WEBVTT - Why visualising success might be sabotaging you, with Nir Eyal (Part 2) 0:00:00.760 --> 0:00:05.920 Have you ever made a vision board, like visualized your success, 0:00:06.400 --> 0:00:12.119 try to manifest something into existence. It feels good right that, 0:00:12.360 --> 0:00:18.160 according to the science, it might actually be working against you. Now, 0:00:18.200 --> 0:00:22.000 this is part two of my conversation with behavioral scientist 0:00:22.160 --> 0:00:25.720 and author of Beyond Belief, Near El And if you 0:00:25.760 --> 0:00:28.480 haven't listened to part one yet, go back and start there. 0:00:28.960 --> 0:00:34.680 NIA spent six years digging into exactly this why positive thinking, 0:00:34.960 --> 0:00:39.559 vision boards and manifesting feels so compelling, but why the 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:44.760 research tells a very different story. Today we are going 0:00:44.800 --> 0:00:47.600 to get into failure goals and how you might be 0:00:47.680 --> 0:00:51.120 able to benefit from them, how leaders can use simulation 0:00:51.240 --> 0:00:54.480 designed to shape what their teams see and do, and 0:00:54.520 --> 0:01:00.120 what higher performance athletes actually visualize. And it's not the 0:01:00.160 --> 0:01:12.080 finish line. Welcome to How I Work, a show about habits, rituals, 0:01:12.120 --> 0:01:13.440 and strategies. 0:01:12.959 --> 0:01:16.800 For optimizing your date. I'm your host, doctor Amantha Imber. 0:01:21.240 --> 0:01:23.440 Now, before we started recording, you were asking me what 0:01:23.560 --> 0:01:26.440 my favorite parts of the book were, and I told 0:01:26.480 --> 0:01:29.679 you that one of my favorite strategies that's in the book. 0:01:29.720 --> 0:01:32.280 I love it because there are so many great concepts 0:01:32.319 --> 0:01:34.880 in the book, but it's also really practical that so 0:01:35.000 --> 0:01:38.319 many great strategies and rituals and practices in there. 0:01:38.440 --> 0:01:38.880 One of my. 0:01:38.920 --> 0:01:44.160 Favorites is failure goals and this resonated with me because 0:01:44.640 --> 0:01:46.920 at the moment as I was sharing with you, I'm 0:01:46.959 --> 0:01:50.320 in that really awkward process of book writing where you 0:01:50.400 --> 0:01:54.440 reach out to people asking for a testimonial or a 0:01:54.440 --> 0:01:57.720 blurb as they're called in America, and I just feel 0:01:57.800 --> 0:02:00.520 so awkward asking for You know what is quite a 0:02:00.560 --> 0:02:03.120 big favor because it involves reading a book, and not 0:02:03.160 --> 0:02:06.240 even a hard copy book. It's generally a PDF that 0:02:06.440 --> 0:02:09.560 is in some kind of hopefully not too bad form, 0:02:10.000 --> 0:02:12.760 and failure goals made me think, ah, I need to 0:02:12.840 --> 0:02:15.640 shift my belief around that. Can you share what a 0:02:15.639 --> 0:02:16.720 failure goal is? 0:02:17.200 --> 0:02:21.120 Absolutely so. Failure goals comes out of these different techniques 0:02:21.160 --> 0:02:24.120 that we can use to increase our luck surface area 0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:25.720 that it turns out, one of the things that surprised 0:02:25.760 --> 0:02:29.079 me in this research is that luck is not chance. 0:02:29.760 --> 0:02:33.840 We think that luck just happens, and that's not true. 0:02:34.080 --> 0:02:38.959 That lucky people manufacture luck. And this goes back to 0:02:39.000 --> 0:02:41.200 the power beliefs about how beliefs change what you see, feel, 0:02:41.240 --> 0:02:44.120 and do. I'll give you a quick study that demonstrated this. 0:02:44.240 --> 0:02:46.840 There was a study where they asked people who were 0:02:46.880 --> 0:02:51.320 self identified as lucky and self identified as unlucky, and 0:02:51.360 --> 0:02:54.160 they give them a very very simple task. They ask 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:56.360 them to look through a newspaper that they had given 0:02:56.400 --> 0:02:59.160 them and just count the number of images in the newspaper. 0:02:59.200 --> 0:03:01.080 That's all I have to do. Two three, just count 0:03:01.080 --> 0:03:04.440 the number of images in the newspaper. Now, people who 0:03:04.520 --> 0:03:08.200 were self identified as unlucky, right, they call themselves. Unlucky 0:03:08.200 --> 0:03:10.720 people took them about two and a half minutes to 0:03:10.760 --> 0:03:12.880 do this task and then collect their reward two and 0:03:12.919 --> 0:03:17.360 a half minutes. Lucky people took eleven seconds. Eleven seconds. 0:03:17.680 --> 0:03:21.160 How what happened? Turns out that on page two, as 0:03:21.160 --> 0:03:24.840 soon as they opened the newspaper, one of those images said, 0:03:25.320 --> 0:03:29.680 there are forty three images in this paper. Collect your reward. 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:34.000 And it turns out that the lucky people saw that 0:03:34.480 --> 0:03:38.400 they saw an ad that the unlucky people on average 0:03:38.520 --> 0:03:41.240 didn't see. And if you asked those unlucky people, why 0:03:41.240 --> 0:03:43.480 didn't you just do what the ad told you? I 0:03:43.480 --> 0:03:47.040 didn't see it. No clue didn't exist for me. Like 0:03:47.080 --> 0:03:49.720 it literally shaped what they were able to see. And 0:03:49.760 --> 0:03:52.480 this is this is the core of entrepreneurship. When an 0:03:52.600 --> 0:03:56.880 entrepreneur sees an opportunity and says, God, this is so obvious. 0:03:56.920 --> 0:03:58.840 Why isn't everyone else doing this? There's one hundred dollar 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:01.760 bills all over the floor. That's essentially what they're saying. 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:04.000 You're calling everyone else an idiot by saying, how do 0:04:04.040 --> 0:04:06.880 you not see this amazing opportunity? An entrepreneur needs that 0:04:06.960 --> 0:04:10.080 bit of what Walter Isaacson called the reality distortion feel 0:04:10.160 --> 0:04:13.440 to even make this opportunity possible. And so by having 0:04:13.680 --> 0:04:17.599 that attitude, that belief about the world, you become more lucky. 0:04:17.640 --> 0:04:19.919 You see opportunities that other people don't see. And so 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:23.279 another opportunity is to a technique I should say, is 0:04:23.320 --> 0:04:26.400 these failure goals. So as opposed to how most people 0:04:26.520 --> 0:04:30.640 see reality, failure is bad. Failure should be punished, right, 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:34.760 don't fail. That's not how successful people see failure. Successful 0:04:34.760 --> 0:04:38.359 people see failure as checking off what doesn't work. That 0:04:38.440 --> 0:04:42.120 a failure is good, a failure should be rewarded. Best 0:04:42.120 --> 0:04:45.159 way to illustrate this think about whatever goal is in 0:04:45.200 --> 0:04:47.920 your way. Okay, so whatever obstacle. So if it's you 0:04:47.960 --> 0:04:51.599 have a goal for closing more sales, a goal for 0:04:51.680 --> 0:04:54.440 getting funding for your venture, a goal for making a 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:57.279 key higher, a goal to find love in your life, 0:04:57.279 --> 0:05:00.000 whatever that goal might be. And if I told you, hey, look, 0:05:00.080 --> 0:05:02.520 I traveled inside a time machine and I went to 0:05:02.600 --> 0:05:05.680 the future. And I know for a fact that if 0:05:05.720 --> 0:05:08.719 you fail five more times, just five more times, five 0:05:08.720 --> 0:05:11.800 more sales calls, five more dates, five more meetings with 0:05:11.880 --> 0:05:15.039 venture capitalists, five more the sixth to one, you're going 0:05:15.120 --> 0:05:16.720 to succeed. You're going to hit it big with that 0:05:16.839 --> 0:05:18.760 six time. What are you going to do. Are you 0:05:18.800 --> 0:05:20.720 going to say, oh, well, I don't want to fail. No, no, no, 0:05:20.720 --> 0:05:22.760 no thanks, that's too hard. No, you're gonna say, okay, quick, 0:05:22.800 --> 0:05:24.320 let's go. I want to fail. Fail, fail, come on, 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:27.599 let's fail. That's a failure goal. So when you set 0:05:27.640 --> 0:05:30.320 to yourself a metric for look, I know success is 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:32.400 going to come. I need to follow the process. And 0:05:32.600 --> 0:05:35.120 every time I fail, Hey, I'm getting closer to my goal, 0:05:35.360 --> 0:05:37.560 because that's what it takes as long as I'm still learning. Now, 0:05:37.760 --> 0:05:41.200 failure without learning is a different story. But as long 0:05:41.279 --> 0:05:44.839 as you are failing in your learning, that actually is progress. 0:05:45.000 --> 0:05:47.080 It's not a point to quit, it's a point to celebrate. 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:50.000 Well, I love that I actually set a failure goal 0:05:50.120 --> 0:05:53.000 on the weekend. Thanks to reading about that in your 0:05:53.000 --> 0:05:55.200 Bookcau's made me much more motivated. And it reminded me 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:57.559 actually of something that happened to me in my early 0:05:57.600 --> 0:06:00.320 twenties where I was pursuing a career as in position 0:06:00.640 --> 0:06:03.040 and I'd send out my demo to a bunch of 0:06:03.080 --> 0:06:08.839 record labels and managers and publishers. And I remember, obviously 0:06:08.920 --> 0:06:11.039 I hadn't read your books, It's going back quite some time, 0:06:11.279 --> 0:06:13.839 but I'd set myself the goal that I want my 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:17.279 bedroom wall to be covered in rejection letters before I 0:06:17.279 --> 0:06:20.920 would get one acceptance. And it didn't take that long. 0:06:21.560 --> 0:06:24.200 And believe it, I had set a failure goal there, 0:06:24.200 --> 0:06:25.280 and that was quite motivating. 0:06:25.520 --> 0:06:26.120 Fantastic. 0:06:26.160 --> 0:06:31.000 Now, I want to talk about the idea of designing simulations. 0:06:31.279 --> 0:06:34.800 And in the book you talk about the idea of 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:38.839 leaders changing how they think about the workplace and thinking 0:06:38.839 --> 0:06:42.160 about it as this simulation that their team is stepping 0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:45.920 into every day. Can you talk a bit more about like, 0:06:46.040 --> 0:06:50.160 what what does that mean practically the leaders of simulation designers. 0:06:50.520 --> 0:06:53.400 Yeah, so remember how we talked earlier about how we 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:57.000 are creating simulations in our own heads based on our beliefs. Well, 0:06:57.120 --> 0:06:59.840 when we expand that circumstance, when we go from the 0:07:00.000 --> 0:07:03.240 individual to the organization, that is nothing but company culture. 0:07:03.440 --> 0:07:06.000 What is company culture. It's a set of codified beliefs 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:10.080 that dictate how we see reality. So what gets rewarded, 0:07:10.120 --> 0:07:12.600 what gets punished, What will help us succeed in this 0:07:13.040 --> 0:07:16.320 enterprise is based on that company culture, which is nothing 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:18.560 more than a set of beliefs. When we say that 0:07:18.600 --> 0:07:21.920 we believe that the customer is first, or that shareholders 0:07:21.920 --> 0:07:24.000 are first, or whoever is first. When we have those 0:07:24.000 --> 0:07:27.640 set of beliefs, those aren't facts, right, Many companies that 0:07:27.840 --> 0:07:31.560 put customers as number one still failed. So it's not 0:07:31.600 --> 0:07:33.400 necessarily that it's a fact that every time you put 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:35.240 customers first you're going to succeed. It's all kinds of 0:07:35.280 --> 0:07:37.559 reasons you may not succeed, but it's something we hold 0:07:37.560 --> 0:07:41.160 on to. It's something that we believe because based on evidence, 0:07:41.200 --> 0:07:42.800 we think it's going to help us. It's going to 0:07:43.040 --> 0:07:45.680 be a liberating belief. It's going to increase motivation within 0:07:45.720 --> 0:07:48.480 the company to do what we need to do to succeed. 0:07:48.800 --> 0:07:52.320 So crafting that company culture, there's of course that documented 0:07:52.360 --> 0:07:54.960 the codified culture that everybody sees. Then, of course there's 0:07:55.000 --> 0:07:57.320 the practical application of do we walk the walk? Do 0:07:57.320 --> 0:07:59.680 we actually do what we believe is that part of 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:02.920 the company culture, and that flows downhill. That you know, 0:08:03.000 --> 0:08:06.080 water flows downhill and culture flows downhill. So when people 0:08:06.200 --> 0:08:09.280 see what management does, what does the big boss do 0:08:09.480 --> 0:08:10.920 to what do they not only say, but what do 0:08:10.920 --> 0:08:14.960 they actually do? That is the manifestation of these beliefs. 0:08:15.240 --> 0:08:17.360 And so it's not something that we can take lightly. 0:08:17.400 --> 0:08:20.760 That we need to design that simulation appropriately every single 0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:24.400 day because it literally shapes what the people in our 0:08:24.480 --> 0:08:27.600 organization do, not only that, it shapes what the products 0:08:27.800 --> 0:08:30.920 do for our customers. So I wonder ifill illustration of 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:34.040 this has to do with how our expectations of a 0:08:34.160 --> 0:08:38.560 product can shape the actual experience. So when we talk 0:08:38.600 --> 0:08:40.360 about the three powers of belief, the power to change 0:08:40.360 --> 0:08:42.840 what we see, feel, and do, many times we think, Okay, 0:08:42.960 --> 0:08:45.760 I manufacture this coffee mug, and the coffee mug is 0:08:45.760 --> 0:08:48.440 a coffe mugg. It is what it is. No, it's not, 0:08:48.920 --> 0:08:51.520 it's what you expect it to be. It's what you 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:55.319 expect that experience to endow you with. That turns out 0:08:55.360 --> 0:08:57.280 to have a profound effect. So, for example, we know 0:08:57.920 --> 0:09:01.760 that when golfers were given a putter that they were 0:09:01.800 --> 0:09:05.320 told was used by a famous golfer, a very successful golfer, 0:09:05.360 --> 0:09:06.920 Tiger Woods or somebody, I don't know who, they told 0:09:06.960 --> 0:09:12.360 them they did better, their golf skills magically improved. We 0:09:12.480 --> 0:09:14.440 know that when you are told they did a beautiful 0:09:14.480 --> 0:09:17.760 study where they put people in an fMRI machine and 0:09:17.800 --> 0:09:20.680 they gave them a little tube inside their mouth that 0:09:21.000 --> 0:09:24.400 gave them a sample of wine. And they told these people, hey, 0:09:24.400 --> 0:09:27.840 this wine is five dollars a bottle. Okay, five dollars 0:09:27.880 --> 0:09:29.480 bottle of wine. What do you think of it? And 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:31.679 they would describe it as you know, okay, it's all right, 0:09:31.720 --> 0:09:33.760 it's a little harsh on the thinish, et cetera, et cetera. 0:09:34.080 --> 0:09:36.040 And they would see in their brain what was happening 0:09:36.040 --> 0:09:37.959 because they were in this fMRI machine at the time. 0:09:38.240 --> 0:09:39.920 Then they said, okay, we're gonna give us a second 0:09:39.920 --> 0:09:43.240 sample of wine. This is a very expensive bottle of wine. Okay, 0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:46.280 now sample the wine. What do you think of this wine? Oh, 0:09:46.320 --> 0:09:49.080 it's very nice. I like it. It's it has a 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:50.880 hint of oak and cherry, and you know all this 0:09:50.880 --> 0:09:53.480 stuff that win snobs say, and it turns out not 0:09:53.520 --> 0:09:56.199 only do these people express that the wine was better, 0:09:56.280 --> 0:09:59.400 they could actually see in their brains that the more 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:02.920 expensive wine was processed differently. Now, of course the trick here, 0:10:02.960 --> 0:10:04.880 you know, there's a trick. He was the same wine. 0:10:04.960 --> 0:10:07.640 They give them the exact same wine two different times. 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:10.080 All they changed was what they told them about the 0:10:10.120 --> 0:10:13.160 price of the wine. Now, how does this apply to 0:10:13.240 --> 0:10:18.800 us in business? Like price, we set expectations through beliefs, 0:10:18.960 --> 0:10:23.000 So whatever we anticipate will happen to some degree that 0:10:23.200 --> 0:10:25.920 is actually what happens. And so what is advertising? We 0:10:25.920 --> 0:10:29.280 think advertising is about promoting our brand, is about telling people, 0:10:29.360 --> 0:10:32.800 is about increasing awareness. Okay, yes, but that's not the 0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:34.800 main goal. If you think about you know, why does 0:10:34.840 --> 0:10:37.600 Coca Cola spend so much money on advertising? We all 0:10:37.640 --> 0:10:39.880 know Coca Cola. Who doesn't know Coca Cola. They can't 0:10:39.880 --> 0:10:43.800 increase brand awareness anymore, we all know it already. Why 0:10:43.800 --> 0:10:45.720 do they do that? They spend all that money on 0:10:45.760 --> 0:10:49.679 brand awareness because they're trying to change your experience. So 0:10:49.720 --> 0:10:53.160 when you have an image in your mind of refreshing 0:10:53.200 --> 0:10:57.440 and delicious and whatever, they can change that actual experience, 0:10:57.480 --> 0:10:59.280 just like that wine study that showed that, hey, if 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:01.560 we just tell you with more expensive, you're actually going 0:11:01.640 --> 0:11:03.880 to enjoy it even though it's the same bottle line. 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:08.960 The same goes with our advertising, so company culture, branding, advertising. 0:11:09.120 --> 0:11:11.080 All of these things go back to the power belief 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:13.920 and how our beliefs really do shape our perception of reality. 0:11:14.120 --> 0:11:17.280 We've been talking about beliefs at an individual level so far, 0:11:17.760 --> 0:11:20.880 but after the break Neia looks at how beliefs play 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:24.120 out at work, in leadership, and in the goals we 0:11:24.200 --> 0:11:29.360 set ourselves. Coming up, Nia gets into why the way 0:11:29.480 --> 0:11:32.880 you frame something to your team matters just as much 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:36.440 as the thing itself, how to walk into a situation 0:11:36.559 --> 0:11:40.199 you're already dreading and flip it around, and why positive 0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:47.680 thinking might actually be working against you. If you're looking 0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:50.440 for more tips to improve the way you work, can Live. 0:11:50.720 --> 0:11:54.200 I write a short weekly newsletter that contains tactics I've 0:11:54.240 --> 0:11:57.200 discovered that have helped me personally. You can sign up 0:11:57.240 --> 0:12:05.600 for that at Amantha dot com. That's Amantha dot com. 0:12:05.679 --> 0:12:09.960 You shared a really interesting anecdote on this topic around 0:12:10.200 --> 0:12:13.000 leaders that had applied some of the concepts from your 0:12:13.040 --> 0:12:18.000 last book indiestractable and how they framed those concept impacted 0:12:18.080 --> 0:12:20.520 the results. Can you share, like the different types of 0:12:20.520 --> 0:12:22.000 framing that you saw laters. 0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:25.120 Do and what happened. Yeah, that with Indiestractable, with my 0:12:25.160 --> 0:12:27.240 second book, which is a book about how to fight 0:12:27.280 --> 0:12:30.559 distraction and be more productive. When leaders would sell my 0:12:31.000 --> 0:12:33.560 workshop to their staff as, hey, we're going to do 0:12:33.559 --> 0:12:36.960 a personal productivity workshop versus we're going to show you 0:12:37.000 --> 0:12:40.679 how to gain control over your attention, and just that 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:47.400 simple reframe of empowering versus teaching and lecturing huge impact. 0:12:47.559 --> 0:12:49.960 Right That people felt much more agency and control and 0:12:50.000 --> 0:12:53.640 actually did better in terms of implementing these techniques based 0:12:53.679 --> 0:12:55.559 on the framing. And so it's not something to be 0:12:55.600 --> 0:12:57.439 glossed over. It's not, Hey, the product is what the 0:12:57.480 --> 0:13:01.040 product is. No, the anticipation of what the product will 0:13:01.080 --> 0:13:04.240 do for you and how we frame that is incredibly important. 0:13:04.320 --> 0:13:06.760 Now, something I am doing next week, which I've to 0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:09.040 sum myself up to is going to a networking event, 0:13:09.120 --> 0:13:12.280 so like an industry thing for organizational psychologists. I don't 0:13:12.280 --> 0:13:16.240 think I'm going to know anyone, and I hate networking events, 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:18.679 as I think most people do, but I thought this 0:13:18.920 --> 0:13:21.480 would be good for me to go along too. Can 0:13:21.520 --> 0:13:24.200 you tell me how I can apply this idea of 0:13:24.240 --> 0:13:27.559 simulation design and changing my beliefs to set me up 0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:28.319 for success. 0:13:28.600 --> 0:13:31.240 Sure. So if you walk in saying I hate it, 0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:35.800 you will because again, with this expectation loop, it starts 0:13:35.800 --> 0:13:38.439 with a belief. That belief is based on an anticipatory 0:13:38.480 --> 0:13:41.680 response what you expect to happen. That anticipatory response is 0:13:41.679 --> 0:13:44.640 turning into a feeling, and then is reinforced with confirmation. 0:13:45.240 --> 0:13:48.800 So it's believe, anticipate, feel confirmed. That's this loop. And 0:13:48.840 --> 0:13:50.920 this is exactly what happens with the products we use. 0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:53.800 It's exactly what happens with every experience that we partake in. 0:13:54.120 --> 0:13:56.640 So if you believe that you're not going to like 0:13:56.679 --> 0:13:59.880 this experience, that is what your brain anticipates. That is 0:14:00.080 --> 0:14:02.360 then what you feel because you pay attention to, hey, 0:14:02.400 --> 0:14:04.280 this is what's happening. Oh you see that sucks and 0:14:04.320 --> 0:14:06.080 this isn't very good and I don't like this, and 0:14:06.120 --> 0:14:08.000 then of course you confirm it by what you just did. 0:14:08.360 --> 0:14:12.000 I hate networking, So now you reinforce the very belief. 0:14:12.080 --> 0:14:14.040 Now I don't blame you, I'm the exact same way. 0:14:14.040 --> 0:14:16.400 That's why I wrote this book we are exactly got 0:14:16.440 --> 0:14:19.200 from the same exact cloth. So instead, what you're gonna 0:14:19.200 --> 0:14:21.280 do is you're going to try and do this in reverse. 0:14:21.880 --> 0:14:25.880 You're not going to look for why you hate networking, 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:28.320 but rather you're going to find You're going to walk 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:30.200 in and say, I'm going to find three things I 0:14:30.280 --> 0:14:33.240 liked about this event tonight, Like literally walk in saying, 0:14:33.520 --> 0:14:37.520 I'm going to intentionally look for three things that I 0:14:37.640 --> 0:14:40.120 like about this event. It can be hey, the food 0:14:40.200 --> 0:14:42.360 was pretty good, or I met one person I really liked, 0:14:42.560 --> 0:14:45.520 or the music was nice, and it doesn't matter. You're 0:14:45.520 --> 0:14:48.880 going to intentionally look for You're going to anticipate something good. 0:14:49.280 --> 0:14:51.480 Then you're going to note that sensation. You're going to 0:14:51.560 --> 0:14:53.760 feel that thing inside you, whether it's hey, you know what, 0:14:53.800 --> 0:14:55.240 I met that really nice person and that made me 0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:57.520 feel good and I hope we stay in touch. And 0:14:57.520 --> 0:14:59.240 then you're gonna confirm it. You're going to say it 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:01.280 to somebody else, you know, maybe write it down for 0:15:01.320 --> 0:15:03.880 yourself and say it to somebody else about a couple 0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:06.440 things that you really liked about that circumstance. And of 0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:09.320 course what's going to happen is over time, your brain 0:15:09.400 --> 0:15:11.360 is going to see more of that. So you can 0:15:11.560 --> 0:15:15.800 use that believe, anticipate, feel confirm loop to change these 0:15:15.800 --> 0:15:18.600 beliefs overtime, and what you will find is that you'll 0:15:18.640 --> 0:15:20.080 like it more over time. I mean, I'll give you 0:15:20.120 --> 0:15:23.560 a personal example. My business today is public speaking, right, 0:15:23.600 --> 0:15:25.960 so that's how I make most of my livelihood, is 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:28.720 public speaking. And yet when I first got started, I 0:15:28.760 --> 0:15:32.200 had terrible stage fright, terrible stage fright, and I would 0:15:32.200 --> 0:15:36.960 constantly tell myself whenever I would feel these physiological sensations 0:15:37.080 --> 0:15:39.800 of dry mouth before I would get on stage and 0:15:39.840 --> 0:15:43.360 sweaty armpits and my heart was palpitating, I would tell myself, 0:15:43.360 --> 0:15:45.600 I'm no good at this. I hate public speaking. If 0:15:45.640 --> 0:15:47.440 I was any good at this, then I wouldn't feel 0:15:47.440 --> 0:15:50.000 these things. A professional doesn't feel these things. And so 0:15:50.080 --> 0:15:53.400 I kept looking for what I believe to be true 0:15:53.920 --> 0:15:57.400 that when I felt these signals, these physiological signals, ah, 0:15:57.440 --> 0:15:59.000 you see, that means I'm not good at this and 0:15:59.040 --> 0:16:01.760 why I hate it, and that I would keep going 0:16:01.840 --> 0:16:04.520 down that believe, anticipate, feel confirmed loop. How do I 0:16:04.600 --> 0:16:08.040 change it? I started believing something different about the same 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:13.200 exact physiological reactions. Okay, that I started interpreting them differently, 0:16:13.480 --> 0:16:16.000 so I still get those heart palpitations even talking to 0:16:16.000 --> 0:16:18.920 you right now, right, I'm quote unquote nervous. My heart 0:16:18.960 --> 0:16:21.200 is beating, and I still have the sweaty armpits. I 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:24.640 still have the same exact physiological sensations. That didn't change. 0:16:25.160 --> 0:16:28.320 What change is my interpretation. So now when I feel 0:16:28.320 --> 0:16:31.000 my heart beating, I don't say, oh, I'm getting nervous 0:16:31.000 --> 0:16:32.200 and I'm going to mess up and this is going 0:16:32.280 --> 0:16:33.800 to be terrible. And why do I feel this? I 0:16:33.840 --> 0:16:37.600 wish I wouldn't. No, I reduce my suffering by reinterpreting 0:16:37.960 --> 0:16:40.920 the same exact physiological signals. So now when my heart 0:16:40.960 --> 0:16:43.280 is beating, I have a different story. The story is, oh, 0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:45.920 my heart is beating quickly so that I can get 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:48.400 more oxygen to my brain so I can deliver my 0:16:48.440 --> 0:16:52.760 best possible performance. And now I anticipate something different. Right, 0:16:52.840 --> 0:16:57.640 my belief changed. I anticipate something different, I feel something different. 0:16:57.680 --> 0:16:59.560 I actually do feel now I'm excited. Hey, my heart's 0:16:59.560 --> 0:17:02.640 beating quick that's excitement. That's not nervousness. That's excitement. And 0:17:02.680 --> 0:17:04.639 now I confirm it by hey, you know what I 0:17:04.640 --> 0:17:06.359 did pretty well? And let me note back with that 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:09.199 reality journal of Hey, you know, maybe I did wasn't perfect, 0:17:09.280 --> 0:17:10.080 but it was a lot better. 0:17:10.160 --> 0:17:12.920 I love that. Now I want to talk about visualization 0:17:13.400 --> 0:17:19.120 because so many so called gurus say, just like, visualize 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:22.680 the thing and it will come true, or you can 0:17:23.040 --> 0:17:27.320 manifest your way to success, and you know, the evidence 0:17:27.359 --> 0:17:30.600 is kind of limited. Tell me why does positive thinking 0:17:30.760 --> 0:17:35.119 and visualization actually backfire according to science? 0:17:36.119 --> 0:17:39.520 Right, that is exactly right, that there is a negative 0:17:39.760 --> 0:17:42.800 side to positive thinking, and that is that most people 0:17:42.800 --> 0:17:45.600 who espouse these techniques haven't actually looked at the research 0:17:45.720 --> 0:17:50.479 literature that in fact, we know that when you visualize something, 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:53.000 and that's all you do is you visualize the end goal. 0:17:53.200 --> 0:17:55.280 For example, when you think about manifesting, when you think 0:17:55.280 --> 0:17:59.199 about vision boards, right, very popular exercise, when you're visualizing 0:17:59.240 --> 0:18:03.720 the end goal, it actually is counterproductive and studies have 0:18:03.760 --> 0:18:06.480 found this. Gabrielle Otigen did several studies like this where 0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:08.520 she took people, she brought them into a lab and 0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:11.160 she asked them to visualize what they want to manifest, 0:18:11.240 --> 0:18:13.359 to think about the future reality that they want to 0:18:13.400 --> 0:18:16.040 bring to themselves. And while they were doing this, she 0:18:16.080 --> 0:18:19.359 connected them to blood pressure monitors and she found that 0:18:19.440 --> 0:18:22.879 when people were visualizing the outcome of their success, I 0:18:22.960 --> 0:18:25.800 want the beach body, I want to make lots of money, 0:18:25.840 --> 0:18:28.760 I want the to find love in my life. When 0:18:28.800 --> 0:18:31.960 they were visualizing what they wanted as the end goal, 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:36.640 their blood pressure dropped, and when she monitored their progress 0:18:36.680 --> 0:18:39.480 over time after they had left the lab, they became 0:18:39.880 --> 0:18:44.640 less likely to achieve their goals less likely. Why is that, 0:18:45.080 --> 0:18:49.440 We think it's because this exercise of visualizing a future 0:18:49.480 --> 0:18:53.560 outcome makes you more relaxed and therefore tells the brain 0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:57.439 you've already accomplished the reward. You already have it, so 0:18:57.480 --> 0:19:00.159 to speak. If you can imagine it, you experience in 0:19:00.200 --> 0:19:02.600 a way, and you become less motivated to actually go 0:19:02.600 --> 0:19:06.199 out there and do it. Why does that happen. That happens, 0:19:06.200 --> 0:19:10.480 we think because you're not preparing yourself for the inevitable 0:19:11.000 --> 0:19:14.200 difficulty of achieving that goal. When people say, well, yeah, 0:19:14.240 --> 0:19:18.320 but athletes do this, right, athletes visualize all kinds of things. 0:19:18.800 --> 0:19:22.000 What are athletes visualizing? It is true, athletes do visualize. 0:19:22.720 --> 0:19:25.680 How do they visualize? What are they visualizing? They are 0:19:25.720 --> 0:19:28.960 not visualizing. Talk to any performance high performance athlete. They're 0:19:28.960 --> 0:19:31.720 not visualizing. Here, I am standing up at the Olympics 0:19:31.720 --> 0:19:34.200 with my gold medal. Here I am holding up the trophy. 0:19:34.280 --> 0:19:37.800 That's not what they're visualizing. What they're visualizing are the 0:19:37.960 --> 0:19:41.879 obstacles in their way. That's the big difference. That's what 0:19:42.000 --> 0:19:44.480 people don't tell you. With this manifesting and vision boarding 0:19:44.920 --> 0:19:48.560 and positive thinking, it's not about the positive energy in 0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:53.240 the vibes. It's about understanding what you will do when 0:19:53.280 --> 0:19:55.840 there's an inevitable barrier in your way, when there's some 0:19:55.920 --> 0:19:58.960 kind of difficulty. So what is an athlete visualize? They visualize, Hey, 0:19:59.000 --> 0:20:01.000 I'm on offense, and when defense comes at me, here's 0:20:01.040 --> 0:20:03.000 what I'm gonna do. I'm skiing down the mountain, and 0:20:03.040 --> 0:20:04.800 here's what it's going to do when it gets really tricky. 0:20:05.000 --> 0:20:08.639 That's what they're visualizing. So for us, in our everyday goals, 0:20:09.000 --> 0:20:10.800 what we have to do is not visualize the ending. 0:20:10.880 --> 0:20:15.480 It's getting comfortable with the discomfort. We're inevitably going to fail. 0:20:15.520 --> 0:20:18.320 So when we inevitably fail and get off go off track. 0:20:18.359 --> 0:20:21.160 So for me, for example, I used to be clinically obese. 0:20:21.720 --> 0:20:23.359 Today i'm forty eight. I'm in the best shape of 0:20:23.359 --> 0:20:26.360 my life. But it's not because of genetics, or because 0:20:26.400 --> 0:20:29.080 I like fitness not at all. I still don't like 0:20:29.119 --> 0:20:31.919 exercise per se, but I've changed my mindset around these things. 0:20:31.960 --> 0:20:35.280 I've changed my beliefs, and I prepare myself not with 0:20:35.359 --> 0:20:37.440 the final outcome. I don't die it well, I don't 0:20:37.520 --> 0:20:39.760 live a healthy lifestyle just because I'm thinking about, Oh, 0:20:39.840 --> 0:20:41.280 I want to go to the beach and take off 0:20:41.280 --> 0:20:44.080 my shirt. You know, like, that's not what I'm talking about. Rather, 0:20:44.359 --> 0:20:47.639 I visualize what will I do when I go to 0:20:47.680 --> 0:20:51.520 a dinner party and someone offers me a chocolate cake 0:20:51.920 --> 0:20:53.480 or a glass of wine that I know is not 0:20:53.520 --> 0:20:56.440 healthy for me? What will I do with the discomfort 0:20:56.560 --> 0:20:59.760 I'm feeling in that moment. That's the right thing to visualize, 0:20:59.840 --> 0:21:03.360