WEBVTT - Science behind self-love with Alexis Fernandez ❤️‍🔥 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.600 The Rising Conquer Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of the 0:00:04.680 --> 0:00:08.320 land which this episode is being recorded, the Yugen Bear region. 0:00:08.920 --> 0:00:13.320 We further acknowledge country throughout Australia and their connections to land, 0:00:13.520 --> 0:00:16.840 sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders 0:00:16.960 --> 0:00:20.880 past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal 0:00:20.960 --> 0:00:34.040 and terrest Raid Islander peoples today. Hello and welcome back 0:00:34.080 --> 0:00:35.800 to the Rise and Conquer Podcasts. 0:00:36.240 --> 0:00:38.520 This is the podcast for ordinary. 0:00:38.080 --> 0:00:47.440 People who want to do extraordinary things. 0:00:50.440 --> 0:00:53.159 Make your purpose so basic and then you'll realize that 0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:55.840 it's quite easy to feel that feeling we make it 0:00:55.920 --> 0:00:57.760 up in our head that it's got to be this crazy, 0:00:57.840 --> 0:01:01.280 big thing for humanity. You already are doing something big 0:01:01.280 --> 0:01:04.080 for humanity if you're making somebody feel better about themselves. 0:01:08.959 --> 0:01:12.479 Hello and welcome back to the Rising Conquer Podcast. As 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:15.720 you can probably tell, I'm not Georgie. It's a tear 0:01:15.800 --> 0:01:19.000 by the way I've taken over today's intro as ge 0:01:19.200 --> 0:01:22.839 has completely lost her voice, but don't worry, her voice 0:01:22.959 --> 0:01:23.720 was okay. 0:01:23.440 --> 0:01:24.680 When we did the interview. 0:01:25.200 --> 0:01:28.760 So on today's EPP we are interviewing Alexis Fernandez on 0:01:28.920 --> 0:01:32.640 all Things self love, habits and commitment. She has a 0:01:32.720 --> 0:01:36.080 master's in neuroscience so breaks everything down in easy to 0:01:36.200 --> 0:01:39.880 understand small chunks, which we love. She has also just 0:01:39.959 --> 0:01:43.360 released a new book called The Neuroscience of Self Love, 0:01:43.440 --> 0:01:45.320 and we are all a bit obsessed with it here 0:01:45.319 --> 0:01:48.320 in the office. It's filled with actionable tips and really 0:01:48.360 --> 0:01:51.080 cool insights on how you can work on your self 0:01:51.080 --> 0:01:53.800 love without the fluff. I know Georgie usually gives an 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:56.160 update on her week, but as she can't speak, we'll 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:58.520 get her to chat about it in Friday's EP if 0:01:58.520 --> 0:02:00.920 her voice is back, but I thought i'd give you 0:02:01.000 --> 0:02:04.240 a short update to day anyway. On Saturday, and H 0:02:04.320 --> 0:02:06.760 had their biggest launch of the year, hosting the Candyland 0:02:06.800 --> 0:02:10.320 Carnival at their HQ. It was literally the best launch 0:02:10.320 --> 0:02:12.400 ever and I'm so glad I got to go. It 0:02:12.440 --> 0:02:15.000 was such an incredible day and so nice to meet 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:19.480 everyone in person. The candy collection launched at five pm yesterday, 0:02:19.520 --> 0:02:22.600 so definitely go get some if it isn't already sold out. 0:02:23.080 --> 0:02:26.000 All the flavors in next Level and I'm completely obsessed. 0:02:26.400 --> 0:02:29.280 My personal favorite has to be the Sour Peach stim 0:02:29.320 --> 0:02:33.239 free pre workout. It honestly tastes just like my childhood 0:02:33.280 --> 0:02:36.000 and I'm an afternoon workout gal, so this is perfect 0:02:36.040 --> 0:02:38.240 for me. We can't wait for you to hear this 0:02:38.280 --> 0:02:39.560 awesome chat with Alexius. 0:02:39.680 --> 0:02:42.120 So let's get into the episode. 0:02:43.240 --> 0:02:46.480 Alexis, Welcome to the Rise and Tnker Podcast. 0:02:46.840 --> 0:02:48.919 Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here. 0:02:50.320 --> 0:02:53.760 We are so excited to have you on the show. Firstly, 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:56.679 for those who don't know you, could you just tell 0:02:56.760 --> 0:02:59.640 us who you are and a little bit about what 0:02:59.680 --> 0:03:01.120 you did for sure. 0:03:01.240 --> 0:03:05.440 So I'm My name's Alexis Fernandez, and I am a 0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:08.200 well now I'm an author and a podcaster, but my 0:03:08.320 --> 0:03:12.400 background is in neuroscience. So I did my undergrad in 0:03:12.680 --> 0:03:15.200 cognitive neuroscience kind of in my early twenties, and I 0:03:15.240 --> 0:03:18.160 always was obsessed with the brain and I absolutely just 0:03:18.200 --> 0:03:21.600 loved everything about the brain. And then I kind of 0:03:21.680 --> 0:03:24.920 took some time off studying and I got into fitness. 0:03:24.960 --> 0:03:27.880 I became a politis instructor, and then I had like 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:30.000 this craving halfway through, and then I was traveling the world. 0:03:30.040 --> 0:03:32.360 I was living in Paris, I was living in la 0:03:32.440 --> 0:03:34.640 I was kind of doing everything traveling the world, and 0:03:34.680 --> 0:03:36.960 then kind of like in my late twenties, I had 0:03:36.960 --> 0:03:39.040 this urge to go back to studying the brain. I 0:03:39.080 --> 0:03:40.720 was like, okay, I need to go back. I need 0:03:40.760 --> 0:03:42.800 to I don't know, it was like just biting at me. 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:46.200 So yeah, in my late twenties, I then decided to 0:03:46.200 --> 0:03:48.520 go back to my masters. Had this like full on breakup, 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:51.120 and I thought, okay, I need a change. I'm getting 0:03:51.160 --> 0:03:54.280 back into it. So went back into my masters, and 0:03:54.480 --> 0:03:57.160 I kind of thought, Okay, I have to do something 0:03:57.160 --> 0:03:58.800 with the brain for the rest of my life. It's 0:03:58.840 --> 0:04:01.440 like my purpose. And I just didn't really want to 0:04:01.480 --> 0:04:03.440 work in a clinical setting. I didn't want to work 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:06.920 with patients one on one because I'm so outgoing, and 0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:09.520 that's what I loved about teaching polarates all the time. 0:04:09.560 --> 0:04:11.800 You know, you've got your class, you've got your people there, 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:14.640 and so I just thought, Okay, I love talking about 0:04:14.640 --> 0:04:17.159 the brain. I love being on stage. Maybe just have 0:04:17.200 --> 0:04:20.200 a podcast and so I can talk about it and 0:04:20.640 --> 0:04:23.560 have people message me. And I literally just did it 0:04:23.600 --> 0:04:25.400 as a labor of love to start with. And then 0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:28.240 about I would say like seven months in from starting 0:04:28.240 --> 0:04:30.200 the podcast, I ended up just quitting my full time 0:04:30.279 --> 0:04:32.479 job and just doing the podcast while I was still 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:37.200 at UNI, and now now we're here. Wow' that's honestly incredible. 0:04:37.400 --> 0:04:39.760 First of all, I didn't know that you were a 0:04:39.760 --> 0:04:40.880 Polarates instructor. 0:04:41.160 --> 0:04:44.000 How bloody fun. I know, I loved it. I mean 0:04:44.040 --> 0:04:45.239 I still do it all the time. 0:04:45.839 --> 0:04:48.760 But were you teaching fitness around the world. 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:51.039 Yes. I was able to take it to Paris, I 0:04:51.040 --> 0:04:53.400 took it to la I used to live in Brisbane, 0:04:53.400 --> 0:04:56.719 that moved to Sydney, and so everywhere I've lived. In 0:04:56.760 --> 0:04:59.279 most places i've lived, I've been able to travel and 0:04:59.320 --> 0:05:02.040 teach Polarti because it's so versatile. You can do Matt 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:04.520 Poliiti's you can do train people at home, you can. 0:05:04.839 --> 0:05:07.240 I was mainly teaching Reformer, but when I traveled, I 0:05:07.279 --> 0:05:08.000 was teaching Matt. 0:05:08.279 --> 0:05:10.680 I love how you spoke about having this like a 0:05:10.800 --> 0:05:15.080 burning desire and you're like, I need to teach people 0:05:15.200 --> 0:05:18.920 about how the brain works and help people, and look 0:05:18.960 --> 0:05:19.680 what has happened now. 0:05:19.760 --> 0:05:20.039 Ps. 0:05:20.080 --> 0:05:22.760 I'm a big fan of your podcast, so thank you, 0:05:23.839 --> 0:05:28.000 big fan. I love when people can really bridge the 0:05:28.040 --> 0:05:31.800 gap of like science but also explain it to me 0:05:32.000 --> 0:05:34.080 in like a way I'm gonna understand because I'm not 0:05:34.120 --> 0:05:35.240 a science person. 0:05:35.200 --> 0:05:38.240 Totally, totally, and that's what I was trying to do 0:05:38.279 --> 0:05:40.080 because I thought, I feel like, if you can break 0:05:40.120 --> 0:05:42.919 down science in a way that's really digestible for everyone, 0:05:43.680 --> 0:05:46.680 more people would love it because it's I'm just obsessed 0:05:46.680 --> 0:05:48.760 with it. But I think, you know some topics that 0:05:48.800 --> 0:05:50.440 I would learn. I thought, oh my god, it took 0:05:50.520 --> 0:05:53.560 me so long to grasp that. I wish I could 0:05:53.640 --> 0:05:56.520 just understand all these topics, even in a nutshell, like 0:05:56.560 --> 0:05:58.600 you don't have to go in depth with so many 0:05:58.640 --> 0:06:01.000 topics just to get a generalunderstanding. So I thought, if 0:06:01.040 --> 0:06:04.479 I could do that and also teach people why they're 0:06:04.520 --> 0:06:07.600 thinking a certain way or why they feel like they're 0:06:07.640 --> 0:06:09.880 why in a certain way, and how you can change 0:06:09.920 --> 0:06:11.919 that and teach them kind of the science behind it. 0:06:11.960 --> 0:06:15.240 I think people are more likely to try something new 0:06:15.279 --> 0:06:17.880 if they're like, Okay, this isn't just someone telling me, 0:06:18.040 --> 0:06:21.599 just oh, just do this without yes, why this is happening. 0:06:21.600 --> 0:06:25.040 I think people love to understand where something's coming from 0:06:25.040 --> 0:06:27.080 in order to kind of put it into practice, because 0:06:27.120 --> 0:06:29.080 people can be really skeptical sometimes. 0:06:29.120 --> 0:06:31.799 I think when it comes yeah, changing, but that's even 0:06:32.000 --> 0:06:34.839 I talk a lot about it my podcast almost there's 0:06:34.880 --> 0:06:37.120 science behind like manifesting. 0:06:37.320 --> 0:06:39.159 Yeah, because manifesting. 0:06:38.560 --> 0:06:41.960 Can be like so we were so like spiritual that 0:06:42.080 --> 0:06:45.719 if you can kind of bring in thre's actually science 0:06:45.960 --> 0:06:48.680 facts around it and people can get around it a 0:06:48.680 --> 0:06:49.080 bit more. 0:06:49.520 --> 0:06:53.080 That's right. That's right. And I think people people think, Okay, well, 0:06:53.120 --> 0:06:56.800 you've gotten that way due to all these external circumstances 0:06:56.839 --> 0:06:58.680 like luk and this and that. But there's actually so 0:06:58.880 --> 0:07:01.840 much to be said for changing your mindset and how 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:05.680 you approach something and how that can actually completely transform 0:07:05.720 --> 0:07:07.760 your life just in the span of a few months 0:07:08.040 --> 0:07:10.520 or a year, you know. And when people hear that, 0:07:10.760 --> 0:07:12.760 at first they're like, okay, yeah, right, and then you 0:07:12.800 --> 0:07:15.640 start breaking down like how a thought literally will create 0:07:16.160 --> 0:07:19.360 your day once you get it and you imply it. 0:07:19.520 --> 0:07:21.520 Then you look back and think, oh, no, wonder all 0:07:21.520 --> 0:07:23.040 that shit went down the way it did, or no, 0:07:23.080 --> 0:07:25.880 wonder this never happened for me. Before you know, you're. 0:07:25.680 --> 0:07:29.760 Like, oh, it makes sense, well talking about science. So 0:07:30.120 --> 0:07:34.760 your new book, The Neuroscience of Self Love, I was 0:07:34.840 --> 0:07:36.280 just telling all excess of air. 0:07:36.560 --> 0:07:39.000 I'm obsessed here at R and C. 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:42.400 We're all obsessed, and I like I said, like, I 0:07:42.440 --> 0:07:44.880 love how you really breach a bridge the gap? 0:07:44.960 --> 0:07:47.040 Sorry, can you tell us a little bit? 0:07:47.280 --> 0:07:51.600 What was the reasoning behind and bringing out a self 0:07:51.640 --> 0:07:52.160 love book? 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:55.920 So with the podcast that I do, so every episode 0:07:55.960 --> 0:07:59.200 that I put out, I always my purpose behind every 0:07:59.240 --> 0:08:02.040 single episode, no matter what the topic is, to help 0:08:02.080 --> 0:08:04.680 people improve their relationship with themselves. That's kind of like 0:08:04.760 --> 0:08:07.200 the underlying theme of everything that I do. And so 0:08:07.240 --> 0:08:09.960 I thought, okay, if this is what I want to 0:08:10.000 --> 0:08:12.000 do for people, what I want to provide for people, 0:08:12.320 --> 0:08:15.200 I thought, okay, what is the thing that ties everything together? 0:08:15.200 --> 0:08:17.440 And what's the thing that people ask me the most 0:08:17.520 --> 0:08:19.720 when I put out question boxes on Instagram on the 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:22.640 Facebook page. And the main thing is people are always 0:08:22.920 --> 0:08:25.560 wanting to know how to increase their self love. That 0:08:25.720 --> 0:08:28.120 is the biggest one. And I found that if you 0:08:28.200 --> 0:08:31.680 can have higher levels of self love, everything changes your 0:08:32.280 --> 0:08:35.960 career and how you experience that will change your every relationship. 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:39.000 If you love yourself, all your relationships that are good 0:08:39.080 --> 0:08:41.360 get better and the ones that are bad or toxic 0:08:41.520 --> 0:08:45.200 just disappear. They eliminate themselves out of your life because 0:08:45.200 --> 0:08:48.360 you've kind of leveled up to a different version of yourself. 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:51.800 And so I thought, okay, well, given that self love 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:54.960 is the biggest topic. How can I talk about it 0:08:54.960 --> 0:08:57.960 from a scientific standpoint instead of just saying just to 0:08:58.000 --> 0:08:59.679 do this one thing or just say something, you know, 0:08:59.720 --> 0:09:01.840 I want to give the science behind why an affirmation 0:09:01.960 --> 0:09:04.400 is helpful and how to give yourself a positive affirmation 0:09:04.480 --> 0:09:08.079 that works, the science behind why the way you were 0:09:08.120 --> 0:09:11.160 brought up does impact your life now, but how you 0:09:11.200 --> 0:09:13.680 can change that and just you know, all these things 0:09:13.840 --> 0:09:17.520 end up impacting how you interpret or how you perceive 0:09:17.600 --> 0:09:19.000 yourself and how you love yourself. 0:09:19.120 --> 0:09:22.000 Well, let's talk about that, because something that you just 0:09:22.160 --> 0:09:26.679 touched on was, you know, an affirmation. So could you 0:09:26.800 --> 0:09:31.559 kind of break down and give us an example. So personally, 0:09:31.679 --> 0:09:36.240 I'm a huge person that I love affirmations. 0:09:36.559 --> 0:09:38.760 I really like. 0:09:38.920 --> 0:09:40.760 Of course they've got to mean a lot to me, 0:09:40.960 --> 0:09:43.480 but I really can like get in the zone and 0:09:43.520 --> 0:09:46.400 I have I actually have three affirmations I focus on 0:09:46.520 --> 0:09:48.600 and they change according to like my goals and how 0:09:48.679 --> 0:09:52.400 I'm feeling. But for example, can you break down why 0:09:52.559 --> 0:09:56.559 affirmations are great and how I guess they scientifically work 0:09:56.800 --> 0:09:57.760 because I don't actually know. 0:09:57.840 --> 0:10:00.960 I just know they work for me. Yeah, yeah, no, definitely, 0:10:01.000 --> 0:10:04.120 And look, they I think a lot of people think 0:10:04.160 --> 0:10:07.120 that affirmations, if they've tried them, they don't work. And 0:10:07.160 --> 0:10:10.200 the reason why maybe some people feel that way to 0:10:10.280 --> 0:10:13.400 start with is because sometimes somebody who's grown up with 0:10:13.480 --> 0:10:17.640 a very set way of thinking of you know, I'm 0:10:17.720 --> 0:10:21.280 worth this, I deserve this. My relationships are bad because 0:10:21.280 --> 0:10:24.200 of X. Like, if you have these constant thoughts, it 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:27.120 becomes really difficult to think of a thought that's very 0:10:27.280 --> 0:10:30.560 far from that. And so because sometimes it feels so 0:10:30.679 --> 0:10:33.320 far fetched, you end up quickly canceling it out in 0:10:33.320 --> 0:10:35.400 your own mind, saying that's a lie, that's a lie, 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:37.680 that's a lie. So what I always say to people 0:10:37.840 --> 0:10:40.320 is you have to learn how to get an affirmation 0:10:40.440 --> 0:10:42.200 to really work for you. And the first thing you 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:45.160 can do is to neutralize the thought as much as possible. 0:10:45.200 --> 0:10:48.040 So if you're saying to yourself, oh, I'm a failure, 0:10:48.080 --> 0:10:50.840 I'm a failure, I'm a failure, that's very very negative. 0:10:51.120 --> 0:10:52.880 And then if I were to say to yourself start 0:10:52.880 --> 0:10:56.360 telling yourself that you're successful, that person's going to say, well, no, 0:10:56.480 --> 0:10:58.200 I'm not, And I feel like an idiot, and I 0:10:58.200 --> 0:11:00.679 feel like I'm lying to myself. That's ridiculous. So then 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:02.640 they don't even try. So then what I would say 0:11:02.800 --> 0:11:06.160 is neutralize that thought. Just think I failed at and 0:11:06.240 --> 0:11:08.319 name a specific thing that you failed at. So that way, 0:11:08.360 --> 0:11:10.840 instead of beings so universal, you bring it down to 0:11:10.880 --> 0:11:13.840 the specifics. Then expand on that and say I failed 0:11:13.880 --> 0:11:17.880 at this. However, I'm capable of passing if I did this, 0:11:18.160 --> 0:11:21.439 you know, so you start to make statements that start 0:11:21.440 --> 0:11:24.480 to become believable. Once a statement like that doesn't seem 0:11:24.520 --> 0:11:26.760 so far fetched, you then get that person to say 0:11:27.040 --> 0:11:30.040 I'm capable of passing things. Get rid of the word failure, 0:11:30.280 --> 0:11:32.800 and then from capable, and you start to expand, expand, expand, 0:11:32.840 --> 0:11:34.720 And once that person starts to have a more positive 0:11:34.720 --> 0:11:37.880 opinion of themselves and they can say positive statements, you 0:11:37.920 --> 0:11:40.040 start to increase it and increase it and increase it. 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:42.439 Everyone obviously starts at a different level when it comes 0:11:42.480 --> 0:11:45.120 to affirmation. Some people straight off the bat can start 0:11:45.160 --> 0:11:48.120 saying things that feel exciting to them from the beginning. 0:11:48.200 --> 0:11:50.760 But what you have to think is is this believable 0:11:50.840 --> 0:11:53.079 for me? It doesn't have to be believable right now 0:11:53.080 --> 0:11:56.079 in my reality, but is it believable? The moment something 0:11:56.080 --> 0:11:59.840 becomes believable, you can just subcontract that to your subconscious mind, 0:11:59.880 --> 0:12:02.360 and then your subconscious mind will start repeating and repeating 0:12:02.360 --> 0:12:04.520 and repeating when you don't even have to put in 0:12:04.559 --> 0:12:08.080 the effort of thinking that thought and something. Sorry, I 0:12:08.120 --> 0:12:09.920 just want to peeedback off that there. 0:12:09.960 --> 0:12:14.839 So you're saying, what the why the affirmations work of 0:12:15.000 --> 0:12:17.600 seeing to believe at first? But is it because it 0:12:17.679 --> 0:12:20.080 is then in your subconscious. 0:12:19.679 --> 0:12:22.720 Yes, So then once something is in your subconscious, then 0:12:23.160 --> 0:12:25.800 you start to behave in a way that reflects that 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:28.760 internal belief. It's called an internal working model, and it's 0:12:28.800 --> 0:12:32.360 our beliefs around ourselves, our capabilities, and how the world 0:12:32.600 --> 0:12:34.680 is going to treat us. So everyone's gone. And I 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:36.240 talk a little bit about it in the book about 0:12:36.240 --> 0:12:39.120 your internal working model. But once you can do enough 0:12:39.320 --> 0:12:42.120 training on yourself and how you perceive people in the world, 0:12:42.480 --> 0:12:45.920 then that internal working model starts to change. And so 0:12:46.040 --> 0:12:48.920 then if you've got an idea of let's take study, 0:12:48.920 --> 0:12:51.719 for example, if you have ingrained in yourself that you're 0:12:51.760 --> 0:12:55.000 capable of passing when you sit down to do something, 0:12:55.320 --> 0:12:59.200 you have primed yourself to know that you can do it, 0:12:59.400 --> 0:13:01.560 even if you have even started studying the subject yet 0:13:01.600 --> 0:13:04.360 you haven't started even learning, but you know you're capable. 0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:07.319 So the way you start learning, you're a lot more relaxed, 0:13:07.679 --> 0:13:09.800 you're a lot more receptive to things that you're going 0:13:09.840 --> 0:13:12.720 to learn. You're willing to do something that is difficult 0:13:12.880 --> 0:13:15.680 or that appears to be difficult, versus if you're saying 0:13:15.720 --> 0:13:17.680 I'm a failure, I'm a failure, and a failure, you'll 0:13:17.679 --> 0:13:21.040 sit down, you be so stressed, you'll psych yourself out, 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:23.679 and you will fail. It becomes this kind of this 0:13:24.040 --> 0:13:25.200 self fulfilling prophecy. 0:13:25.240 --> 0:13:28.760 Almost another concept in the book that I really want 0:13:28.800 --> 0:13:30.479 you to expand on me because I haven't. 0:13:30.320 --> 0:13:31.360 Really I don't know. 0:13:31.480 --> 0:13:34.160 I've heard a couple of people talk about it. But 0:13:34.200 --> 0:13:35.920 then the way you said it in the book, I 0:13:35.960 --> 0:13:38.839 had this like massive light bulb moment, which I love 0:13:38.880 --> 0:13:40.760 because there's so many concepts in your book like that. 0:13:41.200 --> 0:13:43.600 So you were kind of saying in the book your 0:13:43.679 --> 0:13:47.000 future self and how we have these rose colored glasses 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:49.600 for a future self, like thinking, we're going to have 0:13:49.679 --> 0:13:51.880 so much, you know, motivation, and we're going to do 0:13:51.960 --> 0:13:56.360 their things, and I'll be that person once I become 0:13:56.400 --> 0:13:59.760 that person, And then you're kind of like your future 0:13:59.800 --> 0:14:02.280 self is your current self, So like. 0:14:02.280 --> 0:14:05.120 What do you mean? And I loved it. My mind 0:14:05.240 --> 0:14:09.280 was like, oh my, I think so yeah, so so 0:14:09.400 --> 0:14:12.559 simple and so good, so simple, let's talk about this. Yeah, 0:14:12.600 --> 0:14:14.760 when you come to the realization. So basically, if you 0:14:14.800 --> 0:14:18.040 think about who you are today is based on all 0:14:18.080 --> 0:14:21.000 the things you've thought and done in the past up 0:14:21.080 --> 0:14:23.640 until this very moment, then you think, Okay, if that's 0:14:23.680 --> 0:14:26.240 the case, then who I am next week or in 0:14:26.280 --> 0:14:28.240 a year. It's not what I'm doing in the future, 0:14:28.280 --> 0:14:30.600 it's what I'm doing right now is going to determine 0:14:30.600 --> 0:14:33.080 my future self because right now I'm who you are 0:14:33.160 --> 0:14:34.800 right now, who I am right now. We are a 0:14:34.840 --> 0:14:38.200 representation of our past, of our past week, year, decade, 0:14:38.280 --> 0:14:41.920 you know, everything we do, our routines, our life, what 0:14:42.000 --> 0:14:44.200 we've achieved, that's just a representation of the past. What 0:14:44.280 --> 0:14:47.080 we're doing right now is then going to determine our future. 0:14:47.360 --> 0:14:49.720 And often when we will get all excited with that, 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:51.920 motivated and we say I'm gonna do this, I'm going 0:14:52.000 --> 0:14:53.640 to do that, I'm gonna I'm gonna stop it in 0:14:53.680 --> 0:14:55.960 cake every single night, I'm gonna you know, study, I'll 0:14:56.000 --> 0:14:59.920 start on Monday, and we instantly. You know, motivation's great 0:15:00.040 --> 0:15:02.200 when you're sitting on the couch doing the thing that 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:04.480 you say you're going to stop doing. It's so easy 0:15:04.720 --> 0:15:06.680 to talk about how you're going to eat clean while 0:15:06.720 --> 0:15:08.960 you're eating you know, a food that you say you're 0:15:08.960 --> 0:15:10.920 not going to eat, or it's so easy to talk 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:13.160 about how you're going to be really determined with your 0:15:13.160 --> 0:15:15.760 study when you're kind of lying on the beach, being like, 0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:18.080 on Monday, I'm going to study so hard. It's easy 0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:20.960 to do that because you are You're giving all the 0:15:21.000 --> 0:15:23.400 work that you're supposed to be doing to your future self. 0:15:23.440 --> 0:15:26.200 You know you're making you're taking the work from yourself 0:15:26.200 --> 0:15:27.880 and saying, oh, someone else can do it, but that 0:15:27.960 --> 0:15:31.120 someone else is my future self. But will fall for 0:15:31.160 --> 0:15:34.240 this lie every single time, will always fall for the 0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:35.920 lie that our future self will want to do it, 0:15:35.960 --> 0:15:38.240 even though we've proved to ourself time and time again 0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:40.080 that our future self when we get to that point, 0:15:40.360 --> 0:15:42.360 does not want to do it. So if you're not 0:15:42.400 --> 0:15:46.240 willing to do something now, be aware that your future 0:15:46.280 --> 0:15:48.960 self also won't be willing to do it. Don't expect 0:15:49.360 --> 0:15:51.480 to do something when you want to do it, because 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:53.480 if you don't want to do it now, You're not 0:15:53.520 --> 0:15:55.160 going to want to do it later, So you're going 0:15:55.240 --> 0:15:58.160 to need something more than just want to get something done, 0:15:58.400 --> 0:16:00.800 you know. And that's when I always say, even if 0:16:00.840 --> 0:16:02.360 you do, you know, like ten percent of it or 0:16:02.360 --> 0:16:04.120 five percent of it, you always say, what am I 0:16:04.160 --> 0:16:06.000 telling my future self if I don't do this thing 0:16:06.080 --> 0:16:08.960 right now? You know, I have to give do a 0:16:09.000 --> 0:16:11.800 favor for my future self instead of giving more work 0:16:11.880 --> 0:16:14.840 to the leief tomorrow than me of next week. Something 0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:15.400 I'd love. 0:16:15.280 --> 0:16:17.320 For you to touch on, because that's such a great 0:16:17.400 --> 0:16:22.920 point of Sometimes I feel like self love can almost 0:16:23.080 --> 0:16:27.880 get this label that you know, self love is taking 0:16:27.920 --> 0:16:32.120 a bath and it's not doing the thing and just 0:16:32.160 --> 0:16:35.600 being kind to yourself, and of course all those things 0:16:35.640 --> 0:16:38.400 can be self love. But I loved what you said 0:16:38.440 --> 0:16:42.320 then of self love actually sometimes is like getting up 0:16:42.400 --> 0:16:46.400 and doing the thing when you don't want to, because that's, yeah, 0:16:46.480 --> 0:16:48.640 that's what your future self, you know, would do. 0:16:49.320 --> 0:16:51.720 How you kind of know that line. 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:54.360 And you know when to push through and like when 0:16:54.440 --> 0:16:57.880 to step back, and yeah, how do we get there? 0:16:58.640 --> 0:17:01.080 I think there's a big difference in understanding the like 0:17:01.360 --> 0:17:03.880 first that you've got to understand, you know, balance in 0:17:03.920 --> 0:17:06.400 your own life. So there's a difference between not being 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:08.840 in the mood versus being burnt out and you know, 0:17:08.960 --> 0:17:11.719 really needing to take the time for yourself versus thinking, 0:17:12.040 --> 0:17:13.679 I'm not in the mood, but I really could be 0:17:13.720 --> 0:17:15.760 doing this thing. And then there's also a difference with 0:17:15.840 --> 0:17:18.840 a lot of people are constantly doing something for people 0:17:19.240 --> 0:17:21.880 around them, or their work or their job, or things 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:24.160 that they absolutely have to do because there's a deadline 0:17:24.320 --> 0:17:25.520 or they have to do it or they're not going 0:17:25.600 --> 0:17:28.040 to get paid, versus doing the things that they're passionate about. 0:17:28.280 --> 0:17:30.520 And we'll always put the things that we're passionate about 0:17:30.600 --> 0:17:32.879 on the back burner because that's what gets that's what 0:17:32.920 --> 0:17:35.480 we get to last, and those are the things that 0:17:36.000 --> 0:17:38.119 we end up regretting not doing in the future. We 0:17:38.200 --> 0:17:40.200 look back in five ten years time, and the things 0:17:40.200 --> 0:17:43.600 that we're most bummed about about ourselves is I wish 0:17:43.680 --> 0:17:46.120 I had just picked up the guitar five years ago. 0:17:46.160 --> 0:17:47.760 What that's I've always wanted to do it, and why 0:17:47.800 --> 0:17:50.680 didn't I do it? Just little things, whether it's just 0:17:50.720 --> 0:17:53.040 a hobby or whether it's a big passion to change 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:55.159 the world, that's the thing that gets to us the 0:17:55.160 --> 0:17:58.320 most when we didn't dedicate time to what we were 0:17:58.320 --> 0:18:01.159 passionate about, you know. And so with self love, when 0:18:01.200 --> 0:18:02.959 we talk about self love, a lot of the time 0:18:03.040 --> 0:18:05.359 you have to start. It's just like an itch. All 0:18:05.400 --> 0:18:07.080 you have to do is start to scratch, and then 0:18:07.160 --> 0:18:08.800 you'll just keep going and going and going. You know, 0:18:08.840 --> 0:18:11.520 when you put a bit of time for your future 0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:13.880 self every single day, you get to a point where 0:18:13.920 --> 0:18:15.640 not doing it feels so weird. 0:18:15.760 --> 0:18:18.919 And well, let's chat about I want to kind of 0:18:18.920 --> 0:18:22.480 switch gears and chat about happiness because I found it 0:18:22.640 --> 0:18:25.800 so interesting. Of in the book you discuss like we 0:18:25.920 --> 0:18:31.800 have three pillars of happiness being connection, growth, purpose, which 0:18:32.000 --> 0:18:34.359 it's so funny because I don't know if you ever 0:18:34.440 --> 0:18:36.639 do this with books, but like I'm reading it and 0:18:36.680 --> 0:18:39.280 I'm like, of course that makes so much sense. But 0:18:39.359 --> 0:18:42.080 before you said these are the three pillars of happiness, 0:18:42.280 --> 0:18:43.960 I always do this thing where I like, I try 0:18:44.000 --> 0:18:44.800 and guess. 0:18:46.000 --> 0:18:48.720 It wasn't correct, and then you said them, and I 0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:53.040 was like, oh, of course, I love that. 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:56.360 It's just like a silly side note. Can you tell 0:18:56.440 --> 0:18:59.920 us some ways, just maybe some quick examples of how 0:19:00.040 --> 0:19:03.680