Speaker 1: Do you know what I'm about to buy? What's that? Okay? Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't know how you'll take this news. How many houses?
Speaker 1: How many houses you're buying? Shut up?
Speaker 2: I'm gonna buy some loafers, like leather loafers.
Speaker 1: Like dress loafers around the house. Loafers like dress loafers.
Speaker 1: I think I'm their black leather, shiny yeah, low front. Yeah.
Speaker 1: How do you feel about that?
Speaker 2: I just feel like that's like the next step for me,
Speaker 2: next step in.
Speaker 1: What who I am?
Speaker 2: The evolution, the evolution of me.
Speaker 1: I don't have a problem with them. I don't have
Speaker 1: a problem with them. Well, clearly you fucking do with
Speaker 1: that time No, no, no, no, no no. Could you see
Speaker 1: me in a loafer?
Speaker 3: Our producers put up as he's getting closer to forty.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to Two Going Dads. I am Maddie Jay.
Speaker 1: What do you say? I say? And I'm ash. This
Speaker 1: is a podcast all about parenting. It is the good,
Speaker 1: it is the bad and the relatable.
Speaker 4: Getting foot cramp, get some loafers, bro, excuse me if
Speaker 4: you do get loafers, get a shoehorn.
Speaker 1: No, I feel like shoehorn is you know?
Speaker 4: They say the bigger the horn, the bigger the man.
Speaker 1: But if you get it.
Speaker 2: Also, if you get a shoehorn, you get a big
Speaker 2: one that you don't have to you could be standing up.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's what mean.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you a real big one because you can't bend
Speaker 4: over down there anymore.
Speaker 1: You could get that for me. For Christmas? We are
Speaker 1: are we getting each other?
Speaker 2: We could do a secret center.
Speaker 1: I know who gave it to me.
Speaker 2: Of you we're having for those wondering, we are having
Speaker 2: a Christmas party. I'm excited because I've never had a
Speaker 2: Christmas party at work, Christmas party ever since like eight
Speaker 2: years ago.
Speaker 1: Wow, yeah, I'm not that's sad. Oh one man band,
Speaker 1: one man band. Yes, there's a few people coming.
Speaker 2: Could do, could do a secret center, could do, But
Speaker 2: it's fucking Christmas.
Speaker 1: Ash. I'm not a for God's sake, I'm not a fan.
Speaker 1: I do it for the kids. What's it not to
Speaker 1: be a fan of? What is the problem.
Speaker 4: I think it's all a big waste of money, money
Speaker 4: making scheme. It's a coup ess as writing one notes
Speaker 4: in a book, See I didn't realize the Christmas greench
Speaker 4: she was joining us today.
Speaker 1: Thank you for having me.
Speaker 4: I was talking about this with April today, but I
Speaker 4: just I don't know.
Speaker 1: She was like to me, you gotta remember it's not
Speaker 1: about you the kids. She's one hundred percent.
Speaker 4: And I said, I agreed. I said, yeah, I'm sorry,
Speaker 4: but I do.
Speaker 1: I'm not going to lie to you. I love it.
Speaker 4: Will you buy April anything? We did a scene where
Speaker 4: it's like twenty dollars each?
Speaker 1: What do you buy like a pack of tim tan No.
Speaker 4: No, it's it's it's kind of like how creative you
Speaker 4: can get with that twenty dollars. So I think, like
Speaker 4: last time, I got like this sloth mug and it
Speaker 4: with little things that she uses all the time, like
Speaker 4: a little lip balm, a couple of the things that
Speaker 4: she uses on her day to day, like a new.
Speaker 1: Toothbrush because their breaths doing like a like a little
Speaker 1: like she loves travelsopes. She's a weirdo as in like
Speaker 1: you take them from hotels or yes, But like it's
Speaker 1: how creative you can get with that twenty dollars. I
Speaker 1: love that. It's about the thought that we can apply
Speaker 1: that same.
Speaker 4: What are you guys doing just buying each other new cars,
Speaker 4: houses and boats or helicopter each?
Speaker 1: No? I've requested a new skateboard. Oh, that's right from where.
Speaker 2: There's a little skate shop down the road. So it's
Speaker 2: on the one hand, yes, I'm itching towards forty with
Speaker 2: a pair of loafers, and on the other hand, I'm
Speaker 2: staying in touch with my youthful side with a new skateboard.
Speaker 1: You should get a pair.
Speaker 4: Of Globes or Ethny's or Osiris, chunky fucking things. Now
Speaker 4: we're the Vans. Why don't we hear the loafers? Why
Speaker 4: do you wear the loafers on a skateboard?
Speaker 1: Give me that guy through Bonday. I don't want to
Speaker 1: Here comes Maddie Jay.
Speaker 2: It's not the sound that I make when I skateboard. Also,
Speaker 2: that's like a Batman noise.
Speaker 1: Also on the scale of superheroes, Batman is pretty shit.
Speaker 1: What's going on with your week? Big guy? How come
Speaker 1: you're so stressed out? Why am I stressed out? Can
Speaker 1: you tell me? Man? Do you know what? Actually? What
Speaker 1: is it? Ash? Okay? The cicadas, let me just give
Speaker 1: you a brief overview. And you've heard them. We've all
Speaker 1: heard them.
Speaker 4: There's news articles out about the soicadas this year.
Speaker 2: If anyone is not familiar with the sound of the cicadas.
Speaker 2: We're just going to put in a little snippet of
Speaker 2: what it sounds like from your balcony. Yeah, it's stephening.
Speaker 4: And that's because there's two species of cicada's fighting for territory.
Speaker 2: This year didn't no devil atton brother was here too,
Speaker 2: grosser is fighting for its mate.
Speaker 4: And it's like the out of they are, and the
Speaker 4: more pissed they spread, like the more dominant they are.
Speaker 4: I don't know I made that up, but I know
Speaker 4: they're fighting for territory.
Speaker 2: I haven't heard the piss story. What's the piss about?
Speaker 4: It's just they just piss everywhere to what I don't
Speaker 4: like a dog. Yeah, I would say.
Speaker 1: To Mark territory. You walk out in the front of
Speaker 1: my house. But I told you get to the car.
Speaker 1: It's like you're saturated and you're getting you're getting pissed on,
Speaker 1: get pissed on.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so last week was a bit as you can
Speaker 4: remember the way you like that at all.
Speaker 1: Well, if you got something in the car one second
Speaker 1: April the car April's like where the ash. I don't
Speaker 1: appreciate your judgment. You're judging me.
Speaker 2: I'm not going to kink shame you.
Speaker 1: You're kink shaming me.
Speaker 2: Do you want to get pissed on by Sicanda? It's
Speaker 2: like all the power to you.
Speaker 1: It's refreshing anyway.
Speaker 2: Anyway, Neighbors are like, oh make it the.
Speaker 1: Driver spinning around? Oh god, why has that man got
Speaker 1: an erection that his house?
Speaker 4: It's last week was a bit sunny, rainy, sunny, rainy,
Speaker 4: bit like that sort of weather.
Speaker 1: So I kept walking outside.
Speaker 2: Sitting on your balcony with a cigarette.
Speaker 1: Fem, guy's gonna stop doing this to me that one? Sorry, sorry, sorry, Yeah,
Speaker 1: very hot. So I didn't know if it was raining
Speaker 1: or I was getting pissed. I was getting that finished
Speaker 1: the story and.
Speaker 4: Look, as you saw, it's really loud, but it's also
Speaker 4: sparked the attention, not the piss the bugs themselves.
Speaker 1: Is it a bug in the insect? I fuck?
Speaker 2: I think so, I think I would. I would put
Speaker 2: money on the fact that that would be an insect
Speaker 2: or a bug.
Speaker 4: The kids have are drawn to the cicadas because they
Speaker 4: also come out of the ground.
Speaker 1: They hatch out of a shell. They leave the shell
Speaker 1: wherever they've hatched. Love the shells.
Speaker 4: I love collecting them. But They also pick up the
Speaker 4: dead ones, which is great. Not I've got containers full
Speaker 4: of them at home that the kids have filled up.
Speaker 4: Good containers too, Not these shit takeaway ones. Good tupperware,
Speaker 4: like not the streets ice cream.
Speaker 2: No fucking hell, holy shit, there's a lot of cicadas.
Speaker 1: Very good. How long are you going to keep the
Speaker 1: cicadas for?
Speaker 4: I keep throwing them out because they attract ants. Where
Speaker 4: do you put them in the I put them in
Speaker 4: the back of the bush or when.
Speaker 1: The kids sleep with the sicanda noise going on in
Speaker 1: the background.
Speaker 4: Because at night it really calms down. Of course, the
Speaker 4: hotter it is, the louder they are.
Speaker 1: But they what they do also is they sync up
Speaker 1: the noise, so it's it starts to get louder and louder,
Speaker 1: and then it.
Speaker 4: Starts to go like like like they.
Speaker 1: Sync up together. And you know when you're in a
Speaker 1: car and you open.
Speaker 4: One window and it's like it's like that in your
Speaker 4: head and you're like so ome, we're all fucking going crazy.
Speaker 4: But shut all the doors. It's like thirty degrees so
Speaker 4: stinking hot in my fucking haut.
Speaker 1: What was the decimal reading? You put one hundred and five.
Speaker 1: You measured one hundred and five hundred and five on
Speaker 1: the decimal meter.
Speaker 2: And remind the people listening what causes damage.
Speaker 4: Anywhere between eighty and one hundred and ten. So I'm
Speaker 4: nearly at the threshold of it being dangerous.
Speaker 1: Well, like, what are you going to do? How long
Speaker 1: does it last for?
Speaker 4: I don't know, I don't know. I told you I'm
Speaker 4: gonna have to move. I think, like, they don't last
Speaker 4: that long, and then then they fibernate.
Speaker 1: Although I have this vague memory.
Speaker 2: It's funny because the seasons they go for just long
Speaker 2: enough you forget what it's like when summer comes around
Speaker 2: and you're like, was this always the case?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Always like this, because I haven't When I was a kid,
Speaker 4: I lived in the suburb believing now, and I remember
Speaker 4: they were really bad then, and I've forgotten.
Speaker 1: It's like when we moved to the Gold Coast, we
Speaker 1: moved near the airport and all I could hear was
Speaker 1: the fucking aeroplanes. I was like, how are we going
Speaker 1: to live here?
Speaker 4: And then people had come over and be like, is
Speaker 4: that aeroplane noise annoying? You're like, whatever, you just forget.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So come January when I'm like, ash, how the fuck.
Speaker 1: Do you live like this? I'm like what? And that's
Speaker 1: the joke? Like, and I also at home, Ape was like, hey,
Speaker 1: can you take the rubbija?
Speaker 5: I like, got Herebey, Sorry you have you do talk
Speaker 5: quite loud like you And I keep waking up with
Speaker 5: a sore throat and I don't know why because I'm
Speaker 5: trying to talk over the soicada.
Speaker 1: You're going to say because the sicandages in your ear,
Speaker 1: all that cicarags, I'm out.
Speaker 4: Anyway, the kids are obsessed, and so much so that
Speaker 4: Oscar the other day came home bragging about the socadas
Speaker 4: you've had found in a container. I thought they're in
Speaker 4: the container, lid's on, not my fucking problem, put it outside.
Speaker 1: And then he's gone.
Speaker 4: Last week Ap was in the city lot, so I
Speaker 4: was running around the house when they when they would
Speaker 4: go to bed and clean up before she gets home,
Speaker 4: make sure it's acceptable. And I've picked up his school
Speaker 4: bag and I've opened the school bag full of a
Speaker 4: live cicadas and it just went.
Speaker 1: And stop and I'm like flip.
Speaker 4: Literally, it was like the plane got attacked by them,
Speaker 4: and I'm like trying to swap them out of the
Speaker 4: fucking house, and all I could hear is the kids going.
Speaker 1: What's happening at there? And I was just like nothing.
Speaker 2: I Mean, the good thing is Oscar's not scared of them.
Speaker 4: I don't know how they got in there, because he's
Speaker 4: always like, look at this a live one, you get it.
Speaker 4: I'm like, no, may maybe she might be the culprit.
Speaker 4: But they were in there zipped up.
Speaker 1: That's weird, I know. Also I went to bring the
Speaker 1: washing down and weird washed one of Macy's cot fitted
Speaker 1: cheese so quite small, and I went to take it
Speaker 1: off the wine and one had been caught in there
Speaker 1: and just attacked me in the backyard. Anyway, I'm traumatized
Speaker 1: a fucking night.
Speaker 2: Then I want to ask you about graduation in just
Speaker 2: a second, but before we do that, I want to
Speaker 2: just get your opinion on something that happened last night.
Speaker 1: You know, I called you when I was.
Speaker 2: Driving and I, oh, you're on the way to the
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's the fact that it's end
Speaker 2: of the year. I don't know, like what's going on.
Speaker 2: My kids are being so freaking naughty at the moment.
Speaker 2: Like even daycare was like, oh, Marley's been a little
Speaker 2: bit tricky. She's not listening to anything we're saying.
Speaker 1: Do you think it might be end of term fatigue?
Speaker 1: That's what I was thinking.
Speaker 2: I was like, maybe it's just but I guess they
Speaker 2: don't really have like a big it's fucking daycare. They're
Speaker 2: doing fingerpainting.
Speaker 1: What's it take?
Speaker 4: You got to think, like they've been to they're here,
Speaker 4: they would do what they want to do kind of
Speaker 4: hear in terms of play, but they're they're trying to
Speaker 4: keep everyone uniformed and in control, and they're like, come on,
Speaker 4: we're going to do this now.
Speaker 1: And sometimes I like, what fucking It's just.
Speaker 2: The weekends, Like weekend just gone was one of the
Speaker 2: most unenjoyable good parenting. It was just me too. It
Speaker 2: was just add zero patients.
Speaker 4: We actually funny you say that because we were at
Speaker 4: my I was at my house and I had some
Speaker 4: friends over with their kids and a friend Miles, who
Speaker 4: doesn't have any very much, doesn't have any kids, very single, and.
Speaker 1: He was like, is there every off switch? Does this
Speaker 1: ever end?
Speaker 4: They would just fucking one would break down and then
Speaker 4: like want to do something naughty? Then want to punch
Speaker 4: it up?
Speaker 1: They just know.
Speaker 4: I think they know. I think subconsciously they know. Okay,
Speaker 4: it's coming to the end of the year.
Speaker 2: The Christmas bribes are not working for me this year.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: It's like it's it's a tricky it's a tricky time
Speaker 2: of the year. Maybe I'm fatigued and I'm just taking
Speaker 2: it out of my kids. But last night, okay, last night,
Speaker 2: Laura had a work phone call come through. She had
Speaker 2: to grab that. I was putting the kids in the bath.
Speaker 1: Terrible time for a phone call.
Speaker 2: I mean, did she have to take it? Could she
Speaker 2: have pushed it back half now?
Speaker 1: Who knows?
Speaker 2: Yes, the answer to who knows. Anyway, she had to
Speaker 2: take the phone call, and I was like, I'll put
Speaker 2: the kids in the bar. I left it too late.
Speaker 2: It was seven o'clock and I was like, OK, guys,
Speaker 2: we're gonna wash our bellies and they were like fuck off.
Speaker 1: And I was like tell.
Speaker 2: They were like nah, but like not keen. And I
Speaker 2: was like, we'll brush our teeth first, not keen. Every
Speaker 2: time I came to the smooth brush, Lola was like
Speaker 2: swatting me away, and I was like, we need to
Speaker 2: we have the sugar bugs like I was just trying
Speaker 2: every direction of like who can brush the teeth the fastest?
Speaker 2: Nothing was working. I just wanted to get them in
Speaker 2: and out. Every time I kind of like tried to
Speaker 2: wash one, they would like scurry away, and I was like,
Speaker 2: do you know what, Like I've tried for ten minutes
Speaker 2: now to try and gently encourage them to get on
Speaker 2: board and do what I want to do. I'm just
Speaker 2: going to fucking pin down Mali, like I'm not a sheep.
Speaker 1: Well, you know how you.
Speaker 2: See them like the ship, they like dunk him in
Speaker 2: like a liquid when they have to get like.
Speaker 1: Before they light them on fire. Yeah what sorry, they dunk.
Speaker 2: The sheep and like a liquid and it gets rid
Speaker 2: of the pests.
Speaker 1: And oh anyway, I thought, man like pinned down well
Speaker 1: to the.
Speaker 2: Send like shearing a sheep anyway, So I was like
Speaker 2: gently I pinned her down. I just I grabbed her.
Speaker 2: I had some Yeah, I was trying to wrangle her.
Speaker 1: I just washed her. She was screaming because she's like
Speaker 1: I don't want to be washed.
Speaker 2: It was like whatever, grab Lola just like brush his
Speaker 2: heath and she was like squirming around.
Speaker 1: I just just like I'm just gonna do it.
Speaker 2: Both kids are screaming like hysterical because they're just tired. Right,
Speaker 2: And then Laura came down off the back of her
Speaker 2: phone call and she was like, what have you done?
Speaker 2: And I'm standing there next.
Speaker 1: To kids who acting like they've just been like what
Speaker 1: have you done? To these kids that have definitely not
Speaker 1: done anything wrong? But I'm like, what do you what
Speaker 1: do I do not wash them? Or do you just
Speaker 1: wouldn't wash them? Yeah? Yeah? Right?
Speaker 4: You know, Like what I'll do is if they're being
Speaker 4: difficult with like washing them with like a washer, like,
Speaker 4: I'll literally go and get the biggest container I can
Speaker 4: find and just don't get and go and it goes.
Speaker 1: Even that would make them cry.
Speaker 4: And I'm like and then and then I leave.
Speaker 2: The room, April by work here.
Speaker 1: I just literally come out of the door. What I
Speaker 1: do like look at each other and go did that
Speaker 1: just happen? Yeah? Get over it?
Speaker 2: In that situation. Tell me if I'm wrong, it's only
Speaker 2: going to end and them having tears, always them having
Speaker 2: a melt down and then coming back down and settling
Speaker 2: down and then going to bed. Right, that's just the
Speaker 2: way it's going to happen.
Speaker 4: I think, like you could have the melt down and
Speaker 4: have the rest of the bedtime be at nightmare, or
Speaker 4: you could just like go, look, tonight, it's not mine eyes,
Speaker 4: not my night borrow, let's just go.
Speaker 1: Let's just let them they're in the water. That's a
Speaker 1: good start.
Speaker 2: But at the same time, Lola never wants to brush
Speaker 2: the teeth. Like it's the same story every single night.
Speaker 2: So I'm like, shame her. Huh, shame her keep breastings. No,
Speaker 2: I you know, I have that little mouthguard mybizzi line.
Speaker 2: I were at nighttime and she's like, what's that? And
Speaker 2: I go, this is to keep my teeth in because
Speaker 2: if I didn't have this, they'd all fall out because
Speaker 2: I never brush my teeth when I was a kid.
Speaker 2: And she's like, oh, you're a loser.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay.
Speaker 2: So I'm like that doesn't work either. Nothing works. I think, like,
Speaker 2: tell me, I'm not the only one with kids who
Speaker 2: are currently being absolutely not.
Speaker 4: Like last week, I was just like at my witsand
Speaker 4: with them, it would I was going for and log
Speaker 4: in hindsight, I'm like, oh, I just relax a little bit.
Speaker 4: In hindsight, I was I was going from like, hey,
Speaker 4: can you move that too.
Speaker 1: So quickly and like do you do like a shout?
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, don't you I can do, and I was.
Speaker 1: I would be putting the dad voice on way coickout
Speaker 1: than I would be usually. Usually I'm like, he goes
Speaker 1: you just that you have to make Usually I go
Speaker 1: nothing works.
Speaker 4: Keep put your shoes and socks on, but put your
Speaker 4: shoes and your socks on.
Speaker 1: Doesn't listen. That's the second time.
Speaker 4: Third time like oscar, shoes, socks, Then still nothing. How
Speaker 4: many times do I have to tell you to put
Speaker 4: your shoes and socks on?
Speaker 1: That's too long. I don't reckon that happened because then
Speaker 1: he's like.
Speaker 2: Immobilized him and he was like too many words.
Speaker 1: I can't do all these words. And then I'm like
Speaker 1: shoes just like that. That usually gets them nice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but last week I would go for him, Hey, Bud,
Speaker 1: put shoes on. Put your shoes and shoes on for
Speaker 1: people listening. He doesn't swear like that, don't tell me
Speaker 1: what I do and don't do. I'm like, I don't
Speaker 1: know my breath. I'm like, did you swear it all
Speaker 1: the graduation? No? A couple of things happened.
Speaker 4: Well, so I'll Okay, I'll tell you what one of
Speaker 4: our two graduations.
Speaker 1: All right, you playing mine with yours?
Speaker 2: So also, first congratulations, yes, son graduating from daycare.
Speaker 1: I'm surprised.
Speaker 4: I'm glad someone in the family finally graduated something. As
Speaker 4: you know, I goes to two kindis the Long DAYK
Speaker 4: one was last week on Thursday.
Speaker 1: And it's cool. They all came out. They did or
Speaker 1: what they do.
Speaker 4: They present them with like a little certificate in front
Speaker 4: of all the parents.
Speaker 1: Love and how many kids I'm gonna say like fourteen?
Speaker 1: He said's good, we had twenty three. Holy shit. Now
Speaker 1: the presentation took forever. That's because your area's overpopulated. Thank you.
Speaker 1: We need to do something about that.
Speaker 2: That's another podcast episode, the over population of the Eastern suburbs.
Speaker 1: Did anyone cry? And yeah, there was one kid he cried,
Speaker 1: ran off the parents. There was a few. There's a
Speaker 1: few parents that cried. And I have a problem with crying.
Speaker 1: What was the trees? What was the trigger for crying?
Speaker 4: Ah, the trigger for crying was and Osana cried from
Speaker 4: laughter is Lenny's parents because they did what they would
Speaker 4: do is they would go, you know, Lenny, Oscar whatever
Speaker 4: graduated what they want to be when they grow up?
Speaker 1: He said, muscle man. That's my way. Anyway, Oscar's turn
Speaker 1: comes up, and he was like last in the line,
Speaker 1: what did he want to be?
Speaker 4: Well, I'm surprised. And then also I blurted out something
Speaker 4: afterwards that was a little bit too loud.
Speaker 1: What'd you blurt out?
Speaker 4: So they said, Oscar Wicks graduating. When he grows up,
Speaker 4: he wants to be a policeman, and I just said, snitch.
Speaker 1: I'm older, you bro, And I was like, oh.
Speaker 2: It was like, hey, do you know what's funny? Marley
Speaker 2: wanted to be a policeman, spy. Policeman, spy.
Speaker 4: There was a girl there that wanted to be a doctor,
Speaker 4: and then, in a spare time, a pilot, and I thought.
Speaker 1: I never retiever.
Speaker 2: There was one boy who said air conditioner repair man,
Speaker 2: and everyone laughed, and I'm pretty sure it's because his
Speaker 2: dad is an air conditioning I was.
Speaker 1: Like, that's so bad. That job's not bad. That's great. Yeah,
Speaker 1: people need it. It's summer. Go for an attainable goal.
Speaker 1: I like it. Anyway, then they did like her.
Speaker 4: A re enactment of the Hungry, Hungry Caterpillar story so
Speaker 4: it's like a show like.
Speaker 1: Does a caterpillar kids like attached to each other. So
Speaker 1: one kid was the caterpillar and then.
Speaker 4: The was the she Daisy was the caterpillar. Anyway, so
Speaker 4: what would happen is say there would be like on
Speaker 4: Monday eight one apple, so one apple would come out
Speaker 4: and the caterpillar would go over in front of her.
Speaker 1: There were signs of the fruit.
Speaker 2: You're leaving out some critical information here anyway, then poor days.
Speaker 2: I'm just imagine her like slithering over the floor.
Speaker 4: And then they did a they did just dance at
Speaker 4: the end.
Speaker 1: Love that.
Speaker 4: I think I've actually got maybe just a little bit
Speaker 4: of Oscar because Oscar took.
Speaker 1: It very seriously.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I love that, and he was very good. I
Speaker 4: will say it is spice in his moves. There's one
Speaker 4: movie in particular, Scars.
Speaker 1: It's very good. He's killing this. He's good. He's very good.
Speaker 2: He absolutely he really When we did Dancing with his stars,
Speaker 2: go no, we were told to. It's like, you know,
Speaker 2: when you do a move, you got to like.
Speaker 1: Sell the move.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, moments have to be like very like intentioned.
Speaker 2: And he's he's got that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he did really really well. But I was shocked.
Speaker 4: He was very good, very good, very very good.
Speaker 2: What time is that, by the way, like what time
Speaker 2: of days of graduation?
Speaker 1: Nine thirty in the morning. I like that.
Speaker 4: Yeah, So that was one KINDI the other KINDI was
Speaker 4: like a Christians poper.
Speaker 1: They don't make the kids perform.
Speaker 4: They actually had one of the teachers perform, and she
Speaker 4: was outstanding.
Speaker 1: I will say.
Speaker 2: I want to say, just quietly, if anyone from our
Speaker 2: daycare is listening, I want to say that you guys
Speaker 2: do an incredible job. Oh yeah, look after my children,
Speaker 2: and I can only appreciate how stressful it must be
Speaker 2: at this end of the year to look after the
Speaker 2: kids as well as planning graduation.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they do the extracurricular stuff free of charge.
Speaker 2: Like like, I commend you very very impressive. However, I
Speaker 2: do have one little gripe.
Speaker 1: Laid on me. Has went for a very long time.
Speaker 1: How long?
Speaker 2: So we were told get there for fivety five. I
Speaker 2: am no, So they were like five forty five, get there.
Speaker 2: So it's like pretty late already.
Speaker 1: Let's start. All the parents are there.
Speaker 2: A lot of the parents had younger children, you know
Speaker 2: who in the nursery, and and so we're all waiting around,
Speaker 2: doesn't start till six o'clock.
Speaker 1: I think something happened.
Speaker 2: And they took a while to set up, so the
Speaker 2: kids didn't come out until like just after six, right,
Speaker 2: because it was twenty three kids. It took a really
Speaker 2: long time. I had three songs to start with. They
Speaker 2: then did the presentation of a pluk and a shirt,
Speaker 2: which they each got a shirt. Yeah nice, it's nice,
Speaker 2: but it took a really really long time. Also, Lola
Speaker 2: at this point is now at quarter to seven, she's
Speaker 2: fucking starving.
Speaker 1: Bro oh yeah, is hungry. She's like a dad.
Speaker 2: And then we had a little little play because all
Speaker 2: the kids are up there and they want to like
Speaker 2: now mingle. And then we were like, well, time to
Speaker 2: like get out of here, all right, thanks very much.
Speaker 2: And then the teacher's like no, no, no where wait. They
Speaker 2: had to put them in a little graduation like hat thing.
Speaker 2: I had three more songs to perform, and like the
Speaker 2: songs went on and they played a video as well,
Speaker 2: which I will say beautiful video, very emotional, gorgeous, fantastic, nice.
Speaker 2: Touch went for ten minutes.
Speaker 1: We were very trump then very trump beautiful. I was
Speaker 1: in it. Nice.
Speaker 2: It was ten minutes long, ten minutes, like thank you?
Speaker 1: What?
Speaker 4: Thank you? I don't know how long it should be. What's
Speaker 4: the length of that song? What's that song that's on
Speaker 4: every graduation video? Like as we go, that's how long
Speaker 4: a video should be. She'd be like two and a
Speaker 4: half minutes. I mean, I get it. It's beautiful.
Speaker 2: Every parent will see their kid, and a lot of
Speaker 2: them were there from when they were like little bebars
Speaker 2: to now, so there's a lot of con tend to
Speaker 2: get through. But Mariyd only joined quite late. So once
Speaker 2: I saw Marley twice, I was like.
Speaker 1: Wrap it up. Yeah, the production is terrible.
Speaker 2: We didn't get out of it until seven thirty.
Speaker 1: Thank you. That sucks. It was long. That's too long.
Speaker 1: It was too long, too long, way too.
Speaker 4: We were like nine thirty two, ten thirty and they
Speaker 4: had and then you.
Speaker 1: Have food yours.
Speaker 2: We had donuts, just donuts and some sushik.
Speaker 1: What do they say?
Speaker 2: We had in Eleanor Heights woolworst muffins.
Speaker 1: Sorry, I'm going go, but yeah, it was lovely.
Speaker 2: But we got in the car and I was like,
Speaker 2: that went for bloody ages And I was like that
Speaker 2: was really long.
Speaker 1: And Marley was like it was long, and I was like,
Speaker 1: damn it, she can spell and read.
Speaker 2: Now I will say I made a big mistake. Ash,
Speaker 2: I'm very gow a mistake.
Speaker 1: No, I know, very good.
Speaker 2: Up until now, we had one orientation left at school
Speaker 2: for Marley to attend. We even bought the uniform because
Speaker 2: Marley was like, this's the first two she didn't wear
Speaker 2: a uniform. So she's been wearing uniform every night. We're
Speaker 2: in the uniform to daycare as well. And then Marley
Speaker 2: was like, hey, Dad, when's my next orientation? And I
Speaker 2: was like, it's coming up. Check the calendar.
Speaker 1: Missed it by a week. What are you going to do?
Speaker 1: I said.
Speaker 2: The teachers were so impressed that every child and the orientation,
Speaker 2: they said they don't need one more.
Speaker 1: They'll just say see you brighton early next year, February.
Speaker 1: And she's like really. I was like, yeah, he did
Speaker 1: so good.
Speaker 4: Wow, Wow, it is where your uniform to school week,
Speaker 4: well to preschool week this week.
Speaker 1: So askars very excited.
Speaker 4: And he does his thing where he knows he's not
Speaker 4: asking if he can do something, but he's telling me
Speaker 4: in a way of asking me if you can do something.
Speaker 4: For example, I was like, go and get your new
Speaker 4: school hat for next year, because you can wear that today.
Speaker 4: And he comes out and goes, but we're not allowed
Speaker 4: to take out new school.
Speaker 1: Bags, are we?
Speaker 4: Because he wants to do he wants to and I
Speaker 4: was like no, no, I was like, no, Bud, sorry,
Speaker 4: we'll save it, save it for next year.
Speaker 1: But I think that's very clever. I like, I like
Speaker 1: his approach. Evil genius, isn't it? So? Laura and I ash,
Speaker 1: I think.
Speaker 2: This was Laura, my wife, Laura married to Laura lady.
Speaker 2: She's great, very good, but a lucky man.
Speaker 1: So when she steals our content.
Speaker 2: I mean, you saw that Laura watching parenting lines. We'll
Speaker 2: bring parenting Lines back next year.
Speaker 1: When Laura stops next year, she's got like two doting mums.
Speaker 1: You're like, what, you know it? It'd be better than
Speaker 1: us as well, damn it. I know.
Speaker 2: So it was that time of the month, and the
Speaker 2: time of the month had finished, right, we're both keen,
Speaker 2: we're on the same page. And Laura had a life
Speaker 2: uncut Christmas dinner thing on the Saturday, and she goes,
Speaker 2: don't worry, it's gonna be really quick, have dinner. I'll
Speaker 2: be home, yes, not too late.
Speaker 1: Italian somewhere. I was speaks for the invite. I know, right,
Speaker 1: I was.
Speaker 2: Nosed because garlic is not agreeing with her at the moment.
Speaker 2: Have we spoken about before? Yeah, I was like, fuck,
Speaker 2: she's gone to Italian.
Speaker 1: Well known for using their garlic.
Speaker 2: Those Italians in their garlic, think they love it.
Speaker 1: Also, I thank them for it. Yeah, Oh they know
Speaker 1: what they're doing, very delicious.
Speaker 2: Listen mill and so like eight thirty, nine o'clock, nine thirty,
Speaker 2: and I was like, what.
Speaker 1: Are you doing anxiously waiting up? Yeah, I was just
Speaker 1: sitting on the couch of the direction. She'll be home soon,
Speaker 1: I promise. And I was like, how far off are you?
Speaker 1: So she gets home, it's like eleven thirty. If anyone
Speaker 1: who's married, that's way past six. That's like, that's the
Speaker 1: you could potentially be having sex in two days. Yes,
Speaker 1: you could go over into the next day. Sunday.
Speaker 2: Sunday nights not a sex night Sunday morning either, Sunday
Speaker 2: never never never.
Speaker 1: Yes, if you go from like eleven thirty, but.
Speaker 2: Then Monday night, it's not a sex night for us.
Speaker 2: Tuesday maybe maybe Wednesday night, you.
Speaker 1: Pretty much put yourself out another one.
Speaker 2: It's so yeah, I'm steering und the barrel of like
Speaker 2: a famine, a week long famine. Laura comes in and
Speaker 2: she's like, we're doing it. Get upstairs, shut up, take
Speaker 2: your eyes off.
Speaker 1: I'd be fast sleep. It's very tired. I think I
Speaker 1: even said. I was like, I don't want it to
Speaker 1: be like rush tired sex.
Speaker 4: You're like pretending you're like, oh to' still like knocking
Speaker 4: over chairs and my directions, I'm walking up the stairs.
Speaker 1: So then we do the.
Speaker 2: Dedde was great, and then at five five yeah, five cool,
Speaker 2: five good to know five. So then just about to
Speaker 2: fall asleep, a lovely said nothing better than a sleep
Speaker 2: after sex, cigarette and asleep. I never had a cigarette,
Speaker 2: fell asleep with it nice as someone who used to smoke.
Speaker 1: Nah, okay, put that to bed.
Speaker 4: So you never smoked after there's a there's an old
Speaker 4: joke that says like, do you smoke after sex?
Speaker 1: It's like, I don't know, I've never looked. Okay, you
Speaker 1: don't get it.
Speaker 4: Do you smoke after sex? Like because you're so hot
Speaker 4: or yeah, because it's the friction. And then you're like, no,
Speaker 4: I never checked.
Speaker 1: So then we're bout to fall asleep.
Speaker 2: We start to hear, we start to hear a little
Speaker 2: cry Ellie, it was Marley Ah. And you know what
Speaker 2: ailment really does, sacash and earache.
Speaker 1: It's one of those things we I don't know what's
Speaker 1: wrong with me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're like nah, and you're like you can't do anything,
Speaker 2: and you're also eyes and ears quite nerve wracking.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like it would be It would be.
Speaker 2: Really frustrating if she went deaf and then they're like,
Speaker 2: what happened? I said, well, I just I ignored the
Speaker 2: signs and she went deaf and I didn't do anything.
Speaker 1: We were having sex. That's okay, so once a week
Speaker 1: we haven't, oh well.
Speaker 2: And so she was in agony screaming and then I
Speaker 2: was like, is it a burst ear drump? Maybe an insect.
Speaker 4: Sicata, maybeicada or maybe should just heard you guys love making.
Speaker 1: I'm a quiet lover, thank you very much. I've been
Speaker 1: told that.
Speaker 2: And Laura was like after fifteen minutes, she was like,
Speaker 2: we won't have to go to hospital. So she's crying
Speaker 2: so much and she's just going, oh my, got it
Speaker 2: hurt so much. We were thinking it was a burst
Speaker 2: ear drum and I was like fuck fuck Cash like
Speaker 2: The last thing I want to do is go to
Speaker 2: shut Royal Children's Hospital. It's now like after midnight.
Speaker 1: You've just had sex, just had sex, you know. I
Speaker 1: got to walk in there like, who smells like sex
Speaker 1: in here? Thankfully?
Speaker 2: Think it dozed her up on like panadole went to
Speaker 2: sleep yep, wake up And I was like, Molly, how's
Speaker 2: your ear?
Speaker 1: And she goes, what are you?
Speaker 2: I was like, you're crying last night for years.
Speaker 1: She goes, no, it wasn't. That was what a you're
Speaker 1: talking about. It must have been one of your other kids.
Speaker 1: It was like this phantom earache. Yeah, right, fucking who knows?
Speaker 1: She was dreaming. I think it was a nightmare.
Speaker 2: But she was in agony, bro screaming, holding her ear,
Speaker 2: being like it hurts.
Speaker 4: Weird nothing since nothings, the phantom, the mystery of the
Speaker 4: earache that never existed.
Speaker 1: Have you had that? No?
Speaker 2: Yeah, listen to questions. Yes, we've got a couple here.
Speaker 1: Oh this is a good one actually.
Speaker 4: Dannielle Danielle, Danielle Danielle. This is from Dan Darnel.
Speaker 1: Can you give a little shout out? Isn't that enough
Speaker 1: of a shadow?
Speaker 4: It's free ronniere Danielle, Thank you for the great question.
Speaker 4: Danielle shout out to Danielle, thanks for writing in we
Speaker 4: love you, Thanks so much.
Speaker 2: That good enough for you, Very good, very good. I'm
Speaker 2: sure she is back.
Speaker 1: When are siblings too old to bathe together?
Speaker 2: That is a very good question. She did also add
Speaker 2: a little line in there. I saw she wants to
Speaker 2: know and sharing a room as well. I think I
Speaker 2: was showering with my brothers when I was like thirteen.
Speaker 2: I think I think.
Speaker 1: What that's been old? Were there any pubes involved? Couple?
Speaker 1: I remember? I think I does your brothers though have
Speaker 1: one sister? My mom was in there, she's out numbered.
Speaker 2: No, I think I think I have my older brother
Speaker 2: who is maybe like five years older than me.
Speaker 1: And he still wanted to do it.
Speaker 2: Don't shame me and my family for what we did
Speaker 2: when we were younger. I remember being like.
Speaker 1: What are they? Because he had pubes? That's my penis mustache.
Speaker 1: I was like, good A look spread them. Is that
Speaker 1: too old? Yes? It is too old? Is it? Yes?
Speaker 1: I look Oscar Macy.
Speaker 4: I'm at the point now I need to separate them
Speaker 4: because they's get the big close.
Speaker 1: What you don't know?
Speaker 4: It's innocent, but I'm like, separ eight. I don't know,
Speaker 4: I such a I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think I don't know.
Speaker 4: Actually, yesterday on the weekend, we were down at the
Speaker 4: beach and we were going to the beach shower and
Speaker 4: I stripped Macy off. She's completely naked out of the shower.
Speaker 4: But Oscar was like, I don't want to take my
Speaker 4: shorts off because I wanted to get the.
Speaker 1: Sand off him.
Speaker 4: And They're like, no, no, no, he's getting older. There was
Speaker 4: other young girls around, like teenage girls. He's like, I
Speaker 4: don't want to and I was like, oh, okay, you
Speaker 4: can just shower in your shorts, you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: So it's like he's getting to an age and they will.
Speaker 4: And I don't know, every kid's going to be different.
Speaker 4: I suppose with how how they what they know about
Speaker 4: their body, I guess, and like I think, I.
Speaker 2: Just we were at the beach on the weekend as well,
Speaker 2: and we walking down to the beach.
Speaker 1: You're like, I was like, I had the buggaboo.
Speaker 2: It was facing forward, so with a shade up, I
Speaker 2: couldn't really see what Lla was doing. But afterwards we
Speaker 2: took the Simons off put address on her was walking
Speaker 2: down the promenade Upondo Beach, which is very busy, especially
Speaker 2: on the weekend. I stopped and just like peered over
Speaker 2: the cover to make sure she was okay, legs spread,
Speaker 2: just having a little play.
Speaker 1: I was like, what are you doing?
Speaker 4: She's like what I know, because there's a fine line
Speaker 4: where don't want to shame them.
Speaker 1: I'm like, but like.
Speaker 4: Oscar makes you share a bath, boy and girl, and look,
Speaker 4: sometimes they find themselves in weird positions. I'm like, what
Speaker 4: the fuck like, especially like Oscar, you're older, don't put
Speaker 4: your hand on your dick in front of your sister.
Speaker 1: And I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't know what the answer is. I'm not someone
Speaker 4: tells the tells the answer, and is it? Like I said,
Speaker 4: Oscar's sort of like getting going to primary school next year.
Speaker 4: I think it's time that you can kind of have
Speaker 4: a shower, bro, and let your sister have a bath
Speaker 4: or whatever.
Speaker 1: I just don't it's different with you girls.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's grade one, grade two, that's when
Speaker 2: it starts, obviously, unless you in my household.
Speaker 1: N Yeah, came on to your eighteen formative. But I
Speaker 1: used to.
Speaker 2: I used to share a room with my sister when
Speaker 2: we were fourteen.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you've clothed very different. That's right. It would
Speaker 1: be weird if you were separate beds. So my kids
Speaker 1: share a room. Your kids share? What about your sister?
Speaker 1: My sister, we had separate rooms, never shared. It must
Speaker 1: be nice.
Speaker 4: No, it was a rental, my lad. I used to
Speaker 4: sleep in the hallway. No, we had separate We've always
Speaker 4: had separate rooms. I only ever used to have a
Speaker 4: bath with dad, but like he would have speedos on
Speaker 4: when I was at an older age.
Speaker 1: But like fourteen is too old that much. Tell that
Speaker 1: to my mother. Oh, well, don't you are, she's upstairs.
Speaker 1: Do you want explains a lot that you let your
Speaker 1: kids bath together for so long? They're really closed? Next question,
Speaker 1: are you guys? From who this is from? You want
Speaker 1: to give them a shout out? This is this is
Speaker 1: from me? Shout out to out. You're very good, Thank you,
Speaker 1: Thank you. I needed that. Thank you from me to you?
Speaker 2: Is your family? Are you in April?
Speaker 1: Spit it out and you and April? That's what we
Speaker 1: have time for?
Speaker 2: You doing elf in the shell?
Speaker 1: Why do I need to give myself something else to
Speaker 1: worry about? Don't you want to funk with your kids
Speaker 1: a little bit.
Speaker 4: No, I see all those on just like one was
Speaker 4: like cutting the clothes off a kid.
Speaker 1: It was like ruined the shirt.
Speaker 2: Firstly, do your kids know what elf and the shelf? Okay,
Speaker 2: so my kids didn't know either.
Speaker 1: Who told them? So we're not an elf in the
Speaker 1: Shell family.
Speaker 2: Laura is not an elf in the Shell family collectively,
Speaker 2: not an elf in the Shell family.
Speaker 1: Why would you would you want to be?
Speaker 2: So Sunday weekend just gone. Kids are together and kids
Speaker 2: are kind of sharing stories and they were like, hey,
Speaker 2: have you guys got the magic elf at your house?
Speaker 2: And Marley was going, magic elf? What are you talking about?
Speaker 2: And the kids were like, We've got an elf elf
Speaker 2: on the shelf and every night he magically moves.
Speaker 1: He springs to life.
Speaker 2: As soon as we go to bed and we wake up,
Speaker 2: he's in a different spot. And Marley was like, holy shit,
Speaker 2: she couldn't believe it. We say goodbye to our and
Speaker 2: this is and nephews, and then Marley's like, Dad, I
Speaker 2: think we better start looking. We might have a magic
Speaker 2: elf a home.
Speaker 1: Nope.
Speaker 2: I was like, there's no on there. Molly was like,
Speaker 2: but how do you know? And I was like, because
Speaker 2: I haven't seen one. And she's like, yeah, but he
Speaker 2: might be hiding. And I was like, oh, yeah, I
Speaker 2: guess maybe, and she's like, I'm.
Speaker 1: Gonna I'm gonna find him.
Speaker 2: So we get home and she's looking everywhere, like upstairs,
Speaker 2: in the cupboards. At one point she was like, I
Speaker 2: know where he is. In the washing machine. Fuck that
Speaker 2: cheeky yelf ran in there. She's like, not there. She's like,
Speaker 2: I know he's here somewhere. And I was like, Mally,
Speaker 2: I'm telling you, if he was here, I would have
Speaker 2: seen him. And then and then outside there was like
Speaker 2: a little plastic pop plant that had no plant in it,
Speaker 2: and augusta wind came and it blew over and.
Speaker 1: Molly was like, he's here. That was it? Wasn't it
Speaker 1: any little sign like or something like knocks off the table.
Speaker 4: She's like, fuck, oh, just I think still clear doing it.
Speaker 1: It looks like so much effort.
Speaker 2: But part of me is like, maybe that was him.
Speaker 1: You're right, Marley, I just I think I heard him upstairs.
Speaker 1: Quick check if he's there. This is my gripe with it.
Speaker 1: We've already got a If there's kids in the car,
Speaker 1: who ho ho it's Santa here. Boys and girls, please
Speaker 1: cover your ears during this next bit. Hide the Santa thing.
Speaker 2: I gotta give more of a warning than that. You
Speaker 2: can't be like kids in the car.
Speaker 4: No, if there's kids in the car, boys, that's too
Speaker 4: late now whatever. So I took them to see Santa
Speaker 4: doing the Santa photo, okay, and we finished it in
Speaker 4: the Santa photo and we happened to be the last
Speaker 4: one before the break.
Speaker 1: Anyway, I'm walking away.
Speaker 4: With Oscar and Santa's gone around the corner taking his
Speaker 4: head off pretty much like his master.
Speaker 1: And was like, he's like, what's he doing? I was like, nohing,
Speaker 1: like usher, would he do that behind closed doors? I
Speaker 1: think he thought he was. I think thought he was
Speaker 1: out of the way. He's like, he's like kids.
Speaker 4: And then so I've already got to hide the fact
Speaker 4: once again.
Speaker 1: If you've got kids in this answer is not real.
Speaker 1: Why are we now doing this thing and putting more
Speaker 1: pressure on parents to doing the show?
Speaker 2: I think I'm going to do it, and I'm just
Speaker 2: going to test the waters, just see what it's like,
Speaker 2: see if she's into it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, a report back work, got any ideas of
Speaker 1: what you're going to do with the elf. Fah, no yet.
Speaker 2: I might cut her a fringe and so she wakes
Speaker 2: up and then there's like a pair of scissors and
Speaker 2: then there's a hare and.
Speaker 1: I'm like, it was the magic girlf Oh my god.
Speaker 1: It's like, isn't that fucked up? People do that stuff
Speaker 1: that is fucked not us. That was a joke, Ash.
Speaker 2: This is our last episode potentially.
Speaker 1: Ever, of the year God of twenty twenty four.
Speaker 6: Yes, what what?
Speaker 1: What are we laughing at?
Speaker 2: Its just like it was like, you know, like it's
Speaker 2: a big moment. You know, it's like it's the light.
Speaker 2: It's the last one.
Speaker 1: Well that no, I'm out here.
Speaker 2: We will be back next week on Christmas Day. Yeah,
Speaker 2: but it will be a best of. We hope you
Speaker 2: all have a great Christmas, all of you. We'll chat
Speaker 2: to you guys next week for a best of we will,
Speaker 2: and then we will be back early next year.
Speaker 1: Don't forget to buy the calendar. Okay, calendar for God's sake,
Speaker 1: twenty twenty five, not two. We've got twenty left. There's
Speaker 1: only limited amounts left. There's twenty left. Please twenty left,
Speaker 1: Please buy them.
Speaker 4: All proceeds go to a very good course, which is
Speaker 4: victims of domestic violence, which is Rise Up of course.
Speaker 1: So you can buy the budge my website link. I
Speaker 1: was going to say, sorry, sorry, go and finish it off. Link.
Speaker 2: Is it in the show notes, review, subscribe comments, join
Speaker 2: us on social media at Two Doting Dads.
Speaker 1: We'll see you guys next year, next year. Yes, Merry Christmas,
Speaker 1: Happy New Years. I just really want to go to
Speaker 1: the bank.
Speaker 2: That's good, A good Christmas, goodbye bye.
Speaker 1: In your mind. Just a little quick story. Okay, I've
Speaker 1: heard a little quick one after your one.
Speaker 2: A little little quick one before we go into listening question,
Speaker 2: A little one. Oh no, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Well, don't you.
Speaker 2: Well go on, go on please, Two Doting Dads podcast
Speaker 2: acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the
Speaker 2: connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 4: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 4: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Straight
Speaker 4: Islander people's today.
Speaker 1: This episode was recorded on Gadigle Land