Speaker 1: Before we get into the episode, we just want to
Speaker 1: say a big thank you to today's sponsor, and that
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Speaker 2: get into the episode.
Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 2: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2: I've lost my voice. Brittany got scammed by some removal us.
Speaker 1: It's a great week to be a life what a time.
Speaker 3: Welcome to our Tuesday episode.
Speaker 1: But you do sound really funny because your voice is
Speaker 1: just about to go and it doesn't. That doesn't bode
Speaker 1: well in an industry where our job is to speak
Speaker 1: radio and podcasting and you are you are hanging on
Speaker 1: for dear Life.
Speaker 2: We actually we had an interview planned for this afternoon.
Speaker 2: We were going to interview Angie Kent this afternoon, but
Speaker 2: we had to push it back because I think I
Speaker 2: could hang out for this intro chat and then also
Speaker 2: managed to punch out another interview after this.
Speaker 1: No, it would have been hard listening. It would have
Speaker 1: been like something from this seems like scratchy, you know,
Speaker 1: like March March Simpson.
Speaker 2: Yes, so I'm very sorry that I sound like this
Speaker 2: at the start of this episode. However, I did not
Speaker 2: sound like this when we did the interview which is
Speaker 2: the middle of this episode. So it's not going to
Speaker 2: be like this forever, I promise. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So sometimes, and it depending on when someone's available for
Speaker 1: an interview. We break this episode recording up, so if
Speaker 1: someone's available, we will do the interview, but then we
Speaker 1: might do this intro at another time. That's what has happened.
Speaker 1: So Laura's voice is going to sound don't let.
Speaker 2: Them, don't let them behind the curtain, don't let them
Speaker 2: see what we do. How our level of disorganization.
Speaker 1: Well, I think the voice is going to be to
Speaker 1: give way. You can't even you can't even laugh.
Speaker 3: I can't.
Speaker 2: There's no sound that comes out when I laugh. I
Speaker 2: just wheeze. And you know what, I'm just gonna put
Speaker 2: it out there. I know that anytime anybody has any
Speaker 2: sort of sickness, now we're like.
Speaker 3: Me COVID, COVID.
Speaker 2: I've done so many tests and this has been brewing
Speaker 2: for about a month, and I think that it's just finally,
Speaker 2: it's just finally here. It's like, Laura, you need to stop,
Speaker 2: and you need to have a sleep and you need
Speaker 2: to get over it. But anyway, enough about me.
Speaker 1: Before we get any further into Laura's very very sexy
Speaker 1: voice or telling you what the episode's about, we do
Speaker 1: just want to say a big thank you to our
Speaker 1: sponsor today that made this episode possible, that is New Balance. Now.
Speaker 1: I wear you Balance to death if you follow me. Actually,
Speaker 1: I used to post about my favorite pair of shoes
Speaker 1: overseas and lots of people used to laugh at me.
Speaker 1: They were bright pink and they had chains on them.
Speaker 1: Do you know the ones?
Speaker 3: Laura, I have no idea what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: I wear them to death, then you Balance. But New
Speaker 1: Balance have just released the golden child of running shoes,
Speaker 1: the Fresh Foam ten eighty v. Twelve And let me
Speaker 1: tell you, I've been hitting the pavement with Delilah.
Speaker 2: They are very, very comfortable, and even if you're not
Speaker 2: a runner, because like, let's face it, I'm not a
Speaker 2: very good runner, but I do walk places, so I
Speaker 2: have them as well, and they're very good if you
Speaker 2: don't run and you just walk. Say way, Brett, tell
Speaker 2: us about this whole removalist debacle.
Speaker 1: Could you follow me on Instagram? You would have seen
Speaker 1: what went down with me this week. I just I
Speaker 1: feel like I've had one of those weeks that there's
Speaker 1: been a lot of tears shed from multitude reasons, Like.
Speaker 2: I mean, you cried last week on the podcast, you
Speaker 2: can't cry this week on the podcast I.
Speaker 1: Won't cry on the podcast, but I did cry in RL.
Speaker 1: In real life, I basically gave a lot of my
Speaker 1: furniture al miss the houseworth to my very very best
Speaker 1: friend when I moved out of my place because they
Speaker 1: needed some furniture. So I said, do you know what,
Speaker 1: I'm going to get some new stuff. Anyway, you can
Speaker 1: keep the stuff.
Speaker 2: Well, they also moved into your old house, so it
Speaker 2: was kind of like it just worked. You moved out,
Speaker 2: you moved into this place, they moved into that place,
Speaker 2: and they kind of used your furniture while they were there.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I was trying to do a good thing, and
Speaker 1: I was like, do you know what, just just use
Speaker 1: all my furniture. You don't have to worry then. Amazing,
Speaker 1: And in a year's time when you move out, I'll
Speaker 1: just deal with my furniture then and I'll take it back,
Speaker 1: either we sell it or whatever. Long story short, they
Speaker 1: had to move out urgently because there were some renovations
Speaker 1: happening in the building. They couldn't be there for work,
Speaker 1: so they've had to break their release after only like
Speaker 1: two or three months. So we organized the move out
Speaker 1: and I thought, okay, great, I will just organize to
Speaker 1: get all my furniture picked up and shipped up the coast.
Speaker 1: I was waiting. It was supposed to come, yes on
Speaker 1: a Sunday, So I supposed to come on Sunday at
Speaker 1: nine o'clock. Now I was very silly and paid up front.
Speaker 1: So between nine and eleven, I was waiting, waiting, waiting.
Speaker 1: They didn't come. Waited a little bit longer, and there's
Speaker 1: nothing else in a house. I'm just hanging around. Kept waiting.
Speaker 1: I thought, you know, remomvve us are pretty unreliable. They're
Speaker 1: always late from picking up all the jobs or doing
Speaker 1: other stuff. I'll keep waiting, keep waiting, keep waiting. It
Speaker 1: got to five pm, and I was like, Mama, it
Speaker 1: was like, they're not coming. I realized they weren't coming,
Speaker 1: and I started to panic because I thought, Okay, what
Speaker 1: am I going to do? Because you know, when you're
Speaker 1: leaving a lease, you have to be out. So we
Speaker 1: had to be out of that apartment on Monday morning,
Speaker 1: which is this morning. We're recording this on a Monday,
Speaker 1: So this is this morning, it's five feel on a Sunday.
Speaker 1: How am I?
Speaker 2: So?
Speaker 1: What was I supposed to do? I was at such
Speaker 1: a loss that I was like, how do I have
Speaker 1: to get all of my house, this furniture out on
Speaker 1: a Sunday night with I don't have I don't have
Speaker 1: a I don't have a van, I don't have family here.
Speaker 1: It's Sunday night. I was so overwhelmed that I just
Speaker 1: sat in my car out the front and I just
Speaker 1: sat there and cried, and I was like, I just
Speaker 1: couldn't do it. I couldn't get out, couldn't get on my phone,
Speaker 1: couldn't do anything else. I was like, I just need
Speaker 1: to bore my eyes out for a second. I just
Speaker 1: had so much frustration and stress. And I think that
Speaker 1: I don't want to sound like I'm being dramatic, but
Speaker 1: I think it was the icing on the cake from
Speaker 1: a big few weeks. You know, when this one little
Speaker 1: thing happens that tipps you over the edge.
Speaker 2: And I feel like the big part of this as well,
Speaker 2: is that you pretty much got scammed by a removals company.
Speaker 3: Do we think you've got scammed?
Speaker 1: Well, so we think so it was hard to know.
Speaker 1: And the reason I didn't call. Everyone's like call the
Speaker 1: company out. But I don't ever want to do that.
Speaker 1: I don't like this online idea of online buying, I
Speaker 1: was like to docks them. But if somebody, if one
Speaker 1: hundred percent knew that a company was scamming, I would.
Speaker 1: But until I knew that, or until I know that,
Speaker 1: I don't want to out a company unless it was
Speaker 1: it could have been a mistake, and I, you know,
Speaker 1: optimistic Brittany is saying it's a mistake.
Speaker 2: And it's a Sunday. Businesses aren't open to respond within
Speaker 2: you know, an eight hour working day on a Sunday.
Speaker 2: I feel like that was a very smart route. However,
Speaker 2: if it was Laura Man and maybe in a different story.
Speaker 1: I put this on my Instagram and I sort of
Speaker 1: shared my story. I can't believe, Laura, you would be shook.
Speaker 1: How many people wrote to me saying that this exact
Speaker 1: thing happened them, that they have been scammed by a
Speaker 1: removalist specifically, and I was just gobsmacked. One person in particular, God,
Speaker 1: their whole house worth a property picked up, like a
Speaker 1: full bedroom, like a big house to move, and they
Speaker 1: were not moving locally, not in the same city. It
Speaker 1: was like an interstate move. And so you know, like
Speaker 1: the removeless goes and you drive as well, you meet
Speaker 1: them there like a day later, or however long it takes.
Speaker 1: It never came to this day.
Speaker 3: Imagine getting ghosted by your removal.
Speaker 1: They have, they got their whole house is worth a
Speaker 1: furniture We've got ghosted. Imagine trying to move into state.
Speaker 1: And so I guess this is a scam. People taking
Speaker 1: all this furniture, and I guess that they just drive
Speaker 1: away and they must have like a dark web that
Speaker 1: they sell everything on.
Speaker 2: I mean, it's the perfect crime, right You just put
Speaker 2: it in a car, you say yeah, I'll meet you
Speaker 2: at the other side, and you just never show up.
Speaker 3: Oh, can't text you back.
Speaker 1: It's so fucked.
Speaker 2: You've all you all need to keep your wits about
Speaker 2: you when it comes to your dating ghosting and you're
Speaker 2: remov less ghosting.
Speaker 1: Everyone ghosts you these days. Anyway, once I find out
Speaker 1: in a couple of days if it was a scam
Speaker 1: or not, because I'm like now they're in business hours,
Speaker 1: I'm going to try and keep trying to contact them.
Speaker 1: I still feel positive. I'm very optimistic that it was
Speaker 1: a missunderstanding.
Speaker 2: You will know about it on Thursday's episode if it wasn't,
Speaker 2: because we will docks them.
Speaker 3: We're coming for you.
Speaker 1: I beg you the real estate to give me an
Speaker 1: extra day in the house. I was like, you don't
Speaker 1: have a choice. I was like, physically, the prop the
Speaker 1: fetisures in there and I can't get it out. Give
Speaker 1: me another day, and I spent an I started to
Speaker 1: move all night on my own. I've just got a
Speaker 1: little car, but I just loaded what I could up,
Speaker 1: drove it back, went back, drove back. There's another I've
Speaker 1: got someone from Air Tasker, this young lad helping me
Speaker 1: this afternoon. Bless his soul. Bless Air Tasker. But I'll
Speaker 1: let you know on Thursday if I hear anything.
Speaker 2: It's just reminds me of you UNI days, where you
Speaker 2: would just always do everything yourself. You just move, even
Speaker 2: if it was like the world's heaviest I was gonna
Speaker 2: say king there, but ain't.
Speaker 3: No UNI students got a king bed like you.
Speaker 1: Just kick just think or maybe you just do it.
Speaker 2: You just figure it out, You get your friends, and
Speaker 2: you would do it all yourself. And that is where
Speaker 2: we're at again. Well, there was something else that we
Speaker 2: wanted to talk to you about before we get into
Speaker 2: today's episode. But today's episode so that you know what
Speaker 2: it is, that we're talking about. We are talking to
Speaker 2: doctor Julie Smith, who is a TikTok sensation, but she's
Speaker 2: also a clinical psychologist, and this conversation today is all
Speaker 2: around motivation, procrastination, how we deal with anxiety, our moods.
Speaker 2: She covers so many different topics via her TikTok channels,
Speaker 2: all around creating better mental health.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I am the ultimate Laura. I think you are
Speaker 1: as well, but I think you can attest to this.
Speaker 1: I am a huge procrastinator. I don't understand the psychology
Speaker 1: behind it, because it's not that I don't want to
Speaker 1: do something.
Speaker 2: It's just that I want to spend four hours on
Speaker 2: Instagram scrolling.
Speaker 1: For me, it's the motivation, Like I need a pressure
Speaker 1: cooker environment to perform really well. Like I can still
Speaker 1: get a job done, but when I know that there's
Speaker 1: an end date and there's something ticking and you've got
Speaker 1: hours left, like when you cram for a mass exam
Speaker 1: or something at school, that's where I get shit done.
Speaker 1: But when I've got all the time in the world,
Speaker 1: I'm like, now, I'll do it later, I'll do this.
Speaker 1: I'll I better clean out the dust from my light shade,
Speaker 1: like I find anything else that there could possibly be
Speaker 1: to do before I do a job.
Speaker 2: But I think that that was kind of partly what
Speaker 2: tied into this conversation is that we sometimes expect that
Speaker 2: motivation is going to hit us. We sometimes expect, oh,
Speaker 2: when I feel ready to do that task, I'll finally
Speaker 2: get myself to do it. And this is all around
Speaker 2: how you can't just wait for the feeling before you
Speaker 2: take action. I think there are so many people out
Speaker 2: there who would relate to that feeling that they procrastinate, procrastinate, procrastinate,
Speaker 2: and then leave everything to the last hour. And Julie
Speaker 2: does go into the reasoning behind the psychology behind why
Speaker 2: we do that, what factors motivate us in those very
Speaker 2: last minutes, why it is that we kind of get
Speaker 2: that kick in the ass, But just also some tools
Speaker 2: that you can implement in order to not leave everything
Speaker 2: to the last fucking minute, a little.
Speaker 1: Bit of like impulse control too, like when you want
Speaker 1: to do something like textrax, why you probably shouldn't.
Speaker 3: And moderation.
Speaker 2: But before we get into talking about all of that,
Speaker 2: there is something else that we wanted to cover.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 2: This is a story that was discussed in December and January,
Speaker 2: and it was Kim Kardashian and a photo of her child, Chicago,
Speaker 2: and also of her niece. There was lots of speculation
Speaker 2: that she had taken the face of her niece True
Speaker 2: and photoshopped it onto a photo of her other niece, Stormy,
Speaker 2: so that you could post this photo of her daughter
Speaker 2: and Stormy together at Disneyland fucking weird, like it was
Speaker 2: weird behavior then. But it has come back to life
Speaker 2: because Kim Kardashian has finally spoken about this elusive photo.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, so this is one little photo. If you
Speaker 1: haven't been following the saga for the last couple of months, I,
Speaker 1: in all honesty, I missed it when it happened, so
Speaker 1: in January, I missed it. I'm only catching wind of
Speaker 1: this saga now when Kim has come out and started
Speaker 1: to defend herself. But you will see the photo of Disneyland.
Speaker 1: You'll see the photo of True and Chicago. It's a
Speaker 1: very cute photo. It is very very beautiful, and she
Speaker 1: talked about how you know they had such a great
Speaker 1: day at Disneyland. The reason has come to light now
Speaker 1: is Chloe Kardashian just took her daughter True, who was
Speaker 1: in this who was photoshopped into this photo. She just
Speaker 1: took her daughter True to Disneyland and she put it
Speaker 1: on her Instagram and she said, True's first time at Disneyland,
Speaker 1: and the whole world's gone, hang on, We've seen a
Speaker 1: photo months ago of True at Disneyland, and then they've
Speaker 1: caught on to the fact that it's been photo shopped.
Speaker 1: The world went up in arms and they couldn't And
Speaker 1: it's actually funny. Once it all exploded, Klobe Kardashian was like, oh, oh,
Speaker 1: I just fucking fucked something up.
Speaker 3: She literally said, well I fucked with this one up,
Speaker 3: didn't she?
Speaker 1: Which is I think, I think this is really fucking funny.
Speaker 1: I know it's very problematic, and I know there are
Speaker 1: a lot of underlying issues that come with it, but
Speaker 1: as a whole you have to see back and laugh
Speaker 1: and the extreme lengths this family the Kardashians go to
Speaker 1: for their Instagram for content, for content, it's it's ludicrous.
Speaker 2: So basically, if you look at this photo and like,
Speaker 2: I feel like you need to pull it up, like
Speaker 2: just google Kim Kardashian photoshop a disney Land, It'll come up.
Speaker 2: It's like the numb it's the number one thing. It's
Speaker 2: been talked about the last three days. You can see it.
Speaker 3: Actually is a pretty bloody good photoshop.
Speaker 2: Let me say, like I would not if I was
Speaker 2: scrolling Instagram, I would not have thought that another little
Speaker 2: girl's face was photoshopped onto her niece's body. I would
Speaker 2: not have thought that.
Speaker 1: It's immaculate, it's beautiful photo.
Speaker 2: However, people who are absolutely eagle eyed, because there's so
Speaker 2: many people who follow the Kardashians who are actually just
Speaker 2: a little bit crazy and a little bit obsessed and
Speaker 2: follow every single intrinsic thing about the photos trying to
Speaker 2: find fault. And if you look really closely, you can
Speaker 2: see that most of the photo is actually a little
Speaker 2: bit blurry, like Chicago is blurry. The hand of the
Speaker 2: niece who the niece's body which is stormy, and the
Speaker 2: face that's True's True's face is like crystal clear, like
Speaker 2: it is perfectly in focus, whereas the hand and the
Speaker 2: body is a little bit out of focus like the
Speaker 2: rest of the photo. And that's where people started calling, Okay,
Speaker 2: maybe this there was something wrong here. But Kim Karashian
Speaker 2: has actually come out and she has admitted that she
Speaker 2: photoshop one niece's face onto another niece's body, and this
Speaker 2: is what she had to say about it. She goes, oh, okay,
Speaker 2: so this one has some serious explaining. Now, you know,
Speaker 2: I am all about my esthetic and my Instagram grid
Speaker 2: is pink and blue lately.
Speaker 3: Isn't it so cute and well planned out? Well?
Speaker 2: The original picks were stormy, However, I asked at Kylie
Speaker 2: Jenna if I could post them, and she said no.
Speaker 2: She wasn't really feeling posting at that moment, and so
Speaker 2: I respect that, but it wasn't going to mess up
Speaker 2: my Instagram feed. Chicago was wearing pink and it matched perfectly,
Speaker 2: Chicago being Kim Kardashian's daughter. It wasn't the aesthetic I
Speaker 2: was going for, and I can own up to that.
Speaker 2: You know how much a good aesthetic means to my soul,
Speaker 2: and I will be damned if Kylie will ruin that
Speaker 2: for me and mess up my Instagram grid. So thank you,
Speaker 2: True for taking one for the team on this one.
Speaker 2: I didn't think it would be that big a deal
Speaker 2: if her own mom questioned if I had snuck her
Speaker 2: away to Disneyland for the first time or not. So basically,
Speaker 2: even Chloe had responded and she was like, hold on
Speaker 2: a second, did you take her to Disneyland. She didn't
Speaker 2: even know that the photoshopping was being done, which is
Speaker 2: kind of weird in the first place, Like she didn't
Speaker 2: even ask her sister if she could photoshop her sister's
Speaker 2: kid onto the photo that she was posting.
Speaker 1: Well, it sort of contradicts what she did in the
Speaker 1: first place, because she asked one sister, Kylie if she
Speaker 1: could post store me. He said no, So instead of
Speaker 1: asking she could post true, she just went photoshopped her in.
Speaker 1: So it doesn't even make sense.
Speaker 2: Well, the reason for this, actually it does make sense
Speaker 2: if you do a bit of digging around timelines, is
Speaker 2: because it was all happening at the same time that
Speaker 2: Travis Scott, who is Kylie's partner, was in the news
Speaker 2: and being called out for the huge tragedy that happened
Speaker 2: at Astro World. So Kylie was trying to lay low
Speaker 2: on social media, not to draw more attention, and that's
Speaker 2: the reason why Kim had asked her. But she obviously
Speaker 2: was like, sorry, any of my pink and blue.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's so funny, but if I was going
Speaker 1: to like you would think the number one rule. Right,
Speaker 1: if you were trying to do a photoshop trickery, awesome now,
Speaker 1: But if you were going to pull the trickery on
Speaker 1: your Instagram, you don't have a thousand followers, right, you
Speaker 1: have three hundred million or something ludicrous between them, they
Speaker 1: have like a billion followers. If you were trying to
Speaker 1: trick your audience, you would at least make sure all
Speaker 1: the parties involved know about it, because this is what happened. Like,
Speaker 1: wouldn't you just say, hey, Kloe, heads up, I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna put True's face like True went to Disneyland today,
Speaker 1: just so you know, like, just run with that story.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't you just make sure all the parties are involved?
Speaker 2: You just take another fucking photo, Like if you're only
Speaker 2: post if you're only posting the photo because of aesthetics
Speaker 2: because it matches your grid, take take another photo.
Speaker 1: Only just say just yeah, just be like yo, Chicago,
Speaker 1: go and stand over here next to this pink balloon,
Speaker 1: like because Pink's my jam.
Speaker 2: Although when I did see this, there was a moment
Speaker 2: to me, and I feel like other moms might be
Speaker 2: able to relate to this. There are so many cute
Speaker 2: photos of my sister with my kids and every source,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, oh, I wish that photo was of
Speaker 2: me with my kids. So maybe I could just photoshop
Speaker 2: my face offto my sister's body and no one will know.
Speaker 1: I think, no, But this is the thing, and this
Speaker 1: is why I'm laughing. Yes, it's problematic, and it's problematic
Speaker 1: because it has recently come out in the last week
Speaker 1: or so that not only did she photoshop, but she
Speaker 1: had to change the color of her skin, So she's
Speaker 1: photoshopped her skin darker because that's what would match. So
Speaker 1: a lot of people are up in arms saying, do
Speaker 1: you know how wrong it is to be altering your
Speaker 1: child's skin to match your aesthetic? Like you are fucked up?
Speaker 1: And I agree that side of it is fucked up.
Speaker 2: She also changed the pants from orange to pink as well, though,
Speaker 2: so that's a girl is dedicated.
Speaker 1: And this is why it's funny. You have to sit
Speaker 1: back and laugh at the whole thing because it's so ridiculous.
Speaker 3: I think it's not funny.
Speaker 2: I think it is so incredibly sad that yes, it's
Speaker 2: funny sad, and I understand that they are a very
Speaker 2: special breed of people. Their entire careers, their entire income
Speaker 2: has been very carefully created and curated based on who
Speaker 2: they are as people, like they are their own products.
Speaker 2: But I think it is incredibly sad that their children
Speaker 2: are a part of that commodity, that their children become
Speaker 2: part of the esthetic. And it's not actually about posting
Speaker 2: a nice photo of your child, but it's about posting
Speaker 2: a photo that suits a brand. And that's kind of
Speaker 2: where things feel a bit icky for me.
Speaker 1: That is horrible, and that is really sad. And the
Speaker 1: saddest part is that these kids are never ever going
Speaker 1: to know differently, and they don't have a chance to
Speaker 1: know differently. Imagine growing up and looking back at your
Speaker 1: photos and not knowing what was real? Did I really
Speaker 1: do that?
Speaker 3: Mum?
Speaker 1: Was I really there? Was I on that plane? Did
Speaker 1: I go to the Palmas? Is that means that staw me?
Speaker 1: Is that Chicago? Is that like?
Speaker 2: And then Kim's gonna say, shut up and look at
Speaker 2: your Porsche. You're fourteen, just go and enjoy it. And
Speaker 2: I'd be like, yes, okay, I can take that too.
Speaker 1: But in terms of what you just said, like you
Speaker 1: wish that sometimes like you might get a nice photo
Speaker 1: with your sister, and you wish you could photoshop them in.
Speaker 1: This isn't the first time this family has done that,
Speaker 1: And but these things I think are funny, right, it
Speaker 1: can be more innocent. Kim Kardashian's been called out a
Speaker 1: few times for her family portraits where one of the
Speaker 1: children having photoshops. They've got a really beautiful photo. Everyone like,
Speaker 1: I think the six of them for kids, everyone's looking
Speaker 1: really good. But there have been times where people have
Speaker 1: called them out for one of the children being photoshopped in,
Speaker 1: and she's like, well, I'm going to admit to this.
Speaker 1: They were screaming and crying, they couldn't get in the picture,
Speaker 1: so I just got a nice picture of them later
Speaker 1: and put it in so I had a family portrait.
Speaker 2: No, one hundred percent, I have Okay, any mum will
Speaker 2: relate to this if you try and do family photos
Speaker 2: with your children, even normal photography. Like I've taken Lola
Speaker 2: and Mary and we've done family photos just for us,
Speaker 2: and the photographers will say, oh, don't worry if Lola's
Speaker 2: not smiling in this one, I'll just take her head
Speaker 2: from another photo and drop it in so she's so
Speaker 2: she's facing the right way. So it happens to normal people.
Speaker 1: And you probably didn't bat an eyelid, right, You're probably like,
Speaker 1: oh cool, and I just put the smiling one in.
Speaker 2: Please drop, please drop her better head on her body,
Speaker 2: and if you could put Kylie Jenner's face on mine too,
Speaker 2: that would be great.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 2: There have also been some other speculations that she's just
Speaker 2: so we're really down a rabbit hole of Kim Kardashian
Speaker 2: photoshopping photos. There have been some photos that have come
Speaker 2: out where people have been saying that she has photoshopped
Speaker 2: the jawline of Pete Davidson recently to make him look
Speaker 2: more masculine.
Speaker 3: No one is safe, Brittany, no one.
Speaker 1: It's so funny.
Speaker 4: For like, if you want your partner to look like
Speaker 4: someone else, to date someone else.
Speaker 3: Like, I love you, but I want you to look
Speaker 3: hotter if.
Speaker 1: My partner imagine this, Laura, Imagine.
Speaker 3: If Matt photoshop bigger titties on me.
Speaker 1: Yes, put a photo of you are, but change your face,
Speaker 1: put some boobs on you, tucked you in here. Imagine
Speaker 1: if and you didn't know, and you just saw a
Speaker 1: photo of you.
Speaker 2: And you're like, I swear to God, has not me
Speaker 2: i'd be like, damn, you see some potential that is
Speaker 2: not there.
Speaker 1: But one last thing I want to add, I'm very
Speaker 1: proud to say. I don't know if I'm proud. I
Speaker 1: followed the Kardashians on like Instagram, and because their life
Speaker 1: is fascinating, you cannot It's like nothing else in the
Speaker 1: world that we have ever seen. But I have only
Speaker 1: just because I recently ran out of things to watch online.
Speaker 1: I only just have watched the first two episodes ever
Speaker 1: of any season of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. I
Speaker 1: have never in all the years there's twenty season, I've
Speaker 1: never watched anything, and I get it. I was two
Speaker 1: episodes in and I was hooked. I was like, I
Speaker 1: need to know what happens. Man.
Speaker 2: I've seen it and I still don't know which ones
Speaker 2: which I get them wrong all the time.
Speaker 3: Do not? Chloe is Courtney to me? And I don't know.
Speaker 3: The only one I know is Kim. But anyway, let's
Speaker 3: get into our.
Speaker 2: Favorite part of every episode, which is accidentally unfiltered.
Speaker 1: Okay, I just want to kick this one off with.
Speaker 1: I just thought this was really cute. It's this is
Speaker 1: absolutely there's nothing dirty about this. There's nothing through g
Speaker 1: rated accidentally unfiltered, don't we it's so g rated. But
Speaker 1: I just thought I was just like rooting for us.
Speaker 1: You can't make this shit up. I own a small
Speaker 1: massage studio and I was about to have my very
Speaker 1: first client of the day, so I started getting organized.
Speaker 1: I connected my phone to the speaker for some background music,
Speaker 1: like I always do. My first client arrived and I
Speaker 1: showed her in. I told her to get ready, hop
Speaker 1: onto the table, and you know you come back in
Speaker 1: ten minutes. When I gently knocked on the door to
Speaker 1: see if she was ready, I opened up, walked in,
Speaker 1: and to my horror, I had cued an episode of
Speaker 1: Life Uncut, quite unprofessional on my behalf. Because let's be real,
Speaker 1: we all know what you guys talk about. I began
Speaker 1: apologizing profusely.
Speaker 2: If it was last week's episode. It was all about
Speaker 2: do you stick? Do you have an enema before you
Speaker 2: have anal sex?
Speaker 3: And I hope it was.
Speaker 4: Imagine you're a professional and you've got someone on your
Speaker 4: massage table, and that's what starts playing. I started to
Speaker 4: apologize profusely, being quite aware of how much time had
Speaker 4: already gone past. She stopped me as I was just
Speaker 4: about to change it and said, I haven't heard this
Speaker 4: one yet.
Speaker 1: Lets let's listen to it.
Speaker 4: So I massaged this absolutely legend of a woman for
Speaker 4: an hour listening to Life Uncut.
Speaker 1: We both absolutely loved it.
Speaker 3: That is very cute.
Speaker 1: I just thought it was. It's really really cute that
Speaker 1: she was like, oh my god, I'm about to get fired.
Speaker 1: I've just started playing anal sex to my client and
Speaker 1: she's like, no, I haven't heard this one yet.
Speaker 3: And she took home a tip or two. That's what
Speaker 3: she did. Actually, do you know what?
Speaker 2: We had so many people write in post the enema conversation,
Speaker 2: and apparently it is very much the way to go
Speaker 2: in same sex relationships. It's like heterosexual couples and not
Speaker 2: across the joys and the benefits of having an enema.
Speaker 1: And this is what I was saying in out. We
Speaker 1: had like a behind the scenes commo about that, and
Speaker 1: I was like, yes, guys, everyone in same sex relationships
Speaker 1: this is standard and everyone he went four, are you like?
Speaker 1: Fuck that?
Speaker 2: She was like, so much effort, so much effort to
Speaker 2: have an enema.
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna have a surprise.
Speaker 3: When could be a paddle popstick who knows.
Speaker 2: Okay, I actually could have too, because I've got two
Speaker 2: funny ones.
Speaker 3: But maybe we'll see another one. All right, this is
Speaker 3: very short.
Speaker 2: This week I bumped into one of my managers outside
Speaker 2: of work who was walking his dog. I said hi,
Speaker 2: and I crouched down to pat the dog. My manager said, oh, sorry,
Speaker 2: he's a little bit of a liquor.
Speaker 3: I looked up, looked.
Speaker 2: Him dead in the eye, and instead of saying, oh,
Speaker 2: that's okay, my dog too, I just said that's okay,
Speaker 2: me too, to her boss.
Speaker 1: That's so we're so innocent today.
Speaker 3: This is so cute.
Speaker 1: Okay, I've got one more than's not. I mean, this
Speaker 1: is also innocent, but can you imagine how uncomfortable'd be? Okay, guys,
Speaker 1: this is one for my fourteen year old daughters twenty
Speaker 1: first or maybe even her fiftieth. My daughter is super
Speaker 1: sporty and gets really tight calves. She always comes into
Speaker 1: our room right before bed, as do all of our
Speaker 1: four kids. She gives us a hug and she says
Speaker 1: good night. One night, when her calves must have been
Speaker 1: really sore, she came in and she reaches for what
Speaker 1: she assumed was massage oil. Proceeds to loob up her
Speaker 1: calf muscle and then asks her dad to massage her
Speaker 1: legs on. At this point, the options weren't looking good.
Speaker 1: One we could either explain that it was lou which
Speaker 1: in turn we would have to have a very open
Speaker 1: conversation about what lube was. Four white was on our
Speaker 1: bedside table and mortify the shit out of us and
Speaker 1: our poor kid. Two we allow her to think it
Speaker 1: was massage oil have dad massage her leg with said lube.
Speaker 1: We decided on the ladder, which sounds completely inappropriate, but
Speaker 1: his hand on heart, I swear on my laugh.
Speaker 3: The most innocent of She's the.
Speaker 1: Most innocent thing we could do. We weren't ready to
Speaker 1: have the chat, so we let this one slide. And
Speaker 1: I haven't yet told her. I'm sure one day she'll
Speaker 1: figure it out for herself, and I'm not ready for
Speaker 1: that moment. Could imagine the dad having to have a
Speaker 1: straight look in his face when she hands him lube
Speaker 1: from their bedside table and says, massage my calf muscle.
Speaker 3: I mean it would be very effective, though I would
Speaker 3: be great, great, but also my.
Speaker 1: Dad's never massage my calf muscles. I feel short chained
Speaker 1: with lube.
Speaker 2: All right, guys, let's get into the chat with doctor
Speaker 2: Julie quickly interrupting the episode to say a very big
Speaker 2: thank you to today's sponsor.
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Speaker 2: We're so excited to have doctor Julie Smith joining us today.
Speaker 2: Now that doctor Julie is a clinical psychologist, she is
Speaker 2: also a TikTok star who has recently released her new
Speaker 2: book Why Has Nobody Told Me This Before? Doctor Julie
Speaker 2: now has three point one million followers on TikTok, six
Speaker 2: hundred and eighty eight thousand followers on Instagram, and her
Speaker 2: posts have already a massed more than twenty million likes.
Speaker 2: The book is a mental health toolbox for when we
Speaker 2: need some help to take on different challenges. Welcome to
Speaker 2: life on cut.
Speaker 5: Oh thanks for having me, guys.
Speaker 1: Julie, you're a pretty famous TikTok superstar, aren't you. How
Speaker 1: did that happen?
Speaker 6: It's got a bit wild in such a short time
Speaker 6: as well. I think it's like two and a bit
Speaker 6: years ago that we decided to put a few videos
Speaker 6: online and see what happened. And I did not expect this.
Speaker 6: I thought it was going to be one of those
Speaker 6: of temporary little projects that you do and then it
Speaker 6: sort of, you know, filters out, But it just took
Speaker 6: off like a rocket, and I feel like I'm just
Speaker 6: sort of holding on for dear life.
Speaker 1: How did everything take off? How did you become this
Speaker 1: TikTok superstar sensation? Was it just one video that went
Speaker 1: viral or was it a series of videos?
Speaker 2: And as Brittany, as you answer this question, Brittany's googling
Speaker 2: how to start a TikTok and she's just trying to
Speaker 2: get some hot chips on this song.
Speaker 1: I don't know how to just tick tactalk me.
Speaker 6: Yeah, you know what it was through a mistake. I
Speaker 6: did put a video on, and I'd only put on
Speaker 6: a few to be honest. It took off quite quickly,
Speaker 6: but the first video that got lots of views, I
Speaker 6: put music on, and I was such a novice at
Speaker 6: using it all. I didn't realize you could change the
Speaker 6: either sort of volume and stuff. So the music was
Speaker 6: too loud. So everybody was in the comment saying I
Speaker 6: had to listen to it three times because the music's
Speaker 6: too loud.
Speaker 5: I can't hear what you said.
Speaker 6: So obviously lots of kind of rewatch and stuff like
Speaker 6: that did well for.
Speaker 1: It, So that's how I got so many views.
Speaker 6: Yes, that was my first blow up, so you know,
Speaker 6: mistakes help, right, But also you know, it was about
Speaker 6: a month before the pandemic started and a couple months
Speaker 6: before the first lockdown and everything, so I think it's
Speaker 6: probably timing was a big issue, and you know, lots
Speaker 6: of people online expressing their distress, but no one was
Speaker 6: really on there as a professional saying here are some
Speaker 6: things you could do that would help. So yeah, I
Speaker 6: think swimming against the tide at the time probably, How.
Speaker 2: I mean, we don't often see complex mental health issues
Speaker 2: like depression, like anxiety taken and discussed on a social
Speaker 2: media platform in a way that succinct and gets the
Speaker 2: point across. I mean, these are topics that normally are
Speaker 2: more conducive for talking about in long form content, like
Speaker 2: maybe on a podcast, but you managed to capture that
Speaker 2: in these bite sized little bits of content. How is
Speaker 2: it that you're able to communicate this And what was
Speaker 2: it about TikTok that made you want to take clinical
Speaker 2: psychology onto a social media platform?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 6: I mean it has felt like I've been definitely swimming
Speaker 6: against the tide. I couldn't find anyone else who was
Speaker 6: doing that kind of thing, certainly psychologists anyway, who were doing.
Speaker 5: That kind of thing.
Speaker 6: When we first started, initially started, we were going to
Speaker 6: put some videos on YouTube and things like that, and
Speaker 6: they were about the videos are about ten minutes long,
Speaker 6: and I would kind of explain this thing that I
Speaker 6: would explain in therapy and take my time over it.
Speaker 6: And then my husband discovered TikTok. I was like, oh,
Speaker 6: this could be a really great idea. You know, why
Speaker 6: not make bite size kind of videos? And my initial
Speaker 6: thought was no way, I just there's no way, you can,
Speaker 6: you know, slim this stuff down that much without destroying
Speaker 6: the idea. And he said, well, you know, let's just
Speaker 6: give it a shot and see what happens, and if
Speaker 6: it doesn't work out, we'll just delete it, you know.
Speaker 5: And so we.
Speaker 6: Tried, and actually, it really gets you to the point
Speaker 6: where you know, you have to strip down all the jargon,
Speaker 6: anything that's sort of unnecessary to the message, all that
Speaker 6: kind of fluff around your language. Just take it out
Speaker 6: and see what you've got left. And actually sometimes it's
Speaker 6: even more powerful than including more and more words that.
Speaker 5: You don't need.
Speaker 6: So it became a bit of a kind of creative
Speaker 6: challenge if you like, as well, because often there are
Speaker 6: these subjects that they're not sexy, they're not really kind
Speaker 6: of grabbing your attention. But the two of us would
Speaker 6: work together on, okay, we'll this message that could be
Speaker 6: really useful to a bunch of people. How do we
Speaker 6: make it more engaging and more interesting, and how can
Speaker 6: we bring it alive with I don't know, music or
Speaker 6: you know, different kind of camera tricks or whatever we're doing.
Speaker 6: And so we just, yeah, we just played around with
Speaker 6: it and learned through trial and error the kind of
Speaker 6: content that we wanted to do.
Speaker 1: I guess I think it's really great that you are
Speaker 1: an early adopter in this space. You did see a
Speaker 1: space and you capitalized on it, and hats off to you.
Speaker 1: But I think the fact of the matter is a
Speaker 1: lot of people go on the Internet and they google
Speaker 1: things for themselves. I've been guilty of it. I know
Speaker 1: my mum and dad.
Speaker 3: Do it a lot, just to google cancer.
Speaker 1: But you go and say like, hey, what's wrong with me?
Speaker 1: How do I deal with this? What is the what
Speaker 1: are these symptoms? And there's so much complex terminology around
Speaker 1: it that sometimes the information we're receiving ads to our
Speaker 1: overwhelmed and people are like, fuck it, I'm not even
Speaker 1: going to go and get the help that I need
Speaker 1: because it's too much. I don't understand it, it's too complicated,
Speaker 1: it's too stressful. I'm going to leave it.
Speaker 5: Yeah, hugely.
Speaker 6: And it was one of the sort of big questions
Speaker 6: I got from like journalists stuff like that, when all
Speaker 6: this interest started to sort of appear and I was
Speaker 6: working with people one to one in my therapy room
Speaker 6: and I could only help one person at a time,
Speaker 6: and I wanted to share this education, and I think
Speaker 6: in order to reach a big audience. The most effective
Speaker 6: way to do that is to go where everybody's attention is.
Speaker 6: You know, if you stand outside of an arena and
Speaker 6: bang your drum instead of going inside where everybody's you know,
Speaker 6: looking at you, then your message is not going to.
Speaker 5: Be as effective.
Speaker 6: So I kind of felt like I could either sit
Speaker 6: in my therapy room and complain about how damaging that
Speaker 6: stuff can be and how much misinformation is out there,
Speaker 6: or I could get stuck in, get involved, and put
Speaker 6: something out there that was evidence based and potentially helpful,
Speaker 6: so that if someone is scrolling, they had a chance
Speaker 6: then of either coming across you know, my material over
Speaker 6: something else that might.
Speaker 5: Be misinformation for example.
Speaker 6: And you know a lot of my videos have been
Speaker 6: around sort of reminding people that social media isn't real
Speaker 6: and what they see isn't often real, and you know,
Speaker 6: comparison and those things just to kind of highlight, you know,
Speaker 6: while you're on here, have think about how you feel
Speaker 6: when you spend time on a certain profile. So trying
Speaker 6: to sort of build people's awareness around Okay, if you're
Speaker 6: going to be on this platform, use it to your advantage.
Speaker 6: Don't let it use you.
Speaker 2: You write something and I really loved this quote, and
Speaker 2: I would love for you to expand on this a
Speaker 2: little bit more for our listeners. What you said was,
Speaker 2: every time you choose a path that is not in
Speaker 2: your best interests, you confirm your belief that you do
Speaker 2: not deserve better.
Speaker 6: So your actions influence your beliefs about yourself. So often
Speaker 6: we talk about sort of core beliefs and beliefs that
Speaker 6: you have that then impact on the choices you make,
Speaker 6: which is true, but it's circulus. So also the way
Speaker 6: that you behave will influence on how you feel about yourself.
Speaker 5: So when we're talking about trying.
Speaker 6: To change people's beliefs, so if someone believes they're no
Speaker 6: good or that they don't deserve good things, then we
Speaker 6: behave as if that's true. But the way to change
Speaker 6: that is not to sit in a therapy room and
Speaker 6: try and hash out those beliefs and try and change
Speaker 6: the beliefs. The way that we change beliefs is through action.
Speaker 6: You know, your brain learns through evidence of experience. So
Speaker 6: if you start to behave and treat yourself in a
Speaker 6: way that is consistent with the new beliefs that you
Speaker 6: would like to hold about yourself, then you create this
Speaker 6: opportunity for those beliefs to begin to adjust and change.
Speaker 6: And it's not easy and it's not quick. It takes time,
Speaker 6: and it takes lots of effort because actually acting in
Speaker 6: a way that is not in line with what you
Speaker 6: believe is really hard and takes lots of conscious effort.
Speaker 5: But yeah, if you feel.
Speaker 6: Like you're being held back by negative beliefs about yourself,
Speaker 6: then essentially the way forward from that is action and
Speaker 6: starting to behave as if you're someone you really care about.
Speaker 2: We have actually spoken about something similar to this on
Speaker 2: the podcast before, and it's this idea that sometimes actions
Speaker 2: actually precede feelings, Like often we don't want to do
Speaker 2: something because we don't feel a certain way, whether it
Speaker 2: be maybe you don't want to be intimate with your
Speaker 2: partner or you know, maybe you feel frustrated so you
Speaker 2: don't want to touch them and be loving towards them,
Speaker 2: But often the action of being loving and doing that
Speaker 2: can then bring that feeling on. Sometimes we expect too
Speaker 2: much that our feelings are going to be the motivating
Speaker 2: actor when actually we need to take action and then
Speaker 2: those feelings follow.
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, absolutely, And a lot of people will wait
Speaker 6: for a feeling to arrive and sort of you know,
Speaker 6: this kind of idea of waiting until you feel like
Speaker 6: it that when I feel ready, I will do xoyl Z,
Speaker 6: or I will start chasing my dreams and those kind
Speaker 6: of things, or I will start making changes that I
Speaker 6: need know I need to make, And a lot of
Speaker 6: my work has been around you know, don't wait for
Speaker 6: that feeling because it's not coming to get you. It's
Speaker 6: not coming to help you. That feeling of kind of
Speaker 6: motivation and drive and energy that's the feeling you get
Speaker 6: after you come out the gym, not when you're walking in.
Speaker 6: You know, when you kind of you do something that
Speaker 6: is so in line with who you want to be
Speaker 6: in the future and the kind of person you want
Speaker 6: to be that it gives you this real sort of
Speaker 6: high that says, yes, I should do this every day
Speaker 6: because it feels good, it feels right, and it feel
Speaker 6: in line with the life I want to have. And
Speaker 6: so we have to be able to override that urge
Speaker 6: not to do it for whatever reason, fear or anything else,
Speaker 6: and start and be willing to do it imperfectly in
Speaker 6: the beginning, so that we get some momentum and build
Speaker 6: a routine and new habits, and then we get the benefits,
Speaker 6: the emotional benefits of that change.
Speaker 5: Somewhere along the way on this.
Speaker 1: Topic of you know, sometimes you might not feel like
Speaker 1: doing something, but if you go out there and action it,
Speaker 1: then maybe the feeling will come. We get a lot
Speaker 1: of questions about breakups and moving on and how do
Speaker 1: you know when you're ready? How do you know when
Speaker 1: it's time to get back into the dating world, online dating,
Speaker 1: physical dating, all of those things. How do you know
Speaker 1: when you're ready to do it? Are we supposed to
Speaker 1: wait for this feeling to say, yes, well I'm ready,
Speaker 1: or are we supposed to say I don't really feel ready,
Speaker 1: but maybe if I just go throw myself out there,
Speaker 1: those feelings will come.
Speaker 6: I guess it depends on what's happened to you in
Speaker 6: terms of how that previous relationship ended and whether that's
Speaker 6: something you need to spend time healing from. You know,
Speaker 6: if it was a relationship that wasn't especially life changing
Speaker 6: for that person, or you know, if that person didn't
Speaker 6: mean everything to you and you weren't together for years
Speaker 6: and years and years, or then it might be easier
Speaker 6: to get back out there.
Speaker 5: And but for other people.
Speaker 6: They might be in a situation where they are heartbroken,
Speaker 6: or there are things that have happened in that relationship
Speaker 6: that they then need to heal from and take time
Speaker 6: over to reflect on and learn from, partly to avoid
Speaker 6: getting into the same situation over and over again. So
Speaker 6: I think, you know, everyone's different, and it's you know,
Speaker 6: it's the kind of the answer no one really wants,
Speaker 6: is it that it's different for everyone, and you know,
Speaker 6: and that kind of thing.
Speaker 1: Okay, give me the rule, give me an answer.
Speaker 6: Yeah, give me a step like step. And I think
Speaker 6: maybe the rule is self awareness is looking at you know,
Speaker 6: how do I know when I'm not okay and I
Speaker 6: need time to heal and how do I know when
Speaker 6: when I'm ready for new adventure and to reconnect with
Speaker 6: people again. And so I think maybe that's the rule,
Speaker 6: is spending time with yourself and what that's taught you
Speaker 6: about what you want for your future and the sorts
Speaker 6: of relationships you want for the future.
Speaker 5: And then if.
Speaker 6: Everything feels raw and a bit heavy, then then maybe
Speaker 6: that's a chance to sort of take some time to
Speaker 6: look after yourself and then once you feel ready, you know,
Speaker 6: making that decision to move forward again. But I think
Speaker 6: maybe as well as asking yourself, am I making this
Speaker 6: decision out of fear?
Speaker 2: So?
Speaker 6: Is it that I want a relationship? But I'm not
Speaker 6: putting myself out there through fear, Because then I think
Speaker 6: it's always a really good thing to ask yourself, Am
Speaker 6: I making decisions based on my values and what I
Speaker 6: want for my life? Or because I'm scared? And so
Speaker 6: I think it's a good idea to try and make
Speaker 6: your decisions based on your values as opposed to the
Speaker 6: sort of what you're feeling right now or what you
Speaker 6: don't want to feel.
Speaker 1: So I guess maybe just really listen to your own
Speaker 1: gun instinct, your own body, your own intuition. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Absolutely doesn't need to be permanent, does it.
Speaker 6: It's not like if I go out into the world,
Speaker 6: then I have to stay out there. I can test
Speaker 6: the water, see how I get on dipperter, and then
Speaker 6: and then pull back and see and reflect on that.
Speaker 6: And you know, because it might be that, you know,
Speaker 6: maybe I want to meet people in this way, I
Speaker 6: don't want to meet people in that way. Maybe I'm
Speaker 6: just not okay with online dating, or maybe I'm just
Speaker 6: not okay with something, you know, whatever, it is it's
Speaker 6: okay to try things out in small ways, learn from it,
Speaker 6: and then redirect.
Speaker 2: You talk a lot about this idea of motivation and procrastination,
Speaker 2: and this is something that you mentioned a little bit earlier,
Speaker 2: but I wanted to circle back on this because I
Speaker 2: do think that we can all feel very guilty for
Speaker 2: doing it, and I think that we all do do
Speaker 2: it from time to time, and that is procrastinate about something.
Speaker 2: I mean, for me, I've been procrastinating for the last
Speaker 2: year about getting back into exercise ever since I had
Speaker 2: a child. Why do we as humans procrastinate or why
Speaker 2: do we feel like we need to have motivation before
Speaker 2: we actually start something.
Speaker 5: I think that's probably a myth.
Speaker 6: I think probably everybody has moments or situations where they'll
Speaker 6: avoid something. I mean, as humans, we are built to
Speaker 6: avoid discomfort. So whether that discomfort is boredom or stress
Speaker 6: or anxiety, if we know that a situation is going
Speaker 6: to create that emotional discomfort in us, then we're built
Speaker 6: to step back from that and avoid it if we can.
Speaker 6: So we're kind of going against our natural human urges
Speaker 6: when we put ourselves in situations that make us feel vulnerable.
Speaker 5: For example, so you.
Speaker 6: Know, that thing might be exercise, or it might be
Speaker 6: tackling the pile of bills or boring things that you
Speaker 6: know you've got to deal with, or you know, updating
Speaker 6: your insurance or all of those jobs that we all
Speaker 6: hate that we procrastinate over. But yeah, I think we're
Speaker 6: just built to avoid those difficult feedings.
Speaker 1: I think, okay, firstly, just I'm going to probably busher
Speaker 1: this word, but just correct me and tell me how
Speaker 1: to pronounce it. You talk about something, is it anademia?
Speaker 1: Is that right?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 6: So in the book, I kind of distinguish between procrastination
Speaker 6: and edonia. So anodenuous essentially a kind of symptom of depression.
Speaker 6: So it's when you kind of lose interest in the
Speaker 6: things that you used to enjoy. So if someone is
Speaker 6: experiencing depression, they'll stop doing the things that even kind
Speaker 6: of bring them pleasure because they just don't feel that
Speaker 6: pleasure anymore. And often lots, you know, all of your
Speaker 6: emotions are kind of dulled down, and you kind of
Speaker 6: you just stop doing those things because you don't really
Speaker 6: feel like it anymore. And I think that's kind of
Speaker 6: then different to the procrastination, which is probably the avoidance
Speaker 6: of an uncomfortable feeling. So yeah, I sort of distinguish
Speaker 6: between the two of those. So rather than we have
Speaker 6: that very human urge to kind of kick ourselves, well
Speaker 6: we're down and criticize yourself for being lazy and all
Speaker 6: that kind of thing, and actually, it's much more helpful
Speaker 6: to look at a behavior with curiosity. So Okay, I'm
Speaker 6: saying here, not tackling those bills, wishing that I was.
Speaker 6: What is it that is pulling me back from that?
Speaker 6: What is it that I'm avoiding or what am I?
Speaker 6: You know, what's going on here? And that's much more
Speaker 6: helpful to look at it with curiosity rather than just
Speaker 6: label ourselves as a lazy person.
Speaker 1: I don't think there is a correlation between procrastination, laziness,
Speaker 1: and motivation because personally, for me, I'm the biggest procrastinator.
Speaker 1: I know everything, everything possible. I wait to the last minute,
Speaker 1: even just to go out to dinner. It is the
Speaker 1: last minute possible that I'll go. I'll pack for a
Speaker 1: trip an hour before I need to go. I'll get
Speaker 1: my job done when I know it's due at eight
Speaker 1: am the next day.
Speaker 2: I mean, I did get through an entire university degree
Speaker 2: by cramming.
Speaker 3: So I'm going to say that it still works.
Speaker 1: Absolutely, Like I'm just a real procrastinator, but that doesn't
Speaker 1: correlate for me for motivation, because I'm super motivated. I'll
Speaker 1: start new projects all the time. I'm always looking for
Speaker 1: that next thing, and I always finish it. I just
Speaker 1: finish it at the last minute. So what can people
Speaker 1: that suffer from this very very serious prevalent disease that
Speaker 1: I do called procrastination or last minute itis last minute itis?
Speaker 1: What can we do to be better? How do we
Speaker 1: be better?
Speaker 6: Well, it's really interesting that one, isn't it. They're kind of
Speaker 6: leaving things till last minute, because I think a lot
Speaker 6: of people really benefit from that increase in stress in
Speaker 6: the last moments.
Speaker 5: You know that it's much easier to.
Speaker 6: Completely focus your mind if you've got that heightened sense
Speaker 6: of alertness from the increase in stress, like oh this
Speaker 6: is due tomorrow, now I'm stressed about it. So you
Speaker 6: get this sort of surge of energy and alertness that
Speaker 6: allows you to really focus on it and not be
Speaker 6: distracted because you've got the sense of verge. So some
Speaker 6: people really thrive with a sense of urgency. But then
Speaker 6: call themselves lazy or whatever for leaving it to last minute.
Speaker 6: So yeah, I mean, in that sense, it's really helpful
Speaker 6: to kind of look at that with curiosity. But in
Speaker 6: terms of what we should do again, it depends on
Speaker 6: what the reason is for the procrastination or you know,
Speaker 6: leaving things till last minute. And once you work out
Speaker 6: the reason, it's easier to then decide what your strategy is.
Speaker 6: So there are things you can do to increase the
Speaker 6: chances of that motivation feeling being there more of the time,
Speaker 6: and those involved that's when I start to sound like
Speaker 6: people's mother, so I kind of those involved generally looking
Speaker 6: after yourself. You know, you know that you're going to
Speaker 6: feel much more energized and motivated if you've had a
Speaker 6: good night's sleep, right, and if you've eaten good food,
Speaker 6: and if you've exercised fairly regularly for the last however long.
Speaker 5: It's because it works.
Speaker 6: And also things like setting goals that are yours and
Speaker 6: not anybody else's and based on your set of values
Speaker 6: and things that you really want for yourself, and so
Speaker 6: you're much more likely to kind of invite that sense
Speaker 6: of motivation more of the time. If that's the combination
Speaker 6: of stuff, but also there are times when we just
Speaker 6: don't feel like it, but we have to be able
Speaker 6: to override that urge not to do something. And in
Speaker 6: the book, I talk about skills like opposite action.
Speaker 5: So in a.
Speaker 6: Therapy called DBT Dialectical Behavior Therapy, we teach a skill
Speaker 6: to be able to and it's something that we all
Speaker 6: do at different points, but something we can practice and
Speaker 6: get better at is noticing that before we do anything,
Speaker 6: we'll have an urge to do it. So you'll you'll
Speaker 6: feel something, You'll have this sensation which is an urge
Speaker 6: to act, and we can go with that urge, and
Speaker 6: we often do right. So we'll often feel an urge
Speaker 6: and act almost in the same moment, so we don't
Speaker 6: really notice the urge. But if we start to slow
Speaker 6: things down and separate it out, you notice that urge
Speaker 6: to act before you do it. And when you do that,
Speaker 6: you open up this sort of opportunity to either go
Speaker 6: with the urge or go against it. And just a
Speaker 6: kind of silly example that I use in the book
Speaker 6: is when me and my we're kids, we used to
Speaker 6: play this game where we have like a packet of
Speaker 6: polos and you had to hold the polo in your mouth,
Speaker 6: and the first one to crunch it was the loser, right,
Speaker 6: So you had you had that urge to just bite
Speaker 6: down on this mint and crunch it. But if you
Speaker 6: could go against that urge, I mean, and it's just
Speaker 6: a really silly way of and you can pick these
Speaker 6: kind of lighthearted things that you can do that just
Speaker 6: create this experience of noticing an urge and choosing not
Speaker 6: to go with it. And sometimes that's easy, and sometimes
Speaker 6: it's excruciating, you know, like not itching an itch, that
Speaker 6: kind of thing.
Speaker 4: And like, don't pick up that pocke of chocolate again, Brittany,
Speaker 4: just fight it.
Speaker 2: But are we talking about this purely from the perspective
Speaker 2: of a motivation perspective or are we talking about this
Speaker 2: in terms of self moderation, so as in like, don't
Speaker 2: do things that are necessarily desired driven if they're not
Speaker 2: going to make you happy long term. Do not tend
Speaker 2: your X Yeah, never text your eggs. They're just like
Speaker 2: the things that make you happy short term but actually
Speaker 2: long term are going to really impact your ability.
Speaker 3: To be happy.
Speaker 6: Yeah, And that's that's a lot of what happens in therapy,
Speaker 6: you know, is you get the chance to look back
Speaker 6: on your week and look at those sorts of behaviors.
Speaker 6: You know, I had this urge to do X y
Speaker 6: Z or text MAYX, and I did it, and this
Speaker 6: was the consequence, and then I went around this cycle again.
Speaker 6: And you get to kind of plot those cycles that
Speaker 6: you get stuck in, and by spending time reflecting on
Speaker 6: those things, you get to look at, well, next time
Speaker 6: that happens, at what point would be the best point
Speaker 6: for me to break that cycle? And so you kind
Speaker 6: of you place that in your mind that I know,
Speaker 6: when that happens again, that X y Z would be
Speaker 6: a better alternative for me. And so you've already kind
Speaker 6: of set that up, that seed in your mind. And
Speaker 6: sometimes you'll go around the cycle again because you'll act
Speaker 6: on the feeling, and other times you'll do this different
Speaker 6: thing that you've set out for yourself that's based on
Speaker 6: what you want for your life and your values and
Speaker 6: who you want to be. And so I think the
Speaker 6: idea is not to kind of do it perfectly. There's
Speaker 6: no one out there that's doing it perfectly, and you know,
Speaker 6: not responding to any feelings that they have. We're all
Speaker 6: human beings and we're built to do that, always sort
Speaker 6: of challenging ourselves to go back and try again, and
Speaker 6: you know, sometimes you'll break the cycle. Sometimes you won't.
Speaker 6: That's okay. The idea is to get back on. Every
Speaker 6: time you go background a vicious cycle that you don't
Speaker 6: want to be doing, you go back to the books,
Speaker 6: you remember what it is you should be doing, and
Speaker 6: you try again.
Speaker 3: What do you think some of the myths are around motivation.
Speaker 6: I think one of the biggest myths is that some
Speaker 6: people are just motivated and others aren't, that it's some
Speaker 6: sort of personality trait, you know, and while you kind
Speaker 6: of have sort of conscientiousness as a personality trait, motivation
Speaker 6: is a feeling like any other, and so it comes
Speaker 6: and goes like any other. It can't be relied upon
Speaker 6: if it's not going to be there all of the time.
Speaker 6: Something that you can do to improve that chances of
Speaker 6: it being there more of the time is be so
Speaker 6: clear not only on your goals, but on why you've
Speaker 6: set those goals in the first place, and have this
Speaker 6: sort of this vision for yourself and where you want
Speaker 6: things to be and how you want them to be,
Speaker 6: and what's necessary to get there, and then you break
Speaker 6: it down to such a degree that it doesn't feel difficult.
Speaker 6: For example, if the aim is getting back to exercise,
Speaker 6: but the idea of going to a gym feels vulnerable
Speaker 6: or stressful in any way, then you take the gym
Speaker 6: out of the equation and you make it as easy
Speaker 6: as it as possible to do the thing, and you
Speaker 6: also try to make it as hard as possible not
Speaker 6: to do the thing, so you know, you might get
Speaker 6: family and friends involved so that it's hard to let
Speaker 6: them down if you don't feel like going that day,
Speaker 6: or you make the task so small that you can't
Speaker 6: not do it, you know, if it's just walking or
Speaker 6: running to the end of your street or something, and
Speaker 6: so there are people often play around with those things.
Speaker 6: But we'll do that, you know, that practical stuff alongside
Speaker 6: constantly staying in touch with why do you want this?
Speaker 6: And we'll even do these kind of tasks around. Okay,
Speaker 6: what are the advantages and the disadvantages of doing it?
Speaker 6: So the advantages, you know, maybe unprove my health and
Speaker 6: I'll feel good a la lah, or maybe the disadvantages
Speaker 6: are I'm going to feel vulnerable, I'm going to feel
Speaker 6: like an impostor in the gym, I'm going to you know,
Speaker 6: it's take a long time to see results, blah blah.
Speaker 5: But then we'll also look.
Speaker 6: At the advantages and the disadvantages of not doing it. So,
Speaker 6: if I don't do this thing, what's it going to
Speaker 6: cost me, not in terms of money, but in terms
Speaker 6: of the life that I want to have, or my
Speaker 6: well being or my longevity or feeling good. And then
Speaker 6: also the advantages of not doing it, So what am
Speaker 6: I gaining from holding myself back here?
Speaker 5: What's the payoff?
Speaker 6: But also I guess we can be very idealistic and
Speaker 6: that can turn into self criticism. Like you know, if
Speaker 6: you've just had a baby and you are not exercising,
Speaker 6: you can tell yourself that's because you're lazy, or you
Speaker 6: can recognize the fact that if you've only had five
Speaker 6: hours sleep last night, you're unlikely to muster up the
Speaker 6: energy to go and lift some weights in the gym.
Speaker 6: You know, we can kind of be really idealistic. You
Speaker 6: can do it all, and there's twenty.
Speaker 5: Four hours in the day and all that kind of rubbish.
Speaker 6: But actually it's important to look at everything that actually,
Speaker 6: at this stage in my life, it is more difficult
Speaker 6: than it has ever been to put those things in place.
Speaker 6: And because I'm always putting you know, this little human first,
Speaker 6: because that's my job to keep them alive and ensure
Speaker 6: they're well being, then that means I've kind of deprioritized
Speaker 6: some of my own things. And maybe I'm ready for
Speaker 6: a little shit, you know, reshift in the balance.
Speaker 5: Maybe I'm not.
Speaker 6: And so I think it's about being really honest with ourselves.
Speaker 3: Doctor Julie.
Speaker 2: You write a lot about failure, and it's something that
Speaker 2: we've spoken about on this podcast so many times, and
Speaker 2: we are so avoidant of failure. We're so fearful of it,
Speaker 2: rightly so, because it makes us feel terrible, but it's
Speaker 2: also such an intrinsic part of growth. You wrote a
Speaker 2: chapter in your book which was called You Are Not
Speaker 2: Your Mistakes and Inside into Failure. Can you tell us
Speaker 2: how is self doubt linked to our relationship with failure?
Speaker 6: Well, I think our relationship with failure needs needs some mending,
Speaker 6: doesn't it kind of as a society, and in terms
Speaker 6: of just almost reframing our perspective on it.
Speaker 5: So if you see failure as a.
Speaker 6: Normal part of learning anything, getting better at something, then
Speaker 6: it becomes part of the process. And often, you know,
Speaker 6: talk to my kids about this, the idea that you know,
Speaker 6: I don't know when my little boy's playing football and
Speaker 6: he can't possibly miss a goal because all hell breaks loose,
Speaker 6: and you know, it's just no good at football, and
Speaker 6: you know, trying to kind of encourage them to look
Speaker 6: at Okay, well, you look at any top footballer. They
Speaker 6: miss more goals than they get and trying to look
Speaker 6: at well, failure is part of success. And I guess
Speaker 6: it's so easy to sit and say, isn't it, But
Speaker 6: in some ways we have to just learn as we go.
Speaker 6: You kind of learn that, Okay, I can fail and
Speaker 6: then I can recover from it. Because often I think
Speaker 6: when people are really struggling with self doubt, it's often
Speaker 6: because they don't believe in their ability to cope with
Speaker 6: what happens after failure. It's the oh, what if I fail?
Speaker 6: Or you know, what if I get into relationship and
Speaker 6: it doesn't work out? And implicit in that is this
Speaker 6: idea that I won't cope if things go wrong. Therefore
Speaker 6: I need to control and stop anything from going wrong.
Speaker 6: I need to prevent the worse from happening.
Speaker 2: I guess it's this idea that the more that you're
Speaker 2: exposed to something, the less fearful you become of it,
Speaker 2: because it's the mystery is also gone. And you also
Speaker 2: kind of feel like once you have once you have
Speaker 2: done something and you fail and you don't die, the
Speaker 2: floor doesn't open up and swallow your whole. You then realize, oh, okay,
Speaker 2: well if that happens again, I'm gonna be okay. It
Speaker 2: builds this resilience.
Speaker 1: Well, you realize that you can fall down and you
Speaker 1: can get back up, and then even if you trip
Speaker 1: over your shoelace again, you can get back up. Banan appeal,
Speaker 1: You can get back up, but you don't have to
Speaker 1: stay down.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and I think it's about kind of learning from
Speaker 6: failure involves framing failure in a way that's not so
Speaker 6: devastating and shaming. You know, if we perceive failure to
Speaker 6: be saying something fundamental about who we are as a person,
Speaker 6: then it's so painful when it happens that it's hard
Speaker 6: to look at it and learn from it. Whereas if
Speaker 6: we're able to separate our performance in something from our
Speaker 6: worthiness as a human being, then we're much more able
Speaker 6: to look at it and say, oh, this is where
Speaker 6: I went wrong and this is how I can do better,
Speaker 6: because it doesn't impact on your worthiness as a human being,
Speaker 6: and so it's not so painful that you can't bear
Speaker 6: to look at it and learn from it.
Speaker 2: A topic of conversation that's really having a moment in
Speaker 2: the mental health space, and I mean more so on
Speaker 2: social media. It's something that we are seeing far more
Speaker 2: prevalent than ever before, and I think that we can
Speaker 2: attest to COVID had a real impact on this, and
Speaker 2: it's the conversations around anxiety, but also the conversations around
Speaker 2: depression for our listeners, Could you give a little bit
Speaker 2: of a rundown on what is the difference because sometimes
Speaker 2: I think these words are used interchangeably. What is the
Speaker 2: difference between anxiety and what is the difference between having depression?
Speaker 2: So anxiety is essentially a feeling and that every human
Speaker 2: being can experience, and it's part of our threat response.
Speaker 2: So your brain is set up to keep you alive basically,
Speaker 2: and it will always be scanning your environment and any
Speaker 2: time that there is any sign that things might not
Speaker 2: be okay or that there was any danger, be that
Speaker 2: a physical danger, or a psychological danger. So, for example,
Speaker 2: if you anticipate abandonment from the circle of people that
Speaker 2: you live with, then that is going to create a
Speaker 2: huge anxiety response because well, I say, back in the day,
Speaker 2: but even now, if the idea of being abandoned by
Speaker 2: your social group is a threat to your survival. And
Speaker 2: so when you have that kind of threat response go
Speaker 2: off that you feel your heart starts pounding, your breathing
Speaker 2: gets very fast and shallow, you kind of sweat, you
Speaker 2: can feel super hot and flush, and your muscles all
Speaker 2: start to kind of tremble and shake. And that's essentially
Speaker 2: your physical reaction to your body is getting you ready
Speaker 2: to respond to this threat, whatever it might be. So
Speaker 2: your body is geared up, ready to either fight that
Speaker 2: thing off or run away as quickly as you ever
Speaker 2: thought you could exactly. Yeah, So that would be anxiety,
Speaker 2: and I guess separate from the idea of an anxiety disorder.
Speaker 2: And I think that's often where the use of language
Speaker 2: gets kind of misused, as I say, online, where there's
Speaker 2: this assumption that you know, if you feel anxious, maybe
Speaker 2: you have an anxiety disorder. And maybe you do, but
Speaker 2: also maybe you don't because Anxiety is a normal human
Speaker 2: feeling that we all get at times, and it's really excruciating.
Speaker 6: It's supposed to be. It's supposed to get us to move,
Speaker 6: and when it becomes disordered or detrimental to your life
Speaker 6: is when it's constantly being triggered off and you don't
Speaker 6: necessarily have the skills to manage it and bring it
Speaker 6: back down again, or it's associated with some sort of trauma,
Speaker 6: and so that stress response is so intense that it's
Speaker 6: a struggle to even stay safe while you're experiencing that.
Speaker 6: So you know, those sorts of things are distinct, and
Speaker 6: so feeling anxious doesn't necessarily mean you're unwell. It can
Speaker 6: mean that something in your environment isn't right, or your
Speaker 6: needs aren't being met, or that kind of thing, and
Speaker 6: that would be distinct from depression, which is associated with
Speaker 6: low mood. Everyone experiences low mood at times. Everyone has
Speaker 6: days when their mood isn't as buoyant as they'd like
Speaker 6: it to be, but depression involves low mood is one
Speaker 6: of the symptoms of depression, but that low mood would
Speaker 6: be persistent over time and in conjunction with other things
Speaker 6: like not sleeping well or the downturn in relationships, or
Speaker 6: you know, physical symptoms in terms of lack of energy
Speaker 6: and those kind of things.
Speaker 5: So yeah, they're quite kind of distinct.
Speaker 1: I'd say, while we are talking about depression, what are
Speaker 1: some of the misconceptions around it?
Speaker 6: Well, I think often when people are saying you've got
Speaker 6: no reason to be depressed, often the reasons they're looking
Speaker 6: for are reasons that they can see and understand clearly.
Speaker 6: And the way that depression works is I mean, I've
Speaker 6: never worked with anyone in my life.
Speaker 5: I mean, I've worked with.
Speaker 6: Lots of people who've pulled themselves through depression, and all
Speaker 6: of those people we've uncovered a narrative of understanding why
Speaker 6: they were vulnerable to that and working out what's contributed
Speaker 6: to that. And it always makes sense once you unravel it.
Speaker 6: But it takes a lot of unraveling because often the
Speaker 6: reasons are not in the present and that's why you
Speaker 6: can be depressed when you have or your needs met
Speaker 6: right now, But there could be a history of lots
Speaker 6: of other things that are also in that picture that
Speaker 6: people can't see in the present day. So yes, people
Speaker 6: can think, oh, you must be so ungrateful, or you know,
Speaker 6: everything's okay, So why can't you just feel what we
Speaker 6: want you to feel. I think that's the thing with
Speaker 6: depression is yes, there's always a way to understand it,
Speaker 6: and understanding it helps in helping you to address it
Speaker 6: and move forward. But the only way to do that
Speaker 6: is with curiosity rather than judgment.
Speaker 2: Do you think in today's society that we live in
Speaker 2: a time where people are more overwhelmed than what they
Speaker 2: ever have been, or that there is more anxiety than
Speaker 2: what there ever has been? Or do you think that
Speaker 2: we're just more inclined to talk about it and that
Speaker 2: we have labels for things so we're more able to
Speaker 2: communicate this feeling that's always been there, or are we
Speaker 2: experiencing it at unprecedented levels.
Speaker 6: I think maybe it's that we are aware of it
Speaker 6: and we are willing to have conversations about it, and
Speaker 6: often that can create the sense that there is more
Speaker 6: of it. But yeah, I mean, it's a human response,
Speaker 6: So it's always been there. It's just been conceptualized in
Speaker 6: different ways and responded to in different ways, and I
Speaker 6: think it's only in recent years it's become okay to
Speaker 6: talk about it.
Speaker 1: I think there's this idea It's something that I think
Speaker 1: all societies experiencing. I know I experienced it, but we
Speaker 1: see it a lot with our friends and family. And
Speaker 1: it's this idea around this hustle culture that we always
Speaker 1: need to be doing more, working more, achieving more. Now
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if that is just from the growth
Speaker 1: of social media and comparison theory. We're seeing so many
Speaker 1: people do all of these things. Oh you only have
Speaker 1: one business, you don't have five businesses. Oh you don't
Speaker 1: have a seventh business that you hustle on a Saturday.
Speaker 1: There's this idea that we need to constantly be achieving more.
Speaker 1: And I don't know if it's just from comparison theory,
Speaker 1: from social media, or if it's because of COVID. The
Speaker 1: last couple of years, so many people we need to
Speaker 1: lock down. Everyone lost their jobs and people needed to
Speaker 1: make money. People need to find a new way to
Speaker 1: bring an income in. So all of these little businesses
Speaker 1: started opening, and then there's this obsession with working and
Speaker 1: doing more. What's your advice for people people that are
Speaker 1: just stuck in this cyclical hustle culture.
Speaker 6: And I think it's really useful to be fully aware
Speaker 6: of how those expectations are influenced by the content you consume.
Speaker 6: That it's okay to move the bar, and it's okay
Speaker 6: to always have things to work towards, but it's always
Speaker 6: so important to set those bars and those goals by
Speaker 6: your own values and your own vision for your life.
Speaker 6: If you are constantly looking at other people and trying
Speaker 6: to be this or that or the other, and then
Speaker 6: often that can generate that kind of dissatisfaction with your life.
Speaker 6: And actually, if you base your goals and your sense
Speaker 6: of purpose on what matters most to you, then it
Speaker 6: doesn't really matter how big or small those goals are
Speaker 6: or how they compare to anyone else's. They will create
Speaker 6: that sense of fulfillment for you in that sense of
Speaker 6: meaning and purpose in life. Some people do set a
Speaker 6: goal and they apply themselves to it so extremely that
Speaker 6: they can be the best in the world at that thing.
Speaker 6: And that's okay, but there is a price to pay
Speaker 6: in terms of the rest of your life, because if
Speaker 6: you're going to compete with the whole world at one thing,
Speaker 6: then the only way to do that is to be
Speaker 6: on it all the time. But the cost of that
Speaker 6: is all the other parts of your life. You know,
Speaker 6: family and friends and potentially health. You can be just
Speaker 6: as successful in your life, but be more balanced with
Speaker 6: that success. So not necessarily want to be the best
Speaker 6: at the world at this one thing, but you could
Speaker 6: be pretty reasonably good at half a dozen things in
Speaker 6: your life.
Speaker 1: And this is something that Laura called me out on
Speaker 1: just actually like a week ago. She's like, Brittany, your
Speaker 1: bar keeps moving. Last year, your bar was here, you're here.
Speaker 1: Now your bar's up here. She's like, you keep chasing
Speaker 1: this bar. But I think for me, this is and
Speaker 1: that is true. Like a year ago, I would have
Speaker 1: been so stoked to be where I am right now.
Speaker 1: It's where I wanted to be, and I am stoked
Speaker 1: with where I am now. But if I don't move
Speaker 1: my bar, that is my form of motivation. So my
Speaker 1: bar has to be moving otherwise I don't find the
Speaker 1: motivation to keep going. And that's something I'm trying to
Speaker 1: deal with.
Speaker 2: I guess, yeah, And I think that like maybe that's
Speaker 2: the part of it. Like when we had this conversation,
Speaker 2: it was more around like the feeling of achieving something
Speaker 2: that you've always wanted and they're not being grateful when
Speaker 2: you get there, Like not being able to take the
Speaker 2: time to acknowledge like, actually, you are exactly where you
Speaker 2: wanted to be a year ago. But because the bar
Speaker 2: keeps moving exponentially in the opposite direction, you're never satisfied.
Speaker 3: Like, you'll never be satisfied.
Speaker 2: You'll never get to a place where you feel successful,
Speaker 2: you feel like you've achieved what it is that you
Speaker 2: want because it always keeps moving.
Speaker 1: Well, there needs to be a level of just sitting
Speaker 1: in it for a hot second and having some appreciation
Speaker 1: for what you've achieved in your life.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I think.
Speaker 2: Also having these like realistic expectations and standards on yourself,
Speaker 2: because if you keep on moving the bar constantly without
Speaker 2: being able to have some sort of moment to appreciate
Speaker 2: what you've achieved, it's like, you know, I think, sometimes okay,
Speaker 2: you have to stop and go, well, I'm not living
Speaker 2: in that one bedroom studio anymore eating cans of tuna.
Speaker 1: No, I have two bedrooms and I order it breats
Speaker 1: now yeah, way too often.
Speaker 6: Yeah, absolutely, as long as you recognize that getting to
Speaker 6: that next bar isn't the key to happiness. If you
Speaker 6: can develop a healthy process of finding meaning in what
Speaker 6: you're doing, then each goal can be passed, and then
Speaker 6: I think you don't. You don't get over excited by
Speaker 6: achieving a goal, but you also don't get completely flawed
Speaker 6: by not achieving one either, So you don't get flawed
Speaker 6: by the failures, and you don't become overwhelmed by achievements either.
Speaker 6: So it becomes less about either of those things and
Speaker 6: becomes more about the purpose and the meaning to you
Speaker 6: in doing this thing.
Speaker 2: Docdor Dula, your book is called Why has Nobody Told
Speaker 2: Me This Before? And I have a big question for you.
Speaker 2: When you were writing this book. What was like the
Speaker 2: number one thing that you thought of that you were like,
Speaker 2: why has nobody told me this before?
Speaker 6: Probably through my own kind of journey in terms of
Speaker 6: my fear of heights and phobia and stuff like that,
Speaker 6: is the recognition that avoidance feeds anxiety. So when you
Speaker 6: feel anxious, it tells you to get the hell out
Speaker 6: of there and avoid it, course, because your brain's trying
Speaker 6: to keep you safe. But if you avoid that thing
Speaker 6: through your fear, the fear will grow over time that
Speaker 6: you know, the thing you do every day becomes your
Speaker 6: comfort zone. So if there's something you want to master,
Speaker 6: but it makes you anxious, do it as much as
Speaker 6: you possibly can.
Speaker 2: Doctor Julie, thank you so much for joining us today,
Speaker 2: for being a part of life on cut. For anybody
Speaker 2: who wants to find you to follow you to view
Speaker 2: all your social media content, can you please let us
Speaker 2: know your handles and where they can follow you.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: So I'm just doctor Julie on Instagram and on on
Speaker 6: YouTube as well. I'm going to put some more sort
Speaker 6: of longer videos with a bit more detail on YouTube's
Speaker 6: TikTok is Doctor Julie Smith.
Speaker 5: I think. Yeah, so nice to meet you guys. Thanks
Speaker 5: for having me.
Speaker 1: You guys know, we don't finish an episode without our
Speaker 1: suck and our suite, our highlight and our low light
Speaker 1: from the week. Laura, do you want to kick it off?
Speaker 1: What's your suck for the week?
Speaker 3: My suck is that I'm sick and it sucks, oh, Absoult. Yeah.
Speaker 2: But also I think sometimes it's a bit it's a
Speaker 2: bit tricky when you got kids, because when you're sick,
Speaker 2: you just don't get to go to bed and you
Speaker 2: don't get to give your body what it needs and
Speaker 2: recover because your kids go. It's far Daddy way. Molly's
Speaker 2: new thing is that she lays in bed and just
Speaker 2: screams MoMA from her bedroom until I come and get
Speaker 2: into bed with her and give her a cuddle in
Speaker 2: her bed.
Speaker 3: So that's what we do every morning.
Speaker 1: Now it's you can younot just train her to come
Speaker 1: to you here boy with a coffee doesn't work yet.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So look, I mean, being a bit sick and
Speaker 2: losing my voice is not the easiest or best or
Speaker 2: funnest thing when you're required to talk for a job.
Speaker 2: But anyway, my way sweet For the week, I've had
Speaker 2: such a good week. We had some huge things happening
Speaker 2: over at Tony May. We had a launch this week
Speaker 2: for our new collection. It is called Athena. It is
Speaker 2: I've just been working. We've all been working so hard
Speaker 2: on it, and it's just this one thing that it's
Speaker 2: like this massive build up when you have a collection
Speaker 2: launch and then all of a sudden you just put
Speaker 2: it out into the world and you're like there you go.
Speaker 1: You're like, please please come back.
Speaker 2: I hope you like it. And so that has been happening.
Speaker 2: But then I also got to spend Sunday with Marley
Speaker 2: and we just hang out like we just like powered
Speaker 2: down like little besties.
Speaker 1: Me and I saw you're doing some painting in the car.
Speaker 2: What we did is we got potatoes, cut them in
Speaker 2: half and then use them as stemps.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I remember doing that as a kid.
Speaker 2: I got really back to my old school, like what
Speaker 2: I would learn from watching play school, but never actually
Speaker 2: did myself cute.
Speaker 3: So that's what I did. That was my week.
Speaker 1: Well, my suck. I've already told you the huge suck,
Speaker 1: but I'm going to tell you a little mini suck
Speaker 1: that accompanied the huge suck. They haven't spoken about yet.
Speaker 1: So I got scammed, right, I had to go and
Speaker 1: move my house, blah blah blah. When I was sitting
Speaker 1: in the car having the breakdown, crying because like, you
Speaker 1: couldn't script this. I was sitting there, I was boiling
Speaker 1: my eyds at and it was on dusk, like it
Speaker 1: was starting to get dark, because that was how late
Speaker 1: the day was.
Speaker 3: You're like, because I sat there for so long.
Speaker 1: I was in there for twenty five hours.
Speaker 2: So why is it, though, that we always end up
Speaker 2: crying in a car, Like why is that the place?
Speaker 1: Because it's a safe place where you think that though
Speaker 1: and can see you and you're not ready for me.
Speaker 1: How often do you like pull up your car and
Speaker 1: you don't get out of the Sometimes you want to
Speaker 1: sit in your car for hours. You scroll, you don't
Speaker 1: want to face whatever's in the house, or having.
Speaker 3: A cocoon, isn't it.
Speaker 2: It's like when you feel sad, I feel like the
Speaker 2: equivalent would be going and sitting in your cupboard, But
Speaker 2: no one's going.
Speaker 3: To do that. So why the fuck do we sit
Speaker 3: in our car for so long?
Speaker 1: I reckon some people do.
Speaker 3: I'm really sad. I'm gonna go sit in my carpet
Speaker 3: for a little while.
Speaker 1: Maybe you ever walk in wardrobe I was. I was
Speaker 1: having my little cry and I was on dust, so
Speaker 1: it wasn't very light. And then this family of surfers
Speaker 1: had come up from Boney Beach and they were going
Speaker 1: to put all their stuff. There were like two kids
Speaker 1: with surfers and the dad and they were going to
Speaker 1: put their surfboard in the car. They mustn't have been
Speaker 1: able to see me at the start, anyway, you could
Speaker 1: hear the dad say, just put your surfboard down and
Speaker 1: I'll put it in the car in a minute. Then
Speaker 1: you hear him just smash the surfboard into my car.
Speaker 1: Smashed in my new cut smash into the side. Then
Speaker 1: I had this moment where the dad looked up at me.
Speaker 1: He looked at the car and looked and saw that
Speaker 1: I was in the car crying. I was crying. I
Speaker 1: was bawling my eyes out looking at him, and he
Speaker 1: looked at me and his face was so shock horror.
Speaker 1: Then he registered I was crying, and I looked at
Speaker 1: him and I just said, you know what, don't even worry.
Speaker 1: I don't even care. I was like, just getting your car.
Speaker 3: Oh.
Speaker 1: I didn't even get out to look at it. I
Speaker 1: was like, just go. I was like today, I'm not
Speaker 1: dealing with anything else today. But that was my suck.
Speaker 1: But anyway, they say, come thing three is I gotta
Speaker 1: wait for one more thing?
Speaker 3: I think, what is your sweet?
Speaker 1: Yeah? I was about to wrap up the episode. I
Speaker 1: was like, that's me done. My sweet is that? I
Speaker 1: guess Laura and I and this is pretty shit because
Speaker 1: I'm teasing you a little bit. But Laura and I've
Speaker 1: been working really hard on something else, like a secret
Speaker 1: squirrel project that's really close to coming, and it's taken
Speaker 1: us a long time and it's almost time to tell
Speaker 1: you about it. Almost time to tell you about it
Speaker 1: means we've almost finished, no, but it means we've almost
Speaker 1: finished the work on it. So, my sweet is that
Speaker 1: like the hard part is almost done and we almost
Speaker 1: get to you know, share it with you guys.
Speaker 2: So it's about two weeks away, is like the timeline.
Speaker 2: But we have been working on a really awesome project
Speaker 2: which we are very excited to share with you. I
Speaker 2: love that you baited this and it is coming very
Speaker 2: very soon, just.
Speaker 3: Not soon enough.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's it. Two more weeks, sit tight, and
Speaker 1: that is it from us. Please keep your accidentally unfiltereds
Speaker 1: coming in your ask on cuts, anything, confessionals, any funny
Speaker 1: stories that you want to keep it coming into the
Speaker 1: Instagram Life Uncut podcast that is sliding into the DMS.
Speaker 2: If you aren't already a member of the Facebook group,
Speaker 2: you can join Life Uncut Discussion Group, which is where
Speaker 2: all the juicy good stuff goes down. You can also
Speaker 2: send us a question for ask on Cut, which is
Speaker 2: every single Thursday.
Speaker 3: And you know the drill.
Speaker 1: Don't forget to tell your mom to dad, tell you
Speaker 1: dog to your friends, and share the love because we
Speaker 1: love blave. Oh my god, it's fucking gone.
Speaker 2: Now guys, Hopefully we'll see you on Thursday.
Speaker 1: Laura can speak