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Speaker 1: What if there was a way.

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Speaker 2: I feel like I'm being sneaky even asking this. What

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Speaker 2: if there was a way that we could kind of

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Speaker 2: hijack our kids' brain chemistry, If there was a way

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Speaker 2: that we could tap into the stuff that matters to

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Speaker 2: their brains to help our children to feel a stronger

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Speaker 2: desire to do the stuff that they don't necessarily tell

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Speaker 2: us that they want to do, but we know that

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Speaker 2: they need to do these things. If that makes sense.

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Speaker 2: Hello and welcome the Happy Families podcast Real Parenting Solutions

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Speaker 2: every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. Kylie, I

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Speaker 2: feel like I have to whisper. I feel like we're

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Speaker 2: about to do something really sneaky here when it comes

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Speaker 2: to hijacking our kids neurology. I want to know it all.

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Speaker 2: Tell me so it's no secret. So funny, that's no

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Speaker 2: secret that motivation for pretty much anything we ask our

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Speaker 2: children to do can dwindle. I'm thinking of school work primarily,

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Speaker 2: but chores are the same thing participating in life. Research

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Speaker 2: shows a measurable decline, a consistent decline in our kids'

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Speaker 2: intrinsic motivation, particularly as they're progressing through the school term.

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Speaker 2: Like we're halfway through term one or thereabouts, and it

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Speaker 2: happens for a whole lot of reasons. There's the increased

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Speaker 2: level of pressure, there's the social distractions, there's the hormonal

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Speaker 2: shifts if they're getting older, and there's the simple fact

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Speaker 2: that they're getting tired. But if we can, I want

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Speaker 2: to say, hijack their brain chemistry, maybe hack their brain chemistry.

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Speaker 2: Either way, it's either way. It sounds like we're trying

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Speaker 2: to be sneaky.

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Speaker 1: We can real, aren't We can what we do and

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Speaker 1: we grate up the carrot and stick it in the

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Speaker 1: I don't know it's there.

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Speaker 2: What we're going to do today is talk about the

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Speaker 2: happiness quartet. Four neurochemicals that if we can hack into,

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Speaker 2: we can help our children to find motivation for any

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Speaker 2: number of things. I'm going to focus mainly on what's

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Speaker 2: going on at school, but we can bring into the

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Speaker 2: home as well. So four of them, because Kylie, I mean,

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Speaker 2: you and I have talked about this before. Our brains

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Speaker 2: are these intricate chemical factories. There's this massive cocktail of

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Speaker 2: neurotransmitters that influence everything from mood to motivation. And when

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Speaker 2: we can understand how our brains and our children's brains work,

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Speaker 2: then we're not really hacking them at all. What we're

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Speaker 2: doing is we can create environments that nurture kids natural

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Speaker 2: curiosity and love of learning. Just like we talked with

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Speaker 2: Professor Andrew Westella about neurodiversity. Well, guess what, it's the

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Speaker 2: same thing if you're dealing with neurotypical kids all the same.

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Speaker 2: So we're going to talk about four neurochemicals today, Kylie,

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Speaker 2: that change the game when we understand how they work.

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Speaker 1: What's number one?

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Speaker 2: We're going to talk about this thing that's known as

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Speaker 2: the anticipation engine. Most people think about it as the

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Speaker 2: reward chemical. It's not perfectly accurate, but the dopaminergic system

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Speaker 2: is where we're playing. Say that word again, the dopaminergic system,

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Speaker 2: talking about dopamine. I feel like YOU'REDZ but you smiled

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Speaker 2: at me, and my dopeminergic system just went. I feel

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Speaker 2: like it was so rewarding. I should keep on saying

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Speaker 2: the word. All right, So what do you know about dopamine?

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Speaker 2: You've heard me talk about it a fair bit.

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Speaker 1: What's the feel good hormone?

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Speaker 2: Yes? Yeah, So when do you feel don't mean coursing through.

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Speaker 1: Your system when somebody likes my post.

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Speaker 2: This is why social media is so so.

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Speaker 1: It someone tells me that I look beautiful when the

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Speaker 1: kids are playing nicely.

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Speaker 2: Well, that one's probably not dope means so much. That's

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Speaker 2: it could be a little bit, but there's something else

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Speaker 2: going on there. Dopamine, as you've said, is usually considered

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Speaker 2: the feel good chemical. It's often called the reward chemical.

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Speaker 2: But something that research has discovered a number of years

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Speaker 2: ago now, and I think it's really important, is that

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Speaker 2: it's not just something that you feel when you experience reward.

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Speaker 2: Dope meane is more of an anticipation chemical. You and

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Speaker 2: I are on a bit of a eat well, what

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Speaker 2: would you call it challenge? The challenge is the wrong world.

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Speaker 2: But we're trying really hard to eat good foods, which

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Speaker 2: means as we've removed all the highly process.

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Speaker 1: You do not justin there is no trial.

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Speaker 2: Okay, so we're not eating highly processed foods at all

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Speaker 2: except for maybe are you going to Dodge? But it's

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Speaker 2: really hard when I'm traveling to not I mean, I'm

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Speaker 2: working really really hard on it. You're probably doing better

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Speaker 2: than me, but we are both doing extremely well. Anyway,

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Speaker 2: when you are not trying to eat super well. Because

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Speaker 2: here's the thing. Sugary foods, highly processed foods, whether it's

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Speaker 2: a tasty ice cream or a sugary treat, whatever it

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Speaker 2: might be. When you see it, when somebody brings cake

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Speaker 2: into the office, what happens.

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Speaker 1: You get a dope mean head.

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Speaker 2: Exactly.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to say that one, but I didn't because

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Speaker 1: I'm not eating it anymore.

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Speaker 2: That's exactly right, which is why I'm kind of stumbling

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Speaker 2: a little bit, because we're trying not to eat this well.

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Speaker 2: We're not eating this stuff anymore. So I'm wondering how

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Speaker 2: authentically I can say it. But we've been there, we

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Speaker 2: know what it is. You don't get the dope mean

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Speaker 2: after the first bite. In fact, after the first bite

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Speaker 2: sometimes you go, oh, it's not actually that good. Quite often,

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Speaker 2: you're so funny. Quite often what happens with dope mean

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Speaker 2: is that it makes us anticipate, anticipate, anticipate until oh,

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Speaker 2: my goodness, I can't wait any longer. We finally have

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Speaker 2: that thing, and then we go like the build up

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Speaker 2: is all the dopamine, and then we get the reward

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Speaker 2: and there's a bit of a come down from it.

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Speaker 2: So that's dope mean. Dope mean is the thing that

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Speaker 2: makes it feel so good to chase the goal, and

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Speaker 2: it also helps us to feel a little bit of

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Speaker 2: satisfaction around completing a task or doing something hard well.

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Speaker 1: I was about to say, I think that I got

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Speaker 1: a huge dopamine burst after I painted our feature all

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Speaker 1: the other day.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, that's right.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I was really nervous to do it. I was

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Speaker 1: putting a bold color against our white background, and it

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Speaker 1: felt amazing once I finally did it and it looked great.

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Speaker 2: And I got the same dopamine hit looking at the

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Speaker 2: great job you did after I another chapter from my book,

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Speaker 2: here's the practical tip. Okay, we're talking about hijacking our

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Speaker 2: kid's brain systems here. If you want your children to

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Speaker 2: experience consistent dope mean bursts, anticipating goodness or feeling the

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Speaker 2: reward and satisfaction of a job well done, break big,

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Speaker 2: difficult tasks down into smaller, more manageable steps, because they

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Speaker 2: start to feel like they're making progress. And the more

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Speaker 2: progress they feel like they're making, the more each step

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Speaker 2: trigger is a dope mean hit, which fuels their motivation

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Speaker 2: and their sense of accomplishment.

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Speaker 1: I love that idea. It reminds me of the story

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Speaker 1: we told a few weeks ago about me going over

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Speaker 1: to my friend's house and her daughter was having a

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Speaker 1: meltdown because she had to clean her bedroom and it

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Speaker 1: was such a big job. She didn't know how to

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Speaker 1: do it. When you chunk it, when you chunk it

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Speaker 1: and break it down, it was so manageable. She just

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Speaker 1: needed guidance and direction. And the dopamine hit at the

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Speaker 1: end of that. Once it was all done and she

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Speaker 1: got to spend time with our daughter, was such an

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Speaker 1: awesome thing to experience.

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Speaker 2: So to pump up dopamine in the system. It's really

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Speaker 2: about progress, small steps, feeling a sense of accomplishment. Look

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Speaker 2: what you did, Now, what can you do? Let's keep

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Speaker 2: it moving forward momentum. That's how you hijack their system

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Speaker 2: and keep them focused on, whether it's little things like

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Speaker 2: unpacking the dish washer or cleaning the room, or writing

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Speaker 2: an essay or studying for an exam.

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Speaker 1: What's number two?

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Speaker 2: So the second one we're going to talk about is serotonin.

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Speaker 2: Serotonin is I'm going to call it the calm conductor.

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Speaker 2: What I mean by that is serotonin is the serenity superhero.

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Speaker 2: There we go. I'm going for the alliteration. Now. What

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Speaker 2: it does is promotes feelings of calm and contentment and

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Speaker 2: well being. It's like this antidote to stress and anxiety

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Speaker 2: and all of that adrenaline that's running around the system,

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Speaker 2: because those things sabotage learning and they reduce motivation. So

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Speaker 2: if we want more calm, if we want more serotonin

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Speaker 2: buzzing through our kids' brains, best thing to do here

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Speaker 2: is to slow things down, take your foot off the accelerator.

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Speaker 2: My experience with our kids is that the best way

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Speaker 2: to do this is to step outside and get some

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Speaker 2: green into our lives, get some blue sky into our lives,

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Speaker 2: get some nature into our lives. It feels like anything outside,

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Speaker 2: any kind of a short walk down to the edd

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Speaker 2: of the street, sunlight, fresh air, these are all the

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Speaker 2: things that boost serotonin.

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Speaker 1: I love this idea because it's actually, for most of us,

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Speaker 1: not the first thing we think of when we're stressed out.

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Speaker 2: No, no, we feel like we've got to go harder

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Speaker 2: and faster at that brick wall that we're banging our

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Speaker 2: head against.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so it's kind of a it's not kind

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Speaker 1: of it is actually counterintuitive to what our natural response

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Speaker 1: would be when we're feeling highly stressed, But slowing down

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Speaker 1: and getting ourselves barefoot on the grass in green space

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Speaker 1: is so powerful.

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Speaker 2: I didn't think of barefoot. I wish I'd put that

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Speaker 2: in my notes. Love that. The other thing about serotonin

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Speaker 2: is that when you do these kinds of things, what

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Speaker 2: it does is helps with the motion regulation. So when

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Speaker 2: your kids disregulated, I've been saying this for years, one

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Speaker 2: of the best things that you can do is touch grass,

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Speaker 2: get outside, be in the open air. Dysregulation just drops

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Speaker 2: off so much when you're not indoors. I don't think

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Speaker 2: indoors is actually how humans are supposed to spend all

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Speaker 2: their days.

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Speaker 1: I was having a conversation with a friend the other

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Speaker 1: day and she acknowledged that while the beach is a

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Speaker 1: beautiful place to be, that when we want to feel

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Speaker 1: really grounded, we actually need to go to the grass.

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Speaker 1: We need the firm earth under our feet, not the

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Speaker 1: shifting sands. And it was just I think that's a

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Speaker 1: really powerful thought. At a time when you're feeling highly stressed,

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Speaker 1: highly dysregulated, you actually need the firmness of earth.

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Speaker 2: The other thing to bear in mind here if you

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Speaker 2: want more serotonin in your life but you can't get nature.

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Speaker 2: Maybe you're living in an apartment, maybe you're on an

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Speaker 2: aeroplane and you're just not feeling carbontal in and of

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Speaker 2: our environment. Maybe you're stuck in a classroom. By helping

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Speaker 2: your kids to understand some basic deep breathing exercises, mindfulness practices,

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Speaker 2: those time practices will help you to boost serotonin after break.

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Speaker 2: Two more ways that you can help your kids to

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Speaker 2: hack their brain, their neural circuitry so that they can

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Speaker 2: be calmer and happier and get more done. Kylie, we've

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Speaker 2: talked about dope meine. Dope meine is the anticipation engine.

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Speaker 2: We've talked about the serenity superhero, which is serotonin.

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Speaker 1: I'm interested to know what number three is.

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Speaker 2: This time we're going to talk about one of my favorites.

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Speaker 2: Endorphins in dolphins are my favorites because these are like,

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Speaker 2: these are the real reward chemicals. These are the ones

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Speaker 2: that make us feel so good, usually because we've done

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Speaker 2: something and they require as a typical thing they require

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Speaker 2: us to be doing to.

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Speaker 1: Me moving our body.

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Speaker 2: Yes, so like dopamine is usually anticipatory, but indorphins come

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Speaker 2: as a result of Yeah, so a couple of examples.

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Speaker 2: We release indorphins in response to high levels of physical activity,

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Speaker 2: like you said, moving your body. We release in doorphins

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Speaker 2: in response to laughter. So I'm going, aha, I'm having

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Speaker 2: a lover. My body is releasing dolphins. I'm feeling better

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Speaker 2: even though I did that stupid laugh. Right, then it

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Speaker 2: makes me feel better, okay, because of the endorphins. Even

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Speaker 2: a warm hug. So hugs are good for serotonin, but

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Speaker 2: they're also great for endorphins.

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Speaker 1: And I would assume that when we have positive connections

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Speaker 1: with other people, positive interactions, we're experiencing a doorphin.

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Speaker 2: That's right, that's right. And here's here's what's fascinating. This

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Speaker 2: is why I mean you talk about that warm hug

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Speaker 2: in Dolphins are natural painkillers. So when the kids hurt

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Speaker 2: themselves because they've fallen over and you give them a hug,

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Speaker 2: that hug releases the serotonin, which is your serenity superhero,

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Speaker 2: but it also releases in doorphins, which act as natural painkillers.

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Speaker 2: That's why mummy giving you a kiss on your hurting knee,

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Speaker 2: the knee feels better, and it's not because there's any

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Speaker 2: sort of incredible properties in mum's skin cells on her lips.

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Speaker 2: It's because the endorphins that your brain releases in response

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Speaker 2: to the kiss make you feel better.

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Speaker 1: Well, everyone will have experienced this. You're having a bad day,

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Speaker 1: you've got a really bad headache, but you catch up

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Speaker 1: with somebody that you're excited to see and you have

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Speaker 1: the capacity to enjoy that conversation, enjoy that interaction, and

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Speaker 1: it's not until they go that you remember, oh, hang on,

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Speaker 1: suck my head hurts. Yeah. Because the endorphins are so powerful,

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Speaker 1: they actually overbride any of the pain that you might

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Speaker 1: be experiencing in that moment.

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Speaker 2: They also reduce stress, they boost mood. Here's the practical element,

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Speaker 2: because we need to wrap up endorphins. If you want

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Speaker 2: your kids to have them, encourage them to get involved

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Speaker 2: in physical activity, whether they're playing tag in the park,

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Speaker 2: or running around the backyard or just dancing to their

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Speaker 2: favorite music in the kitchen. Here's a pro tip as well.

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Speaker 2: The risky of the activity, the more in doorphins and

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Speaker 2: the more resilience. I know that I get provocative when

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Speaker 2: I say this sort of stuff, but if your kids

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Speaker 2: are doing something at least once a week that could

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Speaker 2: land them in hospital because of the risk associated with it.

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Speaker 2: This is good for them. It helps them to release

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Speaker 2: the endorphins, it helps them to have the dope meine,

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Speaker 2: it helps them to be more resilient. It's just so

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Speaker 2: good for them. And laughter, Oh my goodness. Last I

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Speaker 2: can just.

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Speaker 1: Hear it now. Kids in the er and they why

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Speaker 1: are you here? Doctor Justin Corson said, it's good for me.

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Speaker 2: He's making my family happy by sending us all to hospital.

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Speaker 2: The last one that we need to talk about, and

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Speaker 2: we are out of time, so I've got to go

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Speaker 2: over this one fairly quickly. Is oxytocin. Oxytocin is the connection.

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Speaker 2: I'm going to call it catalyst, the connection catalyst. This

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Speaker 2: is the love hormone. It's playing this crucial role in

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Speaker 2: social bonding and trust and emotional connection. It's released during

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Speaker 2: positive interactions with people that you trust. It creates a

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Speaker 2: sense of belonging and security. So strengthen family bonds. But

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Speaker 2: help your kids to get oxytocin release even at school

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Speaker 2: by sitting people who make them feel safe, and hopefully

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Speaker 2: by having at least one adult in their lives that

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Speaker 2: makes them feel good because they're at school, shared meals,

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Speaker 2: game nights, bedtime stories. These are all opportunities for oxytocin

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Speaker 2: rich moments and they make kids feel better.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think that I could do with a little

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Speaker 1: bit of a serenity superhero right.

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Speaker 2: Now, right, Okay, so you want to hug is what

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Speaker 2: is that? It's just like you just want to go

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Speaker 2: and lay on the grass. When we understand the power

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Speaker 2: of our brain chemistry and our children's brain chem don't

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Speaker 2: get all.

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Speaker 1: Doctory on us. I really just preferred when you talked

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Speaker 1: about hijacking our kids' brains, that sounds way more interesting.

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Speaker 2: I was about to say, it's not about manipulating their brains.

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Speaker 1: It's hijacking it.

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Speaker 2: It's about providing support and encouragement and opportunities that they

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Speaker 2: can thrive and so they're motivated to well at school

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Speaker 2: and help out at home and create a happy brain

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Speaker 2: for them.

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Speaker 1: Well, let's go and give our kids a boost of

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Speaker 1: oxytocin and give them a good hug.

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Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Rulan for

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Speaker 2: Bridge Media. More information and resource us to make your

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Speaker 2: family happier at happy families dot com. Dolay you mm

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Speaker 2: hm