WEBVTT - A lesson in self love and positive thinking 0:00:16.320 --> 0:00:20.080 Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Lack Uncut. 0:00:20.200 --> 0:00:24.880 I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and Happy pump Day. It's Wednesday. 0:00:26.600 --> 0:00:28.560 Oh my god, I've just applot. I didn't sleep last 0:00:28.640 --> 0:00:29.600 Night's Tuesday, isn't it. 0:00:29.640 --> 0:00:32.120 We record this on a Friday, and every single week 0:00:32.159 --> 0:00:33.479 this episode drops in a Tuesday. 0:00:33.479 --> 0:00:37.239 And Brittany's an idiot if you just say something with confidence. 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:39.040 I just convinced myself it was Wednesday. 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:41.920 You didn't convince me, So I don't think that that 0:00:42.000 --> 0:00:43.560 theory necessarily. 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:47.279 Fla talk about life uncut. Happy Tuesday, guys, we are 0:00:47.479 --> 0:00:50.440 so happy to be here in the studio. We could 0:00:50.479 --> 0:00:53.199 just record another intro where you don't I quite liked 0:00:53.200 --> 0:00:58.720 it day. Hey guys, Happy Tuesday? And yeah, how was 0:00:58.720 --> 0:01:01.720 your week? Being Brittany? I just hit some life goals 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:05.240 this week. I often talk about how I love my magnums. 0:01:05.400 --> 0:01:08.399 Then anyone listened to our very first episode of this year, 0:01:08.440 --> 0:01:11.720 which was twenty twenty Big twenty twenty Energy, where Britain 0:01:11.760 --> 0:01:14.560 made the twenty twenty resolution that she was going to 0:01:14.640 --> 0:01:15.479 cut out some sugar. 0:01:16.040 --> 0:01:17.880 But I'm just going to tell you you didn't do that. 0:01:18.160 --> 0:01:22.600 Guess what happened. Magnum invited me on a super yot. 0:01:22.800 --> 0:01:24.640 It was like I kicked all my life goals. I 0:01:24.680 --> 0:01:26.080 was like, this is incredible. 0:01:26.560 --> 0:01:30.400 There's saxophone, sunset and Magnums, like a Magnum doesn't even 0:01:30.440 --> 0:01:31.440 sponsor this podcast? 0:01:31.560 --> 0:01:32.120 Just sponsored? 0:01:32.120 --> 0:01:33.520 Are you doing this so that you're hoping that you 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:34.920 might get some free Magnums out of this? 0:01:35.120 --> 0:01:37.639 I just reckon, I reckon, they'll get on board. I reckon, 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:40.040 They've got to get on board. I'm gonna straight up 0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:41.760 super fan. But no, I did go on the It 0:01:41.800 --> 0:01:44.560 was a beautiful sunset. It was very romantic on the harbor, 0:01:44.600 --> 0:01:47.960 and I just forget. Sometimes sometimes you get stuck in life, 0:01:48.160 --> 0:01:50.200 in your bubble in the same area of I mean, 0:01:50.320 --> 0:01:52.720 I'm going to say Bondai and Sydney disgusting. 0:01:52.840 --> 0:01:55.520 Being stuck in Bondi. It's just it's hideous. No one 0:01:55.520 --> 0:01:58.440 wants to get stuck there with all the beautiful people 0:01:58.480 --> 0:02:00.280 and the tanning and the sun and the ocean. 0:02:00.440 --> 0:02:03.320 That's fucking all seven dollar coffee. Awful. 0:02:03.640 --> 0:02:05.320 Poor Brittany had to go on a super yacht to 0:02:05.360 --> 0:02:06.120 get away from it. 0:02:06.200 --> 0:02:08.600 I think any city that you're in you go to work, 0:02:08.720 --> 0:02:10.320 you get really busy, and then when you get this 0:02:10.400 --> 0:02:12.360 little bit of time off, you don't want to venture 0:02:12.400 --> 0:02:13.880 far away because you're like, I don't have a lot 0:02:13.919 --> 0:02:16.240 of downtime. I'm just gonna walk down my usual gonna 0:02:16.240 --> 0:02:18.240 go to my local. And it was really nice to 0:02:18.280 --> 0:02:20.400 actually make the effort and get out and see some 0:02:20.480 --> 0:02:22.519 of Sydney. So it was just nice, and it was 0:02:22.560 --> 0:02:24.079 difficult that you had to do it on a super 0:02:24.160 --> 0:02:25.880 yocht as well, whilst eating Magnum's. 0:02:26.080 --> 0:02:28.399 Yeah I'm so far latable right now. 0:02:28.600 --> 0:02:30.600 Look, I'm not trying to rub it in anyone's face, 0:02:30.639 --> 0:02:32.560 but I just want to talk about my highlight. And 0:02:32.639 --> 0:02:33.920 I got to eat Magnums on a boat and I 0:02:33.960 --> 0:02:37.680 was great. But let's talk about your week, Laura. 0:02:38.160 --> 0:02:41.799 Oh that's not my week was, if anyone follows on Instagram, 0:02:41.880 --> 0:02:45.000 I had a pretty sad week. My grandfather passed away 0:02:45.560 --> 0:02:49.200 and we had his funeral yesterday, which was pretty hard. 0:02:49.760 --> 0:02:52.480 But then I also lost my wallet in the morning, 0:02:52.480 --> 0:02:53.639 which was also pretty sure. 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:55.839 Oh my god, please tell them how you lost your wallet. 0:02:55.840 --> 0:02:56.840 You didn't just lose it. 0:02:56.880 --> 0:02:58.239 I had gone to go and get a coffee in 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:01.200 the morning, and I was pretty flustered and Molly was 0:03:01.200 --> 0:03:04.000 being a bit of a punish. To make her quiet, 0:03:04.040 --> 0:03:06.080 I gave her my wallet to play with. At some 0:03:06.240 --> 0:03:09.640 point whilst walking home, Marley decided, I don't want this 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:11.760 toy anymore. So I'm in a turf it out of 0:03:11.760 --> 0:03:15.880 the prem so I lost my credit cards, my ID 0:03:16.080 --> 0:03:19.120 and everything. And then driving down to the funeral, which 0:03:19.160 --> 0:03:22.480 was in Woollongong, I had no ID and I had 0:03:22.480 --> 0:03:24.440 no credit cards because Matt had gone down in a 0:03:24.480 --> 0:03:27.200 different car. And I got three quarters the way down 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:28.640 there and then my petrol act came on. 0:03:29.639 --> 0:03:32.000 Oh my god, I was like, you didn't have any 0:03:32.040 --> 0:03:34.800 money to pay for it? Cars Marley three wallet down 0:03:34.800 --> 0:03:35.160 the train. 0:03:35.280 --> 0:03:37.720 I just, honestly, it was. It's been a really, really 0:03:37.760 --> 0:03:41.000 tough week. But do you know what, I'm incredibly lucky 0:03:41.000 --> 0:03:43.160 that I've got to spend this thirty four years with 0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:46.280 an amazing man. So I am very grateful for the 0:03:46.320 --> 0:03:47.200 happy times that we had. 0:03:47.280 --> 0:03:49.040 I'm really sorry to hear it, as you already know. 0:03:49.080 --> 0:03:50.240 We don't need to talk about that here. 0:03:50.280 --> 0:03:52.560 But Brick came into the podcast studio today with a 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:56.360 big bunch of flowers and she didn't have any paper, 0:03:56.560 --> 0:03:58.480 so she wrote me a note on a parking fine, 0:03:58.560 --> 0:04:00.640 and I thought she was giving me her parking fun 0:04:01.040 --> 0:04:03.000 and it was good. It said sometimes life is shit, 0:04:03.240 --> 0:04:05.560 which I think really matched the situation with the fact 0:04:05.600 --> 0:04:06.880 that it was on a parkast. 0:04:06.440 --> 0:04:10.520 Short poem by Brittany that was funny that life delivers 0:04:10.560 --> 0:04:13.160 things like it just doesn't come in ones, It just 0:04:13.280 --> 0:04:15.680 bombard you. Do you feel like like this week you 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:19.560 have just had a multitude of really shit things? 0:04:20.200 --> 0:04:22.159 But do you know what I think more so it's 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:25.360 when something big in your life happens. Then what happens 0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:27.680 is that other things that you would normally be able 0:04:27.720 --> 0:04:29.760 to cope with, and things that would be annoying but 0:04:29.800 --> 0:04:32.960 they wouldn't be quite so upsetting. Then those small things happen, 0:04:33.040 --> 0:04:35.280 but they're compounded by the fact that you're already. 0:04:34.960 --> 0:04:37.240 Sad and they're highlighted, aren't they. 0:04:37.960 --> 0:04:40.760 And so you just everything then surmount, so you really 0:04:40.839 --> 0:04:43.440 start to notice all the other small things. But no, 0:04:43.560 --> 0:04:47.240 I'm I'm yeah, I our We've had our sadness and 0:04:47.240 --> 0:04:50.160 we had our tears yesterday, and I'm sure there'll be 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:52.280 plenty of times where I feel like that again, because 0:04:52.279 --> 0:04:54.480 it seems like it just comes in waves. But guys, 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:56.680 we're going to talk about self love in this episode, 0:04:56.760 --> 0:04:59.159 and that's, you know, something that's uplifting and positive to 0:04:59.160 --> 0:05:02.920 talk about. It's something that is definitely a bit more uplifting. 0:05:03.240 --> 0:05:06.840 You have been sending in your Accidentally Unfiltered and I 0:05:07.320 --> 0:05:08.200 freaking live. 0:05:08.120 --> 0:05:08.719 For these now. 0:05:09.440 --> 0:05:11.520 At the start, I was like, I wasn't sure if 0:05:11.520 --> 0:05:13.800 this was going to become a proper segment of this podcast. 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:16.680 Oh I was. I was like, this is brilliant. 0:05:17.000 --> 0:05:19.320 So when Britt decided that we were going to bring 0:05:19.360 --> 0:05:24.000 on Accidentally Unfiltered, which is basically just your most embarrassing stories, 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:27.520 I wasn't really sure if this segment had legs. Holy dick, 0:05:27.600 --> 0:05:29.920 this segment has legs, and I love it so much. 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:33.080 One of you listeners has sent in this story, but 0:05:33.080 --> 0:05:34.680 the fact that she has sent this from what she 0:05:34.760 --> 0:05:37.200 describes as a burner account because she was too embarrassed 0:05:37.200 --> 0:05:39.960 to send it from her own account, So she'snyous. 0:05:39.360 --> 0:05:42.159 Account, like a spy, like she's CIA, or like a troll, 0:05:42.720 --> 0:05:45.320 like she created a fake account so that she could 0:05:45.360 --> 0:05:47.720 send me this story because it's just so great. 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:48.760 So that we can't ever trace it. 0:05:49.000 --> 0:05:51.520 So here it goes. When I was at Uni, I 0:05:51.600 --> 0:05:54.599 was in the library in a silent study area. I 0:05:54.640 --> 0:05:55.840 had a soal vagina. 0:05:56.160 --> 0:05:59.799 I decide, and I decided. 0:05:59.360 --> 0:06:03.000 To consult a website called virtual MD. I don't think 0:06:03.040 --> 0:06:05.440 it exists anymore, Salaly, do you remember this virtual MD? 0:06:05.760 --> 0:06:07.440 I never used it, but I know about it. 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:10.800 So it was like Virtual MD was basically where if 0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:13.960 you had something wrong with you, like a virtual medical doctor. 0:06:14.160 --> 0:06:16.000 You had something wrong with you, you could type in your 0:06:16.000 --> 0:06:17.960 symptoms and it would tell you what was wrong with you. 0:06:18.120 --> 0:06:19.559 So, okay, I'll get back to the story. 0:06:20.400 --> 0:06:23.039 Basically, this is where you would enter your symptoms and 0:06:23.080 --> 0:06:25.440 then a video clip of an actual doctor would play, 0:06:25.800 --> 0:06:28.880 after which you would reply, and another clip would play, 0:06:28.920 --> 0:06:29.520 and so on. 0:06:30.040 --> 0:06:31.159 It had subtitles. 0:06:31.400 --> 0:06:34.279 So I typed in the symptoms and suddenly the doctor 0:06:34.320 --> 0:06:37.680 appeared on screen and boomed. You were telling me that 0:06:37.800 --> 0:06:40.080 you have an itchy vagina. 0:06:40.279 --> 0:06:43.560 Let me see if I can help you with that. Today, 0:06:44.040 --> 0:06:45.880 everyone in the library turned to look at me. 0:06:46.279 --> 0:06:48.520 I tried to pretend that someone had pranked me, but 0:06:48.560 --> 0:06:51.080 I don't think my acting is particularly very convincing. So 0:06:51.200 --> 0:06:53.560 after a few minutes I left. I never returned to 0:06:53.640 --> 0:06:55.279 the university library ever again. 0:06:55.320 --> 0:07:00.240 When I moved to Alaska, I freaking love this. 0:07:00.600 --> 0:07:03.599 Please, if you have an accidentally unfiltered story for next week, 0:07:04.040 --> 0:07:06.679 send them on through because we live for your embarrassing stories. 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:09.600 Also, it makes us feel so much more human. I 0:07:10.000 --> 0:07:12.280 love that that happened. But you know, there's that joke 0:07:12.320 --> 0:07:14.200 that people send you a video. When you open it, 0:07:14.160 --> 0:07:15.960 it's like a pawn thing that plays out loud. Have 0:07:16.000 --> 0:07:17.280 you had someone ever done that to you? My friend 0:07:17.360 --> 0:07:19.120 used to it to me all the time. I was like, dude, 0:07:19.160 --> 0:07:20.920 stop it, like it looks like it's gonna be a butterfly, 0:07:20.960 --> 0:07:22.560 and then you press into it as a porn thing 0:07:22.600 --> 0:07:25.720 and it's like, eh, wherever you are, you've opened it 0:07:25.720 --> 0:07:29.080 and everyone looks at you. But I'm really enjoyed your 0:07:29.720 --> 0:07:30.600 your vocals said. 0:07:30.680 --> 0:07:32.600 If you try and do an orgasm noise, because I 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:34.640 haven't heard one of those for a while, go again. 0:07:35.600 --> 0:07:39.800 No, I'm not doing it. Use your imagination. But I'm 0:07:39.840 --> 0:07:43.000 going to add another accidentally unfiltered on just a quick one. 0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:45.760 This woman wrote in and I'm between fifteen sixty and 0:07:45.880 --> 0:07:48.200 I just did something that's really funny. So she's like, 0:07:48.200 --> 0:07:50.559 my daughter had her boyfriend over and I of course 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:52.560 wanted to know about him. So as they were in 0:07:52.600 --> 0:07:54.720 their room. I went on to Facebook to try and 0:07:54.760 --> 0:07:59.560 find him, but I accidentally friend requested him. Five seconds later, 0:07:59.720 --> 0:08:02.600 my comes out of the room and says, Mom, did. 0:08:02.440 --> 0:08:05.360 You just friend request Cameron? And I said, no, dear, 0:08:05.400 --> 0:08:07.520 I wouldn't do that. She holds her phonem She's like, Mom, 0:08:07.520 --> 0:08:10.920 I can see it. You friend requested camer And she's like, 0:08:11.320 --> 0:08:12.800 I couldn't even say it with someone else. 0:08:12.800 --> 0:08:15.640 I have five friends total, so it's really obviously me. 0:08:15.960 --> 0:08:16.560 Do you know this? 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:19.640 Actually this actually happened to me. So I had just 0:08:19.680 --> 0:08:22.680 started seeing this is years ago. I had just started 0:08:22.680 --> 0:08:25.120 seeing this guy. He was an English guy and we 0:08:25.160 --> 0:08:27.160 had just like we met on Tinder and we had 0:08:27.160 --> 0:08:31.920 been on two days, two days, and his mom requested 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:34.760 to be my friend. She still lives in England, mind you. 0:08:35.280 --> 0:08:38.680 So our next day I was like, Hey, just wanted 0:08:38.720 --> 0:08:39.959 to flag this with you. 0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:41.679 Your mom requested to be my friend on. 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:44.080 Facebook, and the poor thing he was so embarrassed because 0:08:44.080 --> 0:08:46.160 obviously he'd been talking about me to his mom. 0:08:46.360 --> 0:08:48.920 She had done that by accident, but she was stuck. Anyway. 0:08:49.000 --> 0:08:51.360 I kind of feel all people in the internet what 0:08:51.520 --> 0:08:53.360 to day. My mom and dad used to when we 0:08:53.400 --> 0:08:56.280 got Facebook, they used to not understand. Like they used 0:08:56.280 --> 0:08:59.439 to write to me comments. They didn't know it was 0:08:59.480 --> 0:09:01.000 a comment, so we don't know it was public, so 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:02.719 that it was like the range me a message. So 0:09:02.760 --> 0:09:04.640 my dad would be like, hey, pos and Princess, I 0:09:04.679 --> 0:09:06.720 hope you had a good day. Was just thinking about you. 0:09:06.760 --> 0:09:08.440 Are you coming over for dinner? What should we have? 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:11.320 I've still got some leftover chicken. Take us some toilet 0:09:11.320 --> 0:09:15.040 paper on your way home, sweetie. Everybody doesn't need to 0:09:15.080 --> 0:09:15.959 know what we're doing. 0:09:16.000 --> 0:09:18.600 Not to like one up your parent and terrible parenting 0:09:18.679 --> 0:09:24.079 technology stories, but this is gold. So years ago, someone 0:09:24.120 --> 0:09:27.600 had posted on Facebook an rip funeral notice about one 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:29.640 of our relatives, and my mum wrote. 0:09:29.480 --> 0:09:33.840 Below, loll l o l because she thought I have 0:09:33.880 --> 0:09:37.760 lots of love, bless her soul. I actually thought that's 0:09:37.760 --> 0:09:42.760 what it was to loll. She wouldn't have known, because 0:09:42.800 --> 0:09:45.360 I think a lot of people think it's lots of love, right, No, 0:09:45.600 --> 0:09:48.240 maybe it is in like Norway, No one thinks that 0:09:48.720 --> 0:09:50.800 I do. People who don't know how to use the internet. 0:09:51.080 --> 0:09:53.280 How are you seventy? You know you know what I'm 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:55.160 like with the interweb? Oh my god. 0:09:55.240 --> 0:09:58.160 Yeah, let's just not let's just stop there, all right, guys, 0:09:59.040 --> 0:09:59.800 Let's get into this. 0:10:00.760 --> 0:10:02.920 Guys. We're going to jump straight on in now to 0:10:03.120 --> 0:10:05.800 the big Meata segment, and that is self love. We 0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:08.040 talk about it a lot. It's a bit a bit 0:10:08.040 --> 0:10:10.520 of a hot fat at the moment, and it gets 0:10:10.520 --> 0:10:12.880 tossed around a lot. You know, you have to love 0:10:12.920 --> 0:10:15.480 yourself more, if only you loved yourself more. I mean, 0:10:15.520 --> 0:10:18.280 you can't love another person until you love yourself. And 0:10:18.520 --> 0:10:21.559 we actually had a very specific question. Somebody wrote in saying, 0:10:21.600 --> 0:10:24.800 I've recently broken up with my partner and all the 0:10:24.800 --> 0:10:27.600 advice I'm getting is to love myself. But I don't 0:10:27.640 --> 0:10:30.559 know what that means. And I don't know how people 0:10:30.600 --> 0:10:32.760 say love yourself? But what is that? How do I 0:10:32.800 --> 0:10:36.200 get there? So, Laura, we thought we would sort of 0:10:36.240 --> 0:10:37.680 break this down today. 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:39.760 Just one thing I want to say before we get 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:41.960 into this. Maybe I'm really jumping ahead on this, but 0:10:42.440 --> 0:10:45.360 I really hate that saying that nobody's going to love 0:10:45.400 --> 0:10:47.880 you unless you love yourself. It puts so much pressure 0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:50.760 on someone who may be feeling down about themselves and 0:10:50.800 --> 0:10:53.360 may not love themselves at that point in time, to 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:56.040 tell them that nobody is going to love you because 0:10:56.080 --> 0:10:58.559 you don't love yourself. I don't think that that's correct 0:10:58.600 --> 0:11:00.880 because I know that I have been in a relationship 0:11:00.880 --> 0:11:03.320 with somebody who suffered with depression and there were times 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:05.640 where he didn't love himself and I still loved him, 0:11:06.040 --> 0:11:08.680 And I think that it's very dismissive. It's very dismissive, 0:11:08.679 --> 0:11:11.040 but it's also it's a very reckless way of trying 0:11:11.080 --> 0:11:14.319 to encourage someone to be more positive about loving themselves 0:11:14.360 --> 0:11:16.640 and to be more self accepting. So I just kind 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:18.720 of wanted to like blanket that statement. 0:11:18.760 --> 0:11:21.040 But I mean, I will often say, and I'm a 0:11:21.040 --> 0:11:23.319 believer of this too, like this is going going against 0:11:23.320 --> 0:11:24.720 the grain a bit of what you just said. But 0:11:25.160 --> 0:11:28.400 I will often say, you can't really be happy with 0:11:28.480 --> 0:11:30.679 someone else if you're not happy in yourself or on 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:32.280 your own. And I'll say that all the time, and 0:11:32.320 --> 0:11:34.720 I mean that, But it doesn't mean you can't go 0:11:34.760 --> 0:11:38.120 and be with somebody. When I say that, I mean, Okay, 0:11:38.160 --> 0:11:39.400 sure you might be able to go and have a 0:11:39.400 --> 0:11:42.600 relationship with someone, but unless you're actually have healed yourself 0:11:42.640 --> 0:11:44.839 and gotten yourself to a good place, you're going to 0:11:44.920 --> 0:11:47.560 take that in your new relationship. So when I say, like, 0:11:48.080 --> 0:11:50.360 you can't be happy with someone else unless you're happy 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:53.240 on your own, I do I do genuinely sort of 0:11:53.280 --> 0:11:54.880 mean that, because I mean, you're going to take in 0:11:54.880 --> 0:11:57.080 a whole lot of negativity and a whole lot of doubt. 0:11:57.480 --> 0:11:58.920 But of course people are still going to love you 0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:00.800 when you're broken. Of course people love you when you're 0:12:00.840 --> 0:12:02.440 down and out. I just don't think you're going into 0:12:02.440 --> 0:12:03.880 it at a successful level. 0:12:04.000 --> 0:12:05.840 I think that sometimes we can be very black and 0:12:05.880 --> 0:12:09.000 white with the terms that we use, and I think 0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:11.040 that sometimes self love at the moment and the way 0:12:11.040 --> 0:12:14.720 that we discuss it, especially on social media and especially 0:12:14.800 --> 0:12:17.320 sort of like this hype around it is it's very 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:20.800 superficial in that, you know, it's very much based on 0:12:20.840 --> 0:12:23.280 the aesthetics. I think we often talk about self love 0:12:23.280 --> 0:12:25.679 and we talk about, you know, accepting your cellul ade 0:12:25.760 --> 0:12:27.720 or accepting that gap in your teeth, or accepting your 0:12:27.720 --> 0:12:28.360 flat chest. 0:12:28.679 --> 0:12:30.000 There's all these things. 0:12:29.679 --> 0:12:32.680 That we associate self love to, and we seem to 0:12:32.679 --> 0:12:35.720 really associate it to what you physically look like. And 0:12:35.760 --> 0:12:39.440 I think that self love is it transcends far more 0:12:39.480 --> 0:12:44.120 than just accepting your physical attributes. It translates to accepting 0:12:44.120 --> 0:12:48.199 your past, accepting your personality, accepting the mistakes that you've made, 0:12:48.480 --> 0:12:52.560 and being kind and really being compassionate to yourself. So 0:12:53.120 --> 0:12:55.600 when I think of self love, I think that just 0:12:56.240 --> 0:13:00.800 this very like trivial and surface conversation around love yourself. 0:13:01.160 --> 0:13:03.400 It don't think it really goes deep enough into what 0:13:03.440 --> 0:13:05.280 it is. And that's kind of what I was excited 0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:08.160 to talk to you about today. And this understanding of 0:13:08.559 --> 0:13:11.720 not using the terminology self love, but using the terminology 0:13:11.760 --> 0:13:14.600 more of self compassion is what I attribute it to, 0:13:14.679 --> 0:13:17.319 and that's what gets me excited about the topic. 0:13:17.440 --> 0:13:20.439 When I think of self love for myself, I think 0:13:20.760 --> 0:13:25.720 self acceptance. I like the term acceptance and self forgiveness. 0:13:25.840 --> 0:13:28.120 I think a lot of people hold on to some things, 0:13:28.160 --> 0:13:30.480 whether they know it or not. You might have done 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:33.000 something in the past or something that just doesn't sit 0:13:33.240 --> 0:13:34.880 right with your years on and you don't even know 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:37.160 you're holding onto it. I think you can take that 0:13:37.200 --> 0:13:39.920 with you all through life, and it's really important. You 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:41.160 need to figure it out and bring it to the 0:13:41.200 --> 0:13:43.360 surface and deal with it, because if it's just sitting 0:13:43.520 --> 0:13:45.320 in the pits of your belly, you know that sick 0:13:45.320 --> 0:13:47.120 feeling when you think, do you have a moment in 0:13:47.160 --> 0:13:48.720 your life? You don't have to say what it is, Laura, 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:50.959 But when you think back, and if you're listening to anyone, 0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:53.320 when you think back to a moment might be something 0:13:53.320 --> 0:13:55.840 you've done, might be a conversation you had with someone. 0:13:56.160 --> 0:13:57.800 Do you ever look back and just be like, Oh, 0:13:57.800 --> 0:13:59.600 it makes me sick thinking about it. I can't believe 0:13:59.640 --> 0:14:00.959 that happened. I can't be but I did that, Like, 0:14:01.000 --> 0:14:01.679 do you have a moment? 0:14:01.800 --> 0:14:02.000 Yeah? 0:14:02.040 --> 0:14:02.640 Absolutely. 0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:05.640 I mean I've definitely spoken on this podcast before about 0:14:05.720 --> 0:14:08.360 how I was a total asshole in some past relationships 0:14:08.480 --> 0:14:11.440 and it took me a really long time to get 0:14:11.440 --> 0:14:14.040 to a point where I felt worthy of having a 0:14:14.080 --> 0:14:17.000 good relationship because I carried a lot of guilt. And 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:19.920 what it made me realize is, yes, I may have 0:14:20.120 --> 0:14:22.360 behaved badly, and I may have cheated, and I may 0:14:22.400 --> 0:14:24.520 have not been the person that I wanted to be 0:14:24.560 --> 0:14:27.800 in those relationships, but it's made me much better at 0:14:27.840 --> 0:14:30.160 my relationship now, and I know that I have taken 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:33.560 those mistakes and instead of continuously beating myself up about 0:14:33.560 --> 0:14:36.480 it and feeling bad and feeling like I'm not good enough, 0:14:36.880 --> 0:14:39.000 I know that I'm never gonna make those mistakes again 0:14:39.040 --> 0:14:41.240 because I don't want to be that person. So I 0:14:41.280 --> 0:14:44.640 think that with self love comes this real self acceptance. 0:14:44.880 --> 0:14:47.400 Some people may wake up and really feel like I 0:14:47.480 --> 0:14:50.720 love myself, and that's great, and if you have that 0:14:50.960 --> 0:14:53.600 sort of like pivotal turning moment in your life, that's 0:14:53.600 --> 0:14:56.080 an incredible thing. But I also think for some people 0:14:56.160 --> 0:14:59.560 is it's a process. It's not an event. It's the 0:14:59.640 --> 0:15:01.720 journey towards it. You know, there might be times in 0:15:01.760 --> 0:15:04.040 your life where you feel really great and really positive, 0:15:04.040 --> 0:15:05.600 and then there may be other times in your life 0:15:05.600 --> 0:15:08.920 where something happens and it just knocks the absolute wind. 0:15:08.720 --> 0:15:11.640 Out of you. I definitely do not think you just 0:15:11.720 --> 0:15:13.480 wake up with it one day and say I love 0:15:13.480 --> 0:15:16.160 myself now. I mean, if you are the one percent 0:15:16.200 --> 0:15:18.520 they can do that, that's absolutely brilliant. But I think 0:15:18.720 --> 0:15:22.400 it's a process. It takes time. It's physical attributes, it 0:15:22.440 --> 0:15:26.160 has mental characteristics, it has spiritual trays. There's a whole 0:15:26.280 --> 0:15:29.320 holistic approach to self love. Then there are so many 0:15:29.440 --> 0:15:31.800 layers and maybe you work on one of those layers 0:15:31.840 --> 0:15:35.280 at a time, whether that's for you. You start mentally 0:15:35.880 --> 0:15:38.800 and we'll go through some things. But I think to 0:15:38.880 --> 0:15:42.160 start with, you need to be mindful of your feelings. 0:15:42.640 --> 0:15:46.400 How are you feeling? How are things making you feel? 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:49.280 The people you hang around, your job, your day to day. 0:15:49.440 --> 0:15:51.480 So I think that is a really big thing to 0:15:51.480 --> 0:15:54.960 start with. You wake up and are you hating yourself 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:56.880 because you don't want to go to work that day 0:15:56.920 --> 0:15:59.920 because you hate your job? Are you hating on your 0:16:00.480 --> 0:16:04.640 because your partner is just making you feel one foot 0:16:04.640 --> 0:16:08.400 tall all the time? You know? I think it's about 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:11.480 peeling back the layers and starting at the basics and 0:16:11.560 --> 0:16:14.080 just asking yourself. Now you can all ask yourself, Okay, 0:16:14.080 --> 0:16:15.560 how do I feel today? How do I feel right 0:16:15.560 --> 0:16:17.840 now in this moment? How do I feel going into 0:16:17.840 --> 0:16:19.760 the day? Am I excited? Am I looking forward to it? 0:16:19.800 --> 0:16:22.520 Is there something I'm dreading? If there is, why you're 0:16:22.560 --> 0:16:25.040 dreading it? To begin with, just being in touch and 0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:27.760 like hyper aware of your feelings. 0:16:28.080 --> 0:16:30.320 I think as well, not just in regards to the 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:32.880 way you're feeling, because I think feelings shift and we 0:16:32.920 --> 0:16:36.440 don't always control the way we feel, like sometimes hormonally 0:16:36.720 --> 0:16:39.280 we don't have control over things. But what you do 0:16:39.320 --> 0:16:43.160 have control over are your thoughts and thoughts can proceed feelings. 0:16:43.520 --> 0:16:46.920 So if you're feeling sad and you're feeling anxious, so 0:16:47.000 --> 0:16:50.640 you're feeling a certain thing, I kind of tend to 0:16:50.680 --> 0:16:52.720 want to lean into. Instead of trying to control the 0:16:52.760 --> 0:16:55.840 way you feel, try and control the dialogue that you're 0:16:55.880 --> 0:16:58.840 having internally, that internal dialogue that says I'm not good enough, 0:16:58.920 --> 0:17:01.360 or I'm not pretty enough, or are not skinny enough. 0:17:01.680 --> 0:17:04.280 And you have to really be aware of that critical 0:17:04.320 --> 0:17:07.080 thought that you have and trying to change that dialogue. 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:10.640 And so anytime you catch yourself having that perfectionist talk 0:17:10.640 --> 0:17:15.240 where you're saying that you're not enough, stop stop bullying 0:17:15.280 --> 0:17:17.679 yourself and stop being mean to yourself. And you have 0:17:17.760 --> 0:17:19.520 to switch that around, and you're like, you know what, 0:17:19.840 --> 0:17:22.520 my skin is great, my hair is great, I am 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:25.640 skinny enough, I am funny enough, I am confident enough, 0:17:25.680 --> 0:17:28.680 And you are your thoughts. Whatever it is that you're 0:17:28.720 --> 0:17:31.199 focusing on, and whatever it is that you're thinking to 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:34.200 yourself constantly, that's the world that you're creating for yourself. 0:17:34.320 --> 0:17:36.440 If you think you're not good enough, then you are 0:17:36.480 --> 0:17:38.600 not going to be good enough because you're constantly going 0:17:38.640 --> 0:17:40.720 to doubt yourself. You're not going to take opportunities or 0:17:40.800 --> 0:17:43.439 chances as they're presented to you. So you're creating that 0:17:43.520 --> 0:17:45.760