every single person in this situation. So I 0:13:14.120 --> 0:13:16.000 think the fact that you have these little hurdles don't 0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:18.320 let that stop you, guys from going and growing as 0:13:18.360 --> 0:13:20.600 people and chasing what you really want in your life. 0:13:20.640 --> 0:13:21.920 But I think at the end of the day, the 0:13:21.920 --> 0:13:24.679 biggest thing to keep in mind is that it is really, 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:26.400 really hard, Like you've got to put on your big 0:13:26.400 --> 0:13:28.920 girl panties and do some really hard things and breaking 0:13:28.960 --> 0:13:31.320 someone's heart. It's hard to be broken up with, but 0:13:31.400 --> 0:13:35.000 doing the breaking up can be equally as difficult. Yeah, 0:13:35.040 --> 0:13:37.400 because you're responsible for that person, You're responsible for their 0:13:37.440 --> 0:13:39.920 feelings and you want to make them feel better at 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:41.880 the same time as being the reason why they feel 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:44.320 like shit, and you can't do everything, so you do 0:13:44.480 --> 0:13:46.640 have to do the hard work, and then you have 0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:48.680 to walk away and let them heal. You can't keep 0:13:48.679 --> 0:13:50.760 dipping back in. You know what's funny. When I broke 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:52.600 up with my partner, and I ended up being the 0:13:52.600 --> 0:13:54.600 one that called it quits because I knew that I 0:13:54.640 --> 0:13:56.760 wanted different things in life even though I loved him. 0:13:57.280 --> 0:14:00.920 The hardest part it was I would have breakdowns and 0:14:01.000 --> 0:14:02.960 panic attacks. I couldn't breathe over the fact that I 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:04.440 was breaking up with him and hurt, and he was 0:14:04.559 --> 0:14:07.600 very hurt, and that was the hardest thing. But all 0:14:07.800 --> 0:14:09.600 I couldn't get past the fact that I was My 0:14:09.880 --> 0:14:12.080 issue was what if he doesn't find anyone else? All 0:14:12.080 --> 0:14:15.800 I could think about was I'm not kidding, And I 0:14:15.840 --> 0:14:17.320 was like, well, like I am the best thing to 0:14:17.360 --> 0:14:19.560 ever happen to him. What if he's alone forever now? 0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:23.040 Because I am wonderful? Because I just thought what if 0:14:23.080 --> 0:14:25.120 he never finds anyone? And I mean I thought that 0:14:25.160 --> 0:14:26.920 about me too, but I remember that being such a 0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:28.920 big thing on my list, Like I just he was 0:14:28.960 --> 0:14:30.400 the best human in the world, and I was like, 0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:32.200 I just want him to be loved or want him 0:14:32.240 --> 0:14:35.680 to love someone. Yeah, And I worried about that. Anyway, 0:14:35.800 --> 0:14:37.760 he was with someone else. About eight months later, ten 0:14:37.920 --> 0:14:40.840 years later, I finally meet someone, so I had nothing 0:14:40.880 --> 0:14:42.760 to worry about. But that is the big fear, right that. 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:44.480 I think that that's one of the reasons why people 0:14:44.480 --> 0:14:48.000 stay in relationships long past their overdue date, and that's 0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:50.440 because there's this constant fear of like what if I 0:14:50.440 --> 0:14:53.360 don't meet someone else? I think, like, that's so it's 0:14:53.400 --> 0:14:56.360 so like kind and empathetic of you to think of 0:14:56.360 --> 0:14:58.440 that on the alternate side and think about, like, well, 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:01.520 what if they don't meet anybody else the next day. 0:15:01.880 --> 0:15:03.720 But I think a lot of people live in this 0:15:03.800 --> 0:15:05.920 fear of like, well, what if I'm going to be alone? 0:15:06.120 --> 0:15:08.360 But by being in a relationship that doesn't it's not 0:15:08.400 --> 0:15:10.720 on the right track. It's not going to result in 0:15:10.760 --> 0:15:13.520 what you want anyway, because you want different things. You're 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:15.400 never going to be able to meet someone new because 0:15:15.480 --> 0:15:18.120 you're not looking for that relationship that aligns with your 0:15:18.200 --> 0:15:20.360 values and aligns with what you want in life. Absolutely, 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:22.400 and I think we have well and truly covered that one. 0:15:22.440 --> 0:15:25.760 All right, next one, Okay, I get a question for you. 0:15:26.360 --> 0:15:28.520 Here we go, Hey, ladies, I'd like your advice on 0:15:28.560 --> 0:15:32.520 how to navigate mending a relationship with my best friend's boyfriend. 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:35.720 For context, he and I used to be friends, a 0:15:35.760 --> 0:15:38.360 few things happened in their relationship that I didn't agree with, 0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:41.120 and ultimately he and I are no longer friends, yet 0:15:41.160 --> 0:15:43.840 they are still together anyway. I don't want to mend 0:15:43.840 --> 0:15:46.480 the friendship necessarily, but feel as though I have to 0:15:46.640 --> 0:15:48.800 for my girlfriend, even though she hasn't asked me to 0:15:48.840 --> 0:15:50.840 do it. We all know how shit it is to 0:15:50.920 --> 0:15:54.000 have your best friend and your boyfriend not get along. Think, 0:15:54.120 --> 0:15:56.680 for example, if Britt and Matt didn't get along as 0:15:56.680 --> 0:15:59.880 there are children involved in my situation too, any advice, 0:16:01.040 --> 0:16:03.240 this is a trick you get along too well. Sometimes 0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:06.480 I'm like Brandanth Matt, break it up. No, But I 0:16:06.560 --> 0:16:09.280 think that's great because I think anyone important in your life, 0:16:09.480 --> 0:16:11.240 the biggest thing that you want as a person is 0:16:11.320 --> 0:16:13.120 you want your friends in your family to like your partner, 0:16:13.520 --> 0:16:16.440 and you want to like your friend's partner as well. 0:16:16.480 --> 0:16:18.680 So it's a tricky situation and it sucks, and it 0:16:18.720 --> 0:16:21.200 would be awkward if I didn't like Matt or Matt 0:16:21.200 --> 0:16:23.120 didn't like me and we saw each other every second day. 0:16:23.240 --> 0:16:25.320 But I also I think it's a really relatable one, 0:16:25.440 --> 0:16:28.360 especially if this guy has done something wrong and you're 0:16:28.400 --> 0:16:30.200 like to your friend, You're like, I want the best 0:16:30.240 --> 0:16:32.200 for you, I want you to be treated with respect 0:16:32.200 --> 0:16:34.560 and love, and he's not doing that. So of course 0:16:34.600 --> 0:16:37.960 you're then going to either verbalize it, whether it's to 0:16:38.080 --> 0:16:41.200 your girlfriend directly or to him specifically, and say, you know, 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:42.800 the way that you're treating her is not right. Like 0:16:42.840 --> 0:16:44.920 that must be such a common thing that happens. I 0:16:44.920 --> 0:16:47.960 know that I've experienced that in some of my relationships 0:16:47.960 --> 0:16:50.440 with my friends and their boyfriends. Oh totally. But I 0:16:50.480 --> 0:16:52.520 think what you need to do here is if you 0:16:52.560 --> 0:16:55.040 want a salavage, I mean not salvage, because it's obviously 0:16:55.200 --> 0:16:56.880 not that you and your friend are having a rift 0:16:56.920 --> 0:16:58.960 over it. She hasn't even asked you to apologize. But 0:16:59.520 --> 0:17:01.160 there's always it's going to be that tension in the air. 0:17:01.320 --> 0:17:03.480 No one wants to feel that tension when you're all together. 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:05.280 If you guys are that good of friends, there are 0:17:05.320 --> 0:17:07.920 going to be multiple situations that you as a group 0:17:08.000 --> 0:17:09.920 are at dinner or at a party, or at each 0:17:09.920 --> 0:17:13.160 other's house or whatever it is. I think you probably 0:17:13.160 --> 0:17:15.800 do need to address the situation and whether Laura and 0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:17.800 I were just chatting about this before on like what 0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:20.760 level you would go to. At a minimum, you probably 0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:22.720 need to just have the conversation where it's like, hey, 0:17:23.080 --> 0:17:24.359 let's just put it all out on the table. I 0:17:24.440 --> 0:17:26.199 know we got off to a rocky side. I know 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:28.560 there are some things about each other you know that 0:17:28.560 --> 0:17:32.200 we're not completely happy or comfortable with. But let's put 0:17:32.200 --> 0:17:33.960 that behind us and try and move forward for the 0:17:34.000 --> 0:17:35.840 sake of everyone. And I think that's what it has 0:17:35.880 --> 0:17:37.199 to be. I think it just has to be a 0:17:37.200 --> 0:17:40.360