WEBVTT - Jittery, Bittery & Glittery ✨ 0:00:08.360 --> 0:00:09.799 Congratulations. 0:00:09.880 --> 0:00:12.800 The best part of your day is happening right now 0:00:13.640 --> 0:00:17.400 listening to me. I'm Art Simone, and very soon I'm 0:00:17.440 --> 0:00:21.320 going to introduce you to someone interesting, exciting, or maybe 0:00:21.600 --> 0:00:24.639 just a little bit querky. They may not seem that 0:00:24.680 --> 0:00:25.440 way to begin with. 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:28.360 But once I use my skills to uncover what they're 0:00:28.400 --> 0:00:31.720 concealing from usoof, we're in for a wild ride. 0:00:32.400 --> 0:00:35.400 This is concealed with me, Art Simone. Want to meet 0:00:35.400 --> 0:00:38.360 the guests, Well, it's time to roll the tape. 0:00:39.920 --> 0:00:40.280 Happy. 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:45.360 Hi. My name is Arta and I'm from Melbourne. I 0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:48.159 love art, and in particular I love music and fashion. 0:00:48.760 --> 0:00:51.400 Today I'm not concealing a weird job or a strange hobby. 0:00:51.440 --> 0:00:56.600 I'm here to tell my story. 0:00:57.920 --> 0:00:59.080 Welcome to the studio. 0:00:59.440 --> 0:01:00.000 Thank you. 0:01:00.120 --> 0:01:02.720 Now, while the sounds of that, we're flipping it up 0:01:02.760 --> 0:01:04.039 a little bit today, is that true? 0:01:04.240 --> 0:01:04.800 Oh indeed? 0:01:04.880 --> 0:01:07.119 Oh my goodness, Well, hello, I love you to meet you. Now. 0:01:07.240 --> 0:01:11.639 You've come here with your finest pussy cat strawberry shirt. 0:01:12.000 --> 0:01:16.520 Oh absolutely, it's beautiful if you named the pussy. 0:01:16.200 --> 0:01:20.920 Yes, John, I don't think that's very confident. 0:01:24.319 --> 0:01:27.600 True true? As of now, John, is there are you 0:01:27.680 --> 0:01:28.720 a cat person? Oh? 0:01:28.760 --> 0:01:29.120 Indeed? 0:01:29.200 --> 0:01:30.360 Oh, good, do you have a cat? 0:01:30.600 --> 0:01:34.560 Used to Well, technically it was technically my roommates, and 0:01:34.600 --> 0:01:39.479 then I moved away and I was like, no. 0:01:37.680 --> 0:01:39.919 No, I am your father. 0:01:41.160 --> 0:01:45.800 But that's okay, all right. So from Melbourne, you're into art, music, 0:01:45.840 --> 0:01:47.240 and fashion. Tell me about that please. 0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:50.360 Well, I was initially going to study fashion. I've since 0:01:50.440 --> 0:01:53.520 changed majors, but I have a keen interest in like fashion. 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:57.440 I particularly enjoy stuff like straight fashion. I like block 0:01:57.480 --> 0:01:59.720 silhouettes and that kind of stuff. Chinese straight fashion is 0:01:59.760 --> 0:02:03.320 also a big like focus of mine. I've always very 0:02:03.400 --> 0:02:06.200 much been a more creative person, especially in my family, 0:02:06.320 --> 0:02:08.679 whereas like a lot of them are very nerdy in 0:02:08.720 --> 0:02:10.520 terms of like maths and stuff like that. But I'm just, oh, 0:02:10.520 --> 0:02:12.400 that looks pretty. I want to know how to make 0:02:12.440 --> 0:02:16.200 things look pretty. There's a lot of maths in fashion, no, absolutely, and. 0:02:16.240 --> 0:02:17.639 Maybe it still runs in the blood. 0:02:17.720 --> 0:02:18.680 Oh yeah, of course. 0:02:20.480 --> 0:02:24.079 Okay. So and music, tell me about your your musical interests. 0:02:24.200 --> 0:02:28.200 Well, it's fun because my roommate is actually a music 0:02:28.240 --> 0:02:30.280 student as well, so we kind of feed off each other. 0:02:30.360 --> 0:02:31.880 I love a lot of like new waves stuff in 0:02:31.919 --> 0:02:33.440 the eighties. I grew up with a lot of things 0:02:33.480 --> 0:02:35.840 like the Cure, the Smiths, Susie and the band Cheese. 0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:39.680 That beautiful, that kind of stuff. I also really enjoy 0:02:39.720 --> 0:02:43.120 stuff like I'm post punk and like dark wave and 0:02:43.120 --> 0:02:45.840 like synth wave as well. But yeah, so I just 0:02:45.880 --> 0:02:47.320 love anything that's glossy in neon. 0:02:48.919 --> 0:02:52.280 And speaking of you've got a lovely studded chokra weans. 0:02:52.480 --> 0:02:54.400 We've got some tattoos, thank you very much. 0:02:54.440 --> 0:02:56.680 We've got some lines in your hair. How you used 0:02:56.680 --> 0:02:58.280 to get designs drawn in my head? 0:02:58.320 --> 0:02:58.799 Oh my god? 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:00.920 What are they called? I don't know hair tattoos? 0:03:01.040 --> 0:03:02.480 Yeah, no, like Indians. 0:03:02.639 --> 0:03:04.520 We've got a headress on the hot one. 0:03:04.560 --> 0:03:07.799 Now, can I find a friend? 0:03:08.400 --> 0:03:08.480 No? 0:03:08.639 --> 0:03:13.000 Okay, all right, Yeah, so I'm glad you mentioned music 0:03:13.000 --> 0:03:14.600 that I actually understand. That's what you're gonna be like. 0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:17.760 I'm really into progressive house car alarms. 0:03:18.200 --> 0:03:19.280 I'm into anti music. 0:03:19.400 --> 0:03:22.520 Yeah, actually, just into the absence of sound. 0:03:22.720 --> 0:03:26.400 Yes, just it's not even silence, it's just it's negative noise. 0:03:29.520 --> 0:03:29.919 All right. 0:03:30.160 --> 0:03:33.079 So we're throwing out the format for the episode today. 0:03:33.160 --> 0:03:35.080 I'm not going to be asking you three questions to 0:03:35.120 --> 0:03:37.880 try and guess something. You're gonna be telling me a story. 0:03:38.040 --> 0:03:39.320 Are you gonna be able to give me a hint 0:03:39.320 --> 0:03:40.720 of what you're going to talk to me about today. 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:43.880 Yes, so some people would say that I was running 0:03:43.880 --> 0:03:45.600 away from something, but I like to think I was 0:03:45.680 --> 0:03:50.600 running towards something, which is yes, that's That's the vaguest 0:03:50.600 --> 0:03:51.440 thing I've ever said. 0:03:52.160 --> 0:03:53.520 It's like a lyric, isn't it. 0:03:54.360 --> 0:03:56.440 I could sit on that for a while. It's like, 0:03:56.480 --> 0:03:59.760 you know what's black, white and red all over newspaper. 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:02.960 That's the vibe there. 0:04:07.080 --> 0:04:09.200 So we are throwing out the rule book here today 0:04:09.280 --> 0:04:10.320 for Concealed with Utsimon. 0:04:10.480 --> 0:04:14.280 No, no three questions, no salacious secrets hidden away from 0:04:14.320 --> 0:04:15.720 me and concealed No. 0:04:15.840 --> 0:04:17.400 We're going in a bit of a story time today. 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:34.600 Oh I like that. It's the shakeup. So we're here 0:04:34.600 --> 0:04:35.080 with Arda. 0:04:35.279 --> 0:04:37.640 We've thrown the format out the window for this week's 0:04:37.640 --> 0:04:39.880 episode of Concealed, and you've just given me a hint 0:04:39.880 --> 0:04:42.280 because you're going to be telling me a story today, okay, 0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:46.640 And the hint was something about running away but maybe 0:04:46.720 --> 0:04:50.280 running towards. And all I can think of is exercise. 0:04:50.480 --> 0:04:52.719 And all I think is you're about to come and 0:04:52.720 --> 0:04:55.159 tell me that you're really into fitness. But maybe that's 0:04:55.160 --> 0:04:56.640 not the mood of what's happening today? 0:04:57.080 --> 0:05:00.240 Tell me I'm the world champion of Platoon. No Ah, 0:05:01.000 --> 0:05:01.320 I am. 0:05:01.520 --> 0:05:03.120 And just like that, Big died. 0:05:06.279 --> 0:05:10.280 Jesus Christ actually wrote the really famous episode, and just 0:05:10.320 --> 0:05:11.720 like that, everyone hates for me. 0:05:11.760 --> 0:05:12.240 I kill Big. 0:05:13.600 --> 0:05:16.159 It's all good. I am here to tell the story 0:05:16.160 --> 0:05:18.960 of how I ran away from home, specifically from a 0:05:19.480 --> 0:05:23.520 very heavily religious, like very deep into cuan on household. 0:05:23.920 --> 0:05:26.960 Wow. Yeah, okay, let's get into it there. 0:05:27.040 --> 0:05:30.240 Yeah. So, given that I've just kind of lumped that 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:32.680 on you, just like a grand piano from twenty feet 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:36.520 in the sky, I will give some backgrounds. So yeah, obviously, 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:39.200 I grew up Roman Catholic in a very conservative kind 0:05:39.240 --> 0:05:41.240 of side of town. It was a very diverse out 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:44.039 of town. I'm actually half indied myself, and I was 0:05:44.080 --> 0:05:46.360 exposed to like diversity and stuff through that, but when 0:05:46.400 --> 0:05:49.520 it came to stuff like queerness, completely shut off. And 0:05:50.000 --> 0:05:53.200 that's kind of like where that all began. Because I've 0:05:53.320 --> 0:05:55.880 I've been very gay from the very beginning. They've been tried, 0:05:55.960 --> 0:05:57.440 they tried to hide it, and it was just kind 0:05:57.440 --> 0:05:59.640 of like no, like are you like yes, it's just 0:05:59.680 --> 0:06:02.120 like you I've seen like there's photos of me as 0:06:02.120 --> 0:06:06.040 little man. I'm like, oh, oh she queer, she fruity 0:06:06.920 --> 0:06:09.240 with the strawberries on my shirt. Yeah anyway, but yes. 0:06:09.440 --> 0:06:12.600 So combined that with the timeline of me figuring out 0:06:12.640 --> 0:06:15.880 that I was trans and figuring out that like, oh, 0:06:16.040 --> 0:06:19.440 I'm very much into women, it was just like kind 0:06:19.480 --> 0:06:22.880 of this cocktail of me slowly realizing oh, I have 0:06:22.920 --> 0:06:25.960 to leave, and it all kind of came to a 0:06:26.040 --> 0:06:28.800 head in my brother had just flown down from New 0:06:28.800 --> 0:06:31.359 South Wales. He's in the army, so he was just 0:06:31.440 --> 0:06:34.160 up there for a bit. He came back down and, 0:06:34.600 --> 0:06:38.280 like I remember, because he was there, it was like 0:06:38.800 --> 0:06:40.880 having someone who had been outside of the house for 0:06:40.880 --> 0:06:42.840 a while, who had been exposed to, like, you know, 0:06:42.880 --> 0:06:46.599 the normal world. It was like a light switch because 0:06:46.640 --> 0:06:49.039 I kind of realized, oh my god, this is not 0:06:49.080 --> 0:06:52.680 how a normal house functions, this is not how we're 0:06:52.720 --> 0:06:56.279 supposed to function as a family. And that was like 0:06:56.400 --> 0:06:59.200 my complete cue that I like certainly needed to get out. 0:07:00.080 --> 0:07:03.000 Another factor was also because my parents were deeply into 0:07:03.000 --> 0:07:03.920 the QAnon stuff. 0:07:04.120 --> 0:07:05.599 Can you give a bit of background of what q 0:07:05.760 --> 0:07:06.320 and on is? 0:07:06.680 --> 0:07:08.919 Oh? Yeah, of course, So q and on is basically 0:07:09.000 --> 0:07:11.480 this conspiracy theory. It's connected to a lot of other 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:13.960 conspiracy theories, but the main kind of head of it 0:07:14.000 --> 0:07:17.640 is that there's this mythical person who's referred to as 0:07:17.800 --> 0:07:21.360 Q and apparently they're like an XCIA person and that's 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:23.320 how they know all this stuff, and they're giving us 0:07:23.360 --> 0:07:28.720 all these cryptic codes, and they're making like almost this idea, 0:07:29.200 --> 0:07:32.640 this myth that like we're all kind of neo and 0:07:32.720 --> 0:07:34.480 we're in the matrix and we all need to leave 0:07:34.720 --> 0:07:38.400 and oh my yeah, it's justikes. 0:07:37.720 --> 0:07:39.720 Yes, paper, it sounds really believable. 0:07:39.800 --> 0:07:43.560 Yeah, yeah, absolutely, it's just I was like hook Land 0:07:43.560 --> 0:07:45.520 and sink a Soul. It was just like, oh my god. 0:07:46.280 --> 0:07:47.360 Yeah. 0:07:47.440 --> 0:07:50.480 So it was very intense, and I was like one 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:53.760 of those things where I got a job and that 0:07:53.960 --> 0:07:57.440 was my first introduction to what the world looks like, 0:07:57.440 --> 0:07:59.320 like what the real world was, because all I'd ever 0:07:59.320 --> 0:08:02.119 been really exposed was this kind of coddled Catholic ideal. 0:08:02.840 --> 0:08:07.000 For context, I was also homeschooled, so oh yeah, okay, 0:08:07.280 --> 0:08:12.880 we're deep in the Bible belting. I know we're trapped inside. Absolutely. 0:08:13.200 --> 0:08:16.040 How does that feel for you when when you're coming 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:19.400 to terms with who you know, you are on the inside, 0:08:19.760 --> 0:08:22.920 but you're also surrounded in this environment and not able 0:08:22.960 --> 0:08:25.080 to see, you know, really get any exposure from the 0:08:25.080 --> 0:08:25.600 outside world. 0:08:25.640 --> 0:08:26.200 What is that like? 0:08:26.480 --> 0:08:29.800 Oh, it's like, for a physical example, it's like having 0:08:29.840 --> 0:08:31.840 like a foggy mirror. It's like there's something that there 0:08:31.920 --> 0:08:34.520 is still a wett of you, but you can't quite 0:08:34.520 --> 0:08:38.040 see it. But it's like, you know, when you get 0:08:38.080 --> 0:08:39.599 out of the shower and you try to wipe a 0:08:39.640 --> 0:08:41.880 foggy mirror clean, but it's like it doesn't quite do it, 0:08:41.960 --> 0:08:44.120 and it still drips and everything. You still can't see it, 0:08:44.160 --> 0:08:45.920 and it's you can rub as hard as you can 0:08:45.960 --> 0:08:48.240 with your hands, but you can't. It's never going to 0:08:48.280 --> 0:08:51.200 be completely clear. It's like there was missing pieces and 0:08:52.080 --> 0:08:58.280 being so isolated felt like it was like when you're 0:08:58.280 --> 0:09:02.880 in that environment, it's kind of like you're again with 0:09:02.920 --> 0:09:07.560 the cats. It's I remember hearing hearing an example of 0:09:07.840 --> 0:09:09.640 something not quite being right, and it's like it's like 0:09:09.640 --> 0:09:13.120 you're a blind cat that you have even though you 0:09:13.160 --> 0:09:15.760 have one of your senses removed from you, there's still 0:09:15.800 --> 0:09:20.000 this instinct that there's something there that that shouldn't be there. 0:09:20.679 --> 0:09:24.240 So you get you get a job, Yes, and you're 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:25.080 in the real world. 0:09:25.280 --> 0:09:27.760 I actually coincidentally got a job in the city, which 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:31.920 was instrumental in me getting out because that's real life. 0:09:32.000 --> 0:09:34.280 Oh yeah, and that's where I meet my very first 0:09:34.400 --> 0:09:37.600 like queer people. I remember meeting a quick couple who 0:09:37.640 --> 0:09:40.280 actually eventually got married, and I met the very first 0:09:40.320 --> 0:09:43.440 trance person I ever met. She was really influential to 0:09:43.480 --> 0:09:47.000 me because it was in seeing real life that I 0:09:47.080 --> 0:09:51.160 started to really again crack started showing because what I 0:09:51.200 --> 0:09:52.040 was told about. 0:09:51.800 --> 0:09:54.680 Gay people growing up, like the Truman Show. Oh yeah, 0:09:54.840 --> 0:09:57.720 that's another analogy for you. Yes, you've been living on 0:09:57.720 --> 0:09:58.600 your little Truman show. 0:09:58.600 --> 0:10:01.120 You're like, wait a second, Yeah, this is something's not 0:10:01.200 --> 0:10:01.640 quite right. 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:02.640 This isn't correct. 0:10:02.960 --> 0:10:06.240 Yeah, no, real and it's like you start to see it. 0:10:06.760 --> 0:10:09.040 But specifically, something that I was told about gay people 0:10:09.080 --> 0:10:12.400 growing up was that it's purely carnal. It's not love, 0:10:13.120 --> 0:10:16.600 I know, And that's something that's that was really hard 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:22.360 because yeah, I know, right. That was directly challenged by 0:10:22.360 --> 0:10:24.840 what I saw in that workplace, seeing that couple work, 0:10:25.360 --> 0:10:27.520 seeing them the way they spoke to each other, the 0:10:27.559 --> 0:10:29.760 way they treated each other, and in doing that, the 0:10:29.800 --> 0:10:33.520 way they supported the team. It was with absolute just 0:10:33.600 --> 0:10:36.320 adoration and affection, and I was like, it was just 0:10:36.360 --> 0:10:39.000 like it directly challenged everything. I haven't even started to 0:10:39.080 --> 0:10:39.400 rock that. 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:42.839 Are you already at this stage thinking I have to 0:10:42.880 --> 0:10:45.720 start unlearning some of these what I've been told. 0:10:46.080 --> 0:10:47.960 Not yet. Not when I started that job. 0:10:48.360 --> 0:10:49.880 Were you used to like, oh, that's good for them, 0:10:49.920 --> 0:10:50.600 but not to me. 0:10:50.920 --> 0:10:52.720 Yeah, and not even that. It was just kind of like, 0:10:52.760 --> 0:10:54.920 I'm living a holy life. I'm living the good life, 0:10:54.960 --> 0:10:58.439 and these people as happy as they look, they're happier 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:00.920 than me, But that doesn't matter. This is the truth, 0:11:00.960 --> 0:11:03.160 and I have to be happy with that. And I 0:11:03.240 --> 0:11:05.760 kind of put on this brave face, if you will. 0:11:06.559 --> 0:11:08.920 By that point, I actually left school and working was 0:11:08.960 --> 0:11:11.880 the only thing I had. I really started to examine 0:11:12.800 --> 0:11:15.120 what I was being fed and the fact that I 0:11:15.160 --> 0:11:18.360 was being lied to. I started seeing the hate. I 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:22.240 started spending every hour I could away from the house. 0:11:22.280 --> 0:11:24.520 I used to work eight hour shifts and even when 0:11:24.559 --> 0:11:27.240 I was like at in the city at the twenty 0:11:27.240 --> 0:11:30.040 four hour location. I remember being sixteen years old and 0:11:30.080 --> 0:11:32.280 I used to turn a four hour shift into a 0:11:32.280 --> 0:11:34.760 ten hour shift, and even after that, I'd stay up 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:36.640 in the office because I just didn't want to go home, 0:11:37.080 --> 0:11:39.319 and I did that day in day out. I got 0:11:39.360 --> 0:11:43.560 in contact with my brother who had left home already. 0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:46.760 Their name is Tommy, and they were a massive help, 0:11:47.000 --> 0:11:50.199 and we met up secretly in the city and then 0:11:50.280 --> 0:11:51.840 we sat down and we talked and I was like, 0:11:52.520 --> 0:11:55.280 you know, our parents are are bloody crazy, and like, yeah, no, 0:11:55.360 --> 0:11:57.200 I was waiting for you to figure it out because 0:11:57.200 --> 0:12:00.680 I knew you would eventually, and it was amazing. But 0:12:01.640 --> 0:12:05.400 after hanging out with them, it was just like the 0:12:05.480 --> 0:12:07.960 longer I stayed, the more I realized that it was 0:12:08.040 --> 0:12:11.840 just like it was so toxic and it was just hateful, 0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:13.440 and it was exhausting to be there. 0:12:14.040 --> 0:12:18.679 At this point. Had you now come into your queerness? 0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:22.920 Oh no, definitely. I was still very much closeted. There 0:12:22.960 --> 0:12:26.160 was an attempt to come out that was shut down 0:12:26.240 --> 0:12:26.800 very quickly. 0:12:27.040 --> 0:12:29.400 Being out in the world and working had you at 0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:31.959 least though, like started to think, Okay, I'm beginning to 0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:32.960 understand who I am. 0:12:33.240 --> 0:12:35.719 Yes, I was very scared by it, and I used 0:12:35.760 --> 0:12:38.319 to like I used to equivocate like hell. I remember 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:40.760 in the very early stages one of the things I 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:44.120 used to say about myself was that I was I'm 0:12:44.120 --> 0:12:49.320 not transgender. I just have gender dysphoria and that makes 0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:51.600 me mentally ill. So and that's how I used to 0:12:51.679 --> 0:12:56.520 justify it, which is horrific and horrible. Yeah, oh quite literally. Yeah. 0:12:56.880 --> 0:13:00.079 But eventually it just started kind of peeling away and 0:13:00.120 --> 0:13:03.360 I realized, Oh, this is just kind of who I am. 0:13:03.520 --> 0:13:06.079 The sexuality and stuff like that was something that came 0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:08.000 along later when I was out of the house, but 0:13:08.360 --> 0:13:12.319 the gender stuff was always just something that there's always 0:13:12.360 --> 0:13:15.680 been an incongruence for me and my understanding of gender 0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:17.480 and stuff like that. I've always kind of realized that 0:13:17.520 --> 0:13:21.200 it's been slightly different to my peers, and especially like 0:13:21.480 --> 0:13:22.800 given like the fact that I used to go to 0:13:22.840 --> 0:13:24.800 like an all girls youth group and stuff like that, 0:13:24.840 --> 0:13:27.800 and it was just kind of like, oh, their understanding 0:13:27.880 --> 0:13:30.920 of what it means to be themselves is so different 0:13:30.960 --> 0:13:35.240 to me. And it's just like, on a basic fundamental level, 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:37.360 I'm not a woman, but I don't understand like I 0:13:37.360 --> 0:13:38.960 thought I was a man for a long time, and 0:13:39.000 --> 0:13:42.240 I was like, I don't know what the hell to 0:13:42.280 --> 0:13:44.000 do with this, because it's just like you have to 0:13:44.000 --> 0:13:46.520 box it away and just kind of compartmentalize and explain 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:50.160 it away. So I devised a plan. I had a 0:13:50.240 --> 0:13:52.240 day to myself one day where I didn't have work, 0:13:52.600 --> 0:13:55.000 where I sat in my room and I figured out 0:13:55.000 --> 0:13:56.680 what I was taking with me and what I wasn't 0:13:57.120 --> 0:13:59.320 And every day when i'd wake up for five in 0:13:59.360 --> 0:14:02.040 the morning to go to a shift at, I was 0:14:02.080 --> 0:14:03.520 about to say the chain name, I'm not going to 0:14:03.600 --> 0:14:08.040 do that. Every time i'd go to work, I ca, yeah, yes, 0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:11.000 there we go. And every time i'd go to make 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:14.880 meeples that I care. Every time I would do that, 0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:17.800 I would carpool with another friend from work and we'd 0:14:17.800 --> 0:14:19.760 go to work. I'd take a shoe box full of 0:14:19.760 --> 0:14:23.560 my stuff, and slowly I started taking pretty much my 0:14:23.720 --> 0:14:26.440 entire life with me and I got like one of 0:14:26.480 --> 0:14:28.440 the first things I ended up getting out was my documents, 0:14:28.480 --> 0:14:31.160 so like my birthsert, and I held it at one 0:14:31.240 --> 0:14:33.200 of my friend's house. It was held at the friend 0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:35.400 that used to like stick with me outside of my parents' house. 0:14:36.320 --> 0:14:42.240 And basically I was slowly feeding myself away out until 0:14:42.680 --> 0:14:45.880 I was invited to a mate's house. And this friend 0:14:46.120 --> 0:14:49.120 is also just like amazing, And I remember having a 0:14:49.120 --> 0:14:51.160 phone conversation with her, like a couple weeks before, and 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:52.640 I was just like, I can't do this. I hate 0:14:52.640 --> 0:14:56.040 this house. I feel unloved, and like I know I'm unloved, 0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:58.440 specifically because of the way they like treat me, the 0:14:58.440 --> 0:15:00.520 way they speak about people like me, of like my 0:15:00.560 --> 0:15:03.440 queerness and stuff like that. My friend feels really bad 0:15:03.440 --> 0:15:05.080 for me after that phone call and is like, you know, 0:15:05.680 --> 0:15:08.400 let's organize a day that's just for you. You can come 0:15:08.440 --> 0:15:10.840 to mind, stay for a few hours, we can have lunch, 0:15:10.880 --> 0:15:12.800 we'll watch a movie, and you don't have to think 0:15:12.800 --> 0:15:14.720 about any of that. And I'm like, shit, yeah, that 0:15:14.800 --> 0:15:19.200 sounds great. So she comes in, picks me up. We 0:15:19.240 --> 0:15:22.640 go to hers, We have lunch, it's a fun day, 0:15:23.320 --> 0:15:25.960 and then we're looking for a movie. We're sitting there 0:15:26.760 --> 0:15:29.880 and I remember the entire time that I was there, 0:15:29.920 --> 0:15:33.320 but particularly when we started watching the movie, there was 0:15:33.360 --> 0:15:38.720 this deep discomfort. It was like, even though it was 0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:42.360 good because I was away from the house, I knew 0:15:42.400 --> 0:15:44.800 that I had to come back no matter how long 0:15:44.840 --> 0:15:48.200 I spent there. Even if I stayed a couple hours 0:15:48.240 --> 0:15:52.200 more after the movie, or if I stayed like at 0:15:52.200 --> 0:15:55.960 hers overnight, I would eventually have to come back and 0:15:56.000 --> 0:15:58.920 I couldn't do it. So We're about halfway through the 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:02.520 movie and I'm physical shaking by this point. I'm like 0:16:03.240 --> 0:16:06.880 it's it's bad. So my friend pauses the movie, looks 0:16:06.880 --> 0:16:09.880 at me and goes, ahda, sweetie, please don't. 0:16:09.680 --> 0:16:10.080 Lie to me. 0:16:10.240 --> 0:16:12.520 Can you tell me what's going on? And like, are 0:16:12.520 --> 0:16:14.680 you okay? I turned to her and I say I 0:16:14.720 --> 0:16:17.400 can't do another night, and she sits there, she kind 0:16:17.440 --> 0:16:21.520 of contemplates for a second. She goes, Okay, what do 0:16:21.560 --> 0:16:27.480 we do about that? And I'm like, shit, okay, wow, okay, 0:16:27.480 --> 0:16:29.440 this is kind of falling into place. This is insane. 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:33.840 And we go back to my parents' place and are 0:16:33.880 --> 0:16:36.680 you going back? Yes? Going? So we slingshot and we 0:16:36.720 --> 0:16:40.840 went yeah, yeah, pretty much, just a couple other things, 0:16:40.880 --> 0:16:45.320 just a couple of clothes and stuff like that. I know, 0:16:44.960 --> 0:16:50.480 I had a gas mask and everything. I was just 0:16:50.720 --> 0:16:55.480 entering that railoactive wasteland one last time. It was amazing. 0:16:55.920 --> 0:16:59.160 I think we played one more time by dark. 0:17:00.160 --> 0:17:02.640 I know, okay, you go back into the walls all right? Yes, 0:17:02.680 --> 0:17:07.160 I'm on the presscuts please and car sound effects please. Yes, 0:17:07.240 --> 0:17:08.440 I want to set the turne for me. 0:17:13.720 --> 0:17:15.639 So she backs her car in, I open up the 0:17:15.640 --> 0:17:19.240 garage store. It's showtime. After that, we walk up to 0:17:19.280 --> 0:17:22.280 the door and we give it a big knock. Okay, 0:17:22.280 --> 0:17:24.040 it's going to take a sec. Okay, the dog's barking. 0:17:24.080 --> 0:17:27.400 They're coming. Oh god, we're actually doing this. And then 0:17:27.560 --> 0:17:32.280 they open up the door and the pleasantries begin. Oh hello, yeah, 0:17:32.600 --> 0:17:35.240 how hell are you doing here? What? So I sneak 0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:36.840 back into my room. My room's in the back of 0:17:36.840 --> 0:17:39.080 the house. So's the laundry, so is the back door 0:17:39.119 --> 0:17:41.320 to the backyard. I have a threwway to the garage. 0:17:42.280 --> 0:17:45.159 I get what is essentially the rest of my life 0:17:45.280 --> 0:17:48.360 out of my room into the back of Gen's car 0:17:49.200 --> 0:17:51.600 in about twenty minutes while she butters them up. 0:17:52.160 --> 0:17:55.119 So what's your favorite color? Oh? 0:17:55.119 --> 0:17:57.800 Pretty much, that's really nice, and. 0:18:02.440 --> 0:18:07.840 Thinking the weather is just so cool. 0:18:08.160 --> 0:18:12.320 Sorry, the weather is weathering. It's just twelve seasons, wonderful. 0:18:13.320 --> 0:18:15.879 After I have all my stuff in her car, I 0:18:15.960 --> 0:18:17.960 go up to the kitchen and I waltz in. I 0:18:17.960 --> 0:18:20.479 swagger in. For this it was less of a swagger, 0:18:20.520 --> 0:18:22.800 more of a shimmy. And I was jittery, bittery and 0:18:22.840 --> 0:18:27.320 not very glittery, and I just kind of go so dinner, 0:18:28.040 --> 0:18:31.239 and then she's just like, yeah, yeah, we gotta go. 0:18:31.600 --> 0:18:33.560 We end up kind of speed walking to her car. 0:18:34.040 --> 0:18:36.359 We shut the doors, and I remember like we wandered 0:18:36.400 --> 0:18:38.000 up the windows and We're like pulling out of my 0:18:38.000 --> 0:18:40.520 parents driver, and I'm just like, Flori, Florid, Florid, please, 0:18:40.560 --> 0:18:51.359 I need to leave. And then like, now my parents 0:18:51.400 --> 0:18:54.840 are under the impression that I'm going to dinner with Jen. 0:18:55.560 --> 0:19:00.520 It's a long dinner, it's a station rights, it's just 0:19:00.560 --> 0:19:03.720 you know, it's a buffet, it's a while, yes. 0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:06.240 You know what's new experimental dinner. 0:19:06.640 --> 0:19:11.800 Yeah. Basically, because they're still under the impression that I'm 0:19:11.840 --> 0:19:13.439 like going out to dinner and stuff like that, we 0:19:13.520 --> 0:19:15.679 have to find a way to tell them. So I 0:19:15.760 --> 0:19:19.359 ended up drafting a message and if it's all right, 0:19:19.400 --> 0:19:21.280 I'm I could just read that to you now. If 0:19:21.280 --> 0:19:24.679 it's alright, please hi, Mum and dad. I'm sorry if 0:19:24.680 --> 0:19:26.440 the shock it comes as a shock to you both. 0:19:26.680 --> 0:19:29.560 But I'll be moving out tonight. I'm safe and careful, 0:19:29.640 --> 0:19:31.760 and I do have a place to stay. All of 0:19:31.760 --> 0:19:33.600 my belongings that I wish to take with me are 0:19:33.600 --> 0:19:36.600 out of the house already. I have discerned and deliberated 0:19:36.600 --> 0:19:38.480 on this, and I believe this decision is the best 0:19:38.480 --> 0:19:40.639 thing I can do for my own wellbeing. This is 0:19:40.640 --> 0:19:42.639 not something I take lightly, and I understand if you 0:19:42.640 --> 0:19:44.439 are heard by this, but I think this is the 0:19:44.480 --> 0:19:47.240 best thing for our relationship moving forward. I would like 0:19:47.280 --> 0:19:49.320 to have time and space separate from us, and I 0:19:49.320 --> 0:19:51.720 will contact you when I'm ready. I understand you will 0:19:51.760 --> 0:19:53.960 have a lot of questions, but I would like time 0:19:54.000 --> 0:19:55.919 to work through some things in my own personal life. 0:19:56.119 --> 0:19:57.840