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Speaker 1: My hard podcasts, hear more kids podcasts, playlists and listen

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Speaker 1: live on the Free iHeart a.

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Speaker 2: Hey, It's Willem Woody. It is Bullying No Way Week

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Speaker 2: this eleventh through fifteenth of August. Woods. You can register

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Speaker 2: your school today at Bullying no Way dot gov dot Au.

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Speaker 2: We have Justin Coulson who's on right now. Justin is

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Speaker 2: the co host and parenting expert on Channel nine's Parental

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Speaker 2: Guidiance Guidance and the founder of Happy Families dot com.

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Speaker 2: Dou is a PhD in psychology and he's one of

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Speaker 2: Australia's most trusted parenting experts. To join us right now

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Speaker 2: on Willem Woody, Justin, can you tell us about the

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Speaker 2: campaign please mate?

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Speaker 3: Yeah? In a nutshell. Well, we've got some concerning stats

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Speaker 3: in Australia. Australia ranks is the second highest for bullying

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Speaker 3: among twenty four OECD countries. The only country that has

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Speaker 3: more bullying than Australia is Latvia. And so the government

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Speaker 3: is rightfully stepping into saying let's take a really strong

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Speaker 3: policy position here, Let's take a stand and really put

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Speaker 3: this front and center. Let's let people know that bullying

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Speaker 3: is happening. It's happening a way too much. Nearly one

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Speaker 3: in five Aussie teenagers reports being bullied by other students,

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Speaker 3: big numbers, and the impact is significant, And so the

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Speaker 3: government is really saying, let's have a week of conversation

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Speaker 3: about this, bring it front and center and start to

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Speaker 3: say no way, just no way, it's not okay.

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Speaker 1: He's a pretty confronting stats to hear about. Justin Will

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Speaker 1: and I both have very young daughters. Will's daughters three,

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Speaker 1: my daughter's almost three. So if we get to a

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Speaker 1: point where we are sensing that maybe one of our

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Speaker 1: daughters is getting bullied, what's a good first step to take.

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Speaker 3: Well, let me quickly highlight some stats here. Grade four

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Speaker 3: is actually the age or the grade where we see

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Speaker 3: the highest amount of bullying. There's just something about kids

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Speaker 3: when they get to a round about the age of

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Speaker 3: nine or ten, it's almost like they start to realize, oh,

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Speaker 3: hang on, I can use my power and I can

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Speaker 3: start to shove people around a little bit, whether verbally

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Speaker 3: or physically or any number of other ways. And then

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Speaker 3: of course the bullying kind of it shifts against bigger.

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Speaker 3: As the kids get older, it kind of changes and

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Speaker 3: it follows them home more because of screens, but in

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Speaker 3: terms of what to say to your kids if they

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Speaker 3: tell you that they're being bullied. If you ask your

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Speaker 3: children directly, most of the time they won't tell you

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Speaker 3: because what kids. While it's embarrassing, they feel like they're incompetent.

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Speaker 3: But also most kids have kind of figured out that

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Speaker 3: when adults get involved, it doesn't always end well. You

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Speaker 3: want to watch out for the sudden hatred of school,

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Speaker 3: or the mysterious stomach aches, or the confidence collapse. When

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Speaker 3: you've got a child who is previously happy and they

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Speaker 3: start saying things like I'm no good. Well, sometimes it's

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Speaker 3: a phase, but more often than not, it's systematic destruction

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Speaker 3: of their self worth. It's happening right under your nose,

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Speaker 3: and it's happening because there are some kids being unkind

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Speaker 3: and that bullying, that repeated patternum intentional harm towards your

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Speaker 3: child is starting to mount up.

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Speaker 2: It's really hard, though, because you see your kids suffering,

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Speaker 2: and you know that in the kid is causing that.

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Speaker 2: Obviously that's just another kid. How do you try and

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Speaker 2: help your child respond? What? You actually took one of

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Speaker 2: your six daughters out of school and homeschool them because

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Speaker 2: of bullying.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it's pretty rough. I mean, I think one thing

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Speaker 3: that we have to recognize is that sometimes you can

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Speaker 3: do all the right things, and every now and again

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Speaker 3: there are some kids who are just impervious to any

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Speaker 3: adult influence and there, for whatever reason, they're going to bully.

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Speaker 3: The good news. The good news is that most of

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Speaker 3: the time that isn't necessarily most of the time we

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Speaker 3: can sit with our kids and guide them through it.

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Speaker 3: So I've got a little three wood pneumonic, a little

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Speaker 3: three wood phrase that I use all the time when

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Speaker 3: I'm talking to parents about these kinds of challenges, and

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Speaker 3: it's just support don't solve, generally speaking, when your kids

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Speaker 3: are having a really rough time, even if they're being bullied.

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Speaker 3: They don't actually want you to front up at the

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Speaker 3: school and start banging on doors or knocking heads together

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Speaker 3: or anything like that. That's not helpful. What they want

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Speaker 3: instead is they want a mature, regulated adult to sit

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Speaker 3: there and listen and say, well, that's really tough, and

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Speaker 3: how did you deal with that, and what do you

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Speaker 3: think you should do, and to do that supportive conversation,

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Speaker 3: which is exactly the opposite of what you want to do.

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Speaker 3: That will often be enough, because most of the time

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Speaker 3: our kids have got the resources within themselves to sort

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Speaker 3: things out. I need to emphasize though, that with really

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Speaker 3: pervasive bulling, with the really horrible stuff, sometimes that's not enough.

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Speaker 3: And if it's not enough, you're going to have been

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Speaker 3: having the conversations already. You're going to be watching for

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Speaker 3: those signs. At some point you'll say to your child,

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Speaker 3: it's time that we have a chat with other authorities.

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Speaker 3: We have a chat with the teacher. What you do

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Speaker 3: is you go and say, we're having some struggles. Are

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Speaker 3: you seeing it at school? And once you've explored a

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Speaker 3: little bit, you say, well, can we work together on

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Speaker 3: a solution so that we can be on the same team.

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Speaker 3: Here we've got a little girl or a little boy

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Speaker 3: who's having a really rough time, and we've got to

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Speaker 3: be on the same team with this.

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Speaker 1: What made you take the step then, justin to homeschool

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Speaker 1: one of your girls.

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Speaker 3: We were one of those minority situations where no matter

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Speaker 3: how many conversations we had with the school, and no

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Speaker 3: matter how hard they tried, there was just no aggress

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Speaker 3: It just kept on getting worse and worse. And anyone

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Speaker 3: who's had a child who's just saying I'm not going

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Speaker 3: to school. I don't think I can go to school today.

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Speaker 2: It's brutal, so sad, Doctor Justin Coulson. I'm sure that

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Speaker 2: is every parent's worst nightmare. So it is brilliant that

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Speaker 2: you're coming on the show and talking about this. It

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Speaker 2: is Bullying no Way Week authorized by the Queensland Government Brisbane.

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Speaker 2: Discover a range of support and advice, or to learn

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Speaker 2: more about Bullying no Way Week of Action, head to

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Speaker 2: Bullying no Way dot gov. You it's really wouddy