Speaker 1: Laura, come on, how guy Hay Thursday everybody, Laura, what
Speaker 1: have you done?
Speaker 2: Britt Mitch? Yeah, I have a question for you. I
Speaker 2: love to do my research. I love statistics. I love
Speaker 2: a study.
Speaker 3: Yes, you're always reading, but I am wondering where you
Speaker 3: love to read. I do love to get knowledge is power.
Speaker 3: I have come across an alarming statistic. I am wondering
Speaker 3: why Australia is spending their money on this sort of research.
Speaker 3: But alas, that's not my problem. Eight in ten Aussies
Speaker 3: have admitted to what finished that sentence.
Speaker 4: Too?
Speaker 2: Don't overthink it.
Speaker 5: I don't know roll. Yeah, I admit that.
Speaker 2: That's ten out of ten. No, eight and ten Osies
Speaker 2: have admitted to shoplifting.
Speaker 5: Oh that was my next thought. Yeah, we Ozzie's love
Speaker 5: to steal.
Speaker 4: That's so bad.
Speaker 2: That is very high.
Speaker 6: I mean I wonder how I wonder how bad the
Speaker 6: shoplifting is, Like are you scanning an extra tomato when
Speaker 6: you're going through the checkout or is it like you're
Speaker 6: actually putting, you know, something that's a significant value into
Speaker 6: your bag.
Speaker 3: I also wonder, like what the age bracket was. I
Speaker 3: don't have the details here, so it's top line. But
Speaker 3: I would have had to have said yes to this.
Speaker 3: I would have said yes. So I have been a
Speaker 3: shoplifter when I was five, I really I wasn't allowed
Speaker 3: to have chewing gum and bubble gum and all my
Speaker 3: friends had Hubba Bubba the meat along Hubba bubba you
Speaker 3: know those, and I was allowed to. So I just
Speaker 3: took one from a supermarket with mum, and then Mum
Speaker 3: saw me eating it and made me take it back.
Speaker 3: But officially I'm a shoplift.
Speaker 5: You would have to look at you.
Speaker 6: Honestly, I have never ever ever shoplift anything. But that
Speaker 6: was because I got into so much trouble for nicking
Speaker 6: some stickers when I was a really little kid at
Speaker 6: school that.
Speaker 2: It has scley. Oh you did you still stickers?
Speaker 5: Okay, Now I don't steal, but I still from work.
Speaker 5: I still from the office all the time.
Speaker 6: I would just I wish you could see what Mitch
Speaker 6: brings to work. I mean, Mitch comes to work with
Speaker 6: a backpack that looks like a garbage bag, and he
Speaker 6: literally just he'll put full cartons.
Speaker 2: Of almond milk in here. What I see here, Mitch?
Speaker 4: Have you know that that's all worked into my contract
Speaker 4: and I can get it printed for you our bonuses
Speaker 4: that I've negotiated hard for. Okay, all right, let's do
Speaker 4: the show. We've got an ask gun Cut coming up.
Speaker 4: You guys do it on the Life un Cut podcast,
Speaker 4: but we do it every Thursday on the Pickup, and.
Speaker 6: We have a very big question about workplace friendships, which
Speaker 6: we all know can get sometimes.
Speaker 5: A little bit messy.
Speaker 2: You directing that at us, LAUA, No, I love you, Okay,
Speaker 2: love your coming up.
Speaker 4: Coming up on the pickup, Ask Uncut.
Speaker 2: So ask gun Cut.
Speaker 6: It's something we do on our podcast Life on Cut
Speaker 6: every week. It's where you you're calling with your deep
Speaker 6: you're dark, your biggest problems, and we do our absolute
Speaker 6: best to answer them, even if we have zero experience.
Speaker 5: Yeah, we trys enthusiastic.
Speaker 3: And we have the very lovely grace that's called in
Speaker 3: with the bit of a friendship workplace conundrum.
Speaker 2: What's happening, Grace?
Speaker 7: I have been at work this workplace for about year
Speaker 7: and a half and got really good friends with this
Speaker 7: girl and hung out outside of work, you know, go
Speaker 7: to concerts, But at work she pretends that she doesn't.
Speaker 2: Know me, so weird. What do you mean, like doesn't
Speaker 2: even acknowledge you.
Speaker 7: Doesn't acknowledge me. And every time, you know, she has
Speaker 7: to reintroduce herself in front of people.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 4: And what you've spent time with it, You've socialized outside
Speaker 4: of work as friends.
Speaker 7: Oh all the time.
Speaker 2: So Grace, have you ever said to her like what's
Speaker 2: going on? Or has she is?
Speaker 6: Do you do you have a feeling that there's a
Speaker 6: reason why she's doing this?
Speaker 7: Well, I've asked her before it, but she doesn't even
Speaker 7: acknowledge the question. She moves on and talked about something else.
Speaker 3: I mean, she's I'm gonna call it here, But she's
Speaker 3: not a friend, Grace.
Speaker 2: That's not someone you want in your life, no way.
Speaker 3: That's someone that wants to be with you when it
Speaker 3: suits them for whatever reason. It's like in a relationship,
Speaker 3: like friendships or relationships, you don't want to be with
Speaker 3: someone that's embarrassed by you or doesn't want people to
Speaker 3: know your friends, Like there it's CRA's It's a strange thing.
Speaker 6: Also, like Grace, has she I mean, when you're with
Speaker 6: her and you're hanging out outside of work, is she
Speaker 6: like very engaged in your life? Like do you hang
Speaker 6: out one on one or is it usually in friendship groups?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 2: How is that dynamic when you're not at work?
Speaker 7: Perfect, it's like we're best friends. It's one on one.
Speaker 7: She's intrigued with the conversation, but it's almost she's twisted
Speaker 7: at work.
Speaker 4: Well, so hold on, what's what's the workplace dynamic? Is
Speaker 4: she above you? Are you under her?
Speaker 7: We work in different departments.
Speaker 2: Do you know what I would do? I know you've
Speaker 2: already asked her, and she ignores the fact.
Speaker 3: Next time you're around a bunch of people, there's lots
Speaker 3: of work colleagues around, I would say, like I would
Speaker 3: yell out something like, oh hey, Rachel, you left you're
Speaker 3: winning the pooper charms at my house last night, but
Speaker 3: I'll drop them off tonight after work.
Speaker 4: How that gastro from last night's Indian we had together?
Speaker 4: And cause I've got some gastro stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know how you ask me for that cream
Speaker 2: to clear up rash? No, but I wouldn't make it.
Speaker 3: I would make a point of letting everyone know, because
Speaker 3: what she going to do then she can't be like,
Speaker 3: what are you talking about?
Speaker 2: I don't know? You like, just let everyone know? Just okay?
Speaker 3: After last you left that at my house last night, whatever,
Speaker 3: and then see what happens. But at the end of
Speaker 3: the day, I don't think it sounds to me like
Speaker 3: it's not a friendship worth pursuing. If someone feels like
Speaker 3: they want to pretend they don't know you in front
Speaker 3: of other people, that's not a friendship.
Speaker 2: It makes no sense.
Speaker 6: The only thing that I come back to you, British
Speaker 6: like what you said like, is she is she embarrassed?
Speaker 6: And if she feels embarrassed, like there's more stuff that
Speaker 6: she has to work on them What you're doing wrong?
Speaker 5: Grace?
Speaker 2: Like totally, I would be absolutely reconsidering my friendship groups
Speaker 2: at work.
Speaker 4: Yeah, like I embarrassed brittin Laura, but I think him, Yeah,
Speaker 4: hope that helps Grace.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, that's just awful.
Speaker 7: Todays for the help.
Speaker 4: Guys, you want to get in touch youging dms at
Speaker 4: the pickup or the pickup dot com dot au if you've.
Speaker 2: Got a question, well look coming up.
Speaker 6: I mean, we all know that there are a lot
Speaker 6: of women deal with body issues and feelings of body
Speaker 6: insecurity or there's been some new research that's come out
Speaker 6: that talks about just how mums might be affecting their
Speaker 6: kids and also contribut to it.
Speaker 5: All Right, that's next here on the pickup.
Speaker 6: Now, this is a conversation I feel is going to
Speaker 6: relate to a lot of the women who are listening.
Speaker 6: I would go so far as to say that most
Speaker 6: women growing up have at some point in their life
Speaker 6: had feelings of you know, complicated.
Speaker 2: Feelings about their own body image.
Speaker 6: And I mean whether that's that you've had negative connotations
Speaker 6: around being having weight on you, whether you've felt like
Speaker 6: you were beautiful enough or skinny enough, all of those feelings,
Speaker 6: and it's because society tells you that there's one version
Speaker 6: of being a woman that is the most desirable. Now,
Speaker 6: there's been a new research study that's come out and
Speaker 6: it's come out of the South Australia's Flinder's University, and
Speaker 6: it's all around body image. But the thing that they're
Speaker 6: really honed in on here is how instrumental and how
Speaker 6: impactful our mothers can be in the way that they
Speaker 6: speak about their own body image, in the way that
Speaker 6: what they call and deemed fat talk. And it's that
Speaker 6: moment where your mum might say something like, oh, you know,
Speaker 6: I shouldn't wear those pants like my stomach doesn't look
Speaker 6: good in this and how those sorts of criticisms that
Speaker 6: we can do as mothers have this long lasting impact
Speaker 6: on our children and the way in which they grow
Speaker 6: up to view their own bodies.
Speaker 2: I think a lot of that.
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm being nitpicky here, but of course there's
Speaker 3: going to be instrumental in the way you grew up
Speaker 3: as a young woman because you're direct day to day
Speaker 3: contacted your mum. But it would be crazy to say
Speaker 3: that it's not also a generational thing, especially for our generation. Laura,
Speaker 3: the heroine sheikh look that was really popular, the things
Speaker 3: that we saw all over the magazines that definitely attributed
Speaker 3: to it too.
Speaker 6: Yeah, But I think the thing that's so interesting about
Speaker 6: this is, like we all it's been well spoken about
Speaker 6: the cultural impacts of what that's had on body image.
Speaker 6: It's been well documented that it permeated magazines that it's
Speaker 6: been part of, like the social conversation that I don't
Speaker 6: think that there's been many conversations surrounding the impacts that
Speaker 6: our mums have and how early that can start. And
Speaker 6: this is not about mum shaming, because like we've I mean,
Speaker 6: even a mum myself I've experienced it with my daughter
Speaker 6: Marley around makeup. So Marley's four and she will see
Speaker 6: me putting on makeup and then she'll say, well, Mummy,
Speaker 6: why do you need makeup? And I can't wear it?
Speaker 6: And I'm like, oh, because mummy needs it and you don't.
Speaker 6: So then what's that subliminal message saying to her that
Speaker 6: Mummy's not beautiful without it, that I need to have
Speaker 6: it because I'm not beautiful but she is. It's these
Speaker 6: small subtle ways in which we can have digs at
Speaker 6: ourself and in the way that we view ourselves. They
Speaker 6: can actually impact how our kids grow up to view
Speaker 6: their self confidence and how they view their own bodies
Speaker 6: without even intentionally realizing what we're doing.
Speaker 5: Well, Laurie, you've got two kids.
Speaker 4: There things that your mom said to you growing up
Speaker 4: that you thought you're actively not going to say to
Speaker 4: your girls.
Speaker 6: No, my mom herself, she I grew up. My mum
Speaker 6: was very, very, very slim my whole life. I never
Speaker 6: remember my mum having any weight issues. But I do
Speaker 6: remember my mom not eating a lot like I don't,
Speaker 6: as in like she would have very small meals. She
Speaker 6: was always on the go. She was and that's probably
Speaker 6: being on the go because she had three kids and
Speaker 6: she was a single mum. But yeah, I mean I
Speaker 6: grew up definitely feeling having concerns around weight and thinking
Speaker 6: that to be more beautiful, I needed to be slim.
Speaker 6: And it was definitely when I was older. There was
Speaker 6: throwaway comments of like when I went to UNI and
Speaker 6: I put on a few kilos, there was a few
Speaker 6: comments of like, oh, you're sure you're not pregnant, You've
Speaker 6: put on some weight, Like that's not I think that
Speaker 6: like a lot of people have expected like sure, mom,
Speaker 6: I've got it. No, Mum, I've just found beer and
Speaker 6: I'm at the UNI bar. But like, it definitely was
Speaker 6: never meant to be hurtful, and my mum is such
Speaker 6: an incredible mum. I in no way would want her
Speaker 6: to hear that and think that she damaged me in
Speaker 6: any way. But I do think that sometimes as parents
Speaker 6: we don't necessarily consider the impact that those small comments
Speaker 6: can have and how that can affect our kids.
Speaker 3: Look, and I want to pin it all on the mothers,
Speaker 3: and like we just said before, we're on a mum shame.
Speaker 3: And I think back to my childhood, my mom was
Speaker 3: really great, Like I didn't hear her talk badly about herself.
Speaker 3: If she did it, it was her internal monologue. So
Speaker 3: so my role model was really positive. But what's interesting
Speaker 3: about that, and the reason I say we shouldn't be
Speaker 3: blaming all the mums, is because even though I had
Speaker 3: this safe, positive environment, I still grow up and sometimes
Speaker 3: I have to check myself with how I talk about myself.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's just to myself. I'm not talking about to
Speaker 2: anyone else.
Speaker 3: Maybe it's just maybe you look in the mirror and
Speaker 3: you're having an off day and you feel you feel
Speaker 3: bad or you feel quote unquote gross, and you say
Speaker 3: you say something that's not so nice about yourself.
Speaker 2: And I think that's when you have to check yourself
Speaker 2: and say, hang on, would.
Speaker 3: I ever say that to you, Laura, Like, would I
Speaker 3: ever say you look gross today?
Speaker 2: You would never. Would you say it to your daughter?
Speaker 2: You would never.
Speaker 3: So I think you have to ask yourself, if I'm
Speaker 3: not going to say that to someone else, why should
Speaker 3: I be saying.
Speaker 2: It to myself?
Speaker 6: Yeah, And I totally agree, Britt, And I think it
Speaker 6: comes back to this idea that like people are never
Speaker 6: going to escape it, like we said it permeates so
Speaker 6: much of culture, like it permeates so much of the
Speaker 6: discourse online.
Speaker 2: But the place that it doesn't need to be is
Speaker 2: in your own home.
Speaker 6: I think it should be a haven for kids where
Speaker 6: they don't feel subjected to it and they don't need
Speaker 6: to see it play out in their parents.
Speaker 4: Can I just add Laura, also, a lot of it
Speaker 4: isn't actually about your size or your weight. I've just
Speaker 4: lost forty kilos. I had those thoughts before, and I
Speaker 4: still have those thoughts, and I'm forty kilo. I'm the
Speaker 4: fittest I've ever been. So it's education and it's the
Speaker 4: way you talk to yourself. I think very important, Britt.
Speaker 6: And I think often you know what, I guess, we
Speaker 6: can speak so negatively about ourselves, Like the things that
Speaker 6: we would say about ourselves we may never ever ever
Speaker 6: say to our children, right, we would never say it
Speaker 6: to our friends, we would never say it to people
Speaker 6: that we care about. But sometimes we can be our
Speaker 6: own harshest critics, and then our kids can see that
Speaker 6: and then they internalize it. And I guess trying to
Speaker 6: really be conscious around exactly like you said, Mitch, like
Speaker 6: using language that makes them not question the things that
Speaker 6: might grow and to becoming insecurities in them as well.
Speaker 5: Yeah, food for thought, isn't it? Definitely?
Speaker 2: Well, Mitch, what's this dating story you've been dying to tell.
Speaker 4: I'm back on the dating scene, and I went on
Speaker 4: a date on the weekend, and I had the shock
Speaker 4: of my life when I thought the date was just
Speaker 4: between me and this guy. The whole room got involved
Speaker 4: with the discourse between our relationship. I'll tell you all
Speaker 4: about it next you're at the pickup Britt Laurie. You
Speaker 4: know I'm on the dating scene. I'm back on the apps.
Speaker 4: I'm single.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we haven't some successes too, my little Mitch jury.
Speaker 3: We're all living vicariously three now because Laura and I
Speaker 3: have settled down.
Speaker 4: There's this guy that I'm currently seeing. He's gorgeous, he's
Speaker 4: very sweet. Just a couple of dates, like five or
Speaker 4: six dates. So it's at that point where it's like,
Speaker 4: we've got to make a choice. What way do we go.
Speaker 4: We're gonna end this or we're gonna have a chat
Speaker 4: about what's next. Anyway, the only issue I can see
Speaker 4: between the two of us is that it's very cute,
Speaker 4: very nice. We get along good banter, I'm twenty eight,
Speaker 4: he's twenty one.
Speaker 6: He's so young, and I know is look, I know,
Speaker 6: seven years isn't that big of an age gap. I
Speaker 6: just think twenty one year olds and this is a
Speaker 6: very blanket statement, But they don't always want the things
Speaker 6: that a twenty eight year old wants. There's a lot
Speaker 6: of life that happens in your twenties, which I think
Speaker 6: is a really important part of life.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I wanted to drive to the date, and he
Speaker 4: wanted to get the train because he don't have a car. Anyway,
Speaker 4: we go to this restaurant. It's really nice. It's a
Speaker 4: cocktail bar, and we're there, we're ordering, and the banter
Speaker 4: is kind of about the age gap between the two
Speaker 4: of us, because he thinks it's funny.
Speaker 5: I think it's I think it's a bit annoying that
Speaker 5: he keeps bringing it up.
Speaker 4: So I lean over to this couple next to us,
Speaker 4: who are on another spa stool at this cocktail bar,
Speaker 4: is playing It's an underground Den, and I go, you
Speaker 4: know what, I'm gonna nick this in the butt once
Speaker 4: and for all. So I turned to this young couple,
Speaker 4: probably a little bit older than me, in their thirties.
Speaker 5: Excuse me, guys, sorry, and I'm got a bit of
Speaker 5: liquid courage.
Speaker 4: I go, look at the two of us, look at
Speaker 4: the two of us, and you tell me who do
Speaker 4: you think is old?
Speaker 5: And they go you. I didn't even finish the sentence.
Speaker 5: And who do you think is older? But that you
Speaker 5: with a brown hair?
Speaker 3: I have seen the person you're dating. Yeah, and I
Speaker 3: feel like that you're setting yourself.
Speaker 4: Up to fight, So okay, shut up. The bartender comes around.
Speaker 4: Can I get your boys any more drinks? I go, yes,
Speaker 4: you can, and can you tell me who between the
Speaker 4: two of us is? Oh?
Speaker 5: Actually taps you on the shoulder. It's like this one
Speaker 5: right here. Absolutely you. I'm like, okay, man at the back.
Speaker 4: When your two children come over here, kids, Hi, kids, Hi,
Speaker 4: Who out.
Speaker 5: Of the two of us is an older human? They
Speaker 5: all point the.
Speaker 1: Big one, big one.
Speaker 2: This shocking to you, Mitch.
Speaker 6: Maybe you have some body dysmorphia where you think you
Speaker 6: look younger than you do.
Speaker 5: How dare you?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 6: I mean, you don't look like a twenty eight year old, Mitch.
Speaker 6: You don't look like a twenty one.
Speaker 3: Now, and so what was the purpose of this on
Speaker 3: the spot spontaneous survey of the room, interrupting everyone's lovely
Speaker 3: night out.
Speaker 4: It was purely to make me feel better about the
Speaker 4: age gap not being an issue, because in my mind,
Speaker 4: I don't think it is that big of an issue,
Speaker 4: but apparently everyone thinks it is anything.
Speaker 3: What's funny you say that because I actually recently came
Speaker 3: across a study A little bit of it read I
Speaker 3: love some science. No, Mitch, I'm sorry to be the
Speaker 3: one to tell you. Just remind me what's sage different?
Speaker 2: Sevens and you years? Okay?
Speaker 5: Eight years?
Speaker 2: Well, all right, even worse than thought.
Speaker 3: There's a study that experts have done and there is
Speaker 3: a correlation between age gaps in a relationship and how
Speaker 3: likely the relationship is to break up.
Speaker 2: Okay, A long story short.
Speaker 3: The bigger the age gap, the more likely you are
Speaker 3: for that relationship to not work.
Speaker 2: Now, if we go into your category of what's so fun?
Speaker 2: Have your category of.
Speaker 3: Seen you no five years difference? So five years and above?
Speaker 3: Since your category is an added eighteen percent on top
Speaker 3: of the normal breakup, to what odds you are of
Speaker 3: breaking up?
Speaker 5: Dear?
Speaker 2: Really, e fifteen works, doesn't it? Eighteen percent more likely?
Speaker 5: I don't believe, so tap out. Now, I don't believe.
Speaker 5: I don't believe it, do you know?
Speaker 6: I just think age gaps matter more the younger you are,
Speaker 6: So like, if you're a teenager and there's an eight
Speaker 6: year age gap, that is illegal. If you are in
Speaker 6: your twenties and there's an eight year age gap, then
Speaker 6: that just becomes a bit tricky because there's so much
Speaker 6: life to live.
Speaker 2: If you're in your thirties and there's an eight not that.
Speaker 6: Bad sixties, no one cares sixty one sixty nine year old.
Speaker 2: You can date all day long. No one cares the
Speaker 2: age gap. I mean, like, I'm giving you a hard time, Midge.
Speaker 3: But the age gap for my last relationship was seven
Speaker 3: years and I was seven years older, so like hell
Speaker 3: Scandalo Bran, but the difference was twenty seven to whatever
Speaker 3: that is thirty five. Also, the other difference is people
Speaker 3: is that you often lie about.
Speaker 2: Your age, so no one knew anyway. Yeah, he thought
Speaker 2: I was twenty eight.
Speaker 3: But do you know what, Mitch, that was okay because
Speaker 3: he's frontal lob developed, so twenty one very funny, and
Speaker 3: he had a bit of life experience and he drove,
Speaker 3: so twenty one no being all serious, as there are
Speaker 3: studies to say that you are still working out who
Speaker 3: you are.