Speaker 1: Flex and Frooms Flex and Firms. This is the Flex
Speaker 1: and Frooms catch up podcast.
Speaker 2: Flex and Frooms on Caita with another am I the
Speaker 2: asshole source from the internet. Thank you for your servers,
Speaker 2: all these people who go through terrible things and take
Speaker 2: the time to tell us about them. Am I the
Speaker 2: asshole for not inviting my unsupportive sister to my wedding.
Speaker 1: Here we go.
Speaker 2: I'm twenty four, a woman. I got engaged to Derek.
Speaker 2: Are we doing names? Yeah, who's thirty and a man.
Speaker 2: I got engaged to him one month ago. Prior to that,
Speaker 2: we had known each other for six months. I know
Speaker 2: that's not a long time, but when you know, you
Speaker 2: know we're madly in love and ready to commit ourselves
Speaker 2: to each other fully. That's what I would do. My sister,
Speaker 2: who's twenty six, so two years older than me, has
Speaker 2: a problem with that. She was supportive of my relationship
Speaker 2: with Derek before we got engaged, and when I sent
Speaker 2: her a text telling her where engaged, she responded by
Speaker 2: saying congratulations. But then when I saw her the week
Speaker 2: after that, she got all serious and said I should
Speaker 2: strongly reconsider the marriage. She told me I was young
Speaker 2: and could meet people I loved more. That's fair. That
Speaker 2: was offensive to me because I love Derek more than anything,
Speaker 2: and she's basically saying my love isn't that important. She
Speaker 2: also told me that Derek and I could date for
Speaker 2: longer before he got married, but we're already fully committed
Speaker 2: to each other, so we might as well get married
Speaker 2: and be recognized as soulmates in the eyes of the law.
Speaker 2: Can I get a hurrah?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: Anyway, the conversation was so hurtful to me. I eventually
Speaker 2: asked her very directly, do you support me marrying Derek?
Speaker 2: She said no, so I stood up, told her she
Speaker 2: shouldn't be at the wedding if she didn't want us
Speaker 2: to get married, and left. I haven't talked to her since,
Speaker 2: although she has texted me multiple times asking to talk.
Speaker 2: Derek and I were working on the wedding guest list
Speaker 2: yesterday and we both agreed my sister should not come
Speaker 2: if she doesn't support us, so we're planning to not
Speaker 2: invite her. I mentioned this to my friend yes today
Speaker 2: and she pointed out that it may be a little
Speaker 2: rude of me not to invite her. So am I
Speaker 2: the asshole for not inviting my unsupportive sister to my wedding.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna say, life's too short to beef with the siblings. Guys,
Speaker 1: when this marriage does end, there's over a fifty percent
Speaker 1: chance love. Let's be real, like small businesses as well. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's hard for everyone. I would say, hate her advice.
Speaker 1: I'm all for the long engagement. Okay, draw out that period.
Speaker 1: It's one of the most fun of your life. Not
Speaker 1: speaking from experience.
Speaker 2: Is that a joke or you are? Have you been engaged?
Speaker 1: No? Okay, but I can imagine, like I'm excited for
Speaker 1: that time of my life.
Speaker 2: You've done visualization before you get it. Yeah, I feel Look,
Speaker 2: I'm with you. I do think life's too short to
Speaker 2: be beefing. And this sounds like a bit of premature beef.
Speaker 2: It sounds like your sister went to you, women to
Speaker 2: women and was like, hey, babe, are we for real?
Speaker 2: Like are we doing this? And then clearly because as
Speaker 2: we all get in relationships in those early stages, you
Speaker 2: get defensive, you get territorial, you feel misunderstood, and that's
Speaker 2: not a good feeling. And what we need to avoid
Speaker 2: is doubling down when there's no need to. Right I
Speaker 2: think that what we can all benefit from doing is
Speaker 2: not respectability politics. You know, it's okay to be annoyed
Speaker 2: when you're annoyed. It's okay to be like, you're pissing
Speaker 2: me off when you're being pissed off. But in this instance,
Speaker 2: I think we could apply a bit more neutrality. She's
Speaker 2: gonna be your sister before or after this wedding period.
Speaker 2: Unfortunately that man will be your husband and then your
Speaker 2: ex husband period. So what you should do have a
Speaker 2: chat with her and be like, hey, like it's really
Speaker 2: rubbed me the wrong way, but I don't want to
Speaker 2: do this, Like it's killing my vibe, it's soiling my experience.
Speaker 2: Just know you've hurt me come to the wedding, but
Speaker 2: like me and you, we've got stuff to work on.
Speaker 2: And leave it at that. She can spend the next
Speaker 2: couple of months like rebuilding slowly, but you can like
Speaker 2: park that and work on your new relationship.
Speaker 1: That's very sage advice. It's hard to do in oh, definitely,
Speaker 1: but if you can do that with your siblings or
Speaker 1: your friend or anyone else in your life, it's a
Speaker 1: really great learning curve.
Speaker 2: Beef in a chill way. I like beefing in a
Speaker 2: chill way. It's like we can beef and not be
Speaker 2: like throwing things across the room. It's like beef politely.
Speaker 2: I don't like you right now, not you, I'm picturing
Speaker 2: someone in my head. I don't like you right now,
Speaker 2: but I don't have the energy to make everyone else's
Speaker 2: life uncomfortable. In addition to hating you, you.
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