WEBVTT - G’s HOTLINE ☎️ Call me mummy 🍼 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:04.600 The Rising Conquer Podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of the 0:00:04.680 --> 0:00:08.320 land which this episode is being recorded, the yugen Bear region. 0:00:08.920 --> 0:00:13.320 We further acknowledge country throughout Australia and their connections to land, 0:00:13.520 --> 0:00:16.840 sea and community. We pay our respect to their elders 0:00:16.960 --> 0:00:20.919 past and present and extend that respect to all Aboriginal 0:00:20.960 --> 0:00:34.159 and terrestrid Islander peoples today. Hello and welcome back to 0:00:34.200 --> 0:00:35.880 the Rise and Conquer Podcasts. 0:00:36.240 --> 0:00:38.520 This is the podcast for ordinary. 0:00:38.080 --> 0:00:47.480 People who want to do extraordinary things. 0:00:50.520 --> 0:00:53.440 Hello and welcome back to the podcast. 0:00:54.120 --> 0:00:57.680 This is the first episode of Georgie's Hotline. These are 0:00:57.720 --> 0:01:01.400 our fun Friday epps where you in your life dilemmas 0:01:01.800 --> 0:01:05.959 and I provide my unqualified two cents to the situation. 0:01:06.640 --> 0:01:10.280 We have got three juicy questions today. All right, guys, 0:01:10.360 --> 0:01:14.440 So today's question. We are chatting about an overbearing mother 0:01:14.520 --> 0:01:18.520 in law, if a break is the right decision in 0:01:18.560 --> 0:01:24.000 a relationship, and how you can constantly want more but 0:01:24.200 --> 0:01:27.319 still be grateful for what you have and what that 0:01:27.360 --> 0:01:30.480 looks like. These questions are juicy and I cannot wait 0:01:30.520 --> 0:01:33.200 to get into it. But first I'm going to give 0:01:33.200 --> 0:01:36.600 you a little Georgie's recommendation of the week. So I 0:01:36.640 --> 0:01:41.160 have just started reading the book by James Clear, Atomic Habits. 0:01:41.600 --> 0:01:43.560 I feel like I've seen this book everywhere on TikTok 0:01:43.600 --> 0:01:47.680 and like life, so I'm super slow to this trend, 0:01:48.200 --> 0:01:50.960 but it is great. So it's all about just like 0:01:51.440 --> 0:01:56.240 utilizing your time habits routine. You know, I'm a routine gal, 0:01:56.480 --> 0:01:58.680 I'm a routine mum, so of course I'm. 0:01:58.520 --> 0:01:59.480 Going to like this book. 0:01:59.520 --> 0:02:01.240 And I love that he puts a lot of like 0:02:01.920 --> 0:02:07.400 science and experiments and just like some really interesting sort 0:02:07.440 --> 0:02:10.360 of stories to go with it. So that's definitely my 0:02:11.240 --> 0:02:16.799 book recommendation to you guys. Also, I haven't finished it yet, 0:02:16.840 --> 0:02:20.200 but I'm just started the new season of Selling Sunset. 0:02:20.760 --> 0:02:23.560 Big fan of Selling Sunset, just because it's like, I 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:26.000 don't know, it's a really good like trash TV, Like 0:02:26.040 --> 0:02:30.760 it's brain it is brain numbing, but it's just a 0:02:30.800 --> 0:02:33.360 bit of fun. And I just I love property and 0:02:33.400 --> 0:02:36.800 I love single the gorgeous houses and the drama's a 0:02:36.800 --> 0:02:41.520 bit crazy honestly, but yeah, that's what that's my two 0:02:41.600 --> 0:02:45.000 little recommendations for the week. I'm actually yet to finish 0:02:45.160 --> 0:02:49.520 Selling Sunset because Ivy has not been She just has 0:02:49.560 --> 0:02:51.720 not been gone to bed. She's just decided she wants 0:02:51.800 --> 0:02:55.000 to stay up and party with mom and dad most nights. 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:58.119 So I'll probably get only about twenty minutes in. Ever, 0:02:58.400 --> 0:03:00.920 so I'm yet to finish the sea or like even 0:03:00.960 --> 0:03:03.920 an episode, but hopefully I can actually finish it and 0:03:03.960 --> 0:03:05.840 tell you if it was worth it. But so far, 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:09.359 so good and honestly trash TV like it doesn't really matter, 0:03:09.440 --> 0:03:12.360 does it. And also, I just want to say a 0:03:12.600 --> 0:03:16.680 big thank you for so much love, support and excitement 0:03:16.800 --> 0:03:20.720 on our first official episode back. It's really great to 0:03:20.720 --> 0:03:23.080 be back in your ears. I'm so happy you guys, 0:03:23.080 --> 0:03:27.040 love the new branding. And I do apologize once again 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:29.959 for the urps. You can blame a Tear. 0:03:29.880 --> 0:03:32.600 For that because she made me do the sprite challenge. 0:03:34.520 --> 0:03:36.800 I feel like that's just like we're gonna have to 0:03:37.440 --> 0:03:39.920 have a little snippet of my burps and all episodes 0:03:39.920 --> 0:03:41.600 now because it's like a thing. 0:03:43.360 --> 0:03:53.640 All right, guys, let's get into the episode. 0:03:54.080 --> 0:03:56.920 All right, guys, let's get into the first question. So 0:03:57.120 --> 0:04:01.640 I'm going to get a tear to re out the DM. 0:04:01.760 --> 0:04:02.720 What have we got a tear? 0:04:03.320 --> 0:04:07.080 This one's quite a good one. It is a live 0:04:07.280 --> 0:04:10.720 question I need help with, how the hell do I 0:04:10.800 --> 0:04:13.720 respectfully said boundaries with my mother in law when it 0:04:13.720 --> 0:04:16.640 comes to my five month old baby. I had a 0:04:16.680 --> 0:04:19.719 great relationship with my mother in law, but since having 0:04:19.760 --> 0:04:23.719 my baby, she's gone a bit nuts, including accidentally calling 0:04:23.760 --> 0:04:28.839 herself mummy to him. This has happened on multiple occasions. 0:04:29.320 --> 0:04:32.160 I have a supportive partner who is willing to express 0:04:32.200 --> 0:04:35.200 our boundaries, but I'm scared of how she will feel 0:04:35.680 --> 0:04:37.919 help a sleep deprived mama out. 0:04:38.640 --> 0:04:43.800 I the like, the part of the DM that just 0:04:43.839 --> 0:04:48.680 gets me is accidentally calling herself mummy to him, Like 0:04:48.760 --> 0:04:52.720 that's just so I don't know, like it would be 0:04:52.800 --> 0:04:56.800 funny if it was you know, once, but she's like 0:04:57.000 --> 0:05:01.040 on multiple occasions. Okay, wow, right, let's get into it. 0:05:01.360 --> 0:05:04.600 So this is obviously super relevant to me because I've 0:05:04.720 --> 0:05:07.440 literally got a five month old two. I do have 0:05:07.480 --> 0:05:09.760 a couple of questions though, because, like what I want 0:05:09.800 --> 0:05:13.159 to know at the end, she goes help a sleep 0:05:13.240 --> 0:05:17.159 deprived mama out, So obviously baby is not sleeping, you know, 0:05:17.279 --> 0:05:20.160 she's doing all the things, and so I want to 0:05:20.200 --> 0:05:23.600 be like, is the mother in law really helping her out? 0:05:24.520 --> 0:05:27.719 Or is it just you know, she pops over every 0:05:27.839 --> 0:05:31.640 now and again, because the first thing I'm thinking is like, 0:05:31.760 --> 0:05:33.479 you don't want to piss off the mother in law 0:05:33.560 --> 0:05:34.880 if it's a lot of help. 0:05:35.080 --> 0:05:39.920 Does that make sense? Yes, But I don't know. I 0:05:40.600 --> 0:05:42.000 think it's a hard one. 0:05:42.600 --> 0:05:47.160 I'm going I'm going between two things here because I 0:05:47.200 --> 0:05:51.080 love that she said my partner is very supportive. So 0:05:51.200 --> 0:05:55.960 I'm almost like he maybe needs to speak to her 0:05:56.000 --> 0:06:00.040 because it's, you know, his mom. And I've got so 0:06:00.440 --> 0:06:04.280 like a similar story where well it's not similar, but. 0:06:05.160 --> 0:06:06.400 I kind of can understand it. 0:06:06.480 --> 0:06:09.360 So before Ivy was born, I actually have a mom 0:06:09.520 --> 0:06:13.480 who she's the best mom. She is like the ultimate 0:06:13.800 --> 0:06:16.919 maternal mother and she's like we call it like the 0:06:16.960 --> 0:06:21.280 baby Whisperer. And so I have three older brothers, four kids, 0:06:21.920 --> 0:06:24.520 and you know, she was a stay at home mom 0:06:24.720 --> 0:06:28.479 our whole life. And she cooked and clean, she did 0:06:28.480 --> 0:06:30.960 my dad's business like she was just like she could 0:06:30.960 --> 0:06:34.640 do it all. So maternal, so loving and just like 0:06:34.839 --> 0:06:40.440 so sweet and loves babies. And so when I obviously 0:06:40.600 --> 0:06:43.360 got pregnant, she just was like, oh my god, best 0:06:43.440 --> 0:06:46.440 day of my life. So my older brothers all have 0:06:46.680 --> 0:06:49.960 you know, babies, but it's obviously just being a little 0:06:50.000 --> 0:06:52.920 bit different. I'm her baby, her baby's having a baby, 0:06:52.960 --> 0:06:53.560 and she was. 0:06:53.560 --> 0:06:54.680 Just so excited. 0:06:55.200 --> 0:07:00.120 And I remember kind of having this conversation with mom 0:06:59.800 --> 0:07:03.839 and just saying, I know you're the baby whisper. I 0:07:03.880 --> 0:07:06.839 know you've had four kids and you would know so 0:07:07.040 --> 0:07:09.520 many things, and you know you're so good at kids. 0:07:09.520 --> 0:07:13.560 But also remember this is my first baby, and I've 0:07:13.560 --> 0:07:16.200 got to make my own mistakes and I've got to 0:07:16.280 --> 0:07:18.680 kind of learn, and I've got to be able to 0:07:18.840 --> 0:07:22.680 be the mom because I think sometimes moms they mother 0:07:23.200 --> 0:07:26.440 so they can just be a bit overbearing. And I 0:07:26.640 --> 0:07:29.320 kind of had you know, maybe that would happen. So 0:07:29.600 --> 0:07:33.600 I actually had that conversation before Ivy was born, and 0:07:33.640 --> 0:07:36.160 then like since Ivy has been born, my mom like 0:07:36.400 --> 0:07:38.960 was amazing, Like I never felt like she was overbearing 0:07:39.000 --> 0:07:40.920 or anything like that, but I kind of like set 0:07:41.000 --> 0:07:44.440 that boundary at the start, and I think the words 0:07:44.480 --> 0:07:46.640 I kind of said to her is like I want 0:07:46.680 --> 0:07:48.360 you to be there and I want you to be 0:07:48.440 --> 0:07:51.400 supportive and that sort of thing. 0:07:51.480 --> 0:07:53.680 But it's only if I ask. 0:07:53.840 --> 0:07:55.760 I don't want you to kind of come in and 0:07:55.800 --> 0:07:57.680 be like do things this way, and you need to 0:07:57.680 --> 0:07:58.280 try this and. 0:07:58.200 --> 0:07:59.200 Blah blah blah. 0:07:59.400 --> 0:08:02.720 If I'm wanting help and asking for help, definitely like, 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:04.760 you know, come in, but otherwise kind of let me 0:08:04.840 --> 0:08:09.120 figure it out. And yeah, we haven't had any issues, 0:08:09.280 --> 0:08:11.360 you know since Ivy is born. If anything, I'm like, 0:08:12.200 --> 0:08:17.240 come look after Ivy more so my kind of thinking. 0:08:17.280 --> 0:08:19.680 But in saying that, that's my mom, So I feel 0:08:19.720 --> 0:08:22.440 like you might have like a bit of a different relationship. 0:08:22.440 --> 0:08:25.200 But she has said here that she does have a 0:08:25.200 --> 0:08:26.320 great relationship with her. 0:08:26.680 --> 0:08:30.960 So I'm in between two minds of do you kind 0:08:30.960 --> 0:08:35.839 of let your partner take the reins and go, look mom, 0:08:36.160 --> 0:08:37.920 you know, let's just call her. 0:08:38.240 --> 0:08:39.599 What do we want to call it? Right here? The 0:08:39.720 --> 0:08:43.319 listener yan Liann. Let's call it Lienne. 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:43.680 You know. 0:08:43.800 --> 0:08:46.800 Does the partner go, look, mom, you know, Lianne is 0:08:46.800 --> 0:08:47.480 a great mom. 0:08:48.080 --> 0:08:50.319 Thank you so much for the help. It's amazing. We 0:08:50.440 --> 0:08:50.920 love you here. 0:08:51.000 --> 0:08:54.240 But just like, you know, take a little bit of 0:08:54.280 --> 0:08:57.320 a step back and just make sure you're being respectful 0:08:57.520 --> 0:09:01.000 of her and kind of do it that way or 0:09:01.640 --> 0:09:05.280 is it going to be more beneficial and kind of 0:09:05.320 --> 0:09:08.080 just because also, will the mother in law just be like, 0:09:08.400 --> 0:09:12.520 oh like not really understand and kind of take it seriously, 0:09:13.000 --> 0:09:16.200 because the other option is just going direct to her, 0:09:16.600 --> 0:09:19.440 and I think honesty is the best policy, you know, 0:09:19.679 --> 0:09:22.680 and just saying, look, I know you're a great mother, 0:09:23.080 --> 0:09:26.920 I know you love this baby, but I'm just feeling 0:09:27.000 --> 0:09:29.560 like you're a bit overbearing and you're just you know, 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:32.960 a little bit too much. And I love and respect you, 0:09:33.040 --> 0:09:35.319 but if you could just you know, ease back a. 0:09:35.240 --> 0:09:38.280 Little bit, that would be amazing. What do you think 0:09:38.280 --> 0:09:38.880 a tear. 0:09:39.040 --> 0:09:42.600 Even like potentially bringing in the fact that you're raising 0:09:42.679 --> 0:09:44.960 a baby in a very different world to what she 0:09:45.160 --> 0:09:48.320 raised babies in and that things need to be done 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:51.360 different now, Like your kid isn't gonna have the same 0:09:51.520 --> 0:09:55.800 issues or face the same challenges that hers did. There's 0:09:56.000 --> 0:09:58.920 a whole like even just blame it on technology. Your 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:01.000 kid's gonna have to deal with a different kind of 0:10:01.040 --> 0:10:01.800 bullying and. 0:10:01.679 --> 0:10:02.960 We're in a different era. 0:10:03.160 --> 0:10:03.400 Mom. 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:09.280 Yeah, God, so even just bringing that in, blaming it 0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:12.320 on that, but also yeah, I can kind of understand. 0:10:13.000 --> 0:10:15.600 And it's like it's obviously going to be so helpful 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:18.520 to have her around, but it would almost make the 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:23.040 experience a bit unenjoyable sometimes where you're sitting there going, 0:10:23.600 --> 0:10:26.439 oh my god, doing the wrong thing for my child, right, yeah, and. 0:10:26.400 --> 0:10:28.520 She's like just a bit crazy, like just a bit 0:10:28.600 --> 0:10:28.920 full on. 0:10:30.559 --> 0:10:33.559 I just can't imagine someone calling yourself mummy. 0:10:34.280 --> 0:10:36.600 Oh my god, guys, I actually have a funny story. 0:10:36.679 --> 0:10:39.280 So it's funny that we got this dam because I 0:10:39.320 --> 0:10:42.680 remember listening to I honestly can't remember. It was years ago, 0:10:42.720 --> 0:10:47.200 but it was like a radio segment of overbearing mother 0:10:47.240 --> 0:10:52.600 in laws and someone called in its laughing. I told 0:10:52.600 --> 0:10:57.000 her this before someone called in and was like I 0:10:57.120 --> 0:11:01.280 literally caught my mother in law try to breast feed 0:11:01.480 --> 0:11:02.000 my face. 0:11:06.280 --> 0:11:06.960 Oh my gosh. 0:11:07.120 --> 0:11:09.880 I don't imagine that, I know too much, Like what 0:11:09.960 --> 0:11:11.000 would you actually say? 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:14.360 Like I wouldn't. I wouldn't know what to say. Do 0:11:14.440 --> 0:11:16.760 you even like make a joke out of it? I would, 0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:27.559 I'd have to think anymore. Yes, yes, oh my god. Yeah. 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:31.920 So I think in conclusion, I think honesty is the 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:33.920 best policy and you just need to be honest with 0:11:33.960 --> 0:11:37.880 her and just go look, I'm finding a little bit uncomfortable, 0:11:37.920 --> 0:11:41.960 like howful on your being. Please stop calling yourself mummy 0:11:42.080 --> 0:11:44.520 to my child. And I think you just need to 0:11:44.559 --> 0:11:48.400 set those boundaries. And I honestly think she would be like, oh, 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:49.600 I'm so sorry. 0:11:49.320 --> 0:11:50.680 Like I didn't mean to. 0:11:51.920 --> 0:11:54.120 You know, if you do it in a nice, respectful way, 0:11:54.760 --> 0:11:57.199 I yeah, I think I think it will be fine. 0:11:57.040 --> 0:12:00.240 And even if it's uncomfortable, which it might be, it 0:12:00.320 --> 0:12:03.080 will settle. And you'd rather have it uncomfortable for a 0:12:03.080 --> 0:12:06.079 little bit than be sitting like this for the next 0:12:06.480 --> 0:12:07.120 year in a bit. 0:12:07.600 --> 0:12:11.680 Yeah, because also you might then start building up like resentment, 0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:15.200 and you know, you don't want to build that toxic relationship, 0:12:15.640 --> 0:12:18.440 Whereas if you just spoke to her now, she might 0:12:18.480 --> 0:12:19.760 even be like, oh my god, I'm so sorry. 0:12:19.800 --> 0:12:24.360 I didn't even realize. Next question, Okay, dilemma. My partner 0:12:24.400 --> 0:12:27.120 and I have been together for close to two years, 0:12:27.559 --> 0:12:30.600 living together in a small apartment. It seems as though 0:12:30.640 --> 0:12:34.360 we have lost our way together and separately. I lost 0:12:34.360 --> 0:12:37.000 a love for myself and relied heavily on getting the 0:12:37.040 --> 0:12:40.880 love I needed from him, not prioritizing filling up my 0:12:40.960 --> 0:12:44.280 own cup. We have had a very mature open talk 0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:46.839 and have made the decision to take some space from 0:12:46.880 --> 0:12:50.360 one another. Not broken up, but he's moving out for 0:12:50.440 --> 0:12:53.040 us to both live on our own and take a 0:12:53.080 --> 0:12:56.720 step back and find ourselves again. How would you suggest 0:12:56.880 --> 0:13:00.200 navigating this time, and do you believe we were on 0:13:00.240 --> 0:13:04.600 a break? If you know, you know is good for 0:13:04.640 --> 0:13:07.280 a relationship in order to find our way back to 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:10.720 one another. I deeply trust in the universe but can't 0:13:10.760 --> 0:13:17.480 help but still feel fear of completely losing him. Oh, 0:13:17.600 --> 0:13:19.600 I'm not gonna lie, guys. I had to have a 0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:22.240 tier explain that we're on the break. 0:13:22.360 --> 0:13:24.680 Yeah, she's not watched Friends in order. 0:13:25.400 --> 0:13:28.560 I yeah, like I've watched like various episodes, but I yeah, 0:13:28.679 --> 0:13:30.679 like not consistently. And I think I've seen a couple 0:13:30.720 --> 0:13:32.720 of means about it and like kind of got the concept, 0:13:32.720 --> 0:13:34.320 but a tear had to fully explain it to me. 0:13:34.440 --> 0:13:38.520 So now I'm up with the friend's reference. Oh okay, 0:13:38.880 --> 0:13:41.720 this is a good one. It's I feel like a 0:13:41.760 --> 0:13:45.120 little bit like I'm obviously unqualified to answer all these 0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:49.880 questions disclaimer, but I feel a little bit unqualified because 0:13:49.920 --> 0:13:53.200 I haven't been in this scenario. And again, I'm kind 0:13:53.200 --> 0:13:58.040 of in between two minds because the first thing that 0:13:58.240 --> 0:14:02.679 I think is and this maybe like too much of 0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:08.880 a black and white answer, but I just think relationships 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:13.040 obviously are hard and they're a struggle. But if you 0:14:13.120 --> 0:14:15.559 get to the point you know where. 0:14:15.400 --> 0:14:18.520 You want to move out and not live with that person? 0:14:19.360 --> 0:14:22.840 Is it the REALI is it the right relationship anymore? 0:14:23.480 --> 0:14:25.000 Do you kind of agree or do you think that's 0:14:25.040 --> 0:14:26.720 too like rough? 0:14:27.240 --> 0:14:30.800 Yeah? I think it's it's weird because I noticed that 0:14:30.920 --> 0:14:34.240 you said you've been together for two years, and it's 0:14:34.280 --> 0:14:36.080 been a wild two years. 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:37.600 Yeah, COVID. 0:14:37.960 --> 0:14:40.840 Yeah, getting stuck inside with people, even if if it's 0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:42.880 for six weeks, if it's for the whole two years, 0:14:42.880 --> 0:14:45.880 depending on where you are, it is pretty difficult. And 0:14:46.520 --> 0:14:48.600 even then, I feel like a lot of people have 0:14:48.680 --> 0:14:51.520 had just an accelerated period of growth because of COVID 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:55.440 and everything that's happened around it. So it could be 0:14:55.480 --> 0:14:59.160 potentially that he might have been your soulmate all for 0:14:59.200 --> 0:15:02.320 a friend reference your love stuff at the beginning of 0:15:03.200 --> 0:15:05.840 the two years, but now you've just grown in two 0:15:05.880 --> 0:15:08.400 different directions but still share that love for each other. 0:15:09.520 --> 0:15:12.480 Yeah, that's so interesting. And first of all, I just 0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:15.360 want to say, I love that they've come to this 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:19.640 mature situation where they realized that they need to work 0:15:19.680 --> 0:15:22.920 on each other and moving out is the best option. Ye. 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:25.880 I love that she's obviously a big believer, you know, 0:15:25.960 --> 0:15:29.480 in the universe and so on top of that too. 0:15:29.520 --> 0:15:32.920 It's kind of like, I'm a big believer in if 0:15:32.960 --> 0:15:37.200 you guys are meant to be together, you will, but 0:15:37.640 --> 0:15:40.680 I don't know in this circumstance. I'm kind of feeling like, 0:15:41.320 --> 0:15:44.240 if you do really need to like not be together 0:15:44.400 --> 0:15:48.920 and work on yourself, can you do that still together 0:15:49.000 --> 0:15:50.800 but just not living together. 0:15:50.640 --> 0:15:53.240 Or do you need a clean break and. 0:15:53.160 --> 0:15:56.080 Then you know, catch up in a year six months 0:15:56.120 --> 0:15:58.200 and see if you guys can get back together. I 0:15:58.240 --> 0:16:01.040 just think it's a little bit fuzzy if you're still 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:03.160 together but you've moved out, but you need to work 0:16:03.200 --> 0:16:04.000 on yourself, do you know. 0:16:04.000 --> 0:16:06.880 I mean, it's sort of like you're trying to grow, 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:11.560 but you're still tied down to something yes and love that, 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:15.600 and you can't, Like you're if you're tied down, you're 0:16:15.640 --> 0:16:17.760 not going to be able to go as high or 0:16:17.960 --> 0:16:19.160 grow in the right direction. 0:16:19.440 --> 0:16:22.960 Because something she says is like, I'm not prioritizing filling 0:16:23.040 --> 0:16:25.440 up my own cut, but it's like, can you do 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:29.160 that if you're still tied to this person, which you 0:16:29.320 --> 0:16:32.680 obviously wouldn't be able to because it will always limit 0:16:33.200 --> 0:16:35.480 your decisions because it'll be in the back of your mind, 0:16:35.520 --> 0:16:37.440 like you'll say, Oh, this really great job came up, 0:16:37.440 --> 0:16:40.120 but oh it's in a different city, should I take it? 0:16:40.200 --> 0:16:42.440 But maybe that that is where you're supposed to go, 0:16:42.560 --> 0:16:45.280 and that's where the universe is pushing you. But because 0:16:45.320 --> 0:16:47.760 you've still got him in the back of your mind, 0:16:48.520 --> 0:16:50.400 you will be stuck. You'll say, I can't take that 0:16:50.480 --> 0:16:52.440 because we're going to catch up in a year and 0:16:52.480 --> 0:16:56.520 get back together, and you can't grow. And I think 0:16:56.520 --> 0:16:59.520 it's also there's two sort of situations here. It's either 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:05.879 you guys move out and you basically realize that you 0:17:05.960 --> 0:17:08.720 don't need to be with him, and maybe the love 0:17:09.480 --> 0:17:12.159 was definite, like a tear you said, like it was 0:17:12.200 --> 0:17:15.119 there at the start, but maybe it's a scenario of 0:17:15.240 --> 0:17:17.760 you kind of have grown apart, but you just felt 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:22.080 so comfortable and it was almost like a complacent sort 0:17:22.080 --> 0:17:26.879 of scenario. So either that is going to happen, or 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:29.320 you're going to move out and you're going to be like, no, 0:17:29.440 --> 0:17:32.760 he's my person, like he's the one, But then also 0:17:32.800 --> 0:17:34.720 he needs to feel that way exactly. 0:17:34.840 --> 0:17:38.359 And the other thing that she said where she said 0:17:38.400 --> 0:17:41.199 that she couldn't fill up her cup herself and she 0:17:41.400 --> 0:17:47.480 needed that validation from someone else. It sounds a bit codependent. Again, 0:17:47.600 --> 0:17:53.359 not qualified to say that. I just feel like it's 0:17:53.400 --> 0:17:57.280 so important to be able to look after yourself and 0:17:57.440 --> 0:18:00.040 be able to know the things that you like that 0:18:00.240 --> 0:18:03.480 will fill your cup and find those things separate to 0:18:03.560 --> 0:18:07.560 someone else because if you always which you've obviously realized 0:18:07.680 --> 0:18:09.800 that you can't rely on him for that because that's 0:18:09.840 --> 0:18:12.000 not fair to him, but it's also not fair to you. 0:18:12.720 --> 0:18:15.639 So find those things. The fastest way to do that 0:18:15.760 --> 0:18:17.680 is to have a clean break. 0:18:18.240 --> 0:18:19.959 I agree, I'm kind of with you on this one. 0:18:20.040 --> 0:18:20.320 To tear. 0:18:20.520 --> 0:18:22.280 I think it needs to be a clean break. Like 0:18:22.840 --> 0:18:26.159 I think, if you've decided to move out and you 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:28.560 need to work on these things, I think you have 0:18:28.640 --> 0:18:32.560 to actually give it a good go solo, work on 0:18:33.119 --> 0:18:36.320 making sure you know you can give love to yourself, 0:18:36.680 --> 0:18:39.639 prioritizing filling up your own cup, and. 0:18:39.600 --> 0:18:42.560 Really give it a good go. So if you do. 0:18:43.400 --> 0:18:46.879 Decide to get back together, you can give it a 0:18:46.880 --> 0:18:49.359 good shot exactly, and you can both be the best 0:18:49.440 --> 0:18:52.800 versions of yourself, because that's what I would bet each 0:18:52.840 --> 0:18:53.439 of you deserve. 0:18:54.359 --> 0:18:56.879 And even I guess we still need to answer her 0:18:56.960 --> 0:19:01.480 question how does she navigate this time? I would probably say, 0:19:01.520 --> 0:19:04.520 set clear boundaries on what both of you are expecting 0:19:04.520 --> 0:19:07.520 from this, because the last thing you want is one 0:19:07.520 --> 0:19:10.720 of you thinking that you're still somewhat together and the 0:19:10.800 --> 0:19:14.520 other one not, and then then you have some friends. 0:19:14.520 --> 0:19:16.840 Like yeah, scenario. 0:19:17.440 --> 0:19:19.760 And also I don't know, this also might be black 0:19:19.800 --> 0:19:23.479 and white again, like obviously my relationship is so different 0:19:23.600 --> 0:19:27.840 because I've had I've been in a long term relationship 0:19:27.880 --> 0:19:28.880 for like ten years. 0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:29.879 But I don't know. 0:19:30.000 --> 0:19:32.960 I just think like relationships are hard in a struggle, 0:19:33.000 --> 0:19:36.160 but also not that hard, do you know what I mean? 0:19:36.280 --> 0:19:39.000 Like as hard as things get with me and Tim, like, 0:19:39.040 --> 0:19:41.119 oh my god, with a new baby, it's like fucking 0:19:41.280 --> 0:19:45.080 can be World War three sometimes, but like I would 0:19:45.080 --> 0:19:48.120 not even dream of leaving him, do you. I mean, 0:19:48.160 --> 0:19:50.680 like that's not even a scenario in my head. 0:19:51.600 --> 0:19:54.280 So there's also a part of me but in saying 0:19:54.320 --> 0:19:55.840 that they've only been together two years? 0:19:56.080 --> 0:20:00.800 Yeah, and what have you done with Tim to make 0:20:00.880 --> 0:20:04.480 sure that you guys still are your own people? 0:20:04.760 --> 0:20:07.800 So we I love, Like, I just have a really 0:20:07.800 --> 0:20:11.880 strong friend group and I prioritize my friends. So it's 0:20:12.119 --> 0:20:14.480 I feel like a lot of people sometimes you know, 0:20:15.040 --> 0:20:18.399 instead of saying yes to what their friends are doing, 0:20:18.480 --> 0:20:20.399 they kind of check with their partner first, then go 0:20:20.480 --> 0:20:23.000 back and forward. But I'm very much like if a 0:20:23.000 --> 0:20:25.560 friend wants to hang out and you know, we plan something, 0:20:25.600 --> 0:20:26.639 it's always going to happen. 0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:27.880 I'm not going to bail. 0:20:28.240 --> 0:20:31.800 So always prioritizing friendships. And then also for me, like 0:20:32.000 --> 0:20:34.520 my work is obviously my life. So a huge part 0:20:35.200 --> 0:20:39.119 of that too is like you know, like my world 0:20:39.200 --> 0:20:41.399 isn't just him, if that makes sense. 0:20:41.320 --> 0:20:47.960 Yeah, exactly, And I think potentially I lock time alone 0:20:48.720 --> 0:20:51.640 what I would do about and just. 0:20:51.720 --> 0:20:52.719 Visit him and Ivy. 0:20:52.920 --> 0:20:56.719 Honestly, I've heard about relationships with people where they like 0:20:56.760 --> 0:20:59.600 live in different houses just on the same street what 0:21:00.359 --> 0:21:02.679 and they're like married, and they just they like their 0:21:02.720 --> 0:21:05.040 own space and that's what makes them happiest. 0:21:05.080 --> 0:21:11.680 So it might I get like my own room or something. 0:21:12.040 --> 0:21:14.359 Literally, I'm going to die if he heard this right, 0:21:14.440 --> 0:21:17.920 he doesn't listen to what us Okay, So in conclusion, 0:21:17.960 --> 0:21:20.120 a tiar, what do you kind of reckon? 0:21:20.160 --> 0:21:21.640 You say yours and I'll say my advice. 0:21:22.080 --> 0:21:25.240 I reckon if you've already had the chat and you've 0:21:25.280 --> 0:21:28.240 decided that he's moving out to have a clean break, 0:21:29.520 --> 0:21:32.040 or if you're not comfortable with a clean break, having 0:21:32.080 --> 0:21:37.240 clear boundaries on what your break is. Also deciding how 0:21:37.359 --> 0:21:39.560 much you want to have to do with each other 0:21:39.680 --> 0:21:42.720 prior to him moving out, so you don't want him 0:21:42.760 --> 0:21:45.000 trying to catch up or you trying to catch up 0:21:45.480 --> 0:21:48.840 if the other one wasn't expecting that, And also just 0:21:49.119 --> 0:21:52.160 keeping an honest dialogue while you're on your break, if 0:21:52.200 --> 0:21:54.879 you're staying sort of tethered to each other, but it 0:21:55.000 --> 0:21:58.680