1 00:00:03,320 --> 00:00:06,960 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the 2 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,000 Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers. 3 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:12,800 Speaker 2: Now, I think that the reality is we need to 4 00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:15,040 Speaker 2: recognize it and understand that our kids a human and 5 00:00:15,080 --> 00:00:16,520 Speaker 2: they're going to get it wrong just like we do. 6 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:20,120 Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum 7 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:20,680 Speaker 1: and dad. 8 00:00:20,840 --> 00:00:23,439 Speaker 3: Hello, this is doctor Justin Colson. I'm here with my wife, Kylie. 9 00:00:23,480 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 4: I'm the founder of Happy Families dot com dot au 10 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 4: and the author of six books about raising happy families. 11 00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:32,000 Speaker 4: And Kylie we parents to six children, six baby girls. 12 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,760 Speaker 4: I've got a question for you. I'm a little bit 13 00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:36,880 Speaker 4: confused about something that happened just recently in our family. 14 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,680 Speaker 3: I'm trying to work out if I'm a good parent 15 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:38,920 Speaker 3: or not. 16 00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:41,360 Speaker 4: Got a phone call from one of the kids and 17 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:44,400 Speaker 4: she said, Dad, I left my iPad. I'm the charger 18 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,519 Speaker 4: and if I don't have it at school today, I 19 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:49,199 Speaker 4: can't submit my assignment. And if I don't submit my assignment, 20 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:51,000 Speaker 4: I might fail and I don't want to fail. And 21 00:00:51,040 --> 00:00:53,199 Speaker 4: can you please bring me my iPad the school? And 22 00:00:53,240 --> 00:00:55,080 Speaker 4: I'm trying to work out is that good parenting that 23 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:56,640 Speaker 4: I did it? Or is that bad parenting? Because the 24 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,080 Speaker 4: kids have got to learn to be responsible for themselves. 25 00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,320 Speaker 2: Well, I guess that depends whether I'm a good parent 26 00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,240 Speaker 2: or a bad parent. Because I had to take Miss 27 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:06,840 Speaker 2: ten to office works this morning because she needed a 28 00:01:07,160 --> 00:01:10,640 Speaker 2: piece of cardboard and she couldn't go to school without 29 00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:11,800 Speaker 2: that piece of cardboard. 30 00:01:12,120 --> 00:01:14,640 Speaker 4: So while I was running iPads to one school, you 31 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:17,039 Speaker 4: were taking another child to office works. What is it 32 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:19,240 Speaker 4: with kids? Why can they not remember stuff and tell 33 00:01:19,319 --> 00:01:20,759 Speaker 4: us about it the day before, Like. 34 00:01:20,920 --> 00:01:22,720 Speaker 5: It only becomes urgent when it's urgent. 35 00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:25,640 Speaker 4: Okay, that doesn't answer my question good parent or bad parent? 36 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 4: Because I feel like I get a gold star. I 37 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:29,200 Speaker 4: feel like I've been a good parent if I look 38 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:31,480 Speaker 4: after my children and save them from the emergencies that 39 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:32,280 Speaker 4: they've created. 40 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:35,319 Speaker 2: Look, I feel like there's another podcast episode in this 41 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:36,720 Speaker 2: that's a pop out. 42 00:01:36,959 --> 00:01:40,279 Speaker 3: I just want to enough. But isn't it. It's this tension. 43 00:01:40,319 --> 00:01:41,720 Speaker 4: We'll have to talk about it later, But there's this 44 00:01:41,840 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 4: tension where you want your children to learn to be 45 00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:47,360 Speaker 4: responsible and therefore that might mean facing the consequences of 46 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:49,720 Speaker 4: their decisions from time to time, But at the same time, 47 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:52,400 Speaker 4: when they really need something, you kind of just have 48 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:53,440 Speaker 4: to go and help them right. 49 00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:55,760 Speaker 2: Look, I'm going to put you in the hot seat 50 00:01:55,760 --> 00:02:00,200 Speaker 2: for a second, but I have had numerous phone calls 51 00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 2: in our time together where you may have left a suitcase. 52 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:11,680 Speaker 5: Behind or you just let's talk about laptop chords. 53 00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 2: And charges that have been left behind, and I might 54 00:02:14,280 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 2: have had to do a number of runs to either 55 00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:21,720 Speaker 2: the airport, or you've probably to some gone down the 56 00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:25,480 Speaker 2: coast a few times because you desperately needed something. 57 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:28,160 Speaker 5: So I think that the reality is we. 58 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:29,919 Speaker 2: Need to recognize it and understand that our kids a 59 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:31,720 Speaker 2: human and they're going to get it wrong just like 60 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:32,040 Speaker 2: we do. 61 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 3: I'm really grateful that you said that. 62 00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:36,320 Speaker 4: It's a beautiful point something that I remember reading in 63 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:39,040 Speaker 4: a book by Heim Ginnott. I think it was Who's 64 00:02:39,040 --> 00:02:41,639 Speaker 4: one of the one of the best writers on parenting 65 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,760 Speaker 4: ever to ever to walk the planet, And Ginnott says, 66 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:48,959 Speaker 4: if a friend a neighbor comes to visit and when 67 00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,760 Speaker 4: they leave the house, they leave their umbrella behind because 68 00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 4: it was raining when they arrived. If they leave their 69 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:56,440 Speaker 4: umbrella behind because it's cleared up, you don't chase them 70 00:02:56,440 --> 00:02:58,959 Speaker 4: out the door and say, for goodness sakes, how how 71 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 4: hard is it to remember you umbrella. I mean, gosh, 72 00:03:01,520 --> 00:03:04,400 Speaker 4: you're an adult for crying out loud. I would have 73 00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:06,799 Speaker 4: thought that I shouldn't need to remind you about these 74 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 4: sorts of things. And if we wouldn't do it to 75 00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:11,239 Speaker 4: our neighbors or our friends, we probably shouldn't do it 76 00:03:11,280 --> 00:03:11,919 Speaker 4: to our kids. 77 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,160 Speaker 3: And you've just put me right in there. Well done. 78 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:17,440 Speaker 4: But we both went and looked after our kids. So 79 00:03:17,440 --> 00:03:19,000 Speaker 4: I'm going to say that's a gold staff for us, 80 00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,120 Speaker 4: and we are good parents. But we've still got to 81 00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:23,640 Speaker 4: have the conversation with our children about helping them to 82 00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:25,160 Speaker 4: not make that mistake too often. 83 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:26,160 Speaker 3: Is that reasonable? 84 00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:28,480 Speaker 2: Look, the reality is some days we just can't do it, 85 00:03:29,240 --> 00:03:30,799 Speaker 2: and that's part of the story as well. 86 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 5: But today we were able to. 87 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,440 Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, well this is I'll do better tomorrow. The 88 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 4: purpose of today's podcast is for us to reflect on 89 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,880 Speaker 4: the way that we could learn from the week that's 90 00:03:41,920 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 4: just been and that wasn't actually what we're supposed to 91 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:47,400 Speaker 4: be talking about. We both had reflections this week, things 92 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,120 Speaker 4: that we've learned about being a parent, things that we 93 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,080 Speaker 4: might do better next week with or better tomorrow with 94 00:03:52,240 --> 00:03:54,200 Speaker 4: because of the experiences we've had. 95 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:56,280 Speaker 3: That's what Fridays are all about. 96 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,720 Speaker 4: So I think that I might share my I'll do 97 00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:01,400 Speaker 4: better tomorrow first today and then because your ones are 98 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:03,920 Speaker 4: always better. Your ones always make people cry and make 99 00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:06,280 Speaker 4: people go oh, Kylie's just the best mom ever. So 100 00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:07,560 Speaker 4: I'm going to share mine first out of. 101 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:08,600 Speaker 5: Come, you're hilarious. 102 00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:12,440 Speaker 4: The other night you had a meeting on and because 103 00:04:12,480 --> 00:04:14,880 Speaker 4: you had that meeting, I had to take all of 104 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,360 Speaker 4: the children to music lessons, but only two of them 105 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:18,719 Speaker 4: were actually having music lessons. 106 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:20,960 Speaker 2: I'm not pulling the violins out because for the last 107 00:04:21,040 --> 00:04:23,120 Speaker 2: two weeks I've had to do exactly the same thing, 108 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:24,080 Speaker 2: because you've left me. 109 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:26,000 Speaker 3: I've been away. I've been working, I know. 110 00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,800 Speaker 4: So I piled five children into the car and one 111 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:30,560 Speaker 4: of them really didn't want to get in the car 112 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:32,320 Speaker 4: at all. So we've driven down the street. Then I've 113 00:04:32,360 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 4: realized that she didn't have her seat belt on. She 114 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,320 Speaker 4: was so obstinate in her refusal and so vocal in 115 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:40,479 Speaker 4: her I hate fair all that carry on, that she 116 00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,480 Speaker 4: refused to put a seat belt on. So I stopped 117 00:04:42,520 --> 00:04:45,040 Speaker 4: after about eight hundred meters getting down the road when 118 00:04:45,080 --> 00:04:45,839 Speaker 4: I realized. 119 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,920 Speaker 3: That that was the case, and I thought, I've got this. 120 00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:49,120 Speaker 3: I've got this. 121 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:51,320 Speaker 4: Moment now where I've got to try and get it 122 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:53,720 Speaker 4: all right. So I did something that we haven't had 123 00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,200 Speaker 4: to do for ages. I got out of the car. 124 00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:58,880 Speaker 4: I opened the door. I asked her to get out 125 00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,359 Speaker 4: of the car with me, and I walked over to 126 00:05:00,360 --> 00:05:03,560 Speaker 4: the footpath. I stood her on the footpath and then 127 00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,400 Speaker 4: I knelt down in front of her. I gave her 128 00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:08,599 Speaker 4: a great, big hug, and I said to her, you 129 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:11,880 Speaker 4: are just having the worst afternoon, and you wish so 130 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:13,599 Speaker 4: much that you did not have to go to music 131 00:05:13,720 --> 00:05:16,479 Speaker 4: lessons while your sisters are there. And she looked at me, 132 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:20,160 Speaker 4: and man, she was so cranky. She was pushing back. 133 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:21,599 Speaker 4: She was like, I don't even want to hug. I'm like, okay, 134 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:23,279 Speaker 4: well you don't have to hug me, but I know 135 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:26,760 Speaker 4: you don't want to be there. And something happened really soon, 136 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:29,760 Speaker 4: really quickly. I took about thirty seconds and she calmed down. 137 00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:31,320 Speaker 4: She knew that I got it. She knew that I 138 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,000 Speaker 4: was taking it serious enough that we'd pulled the car 139 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:35,599 Speaker 4: over to talk about it. Meantime, we're running late for 140 00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:37,719 Speaker 4: music lessons, and I'm thinking, oh, for goodness sakes. 141 00:05:37,520 --> 00:05:38,360 Speaker 3: I don't have time for this. 142 00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:41,040 Speaker 4: But After about thirty seconds, she got into the car, 143 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 4: she put her seatbelt on, she stopped crying, and we 144 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:48,240 Speaker 4: drove happily to music lessons. I just felt like when 145 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:50,000 Speaker 4: we talk about old do better tomorrow, every now and 146 00:05:50,040 --> 00:05:52,400 Speaker 4: again we get it right. And I just think that 147 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:54,560 Speaker 4: maybe as parents we could be a little more patient, 148 00:05:54,640 --> 00:05:57,520 Speaker 4: a little bit more understanding. There's still a certain demand 149 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:58,960 Speaker 4: placed on the kids. They've got to get back in 150 00:05:59,000 --> 00:06:00,680 Speaker 4: the car and we've got to go to music lessons. 151 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:04,720 Speaker 4: But when we do it with compassion and kindness, we 152 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 4: just get better results. 153 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,120 Speaker 5: I love that story. 154 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,480 Speaker 4: Can I tell you what happened later, because it kind 155 00:06:10,480 --> 00:06:12,840 Speaker 4: of went downhill from there once I dropped the two 156 00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,599 Speaker 4: kids off to their different music lessons, which are obviously 157 00:06:15,640 --> 00:06:17,599 Speaker 4: in the same building. At the same time, I said 158 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:19,719 Speaker 4: to the other kids that were in the car, let's 159 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,240 Speaker 4: go to the park. There's a park around the corner. 160 00:06:21,279 --> 00:06:23,520 Speaker 4: I drove them to the park. When it was time 161 00:06:23,560 --> 00:06:26,400 Speaker 4: to leave the park, same child wouldn't leave the park. 162 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,000 Speaker 4: I'm getting attacked by mosquitos. It's dark, you know, the 163 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:32,120 Speaker 4: night has fallen, and she's running away from me in 164 00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:34,360 Speaker 4: the park and hiding in places where I can't reach 165 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:36,800 Speaker 4: her without climbing into or over on top of the 166 00:06:36,839 --> 00:06:41,159 Speaker 4: children's playground. I wasn't I wasn't quite as patient that time. 167 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,919 Speaker 4: I mean, I didn't do anything horrible, but really I 168 00:06:44,960 --> 00:06:46,920 Speaker 4: had to eventually I had to kind of tackle her 169 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,040 Speaker 4: and carry her, screaming and kicking to the car and 170 00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:52,320 Speaker 4: non consensually put her in the car and put her 171 00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:54,920 Speaker 4: seatpot on it say we're going, because there's two kids 172 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:56,880 Speaker 4: waiting at the end of their music lessons, so we 173 00:06:57,240 --> 00:06:59,200 Speaker 4: It was a win and a loss, but I think 174 00:06:59,600 --> 00:07:02,080 Speaker 4: it's a great Maybe you should have started. Liz left 175 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,880 Speaker 4: it at the first story, and I felt like such 176 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:04,360 Speaker 4: a good parent. 177 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,080 Speaker 3: Way I just spoiled it. 178 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:08,840 Speaker 4: But I think that's the really, that's the reality of parenting, right. 179 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:10,640 Speaker 4: You have these good moments and then you have these 180 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:15,120 Speaker 4: terrible moments, just moments later where you think, oh my goodness, 181 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 4: it's so hard. 182 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:20,520 Speaker 2: I really love how you know, Fridays, we don't actually 183 00:07:20,560 --> 00:07:21,520 Speaker 2: even prep this together. 184 00:07:21,560 --> 00:07:23,160 Speaker 5: We don't know what each other's going to share. 185 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:28,560 Speaker 2: And my story really supports your story today, So let's 186 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:29,840 Speaker 2: talk about that after the break. 187 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,320 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. 188 00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:36,480 Speaker 2: For a happier family, try a Happy Families membership because 189 00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:38,520 Speaker 2: a happy family doesn't just happen. 190 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:41,880 Speaker 4: Details at happy families dot com dot au. 191 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,400 Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time 192 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:48,640 Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers now, and today is Friday. 193 00:07:48,680 --> 00:07:50,360 Speaker 2: It's our favorite day of the week. We get to 194 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,200 Speaker 2: share our insights from the things that we've learned through 195 00:07:53,320 --> 00:07:55,200 Speaker 2: the week in our parenting journey. 196 00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:57,320 Speaker 4: Quick question before we talk about your old do better 197 00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:01,360 Speaker 4: tomorrow moment, what's the take My message from line is 198 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:04,800 Speaker 4: that when the children are not behaving that we sometimes 199 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:06,560 Speaker 4: just need to wrestle them into the car. Or is 200 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,840 Speaker 4: it when the children are not behaving we sometimes need 201 00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:11,000 Speaker 4: to stop the car and hug them, or or both. 202 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:14,520 Speaker 2: I'm going to suggest let's collect the goldflex. Let's let's 203 00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:18,120 Speaker 2: celebrate the wins, because there are plenty of not wins 204 00:08:18,640 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 2: we're going to lose along the way, but let's focus 205 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:21,440 Speaker 2: on those wins. 206 00:08:21,480 --> 00:08:23,480 Speaker 3: I got it did feel good. When I got it right, 207 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 3: it did feel good. 208 00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,560 Speaker 4: And when I got it wrong an hour later, it 209 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:30,280 Speaker 4: felt like it really felt bad. And I thought to myself, Ah, 210 00:08:30,320 --> 00:08:32,640 Speaker 4: how hard is it to get it right consistently, even 211 00:08:32,640 --> 00:08:33,440 Speaker 4: when you're the expert. 212 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,240 Speaker 3: Anyway, what's your old do better tomorrow. 213 00:08:35,760 --> 00:08:38,200 Speaker 5: Over the last four weeks, we've been doing book club, 214 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:39,679 Speaker 5: and so for. 215 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:42,600 Speaker 4: Those who are new to the podcast Happy Families Premium 216 00:08:42,640 --> 00:08:45,680 Speaker 4: members no, in fact, all Happy Families members get access 217 00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,320 Speaker 4: to book club. We do it once a term and 218 00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,600 Speaker 4: we work our way through one of the six books 219 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,240 Speaker 4: that I've written about making families happier. 220 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:55,040 Speaker 2: And I'm really proud to say that I have almost 221 00:08:55,640 --> 00:08:57,360 Speaker 2: finished the book. 222 00:08:58,440 --> 00:09:01,559 Speaker 4: And the book is Nine Ways to a resil I 223 00:09:01,600 --> 00:09:04,080 Speaker 4: think it's the third book that I wrote, and it's 224 00:09:04,120 --> 00:09:05,559 Speaker 4: all about resilience, and it's one of the best selling 225 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,559 Speaker 4: books about kids and resilience in the country over the 226 00:09:07,640 --> 00:09:08,319 Speaker 4: last few years. 227 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 2: I realized the other day I've actually now read, officially 228 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:13,359 Speaker 2: read four. 229 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,000 Speaker 5: Of your six books. 230 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,559 Speaker 2: I'm getting there, you are, I'm getting there. One of 231 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:17,959 Speaker 2: the things that jumped out at me is I was 232 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:21,839 Speaker 2: preparing for this week's book club was literally just this 233 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:27,400 Speaker 2: tiny little line in the book which said autonomy supportive parenting. 234 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:28,360 Speaker 5: Is hard work. 235 00:09:28,880 --> 00:09:31,679 Speaker 2: It's hard work, and so many times as a parent, 236 00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:35,000 Speaker 2: I feel like I must be getting it wrong because 237 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:39,040 Speaker 2: this is just so hard, and just like your experience 238 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 2: with one of our children the other night, you get 239 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:44,040 Speaker 2: it right, and then within five or ten minutes or 240 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,400 Speaker 2: an hour later, you've got it wrong again, and it 241 00:09:46,559 --> 00:09:49,480 Speaker 2: just feels like you're hitting your head against a brick. 242 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,400 Speaker 5: Wall all the time. 243 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:52,960 Speaker 2: And I was so grateful that I just read that 244 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:56,320 Speaker 2: one little line because it kind of just put everything 245 00:09:56,320 --> 00:09:59,440 Speaker 2: into perspective again and helped me to remember that this 246 00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:03,160 Speaker 2: job that we do, we call parenting, is not easy. 247 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,480 Speaker 5: For any of us. And it doesn't matter what's in 248 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:06,839 Speaker 5: our toolkit. It's still hard. 249 00:10:07,760 --> 00:10:09,880 Speaker 2: And we've got this full toolkit and we know the 250 00:10:09,920 --> 00:10:11,760 Speaker 2: things that we should do, and yet it is still 251 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:15,960 Speaker 2: just hard work. And so as I kind of just 252 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:19,000 Speaker 2: lived into that moment, it was an opportunity for me 253 00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,520 Speaker 2: to just take a step back, give myself a pat 254 00:10:21,559 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 2: on the back, and so, you know what, you're doing 255 00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:26,960 Speaker 2: a great job. This is hard, but it's supposed to 256 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,680 Speaker 2: be hard. And as we involve our children in that 257 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,319 Speaker 2: parenting process, and as we let them be a part 258 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,280 Speaker 2: of their destiny, so to speak, their lives, they get 259 00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:36,120 Speaker 2: to be in charge of it. 260 00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:36,920 Speaker 5: In some way. 261 00:10:37,960 --> 00:10:41,760 Speaker 2: We're going to come up against hard things, but that's 262 00:10:41,840 --> 00:10:44,560 Speaker 2: part of the process. We're helping them to become the 263 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:46,680 Speaker 2: people that we want them to be and that they 264 00:10:46,720 --> 00:10:49,400 Speaker 2: want to become, and that requires effort. 265 00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,960 Speaker 4: What I've also noticed is that when we are doing 266 00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:56,400 Speaker 4: parenting right, it is really really hard, because children have 267 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,679 Speaker 4: ways of being that are not consistent with how we 268 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:03,600 Speaker 4: want them to be being. When we get it consistently right, though, 269 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:07,400 Speaker 4: it gets easier even when the times are tough. They 270 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:10,720 Speaker 4: are easier than if we are not stepping up, if 271 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,520 Speaker 4: we are being overly controlling, if we're not being warm 272 00:11:13,559 --> 00:11:17,360 Speaker 4: and kind and compassionate. There's something extraordinary that comes from 273 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:22,120 Speaker 4: being kind and caring, but also being really clear about 274 00:11:22,120 --> 00:11:24,120 Speaker 4: what those limits are and letting the children know that 275 00:11:24,120 --> 00:11:26,960 Speaker 4: there are certain expectations. And I think that's really at 276 00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:30,200 Speaker 4: the essence of what autonomy supportive parenting, which is I 277 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:33,640 Speaker 4: think the gold standard in terms of parenting styles. When 278 00:11:33,679 --> 00:11:37,040 Speaker 4: we look at the idea of authoritative parenting, which is 279 00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:41,199 Speaker 4: widely sprute as the gold standard, what authoritative parenting really 280 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:47,760 Speaker 4: is is number one supportiveness and warmth and nurture combined 281 00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:54,040 Speaker 4: with demanding this and limits and structure along with autonomy 282 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,000 Speaker 4: support This is the way that the very best parenting 283 00:11:57,000 --> 00:12:00,680 Speaker 4: textbooks have described the very best parenting since the nineteen fifties, 284 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 4: nineteen sixties, and now here we are in the twenty twenties, 285 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:07,439 Speaker 4: and the rules haven't changed, The parenting science hasn't changed, 286 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:10,200 Speaker 4: and that's I think that's a really great insight. So 287 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:13,040 Speaker 4: your take home message after mine is it's easy and 288 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,680 Speaker 4: that it's hard and someone as we're doing the best, 289 00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:17,840 Speaker 4: we're going to make mistakes. But let's take the gold flex. 290 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,240 Speaker 4: What's your take home message? 291 00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 2: I think for me, it's just the acknowledgment that sometimes 292 00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:26,000 Speaker 2: things are going to be hard. Family life is messy, 293 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:30,199 Speaker 2: but that if we are striving to be the support 294 00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:33,000 Speaker 2: that our children need to be, that we're doing the 295 00:12:33,040 --> 00:12:34,760 Speaker 2: best we can and we just need to take a 296 00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,960 Speaker 2: step back, give ourselves a pat on the back, and 297 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:37,640 Speaker 2: move forward. 298 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 4: Yeah, just because it's hard doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. 299 00:12:39,960 --> 00:12:42,959 Speaker 4: Sometimes it actually means the opposite, you're doing it absolutely right. 300 00:12:43,120 --> 00:12:45,160 Speaker 4: Have we really hope that you enjoy the podcast. If 301 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,560 Speaker 4: you do, please jump onto Apple Podcasts or wherever you 302 00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:49,440 Speaker 4: get your podcasts and leave ratings and reviews so that 303 00:12:49,440 --> 00:12:52,080 Speaker 4: people can find out about the podcast. The more ratings 304 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:53,520 Speaker 4: and reviews there are, the more people that get to 305 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,400 Speaker 4: find out about the podcast and the happier people's families become. 306 00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:58,480 Speaker 5: We love this from Kralla. 307 00:12:58,520 --> 00:13:01,480 Speaker 3: I think it's Corella a hyphen la. I'm going to 308 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:02,520 Speaker 3: say kray laa as well. 309 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 2: They said changed heart love the I'll Do Better Tomorrow 310 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:10,000 Speaker 2: podcast this week, which was last week, Kylie I shd 311 00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:13,480 Speaker 2: a happy little tear with you. How sweet. Thanks guys 312 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:14,960 Speaker 2: for sharing your highs and lows. 313 00:13:15,000 --> 00:13:16,160 Speaker 5: We all have. 314 00:13:16,160 --> 00:13:18,040 Speaker 4: Them, and that's the idea of We'll do better tomorrow. 315 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,240 Speaker 4: It's the stuff that we've learned from the highs and 316 00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:22,720 Speaker 4: lows of parenting this week. Thank you very much Crolla, 317 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:25,720 Speaker 4: who gave us that five star review. We really appreciate 318 00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:27,840 Speaker 4: the work of Justin Roland from Bridge Media, who produces 319 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:31,280 Speaker 4: the Happy Families podcast. Our executive producer is Craig Bruce. 320 00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:33,640 Speaker 4: If you'd like more info about making your family happier, 321 00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,400 Speaker 4: whether it's being a part of book club and joining 322 00:13:36,480 --> 00:13:39,600 Speaker 4: in with the Happy Families membership, or I don't know, 323 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,360 Speaker 4: just getting more support for making your family happier, you 324 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 4: can get all the info you need at Happy families 325 00:13:45,679 --> 00:13:46,800 Speaker 4: dot com dot au.