Speaker 1: Today's episode is going to be different. I think it's
Speaker 1: something that every single one of you will benefit from,
Speaker 1: and it's also from someone that many of you will know.
Speaker 1: We are getting on one of Australia's best relationship experts.
Speaker 1: You recognize his voice straight away from Australia's most popular
Speaker 1: TV show Maps. It's none other than John Aiken. He
Speaker 1: really is a brilliant mind, a beautiful, caring person. But
Speaker 1: he's also direct, you know, he tells you what you
Speaker 1: need to hear. And I'm a huge believer that, you know,
Speaker 1: wrapping things up in cottonwall, or wrapping people up in cottonwall,
Speaker 1: or not telling people the important truth doesn't necessarily help
Speaker 1: them in the long run. So we're going to rattle
Speaker 1: things a little bit today. We're going to shake things
Speaker 1: up a bit. You're going to hear some really important,
Speaker 1: hard truths about how you can get into a relationship
Speaker 1: or improve the relationship that you're in. I can't wait
Speaker 1: to get in that with John. And then we're going
Speaker 1: to also talk about something and I get asked about
Speaker 1: all the time.
Speaker 2: I'm pretty much at my goal weight and my food
Speaker 2: and my training is consistent, but I just can't seem
Speaker 2: to get the muscle tone and definition, particularly in my
Speaker 2: stomach that I'm after. So just wondering your thoughts and
Speaker 2: advice on this and what I need to do to
Speaker 2: sort of get across the line.
Speaker 1: This is the woodlfe on Sam Wood. It's a ripping episode.
Speaker 3: Let's get into it.
Speaker 1: John Aken, Welcome to the Woodline.
Speaker 4: It is a pleasure, Sam. I've been looking forward to this.
Speaker 1: I have too, Mate, I have to so you may
Speaker 1: recognize that voice. It is the straight shooting, very direct,
Speaker 1: highly highly insightful man from Maths married at first sight.
Speaker 1: I'm not a Maths diehard, I have to. I have
Speaker 1: to tell that I have seen bits and pieces from
Speaker 1: certain seasons. But you have to be living under a
Speaker 1: rock in this country to not know what's going on
Speaker 1: with Maths when it's when it's in full swing, because
Speaker 1: it really is such a such a huge TV show.
Speaker 1: And I mean, I want to talk to you today
Speaker 1: about relationships, and I want to talk today about a
Speaker 1: few questions that I get regarding relationships and how it
Speaker 1: impacts people's health. But before we do that, from a
Speaker 1: fitness perspective, I often hear that it's it's almost always
Speaker 1: from women, who have an unsupportive husband or partner, and
Speaker 1: they they really struggle, particularly for sustainable change when they're
Speaker 1: on this kind of transformation journey or get more health
Speaker 1: on contract journey, because they feel that they are completely unsupported.
Speaker 1: You know jokes, you eat the rabbit food in inverted commas.
Speaker 1: I'll have a real meal, you know. Oh, if you
Speaker 1: go again for your stupid workout, you know, just always
Speaker 1: always talking it down. Another one of these exercise things
Speaker 1: that will last five minutes. You know, you'll be back
Speaker 1: on the couching, the tim tamsy me before we know it.
Speaker 1: All this kind of crap that they undermining. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: it really hurts them. I sort of know what the
Speaker 1: advice probably needs to be to the husband, But what
Speaker 1: is your advice to the the person who's not receiving
Speaker 1: that supportive advice.
Speaker 5: Well, the bottom line is they're going to get to
Speaker 5: that goal much faster if they're working as a team
Speaker 5: than if they're working on their own and being undermined
Speaker 5: by their partner. So they do need if they can
Speaker 5: to get their partner on board. Now, the way that
Speaker 5: they do it is by creating empathy. People don't change
Speaker 5: if you just say, hey, do it different, but they'll
Speaker 5: start to change if you say, you know what, when
Speaker 5: you have a go at me like that, when you
Speaker 5: call me fad or when you say you know, why
Speaker 5: don't you take into the Tim tams, It undermines me.
Speaker 5: I feel unsupported. I feel sort of small and not
Speaker 5: important to you, and I would love it.
Speaker 4: If you could be my cheerleader.
Speaker 5: If you say that to somebody, it's very hard for
Speaker 5: them to sit there and not have an impact on them,
Speaker 5: because feelings is what essentially gets people on board. And
Speaker 5: too often when I see a couple, they'll say, I've
Speaker 5: told him to help more with the kids. I tell
Speaker 5: him every day, I yell at him. It just doesn't
Speaker 5: do it. I say, well, how bringing that up as
Speaker 5: the issue, and you need to hit him with feelings
Speaker 5: rather than just pointing out what he's doing wrong. And
Speaker 5: once you do that, you then get the person empathize.
Speaker 5: They start getting on board. So, you know, because you
Speaker 5: don't want to be a partner and hearing that you
Speaker 5: make your loved one feel small, undermined, unsupported, you want
Speaker 5: to be their cheerleader. When you hear that, you'll start
Speaker 5: getting on board. And so those people in that situation.
Speaker 5: You got to you got to hit him with feelings
Speaker 5: rather than where they're going wrong. Love that advice, and
Speaker 5: that's that's the key. And often, unfortunately on Maths, what
Speaker 5: you'll see is a lot of blame, a lot of defensiveness,
Speaker 5: a lot of criticism, personal attacks. But what you don't
Speaker 5: hear is vulnerable feelings and that's where you get your action.
Speaker 1: Love that so powerful and there will be thousands of
Speaker 1: wood Life lesseners who will benefit from that. And it's interesting.
Speaker 1: I mean, I obviously it's quite interesting for me talking
Speaker 1: to you because I met my incredible wife the way
Speaker 1: I did, and Maths is kind of like The Bachelor
Speaker 1: on steroids.
Speaker 4: Yes, very much.
Speaker 1: It's the real extreme version. But I mean, never in
Speaker 1: my wildest dreams did I think I would meet someone
Speaker 1: in that way. And obviously you are an integral part
Speaker 1: of some wonderful stories that have come out of that show.
Speaker 1: But then I was thinking, as I was driving to
Speaker 1: meet you today, you know, what a unique opportunity to
Speaker 1: talk to you about the power of those relationships. And
Speaker 1: I'd love I'd love you to give your top tips
Speaker 1: to our listeners based on what you see over and
Speaker 1: over again. You know, maybe one of the biggest mistakes
Speaker 1: people make for their relationships. I'm sure you don't have
Speaker 1: your top five up your sleeve or anything, but what
Speaker 1: are the biggest mistakes people make when it comes to
Speaker 1: sabotaging relationships.
Speaker 5: Well, if you're at home listening to this and you're
Speaker 5: thinking about your relationship, that's good because you want it
Speaker 5: to be front and center of your mind. But ultimately,
Speaker 5: the things that you can do that you want to avoid.
Speaker 5: One would be spending way too much time on your phone, technology,
Speaker 5: getting in the road if you're connecting. You see it
Speaker 5: in the cafe Sam a couple sitting there, someone's trying
Speaker 5: to have a conversation, the other person's head down on
Speaker 5: the phone, So that is a sign that things are
Speaker 5: not working well. I would also say that you don't
Speaker 5: have time for each other during the day to make
Speaker 5: little connections.
Speaker 4: You know, when you and Snares you wake up.
Speaker 5: In the morning and you might have a little coffee
Speaker 5: together just map out the day. Or when you come
Speaker 5: home at night, you kiss, you greet each other, you
Speaker 5: have a glass of wine before you go to bed.
Speaker 5: Those little moments of connecting are very important. But couples
Speaker 5: when they get into trouble. They let go of those.
Speaker 5: Another issue would be the way you bring up things
Speaker 5: that are on your mind, gripes, if you like you
Speaker 5: see it on maps a lot, they bring it up
Speaker 5: the sledgehammer you always, you never, instead of bringing it
Speaker 5: up softly. And what you need to realize is good
Speaker 5: listening comes from good speaking. So if you're really bad
Speaker 5: at bringing things up and you go hard and loud
Speaker 5: and you got contempt in your voice, it's going to
Speaker 5: go badly. So that's another key issue.
Speaker 4: I think.
Speaker 5: Another one as well, I would say is that you
Speaker 5: don't have shared goals or dreams together. You know, you're
Speaker 5: just kind of complacent. You're going along, but you haven't
Speaker 5: thought about, you know, the way in which you want
Speaker 5: to grow your finances or raise the kids over the
Speaker 5: next five years, the living arrangements, even holidays where you're going.
Speaker 1: So if you don't see eye to eye on those things, yeah,
Speaker 1: is that a deal breaker.
Speaker 4: It's not a deal breaker.
Speaker 5: But what you want to do is you want to
Speaker 5: get into each other's shoes and find out why it's
Speaker 5: so important that Sam wants to sit on the beach,
Speaker 5: you know, in Abo, while Snares wants to go, you know,
Speaker 5: to Aspen and go on a ski holiday. You want
Speaker 5: to make sure that you get a greater understanding of
Speaker 5: where each other are at. But if you're communicating poorly,
Speaker 5: you're not connecting your heads in the phone and technology,
Speaker 5: and you don't have dreams. I would say those areas
Speaker 5: there are signs to me that you've got problems.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that, I think I think. I mean
Speaker 1: even I'm not. I would never sit here to proclaim
Speaker 1: that says and I have a perfect relationship. I absolutely
Speaker 1: am guilty of some of those things. And was nodding,
Speaker 1: and I will listen back to this episode and make
Speaker 1: sure I address some of them.
Speaker 5: And it's funny, isn't it, Because you know we've attacked
Speaker 5: it by rather than saying what are the things that
Speaker 5: you should do, we have said, you know, these are
Speaker 5: the things that you want to avoid.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But I think that's I think that's better. It's
Speaker 1: more helpful.
Speaker 5: And interestingly, I think we've married at first sight. People
Speaker 5: watch it and go we're learning what not to do
Speaker 5: through certain behaviors, certain ways in which people don't get along,
Speaker 5: and that can be just as powerful as someone sitting
Speaker 5: there saying here's your top five secrets to happily ever After.
Speaker 1: And you know what's interesting. While I was listening, and
Speaker 1: I bet this is the case for many of our
Speaker 1: listeners too, I justify a lot of those things that
Speaker 1: I'm doing wrong because of kids. Yeah, it's just, you know,
Speaker 1: I would be more connected, I would be more present,
Speaker 1: I would have more time for you if I wasn't
Speaker 1: just so all consumed and exhausted by running around after
Speaker 1: four kids. And by the time all of that happens,
Speaker 1: I'm kind you know, my battery is zero, you know.
Speaker 1: And it's not a justification, because if all those things
Speaker 1: don't happen, I can absolutely see how they can be
Speaker 1: the beginning of relationships starting to fray at the edges.
Speaker 1: But what do you have different advice for parents? I mean,
Speaker 1: Sas and I both do this, you know, you know, yeah,
Speaker 1: but we don't have help here. You know, Snays's family's
Speaker 1: in Perth and my family's in Tazzy and being Macedonian,
Speaker 1: she's not that comfortable giving the responsibility of our children
Speaker 1: being looked after, the babysitters and that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: She prefers to do it herself. And I understand that.
Speaker 1: And there's a lot about that that I love. But
Speaker 1: then at the same time, we are always tired and
Speaker 1: we don't have a lot of time for each other,
Speaker 1: and we recently we have made Wednesday night date night.
Speaker 1: It's amazing how much that's you know, it's four hours
Speaker 1: out of one hundred and sixty eight for the week.
Speaker 1: But God's been it's been a game changer for us.
Speaker 5: Look, I think what you're talking about there is very
Speaker 5: real for everyone that's had kids, you know, your relationship
Speaker 5: really there's there's two relationships pre kids, where Sam and
Speaker 5: Snaars you know, go out anywhere they like, they holiday,
Speaker 5: they stay out late, they sleep in, they eat anything
Speaker 5: they like.
Speaker 1: And so we never had that. When Snaars and I met,
Speaker 1: Evie was nine ten, and so we see a lot
Speaker 1: of our friends who are couples three kids. This is
Speaker 1: our last Europe trip, this is our you know, it's
Speaker 1: the last hurrah this, you know, says And I haven't
Speaker 1: ever had a honeymoon, you know, And look, I'm not
Speaker 1: here with my violin, but I just it's just interesting
Speaker 1: that because we we obviously met through ridiculous circumstances. Move
Speaker 1: when I say, oh, you've had plenty of dates yeah,
Speaker 1: not quite the dates that I would have imagined. Cameras
Speaker 1: pointed our face, but it was kind of that to
Speaker 1: being flung into the public spotlight to you know, then
Speaker 1: snares an ivy coming over from Perth to Melbourne to
Speaker 1: live and seven years has gone by incredibly quickly and
Speaker 1: I feel like I would love nothing more than just
Speaker 1: to spend ten days on a holiday with Smiths. You know,
Speaker 1: it's it is an interesting one where you say that
Speaker 1: before and the after because we never had the.
Speaker 4: Before, and you're absolutely right.
Speaker 5: So you've essentially created your relationship where you've already got
Speaker 5: one child and then you've had more since then. And ultimately,
Speaker 5: what you've got to do is you've got to in
Speaker 5: a way which makes them feel special even though you're
Speaker 5: not getting a lot of time with them. So it's
Speaker 5: got to be doing little things daily and often, rather
Speaker 5: than flowers once a week. So what that means is
Speaker 5: texts through the day between you and your partner when
Speaker 5: you've got kids is very important and you get back
Speaker 5: to them. You don't ignore the texts. It's the little
Speaker 5: coffee in the morning before the kids get up, or
Speaker 5: the glass of wine at the end of the day.
Speaker 5: Or you know, binge watching an episode on Netflix in bed,
Speaker 5: just the two of you when you do go to bed,
Speaker 5: go to bed together. So these little moments of connecting
Speaker 5: is very important. Also, it's very vital when you've had
Speaker 5: kids that you two know what's going on within each
Speaker 5: other's days, and that means asking questions all the time,
Speaker 5: so you want to know, you know what it is
Speaker 5: that with the challenges with the kids today? What was
Speaker 5: their sleep time? You know, where did you go for
Speaker 5: coffee today with your friends? You had a meeting with
Speaker 5: a mother's group.
Speaker 4: What was that like?
Speaker 5: Get today to the names of them, So you're really
Speaker 5: deep diving on their world. Because the more you know
Speaker 5: about each other's in a world, then the stronger the
Speaker 5: bond is. And it's absolutely particularly when you had kids.
Speaker 5: It's very easy just to drift and not know what's
Speaker 5: gone on during the day. Another one I would say,
Speaker 5: which is very important. I'd say this is the biggest
Speaker 5: relationship skill I think you can have as a couple
Speaker 5: that's going to put you in good stead is at
Speaker 5: the end of every day, you've got to have a
Speaker 5: debrief where you say to your partner, tell me about
Speaker 5: the things that have been stressing you out today, and
Speaker 5: when they tell you what they are, you listen and
Speaker 5: you don't fix, no solutions, no advice, know how to.
Speaker 5: That is the biggest, single conversation that you you can
Speaker 5: have with your partner that every day. And then when
Speaker 5: you've had that, you flip it. And so your partner says,
Speaker 5: now you've heard from me, tell me about you what's
Speaker 5: stressing you out, and that that person listens and under
Speaker 5: no circumstances do they give out advice. So what you're
Speaker 5: doing there is you're saying, I've got your back, I
Speaker 5: empathize with you, I'm siding with you, but I'm not
Speaker 5: going to fix it. And what happens is it just
Speaker 5: absolutely just gives you this wonderful sense of Wow, it
Speaker 5: doesn't matter how bad things get, my partner has got
Speaker 5: my back. And if you can do that every day,
Speaker 5: I would say that is the single biggest relationship intervention
Speaker 5: I can give any couple.
Speaker 4: It's transformative.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is such brilliant advice.
Speaker 5: Because we typically like to fix and we want to
Speaker 5: get our partner out of this stress, but they don't
Speaker 5: need that.
Speaker 1: So I not only try to fix. When Snares asked
Speaker 1: me I'm not vulnerable enough, and I pretend nothing's wrong.
Speaker 4: Yeah. We getting places here, so I'm good.
Speaker 1: I'm good. Yeah, I should have in here.
Speaker 4: We could have a.
Speaker 1: I didn't realize.
Speaker 5: Well, I mean, this is the thing though, you don't
Speaker 5: realize until someone tells you in a very practical way. Well,
Speaker 5: all we'd have to do is have a fifteen minute
Speaker 5: conversation at the end of the day with a glass
Speaker 5: of wine. We listen, We side with our partner, We
Speaker 5: don't fix. That's not too hard to do, but it
Speaker 5: absolutely overhauls your relationship.
Speaker 4: It transforms it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that. So we've spoken about couples. Yes,
Speaker 1: what about all our legendary single listeners that are out there?
Speaker 1: What is your advice to them to you know, if
Speaker 1: they want to Some people are very comfortable, but if
Speaker 1: they want to be in a relationship, do you have
Speaker 1: any go to advice for them that you have seen
Speaker 1: has had success.
Speaker 5: Well, I'm going to go down the path that we
Speaker 5: went down last time, which is what not to do.
Speaker 5: So you know, when you're meeting a love interest for
Speaker 5: the first time, you want to stay away from people
Speaker 5: that have red flags.
Speaker 4: You're not going to change him.
Speaker 1: I wonder how long it be to you said flag.
Speaker 5: Let me make it clear, you're not special enough to
Speaker 5: change people. And the red flags that you're seeing. If
Speaker 5: that guy's forty five minutes late, if that guy is
Speaker 5: really rude to the waiter at the restaurant, if that
Speaker 5: guy is ringing you at midnight to come around, if
Speaker 5: that guy says, hey, I got a lot on my
Speaker 5: plate right now, I'm not looking for anything serious. These
Speaker 5: are red flags. You're not special enough to change him,
Speaker 5: so move on. So I think red flags is a
Speaker 5: big thing. You've got to stop going after people with
Speaker 5: those red flags and dating down. That's what I would say.
Speaker 5: Dating down is going out with someone who's bad for you.
Speaker 5: I remember someone saying to me or hearing you know,
Speaker 5: you date at your level of self esteem. So if
Speaker 5: you keep going out with the wrong types, it's because
Speaker 5: you don't like yourself. So the other thing I'd say
Speaker 5: with regards to dating is you better have good self esteem.
Speaker 4: Otherwise you're just going to.
Speaker 5: Keep attracting very bad people that will treat you badly.
Speaker 4: So look after yourself.
Speaker 5: And yeah, you're in a space sam where physical health
Speaker 5: well being, you know, eating well, sleeping well, all of
Speaker 5: these things are so important for how you're treating yourself,
Speaker 5: and if you're not looking after you, you are going
Speaker 5: to keep dating down. Closely associated with that is you
Speaker 5: don't want to keep repeating patterns. So when you get
Speaker 5: out of a relationship, grab a friend and say, all right,
Speaker 5: hit me between the eyes, what was wrong with this guy?
Speaker 5: You know, why was he so bad for me? Also,
Speaker 5: how did I contribute to this? What have I got
Speaker 5: to do differently moving forward? And what do I need
Speaker 5: different out of my next partner?
Speaker 1: Very few people would do that better.
Speaker 5: Very few people do it. And you see it with marriages.
Speaker 5: You know, people get married once and then they get
Speaker 5: married again and then again, and they're basically married the
Speaker 5: same person. They're just in a different body, but you
Speaker 5: know they keep the kid getting the same outcome. So
Speaker 5: I think you don't want to keep repeating those patterns,
Speaker 5: and a close friend who will tell you the truth
Speaker 5: is a great way of really getting a wake up call.
Speaker 5: Now we play that role and married at first sight,
Speaker 5: we're holding a mirror up to these people who probably
Speaker 5: have never had that happen and saying, you know, that
Speaker 5: pattern there is going to keep you single, So you
Speaker 5: change it or you're not going to last. You can
Speaker 5: play that role as a friend to someone who's single,
Speaker 5: who's dating but dating badly.
Speaker 1: So as the friend, do you need to be asked
Speaker 1: to give that advice or you just think we're as friends.
Speaker 1: We need to be a little bit bolder and we
Speaker 1: need to give it because they can be brickly.
Speaker 5: I mean, I do think I remember hearing the saying
Speaker 5: when the student is the lesson will be learned. So
Speaker 5: often it will take that person coming to you saying, look,
Speaker 5: you know what, I'm sick of being single. When they
Speaker 5: come to you and they say, my dating life is
Speaker 5: a disaster.
Speaker 4: I don't know what I'm doing. Have you got any thoughts?
Speaker 5: That's when you can line them up and say, all right,
Speaker 5: this is how you've got to do it different. And
Speaker 5: then it becomes intentional. We're almost in the same profession here, Sam,
Speaker 5: because I will get clients ringing me saying, you know,
Speaker 5: I keep going out with the same guy. I use
Speaker 5: this site or this app, and for the last six
Speaker 5: months all they want is sex. I say, well, have
Speaker 5: we thought about getting off that app?
Speaker 4: Really?
Speaker 1: What a wacky idea.
Speaker 4: And it's the same with fitness.
Speaker 5: You know, doing something over and over again but not
Speaker 5: getting any outcome, and then someone external saying all right,
Speaker 5: well let's shake it up. If you want different, you've
Speaker 5: got to do different. And a lot of the time
Speaker 5: in relationships, as in fitness, you know, it is you
Speaker 5: being responsible and saying I'm going to shake this up
Speaker 5: and do it in a way that's going to get
Speaker 5: me a different outcome, and that I think as single people,
Speaker 5: you really want to take on board the responsibility. It's
Speaker 5: your mindset. Ultimately, if you're dating, you're single, you've got
Speaker 5: to have a mindset of dating up. I'm looking to
Speaker 5: date someone who is top tier, who's going to treat
Speaker 5: me well, and who's going to meet my needs and
Speaker 5: anything else less than that, I'm not going there, but
Speaker 5: there's plenty of guys out there like that. If you're
Speaker 5: a couple, what you want to be thinking is, Okay,
Speaker 5: my relationship is the most important thing to me. It's
Speaker 5: front and center. So I do little things daily and
Speaker 5: often that are intentional to bring my partner close. You
Speaker 5: do those things, then you're going to be in a
Speaker 5: great relationship.
Speaker 1: John could talk to you all day about a myriad
Speaker 1: of different things. If you would be so kind. We
Speaker 1: have to have you back on the wood Life. Love
Speaker 1: to listen, don't fix, and good listening leads to good speaking. John,
Speaker 1: thanks so much for coming on.
Speaker 4: The Woodlocke Pleasure. Sam, thanks for having me, Bud.
Speaker 1: I just said to John as he left the studio, Actually,
Speaker 1: you have so much knowledge about something that impacts all
Speaker 1: of us. That's just a crazy superpower that you have.
Speaker 1: And that's really really what I was thinking is I
Speaker 1: was hanging off every word that he was saying. We're
Speaker 1: going to definitely change gears a little bit now as
Speaker 1: we're going to go from relationships and talk muscle tone.
Speaker 1: All right, we're gonna have a little quick dig into
Speaker 1: the woodlfe inbox and we're going to talk muscle tone.
Speaker 4: Hi.
Speaker 2: Sam, my name's Lauren. I have been a twenty eight
Speaker 2: for about five years now and have done a few
Speaker 2: of the eight week challenges. I'm pretty much at my
Speaker 2: goal weight and my food and my training is consistent,
Speaker 2: but I just can't seem to get the muscle tone
Speaker 2: and definition, particularly in my stomach that I'm after. So
Speaker 2: just wondering your thoughts and advice on this and what
Speaker 2: I need to do to sort of get across the line.
Speaker 1: Thanks Sam bybe oh Lauren. First of all, five year
Speaker 1: twenty eight are absolutely amazing. You've been around for about
Speaker 1: six and a bit year, so you have really been
Speaker 1: one of the ogs. Wonderful to hear from you. I'm
Speaker 1: really glad you brought this question up because people get
Speaker 1: confused by what tone means. Tone is a combination of
Speaker 1: strengthening or firming the muscle, which is great. But this
Speaker 1: is the thing. We all have tummy muscles, some of
Speaker 1: us a bit more, a bit stronger, a bit more
Speaker 1: defined than others. We all have biceps, we all have quadriceps,
Speaker 1: so we all have those muscles. But what we don't
Speaker 1: all have equally is a layer of fat over the top.
Speaker 1: Some of us have no fat over the top, or
Speaker 1: a very thin layer, and therefore you can see a
Speaker 1: lot of tone or a lot of definition. Others of
Speaker 1: us do cover that muscle in whatever particular part of
Speaker 1: the body it is, with a perhaps generous layer of fat.
Speaker 1: Now I'm not suggesting that that is you, Lauren, by
Speaker 1: any stretch of the imagination. And it obviously gets harder
Speaker 1: as we get older, as we're more inclined to put
Speaker 1: on weight more easily, or it's harder to burn fat.
Speaker 1: But the reason I bring it up, and this is
Speaker 1: not just to you, Loan, this is to everybody, because
Speaker 1: I actually get this question a lot is you don't
Speaker 1: get the tone by just continually working that specific muscle.
Speaker 1: So if we're talking about your tummy doing a thousand
Speaker 1: sit ups today, if I have a layer of fat
Speaker 1: over those abs, is not going to tone up my tummy.
Speaker 1: I might be a bit stronger, and there might be
Speaker 1: a little bit more muscle under that same layer of fat,
Speaker 1: But while that layer of fat is there, I'm not
Speaker 1: going to be able to see it or it's not
Speaker 1: or appear any more defined or any more toned than
Speaker 1: it did before I started doing those sit ups. That's
Speaker 1: why I'm so big on different types of training. That's
Speaker 1: why I love strength training with a functional emphasis. I
Speaker 1: love that you're working those core muscles, you're working those
Speaker 1: out muscles, you're working all of those superficial muscles, and
Speaker 1: you're getting stronger and you're getting firmer muscles. But unless
Speaker 1: you are then looking at the layer on the outside
Speaker 1: through nutrition and through burning calories with something that's getting
Speaker 1: the heart rate up, then you're never going to get
Speaker 1: that desired outcome, you need to do both. You need
Speaker 1: to do both too, because you want to work your
Speaker 1: heart and your lungs, and you have strong muscles and
Speaker 1: strong bones. But if we're purely talking about esthetics, it
Speaker 1: is the nutrition side of things and the cardio side
Speaker 1: of things that is going to help burn that extra
Speaker 1: layer of fat on top. So to answer your question
Speaker 1: really specifically, Lauren, it might just be you've got to
Speaker 1: tweak the food. It might be a little few less calories,
Speaker 1: it might be a bit more, a few less carbs.
Speaker 1: It might be that you're a little bit dehydrated you
Speaker 1: an increase your water intake. Or it might be you've
Speaker 1: got to start to ramp up the cardio. And that
Speaker 1: can be either in volume or intensity. In fact, I
Speaker 1: think you should probably ramp it up in both. Some
Speaker 1: sessions focus more on intensity, and so I'm a big
Speaker 1: believer in mixing it up and increasing your volume and
Speaker 1: I think probably your intensity. Not necessarily both in the
Speaker 1: same session, but you might alternate. You might get Yep, Monday, Wednesday, Friday,
Speaker 1: I'm going to have an intensity focus in my sessions,
Speaker 1: and then on Tuesday, Thursdays and Saturdays, I've got a
Speaker 1: little bit more time, so I'm going to go for volume.
Speaker 1: I'm going to go for a longer walk, or a
Speaker 1: longer bike ride, or a longer session where it's less intense.
Speaker 1: I'm still giving my muscles adequate time to recover between
Speaker 1: those more intense sessions, but I'm ensuring I get that
Speaker 1: extra lot of calories burnt. So slowly but surely the
Speaker 1: fat comes away. You've got the tone strong muscle underneath,
Speaker 1: and you can see it, and that's what tone is
Speaker 1: all about. So I love today's episode, fact that it
Speaker 1: might be my favorite, and the reason for that is,
Speaker 1: you know, we talk on this show a lot about
Speaker 1: relationships with ourselves, and that's great. You know, it's all
Speaker 1: about becoming a better version of yourself. That's absolutely what
Speaker 1: I'm all about. But sometimes being in a better relationship
Speaker 1: with someone else, or perhaps you'd be single, being in
Speaker 1: a relationship with someone else is something we don't really
Speaker 1: talk about on this show, and that can make a
Speaker 1: huge difference to your overall happiness and your overall well
Speaker 1: being and your mental health and physical health. So I've
Speaker 1: thoroughly enjoyed today. I've learned a lot of things that
Speaker 1: I can implement in my relationship with Snaze. Definitely some
Speaker 1: stuff that I can work on there. I hope you've
Speaker 1: benefited just the same. Please share that with someone that
Speaker 1: you think will benefit and as always, I'll catch you
Speaker 1: on Monday for a motivational moment.