1 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:09,799 Speaker 1: Congratulations. 2 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:12,800 Speaker 2: The best part of your day is happening right now 3 00:00:13,640 --> 00:00:17,400 Speaker 2: listening to me. I'm Art Simone, and very soon I'm 4 00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:21,320 Speaker 2: going to introduce you to someone interesting, exciting, or maybe 5 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:24,639 Speaker 2: just a little bit querky. They may not seem that 6 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:25,440 Speaker 2: way to begin with. 7 00:00:25,480 --> 00:00:28,360 Speaker 1: But once I use my skills to uncover what they're 8 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 1: concealing from usoof, we're in for a wild ride. 9 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:35,400 Speaker 2: This is concealed with me, Art Simone. Want to meet 10 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,360 Speaker 2: the guests, Well, it's time to roll the tape. 11 00:00:39,920 --> 00:00:40,280 Speaker 1: Happy. 12 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:45,360 Speaker 3: Hi. My name is Arta and I'm from Melbourne. I 13 00:00:45,400 --> 00:00:48,159 Speaker 3: love art, and in particular I love music and fashion. 14 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:51,400 Speaker 3: Today I'm not concealing a weird job or a strange hobby. 15 00:00:51,440 --> 00:00:56,600 Speaker 3: I'm here to tell my story. 16 00:00:57,920 --> 00:00:59,080 Speaker 1: Welcome to the studio. 17 00:00:59,440 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 3: Thank you. 18 00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,720 Speaker 1: Now, while the sounds of that, we're flipping it up 19 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:04,039 Speaker 1: a little bit today, is that true? 20 00:01:04,240 --> 00:01:04,800 Speaker 3: Oh indeed? 21 00:01:04,880 --> 00:01:07,119 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, Well, hello, I love you to meet you. Now. 22 00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:11,639 Speaker 2: You've come here with your finest pussy cat strawberry shirt. 23 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 2: Oh absolutely, it's beautiful if you named the pussy. 24 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:20,920 Speaker 3: Yes, John, I don't think that's very confident. 25 00:01:24,319 --> 00:01:27,600 Speaker 1: True true? As of now, John, is there are you 26 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:28,720 Speaker 1: a cat person? Oh? 27 00:01:28,760 --> 00:01:29,120 Speaker 3: Indeed? 28 00:01:29,200 --> 00:01:30,360 Speaker 1: Oh, good, do you have a cat? 29 00:01:30,600 --> 00:01:34,560 Speaker 3: Used to Well, technically it was technically my roommates, and 30 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:39,479 Speaker 3: then I moved away and I was like, no. 31 00:01:37,680 --> 00:01:39,919 Speaker 1: No, I am your father. 32 00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:45,800 Speaker 2: But that's okay, all right. So from Melbourne, you're into art, music, 33 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:47,240 Speaker 2: and fashion. Tell me about that please. 34 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:50,360 Speaker 3: Well, I was initially going to study fashion. I've since 35 00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:53,520 Speaker 3: changed majors, but I have a keen interest in like fashion. 36 00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:57,440 Speaker 3: I particularly enjoy stuff like straight fashion. I like block 37 00:01:57,480 --> 00:01:59,720 Speaker 3: silhouettes and that kind of stuff. Chinese straight fashion is 38 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:03,320 Speaker 3: also a big like focus of mine. I've always very 39 00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:06,200 Speaker 3: much been a more creative person, especially in my family, 40 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:08,679 Speaker 3: whereas like a lot of them are very nerdy in 41 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:10,520 Speaker 3: terms of like maths and stuff like that. But I'm just, oh, 42 00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:12,400 Speaker 3: that looks pretty. I want to know how to make 43 00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:16,200 Speaker 3: things look pretty. There's a lot of maths in fashion, no, absolutely, and. 44 00:02:16,240 --> 00:02:17,639 Speaker 1: Maybe it still runs in the blood. 45 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:18,680 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, of course. 46 00:02:20,480 --> 00:02:24,079 Speaker 1: Okay. So and music, tell me about your your musical interests. 47 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:28,200 Speaker 3: Well, it's fun because my roommate is actually a music 48 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,280 Speaker 3: student as well, so we kind of feed off each other. 49 00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:31,880 Speaker 3: I love a lot of like new waves stuff in 50 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,440 Speaker 3: the eighties. I grew up with a lot of things 51 00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 3: like the Cure, the Smiths, Susie and the band Cheese. 52 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:39,680 Speaker 3: That beautiful, that kind of stuff. I also really enjoy 53 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:43,120 Speaker 3: stuff like I'm post punk and like dark wave and 54 00:02:43,120 --> 00:02:45,840 Speaker 3: like synth wave as well. But yeah, so I just 55 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 3: love anything that's glossy in neon. 56 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:52,280 Speaker 2: And speaking of you've got a lovely studded chokra weans. 57 00:02:52,480 --> 00:02:54,400 Speaker 1: We've got some tattoos, thank you very much. 58 00:02:54,440 --> 00:02:56,680 Speaker 2: We've got some lines in your hair. How you used 59 00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:58,280 Speaker 2: to get designs drawn in my head? 60 00:02:58,320 --> 00:02:58,799 Speaker 3: Oh my god? 61 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,920 Speaker 1: What are they called? I don't know hair tattoos? 62 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:02,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, no, like Indians. 63 00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:04,520 Speaker 1: We've got a headress on the hot one. 64 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,799 Speaker 2: Now, can I find a friend? 65 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:08,480 Speaker 3: No? 66 00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 1: Okay, all right, Yeah, so I'm glad you mentioned music 67 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,600 Speaker 1: that I actually understand. That's what you're gonna be like. 68 00:03:14,720 --> 00:03:17,760 Speaker 1: I'm really into progressive house car alarms. 69 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:19,280 Speaker 3: I'm into anti music. 70 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, actually, just into the absence of sound. 71 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:26,400 Speaker 3: Yes, just it's not even silence, it's just it's negative noise. 72 00:03:29,520 --> 00:03:29,919 Speaker 1: All right. 73 00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:33,079 Speaker 2: So we're throwing out the format for the episode today. 74 00:03:33,160 --> 00:03:35,080 Speaker 2: I'm not going to be asking you three questions to 75 00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,880 Speaker 2: try and guess something. You're gonna be telling me a story. 76 00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:39,320 Speaker 2: Are you gonna be able to give me a hint 77 00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,720 Speaker 2: of what you're going to talk to me about today. 78 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,880 Speaker 3: Yes, so some people would say that I was running 79 00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:45,600 Speaker 3: away from something, but I like to think I was 80 00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 3: running towards something, which is yes, that's That's the vaguest 81 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:51,440 Speaker 3: thing I've ever said. 82 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:53,520 Speaker 1: It's like a lyric, isn't it. 83 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,440 Speaker 2: I could sit on that for a while. It's like, 84 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:59,760 Speaker 2: you know what's black, white and red all over newspaper. 85 00:04:01,800 --> 00:04:02,960 Speaker 2: That's the vibe there. 86 00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,200 Speaker 1: So we are throwing out the rule book here today 87 00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 1: for Concealed with Utsimon. 88 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:14,280 Speaker 2: No, no three questions, no salacious secrets hidden away from 89 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,720 Speaker 2: me and concealed No. 90 00:04:15,840 --> 00:04:17,400 Speaker 1: We're going in a bit of a story time today. 91 00:04:18,040 --> 00:04:34,600 Speaker 1: Oh I like that. It's the shakeup. So we're here 92 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:35,080 Speaker 1: with Arda. 93 00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 2: We've thrown the format out the window for this week's 94 00:04:37,640 --> 00:04:39,880 Speaker 2: episode of Concealed, and you've just given me a hint 95 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:42,280 Speaker 2: because you're going to be telling me a story today, okay, 96 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:46,640 Speaker 2: And the hint was something about running away but maybe 97 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:50,280 Speaker 2: running towards. And all I can think of is exercise. 98 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,719 Speaker 2: And all I think is you're about to come and 99 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,159 Speaker 2: tell me that you're really into fitness. But maybe that's 100 00:04:55,160 --> 00:04:56,640 Speaker 2: not the mood of what's happening today? 101 00:04:57,080 --> 00:05:00,240 Speaker 3: Tell me I'm the world champion of Platoon. No Ah, 102 00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:01,320 Speaker 3: I am. 103 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,120 Speaker 1: And just like that, Big died. 104 00:05:06,279 --> 00:05:10,280 Speaker 2: Jesus Christ actually wrote the really famous episode, and just 105 00:05:10,320 --> 00:05:11,720 Speaker 2: like that, everyone hates for me. 106 00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: I kill Big. 107 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:16,159 Speaker 3: It's all good. I am here to tell the story 108 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 3: of how I ran away from home, specifically from a 109 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:23,520 Speaker 3: very heavily religious, like very deep into cuan on household. 110 00:05:23,920 --> 00:05:26,960 Speaker 1: Wow. Yeah, okay, let's get into it there. 111 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:30,240 Speaker 3: Yeah. So, given that I've just kind of lumped that 112 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,680 Speaker 3: on you, just like a grand piano from twenty feet 113 00:05:32,720 --> 00:05:36,520 Speaker 3: in the sky, I will give some backgrounds. So yeah, obviously, 114 00:05:36,560 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 3: I grew up Roman Catholic in a very conservative kind 115 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 3: of side of town. It was a very diverse out 116 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:44,039 Speaker 3: of town. I'm actually half indied myself, and I was 117 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,360 Speaker 3: exposed to like diversity and stuff through that, but when 118 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,520 Speaker 3: it came to stuff like queerness, completely shut off. And 119 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,200 Speaker 3: that's kind of like where that all began. Because I've 120 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:55,880 Speaker 3: I've been very gay from the very beginning. They've been tried, 121 00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:57,440 Speaker 3: they tried to hide it, and it was just kind 122 00:05:57,440 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 3: of like no, like are you like yes, it's just 123 00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:02,120 Speaker 3: like you I've seen like there's photos of me as 124 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:06,040 Speaker 3: little man. I'm like, oh, oh she queer, she fruity 125 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:09,240 Speaker 3: with the strawberries on my shirt. Yeah anyway, but yes. 126 00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:12,600 Speaker 3: So combined that with the timeline of me figuring out 127 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,880 Speaker 3: that I was trans and figuring out that like, oh, 128 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:19,440 Speaker 3: I'm very much into women, it was just like kind 129 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,880 Speaker 3: of this cocktail of me slowly realizing oh, I have 130 00:06:22,920 --> 00:06:25,960 Speaker 3: to leave, and it all kind of came to a 131 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:28,800 Speaker 3: head in my brother had just flown down from New 132 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:31,359 Speaker 3: South Wales. He's in the army, so he was just 133 00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:34,160 Speaker 3: up there for a bit. He came back down and, 134 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:38,280 Speaker 3: like I remember, because he was there, it was like 135 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:40,880 Speaker 3: having someone who had been outside of the house for 136 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:42,840 Speaker 3: a while, who had been exposed to, like, you know, 137 00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:46,599 Speaker 3: the normal world. It was like a light switch because 138 00:06:46,640 --> 00:06:49,039 Speaker 3: I kind of realized, oh my god, this is not 139 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:52,680 Speaker 3: how a normal house functions, this is not how we're 140 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:56,279 Speaker 3: supposed to function as a family. And that was like 141 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:59,200 Speaker 3: my complete cue that I like certainly needed to get out. 142 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,000 Speaker 3: Another factor was also because my parents were deeply into 143 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:03,920 Speaker 3: the QAnon stuff. 144 00:07:04,120 --> 00:07:05,599 Speaker 1: Can you give a bit of background of what q 145 00:07:05,760 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: and on is? 146 00:07:06,680 --> 00:07:08,919 Speaker 3: Oh? Yeah, of course, So q and on is basically 147 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,480 Speaker 3: this conspiracy theory. It's connected to a lot of other 148 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:13,960 Speaker 3: conspiracy theories, but the main kind of head of it 149 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:17,640 Speaker 3: is that there's this mythical person who's referred to as 150 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:21,360 Speaker 3: Q and apparently they're like an XCIA person and that's 151 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,320 Speaker 3: how they know all this stuff, and they're giving us 152 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 3: all these cryptic codes, and they're making like almost this idea, 153 00:07:29,200 --> 00:07:32,640 Speaker 3: this myth that like we're all kind of neo and 154 00:07:32,720 --> 00:07:34,480 Speaker 3: we're in the matrix and we all need to leave 155 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:38,400 Speaker 3: and oh my yeah, it's justikes. 156 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:39,720 Speaker 1: Yes, paper, it sounds really believable. 157 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:43,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, it's just I was like hook Land 158 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 3: and sink a Soul. It was just like, oh my god. 159 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 1: Yeah. 160 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:50,480 Speaker 3: So it was very intense, and I was like one 161 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 3: of those things where I got a job and that 162 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:57,440 Speaker 3: was my first introduction to what the world looks like, 163 00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,320 Speaker 3: like what the real world was, because all I'd ever 164 00:07:59,320 --> 00:08:02,119 Speaker 3: been really exposed was this kind of coddled Catholic ideal. 165 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:07,000 Speaker 3: For context, I was also homeschooled, so oh yeah, okay, 166 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:12,880 Speaker 3: we're deep in the Bible belting. I know we're trapped inside. Absolutely. 167 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,040 Speaker 2: How does that feel for you when when you're coming 168 00:08:16,040 --> 00:08:19,400 Speaker 2: to terms with who you know, you are on the inside, 169 00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:22,920 Speaker 2: but you're also surrounded in this environment and not able 170 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:25,080 Speaker 2: to see, you know, really get any exposure from the 171 00:08:25,080 --> 00:08:25,600 Speaker 2: outside world. 172 00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:26,200 Speaker 1: What is that like? 173 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:29,800 Speaker 3: Oh, it's like, for a physical example, it's like having 174 00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:31,840 Speaker 3: like a foggy mirror. It's like there's something that there 175 00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 3: is still a wett of you, but you can't quite 176 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:38,040 Speaker 3: see it. But it's like, you know, when you get 177 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:39,599 Speaker 3: out of the shower and you try to wipe a 178 00:08:39,640 --> 00:08:41,880 Speaker 3: foggy mirror clean, but it's like it doesn't quite do it, 179 00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:44,120 Speaker 3: and it still drips and everything. You still can't see it, 180 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:45,920 Speaker 3: and it's you can rub as hard as you can 181 00:08:45,960 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 3: with your hands, but you can't. It's never going to 182 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,200 Speaker 3: be completely clear. It's like there was missing pieces and 183 00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:58,280 Speaker 3: being so isolated felt like it was like when you're 184 00:08:58,280 --> 00:09:02,880 Speaker 3: in that environment, it's kind of like you're again with 185 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:07,560 Speaker 3: the cats. It's I remember hearing hearing an example of 186 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,640 Speaker 3: something not quite being right, and it's like it's like 187 00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:13,120 Speaker 3: you're a blind cat that you have even though you 188 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:15,760 Speaker 3: have one of your senses removed from you, there's still 189 00:09:15,800 --> 00:09:20,000 Speaker 3: this instinct that there's something there that that shouldn't be there. 190 00:09:20,679 --> 00:09:24,240 Speaker 1: So you get you get a job, Yes, and you're 191 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:25,080 Speaker 1: in the real world. 192 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 3: I actually coincidentally got a job in the city, which 193 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:31,920 Speaker 3: was instrumental in me getting out because that's real life. 194 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, and that's where I meet my very first 195 00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,600 Speaker 3: like queer people. I remember meeting a quick couple who 196 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:40,280 Speaker 3: actually eventually got married, and I met the very first 197 00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:43,440 Speaker 3: trance person I ever met. She was really influential to 198 00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:47,000 Speaker 3: me because it was in seeing real life that I 199 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:51,160 Speaker 3: started to really again crack started showing because what I 200 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:52,040 Speaker 3: was told about. 201 00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,680 Speaker 2: Gay people growing up, like the Truman Show. Oh yeah, 202 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:57,720 Speaker 2: that's another analogy for you. Yes, you've been living on 203 00:09:57,720 --> 00:09:58,600 Speaker 2: your little Truman show. 204 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,120 Speaker 3: You're like, wait a second, Yeah, this is something's not 205 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:01,640 Speaker 3: quite right. 206 00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:02,640 Speaker 1: This isn't correct. 207 00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:06,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, no, real and it's like you start to see it. 208 00:10:06,760 --> 00:10:09,040 Speaker 3: But specifically, something that I was told about gay people 209 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 3: growing up was that it's purely carnal. It's not love, 210 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:16,600 Speaker 3: I know, And that's something that's that was really hard 211 00:10:16,640 --> 00:10:22,360 Speaker 3: because yeah, I know, right. That was directly challenged by 212 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,840 Speaker 3: what I saw in that workplace, seeing that couple work, 213 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 3: seeing them the way they spoke to each other, the 214 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:29,760 Speaker 3: way they treated each other, and in doing that, the 215 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:33,520 Speaker 3: way they supported the team. It was with absolute just 216 00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:36,320 Speaker 3: adoration and affection, and I was like, it was just 217 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:39,000 Speaker 3: like it directly challenged everything. I haven't even started to 218 00:10:39,080 --> 00:10:39,400 Speaker 3: rock that. 219 00:10:39,760 --> 00:10:42,839 Speaker 1: Are you already at this stage thinking I have to 220 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,720 Speaker 1: start unlearning some of these what I've been told. 221 00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:47,960 Speaker 3: Not yet. Not when I started that job. 222 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:49,880 Speaker 1: Were you used to like, oh, that's good for them, 223 00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:50,600 Speaker 1: but not to me. 224 00:10:50,920 --> 00:10:52,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, and not even that. It was just kind of like, 225 00:10:52,760 --> 00:10:54,920 Speaker 3: I'm living a holy life. I'm living the good life, 226 00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:58,439 Speaker 3: and these people as happy as they look, they're happier 227 00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:00,920 Speaker 3: than me, But that doesn't matter. This is the truth, 228 00:11:00,960 --> 00:11:03,160 Speaker 3: and I have to be happy with that. And I 229 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,760 Speaker 3: kind of put on this brave face, if you will. 230 00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:08,920 Speaker 3: By that point, I actually left school and working was 231 00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,880 Speaker 3: the only thing I had. I really started to examine 232 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:15,120 Speaker 3: what I was being fed and the fact that I 233 00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:18,360 Speaker 3: was being lied to. I started seeing the hate. I 234 00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:22,240 Speaker 3: started spending every hour I could away from the house. 235 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 3: I used to work eight hour shifts and even when 236 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:27,240 Speaker 3: I was like at in the city at the twenty 237 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:30,040 Speaker 3: four hour location. I remember being sixteen years old and 238 00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,280 Speaker 3: I used to turn a four hour shift into a 239 00:11:32,280 --> 00:11:34,760 Speaker 3: ten hour shift, and even after that, I'd stay up 240 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:36,640 Speaker 3: in the office because I just didn't want to go home, 241 00:11:37,080 --> 00:11:39,319 Speaker 3: and I did that day in day out. I got 242 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:43,560 Speaker 3: in contact with my brother who had left home already. 243 00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:46,760 Speaker 3: Their name is Tommy, and they were a massive help, 244 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:50,199 Speaker 3: and we met up secretly in the city and then 245 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:51,840 Speaker 3: we sat down and we talked and I was like, 246 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:55,280 Speaker 3: you know, our parents are are bloody crazy, and like, yeah, no, 247 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:57,200 Speaker 3: I was waiting for you to figure it out because 248 00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:00,680 Speaker 3: I knew you would eventually, and it was amazing. But 249 00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:05,400 Speaker 3: after hanging out with them, it was just like the 250 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:07,960 Speaker 3: longer I stayed, the more I realized that it was 251 00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:11,840 Speaker 3: just like it was so toxic and it was just hateful, 252 00:12:11,880 --> 00:12:13,440 Speaker 3: and it was exhausting to be there. 253 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:18,679 Speaker 1: At this point. Had you now come into your queerness? 254 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:22,920 Speaker 3: Oh no, definitely. I was still very much closeted. There 255 00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 3: was an attempt to come out that was shut down 256 00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:26,800 Speaker 3: very quickly. 257 00:12:27,040 --> 00:12:29,400 Speaker 1: Being out in the world and working had you at 258 00:12:29,440 --> 00:12:31,959 Speaker 1: least though, like started to think, Okay, I'm beginning to 259 00:12:32,040 --> 00:12:32,960 Speaker 1: understand who I am. 260 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,719 Speaker 3: Yes, I was very scared by it, and I used 261 00:12:35,760 --> 00:12:38,319 Speaker 3: to like I used to equivocate like hell. I remember 262 00:12:38,720 --> 00:12:40,760 Speaker 3: in the very early stages one of the things I 263 00:12:40,840 --> 00:12:44,120 Speaker 3: used to say about myself was that I was I'm 264 00:12:44,120 --> 00:12:49,320 Speaker 3: not transgender. I just have gender dysphoria and that makes 265 00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:51,600 Speaker 3: me mentally ill. So and that's how I used to 266 00:12:51,679 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 3: justify it, which is horrific and horrible. Yeah, oh quite literally. Yeah. 267 00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:00,079 Speaker 3: But eventually it just started kind of peeling away and 268 00:13:00,120 --> 00:13:03,360 Speaker 3: I realized, Oh, this is just kind of who I am. 269 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,079 Speaker 3: The sexuality and stuff like that was something that came 270 00:13:06,120 --> 00:13:08,000 Speaker 3: along later when I was out of the house, but 271 00:13:08,360 --> 00:13:12,319 Speaker 3: the gender stuff was always just something that there's always 272 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:15,680 Speaker 3: been an incongruence for me and my understanding of gender 273 00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:17,480 Speaker 3: and stuff like that. I've always kind of realized that 274 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:21,200 Speaker 3: it's been slightly different to my peers, and especially like 275 00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:22,800 Speaker 3: given like the fact that I used to go to 276 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,800 Speaker 3: like an all girls youth group and stuff like that, 277 00:13:24,840 --> 00:13:27,800 Speaker 3: and it was just kind of like, oh, their understanding 278 00:13:27,880 --> 00:13:30,920 Speaker 3: of what it means to be themselves is so different 279 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:35,240 Speaker 3: to me. And it's just like, on a basic fundamental level, 280 00:13:35,240 --> 00:13:37,360 Speaker 3: I'm not a woman, but I don't understand like I 281 00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:38,960 Speaker 3: thought I was a man for a long time, and 282 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:42,240 Speaker 3: I was like, I don't know what the hell to 283 00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,000 Speaker 3: do with this, because it's just like you have to 284 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,520 Speaker 3: box it away and just kind of compartmentalize and explain 285 00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:50,160 Speaker 3: it away. So I devised a plan. I had a 286 00:13:50,240 --> 00:13:52,240 Speaker 3: day to myself one day where I didn't have work, 287 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:55,000 Speaker 3: where I sat in my room and I figured out 288 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:56,680 Speaker 3: what I was taking with me and what I wasn't 289 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,320 Speaker 3: And every day when i'd wake up for five in 290 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,040 Speaker 3: the morning to go to a shift at, I was 291 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:03,520 Speaker 3: about to say the chain name, I'm not going to 292 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:08,040 Speaker 3: do that. Every time i'd go to work, I ca, yeah, yes, 293 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,000 Speaker 3: there we go. And every time i'd go to make 294 00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:14,880 Speaker 3: meeples that I care. Every time I would do that, 295 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:17,800 Speaker 3: I would carpool with another friend from work and we'd 296 00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:19,760 Speaker 3: go to work. I'd take a shoe box full of 297 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:23,560 Speaker 3: my stuff, and slowly I started taking pretty much my 298 00:14:23,720 --> 00:14:26,440 Speaker 3: entire life with me and I got like one of 299 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:28,440 Speaker 3: the first things I ended up getting out was my documents, 300 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:31,160 Speaker 3: so like my birthsert, and I held it at one 301 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,200 Speaker 3: of my friend's house. It was held at the friend 302 00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:35,400 Speaker 3: that used to like stick with me outside of my parents' house. 303 00:14:36,320 --> 00:14:42,240 Speaker 3: And basically I was slowly feeding myself away out until 304 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:45,880 Speaker 3: I was invited to a mate's house. And this friend 305 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:49,120 Speaker 3: is also just like amazing, And I remember having a 306 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,160 Speaker 3: phone conversation with her, like a couple weeks before, and 307 00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:52,640 Speaker 3: I was just like, I can't do this. I hate 308 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:56,040 Speaker 3: this house. I feel unloved, and like I know I'm unloved, 309 00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:58,440 Speaker 3: specifically because of the way they like treat me, the 310 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:00,520 Speaker 3: way they speak about people like me, of like my 311 00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:03,440 Speaker 3: queerness and stuff like that. My friend feels really bad 312 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,080 Speaker 3: for me after that phone call and is like, you know, 313 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:08,400 Speaker 3: let's organize a day that's just for you. You can come 314 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:10,840 Speaker 3: to mind, stay for a few hours, we can have lunch, 315 00:15:10,880 --> 00:15:12,800 Speaker 3: we'll watch a movie, and you don't have to think 316 00:15:12,800 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 3: about any of that. And I'm like, shit, yeah, that 317 00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:19,200 Speaker 3: sounds great. So she comes in, picks me up. We 318 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:22,640 Speaker 3: go to hers, We have lunch, it's a fun day, 319 00:15:23,320 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 3: and then we're looking for a movie. We're sitting there 320 00:15:26,760 --> 00:15:29,880 Speaker 3: and I remember the entire time that I was there, 321 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:33,320 Speaker 3: but particularly when we started watching the movie, there was 322 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:38,720 Speaker 3: this deep discomfort. It was like, even though it was 323 00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,360 Speaker 3: good because I was away from the house, I knew 324 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:44,800 Speaker 3: that I had to come back no matter how long 325 00:15:44,840 --> 00:15:48,200 Speaker 3: I spent there. Even if I stayed a couple hours 326 00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:52,200 Speaker 3: more after the movie, or if I stayed like at 327 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:55,960 Speaker 3: hers overnight, I would eventually have to come back and 328 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:58,920 Speaker 3: I couldn't do it. So We're about halfway through the 329 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:02,520 Speaker 3: movie and I'm physical shaking by this point. I'm like 330 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,880 Speaker 3: it's it's bad. So my friend pauses the movie, looks 331 00:16:06,880 --> 00:16:09,880 Speaker 3: at me and goes, ahda, sweetie, please don't. 332 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:10,080 Speaker 1: Lie to me. 333 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,520 Speaker 3: Can you tell me what's going on? And like, are 334 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:14,680 Speaker 3: you okay? I turned to her and I say I 335 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:17,400 Speaker 3: can't do another night, and she sits there, she kind 336 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:21,520 Speaker 3: of contemplates for a second. She goes, Okay, what do 337 00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:27,480 Speaker 3: we do about that? And I'm like, shit, okay, wow, okay, 338 00:16:27,480 --> 00:16:29,440 Speaker 3: this is kind of falling into place. This is insane. 339 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:33,840 Speaker 3: And we go back to my parents' place and are 340 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:36,680 Speaker 3: you going back? Yes? Going? So we slingshot and we 341 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:40,840 Speaker 3: went yeah, yeah, pretty much, just a couple other things, 342 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:45,320 Speaker 3: just a couple of clothes and stuff like that. I know, 343 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:50,480 Speaker 3: I had a gas mask and everything. I was just 344 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:55,480 Speaker 3: entering that railoactive wasteland one last time. It was amazing. 345 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:59,160 Speaker 3: I think we played one more time by dark. 346 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:02,640 Speaker 1: I know, okay, you go back into the walls all right? Yes, 347 00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:07,160 Speaker 1: I'm on the presscuts please and car sound effects please. Yes, 348 00:17:07,240 --> 00:17:08,440 Speaker 1: I want to set the turne for me. 349 00:17:13,720 --> 00:17:15,639 Speaker 3: So she backs her car in, I open up the 350 00:17:15,640 --> 00:17:19,240 Speaker 3: garage store. It's showtime. After that, we walk up to 351 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:22,280 Speaker 3: the door and we give it a big knock. Okay, 352 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:24,040 Speaker 3: it's going to take a sec. Okay, the dog's barking. 353 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:27,400 Speaker 3: They're coming. Oh god, we're actually doing this. And then 354 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:32,280 Speaker 3: they open up the door and the pleasantries begin. Oh hello, yeah, 355 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,240 Speaker 3: how hell are you doing here? What? So I sneak 356 00:17:35,280 --> 00:17:36,840 Speaker 3: back into my room. My room's in the back of 357 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,080 Speaker 3: the house. So's the laundry, so is the back door 358 00:17:39,119 --> 00:17:41,320 Speaker 3: to the backyard. I have a threwway to the garage. 359 00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:45,159 Speaker 3: I get what is essentially the rest of my life 360 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:48,360 Speaker 3: out of my room into the back of Gen's car 361 00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:51,600 Speaker 3: in about twenty minutes while she butters them up. 362 00:17:52,160 --> 00:17:55,119 Speaker 1: So what's your favorite color? Oh? 363 00:17:55,119 --> 00:17:57,800 Speaker 3: Pretty much, that's really nice, and. 364 00:18:02,440 --> 00:18:07,840 Speaker 1: Thinking the weather is just so cool. 365 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:12,320 Speaker 3: Sorry, the weather is weathering. It's just twelve seasons, wonderful. 366 00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,879 Speaker 3: After I have all my stuff in her car, I 367 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,960 Speaker 3: go up to the kitchen and I waltz in. I 368 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,479 Speaker 3: swagger in. For this it was less of a swagger, 369 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:22,800 Speaker 3: more of a shimmy. And I was jittery, bittery and 370 00:18:22,840 --> 00:18:27,320 Speaker 3: not very glittery, and I just kind of go so dinner, 371 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:31,239 Speaker 3: and then she's just like, yeah, yeah, we gotta go. 372 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,560 Speaker 3: We end up kind of speed walking to her car. 373 00:18:34,040 --> 00:18:36,359 Speaker 3: We shut the doors, and I remember like we wandered 374 00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,000 Speaker 3: up the windows and We're like pulling out of my 375 00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:40,520 Speaker 3: parents driver, and I'm just like, Flori, Florid, Florid, please, 376 00:18:40,560 --> 00:18:51,359 Speaker 3: I need to leave. And then like, now my parents 377 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:54,840 Speaker 3: are under the impression that I'm going to dinner with Jen. 378 00:18:55,560 --> 00:19:00,520 Speaker 2: It's a long dinner, it's a station rights, it's just 379 00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,720 Speaker 2: you know, it's a buffet, it's a while, yes. 380 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 1: You know what's new experimental dinner. 381 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 3: Yeah. Basically, because they're still under the impression that I'm 382 00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,439 Speaker 3: like going out to dinner and stuff like that, we 383 00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:15,679 Speaker 3: have to find a way to tell them. So I 384 00:19:15,760 --> 00:19:19,359 Speaker 3: ended up drafting a message and if it's all right, 385 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,280 Speaker 3: I'm I could just read that to you now. If 386 00:19:21,280 --> 00:19:24,679 Speaker 3: it's alright, please hi, Mum and dad. I'm sorry if 387 00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,440 Speaker 3: the shock it comes as a shock to you both. 388 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:29,560 Speaker 3: But I'll be moving out tonight. I'm safe and careful, 389 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:31,760 Speaker 3: and I do have a place to stay. All of 390 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:33,600 Speaker 3: my belongings that I wish to take with me are 391 00:19:33,600 --> 00:19:36,600 Speaker 3: out of the house already. I have discerned and deliberated 392 00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,480 Speaker 3: on this, and I believe this decision is the best 393 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:40,639 Speaker 3: thing I can do for my own wellbeing. This is 394 00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:42,639 Speaker 3: not something I take lightly, and I understand if you 395 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:44,439 Speaker 3: are heard by this, but I think this is the 396 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:47,240 Speaker 3: best thing for our relationship moving forward. I would like 397 00:19:47,280 --> 00:19:49,320 Speaker 3: to have time and space separate from us, and I 398 00:19:49,320 --> 00:19:51,720 Speaker 3: will contact you when I'm ready. I understand you will 399 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:53,960 Speaker 3: have a lot of questions, but I would like time 400 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,919 Speaker 3: to work through some things in my own personal life. 401 00:19:56,119 --> 00:19:57,840 Speaker 3: I sincerely hope you can respect that. 402 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:02,000 Speaker 1: And that was it said. Yeah, that's the phone out 403 00:20:02,040 --> 00:20:02,399 Speaker 1: the window. 404 00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:07,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, pretty much. Yeah, at six twenty seven pm. Those 405 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:10,760 Speaker 3: were almost the last words I ever said to my folks, 406 00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:13,240 Speaker 3: and they did not respond, and I think that was 407 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:15,360 Speaker 3: probably the best response they ever could have. 408 00:20:18,560 --> 00:20:20,480 Speaker 2: So what's it like being on the other side? Oh, 409 00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,920 Speaker 2: my god, tell me about it. How's the mirror looking, 410 00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:23,720 Speaker 2: how's the reflection? 411 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:24,920 Speaker 3: Oh it's crystal clear? 412 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,320 Speaker 1: Oh good? Yeah? Good? So yeah, Demmie, what it's been 413 00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:28,560 Speaker 1: like being on the other side and being able to 414 00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:29,720 Speaker 1: like live your authentic self? 415 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:30,320 Speaker 3: Oh? 416 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:33,600 Speaker 1: Because I think it's it's important to also, as we 417 00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:36,639 Speaker 1: tell this story, to also show the benefit and the 418 00:20:36,720 --> 00:20:39,119 Speaker 1: success and you know what you got to do at 419 00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:40,000 Speaker 1: the end of course. 420 00:20:40,560 --> 00:20:43,679 Speaker 3: So I've actually been like actively like helping a lot 421 00:20:43,720 --> 00:20:45,359 Speaker 3: of transpaces and stuff like that. I've been going to 422 00:20:45,359 --> 00:20:46,800 Speaker 3: a lot of protests and like doing a lot of 423 00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:50,040 Speaker 3: activism for a lot of trans causes. Because the one 424 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,399 Speaker 3: thing that like being out and open has taught me 425 00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:57,920 Speaker 3: is that I'm just again. It's so much happier. And 426 00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:01,400 Speaker 3: the thing is, it's just when you live your life 427 00:21:01,440 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 3: in that same hate, in that restriction, when it's in 428 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:10,480 Speaker 3: pursuit of something that like practically doesn't really exist, in 429 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:13,560 Speaker 3: pursuit of perfection, and you don't accept who you really are, 430 00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,360 Speaker 3: you begin to atrophy. You're not you. It's just like 431 00:21:18,480 --> 00:21:24,760 Speaker 3: you quite literally begin to die. And coming out quite 432 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:29,080 Speaker 3: literally did save my life. And I find that in 433 00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,480 Speaker 3: being out and proud I've been able to help other people, 434 00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:35,359 Speaker 3: I've been able to help myself. One of the things 435 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,439 Speaker 3: that I've come to appreciated. One of the examples that 436 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:42,320 Speaker 3: I use about my own happiness is the moments that 437 00:21:42,400 --> 00:21:45,320 Speaker 3: I have with like my chosen family, and also the 438 00:21:45,400 --> 00:21:47,879 Speaker 3: moments that I have with my partner where I'm at 439 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:50,440 Speaker 3: hers or she's at mine, one of us will be 440 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:52,440 Speaker 3: making dinner and the other one will be just sitting 441 00:21:52,440 --> 00:21:55,800 Speaker 3: down relaxing, or we'll be making dinner together. And it's 442 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:59,439 Speaker 3: the fact that I can live in normalcy and in 443 00:21:59,480 --> 00:22:03,359 Speaker 3: peace without having to think about it, the fact that 444 00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,320 Speaker 3: I have worked so hard to get to this point 445 00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,679 Speaker 3: where I can finally just have a moment where I 446 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:10,359 Speaker 3: can sit down with somebody I love and just have 447 00:22:10,480 --> 00:22:14,040 Speaker 3: dinner whilst being the truest I can be. 448 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,440 Speaker 2: Arta came in and totally flipped this podcast on its head. 449 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,560 Speaker 2: Ow I'm pretty good at uncovering what people are concealing 450 00:22:31,600 --> 00:22:32,879 Speaker 2: from three questions. 451 00:22:32,520 --> 00:22:34,640 Speaker 1: But AR don't know if I ever would have guessed 452 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:38,840 Speaker 1: that story. You've been listening to an iHeart Australia production 453 00:22:39,040 --> 00:22:41,840 Speaker 1: Conceal It with Artsimone. Listen to more of what you 454 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:42,840 Speaker 1: love on iHeart 455 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:45,359 Speaker 2: And to check out too Fruity Ike at Work is 456 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:57,520 Speaker 2: check us out on the socials.