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Speaker 1: Mama.

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Speaker 2: Always always be careful. Love those umboo.

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Speaker 1: Let We'll use your head.

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Speaker 2: They will tear you lack a paper talk. Oh no, no, no, yeah,

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Speaker 2: yeah yeah yeah, oh no no no. Hi.

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Speaker 3: I'm Amanda and I'm Remy.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to It's Layer.

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Speaker 3: We're in a long distance friendship that started over twenty

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Speaker 3: years ago when we were in high school.

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Speaker 4: We'll be talking about all things life, love, family, anything

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Speaker 4: and everything else under the sun.

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Speaker 3: Delve deeper with us because in life, you know my layers.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, no, yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, Hi everybody, and welcome to another episode of Its Layered.

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Speaker 3: We are really thrilled today because we have a special

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Speaker 3: guest in the building talking about a very interesting topic.

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Speaker 3: We're gonna be talking about marriage today and we're so

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Speaker 3: stoked because we have Kuzai Kanagara Kudzi. And he is

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Speaker 3: a media professional by day and also a husband and

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Speaker 3: father of too by day and night if that's but

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Speaker 3: always always all day, every day. You know, he has

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Speaker 3: traveled the world. He is someone who understands Zimbabwe in

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Speaker 3: tradition and also a very sort of global perspective on

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Speaker 3: not just marriage but life. And we thought his perspective

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Speaker 3: would be so dope for us.

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Speaker 1: To share with you on here, so really.

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Speaker 3: Really warm, welcome to It's Led podcast.

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Speaker 5: Couldsie Thanks guys, thanks for having me excited to get

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Speaker 5: into it. Yeah, yeah, let's get into it in the world.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yes, of all the topics, of all it's the

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Speaker 3: most talked about. And you can see because he if

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Speaker 3: you're watching the video, he dressed up for us. He's

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Speaker 3: ready to split the bars. So thank you for coming through,

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Speaker 3: and I just think let's dive right into it.

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Speaker 1: Let's not waste no time.

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Speaker 3: So KUZI for you, you've been married for nine years

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Speaker 3: this year?

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Speaker 5: Is that correct?

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Speaker 3: Nine years? Some of us not even in we're not

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Speaker 3: even anywhere near that.

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Speaker 1: So what would you say for you?

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Speaker 3: Was the most overrated and underrated marriage advice that you

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Speaker 3: got overrated and underrated?

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Speaker 5: I think you know when when you when you're bout

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Speaker 5: to embark on this journey of marriage and you've decided

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Speaker 5: that this is your person and you're going to take

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Speaker 5: that step. Everybody and their dog has got five cents

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Speaker 5: to say about about everything about where you should be,

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Speaker 5: what you should be like, where you should live, how

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Speaker 5: you should behave, how you shouldn't be behave, what makes

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Speaker 5: a good wife, what makes a good husband, what makes

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Speaker 5: a good father, and and the and and the retrick.

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Speaker 5: I think that the most overrated thing is is the

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Speaker 5: fact that everyone believes that they're an expert. And I

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Speaker 5: think that is that's not true. I think that's a

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Speaker 5: certain guidelines that are perpetuated by certain narratives, right, which

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Speaker 5: is at the culture, customs, religion, social status or whatever.

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Speaker 5: But I think fundamentally it's really about about you as

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Speaker 5: the individual first and foremost, and then you about as

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Speaker 5: you as a couple on a secondary level. Right, So

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Speaker 5: we're not talking about kids talking about marriage, right, So yes,

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Speaker 5: I think that what what works for you and your

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Speaker 5: partner is is what should be you know, the path

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Speaker 5: and the road, because it's it's not one size fits all.

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Speaker 5: And I think a lot of people who embark on

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Speaker 5: this on this journey, and I use that to a

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Speaker 5: very loosely, you know, put put a lot of pressure

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Speaker 5: on themselves to fit a particular mold. And that's that's crap. Man.

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Speaker 5: I don't know if I can say crap on your podcast.

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Speaker 1: You can, man.

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Speaker 5: I think that it's it's it really is about what

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Speaker 5: what fits you and how you you You're going to

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Speaker 5: make it work for yourself and and and for your

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Speaker 5: your significant other. Uh. The most underrated value or rather

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Speaker 5: advice that I got there is marriage is odd. It

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Speaker 5: is odd.

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Speaker 1: Say that again.

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Speaker 5: It's uh, it's it's it's something that you you know,

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Speaker 5: you think you're ready for, prepared for, and I think

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Speaker 5: some people are, but you don't. You don't know the

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Speaker 5: complexities that come with it because I think you know

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Speaker 5: when you when you do get married. Yeah, it's like

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Speaker 5: I said, first about yourself and secondly about your partner,

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Speaker 5: your relationship with the individual. But there's so many aspects

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Speaker 5: that come into that, you know, like extended family, expectations

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Speaker 5: of each other, expectations of you know, families no matter

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Speaker 5: where they sit, expectations of performance financially, performance in bed, performance,

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Speaker 5: you know, as as as as a husband as a wife.

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Speaker 1: This thing post is man like, Say that again.

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Speaker 5: Please, You've got to be for the long al and

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Speaker 5: the and the run, and you take the knox and

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Speaker 5: you you also celebrate the wins and successes. So I

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Speaker 5: think that would be you know the two things that

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Speaker 5: I think are most overrated and underrated. And I'm still learning.

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Speaker 5: I'm nine years in and every day is something different

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Speaker 5: and every day brings a different challenge and knows ten

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Speaker 5: years from now here, maybe I'm not, but I'm here

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Speaker 5: for the right.

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Speaker 3: Yo, because you just unleashed the whole. I'm just like, yes, yes,

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Speaker 3: some of the some of the what you've mentioned as

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Speaker 3: we go. I'm curious for you, am, because you've also

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Speaker 3: been in the game longer than I have.

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Speaker 4: What I'm leading into four years, so I feel like

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Speaker 4: I'm still young and in this game. But I think

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Speaker 4: definitely underrated is that it's a choice for you. Every day,

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Speaker 4: Like people celebrate the big milestones. You know, we just

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Speaker 4: said all the years we've been married for But every day,

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Speaker 4: I swear I wake up, I'm like those vows what

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Speaker 4: those bous a yay?

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Speaker 3: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, every day those vows are hitting you, you know.

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Speaker 4: And I think people really underreat People want to do

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Speaker 4: the big wins, the big accomplishments. Oh you've got two kids, now,

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Speaker 4: you've got this, now, you got a house now.

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Speaker 1: But it's like every day is a win.

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Speaker 4: Every day that you can like go, Okay, you know

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Speaker 4: we did that, you know, you know, high five with

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Speaker 4: your partner.

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Speaker 1: I think that's like something.

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Speaker 4: We just we forget that it's the little little steps

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Speaker 4: that make the big steps overrated. I think weddings, which

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Speaker 4: is not really to do with marriage, but girl wed dings,

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Speaker 4: like give me that money so I can put it

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Speaker 4: into my actual marriage, Like that's just for me. I yeah,

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Speaker 4: I think it's like the wrong foot in so many ways,

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Speaker 4: and so much drama comes out of doing that that

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Speaker 4: it sets some couples on the wrong course, which might

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Speaker 4: not happen if they were doing a smaller or much

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Speaker 4: more just between the bright and groom wedding.

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Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, I agree.

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Speaker 5: Very interesting.

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Speaker 3: I don't even know if I'm allowed to say what

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Speaker 3: the most overrated Yes, you're newly ware?

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Speaker 1: Do you want to hear you know?

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Speaker 5: I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Like, I think the most overrated advice is the notion

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Speaker 3: that you, as especially as a wife, are there to

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Speaker 3: please this man. I don't know how else to put it,

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Speaker 3: Like your job is to cook for him, to clean

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Speaker 3: for him, to be do everything, be everything for him,

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Speaker 3: and no real emphasis on like also take care of

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Speaker 3: you in the process of doing that. I don't know

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Speaker 3: how to explain, Like, I think there's always emphasis on

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Speaker 3: you have to perform these duties. That's how I felt,

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Speaker 3: at least that's the advice I get or no, bikira,

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Speaker 3: you're supposed to. I don't know. That's what I would

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Speaker 3: say is overrated.

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Speaker 5: Do you feel like that that kind of notion, I

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Speaker 5: sort to interrupt you comes from women in kind of

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Speaker 5: your circles, Like, don't I don't think that pressure comes

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Speaker 5: from men?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean absolutely not absolutely not absolutely.

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Speaker 5: For me especially, I think it's young modern people, like

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Speaker 5: not only things like that in anyway of course, it's

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Speaker 5: that there's a meal and I feel taking care of

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Speaker 5: like the pressure of it isn't coming from men. It's

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Speaker 5: coming from women, especially how the women are saying this

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Speaker 5: is what makes a good wife, I think, which is.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely absolutely, it's absolutely that, Like it's the kitchen teeth.

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Speaker 3: Like when I had my kitchen, I was like shaking

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Speaker 3: because I was like, I don't know, my poker face

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Speaker 3: ain't on, Like I'm not going to be able to

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Speaker 3: you know, hold the face. But yeah, I think that

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Speaker 3: was the talk of what you should be just like

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Speaker 3: do do this, do that. I think that can be

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Speaker 3: very overrated. I think could you alluded to it, like

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Speaker 3: everyone feels like they they are the expert and you're

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Speaker 3: just like, yo, this is a lot, And I think

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Speaker 3: the most underrated marriage and advice is that you should

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Speaker 3: talk things through, which seems very basic, but like just

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Speaker 3: know that it's okay. You are not always going to

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Speaker 3: be off bad to be like, yes, this is great,

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Speaker 3: let's go ahead. Like you're going to be talking a

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Speaker 3: lot of things through and it's okay. Like it doesn't

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Speaker 3: mean that it's things aren't going well or things are fantastic.

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Speaker 3: It's just you're going to have to know that talking

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Speaker 3: and communicating is part of the game.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, And I think it's such a part of the

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Speaker 5: male perspective because as men in general, and I can

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Speaker 5: only speak for myself, but I think it's true for

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Speaker 5: a lot of a lot of us, is that we're

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Speaker 5: really bad communicators. Like we're really bad communicator. And it

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Speaker 5: comes from a couple of things. It comes from the

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Speaker 5: fact that you know, we grow up to be the strong,

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Speaker 5: the provider and all that whole kind of you know, aradigm, right,

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Speaker 5: but also in the fact that because you we don't,

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Speaker 5: we're not taught to be vulnerable and and you know,

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Speaker 5: share the burden because at the end of the day,

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Speaker 5: no matter how much I feel bad about something, it

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Speaker 5: is still my responsibility as the primary care, primary provider

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Speaker 5: and family heirgiver too to get it right. So even

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Speaker 5: when I I kind of thing like, oh, you know,

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Speaker 5: this is such a problem for me, et cetera, I

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Speaker 5: don't know how I'm going to handle it, it's still

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Speaker 5: on me to sort it out, not for us to

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Speaker 5: sort it out. And I think a lot of guys

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Speaker 5: feel that, I know, I definitely feel that that that

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Speaker 5: that pressure. So when I when I share things that

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Speaker 5: that that have set me or that I find difficult

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Speaker 5: just a general life et cetera, that impact, you know,

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Speaker 5: my relationship with my family, it's always kind of dumbed down,

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Speaker 5: you know, because I still got to be that guy

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Speaker 5: who who makes the plan. It is not possibly to

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Speaker 5: make the plan, you know. And I think that as guys,

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Speaker 5: we need to get better at communicating, you know, the

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Speaker 5: challenges that we face. Because I think that generally nine

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Speaker 5: times out of ten, nine okay, maybe maybe seven and

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Speaker 5: a half times, let me step out times out of

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Speaker 5: you know, your your your partner is very willing and

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Speaker 5: and engaging to meet you halfway and say, okay, cool,

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Speaker 5: how do we sort this out. Let's let's ride together,

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Speaker 5: we die together. Top of the time, and I went

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Speaker 5: through something like that recently and it was it was

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Speaker 5: it was amazing to see like how like my partner

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Speaker 5: was there you know where you know, you kind of

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Speaker 5: had this thing with that ah cuts out, you know,

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Speaker 5: and it really it really wasn't wasn't like that. So

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Speaker 5: so we need to get guys to talk and the

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Speaker 5: way to get guys And I tell people this all

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Speaker 5: the time. You coming to me as as my partner,

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Speaker 5: my friend, my colleague, my pastor, whoever, and say, you

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Speaker 5: know what, Amanda, you can come and talk to me, right,

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Speaker 5: It means absolutely zero in the greatest scheme of things, Okay,

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Speaker 5: me talking to you is not about you saying to

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Speaker 5: me I can talk to you. It's about how you

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Speaker 5: make me feel as if I had the confidence to

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Speaker 5: talk to you.

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Speaker 1: The safe space for you, like.

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Speaker 5: You can go space, say that the doors open there

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Speaker 5: it is go walk through it. No, you open the

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Speaker 5: door and you literally walk me through the door. Then

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Speaker 5: I will share everything else that that that that comes

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Speaker 5: that comes with that. I think that's that says a

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Speaker 5: lot for a lot of people. But but as as wives,

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Speaker 5: as partners, boyfriends, however you want to cut it, you

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Speaker 5: know is is take be open to to to holding

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Speaker 5: your your partner, your your male partner through that process

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Speaker 5: and push the communication guidance. We must talk, tell me

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Speaker 5: about this I'm talking about that. Don't hold back on

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Speaker 5: you know, digging into not because you also, you know,

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Speaker 5: we get tired on like ah, it's fine just being himself,

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Speaker 5: you know, and then all the way and then I

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Speaker 5: also become super recluse and I just go out and

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Speaker 5: do my own things.

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Speaker 3: That's so interesting because you don't want to, you know.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes because we can talk, we overtalk. I think we

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Speaker 3: talk talk talk like we share, and not only like

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Speaker 3: with our partner, with freend like we it's just the

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Speaker 3: nature of women. And it's so great to hear that

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Speaker 3: from you that it's okay to kind of try and

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Speaker 3: get it out of your your partner that it's okay

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Speaker 3: to talk to me because they I think men typically

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Speaker 3: don't grow up with this thing of like, yeah, just

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Speaker 3: share how you feel. So you have to encourage that.

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Speaker 3: And sometimes it feels like am I nagging now?

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Speaker 1: Or am I too?

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Speaker 3: You know? Yeah, thanks you.

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Speaker 4: But I think also because we do share, then men

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Speaker 4: worry we'll share with others when they open up to us.

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Speaker 4: So it's like, oh, okay, I told my wife, I

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Speaker 4: don't want to tell us sister, you know what I mean. Like,

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Speaker 4: so we also need to be very conscious and very conscientious. Yeah,

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Speaker 4: or someone's like if someone reaches out to you and

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Speaker 4: it's telling you something vulnerable, it doesn't have to be

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Speaker 4: for everybody.

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Speaker 1: Which I think a lot of girls we don't have boundary.

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Speaker 1: Sometimes it's true.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, a deity laundry out. Yeah that you know by

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Speaker 5: saying that, I'm not saying that when you do have

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Speaker 5: challenges and issues in any relationship, is is that you

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Speaker 5: know you must stick with it at home and sort

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Speaker 5: of out because sometimes you can't. Sometimes you need someone

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Speaker 5: to intervene from an external party, et cetera. But when

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Speaker 5: you do share from a partner a partner. But I'm

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Speaker 5: trying to be non binary at the moment. You know,

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Speaker 5: is share with somebody you have the trust and confidence in,

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Speaker 5: and if something with them, share with them on the

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Speaker 5: base that if push comes to shout, you wouldn't to

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Speaker 5: put that person in front of the other person and say, right,

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Speaker 5: they know all the full story and this is what Yes, yeah,

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Speaker 5: you can't do that. They don't share with that person.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, there's a lot of ideas we have

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Speaker 4: about marriage, even growing up. I'm sure even when you

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Speaker 4: were dating before you got married. Is there something you

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Speaker 4: wish you knew before walking into marriage that would have

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Speaker 4: been handy for you to know?

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Speaker 5: Such a answer for that, But I don't think it's appropriate. Please, No, no, no,

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Speaker 5: I I think I don't know, man. I mean I think,

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Speaker 5: you know, like my situation is a little bit different

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Speaker 5: from I think some people. It's just that I was

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Speaker 5: lucky to meet my partner when I was quite Yeah,

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Speaker 5: we ut clon, you know, it just worked and just

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Speaker 5: down the mold. So you know, I'm I'm grateful and

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Speaker 5: and and I'm blessed for that. But but I think that,

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Speaker 5: you know, the thing that you you need to know

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Speaker 5: is that I think, like we mentioned that, I think

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Speaker 5: a lot of people lose themselves in relationships because, you know,

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Speaker 5: you feel like you have to be some kind of way.

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Speaker 5: I was having this conversation with ay good friend of mine.

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Speaker 5: She's been she's been divorced, and she's struggling with with

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Speaker 5: with the with the new partner, et cetera. And she

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Speaker 5: was saying that, no, I don't understand why he can't

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Speaker 5: be you know, with me and not and not be

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Speaker 5: with that group of friends. Right And okay, and the

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Speaker 5: group of friends is female. But it's from my perspective,

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Speaker 5: I don't think there's anything untoward. But she she doesn't

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Speaker 5: want him being around that particular that group or that

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Speaker 5: particular person. And remember, why would you want me to

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Speaker 5: give up on that. That's his g whether he's whether

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Speaker 5: she's female or male, it doesn't make a difference. Right,

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Speaker 5: that's that circle provides something that you cannot provide, right,

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Speaker 5: and you need to be comfortable in understanding that it

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Speaker 5: has a place in his life, whether you like it

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Speaker 5: or not. Right, he will manage if he's I think

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Speaker 5: a good bloke, he will manage the interactions so that

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Speaker 5: it doesn't, you know, affect you too much. But but

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Speaker 5: it's still part of what makes him him. And that's

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Speaker 5: what you love. You love him and that part, that's

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Speaker 5: a part of him. And and a notion was like, no,

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Speaker 5: when you get to that point, you need to give

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Speaker 5: up all your friends, or you need to give up

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Speaker 5: all your friends, and especially the ones that make me

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Speaker 5: feel uncomfortable. It's part of the course. That's what manages

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Speaker 5: about it. I said, no, crap, that's not It's not

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Speaker 5: about that. It's it's about how do you manage that

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Speaker 5: situation at best as possible. But you need to be

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Speaker 5: amenable to the fact that that would be always part

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Speaker 5: of his life, and he also needs to be amenable

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Speaker 5: to the fact that for you, you're always going to

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Speaker 5: be uncomfortable with that. So how do you find him

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Speaker 5: a middle middle ground? Right now? I think within that

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Speaker 5: there's there's a lot of pressure that young women, young

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Speaker 5: men put them themselves, young men and men put them

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Speaker 5: themselves on how to be in in a in a

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Speaker 5: textbook relationship where you don't like I really think that

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00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:21,480
Speaker 5: if you go into something of this nature and you

337
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Speaker 5: are one really comfortable in yourself and you find a

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Speaker 5: partner that pushes you and gets you to where you

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Speaker 5: want to be and makes you happy, then that's great.

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Speaker 5: Everything else you kind of work out as you as

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Speaker 5: you go along. We are, I think spoilt by the

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Speaker 5: fact that media portrays relationships in a particular manner, and

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Speaker 5: historically our parents come with a particular guys and the

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Speaker 5: Osian especially, you know, if you come from quite a

345
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,720
Speaker 5: traditional family, you know, as you know he was two

346
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:57,480
Speaker 5: years just to mar the church, you know and like.

347
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Speaker 5: But it worked for you, guys. It doesn't necessarily have

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Speaker 5: to work now, especially in the world that we live.

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Speaker 5: We live in such a global environment. Nine times out

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Speaker 5: of ten, nine times out of ten. Okay, if your

351
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,920
Speaker 5: child is globally open, they are not going to marry

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Speaker 5: somebody from their own tribe, culture and religion, family background,

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Speaker 5: et cetera. I mean, I mean, I don't know your husband,

354
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Speaker 5: but if you take it from me and me for

355
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Speaker 5: example or.

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Speaker 1: There, you go, ok yeah, yeah, no, definitely, person.

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Speaker 5: From Zimbabwe, from Maria comes with act that we didn't right.

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Speaker 1: That turns it to my brother like literally.

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Speaker 5: Exactly, you know what I mean? Like, so, how do

360
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:41,679
Speaker 5: you how do you prepare somebody for or for this journey?

361
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Speaker 5: And I think that you've got to be open to

362
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Speaker 5: different cultures, in different ways of doing things. And there's

363
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Speaker 5: no rights or wrong way about it. It's just what's

364
00:20:50,840 --> 00:20:53,119
Speaker 5: comfortable for you. You've got to be open to the

365
00:20:53,119 --> 00:20:57,639
Speaker 5: fact that, you know, if your child is you know,

366
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Speaker 5: non binary for arguments saying you know, how do you

367
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Speaker 5: how are you going to be how do you manage

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Speaker 5: that situation? You know? And I can go into a

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Speaker 5: whole tangent about that, you know, Like I have a

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Speaker 5: notion about my kids, and I was like, you know,

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Speaker 5: when my kids grow up, do I want to teach

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Speaker 5: them the values of marriage and what it is kind

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Speaker 5: of the way we learned it. Then, frankly, no, I

374
00:21:17,160 --> 00:21:20,720
Speaker 5: really don't. I really don't want to manage all that way.

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Speaker 5: If they're that way inclined, by all means, no worries

376
00:21:23,920 --> 00:21:26,360
Speaker 5: go for it. But like if my child or any

377
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:30,479
Speaker 5: one of my children's children decide that or not decide,

378
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:34,040
Speaker 5: but are gay, right, Like, the worst thing for me

379
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:36,000
Speaker 5: would be for them to come home and sit down

380
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Speaker 5: and say, Dad, I need to tell you something. I'm

381
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Speaker 5: going to come out now. Why would you do that?

382
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Speaker 5: Why would you Why would you feel like you if

383
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,520
Speaker 5: you were straight, you feel like you shuld come and say, Dad, listen,

384
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Speaker 5: I'm going to tell.

385
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Speaker 1: You not that.

386
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:52,800
Speaker 5: Yes, that part, Wow, you think I don't know?

387
00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,000
Speaker 1: Of course I don't, Yeah, exactly.

388
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Speaker 5: And it's we need to get rid of that stigma,

389
00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,200
Speaker 5: like let people be people, and I know people. I

390
00:22:02,280 --> 00:22:04,000
Speaker 5: know it's a very contentious topic, right, so I'm not

391
00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:08,119
Speaker 5: going to diverge a little bit from what importance right

392
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Speaker 5: in the sense that we're more so open as a

393
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Speaker 5: society and a culture to multiple lifestyles of living. At

394
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:18,760
Speaker 5: the moment, you're you're non binary, you're polyamorous, whatever. I

395
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,640
Speaker 5: don't think there's anything wrong with either one of them, right,

396
00:22:21,840 --> 00:22:24,120
Speaker 5: as long as it's right for you, and as long

397
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:28,719
Speaker 5: as you are not hurting yourself primarily or hurting you know,

398
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:32,399
Speaker 5: the person you are you choose to be involved with, Yes,

399
00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:37,280
Speaker 5: because then go do your thing like it doesn't change

400
00:22:37,280 --> 00:22:39,680
Speaker 5: the way you live your life, where you're going to grow.

401
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:43,720
Speaker 5: You know, I still think that marriage in today's world

402
00:22:43,840 --> 00:22:45,640
Speaker 5: is a great coming together of people and a great

403
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:50,679
Speaker 5: coming together or families, et cetera. But we have to

404
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:55,280
Speaker 5: bode the question is marriage still relevant in today's world?

405
00:22:55,359 --> 00:22:57,720
Speaker 5: And I'm just my point of one of your questions

406
00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:02,320
Speaker 5: going forward. Ye, yeah, man as America, I'll tell you

407
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,520
Speaker 5: right now, befase you guys like, I really don't.

408
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:11,120
Speaker 4: Think so, I'm just gonna I don't.

409
00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:13,159
Speaker 5: And I'm not saying that you can't be with the

410
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:15,399
Speaker 5: person and be monogamous and you can't be with that

411
00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:21,439
Speaker 5: person forever. Right, but yeah, going to a court or

412
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,560
Speaker 5: going to church, signing a piece of paper saying this

413
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:27,919
Speaker 5: is my person and this is you're now my I'm

414
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:32,280
Speaker 5: your significant other, and we write it down. What purpose

415
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:37,840
Speaker 5: does it serve? Yes, you know, I have a very

416
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:41,400
Speaker 5: like one way of looking at this thing, and that's

417
00:23:41,600 --> 00:23:48,679
Speaker 5: that's marriage for me. Was historically was always uh name prequestors.

418
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:55,480
Speaker 5: Forget the religious so take that put in a box,

419
00:23:55,640 --> 00:24:02,240
Speaker 5: putting it over there, world order effective, Right, it was

420
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 5: about title? Oh yes, and I believe this take of

421
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 5: the pinch of salt married was about title. Previously, as

422
00:24:11,480 --> 00:24:14,880
Speaker 5: a woman, it was very difficult to function in society

423
00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:17,440
Speaker 5: on the basis that you were a woman. You had

424
00:24:17,560 --> 00:24:21,160
Speaker 5: a right, You had no say, you couldn't get a job,

425
00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:23,800
Speaker 5: you couldn't finis for yourself. So it was always based

426
00:24:23,840 --> 00:24:25,760
Speaker 5: on the fact that the man had to go and provide.

427
00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:28,520
Speaker 5: So if you couldn't, the man would then marry you,

428
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,760
Speaker 5: bring you into his family, you raised the family, and

429
00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 5: then that family became yours, and then you had title

430
00:24:34,359 --> 00:24:37,640
Speaker 5: and everything else. Right in today's worlds, you guys are

431
00:24:37,760 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 5: consummate professional, brilliant. You can go change the world.

432
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:45,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's quite interesting. You just on the issue of titles.

433
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:49,879
Speaker 3: We're doing reports right now at work for kids, reports

434
00:24:50,119 --> 00:24:52,120
Speaker 3: and we have to sign with us to sign off

435
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 3: and say, like you say your name miss or missus

436
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:59,040
Speaker 3: or whatever. And then I chose miss Roomb, just like

437
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:01,679
Speaker 3: very simple. But and then my colleagues were like, no,

438
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,040
Speaker 3: but aren't you married. Shouldn't you be putting missus? And

439
00:25:04,080 --> 00:25:08,320
Speaker 3: I was like, I can use MS. MS signifies that

440
00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:10,560
Speaker 3: I don't want people to know or I don't care.

441
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,760
Speaker 3: I don't think they should care to know my marital

442
00:25:12,760 --> 00:25:16,440
Speaker 3: status or not. Then they're like really, and I'm like, yeah,

443
00:25:16,480 --> 00:25:18,919
Speaker 3: I think it is what it is. It doesn't change

444
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,760
Speaker 3: my ability to do my job. And it's quite an

445
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:25,960
Speaker 3: interesting perspective that people still feel they need to, you know,

446
00:25:26,119 --> 00:25:28,720
Speaker 3: distinguish between that. So that's a very right, but I

447
00:25:28,760 --> 00:25:31,199
Speaker 3: don't have to. Whereas my mom told me when she

448
00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:34,239
Speaker 3: was she got married to my dad, she couldn't get

449
00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:37,760
Speaker 3: alone by herself. She needed my dad with her to

450
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:41,320
Speaker 3: you know, to get the loan for the family for whatever.

451
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,920
Speaker 3: So it's a completely different ballgame for sure.

452
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,639
Speaker 5: Yeah, I get, you know, and I think that, you know,

453
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:53,440
Speaker 5: there's more opportunity out there for empowered women and women

454
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 5: to do the best and I lived their best life

455
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:58,840
Speaker 5: in their own entirety and you find that. I think

456
00:25:58,880 --> 00:26:01,280
Speaker 5: a lot of people, a lot of relationships who struggle

457
00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:05,639
Speaker 5: with you know, masculinity in the relationship where the woman

458
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:09,960
Speaker 5: becomes the bread winner and the family and the guy

459
00:26:10,040 --> 00:26:13,360
Speaker 5: does and now homie doesn't know what to do right,

460
00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:17,679
Speaker 5: And I get that, I get how that could feel.

461
00:26:18,080 --> 00:26:20,120
Speaker 5: But at the same time, you've got to be open

462
00:26:20,160 --> 00:26:21,880
Speaker 5: to the fact that that can definitely happen.

463
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:22,480
Speaker 3: Yeah.

464
00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:28,200
Speaker 5: So so with that, I mean, like where we need

465
00:26:28,240 --> 00:26:33,480
Speaker 5: to be as flexible as we possibly can be. We

466
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,639
Speaker 5: take that box that we had, the religious box, and

467
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:38,399
Speaker 5: bring it back into the fold. Right, it changes the

468
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:42,760
Speaker 5: game because religions relate specifically what is right, what is wrong,

469
00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:45,640
Speaker 5: who you should be, how you man and wife, man

470
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:50,679
Speaker 5: and man. Doesn't even that doesn't even register, you know,

471
00:26:51,040 --> 00:26:54,760
Speaker 5: then there's culture. Bring that box back, right. Do you

472
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:59,320
Speaker 5: do monogamy? Do you do polygamy? I don't know, you know,

473
00:26:59,880 --> 00:27:00,959
Speaker 5: I don't know.

474
00:27:01,240 --> 00:27:05,840
Speaker 3: There's so many layers to this whole topic of marriage.

475
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,560
Speaker 3: And we don't want to sound like we are necessarily

476
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:12,960
Speaker 3: a broken record in terms of like not bringing down

477
00:27:13,000 --> 00:27:16,160
Speaker 3: marriage and its complexities per se. But obviously the three

478
00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:19,600
Speaker 3: of us got married for some reason or another. I'm

479
00:27:19,640 --> 00:27:20,440
Speaker 3: curious to know.

480
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:22,680
Speaker 1: Like, for you, let's.

481
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:25,920
Speaker 3: Talk, Amanda, what would you say with other best parts

482
00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,320
Speaker 3: of marriage for you? Because someone would be like asaka,

483
00:27:28,359 --> 00:27:31,480
Speaker 3: you guys are sitting here busy saying oh x y Z.

484
00:27:31,880 --> 00:27:33,840
Speaker 5: You know, why did you even.

485
00:27:33,640 --> 00:27:36,560
Speaker 3: Say I do, like especially for me? Like I questioned

486
00:27:36,560 --> 00:27:37,919
Speaker 3: it all the time. I'm like, oh yeah, so you

487
00:27:37,920 --> 00:27:40,440
Speaker 3: didn't say I do. Why was that I do important

488
00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:44,320
Speaker 3: for me? So what are the best parts of marriage

489
00:27:44,320 --> 00:27:44,920
Speaker 3: would you say?

490
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,600
Speaker 4: Well, I personally, if I didn't have to have the

491
00:27:48,640 --> 00:27:51,720
Speaker 4: culture box and the religion box in my life, I

492
00:27:51,760 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 4: don't think I would be married. I would be in

493
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:59,560
Speaker 4: a partnership because in Australia, no one cares like people

494
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,320
Speaker 4: like in know, I feel like the term wife means

495
00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:05,360
Speaker 4: so much more in Zimbabwe. In Australia, they actually look

496
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:08,359
Speaker 4: at you like you're trapped, Like they're like, you know,

497
00:28:08,560 --> 00:28:09,800
Speaker 4: because they don't.

498
00:28:09,720 --> 00:28:15,119
Speaker 1: Perceive it that way, you know. So I guess I

499
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:16,240
Speaker 1: did it Personally.

500
00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 4: I definitely know I got married out of respect and

501
00:28:19,560 --> 00:28:23,000
Speaker 4: my husband is German and I knew there's no way

502
00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:26,120
Speaker 4: we can continue our relationship or that he can be

503
00:28:26,200 --> 00:28:30,199
Speaker 4: seen as an equal in my family without marriage, So

504
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:33,800
Speaker 4: I used it as a key to unlock peace into

505
00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:39,640
Speaker 4: my life, you know. And so I guess now obviously, yeah,

506
00:28:39,680 --> 00:28:42,520
Speaker 4: I'm team married, So I would have to say it's

507
00:28:42,600 --> 00:28:47,400
Speaker 4: it's companionship, but that could still be there without without

508
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 4: the So I'm lost. I'm with Couldzi on this where

509
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm team what are we doing?

510
00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:53,960
Speaker 1: Like we just see what?

511
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:56,160
Speaker 5: Ye so?

512
00:28:56,200 --> 00:28:56,960
Speaker 1: But I don't want to.

513
00:28:56,920 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 4: Sound so, but I guess yeah, you have to take

514
00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 4: an account culture and the world, the two worlds we

515
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:06,280
Speaker 4: live in the balance in the Zimbabwean side, and you know,

516
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:09,240
Speaker 4: so out of respect, I got married.

517
00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:12,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, and for you could see what are the best

518
00:29:12,600 --> 00:29:15,520
Speaker 3: parts the part of being married.

519
00:29:17,320 --> 00:29:22,840
Speaker 5: I think that it's companionship for for sure. I mean,

520
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 5: you know you've got your who are your best friend

521
00:29:27,480 --> 00:29:32,680
Speaker 5: with you all the time, and you know it's somebody

522
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 5: you can lean on, like I said, when times get tough,

523
00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:44,040
Speaker 5: as somebody who understands you, probably better than most. And

524
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:46,800
Speaker 5: I said, I think that I was. I was one

525
00:29:46,800 --> 00:29:49,520
Speaker 5: of the likely few who found a partner quite young,

526
00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:54,680
Speaker 5: you know that being said, I think all of those

527
00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:58,240
Speaker 5: things still live outside of signing a piece of paper.

528
00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:03,200
Speaker 1: Mm hmm. That's part point. Yeah, that part well, all those.

529
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,640
Speaker 5: Things still live outside signing a piece of paper. So

530
00:30:05,880 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 5: I'm not trying tochoose always carefully, but I'm not I'm

531
00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 5: not saying that you know, you you you one shouldn't

532
00:30:11,000 --> 00:30:13,160
Speaker 5: shouldn't get married because you've got all those things. But

533
00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,960
Speaker 5: I think that if the if the institution of marriage,

534
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,320
Speaker 5: because I'm that's what we're discussing today, it's not a

535
00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 5: good partner. And yes, is the institution institution of marriage

536
00:30:24,240 --> 00:30:27,680
Speaker 5: right for you and what you think that it's going

537
00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:29,680
Speaker 5: to deliver for you, then by all means, go to it.

538
00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:33,720
Speaker 5: You know. Part of I think why, Like I said,

539
00:30:33,760 --> 00:30:36,080
Speaker 5: I think people in our generation company, Yes, there's that

540
00:30:36,280 --> 00:30:40,800
Speaker 5: proverbial pressure of families saying that life grows such a way,

541
00:30:41,200 --> 00:30:50,080
Speaker 5: grow up, date somebody, you get married, you have kids.

542
00:30:47,760 --> 00:30:50,040
Speaker 1: Right, keep your job for forty years.

543
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:56,360
Speaker 5: Keep your job for years. There's something out there. And yeah,

544
00:30:57,840 --> 00:31:00,360
Speaker 5: but I think that you know, we grew up in

545
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:04,440
Speaker 5: such a at a pivotal point in how society is,

546
00:31:05,000 --> 00:31:08,720
Speaker 5: you know, forty years ago it was very different, you know,

547
00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:16,000
Speaker 5: but you still have a space for for the union

548
00:31:16,040 --> 00:31:18,680
Speaker 5: because people still believe it and still people still want it.

549
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:20,920
Speaker 5: It's a question I have for you guys. But I'll

550
00:31:20,920 --> 00:31:26,800
Speaker 5: come to that now, you know. And it's I think

551
00:31:26,800 --> 00:31:30,080
Speaker 5: the way the world generally works is that you are

552
00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 5: still seen as more of a good human being if

553
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:40,880
Speaker 5: you're married, if you're not married. And I was looking

554
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 5: at something where if someone was like a you know,

555
00:31:43,400 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 5: rich people understand the next and I said, look, let's

556
00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:48,640
Speaker 5: take the temperature people in the world, Okay, ranked by Forbes. Okay,

557
00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:49,880
Speaker 5: how many of them are not married?

558
00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:51,600
Speaker 3: I have no clue.

559
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:57,280
Speaker 5: Jeff Bezos okay, and he was right, and he was married,

560
00:31:57,360 --> 00:32:01,120
Speaker 5: so that doesn't count. How many fortune whatever as as

561
00:32:01,200 --> 00:32:06,080
Speaker 5: single people? Very few. And you are sellable. You're more

562
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:09,480
Speaker 5: salable at the union than you are as an individual.

563
00:32:10,360 --> 00:32:15,120
Speaker 4: Hundred because even CEOs of companies, board members, all those things.

564
00:32:15,280 --> 00:32:17,800
Speaker 4: You can say, Yeah, you can almost say the length

565
00:32:17,840 --> 00:32:21,120
Speaker 4: of your marriage as I've been married for twenty years

566
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:23,760
Speaker 4: and you're like, oh man, you're my guy, I trust you.

567
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:27,000
Speaker 5: Sure, it's just staying power.

568
00:32:27,320 --> 00:32:32,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have of life yea. Yeah.

569
00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:36,240
Speaker 3: That's why when Bill and Melinda split was kind of like,

570
00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:40,680
Speaker 3: you know, like we yeah, going on into that longevity

571
00:32:40,840 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 3: that you know, you guys are gonna you know, yeah.

572
00:32:44,400 --> 00:32:46,480
Speaker 5: For sure can divorce. They just spent. I thought I

573
00:32:46,480 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 5: didn't contact, but yeah, you know those things at that level,

574
00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:55,920
Speaker 5: it really doesn't matter really, right, Yeah.

575
00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:56,880
Speaker 3: It doesn't matter for sure.

576
00:32:57,080 --> 00:32:59,040
Speaker 1: For sure, what are the best parts for you? Roomb,

577
00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 1: we didn't hear for you.

578
00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,280
Speaker 3: Honestly, I think you guys have said it all like

579
00:33:05,600 --> 00:33:10,720
Speaker 3: it really is the companionship, but like companionship for life.

580
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:13,240
Speaker 3: As you said, can it not happen outside of marriage?

581
00:33:13,240 --> 00:33:16,920
Speaker 3: I think so. Sorry not, I don't think so, And

582
00:33:17,120 --> 00:33:21,840
Speaker 3: just that this person is in your corner for like

583
00:33:22,240 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 3: rooting for you all the way. And similar to Amanda,

584
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:30,520
Speaker 3: I definitely know marriage was something I did so that

585
00:33:30,760 --> 00:33:35,200
Speaker 3: he could gain respect in my family and I guess

586
00:33:35,240 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 3: vice versa, and especially in the society we live in here,

587
00:33:39,960 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 3: it makes a difference.

588
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:45,160
Speaker 1: That's interesting for Czech Republic.

589
00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:47,880
Speaker 3: I mean, they don't care, but because I'm an African

590
00:33:47,920 --> 00:33:53,000
Speaker 3: woman in this very eurocentric environment, it does make a difference.

591
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,640
Speaker 3: It's kind of like takes it seriously. I mean we

592
00:33:55,680 --> 00:33:58,800
Speaker 3: had an incident once. We walked into a shop and

593
00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 3: we're looking around the shop as system seemed like quite nice,

594
00:34:03,080 --> 00:34:04,840
Speaker 3: but then they started talking to him in check and

595
00:34:04,920 --> 00:34:07,680
Speaker 3: then they were like, hey, is this your your chick

596
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:10,600
Speaker 3: like your girl, but like kind of like a disrespectful

597
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 3: like you know, someone who was just banging and he

598
00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:15,600
Speaker 3: was like very offended. He's like, no, this is my wife,

599
00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 3: like excuse you? Like so just that weird. Some people

600
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:23,080
Speaker 3: have this weird mindset. It's not every because yeah, absolutely,

601
00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:26,000
Speaker 3: you can just be partners. And you know, I have

602
00:34:26,120 --> 00:34:28,600
Speaker 3: many students their parents are just partners. They're not even

603
00:34:28,719 --> 00:34:32,680
Speaker 3: married or whatever. And honestly, when people ask me how

604
00:34:32,680 --> 00:34:35,759
Speaker 3: does it feel to be married, I'm like, what it

605
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:36,319
Speaker 3: felt like?

606
00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:38,400
Speaker 5: What it feels like? What it felt like? Your fault?

607
00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,759
Speaker 1: Like, like, what you mean?

608
00:34:41,840 --> 00:34:44,719
Speaker 3: It's just everyone else has it's like, oh my goodness,

609
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:46,560
Speaker 3: like you know type of.

610
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:48,879
Speaker 5: Put off.

611
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:51,399
Speaker 1: Yes, oh yeah, sure.

612
00:34:54,719 --> 00:35:00,800
Speaker 5: Do you think that women and as as a generic

613
00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:08,839
Speaker 5: to have this pressure to get married? And one and

614
00:35:08,960 --> 00:35:12,239
Speaker 5: also or rather limit phraser, do you think that women

615
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:14,439
Speaker 5: long to be married? That's that's true.

616
00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:19,640
Speaker 1: I'm asking that's the more deep question. The pressure to

617
00:35:19,680 --> 00:35:24,799
Speaker 1: get married, for sure, and it's getting that one is.

618
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:26,480
Speaker 5: Okay.

619
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:27,719
Speaker 1: The longing.

620
00:35:29,960 --> 00:35:32,799
Speaker 4: I think for me personally, the longing is because we

621
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:37,560
Speaker 4: seek to be understood, we seek to fit in, we

622
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:41,920
Speaker 4: seek to be accepted, and because marriage sometimes is like

623
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:44,560
Speaker 4: that key that gets that for like as the people

624
00:35:44,680 --> 00:35:47,600
Speaker 4: respect you because they'll be like, am i ningy you know,

625
00:35:47,880 --> 00:35:51,640
Speaker 4: whereas you're just muskana in the family when you're not married,

626
00:35:51,719 --> 00:35:54,080
Speaker 4: you know, like and I'm talking about culturally here, because

627
00:35:54,080 --> 00:35:58,120
Speaker 4: that's I guess in the western world it's a bit

628
00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:00,880
Speaker 4: different ballgame, but definitely in Zimbabwe it's.

629
00:36:02,040 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 6: It.

630
00:36:03,080 --> 00:36:05,959
Speaker 4: I have cousins were younger than me who've never because

631
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:08,880
Speaker 4: of the way Zimbabwe has never worked really because obviously

632
00:36:09,000 --> 00:36:13,360
Speaker 4: Zim is zim and yet when they spoke, you know,

633
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:15,480
Speaker 4: people will be like, hey, my Ninki is saying something,

634
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:15,959
Speaker 4: you know, like.

635
00:36:16,120 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 1: Really look at them like with reverence.

636
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:20,799
Speaker 4: And when I speak before when I was married, they'll

637
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:22,200
Speaker 4: just be like, ah, Amanda, you.

638
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:25,080
Speaker 1: Know, like just like got it down, you know what.

639
00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:28,200
Speaker 4: I'm like, I am very good at my job, but

640
00:36:28,239 --> 00:36:31,400
Speaker 4: I you know, I send money home, I do all

641
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:35,360
Speaker 4: the things. But because I don't have that, I still

642
00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:39,400
Speaker 4: don't go into this special club that women have for

643
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:43,520
Speaker 4: for wives. Yes, what's that book, the Wives Club whatever?

644
00:36:43,560 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 4: It's called Club First Wives Club? Like that you just

645
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:50,000
Speaker 4: it literally isn't That's why when we're talking about the

646
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:53,400
Speaker 4: kitchen tea, I feel like when the kitchen tea is happening.

647
00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:56,000
Speaker 4: It's like when you get your certificate. Yes, you know,

648
00:36:56,200 --> 00:37:02,840
Speaker 4: like you've entered the golden gates, you know, Yeah, yeah, definitely.

649
00:37:03,280 --> 00:37:06,600
Speaker 3: And I to to just add to that, I think

650
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:11,120
Speaker 3: the pressure is absolutely one hundred percent one hundred percent

651
00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:14,520
Speaker 3: there like bows. I don't know. But the longing as

652
00:37:14,560 --> 00:37:20,399
Speaker 3: well is because society has somewhat equated marriage to being

653
00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:24,040
Speaker 3: worth choosing, and so the longing that that then comes

654
00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 3: is a desire to be chosen, Like there's something in me,

655
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:30,680
Speaker 3: as a man, says, a quality, something that is desirable

656
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:33,360
Speaker 3: in me that someone wants to spend the rest of

657
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,839
Speaker 3: their life with. But when as a woman you are

658
00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 3: not quote unquote chosen, it's like what is wrong with you?

659
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:41,279
Speaker 1: You know, why are you?

660
00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 5: Why are you?

661
00:37:42,600 --> 00:37:44,480
Speaker 3: But no one looks at men and says, oh, but

662
00:37:44,520 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 3: why are you still single?

663
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 5: Sir?

664
00:37:46,040 --> 00:37:47,360
Speaker 3: You know what I mean? Like just kind of like

665
00:37:47,680 --> 00:37:49,640
Speaker 3: the boys would be boys, you know type of thing.

666
00:37:51,400 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 3: So there's absolutely this pressure. I don't necessarily know if

667
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:59,840
Speaker 3: it comes purely from someone desiring to be in a

668
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:04,160
Speaker 3: marriage or I think it is a combination of maybe

669
00:38:04,200 --> 00:38:07,560
Speaker 3: a desire to find partnership, companionship, as we've all spoken

670
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:10,040
Speaker 3: about here. But I think a lot of it is

671
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:12,600
Speaker 3: is that thing of like, you know, how people look

672
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:15,719
Speaker 3: at you. I mean, as soon as people hear that

673
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:18,200
Speaker 3: you are getting married or you're married, it's like people

674
00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,400
Speaker 3: are like, oh, you are somebody in this realm.

675
00:38:21,400 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 1: And it's so when you get engaged, they already start.

676
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 3: It's not just the matriarchs who perceive you, like even

677
00:38:27,719 --> 00:38:30,120
Speaker 3: people our age and you know, I don't know, it's

678
00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:32,400
Speaker 3: this weird thing that we have in our society that

679
00:38:32,760 --> 00:38:35,040
Speaker 3: you had something worth choosing if.

680
00:38:35,000 --> 00:38:38,400
Speaker 4: You and when you're dating and it's not proposing people like,

681
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,200
Speaker 4: you know, like with you, what's wrong there?

682
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:44,120
Speaker 1: Is your relationship not strong enough? Is your this and that?

683
00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:47,839
Speaker 4: And it's like this ring then automatically means things that

684
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:49,279
Speaker 4: it might not actually mean.

685
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 5: Yeah, a ring finished just singles. No, marriage's never getting

686
00:38:54,560 --> 00:38:57,399
Speaker 5: married with a ring just because it just gets her

687
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:00,560
Speaker 5: to like walk through the bullshit. Is like no one

688
00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:01,719
Speaker 5: asked me question.

689
00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:05,160
Speaker 3: You know, Yeah, yeah, that's impressive.

690
00:39:05,680 --> 00:39:07,080
Speaker 1: That's really impressives.

691
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:09,799
Speaker 4: Actually, you know, we talked about the best parts. What

692
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:12,960
Speaker 4: are the toughest parts of marriage? Do you guys feel

693
00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:16,680
Speaker 4: like what are you like? Okay, maybe if I was single,

694
00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:18,960
Speaker 4: this would not be an.

695
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:24,040
Speaker 5: Issue for me. I think the toughest part about it

696
00:39:24,120 --> 00:39:32,760
Speaker 5: is from my perspective, is is you are now technically

697
00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:40,960
Speaker 5: responsible for somebody else, okay, and you will always be

698
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:43,719
Speaker 5: responsible for that person, even if you end up not

699
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:45,880
Speaker 5: being together anymore, But you will always be responsible for that,

700
00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:51,799
Speaker 5: right and and and and that that means that you

701
00:39:51,840 --> 00:39:54,799
Speaker 5: know every decision you make, you know, no matter how

702
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 5: selfish it is or or or not, is that that

703
00:39:58,600 --> 00:40:03,960
Speaker 5: person comes into consideration. Yes, everything, And I think that

704
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:05,480
Speaker 5: that for me was was was a bit of a

705
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:10,240
Speaker 5: tough one to to manage to navigate. I still navigated

706
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:12,719
Speaker 5: every day, right, but but you know, it's a sense

707
00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:16,400
Speaker 5: that it's not just about about me. And yes, I

708
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:19,360
Speaker 5: will still make selfice decisions right because they need to be.

709
00:40:19,560 --> 00:40:22,839
Speaker 5: But in making that decision, I am always thinking about

710
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:29,319
Speaker 5: that other person sometimes like ah whatever, like I'm great.

711
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,320
Speaker 5: But in that in that difference to make it, you

712
00:40:31,320 --> 00:40:34,879
Speaker 5: still thought about your partner, right, So it's it's being

713
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:38,440
Speaker 5: responsible for for that person. And because you chose to

714
00:40:38,480 --> 00:40:40,799
Speaker 5: be responsible for them, it makes it different from having

715
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,960
Speaker 5: a child. We have no choice but to be responsible.

716
00:40:45,040 --> 00:40:49,120
Speaker 5: If you're a half human being if you're half Yeah,

717
00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 5: I mean you know some guysble.

718
00:40:50,840 --> 00:40:54,200
Speaker 1: Something yeah yeah, true, some pole don't care.

719
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:57,719
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's doing the outliers right, so just normal normalized.

720
00:40:57,760 --> 00:41:02,440
Speaker 5: So yeah, it's that for me as as is challenging

721
00:41:02,440 --> 00:41:05,959
Speaker 5: and I think it will always be challenging. There times

722
00:41:06,000 --> 00:41:08,640
Speaker 5: were just like, but you know that web, man, like

723
00:41:09,360 --> 00:41:16,840
Speaker 5: I need I need that G class And if I

724
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:17,640
Speaker 5: was on my own.

725
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:20,000
Speaker 1: Do you mean to put it to me? I need

726
00:41:20,040 --> 00:41:20,399
Speaker 1: that car.

727
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:25,360
Speaker 5: That doesn't matter like for the next my life. But

728
00:41:25,440 --> 00:41:30,200
Speaker 5: I'm pushing how pershing the web and I'm being facetious, right,

729
00:41:30,239 --> 00:41:33,480
Speaker 5: but but it's it's it's those things. It says that

730
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:36,120
Speaker 5: where you where you live, how you move, you always

731
00:41:36,120 --> 00:41:38,960
Speaker 5: have to consider someone else. Where before you had absolute

732
00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:44,759
Speaker 5: freedom and absolute free do something. You can't do something,

733
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:47,120
Speaker 5: it's up to you, but you always have to take

734
00:41:47,160 --> 00:41:51,640
Speaker 5: into account uh, someone else and be accountable.

735
00:41:52,440 --> 00:41:53,520
Speaker 3: And to someone else.

736
00:41:53,640 --> 00:41:59,200
Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah for me, that's that's that's is

737
00:41:59,239 --> 00:42:01,080
Speaker 5: the topic hearing.

738
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:04,400
Speaker 3: Be for you, I think honestly, is that you cannot

739
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:08,680
Speaker 3: hide your flaws like okay.

740
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:10,320
Speaker 1: When you are with it.

741
00:42:10,920 --> 00:42:12,520
Speaker 3: I mean it can be with any part to be

742
00:42:12,560 --> 00:42:16,000
Speaker 3: honest with any partner, but like in marriage, it's like

743
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 3: it's there, it sits with you. It's there, and any

744
00:42:18,880 --> 00:42:23,240
Speaker 3: childhood issues or trauma or anything that you had growing

745
00:42:23,320 --> 00:42:27,719
Speaker 3: up they come out and you cannot kind of be like, oh,

746
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:31,280
Speaker 3: it doesn't exist like you you you are. This person

747
00:42:31,440 --> 00:42:33,680
Speaker 3: really holds that mirror up and it's a beautiful thing.

748
00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:37,319
Speaker 3: It's a tough part. That's really beautiful. But it's a

749
00:42:37,520 --> 00:42:42,919
Speaker 3: very very revealing experience where you're just like or they'll

750
00:42:42,920 --> 00:42:45,200
Speaker 3: say something about you know, like I didn't realize I

751
00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:49,840
Speaker 3: was this person right, Like it really it opens you

752
00:42:50,000 --> 00:42:53,600
Speaker 3: up and you have to lean into it as opposed

753
00:42:53,600 --> 00:42:55,399
Speaker 3: to shutting it out. But it can be a very

754
00:42:55,520 --> 00:43:00,200
Speaker 3: uncomfortable part of it all. It's it's the beauty of it,

755
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:02,000
Speaker 3: but it's really hard sometimes and it's just like a

756
00:43:02,200 --> 00:43:05,440
Speaker 3: man just don't just today, I don't feel like I

757
00:43:05,480 --> 00:43:09,880
Speaker 3: don't feel like being aware of that, Like I just

758
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:13,799
Speaker 3: want to shut off today. But yeah, and it works

759
00:43:13,840 --> 00:43:14,759
Speaker 3: both ways and.

760
00:43:14,760 --> 00:43:17,319
Speaker 4: For you that actually falls into like with family as well,

761
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:19,040
Speaker 4: Like when your part of points out your family is

762
00:43:19,080 --> 00:43:20,880
Speaker 4: a bit crazy, you're like a yes.

763
00:43:22,560 --> 00:43:26,440
Speaker 3: Please, You're like oh gosh, Like when you get a

764
00:43:26,440 --> 00:43:29,200
Speaker 3: call and they're like, oh, it's everything just like I'm.

765
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:34,799
Speaker 1: Doing, you know.

766
00:43:35,080 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 4: So yeah, I think you guys said it all perfectly though,

767
00:43:38,680 --> 00:43:41,960
Speaker 4: because like for me, it's compromise without resentment.

768
00:43:42,160 --> 00:43:46,800
Speaker 7: So like that like, okay, we'll do this because you

769
00:43:46,840 --> 00:43:52,600
Speaker 7: won't get the gmagon because I get you know, when

770
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:55,040
Speaker 7: I see the Jamagon driving past, I'm like, I don't

771
00:43:55,040 --> 00:43:56,920
Speaker 7: want that car, like you know.

772
00:43:57,000 --> 00:44:00,480
Speaker 4: Like that like being able to whereas when you're yourself,

773
00:44:00,680 --> 00:44:03,760
Speaker 4: as you said, you can just eat two minute noodles

774
00:44:03,800 --> 00:44:05,759
Speaker 4: and call it a day in your g wagon. You know,

775
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,640
Speaker 4: you don't have to answer to anyone else. But yeah,

776
00:44:08,680 --> 00:44:12,399
Speaker 4: that compromising without holding it against someone, like if you've

777
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:14,239
Speaker 4: decided to then compromise.

778
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:16,680
Speaker 3: On something and being patient, Like let's say, if you've

779
00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:19,920
Speaker 3: made a decision to something, it like okay, were we

780
00:44:19,960 --> 00:44:22,359
Speaker 3: will you kind of like now today I'm gone. It's

781
00:44:22,360 --> 00:44:24,440
Speaker 3: like sometimes it's like, okay, the agreement is we're gonna

782
00:44:24,760 --> 00:44:27,200
Speaker 3: wait and do this. Then while we do this now

783
00:44:27,239 --> 00:44:31,279
Speaker 3: and patients to to be like, okay, we'll get there.

784
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:34,279
Speaker 3: That gagon will come, just not not now.

785
00:44:36,480 --> 00:44:38,399
Speaker 5: For the record, I use the g wagon thing as

786
00:44:38,440 --> 00:44:39,320
Speaker 5: just as example.

787
00:44:39,400 --> 00:44:41,399
Speaker 1: Right now, I know no, but you know, you got

788
00:44:41,400 --> 00:44:42,200
Speaker 1: to get the ideas.

789
00:44:42,239 --> 00:44:47,839
Speaker 5: You get me idea, but but you know, as black people,

790
00:44:47,880 --> 00:44:49,440
Speaker 5: people like, yeah, you see, this is exactly what we're

791
00:44:49,440 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 5: talking about. It you're gonna go spend money on the

792
00:44:51,120 --> 00:44:56,239
Speaker 5: g wagon Like, no, guys, we're just using it an.

793
00:44:56,160 --> 00:44:57,600
Speaker 1: Example, an example.

794
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:04,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're curious to know. Obviously, Amanda and I are females.

795
00:45:05,040 --> 00:45:09,560
Speaker 3: We have our own perspective around marriage about how females

796
00:45:09,600 --> 00:45:11,640
Speaker 3: perceive it, how we perceive it, but we also have

797
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:14,640
Speaker 3: our own ideas about how men perceive marriage, and we

798
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:18,200
Speaker 3: can get into that. But we're curious to know from

799
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:21,360
Speaker 3: you how men look at marriage, Like what are the

800
00:45:21,360 --> 00:45:25,919
Speaker 3: conversations around marriage, because I think we talked a little

801
00:45:25,920 --> 00:45:28,040
Speaker 3: bit about the pressure on women to get married, but

802
00:45:28,160 --> 00:45:32,040
Speaker 3: like how does it work in your circles? Like you know,

803
00:45:32,200 --> 00:45:35,960
Speaker 3: is the is the pressure getting worse? I was just like, ah, whatever,

804
00:45:36,760 --> 00:45:37,040
Speaker 3: you know.

805
00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:40,800
Speaker 5: Funny enough. I don't think. I don't think we, as guys,

806
00:45:40,800 --> 00:45:45,840
Speaker 5: we really discussed marriage prior to getting married at all.

807
00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:49,040
Speaker 1: You know, that's a major difference.

808
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:52,399
Speaker 5: Yes, yeah, I think that's I think I had one

809
00:45:52,480 --> 00:45:56,880
Speaker 5: conversation before I got married, and that was with my

810
00:45:56,920 --> 00:46:02,040
Speaker 5: old man, you know, And I think I'm quite pleased

811
00:46:02,080 --> 00:46:04,759
Speaker 5: to have a dad who's quite quite liberal and quite

812
00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:09,239
Speaker 5: cosmopolitan and is thinking, you know, so in that conversation,

813
00:46:09,520 --> 00:46:12,840
Speaker 5: it it really kind of lay the foundation of whether

814
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:16,000
Speaker 5: you know, I want to get married or choose to

815
00:46:16,000 --> 00:46:19,600
Speaker 5: get married or not. Right, So, so it was great,

816
00:46:19,640 --> 00:46:21,120
Speaker 5: But I think as a god who really don't talk

817
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:24,239
Speaker 5: about it, we're like, okay, cool, will you kind of

818
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:26,879
Speaker 5: roll with it and go with it? And like you said,

819
00:46:26,920 --> 00:46:29,080
Speaker 5: you do what's expected of you because you're a man

820
00:46:29,120 --> 00:46:31,640
Speaker 5: and you're expected to do certain things as a man.

821
00:46:32,000 --> 00:46:34,600
Speaker 5: But I'm not Did I ever have a conversation with

822
00:46:34,680 --> 00:46:37,800
Speaker 5: my mates around about getting married? Not once?

823
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:41,120
Speaker 1: That's why. But how did do you make the decision?

824
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:41,319
Speaker 1: Is it?

825
00:46:41,400 --> 00:46:43,839
Speaker 3: Like is it really that thing of like you're like, yeah, okay,

826
00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:46,240
Speaker 3: I can settle down now. Does it does something click

827
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:48,719
Speaker 3: in your head or you just feel like, oh, it's

828
00:46:48,760 --> 00:46:51,480
Speaker 3: about the right time for me? How does then?

829
00:46:53,040 --> 00:46:56,480
Speaker 5: I know I know some guys and I always we're

830
00:46:56,520 --> 00:46:59,600
Speaker 5: talking broad strokes, right, so I know some guys really

831
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:02,120
Speaker 5: want want to get married. Like there's some like super

832
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:06,560
Speaker 5: traditionalist guys who are friends of mine. Uh course guys,

833
00:47:06,600 --> 00:47:09,000
Speaker 5: but like guys, you know, for me, it's about getting married.

834
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:10,960
Speaker 5: I want to get married. I want a wife. I

835
00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 5: want to build a home. I want you know, I

836
00:47:13,200 --> 00:47:15,600
Speaker 5: want to have trium of kids, and I want to

837
00:47:15,600 --> 00:47:18,800
Speaker 5: build that family thing because that's what they sold, and

838
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:21,760
Speaker 5: that's that's I think the journey what what they desire.

839
00:47:21,880 --> 00:47:24,279
Speaker 5: And I think, I mean, I think that's that's that's one.

840
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:29,760
Speaker 5: And also some of the guys are just like, well, yeah,

841
00:47:30,239 --> 00:47:33,560
Speaker 5: you know, and and and they end up in relationships.

842
00:47:33,640 --> 00:47:37,000
Speaker 5: I mean, my wife and I dated what eight years

843
00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:42,279
Speaker 5: before we got married, you know. And I think, kill

844
00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:43,960
Speaker 5: me for saying this, but I think that, you know,

845
00:47:44,200 --> 00:47:49,400
Speaker 5: if it wasn't for her saying yoho me, like, you know,

846
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:54,399
Speaker 5: we probably would have did it for longer. Like we're

847
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:57,320
Speaker 5: very comfortable, like because like I said, I was blessed

848
00:47:57,360 --> 00:47:59,880
Speaker 5: the fact that it just works, you know, And I

849
00:48:00,360 --> 00:48:06,960
Speaker 5: just continued. So I don't know. I think I think guys,

850
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:10,040
Speaker 5: you need to talk about it more. And I have,

851
00:48:10,400 --> 00:48:14,960
Speaker 5: you know, conversations around the perception of how they feel

852
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:21,040
Speaker 5: about married. And also we're talking intersexual relationships here. But

853
00:48:21,600 --> 00:48:23,520
Speaker 5: I don't know, I mean, it's it's something that you've

854
00:48:23,520 --> 00:48:26,359
Speaker 5: actually just sparkedline. I never thought about that. We don't

855
00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 5: we don't talk about it's like, are you gonna get married? Yeah?

856
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:35,640
Speaker 5: Maybe one day? Okay, cool, she's the one, Yeah, yeah

857
00:48:35,880 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 5: think yeah. I think so.

858
00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:41,399
Speaker 4: You are blowing my mind right now because I like

859
00:48:41,480 --> 00:48:44,200
Speaker 4: the way women talk about marriage.

860
00:48:46,520 --> 00:48:52,520
Speaker 3: Preach, because it's like discussion groups, like you can write

861
00:48:52,520 --> 00:48:57,320
Speaker 3: theses over now, like how much women talk about marriage,

862
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,160
Speaker 3: Like and I have friends who are like, oh, I

863
00:48:59,160 --> 00:49:01,160
Speaker 3: don't know if I any get married. And then it's

864
00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:03,279
Speaker 3: like people are like, how could you not want to?

865
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:05,680
Speaker 3: Like even if they don't want to, the conversation will

866
00:49:05,719 --> 00:49:08,600
Speaker 3: still be had with them, like but why but you

867
00:49:08,719 --> 00:49:09,320
Speaker 3: kind of scared?

868
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:15,160
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I think we think men look at it

869
00:49:15,239 --> 00:49:20,719
Speaker 4: like a trap, Like you're like, yes, yes, I think

870
00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:22,960
Speaker 4: men feel like we're like, okay, you know, want him

871
00:49:22,960 --> 00:49:25,080
Speaker 4: to do you want him to be welcoming about the

872
00:49:25,080 --> 00:49:26,319
Speaker 4: idea but marriage.

873
00:49:26,000 --> 00:49:27,759
Speaker 1: And not feel like he's being trapped into it.

874
00:49:28,360 --> 00:49:31,560
Speaker 4: So it's so weird because we think it's like, wow,

875
00:49:31,760 --> 00:49:33,160
Speaker 4: we can't wait to do this thing, But at the

876
00:49:33,160 --> 00:49:36,279
Speaker 4: same time, we kind of half know men will be hesitant,

877
00:49:36,360 --> 00:49:38,760
Speaker 4: we think will be hesitant to enter marriage.

878
00:49:38,840 --> 00:49:39,040
Speaker 3: Yeah.

879
00:49:40,239 --> 00:49:42,279
Speaker 8: I think it's it's it's somewhat true, you know, like

880
00:49:42,560 --> 00:49:45,920
Speaker 8: there's there's an essence of, you know, being trapped and

881
00:49:46,000 --> 00:49:48,360
Speaker 8: confined for the reason that we all discussed now just

882
00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:50,680
Speaker 8: previously to this point, you know, and also the way

883
00:49:50,719 --> 00:49:51,080
Speaker 8: that I.

884
00:49:51,080 --> 00:49:55,440
Speaker 5: Think us as married men talk about marriage. You if

885
00:49:55,480 --> 00:49:58,520
Speaker 5: I speak to another married guy, somebody, hey, how's it

886
00:49:58,560 --> 00:50:02,600
Speaker 5: to be married, less than one percent of people are

887
00:50:02,600 --> 00:50:04,440
Speaker 5: going back, as you say, none ever comes to the

888
00:50:04,480 --> 00:50:08,960
Speaker 5: with the initial response saying it's the most wonderful thing.

889
00:50:09,760 --> 00:50:19,440
Speaker 5: I mean, I think that ever responding, right, It's always

890
00:50:19,440 --> 00:50:23,120
Speaker 5: it's always like hey, bright, hey listening you it's you know,

891
00:50:23,200 --> 00:50:28,680
Speaker 5: it's that's that's that's whatever. But it's amazing, I'm happier. Right,

892
00:50:28,760 --> 00:50:32,360
Speaker 5: So we have the negative, you know, including the you

893
00:50:32,440 --> 00:50:36,160
Speaker 5: know kind of the positive. And I think and I

894
00:50:36,160 --> 00:50:38,919
Speaker 5: think it's like that because like I said, for us,

895
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:41,680
Speaker 5: it's for some people, I think it's it's important, but

896
00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:47,400
Speaker 5: it doesn't change the price of bread. Yeah, for reasons

897
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:49,799
Speaker 5: of the like you're saying, like for women for other

898
00:50:49,840 --> 00:50:54,000
Speaker 5: For women, it gives them status, it gives them, you know,

899
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:57,959
Speaker 5: purple purpose, does of you know, positioning in life, et cetera.

900
00:50:58,480 --> 00:51:01,680
Speaker 5: For us, we was doing that anyway, and you know,

901
00:51:01,760 --> 00:51:04,040
Speaker 5: so it's like I think a lot of guys think

902
00:51:04,040 --> 00:51:06,399
Speaker 5: it's just like it's just the next logical step. Yes,

903
00:51:06,880 --> 00:51:11,120
Speaker 5: And if I think if people do look at it

904
00:51:11,160 --> 00:51:13,719
Speaker 5: as a driver, it's more so as a driver to

905
00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:15,680
Speaker 5: have kids rather than.

906
00:51:17,480 --> 00:51:20,400
Speaker 3: And also with the pressure you spoke of where you

907
00:51:20,440 --> 00:51:24,520
Speaker 3: feel as you're alluded to as men the responsibility. So

908
00:51:24,600 --> 00:51:27,840
Speaker 3: obviously like am I voluntarily being like bring on the

909
00:51:27,920 --> 00:51:28,680
Speaker 3: extra pressure?

910
00:51:28,960 --> 00:51:30,120
Speaker 5: Like you know, it's it's a.

911
00:51:31,200 --> 00:51:34,080
Speaker 3: Naturally even me if someone was like, now you're going

912
00:51:34,160 --> 00:51:36,920
Speaker 3: to have to, you know, care for two households, I

913
00:51:36,960 --> 00:51:39,160
Speaker 3: would also be like can we do you get what

914
00:51:39,200 --> 00:51:39,520
Speaker 3: I mean?

915
00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:44,719
Speaker 5: Just yeah, if you another load, gosh, something else is

916
00:51:44,760 --> 00:51:47,200
Speaker 5: going to do. But then also there's also that pressure

917
00:51:47,239 --> 00:51:49,960
Speaker 5: from from from a male's perspective that says that for

918
00:51:50,000 --> 00:51:52,080
Speaker 5: you to be seen as a man, you must be

919
00:51:52,120 --> 00:51:53,440
Speaker 5: able to take the load.

920
00:51:53,800 --> 00:51:53,960
Speaker 3: Yes.

921
00:51:54,200 --> 00:51:58,080
Speaker 5: Right, So you know, if you come from a family

922
00:51:58,160 --> 00:52:02,640
Speaker 5: where you know you are golden child as as as

923
00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:05,040
Speaker 5: as as the boy child, and you look after your

924
00:52:05,080 --> 00:52:08,560
Speaker 5: siblings as a lot of family have, especially in Africa.

925
00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 5: You look after your siblings, You look up to your parents.

926
00:52:11,520 --> 00:52:13,600
Speaker 5: You know you you have a partner, you look up

927
00:52:13,600 --> 00:52:15,759
Speaker 5: to the partner. Then you also response responsibility for you

928
00:52:15,800 --> 00:52:19,319
Speaker 5: to look after her siblings and her family and her

929
00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:23,080
Speaker 5: family and whatever else. Right, But for the for the

930
00:52:23,160 --> 00:52:26,239
Speaker 5: few that who can do that because financially they're more

931
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:28,520
Speaker 5: one off it and can and I can manage that thing.

932
00:52:28,719 --> 00:52:34,000
Speaker 5: You know, you've seen as you know it still you know,

933
00:52:34,719 --> 00:52:44,400
Speaker 5: still that's don't what like? Yeah, of course, like I mean,

934
00:52:44,400 --> 00:52:45,759
Speaker 5: don't get me wrong. I mean you guys you can

935
00:52:45,840 --> 00:52:49,359
Speaker 5: hear that. I mean, I take my out of I'm like, yeah, yeah,

936
00:52:49,400 --> 00:52:52,480
Speaker 5: you know, or the average man on the street, that's possible,

937
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:55,359
Speaker 5: you know, so the precious Yeah.

938
00:52:55,520 --> 00:52:58,560
Speaker 4: Having brought on talking about family, do you think they

939
00:52:58,600 --> 00:53:02,279
Speaker 4: have much say within your marriage? So if times are

940
00:53:02,320 --> 00:53:05,160
Speaker 4: tough or times are good, maybe only times are tough.

941
00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:07,759
Speaker 1: Africans never talk about when times are good when times

942
00:53:07,800 --> 00:53:10,640
Speaker 1: are tough. Do you think they should have a say

943
00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:11,960
Speaker 1: like do this do that?

944
00:53:12,000 --> 00:53:12,080
Speaker 5: Like?

945
00:53:12,840 --> 00:53:15,360
Speaker 4: Or do you think it should literally solely be between

946
00:53:15,360 --> 00:53:17,160
Speaker 4: the two of you and maybe a therapist.

947
00:53:18,920 --> 00:53:21,239
Speaker 5: I don't know. I think that's really personal preference. From

948
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:26,879
Speaker 5: my perspective. Subjectively, I know that in times are tough,

949
00:53:26,880 --> 00:53:31,280
Speaker 5: four for us, you know, we rely on your counsel

950
00:53:31,360 --> 00:53:36,239
Speaker 5: from both of our parents. I mean, I speak to

951
00:53:36,239 --> 00:53:38,960
Speaker 5: my folks all the time. I think I get most

952
00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:42,319
Speaker 5: of my counsel from there, and then I mean I

953
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:45,880
Speaker 5: also then you know, look at you know, other forms

954
00:53:45,880 --> 00:53:50,759
Speaker 5: of counsel, whether that is my mentors or my therapists.

955
00:53:52,239 --> 00:53:55,120
Speaker 5: You know, it's it's there. And it goes back to

956
00:53:55,200 --> 00:53:56,480
Speaker 5: kind of what I was saying about earlier about it

957
00:53:56,520 --> 00:54:00,120
Speaker 5: when you talk to people like I don't I'm to

958
00:54:00,200 --> 00:54:04,960
Speaker 5: care sharing everything with everyone, Okay, so what mentalize my

959
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:10,080
Speaker 5: my my struggles where I feel comfortable doing that. Then

960
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:12,440
Speaker 5: take all that ask it into one bit and then

961
00:54:12,440 --> 00:54:14,920
Speaker 5: I make a decision based on information that I've got right,

962
00:54:15,280 --> 00:54:18,319
Speaker 5: So I think it really is up to you. I know,

963
00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:20,040
Speaker 5: some people are not close with their parents. Some people

964
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:24,719
Speaker 5: are unfortunately are you know, unluckily or I says it's

965
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:28,839
Speaker 5: unfortunate that they don't have parents anymore, or they don't

966
00:54:28,880 --> 00:54:33,600
Speaker 5: have good relationships with their parents. So I think you

967
00:54:33,640 --> 00:54:36,440
Speaker 5: can do what's right for you, but do something about it.

968
00:54:37,000 --> 00:54:43,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure, I think we can go on like

969
00:54:43,120 --> 00:54:47,640
Speaker 3: this has been such an interesting, interesting perspective on marriage,

970
00:54:47,640 --> 00:54:49,839
Speaker 3: and there's so many letters. I think we could even

971
00:54:49,880 --> 00:54:53,640
Speaker 3: do part two of this because I know, really, I

972
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:56,279
Speaker 3: think you've also made you know what sitting here with

973
00:54:56,320 --> 00:54:59,239
Speaker 3: you has made me kind of sit back and be

974
00:54:59,360 --> 00:55:02,160
Speaker 3: like wow, like think about it in different in a

975
00:55:02,200 --> 00:55:07,600
Speaker 3: different way. I think we have similar views but also

976
00:55:07,960 --> 00:55:12,960
Speaker 3: very nuanced views on how you perceive marriage. And so

977
00:55:14,040 --> 00:55:17,880
Speaker 3: I think we'll wind wind down the conversation, but I

978
00:55:17,920 --> 00:55:20,560
Speaker 3: would like to ask you. We've talked a lot about

979
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:24,240
Speaker 3: the hardships, the complexities, the things to consider, the weight,

980
00:55:24,480 --> 00:55:29,959
Speaker 3: the challenge and all that. How would you say, going

981
00:55:30,000 --> 00:55:33,080
Speaker 3: into your nine years of marriage, how do you keep

982
00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:37,399
Speaker 3: it interesting or the spark or the interest or the fun.

983
00:55:37,520 --> 00:55:39,400
Speaker 3: How do you do that? Because I think it's so

984
00:55:39,600 --> 00:55:41,640
Speaker 3: we've heard time and time again, it's so easy to

985
00:55:41,640 --> 00:55:46,600
Speaker 3: become complacent and everything is just like you know, you know,

986
00:55:46,640 --> 00:55:50,680
Speaker 3: it can get cool the heat can you know, temperature

987
00:55:50,719 --> 00:55:52,879
Speaker 3: can go down a little bit, Like what would you say?

988
00:55:54,400 --> 00:56:00,359
Speaker 5: Yeah, wow, jeez, I actually don't have an answer for you, right,

989
00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:04,120
Speaker 5: And I'll tell you why. Is that it's like the

990
00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:07,239
Speaker 5: dynamics of relationships are always going to be dynamic, right

991
00:56:07,320 --> 00:56:10,120
Speaker 5: and change the way you see each other, the way

992
00:56:10,280 --> 00:56:14,560
Speaker 5: you know you vible with each other, it's going to

993
00:56:14,680 --> 00:56:17,000
Speaker 5: change and they're going to be lous, you know, I mean,

994
00:56:17,040 --> 00:56:19,200
Speaker 5: it's not going to be like you're dating, and every

995
00:56:19,360 --> 00:56:21,040
Speaker 5: you see each other once a week or once a month,

996
00:56:21,040 --> 00:56:22,400
Speaker 5: and every time you see each other you want to

997
00:56:22,440 --> 00:56:27,560
Speaker 5: rip your clothes off, right, But it changes, and I

998
00:56:27,600 --> 00:56:33,560
Speaker 5: think for me, I would say, you know, be comfortable

999
00:56:33,560 --> 00:56:37,719
Speaker 5: with the change, right, be comfortable with the change. And

1000
00:56:37,719 --> 00:56:40,040
Speaker 5: if you're comfortable with the change, you know, you know

1001
00:56:40,120 --> 00:56:43,920
Speaker 5: that you will eve and flow, you know every where anywhere.

1002
00:56:44,360 --> 00:56:48,000
Speaker 5: Terminology is where you get back to certain things like

1003
00:56:48,160 --> 00:56:51,320
Speaker 5: I've got two kids under the age of six, Okay,

1004
00:56:51,840 --> 00:56:56,960
Speaker 5: like there is no time for anything but parenting, right,

1005
00:56:57,160 --> 00:57:00,719
Speaker 5: so my parents twenty four hours a day and then

1006
00:57:00,719 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 5: I'm at work, but the other twenty files in the day. Yeah,

1007
00:57:04,719 --> 00:57:08,359
Speaker 5: So so you you try and find things. I mean

1008
00:57:08,680 --> 00:57:10,759
Speaker 5: people say, oh, you know, you know, try and make

1009
00:57:10,840 --> 00:57:14,120
Speaker 5: time and all those things. But whatever works for for

1010
00:57:14,320 --> 00:57:16,960
Speaker 5: for you as and as as as a couple of individuals.

1011
00:57:17,240 --> 00:57:19,240
Speaker 5: And if you find find it hard to make time

1012
00:57:19,280 --> 00:57:24,520
Speaker 5: at home, make time to go away and and you know,

1013
00:57:25,080 --> 00:57:29,480
Speaker 5: experience you know each other again, I think is I mean,

1014
00:57:29,480 --> 00:57:32,720
Speaker 5: that's that's that's good advice and Bible. I need to try.

1015
00:57:32,600 --> 00:57:41,600
Speaker 6: It, right, But it's yeah, I think that you know,

1016
00:57:41,680 --> 00:57:43,680
Speaker 6: you've got to find ways of doing that.

1017
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:46,960
Speaker 5: I think the stages in your life that you go

1018
00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:49,880
Speaker 5: through if you're going to follow that marriage kind of

1019
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:54,280
Speaker 5: you know highway, which is all good and it's great

1020
00:57:54,280 --> 00:57:55,920
Speaker 5: and it's let me dove in the beginning. Then you

1021
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:58,600
Speaker 5: have kids, you have and that changes a lot. Like

1022
00:57:58,880 --> 00:58:02,200
Speaker 5: getting married. I don't think anges your life as having

1023
00:58:02,280 --> 00:58:04,200
Speaker 5: kids one.

1024
00:58:03,880 --> 00:58:07,360
Speaker 1: Hundred definite, definitely.

1025
00:58:07,960 --> 00:58:12,840
Speaker 5: It has a complete one age, right m M. So,

1026
00:58:12,840 --> 00:58:15,480
Speaker 5: so be comfortable with that change. And then also you know,

1027
00:58:15,920 --> 00:58:18,720
Speaker 5: hope that you know, you weather the storm and the

1028
00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:20,480
Speaker 5: base that your kids also got to grow up and

1029
00:58:20,520 --> 00:58:22,560
Speaker 5: when they do grow up and they're not so like

1030
00:58:23,280 --> 00:58:27,840
Speaker 5: you know, hands the hands on you, you can find

1031
00:58:27,840 --> 00:58:31,560
Speaker 5: them time to do that that for yourself. I mean,

1032
00:58:32,440 --> 00:58:36,120
Speaker 5: I think that's the best way of answering that question. No, definitely,

1033
00:58:36,360 --> 00:58:39,280
Speaker 5: everybody's got their vices in life, and you know they

1034
00:58:39,320 --> 00:58:44,000
Speaker 5: manage that accordingly. Yeah.

1035
00:58:44,240 --> 00:58:46,600
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think I watched a clip with Michelle Obama

1036
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:48,560
Speaker 4: and she talked about that, and she was like, there

1037
00:58:48,600 --> 00:58:50,960
Speaker 4: was a time when it was all about Barack and

1038
00:58:51,240 --> 00:58:53,280
Speaker 4: all she could do was to take care of the kids,

1039
00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:56,040
Speaker 4: you know, and not to like, you know, never know

1040
00:58:56,200 --> 00:58:59,200
Speaker 4: the intricacies of someone's relationship, but just to use that

1041
00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:01,680
Speaker 4: as advice. It was like, yeah, it really does eb

1042
00:59:01,720 --> 00:59:04,320
Speaker 4: and flow, and you do have phases because I We're

1043
00:59:04,360 --> 00:59:09,040
Speaker 4: only six months into parenting, very young, but I'm already

1044
00:59:09,120 --> 00:59:11,000
Speaker 4: thinking this is not the same.

1045
00:59:11,280 --> 00:59:12,360
Speaker 1: Yeah.

1046
00:59:12,120 --> 00:59:14,760
Speaker 4: Yeah, no date night, or even if there is a

1047
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:17,680
Speaker 4: date night, it might swap and change on you, you know,

1048
00:59:17,760 --> 00:59:20,360
Speaker 4: the day you're planning to go somewhere the baby's sick

1049
00:59:20,520 --> 00:59:22,920
Speaker 4: or you know, like yeah, so I do agree with

1050
00:59:22,960 --> 00:59:26,360
Speaker 4: you that it is faces and you change as a

1051
00:59:26,400 --> 00:59:28,880
Speaker 4: couple when you enter parenthood.

1052
00:59:29,040 --> 00:59:33,479
Speaker 3: So I am very scared. Like if there's one thing

1053
00:59:33,680 --> 00:59:35,439
Speaker 3: who who Amanda knows.

1054
00:59:35,480 --> 00:59:37,080
Speaker 5: I'm just like you could be.

1055
00:59:38,240 --> 00:59:40,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, you know, because he's doing you a favor saying

1056
00:59:40,920 --> 00:59:44,400
Speaker 4: that because it's true. People romanticize it, but you should

1057
00:59:44,680 --> 00:59:48,640
Speaker 4: be ready, and I think communication is vital and every point.

1058
00:59:49,240 --> 00:59:52,680
Speaker 3: I'm like, you know, you know, people assume women typically

1059
00:59:52,760 --> 00:59:57,280
Speaker 3: always want to have the children. I'm like, like, I really,

1060
00:59:58,240 --> 01:00:02,520
Speaker 3: and I think because I I have close people around

1061
01:00:02,520 --> 01:00:05,720
Speaker 3: me who have children, so I see, and then I

1062
01:00:05,760 --> 01:00:08,680
Speaker 3: happen to work with children, so I see see as well.

1063
01:00:08,720 --> 01:00:13,160
Speaker 3: So it's like like overload, sensory overload. I'm just like,

1064
01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:14,240
Speaker 3: there's too much.

1065
01:00:16,600 --> 01:00:23,520
Speaker 5: With having kids. You as a guy. You know, it

1066
01:00:23,560 --> 01:00:26,920
Speaker 5: doesn't change our lives into how we operate much, right,

1067
01:00:27,040 --> 01:00:29,919
Speaker 5: Like I think the biggest change for me with having

1068
01:00:30,000 --> 01:00:32,200
Speaker 5: with having kids in relation to my partner, right, was

1069
01:00:32,200 --> 01:00:34,480
Speaker 5: that was that I was no longer the most important

1070
01:00:34,480 --> 01:00:35,280
Speaker 5: person in our life.

1071
01:00:35,600 --> 01:00:37,400
Speaker 1: M that part.

1072
01:00:39,040 --> 01:00:42,880
Speaker 5: And and uh and I mean that and I mean

1073
01:00:42,880 --> 01:00:45,320
Speaker 5: that with with with all, with all judis face, Yeah,

1074
01:00:46,400 --> 01:00:49,360
Speaker 5: I can. I can no longer be the most important

1075
01:00:49,400 --> 01:00:53,480
Speaker 5: person in your life, right because we now have you

1076
01:00:53,560 --> 01:00:56,520
Speaker 5: now have a little person who's also the most important

1077
01:00:56,520 --> 01:01:00,880
Speaker 5: person in my life. Right, so our focus has to

1078
01:01:00,920 --> 01:01:03,640
Speaker 5: go there. And at the same time, you know you

1079
01:01:03,680 --> 01:01:09,720
Speaker 5: have to try and keep that connection going. It needs

1080
01:01:09,840 --> 01:01:13,200
Speaker 5: a lot more effort because you only had one channel initially,

1081
01:01:13,680 --> 01:01:15,800
Speaker 5: where you know, you've got to split yourself into two.

1082
01:01:15,840 --> 01:01:19,800
Speaker 5: And and like you, I mean at six months, little

1083
01:01:20,040 --> 01:01:24,360
Speaker 5: little guy girl is is on you every moment every

1084
01:01:24,440 --> 01:01:26,520
Speaker 5: day And I and I shouted to think of how

1085
01:01:27,000 --> 01:01:29,640
Speaker 5: life changing that must be for a mom, not so

1086
01:01:29,720 --> 01:01:32,080
Speaker 5: much for a guy, but for a mom. Because you

1087
01:01:32,120 --> 01:01:35,000
Speaker 5: don't have a break, I can pick up an go

1088
01:01:35,040 --> 01:01:39,360
Speaker 5: to work, right, that's intense. I still have that as

1089
01:01:39,560 --> 01:01:42,120
Speaker 5: as as as a as a release from home. You

1090
01:01:42,200 --> 01:01:44,959
Speaker 5: are on it all the time, whether you're there or here, right,

1091
01:01:45,000 --> 01:01:49,560
Speaker 5: So when you decide to have kids, be one hundred

1092
01:01:49,560 --> 01:01:54,520
Speaker 5: percent sure that you are ready to have kids. It's

1093
01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:57,480
Speaker 5: it's a scary thing, of course, but like for a

1094
01:01:57,520 --> 01:01:59,520
Speaker 5: billion other women in the world, they've also done they've

1095
01:01:59,520 --> 01:02:01,600
Speaker 5: done it, and the fine. So you will be fine.

1096
01:02:01,800 --> 01:02:03,640
Speaker 1: You know, you'll be fine being.

1097
01:02:04,480 --> 01:02:07,760
Speaker 5: You'll be fine. But it does and understand that it

1098
01:02:07,840 --> 01:02:10,040
Speaker 5: changes a lot. And I think that we're going to

1099
01:02:10,120 --> 01:02:12,520
Speaker 5: relationships and have kids whenever we we and in the

1100
01:02:12,560 --> 01:02:15,280
Speaker 5: normal scope of things, we don't. We don't think about that,

1101
01:02:15,600 --> 01:02:18,280
Speaker 5: you know. Me, it was a big adjustment. I won't

1102
01:02:18,280 --> 01:02:21,520
Speaker 5: even know. It was a massive, massive adjustment, and even

1103
01:02:21,560 --> 01:02:24,120
Speaker 5: more so when we had our second child, right because

1104
01:02:24,680 --> 01:02:27,440
Speaker 5: people right, So again I fall to the bottom of

1105
01:02:27,440 --> 01:02:32,600
Speaker 5: the picking order again. You know, we're laughing. My brother

1106
01:02:32,640 --> 01:02:35,440
Speaker 5: and his family came over and my dad was like, okay,

1107
01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:38,640
Speaker 5: So for the next three weeks, I am now, you know,

1108
01:02:38,880 --> 01:02:44,520
Speaker 5: number twelve in the pecking order. For my mom, it

1109
01:02:44,600 --> 01:02:48,840
Speaker 5: goes the grand babies come first, then it's me and Tawi,

1110
01:02:49,360 --> 01:02:52,640
Speaker 5: then she starts, it's then her daughter in laws, then

1111
01:02:52,680 --> 01:03:01,760
Speaker 5: it's me and Tawi. Then it's dead. And when everyone leaves,

1112
01:03:01,800 --> 01:03:05,080
Speaker 5: it's back to me. So yeah, I get that, but

1113
01:03:05,840 --> 01:03:08,840
Speaker 5: I get that it's a great thing when you do

1114
01:03:08,880 --> 01:03:11,080
Speaker 5: to such a kid, so you want to do it.

1115
01:03:11,800 --> 01:03:14,360
Speaker 4: Yeah, I have a friend who says the exact same thing,

1116
01:03:14,360 --> 01:03:15,920
Speaker 4: and they have a dog, so it's looking at the

1117
01:03:15,960 --> 01:03:17,680
Speaker 4: dog is like it's you and me, buddy, because at

1118
01:03:17,680 --> 01:03:22,200
Speaker 4: the bottom, it's like sometimes a dog even gets more

1119
01:03:22,200 --> 01:03:24,240
Speaker 4: attention because I get for walks and stuff.

1120
01:03:24,520 --> 01:03:29,280
Speaker 1: So yeah, men, sorry, thank.

1121
01:03:29,040 --> 01:03:33,120
Speaker 3: You so much. I think yeah, as you said, because

1122
01:03:33,800 --> 01:03:36,120
Speaker 3: you've really dropped a lot of gems and I'm sure

1123
01:03:36,120 --> 01:03:40,200
Speaker 3: a lot of our listeners will benefit from what you've shared.

1124
01:03:40,360 --> 01:03:43,960
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for being so open and also

1125
01:03:44,880 --> 01:03:49,720
Speaker 3: giving us so many different perspectives and views around marriage.

1126
01:03:49,760 --> 01:03:51,560
Speaker 3: I don't know if there's anything else you know.

1127
01:03:51,760 --> 01:03:56,280
Speaker 4: Definitely we cannot thank you enough. Your view was very unfiltered,

1128
01:03:56,400 --> 01:03:58,720
Speaker 4: which is what we love on this podcast.

1129
01:03:59,160 --> 01:04:01,880
Speaker 1: It gives us food fore thought. You know, people can't

1130
01:04:01,880 --> 01:04:02,840
Speaker 1: say you weren't told.

1131
01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:06,600
Speaker 4: We tell you on this podcast, So I can't wait

1132
01:04:06,640 --> 01:04:09,080
Speaker 4: to hear their feedback. And we'll definitely let you know

1133
01:04:09,120 --> 01:04:11,920
Speaker 4: what people are saying, because I'm sure this is going

1134
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:13,480
Speaker 4: to start a lot of conversations.

1135
01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:16,480
Speaker 5: Absolutely, absolutely I think as a parting word for me,

1136
01:04:16,560 --> 01:04:19,960
Speaker 5: I think that you know, these conversations need to happen

1137
01:04:19,960 --> 01:04:23,080
Speaker 5: more often and it'll also be great. I implore you.

1138
01:04:23,160 --> 01:04:26,200
Speaker 5: I challenge you guys as of the content is to

1139
01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:29,720
Speaker 5: get somebody with a different viewpoint on what I said,

1140
01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:31,520
Speaker 5: you know, because I think somebody would have a different

1141
01:04:31,560 --> 01:04:34,560
Speaker 5: view on it, and see what they're with their expectations.

1142
01:04:34,600 --> 01:04:37,200
Speaker 5: I mean, the magic conversation can go in perpetuity. As

1143
01:04:37,200 --> 01:04:41,240
Speaker 5: you've seen. You know absolutely you are to share ideas

1144
01:04:41,240 --> 01:04:44,280
Speaker 5: in my top somebody who doesn't have access to that conversation.

1145
01:04:44,440 --> 01:04:46,680
Speaker 5: And yeah, good luck to you and your podcast.

1146
01:04:47,200 --> 01:04:48,240
Speaker 3: Thank you, it's so nice.

1147
01:04:48,760 --> 01:04:50,560
Speaker 1: Thank you so coming on board.

1148
01:04:51,000 --> 01:04:53,360
Speaker 3: And for everyone who's listened, thank you so much for listening.

1149
01:04:53,680 --> 01:04:56,600
Speaker 3: As always, you can hit us up. It's Layered pod

1150
01:04:56,640 --> 01:04:59,840
Speaker 3: at gmail dot com. We're on Instagram, It's Layered, We're

1151
01:04:59,840 --> 01:05:00,400
Speaker 3: on Twitter.

1152
01:05:00,600 --> 01:05:01,200
Speaker 1: Is lead pard.

1153
01:05:01,440 --> 01:05:03,440
Speaker 3: I feel like a broken record. I always say this,

1154
01:05:04,080 --> 01:05:07,600
Speaker 3: thank you always for the feedback, the love. It goes

1155
01:05:07,640 --> 01:05:11,200
Speaker 3: a long way and we appreciate you. Thank you again,

1156
01:05:11,320 --> 01:05:14,760
Speaker 3: God I and we will see you on the next episode.

1157
01:05:15,480 --> 01:05:17,200
Speaker 1: Take care right bye.

1158
01:05:18,600 --> 01:05:24,520
Speaker 2: We will tear you lack a paper talk. Oh no, no, no,

1159
01:05:25,880 --> 01:05:29,720
Speaker 2: yeah yeah, yeah yeah