1 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:13,680 Speaker 1: The Netflix series Adolescence has absolutely taken the world by storm. 2 00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:17,040 Speaker 1: It's important and we're going to discuss it today. Welcome 3 00:00:17,040 --> 00:00:20,760 Speaker 1: to the Happy Families podcast Real Parenting Solutions every day 4 00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:23,880 Speaker 1: on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We are Justin and 5 00:00:23,960 --> 00:00:27,960 Speaker 1: Kylie Coulson, and we sat down. Didn't really want to 6 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,040 Speaker 1: watch this show, I think would that be a fair 7 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:34,360 Speaker 1: a fair way to say it. We knew it was 8 00:00:34,360 --> 00:00:35,800 Speaker 1: going to be heavy, we knew it was going to 9 00:00:35,840 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 1: be serious, and we wanted something light. But nevertheless, on 10 00:00:39,800 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 1: our wedding anniversary it was not fine, we said, and 11 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 1: we watched two episodes and then the next day we 12 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:48,800 Speaker 1: finished it off, and we need to talk about Adolescence. 13 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:56,680 Speaker 2: Bye, I haven't done anything. 14 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:03,120 Speaker 1: Here's the plotline. Here's the synopsis. Adolescence opens with a jolt. 15 00:01:03,880 --> 00:01:05,520 Speaker 1: You and I looked at each other, couldn't believe what 16 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:08,200 Speaker 1: was going on. Police officers shattered the dawn and the 17 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,480 Speaker 1: front door of a suburban home to arrest a thirteen 18 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:13,960 Speaker 1: year old boy, Jamie Miller, for the murder of Katie Leonard, 19 00:01:14,000 --> 00:01:16,200 Speaker 1: a schoolmate just a couple of years older than him. 20 00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:19,480 Speaker 1: This is not a who done it? We know the perpetrated. 21 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:24,319 Speaker 1: From the beginning, he pleads and pleads and pleads that 22 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:27,160 Speaker 1: he's innocent. You want to believe him, don't you want 23 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:29,520 Speaker 1: to believe This is a terrible mistake. But instead of 24 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,560 Speaker 1: being a murder mystery, the rest of the series is 25 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:35,000 Speaker 1: very much about confronting I think a far more unsettling question, 26 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:39,160 Speaker 1: and that is why, why did this happen? It's shattering, 27 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:42,959 Speaker 1: it's just devastating. And as soon as all of this occurred, 28 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:45,320 Speaker 1: we looked at each other and said something along the 29 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:48,000 Speaker 1: lines of what is going on here? Like, what does 30 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:51,560 Speaker 1: the system do this for? Why are we breaking down 31 00:01:51,960 --> 00:01:54,920 Speaker 1: doors of thirteen year old boys? What is going on here? 32 00:01:55,520 --> 00:01:57,800 Speaker 1: It was tragic from the outset. 33 00:01:57,640 --> 00:01:59,320 Speaker 2: That's it, Oh me, it's a cuge. He hasn't been 34 00:01:59,360 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 2: found guilty, been accused. Can you do not do anything 35 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,920 Speaker 2: to Bardi's I'm sorry, they're entitled to. 36 00:02:04,440 --> 00:02:06,720 Speaker 3: There's a lot of talk at the moment about people 37 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:12,400 Speaker 3: pathologizing their difficult events in life and then calling it trauma. 38 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:13,799 Speaker 1: Everything's traumatic yet, But. 39 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:18,960 Speaker 3: When I watch this experience unfold from the outset, for 40 00:02:19,040 --> 00:02:23,080 Speaker 3: the parents, for his sister, for him, in spite of 41 00:02:23,120 --> 00:02:27,760 Speaker 3: his guilt, it is traumatic. The system just creates so 42 00:02:27,880 --> 00:02:28,919 Speaker 3: much trauma. 43 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,920 Speaker 1: So let's talk about a couple of things that we 44 00:02:31,000 --> 00:02:33,799 Speaker 1: just need to get clear at the outset. First thing, 45 00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:37,359 Speaker 1: nothing can, nothing should diminish the shattering reality that Katie's 46 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:41,560 Speaker 1: life was violently taken. It's devastating. It's how do you 47 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:44,200 Speaker 1: find words. I don't know, words really important. I've written 48 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,360 Speaker 1: about this before, but how do you find words to 49 00:02:46,440 --> 00:02:48,799 Speaker 1: describe the landscape of grief that her family now has 50 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:49,359 Speaker 1: to navigate. 51 00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:52,239 Speaker 3: I mean, just but it's not just her family. There's 52 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:58,440 Speaker 3: a whole community that is now having to cope, deal 53 00:02:58,520 --> 00:03:01,679 Speaker 3: with confront the reality that she's not there. 54 00:03:01,800 --> 00:03:04,320 Speaker 1: Definitely, maybe maybe I can put it this way. They're 55 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:07,240 Speaker 1: the primary casualties of this catastrophe. 56 00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,919 Speaker 3: But then there's also his parents. 57 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:13,079 Speaker 1: That's right, So this is not it's. 58 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,200 Speaker 3: Not there's just not one victim in this. 59 00:03:15,280 --> 00:03:17,519 Speaker 1: And the show makes that really clear. I don't want 60 00:03:17,600 --> 00:03:19,919 Speaker 1: to take away from the fact that a young girl's 61 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:23,320 Speaker 1: life was taken, that that's the that's the primary concern here, 62 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:27,120 Speaker 1: But the show then shifts to it and says why, 63 00:03:27,200 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 1: and then you see the ripple effect. You see the 64 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:33,079 Speaker 1: ramifications in the lives of the parents in the lives 65 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:39,040 Speaker 1: of the big sister, the utter, utter devastation that occurs 66 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:43,640 Speaker 1: in everyone's life who is touched by this awful tragedy. 67 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,440 Speaker 4: But I do you sometimes think we should have stopped it. 68 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:48,880 Speaker 3: Seeing it and stopped it. 69 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:55,600 Speaker 2: We can't do later then what she said, it's an 70 00:03:55,600 --> 00:04:02,640 Speaker 2: awful I can't blame ourself, but we made them. 71 00:04:03,480 --> 00:04:06,839 Speaker 1: So I'm writing my book about raising boys. In fact, 72 00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 1: I'm in the process of finishing the conclusion. This TV 73 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:11,320 Speaker 1: show made me have to rewrite a whole lot of 74 00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:14,400 Speaker 1: stuff in my book, which I was so grateful for. 75 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:17,360 Speaker 1: And here's our challenge with Jamie. We've got this kid 76 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:20,240 Speaker 1: who's been raised in a home with loving parents. Were 77 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:24,400 Speaker 1: they perfect, not even close, but they are loving parents, 78 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:26,480 Speaker 1: and they've done their best to give him a good education. 79 00:04:26,920 --> 00:04:30,520 Speaker 1: He's a smart kid, but he has been transformed, I 80 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:36,880 Speaker 1: would say, methodically, by a toxic ecosystem that most parents 81 00:04:36,880 --> 00:04:39,000 Speaker 1: fail to comprehend. And I think that's why the show 82 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:44,799 Speaker 1: has dropped like a bomb across our entire Western society, 83 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:48,800 Speaker 1: because parents simply aren't aware of what's going on. Eight 84 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 1: percent of women are attracted to twenty percent of men. 85 00:04:53,000 --> 00:04:54,880 Speaker 2: You must trick them because you'll never get them in 86 00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:55,479 Speaker 2: a normal way. 87 00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 3: Do you think, though, that parents are watching this and 88 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:04,440 Speaker 3: just it as a really far fetched storyline that would 89 00:05:04,560 --> 00:05:08,240 Speaker 3: never occur to them, Like, does this hit home that 90 00:05:08,279 --> 00:05:11,919 Speaker 3: this is actually someone's reality and it could be mine 91 00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:16,479 Speaker 3: if I don't take precautions to pre arm my child 92 00:05:16,880 --> 00:05:20,159 Speaker 3: and my family in general. Do you really think that 93 00:05:20,240 --> 00:05:22,960 Speaker 3: this is seeping in and the messages getting out to 94 00:05:23,040 --> 00:05:28,320 Speaker 3: people that it actually it takes a village, an entire village. 95 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 3: It's not just about mum and dad doing their job. 96 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,040 Speaker 3: It's about the school system doing their job. It's about 97 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:37,039 Speaker 3: law enforcement doing their like, it's about the community at 98 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:43,640 Speaker 3: large taking responsibility for the system that we are either 99 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:45,960 Speaker 3: part of creating or part of indulging. 100 00:05:46,120 --> 00:05:48,599 Speaker 1: Okay, so let me respond to the first part of 101 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:51,360 Speaker 1: your question, and that is, do you think that it's 102 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:54,159 Speaker 1: something that parents are really going to absorb Because there's 103 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 1: a murder that's taken place, Let's pretend that that didn't happen. 104 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:59,400 Speaker 1: Let's just have a look at what's happening daily in 105 00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 1: the lives of our children. A couple of weeks ago, 106 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:04,600 Speaker 1: on my Facebook page, we had a week of NonStop 107 00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:11,000 Speaker 1: conversation and content around the misogynistic, horrendous threats that primarily 108 00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:16,240 Speaker 1: boys are making towards girls in schools. Parents unfortunately don't 109 00:06:16,640 --> 00:06:19,120 Speaker 1: get it, and our kids hide it from us completely 110 00:06:19,200 --> 00:06:22,680 Speaker 1: in every way. So this has real world implications for 111 00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:25,640 Speaker 1: every single family. The likelihood that anyone who's listened to 112 00:06:25,680 --> 00:06:27,040 Speaker 1: this right now is going to have a son who's 113 00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:30,360 Speaker 1: going to go and commit this kind of heinous and 114 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:35,280 Speaker 1: treacherous crime very very very unlikely. But the likelihood that 115 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:36,800 Speaker 1: anyone who's listened to this right now is going to 116 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,360 Speaker 1: have a child who will either be a perpetrator or 117 00:06:38,360 --> 00:06:41,840 Speaker 1: a victim of some kind of misogynistic or abusive behavior 118 00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:46,680 Speaker 1: almost almost guaranteed. And so the conversation really, I mean, 119 00:06:46,680 --> 00:06:49,279 Speaker 1: this is a podcast with real parenting solutions. The conversation 120 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,960 Speaker 1: has to be brought back to what's going on with 121 00:06:52,040 --> 00:06:56,120 Speaker 1: the system. Jamie wasn't born violence in his veins. Jamie 122 00:06:56,520 --> 00:07:00,440 Speaker 1: and countless boys like him are. Actually I'm going to 123 00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,839 Speaker 1: turn the perpetrator into a victim for a moment, because 124 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,480 Speaker 1: he is now. He's not a victim like the murder victim. 125 00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:08,359 Speaker 1: He's not a victim like the girls who are on 126 00:07:08,400 --> 00:07:11,240 Speaker 1: the receiving end of all of these vile messages. But 127 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:15,480 Speaker 1: he is a victim of a toxic ecosystem that is 128 00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:19,240 Speaker 1: not allowing him to build an identity and navigate puberty 129 00:07:19,640 --> 00:07:24,040 Speaker 1: in a healthy and safe way. The system feeds on 130 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:28,920 Speaker 1: our children's vulnerability with predator. I can't say the word 131 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:34,720 Speaker 1: predatory efficiency. It is exquisitely built by the best brains 132 00:07:34,720 --> 00:07:36,880 Speaker 1: in the world for one reason and one reason only. 133 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:41,080 Speaker 1: Addiction pull people in regardless of the cost. 134 00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:42,880 Speaker 3: Well, it's not addiction, it's money, right. 135 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,520 Speaker 1: Well, addiction gives them, gives them money, that's right. The 136 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 1: system's designed. The incentives are all I get money the 137 00:07:48,560 --> 00:07:51,680 Speaker 1: more addicted you are to discord or to Instagram or 138 00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,760 Speaker 1: to whatever. And this is the other thing. It doesn't 139 00:07:53,760 --> 00:07:57,080 Speaker 1: happen in the dark corners of the dark web. It's 140 00:07:57,120 --> 00:08:00,880 Speaker 1: happening in full view of everybody on the bigger platform 141 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,680 Speaker 1: on the planet. It's happening on Instagram. 142 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:05,280 Speaker 3: Yeah. 143 00:08:05,320 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 1: So I've kind of went on a bit of a 144 00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:09,040 Speaker 1: tangent because of your question. But I'm writing a book 145 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,440 Speaker 1: about it, my book in the first part, I can't 146 00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:13,000 Speaker 1: wait for this book to come out. It's going to 147 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,400 Speaker 1: be out about a year now, because there's a lot 148 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:17,360 Speaker 1: to go into the publishing of the book. But I 149 00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 1: unpack this thing called the boy code. I talk about 150 00:08:20,400 --> 00:08:22,680 Speaker 1: the man box, and I have a look at research 151 00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:26,880 Speaker 1: that investigates something called precarious masculinity. These are the main 152 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:31,560 Speaker 1: feeders into this toxic ecosystem that is amplified and absolutely 153 00:08:31,560 --> 00:08:36,040 Speaker 1: blown up by the social media landscape. So here we've 154 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:37,880 Speaker 1: got this thing called the in cell community. I don't 155 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,680 Speaker 1: know if you're familiar with in cells previously. In cell 156 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:44,199 Speaker 1: means being involuntarily celibate. And I just can't get past 157 00:08:44,320 --> 00:08:46,600 Speaker 1: the fact that this kid is thirteen years old and 158 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:50,240 Speaker 1: he's being mocked by his peers because he's celibate involuntarily. 159 00:08:50,520 --> 00:08:55,600 Speaker 1: He's thirteen, he's thirteen, He's supposed to be celibate. It's 160 00:08:55,920 --> 00:08:57,640 Speaker 1: just astonishing. 161 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:59,640 Speaker 3: It's not even a word for a thirteen year old. 162 00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:04,480 Speaker 1: Goodness, oh my goodness, it's just devastating. So after the break, 163 00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:14,000 Speaker 1: my take and what we can do, all right, Kylie, 164 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:16,600 Speaker 1: here's my take. Adolescence is not just television. It's a 165 00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:20,400 Speaker 1: spotlight that illuminates a reality that I think most parents 166 00:09:20,480 --> 00:09:24,240 Speaker 1: are unaware of or are unwilling or reluctant to acknowledge. 167 00:09:24,800 --> 00:09:27,000 Speaker 1: As parents, I think that we actually collude in our 168 00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:30,240 Speaker 1: own ignorance. It's like we smear vasily and across the 169 00:09:30,280 --> 00:09:32,079 Speaker 1: lens of our perception when it comes to our children 170 00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,600 Speaker 1: and their digital lives, and we just can't do that. 171 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:38,280 Speaker 1: We just cannot do it. Everyone bears responsibility. The tech 172 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:42,160 Speaker 1: companies are accumulating the greatest fortunes ever built in the 173 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:45,760 Speaker 1: history of the world, while denying responsibility for the toxic 174 00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:49,480 Speaker 1: spaces that they've created. You said it at the outset 175 00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:53,079 Speaker 1: of the podcast. Our justice system is processing damaging children 176 00:09:53,160 --> 00:09:58,320 Speaker 1: through machinery that's been designed for adults. Most educational institutions 177 00:09:58,960 --> 00:10:01,880 Speaker 1: have failed to create cold Is that nurture emotional intelligence 178 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:06,360 Speaker 1: or emotional safety at school? Oh? This blew me away, 179 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:12,160 Speaker 1: and they did it so well. The brutal, casual lack 180 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 1: of empathy that the school kids displayed at the death 181 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:20,479 Speaker 1: of one of their classmates, with one exception, her best friend. 182 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:27,960 Speaker 1: The kids were morbidly enthusiastically fascinated by it, telling jokes 183 00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:32,400 Speaker 1: about it, egging people on like it was atrocious. This 184 00:10:32,440 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 1: is why you and I. I mean this has been 185 00:10:33,679 --> 00:10:35,839 Speaker 1: a recurring theme on the podcast for a while now. 186 00:10:36,120 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 1: This is why you and I keep on saying it's 187 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,280 Speaker 1: not good to have a whole bunch of kids hanging 188 00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:42,320 Speaker 1: out with limited supervision over an extended period of time. Yeah, 189 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:45,840 Speaker 1: let kids spend time together, but they need good people 190 00:10:45,840 --> 00:10:48,360 Speaker 1: in their lives monitoring and supervising and being a role 191 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 1: model and showing them what to do. And the schools 192 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:55,800 Speaker 1: just have no control over these kids at all. Terrible. 193 00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:57,599 Speaker 1: This is a hard thing for me to say. I 194 00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:00,320 Speaker 1: don't like throwing shade at parents, but parents and not 195 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,320 Speaker 1: doing the job when it comes to kids and screens 196 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:05,679 Speaker 1: and in the case of the show, in general boundaries. 197 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:09,040 Speaker 3: So this is going to take you off track a 198 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:13,000 Speaker 3: little bit. But my question is how do parents safeguard 199 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:16,960 Speaker 3: their children against a monster they don't even understand? Like 200 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:18,640 Speaker 3: I don't want to go down that rabbit hole. I 201 00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:21,320 Speaker 3: don't want to know what's out there, Like I don't 202 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:24,960 Speaker 3: want to fill my life, my mind, my heart, my 203 00:11:25,080 --> 00:11:33,240 Speaker 3: soul with the just depravity of content that's available. And 204 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:37,240 Speaker 3: yet if I'm not across it, how do I talk 205 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:41,080 Speaker 3: to my children in ways that actually speaks to them? 206 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,040 Speaker 1: So if they just look at us, we're dummies, right, 207 00:11:43,080 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 1: that's right, we see that in the show. 208 00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,240 Speaker 3: We don't have a clue what's going on with. 209 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:48,280 Speaker 1: Kids I wouldn't understand right in front of you and 210 00:11:48,280 --> 00:11:50,120 Speaker 1: you can't see it. Yeah, yeah, you're making yourself look 211 00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:50,840 Speaker 1: dumb dad. 212 00:11:51,080 --> 00:11:54,920 Speaker 3: Yeah. And I loved that scene specifically where the cops 213 00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,199 Speaker 3: son pulls them aside and goes, you're missing it. It's 214 00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:01,000 Speaker 3: a looking right in front of you and you're missing 215 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 3: it because there is a whole another language that you 216 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:04,600 Speaker 3: don't understand. 217 00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:07,680 Speaker 1: So two things. First of all, the Internet has spawned 218 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:09,679 Speaker 1: a whole lot of articles for parents who want to 219 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,240 Speaker 1: understand what all the emojis mean and what's really going on. 220 00:12:12,360 --> 00:12:14,840 Speaker 1: So that's one thing, and it does pay to be 221 00:12:14,840 --> 00:12:16,800 Speaker 1: across it. However, I'm going to argue that you don't 222 00:12:16,880 --> 00:12:19,800 Speaker 1: need to be across everything. It's impossible to be across everything, 223 00:12:19,880 --> 00:12:23,559 Speaker 1: and it's not necessarily productive. What's productive is having consistent 224 00:12:23,880 --> 00:12:28,080 Speaker 1: interaction with and closeness with your children, knowing what's going 225 00:12:28,120 --> 00:12:29,959 Speaker 1: on in their lives, talking to them about it. I mean, 226 00:12:30,679 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 1: we've got to talk about the parenting in this show. 227 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,880 Speaker 1: First off, we discovered that dad doesn't know how to 228 00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:38,840 Speaker 1: relate to his son. His son loves drawing, his son 229 00:12:38,880 --> 00:12:40,960 Speaker 1: loves a bunch of stuff that Dad doesn't understand. Dad 230 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,280 Speaker 1: wants him to play soccer for football, and he wants 231 00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:46,600 Speaker 1: him to get into boxing, and both of those things 232 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:50,679 Speaker 1: the Jamie just fails and Dad is embarrassed by his 233 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:55,000 Speaker 1: son's ineptitude. From a physicality point of view, well, he's 234 00:12:55,240 --> 00:12:58,280 Speaker 1: not a man notions of masculinity absolutely, So Jamie feels 235 00:12:58,320 --> 00:13:00,720 Speaker 1: like a failure. But Dad's doing long hours. Mum and 236 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,760 Speaker 1: Dad are kind of removed, but Jamie's out walking the 237 00:13:02,800 --> 00:13:05,880 Speaker 1: streets with his buddies. He's in his room on his devices, 238 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,800 Speaker 1: and there's a general lack of supervision. His parents are 239 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:12,960 Speaker 1: not in his lives. They love him deeply, they care 240 00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:17,559 Speaker 1: for him in profound appropriate ways, but they don't know 241 00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,640 Speaker 1: how to be in his life in the ways that 242 00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,320 Speaker 1: he needs them. And this is the critical thing to 243 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:24,440 Speaker 1: answer your question. Really, you don't have to be across it. 244 00:13:24,480 --> 00:13:26,439 Speaker 1: You just have to be in your kids' lives to 245 00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 1: a point where they trust you. Trust means I believe 246 00:13:29,440 --> 00:13:33,240 Speaker 1: you'll act in my best interests. And Jamie doesn't feel 247 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,600 Speaker 1: connected to his parents, doesn't feel like they're going to 248 00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,920 Speaker 1: act in his best interests because they don't understand each other. 249 00:13:38,120 --> 00:13:47,960 Speaker 4: She is a model, I think because if we accept 250 00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:53,320 Speaker 4: it that maybe we should doeth was to think. 251 00:13:53,120 --> 00:13:56,200 Speaker 1: That that, to me is the big message. There's more, 252 00:13:56,280 --> 00:13:58,800 Speaker 1: but in the interest of time, that's that's where I 253 00:13:58,840 --> 00:14:00,760 Speaker 1: want to sort of wrap that up. We need to 254 00:14:00,800 --> 00:14:04,120 Speaker 1: be in our kids' lives. Let's move to a conclusion, 255 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:06,600 Speaker 1: because we could talk for days about this. Here's what 256 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:08,960 Speaker 1: I write on Facebook, and I'll just get your take 257 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,520 Speaker 1: on it and some last thoughts. Here's the uncomfortable truth. 258 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:17,360 Speaker 1: At this moment, thousands of boys are hunched over screens, 259 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:21,160 Speaker 1: absorbing the same poisonous narratives that transformed Jamie from a 260 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:26,160 Speaker 1: confused adolescent into a killer. They're being gradually radicalized while 261 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:30,080 Speaker 1: we attend to daily routines, often unaware of the transformation 262 00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,240 Speaker 1: occurring under our roofs. Our boys are being robbed of 263 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:37,920 Speaker 1: the opportunity to develop into men, unburdened by these destructive 264 00:14:38,000 --> 00:14:43,080 Speaker 1: conceptions of masculinity. Their childhoods aren't gently transitioning. They're being 265 00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:48,320 Speaker 1: compressed and corrupted by digital influences, while adults remain largely 266 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:52,920 Speaker 1: oblivious to the damage. The technology companies won't intervene, educational 267 00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:56,280 Speaker 1: systems are overwhelmed, the justice system is ill equipped, and 268 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 1: our boys continue to fall through widening cracks, emerging either 269 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:03,160 Speaker 1: broken by these pre or breaking others. In response, Adolescence 270 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:07,360 Speaker 1: offers no simple solutions. It simply holds up a mirror 271 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:11,200 Speaker 1: to a collective failure and asks what kind of society 272 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:13,760 Speaker 1: permits its children to be corrupted in digital spaces until 273 00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:17,240 Speaker 1: they either implode or explode? Katie is dead, Jamie is shattered, 274 00:15:17,360 --> 00:15:21,760 Speaker 1: and the machinery that created this tragedy continues to operate 275 00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,960 Speaker 1: indifferent to the human cost. I reckon, I write some 276 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:30,280 Speaker 1: good stuff, but let's not talk about my writing at 277 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:33,200 Speaker 1: the end of the series, And as you reflect on it, 278 00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:34,760 Speaker 1: what would you want parents to know? 279 00:15:35,560 --> 00:15:39,040 Speaker 3: For me, it's that you can't underestimate the influence that 280 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:43,680 Speaker 3: you can have in your child's life by taking the 281 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:49,040 Speaker 3: time to be with them, by taking the time to 282 00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:54,280 Speaker 3: understand them, by taking the time to allow them the 283 00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,240 Speaker 3: care free childhood that they deserve. 284 00:15:58,160 --> 00:16:00,120 Speaker 1: I just wish our kids could have the childhood he 285 00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:03,840 Speaker 1: had before screens. Oh my goodness, adolescence. If you haven't 286 00:16:03,880 --> 00:16:08,640 Speaker 1: watched it, buckled in, It's not going to be an 287 00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:11,840 Speaker 1: easy shot of you. But I would suggest the following. 288 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:15,880 Speaker 1: Allocate four hours, get some snacks, go to the bathroom, 289 00:16:16,000 --> 00:16:18,080 Speaker 1: because once you stop, you're not going to want to 290 00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:19,960 Speaker 1: turn it off, and once those credits roll at the 291 00:16:20,040 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 1: end of the fourth episode, you will sit there for 292 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:26,200 Speaker 1: an extended period of time trying to comprehend what you've 293 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:29,160 Speaker 1: just seen. Such an important show. I really hope that 294 00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:33,320 Speaker 1: they get a second series because it is It's a 295 00:16:33,320 --> 00:16:36,880 Speaker 1: conversation starter. Hold those kids close. Thanks so much for 296 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:39,840 Speaker 1: listening to the Happy Families podcast, which is produced by 297 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,480 Speaker 1: Justin Roland from Bridge Media. If you would like more 298 00:16:42,480 --> 00:16:45,040 Speaker 1: information and more resources to make your family happier and 299 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,640 Speaker 1: protect your kids, we've got them. They're at happy families 300 00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:48,480 Speaker 1: dot com dot au.