Speaker 1: Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 1: on Cut. This is your down and dirty, quick and sexy.
Speaker 1: Well sometimes it's sexy. Well, sometimes it's sexy. Sexy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I got excited about the word. It's umbled been a
Speaker 1: while since I've had any sexy. I'd like to say that,
Speaker 1: but for one second, say it hasn't been a while, girlfriend,
Speaker 1: That's why you're a glower. Anyway, Here we are, guys,
Speaker 1: is that Thursday episode. It is asked on cart It's
Speaker 1: where you guys are writing your questions and we do
Speaker 1: our darndas to answer them. I'm Brittany and I'm Laura,
Speaker 1: and we give you all of our very unqualified but
Speaker 1: extremely enthusiastic advice that comes from many years of very
Speaker 1: poor decision making. What they say is if you can't do, teach,
Speaker 1: and that's exactly what we're doing here. That's exactly right.
Speaker 1: We actually had a very insightful conversation about that very recently,
Speaker 1: and that will be next week's episode. Should we tease
Speaker 1: that now? Yes, of course, don't leave the little carrot hanging.
Speaker 1: We interviewed some of you guys will know this. This
Speaker 1: name might be very familiar to you and some of
Speaker 1: you may not know the name, but you will definitely
Speaker 1: know the book. We interviewed Mark Manson, who is the
Speaker 1: author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck,
Speaker 1: which was the number one best selling book for many
Speaker 1: years still actually is on the list. I think it's
Speaker 1: the longest running New York Times best selling book ever.
Speaker 1: We interviewed him just the other day and that's going
Speaker 1: to be next Tuesday's episode, and honestly, it was such
Speaker 1: a great interview. He has such an interesting and unique
Speaker 1: perspective on the world and I got so much out
Speaker 1: of it. So I cannot wait the next Tuesday's episode.
Speaker 1: But let's talk about today's episode right now. What have
Speaker 1: you been doing before we get into the episode. Do
Speaker 1: you have any goss five week old child which you're like,
Speaker 1: let's just get in and get out. Yeah, I have
Speaker 1: a five week odch, which means I do nothing. Literally,
Speaker 1: an event for me these days is leaving the house.
Speaker 1: So to set the scene here, guys, Laura is like, quick,
Speaker 1: I've just breastfed. Get his stats. So I have to
Speaker 1: bring my sister over. So Sherry is actually out in
Speaker 1: the lounge room and she's on babysitting Judies while we're
Speaker 1: hoping Lolla sleeps for hopefully forty minutes or enough time
Speaker 1: for us to bang out this episode, so we're hoping
Speaker 1: we don't get any interruptions. I was like forcing my
Speaker 1: boob into her mouth just to top her up, so
Speaker 1: that I thought I'd get at least squeeze forty five
Speaker 1: minutes out of her. Anyway, we were gonna wish us luck.
Speaker 1: We may get interrupted, but don't worry, we'll be back. Well,
Speaker 1: I have something exciting to share. Tell me, let me
Speaker 1: live vicariously through you. And actually this is a sign
Speaker 1: of the times if I say that this is exciting.
Speaker 1: But I just got the COVID vaccine, which means that
Speaker 1: we're one step closer to international travel. What was it like?
Speaker 1: Did it hurt? Is there any more different to a
Speaker 1: normal flu? Jab Like, tell me how you're feeling. Are
Speaker 1: you lightheaded? Woozy? Do you need to lay down on
Speaker 1: a glass of water? What of it? The people that
Speaker 1: have had it so far, everyone has said it's a
Speaker 1: really painful vaccine. So I've had every vaccination obviously, for
Speaker 1: as a healthcare worker, I've always had to or they
Speaker 1: don't let you work in the hospital, especially internationally. But
Speaker 1: I was prepared for a painful vaccination because some of
Speaker 1: them are, and it was probably the least painful vaccination
Speaker 1: of any vaccination I have ever had. I barely felt it.
Speaker 1: I was like, is that it? She was like, that's done.
Speaker 1: I'd be interested to hear how you feel in the
Speaker 1: next couple of days, because you know how sometimes they
Speaker 1: say with vaccinations that you can maybe feel a bit feverish,
Speaker 1: or you can feel a bit achy, or you can have,
Speaker 1: like you know, some small, very insignificant symptoms after having
Speaker 1: a vaccine. I'll keep you posted. We'll talk about it
Speaker 1: next week's episode. I'll say how I felt over the week.
Speaker 1: But there's nothing actually live in it in that sense,
Speaker 1: so no one's getting sick from it. But people are
Speaker 1: getting a lot of like localized repercussions, and I'm talking
Speaker 1: like minimum, I'm talking about a headache, or they might
Speaker 1: feel fatigued, and that's it. And that's just usually for
Speaker 1: a day or two. And I only know this because
Speaker 1: I was asking him and quizzing them when I was
Speaker 1: there today, So that's what they've told me. Right now,
Speaker 1: I feel absolutely fine. My arm isn't even dead yet.
Speaker 1: I have no pain. I have no headache. I have nothing,
Speaker 1: so that could change over the next day or two,
Speaker 1: and I will keep you posted. And because Britt works
Speaker 1: in healthcare, she's obviously one of the first people to
Speaker 1: be offered the vaccine. So we have our very own
Speaker 1: guinea pig right here in the studio and back studio,
Speaker 1: I mean my bedroom's actually do you know what is
Speaker 1: is exciting? We're currently sitting next to my bed which
Speaker 1: I had to strip all the sheets off and the
Speaker 1: mattress protector because I breast milk leaked all over my bed.
Speaker 1: It's a really interesting time in my life. Guys. No,
Speaker 1: I have something actually exciting. Oh okay, it's way more definitely,
Speaker 1: wasn't it. Hey, it's way more exciting than that. And
Speaker 1: it's way more exciting than a vaccine. The new lover
Speaker 1: Jordan and I Jordan decided to put a bet on
Speaker 1: with me the other day, and the bet was that
Speaker 1: if you are just joining us today, Jordan is my
Speaker 1: new boyfriend. He's also a tennis player. Greenie has a boyfriend.
Speaker 1: The bet is that he said there is no way
Speaker 1: that I could ever return one of his tennis serves
Speaker 1: like zero way. I I mean like I know that
Speaker 1: I can't, but of course I'm going to disagree with
Speaker 1: him because I always want to be right. And I said,
Speaker 1: I reckon I can, and he's like, I will, I
Speaker 1: will put a bet on. I was like, great, what
Speaker 1: do you want to bet? Let's do this and it
Speaker 1: got quite competitive because we're both very competitive. So he
Speaker 1: has bet me a house. Jordan has said that if
Speaker 1: I can return one of his tennis serves, he will
Speaker 1: buy me a house in Sydney. And this is the
Speaker 1: most bougie, unrelatable af thing I have ever heard. What
Speaker 1: is this man? Where is his money? I know, it's
Speaker 1: so ridiculous. What okay? And where does one find one
Speaker 1: of these men on online dating? So please explain all
Speaker 1: of these things. But okay, before we get into it,
Speaker 1: how quick does he serve a ball? He serves about
Speaker 1: between two hundred and two hundred and twenty and I
Speaker 1: thought this was feet now, but apparently it's kilometers per hour.
Speaker 1: So if he serves a ball at two hundred and
Speaker 1: twenty kilometers an hour, you're either a going to get
Speaker 1: a house or B you're gonna be dead. So there
Speaker 1: you go. So either way, he probably wins. Sideway al right, guys,
Speaker 1: let's get into your questions. You've sent us in a
Speaker 1: absolute shite load because we have five weeks worth of
Speaker 1: backed up questions to answer. But unfortunately, because we do
Speaker 1: have to keep to a time frame, we are answering
Speaker 1: only three questions today and Britney's getna kick it off. Okay.
Speaker 1: Question number one, guys, please help. How do you end
Speaker 1: a relationship when you rationally know it's what needs to
Speaker 1: be done? And that is because we're just not on
Speaker 1: the same page anymore for the future. And I'm talking
Speaker 1: about kids, our social life, and even sexually, but emotionally,
Speaker 1: I still love the guy and there are definitely parts
Speaker 1: of the relationship that are amazing in that sense I'm
Speaker 1: talking is a great company. I am stuck, I am confused,
Speaker 1: I am drained. Also, ps, we own a house together
Speaker 1: and a dog. Ah. This is complicated as fuck the
Speaker 1: last sentence. So the first thing I want to say
Speaker 1: to this is that it doesn't matter what type of
Speaker 1: breakup you're having. Breakups are fucking hard, and they are
Speaker 1: hard whether someone has done something wrong, whether someone has
Speaker 1: done nothing wrong. They're even harder when you still are
Speaker 1: in love with the person and there's nothing wrong with
Speaker 1: this situation except for the fact that you're not aligned.
Speaker 1: I reckon that these are the hardest breakups to be
Speaker 1: perfectly honest, when when you're like, you know what, on paper,
Speaker 1: this guy is perfect or this girl is perfect, but
Speaker 1: I know in my heart of hearts that this isn't
Speaker 1: the relationship that is right for me. And I guess
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, if you stay in this,
Speaker 1: the longer you stay in this, the longer that you
Speaker 1: kind of settle, because this is the definition of settling,
Speaker 1: the longer that you are robbing yourself of having the
Speaker 1: things that you want in life. I think it's the
Speaker 1: same as any relationship. Unfortunately, you need to sit down
Speaker 1: and have a conversation and really explain to him how
Speaker 1: you're feeling. I think the fact that you can say
Speaker 1: he's a great guy, but you're not sexually compatible either
Speaker 1: kind of lends itself that you've gotten into a situation
Speaker 1: where you are best friends who live together, who had
Speaker 1: the label of being in a relationship and being boyfriend
Speaker 1: and girlfriend, but you know it's not going anywhere, So
Speaker 1: sit down, have a really honest conversation about those things,
Speaker 1: and then, unfortunately, like all relationship breakups. I think the
Speaker 1: most important thing is to have a time of a
Speaker 1: period of no contact, because that's the only way that
Speaker 1: you can really start to one get over it, two
Speaker 1: to compartmentalize it, and three to know whether or not
Speaker 1: you've made the right decision, because if you're constantly in
Speaker 1: each other's space, then you don't have any time to
Speaker 1: process your real thoughts about it. For me, I totally
Speaker 1: agree with what you said. This, unfortunately, is the suckiest
Speaker 1: kind of a breakup when you do still love them
Speaker 1: and you enjoy their company, and you've spent so many
Speaker 1: years with them, you've never been able to picture your
Speaker 1: life without them. But there are all these other roadblocks
Speaker 1: now where your past are going different ways. This is
Speaker 1: the hardest breakup ever, and I have done it. This
Speaker 1: was exactly my relationship with my partner of eight years.
Speaker 1: We loved each other, but we and we had the dogs,
Speaker 1: and this was the roadblock. We were just going different ways.
Speaker 1: But I think when I read this question and I
Speaker 1: really think about it, I think you should ask yourself
Speaker 1: because you did put a sentence at the end saying
Speaker 1: that you know we do have a house and a
Speaker 1: dog together and it's just so hard. Ask yourself, if
Speaker 1: you didn't have the house and you didn't have the dog,
Speaker 1: what would you do. Would it be easier to leave
Speaker 1: in that sense? And I think that you'll probably find
Speaker 1: your answer is yes, it wouldn't be as hard. Now
Speaker 1: you need to think, okay, the house and the dog. Yes,
Speaker 1: it makes it more difficult, it makes it a bit
Speaker 1: more sticky, but it's not a reason to stay in
Speaker 1: a relationship that's not made for you. And the biggest
Speaker 1: thing that I also got from this is you said,
Speaker 1: sure you're not compatible sexually in your social life. I
Speaker 1: think it's okay to be introverted and extroverted in a relationship.
Speaker 1: I think that can balance each other out to a point.
Speaker 1: But my biggest red flag here is that you're not
Speaker 1: on the same page with kids. For me, that would
Speaker 1: be one of my deal breakers. And I know it's
Speaker 1: a lot of people's deal breakers. I know my brother's
Speaker 1: been in that position before. I know friends that have
Speaker 1: ended relationships because one person wants a child and one
Speaker 1: person doesn't. I think that that is a really, really
Speaker 1: big sign for you that you need to reassess why
Speaker 1: you're staying in this relationship because the fact that it's
Speaker 1: a nice company. He's a comfort to you because you've
Speaker 1: been with him for so long and that's the life,
Speaker 1: you know. Unfortunately, and this is tough love, but they're
Speaker 1: not reasons to stay totally. I think you know the
Speaker 1: end this as well. I think you're just I think
Speaker 1: you are maybe hoping for some insight a little bit,
Speaker 1: but you know the answer. You don't need to ask
Speaker 1: if you need to leave or stay. You know deep
Speaker 1: down that you were looking for something more and you're
Speaker 1: ready to move on. But it's very, very difficult. But
Speaker 1: I mean, in a perfect world, right, and you kind
Speaker 1: of nailed this as well. But in a perfect world,
Speaker 1: we would only break up with people who we don't love,
Speaker 1: you know. We would get to a point in a
Speaker 1: relationship where we're like, well, I don't love you anymore,
Speaker 1: so I'm going to leave. But we don't live in
Speaker 1: a perfect world, you know. And I have also been
Speaker 1: in this very similar situation, and I think for me,
Speaker 1: the thing that I loved, I loved him. I definitely
Speaker 1: was not in love with him anymore. We've been together
Speaker 1: for three years, we lived together, we owned everything together,
Speaker 1: and I loved our life. I loved the things we had.
Speaker 1: I loved how comfortable the life that we had was,
Speaker 1: even though we hadn't had sex together in six months.
Speaker 1: But I loved our life, and breaking up with him
Speaker 1: wasn't just breaking up with him. It was breaking up
Speaker 1: with the life. It was breaking up with what was comfortable,
Speaker 1: and it was breaking up with all the things that
Speaker 1: I loved that we owned together. And that is fucking scary.
Speaker 1: It's really scary because you have this moment where you're like, well,
Speaker 1: I have to start again, like who gets the couch,
Speaker 1: who gets the dog? Who gets the bed? Like does
Speaker 1: he get everything? Because I'm the one walking away, And like, no,
Speaker 1: he doesn't get everything. Like you guys can sit down
Speaker 1: and work out what's fair and what's even I at
Speaker 1: the time kind of thought, because I was the one
Speaker 1: doing the breaking up, that that meant that he got
Speaker 1: everything and I walked away with nothing. And I think
Speaker 1: that's a really silly thing to do as well, Like,
Speaker 1: just because you want to break up with someone and
Speaker 1: you're the one doing the hurting, doesn't mean that you
Speaker 1: have to walk away from every single thing that you
Speaker 1: guys have together by staying in a relationship that you're
Speaker 1: not happy in not only are you robbing yourself with
Speaker 1: the type of relationship that you want, you're also robbing
Speaker 1: him of the type of relationship that he deserves as well,
Speaker 1: also having a house and a dog and all these
Speaker 1: other things. I mean, it's slightly more tricky, but it's
Speaker 1: really not the end of the world as long as
Speaker 1: you're both having an adult conversation and you're both acting
Speaker 1: with respect. I know for me and I would just
Speaker 1: be like, oh, brush over it quickly. But with the house,
Speaker 1: we sat down as adults and said, who actually wants
Speaker 1: to keep this? Because we weren't renting, we owned it.
Speaker 1: Who actually wants to keep this? What are we going
Speaker 1: to do with it? I looked at my finance, as
Speaker 1: he looked at his. We looked at what we wanted
Speaker 1: in our life, where we were going to be headed.
Speaker 1: And we made a decision. And the decision was I
Speaker 1: decided to let him buy me out of the house.
Speaker 1: So he wanted to stay in it. He wanted to
Speaker 1: renovate it. He was a build up brilliant. I knew
Speaker 1: that I wanted to go traveling for years, so I
Speaker 1: made the decision to, Okay, let's do that with the dogs.
Speaker 1: It was the hardest decision of my life, but I
Speaker 1: feel like it was split it down the middle. Well,
Speaker 1: we had two dogs and they're best friends, and I
Speaker 1: would never I'm such an animal lover. I like, I
Speaker 1: would never take those dogs apart from each other. Because
Speaker 1: I was moving out and he was keeping the house.
Speaker 1: I was moving into a smaller house, like an apartment,
Speaker 1: and these are working dogs. They were border Collies and lasses.
Speaker 1: He kept our huge house with a backyard that was
Speaker 1: on the beach, literally on the beach. He was like
Speaker 1: adventure man, and I had to It was the hardest
Speaker 1: decision of my life. But I made a decision to
Speaker 1: let them stay with him because I knew their life
Speaker 1: would be better. I knew that he could leave him
Speaker 1: at home together, he would exercise them, he would love them,
Speaker 1: was obsessed with them. I was obsessed with them too,
Speaker 1: but I couldn't take them to an apartment. The worst,
Speaker 1: hardest decision of my life. But as adults, that's what
Speaker 1: you do. You just have to sit down and look
Speaker 1: at it from an outside perspective and think what's the
Speaker 1: best for every single person in this situation. So I
Speaker 1: think the fact that you have these little hurdles don't
Speaker 1: let that stop you, guys from going and growing as
Speaker 1: people and chasing what you really want in your life.
Speaker 1: But I think at the end of the day, the
Speaker 1: biggest thing to keep in mind is that it is really,
Speaker 1: really hard, Like you've got to put on your big
Speaker 1: girl panties and do some really hard things and breaking
Speaker 1: someone's heart. It's hard to be broken up with, but
Speaker 1: doing the breaking up can be equally as difficult. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because you're responsible for that person, You're responsible for their
Speaker 1: feelings and you want to make them feel better at
Speaker 1: the same time as being the reason why they feel
Speaker 1: like shit, and you can't do everything, so you do
Speaker 1: have to do the hard work, and then you have
Speaker 1: to walk away and let them heal. You can't keep
Speaker 1: dipping back in. You know what's funny. When I broke
Speaker 1: up with my partner, and I ended up being the
Speaker 1: one that called it quits because I knew that I
Speaker 1: wanted different things in life even though I loved him.
Speaker 1: The hardest part it was I would have breakdowns and
Speaker 1: panic attacks. I couldn't breathe over the fact that I
Speaker 1: was breaking up with him and hurt, and he was
Speaker 1: very hurt, and that was the hardest thing. But all
Speaker 1: I couldn't get past the fact that I was My
Speaker 1: issue was what if he doesn't find anyone else? All
Speaker 1: I could think about was I'm not kidding, And I
Speaker 1: was like, well, like I am the best thing to
Speaker 1: ever happen to him. What if he's alone forever now?
Speaker 1: Because I am wonderful? Because I just thought what if
Speaker 1: he never finds anyone? And I mean I thought that
Speaker 1: about me too, but I remember that being such a
Speaker 1: big thing on my list, Like I just he was
Speaker 1: the best human in the world, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I just want him to be loved or want him
Speaker 1: to love someone. Yeah, And I worried about that. Anyway,
Speaker 1: he was with someone else. About eight months later, ten
Speaker 1: years later, I finally meet someone, so I had nothing
Speaker 1: to worry about. But that is the big fear, right that.
Speaker 1: I think that that's one of the reasons why people
Speaker 1: stay in relationships long past their overdue date, and that's
Speaker 1: because there's this constant fear of like what if I
Speaker 1: don't meet someone else? I think, like, that's so it's
Speaker 1: so like kind and empathetic of you to think of
Speaker 1: that on the alternate side and think about, like, well,
Speaker 1: what if they don't meet anybody else the next day.
Speaker 1: But I think a lot of people live in this
Speaker 1: fear of like, well, what if I'm going to be alone?
Speaker 1: But by being in a relationship that doesn't it's not
Speaker 1: on the right track. It's not going to result in
Speaker 1: what you want anyway, because you want different things. You're
Speaker 1: never going to be able to meet someone new because
Speaker 1: you're not looking for that relationship that aligns with your
Speaker 1: values and aligns with what you want in life. Absolutely,
Speaker 1: and I think we have well and truly covered that one.
Speaker 1: All right, next one, Okay, I get a question for you.
Speaker 1: Here we go, Hey, ladies, I'd like your advice on
Speaker 1: how to navigate mending a relationship with my best friend's boyfriend.
Speaker 1: For context, he and I used to be friends, a
Speaker 1: few things happened in their relationship that I didn't agree with,
Speaker 1: and ultimately he and I are no longer friends, yet
Speaker 1: they are still together anyway. I don't want to mend
Speaker 1: the friendship necessarily, but feel as though I have to
Speaker 1: for my girlfriend, even though she hasn't asked me to
Speaker 1: do it. We all know how shit it is to
Speaker 1: have your best friend and your boyfriend not get along. Think,
Speaker 1: for example, if Britt and Matt didn't get along as
Speaker 1: there are children involved in my situation too, any advice,
Speaker 1: this is a trick you get along too well. Sometimes
Speaker 1: I'm like Brandanth Matt, break it up. No, But I
Speaker 1: think that's great because I think anyone important in your life,
Speaker 1: the biggest thing that you want as a person is
Speaker 1: you want your friends in your family to like your partner,
Speaker 1: and you want to like your friend's partner as well.
Speaker 1: So it's a tricky situation and it sucks, and it
Speaker 1: would be awkward if I didn't like Matt or Matt
Speaker 1: didn't like me and we saw each other every second day.
Speaker 1: But I also I think it's a really relatable one,
Speaker 1: especially if this guy has done something wrong and you're
Speaker 1: like to your friend, You're like, I want the best
Speaker 1: for you, I want you to be treated with respect
Speaker 1: and love, and he's not doing that. So of course
Speaker 1: you're then going to either verbalize it, whether it's to
Speaker 1: your girlfriend directly or to him specifically, and say, you know,
Speaker 1: the way that you're treating her is not right. Like
Speaker 1: that must be such a common thing that happens. I
Speaker 1: know that I've experienced that in some of my relationships
Speaker 1: with my friends and their boyfriends. Oh totally. But I
Speaker 1: think what you need to do here is if you
Speaker 1: want a salavage, I mean not salvage, because it's obviously
Speaker 1: not that you and your friend are having a rift
Speaker 1: over it. She hasn't even asked you to apologize. But
Speaker 1: there's always it's going to be that tension in the air.
Speaker 1: No one wants to feel that tension when you're all together.
Speaker 1: If you guys are that good of friends, there are
Speaker 1: going to be multiple situations that you as a group
Speaker 1: are at dinner or at a party, or at each
Speaker 1: other's house or whatever it is. I think you probably
Speaker 1: do need to address the situation and whether Laura and
Speaker 1: I were just chatting about this before on like what
Speaker 1: level you would go to. At a minimum, you probably
Speaker 1: need to just have the conversation where it's like, hey,
Speaker 1: let's just put it all out on the table. I
Speaker 1: know we got off to a rocky side. I know
Speaker 1: there are some things about each other you know that
Speaker 1: we're not completely happy or comfortable with. But let's put
Speaker 1: that behind us and try and move forward for the
Speaker 1: sake of everyone. And I think that's what it has
Speaker 1: to be. I think it just has to be a
Speaker 1: conversation and then hopefully you don't know that you guys
Speaker 1: might actually like each other and really get along once
Speaker 1: you put it all to bed and you just let
Speaker 1: an organic relationship develop. Yeah, and I think like as well,
Speaker 1: like just to add on to what brit said, is like,
Speaker 1: it's it is so shit when your friend comes to
Speaker 1: you and says, these are all the things that my
Speaker 1: boyfriend has done. You know, should I break up with him?
Speaker 1: Shouldn't I break up with him? And you give it
Speaker 1: advice because let's say they've cheated, or let's say they've
Speaker 1: done something that really like compromises your values and your morals,
Speaker 1: and then they stay together, and then you've just said
Speaker 1: all this stuff about that. You just said all this stuff.
Speaker 1: You're like, he's a deadhead. You deserve better, you can
Speaker 1: do somebod Hey, welcome back. You're still together. It's so
Speaker 1: so awkward, And what probably makes it worse is when
Speaker 1: you know your friend goes and says, oh, well, Sarah
Speaker 1: said this about you, because you know you shouldn't treat
Speaker 1: me like that. Like that just inflames the situation and
Speaker 1: it ends up using your friends as ammunition in your
Speaker 1: fight with your boyfriend, which I think when that happens,
Speaker 1: it can cause the situation to be so much stickier
Speaker 1: and so much trickier. But I think you need to
Speaker 1: reach out to him specifically and say, hey, can we
Speaker 1: have a chat? Can I give you a phone call?
Speaker 1: Can we get a coffee? Whatever it is, and have
Speaker 1: a conversation with him. It doesn't have to be I
Speaker 1: want to be friends with you again. I want to be,
Speaker 1: you know, back to where we were. It can just
Speaker 1: be like, look, you know how I feel about the
Speaker 1: things that you did and said. Obviously I think that
Speaker 1: you shouldn't have done the those things. Whatever they are,
Speaker 1: we don't know from the question. I only want the
Speaker 1: best for my friend. I only want her to be happy,
Speaker 1: and I only want her to be treated with the
Speaker 1: respect that she deserves. So you guys are still together,
Speaker 1: I want her to be happy. And if you have
Speaker 1: made the commitment to not behave like that or not
Speaker 1: do that again, then I'm willing to start as a
Speaker 1: clean slate and give you that second chance as well.
Speaker 1: And I really hope that we can get back to
Speaker 1: at least being at a point where we're civil with
Speaker 1: each other and we respect each other, so there isn't
Speaker 1: this animosity in the air whenever we're all together, because
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, the one thing that
Speaker 1: you want is the best for your friend, and that's
Speaker 1: a really really beautiful attribute and if anything, he should
Speaker 1: respect that as well. In addition, please, I just want
Speaker 1: to add something extra to that. I want you guys
Speaker 1: to just think about it next time you're having a
Speaker 1: discussion or an argument. I say discussion, next time you
Speaker 1: having an argument with your partner. I really believe, and
Speaker 1: I used to be guilty of it. I used to
Speaker 1: do it, but I did it when I was younger.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if it's an age thing or
Speaker 1: I don't know if it ever stops. I'm not sure.
Speaker 1: I don't think you should ever I know what you're
Speaker 1: gonna say, and I actually think it's a personality thing.
Speaker 1: I think some people like to complain, so finish say
Speaker 1: and then I would jump in and say, well, it's
Speaker 1: got two parts. I think it's really important that you
Speaker 1: don't complain about every single thing that your partner does
Speaker 1: in a relationship. Laura and I will definitely like be like,
Speaker 1: oh this happened, this happened. We'll always talk openly, but
Speaker 1: it's not going to affect. She could say a million
Speaker 1: things about Matt, which she doesn't. She could. I'm never
Speaker 1: going to hold it against Matt, but I know that
Speaker 1: I know Matt and I know our relationship. But I
Speaker 1: think when you had an argument with your partner, the
Speaker 1: worst thing you can do is bring other external sources
Speaker 1: like your friends or your family into it. So don't
Speaker 1: be fighting with them and say to prove a point.
Speaker 1: Even Laura thinks that you're shit, even Sheridan thinks you're
Speaker 1: an asshole, Like, the worst thing you can do is
Speaker 1: start to bring these people that are close into your
Speaker 1: life because you're not proving anything. It's just your best
Speaker 1: friend's opinion. You're not proving a point, not like you've
Speaker 1: gone and done any re educational research on it. But
Speaker 1: all's going to do is cause this awkward tension for
Speaker 1: upcoming encounters. And the worst thing is the worst And
Speaker 1: it's happened to me last week. Call me and they're like,
Speaker 1: broake up with my girlfriend. And I was like, me
Speaker 1: and another friend, we're like, oh, thank god, Like she
Speaker 1: was horrible, like she wasn't great for you and hated her. Well,
Speaker 1: not like that, but I was. Their relationship is toxic
Speaker 1: and it straight up is toxic, and I'll be the
Speaker 1: first person to say that. And I was like, and
Speaker 1: I was really honest, I was like, oh thank god,
Speaker 1: Like that was so toxic and you're not happy and
Speaker 1: you know you need something else. You guys just aren't right.
Speaker 1: And then a week later he was like, oh, we're
Speaker 1: back together, and then you've said all these things about
Speaker 1: the person. Look, I mean, it's a gray area, isn't it.
Speaker 1: Because if your friend is genuinely with someone who is toxic,
Speaker 1: and they're constantly coming to you and telling you all
Speaker 1: the things that they're doing wrong, then there does come
Speaker 1: a point where you're like, do you know what. I
Speaker 1: cannot continue to listen to you tell me about how
Speaker 1: badly this person treats you, and yet you choose to
Speaker 1: stay because like that in itself is going to wear
Speaker 1: down the friendship. But if your partner is actually like
Speaker 1: a pretty good guy or girl, they're actually really reasonable,
Speaker 1: but you just like to complain whenever, whenever there's a
Speaker 1: fight or whenever there's a small irritation, you want to
Speaker 1: get that off your chest by telling your friends. I
Speaker 1: think that's where you have to be really careful because
Speaker 1: you can end up skewing your friend's perception of your
Speaker 1: partner in your friends thinking that your partner's a bad
Speaker 1: bloke or a bad chick, when really you're just dealing
Speaker 1: with the normal irritants that we all deal with in
Speaker 1: a relationship, and some of that stuff you can just
Speaker 1: keep to yourself. You don't have to speak badly if
Speaker 1: your partner to your friends all the time, you know,
Speaker 1: And I sometimes have to be conscious of that, even
Speaker 1: when Britt says it, you know, like I have to
Speaker 1: be conscious that I'm not just like dissing on Matt
Speaker 1: because I'm tired or because he's annoyed me for some
Speaker 1: reason because I've had three hours sleep, Because it's not
Speaker 1: really a reflection of him being a bad Beyonce, like
Speaker 1: he's a fucking amazing fiance. It's more a reflection of
Speaker 1: me being irritable but using him as a punching bag.
Speaker 1: So sometimes be conscious of that as well. She just
Speaker 1: needs to call the boyfriend have a chat. There was
Speaker 1: the answer to all this. Call him, have a chat.
Speaker 1: See if you guys can get back on good terms. Yeah. Good, See,
Speaker 1: maybe I'll go this something fun together, like a bonding
Speaker 1: session like laser tag. How you can shoot each other
Speaker 1: at the same top laser tag. When you said a
Speaker 1: bonding session, I'm thinking of one of those like trust
Speaker 1: falls or something, so I go straight to laser tag.
Speaker 1: That's fun and also you get to shoot you and
Speaker 1: there's a bit of aggression there, so you can shoot
Speaker 1: him in the balls. Before we get into the last question,
Speaker 1: just an update. Just got a really cute photo that's
Speaker 1: coming hot from the lounder room, Sheridan holding Lola and
Speaker 1: she's in love. So we're recording the podcast and show's
Speaker 1: out there updating us that you know, Laura's not crying,
Speaker 1: Lola is bad, Lola is said, Lola is still asleep.
Speaker 1: This is good for us because we can still bang
Speaker 1: out the rest of this episode. Okay, last question before
Speaker 1: Laura's boobs start looking Hey, ladies, I have a real
Speaker 1: picker for you. My boyfriend and I have been together
Speaker 1: for two years. His family is so lovely, but they're
Speaker 1: quite conservative and also very religious, so I've always felt
Speaker 1: pressure to act a certain way around them, even though
Speaker 1: I'm not. His mother recently started following me on Instagram,
Speaker 1: so I hid my stories from her as I just
Speaker 1: don't think she needs to see me get a little
Speaker 1: rowdy on the weekends with my girlfriends. I'm going drinking
Speaker 1: and I'm just being me. My boyfriend's sister recently asked
Speaker 1: his mum if she had seen some of my recent stories.
Speaker 1: As I've up, I've did some really cute couple picks.
Speaker 1: His mom quickly realized what had happened, the fact that
Speaker 1: I had blocked her from seeing my stories. Now, I
Speaker 1: know she's quite hurt by this fact. I know she'll
Speaker 1: bring it up next time I'm around for dinner. How
Speaker 1: do I explain this one away? Do you think I
Speaker 1: ate just lying seeing my Instagram as a glitched or
Speaker 1: do I be the old Instagram glitch? Or do I
Speaker 1: be just be straight up on it? Oh, just lie,
Speaker 1: just lie through your teeth. Lying is always the best
Speaker 1: solution to every problem. I mean, that's that's the advice
Speaker 1: we like to and correct. I think there is no
Speaker 1: harm in being honest. I mean, the situation is a
Speaker 1: bit frustrating and also like a little bit embarrassing because
Speaker 1: you have been caught out. But I think be honest.
Speaker 1: I think you can say you know to your mother
Speaker 1: in law, a boyfriend's mum, or wherever you are at
Speaker 1: in your relationship. I love you, and I love that
Speaker 1: you're a part of my life, and I love that
Speaker 1: you can see the posts and stuff that I put up.
Speaker 1: But I do go out with my girlfriends on the weekend,
Speaker 1: and I guess I would hate for you to judge
Speaker 1: me on something they put up my stories or that
Speaker 1: you might deem inappropriate, you know, And you can say,
Speaker 1: you know, it's not that I'm going out and getting
Speaker 1: blind and putting my butt on the internet or anything
Speaker 1: like that. And if you were to do that, that's fine. Also,
Speaker 1: I your best life, You live your best life. You
Speaker 1: do you, but you don't owe it to your boyfriend's
Speaker 1: mom to pander to her every whim. But of course
Speaker 1: you want her to like you and accept you, and
Speaker 1: you want to be respectful to her as well. So
Speaker 1: I don't think that you have to change your settings.
Speaker 1: I don't think that you have to give her access.
Speaker 1: I think you'd just be totally honest and say I
Speaker 1: love you, but there are some things I don't want
Speaker 1: to show you, like me kissing your son. Yeah, be honest,
Speaker 1: but like, let's be real, sugarcoat that honesty. Yeah, I mean,
Speaker 1: I was fucking munted on the weekend. I really didn't
Speaker 1: want you to see that, Mom, Yeah, sugarcoat it. I
Speaker 1: The most awkward thing when I think of this is
Speaker 1: I've I fully picked myself, like walking into my partner's
Speaker 1: family's kitchen and having that conversation. The awkward part is
Speaker 1: who brings it up? Like if is she definitely gonna
Speaker 1: bring it up, because I don't think you bring anything
Speaker 1: up unless she does. That's what I think. I think,
Speaker 1: if it's not issue, don't make it an issue totally.
Speaker 1: If you like, don't walk in and be like, look,
Speaker 1: let's put it all on the table, because she could
Speaker 1: be like, what what if we need to put on
Speaker 1: the table. But if she brings it up, then yeah,
Speaker 1: do your little glittery sugarcoat it honestly and just be like, oh,
Speaker 1: be like look I blocked my mom too. It's like, oh,
Speaker 1: I don't think you want to see me making out
Speaker 1: with your son. I just felt like it was a
Speaker 1: bit awkward. I'd just played off down that sense. Just
Speaker 1: be like, look, I love your son. We make out
Speaker 1: sometimes we go out for drinks. It like, I didn't
Speaker 1: think you would want to see that, So I thought
Speaker 1: I was doing the right thing. But I'm happy to
Speaker 1: show you all the photos on because you've kept her
Speaker 1: on the Instagram like on your actual page. And I
Speaker 1: think that's the biggest thing. I think, like she's seeing
Speaker 1: the important stuff that you think is that everyone can see.
Speaker 1: But maybe play it down and be like, look, if
Speaker 1: it makes you feel better, I've blocked my mom too,
Speaker 1: like put them all in the same basket. But also
Speaker 1: I think you're probably a little bit more worried about
Speaker 1: this situation than you need to be. No, because like
Speaker 1: I think as a mom, like she would get it.
Speaker 1: She knows why you haven't allowed her to see your stories. Like,
Speaker 1: she's not stupid, She's not going to be like but
Speaker 1: I don't understand why you would not. You're a perd
Speaker 1: Christian child. What are you talking about? She gets it,
Speaker 1: and it's probably a little bit awkward for her too,
Speaker 1: So there is a very good chance that she's not
Speaker 1: going to bring it up. Like I mean, I know
Speaker 1: you say that you think she will. I genuinely think
Speaker 1: I would be surprised if she was to sit you
Speaker 1: down and say, hey, why can't I see your stories?
Speaker 1: Because that is an awkward AF conversation. But also this
Speaker 1: question just came in meaning you're going to see her
Speaker 1: really soon, meaning we want an update. Yeah, absolutely tell us.
Speaker 1: But I also think, like what you have done, there's
Speaker 1: nothing wrong with this. So many people limit what their
Speaker 1: parents can see because, you know what, we're adults. We
Speaker 1: live private lives. Our parents don't need to know every
Speaker 1: single thing that we do. As a thirty five year
Speaker 1: old or a twenty year old, or an eighteen year
Speaker 1: old or however old you are, you are entitled to
Speaker 1: some level of privacy and you don't need to ask
Speaker 1: for permission for that. So I think that she should
Speaker 1: be accepting of that without you going in and being
Speaker 1: guns blazing the librit set, you know, play it down,
Speaker 1: make it a bit funny. I'm sorry, Welsey's actually you're
Speaker 1: not seeing me Instagram Okay, actually it's had an idea.
Speaker 1: I've got my hand up, like I'm like, we're in class.
Speaker 1: Pret literally put her hand up so she could speak.
Speaker 1: I can't believe it. This just came to me, and
Speaker 1: I am a genius. I have I have a solution.
Speaker 1: What I think you should do is you can create
Speaker 1: a close friends list on your Instagram stories. Put her
Speaker 1: on your close friends list, Remove her sister as well,
Speaker 1: but put them on your close friends list and just
Speaker 1: put some stories up that are like cute at the
Speaker 1: beach or whatever, or this is what we're having for
Speaker 1: lunch that are like your tamed down version, and she's
Speaker 1: gonna think she's got access to your stories. Is that
Speaker 1: not a good answer? I feel like it's still slightly
Speaker 1: manipulative though, one hundred percent, but it gets her out
Speaker 1: of the situation. How can you continue to lie in
Speaker 1: this and it be okay? No, I mean I agree
Speaker 1: with that, But also you can have your or alternatively,
Speaker 1: you can have all of your friends who you want
Speaker 1: to see you party and see let the things that
Speaker 1: you do on the weekend on your close friends and
Speaker 1: you can kind of divide up the content that way.
Speaker 1: So you could put your mother in law can see
Speaker 1: all the things that are all PG and g rated,
Speaker 1: and then if you're out partying on the weekend, just
Speaker 1: that stuff with your close friends so that she doesn't
Speaker 1: feel like she's being left out. I do think at
Speaker 1: the end of the day, like you want to maintain
Speaker 1: a great relationship with your partner's mum. That's really important.
Speaker 1: So there is a part of this where you want
Speaker 1: to make her feel included so you can manage your
Speaker 1: social media is how you see fit moving forward. But
Speaker 1: I do think be honest and don't lie and blame
Speaker 1: it on a glitch, because she's gonna know you're lying,
Speaker 1: and then that's so much worse than being like, hey,
Speaker 1: I just wanted to I wanted to protect you from
Speaker 1: my crazy side. Well you could just say Johnny made
Speaker 1: me do it. Just blame it on the sun side advice.
Speaker 1: It's terrible. A Hi, guys, that is it from us.
Speaker 1: This is our short, sharp and down and dirty little
Speaker 1: episode where we answer all your questions. If you have
Speaker 1: any questions for next week's episode, please slide on into
Speaker 1: our dms on Instagram. It's at Life on Cup podcast
Speaker 1: and we also have the Facebook group, so if you
Speaker 1: are not following that, I highly recommend it is such
Speaker 1: a beautiful community of like minded people who can also
Speaker 1: give their advice to any of your questions if you
Speaker 1: feel comfortable with sharing them publicly. So that is also
Speaker 1: at Life on Podcast. Guys. It's absolutely great to be back.
Speaker 1: Like we said, Mark Manson is on Tuesday's episode. He's
Speaker 1: such a brilliant man. It was such a great interview,
Speaker 1: so don't forget to tune into that. Now Laura has
Speaker 1: to go on breastfeed, I've got to go win myself
Speaker 1: a house. So please, if you like this episode, tell
Speaker 1: your mum to your dad, tell your dog to your friends,
Speaker 1: and share the love because we love that